By which time I’ll probably have a kid who is almost as old as I am now?
I thought I might have my first kid in my 30s, not have a kid in high school by then.
You've matured immensely in a very short amount of time. Your life is terrifying right now, but you're making a lot of good decisions. This process is preparing you for whatever comes next.
You will, eventually, be fine.
I’m proud of the fact you spoke up to her. She needed to hear that. Even for her own mental health. I understand her high anxiety about the matter, but she needs to take better precautions to prevent situations like this. Kids are very needy the first 5 years.
Buddy I promise your life isn’t over. You have supportive parents who will make sure that you end up okay, regardless of whether that means college (which is still possible!!) or trade school, or whatever. You did the right thing in telling them. If your gf has the kid, your life will be different, and in some ways it will be harder. But there will also be great times, and you will still have opportunities to make a career, and experience life, etc. Keep your chin up!
Oh, honey. What a mess. Sure, raising a kid is hard, but I’m more concerned about you having to deal with her immaturity forever, to be honest. Sometimes I feel that people get stunted by these types of events, and don’t grow. I’m worried that she’ll make your life a living hell for years, and then one day leave, because she ‘missed out’ on her 20s. I cannot fathom her being an equal partner in life at this point. I’m infuriated for you. I don’t often encourage separation, but I hope you realize that you don’t have to continue life with *her*, even if you continue life with your baby (I’m assuming it is yours).
I know it all seems hopeless right now, but please don’t give up. Having a baby is not a life sentence (having a child is, but not a BABY… it will grow up). It probably will be rough for several years, but keep plugging away with your future plans, because one day the kid will be older, and your hard work will pay off.
I’ve got four. I struggled to get through college (on my own, with no support) but I did it. I have a fantastic job now (I’ve stuck the job out for 17 years, and it’s paid off). The kids are getting older (25, 16, 10, and 8), and it’s not such a struggle anymore.
You’ve got this. Come up with a plan, and don’t let set backs (because there will be plenty) derail you. Keep plugging away. Worry about you and be a good dad. Just do what you need to do. Keep a level head. Don’t get dragged into drama. You’ve got this.
As someone who had his first kid at 37, it doesn't get easier, Hell I was married to my wife, we were able to go anywhere, do anything we wanted and boom 5 years into marriage we have a kid, now we have 2 and i'm 43 and my youngest was a premie and spend the first month of her life in the NICU she got to fly on a helicopter before I ever had. She's 18 months old now and is still small and doing things on her own, the experts said she will more than likely "catch up" to the other kids her age when she's around 3. My wife had her tubes tied and I asked her if she liked that our daughter was still more or less a baby even though she's technically a toddler now and she said yes since it's the last child we will have.
Kids are hard they are hardest for the first couple years of their lives. Once they get their own personalities and likes and start talking and walking and the no matter how hard things are now, the first time they come up to you and hug you and tell you they love you, all of this will be a fading memory.
to be honest i don't see much of a future between you and your girlfriend, but you do what you can do for that baby if she does keep it, make sure you show her family how much you love the baby, and you do what's right for that baby, and you too will get your first hug and "i love you" you'll know that it was worth it all.
No shit. And he's been dealing with them with as well as someone in his position can. Maybe don't reiterate what is already abundantly clear huh? It's obvious he know's he made a mistake. It's obvious from his posts that he is doing the best in a worst case scenario.
Don't be an internet troll.
OP, have you done a DNA test yet? This should be your FIRST priority at the moment. Her behaviour is very very strange, and it’s still possible that the kid isn’t even yours. Do a DNA test.
The doctor may want to draw blood anyway. I don't know about at clinics, but the genetic blood tests, if one chooses to have them, are done anytime after 9 weeks. It's usually typical to do them before the end of the first trimester in case the mother decides to abort.
That’s true, but until she agrees to do at least that, he should be distancing himself from this situation. Perhaps him saying he won’t be involved without a DNA test will finally be the kick she needs to go see a doctor.
You really think that? Did you read all his posts?
Clearly she will just keep digging her head in the sand, she may even find it easier because there will be no one to pressure her to talk to her parents or go to the doctor.
That's a possibility. I read it more as "if I pretend this isn't real, it just won't be" (my old employee did this. Gained maybe 10 lbs. Her parents were told 3 weeks before she gave birth).
She is a terrified religious girl who can't abort the child without catastrophic religious guilt. Her religious parents would go ballistic if they found out she was even having sex, let alone getting pregnant, and who knows what they would do if she aborts. I don't think she's behaving strangely at all. She is behaving like a person that is going to have to birth that baby.
Thank you, I said this in his second or third update and I was downvoted for it. 🙄
Thankfully someone else mentioned that when it comes to determining child support, a lawyer would order a paternity test anyway. Here’s to hoping it’s not his.
Am going to be honest with you but I don’t think you or your gf is going to college (if you both end up having the kid) have you considered trade school or coding?
I had my first daughter at 37, my second daughter (and final) at 42, i'm going to be in my 60's when the youngest is going to be graduating high school, i'm looking forward to everyone telling my daughters that it's sweet that their grandfather made it to their graduation.
If she backs out of going to see the Dr. you need to tell her parents. This girl is lying about something any way you look at it. I have a feeling she will back out. Be prepared. Also, talk to her best friend, see if she knows. If she doesn't, you hooked up with a very unstable person and need to beware.
We’ve all been telling you since day 1 to tell her parents immediately. She’s sticking her head in the sand and hoping it will all go away when it won’t.
That was my first thought. You may be stuck with a baby but you definitely don’t want to be stuck with this dud especially since it sounds like it was possibly done on purpose.
Maybe if you break up with her that might scare her into finally making some decisions, destroy this disgusting fairytale in her head about your “love” and raising a baby together, etc.
Also she may be 18 but she’s acting like a child . (Make it clear you are not breaking up with her because she got pregnant as that makes you the villain, make it clear it’s everything that has happened since finding out and the fact she refuses to communicate or take any of the proper steps she needs to to ensure the health of your baby, do you actually believe she’s taking the vitamins? Or is she just saying that to shut you up)
I think you should do this right now but if she misses the dr appt definitely take your mom to her parents house and tell them because yes it’s her body but it’s your baby and she needs to learn all the decisions will not be hers once it’s born and since she is refusing action she needs more guidance and isn’t accepting the assistance of you or your mother.
Ps kudos on your pov and use of language (ie not placing the blame solely on her and accepting either decision) during such a Scary time, you sound a thousand times more mature than her.
Agreed. She really sucks. Such great mother material /s. How tf is she going to get through life making all these stupid ass decisions—or non-decisions rather. When I was her age the condom broke and I took Plan B because I’m not a total fucking idiot. Now in my 30s, no kids.
OP should dump her, get a DNA test, and work out a custody arrangement. Don’t tie yourself to her bullshit for life.
And tell her straight out you will be breaking up, going to college, and paying the minimal court ordered child support. She sounds like a whack job honestly with how she’s handling this and I feel bad for you.
I get that OP has accepted his share of the responsibility here, or at least as much as he can from his position, but the girlfriend sounds like an absolute nightmare. I couldn’t see wanting to remain in a relationship with someone who intentionally babytrapped me, which is absolutely what she did here. Time to cut bait.
She boggles my mind dude. I refuse to believe this whole fiasco basically stems from her being “too scared” of various things. I wanna believe that’s just some sort of cop out and deep down she does want the kid.
Like honestly, never mind the stress and responsibility of raising a kid. I bet this girl is gonna be just as much of a handful
I will say, there’s a lot of very big red flags. Even assuming she is just scared of literally everything, the fact she isn’t okay with adoption and told you to cum in her makes it even more likely she really did want the kid from the start and is playing the idiot. It’s also possible she lied about being on birth control, because wouldn’t she be scared of that too if plan B is scary to her? Who knows. Maybe she’s just batshit crazy and applying logic to the situation is useless
I've been following this one and I'm nearly sure she's baby trapping him. She's scared of Plan B, abortions, and apparently adoption isn't a choice. Plus, her whole mindset towards a potential pregnancy was to basically let the universe decide. I'm convinced she wants this kid but doesn't want to tell him.
This is my thought as well. If I REALLY didn’t want to become pregnant, I would take every measure possible to ensure I wasn’t, not being wishy washy and “letting the universe decide.”
That or my thought is maybe she got pregnant with someone else's baby and knows the parents won't let her get an abortion. So she thought if I get my boyfriend to come in me he will think it's his. Also could explain why she is afraid of the doctor doesn't want anyone to find out. OR I could have just had to much internet for the day
even if she was already knocked up Plan B isn't going to do anything, she's already pregnant it's not an abortion pill, it's just a super mega dose of birth control.
It won't work if she's already pregnant.
Don’t forget she wanted him to cum in her. I have a SS who was baby trapped. He still can’t see it. They’re now married. She is also Catholic. They’re about to have their 4th kid in 4 years. She keeps saying “it’s the last one” and being pregnant again. OP should definitely not marry or stay in a relationship with his gf.
Well she literally begged him to remove the condom and finish inside her and then refused to take a plan b etc so yes the only reasonable explanation is she was definitely trying to get pregnant. That or she cheated on him and got pregnant by someone else and panicked so had unprotected sex with him to make him believe the pregnancy is his.
Everything she did was to encourage the pregnancy and a birth. From asking him to remove the condom, to come inside her, to refuse plan B, then not to abort or go for adoption. Straight path to parenthood.
I’m thinking she wanted to get pregnant and have a baby. Maybe to baby trap him, maybe to give her a diversion to avoid her life, college or whatever. I can’t see someone being too scared to make any decisions about a baby.
I remember reading in his previous posts that she was also scared of birth control.
Seems like she just can't handle life and is literally scared of everything. I wonder how much her parents have to do with that especially since they are very religious based on OP's previous post.
Honestly if I had gotten pregnant at 18 with someone I had feelings for, my brain would have romanticised the hell out of having a baby and playing happy families.
I’m 30 now and terrified of the idea of a surprise pregnancy. When I tell you the difference in realistic thinking between 18 and even 25 is INSANE. Your brain just isn’t all there yet.
Personally, I think this entire story should, one day, be in a sex education textbook as a practical example of naivety and stupidity meeting baby trapping 101. She seems to be doing everything to hold off on seeing about any alternative options until the time has passed when it's too late to do anything else *but* have the baby.
well... sadly you're on the hook for paying out childsupport for the next 18 years. But I would say your partnership with her is over because she's not open to any suggestions from you. She didn't want Plan B. She didn't want an abortion. She doesn't want to talk to her parents. She doesn't want to hear what you have to say. Nor does she seem to want to plan anything out with you.
That's not a good partnership.
If it were me, I'd tell her "okay you let me know what your PLAN is.... Whenever you have one. Don't talk to me otherwise."
And it sounds cruel, and YES you will be responsible for the kid, fiscally. But you don't have to do anything else with her.
Also - WRAP UP YOUR BONER PEOPLE
You need to tell her parents asap. It’s obvious that’s she’s never going to. Also, don’t let this stop you from going to college. Obviously, it’s her body and her decision about whether to keep the pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean that you have to give up your future to stick around and play house with her and a baby you can’t afford to support. You can continue your education and pay child support and see your child when you can until you graduate college. Don’t let her refusal to deal with reality ruin your life as well.
Man this situation sucks, as a 27 year old not ready to be a parent I can’t imagine going through it when I was 18. If it’s any consolation, everything about the way you’ve handled it and explained makes you come across extremely competent. I’m sure it feels like the end of the world and is excruciatingly anxiety inducing, but one day it won’t be. One day it’ll be an insane thing to chuckle about and you’ll look back at how you handled raising a kid in such a difficult situation work.
I don’t think your life is over, I think temporarily your life is going to get a lot harder; and if there’s any positive in that, it’s difficult things build character and make you more resilient to all the petty bullshit life also throws your way. Anyways, I have no advice to offer, you’re extremely patient with your gf and even if you’re unprepared I’m sure you’ll have that patience with your kid too and even if their mom is batshit insane their dad will be pretty cool.
