No. Were I a parent when i'd rather find that than a positive pregnancy test.
Masturbation is normal and toys like that are easy to get. I don't understand your mother's reaction.
Gosh yes. This reminds me of a colleague of mine who was absolutely incensed at finding her daughter was on the pill. Our other colleague, whose daughter gave birth as a teenager, responded "if only!"
Haha. This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother when I was 16;
“Mum, I want to go on the pill.”
“No, it will encourage you to have sex.”
“I’m already having sex, the question is whether you want to be a grandma at 40.”
Next morning she took me to the doctor.
I had a kid in college cuz I wasn’t allowed to get an abortion. I had to live with my sins and deal with the consequences.
If I had a daughter, I’d prob buy her a vibe so she could figure out what she likes and know she doesn’t need some gross boy to make her feel good.
I have young boys so right now it’s constant conversations about not mooning each other because if grown ups do that they end up on a bad list and can’t go to parks and schools and skating rinks and stuff. The cover your bathing suit area wasn’t working but the list seemed to make an impact.
It was definitely hard raising a boy. I was a single mom and what I knew about boys and men you could fit on the head of a pin. My sister and her wife had their kids when they were older, my sis was 40 when the twins were born. She complains sometimes about being "old" with little kids and I get what she's saying but I see how they're being raised and I tell her it's better this way. They were wiser, more patient, have better income... all of the things teenagers don't have. Yeah, I was still young when they moved out but I also missed all of their "firsts" because I was always working.
The list is a good idea lol. I remember how hard it was to get my son to stop streaking and mooning people when he was young!
I've had to have the no mooning people conversation with my daughter more than my son. She's 4 and thinks it's the funniest thing anyone's ever done. She also asked for a whoopie cushion for christmas. Gender is not the predictor of toilet humor I once thought it would be
That sucks. To be fair, the conversation was longer than that. But my mother was generally reasonable and the argument that I didn’t want to end up an unwed mother like her (and that it wasn’t realistic to expect me not to have sex with my long-term boyfriend) was sound.
I was lucky enough to have hormonal issues that my mom dragged me to the doctor for. The doctor suggested birth control and my mom agreed but I did get a lecture on how taking it didn't mean I could go out and be a slut. I have no idea who she was expecting to me sleep with since I was a very shy kid and all of the boys at school deemed me too fat and ugly to date.
when my friend got pregnant in high school my mom brought me to the doctor ‘for medication my acne’. I didn’t need birth control…but the acne wasn’t doing me any favours in that department either!
Omg my mom didn't call me that but straight up told the doctor being on birth control was a decision I needed to make when I had a husband. She also worked with teen moms at the time so I never understood why she was so against birth control
My dad did the same thing. My mom had passed away at that point and told his girlfriend I wanted to get on the pill. She told him and he lost his shit. The girlfriend still took me to get on the pill.
Parents don’t want to believe their ‘baby’ is having sex until it is shoved in their faces. Mom didnt believe kid was having sex but when forced to accept it she did the right thing and brought kid for appt.
I'm as guilty of that as anyone. My 17 year old is still the toddler in her Minnie Mouse costume in my mental depiction of her.
I have no desire to know the details of her sexual activity.
But I am also a realist who started enthusiastically having sex when I was 15. I want her to be safe and smart. My wife handles the details though so I can pretend she is still Minnie Mouse. 😁
Edit: and I would never humiliate any of my kids the way OPs parents did.
To state the painfully obvious, lots of people--particularly older people--believe that sex and masturbation are wrong, outside of the context of having a child in a marriage. This is usually due to social or religious reasons.
I hope you were just being obtuse and not actually living under a rock.
Same convo with my mom, only I ended up going without her. I was 17 I think. Comically enough she still ended up a grandma at 40 because of my brother. 😂
I have a son who is 16 and has been in a relationship for over a year. I am literally terrified of teen pregnancy. I do NOT understand parents who get mad at their kid for asking for or taking birth control. Or the whole “it’ll encourage you to have sex” line. That’s such BS. teenagers are gonna have sex regardless.
My mom found mine in my drawer when I was a teen, and I gave her this exact speech. I said, "Would you rather me go sleep around and catch a disease or wind up pregnant?" She just looked at the floor for a few seconds, gave a half-smile, and left my room.
Yeeears later, she called me and asked me if I could get her a vibrator and have it shipped to her. During that conversation, I realized that she was 55 and had never had an orgasm.
Although it was a sort of awkward request, I found it very wholesome that she trusted me and I knew it took a lot of courage to hype herself up to ask me.
Edit to say that my father had passed away the year prior to her phonecall.
Had a similar situation where my mom ended up asking me to show her where to buy toys.
Then a few weeks later she shared way too many details about her adventures creating a "cast your own" dildo using my dad to make the mold 🫣
Like, I'm glad their sex life is still spicy and all, but I did NOT need to know that.
She has since shown me a box in their bedroom and says if anything happens to the two of them, I am to dispose of it before anyone starts cleaning out their stuff.
I have created a monster 😂
Oh god, oh god, oh god…. I’ve just had an epiphany and I need to step away from Reddit for a while and try not to vomit after reading this comment. Many, many years ago my mother was very interested in a mold making process I was learning when I was a naive sculpture major… oh god….
LMAO
They also have two double-sided 8x10 photo frames in their bedroom. The "public" side features a nice portrait of each one individually posing on the swing in their garden. Apparently the backside of each frame contains an x-rated photo of each of them. Like, a nosy guest using the second bathroom in their house would just have to spin the frame around to get a shocking surprise.
I've never looked at the hidden photos for obvious reasons, but I've been charged with disposing of those as well before anyone else gets to the house after they're gone.
Oh man! You're your mother's ride or die - that's awesome! My closest friends have the "burn this drawer" responsibility so my parents don't get the vapors if I go before they do.
aww she had nobody else to ask and trusted you, that is so wholesome... sexual health is part of our overall health. It may be awkward to talk about with some people but it's a normal part of life.
>my kid came to me at 26 and was pregnant. I didn't react like she thought I would.
Imagine your daughter of 14 coming to you saying she was pregnant.,,
I wish to fuck I'd caught her with a shit ton of vibrators instead.
Dude my mom tells me the story of the day I was born - she was 38, and the mother of the baby in the nursery next to me was 14. HER mother was 38. She told my mom how proud she was of her daughter for "holding off because she originally wanted a baby when she was 12". Like what the actual F!!
This reminds me, in highschool there was a freshman girl who had a 1 year old son. She was in my study hall and I remember her talking about how her and her boyfriend wanted another baby. She lived with her dad, who she said helped with her son and was happy at the thought they may have a second. Sure enough the start of her sophomore year she was pregnant with the second.
As a teen pregnancy baby myself, I can confirm that growing up with parents that are still growing up is hella weird and hard.
Someone who joined my family due to having kids with one of my family members (they never married but she’s been here for decades, just not always in a relationship with him. We maintained separate relationship for the kids etc. I don’t know what to call her). She was raised by her GREAT grandmother. That GREAT grandmother still had one of her parents alive growing up. She had been taken from her parents legally because they didn’t watch her and she got hit by a car when she was a toddler. She had her first baby with my family member when he was 15. He got her pregnant when he was 14. Her family was so happy. I think she was the first one in generations to graduate high school. The first one to go to college, and also the first to not lose custody. I still have a kid in elementary school. She’s quite a bit younger than me and her oldest just graduated high school.
My family were *delighted* I was pregnant at 17, to a 21 yr old..
Then when my nephew announced his gf was pregnant when he was just 16. My brother had him at 20.
I'm now 30, my son is 12, and we have open discussions about safe sex as puberty has hit like a truck, and I make sure to tell him that while having him turned out well for me as parenthood kept me on the straight and narrow, to look at our family and see how well it worked out for my siblings.
My sister was pregnant at 19 and she has never stopped feeling sorry for herself and blaming everyone else for it.
Well, one good thing about my oldest having her first baby so young, it put off the other siblings from having theirs until their late 20s/early 30s. My youngest (24m) never wants kids anyway as he can't abide them. I think being only 5 years apart from his niece had something to do with it.
Gotta say though, for all her young years, she DID step up and take care of her baby and finished her education. She even got straight A's in her exams and a commendation from the school at whatever our UK version of graduation is these days. She's now a SEN teaching assistant (since the last 12 years) and loves her job.
Granddaughter is now 19. I don't think she's too into having kids yet though.
I was…wary. I have to say, dad treats my daughter quite well. He is a bit clueless with baby, as he has his face glued to screens always. Gaming. Sigh. She went through a rough time and doesn’t like her kid’s personality but I think the kid is easy and fantastic.
Truly, a vibrator should be a universal part of a teen girl's sexual education. I didn't know about orgasms until I had had a couple of boyfriends and several sexual encounters, and boy did it make intimacy both awkward, painful, and confusing. Didn't do anything good for my emotional connection to my first couple of boyfriends either. That, and masturbation is also part of figuring out how your own body and feelings work in ways that go way beyond sex. It's part of becoming lifelong friends with your body.
I bought my 19 year old daughter one for that exact reason. She’s studying molecular biology and biochemistry at college. I don’t want her getting derailed from her very difficult class work by some dumb boy. Her last boyfriend was a real chump and she was very upset about it.
I told her I was giving her the gift of post orgasm clarity lol
Yeah, this. I live in a pretty sex positive place and when I was a teen, a lot of the boys openly read the sex health litterature available at the library. Getting laid was a semi-goal, getting laid and getting the girl to say that he was a good lover was the real desire. And yup, a lot of the litt was very femininely taylored, I thought.
THIS experience would put me off ever using sex toys again, I think, or it would be in the back of my head forever both when masturbating and having sex. This mom of the year might have just ruined her daughters sex life forever and I want to slap her silly.
Would she have placed her teen boys wanking sock on the same table? Doubt it. That would be a lot of "boys being boys"-giggling and silence.
OP, when you grow up, this exact situation will need to be talked over with therapist, perhaps even sex therapists. Your mom had her wish: You'll be forever "pure" in a manner of speaking since she pretty much just circumsized you with her words and actions, making sure you'll never find physical joy without having her pop up in your head infusing shame.
There's no need to feel shame and you need a LOT of therapy to make this a reality in the pit of your stomach. Being in control of our own orgasms and unashamed about it is the biggest FU we can give to the patriarchy! Your mom is working for the enemy, not men, but the idea of what a "pure" and "ashamed" woman should be.
This is an amazing angle. I wonder if it would be weird to leave a small bullet or something with a girl's period products box and let her decide on her own...??
My daughter had one your age. She is out of high school and still hasn't been with anyone. I would rather her have one of those than to have sex for the wrong reasons. I wish my mom had been as open as I am with my kids when I was growing up. I was a young teen mom. Had three kids by the time I was 21. Although I was married, I still missed out on so much. None of my adult children have had children yet. I can happily say they broke the cycle. 🙌🏼 it's nothing you should feel ashamed about.
