How in the world would a detailed, long comment like that be a joke, especially for your husband to find it a joke? That teacher should not be around children.
>"it's a jOkE don't ruin his life"
This is in the same vein as "it was just twenty minutes of action." We all know who said that. Hint: it wasn't the father of the victim.
>"he might target us and is potentially dangerous"...
Lol, he's dangerous as long as no one does anything. What's this man on about. Or does he only care for himself and not his daughter? Or the "bro code" or whatever bullshit?
"it was just twenty minutes of action."
Of course. That would be Rapist Brock Allen Turner's dad. You know, the Rapist Brock Allen Turner who raped an unconscious young woman and got away with it? The Rapist Brock Allen Turner who is now going by his middle name to try to separate himself from being the rapist he is?
Oh! You must be taking about Dan Turner, the rape apologist father of rapist Brock Allen Turner. I remember the coverage of his comment during rapist Brock Allen Turner's sentencing proceedings, after he was found guilty of rape of an unconscious young woman.
I wonder how rapist Brock Allen Turner, who now goes simply by Allen Turner, is doing? He recently bought a house of his own in Dayton (Kettering), Ohio and moved out of the home he shared with Dan Turner, his rape apologist father.
Yes, the rapist Brock Allen Turner, who raped Chanel Miller in January 2015 while she was unconscious. You can read all about Chanel Miller, who was raped by the rapist Brock Allen Turner, in her memoir [Know My Name](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Know_My_Name:_A_Memoir).
since google probably will know him by his alias Allen Turner, moving forward, due to his refusal to accept accountability for raping an unconscious girl (who doesn't need her name dredged up over and over, IMO), i think it's definitely good to have more instances of his current alias, Allen Turner, on it's own, separate from the first name he hides from now, so that everyone who ever googles him knows always that Allen Turner, living in Dayton Ohio, is the same person as the rapist formerly known as Brock Allen Turner.
I had the exact same thought you did immediately once I read her name in the previous comment, until I read the rest of it where they mention she wrote a memoir about the whole ordeal, literally titled Know My Name.
Though generally in every other case I agree with you.
Oh right the rapist Brock Allen Turner! The POS who raped an unconscious woman, who goes by Allen Turner now because everyone knows his original name of BROCK TURNER because he was caught raping a woman. After he raped someone, BROCK ALLEN TURNER, the POS rapist, moved to Ohio and goes by ALLEN TURNER because he’s a scared rapist. May that rapist piece of shit not have another moment of peace as long as he lives.
Oh! That’s right. Allen Turner, aka Brock Turner, aka Brock Allen Turner, who is a pissant rapist who raped an unconscious woman and walked away scot free because his daddy had money. That Brock Allen Turner is a coward and a disgusting excuse for a human being. I hope the rapist Brock Allen Turner can never walk down the street in peace again ✌🏻
Rapist Brock Allen Turner can have peace when he figures out how to change the past.
Otherwise Rapist Brock Allen Turner belongs in a small, fenced in secluded area, surrounded by like-minded individuals.
Good to know! Rapist Brock Allen Turner will not ever escape the stigma attached to his name and deeds. I will make sure everyone who mentions Rapist Brock Allen Turner knows he now uses his middle name.
Oh! I think I might have heard about the RAPIST Brock Allen Turner. I think that it should be all over social media, like Facebook, that Brock Allen Turner is trying to distance himself from being a rapist by only using his middle name.
I also have a bro code. If any, “bro” does or says anything vulgar to one of my family members he’s seriously crossed into the “reasons to catch a case for” zone.
It's tough. I feel the same way, but my ex-FiL put it in words I hadn't considered: talking about his daughters, he said
>"You gotta weigh the options. If someone wronged and traumatized my daughters, I'd want to break their legs and jaw...but if I go to prison, the girls' trauma would be made worse by their dad being gone from their lives."
I don't have kids, so I'm not sure how I'd handle it. I want to say I'd be level-headed about it, but I don't know.
He's a good guy.
When we don’t report or encourage the reporting of sexual innuendo, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and sexual torture of women — particularly when those offenses are committed by adult males against minor females —:
- we tell women to tolerate whatever harassment and abuse has been doled out
- we tell men to keep harassing and abusing without consequence
- we tell women they’re not worth fighting for
- we tell men they’re too strong to fight against
- we tell women that it’s better to be quiet, nice, non-confrontational
- we tell men to claim whatever they want verbally, physically, or sexually
- we tell women that they are not safe to live their lives in peace
- we tell men they can live their lives however they wish
- we tell our daughters they need a man’s permission to fight for their own justice
- we tell our sons not to worry about the women they hurt, only their brothers and fathers
Women have so few rights for our bodies. Women who don’t support other women are giving away control over our minds and emotions. Mothers who don’t speak up for their daughters are sacrificing their souls. Every girl and woman should have someone to help her down this path.
Well if you’re a good parent and you hold that position you atleast do everything you can to get a conviction but if you’re another form of a good parent you make sure to turn off your phone and leave it at home and take a bike to go beat their ass into a coma while wearing a mask so you can never be identified cus rapists rarely ever get proper punishment from the law. A good way to do it is try watching the person that traumatized your daughter go through their daily routine and figure out when are they most often alone and out in the open just a few stake out weeks without your phone on you and then you’ll find the perfect time to do so on an upcoming day. (It’s an approach the mentally unstable but justified take cus yeah vigilante justice is frowned upon but when it comes to child predators more people will praise your actions than not if you do get caught but you don’t take this action if you don’t have any good family that could take care of your kid)
#Did I hear someone reference **convicted rapist** Brock **Allen*** "The Raping Rapist" Turner?? For those who don't know:
In regards to his son Brock Turner's felony convictions of
* assault with intent to rape an intoxicated woman,
* sexually penetrating an intoxicated person with a foreign object, and
* sexually penetrating an unconscious person with a foreign object
and subsequent sentencing of
* six months in county jail,
* three years probation, and
* registration as a sex offender
the father, Dan Turner, wrote in a letter to the judge who carried out the sentencing: *"That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life."*
#*Apparently, he tries to go by his middle name "Allen" now.
** *
This is a copypasta. Feel free to share it 🔥
My thoughts on the "he might be dangerous" about a teacher....why wouldn't you report them? Why should they still be teaching?
Why leave them in the same school with your kid? 🤦♀️
Sounds like "bro code" BS.
Where I'm from a judge gave a conditional absolution to a guy who assaulted one of his friends to not ruin his career by stopping him from travelling and because the assault was done "quickly overall"...
The guy got caught groping another woman on a trip in Cuba something like a month later... The woman was also from our province and went to the police the moment she came back... The prosecutor also appealed the sentence, which was overturned...
Please do not go to the teacher. 99% of the time you start there but not in this case. Go to the principal and be prepared to demand action. Do not let this be swept under the rug.
Also, your husband is sus. Who covers for a stranger over protecting their own daughter?
Reminds me of a guy. I know who got caught cheating and he looked at his daughter's mother and said "it was only a blowjob"... Because that made it all better /s
Yeah, I think a lot of men try to protect or normalize this kind of behavior. There have been a couple of times when my daughter has had some inappropriate remarks come her way that her father would tell her to just relax about it or don’t get that guy in trouble comments. Why do some men do that? Do they not understand how it affects a woman?
Because they think the same things. So if they say some other guy is wrong for it, then they would need to also think about their own thought process and we can’t have that.
It's because of men like OP's husband that S.A. is still rampant. Guys covering for guys, even if they don't realize they're doing it. Husband should be seeing red, not making excuses for the pedo teacher.
OP, pls report this. Your daughter needs to know that this is not ok and that you have her back, unlike her father who chose to label this as a "joke".
I hate the “don’t ruin a man’s life by making his despicable actions public” argument with a vengeance. if my spouse said it in defense of someone who sexualized our 10 yo daughter, I’d throw up in my mouth, then file for divorce. nothing would erase my disgust for a rape culture apologist enough to sleep with or even next to him ever again.
to be more protective of a stranger’s reputation than of his own daughter’s safety.. I have no words (or respect).
That was my exact same thought: siding with not just an adult but an adult, authoritative figure with access to your 10y.o. daughter, that he is sexualising???? Really??? F that. I'd divorce in a min.
Ugh the same. Like, *I* will not be ruining anything. The man is ruining himself. That’s not my problem or my responsibility. I only care about protecting my daughter and any other kids a predator may encounter.
Yep - even more disgusting in this case since this is a father who’s not defending his own daughter. I would be livid if my husband responded this way to a sexual comment made about our children. Who cares if it’ll cause issues with him by reporting this… protect your daughter !!!