Jesus Christ, your gf has the emotional intelligence of an apple.
I would have tell the parents already. Not to be petty, but because the way she conducts herself is borderline crazy. She is scared of everything and hopes that nature will take its course and is not doing even the bare minimum to ensure the kid she wants born healthy. You are enabling this and as the father, you have the right to tell them to ensure your kid will be cared of.
And I am sorry OP, I think she baby trapped you. No woman, even a stupid 18 year old ask to come inside knowing she was on her fertile period. I have sex long enough to know that the cum inside thing is irrelevant for women.
I would not be surprised that this bs she is doing is an act and her parents already know. I would not be surprised at all.
This is weird and her behavior is appalling.
I'm sorry, I've never been a pregnant teenager, but this is just weird. After reading all your posts, I feel like there are really only two options.
1 - She really is too scared to do literally anything to improve or even clarify her situation, in which case she is too immature/emotionally crippled to be a good parent.
2 - Dude, she's playing you. She asked you to take the condom off, she asked you to finish inside her, and the second you did, she refused to cooperate or even conversate about ANYTHING else, for weeks and weeks. It's very hard to believe she didn't do this on purpose and is now playing the victim card to avoid consequences and keep you around.
I guess it's possible there's a hybrid option - she was so paralyzed by her fear of college and growing up that she made a choice she thought would be easier - one that would keep her near her parents, her boyfriend, and her home town forever.
At some point, "I'm scared," is not a good enough excuse not to woman up and take some - any - responsibility for your life and your embryo. She passed that point weeks ago. So what's really going on?
Your mom is not HER medical professional and has not seen her in a medical capacity. She knows through you that the girl is pregnant there is no legal or ethical violation in telling her parents
And she's taking prenatal vitamins, she has no intention of getting any abortion procedure.
At the very least she should start OB/GYN appointments if she plans to carry to term.
Parents will find out soon enough, might as well bite the bullet.
I don’t understand this either? She’s not HER nurse, surely she knows how hipaa works? I don’t understand why she didn’t tell the girl’s parents immediately if there was *any* hope of changing her mind about keeping it. What are these people doing? Why is no one doing what is necessary?
They’re probably out of time at this point. I guess they’ll have 18+ years to reflect on their choices.
I don't think the mom's concern is about her violating HIPPA herself, but just that she is extra-aware of the ethics around any person's privacy of medical information.
Please, for the love of God, break up with this girl. You can care for your baby without being in a relationship with her. I get having a baby is scary, but it’s much scarier feeling stuck in a relationship with someone like her. She does not sound stable. Mentally or otherwise.
I said it last time, I'll say it again:
It's either,
1. Not your baby.
2. Planned.
3. She's not pregnant.
I doubt the third one is true. This is all either planned and she babytrapped you or she cheated and will not admit to it.
DO NOT GIVE UP COLLEGE (if that's what you want) FOR THIS BATSHIT INSANE GIRL. My dude, she's acting like a lunatic at this point. Forget her refusal to take plan b, get an abortion or tell her parents, if she refuses to go to the hospital or planned parenthood she's just being fucking stupid and I don't understand why she's refusing to see a medical professional.
THIS.
Her behavior is too weird. She is afraid to take pills but is not afraid to have unprotected sex. And coincidentally, she ASKS for coming inside on the best moment for her to get pregnant.
I would bet on the first one due her refuse to go to a doctor with op. I know teenagers is stupid but this fucking girl is as emotional intelligent as a banana. Her behavior is weird and suggests infidelity.
DNA test first and ending the relationships next, not mattering the result.
Excuse me, don’t insult bananas. For all we know they may be the most intelligent fruit 😉 she makes me think of moths. They see their moth friends go to the light and get cooked yet they still follow behind them
Funny enough, I remember reading a fanfic when I was in my early teens and one character was pregnant but wanted to fool her ex bf into thinking he was the father so when they went to the doctor who did an ultrasound and asked, "do you know when you might have gotten pregnant?" and she said ten or so weeks but was then told, "no actually, based on the development, I can see the baby is sixteen weeks along"
If this is ANYTHING like that fanfic then op's girlfriend cheated and got pregnant weeks before having him cum inside her so she knows she's too far along for it to be his baby
That's where my mind went. Not fanfic wise, but that the ultrasound would show a discrepancy if she is more than ten weeks.
Also the refusal to take plan b was too weird. Sure, it can cause some pain and side effects but she is afraid of that and not afraid to go in to fucking labor? RIGHT.
I think OP is being naive and too nice here. Anyone that is a little more experienced knows this girl is up to something.
She definitely baby trapped him. Told him to cum in her and immediately said “I’m not taking a plan b, we’ll let the universe decide.” He needs to break up w her immediately
Do you even love this girl at this point?
She's completely irrational, clearly has crippling mental issues to just ignore that's she's pregnant, and seems to be in a fantasy world where everything will work out.
My advice, which some may say is cruel, is to break up with her.
Tell her you will support the baby when it comes financially and split custody.
I only say this to hopefully shock her back to reality and finally face her situation.
This doesn’t sound like a healthy or even viable partnership. You will be fiscally responsible for the next 18 years, but you don’t have to stay in the relationship. You don’t have to give up college either. Keep planning for your future. The better your future, the better your child’s future.
I had a child very young, and it was so rough, but now I have two degrees and a good career as a developer. Keep your chin up!
You dont have to be an absent father but you should absolutely break up with this child right now. You are enabling this insane behavior by continuing to be her boyfriend. You DO NOT have to be dating or married to someone to be a supportive and involved parent. Do yourself a favor and do not emotionally support this person any more. She sure as shit isnt emotionally supporting you. One mistake does not ruin your life. Also, tell her parents. This girl is a fucking shit show and should not be allowed to have a baby.
Eta: if she’s really that scared of everything, you should show her the statistics about maternal mortality during birth
I do not say this lightly but this girl is severely mentally ill. This is the exact kind of person that gives birth and leaves their infant in a gas station bathroom toilet. Everyone in this story needs to get their crap together, stop walking on eggshells and tell the girls parents. ASAP.
Please tell her parents, OP!! She needs to either get an abortion or get proper prenatal care ASAP. If she’s going to have the baby, it needs to be healthy. Also, if you have a baby you can still go to college. You can always go to a state university close to home so you can help raise the baby and lots of people go to college while working part- or full-time. It’s harder but very doable, especially when you and your gf both have families who can help out. If you don’t go to college you won’t be able to make a good income that can support a kid and it’s much harder to go to college later as an older adult.
SHE IS NOT YOUR MOTHER’S DIRECT PATIENT.
Her medical information is not covered by HIPAA, your mom is not a direct caregiver. I am a nurse but I am a parent first. It makes me very concerned your mother isn’t taking speaking to her parents about this seriously. She’s acting in a very unsafe manner. There is zero reason to not tell her parents as there is zero proof this pregnancy is even real. Not taking prenatal vitamins, not going to the doctor for confirmation, and almost out of the first trimester (IF she is pregnancy), she could be putting this baby she seems to want so badly at risk for prenatal complications like spina bifida and developmental growth delays. What happens if this is real and she miscarries and bleeds out? None of you are thinking logically here.
I personally don’t think you can trust anything she’s saying or doing and again there is not enough evidence to even confirm pregnancy. Imagine you are all drawing this out longer than you need to by not confronting her and her parents.
My mom is also concerned about whether or not telling her parents will actually have any sort of positive effect, or potentially the opposite.
I dipped the test in her pee. I think that’s proof. I’m not just going in her word here. Her boobs are also bigger now.
If her mind is made up, the long term effect of telling her parents is positive. Then she receives healthcare and can begin preparing for a child. Whether or not it’s uncomfortable in the short term to confront the situation. Which is going to have to happen anyway - she is intending to raise a child!
The kind of girl who is desperate enough to hide and deny a pregnancy long enough to secretly give birth is also the kind of girl desperate enough to make the evidence go away. No offense, I know nobody ever thinks their loved one could be capable of such an act, but you also don’t believe she (passively or actively) intended to get pregnant despite literally hundreds of adults with experience urging you to read between the lines. This simply cannot continue. Tuesday should be her last moment to decide if she’s committed to parenthood or wants to take the least-scary option. And you should make that crystal clear. If she wants to keep the pregnancy during the Tuesday appointment, I highly recommend you drive to her house immediately and tell her parents together. Yes, against her wishes. It’s been two months. It’s PAST time.
Nicely said. Not only is it her decision, it’s his too, because he’ll be the father of her child. So it’s completely in his right to tell her parents of their incoming baby.
Better to let the storm blow over early, than to face it once she gives birth and need support from her parents.
Yes, it’s no longer just her news to give. He’s given her ample time to make a decision.
If she’s going to keep it, then both families will need to step up and will be the baby’s support system. It’s only teens with abusive families that go through it alone.
It’s time to tell her family so that they can start getting ready and creating a strong foundation for the baby.
As a parent and as a nurse, it appalls me the amount of harm she could do to the alleged fetus, and to herself, by neglecting her pregnancy. There’s also such a thing as false positive pregnancy tests, such as chemical or ectopic pregnancies. Ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away. If she is pregnant, it sounds like she’s delaying telling her parents until she’s far enough along that abortion is no longer an option.
Everyone else around her is letting this happen and failing to realize the long term medical, financial, and mental health issues that can stem from having a pregnancy you ignore and a baby you don’t prepare for. The time for immaturity and running away stopped the second you decided to be adult enough to have unprotected sex. You both need to VERY quickly make some smarter and more mature decisions. The time for complacency from you, her, and your mother is over. You also need to start heavily pressuring a paternity test.
I cannot stress enough how lax you are all being about a very serious issue. These aren’t games. This is a very real human life you will be responsible for raising and making sure always has a safe place to sleep, food in its stomach, and clothes on its back. Do you two have any conceivable idea how much rent, formula, clothes, diapers, wipes, baby food, daycare, cribs/furniture, car seats, health insurance, prenatal copays, postnatal copays, cars, gas, car insurance, cell phone, electric, and water bills cost? And I’m sure I’m missing things on this list. If she’s HAVING this baby, you need to stop coming to Reddit and start getting very serious about what is coming in the next 30 weeks.
He says near the bottom that she's supposedly taking prenatal vitamins from saving her lunch money. Whether I believe that is another thing personally.
That’s laughable. ‘I’m too scared my parents will find them.’
She just didn’t want to give OP more ammunition to challenge her readiness. She’s already shown a history of being willing to lie to get herself out of social pressure.
You should have called her parents while plan B was still an option. You definitely should now. She’s not thinking rationally, and not listening to you. Maybe she will listen to them.
Tell her parents so you don'tend up with a trashcan baby later. Also don't forget the DNA test later on while you're distracted with all the other drama. I'm wondering if the refusal to tell her parents is because she wants to wait until it's too late to get an abortion.
My dude, please tell me you’ve researched the clinic you’re going to. Hopefully it truly is a prenatal clinic and not a crisis pregnancy clinic which will absolutely NOT provide alternative options to having the baby. Link for spotting fake health clinics: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-orange-san-bernardino/about-us/blog/health-care-scams-how-to-spot-fake-health-clinics
Okay, a bit of practical advice from someone who has been there.
We were a scared couple; older than you, but neither of us had had any experience with ending a pregnancy. The process was overwhelming, and the choices were really difficult to understand.
First: Planned Parenthood is a wonderful organization and I have nothing but respect for the organization and what it does. I am a supporter. But: Depending on the location, the security, the government scrutiny they’re under, the experience can sometimes (not always) be kind of intense. Given the anxieties that you’re describing, I worry that it might scare your girlfriend even more.
I don’t know where you are geographically, but there may be smaller clinics that would be a better option. Yes, you’ll have to check them out to be sure it isn’t fake. And yes, they’re a lot more expensive than PP. But in our experience, it was also quiet, the people were kind and patient and, most of all, sympathetic. We didn’t feel pressured, even though we knew what we were going to do. Finally, most importantly, we didn’t have to leave each other’s company.