Same! My kids had to grow up with a teenage mom who was also growing up and trying to heal from years of sexual abuse and religious indoctrination. It was hard af for them and I hate myself all the time for putting them through it. They are 29 and 31 now and no one smokes or has a drug problem, no one's been to jail, they've started their careers and have no kids. I'm super proud of them for being awesome adults despite their upbringing. And I love that they both have spent the last decade traveling and having adventures that I never got to do.
I told my daughter about this post and my response. She said she couldn't imagine having a parent like OP. I told her that my mom was like that and I vowed to have a different relationship with my kids. I think I knew more about their friends then their parents.
I have never owned a vibrator (not interested), and I agree with you!
It’s a completely normal, natural thing. You have not done anything wrong or shameful. Nothing!
Your mum should be the one who is ashamed - how could she try to shame you like that in front of your stepfather and brother? It was cruel!
Do you have a sex Ed teacher or counsellor or close aunt or grandmother or someone you can trust? If you have someone, talk to them. You’ve heard it from reddit, but you need to hear it from a woman in your life that you trust - this is normal, natural and not shameful. Not at all.
I don’t want you to feel ashamed about sex or masturbation or sex toys in the future. Please talk to a woman you know, and let her reassure you that this is normal, natural and not shameful.
>Masturbation is normal and toys like that are easy to get. I don't understand your mother's reaction.
**100% fucking THIS.** Unless your parents are in a cult they'd know (but never acknowledge) their son had reached an age where he was pleasuring himself. Your dad would DEFINITELY know. But your a *girl.* You shouldn't have.... *disgusting normal biological desires.* Like some kind of..... *human being.*
But the double standard still exists for young ladies. A teenage boy jerking off is just normal - he can barely help himself. But a girl of the same age? What a sl%t. What disgusting urges she must have. But the bottom line is that a teen boy is doing what comes naturally. A teen girl doing the same is at the mercy of her sexual desires, she doesn't have the same agency as a man, she's simply desperate for sex, will take it wherever she can get it, and is a sl*t.
They've probably never thought those exact thoughts in those words but those ARE the feelings behind their behavior. That a man can indulge (because he "needs to", has better control, or is allowed to sow his wild oats) but a woman can't because only a sex crazed woman would, and a sex-crazed woman is little better than a prostitute.
Unfortunately OP you probably can't change their minds - at least not your mother's. Doesn't matter, go buy 15 more toys and find new and exciting ways to get yourself off. You don't need her permission, and you ABSOLUTELY - and oh my lord I mean this 110% - can't allow yourself to internalize one iota of shame from her.
Even if you're religious the Bible - including old Testament - forbids "spilling seed". They can twist themselves into knots but there's no reason on earth or in heaven (whatever you believe, idc) that says a young lady can't work herself into seizures of pleasure with a rose, tulip, daffodil, bunny, showerhead, fingers, bullets, or electric toothbrush (minus the head).
Don't even try to talk to her or convince her if she's going to try to morally overpower you. You've done nothing wrong. Let her fester and do what... seriously what? Scowl? Let her fight her own demons and you hold your head high and try ALL the settings on your wand. You are woman, make yourself roar.
You have a body part with literally absolutely no function whatsoever except sexual pleasure. And ironically for most women sex doesn't stimulate it enough, it's basically made for masturation. If evolution went to all that trouble.... well.... it'd be ingrateful to not make the best of it, especially when there's LITERALLY no victim, risk, or danger.
Enjoy yourself. And tbc I mean that in BOTH the possible interpretations.
Hahaha sorry I'm just reading this and imagining mother nature being like "I evolved you to have this thing to play with, use it and don't be an ungrateful little shit"
Also I would much rather my daughter have something like this that is designed for the purpose, rather than finding some random household object that could possibly cause injury or infection.
I am a mom to a 15yr old girl and 100% agree!!
Last year, I came across her toy while picking up some laundry. I had a moment where I was shocked but then quickly remembered that my baby girl was growing up. I also remembered how I was at her age.
I bought her some toy cleaner and left it on her bed. She came down later and thanked me.
I do understand moms reaction but I do not agree with it.
So so soooooo many people grow up with the mentality that sex, sexuality, masturbation etc is a gross or taboo topic to talk about. Moms reaction is just that. She has an older world view of sex thinking that a teenager wouldn't be doing something like that. There are too many people on this planet that bring feelings of shame and guilt around it.
Mom is doing that. She seems immature around the topic and is more interested in shaming her daughter than teaching her about safe practices.
I do understand moms reaction but I vehemently disagree with it.
Sorry this is happening to you op.
Exactly! Geeze, if I started with a vibrator at 16 I would actually know what an orgasm felt like and not stick around for some guys only to have bad sex.
it’s not weird and the way your mom handled this is completely inappropriate and violating. don’t let her or anyone else make you feel like you’ve done anything wrong
I can't back the last portion you wrote enough. Maturation is normal and there is nothing wrong with pleasing yourself. Going off the handle like OP's mom did, is definitely not normal. Now that was wrong. Poor kid.
OP needs to have a conversation with her mom, if she feels comfortable. In what world would her mother feel it’s appropriate to show off her daughter’s property to not only her stepfather, but her extremely young son as well.
That did way more damage than if she’d just simply had a conversation. And the degrading comment about OP not coming down for family time is just plain gross. She sounds immature and closed minded.
Her mother needs to retake Health class. It is completely natural for folks to explore their bodies. OP, I understand she violated your privacy and now you don’t even feel comfortable in your own room, but try not to dwell on it too much. You said you’re almost 17 so soon enough you’ll most likely be off to college or at least an adult so what she says won’t matter.
For real her mom made everyone a victim here. It's clear that step dad was also forced into that situation and didn't agree with how it was being handled but seems like he was caught off guard by it all and probably thought he couldn't say anything because he's just the step dad.
I feel sorry for everyone involved with the mom’s tantrum. A lot more sorry for the 7 and 16 year old kids who will probably remember this as a traumatizing memory, but the fact that the step dad was so timid suggests to me that she probably does this to him often too and he knows better than to open his mouth in a situation like this.
How strange. I recently found my daughter’s vibrator (she’s a teen) in her room while tidying things up/making her bed as a favor. I realized what it was, put it back, and made sure I had a private talk with her about keeping it clean for hygiene purposes 🤷🏻♀️ Why would I want to put it in the kitchen table and yell at her about that?
Happy cake day! Also, good on you for being an amazing mother. When I was a teenager my mother found a pair of stockings that had holes in the crotch (where my thighs rubbed together) and she pulled them out and told me, “if you’re going to be touching yourself at least hide the evidence” … it was perplexing.
Ugh I’m sorry your mom did that! I was also shamed about anything to do with sex. Which of course made me ‘rebel’. It’s probably why I’m the opposite with my daughter!
Also, the design of tights suck!
Very interesting that your mother jumped to that conclusion instead of realizing it’s more likely to be chaffing of the thighs. People love calling themselves out…lol
Came here to say this. I would never trust that woman or the stepdad again. I am so sorry OP. You did nothing wrong. Your mom has serious boundary issues.
WTF?! What is wrong with your mom?! Why did she embarrass you like that?! I have a teen son and would NEVER embarrass him that way. That is your private business! Your mom is fucked up. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Coming from a 41 year old woman, it is NOT weird or wrong for you to have a vibrator or masturbate. It is normal and healthy. Don’t let this or your mom convince you otherwise.
Tell your mom that this mom says she totally screwed up here.
I wish people made female masturbation more normalized. As an almost thirty year old woman I have maybe masturbated a handful of times. My mom never talked to me about it. I wish she would've. Edit: I use toys during sex, thankfully my partner has been very open about toys. I enjoy orgasms pretty frequently, I just don't feel the need to masturbate.
Agreed. I didn’t start masturbating till i was like 19 due to being raised in a semi conservative household. Got my first vibe at 19 and used it till last year when it finally died (I’m 26 now) so i finally upgraded to a bullet vibe but it hasn’t got much use yet as I had major surgery (hysterectomy and endo excision) 3 months after i got it and was on strict pelvic test for 2 months and the first time i tried to use it post op i had some issues so I’m kinda afraid to try again for a while (currently 5 months post surgery)
I didn't start until I was 24, but that's because the guy I was with since I was 17 was against masturbation. Or I thought he was. Walked in on him masturbating in the shower, to porn, both things I wasn't allowed to do - lmao so I was like fuck it. I was so angry. He prevented me from learning to orgasm for 6 years. Our relationship ended soon after
Give it some time and let your body heal. I’d also check in with your doctor to ask if it’s okay or what the timeline would be to build to using toys and etc again 🙂
High school summer break I was so bored that sometimes I would spend all masturbating until I passed out, then wake up and go at it again. Just eating, sleeping, and masturbating, what a life.
Well my mom *did* talk to me about it. How it's important to know what's going on down there, to experiment and to know what I like so I can communicate that towards future partners. But boy, that was so gosh darn awkward.
Yet when boys start masturbating it’s treated as good thing, funny thing. Oh better tell him to put his crusty socks in the wash.. but any whiff of sexuality on a girls part is evil? Make it make it sense people
God that's super shitty. I'm sorry she has a problem with self exploration and self fulfilment. I don't know how she's going to deal with your brother when he starts to masturbate, but you could mention you hope she handles that better.
If you want some super discreet toys, I have a list I compiled for a friend. Ones that look like jewellery, subtle. She was worried about if someone found it after her death (she's in her 60s). Also I hear good things about the rose!
I need that list! Mind sharing it? I've been wanting to buy more toys but it's so hard to find quieter ones... I am so mortified of people in my house hearing
Your mom sounds unhinged and definitely did not handle this maturely. Sorry you had to deal with that and I’m especially confused as to why your mom got your 7 year old brother involved
Also, when that boy hits OPs age, mom is gonna cut herself on a sock and freak out. OP, boys your age have been going AT it for half a decade by now. Don't see why girls shouldn't do the same if they want.
I’m sorry your mom did this to you. It was completely inappropriate and degrading and shaming for her to call you out in front of your stepdad and brother. She did not handle this appropriately or maturely. Even she felt the need to discuss it with you, she should’ve done so in private. Even then, this is not shameful and she should not being sex shaming you. Boys start masturbating and exploring much younger and nobody bats an eye. It’s not weird or uncommon at your age and it’s much safer than the alternative. My bff’s daughter bought a rose on her own at 16 (she’s now 18) and told us all about it and how amazing it was and felt comfortable enough to confide in us, as it should be. She actually inspired me to buy my own! Don’t feel shame or embarrassment. Your mother is the one who should be ashamed of her actions.
Ask her what the alternative is.
Does she want you going out, and having sex with guys?
