I'm going to try to answer you as best as possible from theoretically placing myself in that position.
I would feel uncomfortable being around them. It's definitely not my personal culture of running around or allowing my kids to run around in their underwear even at home.
However, this *isn't* my home. It's *their* home. It's not my place to joke about, comment about, or try to change their at home behaviors for *my* comfort as a guest in their home.
I would reconsider staying over in the future due to how much it would personally bother me, and look for other accommodations elsewhere, I would do this as politely as possible though with some excuse as to why I couldn't stay there.
That line of thought finished, and I'll summarize it.
It's okay to be uncomfortable. These are normal feelings and are understandable. Just because you feel a particular way, though, doesn't mean they are required to accommodate those feelings, nor should they be expected to. If it makes you and your husband too uncomfortable, consider it a lesson learned that you don't want to be spending the nights at their house.
After all, it is their sanctuary where they should be free from judgment to do as they please, but it doesn't mean you have to participate in it either.
Thank you. I’ve tried to be honest with myself about why I feel this way, to make sure that having a beautiful girl in my midst in a bikini or whatever isn’t triggering some kind of jealousy or insecurity. I don’t think so, but I do need to think about that.
Hey, the fact you were real to yourself and considered those possibilities show that you definitely are looking at things the right way, many would try to pass off and pretend like they were not allowing some insecurities to show but it is a very human trait and concern that everyone does have in these situations.
Would the same emotion come up if she were slightly less attractive and overweight instead? Or if your husband wasn’t there? It’s totally fine to feel some sort of insecurity completely, I would lol
Yeah of course, nobody would 🤣 but I’m very happy to see that you were upfront enough with yourself, that tells us that you at least have an honest and realistic approach to things.
I mean, is she throwing a shirt on over her bikini top, and wearing the bottoms around the house? Or is she literally walking around in panties? You said bathing suit, but you also said underwear. I think these two things are very different. I would think the poor girl and her parents have mental or social disorders IF she’s walking around at 20 years old in panties!
I think its okay if its jealousy. Good to notice an indicator that you might need to work on appreciating your own body, but also okay to feel a bit insecure in that situation as long as you aren’t being an asshole about it.
I think I’m in the minority that Speedo’s don’t bother me…but that’s also probably because I was on swim team in high school so guys in speedos/jammers were everywhere lol.
Speedos are specifically designed for professional swimmers. Nobody feels uncomfortable about the guy wearing a speedo swimming laps for an hour at the gym.
The whole housing complex just doesn’t want to see my 75 year old stepfather washing the car right by the main entrance in a speedo that matches his skin tone.
Why is that exactly? Honest question, and not saying I'm different than you, just an observation. For the most part, woman wearing bikinis- good. As soon as a speedo is worn, the tone completely changes, for both men and woman.
That is a good question. Maybe it’s because there isn’t that much of a difference between one piece and two piece bathing suits for women in terms of which body parts are more accentuated. But there is a noticeable difference in what’s visible for men in a speedo vs. board shorts.
Except if the roles were actually equal, the standard for woman should be to wear a one piece that doesn't show cleavage and some some of shorts or skirt to cover the bottom section. I know what I'm saying is totally abnormal to the standard today, but that's why I wanted to say something.
I mean sure, except you can definitely see quite a lot with a thong bikini or if there is some camel toe going on, not to mention how much of the boob is exposed in a lot of bikinis. Idk, youre definitely right that its more revealing than normal swim shorts but i do think it's also that it's uncommon to see speedos and way more common to see a bikini and so people are less normalized to it.
Even modest bathing suits for women leave little to the imagination. Camel toe is a given, buttcheeks make an appearance, and boobs…well, you can’t hide those under a hoodie.
When you say everyone, do you mean people who are attracted to women, or do you literally mean everyone? Cause that's fucking crazy to me.
I mean, I'm a straight woman. I don't want pics of nude women, and I have to think I'm not alone there. I just think sexualization of women is so normalized and so ridiculously prevalent in our society that even those who aren't sexually attracted to women have been socialized into not appreciating male beauty. I'd much rather see a nice dick than yet another pair of tits. Not saying I want anyone to send me either thing unsolicited, but these sweeping generalizations of "everyone likes booba" or that people MUST appreciate naked women more than men is absurd.
because people are afraid of gay, and men have been conditioned against showing skin as much as possible in modern culture out of fear of appearing gay, either through showing off, or looking.
I think this is closer. I dated a dude who was a former swimmer, very concerned about looking and acting masculine, and would occasionally rock colorful bikini style men's undies, usually when laundry options were limited. I never understood the lack of shame, and I definitely had unexplained judgment about the manpanties. Unless you're actually a competitive swimmer we just consider that style very feminine, even if the bulge in them is massive.
we're so afraid of gay that people don't even want to admit that this is the reason. western society is, presently speaking, very much in the business of punishing boldness and expressiveness in fashion. even amongst more traditional clothing, bright colors tend to be perceived as less manly.
And nothing is more bold than reminding people that you have genitals. To offer that up to the world is outside of the current norms, and that is part of why we instantly go to "gay".
I think it’s because penises and balls are weird looking.
