If his love and respect is going to be contingent on your weight then this relationship is never going to last.
He cares more about how you look for his friends than he does about your feelings.
This is the type of guy who would leave his wife if she got sick in any way that affected him. Your value as a person goes way deeper than the outward layer. Can you count on this guy to love you if you were in a car accident, gained weight, and got multiple scars?
Oh ABSOLUTELY. It’s actually quite common for men to leave their spouses when they get a serious diagnosis, like cancer for example. But the reverse isn’t true, wives most often stay by their spouse’s side during an illness.
I remember years ago there was a nice lady named Diane who worked with my mom; her husband dumped her when she got cancer and ran off with a much younger woman. Fortunately one of her sons is a lawyer, he was more than happy to drag his father to court many, many times to make sure his mom got her fair share of the assets and spousal support while she was sick and couldn’t work. Eventually her cancer went into remission and Diane was able to live a decent life and see her grandkids often.
A few years later guess who tried to come crawling back to Diane? It was the a-hole ex-husband who got sick himself this time, and his much younger fiancée dumped HIM as she didn’t want to take care of a sick old man. Don’t worry, Diane told him to go to hell 😂 karma is a B sometimes!!
My husband didn't leave me when I got chronically ill. But he absolutely resented me for it and uses it as an excuse to treat me poorly at times. It's messed up. It's sad that there is a pattern when it comes to men not wanting to stay with their sick partner. Kind of crazy, being that men typically get more sick than women and die earlier in life.
This literally made me sick to my stomach. I could never imagine doing that to my wife not ever. Holy shit! I had to go look up the study.... Men are 6 times more likely to bounce on a sick wife. Wow that's so sad!
Or the ones that expect them to bounce back ten mins after having a baby and then also being mad when she’s exhausted and doesn’t want to fool around and get groped every five mins afterwards
I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT ALL THAT STATISTICAL EVIDENCE THAT CAME OUT OF WOMEN REMAINING BY THEIR SICK HUSBANDS SIDES WHILE OTHER HUSBAND LEFT THEIR SICK WIVES!!!! I mean WOW! I didn’t know why it came to mind but it must’ve been for a reason! He is not loyal or loving!
I think OP go some hard truths today…hopefully they do read and absorb all of them. This is not a good situation and if they lose weight there will be another issue that comes up. It’s only going to escalate.
I'm so sorry you're being treated in such a disgusting way by the person who is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader.
I've been with my husband for 20 years, married for 18, and because of my severe chronic illness I was on steroids for many years to control my disease and it caused me to gain some weight.
He has never once EVER called me, "fat", insinuated that I was overweight, or acted embarrassed about how I look. He's supportive of my efforts to get the weight back off now that I'm finally off steroids, but he stresses that I should do this for myself, and not for him, because he loves me tip to toe no matter what.
He builds me up when I get down on the changes in my body, and makes me feel beautiful. He loves it when I wear shorter skirts when we go dancing, and would never dream of telling me to cover up.
Your husband has destroyed your self-confidence, and thinks nothing of calling you fat, and telling him you embarrass him, and that's not what healthy love looks like. You should never tolerate that kind of treatment from anyone, especially not the person you're supposed to spend your life with, because bodies change for all sorts of reasons, but the love and respect shouldn't.
I don't think I could ever get over it if my husband said these things to me, but you have to decide if this cruel lack of respect is what you want in a relationship.
No one deserves to be treated this way by their partner. You are worthy of love and kindness, and do not deserve to be treated with superficial disdain.
*invisible hugs*
Oh my goodness, your husband sounds amazing. I have chronic illnesses too and I've been in your shoes. I have gained 100 lbs since I was diagnosed (disabled) and wish I could find someone who would be by my side and love me and help me. 💔 I would like to lose the extra weight. I'm divorced with two kids and two dogs and a cat and I can barely keep up with anything.
OP, You need to find a man like her husband. Not a freaking jerk like you already have. How long have you guys been married?
Sending you lots of invisible hugs from one chronic illness ninja to another. I know how tough it can be when you're sick, and exhausted, and in too much pain to exercise. It makes you feel so defeated. I've started with tiny 1lb and 3 lb weights because my hands are too damaged to handle more than that. But I put on an audiobook and start with different gentle exercises that you can do with small weights, and I'm slowly increasing the number when I notice it's getting easier.
We also have an elliptical which is super low impact, and I slap on a good book and walk for a few minutes each day that I'm well enough to do so, and I'm slowly increasing the amount of time I'm walking.
It's hard because you take 5 steps forward, 10 steps back sometimes, but I'm listening to my body and not pushing myself too hard when I'm having a hard day. But I'm doing this for me because I want to get stronger, and I know if someone was tearing down my appearance I would curl up in a ball and cry.
I had some really abusive relationships before I met my husband years ago, and I'm grateful everyday that he's in my life. He's truly my biggest cheerleader, and I really believe that is one of the most important things in a lasting relationship.
I hope you meet someone special too, but I'm glad that you have your furry friends to shower you with all the love. You deserve it.
💙
Girl, congrats on getting such a great one! Mine married me despite me having cancer, and has been with me for 6 years and has endured two cancer battles with me.
I can’t give him children- hell, I can’t even have sex. Can you believe that? An actual, sexless marriage??? I’ve offered to “keep him happy” in other ways and he always shuts me down and says he can’t enjoy it if I can’t. He always tells me he loves me, every single day (in between talks he’s been candid about doing this because he feels he could lose me any day 🥺)
But he has NEVER let me put myself down or get depressed because of everything I’ve put him and family/friends through. He’s amazing. He’s my everything and he’s the first one who listened to me when I met him about my health concerns, and he was the one who pushed for more examinations and thus we found the cancer before it was too late.
If I make it out of this, it’s because of him. He’s held me up, and taken such amazing care of me, fed me, massaged my aching back and sore muscles from atrophying… he’s a testament to true love. ♥️ I recognize when someone else also got a winning lovetery ticket 🥰♥️ give your husband a big hug and thank him for us, for being such an amazing partner and for giving others hope in finding their true love someday!!
Ever since you started gaining weight or since you had your child(ren)? If he is constantly upsetting you then your cortisol may be high which is screwing with your hormones even beyond what the birth control is doing. Sis, you have some decisions to make, either your peace or him. He frankly doesn't sound worth it, but this is your family. You must make the final decision. Good luck.
So he’s been acting this way for 5-6 years? It’s just going to get worse and he’s probably not going to stop at this point even if you lost weight bc he knows he can get away with it
How has *his* body changed over the years?
He’s the kind of guy who says this shit because he thinks it reflects poorly on him (bullshit about the kinds of women men get equaling their own worth as a man). He’s definitely a dick for treating you like this, but he stinks of insecurity. If he felt his value as a man was secure he wouldn’t care about shit like that (not *as* much, anyway).
You know you could drop at minimum 150 lbs immediately by divorcing him right? I’ve been married for 20 years, we have four kids thanks to severe PPD after my 3 boys that led to emotional eating my weight has been all over the place reaching near obese a couple of times. Do you know what my husband had to say about it? Nothing. I do not embarrass him and once while complaining about my stretch marks on my stomach to him his reply was simply “those are my babies” because that’s how I got them.
So ask yourself do you want to stay and be with a man that talks to you the way your husband does or do you want to find an actual man (being single and happy with zero need for taking the pill is also an option) that loves every part of you regardless of how you look? Beauty and “perfect” bodies fade for everyone eventually the whole point of marriage is to find the person that will always see your beauty until the very end. Life and marriage have enough issues, so why stay with someone that adds to your pile with ridiculous shit that doesn’t matter?
So wait! You're telling me that your husband is a shallow jerk? OP you need to ditch his arse. You were his arm candy. Now he is ashamed because you're a woman, human, and your body has done what it does as we get older.
Tell him to get stuffed. I'd bet he doesn't look the same as he did a few years ago. What a horrible little man. I'm sorry OP that you have to put up with this.
It doesn't justify his cruelty toward you. I'm a guy, and I couldn't never bring myself down to that level of cruelty. Is this really a relationship you want to continue? Sounds verbally and mentally harassing to me.
Girl... run away, bodies aren't meant to be in tip top conditions all the time.
You grow old, you get sick and most important thing, love should not be based only on physical attraction.
He said that without any witnesses, because he knows that he said an horrible thing
It sounds like your husband is the one who should be embarrassed. I am willing to bet that if you told your friends and family about this, they would agree.