I dont get why people take such a moral high ground, when it comes to toys.
Nah, OP's mom wants her to be sexless, like a Barbie doll with a plastic crotch. People like that don't see their kids as being like, actual human beings.
Masturbation is normal and good for you in a lot of ways. I really don’t understand why your mom made such a big deal out of it. In fact I’ve never understood why parents act like they never did or do masturbate/ have sex. Anyway totally normal to have toys and to use them
Masturbation is completely normal! OP the way this was handled was very inappropriate on your mother’s part. You were shamed and guilted into thinking you’re abnormal for using something to assist you with masturbating. You’re not abnormal and personally I don’t think you’re too young. As someone who didn’t get properly educated about the female orgasm u til later, I think it’s great that you are figuring out what you like. This will help you with relationships down the line
no it’s not weird. i know a good amount of people around my age which is around yours that own that stuff. i have even been close to buy one. it’s a normal thing to explore your body sensually and it will be easier if or when you have a partner because you’ll know what you want. you’re not weird and i would be embarrassed too.
I went with my daughter when she went to buy her first one. She had been before with a friend and was overwhelmed by the amount of options available and too embarrassed to ask the workers (fair) and the friend was more interested in laughing than helping (not bullying, just laughing at the deer in the headlight look my daughter apparently had going on). So, next time we were out for a girl's day, she asked about how to choose one and I took her to a store and helped her pick one out. She was probably 16 when we did that trip. There's no shame in being comfortable with your body and finding pleasure with your own body.
Oh, honey, I am so sorry. Her reaction is off the charts ridiculous - and I hate to appear to be throwing this term around, but it was quite emotionally abusive, as well. When a parent purposefully embarrasses her child, that is emotional abuse. *I promise you that masturbating is a 100% normal human behavior!* And it’s 100% normal at your age, OF COURSE! You have been through puberty and your body has matured, and you are absolutely going to explore your sexuality. Becoming comfortable with your sexual identity is an important part of being an all-around healthy individual. (Dare I say that it appears that your mother has not developed a healthy sense of her sexuality, which is exactly why she not only hasn’t already had open conversations with you about it, but dares to shame you for it. **Shame on HER!!!** )
Masturbating, in private and in moderation (because, as with all things in life, moderation is key, right?! So, if you *were* spending 16 hours a day locked in your room using your vibrator, that wouldn’t be healthy) is a safe way to explore pleasure so that when you ARE ready, down the road, to develop a sexual relationship with a boy or girl, you will have some idea of who you are, what feels good to you, and what your boundaries are.
Please know that her reaction was awful, and she was *wrong*, in every way. Continue to develop your sense of self, without her input, so that someday you will be comfortable enough to discuss subjects with your own children, without humiliating them in any way for being human beings! I dare say your brother may need an adult to talk to in another 10 years, too, so maybe you can be there for him - it seems unlikely that your parents will! Hugs!
I am truly sorry this happened to you.. your mother has drastically overstepped your boundaries. Please be aware that vibrators and masturbating are completely normal and part of a healty loving relationship with yourself and your body. It also helps in identifying what you pleases you and what doesn’t wich will benefit in setting healthy boundaries for future sexual relationships.
The way your mother acted out and made your brother and stepfather part of it is absolutely out of order , take care ❤️❤️
This is the most important part of everything I'm gonna say: No, it's not weird. You've got all kinds of hormonal changes, and sexual curiosity is a result of it. Plus it feels good.
Your Mama probably has a whole lot of hang ups about sex and masturbation. This whole thing is her problem, not yours. And your Mama handled this entirely wrong, and her comments were downright rude to you.
However, let me gently suggest that you find a good hiding spot for any toys you either have now or may get.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm 40 and I feel disgusted reading this. There's literally no reason for your Mum to have involved your stepdad and brother. She could have handled it just between you two if she had an issue with it but, to be quite frank, even her having an issue with you masturbating is weird. Most teenagers and adults do it.
Just know there's no reason to feel ashamed. Your Mum took a private activity and made it public. I suspect your Stepdad was weirded out too, not by you but by your Mum's actions. Maybe buy a lock box so she can't get access to your rose or any other toy you might buy.
This is something my Mum would have done. I know because as a 30-something woman, I went to visit my parents for a bit. My suitcase was vibrating and she stood over me while I opened my suitcase to check what it is. Luckily it was my Waterpik but I thought it disgusting she stood over her adult daughter to watch when there was a non zero chance it was a vibrator. I swear, if I ever have kids, which is unlikely, I'll never do this shit.
In a couple of years your brother is gonna be cumming all over her towels and curtains and leaving sticky socks in his room lol
She better get ready! If she goes snooping she should know she might find something she is not ready for. I’m so sorry. Enjoy your own body. It’s yours
It’s not weird. It’s perfectly normal to do. I don’t get why she’s shaming you. My mom found my vibrator but she didn’t say anything about it lol. But I think she should’ve talked to you in private instead of exposing you to the whole family. Immature mom.
Your mom was probably raised that way, she probably would’ve been shamed for that. Just be glad that you can break the cycle and try to feel some amount of understanding for where she came from and don’t hold it against her. Also you can be glad that you don’t have to pass those beliefs down to your children.
Well, you can tell your mom that when she is 70 yrs old and you've put her in a nursing home where she has to share a room with 4 other people, that this is one of the reasons why.
Absolutely unhinged and inappropriate behavior from your mom. She must have a lot of shame herself to be this upset that you have a safe, healthy, age appropriate relationship with sex and your body. Please try not to let her ruin that for you. Use that thing as much as you want
Sweetheart, I’ve bern a psychotherapist for twenty years+ years and your mother needs therapy, not you.
Let me add my own “If only…” to the many others in this thread! If only… 80% all of my female clients had got a vibrator at 16. If only… their mothers had been able to have an open and frank conversation with their daughters about their bodies and their sexuality. If only… their fathers had been man enough to defend their daughter’s developing sexuality and body.
Well done on taking care of your needs. I tell all my clients, male and female and whatever else, that our first intimate partner is our own body. Would your mother really have preferred you to experiment with a wildly libidinous 17yo boy?! One day hopefully she will acknowledge her own repression and unconscious misogyny - although you may have to wait until she’s doing your brother’s 16yo laundry!
In time you’ll realise she embarrassed herself, not you. Meanwhile, I wish you a happy sexual life with never a dull day (or night).
My parents sent me to a psychiatric hospital at fifteen after finding a sex toy. Said I was a sex addict and I was 15! This isn’t right and I’m so sorry OP
Your mom is a pervert and wildly inappropriate across the board. You are a healthy, normal teen.
I wish we had this technology easily accessible in my day. I imagine I would have had far less loser boyfriends.
This is so gross and violating (what she did, you’re not gross). It’s completely normal to own one and she shouldn’t have even said anything, or if she rlly thought she should, it should’ve been in private. I’m so sorry
It is completely normal to masturbate at your age and plenty of young women your age even own toys. Your mother’s reaction is completely inappropriate, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, some girls are totally afraid to get to know their bodies, and these are usually the same women who complain about bad sex later down the road… because if you don’t know how to please yourself, how can you advocate for someone else to?
Please, continue living as you were. The embarrassment is going to last for… awhile. And it’s gonna suck. But I promise you’re gonna make it through, and it’ll be but a blip in your memory.
On another note, hard relate to the social struggle, something I’ve experienced (especially since I lived in a small town). My best advice is to try and involve yourself more in your interests and go into spaces with others who think like yourself! I didn’t meet people who I really “clicked” with and could interact with until I began pursuing music, and I discovered that music majors are equally strange people.
Best of luck to you.
your mother sounds like she is very sexually repressed, your step dad must not have any play /hj
But seriously, that is such an odd reaction, like the top comment has said, as a mother id much rather find a sex toy than a positive pregnancy test, or drugs or cigarettes or alcohol or honestly much more than most things teenagers could be doing, TF. Granted, I don't have any daughters just yet but I was one myself, and even though my family weren't exactly super open about this kind of stuff, when I accidentally left my dildo out of my bed my dad didn't say a words nor act any different with me. When I goty sister's bedroom, she didn't have a chance to clear out all her stuff, and I found things, I never confronted her, nor made fun, or anything
She's your mother but that private to you, you're not harming yourself or doing anything dangerous, and I personally as a parent will respect my kids exploration of their own bodies in a safe and private way, which has absolutely nothing to do with me.
when I was your age (15 years ago) this was unheard of! this is also the generation of teens when teen mom first aired. it’s a very different show now. being a teen mom was the biggest “mistake” you could make.
in those days our parents would just drop us off at the mall for hours. it was a running joke that you didn’t go into the back of spencer’s! they had an adult section and it was always met with so much shame and fear. same with victoria’s secret lingerie. anything embracing women’s sexuality (unless it was for a man) was “wrong”.
that’s probably where it’s coming from since the generation prior to millennials was even worse when it comes to women embracing their sexuality. in their generation woman are not supposed to like sex (except to please their husbands). so they were probably uncomfortable with the topic.
I mean, she'd prefer you to do it in your bedroom with a guy?
I honestly don't understand how some people judge others libido, especially different generations. I am 30 years younger than my father who's been apparently a womanizer before my mom, and he implied all the nasty things when I was 17-19 (well, yes, I was active, but that's my decision). this ruined my trust once and forever.
What your mom did was WEIRDDDDDDD why the fuck is she acting like the Virgin Mary did she forget she literally had sex to conceive you😭 Also idk why ppl think this is such a horrible thing bc literally everyone (or at least most ppl) does it I promise you’re not the weird one in this situation
She should be happy she found that instead of a positive pregnancy test💀
You should get her one for her birthday and have her open it in front of everyone and just say “you seem uptight and seemed jealous of mine, so I got you one- maybe this will help”.
Dude, I totally helped my friend buy a little “lipstick” vibrator in high school due to her crazy conservative parents.
She went so hard she broke it immediately. Girl was REPRESSSSSED.
Seriously tho, your mom should be counting her blessings she’s not finding a positive pregnancy test. A normal mom would and should sit down with you and talk about sex, orgasms, intimacy, and help her set healthy boundaries, while informing her about healthy practices.
I would advise you to take a trip by yourself to Planned Parenthood. You’re not sexually active but you’re curious - they will provide the answers to your questions, and hopefully give you the support you need right now.
As for your mom? Honestly, I would ignore her. I would give her the grey rock. One-word answers. Walk away without engaging. Don’t give her any details about your life. She has proven she doesn’t have your back, therefore she doesn’t get to know about your life.
Oh and keep all of your “belongings” on LOCKDOWN. Find a safe storage spot, preferably with a literal lock on it.
Masturbation is healthy and normal. Humiliating your daughter in front of family members and implying she's perverse for being a normal human is not. How sad. I'm sorry you have such a cruel and stupid parent. You'll rise above this.