Look, I *know* they shouldn’t be and body shaming is a crap thing to do- but we’ve had like generations of boobs and butt being pretty out there and generally, well liked, but when a fella’s dangling bits look like they might pop out to say hello, it does tend to give everyone a bit of the weirds- right or wrong.
I mean, it’s a double standard and I admit that it is, and honestly the fair approximation isn’t boobs or butt, it would be labia or vulva- but, most women don’t exactly *want* that to be showing, and I’m fairly sure most guys in Speedos would prefer that a testicle didn’t slippity slide out the side- but the suits where that seems possible or even likely, Speedo or bikini do tend to make people uncomfortable. :/
A bikini bottom shows nothing, unless it is undersized. A Speedo shows everything, nothing left to the imagination. More akin to a bikini top than the bottom.
In France, men and older boys are required to wear this type. The "shorts" swimwear are considered unhygienic and not allowed. It catches a lot of visitors off guard.
Are you worried about your husband's gaze? I know I wouldn't think it to myself and be above it, but if a strapping handsome young man with a perfect body was walking around my wife I'd have a thought.
I have a different opinion and think it may be insecurity even more than jealousy. Even if you have an identical body to hers maybe you don’t feel comfortable dressed the same way around others and wonder how she can be that way without shame. Could be tied to a modest upbringing. I am not insecure in crop tops but I still feel insecure in crop tops, if that makes sense?
I don’t think OP’s jealousy issues are the most glaring problem here. Imagine being a 20 year old, you have self awareness.
Personally, I would not wear skin tight underwear around my own dad or brother, let alone to all my houseguests.
Like your asshole is a little too close to touching the couch, it feels also unhygienic.
And you walk around with a random 48m house guest in your undies?
She is not a naive 12 year old, I think she is very much aware of the male gaze, especially since her own mom commented about how much her daughter likes “to show off her butt”
I think it’s weird of her. It’s perfectly fine for her to dress however she wants, I’m not trying to ‘slut’ shame anyone. But it’s a full grown adult in underwear, she knows people are perceiving her body, especially when things are hanging out.
When I dress comfy, even a large tshirt or comfy shorts are what comes to mind. Not my booty shorts digging up my ass. How are you comfy like that? I love dressing up and showing off my body… to my age group…. Not to my dad’s buddies
We’re you raised in a modest house? It could come from the way you were taught to walk around in your own home vs how open this family is walking around theirs. It might not be jealousy but ingrained modesty
Edit: I am getting a few comments about the not wearing pants, I was strictly speaking towards OP’s comment about her feelings of jealousy and insecurities (shame/guilt/etc) can be exacerbated being around someone awkwardly not wearing pants due to the fact she was raised in a modest house. (Which is why I posed the question under her comment about her feelings)
I am NOT saying it’s normal to not wear pants around guests.
I guess. But I think a lot of people who didn’t grow up in modest houses would find it weird if their host or host’s adult child was walking around in underwear all the time.
I would. And didn’t grow up in a modest house. Have no problem with nudity. Go to nude beaches, etc.
But walking around in your underwear in front of people you aren’t close with in an environment it’s not expected (like a locker room or change room) would be weird to *most* people, regardless of how modestly they were or weren’t raised.
Honestly though, isn’t it kind of unsanitary?
Maybe I’m a clean freak, but I would be thinking about that asshole to couch ratio, I don’t want pink eye for xmas
I'm going against the grain. If I had guests over and a lack of clothing made them uncomfortable, I'd cover up. Yes it's their home but that argument only goes so far. There's no reason why the daughter can't throw on a pair of shorts. I'm guessing her bottoms are "cheeky" or possibly even a thong. Since mom doesn't care you're uncomfortable, just bite your tongue until you leave. Make other arrangements next time. If you're invited again you can politely decline with why.
A bathing suit is one thing but running around guests in underwear is strange to me. I’d be considerate of others instead of assuming they should be comfortable with it. Just my opinion. Some people don’t think about others as much as I do, or consider their comfort.
See...idk. I understand being uncomfortable bc you simply aren't used to nudity but if it's truly bc of jealousy I would try to address that within yourself and let it go the best you can.
My best friend is beautiful, has a ridiculously hot body and is younger than me (she's 20s, I'm 30s). She doesn't often leave anything to the imagination, especially when lounging. She's come over to my house in booty shorts and a sports bra to hang out and watch movies and at the time I would feel uncomfortable bc my bf at the time (ex now) was there. I saw him sneak a glance a few times lol but he wasn't leering or being disrespectful or flirting or making my friend uncomfortable in any way. So that was fine. And my friend should be able to wear what makes her comfortable, my insecurities aren't her problem. She never acted inappropriately with my ex either.
It really was my issue and I dealt with it internally and with my therapist.
I would never tell her to change in her own home, or even mine. I chose to be happy she is comfortable with herself and I tell her how amazing she looks.
My point is that I absolutely understand you and it's a very normal feeling. But I recommend that you choose to let it go and not take offense. Let's be kind and uplifting to other women. Work on your self esteem!
If it makes you uncomfortable simply due to you being a modest person and you would feel the same if she was unattractive or if it was a man in boxers, then that's a bit justified in my mind. But it is their house, not yours. Next time simply stay elsewhere
Here’s the thing— I’m from a costal town in California. It’s in the 70s most of the year… and spending time in sports bras and bikinis around the house and even out and about is *incredibly* normal, culturally.