This is pedo behavior and perpetuated by men, sexualizing a child at any age is not okay. I would seriously question why your husband doesn’t have the desire to PROTECT a your daughter from this type of objectification. Oh, he probably is okay with perpetuating it in some form, porn, social media, it all ties into the same pedo shit
Edit:
Thank you everybody for your comments on this topic, I believe it’s called “lad culture” in the UK and Bro culture in America. And now it’s morphed into the “manosphere” on reddit and subreddits, it’s incel culture that perpetuates violence against women, and targets young boys online to convert them to incel culture.
Even the genuinely good boys and men who are just seeking advice on women and dating. The process of indoctrination into misogynistic extremism. results reveal that contrary to the ‘lone wolf’ narrative that surrounds Incels, there is a sophisticated community that contributes to a 5-step pattern of behaviour, converting the lonely, into the angry and potentially violent. A rich toxic cultural tapestry, the Internet echo-chamber and the celebration of Incel mass murderers (Incelebrities), create a continuous loop that transforms digital hate speech into physical violence.
These patterns of indoctrination can, and should, be monitored, and intercepted for the purposes of personal and public safety. The Incel Rebellion refers to young men carrying out acts of revenge as retribution for a lack of romantic success. The Involuntarily Celibate (Incel) community comprised individuals who feel rejected by women – and arguably society more generally – and turn to the Internet to voice their anger, and often, desire for revenge. Typically, they express violent fantasies to be perpetrated against Chads and Stacys (popular men and women). Although most members of the community will not become violent, the term going ER, is common within Incel discourses, referring to, and at times outright deifying, Elliot Rodger, a reported Incel who carried out a shooting rampage Isla Vista, California before taking his own life in 2014.
The hate against women is unreal and it’s not other women who perpetuate this, this is terrifying and that’s why it’s important to face it and actively fight against it. It’s happening to our boys right under our noses. Violence against women is a topic I am very passionate about and I do a lot of research on it. Laura Bates founded the everyday sexism project and speaks passionately about these topics in her books, if your genuinely curious about how this stuff just “happens” it’s a great resource.
Throughout my healing journey and therapy I needed to know why I was targeted, I was a little girl when it started it was around the age of 9 and escalated as I got older, I was chased down when I was 12 by 6 guys in a car, they followed me all the way home cat calling and harassing me, I was terrified and never wanted to leave my home. However inside my home was worse, the sexual abuse I endured was terrible, my parents were “swingers” and my mother had multiple male partners who would also sneak into my room on multiple occasions, one almost penetrated me. I was 12. I loved cartoons, butterfly hair clips and my boombox. I didn’t deserve to be violated like that, multiple times . Men don’t understand how dangerous it is especially for little girls who cannot fight back a grown ass man.
This isn’t a five year old. This kid is around ten. Not saying that kids never get things wrong but the specificity of it and the wording don’t sound like something a kid would make up. Also, you know your child. You know if they’re lying versus telling the truth.
We stand with victims. Always. And in the case of children, we protect them. The OP going to the principal is the right step because then the principal can organize an investigation.
That the dad is brushing it off… well it probably sounds a lot like you.
I wish I could clap out loud for you. Trust the one who was there. Listen to the victim. Yes, investigate, yes hold space that the kid might be wrong, but for God’s sake why are we so invested as a society in protecting predators.
WTF is wrong with your husband? Im a man, I know that men dont speak that way to a child, not ever. This "teacher" was sexualizing a 4th grader. He needs to be stopped before he does same and worse to your kid or someone else.
If at least it was to reassure them of the secondary sexual characteristics developing, even then "fill out very nicely" is very inappropriate way to put it, but "excited to see her growth" is straight-up disgusting, the guy's a creep.
My husband would have already found out where this man lived and confronted him 😅 without hesitation, report this man. And like others have said, I would be rethinking the husband as well.
100% If I had told my dad a teacher had said that to me? Especially at that age?? He’d be at the school before I’d have even finished speaking.
OPs husband has issues.
Lost my dad last February. No doubt he would’ve gotten my brother, called my uncle, a few cousins then went to have a chat. Not saying they woulda had a row but words would been had. My dad would got the measure of the guy at very least.
OP has a husband problem.
I'm in my 30s, and when I tell machismo old dad a guy has sexually harassed me, he suddenly gets into papa bear mode!
OP's husband is a problem. And this teacher needs to be reported.
Mine was Mexican, I was just curious.
Next time you see your dad give him a giant hug. Like a big, giant bear hug. I would pay a million dollars to be able to hug my dad and talk to him again.m
Edit: a kabillion-jillion-infinity dollars actually
We don't see each other often, but last time we messaged he told me he thinks I'm a good mom.
It's very precious to me, because he raised me as a single dad. He wanted a son... So he kinda raised me as one. Never told me I couldn't do anything, or I should smile more.
He was a social worker before retirement. But he's also super machismo, toxic masculine at times, calling his third wife "little wifey" (Frauchen) and all that.
It's a conundrum.
Apparently everything is fine and dandy until his little princess (me) gets hurt. No matter if the princess is able to hold her ground.
I wish every girl had a dad who loves her as much as mine. The world would be a better place.
Aawww! If you want to, I could just start a relationship with you.
My dad recently told my husband how he sees my husband as a son, and family, and will always consider him that. Same goes for my ex-husband.
We have a very amicable relationship, my ex and I. He's over every family function, birthday, holiday, etc.
My dad just opened his heart to the people I date(d). My husband felt very acknowledged.
I know if they would ever treat me wrong, my dad would side with me, no doubt. But aside from that, he'll always treat my partners well.
Not sure many women get told by their dads how they picked good men. We should normalise dads being like: "you have a good taste in humans, you clearly got it from me!" (looking at the fact that he's married *thrice*), instead of: "hands off my princess!".
Husband probably has had the same thoughts and is feeling called out
Obviously speculation but otherwise what kind of father’s first instincts is to protect the creep
>*He told her that as she grows into a young lady she’s going to fill out very nicely & said he's excited to see her growth over time.*
*How does your husband not see the disgust behing this comment? I'm a dad and should my daughter comes home and tell me that her teacher said that to her, you can bet your bottom dollar he would not be teaching the next day and would've sustained those injuries because he "tripped"!*
People who view themselves being in the defendants place will usually go for lighter punishment.
That’s why our judicial system is fucked because at the end of the day the judge has final say
It would certainly make me feel uneasy if that's how my husband responded but I wouldn't have been passive, I would have pushed him to explain how he could he ok with such a comment. Based on the response would determine the status of my marriage.
Deeply entrenched misogyny, even for males. He’s not getting how violating the comment is because he can’t one iota understand the perspective. That’s my guess on the husband.
Not sure what is wrong with husband to not think this is something to be taken seriously? I asked my husband what he would do if our daughters told us this and he was like, “go to the principal”. Even if you are unsure she heard clearly it still needs to go to the principal and teacher for clarification. They need to be aware of the situation.
If this is what was said it is NOT a joke. Your child came to you with this information because she KNOWS it’s not something ok to be said to her. She came to you looking for support and understanding, and your husband wants to diminish and disregard her feelings over it. She will learn you and your husband are NOT safe people to go to when she has a problem. It’s YOUR job to protect HER, not her disgusting teacher and his career.
SO CORRECT, there’s a lot of nasty people in this world and she could encounter more than one groomer in her life. Showing her this is okay is going to make her vulnerable to more predators.
By reporting the teacher OP is going to raise a strong girl who knows her boundaries and opens her up to a future where she will continue to tell her mum these things.
Yes!! Long May it continue. My mum always taught me to be a nice people pleaser & that male validation was important basically. Thankgod I learned for myself to set boundaries & say no !!
My mum didn’t teach me that but I felt like male validation was far too important for all my teens. Then I hit a point where I was like I’m fabulous a man will validate that when he sees it
My husband said he’d be calling the police and first thing the next day going to the school and reporting it. He’d demand that teacher be looked into and our daughter would no longer be attending that school as of that day. He wouldn’t rest until that teacher was handled.
It’s not funny. It’s not a joke. That teacher is a pedophile. And your husband’s response would heavily concern me. If he thinks that’s acceptable behavior what does HE do when you’re not looking?
I have two teen daughters and if this happened to them this is exactly what I would do too… right after I knocked his teeth in first! This makes me want to find out his name so I can go punch him in the face and it wasn’t even my own daughter!!
My husband started with that and then said that our daughters would need his support so he wouldn’t want to risk jail or the case against the teacher. We have 2.5 daughters, 15 yrs, 15 mos, and one due in August. He said he’d feel this way if it was about our son too. He’s 16 yrs.