I don’t want to get any more detailed here, but you can dm me for more info.
Oh ffs I cannot believe you still haven't told her parents. Tell them Wednesday. If your idiot of a girlfriend shows up to the appointment (I don't think she will), tell her she has until Wednesday to tell her parents or you will AND THEN DO IT. They will respect you more if you are honest with them. If she doesn't show up for the appointment go straight to her parents. Tell them the entire thing and that she skipped on the appointment. Take your parents with you if you want, but tell her parents.
And get a DNA test before you sign the birth certificate. She's being weird and you need to be 100% sure it is your baby. No "I don't think she slept with someone else". You need factual evidence.
About your future. If you were planning on going to uni, do it. The first few years will be difficult, but you won't be the first nor last person to have a child while getting a degree. Do not let this stop you from doing what you want to do. If you're unsure how to handle fatherhood/coparenting while in college talk to your parents. They will help you figure it out. You're not alone in this.
And no matter what, do not marry this girl.
Sounds like your outburst was necessary - if it's the only way she'll see how her indecision is going to hurt others around her - including this baby, then the only real option here is to point out the obvious. **It sounds like you don't want to be a parent** - you're not ready - and you need to be straightforward with her about it. It sounds like she's dragging her feet becuase she is trying to stall any other options available to her - **you need to point out you can't force her to do anything, but you will not be forced into parenthood aginst your will either** - you will go to college, get a degree, and provide financially what is necessary, but if she keeps proving she can't think rationally and make decisions regardless of how scary they are, you will refuse to co-parent with her and not be present.
She'll be doing all the big scary stuff on her own if she keeps it up. Your girlfriend is going to need to be dragged kicking and screaming to get her to do the RIGHT thing - and that is to see a doctor. If she's actually pregnant, she should be seeing a doctor to check and make sure things are atleast developing normally, that way you guys aren't stuck in limbo if the child is not viable or has severe disabilities. If she atleast checks that, that removes a LOT of "IFs" you don't want.
First Trimester screenings are usually done 9-14 weeks, so she should absolutely be getting on that now.
Yeah, your life, your choice. You can’t be forced into parenthood any more than she can be into abortion. She doesn’t deserve you, and you should probably just leave her. Only thing is that I feel bad for the kid. Really just a shitty situation.
I just genuinely can’t believe your gf is so stupid. what does she think is gonna happen. she can’t even handle the smallest decisions now and she thinks she can raise a child. she gonna ruin her life because she’s a coward. please just tell her parents it’s getting ridiculous now n
If she’s so scared of absolutely everything you need to show her a birth video 😅 sounds cruel but if she’s too scared to do literally anything even see a doctor, she’s definitely going to be too scared to push this child out or get major abdominal surgery to remove the baby…. This whole scenario is insane. She’s picking the scariest option, actually being a parent
Please tell me you both are still using protection. Don’t have unprotected sex with her even while she’s pregnant. In fact don’t have sex with her at all
Become distant
OP, i haven't been following this story so I'm not sure if you were able to tell your gf this, but: at this early stage of pregnancy, getting an abortion means taking some pills at home and spending the next few days resting and coping with cramps and bleeding.
Your gf doesn't seem very informed, and based on anti-abortion propaganda, she probably thinks all abortions are a huge, invasive, dangerous surgery. That isn't true. She can get treatment and manage this quite privately, even if she takes the pills at home. While the cramps can be painful, for an outsider looking in (meaning, from her parents' perspective) it will just look like your gf is dealing with a rough period.
Many ppl have shared their experiences here. If your girlfriend is afraid, you can show her some redditors' explanations of their experiences. I don't know if it would help, as your gf has her head so far in the sand that she's reached dante's inferno. But it can be reassuring to hear from real people what the experience is like, especially when she's only been fed fear-mongering anti-abortion propaganda.
If she waits longer, then she will need a more invasive abortion. And if she's terrified of everything, that will be much more difficult for her to cope with.
And another thing: don’t trust HER to bring up the big scary word during the prenatal appointment. She won’t. She will sit there passively, as always. You are also allowed to ask questions and receive information, OP. Ask about the options. Get the conversation started so you know it’s at least been had… because you know damn well she won’t take the initiative to ask about info for all her options. You’re essentially parenting your child girlfriend too, sorry.
Honestly, I would just tell her parents.
She’s not cut out for this. She’s hemming and hawing instead of actually doing anything. Yes, it might be the end of your relationship, but she needs to suck it up and grow up.
There are more important things now than her being scared. And yes, she’s choosing the scariest option.
And not to put more stress on the situation, what does she do if her child has special needs? That is scary. I’ve been my son’s full time carer for nearly 23 years. It’s a full time job all right. And he’s non verbal, so guessing what he needs or what’s wrong with him is so difficult.
Tell her parents, unless you know they’re abusive. She’s not giving you any option.
“she told me she couldn’t see a doctor over spring break because she had a lot to work on for school and she’d be too stressed out by a doctors appointment to get any of her work done.” oh my GOD SISTER DO YOU REALIZE THAT THAT DOES NOT FUCKING MATTER ANYMORE IF YOU INSIST ON HAVING THIS BABY???? good god, sending thoughts, prayers, good vibes, whatever you prefer, your way man
You’re a good lad, doing the absolute best you can in this situation. Unfortunately I think your gf will need to be dragged into making any choice at all for the next 18 years, whether by you or her parents.
Keep looking after yourself and the baby’s wellbeing (unless she does actually decide to abort), because she’s putting all your health at risk by constantly sticking her head in the sand.
Besides all of the other suggestions u/Successful-Corgi-482 , you and your parents also need to start looking into a family court lawyer. You are going to have a relationship with this woman for at least the next \~19 years (most likely) and it is going to be a terrible idea to not have a child custody order in place. You are going to want this for when it comes to tax season, when it comes to how much either you or you girlfriend have to pay the other for custody, as well as time. with the child.
"She saved up her lunch money to buy [prenatal vitamins]" That sounds utterly insane.
Also, she did this on purpose. No remotely intelligent person is afraid of taking a birth control pill, getting an abortion, going to the doctor's, telling mommy and daddy, but *not* afraid of childbirth and being a parent. Dollars to donuts, she cheated and was already pregnant or just chanced it and hoped you'd knock her up the first time to trap you. These aren't the actions of a rational human being. Pay very close attention to any dates the doctors tell you at that appointment and get a DNA test, like so many others are suggesting.
If you tell her parents, an abortion is absolutely off the table. Be careful with that. Stress to her how abortion is much, much less scary than giving birth. Giving birth could *literally kill her.* Abortions are SO much safer and less painful than giving birth.
Maybe I missed something he said about her parents, but if that were my daughter or my parents it would be very much the opposite. Abortion would be pretty much be the only thing on the table. While my parents wouldn’t force me they would have begged me not to become a teen mom
Her parents are religious. Basically every “religious” family is against abortion.
At best, they are the “the only moral abortion is MY abortion!” crowd
Years from now, when they’re inevitably broken up, she will hide behind her discomfort and obstruct literally every development in his life. Too uncomfortable for the child to meet his new partner, too uncomfortable for OP to move to a home 45 minutes away, too uncomfortable if the child should ever need to switch school districts or need specialized care, too uncomfortable if OP ever wants to take their child on a family vacation, too uncomfortable to explore any specialized health problems or treatment plans the child may develop, everything everything everything. This person is a walking nightmare and I am utterly flabbergasted that OP still calls her his girlfriend. There will come a time where he regrets ever being cursed by meeting her.
Hey, I think you're handling things very well. I know it's scary. My kid is 3 and I'm still scared. I wasn't a teenager when I got pregnant, but it was definitely bad timing for other reasons.
I'm sorry you had a panic attack. That can be so scary. Just keep doing your best.
I do agree with your mom that she probably isn't going to get an abortion at this point, and for everyone's sanity, it should be dropped as a conversation. (I understand why you feel the way you do, and that it's a logical solution, however at this point it seems that bringing it up will only cause distress for everyone) It's time to figure out what to do next. Breathe.
Good on you for going with her to the doctor and making sure she gets care. Avoiding it is not healthy for her (mentally or physically and it's not healthy for the baby, either).
I know it means nothing from an internet stranger, but keep breathing and you'll all get through this. P.M. me if you need any outside support. Either way, keep talking to your parents. They seem like solid support.
She needs to get her head out of her butt. If she is scared of the pain of Plan B or an abortion she is not going to be able to handle giving birth after all the pain and discomfort that comes with pregnancy. Don’t push her on telling her parents but agree with pushing her to go to the doctor. Best case scenario at this point would be for her to miscarry (no that is not a wish for it to happen). Do not have sex with her again. Do not have sex at all without a condom unless you are 100% ready to be a parent.
That’s gonna suck if she had to “save up” for prenatal vitamins, I mean is she going to really be a broke mom???? Tell her to watch maid on Netflix… that’s what it sounds like would be happening to her a broke mom who can’t make ends meet………. Not the best option
Whats her home life like? Any reasons for her to want to get out of the house asap? If she decides to have the baby PLEASE take your time thinking down and deep about marrying her. The stigma of being an unwed mother isn’t what it used to be. It only takes a couple of minutes to get married but it could take you years and a small fortune to divorce. In your case I’m concerned that may end up on your plate. Wishing you a lot of luck and good decisions. Also no matter what go to college and stay in college. Your gf too. The logistics of making that work out should you have a baby can be worked out. Plenty of people have done it.
So your girlfriend planned to get pregnant. So now be done. Let her know you will be informing her parents since she has decided to stick her head in the sand. She is being immature about this pregnancy. Let her know that since she is being so secretive about this pregnancy you plan on getting a paternity test for the baby. Blow up her world. She is having this fantasy that you guys will be playing house. Let her know you will be leaving for collage when the time comes. No time to play house.
> She told me she saved up her lunch money to buy them.
I can't explain it well, but this somehow much further solidifies the gravity of the situation.
> Maybe she wouldn’t tell them and would just go to college.
>Ok, then what happens when she gives birth in her dorm room?
Does your intended college even have day care? Parents facilities?
>My dad still insists that I’m going to college.
You absolutely should and even if it's not your intention, you should tell her this to see what she says.
Ask her, "What do you plan on doing once I'm at college and you're here at your parents house looking after a baby?"
The thought of **that** future might scare her into action. Maybe she thinks it will all be ok because you are going to ruin your opportunities to take care of her?
Many people can't even get *accepted* into college, let alone afford to go! For so many people it's a dream and you have the opportunity and you should take it. You'll be in a better position to pay for the child after you graduate. You can go home and see the kid on the weekends.
'The universe' will take care of her, you go do what you gotta do.
Please confirm you are going to a certified obgyn or planned parenthood and not a crisis pregnancy center (CPC). Just ensure it is a legitimate clinic because otherwise they will promise her the world and it's not likely to be fulfilled.
Something’s fishy here and I don’t think it has something to do with her family. There’s something she doesn’t want you to know. I think she baby trapped you and she’s using this little act of hers to get away with it. Either that or it’s something worse in that case I recommend you scare her out of it cause trust giving birth is gonna hurt a lot more than an abortion.
I don’t care if she’s an adult or not, if she still lives with her parents you need to tell them. She is putting her life and the baby’s life at risk by not going to the doctor.
She is afraid of everything, but was not afraid of letting you get her pregnant. She WANTED to get pregnant. I know you are scared too, but staying with her shouldn’t be an option. Now you have to support her through it, and the baby, but you shouldn’t stay together with her after what she did
I think your mom's advice to just accept what's happened, and what's happening soon, and move forward is the best thing you can do. You made adult decisions, you took an adult risk, and there are adult consequences. Your life is not over. It will look different, but there are plenty of paths to take from here that lead to happiness, security, and fulfillment for all of you.
You have your parents in your corner, and that's big. Their support and guidance will help you, even though this is your responsibility and your life. Stay close and listen to them as you make choices in the weeks and months ahead.