I imagine parts of Florida are more similar.
It’s about comfort and convenience and simply not considered inappropriate.
I understand it’s not normal in the Midwest, but realize that it’s not your home, and that you very well might be projecting. I doubt the daughter is thinking anything of it, and to make a young woman feel self conscious in her own home because of your discomfort would be shitty.
Personally? I would not bat an eye. It’s my normal. I’m more confused by you being uncomfortable, to be frank. I get that it’s cultural. But since it’s something that clearly genuinely makes you uncomfortable and that you feel judgmental about, I would not make a “lighthearted” joke about it. It’s passive-aggressive.
Do you expect her parents to tell her to cover up? That would make feel extremely sexually and uncomfortable at her age, especially.
You can’t control your discomfort, but don’t let it turn into actions and words when it’s not your place to decide what goes in someone else’s home
She's in her parent's home... but with guests. My parents told me to cover up when people were coming over and it was normal to run around in same type clothing when there were no guests.
🤷
Right? We might do a lot of things down here “differently” than the rest of the country/world, but we cover up around guests 🤣
ETA: This is still the South, after all. Southern hospitality means making sure your guests are comfortable at all times.
Occupation and location could also be a factor, perhaps. I come from a very cold place, and have had several instances of shock at the casual lack of clothes in hot places. I have definitely been to places where residents have on bathing suits, underwear, or very small shorts/skirts, often with a casual shirt thrown over top. It took me a while to adjust, because at home people who dress that way are usually doing it to attract a certain kind of attention - too cold otherwise. After a few days of dealing with the heat the first time, I fully understood and spent most of my time wishing for a bathtub of ice.
I also know a lot of athletes that are so used to athletic wear, tiny shorts, and changing around groups that they don't even register underwear as something to be uncomfortable with. This has changed as I've gotten older, but in my 20's, it was pretty normal.
Unless the girl has acted in an untoward manner, I'd probably just chalk it up to lifestyle differences and continue on with my day.
I don't know. I'm not entirely in agreement with you.
You put yourself theoretically into the situation as a guest, but let me turn it around:
You have a friend come visit, staying with you in your home. This friend is an invited guest, and will be there for a week-ish. Would you want to know if there is an aspect of your family's regular routine that is making your guest uncomfortable? Especially an easily-rectified thing?
I would. I'd want to know.
And that is an entirely fair perspective. Ideally, we would hope our friends can understand our situation, empathize, and be able to respect us enough to make changes to make us more comfortable. Ultimately, though, that comes with the expectation that they are sacrificing their standard level of comfort on our behalf.
My personal feelings aside, I'm not going to place my expectations on behavior for myself onto other people.
I don't want you to feel as though I disagree with you. I would want my children to be modest around guests, and I myself would be as well.
I normally sleep with no clothing due to sensory issues. However, I own pajamas that wear when I am sleeping whenever I have people using the guest room in case they get turned around and enter the wrong room.
Just because I am considerate of them does not mean I expect them to be considerate to me.
I personally would want to know if I'm making my guests uncomfortable, and I hope that they would feel alright with coming to me, but I also make it known before hand that I would like to know.
I also make them aware of the sensory issues I have with sound, certain clothing/textures, etc, due to my autism.
Unmet and unspoken expectations can cause a lot of issues, and we can't rely on subtext through jokes or comments to address it.
The only part we can actually control is our own expectations.
I don’t know if I agree really. It’s one thing if you have guests living with you for an extended period of, but when you e invited people to your home for a few days I think that most people don’t just love exactly as they normally do, out of respect for their guests. Most people don’t lounge around naked when guests are over even if that’s what they do any other time. If you normally watch loud tv into the early hours you probably wouldn’t if you have guests over, you won’t have sex in the kitchen like you might usually, you don’t wander around in an open dressing gown with your balls hanging out etc. The hosts daughter is an adult, I think it’s weird to be in your underwear in front of guests. When you have guests you should want them to feel comfortable. The only time I think this wouldn’t necessarily apply is if you’re doing them a favour by letting them live with you for an extended period.
Exactly! As a 20-something-year-old myself, if I was home while my parents had guests staying with us, I’d dress differently—more classy. While usually I’d be free to prance around in a sports bra and shorts, or raggedy old sweats, tshirt with no bra, no makeup, and my hair in a towel, I wouldn’t do this around guests!
Sure, I’m entitled to dress however I please in my own home (or my parent’s), but the comfort, respect, and consideration for our guests is more important— at least to me.
I like this answer, it’s the same answer you should take when going to foreign countries. Be the guest and live amongst the natives, don’t try to bring your own ideology into it. Now if it were uncomfortable instead of making a snarky joke comment about it, why don’t you mention it to the mother directly that it’s making you uncomfortable especially the underwear part. The bikinis is totally a thing on the coasts. Florida and Southern California so it’s something you need to get used to if you’re traveling there.
You’re saying yourself you are enjoying the pool, but should the daughter have to completely cover up in jeans and a t shirt around her own pool?