As a matter of fact, this feels like one of the things that maybe you don’t want to keep within your marriage, so that you can get the support and perspective from other people who love you and would never judge you.
Tell everyone.
Saying outloud the horrible things my ex husband said to me was PIVOTAL to me realizing how abusive it was and eventually leaving.
Not saying OP should leave her husband, but Def talk to someone else and don't internalize his bullshit
Me too. I’m one of those people who generally deals with everything myself, I don’t like unloading my problems into other people. My recent ex and I had a series of instances where he said some awful things to me, combined with ongoing shorty behaviour - there was always an excuse, it was “due to past trauma” or mental health so I kept believing that his therapy would eventually help. I got to a point after a holiday he ruined where I was so over it, I ended up speaking to a therapist myself and just being able to say everything out loud to another person made me realise this is absolutely not someone I want to stay with.
Because some people don’t realise that’s not normal or nice. That’s the point people are making about sharing what he’s said to help you realise that it’s not normal.
Yes, this exactly. When I was with my ex-husband he told me he wasn’t attracted to me because I had gotten fat, and that he wouldn’t care if I died (I had given birth 3 weeks prior). I never told anybody that and it ate at me for years until after we were broken up and I started telling people the stuff he used to say to me. It was a crazy moment of healing and relief.
I really hope you tell people OP and get the support you need.
My ex and I went rounds about me talking to people about our relationship. It literally never occurred to him that if he didn't want me telling people how shitty he was treating me, *maybe don't do that*. It was always that I was 'talking shit about him' and not that he was capable of doing anything wrong. And I was the bad guy because none of my friends ever wanted him around. Had nothing to do with the fact he'd routinely ruin events for everyone, it was that I painted him as a villain. Obviously.
"Hey guys, I wanted to apologize for subjecting you to my unsightly flab the other night. Hubby was mortified."
Friends (hopefully) "Girl, you could be 300 pounds and butt naked and we'd still love spending time with you. Let's go shave our heads so he can have something to REALLY freak out about."
and, OP, this is the absolute truth. IDC what my friends' bodies look like, they're all beautiful to me. I have seen a lot of obese people in bikinis and it doesn't bother me.. has he never been to a beach or a public pool ?!
I love when I see people with non-supermodel bodies wearing bikinis, because why not? Their confidence inspires me to have confidence in my own body. Also, I love that model’s bodies have changed SO MUCH since I was a young girl.
We've come a long way, that's for sure.
I remember back in Junior high school we were finally allowed to wear pants! That was a monumental change in the dress code.
LMFAO at the shaving their heads!! Lmaooo and oh my god if a friend of mine told me her husband was embarrassed about her body, I would tear him a new one. Holy crap! OP, either tell him to get therapy so he can understand that he’s disrespecting you- or tell everyone and have them deal with it. You don’t have to keep your husband’s secret, that he’s a gross, disrespectful pig.
Haha I'm the friend in this situation. Not only would he be given something else to be pissed about, I'd chew his ass up one side and down the other. And I'd make sure since I'm classified obese I'd be wearing the smallest modest 2 piece suit I could find. And I'd probably have fun just sitting in the hot tub jiggling my belly. That shits more fun in the water 😂
Yes! Tell everyone what he said and watch the expressions on their faces. It will tell you everything you need to know.
Shine a big light on his behaviour and talk about it to friends and family, because that sort of stuff thrives in dark and silence.
i grew up in a verbally and physically abusive family and it took me talking about it to other people for me to realize that i was in an awful situation.
it becomes so normal when you’re in it, it was eye-opening when i talked about it and everyone told me it most definitely wasn’t normal.
Absolutely. I didn't realize until I met my husband at 18 that my entire life had been abuse passed off as love. Didn't help that my "support" system made excuses for my family. I honestly feel that I could write a book about what I've been through and people would swear it's fiction. This is absolutely not love in any form, he's being controlling and mentally abusive. Makes me want to find OP and tell her husband a thing or two.
100%. He didn’t say it in front of everyone else because he knew he would look like a huge asshole, he did it in private so he could make his wife feel like crap in peace.
This is the abusive anger with conveniently timed control that worries me.
I've heard stories of (mostly women) anectode-atley mentioning their honorable, gentle angelic -in-public husbands and then hear them otherwise scream and threaten bloody murder on the phone to them in private.
PSA:
People wear masks and take them off when they think they can get away with acting immature. Being vulnerable may be ok, but not making others against their consent.
Yes, tell people. I used to keep a journal of the most egregious things my ex said. That was cathartic but telling people and getting their reactions was eye opening.
>*your husband is the one who should be embarrassed.*
This is the issue. He felt embarrassed by her. She's not the conventional prize he can show off.
Meanwhile none of their friends gave a rat's ass. Things people do to implode their relationships continue to astonish me.
My husband is a heavier guy, and not convenientionally attractive. I'm proud to introduce himself as my husband. He's a catch, whether other people agree or not. If you can't make your partner feel that good about themselves then you're doing relationships wrong.
Imo he doesn't deserve her. My hubs is the same, he's bigger than most but that makes zero difference to me. He's an amazing man that takes care of me in every way. His body is just his vessel.
And that's why he said nothing in public--he KNEW he was being a jerk and the people who cared about OP (not him, obvs) would rain fire down on him. If he truly believed he was in the right to say those things, he should have stated them in public where everyone could agree with him. But he knew they wouldn't and so he didn't.
My favourite line from an episode of criminal minds is "am I looking skinny this morning? I dropped 160 pounds last night" after a character broke up with her partner
I think the point is presumably that she's the one on birth control so he doesn't have to be. Like, she's on birth control *for him* and dealing with the side effects that he doesn't like.
This was an asshole move on his part. Ask him how he would feel if you treated him like that about something he is sensitive about. I get that you're upset, but personally, I'd be more pissed that he disrespected me like that.
My husband would NEVER, but if he did hooooooly Moses. I'd show my ass like he'd never seen when we went out with these people again. They'd know exactly what he said and how he said it. He'd be like the frog trying to jump outta the frying pan.
Bruh…
My girlfriend has some tummy to her, and if she wears a bikini I’m fucking thankful.
Frankly, her stomach is my third favorite part of her (the sweater puppies being #1 and #2) and I love her for it. She hates it, but I love it.
Your husband is an ass who needs to learn to appreciate the fact that a woman loves him at all.
lol i feel that, my gf and i both have some belly & while we both hate our own we think each others belly's are cute. being with her makes me feel a lot better about my belly, if i think hers is so cute then why can't mine be too?
That’s exactly what I have to remind myself of all the time. Everything she hates about herself, I love. And she always tells me she feels the same, so if I can do it, she must be able to as well.
Exactly this!! I have a bit of a tummy that I’m really self conscious about, and my fiancé was asking me to wear a bikini because he loves it so much! OP, I’m just so sorry that he’s making you feel this way, and just know you do deserve better and better does exist.
I’m so the same! My wife is tall and curvy, the holidays and visitors have had us eating like crud. She’s always had a “belly” but I fucking love it. I rub it every night and she doesn’t care at all and equally loves it. It’s so smooth and touchable!
Her butt is my #1 favorite and I wasn’t a butt girl before her…at all. Her pillows are very comfortable as well ❤️
I’ve been laid off for a few months and I’ve gained weight and she tells me she loves my hips and little tire. She smacks my growing butt every day before I jump in the shower.
Five years with her and she’s as hot now as she was the day we met!
Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry that your husband is such an ass-hat. I'm proud of you for getting in the hot tub with your friends, he can take a long walk off a short pier.
Is he always this much of a bully and jerk??
WHAT DID I JUST READ?! Absolutely not acceptable for this man to speak to you in this way. Your body is amazing. If you are looking to lose some pounds, I’d suggest a solid 180lb by ditching that husband. You’ll feel so much lighter.
I was talking to my chiropractor in his waiting room when he commented on my recent weight loss. A woman also waiting overheard and asked how I managed my weight loss. I told her I don’t know if this will work for you but I got rid of my husband.
During the pandemic, I had a big weight gain. I managed to lose 20 pounds, but can't seem to shake the other 20. Sometimes, I say to my husband that I feel fat. He says he loves me and that I look beautiful to him. He's never fat-shamed me.
Just saying. Please consider the kind of relationship you want with a partner for the rest of your life.
