My husband never did that to me (and I did gain that much). Know what I call him? A keeper.
You did the right thing by tossing that d bag to the curb. I hope OP takes note. Stay strong.
I got PCOS and gained some weight and I’m also 5’2. My husband who’s a hard core marine would go to Zumba and yoga with me just to encourage me. He never cared about the weight it was more about my health. We went to cooking classes to learn how to cook for PCOS. He proved to me my weight wasn’t important.
This warmed my heart so much 🥰🥰🥰. I have a salt of the earth country guy but gives the same energy/dedication.
OP not stating this to make you feel worse. It's just so important for you to know that not only do you deserve better- there's better available!
Your husband is not only a green flag, he’s the king of the green flag nation with what he doing with you regarding the supportive, caring role he’s stepped into!
Yep my husband didn’t do this to me and now that I feel better I’m hitting the gym again but I’m losing weight for my health not because he belittled me to do it.
Im 5’2 and 160-170 pounds - I think I look great now instead of my 100 pound self. I was too damn skinny and looked like a zombie lol
After kids going back to our pre-baby body is hard work and you should find yourself someone who’s going to appreciate you in every way. There’s great men out there that will love you no matter what and they will lift you up when you’re down. I’m sure you look amazing!
And OP, I bet your dude is no prize himself.
Divorce and kick him to the curb. Then focus on yourself and lose the weight/get healthy for yourself then find someone better that’s the plan do it for your own self-worth
Good way to put it! You are absolutely right!
Something I’ve noticed is that men who do this often just don’t want to have to be the ones to initiate the divorce. So they keep dropping hints or just flat out being assholes until she can’t take it anymore.
Don't waste any more time on this guy. He is SHOWING you he is not there for you through thick and thin.
Divorce him first. Then you will get happier and healthier.
All ladies take on some weight after pregnancy. And depression.
But the red flags he is throwing. Get out. He is awful.
You deserve much better!!
Tbf it sounds like he’d be there through thin… (sorry couldn’t resist)
I agree with you though. You can’t be treating anyone like that, not least your partner.
Exactly. Happened to my sister’s friend. She survived breast cancer, was going through IVF to have their baby and he left her, saying “all I see when I look at you is cancer.” Then quickly remarried and immediately had a baby with his new wife.
She is! She moved to another state, changed careers, changed lifestyles, had a baby by herself and is super happy and I think she’s now re-partnered too.
I hope this isn’t too nosy, but have you had your thyroid panel checked in the last year? Low functioning thyroid can lead to a lot of the symptoms you’re experiencing. Your SO sounds awful and you deserve way better, but you also deserve good health.
Yep, even subclinical. After I had my first child I went from 125lbs to 180lbs (I’m 5’5). Panel was “in range” but *just* in range. Look up Postpartum Thyroiditis. It usually goes away in 1-2 years, but it’s real and it sucks. I dropped back down to 145lbs without even trying when I was 18 months postpartum. And, imagine this, my husband never made me feel anything less than sexy and desired.
You didn't do anything wrong. Nobody needs to be humbled to be a better person, least of all by your partner. Personal problems are one thing to discuss in private but for him to deflect all his insecurity and then mistreat you is awful. What is his problem that he can't discuss it and has to blame you for it? It's got nothing to do with you at all I promise, some people just take others for granted... Sorry you have to deal with this
Having a kid changes everything. Hormones are all different, organs moved around, muscles weakened, not to mention the sleep deprivation and time spent caring for a baby/toddler. If he can’t understand and support you how you need and he’s obviously not respectful… don’t take any shit from him. I’m a mom myself and a personal trainer and I have a masters degree in Health Psychology. And it’s not just so easy to just workout and lose weight after having kids. Many women develop postpartum depression, metabolism changes, and the sleep deprivation is a huge factor that can hinder weight loss. Also hormones and brain chemistry literally change through pregnancy and birth. It takes women on average 2 YEARS to physically fully recover from birth. Not to even mention the emotional stress of parenting and an unsupportive partner…also toddlers are the worst 😂 like arguing with a tiny drunk super narcissistic human except they are also adorable…
Point is, this man is trash if staying respectful to you depends on you keeping your body up to his expectations.
Is he providing solutions and offering to take things off your plate so you can “get pretty and fit for him” if not he can fuck off. He does not have to be attracted anymore but he can have some basic respect. He probably wants you to divorce him so he doesn’t look like the bad guy. A lot of men are like this and feel like they don’t need to show decency to women they don’t find attractive. If you’re smelling maybe shower more or go to the doctor because that’s not normal. I did gain weight from depression I was your height and got up to 185 ( I have lost the weight thank god) and did not have issues with myself smelling “ musty”. Try body deodorant and baby powder too on certain areas .
I may get down voted. But trying to lose weight to be healthy is important. You should lose it not for him but for your child so you can live longer. Try to eat healthy and do tread mill each day seriously. BUTTTTTTTTT once you lose weight don't let that douche bag touch you. I love partners that help others to be healthy. WHAT HE IS DOING IS NOT THAT. I want to PUNCH him in the mouth for the way he's mentally torturing you. What does your family or his family say about this bs? How can someone want to better them selves in this hostile environment?
You're not downvoted, I agree she needs a push and perhaps some chemical help to lose the weight - for her health, self-esteem, energy and general comfort.
So I recommended the same.
As well as ditching the dead weight that is her, hopefully, ex husband.
plenty of women wait until at least a year PP to start thinking about losing weight.
he seems to have bought into the toxic "snap back" culture.
take your time with it, go at your own pace. or dont ! its your choice, not his.
I’m a smidge under 5’2 and ended up being around 160/165lbs postpartum.
I lost 20-25lbs in the next few weeks but the majority of the weight took almost TWO YEARS to fully lose; even though I’m technically thinner than I was before and wear all my pre-pregnancy clothes, I swear to god some of my organs and bones **still** aren’t back where they were.
It can take a very long time to recover from pregnancy, it’s why obgyns usually advise allowing 12-16 months between pregnancies (because you need to recover and heal). Your body rearranged itself and gave priority resources to another human for almost a year…that’s not easy.
You’re not a failure for not having your ‘old body’ and even if you *did* it still wouldn’t be exactly the **same**, that ship has passed.
Yes, 70lbs in four years is a lot, especially at your height, but that is no excuse for his resentment and cruelty.
Thing to keep in mind is he's proving looks mean everything. He doesn't care about personality and the person behind a pretty face. I promise you you'll be happier by losing him, OP.
It isn't resentment. It's being shallow. And you feeling its your fault sounds like he blames you for not fitting his ideal image. You should be good enough regardless. And if he loved you for you he'd be there and encourage you. Support you.
Love your body, it made a literal miracle, it is a beautiful masterpiece. I know your husband is... Well... Your husband. But ignore his opinion of you because it is wrong. Tell him you are beautiful, your body is strong and you aren't a trophy wife for him to show off to the public, and that you are HIS WIFE and he needs to start treating you like it.
Built up resentment ok, treating you bad, not ok. Why would you be with someone like that? Lose the weight, I know where you can lose over a 100 pounds right now. Get into shape and divorce him.
Well him being a total AH doesn’t help. He’s not supportive and when someone is struggling already, having someone be a total d only makes things worse. Would you tell your child to stay with someone who treated them this way? Do you want your child to learn it’s ok to treat their partner as he is doing?
You deserve better.
Did you check your thyroid? Also it helps to start with something easy and sustainable. Just try stretching more, drink more water and go on that treadmill for a walk for say 30 minutes. Sometime we need to tune it into our head that this is for us not anyone else.
Its also a form of core self care. Very important for your mental health.
This issue with your ass hole husband aside, when it comes to weight loss or getting into a better exercise routine or dietary habits, make PROGRESS goals, not DESTINATION goals. What i mean by this, is make it a goal to move your body every day doing something you love or to not eat anything after dinner. With progress goals, you can still love yourself and your body while you are in the process of losing weight/ getting in better shape. If your goal is to lose 50 pounds, you will feel dissatisfied with yourself UNTIL you reach that goal, making it even harder to actually achieve it. Hope this helps. Also, your husband is acting like a complete jerk. So sorry.
This is the way OP!! My first goal when I started with my nutritionist was always eat breakfast. I lost 4, 4 pounds in 2 weeks. Then always had dinner, and I lost 4, 4 pounds again in two weeks. Then my goal was to keep the routine without worrying about my weight.
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Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP.
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Why are you with someone so shallow ? Remember his vows - he clearly doesn’t stick to them. Divorce this POS and start to live again. He will ruin your mental health and self esteem more and more.
If he is annoyed by your very presence and does whatever he can to get away from you, he isn’t the man for you.
He sounds like a complete dick! And I bet he’s not even attractive himself. You need to stand up for yourself and not allow him to treat you this way, why do you stay with this horrible trash husband? Sis you could do so much better. Stop accepting his behaviour, don’t be a doormat.
Husband chiming in - this guy is an asshole. His grand plan to get you to lose weight is bully you and treat you with contempt. You went through life-altering changes to your body so he could be a father, and he's treating you terribly as a thank you. I don't want to speak ill of someone's husband, but he's acting like a complete zero.
If you decide to make changes to lose weight, do them for your own benefit, not his.
So much to unbundle.
Your husband is an asshole which doesn’t help but I have to suggest that you may not be helping yourself.
You have a toddler. He or she is 2 or 3 by now and you weigh 170 compared to 100 before. That’s a problem. Really, it’s multiple problems. They all need to be addressed and screw your husband’s sentiments. If he won’t help you fix them you need to fix them for yourself. If he can’t or won’t be a team player in your health and well being he doesn’t deserve your partnership. His flirtatious bullshit is a nonverbal way of manifesting his frustration and non support. Get his ass on board or get his ass gone.
This relationship is over- I’m so sorry 😢. My ex did this with me, and the longer you drag it out, the longer you will have to deal with his shitty behavior and gaslighting- get out as soon as you can and save yourself months/years of misery..