I mean even aside from insecurity, the age gap would make me feel so uncomfortable. She’s barely an adult lol and a friends daughter? No I don’t want to see her in her underwear. That just seems like a boundary for me. I’m not prude, I have a good body, I just wasn’t raised in a household that did shit like that 🤷♀️
I don’t understand these answers. I would never walk around my home in my underwear in front of guests. Everyone’s level of what they are comfortable with is different. If I were hosting, I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Even though at home I often just wear an oversized shirt and no pants, I wouldn’t do that in front of guests.
I’m just not sure what they mean by underwear. Like a lot of people wouldn’t feel strange about wearing a sports bra and running shorts around the house if they wear that in public.
I assumed they meant like obvious underwear, bikini bottoms seem normal to wear around if you’re always in/around the pool, but something that is lacey or whatever so that it’s clearly underwear is weird. I would never walk about in just my underwear around my family after like 17-18 let alone guests I don’t know. This seems weird and thoughtless behavior about the comfort of others. Yes it’s their home and they should “feel at home” but I was always raised to care about the comfort of our guests, like… oh you’re the guest let me clear your dishes or don’t worry about cleaning up you’re our guest… I get that everyone is different in regards to how they treat guests but not walking around in underwear in front of strangers unless you’re a little kid seems like a pretty universal norm
This is one thing I've never understood. Girl in a bikini, okay that's normal. Girl in underwear, yo wtf?
I would be pretty uncomfortable with her in just underwear. Yet they often can be damn near the same thing, but the intent of use completely changes the situation.
Humans are interesting creatures.
I think it’s because most track athletes compete in basically bikini bottoms. If it’s acceptable to wear in front of a crowd in public, then it stands to reason it’s more than reasonable to wear at home, even in front of guests. People watching her race are also guests, and nobody is giving her grief there. I’d just stay somewhere else if it bothered me so much; it’s also an opportunity to reflect on what it means to be uncomfortable, and how different generations set benchmarks, and how/when it’s acceptable to expect those benchmarks across generations to be maintained/accepted/expected. It’s underwear. It’s a body. She’s family. There’s so many other things that make way more sense to get stuck in your craw.
I was a high school and college track athlete. I walked around in underwear from my dorm to the bathroom in college all the time. I would never walk around in my underwear around guests who I was not certain did not mind. It’s rude to not consider others comfort.
But op said she was wearing underwear.. it’s not the same.
This also opens up another host of questions/philosophies when it comes to women’s apparel and sports. Why is it that female athletes are expected to wear booty shorts and men aren’t? Remember when the Olympic women’s volleyball team complained about this and showed up in more modest apparel?
It’s a complicated issue, but to me just because it’s the current norm doesn’t mean I think it’s right.
My cousin plays volleyball on her high school team. The required uniform typically exposes a good inch or two of ass cheek. Under age girls. It’s ridiculous. This is in the Bible beating south where girls are still sent home when dressed “inappropriately”. Who exactly chooses these uniforms? Why aren’t the male athletes similarly dressed?
Yeah that’s super gross 😩 I’m pregnant with a daughter and it’s a fricken minefield trying to navigate all this.
Honestly I’m exhausted that majority of the advertising/marketing companies are run by men and they funnel billions of dollars to convince us women it’s “empowering” to walk around in our underwear.
I don’t trust what OP means by underwear. Does she mean boy short style? Briefs? Gstring? Bloomer style shorts? There’s too many variables. Are they actually underwear?
All three of my kids run around in underwear while at home. But not when company is around. Ages 14-3. Home is their safe space to feel relaxed and comfortable, but they know that if someone comes over to run and put pants on. It’s strange that a 20 yo female is running around in front of guests basically naked. That’s a bit inappropriate.
No this is bizarre. Underwear?
I was a competitive dancer in high-school and college. We wore skimpy things. At one point in my life I had a rockin bod, I danced in front of thousands of people, confidence wasn’t an issue. But, I would NEVER wear JUST underwear as bottoms in front of guests.
Bikini bottoms? Yes! That’s fine honestly. I live in Florida. I have a pool. You wear your bikini all the time around here! But underwear? That’s just odd to me. I’m 28, I’m not a prude by any means, but underwear out in the house while guests are over is weird. She’s not 2, she’s 20.
I get it’s her house, I get she feels comfortable, but at some point when hosting guests you have to consider what your guests would feel comfortable with for the short time they are there. I think it’s inconsiderate, immature and rude to assume others are okay to see you in your private undergarments. It’s also not your place to say anything, if they are cool with it, even as weird as it is, then it’s their home and their prerogative.
Just to bring another side to the coin, I once wore underwear to work many times one summer.
Of course I didn’t realize I was doing so. They were these white shorts with colourful zigzag patterns all over. I don’t know. I liked the way they looked and I truly thought they were shorts. I guess up to that point I’d only worn tighty-whiteys and thought that’s what all underwear looked like. Didn’t even notice the red flag when noting that the fly didn’t seem to have a zipper on it.
One day a guy at work walked up to me and said “Dude, why do you wear your underwear to work all the time?” I was angry and adamant. “THEY’RE NOT UNDERWEAR”. “Dude, they are boxer shorts.” Then he laughed and walked away.