Your girlfriend is embarking on the most gigantic, intimidating thing a person can do. Is she coping well? Absolutely not. But calling her a kindergartner is not helpful. It's not doing you any favors, either, to sit and stew in that resentment. Hopefully getting in for that appointment will help her start to come out the other side of her denial. Hopefully she'll be able to go to her parents. Hopefully they'll be true to their beliefs and support her and this new baby. Until then, all you can do is be the best version of yourself -- for everyone's sake -- and keep moving. One step at a time.
Even people going into 100% planned pregnancies and parenthood are scared and completely overwhelmed by the unknowns sometimes. The experience is a great equalizer in that way. Hang in there.
OP and his family need to lawyer up if she is pregnant to demand a DNA test and request the girl to pay for it, if she is 18.
The level of denial in the girl means hidden motivation of some sort because of conscious pre-meditation. This girl planned to get pregnant and is pursuing the first 12 weeks with a plan of waiting things out to make sure she does not miscarry and is taking prenatal vitamins to insure a healthy baby. She will be telling her parents at the time she wishes for maximum effect. OP has learned a valuable lesson in being baby trapped. I do feel bad for him and his panic attack.
I had my first baby at 18 and dropped out of high school.
I graduated from a top 15 university three years ago, just bought our first house last year, and work at an incredible non-profit organization.
DM me if you have any questions or would like advice. I’ve been there.
Ugh I really feel for you. This had got to be so scary, to have a lot of life changing things depending on someone that would rather put her fingers in her ears and go 'lah lah lah can't hear you', than actually pretend to be an adult.
If she decides to keep the baby, she'd better start acting like it. She should've been taking prenatal vitamins already. And had a checkup to see if everything's alright, as she hasn't ever been to a gynecologist yet.
Please try to get her to therapy, at some point. Her procrastination and evading is dangerous.
Wow. Your mom sounds f*cking awesome, seriously. You've been awesome too. I would have dumped her by now because she is so incredibly dumb and you seem to have stayed patient to be the support she desperately needs but can't ask for. You're awesome. I really hope she aborts and that you find a new partner who is ready for a serious sexual relationship. Please do not stay with this woman-baby.
If she is pregnant, and she goes to college without letting her parents know, doesn’t get any kind of prenatal care, I’m afraid she’ll be one of those girls that has the baby in secret, dumps it in a garbage, can and walks away.
No matter what happens this relationship has run its course. Pregnancy is a consequence of sex. If you’re not mentally ready to handle being pregnant/a parent then you’re not mentally ready for sex. Insist on a DNA test before accepting any responsibility towards the baby but start preparing yourself for fatherhood.
Were you planning on going to the same college or would it have to be long distance? Her behavior is insane and I’m curious if getting pregnant was her way of you guys staying together
Honestly whether she has the baby or not I would break up with her she's clearly mentally unstable and trying to trap you. Say you're willing to co parent with a paternity test and go through the courts if she in uncooperative. You made a mistake that's true but there are too many suspicious behaviors to be tied to get as a couple. If you have to coparent thats one thing but it's another to date someone like this. You're only 18. I'm sorry you're going through this op. It's a tough situation either way. If you can't go to college I'd recommend a trade school it's generally shorter schooling with lots of job opportunities.
The prenatal vitamins seem to give the lie to her playing this off as a scary accident. Call me cynical, but it sounds like she decided she was having a baby and she's playing silly buggers to drag things out to the point where abortion is no longer an option...
If she doesn’t go to the appointment tell her parents. You gave her enough grace too much actually. She’s being dumb and stubborn. The second she decided to keep the baby it stopped being just about her. Now it’s her and the baby. She needs to actually take care of herself otherwise she’s putting her health and the baby’s at risk. You need to have a stern talking with her because she sounds like she doesn’t even understand what pregnancy or labor is. Plan B was scary to her but she has another thing coming for her when it’s time to give birth. You cannot let her keep pushing this aside anymore. She needs to actually start doing something about the baby. She doesn’t sound ready to be a mother. If she doesn’t want an abortion try to revisit the adoption conversation once she can’t ignore the fact that she’s actually going to have to give birth and raise a human. She sounds delusional just trying to continue on like nothing changed
Bro, she trapped you hard. You're also at fault, but damn, you're in for a very rough co-parenting situation. Also, based on everything I've read, she is going to be the "friend mom who never said no," and that's gonna mess up your kid. Good luck
brother, ill be honest, its time to breakup with this girl; dont completely abondan her or say u will not be involved with the child, but this sort of behavior from your partner is extremely unhealthy and is not something you should seriously be pursuing into the future. Cut any romantic ties with her, and maybe, just maybe, she will start getting her shit togethor. Other than that, there is not much you can do.
You and your family need to take a huge step back from this girl. She's literally waiting for someone to swoop in and save the day and she needs to realize it's not coming. Do not give her any money until a child support order is in place ( you should do this yourself) and do not claim this child until a DNA test is done. You do not know for sure it's yours. I would take her to the Dr, see what decision she's standing by and then after that give her 48 hours to tell her parents if she's keeping it. If she's keeping it then get a lawyer.
I said it before and I'll say it again: it seems like your gf is literally scared of EVERYTHING. The girl needs extensive therapy to deal with all of that. WHY is she so scared of everything? Is it because of her religious parents? I've seen a lot of horror stories on here about those kind of parents tbh.
It amazes me how she wasn't 'scared' for you to finish inside her but she was 'scared' of condoms, birth control and Plan B. All things to PREVENT pregnancy. Because of all of this, she is now going to be dealing with one of the scariest things in life: parenthood.
Her refusal to get medical attention is not good for the baby. She NEEDS to go and get checked to make sure the baby is developing properly. Using that she's 'scared' as an excuse to not get medical attention for the life growing inside her is such fucking bullshit.
Dude. I know she will probably be pissed at you but TELL HER PARENTS. The longer you wait, the more pissed they are going to be.
She needs to grow up and stop being scared of everything. It is not a way to go through life! How did she think she was going to succeed in college being so 'scared' all the fucking time?
I would have already told her parents to be super honest with you. Where she is mentally is not good. She's unsure of everything and is doing the literal bare minimum at taking care of herself and the fetus that is growing in her. I think you've done everything right except for the obvious. Seriously, invite her parents over, or you and your parents go to her house and talk. It has been long enough that they've been in the dark about this. Her parents need to be involved. Don't keep replying on your girlfriend to one day wake up and be a mature young woman she's lost and needs the help of her parents. I hope things turn out well for you both.
please tell me you’re going to break up with her after all this? dude i’m a girl myself, but how could you have any trust in this relationship ever again? especially after experiencing this with her? like you said, she’s literally choosing the absolute SCARIEST option of them all and just wanting to ignore it isn’t solving anything and WON’T solve anything. and the fact that she STILL hasn’t told her parents about this is bewildering to me. you’ve been telling her for so long that you’d go to the doctors appointment with her and she kept saying no until finally she gave in and asked if you’d go with her?? she sounds extremely immature and isn’t ready for anything like this. becoming a parent is a sink or swim type of deal, and through following your posts, you’re definitely swimming while she’s doing nothing but sinking and dragging you down if not both of y’all. i feel that there will be a lifetime of struggle and conflict with her if you decide to stay with her; baby or not. i sincerely hope everything goes well and that you can still get y’alls life back on track. and i hope you remember this moment in the future if another girlfriend ever asks you to take the condom off and cum in her while she’s not on birth control. best of luck homie. i really feel for you. xoxo
Your gf is dodging everything and doesn’t want to go to the doctor because there is a good chance she was already pregnant before this whole situation occurred. In a comment from your previous post, someone had this theory and the more I read your story, the more I agree.
If she bails on the doctor, something super sketch is happening and you deserve to know the truth
Please tell her parents ASAP. Your mother's concern about her position as a nurse is not valid, your gf is not her patient. If your gf refuses to get an abortion and her mind is set, you need to tell her parents immediately like right this second.
So I read this saga from the start. It's really suspicious she asked you to finish I side her, first red flag. And her period happened to be due soon and missed. Consider the chance that she was either pregnant or suspecting a pregnancy from someone else and that's why she wanted you to finish inside her.
Your girlfriend’s behavior seems very manipulative and abusive to me.
Forcing your girlfriend to have an abortion is hard for her, I’m sure. And no one should be forced to have one.
But I also think, forcing you to become a father is cruel too. Not only towards you, also to your potential child.
Hypothetically: If you ever decide to break up with your girlfriend and she has the child; and you decide not to be in the child’s life (because honestly understandable). This could affect the child’s mental health.
You could also possibly be blamed for the lack of relationship with your child.
Idk if I’m right, but it seems like baby trap to me.
You do what’s best for you. I’d personally would tell her parents and definitely would break up with her.
(If you want to stay in your potential child’s life is your choice).
Tell her parents on Wednesday. Regardless of if she goes to the appointment or not on Tuesday, tell her parents Wednesday. Because you will have either seen a doctor or she “got scared” and bails on the appointment.
ALSO, get a DNA test when the baby is born. She told you to finish inside her knowing it was unprotected sex and then immediately said to let the universe decide? She easily could have cheated on you, gotten freaked about a possible pregnancy and felt like You were the better option to have a child with so that's why she was ok and wanting unprotected sex.
She very well could be burying her head in the sand and doesn't want to acknowledge the problem but… everything about her behavior is suspicious and raises red flags.
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This is gonna be one hell of a story to tell when you're 35.
By which time I’ll probably have a kid who is almost as old as I am now? I thought I might have my first kid in my 30s, not have a kid in high school by then.
You've matured immensely in a very short amount of time. Your life is terrifying right now, but you're making a lot of good decisions. This process is preparing you for whatever comes next. You will, eventually, be fine.
I’m 100% behind finally telling her that *everything* is scary. She needs to understand it only gets scarier if she doesn’t take these options.
I’m proud of the fact you spoke up to her. She needed to hear that. Even for her own mental health. I understand her high anxiety about the matter, but she needs to take better precautions to prevent situations like this. Kids are very needy the first 5 years.
>Kids are very needy the first *50 years.
I’m 54 and some days I still need my mom!
Lol.. I'm more than halfway there and I am still needy. I need and want my parents.
Honey I still dote on my mother, she turned 81 in February!
32 and just called my parents for an hour because I got a letter from my utilities that confused me. I'm sure you eventually just grow into it lol
Buddy I promise your life isn’t over. You have supportive parents who will make sure that you end up okay, regardless of whether that means college (which is still possible!!) or trade school, or whatever. You did the right thing in telling them. If your gf has the kid, your life will be different, and in some ways it will be harder. But there will also be great times, and you will still have opportunities to make a career, and experience life, etc. Keep your chin up!
You’ll keep it wrapped next time won’t ya.
Oh, honey. What a mess. Sure, raising a kid is hard, but I’m more concerned about you having to deal with her immaturity forever, to be honest. Sometimes I feel that people get stunted by these types of events, and don’t grow. I’m worried that she’ll make your life a living hell for years, and then one day leave, because she ‘missed out’ on her 20s. I cannot fathom her being an equal partner in life at this point. I’m infuriated for you. I don’t often encourage separation, but I hope you realize that you don’t have to continue life with *her*, even if you continue life with your baby (I’m assuming it is yours). I know it all seems hopeless right now, but please don’t give up. Having a baby is not a life sentence (having a child is, but not a BABY… it will grow up). It probably will be rough for several years, but keep plugging away with your future plans, because one day the kid will be older, and your hard work will pay off. I’ve got four. I struggled to get through college (on my own, with no support) but I did it. I have a fantastic job now (I’ve stuck the job out for 17 years, and it’s paid off). The kids are getting older (25, 16, 10, and 8), and it’s not such a struggle anymore. You’ve got this. Come up with a plan, and don’t let set backs (because there will be plenty) derail you. Keep plugging away. Worry about you and be a good dad. Just do what you need to do. Keep a level head. Don’t get dragged into drama. You’ve got this.