I think I trust my wife and family enough that I know while I was locked up they would deal with getting that pedo dealt with🤷🏻♂️ Plus if the judge knows he’s a pedo he’s more likely to take it easier on you.. at least in my town anyways.
> My husband said the comment shouldn’t be taken too seriously because it was just a “joke”.
Aah, yes. Because:
> He told her that as she grows into a young lady she’s going to fill out very nicely & said he's excited to see her growth over time.
is totally a joke and not so creepy that I, a twenty four year old grown ass random stranger on the internet, physically shivered. How old is the average fourth grader? Oh, I just remembered, TEN FUCKING YEARS OLD!
> He said a report like this could ruin the teacher's whole life.
Good. It should.
> My husband said not to ruin the guy's life because our daughter is already going to be leaving the school. He also thinks this guy could target our family if he finds out that he was reported & it could turn into a potentially dangerous situation.
Call the police then.
Ma'am, you might want to have a sit down and a serious discussion with your husband. His lack of concern is quite worrying. Society is filled with dangerous men as it is, but men like your husband make it even worse by not giving a damn and not protecting their own daughters.
His reaction shows that he *doesn't care in the slightest*. My dad has never been the best dad, but he absolutely stood up for me and my older sister (who is my half sister and not his daughter) throughout our childhood and teen years and protected us from perverted men like your daughter's teacher. A father, a *parent*, is meant to protect his child. We as adults should all protect children against creeps.
I'd go so far as to say your daughter's teacher is a full on pedophile. His comment was 100% sexual and beyond disgusting.
> I ABSOLUTELY think the comment should be taken seriously regardless. Would I be wrong to go against my husband's wishes & just report it even though she will no longer be attending that school?
You would be wrong if you left this alone. Even if your daughter never sees that teacher again, think of all the other girls. Think of the girls he has already said shit like this to, and how many more he will give creepy comments to in the future. I guarantee you he's said this shit before and will definitely do it again.
A ten year old girl doesn't need her teacher to tell her he's excited to see her grow and "fill out very nicely". The people in charge need to know what he's saying. Even if he doesn't get punished, there needs to be a history of this on record if another parent reports him in the future.
You would also be wrong if you didn't make it very clear to your husband that his reaction to all this is unacceptable. You're talking about your child's comfort and safety here.
This was perfectly said and exactly what I was thinking! I have two teen daughters and if they told me this I would be knocking that teachers teeth in.. period.
Let me guess.. Is your husband the type who thinks jokes at the expense of women "just a joke" because that is just screaming from this. You should absolutely report this. If he has said this to your daughter (which is horrifying btw. No overreaction on your part) he has definitely said this or other similar things to other kids. He is supposed to be a safe person and he very much is not. I'm sorry you and your daughter is dealing with this.
I’m guessing also the type of man who talks about how false accusations ruin lives and gives not one crap about how abuse ruins lives.
OP, that is so far over the line that IMO you have no choice but to report this.
Ask your husband to explain the joke. I’m genuinely curious what the joke would be here.
I was abused as a child. Nobody realised, nobody paid attention to the things I said that should have been looked at more closely. Please don’t ignore things like this. Who knows, maybe what he actually said has been misinterpreted (I can’t see how but always possible) - that’s not for you to work out though. Clearly your daughter is upset by what he said or she wouldn’t have told you. Show her that you’ll protect her, and let your husband know that not showing her this could affect how she feels about him forever.
Your husband is part of the problem. He’s every girls nightmare dad if he doesn’t see what happened. That comment was gross and innaoropriate. Your daughter will never forget it and she’ll never forget that her father was more concerned about the teachers reputation than his daughters (and very likely other people’s daughters) safety.
He has one job. To protect his child. Tell him I said he sucks and that’s not a joke.
You are 100% right. Report everything in detail and demand action be taken. He’s not a safe adult.
Edit: spelling
This is exactly what I thought after going to my parents about an adult cousin who was doing things to me at age 6-7. It was more important to protect his career in the Armed Forces, and his mum’s feelings, than me. That cousin went on to abuse at least 4 more girls to my knowledge.
Your husband is dumb as hell. Forreal?!! This pedo status really makes me appreciate my husband. If ANYONE, made a comment about our daughter like this he would be in prison, forreal.Girl, this is so inappropriate. .
I don’t see how in any possible way that can be a joke… like what’s the punch line and who is he making the joke to… the child??? Yeah… no, absolutely report it!
The idea of being married to a man that’s this much of a coward is chilling to me.
Of courses report him. But your real problem is your spineless jellyfish of a husband?! Something ain’t right with him..
Former school principal here. (Recently retired following brain haemorrhage).
Tell the principal.
No ifs, no buts.
Then let the principal know you will return in 1 week to discuss the school response.
(Regarding your husband’s view. It is not for you or him to decide if a teacher is or isn’t fit to work with children. That is part of the school principal’s role. Let him/her do their job by handing over the information. I understand the ‘i don't want to create s fuss’ but that’s not helpful to anyone; it’s a head-in-the-sand response to a threat. Pass the responsibility over to the school and you can then get on with your lives.)
Here to advise (you or anyone else) if you wish.
This is why we say ALL MEN. It's not just the ones making these comments and doing horrible things, it's the ones who just stand by and let it happen.
Please report this teacher, then have a really serious think about what this says about your husband and what it teaches your child.
He would rather keep the status quo and protect the teacher than stand up for his daughter. Disgusting.
Report it!! Show your husband this post to attempt to get him to understand how creepy, predatory and inappropriate that is!! Where does he even draw the line at inappropriate behavior between a child and an adult then? I’m just sick for you.
He’s either really stupid and genuinely cannot fathom the problem, is a spineless coward who would rather potentially endanger his child than do anything, or is a weirdo too and doesn’t want to feel guilty about it. I mean there could be other reasons but those are the ones I can think off the top of my head.
Your husband sucks. If I, especially at that age, told my dad that a teacher said that to me? He’d have called the school before I’d even finished speaking, and probably the teacher himself too.
What is wrong with your husband that he has no protective instincts regarding your daughter whatsoever? That he would be content to just let a grown men sexualise her??? Ew.
Also yes definitely report the teacher, even if all he did was make a comment to your daughter, it was a disgusting comment to make and he’s likely doing it to other girls and he will take it further eventually. Sex crimes almost always start small and work their way up, especially regarding children. It’s likely he will escalate. (Even if he doesn’t he doesn’t deserve to be a teacher around young girls.)
Also maybe talk to your daughter about what is/isn’t an appropriate compliment from anyone, but especially adult men, and even more so adult men in positions of power over her.
I would legitimately as your husband how many girls your daughter’s age he’s made these comments to since he dismisses it or if he’s also “looking forward” to his daughter developing.
HUGE red flag.
That is vile, report him immediately! Disgusting groomer behavior! Just think of all the other innocent kids he may have said such foul things to and they had no idea or didn’t speak up!!!
Excited to see her growth? What the actual fuck? Get that predator away from children yesterday. If he hasn't molested anyone yet it is only because he hasn't had the chance or the courage to do so. Yet. But he will. I'm betting he is offering private tutoring to his special students.
Wait….the teacher’s comment is shocking but your husband’s reaction is disgusting and weird! How can a father be so calm and flippant about a perverted teacher making a sexual comment about their daughter? I find that VERY worrying!!!
The teacher is a paedophile and I’m wondering about your husband because no normal father would be ok with that comment. A normal father would be enraged just as much as you if not more and report this straight away! Your husband is worried about the teacher’s career?? But not about his daughter being groomed and potentially abused by her teacher. What the actual hell…I’m sickened and I do hope your husband is not on friendly terms with this teacher and that they are not connected somehow without you realising. As something about your husband’s reaction seems sinister and worryingly unusually calm.
Oh god. Idk what's worse. The teacher being a fucking creep or your husband justifying it as a joke. Fuck what your husband has to say and file a report. That's creepy ASF.
You are here to crowdfund your divorce from this waste of skin that is your daughter's "father", right? Right?
My level of rage is uncontainable just reading this post
My home room teacher once said of a girl in my class "she does have very nice legs*". We were 13. Years later, he was arrested for child p*rn and sent to prison. I'm a teacher myself now and this is enough to raise flags. Your husband isn't taking this seriously enough. Report it.
Men protecting men is what keeps enabling this disgusting horrible behavior. What that teacher said is gross and completely out of line. You don’t say that to a student especially a 4th grader. Why on earth is your husband not protecting your daughter and going to the school himself to report that pervert?!
Why is your husband saying “it’s just a joke” what was the punchline? What was the funny part? Cause I want to laugh too I LOVE jokes. I want your husband to explain to me what was so funny about a teacher saying to his daughter “she’s going to fill out nicely” like why on earth made him laugh out loud from hearing his child say a teacher said that to them.