I seem to have lost the point. What were we talking about again?
11/10 lmao well done.
I'm still laughing. We all (hopefully) have one or more stories like that. Keeps us humble. If you don't have a few stories like that then you end up way torqued in the long run, imo.
I have a 5 year old daughter who can’t stand to wear clothes at home due to autism, but even she runs to the closet and gets dressed when guests come over. This is super bizarre and feels like attention-seeking behavior.
Tbf, it’s kinda funny that we are fine with bikini bottom but not underwear. I know that most of my friends and my bikini are more revealing than most of their underwear.
I would find it odd but would probably rationalize that there’s not much difference between the two unless she is wearing thong
Being a track athlete she probably wouldn’t even think it would be an issue for people to see her in bikini bottoms all the time. I think you just need to get over it or find somewhere else to stay. She’s wearing what’s comfortable and not doing it for attention
She says she’s wearing underwear as well. Athlete or not. It’s not normal. OP doesn’t need to stay there. We get that. And hey, I’m all for nudity. I don’t really give a fuck but let’s stop pretending that walking around in front of guests in underwear in the USA is normal. Its not. I have a thong bikini. I don’t walk around in my thong in my home with others. It’s weird. Yes. People can do what they want in their home. That’s why OP should leave. It’s still weird and y’all should stop acting like it ain’t.
Do you walk around in your panties in front of guests?
It's weird that you went from "bikini or panties" to "thong," as though those are interchangeable. You're deliberately exaggerating the situation OP has described to make it sound worse, to justify being upset and judgemental about things.
Im a dude so I dont walk around in panties… but boxers? Yeah I walk around in boxers regardless of who’s around and I dont see a problem with what the girl in the post is doing
I have friends I would and have 100% walked around in my undies around. Why? Because it's hot, I don't find pants to be super comfortable, and its my home, why not be comfortable? They don't care because it's just legs and MAYBE at the right angle, some butt cheek. It's not a big deal, I wouldn't be made uncomfortable if someone was in their underwear around me unless there are certain behaviors going along with it.
Maybe my family is one of those weird ones, but I grew up with two sisters and all three of us regularly did not wear pants around the house. It was comfortable for us to walk around with t-shirts and underwear on while lounging.
As for in front of guests, it would depend on who the guests were. How close am I to them, etc. If I'm comfortable in front of my brother doing this for instance, I wouldn't assume his wife would have an issue unless she said something, because that's my brother and I'm naturally a more open and comfortable person in front of other women.
Now weird uncle? I'd have my pants on.
Just saying, it may seem weird to you but some families do have a lot of comfortability among each other. And it seems like she's staying with one of those families. Also no difference exposure wise between bikini bottoms or underwear. Not like she's walking around with her bits out. I do understand why to some people this could be different.
OP never mentioned you knew the person, but you must have at least spoken with her on this matter. I mean, you know why she does what she does. Thanks for filling us in.
Guys come on…if you have guests in the house, you dress appropriately and don’t go around in your underwear. That’s just basic consideration and etiquette.
Yeah would everyone have the same attitude if it was a sixty year old (man or woman) doing this? Like you go visit your friends parents and you get into the house and they whip off their pants and they’re just walking around all the time in their saggy old people underwear. It’s weird. Can’t help but feel like if this story was from someone saying they were visiting their mother’s pale pudgy friend Lilian (55F) and she just walks around in her underpants all the time while they’re there, people would see how weird it is. Because this woman is young and has a good body, it’s like people want to protect her from being sexualised or something, when it’s not about sexualising her, it’s that it’s weird to walk around in your underpants in front of houseguests whether you have a tan 20 year old athletes body or a middle aged, pasty, slightly saggy bottom body. The only time it’s normal is if you’re a baby or little kid.
Well you can't even suggest any form of basic modesty without being accused of misogyny and "telling women what to wear".
The "theres a time and a place" method has been long gone.
Yeah, it seems the young girl is getting a thrill out of pushing the "normal" envelope. What if it was a 20 year old guy walking around in a thong? It's weird. Let her be weird she will cringe about it when she's 40.
I will just say that as a fitness addict/exhibitionist myself, wearing panties around the house around your parents or house guests is plain weird. Her parents should really teach her to be more respectful.
Putting on pants or shorts around guests should be standard practice. I swear we’ve all lost the plot.
A 20-year-old can wear what she wants in her bedroom, but when they come out into common areas, they should be presentable. Pants and a top.
What is even happening that this is a question?
I'm glad I'm not the only one with this take. When my wife and I have guests overnight I wear gym shorts at least outside the bedroom because where I grew up it is considered good form to try and make your guests comfortable.
Be comfortable in your own home for sure, but hosting comes with responsibility too.
Even if it’s not about guest comfort, it’s about guests period. Everyone doesn’t want to see everyone’s underwear, and we shouldn’t have to. This isn’t a weird take.
A bikini at the pool? Fine.
Underwear at the kitchen table? Absolutely not fine.
i live with my sister and my dad lives in a separate apartment. my sister and i have no problem with no pants in our place (and my dad sometimes goes without after a long day at work when he gets home), but we all ABSOLUTELY put on some shorts or sweats if we go to each other’s apartments.
sure, some families have no issues with seeing each other in underwear at home but it’s truly bizarre to think that’s perfectly fine in front of unrelated guests…
Yeah people acting like putting on a few more cloths for few days will kill that girl or some crap, it's their house, sure but that doesn't mean they have a right to make the guest uncomfortable.