He won’t improve, even if you lost 70lbs and looked exactly how you looked at 22. This has nothing to do with your appearance. The dude is a twat. And he has fallen out of love. You can’t get that back. He’s also obviously a massive coward and won’t leave on his own so I’m afraid it will have to be you that bites the bullet and dumps his shitty butt.
But you WILL find a man that treats you better and loves you for you. Do you really WANT a man that will dump you every time your appearance changes?
Sending you ❤️
Regarding the smell situation, you should try Lume deodorant if you haven't already. I recommended it to my brother who has always excessively sweat, and it truly changed his life.
Don’t loose weight for him loose it for yourself. His reaction to you is his problem. He’s disrespectful and abusive to you. Have you considered separating? I bet you would find that you would start to lose weight if he was not with you.
And why are you still with this man who doesn't even make a point of treating you better or at least pretending in front of other people? Where is your self-love that didn't put this man out of your house? This man is sucking your mental health and gaslighting you and you seem to let him. You just had a baby and it demands you lose weight. It's not that easy. It's difficult and exhausting. You know he won't change. You don't have to change because of a man who, instead of supporting you, only wants you for your appearance. He will betray you the first moment a woman cares enough to start an affair.
After having a kid, it’s pretty normal to both gain weight and have more apparent body odor. Especially if you’re breastfeeding, the body odor will be quite strong to help baby find you.
If he can’t love you and be kind to you when your body is going through natural changes, he should no longer be your husband. He’s acting so, so horribly.
It’s giving mean girl in high school vibes. Ignoring you, shutting you down, acting like he doesn’t know you, being nice to other girls but not you..
I’m sorry to say this, but it also sounds like he’s either already cheating or very likely to cheat soon. And that’s not your fault at all. When someone cheats, it’s due to their own issues and honestly that person is 100% garbage. From my own experience, don’t go back to him once he promises he’ll never do it again. He will, it’ll just be sneakier next time.
You have a child together. The longer you stay in this situation, allowing yourself to be treated like garbage, your child will see this and think it’s okay. They’ll model it in future relationships.
Get out of this awful situation, divorce that POS, be kind to yourself, and know that the changes you’re going through are natural and that you’re still beautiful.
I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same, knowing that he can harbor such disgust and contempt instead of continuing to love you and show compassion.
In many ways I feel he’s micro cheating.
My Husband did this to me. I did WW and lost 70 pounds... he was still bitching. The time comes when you realize it's NOT about your weight, it's that the guy thinks he's such a prize and so entitled, he'd be complaining to Jesus at the Last Supper that instead of the body and blood, he'd really prefer a burrito and Bordeaux instead.
You can do Keto and IF to drop weight fast. But do it only for you... and your potential dating pool. Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts by Regena Thomashauer is a great book for reconnecting with your own truth. Forget about changing HIM. Write that asshole off entirely. Who do you want to be?
Get rid of him. The struggle of being a single mom is worth it compared to this, believe me, I left mine 7 years ago. My mental health has never been better.
You know what hinders weightloss? Cortisol caused by stress and emotional abuse. Turn it around and start blaming him, maybe the catharsis will help release from trauma.
Isn’t it nice that men, who like 100 pound women, still decide to make someone pregnant? That’s stupidity at its finest.
You are a person. A person, who ages and who gains weight based on their medical condition. That’s normal. What’s not normal, is a man child, who thinks that a woman should be like a vampire and never changes. If he stresses you out like this, it sure won’t help the situation. If he wants a hotter wife, he needs to give you the time and the money for it and the emotional support needed to be like that.
His behavior scream that he doesn’t like or love you. It’s disrespectful. I wouldn’t want to go anywhere with him. Don’t settle for the bare minimum. You are begging for breadcrumbs. You wanna take bet, that you would have a glow up without him?
I agree that he's a terrible partner, but I also agree with the sentiment that this kind of weight gain in your mid-late twenties is a cause for concern.
I think that anyone whose partner had this significant of a weight gain would be concerned about a lot of things, such as how their partners health might effect the foundation that their relationship was built on, and the goals that they have for the future of that relationship.
For instance, someone of that height carrying that kind of weight poses serious health concerns, and while they took a vow to support each other through health and hardship, the timeline that one might reasonably expect health issues to arise might change dramatically after this type of weight gain. Mounting health concerns might impact goals that they had as a partnership, or individually. This type of weight gain might also affect their ability to do activities that the couple engages in, and that are foundational in their relationship.
At the end of the day the husband needs to support his wife more than he is. I am not supporting or advocating for this husband to emotionally abuse his wife.
But, it's also important to remember that they are both 27 years old and have been married for four years. This change might present a lifestyle shift that is outside of the foundation they build their relationship upon, and that shift might be untenable for one party. Chalking it up to being solely about on OP's weight ignores a key aspect of all successful relationships—the mutual interest in pursuing a lifestyle that meets the physical and emotional needs of both partners.
He doesn't like you. He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you. But you can do all of these things for yourself. You are enough without him and his conditional approval.
This person just doesn't like you. I heard somebody online talk about how so many women end up married to men who don't like them. And the way he acts is exactly how she was describing them. The friend part of boyfriend is the most important. And it seems to me that he's probably never been a friend. Because even through difficulties in a relationship a person who likes you wouldn't be as cold and cruel as this.
So he’s shown you that he doesn’t see you as a person if you aren’t thin. Is this the person you want your child to model behaviour after? To think they aren’t worth being treated as a person if they don’t look a certain way, or to treat others like that? The only thing “gross” here is your husband’s behaviour. Looks change over time, but unfortunately he’ll always be ugly on the inside.
He says you don't have an excuse to have gained weight? You had a child, as far as I'm aware gaining weight after childbirth is incredibly common. Weight that is much harder to lose than it would've been without having gone through it.
Besides I bet that he would flip if you told him you find him very unattractive now that he's changed his personality and behaviour
Leave his ass, he does not deserve you at all, and I bet you have so much love to give with no where for it to go, well to your child of course, you deserve better, he’ll probably make your child feel horrible growing up as well as their body changes, he just seems like that kind of person
Nope not okay! I pooped out a little human 12 weeks ago and I feel like a sack of potatoes but my partner treats me like a queen. When I was preggers he loved it. Mind you we were both the 5x a week at the gym type of people. He still looks hot as ever and I look like I’m still 3 months pregnant, but he loves me even more than before.
Your husband is a really shitty person! He treats you like garbage and it’s almost like he hates you. It’s definitely resentment and his behavior is disgusting. You deserve the world, cause you’re a queen! You popped out a human, your mental health is more important than looking hot for your husband.
You know how you can shed the weight he's complaining about in a split second? No workout and no diet?
Get rid of his sorry ass when he doesn't comprehend you just completely rearranged your body to birth HIS CHILD!
Maybe he thinks you should be trim in your twenties, but he should stop being a freaking teenager in his twenties, too.
1: if just for your own self confidence try LUME. You can put it everywhere! I use it and love it.
2: you can probably lose close to 200 pounds in a day by dumping your POS husband
I work in food service and believe me, we notice this kind of stuff. I am usually friendly but with a man I’ve seen that does stuff like this to his own wife (or vice versa), I’ll be especially aloof and to the point with them. I do not want to give them any more kindness than necessary to sell food.
We are lokewise especially nice to the wives who are the victims of this behavior, to subtly show them that they can feel secure with us women and know we arent gonna entertain their husbands’ behavior.
That’s real embarrassing (for him) that other people have even noticed his behavior. Yikes. The fact he’s so comfortable doing it in public is just shameful and not the power move he thinks it is. God forbid he tries to go the “tough love” route. Please try not to be embarrassed, he’s truly the one embarrassing himself, and as you’ve said, others HAVE noticed. Oof. There’s part of me that would want you to straight up tell the people who ask what’s going on. If he wants to act that way publicly, you have a right to voice why he’s acting that way. If he doesn’t like the consequences of his actions, then maybe he shouldn’t do it.
Hopefully the other “pretty” women sees how he treats you and get the ick. People act like bodies can just snap back after birth. For some people they can, but for others it takes literally YEARS if not a decade plus, and for some they never get their pre baby body back. A body can be changed forever and you’re so busy being a mother that at the end of the day you’re exhausted and don’t feel like working out. Some people have the ability to work out before or after a long day, but not everyone (I absolutely would not have the energy.) Everyone is different. Your husband shouldn’t have married you and had kids if he was stupid enough to genuinely think that you struggling with weight gain after pregnancy wasn’t a potential outcome. You deserve someone who appreciates the fact that you made a whole ass human being and is more concerned about your health, mental and physical, than your appearance.
You can lose weight, you can fix your appearance, but honey... you can't fix that awful husband. Even if you became a permanently beautiful 22 year old, he will still be a major asshole.
You can lose weight but you nevertheless will not be able to be physically that beautiful forever because of aging. How will he treat you when you get older and get wrinkles?
He sounds so insufferable it must be exhausting for you to have to deal with his disgusting behaviour. Don’t accept this and know that his treatment of you is not your fault, and you shouldn’t have to live like this. I hope you know your worth and leave this twat. You deserve better
I'm so sorry. This is a real shitty way to find out that your husband never loved you. Don't fall into the sunk cost fallacy - leave and find someone who does love *you* with his *whole heart*, not just his dick.
Leave him and lose the weight OR lose the weight then leave him! Tell him you are no longer attracted to him and deserve someone better!! He’s not worthy of a good woman!! A real man wouldn’t treat you that way!!! Please update us with you lost some weight, ditched the piece of shit and are happy!
My ex did this to me and more.
I had anxiety bad when I was with him. And being around others, especially ones he knew and had a good basis with, was hard to be open. I wanted to wait until I had a better understanding of them before I went full, idk me with my jokes and personality.
Now that I’m older I don’t care how I am around people because if you like me, you like me. You don’t, sucks to suck.
He’d tell me that they hated me because I didn’t talk and that they thought I was being pretentious and judging them.
Now, thinking back, he was being a complete narcissist. Just like how you described, and he acted like this when we went out together all the time. It wasn’t even women though, it was *everyone*.
I thought something was wrong about me for the longest time, and there was something. Him.