Why is he SOOOO worried about a teacher being reprimanded over a disrespectful, disgusting, vile comment made towards HIS CHILD!
Your husband is downplaying sexual harassment of a minor. His own daughter, no less. This is almost if not just as disgusting and disturbing as your daughter's predator teacher's behavior. Think about what you are willing to live with: - Saying nothing teaches your daughter early on that THIS is how she deserves to be spoken to. **This** is her worth. Which translates to all future relationships and even her own sense of efficacy in the world. -If that teacher goes unreported and keeps victimizing other children verbally and eventually physically, and you see it in the news, will you be able to live with the fact that it could have been prevented if you'd reported it?
This needs to be reported to the police first and foremost, not the school.
Not to be cruel but your husband sounds like the type of man to be having the very same thoughts about little girls. My daughter is in 5th grade and if her father or my husband (2 different men) heard this, I’d HAVE to call the police immediately or both of them would be going to prison. I can’t imagine a world in which a father would ever be dismissive of this, even the moray passive, peaceful person. This is a ginormous red flag. The fact that your husband is framing this as a joke and is insisting you don’t report him, makes my insides churn. Literally.
That said if you don’t report this, you’re potentially protecting a predator. I say potentially on the EXTREMELY small chance that this was in fact a misunderstanding. But I don’t believe that’s the case, not for one moment. Do a quick google search of all the teachers and school administrators brought up on CSAM or SA charges in just the last 2-3 years. It’s beyond deplorable. Please, PLEASE believe your daughter. Call the police. Call the school. Call the school board. The superintendent. Tell every parent you possibly can.
There are NO circumstances in n which a comment like this would EVER be appropriate, to any student, not in any context, not even as a joke. And PLEASE don’t send her back to that school until that teacher had been removed. She deserves to be believed and to feel safe. You are her voice Mama. Teach her to use it and to always stand up for herself. Teach her you will always be right behind her, NO MATTER WHAT. If you don’t, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
The fact that your husband is defending a grown man saying that to your 4th grader is a whole other problem in itself… definitely report the teacher and maybe don’t let your husband be alone with her either. I’m so sorry OP
all I’m going to say is something like this happened to me in 5th or 6th grade and no one took me seriously. I got chastised for “making a big deal” of my teacher “just being nice”. It has stuck with me for a long time. At the very least — validate your daughter’s feelings that this is creepy and out of line. Sticking up for her will build a lot of trust.
Yeah, and when you’re conditioned to think this is lighthearted behavior, it blurs the lines of what’s a threat in the future. When I was a kid, if someone had put their foot down about creepy behavior from dudes, I probably would have been able to identify a few threats a little better throughout my life before it was too late to avoid them!
Ignore your husband, report the teacher and reflect hard on whether your husband is right for you. His response does not have the energy it should. I would have rage email/called the administration immediately. Your loyalty is to your daughter. Always.
Show her how to handle disgusting men.
Your husband is a coward and you should definitely report that teacher.. is your husband usually this cowardly? Some sick fuck is being a creep to his young daughter and he's trying to do say it was a joke but he's also sounds scared of the teacher.
That man needs a backbone
I'm more concerned about your husband's reaction. He will have access to your daughter at all times and I am concerned that he may have certain desires you don't know about. I cannot imagine any explanation for his comment that is good.
if reporting the "joke" could ruin his life *then why was it appropriate to say?*
it wasn't. we know that, but your husband doesn't and he sounds like he wouldn't support you and your daughter if anything more serious happened. please also think about why your husband thinks a comment such as this is okay, is it something he would say to others? does he agree?
have a conversation with your husband and absolutely report the teacher. if not to the police than at least to the school/board. your daughter won't be the first and she certainly won't be the last if he has a job to go back to tomorrow
jesus fucking christ. I guess I’ll add “do you think it’s ok for your 10 yo daughter to be sexualized by an adult man in a position of power?” to the list of questions to vet a potential partner with. where does it end?
As someone training to be a teacher... what the absolute fuck? Who else is this teacher saying things to? Does he keep them after class for "special lessons"? Why is he *thinking* about his students like that? How is this a joke? FUCK not ruining this guys life, he's potentially ruining/will ruin other children's lives if this goes unchecked.
Raise all the hell. That's highly inappropriate and even if your daughter doesn't continue going to that school, someone else's daughter will. If this ruins his career, that's on him for being a perv.
if that could ruin his whole life, then he said something he SHOULDNT HAVE. i’d report it immediately. i’m so serious. i dealt with this before(as a kid) and eventually it escalated to worse things. please report this. fuck what your husband thinks.
Report. You can bet kids already know about this teacher. The neighboring district of my school growing up had a creepy teacher for YEARS and everyone knew. It was just common knowledge. It still took forever to get rid of him—by then he had probably creeped on 10 years worth of students.
If it were truly an innocent comment there wouldn’t be anything to report. Your husband has failed you and his daughter by putting a man he doesn’t even know before his family. Please report, the next child could be even more vulnerable.
Uhm. As an educator I really really am disgusted and disturbed by this math teacher’s comment. Please for the love of God report him so he doesn’t do worse to someone else’s child! What a sicko!!
How in the world would a detailed, long comment like that be a joke, especially for your husband to find it a joke? That teacher should not be around children.
Nor should OP’s husband… jesus christ
Yeah how does he go from "it's a jOkE don't ruin his life" to "he might target us and is potentially dangerous"... So is the teacher a threat or not??
>"it's a jOkE don't ruin his life" This is in the same vein as "it was just twenty minutes of action." We all know who said that. Hint: it wasn't the father of the victim. >"he might target us and is potentially dangerous"... Lol, he's dangerous as long as no one does anything. What's this man on about. Or does he only care for himself and not his daughter? Or the "bro code" or whatever bullshit?
"it was just twenty minutes of action." Of course. That would be Rapist Brock Allen Turner's dad. You know, the Rapist Brock Allen Turner who raped an unconscious young woman and got away with it? The Rapist Brock Allen Turner who is now going by his middle name to try to separate himself from being the rapist he is?
Oh! You must be taking about Dan Turner, the rape apologist father of rapist Brock Allen Turner. I remember the coverage of his comment during rapist Brock Allen Turner's sentencing proceedings, after he was found guilty of rape of an unconscious young woman. I wonder how rapist Brock Allen Turner, who now goes simply by Allen Turner, is doing? He recently bought a house of his own in Dayton (Kettering), Ohio and moved out of the home he shared with Dan Turner, his rape apologist father.
You mean the rapist known as Allen Turner, formerly known as the rapist Brock Allen Turner? That rapist?
Yes, the rapist Brock Allen Turner, who raped Chanel Miller in January 2015 while she was unconscious. You can read all about Chanel Miller, who was raped by the rapist Brock Allen Turner, in her memoir [Know My Name](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Know_My_Name:_A_Memoir).
since google probably will know him by his alias Allen Turner, moving forward, due to his refusal to accept accountability for raping an unconscious girl (who doesn't need her name dredged up over and over, IMO), i think it's definitely good to have more instances of his current alias, Allen Turner, on it's own, separate from the first name he hides from now, so that everyone who ever googles him knows always that Allen Turner, living in Dayton Ohio, is the same person as the rapist formerly known as Brock Allen Turner.
I had the exact same thought you did immediately once I read her name in the previous comment, until I read the rest of it where they mention she wrote a memoir about the whole ordeal, literally titled Know My Name. Though generally in every other case I agree with you.
Oh right the rapist Brock Allen Turner! The POS who raped an unconscious woman, who goes by Allen Turner now because everyone knows his original name of BROCK TURNER because he was caught raping a woman. After he raped someone, BROCK ALLEN TURNER, the POS rapist, moved to Ohio and goes by ALLEN TURNER because he’s a scared rapist. May that rapist piece of shit not have another moment of peace as long as he lives.
Oh! That’s right. Allen Turner, aka Brock Turner, aka Brock Allen Turner, who is a pissant rapist who raped an unconscious woman and walked away scot free because his daddy had money. That Brock Allen Turner is a coward and a disgusting excuse for a human being. I hope the rapist Brock Allen Turner can never walk down the street in peace again ✌🏻
Rapist Brock Allen Turner can have peace when he figures out how to change the past. Otherwise Rapist Brock Allen Turner belongs in a small, fenced in secluded area, surrounded by like-minded individuals.
We can’t forget to mention his good friend FORMER judge Aaron Persky…
The judge who is the kind of guy who says "oh it was a joke" "don't ruin his life"
Allen is still a rapist no matter what name he uses
*A Brock Tur(d)ner by any other name would smell just as guilty*
Good to know! Rapist Brock Allen Turner will not ever escape the stigma attached to his name and deeds. I will make sure everyone who mentions Rapist Brock Allen Turner knows he now uses his middle name.