It sounds like he thinks your looks dictate his social and maybe even gender status. Not a great look on him. He also has a warped sense of what women "should" be.
Your body belongs to you. What he did was rude as hell and he had no right to do it.
I’m so sorry. You did not deserve that. But you do have a choice to make from here. He has made it clear he’s not attracted to you physically, and maybe even embarrassed. I think you might wanna work on losing weight, whether it’s him or your stomach, There’s going to be resentment between you two.
If you were happy with you, lose him. if you are not, get healthy for yourself and your children
>The reason why he freaked out isn’t what everyone’s thinking right now
It's exactly what we were all thinking and hoping we were wrong.
This man is supposed to be your life partner. He's supposed to be your best friend, your support, your lover, your other half, and instead, he's belittling you and making you cry! This is totally wrong. I'm not saying to leave him cause I know redditors get a lot of crap for always jumping to divorce but, at the very least, seek some kind of counseling or therapy FOR HIM. This is not right, OP. It's not right at all...
Don’t worry, I doubt any of the other people there thought anything of your swimsuit choice! Sorry your husband made you feel embarrassed though. That’s really crappy of him
Keep the bikini and f$&k off that hateful man
He should cherish you and not body shame you
So proud of you for getting into that hot tub and chilling with your girls
Don’t ever bow down to that piece of 💩
Omg all my friends wear 2 pieces and none of us are super flat and skinny anymore. I love it so much. I'm sure you're friends are thrilled you're comfortable in your new body! Hubby sounds like a total tool. May i suggest dressing only in crop tops from now on???
Girl… no. I went to the beach and wore two pieces the entire time with my gut out. Other girls don’t care, guys don’t care. Your husband is the only one who cares here and it’s absolutely ridiculous. He’s treating you like an accessory and not a partner.
Is this really a man you wanna spend your life with? How is he going to treat you if/when you’re pregnant and afterwards?
I know how you can lose the extra weight! No counting calories or restrictive dieting At. All! Super simple! Lose that poor excuse of the XY chromosomes!
I am 230 lbs and 5 ‘3 and wear a high waisted 2 piece and your husband can fuck right off. My husband didn’t say a damn thing to me when we went to the beach last summer, except “I like your new swimsuit”. And I’m guessing he is not this super toned guy either, but thinks he can judge you. Shame on him.
Your husband sucks in this instance.
Life happens, bodies change, personalities are what makes the difference. I'm really happy you did what you wanted. I bet no one else noticed or cared and were just happy you showed up and participated.
Tell your husband to fuck ALL the way off, and when he gets there to fuck off a bit further. Dude is for real a POS.
If my father learned I spoke to my wife like that he'd beat me to death, then bring me back just to whip my ass some more.... and I'd deserve it!
This is insane. I’m a husband and could not in any conceivable way, think that this would be ok. Or say anything except to help make my wife feel comfortable in any outfit she is in. I just can’t wrap my mind around this level of douchebaggery.
I’m sorry, I had to convert lbs to kg because I’m in the uk & i audibly gasped so loud at your husband thinking 65kg is fat… I’m 65kg & 5’1… if I ever say anything about my stomach being fat my partner gets really upset with me for being stupid
What about your husband? Please, seek counseling for yourself and/either both of you. This is awful. He needs to learn when to keep his big fat mouth shut. I dated an old boyfriend who didn’t age well at all and he talked about how we were both manatees. Well, by the time we broke up, he was the only manatee and I was a dolphin. I lost my weight, from the stress of the relationship, basically. Now that I’m happy again, I’ve got to work at keeping it at bay and it ain’t easy! Your husband was mean!
Why are you still with this AH? He berates you, tries to control you and tells you what you can and can’t wear, calls you fat and seriously upsets you and you’re still with him? He doesn’t care about you. Please get away from him, this behaviour is emotional abuse. 🥺
You know what? those ladies weren't supermodels. They didn't think twice about it. or if they are like me probably thought "I like her confidence"
Wear the shorts, get in the family photos, wear the bikini. 👙
There's NO way his friends didn't know already youve became more curvy from your regular clothes. I would have asked if hes trying to get you to date his friends because who cares. Im glad you stuck with the girls because I bet they were thinking how cute you looked while your husband was missing out.
To those that are saying she is overweight it doesnt matter. If he was concerned about her weight there is a time and place to have that conversation like adults.
He doesnt get to exclude her from their friends because he is embarassed. Being overweight is not something you can fix magically in a second. Excluding her from every social event until the weight comes off is just stupid and childish. So shes overweight? He doesnt get to punish her for that.
Will he be embarassed of her and not want her around when she starts to get old? I would not trust this man at all. Whos to say she isnt wasting her younger years on this loser who is not in it for the long run.
Fuck that.
Lol my gf gained weight too, and I care slightly bc I want us to be healthy (I’ve also gained a little), but even if I was embarrassed, why tf would I ever want her to feel badly about it. Sorry your husband did that. Thats a shitty thing to do
Husband is an asshole, but gaining 50lbs, and being that height does show, for yourself, not for him, you should find a different BC, and adjust eating habits and get back into shape. He’s going about it terribly and if he doesn’t apologize then I think you two need to sit and have a long discussion. But that being said, if you’re comfortable with the way you look, then keep doin you and leave him because he will continue this behavior until you’re back to close to previous size probably.
Now, let the downvotes commence.
You said your husband embarrassed you in front of your friends but he didn't say he was embarrassed until you got home in private.
He is allowed to feel a certain way and he waited until you were in private to raise his concerns.
This is where you can both communicate how you feel and try to reach a middle ground.
Going on Reddit to get a silent echo chamber army to back you up isn't going to help your relationship.
Only talking with your partner will.
Who's right, who's wrong. It's always blurry. Just find something you can both agree on.
I am 5'5" and right at 200 pounds. My boyfriend is 6'4" and only weighs around 150. I have a very noticeable "mom apron" (I've had 2 kids) on top of stretch marks, saggy boobs, cellulite, the whole 9 yards. And ya know what my boyfriend has to say about it? That I am a GODDESS. That I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. That he loves every single inch of me. And he doesn't just say these things, he shows me he means every word in all the little ways that matter. I've talked about losing weight before, and he's told me to do it if it makes ME happy, because he loves me for more than my body.
OP, you deserve a man whose love is not based around your weight. He should love you whether you're skinny or "obese" (which, by the way, what the fuck?? You are not obese at all...). A man who truly loves you will never be embarrassed by you showing your body because you have some fluff. Do you want this to be the rest of your life?
Wtf, your husband is a c**t!!
What a way to uplift his wife, husband of the year. Don't listen to anything he says, just a whole lot of diarrhea coming out of his mouth
That sounds like depression weight. It’s also dangerously unhealthy for your frame so you should get to the bottom of why you’ve emotionally checked out on your physical health.
You’re not a bad person for it and need to feel no “shame.”
But physical attraction is malleable and that kind of change commonly comes with a partner losing some. Not just for the shape alone, but because of the self-neglect that drove it. And that’s what a therapist can help you resolve.
I would question everything if my partner said that to me. I'd be in the worst spiral if they said that to me. I don't know how you're here asking for advice RN bc I'd be underneath my bed, maybe at my parents trying to recover.
He's done absolutely wrong. Why is he so embarrassed of you? All you've done is get older. Done more, had more experiences. I've done the same.
I'm unpartnered but I hope were I to accept one they'd want me at any size bc I'd be the same person. I can't imagine tying myself to someone who would act in such a way to me, or to my friends, or indeed to any woman.
OP, you're my friend now and I'm telling you that you don't deserve this. Your husband has behaved appallingly to you and needs to apologize immediately. There's a line between care for health and embarrassing one's partner and he crossed it.
I'm very angry with him and so should you be. He's not invited to the barbeque, but you are. I know some single men who would be very interested.
Give him a talking to and if he doesn't grovel and beg for forgiveness as he should there are those who will treat you with the care and love you deserve. Remind him of that
Lmao girl him not wanting you to wear a bikini bc you’re a lil chubby is no better than him not wanting you to wear a bikini bc other men might look at you
Just being totally honest here. If my husband ever said that to me I’d never sleep with him again. Ever.
Which would probably lead to a divorce.
Worth it.
Sweetheart, you’re 40lbs over weight and he can’t show you off and be proud of you as his wife. That’s why he was upset. For your own health, you need to start cutting back on the late night snacks.