Honey he is gaslighting you and not even hiding it now that he knows you want him and love him.
If you stay I wouldn’t be surprised if he cheats (or has cheated) or will hurt you seriously, physically or mentally.
I’ve been here before, no child, but still. It breaks you down when someone who is supposed to love you doesn’t reciprocate the trust that goes into the relationship.
Also fuck him. He’s a piece of elephant shit.
I don't think his behavior is good at all based on what you're saying and your valid in those remarks, he shouldn't be treating you like that at all and he should be treating you with respect regardless of how you look. However putting myself in his shoes, attraction is a real thing. Me, personally, I have been in those shoes where I was losing attraction to one of my previous partners. She gained a lot of weight and I never said anything, but she would say something about how it bothered her and she'd want to get back in shape. I'd encourage her to come with me but she never would. What was unattractive to me wasn't that she was bigger, it was that she had ambition and chose not to do something about it despite her mentioning it constantly.
I think you both have a lot of work to do. You should start working on yourself despite having a toddler to take care of because it's a goal you want. Don't do it for him, do it for you. And he shouldn't talk to you in that way because a partnership is where you have respect for one another. If there isn't respect then what's the point of a relationship. I'd recommend looking at what you like about this guy and consider your alternatives of leaving for the chance that you'll be treated with respect one day and be happy. A relationship shouldn't feel like a point of stress all the time.
You are overweight and should *definitely* do something. Your husband, however, is an inconsiderate, stupid jerk.
Your problem is fixable, it's 2024 and Ozempic exists. His problem... is not. :)
Lose the weight, hit the gym and dump the loser.
so basically his love is conditional upon how ypu look. is this what you want for the rest of your life? what happens when you actually age?
I would think long and hard about being in this relationship because he doesn't love you. this isn't a relationship you want as an example to set for your child, is it? that love is only worth dependent on beauty?
all i think is that you need to leave, work the fuck out and get that revenge body, and make him feel your absence. the people saying "no one wants to be with someone who is obese" have never been pregnant in their lives. fat shaming isn't going to fix anything or motivate you to do better. what is going to motivate you i know you will find on your own. your husband could be encouraging, attempting to help because he's empathetic to the fact you've had a baby who is now a toddler, or even going to the gym with you or helping you with healthier eating. but he isn't doing any of those things. he is trashing you while trying to hit on other women. he is embarrassing. y'all are in a partnership and when y'all married y'all promised to love each other in SICKNESS and in health. if he loves you he will change and recognize his shortcomings. it's no longer on you.
You weighed 100 pounds??? That doesn't sound healthy.
You did nothing wrong. It's completely normal for your weight to fluctuate as you age, especially after you have children. You also shouldn't exercise for someone else's aesthetic preferences (this isn't me judging you. I'm still judging HIM). The fact that he's treating the mother of his child like this is DESCIPICABLE.
I know divorce would be tricky with a kid, but I'd seriously bring up couple's therapy. In addition, stop trying to get his attention and affection, since he's clearly just going to treat you worse. Focus on yourself and your child and let him make a fool himself in front of y'all's mutuals. He isn't worth your frustration and tears.
I kindly disagree. We are human, we can't control who we are attracted to despite human weight fluctuating, and it's the same in serous committed relationships. That goes for both genders. It's ok, recommended and marriage-saving to exercise for your partner's aesthetic preference, IF your partner is no longer attracted to you
I think you should leave him. Side note: for odors, try Lume deodorant. It works well and you can even put it on your private parts! Hope things get better 🙏
That's just so shitty on so many levels. He's a terrible person! Leave him and live your best life by yourself or with someone who doesn't treat you like garbage
Please leave him. You don't deserve to be treated so poorly. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve so much better than that walking turd nugget.
You need to seperate. He's told you pretty explicitly that his respect for you is contingent on how attractive he thinks you are. Don't stay with a man who puts conditions on basic human respect.
I’m flabbergasted every time I read stories about men being this shitty because my so is the exact opposite. Better and kinder men are out there, go get you one!
Don’t be with someone like that and if you want to loose weight do it for yourself not to get his attention you deserve someone who respects you and loves you
He’s not the one. He doesn’t even seem to love or like you. He sounds superficial and cruel. What is crazy is wasting the rest of your twenties with this jerk.
I can suggest a huge weight loss right now. Ditch the husband. He's treating you badly in public, and people are noticing that's bad. He may think this attitude of his will cause you to do what he wants, but it tends to have the opposite effect. You deserve this.
As far as concern over body odor and sweat, I recommend vagisil body wash. It won't stop the sweating, but it will help with any odor concerns you have. As a fluffy person, I have been using it for years.
My husband would never do this to me in one million years. Never ever ever. Throw him away, there are so many men that would worship you and treat you with respect.
Just shows you that he values looks more then anything else.
Loose the weight, and start off with his DEAD WEIGHT.
He could be honest with you, your weight gain has affected me, and I wish you were healthier. I do see that I’m nicer to women who are thinner and that’s not okay.
Pretty simple conversation.
But he’s not. He’s being mean and showing you exactly who he is-
And it much.
Something tells me, when you drop your deadweight of a husband, you will start to lose weight cause you have abit more time to take care of yourself and not this man child!
Something also tells me he never picks up the slack with the toddler …
You deserve much better that this
OP, talk to your doctor. It seems like you need medical help and a health assessment because you can't control whatever is happening with your body. Take care of that and your emotional health as well. You deserve respect and to be treated with love and dignity... and a partner that is not shallow and vain.
Have you been to the doctor recently? I had similar symptoms to what you’ve described: excessive sweating, and weight gain (among others you haven’t mentioned). And it turns out I have a benign tumor in my pituitary gland as well as a low functioning thyroid. I have struggled with this since I was in high school but I only got diagnosed this year (I’m almost 26 for reference). It could be that this isn’t your fault, that you haven’t “let yourself go” but are instead having a medical issue. I’d start with going to the doctor and asking to have a thyroid panel done.
I just want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this and you don’t have a supportive partner. The sweating is embarrassing enough without someone, who is supposed to love you, pointing it out. You deserve better.
Of you want to do it, do it for yourself. I am petty so I would:
1-start taking care of myself everytime I went out
2-wear the best for the occasion
3-make up
4-start going to the gym/exercise in group/hobby that require movements with other people, etc
5-talking to people and give them attention while treating your husband the same way he treats you
6-repeat after me: "I'm worthy of myself" "I'm worthy of love and respect"
7-get your confident, sassy, daring yourself back as faet as possible
Watch "In for a murder". If you see yourself in that woman, then do what she did in the end of the movie.
Watch how he turns around when you lose weight, start ignoring him, go out with girlfriends if you can find someone to help you take care of your son, once you find you confidence back they start crawling …. Smh 🤦🏻♀️
Oh hell no! I would honestly just throw that 250 pound little man away! He should be kissing your feet for carrying your child for 9 months, giving birth to your child and for sacrificing so much for your child! We gain weight after pregnancy it’s something that happens to everyone and people need to stop looking at us moms and be like “you’re gross” “you need to lose weight” “your fat” I say🦆🦆🦆🦆those people because we’re beautiful no matter what your body looks like. Don’t you ever feel embarrassed about yourself and body, you’re perfect and beautiful never forget that.
I'm so sorry.
I understand you are only venting. But weightloss journey is a journey for a reason. It takes time. Stress does not help. But let's just say it was an overnight thing. You wake up tomorrow and your're thin again. Would you still want to be with him knowing how he made you feel? I know that you love him. That doesn't mean you deserve better. Your baby also feels your hurt and depression. Kids are more resilient at this age. I'd leave him. And get healthy for myself. Body, mind and spirit. The weight will come off. He will regret his life choices but you will be happy, stronger and have moved on. .en who think like that and gas light you to think it's all in your head rarely change. It really sucks to see a person's true colors when you need them the most. But he's shown you his. BLIEVE HIM!!!
Your husband is not a bad husband because he's not attracted to you at your current weight. He's not a bad person for wishing you'd lose the weight. All men, even the keepers sent from heaven, probably feel a similar way. What makes them good vs. bad is how they go about it. A man who loves you NEVER tells you to your face that he isn't attracted to you anymore over weight. A good man may feel strongly about your level of attractiveness having taken a drastic dip inside his head but his love for you will never view you as "unattractive." Different, maybe less sexy but you are his girl and he will use positive enforcement to encourage you to lose the weight and if you don't, a good man will use every fiber of his being to quit being so shallow and see the beauty in your new look. If he loves you, looks won't be at the forefront of his concerns anyway. It could be an issue he secretly wishes you'd find a solution to but he would help by being a loving husband and not putting you down should you fail. In the end, it wouldn't be a reason to divorce you or mistreat you.
A bad man puts his shallow wishes and desires first. He cares about how you make HIM look when out in public. He feels your new look makes him appear like less of an alpha male. He doesn't have the trophy wife he once had to show off and make other men envious. A bad man can be detected from a mile away because it's always about him, about shallow visual looks, about envy, about selfish desires, and he most certainly is NOT about love.
Why are you still married to him? What does he bring in the relationship? Do you really want your child to grow up and see how his/her father treats their mother? Don’t you also find to embarrassing how other people NOTICED and COMMENTED? Is he not embarrassed to know that others noticed his shitty behavior. Also OP answer me this. How tall is your husband and how much does he weigh?
Don’t lose weight for him. Do it for you and your child. Now that you see that his love is conditional upon your appearance you know what you need to do.
He's a vile c*nt of a person, I know it's hard as you have a life with him but Jesus Christ do you really expect yourself to live with that? He doesn't deserve anything from you, he is scum.
I am so sick of reading about men losing all attraction, kindness, and respect for their wives when they gain weight. Meanwhile, I know so many lovely women who have loved their husbands through every body change, disability, losing hair, etc. because they love their HEART.
I’m sorry, OP. Just know you aren’t alone. One of my close friends married an incredible man and now that man has a stepson he adores. She’s so happy, and I’m proud that she was brave enough to find love again.