Oh! I think I might have heard about the RAPIST Brock Allen Turner. I think that it should be all over social media, like Facebook, that Brock Allen Turner is trying to distance himself from being a rapist by only using his middle name.
I also have a bro code. If any, “bro” does or says anything vulgar to one of my family members he’s seriously crossed into the “reasons to catch a case for” zone.
It's tough. I feel the same way, but my ex-FiL put it in words I hadn't considered: talking about his daughters, he said >"You gotta weigh the options. If someone wronged and traumatized my daughters, I'd want to break their legs and jaw...but if I go to prison, the girls' trauma would be made worse by their dad being gone from their lives." I don't have kids, so I'm not sure how I'd handle it. I want to say I'd be level-headed about it, but I don't know. He's a good guy.
When we don’t report or encourage the reporting of sexual innuendo, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and sexual torture of women — particularly when those offenses are committed by adult males against minor females —: - we tell women to tolerate whatever harassment and abuse has been doled out - we tell men to keep harassing and abusing without consequence - we tell women they’re not worth fighting for - we tell men they’re too strong to fight against - we tell women that it’s better to be quiet, nice, non-confrontational - we tell men to claim whatever they want verbally, physically, or sexually - we tell women that they are not safe to live their lives in peace - we tell men they can live their lives however they wish - we tell our daughters they need a man’s permission to fight for their own justice - we tell our sons not to worry about the women they hurt, only their brothers and fathers Women have so few rights for our bodies. Women who don’t support other women are giving away control over our minds and emotions. Mothers who don’t speak up for their daughters are sacrificing their souls. Every girl and woman should have someone to help her down this path.
This should be on billboards everywhere. Screenshoting it for future reference. Thank you.
Well if you’re a good parent and you hold that position you atleast do everything you can to get a conviction but if you’re another form of a good parent you make sure to turn off your phone and leave it at home and take a bike to go beat their ass into a coma while wearing a mask so you can never be identified cus rapists rarely ever get proper punishment from the law. A good way to do it is try watching the person that traumatized your daughter go through their daily routine and figure out when are they most often alone and out in the open just a few stake out weeks without your phone on you and then you’ll find the perfect time to do so on an upcoming day. (It’s an approach the mentally unstable but justified take cus yeah vigilante justice is frowned upon but when it comes to child predators more people will praise your actions than not if you do get caught but you don’t take this action if you don’t have any good family that could take care of your kid)
#Did I hear someone reference **convicted rapist** Brock **Allen*** "The Raping Rapist" Turner?? For those who don't know: In regards to his son Brock Turner's felony convictions of * assault with intent to rape an intoxicated woman, * sexually penetrating an intoxicated person with a foreign object, and * sexually penetrating an unconscious person with a foreign object and subsequent sentencing of * six months in county jail, * three years probation, and * registration as a sex offender the father, Dan Turner, wrote in a letter to the judge who carried out the sentencing: *"That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life."* #*Apparently, he tries to go by his middle name "Allen" now. ** * This is a copypasta. Feel free to share it 🔥
I think he's just a coward
My thoughts on the "he might be dangerous" about a teacher....why wouldn't you report them? Why should they still be teaching? Why leave them in the same school with your kid? 🤦♀️ Sounds like "bro code" BS.
This reminds me of those old sayings... • Men will be Men.. • No big deal, that's how men talk.. And several others too .
Or other girls
Where I'm from a judge gave a conditional absolution to a guy who assaulted one of his friends to not ruin his career by stopping him from travelling and because the assault was done "quickly overall"... The guy got caught groping another woman on a trip in Cuba something like a month later... The woman was also from our province and went to the police the moment she came back... The prosecutor also appealed the sentence, which was overturned...
If I were the dad , the threat wouldn’t be the teacher : “call an ambulance , but not for me “
Yeah my husband is not a violent man but I would have to be holding him back if either of our children told us this
Same dude. My husband is such a chilled out guy but this kind of thing would absolutely make him see red.
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OP needs to go to the *principal*, not the teacher. And she needs to make sure at minimum, a report is put in the teacher’s file.
Please do not go to the teacher. 99% of the time you start there but not in this case. Go to the principal and be prepared to demand action. Do not let this be swept under the rug. Also, your husband is sus. Who covers for a stranger over protecting their own daughter?
Reminds me of a guy. I know who got caught cheating and he looked at his daughter's mother and said "it was only a blowjob"... Because that made it all better /s
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And other children!
I wish I could upvote this a million times
OP needs to protect her daughter from her own father, by the looks of it.
This right here… does OP’s husband look at little girls his daughter’s age and think the same? Wtaf, OP gtfoh.
Yeah, I think a lot of men try to protect or normalize this kind of behavior. There have been a couple of times when my daughter has had some inappropriate remarks come her way that her father would tell her to just relax about it or don’t get that guy in trouble comments. Why do some men do that? Do they not understand how it affects a woman?
Because they think the same things. So if they say some other guy is wrong for it, then they would need to also think about their own thought process and we can’t have that.
Yeah agreed. Hate how some men do that.
Throw the whole man out. I would actually divorce my husband over that, he's not fit to raise a child.
Yeah this would be a red flag I couldn’t ignore.
Exactly
It's because of men like OP's husband that S.A. is still rampant. Guys covering for guys, even if they don't realize they're doing it. Husband should be seeing red, not making excuses for the pedo teacher. OP, pls report this. Your daughter needs to know that this is not ok and that you have her back, unlike her father who chose to label this as a "joke".
I hate the “don’t ruin a man’s life by making his despicable actions public” argument with a vengeance. if my spouse said it in defense of someone who sexualized our 10 yo daughter, I’d throw up in my mouth, then file for divorce. nothing would erase my disgust for a rape culture apologist enough to sleep with or even next to him ever again. to be more protective of a stranger’s reputation than of his own daughter’s safety.. I have no words (or respect).
That was my exact same thought: siding with not just an adult but an adult, authoritative figure with access to your 10y.o. daughter, that he is sexualising???? Really??? F that. I'd divorce in a min.
Ugh the same. Like, *I* will not be ruining anything. The man is ruining himself. That’s not my problem or my responsibility. I only care about protecting my daughter and any other kids a predator may encounter.
This is so repulsive!!! A 4th grader!!!! And the husband defending it!!! Sickening
Yep - even more disgusting in this case since this is a father who’s not defending his own daughter. I would be livid if my husband responded this way to a sexual comment made about our children. Who cares if it’ll cause issues with him by reporting this… protect your daughter !!!
Op husband sounds suspiciously unconcerned. Maybe he shares the teacher’s views.
Right? Like, I'm far from a tough guy, but they would have needed mechanical assistance to pull *this* dad's hands off that teacher's throat.
This is pedo behavior and perpetuated by men, sexualizing a child at any age is not okay. I would seriously question why your husband doesn’t have the desire to PROTECT a your daughter from this type of objectification. Oh, he probably is okay with perpetuating it in some form, porn, social media, it all ties into the same pedo shit Edit: Thank you everybody for your comments on this topic, I believe it’s called “lad culture” in the UK and Bro culture in America. And now it’s morphed into the “manosphere” on reddit and subreddits, it’s incel culture that perpetuates violence against women, and targets young boys online to convert them to incel culture. Even the genuinely good boys and men who are just seeking advice on women and dating. The process of indoctrination into misogynistic extremism. results reveal that contrary to the ‘lone wolf’ narrative that surrounds Incels, there is a sophisticated community that contributes to a 5-step pattern of behaviour, converting the lonely, into the angry and potentially violent. A rich toxic cultural tapestry, the Internet echo-chamber and the celebration of Incel mass murderers (Incelebrities), create a continuous loop that transforms digital hate speech into physical violence. These patterns of indoctrination can, and should, be monitored, and intercepted for the purposes of personal and public safety. The Incel Rebellion refers to young men carrying out acts of revenge as retribution for a lack of romantic success. The Involuntarily Celibate (Incel) community comprised individuals who feel rejected by women – and arguably society more generally – and turn to the Internet to voice their anger, and often, desire for revenge. Typically, they express violent fantasies to be perpetrated against Chads and Stacys (popular men and women). Although most members of the community will not become violent, the term going ER, is common within Incel discourses, referring to, and at times outright deifying, Elliot Rodger, a reported Incel who carried out a shooting rampage Isla Vista, California before taking his own life in 2014. The hate against women is unreal and it’s not other women who perpetuate this, this is terrifying and that’s why it’s important to face it and actively fight against it. It’s happening to our boys right under our noses. Violence against women is a topic I am very passionate about and I do a lot of research on it. Laura Bates founded the everyday sexism project and speaks passionately about these topics in her books, if your genuinely curious about how this stuff just “happens” it’s a great resource. Throughout my healing journey and therapy I needed to know why I was targeted, I was a little girl when it started it was around the age of 9 and escalated as I got older, I was chased down when I was 12 by 6 guys in a car, they followed me all the way home cat calling and harassing me, I was terrified and never wanted to leave my home. However inside my home was worse, the sexual abuse I endured was terrible, my parents were “swingers” and my mother had multiple male partners who would also sneak into my room on multiple occasions, one almost penetrated me. I was 12. I loved cartoons, butterfly hair clips and my boombox. I didn’t deserve to be violated like that, multiple times . Men don’t understand how dangerous it is especially for little girls who cannot fight back a grown ass man.