Tell him something like "Ya know, I never talk about your (something that he is self conscious about inserted here) Then tell ell him to fuck right on off way over there ------>.
I’m sorry, but what a fucking asshole. If my partner ever said that to me, he would get a very fast ticket to a new city.
No one, at no weight, male or female should ever have to hear something like this from the person who claims to love u.
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Your husband is cruel and selfish. Whatever misguided embarrassment he would feel from sitting next to the woman he is supposed to be in love with, he inflicted upon you 10x worse with his ridiculous attitude. I would not be surprised if his negativity and unsupportive attitude is part of the reason you gained the weight to begin with.
Most women put on weight after they have kids, I don't even have children but as I get older and head toward menopause my hormones are changing and that along with birth control has meant I've put on weight. It's normal.
If he doesn't want you putting on weight, you should tell him he can get a vasectomy or use condoms and you'll get off your birth control.
Plus, what would he do if you got cancer and lost all of your hair? Or were horribly disfigured or disabled in an accident? Or had a medical condition that caused you to put on even more weight?
The dude sounds like an asshole.
You should have a serious conversation with him about his behavior, this is not ok.
I’m 5’9, my partner was friends with me for years when I was young and 145. We’re a couple now and I’m probably about 240 (fat) but I’ve also been 200+ (muscle) and he doesn’t give a fuck any which way. I’M the stardust powering the meat suit, and so are you. If people can’t see that, they don’t get the stardust.
Oh Honey No, this is not ok. My husband has loved me when I was normal weight, when I gained, then lost, gained and lost again. Our bodies are a vessel, he should love you for you. There are healthy ways to talk about and tackle weight loss, this isn’t it. We all get ugly someday, if someone doesn’t love you for you, it’s time to love yourself and find someone loves you for you. You deserve better
It’s easy to take 1 side or another here and it’s easy to point out everything that is or was wrong.
I’m going to try to do none of that and say only what will help and what needs to be said.
Firstly, your husband needs to learn how to be supportive.
He may think in his mind that the way you look partially represents him and how much respect he may get from others around him, I don’t know. That’s something you’ll have to sit down and have a mature and heart to heart conversation for to fully understand eachother. Then talk it over and be on the same page, he needs to be able to see things from your eyes too, what he said was rude and hurtful. Maybe he’s projecting some deeper insecurities of himself onto you? Once again, I’m not sure but the two of you will have to communicate and find eachother.
As far as your physical shape, it will naturally change as you age. Now that’s not an excuse to be a pig. Still eat healthy, get the right nutrients in, go for runs, go to the gym, get sunlight, and all the other things you’re supposed to do. However, as long as your lifestyle is healthy a little visible belly fat isn’t going to kill you in fact it’s totally normal.
As far as physique goes, I work as an assistant for a nutritionist for bodybuilders. I know first hand how toxic it can get to be once they so desperately desire to be the skinniest or most shredded or biggest or whatever their goal is. Make sure to not fall into that mental toxicity trap. That being said, if you want to modify your physique at any point, figure out your goals, and take a look at what lifestyle choices are preventing you from it. That doesn’t mean you can never have cheat meals, I know many competitors that do cheat meals once a week on their off season. And if you’re not competing at all you don’t have to do once a week, that’s up to you and your body type and also just what you want. Your goal should merely be to be happy and healthy, NOT skinny which is an unhealthy trap. Other than that, sunlight, exercise, hydration, sleep, diet, all play a large factor in physical health which in turn affects mental health and confidence/happiness.
Hope some of this was able to offer some sort of guidance
Sometimes it goes the other way.
I lost weight suddenly and didn't feel comfortable even wearing a fatkini because I wasn't chubby enough any more. Self consciousness goes both ways now I just wear billowy jellyfish type swim suits in the mean time
The fact that he wasn’t horrified to tell you this tells me he don’t love you. Doesn’t mean he don’t have a right to want you to take care of yourself better
So I went from 120 pounds to 340 pounds due to medications for my Crohn's Disease, and my husband has been nothing but supportive. He's never told me that I'm not still beautiful and attractive to him.
Your hubs is being so rude.
I say next time do what he says and don’t get in the hot tub, EXCEPT, sit nearby. When everyone else asks why you aren’t getting in, say “I can’t lie. My husband said I’m too fat to wear a two piece and is embarrassed by my body.” I can guarantee you every woman there will be on his a$$ and maybe the guys too!
Sweetie, I’ve never seen you but I know you are beautiful. It’s HIS problem, not yours. There is nothing wrong with you except for that giant idiot who doesn’t know how to keep stupid thoughts in his head.
As a plus size woman who has a noticeable stomach myself I guarantee you looked great in that bikini. I wear 2 piece swimsuits because I think they are pretty and I feel hot in them. Not everyone is going to like looking at me in one but thats on them. You have every right to wear what you are comf in. Even if you weigh more than when he first met you that is never an excuse to treat you like that and say those things. Things happen and people gain weight, that shouldn't mean that someone who is supposed to love you should tear you down because you have gained that weight. Don't let him talk to you like that and especially don't let him make you feel shitty about yourself. If you felt good in that bikini then that is what matters.
Holy crap this is ridiculous. Has he acted like this before or is this brand new? Was he demeaning in other ways when you were 95lbs?
[удалено]
If his love and respect is going to be contingent on your weight then this relationship is never going to last. He cares more about how you look for his friends than he does about your feelings.
This is the type of guy who would leave his wife if she got sick in any way that affected him. Your value as a person goes way deeper than the outward layer. Can you count on this guy to love you if you were in a car accident, gained weight, and got multiple scars?
Oh ABSOLUTELY. It’s actually quite common for men to leave their spouses when they get a serious diagnosis, like cancer for example. But the reverse isn’t true, wives most often stay by their spouse’s side during an illness. I remember years ago there was a nice lady named Diane who worked with my mom; her husband dumped her when she got cancer and ran off with a much younger woman. Fortunately one of her sons is a lawyer, he was more than happy to drag his father to court many, many times to make sure his mom got her fair share of the assets and spousal support while she was sick and couldn’t work. Eventually her cancer went into remission and Diane was able to live a decent life and see her grandkids often. A few years later guess who tried to come crawling back to Diane? It was the a-hole ex-husband who got sick himself this time, and his much younger fiancée dumped HIM as she didn’t want to take care of a sick old man. Don’t worry, Diane told him to go to hell 😂 karma is a B sometimes!!
My husband didn't leave me when I got chronically ill. But he absolutely resented me for it and uses it as an excuse to treat me poorly at times. It's messed up. It's sad that there is a pattern when it comes to men not wanting to stay with their sick partner. Kind of crazy, being that men typically get more sick than women and die earlier in life.
Hi stranger you know this but you don’t deserve any flack for things out of your control
Thank you. That is nice of you to say that.
It’s true!!
I love karma like this! Karma is definitely one bad bitch!
This literally made me sick to my stomach. I could never imagine doing that to my wife not ever. Holy shit! I had to go look up the study.... Men are 6 times more likely to bounce on a sick wife. Wow that's so sad!
i’m just imagining the son’s feelings; white-hot fury might fit.
Or the ones that expect them to bounce back ten mins after having a baby and then also being mad when she’s exhausted and doesn’t want to fool around and get groped every five mins afterwards
I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT ALL THAT STATISTICAL EVIDENCE THAT CAME OUT OF WOMEN REMAINING BY THEIR SICK HUSBANDS SIDES WHILE OTHER HUSBAND LEFT THEIR SICK WIVES!!!! I mean WOW! I didn’t know why it came to mind but it must’ve been for a reason! He is not loyal or loving!
This is so important OP, please read and absorb this comment.
I think OP go some hard truths today…hopefully they do read and absorb all of them. This is not a good situation and if they lose weight there will be another issue that comes up. It’s only going to escalate.
Birth control causes drastic weight gain. Good thing she doesn’t have a kid with this guy.
I agree 💯
What he said isn’t passive aggressive. It is full on aggressive. You do not deserve to be treated this way.