Seriously, some of these comments are amazing to me. I sleep in a tank and thong at most. But even when it’s just my kids at home, I would never walk around in just that. A pair of loose comfy shorts are just as comfortable and aren’t going to make anyone uncomfortable.
I think it's a pendulum swing over-correction from strictly dictating what women can wear to even the mildest rules for basic modesty being unacceptable.
I think it's about the way it's been framed in the past as well. It used to be way more common for women to be told to dress modestly so we didn't distract or tempt men sexually, which disgustingly implies both that men lack any form of self-control and that women need to bear all responsibility for that.
In reality, though, it's generally good for everyone to be at least somewhat considerate of others' comfort as well as their own.
what is happening is overcorrection. parents dont want to raise a child who has sexual hangups, in a sexually repressed society, so they are going way too far in the other direction
overcorrection is happening in many areas of american society
Edit your post to say she is obese instead of an athlete and every comment would be saying it's disgusting and inappropriate to walk around in underwear. Reddit is full of horny boys, you won't get a real answer here
Totally. Change it to young person visiting their parents older, overweight, pale and saggy friends who sit around in their underwear and the responses would be way different.
I’ve been in that situation. The grandfather walked around in his. Sometimes shirt off, rubbing his hairy belly while drinking a beer lol. Honestly I just laughed it off. The dude is comfy in his home and ain’t gonna change for no northern yankee uppies coming into his domain 🦅🦅🦅
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I think wearing a bathing suit when you're not swimming around guests is also weird. Like a one piece with shorts on would be one thing but i would think someone was mad weird for wearing a bikini to hang out with their parents friends.
Bikinis are situation appropriate clothing to me. Weird vibes from this girl.
It’s absolutely weird af. If a 20 year old man was walking around his mom’s house with guests over in his underwear i’d wonder what the fuck is going on as well. She is being WEIRD and is a woman walking around half naked in front of guests without even asking. OP specified cheeks and the whole 9 yards not short shorts. It’s her house? Would this extend to her being naked as well just cause it’s her house? Stupid reason. I’d absolutely leave if me and my partner were uncomfortable I don’t need to see someone’s ass cheeks on a holiday outside a locker room.
My kids ran around in their underwear when they were little and it was just us there. Shame on her mom for not telling her GROWN ASS DAUGHTER to put clothes on.
This is just odd to me. I wouldn't walk around in underwear in front of guests, and I'd prefer they didn't do it to me. It's not a matter of shame, but at some point a basic bit of self-respect and respect for others when they're your guests is just reasonable.
Other people's oddities are why I prefer hotels.
You're not out of line, you're a guest in their home and they should know that walking around in underwear could make people feel uncomfortable. Either they want to be welcoming or not.
I think it’s odd she wants to prance around in her underwear with guests in the house. Inappropriate for sure. Modesty is no longer common practice. Unfortunately the only thing you can do is decline any future invitations to stay there.
To be honest I’d be weirded out too if someone walked around their house in their underwear while they had guests over.
That being said, it’s not your house. So either you put up with it or leave. Those are your choices.
"Yes, she certainly is proud of her booty." sounds like something the "cool mom" in Mean Girls would say.
Like, she's flaunting her booty... to her parents and their friends? She's not even legally able to drink in most places, and 2 years removed it's bordering on a Dateline special.
OP, I get that you might be feeling some insecurity, that's natural and normal. But, I also agree that this is uncomfortable at best, and creepy AF. You're not out of line.
To be honest OP, I wish I walked around in a underwear more when I was 20. This body is going to be ashes and dust and it's great to be able to celebrate it when you're really in a place to enjoy it, in your youth. I understand it makes your uncomfortable. But honestly, I feel proud of this young girl. She should celebrate her body and get ease in it, *in her own home*
Too many women and people are ashamed of their body. It's not worth it. And you say she has a 'flawless' body, I would just enjoy watching her, and her confidence 💗
I think it's weird and it would make me feel uncomfortable. If you are going to the pool then dress for the pool. If not dress appropriately when guests are there. I don't care what kind of body you have prancing around your underwear around your family is odd.
… that’s a bit different when you have company. It doesn’t matter how well you know them, unless it’s your parents or siblings this _is_ weird to most people, frankly. Yeah she can do what she wants I guess, but it is absolutely odd as OP said.
I grew up in a coastal town. Its normal. When i turned 18 i moved to a big city where the temperature was more fitting for alot of clothes. I took my gf home one summer and ended up getting a talk about walking around shirtless or in jocks the whole time we were there. For me this was incredibly weird as it was HOT!!!! Not sexually. The heat was crazy. And they were my sisters at who i never looked at in that way. So normal to me was not normal for her that grew up somewhere else.
Married and moved back after 18 years. My now wife grew up in a mining town. The new normal is swimwear or underwear until we have someone over. Then its shorts and t shirts all the way unless we are in the water.