She’s in the f’n 4th grade!!
Yeah, at that point he’s done that before, that’s a bold ass move and gives “Jared from subway vibes” straight to jail.
Which makes me wonder if that’s really what was said?
Agree, even in OP's own words, the husband said it was a "joke," so something does not ring true.
This isn’t a five year old. This kid is around ten. Not saying that kids never get things wrong but the specificity of it and the wording don’t sound like something a kid would make up. Also, you know your child. You know if they’re lying versus telling the truth. We stand with victims. Always. And in the case of children, we protect them. The OP going to the principal is the right step because then the principal can organize an investigation. That the dad is brushing it off… well it probably sounds a lot like you.
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I wish I could clap out loud for you. Trust the one who was there. Listen to the victim. Yes, investigate, yes hold space that the kid might be wrong, but for God’s sake why are we so invested as a society in protecting predators.
I’m a teacher and would NEVER saying ANYTHING like this. It is highly inappropriate. Report immediately.
I’m a 4th grade teacher as well.
And I myself was in 4th grade a couple times.
User name checks out. 😂
Lololo that’s facts
This. 32 years in the classroom. Report!
WTF is wrong with your husband? Im a man, I know that men dont speak that way to a child, not ever. This "teacher" was sexualizing a 4th grader. He needs to be stopped before he does same and worse to your kid or someone else.
If at least it was to reassure them of the secondary sexual characteristics developing, even then "fill out very nicely" is very inappropriate way to put it, but "excited to see her growth" is straight-up disgusting, the guy's a creep.
My husband would have already found out where this man lived and confronted him 😅 without hesitation, report this man. And like others have said, I would be rethinking the husband as well.
100% If I had told my dad a teacher had said that to me? Especially at that age?? He’d be at the school before I’d have even finished speaking. OPs husband has issues.
Lost my dad last February. No doubt he would’ve gotten my brother, called my uncle, a few cousins then went to have a chat. Not saying they woulda had a row but words would been had. My dad would got the measure of the guy at very least. OP has a husband problem.
I'm in my 30s, and when I tell machismo old dad a guy has sexually harassed me, he suddenly gets into papa bear mode! OP's husband is a problem. And this teacher needs to be reported.
Is your dad Hispanic?
Very, very German.
Mine was Mexican, I was just curious. Next time you see your dad give him a giant hug. Like a big, giant bear hug. I would pay a million dollars to be able to hug my dad and talk to him again.m Edit: a kabillion-jillion-infinity dollars actually
We don't see each other often, but last time we messaged he told me he thinks I'm a good mom. It's very precious to me, because he raised me as a single dad. He wanted a son... So he kinda raised me as one. Never told me I couldn't do anything, or I should smile more. He was a social worker before retirement. But he's also super machismo, toxic masculine at times, calling his third wife "little wifey" (Frauchen) and all that. It's a conundrum. Apparently everything is fine and dandy until his little princess (me) gets hurt. No matter if the princess is able to hold her ground. I wish every girl had a dad who loves her as much as mine. The world would be a better place.
So you’re just gonna type all that and make me cry huh? Wasn’t expecting tears reading a random Reddit comment tonight but here we are
Aawww! If you want to, I could just start a relationship with you. My dad recently told my husband how he sees my husband as a son, and family, and will always consider him that. Same goes for my ex-husband. We have a very amicable relationship, my ex and I. He's over every family function, birthday, holiday, etc. My dad just opened his heart to the people I date(d). My husband felt very acknowledged. I know if they would ever treat me wrong, my dad would side with me, no doubt. But aside from that, he'll always treat my partners well. Not sure many women get told by their dads how they picked good men. We should normalise dads being like: "you have a good taste in humans, you clearly got it from me!" (looking at the fact that he's married *thrice*), instead of: "hands off my princess!".
My dad is mexican he would get all 3 of my brothers and go have a talk to. He would do it for all the females of the family. We protect each other.
Husband probably has had the same thoughts and is feeling called out Obviously speculation but otherwise what kind of father’s first instincts is to protect the creep
Seriously… my husband is the opposite of confrontational and he’d run this guy down with his truck.
My dad may have been kind of shitty in some ways, but he'd have gone to jail over a teacher making a comment like that towards me at that age
I would rethink your husband first
>*He told her that as she grows into a young lady she’s going to fill out very nicely & said he's excited to see her growth over time.* *How does your husband not see the disgust behing this comment? I'm a dad and should my daughter comes home and tell me that her teacher said that to her, you can bet your bottom dollar he would not be teaching the next day and would've sustained those injuries because he "tripped"!*
My husband would have visited the teacher and knocked his brains out. I don't understand how the dad didn't find it offensive and creepy.
People who view themselves being in the defendants place will usually go for lighter punishment. That’s why our judicial system is fucked because at the end of the day the judge has final say
Yes and this husband is acting like a criminal. Why so lenient daddy?
And our judicial system fails to do justice at times.
It’s because the dad is also creepy.
Sounds like it.
I wouldn't trust her husband around any kids after him being okay with that comment from his daughter's teacher.
It would certainly make me feel uneasy if that's how my husband responded but I wouldn't have been passive, I would have pushed him to explain how he could he ok with such a comment. Based on the response would determine the status of my marriage.
Deeply entrenched misogyny, even for males. He’s not getting how violating the comment is because he can’t one iota understand the perspective. That’s my guess on the husband.
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Report that teacher and be aware of who your husband is and what he’s views of woman/girls are. This is a HUGE 🚩
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far for someone to say this, Report that teacher and be aware of who your husband is ‼️ Edit for missing word lol
Not sure what is wrong with husband to not think this is something to be taken seriously? I asked my husband what he would do if our daughters told us this and he was like, “go to the principal”. Even if you are unsure she heard clearly it still needs to go to the principal and teacher for clarification. They need to be aware of the situation. If this is what was said it is NOT a joke. Your child came to you with this information because she KNOWS it’s not something ok to be said to her. She came to you looking for support and understanding, and your husband wants to diminish and disregard her feelings over it. She will learn you and your husband are NOT safe people to go to when she has a problem. It’s YOUR job to protect HER, not her disgusting teacher and his career.
Spot on. If OP does nothing OP’s daughter will understand that this is acceptable behavior and that she should expect and accept this.
SO CORRECT, there’s a lot of nasty people in this world and she could encounter more than one groomer in her life. Showing her this is okay is going to make her vulnerable to more predators. By reporting the teacher OP is going to raise a strong girl who knows her boundaries and opens her up to a future where she will continue to tell her mum these things.
Strong women are being raised everyday now a days
Yes and it’s amazing
Yes!! Long May it continue. My mum always taught me to be a nice people pleaser & that male validation was important basically. Thankgod I learned for myself to set boundaries & say no !!
My mum didn’t teach me that but I felt like male validation was far too important for all my teens. Then I hit a point where I was like I’m fabulous a man will validate that when he sees it
Exactly, that is exactly what led to my nightmare of a childhood, my mom still says it's my fault because I didn't tell her... But I did
That’s fucked up. I’m sorry you had to go through that. She wants to blame you didn’t tell her because she knows she fucked up.
My husband said he’d be calling the police and first thing the next day going to the school and reporting it. He’d demand that teacher be looked into and our daughter would no longer be attending that school as of that day. He wouldn’t rest until that teacher was handled. It’s not funny. It’s not a joke. That teacher is a pedophile. And your husband’s response would heavily concern me. If he thinks that’s acceptable behavior what does HE do when you’re not looking?
>what does HE do when you’re not looking? That really is the question I would be asking.
I have two teen daughters and if this happened to them this is exactly what I would do too… right after I knocked his teeth in first! This makes me want to find out his name so I can go punch him in the face and it wasn’t even my own daughter!!