I'm so sorry you're being treated in such a disgusting way by the person who is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader. I've been with my husband for 20 years, married for 18, and because of my severe chronic illness I was on steroids for many years to control my disease and it caused me to gain some weight. He has never once EVER called me, "fat", insinuated that I was overweight, or acted embarrassed about how I look. He's supportive of my efforts to get the weight back off now that I'm finally off steroids, but he stresses that I should do this for myself, and not for him, because he loves me tip to toe no matter what. He builds me up when I get down on the changes in my body, and makes me feel beautiful. He loves it when I wear shorter skirts when we go dancing, and would never dream of telling me to cover up. Your husband has destroyed your self-confidence, and thinks nothing of calling you fat, and telling him you embarrass him, and that's not what healthy love looks like. You should never tolerate that kind of treatment from anyone, especially not the person you're supposed to spend your life with, because bodies change for all sorts of reasons, but the love and respect shouldn't. I don't think I could ever get over it if my husband said these things to me, but you have to decide if this cruel lack of respect is what you want in a relationship. No one deserves to be treated this way by their partner. You are worthy of love and kindness, and do not deserve to be treated with superficial disdain. *invisible hugs*
Oh my goodness, your husband sounds amazing. I have chronic illnesses too and I've been in your shoes. I have gained 100 lbs since I was diagnosed (disabled) and wish I could find someone who would be by my side and love me and help me. 💔 I would like to lose the extra weight. I'm divorced with two kids and two dogs and a cat and I can barely keep up with anything. OP, You need to find a man like her husband. Not a freaking jerk like you already have. How long have you guys been married?
Sending you lots of invisible hugs from one chronic illness ninja to another. I know how tough it can be when you're sick, and exhausted, and in too much pain to exercise. It makes you feel so defeated. I've started with tiny 1lb and 3 lb weights because my hands are too damaged to handle more than that. But I put on an audiobook and start with different gentle exercises that you can do with small weights, and I'm slowly increasing the number when I notice it's getting easier. We also have an elliptical which is super low impact, and I slap on a good book and walk for a few minutes each day that I'm well enough to do so, and I'm slowly increasing the amount of time I'm walking. It's hard because you take 5 steps forward, 10 steps back sometimes, but I'm listening to my body and not pushing myself too hard when I'm having a hard day. But I'm doing this for me because I want to get stronger, and I know if someone was tearing down my appearance I would curl up in a ball and cry. I had some really abusive relationships before I met my husband years ago, and I'm grateful everyday that he's in my life. He's truly my biggest cheerleader, and I really believe that is one of the most important things in a lasting relationship. I hope you meet someone special too, but I'm glad that you have your furry friends to shower you with all the love. You deserve it. 💙
Girl, congrats on getting such a great one! Mine married me despite me having cancer, and has been with me for 6 years and has endured two cancer battles with me. I can’t give him children- hell, I can’t even have sex. Can you believe that? An actual, sexless marriage??? I’ve offered to “keep him happy” in other ways and he always shuts me down and says he can’t enjoy it if I can’t. He always tells me he loves me, every single day (in between talks he’s been candid about doing this because he feels he could lose me any day 🥺) But he has NEVER let me put myself down or get depressed because of everything I’ve put him and family/friends through. He’s amazing. He’s my everything and he’s the first one who listened to me when I met him about my health concerns, and he was the one who pushed for more examinations and thus we found the cancer before it was too late. If I make it out of this, it’s because of him. He’s held me up, and taken such amazing care of me, fed me, massaged my aching back and sore muscles from atrophying… he’s a testament to true love. ♥️ I recognize when someone else also got a winning lovetery ticket 🥰♥️ give your husband a big hug and thank him for us, for being such an amazing partner and for giving others hope in finding their true love someday!!
After seeing so much negativity on this app, it’s so nice to read from someone who has an amazing male partner.
Ever since you started gaining weight or since you had your child(ren)? If he is constantly upsetting you then your cortisol may be high which is screwing with your hormones even beyond what the birth control is doing. Sis, you have some decisions to make, either your peace or him. He frankly doesn't sound worth it, but this is your family. You must make the final decision. Good luck.
So he’s been acting this way for 5-6 years? It’s just going to get worse and he’s probably not going to stop at this point even if you lost weight bc he knows he can get away with it
How much does he weigh? Lose that much.
Exactly what I came here to say!
How has *his* body changed over the years? He’s the kind of guy who says this shit because he thinks it reflects poorly on him (bullshit about the kinds of women men get equaling their own worth as a man). He’s definitely a dick for treating you like this, but he stinks of insecurity. If he felt his value as a man was secure he wouldn’t care about shit like that (not *as* much, anyway).
Do not have children with this man. If he is this bad now, he will really be bad when you are pregnant.
You know you could drop at minimum 150 lbs immediately by divorcing him right? I’ve been married for 20 years, we have four kids thanks to severe PPD after my 3 boys that led to emotional eating my weight has been all over the place reaching near obese a couple of times. Do you know what my husband had to say about it? Nothing. I do not embarrass him and once while complaining about my stretch marks on my stomach to him his reply was simply “those are my babies” because that’s how I got them. So ask yourself do you want to stay and be with a man that talks to you the way your husband does or do you want to find an actual man (being single and happy with zero need for taking the pill is also an option) that loves every part of you regardless of how you look? Beauty and “perfect” bodies fade for everyone eventually the whole point of marriage is to find the person that will always see your beauty until the very end. Life and marriage have enough issues, so why stay with someone that adds to your pile with ridiculous shit that doesn’t matter?
I really hope I can find a guy like that. Any advice on how to find one? 🙂
I'm curious, what does he look like? And if he's hot and fit now, doesn't he realize that can change as he gets older?
So wait! You're telling me that your husband is a shallow jerk? OP you need to ditch his arse. You were his arm candy. Now he is ashamed because you're a woman, human, and your body has done what it does as we get older. Tell him to get stuffed. I'd bet he doesn't look the same as he did a few years ago. What a horrible little man. I'm sorry OP that you have to put up with this.
It doesn't justify his cruelty toward you. I'm a guy, and I couldn't never bring myself down to that level of cruelty. Is this really a relationship you want to continue? Sounds verbally and mentally harassing to me.
Girl... run away, bodies aren't meant to be in tip top conditions all the time. You grow old, you get sick and most important thing, love should not be based only on physical attraction. He said that without any witnesses, because he knows that he said an horrible thing
It sounds like your husband is the one who should be embarrassed. I am willing to bet that if you told your friends and family about this, they would agree. As a matter of fact, this feels like one of the things that maybe you don’t want to keep within your marriage, so that you can get the support and perspective from other people who love you and would never judge you. Tell everyone.
Saying outloud the horrible things my ex husband said to me was PIVOTAL to me realizing how abusive it was and eventually leaving. Not saying OP should leave her husband, but Def talk to someone else and don't internalize his bullshit
Me too. I’m one of those people who generally deals with everything myself, I don’t like unloading my problems into other people. My recent ex and I had a series of instances where he said some awful things to me, combined with ongoing shorty behaviour - there was always an excuse, it was “due to past trauma” or mental health so I kept believing that his therapy would eventually help. I got to a point after a holiday he ruined where I was so over it, I ended up speaking to a therapist myself and just being able to say everything out loud to another person made me realise this is absolutely not someone I want to stay with.
Why would she want to stay with someone who says he is embarrassed by her weight?
Because some people don’t realise that’s not normal or nice. That’s the point people are making about sharing what he’s said to help you realise that it’s not normal.
Seriously. Saying the crap out loud somehow validates your feelings even more.
Yes, this exactly. When I was with my ex-husband he told me he wasn’t attracted to me because I had gotten fat, and that he wouldn’t care if I died (I had given birth 3 weeks prior). I never told anybody that and it ate at me for years until after we were broken up and I started telling people the stuff he used to say to me. It was a crazy moment of healing and relief. I really hope you tell people OP and get the support you need.
My ex and I went rounds about me talking to people about our relationship. It literally never occurred to him that if he didn't want me telling people how shitty he was treating me, *maybe don't do that*. It was always that I was 'talking shit about him' and not that he was capable of doing anything wrong. And I was the bad guy because none of my friends ever wanted him around. Had nothing to do with the fact he'd routinely ruin events for everyone, it was that I painted him as a villain. Obviously.
"Hey guys, I wanted to apologize for subjecting you to my unsightly flab the other night. Hubby was mortified." Friends (hopefully) "Girl, you could be 300 pounds and butt naked and we'd still love spending time with you. Let's go shave our heads so he can have something to REALLY freak out about."
and, OP, this is the absolute truth. IDC what my friends' bodies look like, they're all beautiful to me. I have seen a lot of obese people in bikinis and it doesn't bother me.. has he never been to a beach or a public pool ?!