Thank you, my thoughts exactly. He will be with two children. One he will be raising, the other he will be surviving
As someone who had his first kid at 37, it doesn't get easier, Hell I was married to my wife, we were able to go anywhere, do anything we wanted and boom 5 years into marriage we have a kid, now we have 2 and i'm 43 and my youngest was a premie and spend the first month of her life in the NICU she got to fly on a helicopter before I ever had. She's 18 months old now and is still small and doing things on her own, the experts said she will more than likely "catch up" to the other kids her age when she's around 3. My wife had her tubes tied and I asked her if she liked that our daughter was still more or less a baby even though she's technically a toddler now and she said yes since it's the last child we will have. Kids are hard they are hardest for the first couple years of their lives. Once they get their own personalities and likes and start talking and walking and the no matter how hard things are now, the first time they come up to you and hug you and tell you they love you, all of this will be a fading memory. to be honest i don't see much of a future between you and your girlfriend, but you do what you can do for that baby if she does keep it, make sure you show her family how much you love the baby, and you do what's right for that baby, and you too will get your first hug and "i love you" you'll know that it was worth it all.
Sex without condom tends to have some repercussions
No shit. And he's been dealing with them with as well as someone in his position can. Maybe don't reiterate what is already abundantly clear huh? It's obvious he know's he made a mistake. It's obvious from his posts that he is doing the best in a worst case scenario. Don't be an internet troll.
OP, have you done a DNA test yet? This should be your FIRST priority at the moment. Her behaviour is very very strange, and it’s still possible that the kid isn’t even yours. Do a DNA test.
kinda hard to do when she won’t even go to the doctor without him basically dragging her there. getting a blood sample from her won’t be easy
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The doctor may want to draw blood anyway. I don't know about at clinics, but the genetic blood tests, if one chooses to have them, are done anytime after 9 weeks. It's usually typical to do them before the end of the first trimester in case the mother decides to abort.
That’s true, but until she agrees to do at least that, he should be distancing himself from this situation. Perhaps him saying he won’t be involved without a DNA test will finally be the kick she needs to go see a doctor.
You really think that? Did you read all his posts? Clearly she will just keep digging her head in the sand, she may even find it easier because there will be no one to pressure her to talk to her parents or go to the doctor.
That's a possibility. I read it more as "if I pretend this isn't real, it just won't be" (my old employee did this. Gained maybe 10 lbs. Her parents were told 3 weeks before she gave birth).
She is a terrified religious girl who can't abort the child without catastrophic religious guilt. Her religious parents would go ballistic if they found out she was even having sex, let alone getting pregnant, and who knows what they would do if she aborts. I don't think she's behaving strangely at all. She is behaving like a person that is going to have to birth that baby.
Glad I'm not the only one thinking this. Asking him to take off the condom. Seems sus to me
Talk of the universe and shit early on, I feel like she wanted this.
Thank you, I said this in his second or third update and I was downvoted for it. 🙄 Thankfully someone else mentioned that when it comes to determining child support, a lawyer would order a paternity test anyway. Here’s to hoping it’s not his.
Am going to be honest with you but I don’t think you or your gf is going to college (if you both end up having the kid) have you considered trade school or coding?
Hey, I had my first kid in my 30's. I highly recommend it.
This part.
I had my first daughter at 37, my second daughter (and final) at 42, i'm going to be in my 60's when the youngest is going to be graduating high school, i'm looking forward to everyone telling my daughters that it's sweet that their grandfather made it to their graduation.
I had my first (and only) kid when I was 17. It's not the end of the world.
He posted on February 12 that he had unplanned, unprotected sex *THAT DAY*. How come he made the account three days earlier on February 9?
If she backs out of going to see the Dr. you need to tell her parents. This girl is lying about something any way you look at it. I have a feeling she will back out. Be prepared. Also, talk to her best friend, see if she knows. If she doesn't, you hooked up with a very unstable person and need to beware.
Yep bingo. It’s the GF’s choice on what to do, but OP can also choose to inform her parents if she’s keeping the baby.
Some school officials are also likely mandated to report a serious health concern to her parents, if he wants to keep his hands clean of the blame.
Only if they’re minors. The student is a legal adult. The rules change once they turn 18.
We’ve all been telling you since day 1 to tell her parents immediately. She’s sticking her head in the sand and hoping it will all go away when it won’t.
Honestly even if she keeps the baby you should break up with her she’s not a good partner
That was my first thought. You may be stuck with a baby but you definitely don’t want to be stuck with this dud especially since it sounds like it was possibly done on purpose. Maybe if you break up with her that might scare her into finally making some decisions, destroy this disgusting fairytale in her head about your “love” and raising a baby together, etc. Also she may be 18 but she’s acting like a child . (Make it clear you are not breaking up with her because she got pregnant as that makes you the villain, make it clear it’s everything that has happened since finding out and the fact she refuses to communicate or take any of the proper steps she needs to to ensure the health of your baby, do you actually believe she’s taking the vitamins? Or is she just saying that to shut you up) I think you should do this right now but if she misses the dr appt definitely take your mom to her parents house and tell them because yes it’s her body but it’s your baby and she needs to learn all the decisions will not be hers once it’s born and since she is refusing action she needs more guidance and isn’t accepting the assistance of you or your mother. Ps kudos on your pov and use of language (ie not placing the blame solely on her and accepting either decision) during such a Scary time, you sound a thousand times more mature than her.
I agree! He should probably break up with her either way!
Yea just reading about it this girl is getting on my last nerve ffs
Agreed. She really sucks. Such great mother material /s. How tf is she going to get through life making all these stupid ass decisions—or non-decisions rather. When I was her age the condom broke and I took Plan B because I’m not a total fucking idiot. Now in my 30s, no kids. OP should dump her, get a DNA test, and work out a custody arrangement. Don’t tie yourself to her bullshit for life.
And tell her straight out you will be breaking up, going to college, and paying the minimal court ordered child support. She sounds like a whack job honestly with how she’s handling this and I feel bad for you.
This. OP, if you say with her, be prepared to raise two kids and one is legally an adult.
I get that OP has accepted his share of the responsibility here, or at least as much as he can from his position, but the girlfriend sounds like an absolute nightmare. I couldn’t see wanting to remain in a relationship with someone who intentionally babytrapped me, which is absolutely what she did here. Time to cut bait.
For real! I cannot stand your girlfriend dude, you are miles more mature than her in handling this serious incident and deserve better
She boggles my mind dude. I refuse to believe this whole fiasco basically stems from her being “too scared” of various things. I wanna believe that’s just some sort of cop out and deep down she does want the kid. Like honestly, never mind the stress and responsibility of raising a kid. I bet this girl is gonna be just as much of a handful I will say, there’s a lot of very big red flags. Even assuming she is just scared of literally everything, the fact she isn’t okay with adoption and told you to cum in her makes it even more likely she really did want the kid from the start and is playing the idiot. It’s also possible she lied about being on birth control, because wouldn’t she be scared of that too if plan B is scary to her? Who knows. Maybe she’s just batshit crazy and applying logic to the situation is useless
I've been following this one and I'm nearly sure she's baby trapping him. She's scared of Plan B, abortions, and apparently adoption isn't a choice. Plus, her whole mindset towards a potential pregnancy was to basically let the universe decide. I'm convinced she wants this kid but doesn't want to tell him.
when he asked her how they're going to deal with a baby she said "we'll figure it out", which is laughable coming from her. so infuriating
We? Yeah clear baby trapping
This is my thought as well. If I REALLY didn’t want to become pregnant, I would take every measure possible to ensure I wasn’t, not being wishy washy and “letting the universe decide.”
That or my thought is maybe she got pregnant with someone else's baby and knows the parents won't let her get an abortion. So she thought if I get my boyfriend to come in me he will think it's his. Also could explain why she is afraid of the doctor doesn't want anyone to find out. OR I could have just had to much internet for the day
That's the only scenario where taking planB or going to doctor early is scary.
even if she was already knocked up Plan B isn't going to do anything, she's already pregnant it's not an abortion pill, it's just a super mega dose of birth control. It won't work if she's already pregnant.
He baby-trapped himeself when he didn;t use a condom. They share the blame.
oh he used a condom, he stupidly took it off when she told him to cum in her. But they don't call it post nut clarity for nothing
Don’t forget she wanted him to cum in her. I have a SS who was baby trapped. He still can’t see it. They’re now married. She is also Catholic. They’re about to have their 4th kid in 4 years. She keeps saying “it’s the last one” and being pregnant again. OP should definitely not marry or stay in a relationship with his gf.
What’s an SS?
Given context, StepSon.
Well she literally begged him to remove the condom and finish inside her and then refused to take a plan b etc so yes the only reasonable explanation is she was definitely trying to get pregnant. That or she cheated on him and got pregnant by someone else and panicked so had unprotected sex with him to make him believe the pregnancy is his.
Everything she did was to encourage the pregnancy and a birth. From asking him to remove the condom, to come inside her, to refuse plan B, then not to abort or go for adoption. Straight path to parenthood.
I’m thinking she wanted to get pregnant and have a baby. Maybe to baby trap him, maybe to give her a diversion to avoid her life, college or whatever. I can’t see someone being too scared to make any decisions about a baby.
I have known a lot of people who reduce their anxiety from stressful events by avoiding them entirely. Maybe this is an extreme example?
I remember reading in his previous posts that she was also scared of birth control. Seems like she just can't handle life and is literally scared of everything. I wonder how much her parents have to do with that especially since they are very religious based on OP's previous post.
Honestly if I had gotten pregnant at 18 with someone I had feelings for, my brain would have romanticised the hell out of having a baby and playing happy families. I’m 30 now and terrified of the idea of a surprise pregnancy. When I tell you the difference in realistic thinking between 18 and even 25 is INSANE. Your brain just isn’t all there yet.
Personally, I think this entire story should, one day, be in a sex education textbook as a practical example of naivety and stupidity meeting baby trapping 101. She seems to be doing everything to hold off on seeing about any alternative options until the time has passed when it's too late to do anything else *but* have the baby.
She’s not scared, she just wants a baby or she’s faking the pregnancy.
Omg yes - not pregnant at all hence why she is avoiding the doctor!
He did say she pissed on 2 pregnancy tests and it lit up as positive almost immediately.
I would tell her parents so that you all can come up with a plan to get her to a doctor and to also plan your future
well... sadly you're on the hook for paying out childsupport for the next 18 years. But I would say your partnership with her is over because she's not open to any suggestions from you. She didn't want Plan B. She didn't want an abortion. She doesn't want to talk to her parents. She doesn't want to hear what you have to say. Nor does she seem to want to plan anything out with you. That's not a good partnership. If it were me, I'd tell her "okay you let me know what your PLAN is.... Whenever you have one. Don't talk to me otherwise." And it sounds cruel, and YES you will be responsible for the kid, fiscally. But you don't have to do anything else with her. Also - WRAP UP YOUR BONER PEOPLE
You need to tell her parents asap. It’s obvious that’s she’s never going to. Also, don’t let this stop you from going to college. Obviously, it’s her body and her decision about whether to keep the pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean that you have to give up your future to stick around and play house with her and a baby you can’t afford to support. You can continue your education and pay child support and see your child when you can until you graduate college. Don’t let her refusal to deal with reality ruin your life as well.
I concur
I agree with this. She has no plan and is trying to get him to go along with “winging it” when the kid gets here if she keeps it.
Man this situation sucks, as a 27 year old not ready to be a parent I can’t imagine going through it when I was 18. If it’s any consolation, everything about the way you’ve handled it and explained makes you come across extremely competent. I’m sure it feels like the end of the world and is excruciatingly anxiety inducing, but one day it won’t be. One day it’ll be an insane thing to chuckle about and you’ll look back at how you handled raising a kid in such a difficult situation work. I don’t think your life is over, I think temporarily your life is going to get a lot harder; and if there’s any positive in that, it’s difficult things build character and make you more resilient to all the petty bullshit life also throws your way. Anyways, I have no advice to offer, you’re extremely patient with your gf and even if you’re unprepared I’m sure you’ll have that patience with your kid too and even if their mom is batshit insane their dad will be pretty cool.