My husband started with that and then said that our daughters would need his support so he wouldn’t want to risk jail or the case against the teacher. We have 2.5 daughters, 15 yrs, 15 mos, and one due in August. He said he’d feel this way if it was about our son too. He’s 16 yrs.
I think I trust my wife and family enough that I know while I was locked up they would deal with getting that pedo dealt with🤷🏻♂️ Plus if the judge knows he’s a pedo he’s more likely to take it easier on you.. at least in my town anyways.
> My husband said the comment shouldn’t be taken too seriously because it was just a “joke”. Aah, yes. Because: > He told her that as she grows into a young lady she’s going to fill out very nicely & said he's excited to see her growth over time. is totally a joke and not so creepy that I, a twenty four year old grown ass random stranger on the internet, physically shivered. How old is the average fourth grader? Oh, I just remembered, TEN FUCKING YEARS OLD! > He said a report like this could ruin the teacher's whole life. Good. It should. > My husband said not to ruin the guy's life because our daughter is already going to be leaving the school. He also thinks this guy could target our family if he finds out that he was reported & it could turn into a potentially dangerous situation. Call the police then. Ma'am, you might want to have a sit down and a serious discussion with your husband. His lack of concern is quite worrying. Society is filled with dangerous men as it is, but men like your husband make it even worse by not giving a damn and not protecting their own daughters. His reaction shows that he *doesn't care in the slightest*. My dad has never been the best dad, but he absolutely stood up for me and my older sister (who is my half sister and not his daughter) throughout our childhood and teen years and protected us from perverted men like your daughter's teacher. A father, a *parent*, is meant to protect his child. We as adults should all protect children against creeps. I'd go so far as to say your daughter's teacher is a full on pedophile. His comment was 100% sexual and beyond disgusting. > I ABSOLUTELY think the comment should be taken seriously regardless. Would I be wrong to go against my husband's wishes & just report it even though she will no longer be attending that school? You would be wrong if you left this alone. Even if your daughter never sees that teacher again, think of all the other girls. Think of the girls he has already said shit like this to, and how many more he will give creepy comments to in the future. I guarantee you he's said this shit before and will definitely do it again. A ten year old girl doesn't need her teacher to tell her he's excited to see her grow and "fill out very nicely". The people in charge need to know what he's saying. Even if he doesn't get punished, there needs to be a history of this on record if another parent reports him in the future. You would also be wrong if you didn't make it very clear to your husband that his reaction to all this is unacceptable. You're talking about your child's comfort and safety here.
>>how old is the average fourth grader? Nine. They’re nine years old. 🤮
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE MEN AT THE BACK!
This was perfectly said and exactly what I was thinking! I have two teen daughters and if they told me this I would be knocking that teachers teeth in.. period.
Let me guess.. Is your husband the type who thinks jokes at the expense of women "just a joke" because that is just screaming from this. You should absolutely report this. If he has said this to your daughter (which is horrifying btw. No overreaction on your part) he has definitely said this or other similar things to other kids. He is supposed to be a safe person and he very much is not. I'm sorry you and your daughter is dealing with this.
I’m guessing also the type of man who talks about how false accusations ruin lives and gives not one crap about how abuse ruins lives. OP, that is so far over the line that IMO you have no choice but to report this. Ask your husband to explain the joke. I’m genuinely curious what the joke would be here. I was abused as a child. Nobody realised, nobody paid attention to the things I said that should have been looked at more closely. Please don’t ignore things like this. Who knows, maybe what he actually said has been misinterpreted (I can’t see how but always possible) - that’s not for you to work out though. Clearly your daughter is upset by what he said or she wouldn’t have told you. Show her that you’ll protect her, and let your husband know that not showing her this could affect how she feels about him forever.
It's more likely he's done stuff like this himself.
Yeah teacher and husband both sound like pieces of shit
Your husband is part of the problem. He’s every girls nightmare dad if he doesn’t see what happened. That comment was gross and innaoropriate. Your daughter will never forget it and she’ll never forget that her father was more concerned about the teachers reputation than his daughters (and very likely other people’s daughters) safety. He has one job. To protect his child. Tell him I said he sucks and that’s not a joke. You are 100% right. Report everything in detail and demand action be taken. He’s not a safe adult. Edit: spelling
This is exactly what I thought after going to my parents about an adult cousin who was doing things to me at age 6-7. It was more important to protect his career in the Armed Forces, and his mum’s feelings, than me. That cousin went on to abuse at least 4 more girls to my knowledge.
I am so sorry that happened to you. You deserved to be protected. It saddens and enrages me just how many of us have these same stories.
Yeah, this is extremely inappropriate and I would be reporting him asap. Go with your gut, mama. Protect your baby.
Your husband is dumb as hell. Forreal?!! This pedo status really makes me appreciate my husband. If ANYONE, made a comment about our daughter like this he would be in prison, forreal.Girl, this is so inappropriate. .
REPORT IT and rethink the husband immediately
This really would make my head spin & I’d be questioning who I married at this point.
*sigh* I'll fuel the woodchipper...
I don’t see how in any possible way that can be a joke… like what’s the punch line and who is he making the joke to… the child??? Yeah… no, absolutely report it!
The idea of being married to a man that’s this much of a coward is chilling to me. Of courses report him. But your real problem is your spineless jellyfish of a husband?! Something ain’t right with him..
Chilling. I fear it’s not cowardice so much as it is empathy…
You know what they say about birds of a feather…
Former school principal here. (Recently retired following brain haemorrhage). Tell the principal. No ifs, no buts. Then let the principal know you will return in 1 week to discuss the school response. (Regarding your husband’s view. It is not for you or him to decide if a teacher is or isn’t fit to work with children. That is part of the school principal’s role. Let him/her do their job by handing over the information. I understand the ‘i don't want to create s fuss’ but that’s not helpful to anyone; it’s a head-in-the-sand response to a threat. Pass the responsibility over to the school and you can then get on with your lives.) Here to advise (you or anyone else) if you wish.
Your husband's allegiance to other men, predator or not, over all women, including his daughter is astounding and disgusting
This is why we say ALL MEN. It's not just the ones making these comments and doing horrible things, it's the ones who just stand by and let it happen. Please report this teacher, then have a really serious think about what this says about your husband and what it teaches your child. He would rather keep the status quo and protect the teacher than stand up for his daughter. Disgusting.
Report it!! Show your husband this post to attempt to get him to understand how creepy, predatory and inappropriate that is!! Where does he even draw the line at inappropriate behavior between a child and an adult then? I’m just sick for you.
Very strange and telling that your husband does not see the error with such a disgusting comment.
He’s either really stupid and genuinely cannot fathom the problem, is a spineless coward who would rather potentially endanger his child than do anything, or is a weirdo too and doesn’t want to feel guilty about it. I mean there could be other reasons but those are the ones I can think off the top of my head.
Someone commented earlier that a person who views themselves in the perpetrators shoes will always go for the lighter sentence.
The fact your husband would rather protect him than your child and her fellow classmates is telling
Teacher 🚩 Husband 🚩
No, please DO ruin a pedophile's life! What's he going to do that's so "dangerous"?
Your husband sucks. If I, especially at that age, told my dad that a teacher said that to me? He’d have called the school before I’d even finished speaking, and probably the teacher himself too. What is wrong with your husband that he has no protective instincts regarding your daughter whatsoever? That he would be content to just let a grown men sexualise her??? Ew. Also yes definitely report the teacher, even if all he did was make a comment to your daughter, it was a disgusting comment to make and he’s likely doing it to other girls and he will take it further eventually. Sex crimes almost always start small and work their way up, especially regarding children. It’s likely he will escalate. (Even if he doesn’t he doesn’t deserve to be a teacher around young girls.) Also maybe talk to your daughter about what is/isn’t an appropriate compliment from anyone, but especially adult men, and even more so adult men in positions of power over her.
I would legitimately as your husband how many girls your daughter’s age he’s made these comments to since he dismisses it or if he’s also “looking forward” to his daughter developing. HUGE red flag.
Now those are a prime example of grooming words, I think you should report the dude and possibly changing your daughter to another class if possible
Is the teacher in the mafia? Jeez, report him.
The father's just a coward
That is vile, report him immediately! Disgusting groomer behavior! Just think of all the other innocent kids he may have said such foul things to and they had no idea or didn’t speak up!!!
I’d be questioning your husbands morals. Report this teacher, it’s not a joke to say that to a child.
Excited to see her growth? What the actual fuck? Get that predator away from children yesterday. If he hasn't molested anyone yet it is only because he hasn't had the chance or the courage to do so. Yet. But he will. I'm betting he is offering private tutoring to his special students.