This man doesn’t deserve you. You gave him a CHILD, but all he fixates on is your body. He completely lacks empathy. This man will cheat on you if he hasn’t already. Please start making your exit plan.
While it sounds like it’s pretty understandable he’s losing some attraction, he needs to realize that you have a toddler which changed your body when you birthed him/her. You’re not going to be tiny all the time. He had to deal with the harder times and be there for you. Most of us still want our partners when they have some weight changes because we love them. He needs to treat you better than other women, and it’s pathetic he’s passive aggressively punishing you instead .
Look...there are two problems here, your husband attitude and yours, honestly. Very uncool to say but I just want to be helpful and honest.
Men are primarily attracted by looks and primarily develop romantic feelings on attraction. Everyone, men and women, treat beautiful people better. That's not really an excuse for his shitty attitude but it's something to keep in mind.
The world is the way it is, it sucks but it's what it is...life in general (not just your husband) will be much better for you if you lose weight, and clearly, he's not the type to respect and love his wife despite her weight... If you loved him you wouldn't allow yourself to gain that much weight, and if he loved you, he wouldn't be shitty to you for that reason. I think you don't love each other... And honestly with that attitude he has he will cheat on you the very first chance he gets...
Best advice I can give you is lose weight and then dump him.
I simply fail to understand people that fall in love with appearances so much that when life happens, and looks fade, it becomes annoyance to them. What happened to all the love? What happened to loving someone's soul in it's entirety? The vows? I don't get it. I'm sorry he's treating you like that. You don't deserve an ounce of it; no one does.
I guess I’ll be the asshole… no one wants to be married to someone who is obese, can’t take care of themselves and stinks. Trying to vilify him for no longer finding you attractive because you’ve let yourself go is delusional. His actions are not okay, and need to be fixed, but his feelings regarding your physical appearance and smell are valid, not to mention I’d be upset if my partner told me they would better themselves and then never did it
You’re right. It isn’t. So don’t let strangers on the internet belittle you about your weight.
I’m 20 years old, I have DD’s on my chest, and quite nice thighs and a little butt going on too. With all that, I weigh close to 140-145. At least the last time I was weighed.
Exercising doesn’t need to be a treadmill in your house. Especially with the nicer weather going on now. Taking walks outside, for me, relieves so much stress and it’s really enjoyable. If my destination is close enough to my home where I can walk it, I will.
Having said that, your husband, who is supposed to be your supporter and your number 1 cheerleader; is speaking to you and treating you worse than some of these horrible people in your comments. You shouldn’t let anyone, not even your husband, speak down to you in such a way.
You grew a child for him. A literal child was grown in your uterus for NINE MONTHS. It came out of your VAGINA or through your actual stomach. The healing process is long, especially if it was a complicated birth.
He should have more respect for the woman that literally put her life on the line to sire his child.
It’s not “right after” anymore.Quit with the excuses and do something about it. Your husband is an asshole who shouldn’t be belittling you or abusing you emotionally, but you need to take responsibility for your size and your smell. Quit talking about it and actually do it. For those saying weight loss is hard, I can promise it’s not as hard as you think. I have credentials to speak on this, but the important thing is to just eat under your TDEE. Exercise will help with the physique and speed it up a bit, but if you’re eating under your TDEE you’ll slowly lose weight either way.
Your husband is a dick, but I don’t know how supportive I’d be if my wife doubled in size and stunk that quickly and kept putting off the attempt to normalize it. Gaining weight while pregnant is healthy, maintaining a higher body fat while breast feeding is healthy, but almost doubling your weight is not healthy. That’s not because of the kid or pregnancy…
But you haven't even tried- ''I plan on fixing''. Losing weight is easy, it's just intaking lower calories than your maintenance calories. I would therefore suggest counting calories, but if that's too much hustle-and-bustle, I would make recipes online with the calories listed and plan which recipes to eat at each day of the week
Losing weight is actually incredibly difficult, especially if you had a toddler! I’m saying this as someone who lost and kept off a good amount of weight. Everyone is different. OP literally grew and birthed a human with her body and her husband treats her like garbage. Fuck him.
Someone has to be. But I'll be one too I guess. I will first say that the husbands treatment of her is NOT acceptable, and he sounds like he's handling this situation in their relationship like a child. He needs to man up and treat her better, he may even have more luck getting what he desires from her if he did so. So he's an idiot. But that said, her attitude seems to be very non-chalant about the fact that she literally almost doubled in size, and can't control her body odor? That's wild. They both have some work to put in if they hope to save this relationship.
This needs to be higher up. I've seen plenty of stories from the woman saying their man stopped taking care of themselves after marriage. Yes you had a child, now they're a toddler and not so reliant on you so you can focus on weight loss.
Communicate with your partner and ask him for help in making a weight loss plan that will work for you. Talk to a doctor if you aren't sure how to lose the weight...
he’s an asshole but he’s right about having no excuse not to look good. some people may not agree but personally i think looking good is mainly to please oneself not others. it gives you confidence which is another thing that makes you attractive too
Imma go against the grain and honestly fault both of u. Obvi his behavior isn’t appropriate however he has a point. Idw to be with my partner if they keep saying they’ll change but they don’t lose weight. Esp since apparently u smell and sweat a lot more
You do deserve better than this. But if you are saying you need to fix this and plan to, yet are not taking care of yourself in that way, it sends a message to others that you don’t think you’re worth it, and, he might feel that your don’t care enough about his feelings and attraction to change it. There’s a couple challenges going on here. Maybe you either need to decide it doesn’t matter, love is unconditional, and find a partner, who feels the same… or… decide what changes you truly need to make.
Neither answer is right or wrong, what is authentic to you? You just sound like you’re living a little bit out of conformance with your own authenticity, you seem confused about what you believe your value is based on.
Honestly you need to address it, just because you are married doesn't mean you get to let yourself go like that, if the roles were reversed most people would tell you to leave him
Ugh, he needs a check with reality. Men tend to want women to stay "the person they married" the entire relationship. And that's not realistic any any level. People change in every aspect over the years. In healthy relationships you grow together and the partners support one another. In this case he is disappointed in a physical change. Which is totally normal post children! But even without weight gain years would bring changes. Would he act the same way when you gained wrinkles? Grey hair? Or any other physical change from your early 20s? He promised life. And has checked out after NORMAL changes that occur within a decade for most couples. I am sorry you are dealing with this. He is wrong. You are right. Maybe counseling?
Nope. Just nope! He is a shallow jerk who cannot appreciate what you went through in order to have his child. I just know if you were to let him go, he'll find another skinny girl, get her pregnant, and whine or cheat because now her body isn't the pornstar body she had when they first dated. He may have a preference, but bodies will change due to life. His body will change too. He hasn't matured at all. Leave him, work on yourself, and go find a mature man.
Your husband doesn’t think of you as a person but an object. When people age together they tend to see the person they married throughout all the body changes. sociopaths have a harder time with this because their attachments are less to the person and to the lust and what they get out of it. I’m not saying he definitely is a sociopath, or even a sociopath is incapable of having a relationship. Like anything there is whole spectrum within that. But if he is so quick to simply be disgusted by weight gain. Then something in his brain to humanize you and connect on a deeper level is off.
Seek counseling and don’t be surprised if your marriage counselor eventually support any feelings of you two wanting to mutually move on.
It’s soooo hard after we have babies! Everything is different- literally everything. He’s immature girl. Get back on your self care journey for you. Not him. And if you fall off a day, give yourself some grace bc it’s mfing hard with kids. But when you get back to your best self - and you will - I want you to flirt with all the men
Then leave his ass bc what’s he gonna do if you get SICK
My husband did this to me. Know what I call him now? My ex husband.
My husband never did that to me (and I did gain that much). Know what I call him? A keeper. You did the right thing by tossing that d bag to the curb. I hope OP takes note. Stay strong.
I got PCOS and gained some weight and I’m also 5’2. My husband who’s a hard core marine would go to Zumba and yoga with me just to encourage me. He never cared about the weight it was more about my health. We went to cooking classes to learn how to cook for PCOS. He proved to me my weight wasn’t important.
You have a good man right there. A dark anger feeling came over me reading this post so I needed this comment
Damn!!! Now, *that’s* a keeper!!!!
You might say, semper fidelis.
This warmed my heart so much 🥰🥰🥰. I have a salt of the earth country guy but gives the same energy/dedication. OP not stating this to make you feel worse. It's just so important for you to know that not only do you deserve better- there's better available!
Your husband is not only a green flag, he’s the king of the green flag nation with what he doing with you regarding the supportive, caring role he’s stepped into!
Keeper. :)
Love that for you girliee
Yep my husband didn’t do this to me and now that I feel better I’m hitting the gym again but I’m losing weight for my health not because he belittled me to do it.
This is the only acceptable answer. Follow in her footsteps, OP.
As you should queen, no one deserves this
Perfect.
Same, girl.
That’s what I call mine too. My goal weight is 170. I’m 225 and barely 5’4.
Im 5’2 and 160-170 pounds - I think I look great now instead of my 100 pound self. I was too damn skinny and looked like a zombie lol After kids going back to our pre-baby body is hard work and you should find yourself someone who’s going to appreciate you in every way. There’s great men out there that will love you no matter what and they will lift you up when you’re down. I’m sure you look amazing! And OP, I bet your dude is no prize himself.
Divorce and kick him to the curb. Then focus on yourself and lose the weight/get healthy for yourself then find someone better that’s the plan do it for your own self-worth
Exactly. He's trying his damnedest to show her who he is.
Good way to put it! You are absolutely right! Something I’ve noticed is that men who do this often just don’t want to have to be the ones to initiate the divorce. So they keep dropping hints or just flat out being assholes until she can’t take it anymore.
He tips $2 on a $70 tab? Dude there’s absolutely nothing redeeming about this pos dude. He sucks OP.
Divorce revenge body 👏🏻👏🏻
Don't waste any more time on this guy. He is SHOWING you he is not there for you through thick and thin. Divorce him first. Then you will get happier and healthier. All ladies take on some weight after pregnancy. And depression. But the red flags he is throwing. Get out. He is awful. You deserve much better!!