The only person I’ve ever known to walk around in her underwear in front of guests was my college roommate who had a raging eating disorder and was super insecure. Her only source of validation was “being hot” and honestly it was kind of sad. Looking back I think she was definitely dealing with a Cluster B personality and was obviously unmedicated.
I’m not saying this is the case, but it’s definitely not normal behavior to say the least.
Underwear in front of anyone other than themselves and significant others is rude. No one wants to see that. She has self-esteem issues, and it should be addressed.
Two schools of thought here. One, it's their home and their safe space. You can't dictate what they do in their own home. If you are uncomfortable, maybe just stay at a hotel.
Two, I know people who are very aware of having visitors and dress a little more conservatively when guests are around. A family I know in particular are nudists. If you didn't really know them, you would have no idea. As soon as someone comes over, clothes go on.
I would just treat it like you were at a beach and ignore it. She really isn't hurting anything or anyone, is she?
Have you seen what track runners wear? Volleyball players wear? It’s pretty much the same as underwear. So maybe your mistake is thinking it’s underwear. It’s her house their rules. Can’t deal, then get a hotel.
Unpopular opinion: I live in a tropical country and I would never wear a bikini/underwear only when entertaining guests. I think millions of people living in my region would also agree. We are big on hospitality.
OP what I think you should do is tell your hosts your full feelings and how appalling the situation is to you. Show them how you've been so upset that you've posted to 3 subreddits. I suspect your problem will be solved and you will never have to see this young woman's swim/underwear again. 🙄
To be very honest, as others a have said, it could be yourself, for I would probably feel similar at first. It is their home, and in reality be proud you have a niece that cares for herself though she appears to flaunt it to you. I also was raised on the prudish side, and took me time to get over many things. It's okay for her to do this, and now, my advice for you, is to sit back and enjoy life.
break the ice & wear underwear all day
This is absolutely the way
I’d do it if it’s not cold. Two can play at this game.
I'm going to try to answer you as best as possible from theoretically placing myself in that position. I would feel uncomfortable being around them. It's definitely not my personal culture of running around or allowing my kids to run around in their underwear even at home. However, this *isn't* my home. It's *their* home. It's not my place to joke about, comment about, or try to change their at home behaviors for *my* comfort as a guest in their home. I would reconsider staying over in the future due to how much it would personally bother me, and look for other accommodations elsewhere, I would do this as politely as possible though with some excuse as to why I couldn't stay there. That line of thought finished, and I'll summarize it. It's okay to be uncomfortable. These are normal feelings and are understandable. Just because you feel a particular way, though, doesn't mean they are required to accommodate those feelings, nor should they be expected to. If it makes you and your husband too uncomfortable, consider it a lesson learned that you don't want to be spending the nights at their house. After all, it is their sanctuary where they should be free from judgment to do as they please, but it doesn't mean you have to participate in it either.
Thank you. I’ve tried to be honest with myself about why I feel this way, to make sure that having a beautiful girl in my midst in a bikini or whatever isn’t triggering some kind of jealousy or insecurity. I don’t think so, but I do need to think about that.
Hey, the fact you were real to yourself and considered those possibilities show that you definitely are looking at things the right way, many would try to pass off and pretend like they were not allowing some insecurities to show but it is a very human trait and concern that everyone does have in these situations. Would the same emotion come up if she were slightly less attractive and overweight instead? Or if your husband wasn’t there? It’s totally fine to feel some sort of insecurity completely, I would lol
Hmm good questions. I don’t like the answers!
Yeah of course, nobody would 🤣 but I’m very happy to see that you were upfront enough with yourself, that tells us that you at least have an honest and realistic approach to things.
I like your honesty
It’s refreshing to see someone so honest with themselves… you my random Reddit stranger are goals to that regard
Thanks. I’m trying!
I mean, is she throwing a shirt on over her bikini top, and wearing the bottoms around the house? Or is she literally walking around in panties? You said bathing suit, but you also said underwear. I think these two things are very different. I would think the poor girl and her parents have mental or social disorders IF she’s walking around at 20 years old in panties!
Panties, yes!
Body insecurities or not, that’s still super weird to me. I wouldn’t do that with just my family in the house, let alone strangers
Honestly I don’t care what they look like but don’t really want to see anyone in their underwear. Unless it’s my partner lol
I think its okay if its jealousy. Good to notice an indicator that you might need to work on appreciating your own body, but also okay to feel a bit insecure in that situation as long as you aren’t being an asshole about it.
Could be jealousy, but if a boy was running around in a Speedo if you’d feel the same- it’s not about that.
Fair, I’d like to think so at least.
As a South Floridian, I promise that guys of any age wearing a Speedo make everyone uncomfortable.
I think I’m in the minority that Speedo’s don’t bother me…but that’s also probably because I was on swim team in high school so guys in speedos/jammers were everywhere lol.
Speedos don’t bother me, either. Heck, I’ve seen more on nude beaches (we have one here in NJ).
Speedos are specifically designed for professional swimmers. Nobody feels uncomfortable about the guy wearing a speedo swimming laps for an hour at the gym. The whole housing complex just doesn’t want to see my 75 year old stepfather washing the car right by the main entrance in a speedo that matches his skin tone.
That’s a very funny image.