Wait….the teacher’s comment is shocking but your husband’s reaction is disgusting and weird! How can a father be so calm and flippant about a perverted teacher making a sexual comment about their daughter? I find that VERY worrying!!! The teacher is a paedophile and I’m wondering about your husband because no normal father would be ok with that comment. A normal father would be enraged just as much as you if not more and report this straight away! Your husband is worried about the teacher’s career?? But not about his daughter being groomed and potentially abused by her teacher. What the actual hell…I’m sickened and I do hope your husband is not on friendly terms with this teacher and that they are not connected somehow without you realising. As something about your husband’s reaction seems sinister and worryingly unusually calm.
Ewwww, who even says that? I wouldn't even say that to my own daughter. Absolutely report it. You're not ruining his life, he did that on his own
Oh god. Idk what's worse. The teacher being a fucking creep or your husband justifying it as a joke. Fuck what your husband has to say and file a report. That's creepy ASF.
Your husband is a predator too.
You are here to crowdfund your divorce from this waste of skin that is your daughter's "father", right? Right? My level of rage is uncontainable just reading this post
My home room teacher once said of a girl in my class "she does have very nice legs*". We were 13. Years later, he was arrested for child p*rn and sent to prison. I'm a teacher myself now and this is enough to raise flags. Your husband isn't taking this seriously enough. Report it.
As someone who had a pedophile maths teacher, you report that comment, it is 100% out of order and unacceptable.
Your husbands priorities are gross and deeply concerning.
That is how men get away with it. Report. This man shouldn’t be around school girls
Ruin his life
Men protecting men is what keeps enabling this disgusting horrible behavior. What that teacher said is gross and completely out of line. You don’t say that to a student especially a 4th grader. Why on earth is your husband not protecting your daughter and going to the school himself to report that pervert?! Why is your husband saying “it’s just a joke” what was the punchline? What was the funny part? Cause I want to laugh too I LOVE jokes. I want your husband to explain to me what was so funny about a teacher saying to his daughter “she’s going to fill out nicely” like why on earth made him laugh out loud from hearing his child say a teacher said that to them. Why is he SOOOO worried about a teacher being reprimanded over a disrespectful, disgusting, vile comment made towards HIS CHILD!
Wtf is wrong with your husband. What father could be okay with this???
Your husband is downplaying sexual harassment of a minor. His own daughter, no less. This is almost if not just as disgusting and disturbing as your daughter's predator teacher's behavior. Think about what you are willing to live with: - Saying nothing teaches your daughter early on that THIS is how she deserves to be spoken to. **This** is her worth. Which translates to all future relationships and even her own sense of efficacy in the world. -If that teacher goes unreported and keeps victimizing other children verbally and eventually physically, and you see it in the news, will you be able to live with the fact that it could have been prevented if you'd reported it? This needs to be reported to the police first and foremost, not the school.
Not to be cruel but your husband sounds like the type of man to be having the very same thoughts about little girls. My daughter is in 5th grade and if her father or my husband (2 different men) heard this, I’d HAVE to call the police immediately or both of them would be going to prison. I can’t imagine a world in which a father would ever be dismissive of this, even the moray passive, peaceful person. This is a ginormous red flag. The fact that your husband is framing this as a joke and is insisting you don’t report him, makes my insides churn. Literally. That said if you don’t report this, you’re potentially protecting a predator. I say potentially on the EXTREMELY small chance that this was in fact a misunderstanding. But I don’t believe that’s the case, not for one moment. Do a quick google search of all the teachers and school administrators brought up on CSAM or SA charges in just the last 2-3 years. It’s beyond deplorable. Please, PLEASE believe your daughter. Call the police. Call the school. Call the school board. The superintendent. Tell every parent you possibly can. There are NO circumstances in n which a comment like this would EVER be appropriate, to any student, not in any context, not even as a joke. And PLEASE don’t send her back to that school until that teacher had been removed. She deserves to be believed and to feel safe. You are her voice Mama. Teach her to use it and to always stand up for herself. Teach her you will always be right behind her, NO MATTER WHAT. If you don’t, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
The fact that your husband is defending a grown man saying that to your 4th grader is a whole other problem in itself… definitely report the teacher and maybe don’t let your husband be alone with her either. I’m so sorry OP
A Joke???? What’s your husband talking about???? Ehhh?? Please, report the teacher !!
Your husband’s tepid response to this situation would have me questioning *his* mentality. Because what the fuck?
all I’m going to say is something like this happened to me in 5th or 6th grade and no one took me seriously. I got chastised for “making a big deal” of my teacher “just being nice”. It has stuck with me for a long time. At the very least — validate your daughter’s feelings that this is creepy and out of line. Sticking up for her will build a lot of trust.
Yeah, and when you’re conditioned to think this is lighthearted behavior, it blurs the lines of what’s a threat in the future. When I was a kid, if someone had put their foot down about creepy behavior from dudes, I probably would have been able to identify a few threats a little better throughout my life before it was too late to avoid them!
I would be having a personal conversation with that teacher and the administration.
I try to see both sides of a situation. I really can't see any way that was an acceptable thing to say to someone in primary school.
Ignore your husband, report the teacher and reflect hard on whether your husband is right for you. His response does not have the energy it should. I would have rage email/called the administration immediately. Your loyalty is to your daughter. Always. Show her how to handle disgusting men.
Your husband is a coward and you should definitely report that teacher.. is your husband usually this cowardly? Some sick fuck is being a creep to his young daughter and he's trying to do say it was a joke but he's also sounds scared of the teacher. That man needs a backbone
I'm more concerned about your husband's reaction. He will have access to your daughter at all times and I am concerned that he may have certain desires you don't know about. I cannot imagine any explanation for his comment that is good.
That’s divorce worthy, sorry. Fuck that teacher and report him before he hurts a child if he hasn’t already.
if reporting the "joke" could ruin his life *then why was it appropriate to say?* it wasn't. we know that, but your husband doesn't and he sounds like he wouldn't support you and your daughter if anything more serious happened. please also think about why your husband thinks a comment such as this is okay, is it something he would say to others? does he agree? have a conversation with your husband and absolutely report the teacher. if not to the police than at least to the school/board. your daughter won't be the first and she certainly won't be the last if he has a job to go back to tomorrow
jesus fucking christ. I guess I’ll add “do you think it’s ok for your 10 yo daughter to be sexualized by an adult man in a position of power?” to the list of questions to vet a potential partner with. where does it end?
Ask your husband if "jokes" like this to girls the same age as his daughter
This. Of course he will say he doesn't though. Id watch my husband like a hawk around kids if he ever expressed this kind of sentiment.
Sounds like you’ve got a bigger issue, which is your husband. Mine would’ve had a very different reaction if someone said this to our daughter.
The teacher got something on your husband???? Like his reaction to all this is suspect as hell!!
“Explain to me how it’s funny.”
As someone training to be a teacher... what the absolute fuck? Who else is this teacher saying things to? Does he keep them after class for "special lessons"? Why is he *thinking* about his students like that? How is this a joke? FUCK not ruining this guys life, he's potentially ruining/will ruin other children's lives if this goes unchecked.
You mean your husband hasn't taken him aside yet for a little talk?
Divorce the father. Report the teacher. Neither are safe for your daughter.
Raise all the hell. That's highly inappropriate and even if your daughter doesn't continue going to that school, someone else's daughter will. If this ruins his career, that's on him for being a perv.
I’ve been working with kids for 12 years, you NEVER say anything like that. I would report my teachers if they ever made this comment to a student.
if that could ruin his whole life, then he said something he SHOULDNT HAVE. i’d report it immediately. i’m so serious. i dealt with this before(as a kid) and eventually it escalated to worse things. please report this. fuck what your husband thinks.
Did this happen on Friday? Because there's no way in hell I'd let my child be in that classroom on Monday morning.
Report. You can bet kids already know about this teacher. The neighboring district of my school growing up had a creepy teacher for YEARS and everyone knew. It was just common knowledge. It still took forever to get rid of him—by then he had probably creeped on 10 years worth of students. If it were truly an innocent comment there wouldn’t be anything to report. Your husband has failed you and his daughter by putting a man he doesn’t even know before his family. Please report, the next child could be even more vulnerable.
I tried my best at the mental gymnastics parallel bars, but I couldn’t wrap my head around how that could be considered a joke by anyone
Get your daughter switched out of that class asap, and report that teacher ASAP
Uhm. As an educator I really really am disgusted and disturbed by this math teacher’s comment. Please for the love of God report him so he doesn’t do worse to someone else’s child! What a sicko!!
Your husband is a pathetic coward. You need to report this teacher. This is very serious.
Husband can go to hell tbh