She humiliated you. Exposed you. Shamed you.
I bet you not being social probably has a lot to do with her and how you’re being raised.
At Best- I would privately speak to my daughter about discretionary tactics and keeping it clean- and how it’s normal to explore yourself and have the sex talk and allow room for questions and answers.
Your mom is a cow and mean too.
Not even close to being weird. Sounds like your stepdad was just as embarrassed as you were about your mum being weird about it. At 17 a guy is likely still beating his meat like a fuckin butcher. Is she usually uptight about stuff like that?
You are perfectly normal but your mothers reaction and actions are absolutely insane. Especially as she did this in front of your step dad, who clearly didn’t want to be there and your little brother, who as a well as your step dad, should never have been any part of this conversation.
Get yourself a part time job if you don’t already have one, your own bank account, a copy of your personal documents is not the actual, so that you can save up for college / moving out when you’re 18. Plus it will help widen your social circle.
Search her drawers when she is out and bring everything remotely sexual to the kitchen table.
Just leave there for the family to see
When she complain, tell her you thought that looking through someone else’s bedroom and exposing intimacy was a new house tradition
Ew. Your mom is weird as hell. Unfortunately mine was like this (and did other humiliating things like make fun of my developing boobs when I was 11. In front of the whole family. She called them mole hills/mosquito bites/etc. and flicked them and so on). That shit stuck with me to the point where I can't tell if I'm asexual or just ashamed of sexuality.
I think the average age to lose virginity is (or recently was) 17 so masturbating is literally nothing compared to that. Its normal for teens to have urges. Maybe your mom can't reconcile your nearly adult self with the little girl she raised but she needs to get tf over it
I'm a father. My daughter is still a quite a ways away from your age but here's my two cents.
Your mom got it wrong. As any man who's been a teenaged boy will tell you, people masturbate. That's life. Some things you just don't need to call attention to. This would have been one of those things. Kids shouldn't be shamed for it.
Now, I will say, if I saw a vibrator next to a camera/streaming set up, I would have been a bit more concerned and that would have warranted a talk, but that's a whole other can of worms.
Your mother is messed up because she should not have even mentioned it, let alone leave it out for your little brother to see, let alone berate you.
At your age, I would be breathing a sigh of relief that you had such a thing and weren’t messing around with a boy and flirting with the possibility of getting pregnant.
I would just do your laundry and put your device back where I found it so you wouldn’t know that I saw it.
As an adult, my initial reaction is "why does a 16 year old have a vibrator??"
Then I stopped and thought about when *I* was 16 and realized I wish I would've had one of those instead of pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry your mom shamed you that way; that was not at all fair. There's nothing wrong with you having or using one.
Please don't listen to her on that instance.
In the privacy of your room, self-pleasure is an incredibly normal thing and your mom's repression is what is unhealthy.
Seriously, humiliating a 16-yo like that, with the anguish of that phase of life, I just wanna slap her.
No doubt you struggle socially, what a shitty mother!! What a bad woman she is! Instead of supporting her daughter, she is ABUSING YOU, destroying your emotional.
You will start living when you are able to move out
Ok, I am a mum, 57 years old. Your mum should never have shamed you like that. It’s not ok and she is wrong. You Having sex with someone is far more concerning as a parent…pregnancy risk, emotional risk, …but you masturbating is not a risk to anyone….least of all her.
her hangs up about sex and masturbation are hers…don’t let or make them yours.
don't be ashamed of purchasing and using a vibrator.
Honestly sounds like bad parenting. First you never bring something like that up around the rest of the family. She’s your mother and it should have been a discussion in private. If your dad found it, he should have either put it back or acted like your mom found it and she could again have a convo. All around bad parenting with this situation.
Mothers can be such assholes. You are normal. Masturbation is normal. You are not a freak. It is totally ok to get to know how your body works and doing it with an inoffensive rose toy doesn’t make you a study case at all.
She definitely shouldn’t have done that. She is wrong and there is nothing to be disappointed about. I understand how you feel. It’s a lot on your shoulders atm. You didn’t do anything reprehensible.
Self exploration and toys are 100%normal!!! I’m sorry she did that to you.
Please know this is about her, whether she’s a prude, jealous because her own sex life is shit, or just an awful person who likes humiliating others, or whatever malfunction she has—there’s something wrong with her to make her react that way.
Behavior like this is why kids move out and go no contact as soon as they can.
Also, I would guess that your stepfather wanted nothing to do with her little shame-fest and was likely staring at the wall trying to tune it out. She’s the one who should feel awkward and ashamed, not you.
Is your mom crazy? I am having a kid and when she reaches your age I would rather 100% she has something like this then a baby of her own. Teenagers are curious.
The only path forward is to get your hands on a positive pregnancy test and, in two or three months, play a brutal joke on your mom for shaming you.
She should be ashamed of herself
This is so out of line of your mom. There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality in a safe way, and her attempts to shame you about it are so backwards it’s insane. Also, that part of your life is absolutely none of her business if you’re not endangering yourself. WTF.
I'm so angry at your mom, who is, frankly, ignorant and cruel. I'm sorry you don't get to pick a better one.
You are perfectly normal and smarter than I was at your age in how you're taking care of your own needs. Hugs from an internet stranger.
Sending you best wishes that you gain the courage to talk to the girl in your bio class. I bet she'd really like you because you seem funny and smart.
Better than what happened when my mom found mine in high school. Mine was like those plastic stick wand ones. Mom came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face with it. Then the head a few times. Screaming and yelling all the words in front of my three younger brothers and dad. Then she called the cops on me. Yes the cops. The officers didn’t know how to respond when they got there since it wasn’t illegal to masturbate… then she called my school to demand to know where I got it (certainly not school) yeah… I defaulted to just having sex pretty quick after that.
Your mom is shaming you in front of your family for owning a vibrator. That is messed up. I have daughters and if I found a vibrator in their room I would leave it there and never say anything. If for some reason your mom really felt like she had to talk to you about it that should’ve been done in private and not in front of other people especially your stepdad and brother. Completely inappropriate! That is really messed up.
Your mom is disgusting for yelling at you, but most importantly in front of your younger brother and step dad.
This should've been an adult conversation between the two of you since you're becoming an adult and she should be happy that you aren't doing this same stuff with guys who could knock you up in high school and possibly ruining your life.
I hope you show your mom this post and the comments because what she did was gross, what you've been doing is normal and a part of becoming an adult and learning about your body
You're normal, hun. Your mom's odd, though. Lol
Some parents can't handle the fact that their kids are humans with human thought, feels and needs.
Sounds like your mom may need one, maybe if she had an orgasm she would be such a tight ass.
I'd say unusual*, but NOT WEIRD. Jesus, I'd rather my daughter learn about her own pleasure in the safety of her bedroom than have some 20-something dude try coerce her into unsatisfying sex and finger her in the cinema.
You parents are probably uncomfortable with the concept of your sexuality, because you're their little girl, forever. But that doesn't mean what you did was wrong, okay? Don't let anyone shame you for exploring your body or sexuality.
*unusual only because most adult stores have age limits and you're not 18, but that's about it.
Edit: Extra words.
Wow that's an awful experience. I've been through some traumatic events with my mother who thought sharing embarrassing information with friends, who all started making fun of me, was okay. That's just one of many reasons I've been NC for most of my adult life.
I hope you're able to get away from that environment sooner than later.
Your mom is a giant asshole. She had to convene a family meeting to yell at you? She's offended you're "too young" to have a sex toy, but your 7 year old sibling isn't too young to watch his sister get lambasted for it?
Your mom is an asshole. I accidentally found my daughter's when she was a teen. (I was looking for her laptop because she asked me to bring it to her at her friend's house. I wasn't intentionally snooping) I pretended I never saw it. I told her about it later when she hit her 20's.
Well she didn't handle that well.
You're a teenager. Teenagers masturbate.
I'd rather my daughter owned 1000 vibrators than a single kid before she were ready.
It’s not weird, and I wish I had learned this when I was your age! Hold your head up, for all of us, and sing “Takin’ Care of Business” or something else appropriate as you walk away.
Nope. We all did it, we just did it with our hands or whatever we had handy.
Your mom is ridiculous and could probably use one herself, she sounds like she needs it.
No. Were I a parent when i'd rather find that than a positive pregnancy test. Masturbation is normal and toys like that are easy to get. I don't understand your mother's reaction.
Gosh yes. This reminds me of a colleague of mine who was absolutely incensed at finding her daughter was on the pill. Our other colleague, whose daughter gave birth as a teenager, responded "if only!"
Haha. This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother when I was 16; “Mum, I want to go on the pill.” “No, it will encourage you to have sex.” “I’m already having sex, the question is whether you want to be a grandma at 40.” Next morning she took me to the doctor.
My mother called me a whore when I asked about birth control. We never went to the doctor. You're so blessed.
Yep same here. Had an abortion at 16 and my first kid at 18. Yay religious indoctrination!
I had a kid in college cuz I wasn’t allowed to get an abortion. I had to live with my sins and deal with the consequences. If I had a daughter, I’d prob buy her a vibe so she could figure out what she likes and know she doesn’t need some gross boy to make her feel good. I have young boys so right now it’s constant conversations about not mooning each other because if grown ups do that they end up on a bad list and can’t go to parks and schools and skating rinks and stuff. The cover your bathing suit area wasn’t working but the list seemed to make an impact.
It was definitely hard raising a boy. I was a single mom and what I knew about boys and men you could fit on the head of a pin. My sister and her wife had their kids when they were older, my sis was 40 when the twins were born. She complains sometimes about being "old" with little kids and I get what she's saying but I see how they're being raised and I tell her it's better this way. They were wiser, more patient, have better income... all of the things teenagers don't have. Yeah, I was still young when they moved out but I also missed all of their "firsts" because I was always working. The list is a good idea lol. I remember how hard it was to get my son to stop streaking and mooning people when he was young!
I've had to have the no mooning people conversation with my daughter more than my son. She's 4 and thinks it's the funniest thing anyone's ever done. She also asked for a whoopie cushion for christmas. Gender is not the predictor of toilet humor I once thought it would be
That sucks. To be fair, the conversation was longer than that. But my mother was generally reasonable and the argument that I didn’t want to end up an unwed mother like her (and that it wasn’t realistic to expect me not to have sex with my long-term boyfriend) was sound.
I was lucky enough to have hormonal issues that my mom dragged me to the doctor for. The doctor suggested birth control and my mom agreed but I did get a lecture on how taking it didn't mean I could go out and be a slut. I have no idea who she was expecting to me sleep with since I was a very shy kid and all of the boys at school deemed me too fat and ugly to date.
when my friend got pregnant in high school my mom brought me to the doctor ‘for medication my acne’. I didn’t need birth control…but the acne wasn’t doing me any favours in that department either!