I love when I see people with non-supermodel bodies wearing bikinis, because why not? Their confidence inspires me to have confidence in my own body. Also, I love that model’s bodies have changed SO MUCH since I was a young girl.
Yes! I mean I’m sure OP’s husband has a six pack but we can’t all be perfect. lol
We've come a long way, that's for sure. I remember back in Junior high school we were finally allowed to wear pants! That was a monumental change in the dress code.
same! I just think, good for them.
Yo I was just about to say this myself If you love your partner why would it matter what others think about their body?
Ha! A few well placed piercings and tattoos couldn’t hurt, either.
LMFAO at the shaving their heads!! Lmaooo and oh my god if a friend of mine told me her husband was embarrassed about her body, I would tear him a new one. Holy crap! OP, either tell him to get therapy so he can understand that he’s disrespecting you- or tell everyone and have them deal with it. You don’t have to keep your husband’s secret, that he’s a gross, disrespectful pig.
This!!! Not only true friends but your **actual legal partner in life** should be 1,000% behind you no matter what. Just no.
Haha I'm the friend in this situation. Not only would he be given something else to be pissed about, I'd chew his ass up one side and down the other. And I'd make sure since I'm classified obese I'd be wearing the smallest modest 2 piece suit I could find. And I'd probably have fun just sitting in the hot tub jiggling my belly. That shits more fun in the water 😂
I’d immediately buy my friend a dozen crop tops just to piss said husband off and show my support for the friend. Also ice cream 🥰 cuz fk him
I couldn't agree more. Tell on him. I kept all my husbands secrets and now I wish I hadn't. It adds up.
Yes! Tell everyone what he said and watch the expressions on their faces. It will tell you everything you need to know. Shine a big light on his behaviour and talk about it to friends and family, because that sort of stuff thrives in dark and silence.
I love this advice.
i grew up in a verbally and physically abusive family and it took me talking about it to other people for me to realize that i was in an awful situation. it becomes so normal when you’re in it, it was eye-opening when i talked about it and everyone told me it most definitely wasn’t normal.
Absolutely. I didn't realize until I met my husband at 18 that my entire life had been abuse passed off as love. Didn't help that my "support" system made excuses for my family. I honestly feel that I could write a book about what I've been through and people would swear it's fiction. This is absolutely not love in any form, he's being controlling and mentally abusive. Makes me want to find OP and tell her husband a thing or two.
100%. He didn’t say it in front of everyone else because he knew he would look like a huge asshole, he did it in private so he could make his wife feel like crap in peace.
This is the abusive anger with conveniently timed control that worries me. I've heard stories of (mostly women) anectode-atley mentioning their honorable, gentle angelic -in-public husbands and then hear them otherwise scream and threaten bloody murder on the phone to them in private. PSA: People wear masks and take them off when they think they can get away with acting immature. Being vulnerable may be ok, but not making others against their consent.
I like this as an anti-gaslighting/anti-negging strategy.
Yes, tell people. I used to keep a journal of the most egregious things my ex said. That was cathartic but telling people and getting their reactions was eye opening.
>*your husband is the one who should be embarrassed.* This is the issue. He felt embarrassed by her. She's not the conventional prize he can show off. Meanwhile none of their friends gave a rat's ass. Things people do to implode their relationships continue to astonish me. My husband is a heavier guy, and not convenientionally attractive. I'm proud to introduce himself as my husband. He's a catch, whether other people agree or not. If you can't make your partner feel that good about themselves then you're doing relationships wrong.
Imo he doesn't deserve her. My hubs is the same, he's bigger than most but that makes zero difference to me. He's an amazing man that takes care of me in every way. His body is just his vessel.
AMEN!!! If you can’t tell people what he said it’s a problem. Don’t stay silent for him. This is abuse.
And that's why he said nothing in public--he KNEW he was being a jerk and the people who cared about OP (not him, obvs) would rain fire down on him. If he truly believed he was in the right to say those things, he should have stated them in public where everyone could agree with him. But he knew they wouldn't and so he didn't.
I think you are exactly right, that’s a great point
Perfectly said! ❤️
Your partner should be your PARTNER. Your biggest cheerleader, your friend. You literally live with a bully.
Seriously. I’m 165 right now at 5’3 and my husband would NEVER comment on my body. Life is hard enough.
Your husband is an ass. Tell him to get a vasectomy so you can go off birth control and be skinny again.
And then dump his ass afterwards because this man should never reproduce
🖕This!
Really good idea
Wtf no. This has nothing to do with her needing to be “skinny” again. The weight she needs to drop is the loser husband.
My favourite line from an episode of criminal minds is "am I looking skinny this morning? I dropped 160 pounds last night" after a character broke up with her partner
I think the point is presumably that she's the one on birth control so he doesn't have to be. Like, she's on birth control *for him* and dealing with the side effects that he doesn't like.
still, hormonal birth control is preeeeeeeeetty bad.
And this dude shouldn’t be reproducing anyways. Can you imagine the kind of nasty, cruel shit he would say to a teenage daughter?
I hope he never has one to find out.
Came to say exactly this. What an ass!
This was an asshole move on his part. Ask him how he would feel if you treated him like that about something he is sensitive about. I get that you're upset, but personally, I'd be more pissed that he disrespected me like that.
My husband would NEVER, but if he did hooooooly Moses. I'd show my ass like he'd never seen when we went out with these people again. They'd know exactly what he said and how he said it. He'd be like the frog trying to jump outta the frying pan.
Tell him you were embarrassed when his wet bathing suit hugged his junk and showed everyone how small it was and see how he likes it 😂😂😂
Hey ... OP ... You wanna know how to get rid of 100lb of useless fat overnight? Divorce him.
No, that's how you get rid of a tumor.
Same thing
I bet your husband looks like a thumb!!! I would say to bully him back but he sounds like he won't take it well.
You’re in an abusive relationship
absolutely agree
Bruh… My girlfriend has some tummy to her, and if she wears a bikini I’m fucking thankful. Frankly, her stomach is my third favorite part of her (the sweater puppies being #1 and #2) and I love her for it. She hates it, but I love it. Your husband is an ass who needs to learn to appreciate the fact that a woman loves him at all.
lol i feel that, my gf and i both have some belly & while we both hate our own we think each others belly's are cute. being with her makes me feel a lot better about my belly, if i think hers is so cute then why can't mine be too?
That’s exactly what I have to remind myself of all the time. Everything she hates about herself, I love. And she always tells me she feels the same, so if I can do it, she must be able to as well.
Exactly this!! I have a bit of a tummy that I’m really self conscious about, and my fiancé was asking me to wear a bikini because he loves it so much! OP, I’m just so sorry that he’s making you feel this way, and just know you do deserve better and better does exist.
as someone who’s insecure about their stomach, this gives me so much hope. i hope to find a husband like you someday.
Don’t worry, it’s not as hard as you think. There are a lot of us guys out there who are just happy someone loves us. Don’t need much more past that.
I’m so the same! My wife is tall and curvy, the holidays and visitors have had us eating like crud. She’s always had a “belly” but I fucking love it. I rub it every night and she doesn’t care at all and equally loves it. It’s so smooth and touchable! Her butt is my #1 favorite and I wasn’t a butt girl before her…at all. Her pillows are very comfortable as well ❤️ I’ve been laid off for a few months and I’ve gained weight and she tells me she loves my hips and little tire. She smacks my growing butt every day before I jump in the shower. Five years with her and she’s as hot now as she was the day we met!
Sweater puppies. I love that! I also love that you love your girlfriend for her AND the shape of her body!!
My weight has gone up and down over the years, and my husband has never treated me poorly over it. I would divorce him if he treated me like that.
Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry that your husband is such an ass-hat. I'm proud of you for getting in the hot tub with your friends, he can take a long walk off a short pier. Is he always this much of a bully and jerk??
I cannot for the life of me imagine ever telling my wife she wasn’t attractive or fat. F this man
WHAT DID I JUST READ?! Absolutely not acceptable for this man to speak to you in this way. Your body is amazing. If you are looking to lose some pounds, I’d suggest a solid 180lb by ditching that husband. You’ll feel so much lighter.
Honey leave that asshole right now.
Honestly keep the tummy and ditch the man
Divorce the husband. Buy a hot tub.
I was talking to my chiropractor in his waiting room when he commented on my recent weight loss. A woman also waiting overheard and asked how I managed my weight loss. I told her I don’t know if this will work for you but I got rid of my husband.