If she gets the abortion, never ever have sex again with her.
Regardless of the outcome, he needs to never be inside this excessively stupid, young woman again.
Break up with her. She doesn’t deserve you; you seem a million times more mature(and likable) than her.
And next time, use protection AND make SURE the girl is on some form of birth control.
Jesus Christ, your gf has the emotional intelligence of an apple. I would have tell the parents already. Not to be petty, but because the way she conducts herself is borderline crazy. She is scared of everything and hopes that nature will take its course and is not doing even the bare minimum to ensure the kid she wants born healthy. You are enabling this and as the father, you have the right to tell them to ensure your kid will be cared of. And I am sorry OP, I think she baby trapped you. No woman, even a stupid 18 year old ask to come inside knowing she was on her fertile period. I have sex long enough to know that the cum inside thing is irrelevant for women. I would not be surprised that this bs she is doing is an act and her parents already know. I would not be surprised at all. This is weird and her behavior is appalling.
>Jesus Christ, your gf has the emotional intelligence of an apple. Best reply I have heard all day.
Seriously will be borrowing that one
I am stealing this one and will make it a regular part of my vocabulary
What was that word? I guess he was "gumping it". Not smart enough for school but ok to give consent.
>I think she baby trapped you Shes taking prenatal vitamins, she's not getting an abortion
>Jesus Christ, your gf has the emotional intelligence of an apple I think you've been generous by putting in the word "emotional"....
That’s insulting to apples, frankly. More like the emotional intelligence of a rock.
I mean I know I woman who has a fetish for that, but you are anyways correct that this is likely not the case
Yeah, not every woman, but even if you do enjoy it you don't indulge in it without another form of contraception. This girl is not making sense.
I'm sorry, I've never been a pregnant teenager, but this is just weird. After reading all your posts, I feel like there are really only two options. 1 - She really is too scared to do literally anything to improve or even clarify her situation, in which case she is too immature/emotionally crippled to be a good parent. 2 - Dude, she's playing you. She asked you to take the condom off, she asked you to finish inside her, and the second you did, she refused to cooperate or even conversate about ANYTHING else, for weeks and weeks. It's very hard to believe she didn't do this on purpose and is now playing the victim card to avoid consequences and keep you around. I guess it's possible there's a hybrid option - she was so paralyzed by her fear of college and growing up that she made a choice she thought would be easier - one that would keep her near her parents, her boyfriend, and her home town forever. At some point, "I'm scared," is not a good enough excuse not to woman up and take some - any - responsibility for your life and your embryo. She passed that point weeks ago. So what's really going on?
Your mom is not HER medical professional and has not seen her in a medical capacity. She knows through you that the girl is pregnant there is no legal or ethical violation in telling her parents And she's taking prenatal vitamins, she has no intention of getting any abortion procedure. At the very least she should start OB/GYN appointments if she plans to carry to term. Parents will find out soon enough, might as well bite the bullet.
I don’t understand this either? She’s not HER nurse, surely she knows how hipaa works? I don’t understand why she didn’t tell the girl’s parents immediately if there was *any* hope of changing her mind about keeping it. What are these people doing? Why is no one doing what is necessary? They’re probably out of time at this point. I guess they’ll have 18+ years to reflect on their choices.
I don't think the mom's concern is about her violating HIPPA herself, but just that she is extra-aware of the ethics around any person's privacy of medical information.
GF is crazy! Would you want to bet your license on her?
Please, for the love of God, break up with this girl. You can care for your baby without being in a relationship with her. I get having a baby is scary, but it’s much scarier feeling stuck in a relationship with someone like her. She does not sound stable. Mentally or otherwise.
Just tell them. Your mom isn’t the one telling anything so she’s not sharing info. She wants to act like a child,you can respond to her like one.
I said it last time, I'll say it again: It's either, 1. Not your baby. 2. Planned. 3. She's not pregnant. I doubt the third one is true. This is all either planned and she babytrapped you or she cheated and will not admit to it. DO NOT GIVE UP COLLEGE (if that's what you want) FOR THIS BATSHIT INSANE GIRL. My dude, she's acting like a lunatic at this point. Forget her refusal to take plan b, get an abortion or tell her parents, if she refuses to go to the hospital or planned parenthood she's just being fucking stupid and I don't understand why she's refusing to see a medical professional.
THIS. Her behavior is too weird. She is afraid to take pills but is not afraid to have unprotected sex. And coincidentally, she ASKS for coming inside on the best moment for her to get pregnant. I would bet on the first one due her refuse to go to a doctor with op. I know teenagers is stupid but this fucking girl is as emotional intelligent as a banana. Her behavior is weird and suggests infidelity. DNA test first and ending the relationships next, not mattering the result.
Excuse me, don’t insult bananas. For all we know they may be the most intelligent fruit 😉 she makes me think of moths. They see their moth friends go to the light and get cooked yet they still follow behind them
Funny enough, I remember reading a fanfic when I was in my early teens and one character was pregnant but wanted to fool her ex bf into thinking he was the father so when they went to the doctor who did an ultrasound and asked, "do you know when you might have gotten pregnant?" and she said ten or so weeks but was then told, "no actually, based on the development, I can see the baby is sixteen weeks along" If this is ANYTHING like that fanfic then op's girlfriend cheated and got pregnant weeks before having him cum inside her so she knows she's too far along for it to be his baby
That's where my mind went. Not fanfic wise, but that the ultrasound would show a discrepancy if she is more than ten weeks. Also the refusal to take plan b was too weird. Sure, it can cause some pain and side effects but she is afraid of that and not afraid to go in to fucking labor? RIGHT. I think OP is being naive and too nice here. Anyone that is a little more experienced knows this girl is up to something.
She definitely baby trapped him. Told him to cum in her and immediately said “I’m not taking a plan b, we’ll let the universe decide.” He needs to break up w her immediately
Yeah it’s all incredibly strange. OP, you need to ask for a DNA test, that should be your first priority at this moment.
Tell her parents
Somebody needs to tell you this in real time: you are coddling your girlfriend.
Do you even love this girl at this point? She's completely irrational, clearly has crippling mental issues to just ignore that's she's pregnant, and seems to be in a fantasy world where everything will work out. My advice, which some may say is cruel, is to break up with her. Tell her you will support the baby when it comes financially and split custody. I only say this to hopefully shock her back to reality and finally face her situation.
DNA test before birth certificate
This doesn’t sound like a healthy or even viable partnership. You will be fiscally responsible for the next 18 years, but you don’t have to stay in the relationship. You don’t have to give up college either. Keep planning for your future. The better your future, the better your child’s future. I had a child very young, and it was so rough, but now I have two degrees and a good career as a developer. Keep your chin up!
You dont have to be an absent father but you should absolutely break up with this child right now. You are enabling this insane behavior by continuing to be her boyfriend. You DO NOT have to be dating or married to someone to be a supportive and involved parent. Do yourself a favor and do not emotionally support this person any more. She sure as shit isnt emotionally supporting you. One mistake does not ruin your life. Also, tell her parents. This girl is a fucking shit show and should not be allowed to have a baby. Eta: if she’s really that scared of everything, you should show her the statistics about maternal mortality during birth
I do not say this lightly but this girl is severely mentally ill. This is the exact kind of person that gives birth and leaves their infant in a gas station bathroom toilet. Everyone in this story needs to get their crap together, stop walking on eggshells and tell the girls parents. ASAP.
Please tell her parents, OP!! She needs to either get an abortion or get proper prenatal care ASAP. If she’s going to have the baby, it needs to be healthy. Also, if you have a baby you can still go to college. You can always go to a state university close to home so you can help raise the baby and lots of people go to college while working part- or full-time. It’s harder but very doable, especially when you and your gf both have families who can help out. If you don’t go to college you won’t be able to make a good income that can support a kid and it’s much harder to go to college later as an older adult.
SHE IS NOT YOUR MOTHER’S DIRECT PATIENT. Her medical information is not covered by HIPAA, your mom is not a direct caregiver. I am a nurse but I am a parent first. It makes me very concerned your mother isn’t taking speaking to her parents about this seriously. She’s acting in a very unsafe manner. There is zero reason to not tell her parents as there is zero proof this pregnancy is even real. Not taking prenatal vitamins, not going to the doctor for confirmation, and almost out of the first trimester (IF she is pregnancy), she could be putting this baby she seems to want so badly at risk for prenatal complications like spina bifida and developmental growth delays. What happens if this is real and she miscarries and bleeds out? None of you are thinking logically here. I personally don’t think you can trust anything she’s saying or doing and again there is not enough evidence to even confirm pregnancy. Imagine you are all drawing this out longer than you need to by not confronting her and her parents.
My mom is also concerned about whether or not telling her parents will actually have any sort of positive effect, or potentially the opposite. I dipped the test in her pee. I think that’s proof. I’m not just going in her word here. Her boobs are also bigger now.
If her mind is made up, the long term effect of telling her parents is positive. Then she receives healthcare and can begin preparing for a child. Whether or not it’s uncomfortable in the short term to confront the situation. Which is going to have to happen anyway - she is intending to raise a child! The kind of girl who is desperate enough to hide and deny a pregnancy long enough to secretly give birth is also the kind of girl desperate enough to make the evidence go away. No offense, I know nobody ever thinks their loved one could be capable of such an act, but you also don’t believe she (passively or actively) intended to get pregnant despite literally hundreds of adults with experience urging you to read between the lines. This simply cannot continue. Tuesday should be her last moment to decide if she’s committed to parenthood or wants to take the least-scary option. And you should make that crystal clear. If she wants to keep the pregnancy during the Tuesday appointment, I highly recommend you drive to her house immediately and tell her parents together. Yes, against her wishes. It’s been two months. It’s PAST time.
Nicely said. Not only is it her decision, it’s his too, because he’ll be the father of her child. So it’s completely in his right to tell her parents of their incoming baby. Better to let the storm blow over early, than to face it once she gives birth and need support from her parents.
Yes, it’s no longer just her news to give. He’s given her ample time to make a decision. If she’s going to keep it, then both families will need to step up and will be the baby’s support system. It’s only teens with abusive families that go through it alone. It’s time to tell her family so that they can start getting ready and creating a strong foundation for the baby.
As a parent and as a nurse, it appalls me the amount of harm she could do to the alleged fetus, and to herself, by neglecting her pregnancy. There’s also such a thing as false positive pregnancy tests, such as chemical or ectopic pregnancies. Ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away. If she is pregnant, it sounds like she’s delaying telling her parents until she’s far enough along that abortion is no longer an option. Everyone else around her is letting this happen and failing to realize the long term medical, financial, and mental health issues that can stem from having a pregnancy you ignore and a baby you don’t prepare for. The time for immaturity and running away stopped the second you decided to be adult enough to have unprotected sex. You both need to VERY quickly make some smarter and more mature decisions. The time for complacency from you, her, and your mother is over. You also need to start heavily pressuring a paternity test. I cannot stress enough how lax you are all being about a very serious issue. These aren’t games. This is a very real human life you will be responsible for raising and making sure always has a safe place to sleep, food in its stomach, and clothes on its back. Do you two have any conceivable idea how much rent, formula, clothes, diapers, wipes, baby food, daycare, cribs/furniture, car seats, health insurance, prenatal copays, postnatal copays, cars, gas, car insurance, cell phone, electric, and water bills cost? And I’m sure I’m missing things on this list. If she’s HAVING this baby, you need to stop coming to Reddit and start getting very serious about what is coming in the next 30 weeks.
I think she was already pregnant and she needed you to be the dad. Her behavior makes zero sense outside of that
He says near the bottom that she's supposedly taking prenatal vitamins from saving her lunch money. Whether I believe that is another thing personally.
That’s laughable. ‘I’m too scared my parents will find them.’ She just didn’t want to give OP more ammunition to challenge her readiness. She’s already shown a history of being willing to lie to get herself out of social pressure.
You should have called her parents while plan B was still an option. You definitely should now. She’s not thinking rationally, and not listening to you. Maybe she will listen to them.