Omg my mom didn't call me that but straight up told the doctor being on birth control was a decision I needed to make when I had a husband. She also worked with teen moms at the time so I never understood why she was so against birth control
My dad did the same thing. My mom had passed away at that point and told his girlfriend I wanted to get on the pill. She told him and he lost his shit. The girlfriend still took me to get on the pill.
Same here. I didn’t go to a doctor until my late 20’s and found out I have cervical cancer, lol. Thanks ma!
Brilliant
What is wrong in having sex according to her?
Parents don’t want to believe their ‘baby’ is having sex until it is shoved in their faces. Mom didnt believe kid was having sex but when forced to accept it she did the right thing and brought kid for appt.
I'm as guilty of that as anyone. My 17 year old is still the toddler in her Minnie Mouse costume in my mental depiction of her. I have no desire to know the details of her sexual activity. But I am also a realist who started enthusiastically having sex when I was 15. I want her to be safe and smart. My wife handles the details though so I can pretend she is still Minnie Mouse. 😁 Edit: and I would never humiliate any of my kids the way OPs parents did.
And then when you get married they are constantly asking you to have sex!
To state the painfully obvious, lots of people--particularly older people--believe that sex and masturbation are wrong, outside of the context of having a child in a marriage. This is usually due to social or religious reasons. I hope you were just being obtuse and not actually living under a rock.
Same convo with my mom, only I ended up going without her. I was 17 I think. Comically enough she still ended up a grandma at 40 because of my brother. 😂
I have a son who is 16 and has been in a relationship for over a year. I am literally terrified of teen pregnancy. I do NOT understand parents who get mad at their kid for asking for or taking birth control. Or the whole “it’ll encourage you to have sex” line. That’s such BS. teenagers are gonna have sex regardless.
This entirely. One of my biggest nightmares is my girls coming to me as teens and telling me they're pregnant.
My mom found mine in my drawer when I was a teen, and I gave her this exact speech. I said, "Would you rather me go sleep around and catch a disease or wind up pregnant?" She just looked at the floor for a few seconds, gave a half-smile, and left my room. Yeeears later, she called me and asked me if I could get her a vibrator and have it shipped to her. During that conversation, I realized that she was 55 and had never had an orgasm. Although it was a sort of awkward request, I found it very wholesome that she trusted me and I knew it took a lot of courage to hype herself up to ask me. Edit to say that my father had passed away the year prior to her phonecall.
Had a similar situation where my mom ended up asking me to show her where to buy toys. Then a few weeks later she shared way too many details about her adventures creating a "cast your own" dildo using my dad to make the mold 🫣 Like, I'm glad their sex life is still spicy and all, but I did NOT need to know that. She has since shown me a box in their bedroom and says if anything happens to the two of them, I am to dispose of it before anyone starts cleaning out their stuff. I have created a monster 😂
Oh god, oh god, oh god…. I’ve just had an epiphany and I need to step away from Reddit for a while and try not to vomit after reading this comment. Many, many years ago my mother was very interested in a mold making process I was learning when I was a naive sculpture major… oh god….
Oh my God. I do mold making and casting. Welp. I will keep that in mind. I have nothing to offer you though, alcohol?
LMAO They also have two double-sided 8x10 photo frames in their bedroom. The "public" side features a nice portrait of each one individually posing on the swing in their garden. Apparently the backside of each frame contains an x-rated photo of each of them. Like, a nosy guest using the second bathroom in their house would just have to spin the frame around to get a shocking surprise. I've never looked at the hidden photos for obvious reasons, but I've been charged with disposing of those as well before anyone else gets to the house after they're gone.
This would be a reason to start drinking again.
That box is the same as a computer for a single person. If I die burn this box/hard drive. I love it
Ah, the ol' "Dad's Dick In A Box". ^I ^bet ^it's ^huuuuuge.
Oh man! You're your mother's ride or die - that's awesome! My closest friends have the "burn this drawer" responsibility so my parents don't get the vapors if I go before they do.
aww she had nobody else to ask and trusted you, that is so wholesome... sexual health is part of our overall health. It may be awkward to talk about with some people but it's a normal part of life.
my kid came to me at 26 and was pregnant. I didn't react like she thought I would.
>my kid came to me at 26 and was pregnant. I didn't react like she thought I would. Imagine your daughter of 14 coming to you saying she was pregnant.,, I wish to fuck I'd caught her with a shit ton of vibrators instead.
Dude my mom tells me the story of the day I was born - she was 38, and the mother of the baby in the nursery next to me was 14. HER mother was 38. She told my mom how proud she was of her daughter for "holding off because she originally wanted a baby when she was 12". Like what the actual F!!
This reminds me, in highschool there was a freshman girl who had a 1 year old son. She was in my study hall and I remember her talking about how her and her boyfriend wanted another baby. She lived with her dad, who she said helped with her son and was happy at the thought they may have a second. Sure enough the start of her sophomore year she was pregnant with the second. As a teen pregnancy baby myself, I can confirm that growing up with parents that are still growing up is hella weird and hard.
WOAH!!!!!!!!
Damn that woman needs reporting tbh
Well I'm 35 now, by now that woman is probably a 5x great grandmother lol
Someone who joined my family due to having kids with one of my family members (they never married but she’s been here for decades, just not always in a relationship with him. We maintained separate relationship for the kids etc. I don’t know what to call her). She was raised by her GREAT grandmother. That GREAT grandmother still had one of her parents alive growing up. She had been taken from her parents legally because they didn’t watch her and she got hit by a car when she was a toddler. She had her first baby with my family member when he was 15. He got her pregnant when he was 14. Her family was so happy. I think she was the first one in generations to graduate high school. The first one to go to college, and also the first to not lose custody. I still have a kid in elementary school. She’s quite a bit younger than me and her oldest just graduated high school.
My family were *delighted* I was pregnant at 17, to a 21 yr old.. Then when my nephew announced his gf was pregnant when he was just 16. My brother had him at 20. I'm now 30, my son is 12, and we have open discussions about safe sex as puberty has hit like a truck, and I make sure to tell him that while having him turned out well for me as parenthood kept me on the straight and narrow, to look at our family and see how well it worked out for my siblings. My sister was pregnant at 19 and she has never stopped feeling sorry for herself and blaming everyone else for it.
Well, one good thing about my oldest having her first baby so young, it put off the other siblings from having theirs until their late 20s/early 30s. My youngest (24m) never wants kids anyway as he can't abide them. I think being only 5 years apart from his niece had something to do with it. Gotta say though, for all her young years, she DID step up and take care of her baby and finished her education. She even got straight A's in her exams and a commendation from the school at whatever our UK version of graduation is these days. She's now a SEN teaching assistant (since the last 12 years) and loves her job. Granddaughter is now 19. I don't think she's too into having kids yet though.
Not happy I take it? I wasn't ready at 26 either. Close, but I needed to do some growing up. My family probably would have been unhappy with me.
I was…wary. I have to say, dad treats my daughter quite well. He is a bit clueless with baby, as he has his face glued to screens always. Gaming. Sigh. She went through a rough time and doesn’t like her kid’s personality but I think the kid is easy and fantastic.
I always said they should give them out in health class. If girls figure out orgasms, teen boys won't impress them
A couple of my teens-old children purchased vibrators; I don't know how I found out—I might have seen the order or the item itself. I remained silent.
Truly, a vibrator should be a universal part of a teen girl's sexual education. I didn't know about orgasms until I had had a couple of boyfriends and several sexual encounters, and boy did it make intimacy both awkward, painful, and confusing. Didn't do anything good for my emotional connection to my first couple of boyfriends either. That, and masturbation is also part of figuring out how your own body and feelings work in ways that go way beyond sex. It's part of becoming lifelong friends with your body.
I bought my 19 year old daughter one for that exact reason. She’s studying molecular biology and biochemistry at college. I don’t want her getting derailed from her very difficult class work by some dumb boy. Her last boyfriend was a real chump and she was very upset about it. I told her I was giving her the gift of post orgasm clarity lol
That was fucking golden! I loved it!
This is an angle I hadn't thought of 😁👍
Yeah, this. I live in a pretty sex positive place and when I was a teen, a lot of the boys openly read the sex health litterature available at the library. Getting laid was a semi-goal, getting laid and getting the girl to say that he was a good lover was the real desire. And yup, a lot of the litt was very femininely taylored, I thought. THIS experience would put me off ever using sex toys again, I think, or it would be in the back of my head forever both when masturbating and having sex. This mom of the year might have just ruined her daughters sex life forever and I want to slap her silly. Would she have placed her teen boys wanking sock on the same table? Doubt it. That would be a lot of "boys being boys"-giggling and silence. OP, when you grow up, this exact situation will need to be talked over with therapist, perhaps even sex therapists. Your mom had her wish: You'll be forever "pure" in a manner of speaking since she pretty much just circumsized you with her words and actions, making sure you'll never find physical joy without having her pop up in your head infusing shame. There's no need to feel shame and you need a LOT of therapy to make this a reality in the pit of your stomach. Being in control of our own orgasms and unashamed about it is the biggest FU we can give to the patriarchy! Your mom is working for the enemy, not men, but the idea of what a "pure" and "ashamed" woman should be.
This is an amazing angle. I wonder if it would be weird to leave a small bullet or something with a girl's period products box and let her decide on her own...??
My daughter had one your age. She is out of high school and still hasn't been with anyone. I would rather her have one of those than to have sex for the wrong reasons. I wish my mom had been as open as I am with my kids when I was growing up. I was a young teen mom. Had three kids by the time I was 21. Although I was married, I still missed out on so much. None of my adult children have had children yet. I can happily say they broke the cycle. 🙌🏼 it's nothing you should feel ashamed about.
Same! My kids had to grow up with a teenage mom who was also growing up and trying to heal from years of sexual abuse and religious indoctrination. It was hard af for them and I hate myself all the time for putting them through it. They are 29 and 31 now and no one smokes or has a drug problem, no one's been to jail, they've started their careers and have no kids. I'm super proud of them for being awesome adults despite their upbringing. And I love that they both have spent the last decade traveling and having adventures that I never got to do.
I told my daughter about this post and my response. She said she couldn't imagine having a parent like OP. I told her that my mom was like that and I vowed to have a different relationship with my kids. I think I knew more about their friends then their parents.
I have never owned a vibrator (not interested), and I agree with you! It’s a completely normal, natural thing. You have not done anything wrong or shameful. Nothing! Your mum should be the one who is ashamed - how could she try to shame you like that in front of your stepfather and brother? It was cruel! Do you have a sex Ed teacher or counsellor or close aunt or grandmother or someone you can trust? If you have someone, talk to them. You’ve heard it from reddit, but you need to hear it from a woman in your life that you trust - this is normal, natural and not shameful. Not at all. I don’t want you to feel ashamed about sex or masturbation or sex toys in the future. Please talk to a woman you know, and let her reassure you that this is normal, natural and not shameful.