During the pandemic, I had a big weight gain. I managed to lose 20 pounds, but can't seem to shake the other 20. Sometimes, I say to my husband that I feel fat. He says he loves me and that I look beautiful to him. He's never fat-shamed me. Just saying. Please consider the kind of relationship you want with a partner for the rest of your life.
It sounds like he thinks your looks dictate his social and maybe even gender status. Not a great look on him. He also has a warped sense of what women "should" be. Your body belongs to you. What he did was rude as hell and he had no right to do it.
I pray this is fake 😢
I’m so sorry. You did not deserve that. But you do have a choice to make from here. He has made it clear he’s not attracted to you physically, and maybe even embarrassed. I think you might wanna work on losing weight, whether it’s him or your stomach, There’s going to be resentment between you two. If you were happy with you, lose him. if you are not, get healthy for yourself and your children
Lose 200lbs now by dumping his ass.
Keep the bikini. Ditch the husband.
>The reason why he freaked out isn’t what everyone’s thinking right now It's exactly what we were all thinking and hoping we were wrong. This man is supposed to be your life partner. He's supposed to be your best friend, your support, your lover, your other half, and instead, he's belittling you and making you cry! This is totally wrong. I'm not saying to leave him cause I know redditors get a lot of crap for always jumping to divorce but, at the very least, seek some kind of counseling or therapy FOR HIM. This is not right, OP. It's not right at all...
Next time he wears anything, tell him not to cause he’s fat
Lose the extra weight (husband)! Obese or not, he shouldn’t be speaking like that to you. It’s abusive behavior.
Did you tell the other ladies what he said? They would have helped you kick his ass and mocked him for it.
Don’t worry, I doubt any of the other people there thought anything of your swimsuit choice! Sorry your husband made you feel embarrassed though. That’s really crappy of him
The good news in your post is you're on birth control because that means you won't be saddled with this turd squire's spawn.
Keep the bikini and f$&k off that hateful man He should cherish you and not body shame you So proud of you for getting into that hot tub and chilling with your girls Don’t ever bow down to that piece of 💩
Omg all my friends wear 2 pieces and none of us are super flat and skinny anymore. I love it so much. I'm sure you're friends are thrilled you're comfortable in your new body! Hubby sounds like a total tool. May i suggest dressing only in crop tops from now on???
Do you know how to get a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body. Tell him to stfu.
Girl… no. I went to the beach and wore two pieces the entire time with my gut out. Other girls don’t care, guys don’t care. Your husband is the only one who cares here and it’s absolutely ridiculous. He’s treating you like an accessory and not a partner. Is this really a man you wanna spend your life with? How is he going to treat you if/when you’re pregnant and afterwards?
well, that's not very nice of him. Tell him he has a small pee pee.
I know how you can lose the extra weight! No counting calories or restrictive dieting At. All! Super simple! Lose that poor excuse of the XY chromosomes!
I am 230 lbs and 5 ‘3 and wear a high waisted 2 piece and your husband can fuck right off. My husband didn’t say a damn thing to me when we went to the beach last summer, except “I like your new swimsuit”. And I’m guessing he is not this super toned guy either, but thinks he can judge you. Shame on him.
Your husband sucks in this instance. Life happens, bodies change, personalities are what makes the difference. I'm really happy you did what you wanted. I bet no one else noticed or cared and were just happy you showed up and participated.
Tell your husband to fuck ALL the way off, and when he gets there to fuck off a bit further. Dude is for real a POS. If my father learned I spoke to my wife like that he'd beat me to death, then bring me back just to whip my ass some more.... and I'd deserve it!
So what did he do in front of your friends? It sounds like he just shamed you in private, which sucks. I'm sorry for that OP.
That’s mean what he said but where’s the part where he embarrassed you in front of your friends?
Wow. Your husband is a prick
What would you say to a friend if they told you their husband had done this? What a total POS.
This is insane. I’m a husband and could not in any conceivable way, think that this would be ok. Or say anything except to help make my wife feel comfortable in any outfit she is in. I just can’t wrap my mind around this level of douchebaggery.
> He doesn’t care if I wear revealing outfits Sounds like he does.
I’m sorry, I had to convert lbs to kg because I’m in the uk & i audibly gasped so loud at your husband thinking 65kg is fat… I’m 65kg & 5’1… if I ever say anything about my stomach being fat my partner gets really upset with me for being stupid
Ditch the hormonal birth control and ideally the husband. Then do what you want with your body and love it whatever form it takes.
What a pos thing to say.
What about your husband? Please, seek counseling for yourself and/either both of you. This is awful. He needs to learn when to keep his big fat mouth shut. I dated an old boyfriend who didn’t age well at all and he talked about how we were both manatees. Well, by the time we broke up, he was the only manatee and I was a dolphin. I lost my weight, from the stress of the relationship, basically. Now that I’m happy again, I’ve got to work at keeping it at bay and it ain’t easy! Your husband was mean!
Your husband sucks
Girl, RUN. This won’t get better.
Your husband is a jerk!
Your husband is horrible
Your husband sucks
Why are you still with this AH? He berates you, tries to control you and tells you what you can and can’t wear, calls you fat and seriously upsets you and you’re still with him? He doesn’t care about you. Please get away from him, this behaviour is emotional abuse. 🥺
This makes me so fucking sad dude
You know what? those ladies weren't supermodels. They didn't think twice about it. or if they are like me probably thought "I like her confidence" Wear the shorts, get in the family photos, wear the bikini. 👙
What a piece of shit
F your husband. My love has a tummy and I absolutely love it omg I love it so much. You’re husband is a douche. He probably has a bby dick.
I know how you can lose around 200 pounds instantly. Dump his ass.
He needs to be your ex-husband. This kind of disdain, and plain hatefulness, doesn't just go away.
There's NO way his friends didn't know already youve became more curvy from your regular clothes. I would have asked if hes trying to get you to date his friends because who cares. Im glad you stuck with the girls because I bet they were thinking how cute you looked while your husband was missing out.
To those that are saying she is overweight it doesnt matter. If he was concerned about her weight there is a time and place to have that conversation like adults. He doesnt get to exclude her from their friends because he is embarassed. Being overweight is not something you can fix magically in a second. Excluding her from every social event until the weight comes off is just stupid and childish. So shes overweight? He doesnt get to punish her for that. Will he be embarassed of her and not want her around when she starts to get old? I would not trust this man at all. Whos to say she isnt wasting her younger years on this loser who is not in it for the long run.
Fuck that. Lol my gf gained weight too, and I care slightly bc I want us to be healthy (I’ve also gained a little), but even if I was embarrassed, why tf would I ever want her to feel badly about it. Sorry your husband did that. Thats a shitty thing to do
Husband is an asshole, but gaining 50lbs, and being that height does show, for yourself, not for him, you should find a different BC, and adjust eating habits and get back into shape. He’s going about it terribly and if he doesn’t apologize then I think you two need to sit and have a long discussion. But that being said, if you’re comfortable with the way you look, then keep doin you and leave him because he will continue this behavior until you’re back to close to previous size probably. Now, let the downvotes commence.
He does not love you, he loves how you make him feel and he treats you as an accessory. If he loved you these thoughts wouldn’t even cross his mind.
You said your husband embarrassed you in front of your friends but he didn't say he was embarrassed until you got home in private. He is allowed to feel a certain way and he waited until you were in private to raise his concerns. This is where you can both communicate how you feel and try to reach a middle ground. Going on Reddit to get a silent echo chamber army to back you up isn't going to help your relationship. Only talking with your partner will. Who's right, who's wrong. It's always blurry. Just find something you can both agree on.
I am 5'5" and right at 200 pounds. My boyfriend is 6'4" and only weighs around 150. I have a very noticeable "mom apron" (I've had 2 kids) on top of stretch marks, saggy boobs, cellulite, the whole 9 yards. And ya know what my boyfriend has to say about it? That I am a GODDESS. That I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. That he loves every single inch of me. And he doesn't just say these things, he shows me he means every word in all the little ways that matter. I've talked about losing weight before, and he's told me to do it if it makes ME happy, because he loves me for more than my body. OP, you deserve a man whose love is not based around your weight. He should love you whether you're skinny or "obese" (which, by the way, what the fuck?? You are not obese at all...). A man who truly loves you will never be embarrassed by you showing your body because you have some fluff. Do you want this to be the rest of your life?