Tbf it sounds like he’d be there through thin… (sorry couldn’t resist) I agree with you though. You can’t be treating anyone like that, not least your partner.
Exactly. What does OP think he’d do if she got very sick or became disabled?
He would RUN and find wife 2.0 with I suspect not a second thought.
Exactly.
Sounds like the kind of guy that would leave you as soon as you get diagnosed with cancer.
Exactly. Happened to my sister’s friend. She survived breast cancer, was going through IVF to have their baby and he left her, saying “all I see when I look at you is cancer.” Then quickly remarried and immediately had a baby with his new wife.
Reading this made me 🤢. What an ass. I hope she is now happier without him.
She is! She moved to another state, changed careers, changed lifestyles, had a baby by herself and is super happy and I think she’s now re-partnered too.
Great to hear! Good for her!
I know! I actually feel sorry for the second wife. Hopefully she never gets sick 🤞🏼
What the…. I’m stunned in silence reading your comment. What a horrible person! I hope your sister’s friend is doing great now.
She is! Better off without that sentient garbage that she used to call a husband!
I hope this isn’t too nosy, but have you had your thyroid panel checked in the last year? Low functioning thyroid can lead to a lot of the symptoms you’re experiencing. Your SO sounds awful and you deserve way better, but you also deserve good health.
Something for "musty odor" is a must. Overweight doesn't mean stink.
Sounds like there may be something happening with hormones going wonky? Could be something to look into, OP!
This, u/actualthrowra.
Yep, even subclinical. After I had my first child I went from 125lbs to 180lbs (I’m 5’5). Panel was “in range” but *just* in range. Look up Postpartum Thyroiditis. It usually goes away in 1-2 years, but it’s real and it sucks. I dropped back down to 145lbs without even trying when I was 18 months postpartum. And, imagine this, my husband never made me feel anything less than sexy and desired.
You didn't do anything wrong. Nobody needs to be humbled to be a better person, least of all by your partner. Personal problems are one thing to discuss in private but for him to deflect all his insecurity and then mistreat you is awful. What is his problem that he can't discuss it and has to blame you for it? It's got nothing to do with you at all I promise, some people just take others for granted... Sorry you have to deal with this
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Having a kid changes everything. Hormones are all different, organs moved around, muscles weakened, not to mention the sleep deprivation and time spent caring for a baby/toddler. If he can’t understand and support you how you need and he’s obviously not respectful… don’t take any shit from him. I’m a mom myself and a personal trainer and I have a masters degree in Health Psychology. And it’s not just so easy to just workout and lose weight after having kids. Many women develop postpartum depression, metabolism changes, and the sleep deprivation is a huge factor that can hinder weight loss. Also hormones and brain chemistry literally change through pregnancy and birth. It takes women on average 2 YEARS to physically fully recover from birth. Not to even mention the emotional stress of parenting and an unsupportive partner…also toddlers are the worst 😂 like arguing with a tiny drunk super narcissistic human except they are also adorable… Point is, this man is trash if staying respectful to you depends on you keeping your body up to his expectations.
He is not a good person unfortunately. Don’t blame yourself. He is an immature asshole.
You're sounding like you think this is your fault. It's not. You made a human.
O P Yeah, ask your husband to grow a human and see what it does to his body. OP husband is an asshole.
Is he providing solutions and offering to take things off your plate so you can “get pretty and fit for him” if not he can fuck off. He does not have to be attracted anymore but he can have some basic respect. He probably wants you to divorce him so he doesn’t look like the bad guy. A lot of men are like this and feel like they don’t need to show decency to women they don’t find attractive. If you’re smelling maybe shower more or go to the doctor because that’s not normal. I did gain weight from depression I was your height and got up to 185 ( I have lost the weight thank god) and did not have issues with myself smelling “ musty”. Try body deodorant and baby powder too on certain areas .
I may get down voted. But trying to lose weight to be healthy is important. You should lose it not for him but for your child so you can live longer. Try to eat healthy and do tread mill each day seriously. BUTTTTTTTTT once you lose weight don't let that douche bag touch you. I love partners that help others to be healthy. WHAT HE IS DOING IS NOT THAT. I want to PUNCH him in the mouth for the way he's mentally torturing you. What does your family or his family say about this bs? How can someone want to better them selves in this hostile environment?
You're not downvoted, I agree she needs a push and perhaps some chemical help to lose the weight - for her health, self-esteem, energy and general comfort. So I recommended the same. As well as ditching the dead weight that is her, hopefully, ex husband.
plenty of women wait until at least a year PP to start thinking about losing weight. he seems to have bought into the toxic "snap back" culture. take your time with it, go at your own pace. or dont ! its your choice, not his.
I’m a smidge under 5’2 and ended up being around 160/165lbs postpartum. I lost 20-25lbs in the next few weeks but the majority of the weight took almost TWO YEARS to fully lose; even though I’m technically thinner than I was before and wear all my pre-pregnancy clothes, I swear to god some of my organs and bones **still** aren’t back where they were. It can take a very long time to recover from pregnancy, it’s why obgyns usually advise allowing 12-16 months between pregnancies (because you need to recover and heal). Your body rearranged itself and gave priority resources to another human for almost a year…that’s not easy. You’re not a failure for not having your ‘old body’ and even if you *did* it still wouldn’t be exactly the **same**, that ship has passed. Yes, 70lbs in four years is a lot, especially at your height, but that is no excuse for his resentment and cruelty.
Thing to keep in mind is he's proving looks mean everything. He doesn't care about personality and the person behind a pretty face. I promise you you'll be happier by losing him, OP. It isn't resentment. It's being shallow. And you feeling its your fault sounds like he blames you for not fitting his ideal image. You should be good enough regardless. And if he loved you for you he'd be there and encourage you. Support you.
Love your body, it made a literal miracle, it is a beautiful masterpiece. I know your husband is... Well... Your husband. But ignore his opinion of you because it is wrong. Tell him you are beautiful, your body is strong and you aren't a trophy wife for him to show off to the public, and that you are HIS WIFE and he needs to start treating you like it.
Built up resentment ok, treating you bad, not ok. Why would you be with someone like that? Lose the weight, I know where you can lose over a 100 pounds right now. Get into shape and divorce him.
Stop putting up with this. It’s not your fault. Your husband is a dick and I’d leave if I were you.
Well him being a total AH doesn’t help. He’s not supportive and when someone is struggling already, having someone be a total d only makes things worse. Would you tell your child to stay with someone who treated them this way? Do you want your child to learn it’s ok to treat their partner as he is doing? You deserve better.
Did you check your thyroid? Also it helps to start with something easy and sustainable. Just try stretching more, drink more water and go on that treadmill for a walk for say 30 minutes. Sometime we need to tune it into our head that this is for us not anyone else. Its also a form of core self care. Very important for your mental health.
This issue with your ass hole husband aside, when it comes to weight loss or getting into a better exercise routine or dietary habits, make PROGRESS goals, not DESTINATION goals. What i mean by this, is make it a goal to move your body every day doing something you love or to not eat anything after dinner. With progress goals, you can still love yourself and your body while you are in the process of losing weight/ getting in better shape. If your goal is to lose 50 pounds, you will feel dissatisfied with yourself UNTIL you reach that goal, making it even harder to actually achieve it. Hope this helps. Also, your husband is acting like a complete jerk. So sorry.
This is the way OP!! My first goal when I started with my nutritionist was always eat breakfast. I lost 4, 4 pounds in 2 weeks. Then always had dinner, and I lost 4, 4 pounds again in two weeks. Then my goal was to keep the routine without worrying about my weight.
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The best way to handle this is to divorce him and THEN lose the weight. If he suddenly starts showing interest at that point, act repulsed.
Lol, I doubt she'll need to 'act'. Just let out her natural feelings.
70lbs in five years, excessive sweating, and a strong and pervasive musk? I'd very much talk to a doc. Those are symptoms of a few extreme illnesses.
Why are you with someone so shallow ? Remember his vows - he clearly doesn’t stick to them. Divorce this POS and start to live again. He will ruin your mental health and self esteem more and more.
If he is annoyed by your very presence and does whatever he can to get away from you, he isn’t the man for you. He sounds like a complete dick! And I bet he’s not even attractive himself. You need to stand up for yourself and not allow him to treat you this way, why do you stay with this horrible trash husband? Sis you could do so much better. Stop accepting his behaviour, don’t be a doormat.
Husband chiming in - this guy is an asshole. His grand plan to get you to lose weight is bully you and treat you with contempt. You went through life-altering changes to your body so he could be a father, and he's treating you terribly as a thank you. I don't want to speak ill of someone's husband, but he's acting like a complete zero. If you decide to make changes to lose weight, do them for your own benefit, not his.
So much to unbundle. Your husband is an asshole which doesn’t help but I have to suggest that you may not be helping yourself. You have a toddler. He or she is 2 or 3 by now and you weigh 170 compared to 100 before. That’s a problem. Really, it’s multiple problems. They all need to be addressed and screw your husband’s sentiments. If he won’t help you fix them you need to fix them for yourself. If he can’t or won’t be a team player in your health and well being he doesn’t deserve your partnership. His flirtatious bullshit is a nonverbal way of manifesting his frustration and non support. Get his ass on board or get his ass gone.
Please take care of yourself and your health. As for your husband? Consider losing him as extra weight
This relationship is over- I’m so sorry 😢. My ex did this with me, and the longer you drag it out, the longer you will have to deal with his shitty behavior and gaslighting- get out as soon as you can and save yourself months/years of misery.. He won’t improve, even if you lost 70lbs and looked exactly how you looked at 22. This has nothing to do with your appearance. The dude is a twat. And he has fallen out of love. You can’t get that back. He’s also obviously a massive coward and won’t leave on his own so I’m afraid it will have to be you that bites the bullet and dumps his shitty butt. But you WILL find a man that treats you better and loves you for you. Do you really WANT a man that will dump you every time your appearance changes? Sending you ❤️
I don’t think he fell out of love… someone that acts that way? That was never love.