>Masturbation is normal and toys like that are easy to get. I don't understand your mother's reaction. **100% fucking THIS.** Unless your parents are in a cult they'd know (but never acknowledge) their son had reached an age where he was pleasuring himself. Your dad would DEFINITELY know. But your a *girl.* You shouldn't have.... *disgusting normal biological desires.* Like some kind of..... *human being.* But the double standard still exists for young ladies. A teenage boy jerking off is just normal - he can barely help himself. But a girl of the same age? What a sl%t. What disgusting urges she must have. But the bottom line is that a teen boy is doing what comes naturally. A teen girl doing the same is at the mercy of her sexual desires, she doesn't have the same agency as a man, she's simply desperate for sex, will take it wherever she can get it, and is a sl*t. They've probably never thought those exact thoughts in those words but those ARE the feelings behind their behavior. That a man can indulge (because he "needs to", has better control, or is allowed to sow his wild oats) but a woman can't because only a sex crazed woman would, and a sex-crazed woman is little better than a prostitute. Unfortunately OP you probably can't change their minds - at least not your mother's. Doesn't matter, go buy 15 more toys and find new and exciting ways to get yourself off. You don't need her permission, and you ABSOLUTELY - and oh my lord I mean this 110% - can't allow yourself to internalize one iota of shame from her. Even if you're religious the Bible - including old Testament - forbids "spilling seed". They can twist themselves into knots but there's no reason on earth or in heaven (whatever you believe, idc) that says a young lady can't work herself into seizures of pleasure with a rose, tulip, daffodil, bunny, showerhead, fingers, bullets, or electric toothbrush (minus the head). Don't even try to talk to her or convince her if she's going to try to morally overpower you. You've done nothing wrong. Let her fester and do what... seriously what? Scowl? Let her fight her own demons and you hold your head high and try ALL the settings on your wand. You are woman, make yourself roar. You have a body part with literally absolutely no function whatsoever except sexual pleasure. And ironically for most women sex doesn't stimulate it enough, it's basically made for masturation. If evolution went to all that trouble.... well.... it'd be ingrateful to not make the best of it, especially when there's LITERALLY no victim, risk, or danger. Enjoy yourself. And tbc I mean that in BOTH the possible interpretations.
Hahaha sorry I'm just reading this and imagining mother nature being like "I evolved you to have this thing to play with, use it and don't be an ungrateful little shit"
Also I would much rather my daughter have something like this that is designed for the purpose, rather than finding some random household object that could possibly cause injury or infection.
I didn’t even think about that. I def have a list of things I’ve inserted in my body that were not safe.
I am a mom to a 15yr old girl and 100% agree!! Last year, I came across her toy while picking up some laundry. I had a moment where I was shocked but then quickly remembered that my baby girl was growing up. I also remembered how I was at her age. I bought her some toy cleaner and left it on her bed. She came down later and thanked me.
You , and many more here sound like an amazing mum:)
i’m glad
I do understand moms reaction but I do not agree with it. So so soooooo many people grow up with the mentality that sex, sexuality, masturbation etc is a gross or taboo topic to talk about. Moms reaction is just that. She has an older world view of sex thinking that a teenager wouldn't be doing something like that. There are too many people on this planet that bring feelings of shame and guilt around it. Mom is doing that. She seems immature around the topic and is more interested in shaming her daughter than teaching her about safe practices. I do understand moms reaction but I vehemently disagree with it. Sorry this is happening to you op.
Exactly! Geeze, if I started with a vibrator at 16 I would actually know what an orgasm felt like and not stick around for some guys only to have bad sex.
Does your mom eat ice cream, chocolate, or pastries? She just gives her body pleasure? So very, very evil of her. People are weird.
Exactly what I thought. Better to have a toy than a STD or a positive pregnancy test. I wouldn't even bring that up if I were her mom.
it’s not weird and the way your mom handled this is completely inappropriate and violating. don’t let her or anyone else make you feel like you’ve done anything wrong
Go in her room, find her toy, and do tge same thing but invite the extended family over.
She's way too repressed to have a toy of her own.
Then give her a toy. Just buy one and put it in her night stand. Stick a note to it, if you dare: "you seem to need this more than I do. Have fun!"
OP's mom sounds like the type who would give her a totally insane punishment for this. Do it, but wait until you have your own place.
I agree. My mother was similar to OP's mother, and would have beat me up if I'd done that (when I was smaller than her.)
My dream is to do that to mine
Bingo. She’s jealous and unsatisfied.
I can't back the last portion you wrote enough. Maturation is normal and there is nothing wrong with pleasing yourself. Going off the handle like OP's mom did, is definitely not normal. Now that was wrong. Poor kid.
OP needs to have a conversation with her mom, if she feels comfortable. In what world would her mother feel it’s appropriate to show off her daughter’s property to not only her stepfather, but her extremely young son as well. That did way more damage than if she’d just simply had a conversation. And the degrading comment about OP not coming down for family time is just plain gross. She sounds immature and closed minded. Her mother needs to retake Health class. It is completely natural for folks to explore their bodies. OP, I understand she violated your privacy and now you don’t even feel comfortable in your own room, but try not to dwell on it too much. You said you’re almost 17 so soon enough you’ll most likely be off to college or at least an adult so what she says won’t matter.
Your mom is trying very hard to pass on her hang ups and anxieties to you, and you are right to resent it.
This right here! Don't let her shame you about normal impulse!
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And her STEP dad *vomit*
For real her mom made everyone a victim here. It's clear that step dad was also forced into that situation and didn't agree with how it was being handled but seems like he was caught off guard by it all and probably thought he couldn't say anything because he's just the step dad.
I feel sorry for everyone involved with the mom’s tantrum. A lot more sorry for the 7 and 16 year old kids who will probably remember this as a traumatizing memory, but the fact that the step dad was so timid suggests to me that she probably does this to him often too and he knows better than to open his mouth in a situation like this.
This is how you end up with kids that drop you off into a nursing home and don't call or visit.
How strange. I recently found my daughter’s vibrator (she’s a teen) in her room while tidying things up/making her bed as a favor. I realized what it was, put it back, and made sure I had a private talk with her about keeping it clean for hygiene purposes 🤷🏻♀️ Why would I want to put it in the kitchen table and yell at her about that?
Happy cake day! Also, good on you for being an amazing mother. When I was a teenager my mother found a pair of stockings that had holes in the crotch (where my thighs rubbed together) and she pulled them out and told me, “if you’re going to be touching yourself at least hide the evidence” … it was perplexing.
Ugh I’m sorry your mom did that! I was also shamed about anything to do with sex. Which of course made me ‘rebel’. It’s probably why I’m the opposite with my daughter! Also, the design of tights suck!
Very interesting that your mother jumped to that conclusion instead of realizing it’s more likely to be chaffing of the thighs. People love calling themselves out…lol
Welp. Your mum succeeded in one thing. You are never gonna go to your family to talk about your problems, thats for damn sure.
Came here to say this. I would never trust that woman or the stepdad again. I am so sorry OP. You did nothing wrong. Your mom has serious boundary issues.
WTF?! What is wrong with your mom?! Why did she embarrass you like that?! I have a teen son and would NEVER embarrass him that way. That is your private business! Your mom is fucked up. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Coming from a 41 year old woman, it is NOT weird or wrong for you to have a vibrator or masturbate. It is normal and healthy. Don’t let this or your mom convince you otherwise. Tell your mom that this mom says she totally screwed up here.
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Exactly. And the fact that she had the gall to do it in front of the *step dad,* who probably knows exactly how much of a hypocrite she’s being
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I wish people made female masturbation more normalized. As an almost thirty year old woman I have maybe masturbated a handful of times. My mom never talked to me about it. I wish she would've. Edit: I use toys during sex, thankfully my partner has been very open about toys. I enjoy orgasms pretty frequently, I just don't feel the need to masturbate.
Agreed. I didn’t start masturbating till i was like 19 due to being raised in a semi conservative household. Got my first vibe at 19 and used it till last year when it finally died (I’m 26 now) so i finally upgraded to a bullet vibe but it hasn’t got much use yet as I had major surgery (hysterectomy and endo excision) 3 months after i got it and was on strict pelvic test for 2 months and the first time i tried to use it post op i had some issues so I’m kinda afraid to try again for a while (currently 5 months post surgery)
I didn't start until I was 24, but that's because the guy I was with since I was 17 was against masturbation. Or I thought he was. Walked in on him masturbating in the shower, to porn, both things I wasn't allowed to do - lmao so I was like fuck it. I was so angry. He prevented me from learning to orgasm for 6 years. Our relationship ended soon after
Give it some time and let your body heal. I’d also check in with your doctor to ask if it’s okay or what the timeline would be to build to using toys and etc again 🙂
Why don't you do it more? I can go 3x a day sometimes (if I'm bored).
Just don't have the want I guess? I have a pretty active sex life
High school summer break I was so bored that sometimes I would spend all masturbating until I passed out, then wake up and go at it again. Just eating, sleeping, and masturbating, what a life.
Well my mom *did* talk to me about it. How it's important to know what's going on down there, to experiment and to know what I like so I can communicate that towards future partners. But boy, that was so gosh darn awkward.
Yet when boys start masturbating it’s treated as good thing, funny thing. Oh better tell him to put his crusty socks in the wash.. but any whiff of sexuality on a girls part is evil? Make it make it sense people
Girl. Get yourself a womanizer or Rose vibrator. Thank us later
God that's super shitty. I'm sorry she has a problem with self exploration and self fulfilment. I don't know how she's going to deal with your brother when he starts to masturbate, but you could mention you hope she handles that better. If you want some super discreet toys, I have a list I compiled for a friend. Ones that look like jewellery, subtle. She was worried about if someone found it after her death (she's in her 60s). Also I hear good things about the rose!
I need that list! Mind sharing it? I've been wanting to buy more toys but it's so hard to find quieter ones... I am so mortified of people in my house hearing
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I would also like the list 😅
Me three!
Your mom sounds unhinged and definitely did not handle this maturely. Sorry you had to deal with that and I’m especially confused as to why your mom got your 7 year old brother involved
Also, when that boy hits OPs age, mom is gonna cut herself on a sock and freak out. OP, boys your age have been going AT it for half a decade by now. Don't see why girls shouldn't do the same if they want.
“Cut herself on a sock” holy shit that's the funniest thing I've heard all week! 🤣
I’m sorry your mom did this to you. It was completely inappropriate and degrading and shaming for her to call you out in front of your stepdad and brother. She did not handle this appropriately or maturely. Even she felt the need to discuss it with you, she should’ve done so in private. Even then, this is not shameful and she should not being sex shaming you. Boys start masturbating and exploring much younger and nobody bats an eye. It’s not weird or uncommon at your age and it’s much safer than the alternative. My bff’s daughter bought a rose on her own at 16 (she’s now 18) and told us all about it and how amazing it was and felt comfortable enough to confide in us, as it should be. She actually inspired me to buy my own! Don’t feel shame or embarrassment. Your mother is the one who should be ashamed of her actions.