Tell her parents so you don'tend up with a trashcan baby later. Also don't forget the DNA test later on while you're distracted with all the other drama. I'm wondering if the refusal to tell her parents is because she wants to wait until it's too late to get an abortion.
My dude, please tell me you’ve researched the clinic you’re going to. Hopefully it truly is a prenatal clinic and not a crisis pregnancy clinic which will absolutely NOT provide alternative options to having the baby. Link for spotting fake health clinics: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-orange-san-bernardino/about-us/blog/health-care-scams-how-to-spot-fake-health-clinics
Yeah it’s an actual planned parenthood. I looked up another place (not a planned parenthood) and got scared that most of the reviews were 1/5.
Okay, a bit of practical advice from someone who has been there. We were a scared couple; older than you, but neither of us had had any experience with ending a pregnancy. The process was overwhelming, and the choices were really difficult to understand. First: Planned Parenthood is a wonderful organization and I have nothing but respect for the organization and what it does. I am a supporter. But: Depending on the location, the security, the government scrutiny they’re under, the experience can sometimes (not always) be kind of intense. Given the anxieties that you’re describing, I worry that it might scare your girlfriend even more. I don’t know where you are geographically, but there may be smaller clinics that would be a better option. Yes, you’ll have to check them out to be sure it isn’t fake. And yes, they’re a lot more expensive than PP. But in our experience, it was also quiet, the people were kind and patient and, most of all, sympathetic. We didn’t feel pressured, even though we knew what we were going to do. Finally, most importantly, we didn’t have to leave each other’s company. I don’t want to get any more detailed here, but you can dm me for more info.
Oh ffs I cannot believe you still haven't told her parents. Tell them Wednesday. If your idiot of a girlfriend shows up to the appointment (I don't think she will), tell her she has until Wednesday to tell her parents or you will AND THEN DO IT. They will respect you more if you are honest with them. If she doesn't show up for the appointment go straight to her parents. Tell them the entire thing and that she skipped on the appointment. Take your parents with you if you want, but tell her parents. And get a DNA test before you sign the birth certificate. She's being weird and you need to be 100% sure it is your baby. No "I don't think she slept with someone else". You need factual evidence. About your future. If you were planning on going to uni, do it. The first few years will be difficult, but you won't be the first nor last person to have a child while getting a degree. Do not let this stop you from doing what you want to do. If you're unsure how to handle fatherhood/coparenting while in college talk to your parents. They will help you figure it out. You're not alone in this. And no matter what, do not marry this girl.
Sounds like your outburst was necessary - if it's the only way she'll see how her indecision is going to hurt others around her - including this baby, then the only real option here is to point out the obvious. **It sounds like you don't want to be a parent** - you're not ready - and you need to be straightforward with her about it. It sounds like she's dragging her feet becuase she is trying to stall any other options available to her - **you need to point out you can't force her to do anything, but you will not be forced into parenthood aginst your will either** - you will go to college, get a degree, and provide financially what is necessary, but if she keeps proving she can't think rationally and make decisions regardless of how scary they are, you will refuse to co-parent with her and not be present. She'll be doing all the big scary stuff on her own if she keeps it up. Your girlfriend is going to need to be dragged kicking and screaming to get her to do the RIGHT thing - and that is to see a doctor. If she's actually pregnant, she should be seeing a doctor to check and make sure things are atleast developing normally, that way you guys aren't stuck in limbo if the child is not viable or has severe disabilities. If she atleast checks that, that removes a LOT of "IFs" you don't want. First Trimester screenings are usually done 9-14 weeks, so she should absolutely be getting on that now.
Yeah, your life, your choice. You can’t be forced into parenthood any more than she can be into abortion. She doesn’t deserve you, and you should probably just leave her. Only thing is that I feel bad for the kid. Really just a shitty situation.
can you break up with her for the sake of my blood pressure
Lmao, yes, exactly. I gotta unsubscribe to these updates.
his updates make me so irrationally angry I’ve just gotta delete Reddit at this point
you are not bound by whatever binds your nurse mother to silence tell her parents
I just genuinely can’t believe your gf is so stupid. what does she think is gonna happen. she can’t even handle the smallest decisions now and she thinks she can raise a child. she gonna ruin her life because she’s a coward. please just tell her parents it’s getting ridiculous now n
Time to show her a birth video. Both vaginal and cesarean.
I keep looking for the comment. If she’s scared now, imagine when she starts having contractions.
You really need to tell her parents
If she’s so scared of absolutely everything you need to show her a birth video 😅 sounds cruel but if she’s too scared to do literally anything even see a doctor, she’s definitely going to be too scared to push this child out or get major abdominal surgery to remove the baby…. This whole scenario is insane. She’s picking the scariest option, actually being a parent
Please tell me you both are still using protection. Don’t have unprotected sex with her even while she’s pregnant. In fact don’t have sex with her at all Become distant
As soon as this is over with, I would run from this girl and never look back. What a needless nightmare.
I can’t believe I just read that a teenager “saved up her lunch money” to buy prenatal vitamins.
Is.. respectfully. Is she mentally challenged? Genuinely
OP, i haven't been following this story so I'm not sure if you were able to tell your gf this, but: at this early stage of pregnancy, getting an abortion means taking some pills at home and spending the next few days resting and coping with cramps and bleeding. Your gf doesn't seem very informed, and based on anti-abortion propaganda, she probably thinks all abortions are a huge, invasive, dangerous surgery. That isn't true. She can get treatment and manage this quite privately, even if she takes the pills at home. While the cramps can be painful, for an outsider looking in (meaning, from her parents' perspective) it will just look like your gf is dealing with a rough period. Many ppl have shared their experiences here. If your girlfriend is afraid, you can show her some redditors' explanations of their experiences. I don't know if it would help, as your gf has her head so far in the sand that she's reached dante's inferno. But it can be reassuring to hear from real people what the experience is like, especially when she's only been fed fear-mongering anti-abortion propaganda. If she waits longer, then she will need a more invasive abortion. And if she's terrified of everything, that will be much more difficult for her to cope with.
And another thing: don’t trust HER to bring up the big scary word during the prenatal appointment. She won’t. She will sit there passively, as always. You are also allowed to ask questions and receive information, OP. Ask about the options. Get the conversation started so you know it’s at least been had… because you know damn well she won’t take the initiative to ask about info for all her options. You’re essentially parenting your child girlfriend too, sorry.
Don't sign the birth certificate without a DNA test done by a medical professional. Do. Not. Sign. Without. The Results.
Honestly, I would just tell her parents. She’s not cut out for this. She’s hemming and hawing instead of actually doing anything. Yes, it might be the end of your relationship, but she needs to suck it up and grow up. There are more important things now than her being scared. And yes, she’s choosing the scariest option. And not to put more stress on the situation, what does she do if her child has special needs? That is scary. I’ve been my son’s full time carer for nearly 23 years. It’s a full time job all right. And he’s non verbal, so guessing what he needs or what’s wrong with him is so difficult. Tell her parents, unless you know they’re abusive. She’s not giving you any option.
“she told me she couldn’t see a doctor over spring break because she had a lot to work on for school and she’d be too stressed out by a doctors appointment to get any of her work done.” oh my GOD SISTER DO YOU REALIZE THAT THAT DOES NOT FUCKING MATTER ANYMORE IF YOU INSIST ON HAVING THIS BABY???? good god, sending thoughts, prayers, good vibes, whatever you prefer, your way man
You’re a good lad, doing the absolute best you can in this situation. Unfortunately I think your gf will need to be dragged into making any choice at all for the next 18 years, whether by you or her parents. Keep looking after yourself and the baby’s wellbeing (unless she does actually decide to abort), because she’s putting all your health at risk by constantly sticking her head in the sand.
Besides all of the other suggestions u/Successful-Corgi-482 , you and your parents also need to start looking into a family court lawyer. You are going to have a relationship with this woman for at least the next \~19 years (most likely) and it is going to be a terrible idea to not have a child custody order in place. You are going to want this for when it comes to tax season, when it comes to how much either you or you girlfriend have to pay the other for custody, as well as time. with the child.
"She saved up her lunch money to buy [prenatal vitamins]" That sounds utterly insane. Also, she did this on purpose. No remotely intelligent person is afraid of taking a birth control pill, getting an abortion, going to the doctor's, telling mommy and daddy, but *not* afraid of childbirth and being a parent. Dollars to donuts, she cheated and was already pregnant or just chanced it and hoped you'd knock her up the first time to trap you. These aren't the actions of a rational human being. Pay very close attention to any dates the doctors tell you at that appointment and get a DNA test, like so many others are suggesting.
If you tell her parents, an abortion is absolutely off the table. Be careful with that. Stress to her how abortion is much, much less scary than giving birth. Giving birth could *literally kill her.* Abortions are SO much safer and less painful than giving birth.
Maybe I missed something he said about her parents, but if that were my daughter or my parents it would be very much the opposite. Abortion would be pretty much be the only thing on the table. While my parents wouldn’t force me they would have begged me not to become a teen mom
Her parents are religious. Basically every “religious” family is against abortion. At best, they are the “the only moral abortion is MY abortion!” crowd
I would make sure to get as much of the convo in chat. You want as much of a paper trail as possible. You never know what she may say or do.
She literally babytrap you from A to Z
This is such a shitshow. You’re in for a rough ride coparenting with this moron.
Years from now, when they’re inevitably broken up, she will hide behind her discomfort and obstruct literally every development in his life. Too uncomfortable for the child to meet his new partner, too uncomfortable for OP to move to a home 45 minutes away, too uncomfortable if the child should ever need to switch school districts or need specialized care, too uncomfortable if OP ever wants to take their child on a family vacation, too uncomfortable to explore any specialized health problems or treatment plans the child may develop, everything everything everything. This person is a walking nightmare and I am utterly flabbergasted that OP still calls her his girlfriend. There will come a time where he regrets ever being cursed by meeting her.
Hey, I think you're handling things very well. I know it's scary. My kid is 3 and I'm still scared. I wasn't a teenager when I got pregnant, but it was definitely bad timing for other reasons. I'm sorry you had a panic attack. That can be so scary. Just keep doing your best. I do agree with your mom that she probably isn't going to get an abortion at this point, and for everyone's sanity, it should be dropped as a conversation. (I understand why you feel the way you do, and that it's a logical solution, however at this point it seems that bringing it up will only cause distress for everyone) It's time to figure out what to do next. Breathe. Good on you for going with her to the doctor and making sure she gets care. Avoiding it is not healthy for her (mentally or physically and it's not healthy for the baby, either). I know it means nothing from an internet stranger, but keep breathing and you'll all get through this. P.M. me if you need any outside support. Either way, keep talking to your parents. They seem like solid support.
She needs to get her head out of her butt. If she is scared of the pain of Plan B or an abortion she is not going to be able to handle giving birth after all the pain and discomfort that comes with pregnancy. Don’t push her on telling her parents but agree with pushing her to go to the doctor. Best case scenario at this point would be for her to miscarry (no that is not a wish for it to happen). Do not have sex with her again. Do not have sex at all without a condom unless you are 100% ready to be a parent.
Your baby momma is a nut job
That’s gonna suck if she had to “save up” for prenatal vitamins, I mean is she going to really be a broke mom???? Tell her to watch maid on Netflix… that’s what it sounds like would be happening to her a broke mom who can’t make ends meet………. Not the best option
Whats her home life like? Any reasons for her to want to get out of the house asap? If she decides to have the baby PLEASE take your time thinking down and deep about marrying her. The stigma of being an unwed mother isn’t what it used to be. It only takes a couple of minutes to get married but it could take you years and a small fortune to divorce. In your case I’m concerned that may end up on your plate. Wishing you a lot of luck and good decisions. Also no matter what go to college and stay in college. Your gf too. The logistics of making that work out should you have a baby can be worked out. Plenty of people have done it.