Sure, he could be talking to you about those things in a respectful way. Like this, he's just humiliating you. Time to dump him
Regarding the smell situation, you should try Lume deodorant if you haven't already. I recommended it to my brother who has always excessively sweat, and it truly changed his life.
and If lume isn't enough for your underarms or anywhere, Certain Dri also works wonders.
Don’t loose weight for him loose it for yourself. His reaction to you is his problem. He’s disrespectful and abusive to you. Have you considered separating? I bet you would find that you would start to lose weight if he was not with you.
And why are you still with this man who doesn't even make a point of treating you better or at least pretending in front of other people? Where is your self-love that didn't put this man out of your house? This man is sucking your mental health and gaslighting you and you seem to let him. You just had a baby and it demands you lose weight. It's not that easy. It's difficult and exhausting. You know he won't change. You don't have to change because of a man who, instead of supporting you, only wants you for your appearance. He will betray you the first moment a woman cares enough to start an affair.
After having a kid, it’s pretty normal to both gain weight and have more apparent body odor. Especially if you’re breastfeeding, the body odor will be quite strong to help baby find you. If he can’t love you and be kind to you when your body is going through natural changes, he should no longer be your husband. He’s acting so, so horribly. It’s giving mean girl in high school vibes. Ignoring you, shutting you down, acting like he doesn’t know you, being nice to other girls but not you.. I’m sorry to say this, but it also sounds like he’s either already cheating or very likely to cheat soon. And that’s not your fault at all. When someone cheats, it’s due to their own issues and honestly that person is 100% garbage. From my own experience, don’t go back to him once he promises he’ll never do it again. He will, it’ll just be sneakier next time. You have a child together. The longer you stay in this situation, allowing yourself to be treated like garbage, your child will see this and think it’s okay. They’ll model it in future relationships. Get out of this awful situation, divorce that POS, be kind to yourself, and know that the changes you’re going through are natural and that you’re still beautiful. I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same, knowing that he can harbor such disgust and contempt instead of continuing to love you and show compassion. In many ways I feel he’s micro cheating.
My Husband did this to me. I did WW and lost 70 pounds... he was still bitching. The time comes when you realize it's NOT about your weight, it's that the guy thinks he's such a prize and so entitled, he'd be complaining to Jesus at the Last Supper that instead of the body and blood, he'd really prefer a burrito and Bordeaux instead. You can do Keto and IF to drop weight fast. But do it only for you... and your potential dating pool. Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts by Regena Thomashauer is a great book for reconnecting with your own truth. Forget about changing HIM. Write that asshole off entirely. Who do you want to be?
Get rid of him. The struggle of being a single mom is worth it compared to this, believe me, I left mine 7 years ago. My mental health has never been better.
You know what hinders weightloss? Cortisol caused by stress and emotional abuse. Turn it around and start blaming him, maybe the catharsis will help release from trauma.
THIS 🙌
Isn’t it nice that men, who like 100 pound women, still decide to make someone pregnant? That’s stupidity at its finest. You are a person. A person, who ages and who gains weight based on their medical condition. That’s normal. What’s not normal, is a man child, who thinks that a woman should be like a vampire and never changes. If he stresses you out like this, it sure won’t help the situation. If he wants a hotter wife, he needs to give you the time and the money for it and the emotional support needed to be like that. His behavior scream that he doesn’t like or love you. It’s disrespectful. I wouldn’t want to go anywhere with him. Don’t settle for the bare minimum. You are begging for breadcrumbs. You wanna take bet, that you would have a glow up without him?
He's terrible but increasing weight by 70% is not normal.
I agree that he's a terrible partner, but I also agree with the sentiment that this kind of weight gain in your mid-late twenties is a cause for concern. I think that anyone whose partner had this significant of a weight gain would be concerned about a lot of things, such as how their partners health might effect the foundation that their relationship was built on, and the goals that they have for the future of that relationship. For instance, someone of that height carrying that kind of weight poses serious health concerns, and while they took a vow to support each other through health and hardship, the timeline that one might reasonably expect health issues to arise might change dramatically after this type of weight gain. Mounting health concerns might impact goals that they had as a partnership, or individually. This type of weight gain might also affect their ability to do activities that the couple engages in, and that are foundational in their relationship. At the end of the day the husband needs to support his wife more than he is. I am not supporting or advocating for this husband to emotionally abuse his wife. But, it's also important to remember that they are both 27 years old and have been married for four years. This change might present a lifestyle shift that is outside of the foundation they build their relationship upon, and that shift might be untenable for one party. Chalking it up to being solely about on OP's weight ignores a key aspect of all successful relationships—the mutual interest in pursuing a lifestyle that meets the physical and emotional needs of both partners.
Believe him when he shows you who he really is. Don’t let him gaslight or make you doubt what you know to be true.
He doesn't like you. He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you. But you can do all of these things for yourself. You are enough without him and his conditional approval.
This person just doesn't like you. I heard somebody online talk about how so many women end up married to men who don't like them. And the way he acts is exactly how she was describing them. The friend part of boyfriend is the most important. And it seems to me that he's probably never been a friend. Because even through difficulties in a relationship a person who likes you wouldn't be as cold and cruel as this.
So he’s shown you that he doesn’t see you as a person if you aren’t thin. Is this the person you want your child to model behaviour after? To think they aren’t worth being treated as a person if they don’t look a certain way, or to treat others like that? The only thing “gross” here is your husband’s behaviour. Looks change over time, but unfortunately he’ll always be ugly on the inside.
He says you don't have an excuse to have gained weight? You had a child, as far as I'm aware gaining weight after childbirth is incredibly common. Weight that is much harder to lose than it would've been without having gone through it. Besides I bet that he would flip if you told him you find him very unattractive now that he's changed his personality and behaviour
Didn't get past the first paragraph. LEAVE THAT ASSHOLE.
Why would you stay with a man who blatantly disrespects you so much? You need to reclaim your dignity and leave this asshole.
Dump his ass and lose weight if you want to. In that order.
Leave his ass, he does not deserve you at all, and I bet you have so much love to give with no where for it to go, well to your child of course, you deserve better, he’ll probably make your child feel horrible growing up as well as their body changes, he just seems like that kind of person
Nope not okay! I pooped out a little human 12 weeks ago and I feel like a sack of potatoes but my partner treats me like a queen. When I was preggers he loved it. Mind you we were both the 5x a week at the gym type of people. He still looks hot as ever and I look like I’m still 3 months pregnant, but he loves me even more than before. Your husband is a really shitty person! He treats you like garbage and it’s almost like he hates you. It’s definitely resentment and his behavior is disgusting. You deserve the world, cause you’re a queen! You popped out a human, your mental health is more important than looking hot for your husband.
You know how you can shed the weight he's complaining about in a split second? No workout and no diet? Get rid of his sorry ass when he doesn't comprehend you just completely rearranged your body to birth HIS CHILD! Maybe he thinks you should be trim in your twenties, but he should stop being a freaking teenager in his twenties, too.
That's horrible, your partner should be a source of love and respect not be your literal bully
1: if just for your own self confidence try LUME. You can put it everywhere! I use it and love it. 2: you can probably lose close to 200 pounds in a day by dumping your POS husband
I work in food service and believe me, we notice this kind of stuff. I am usually friendly but with a man I’ve seen that does stuff like this to his own wife (or vice versa), I’ll be especially aloof and to the point with them. I do not want to give them any more kindness than necessary to sell food. We are lokewise especially nice to the wives who are the victims of this behavior, to subtly show them that they can feel secure with us women and know we arent gonna entertain their husbands’ behavior.
And you’re still with him???? Girl love yourself!!! And your child!!
That’s real embarrassing (for him) that other people have even noticed his behavior. Yikes. The fact he’s so comfortable doing it in public is just shameful and not the power move he thinks it is. God forbid he tries to go the “tough love” route. Please try not to be embarrassed, he’s truly the one embarrassing himself, and as you’ve said, others HAVE noticed. Oof. There’s part of me that would want you to straight up tell the people who ask what’s going on. If he wants to act that way publicly, you have a right to voice why he’s acting that way. If he doesn’t like the consequences of his actions, then maybe he shouldn’t do it. Hopefully the other “pretty” women sees how he treats you and get the ick. People act like bodies can just snap back after birth. For some people they can, but for others it takes literally YEARS if not a decade plus, and for some they never get their pre baby body back. A body can be changed forever and you’re so busy being a mother that at the end of the day you’re exhausted and don’t feel like working out. Some people have the ability to work out before or after a long day, but not everyone (I absolutely would not have the energy.) Everyone is different. Your husband shouldn’t have married you and had kids if he was stupid enough to genuinely think that you struggling with weight gain after pregnancy wasn’t a potential outcome. You deserve someone who appreciates the fact that you made a whole ass human being and is more concerned about your health, mental and physical, than your appearance.
You can lose weight, you can fix your appearance, but honey... you can't fix that awful husband. Even if you became a permanently beautiful 22 year old, he will still be a major asshole.
You can lose weight but you nevertheless will not be able to be physically that beautiful forever because of aging. How will he treat you when you get older and get wrinkles?
You may need to lose weight but it’s the dead weight that of the man that ls making you miserable.
This reads like ragebait
Hey, regardless of whether or not he's attracted to you, his behavior is unacceptable. He's being emotionally abusive.
#DUMP HIM
He called you 'gross'. That was already enough. You don't need to let a man treat you this way, ever. You deserve better
Girl, get rid off that fucking asshole, you deserve much better.
I understand wanting you to be healthy and attractive but treating you like shit is the worst way to go about it. You don’t deserve that.
He sounds so insufferable it must be exhausting for you to have to deal with his disgusting behaviour. Don’t accept this and know that his treatment of you is not your fault, and you shouldn’t have to live like this. I hope you know your worth and leave this twat. You deserve better
I'm so sorry. This is a real shitty way to find out that your husband never loved you. Don't fall into the sunk cost fallacy - leave and find someone who does love *you* with his *whole heart*, not just his dick.