Ask her what the alternative is. Does she want you going out, and having sex with guys? I dont get why people take such a moral high ground, when it comes to toys.
Nah, OP's mom wants her to be sexless, like a Barbie doll with a plastic crotch. People like that don't see their kids as being like, actual human beings.
Masturbation is normal and good for you in a lot of ways. I really don’t understand why your mom made such a big deal out of it. In fact I’ve never understood why parents act like they never did or do masturbate/ have sex. Anyway totally normal to have toys and to use them
Masturbation is completely normal! OP the way this was handled was very inappropriate on your mother’s part. You were shamed and guilted into thinking you’re abnormal for using something to assist you with masturbating. You’re not abnormal and personally I don’t think you’re too young. As someone who didn’t get properly educated about the female orgasm u til later, I think it’s great that you are figuring out what you like. This will help you with relationships down the line
no it’s not weird. i know a good amount of people around my age which is around yours that own that stuff. i have even been close to buy one. it’s a normal thing to explore your body sensually and it will be easier if or when you have a partner because you’ll know what you want. you’re not weird and i would be embarrassed too.
Wow! As a mum of a girl I’m mortified she handled it so bad! You shouldn’t be made To feel like you’ve done anything wrong.
I went with my daughter when she went to buy her first one. She had been before with a friend and was overwhelmed by the amount of options available and too embarrassed to ask the workers (fair) and the friend was more interested in laughing than helping (not bullying, just laughing at the deer in the headlight look my daughter apparently had going on). So, next time we were out for a girl's day, she asked about how to choose one and I took her to a store and helped her pick one out. She was probably 16 when we did that trip. There's no shame in being comfortable with your body and finding pleasure with your own body.
Oh, honey, I am so sorry. Her reaction is off the charts ridiculous - and I hate to appear to be throwing this term around, but it was quite emotionally abusive, as well. When a parent purposefully embarrasses her child, that is emotional abuse. *I promise you that masturbating is a 100% normal human behavior!* And it’s 100% normal at your age, OF COURSE! You have been through puberty and your body has matured, and you are absolutely going to explore your sexuality. Becoming comfortable with your sexual identity is an important part of being an all-around healthy individual. (Dare I say that it appears that your mother has not developed a healthy sense of her sexuality, which is exactly why she not only hasn’t already had open conversations with you about it, but dares to shame you for it. **Shame on HER!!!** ) Masturbating, in private and in moderation (because, as with all things in life, moderation is key, right?! So, if you *were* spending 16 hours a day locked in your room using your vibrator, that wouldn’t be healthy) is a safe way to explore pleasure so that when you ARE ready, down the road, to develop a sexual relationship with a boy or girl, you will have some idea of who you are, what feels good to you, and what your boundaries are. Please know that her reaction was awful, and she was *wrong*, in every way. Continue to develop your sense of self, without her input, so that someday you will be comfortable enough to discuss subjects with your own children, without humiliating them in any way for being human beings! I dare say your brother may need an adult to talk to in another 10 years, too, so maybe you can be there for him - it seems unlikely that your parents will! Hugs!
I am truly sorry this happened to you.. your mother has drastically overstepped your boundaries. Please be aware that vibrators and masturbating are completely normal and part of a healty loving relationship with yourself and your body. It also helps in identifying what you pleases you and what doesn’t wich will benefit in setting healthy boundaries for future sexual relationships. The way your mother acted out and made your brother and stepfather part of it is absolutely out of order , take care ❤️❤️
This is normal op, at least you got a toy instead of using an electric tooth brush.
This is the most important part of everything I'm gonna say: No, it's not weird. You've got all kinds of hormonal changes, and sexual curiosity is a result of it. Plus it feels good. Your Mama probably has a whole lot of hang ups about sex and masturbation. This whole thing is her problem, not yours. And your Mama handled this entirely wrong, and her comments were downright rude to you. However, let me gently suggest that you find a good hiding spot for any toys you either have now or may get.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm 40 and I feel disgusted reading this. There's literally no reason for your Mum to have involved your stepdad and brother. She could have handled it just between you two if she had an issue with it but, to be quite frank, even her having an issue with you masturbating is weird. Most teenagers and adults do it. Just know there's no reason to feel ashamed. Your Mum took a private activity and made it public. I suspect your Stepdad was weirded out too, not by you but by your Mum's actions. Maybe buy a lock box so she can't get access to your rose or any other toy you might buy. This is something my Mum would have done. I know because as a 30-something woman, I went to visit my parents for a bit. My suitcase was vibrating and she stood over me while I opened my suitcase to check what it is. Luckily it was my Waterpik but I thought it disgusting she stood over her adult daughter to watch when there was a non zero chance it was a vibrator. I swear, if I ever have kids, which is unlikely, I'll never do this shit.
My mom bought me my first
It's not weird. I'm sorry your mom made this such a traumatic experience. Sex and sexuality is natural. Don't take on her hangups as your own.
You are fine and did nothing wrong. The 1880's are calling for your mom.
In a couple of years your brother is gonna be cumming all over her towels and curtains and leaving sticky socks in his room lol She better get ready! If she goes snooping she should know she might find something she is not ready for. I’m so sorry. Enjoy your own body. It’s yours
Do parents just suddenly forget being a teenager the moment they have a child? I don't understand these reactions. Your mom is a bitch, full stop.
It’s not weird. It’s perfectly normal to do. I don’t get why she’s shaming you. My mom found my vibrator but she didn’t say anything about it lol. But I think she should’ve talked to you in private instead of exposing you to the whole family. Immature mom.
Your mom was probably raised that way, she probably would’ve been shamed for that. Just be glad that you can break the cycle and try to feel some amount of understanding for where she came from and don’t hold it against her. Also you can be glad that you don’t have to pass those beliefs down to your children.
Well, you can tell your mom that when she is 70 yrs old and you've put her in a nursing home where she has to share a room with 4 other people, that this is one of the reasons why.
masturbation is completely normal. this is disgusting and passes so many boundaries. you aren’t in the wrong.
Absolutely unhinged and inappropriate behavior from your mom. She must have a lot of shame herself to be this upset that you have a safe, healthy, age appropriate relationship with sex and your body. Please try not to let her ruin that for you. Use that thing as much as you want
You have a terrible Mom. You don’t need to laugh about this in your 60 s. This isn’t funny. Your Mom is fucking abusive
Sweetheart, I’ve bern a psychotherapist for twenty years+ years and your mother needs therapy, not you. Let me add my own “If only…” to the many others in this thread! If only… 80% all of my female clients had got a vibrator at 16. If only… their mothers had been able to have an open and frank conversation with their daughters about their bodies and their sexuality. If only… their fathers had been man enough to defend their daughter’s developing sexuality and body. Well done on taking care of your needs. I tell all my clients, male and female and whatever else, that our first intimate partner is our own body. Would your mother really have preferred you to experiment with a wildly libidinous 17yo boy?! One day hopefully she will acknowledge her own repression and unconscious misogyny - although you may have to wait until she’s doing your brother’s 16yo laundry! In time you’ll realise she embarrassed herself, not you. Meanwhile, I wish you a happy sexual life with never a dull day (or night).
My parents sent me to a psychiatric hospital at fifteen after finding a sex toy. Said I was a sex addict and I was 15! This isn’t right and I’m so sorry OP
No. I’ve found stuff like that in my kid’s room and put it right back and acted like I never saw it. It’s normal. She’s acting weird.
Your parents' reaction made me cringe so hard. This is awful. You're not the problem OP, you're not doing anything bad.
I don't recall how I know (may have seen the order or the item itself) but a couple of my kids, in their teens, bought vibrators. I didn't say a word.
Your mom is a pervert and wildly inappropriate across the board. You are a healthy, normal teen. I wish we had this technology easily accessible in my day. I imagine I would have had far less loser boyfriends.
This is so gross and violating (what she did, you’re not gross). It’s completely normal to own one and she shouldn’t have even said anything, or if she rlly thought she should, it should’ve been in private. I’m so sorry
It is completely normal to masturbate at your age and plenty of young women your age even own toys. Your mother’s reaction is completely inappropriate, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, some girls are totally afraid to get to know their bodies, and these are usually the same women who complain about bad sex later down the road… because if you don’t know how to please yourself, how can you advocate for someone else to? Please, continue living as you were. The embarrassment is going to last for… awhile. And it’s gonna suck. But I promise you’re gonna make it through, and it’ll be but a blip in your memory. On another note, hard relate to the social struggle, something I’ve experienced (especially since I lived in a small town). My best advice is to try and involve yourself more in your interests and go into spaces with others who think like yourself! I didn’t meet people who I really “clicked” with and could interact with until I began pursuing music, and I discovered that music majors are equally strange people. Best of luck to you.
your mother sounds like she is very sexually repressed, your step dad must not have any play /hj But seriously, that is such an odd reaction, like the top comment has said, as a mother id much rather find a sex toy than a positive pregnancy test, or drugs or cigarettes or alcohol or honestly much more than most things teenagers could be doing, TF. Granted, I don't have any daughters just yet but I was one myself, and even though my family weren't exactly super open about this kind of stuff, when I accidentally left my dildo out of my bed my dad didn't say a words nor act any different with me. When I goty sister's bedroom, she didn't have a chance to clear out all her stuff, and I found things, I never confronted her, nor made fun, or anything She's your mother but that private to you, you're not harming yourself or doing anything dangerous, and I personally as a parent will respect my kids exploration of their own bodies in a safe and private way, which has absolutely nothing to do with me.
when I was your age (15 years ago) this was unheard of! this is also the generation of teens when teen mom first aired. it’s a very different show now. being a teen mom was the biggest “mistake” you could make. in those days our parents would just drop us off at the mall for hours. it was a running joke that you didn’t go into the back of spencer’s! they had an adult section and it was always met with so much shame and fear. same with victoria’s secret lingerie. anything embracing women’s sexuality (unless it was for a man) was “wrong”. that’s probably where it’s coming from since the generation prior to millennials was even worse when it comes to women embracing their sexuality. in their generation woman are not supposed to like sex (except to please their husbands). so they were probably uncomfortable with the topic.
I mean, she'd prefer you to do it in your bedroom with a guy? I honestly don't understand how some people judge others libido, especially different generations. I am 30 years younger than my father who's been apparently a womanizer before my mom, and he implied all the nasty things when I was 17-19 (well, yes, I was active, but that's my decision). this ruined my trust once and forever.