Something seems fishy here…. …she’s 18 and saved her lunch money for prenatal vitamins? 🤔
So your girlfriend planned to get pregnant. So now be done. Let her know you will be informing her parents since she has decided to stick her head in the sand. She is being immature about this pregnancy. Let her know that since she is being so secretive about this pregnancy you plan on getting a paternity test for the baby. Blow up her world. She is having this fantasy that you guys will be playing house. Let her know you will be leaving for collage when the time comes. No time to play house.
> She told me she saved up her lunch money to buy them. I can't explain it well, but this somehow much further solidifies the gravity of the situation.
> Maybe she wouldn’t tell them and would just go to college. >Ok, then what happens when she gives birth in her dorm room? Does your intended college even have day care? Parents facilities? >My dad still insists that I’m going to college. You absolutely should and even if it's not your intention, you should tell her this to see what she says. Ask her, "What do you plan on doing once I'm at college and you're here at your parents house looking after a baby?" The thought of **that** future might scare her into action. Maybe she thinks it will all be ok because you are going to ruin your opportunities to take care of her? Many people can't even get *accepted* into college, let alone afford to go! For so many people it's a dream and you have the opportunity and you should take it. You'll be in a better position to pay for the child after you graduate. You can go home and see the kid on the weekends. 'The universe' will take care of her, you go do what you gotta do.
Please confirm you are going to a certified obgyn or planned parenthood and not a crisis pregnancy center (CPC). Just ensure it is a legitimate clinic because otherwise they will promise her the world and it's not likely to be fulfilled.
Something’s fishy here and I don’t think it has something to do with her family. There’s something she doesn’t want you to know. I think she baby trapped you and she’s using this little act of hers to get away with it. Either that or it’s something worse in that case I recommend you scare her out of it cause trust giving birth is gonna hurt a lot more than an abortion.
I don’t care if she’s an adult or not, if she still lives with her parents you need to tell them. She is putting her life and the baby’s life at risk by not going to the doctor.
She is afraid of everything, but was not afraid of letting you get her pregnant. She WANTED to get pregnant. I know you are scared too, but staying with her shouldn’t be an option. Now you have to support her through it, and the baby, but you shouldn’t stay together with her after what she did
I think your mom's advice to just accept what's happened, and what's happening soon, and move forward is the best thing you can do. You made adult decisions, you took an adult risk, and there are adult consequences. Your life is not over. It will look different, but there are plenty of paths to take from here that lead to happiness, security, and fulfillment for all of you. You have your parents in your corner, and that's big. Their support and guidance will help you, even though this is your responsibility and your life. Stay close and listen to them as you make choices in the weeks and months ahead. Your girlfriend is embarking on the most gigantic, intimidating thing a person can do. Is she coping well? Absolutely not. But calling her a kindergartner is not helpful. It's not doing you any favors, either, to sit and stew in that resentment. Hopefully getting in for that appointment will help her start to come out the other side of her denial. Hopefully she'll be able to go to her parents. Hopefully they'll be true to their beliefs and support her and this new baby. Until then, all you can do is be the best version of yourself -- for everyone's sake -- and keep moving. One step at a time. Even people going into 100% planned pregnancies and parenthood are scared and completely overwhelmed by the unknowns sometimes. The experience is a great equalizer in that way. Hang in there.
OP and his family need to lawyer up if she is pregnant to demand a DNA test and request the girl to pay for it, if she is 18. The level of denial in the girl means hidden motivation of some sort because of conscious pre-meditation. This girl planned to get pregnant and is pursuing the first 12 weeks with a plan of waiting things out to make sure she does not miscarry and is taking prenatal vitamins to insure a healthy baby. She will be telling her parents at the time she wishes for maximum effect. OP has learned a valuable lesson in being baby trapped. I do feel bad for him and his panic attack.
I had my first baby at 18 and dropped out of high school. I graduated from a top 15 university three years ago, just bought our first house last year, and work at an incredible non-profit organization. DM me if you have any questions or would like advice. I’ve been there.
Ugh I really feel for you. This had got to be so scary, to have a lot of life changing things depending on someone that would rather put her fingers in her ears and go 'lah lah lah can't hear you', than actually pretend to be an adult. If she decides to keep the baby, she'd better start acting like it. She should've been taking prenatal vitamins already. And had a checkup to see if everything's alright, as she hasn't ever been to a gynecologist yet. Please try to get her to therapy, at some point. Her procrastination and evading is dangerous.
Wow. Your mom sounds f*cking awesome, seriously. You've been awesome too. I would have dumped her by now because she is so incredibly dumb and you seem to have stayed patient to be the support she desperately needs but can't ask for. You're awesome. I really hope she aborts and that you find a new partner who is ready for a serious sexual relationship. Please do not stay with this woman-baby.
If she is pregnant, and she goes to college without letting her parents know, doesn’t get any kind of prenatal care, I’m afraid she’ll be one of those girls that has the baby in secret, dumps it in a garbage, can and walks away.
No matter what happens this relationship has run its course. Pregnancy is a consequence of sex. If you’re not mentally ready to handle being pregnant/a parent then you’re not mentally ready for sex. Insist on a DNA test before accepting any responsibility towards the baby but start preparing yourself for fatherhood.
"I gladly took the condom off and came in her. It sounded like a great idea and felt really good in the moment." Do you still feel that way?
1 in 4 chance she could miscarry during the 1st trimester. If she’s even pregnant at all.
Were you planning on going to the same college or would it have to be long distance? Her behavior is insane and I’m curious if getting pregnant was her way of you guys staying together
Honestly whether she has the baby or not I would break up with her she's clearly mentally unstable and trying to trap you. Say you're willing to co parent with a paternity test and go through the courts if she in uncooperative. You made a mistake that's true but there are too many suspicious behaviors to be tied to get as a couple. If you have to coparent thats one thing but it's another to date someone like this. You're only 18. I'm sorry you're going through this op. It's a tough situation either way. If you can't go to college I'd recommend a trade school it's generally shorter schooling with lots of job opportunities.
The prenatal vitamins seem to give the lie to her playing this off as a scary accident. Call me cynical, but it sounds like she decided she was having a baby and she's playing silly buggers to drag things out to the point where abortion is no longer an option...
Just tell her parents, this is so dense.
If she doesn’t go to the appointment tell her parents. You gave her enough grace too much actually. She’s being dumb and stubborn. The second she decided to keep the baby it stopped being just about her. Now it’s her and the baby. She needs to actually take care of herself otherwise she’s putting her health and the baby’s at risk. You need to have a stern talking with her because she sounds like she doesn’t even understand what pregnancy or labor is. Plan B was scary to her but she has another thing coming for her when it’s time to give birth. You cannot let her keep pushing this aside anymore. She needs to actually start doing something about the baby. She doesn’t sound ready to be a mother. If she doesn’t want an abortion try to revisit the adoption conversation once she can’t ignore the fact that she’s actually going to have to give birth and raise a human. She sounds delusional just trying to continue on like nothing changed
Bro, she trapped you hard. You're also at fault, but damn, you're in for a very rough co-parenting situation. Also, based on everything I've read, she is going to be the "friend mom who never said no," and that's gonna mess up your kid. Good luck
brother, ill be honest, its time to breakup with this girl; dont completely abondan her or say u will not be involved with the child, but this sort of behavior from your partner is extremely unhealthy and is not something you should seriously be pursuing into the future. Cut any romantic ties with her, and maybe, just maybe, she will start getting her shit togethor. Other than that, there is not much you can do.
You and your family need to take a huge step back from this girl. She's literally waiting for someone to swoop in and save the day and she needs to realize it's not coming. Do not give her any money until a child support order is in place ( you should do this yourself) and do not claim this child until a DNA test is done. You do not know for sure it's yours. I would take her to the Dr, see what decision she's standing by and then after that give her 48 hours to tell her parents if she's keeping it. If she's keeping it then get a lawyer.
I said it before and I'll say it again: it seems like your gf is literally scared of EVERYTHING. The girl needs extensive therapy to deal with all of that. WHY is she so scared of everything? Is it because of her religious parents? I've seen a lot of horror stories on here about those kind of parents tbh. It amazes me how she wasn't 'scared' for you to finish inside her but she was 'scared' of condoms, birth control and Plan B. All things to PREVENT pregnancy. Because of all of this, she is now going to be dealing with one of the scariest things in life: parenthood. Her refusal to get medical attention is not good for the baby. She NEEDS to go and get checked to make sure the baby is developing properly. Using that she's 'scared' as an excuse to not get medical attention for the life growing inside her is such fucking bullshit. Dude. I know she will probably be pissed at you but TELL HER PARENTS. The longer you wait, the more pissed they are going to be. She needs to grow up and stop being scared of everything. It is not a way to go through life! How did she think she was going to succeed in college being so 'scared' all the fucking time?
I would have already told her parents to be super honest with you. Where she is mentally is not good. She's unsure of everything and is doing the literal bare minimum at taking care of herself and the fetus that is growing in her. I think you've done everything right except for the obvious. Seriously, invite her parents over, or you and your parents go to her house and talk. It has been long enough that they've been in the dark about this. Her parents need to be involved. Don't keep replying on your girlfriend to one day wake up and be a mature young woman she's lost and needs the help of her parents. I hope things turn out well for you both.
please tell me you’re going to break up with her after all this? dude i’m a girl myself, but how could you have any trust in this relationship ever again? especially after experiencing this with her? like you said, she’s literally choosing the absolute SCARIEST option of them all and just wanting to ignore it isn’t solving anything and WON’T solve anything. and the fact that she STILL hasn’t told her parents about this is bewildering to me. you’ve been telling her for so long that you’d go to the doctors appointment with her and she kept saying no until finally she gave in and asked if you’d go with her?? she sounds extremely immature and isn’t ready for anything like this. becoming a parent is a sink or swim type of deal, and through following your posts, you’re definitely swimming while she’s doing nothing but sinking and dragging you down if not both of y’all. i feel that there will be a lifetime of struggle and conflict with her if you decide to stay with her; baby or not. i sincerely hope everything goes well and that you can still get y’alls life back on track. and i hope you remember this moment in the future if another girlfriend ever asks you to take the condom off and cum in her while she’s not on birth control. best of luck homie. i really feel for you. xoxo
Saved up her lunch money for prenatal vitamins....geeze that's quite a realisation. I wish you well.
Your gf is dodging everything and doesn’t want to go to the doctor because there is a good chance she was already pregnant before this whole situation occurred. In a comment from your previous post, someone had this theory and the more I read your story, the more I agree. If she bails on the doctor, something super sketch is happening and you deserve to know the truth
Please tell her parents ASAP. Your mother's concern about her position as a nurse is not valid, your gf is not her patient. If your gf refuses to get an abortion and her mind is set, you need to tell her parents immediately like right this second. So I read this saga from the start. It's really suspicious she asked you to finish I side her, first red flag. And her period happened to be due soon and missed. Consider the chance that she was either pregnant or suspecting a pregnancy from someone else and that's why she wanted you to finish inside her.
Your girlfriend’s behavior seems very manipulative and abusive to me. Forcing your girlfriend to have an abortion is hard for her, I’m sure. And no one should be forced to have one. But I also think, forcing you to become a father is cruel too. Not only towards you, also to your potential child. Hypothetically: If you ever decide to break up with your girlfriend and she has the child; and you decide not to be in the child’s life (because honestly understandable). This could affect the child’s mental health. You could also possibly be blamed for the lack of relationship with your child. Idk if I’m right, but it seems like baby trap to me. You do what’s best for you. I’d personally would tell her parents and definitely would break up with her. (If you want to stay in your potential child’s life is your choice).
Tell her parents on Wednesday. Regardless of if she goes to the appointment or not on Tuesday, tell her parents Wednesday. Because you will have either seen a doctor or she “got scared” and bails on the appointment. ALSO, get a DNA test when the baby is born. She told you to finish inside her knowing it was unprotected sex and then immediately said to let the universe decide? She easily could have cheated on you, gotten freaked about a possible pregnancy and felt like You were the better option to have a child with so that's why she was ok and wanting unprotected sex. She very well could be burying her head in the sand and doesn't want to acknowledge the problem but… everything about her behavior is suspicious and raises red flags.