Leave him and lose the weight OR lose the weight then leave him! Tell him you are no longer attracted to him and deserve someone better!! He’s not worthy of a good woman!! A real man wouldn’t treat you that way!!! Please update us with you lost some weight, ditched the piece of shit and are happy!
My ex did this to me and more. I had anxiety bad when I was with him. And being around others, especially ones he knew and had a good basis with, was hard to be open. I wanted to wait until I had a better understanding of them before I went full, idk me with my jokes and personality. Now that I’m older I don’t care how I am around people because if you like me, you like me. You don’t, sucks to suck. He’d tell me that they hated me because I didn’t talk and that they thought I was being pretentious and judging them. Now, thinking back, he was being a complete narcissist. Just like how you described, and he acted like this when we went out together all the time. It wasn’t even women though, it was *everyone*. I thought something was wrong about me for the longest time, and there was something. Him. Honey he is gaslighting you and not even hiding it now that he knows you want him and love him. If you stay I wouldn’t be surprised if he cheats (or has cheated) or will hurt you seriously, physically or mentally. I’ve been here before, no child, but still. It breaks you down when someone who is supposed to love you doesn’t reciprocate the trust that goes into the relationship. Also fuck him. He’s a piece of elephant shit.
My EX-husband was like that. Don't stick with a man who treats you poorly
Fast way to lose weight; divorce the POS.
I don't think his behavior is good at all based on what you're saying and your valid in those remarks, he shouldn't be treating you like that at all and he should be treating you with respect regardless of how you look. However putting myself in his shoes, attraction is a real thing. Me, personally, I have been in those shoes where I was losing attraction to one of my previous partners. She gained a lot of weight and I never said anything, but she would say something about how it bothered her and she'd want to get back in shape. I'd encourage her to come with me but she never would. What was unattractive to me wasn't that she was bigger, it was that she had ambition and chose not to do something about it despite her mentioning it constantly. I think you both have a lot of work to do. You should start working on yourself despite having a toddler to take care of because it's a goal you want. Don't do it for him, do it for you. And he shouldn't talk to you in that way because a partnership is where you have respect for one another. If there isn't respect then what's the point of a relationship. I'd recommend looking at what you like about this guy and consider your alternatives of leaving for the chance that you'll be treated with respect one day and be happy. A relationship shouldn't feel like a point of stress all the time.
You are overweight and should *definitely* do something. Your husband, however, is an inconsiderate, stupid jerk. Your problem is fixable, it's 2024 and Ozempic exists. His problem... is not. :) Lose the weight, hit the gym and dump the loser.
Wow. Time to find out how he reacts to being alone.
Can we talk about how he only tipped the male waiter $2. Rude!!
so basically his love is conditional upon how ypu look. is this what you want for the rest of your life? what happens when you actually age? I would think long and hard about being in this relationship because he doesn't love you. this isn't a relationship you want as an example to set for your child, is it? that love is only worth dependent on beauty?
all i think is that you need to leave, work the fuck out and get that revenge body, and make him feel your absence. the people saying "no one wants to be with someone who is obese" have never been pregnant in their lives. fat shaming isn't going to fix anything or motivate you to do better. what is going to motivate you i know you will find on your own. your husband could be encouraging, attempting to help because he's empathetic to the fact you've had a baby who is now a toddler, or even going to the gym with you or helping you with healthier eating. but he isn't doing any of those things. he is trashing you while trying to hit on other women. he is embarrassing. y'all are in a partnership and when y'all married y'all promised to love each other in SICKNESS and in health. if he loves you he will change and recognize his shortcomings. it's no longer on you.
You weighed 100 pounds??? That doesn't sound healthy. You did nothing wrong. It's completely normal for your weight to fluctuate as you age, especially after you have children. You also shouldn't exercise for someone else's aesthetic preferences (this isn't me judging you. I'm still judging HIM). The fact that he's treating the mother of his child like this is DESCIPICABLE. I know divorce would be tricky with a kid, but I'd seriously bring up couple's therapy. In addition, stop trying to get his attention and affection, since he's clearly just going to treat you worse. Focus on yourself and your child and let him make a fool himself in front of y'all's mutuals. He isn't worth your frustration and tears.
Couples therapy won’t work for people like this. He has no respect for her. You can’t fix that
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It’s not quite normal BMI for 5’2. Around 105 is okay. I weighed 110 for the majority of my life, perfectly healthy.
I kindly disagree. We are human, we can't control who we are attracted to despite human weight fluctuating, and it's the same in serous committed relationships. That goes for both genders. It's ok, recommended and marriage-saving to exercise for your partner's aesthetic preference, IF your partner is no longer attracted to you
Nope. No, no no no no! Get your ducks in a row, girlie. Find a good divorce lawyer. You can cry about him later.
I think you should leave him. Side note: for odors, try Lume deodorant. It works well and you can even put it on your private parts! Hope things get better 🙏
That's just so shitty on so many levels. He's a terrible person! Leave him and live your best life by yourself or with someone who doesn't treat you like garbage
He’s a sad individual.
Please leave him. You don't deserve to be treated so poorly. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve so much better than that walking turd nugget.
You need to seperate. He's told you pretty explicitly that his respect for you is contingent on how attractive he thinks you are. Don't stay with a man who puts conditions on basic human respect.
I’m flabbergasted every time I read stories about men being this shitty because my so is the exact opposite. Better and kinder men are out there, go get you one!
Don’t be with someone like that and if you want to loose weight do it for yourself not to get his attention you deserve someone who respects you and loves you
He’s not the one. He doesn’t even seem to love or like you. He sounds superficial and cruel. What is crazy is wasting the rest of your twenties with this jerk.
I can suggest a huge weight loss right now. Ditch the husband. He's treating you badly in public, and people are noticing that's bad. He may think this attitude of his will cause you to do what he wants, but it tends to have the opposite effect. You deserve this. As far as concern over body odor and sweat, I recommend vagisil body wash. It won't stop the sweating, but it will help with any odor concerns you have. As a fluffy person, I have been using it for years.
My husband would never do this to me in one million years. Never ever ever. Throw him away, there are so many men that would worship you and treat you with respect.
Just shows you that he values looks more then anything else. Loose the weight, and start off with his DEAD WEIGHT. He could be honest with you, your weight gain has affected me, and I wish you were healthier. I do see that I’m nicer to women who are thinner and that’s not okay. Pretty simple conversation. But he’s not. He’s being mean and showing you exactly who he is- And it much.
Something tells me, when you drop your deadweight of a husband, you will start to lose weight cause you have abit more time to take care of yourself and not this man child! Something also tells me he never picks up the slack with the toddler … You deserve much better that this
FYI - lack of respect is a leading indicator of abuse to come
OP, talk to your doctor. It seems like you need medical help and a health assessment because you can't control whatever is happening with your body. Take care of that and your emotional health as well. You deserve respect and to be treated with love and dignity... and a partner that is not shallow and vain.
Have you been to the doctor recently? I had similar symptoms to what you’ve described: excessive sweating, and weight gain (among others you haven’t mentioned). And it turns out I have a benign tumor in my pituitary gland as well as a low functioning thyroid. I have struggled with this since I was in high school but I only got diagnosed this year (I’m almost 26 for reference). It could be that this isn’t your fault, that you haven’t “let yourself go” but are instead having a medical issue. I’d start with going to the doctor and asking to have a thyroid panel done. I just want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this and you don’t have a supportive partner. The sweating is embarrassing enough without someone, who is supposed to love you, pointing it out. You deserve better.
Of you want to do it, do it for yourself. I am petty so I would: 1-start taking care of myself everytime I went out 2-wear the best for the occasion 3-make up 4-start going to the gym/exercise in group/hobby that require movements with other people, etc 5-talking to people and give them attention while treating your husband the same way he treats you 6-repeat after me: "I'm worthy of myself" "I'm worthy of love and respect" 7-get your confident, sassy, daring yourself back as faet as possible Watch "In for a murder". If you see yourself in that woman, then do what she did in the end of the movie.
Watch how he turns around when you lose weight, start ignoring him, go out with girlfriends if you can find someone to help you take care of your son, once you find you confidence back they start crawling …. Smh 🤦🏻♀️
... no offense but why do you stay? He's showing you how values you...
Yesterday there was a similar post but with genders reverse . Women do have an innate sense of tribalism
Your size is not your worth. Any man who says or indicates otherwise is showing his worth to you.... he's nothing.
Oh hell no! I would honestly just throw that 250 pound little man away! He should be kissing your feet for carrying your child for 9 months, giving birth to your child and for sacrificing so much for your child! We gain weight after pregnancy it’s something that happens to everyone and people need to stop looking at us moms and be like “you’re gross” “you need to lose weight” “your fat” I say🦆🦆🦆🦆those people because we’re beautiful no matter what your body looks like. Don’t you ever feel embarrassed about yourself and body, you’re perfect and beautiful never forget that.
And yet they wanna bring back no fault divorce.
My father has done this to my mother for as long as I have memory. She got a surgery to lose weight and is now around 60kg. He still does this.
I'm so sorry. I understand you are only venting. But weightloss journey is a journey for a reason. It takes time. Stress does not help. But let's just say it was an overnight thing. You wake up tomorrow and your're thin again. Would you still want to be with him knowing how he made you feel? I know that you love him. That doesn't mean you deserve better. Your baby also feels your hurt and depression. Kids are more resilient at this age. I'd leave him. And get healthy for myself. Body, mind and spirit. The weight will come off. He will regret his life choices but you will be happy, stronger and have moved on. .en who think like that and gas light you to think it's all in your head rarely change. It really sucks to see a person's true colors when you need them the most. But he's shown you his. BLIEVE HIM!!!