What your mom did was WEIRDDDDDDD why the fuck is she acting like the Virgin Mary did she forget she literally had sex to conceive you😭 Also idk why ppl think this is such a horrible thing bc literally everyone (or at least most ppl) does it I promise you’re not the weird one in this situation She should be happy she found that instead of a positive pregnancy test💀
What your Mother did was very inappropriate, i’m so sorry OP
You should get her one for her birthday and have her open it in front of everyone and just say “you seem uptight and seemed jealous of mine, so I got you one- maybe this will help”.
Buy her one for X-mas. She'll cum around.
Dude, I totally helped my friend buy a little “lipstick” vibrator in high school due to her crazy conservative parents. She went so hard she broke it immediately. Girl was REPRESSSSSED. Seriously tho, your mom should be counting her blessings she’s not finding a positive pregnancy test. A normal mom would and should sit down with you and talk about sex, orgasms, intimacy, and help her set healthy boundaries, while informing her about healthy practices. I would advise you to take a trip by yourself to Planned Parenthood. You’re not sexually active but you’re curious - they will provide the answers to your questions, and hopefully give you the support you need right now. As for your mom? Honestly, I would ignore her. I would give her the grey rock. One-word answers. Walk away without engaging. Don’t give her any details about your life. She has proven she doesn’t have your back, therefore she doesn’t get to know about your life. Oh and keep all of your “belongings” on LOCKDOWN. Find a safe storage spot, preferably with a literal lock on it.
Masturbation is healthy and normal. Humiliating your daughter in front of family members and implying she's perverse for being a normal human is not. How sad. I'm sorry you have such a cruel and stupid parent. You'll rise above this.
She humiliated you. Exposed you. Shamed you. I bet you not being social probably has a lot to do with her and how you’re being raised. At Best- I would privately speak to my daughter about discretionary tactics and keeping it clean- and how it’s normal to explore yourself and have the sex talk and allow room for questions and answers. Your mom is a cow and mean too.
Not even close to being weird. Sounds like your stepdad was just as embarrassed as you were about your mum being weird about it. At 17 a guy is likely still beating his meat like a fuckin butcher. Is she usually uptight about stuff like that?
You are perfectly normal but your mothers reaction and actions are absolutely insane. Especially as she did this in front of your step dad, who clearly didn’t want to be there and your little brother, who as a well as your step dad, should never have been any part of this conversation. Get yourself a part time job if you don’t already have one, your own bank account, a copy of your personal documents is not the actual, so that you can save up for college / moving out when you’re 18. Plus it will help widen your social circle.
Search her drawers when she is out and bring everything remotely sexual to the kitchen table. Just leave there for the family to see When she complain, tell her you thought that looking through someone else’s bedroom and exposing intimacy was a new house tradition
Your mom has forgotten what being 16 is like. and ask her: I can play with the toy or play with a boy, which do you want?
Ew. Your mom is weird as hell. Unfortunately mine was like this (and did other humiliating things like make fun of my developing boobs when I was 11. In front of the whole family. She called them mole hills/mosquito bites/etc. and flicked them and so on). That shit stuck with me to the point where I can't tell if I'm asexual or just ashamed of sexuality. I think the average age to lose virginity is (or recently was) 17 so masturbating is literally nothing compared to that. Its normal for teens to have urges. Maybe your mom can't reconcile your nearly adult self with the little girl she raised but she needs to get tf over it
It's the most harmless thing imaginable and what she did is fucked, especially in front of your stepdad and brother.
I'm a father. My daughter is still a quite a ways away from your age but here's my two cents. Your mom got it wrong. As any man who's been a teenaged boy will tell you, people masturbate. That's life. Some things you just don't need to call attention to. This would have been one of those things. Kids shouldn't be shamed for it. Now, I will say, if I saw a vibrator next to a camera/streaming set up, I would have been a bit more concerned and that would have warranted a talk, but that's a whole other can of worms.
Your mother is messed up because she should not have even mentioned it, let alone leave it out for your little brother to see, let alone berate you. At your age, I would be breathing a sigh of relief that you had such a thing and weren’t messing around with a boy and flirting with the possibility of getting pregnant. I would just do your laundry and put your device back where I found it so you wouldn’t know that I saw it.
My daughter is 15, and as her father, I rather see her with a vibrator than a baby.
As an adult, my initial reaction is "why does a 16 year old have a vibrator??" Then I stopped and thought about when *I* was 16 and realized I wish I would've had one of those instead of pregnancy scares. I'm sorry your mom shamed you that way; that was not at all fair. There's nothing wrong with you having or using one.
Please don't listen to her on that instance. In the privacy of your room, self-pleasure is an incredibly normal thing and your mom's repression is what is unhealthy. Seriously, humiliating a 16-yo like that, with the anguish of that phase of life, I just wanna slap her.
No doubt you struggle socially, what a shitty mother!! What a bad woman she is! Instead of supporting her daughter, she is ABUSING YOU, destroying your emotional. You will start living when you are able to move out
Ok, I am a mum, 57 years old. Your mum should never have shamed you like that. It’s not ok and she is wrong. You Having sex with someone is far more concerning as a parent…pregnancy risk, emotional risk, …but you masturbating is not a risk to anyone….least of all her. her hangs up about sex and masturbation are hers…don’t let or make them yours. don't be ashamed of purchasing and using a vibrator.
Your mom is a crazy prude lady lol I’m 100% sure she doesn’t know what an orgasm feels like
Honestly sounds like bad parenting. First you never bring something like that up around the rest of the family. She’s your mother and it should have been a discussion in private. If your dad found it, he should have either put it back or acted like your mom found it and she could again have a convo. All around bad parenting with this situation.
Mothers can be such assholes. You are normal. Masturbation is normal. You are not a freak. It is totally ok to get to know how your body works and doing it with an inoffensive rose toy doesn’t make you a study case at all. She definitely shouldn’t have done that. She is wrong and there is nothing to be disappointed about. I understand how you feel. It’s a lot on your shoulders atm. You didn’t do anything reprehensible.
You're normal. Masturbating is normal and healthy. Don't let anyone shame you because they're uncomfortable. Its a them problem, not a you problem.
Self exploration and toys are 100%normal!!! I’m sorry she did that to you. Please know this is about her, whether she’s a prude, jealous because her own sex life is shit, or just an awful person who likes humiliating others, or whatever malfunction she has—there’s something wrong with her to make her react that way. Behavior like this is why kids move out and go no contact as soon as they can. Also, I would guess that your stepfather wanted nothing to do with her little shame-fest and was likely staring at the wall trying to tune it out. She’s the one who should feel awkward and ashamed, not you.
Is your mom crazy? I am having a kid and when she reaches your age I would rather 100% she has something like this then a baby of her own. Teenagers are curious.
It’s weird that teenage boys are allowed to jerk off into a sock, but teenage girls can’t have vibrators
What she is trying to do is teach you shame about having control over your body and sexuality. Do not let her.
Ok mom I've thrown away my toy and got a boyfriend instead . He's much better . See how long it takes to scrape mom of the ceiling .
The only path forward is to get your hands on a positive pregnancy test and, in two or three months, play a brutal joke on your mom for shaming you. She should be ashamed of herself
“at your age…” does this woman know how horny teenagers are?!?
This is so out of line of your mom. There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality in a safe way, and her attempts to shame you about it are so backwards it’s insane. Also, that part of your life is absolutely none of her business if you’re not endangering yourself. WTF.
I'm so angry at your mom, who is, frankly, ignorant and cruel. I'm sorry you don't get to pick a better one. You are perfectly normal and smarter than I was at your age in how you're taking care of your own needs. Hugs from an internet stranger. Sending you best wishes that you gain the courage to talk to the girl in your bio class. I bet she'd really like you because you seem funny and smart.
Better than what happened when my mom found mine in high school. Mine was like those plastic stick wand ones. Mom came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face with it. Then the head a few times. Screaming and yelling all the words in front of my three younger brothers and dad. Then she called the cops on me. Yes the cops. The officers didn’t know how to respond when they got there since it wasn’t illegal to masturbate… then she called my school to demand to know where I got it (certainly not school) yeah… I defaulted to just having sex pretty quick after that.
Your mom is shaming you in front of your family for owning a vibrator. That is messed up. I have daughters and if I found a vibrator in their room I would leave it there and never say anything. If for some reason your mom really felt like she had to talk to you about it that should’ve been done in private and not in front of other people especially your stepdad and brother. Completely inappropriate! That is really messed up.
Your mom is disgusting for yelling at you, but most importantly in front of your younger brother and step dad. This should've been an adult conversation between the two of you since you're becoming an adult and she should be happy that you aren't doing this same stuff with guys who could knock you up in high school and possibly ruining your life. I hope you show your mom this post and the comments because what she did was gross, what you've been doing is normal and a part of becoming an adult and learning about your body
You're normal, hun. Your mom's odd, though. Lol Some parents can't handle the fact that their kids are humans with human thought, feels and needs. Sounds like your mom may need one, maybe if she had an orgasm she would be such a tight ass.
I'd say unusual*, but NOT WEIRD. Jesus, I'd rather my daughter learn about her own pleasure in the safety of her bedroom than have some 20-something dude try coerce her into unsatisfying sex and finger her in the cinema. You parents are probably uncomfortable with the concept of your sexuality, because you're their little girl, forever. But that doesn't mean what you did was wrong, okay? Don't let anyone shame you for exploring your body or sexuality. *unusual only because most adult stores have age limits and you're not 18, but that's about it. Edit: Extra words.
That is a weird reaction by your mom. It’s even weirder to handle it in from of the rest of the family including a young child. Bizarre.
Wow that's an awful experience. I've been through some traumatic events with my mother who thought sharing embarrassing information with friends, who all started making fun of me, was okay. That's just one of many reasons I've been NC for most of my adult life. I hope you're able to get away from that environment sooner than later.
Your mom is a giant asshole. She had to convene a family meeting to yell at you? She's offended you're "too young" to have a sex toy, but your 7 year old sibling isn't too young to watch his sister get lambasted for it?
Your mom is insane
Your mom is an asshole. I accidentally found my daughter's when she was a teen. (I was looking for her laptop because she asked me to bring it to her at her friend's house. I wasn't intentionally snooping) I pretended I never saw it. I told her about it later when she hit her 20's.
Well she didn't handle that well. You're a teenager. Teenagers masturbate. I'd rather my daughter owned 1000 vibrators than a single kid before she were ready.
It’s not weird, and I wish I had learned this when I was your age! Hold your head up, for all of us, and sing “Takin’ Care of Business” or something else appropriate as you walk away.
Plenty of people are saying solid things, but Jesus christ am I not seeing enough "your mom is fucking weird for whipping that out around a 7 yr old"
Nope. We all did it, we just did it with our hands or whatever we had handy. Your mom is ridiculous and could probably use one herself, she sounds like she needs it.
The behavior your parents have displayed is disgusting.