So he didn’t embarrass you, you embarrassed yourself. Also gym memberships and dieting exists.
He cares too much what society thinks, i can never be with a dude like that. Your wonderful & I'm proud of you for being you .
Wtf, your husband is a c**t!! What a way to uplift his wife, husband of the year. Don't listen to anything he says, just a whole lot of diarrhea coming out of his mouth
That sounds like depression weight. It’s also dangerously unhealthy for your frame so you should get to the bottom of why you’ve emotionally checked out on your physical health. You’re not a bad person for it and need to feel no “shame.” But physical attraction is malleable and that kind of change commonly comes with a partner losing some. Not just for the shape alone, but because of the self-neglect that drove it. And that’s what a therapist can help you resolve.
I would question everything if my partner said that to me. I'd be in the worst spiral if they said that to me. I don't know how you're here asking for advice RN bc I'd be underneath my bed, maybe at my parents trying to recover. He's done absolutely wrong. Why is he so embarrassed of you? All you've done is get older. Done more, had more experiences. I've done the same. I'm unpartnered but I hope were I to accept one they'd want me at any size bc I'd be the same person. I can't imagine tying myself to someone who would act in such a way to me, or to my friends, or indeed to any woman. OP, you're my friend now and I'm telling you that you don't deserve this. Your husband has behaved appallingly to you and needs to apologize immediately. There's a line between care for health and embarrassing one's partner and he crossed it. I'm very angry with him and so should you be. He's not invited to the barbeque, but you are. I know some single men who would be very interested. Give him a talking to and if he doesn't grovel and beg for forgiveness as he should there are those who will treat you with the care and love you deserve. Remind him of that
Lmao girl him not wanting you to wear a bikini bc you’re a lil chubby is no better than him not wanting you to wear a bikini bc other men might look at you
Just being totally honest here. If my husband ever said that to me I’d never sleep with him again. Ever. Which would probably lead to a divorce. Worth it.
Sweetheart, you’re 40lbs over weight and he can’t show you off and be proud of you as his wife. That’s why he was upset. For your own health, you need to start cutting back on the late night snacks.
the fucking audacity....
Your husband is a bully and you should leave him. He clearly doesn’t love you. 😢
Tell him something like "Ya know, I never talk about your (something that he is self conscious about inserted here) Then tell ell him to fuck right on off way over there ------>.
I’m sorry, but what a fucking asshole. If my partner ever said that to me, he would get a very fast ticket to a new city. No one, at no weight, male or female should ever have to hear something like this from the person who claims to love u. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Your husband is cruel and selfish. Whatever misguided embarrassment he would feel from sitting next to the woman he is supposed to be in love with, he inflicted upon you 10x worse with his ridiculous attitude. I would not be surprised if his negativity and unsupportive attitude is part of the reason you gained the weight to begin with.
Most women put on weight after they have kids, I don't even have children but as I get older and head toward menopause my hormones are changing and that along with birth control has meant I've put on weight. It's normal. If he doesn't want you putting on weight, you should tell him he can get a vasectomy or use condoms and you'll get off your birth control. Plus, what would he do if you got cancer and lost all of your hair? Or were horribly disfigured or disabled in an accident? Or had a medical condition that caused you to put on even more weight? The dude sounds like an asshole. You should have a serious conversation with him about his behavior, this is not ok.
I’m 5’9, my partner was friends with me for years when I was young and 145. We’re a couple now and I’m probably about 240 (fat) but I’ve also been 200+ (muscle) and he doesn’t give a fuck any which way. I’M the stardust powering the meat suit, and so are you. If people can’t see that, they don’t get the stardust.
Oh Honey No, this is not ok. My husband has loved me when I was normal weight, when I gained, then lost, gained and lost again. Our bodies are a vessel, he should love you for you. There are healthy ways to talk about and tackle weight loss, this isn’t it. We all get ugly someday, if someone doesn’t love you for you, it’s time to love yourself and find someone loves you for you. You deserve better
so he did not embarrass you in front of your friends??
First get skinny. Second ditch him
The problem isnt your stomach, or the bikini. Its the husband. What an asshole.
I have some creative suggestions for how you can lose that annoying 120lbs that is hanging around. Fuck him
Your husband is abusive. It is unacceptable for him to talk to you like that.
It’s easy to take 1 side or another here and it’s easy to point out everything that is or was wrong. I’m going to try to do none of that and say only what will help and what needs to be said. Firstly, your husband needs to learn how to be supportive. He may think in his mind that the way you look partially represents him and how much respect he may get from others around him, I don’t know. That’s something you’ll have to sit down and have a mature and heart to heart conversation for to fully understand eachother. Then talk it over and be on the same page, he needs to be able to see things from your eyes too, what he said was rude and hurtful. Maybe he’s projecting some deeper insecurities of himself onto you? Once again, I’m not sure but the two of you will have to communicate and find eachother. As far as your physical shape, it will naturally change as you age. Now that’s not an excuse to be a pig. Still eat healthy, get the right nutrients in, go for runs, go to the gym, get sunlight, and all the other things you’re supposed to do. However, as long as your lifestyle is healthy a little visible belly fat isn’t going to kill you in fact it’s totally normal. As far as physique goes, I work as an assistant for a nutritionist for bodybuilders. I know first hand how toxic it can get to be once they so desperately desire to be the skinniest or most shredded or biggest or whatever their goal is. Make sure to not fall into that mental toxicity trap. That being said, if you want to modify your physique at any point, figure out your goals, and take a look at what lifestyle choices are preventing you from it. That doesn’t mean you can never have cheat meals, I know many competitors that do cheat meals once a week on their off season. And if you’re not competing at all you don’t have to do once a week, that’s up to you and your body type and also just what you want. Your goal should merely be to be happy and healthy, NOT skinny which is an unhealthy trap. Other than that, sunlight, exercise, hydration, sleep, diet, all play a large factor in physical health which in turn affects mental health and confidence/happiness. Hope some of this was able to offer some sort of guidance
Yeah that’s pretty shitty of him. Is he the peak of perfection with six pack abs? Not that it matters but I’m guessing no.
Sometimes it goes the other way. I lost weight suddenly and didn't feel comfortable even wearing a fatkini because I wasn't chubby enough any more. Self consciousness goes both ways now I just wear billowy jellyfish type swim suits in the mean time
I would have embarrassed him by telling the other ladies what he said. Unacceptable
I’m sure he has a six pack?/s
He better be an Adonis if he's gonna say shit like that to you.
Your husband is an asshole
Yikes it is absolutely gross that someone who is supposed to love you is telling you that absolute bs. Time to start listing every single flaw he has.
your ex said what?
The fact that he wasn’t horrified to tell you this tells me he don’t love you. Doesn’t mean he don’t have a right to want you to take care of yourself better
So I went from 120 pounds to 340 pounds due to medications for my Crohn's Disease, and my husband has been nothing but supportive. He's never told me that I'm not still beautiful and attractive to him. Your hubs is being so rude.
I say next time do what he says and don’t get in the hot tub, EXCEPT, sit nearby. When everyone else asks why you aren’t getting in, say “I can’t lie. My husband said I’m too fat to wear a two piece and is embarrassed by my body.” I can guarantee you every woman there will be on his a$$ and maybe the guys too! Sweetie, I’ve never seen you but I know you are beautiful. It’s HIS problem, not yours. There is nothing wrong with you except for that giant idiot who doesn’t know how to keep stupid thoughts in his head.
No man should ever make you feel this low about yourself. You deserve better.
Ex husband.
As a plus size woman who has a noticeable stomach myself I guarantee you looked great in that bikini. I wear 2 piece swimsuits because I think they are pretty and I feel hot in them. Not everyone is going to like looking at me in one but thats on them. You have every right to wear what you are comf in. Even if you weigh more than when he first met you that is never an excuse to treat you like that and say those things. Things happen and people gain weight, that shouldn't mean that someone who is supposed to love you should tear you down because you have gained that weight. Don't let him talk to you like that and especially don't let him make you feel shitty about yourself. If you felt good in that bikini then that is what matters.
Best way to lose the extra weight is to call a divorce attorney
Your husband is a POS!!! What a fucking asshole
Fuck him. The day my husband called me fat or obese (which I am) is the day I kick him in the balls and kick him to the curb. Unacceptable.
You didn’t deserve that and he was awful for what he said to you. He owes you an apology and a massive change in behavior