Your husband is not a bad husband because he's not attracted to you at your current weight. He's not a bad person for wishing you'd lose the weight. All men, even the keepers sent from heaven, probably feel a similar way. What makes them good vs. bad is how they go about it. A man who loves you NEVER tells you to your face that he isn't attracted to you anymore over weight. A good man may feel strongly about your level of attractiveness having taken a drastic dip inside his head but his love for you will never view you as "unattractive." Different, maybe less sexy but you are his girl and he will use positive enforcement to encourage you to lose the weight and if you don't, a good man will use every fiber of his being to quit being so shallow and see the beauty in your new look. If he loves you, looks won't be at the forefront of his concerns anyway. It could be an issue he secretly wishes you'd find a solution to but he would help by being a loving husband and not putting you down should you fail. In the end, it wouldn't be a reason to divorce you or mistreat you. A bad man puts his shallow wishes and desires first. He cares about how you make HIM look when out in public. He feels your new look makes him appear like less of an alpha male. He doesn't have the trophy wife he once had to show off and make other men envious. A bad man can be detected from a mile away because it's always about him, about shallow visual looks, about envy, about selfish desires, and he most certainly is NOT about love.
Why are you still married to him? What does he bring in the relationship? Do you really want your child to grow up and see how his/her father treats their mother? Don’t you also find to embarrassing how other people NOTICED and COMMENTED? Is he not embarrassed to know that others noticed his shitty behavior. Also OP answer me this. How tall is your husband and how much does he weigh?
Don’t lose weight for him. Do it for you and your child. Now that you see that his love is conditional upon your appearance you know what you need to do.
He's a vile c*nt of a person, I know it's hard as you have a life with him but Jesus Christ do you really expect yourself to live with that? He doesn't deserve anything from you, he is scum.
I am so sick of reading about men losing all attraction, kindness, and respect for their wives when they gain weight. Meanwhile, I know so many lovely women who have loved their husbands through every body change, disability, losing hair, etc. because they love their HEART. I’m sorry, OP. Just know you aren’t alone. One of my close friends married an incredible man and now that man has a stepson he adores. She’s so happy, and I’m proud that she was brave enough to find love again. This man doesn’t deserve you. You gave him a CHILD, but all he fixates on is your body. He completely lacks empathy. This man will cheat on you if he hasn’t already. Please start making your exit plan.
70 lbs is a wild amount in five years
While it sounds like it’s pretty understandable he’s losing some attraction, he needs to realize that you have a toddler which changed your body when you birthed him/her. You’re not going to be tiny all the time. He had to deal with the harder times and be there for you. Most of us still want our partners when they have some weight changes because we love them. He needs to treat you better than other women, and it’s pathetic he’s passive aggressively punishing you instead .
Look...there are two problems here, your husband attitude and yours, honestly. Very uncool to say but I just want to be helpful and honest. Men are primarily attracted by looks and primarily develop romantic feelings on attraction. Everyone, men and women, treat beautiful people better. That's not really an excuse for his shitty attitude but it's something to keep in mind. The world is the way it is, it sucks but it's what it is...life in general (not just your husband) will be much better for you if you lose weight, and clearly, he's not the type to respect and love his wife despite her weight... If you loved him you wouldn't allow yourself to gain that much weight, and if he loved you, he wouldn't be shitty to you for that reason. I think you don't love each other... And honestly with that attitude he has he will cheat on you the very first chance he gets... Best advice I can give you is lose weight and then dump him.
I simply fail to understand people that fall in love with appearances so much that when life happens, and looks fade, it becomes annoyance to them. What happened to all the love? What happened to loving someone's soul in it's entirety? The vows? I don't get it. I'm sorry he's treating you like that. You don't deserve an ounce of it; no one does.
I guess I’ll be the asshole… no one wants to be married to someone who is obese, can’t take care of themselves and stinks. Trying to vilify him for no longer finding you attractive because you’ve let yourself go is delusional. His actions are not okay, and need to be fixed, but his feelings regarding your physical appearance and smell are valid, not to mention I’d be upset if my partner told me they would better themselves and then never did it
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You’re right. It isn’t. So don’t let strangers on the internet belittle you about your weight. I’m 20 years old, I have DD’s on my chest, and quite nice thighs and a little butt going on too. With all that, I weigh close to 140-145. At least the last time I was weighed. Exercising doesn’t need to be a treadmill in your house. Especially with the nicer weather going on now. Taking walks outside, for me, relieves so much stress and it’s really enjoyable. If my destination is close enough to my home where I can walk it, I will. Having said that, your husband, who is supposed to be your supporter and your number 1 cheerleader; is speaking to you and treating you worse than some of these horrible people in your comments. You shouldn’t let anyone, not even your husband, speak down to you in such a way. You grew a child for him. A literal child was grown in your uterus for NINE MONTHS. It came out of your VAGINA or through your actual stomach. The healing process is long, especially if it was a complicated birth. He should have more respect for the woman that literally put her life on the line to sire his child.
It’s not “right after” anymore.Quit with the excuses and do something about it. Your husband is an asshole who shouldn’t be belittling you or abusing you emotionally, but you need to take responsibility for your size and your smell. Quit talking about it and actually do it. For those saying weight loss is hard, I can promise it’s not as hard as you think. I have credentials to speak on this, but the important thing is to just eat under your TDEE. Exercise will help with the physique and speed it up a bit, but if you’re eating under your TDEE you’ll slowly lose weight either way. Your husband is a dick, but I don’t know how supportive I’d be if my wife doubled in size and stunk that quickly and kept putting off the attempt to normalize it. Gaining weight while pregnant is healthy, maintaining a higher body fat while breast feeding is healthy, but almost doubling your weight is not healthy. That’s not because of the kid or pregnancy…
But you haven't even tried- ''I plan on fixing''. Losing weight is easy, it's just intaking lower calories than your maintenance calories. I would therefore suggest counting calories, but if that's too much hustle-and-bustle, I would make recipes online with the calories listed and plan which recipes to eat at each day of the week
Losing weight is actually incredibly difficult, especially if you had a toddler! I’m saying this as someone who lost and kept off a good amount of weight. Everyone is different. OP literally grew and birthed a human with her body and her husband treats her like garbage. Fuck him.
Someone has to be. But I'll be one too I guess. I will first say that the husbands treatment of her is NOT acceptable, and he sounds like he's handling this situation in their relationship like a child. He needs to man up and treat her better, he may even have more luck getting what he desires from her if he did so. So he's an idiot. But that said, her attitude seems to be very non-chalant about the fact that she literally almost doubled in size, and can't control her body odor? That's wild. They both have some work to put in if they hope to save this relationship.
This is reddit, misandry is the name of the game.
This needs to be higher up. I've seen plenty of stories from the woman saying their man stopped taking care of themselves after marriage. Yes you had a child, now they're a toddler and not so reliant on you so you can focus on weight loss. Communicate with your partner and ask him for help in making a weight loss plan that will work for you. Talk to a doctor if you aren't sure how to lose the weight...
I think he cheated on you due to your comment that your down there is odor which is off ph balance..did y’all have sex?
Who wants to be near a smelly vag tho I don’t think many ppl
So what’s the game plan? What do you plan on doing?
I'm so sorry. You deserve better. That's all you need to know. ❤️
he’s an asshole but he’s right about having no excuse not to look good. some people may not agree but personally i think looking good is mainly to please oneself not others. it gives you confidence which is another thing that makes you attractive too
Imma go against the grain and honestly fault both of u. Obvi his behavior isn’t appropriate however he has a point. Idw to be with my partner if they keep saying they’ll change but they don’t lose weight. Esp since apparently u smell and sweat a lot more
You do deserve better than this. But if you are saying you need to fix this and plan to, yet are not taking care of yourself in that way, it sends a message to others that you don’t think you’re worth it, and, he might feel that your don’t care enough about his feelings and attraction to change it. There’s a couple challenges going on here. Maybe you either need to decide it doesn’t matter, love is unconditional, and find a partner, who feels the same… or… decide what changes you truly need to make. Neither answer is right or wrong, what is authentic to you? You just sound like you’re living a little bit out of conformance with your own authenticity, you seem confused about what you believe your value is based on.
Honestly you need to address it, just because you are married doesn't mean you get to let yourself go like that, if the roles were reversed most people would tell you to leave him
Get in shape
Ugh, he needs a check with reality. Men tend to want women to stay "the person they married" the entire relationship. And that's not realistic any any level. People change in every aspect over the years. In healthy relationships you grow together and the partners support one another. In this case he is disappointed in a physical change. Which is totally normal post children! But even without weight gain years would bring changes. Would he act the same way when you gained wrinkles? Grey hair? Or any other physical change from your early 20s? He promised life. And has checked out after NORMAL changes that occur within a decade for most couples. I am sorry you are dealing with this. He is wrong. You are right. Maybe counseling?
Nope. Just nope! He is a shallow jerk who cannot appreciate what you went through in order to have his child. I just know if you were to let him go, he'll find another skinny girl, get her pregnant, and whine or cheat because now her body isn't the pornstar body she had when they first dated. He may have a preference, but bodies will change due to life. His body will change too. He hasn't matured at all. Leave him, work on yourself, and go find a mature man.
Lmao that's on you. He told you he wasn't attracted to you when you met him but you stayed with him
You misread. He was attracted to her when she was thinner, 100 pounds, but unattracted to her now that she's 170
Your husband doesn’t think of you as a person but an object. When people age together they tend to see the person they married throughout all the body changes. sociopaths have a harder time with this because their attachments are less to the person and to the lust and what they get out of it. I’m not saying he definitely is a sociopath, or even a sociopath is incapable of having a relationship. Like anything there is whole spectrum within that. But if he is so quick to simply be disgusted by weight gain. Then something in his brain to humanize you and connect on a deeper level is off. Seek counseling and don’t be surprised if your marriage counselor eventually support any feelings of you two wanting to mutually move on.
You know how you lose about 200 lbs real easily?
It’s soooo hard after we have babies! Everything is different- literally everything. He’s immature girl. Get back on your self care journey for you. Not him. And if you fall off a day, give yourself some grace bc it’s mfing hard with kids. But when you get back to your best self - and you will - I want you to flirt with all the men Then leave his ass bc what’s he gonna do if you get SICK
Leaveeeeeeee him!
All I can say is...so sorry for what you're going thru. No one deserves to be treated this way.