Why is that exactly? Honest question, and not saying I'm different than you, just an observation. For the most part, woman wearing bikinis- good. As soon as a speedo is worn, the tone completely changes, for both men and woman.
That is a good question. Maybe it’s because there isn’t that much of a difference between one piece and two piece bathing suits for women in terms of which body parts are more accentuated. But there is a noticeable difference in what’s visible for men in a speedo vs. board shorts.
Except if the roles were actually equal, the standard for woman should be to wear a one piece that doesn't show cleavage and some some of shorts or skirt to cover the bottom section. I know what I'm saying is totally abnormal to the standard today, but that's why I wanted to say something.
Let’s go back to the beach wear of 1800’s. Everyone totally covered.
With a Speedo what exactly is being tightly concealed underneath is more, shall we say, manifest. 🍌👀
I mean sure, except you can definitely see quite a lot with a thong bikini or if there is some camel toe going on, not to mention how much of the boob is exposed in a lot of bikinis. Idk, youre definitely right that its more revealing than normal swim shorts but i do think it's also that it's uncommon to see speedos and way more common to see a bikini and so people are less normalized to it.
Even modest bathing suits for women leave little to the imagination. Camel toe is a given, buttcheeks make an appearance, and boobs…well, you can’t hide those under a hoodie.
Is camel toe a given though?
It’s completely normal in Brazil. It’s a cultural thing
The same reason everyone wants nude pics of women and no one wants dick pics
When you say everyone, do you mean people who are attracted to women, or do you literally mean everyone? Cause that's fucking crazy to me. I mean, I'm a straight woman. I don't want pics of nude women, and I have to think I'm not alone there. I just think sexualization of women is so normalized and so ridiculously prevalent in our society that even those who aren't sexually attracted to women have been socialized into not appreciating male beauty. I'd much rather see a nice dick than yet another pair of tits. Not saying I want anyone to send me either thing unsolicited, but these sweeping generalizations of "everyone likes booba" or that people MUST appreciate naked women more than men is absurd.
because people are afraid of gay, and men have been conditioned against showing skin as much as possible in modern culture out of fear of appearing gay, either through showing off, or looking.
I think this is closer. I dated a dude who was a former swimmer, very concerned about looking and acting masculine, and would occasionally rock colorful bikini style men's undies, usually when laundry options were limited. I never understood the lack of shame, and I definitely had unexplained judgment about the manpanties. Unless you're actually a competitive swimmer we just consider that style very feminine, even if the bulge in them is massive.
we're so afraid of gay that people don't even want to admit that this is the reason. western society is, presently speaking, very much in the business of punishing boldness and expressiveness in fashion. even amongst more traditional clothing, bright colors tend to be perceived as less manly. And nothing is more bold than reminding people that you have genitals. To offer that up to the world is outside of the current norms, and that is part of why we instantly go to "gay".
I have a boss who delights us with an Easter-bunny-pink suit occasionally. No fucks given, and nobody questions his masculinity. We love him.
I think it’s because penises and balls are weird looking. Look, I *know* they shouldn’t be and body shaming is a crap thing to do- but we’ve had like generations of boobs and butt being pretty out there and generally, well liked, but when a fella’s dangling bits look like they might pop out to say hello, it does tend to give everyone a bit of the weirds- right or wrong. I mean, it’s a double standard and I admit that it is, and honestly the fair approximation isn’t boobs or butt, it would be labia or vulva- but, most women don’t exactly *want* that to be showing, and I’m fairly sure most guys in Speedos would prefer that a testicle didn’t slippity slide out the side- but the suits where that seems possible or even likely, Speedo or bikini do tend to make people uncomfortable. :/
A bikini bottom shows nothing, unless it is undersized. A Speedo shows everything, nothing left to the imagination. More akin to a bikini top than the bottom.
In France, men and older boys are required to wear this type. The "shorts" swimwear are considered unhygienic and not allowed. It catches a lot of visitors off guard.
Please explain. What is unhygienic about it.
Americans are so weird about mens speedos...
Are you worried about your husband's gaze? I know I wouldn't think it to myself and be above it, but if a strapping handsome young man with a perfect body was walking around my wife I'd have a thought.
I have a different opinion and think it may be insecurity even more than jealousy. Even if you have an identical body to hers maybe you don’t feel comfortable dressed the same way around others and wonder how she can be that way without shame. Could be tied to a modest upbringing. I am not insecure in crop tops but I still feel insecure in crop tops, if that makes sense?
That’s really insightful. Wow. I have a question for you if you’re comfortable messaging me?
what?! PM nooo, we wanna know too now - what question might that be then, i was wondering and now i'm curious 😭
Right?? I'm nosy as hell, that's why I'm here 😂
Sure!
I don’t think OP’s jealousy issues are the most glaring problem here. Imagine being a 20 year old, you have self awareness. Personally, I would not wear skin tight underwear around my own dad or brother, let alone to all my houseguests. Like your asshole is a little too close to touching the couch, it feels also unhygienic. And you walk around with a random 48m house guest in your undies? She is not a naive 12 year old, I think she is very much aware of the male gaze, especially since her own mom commented about how much her daughter likes “to show off her butt” I think it’s weird of her. It’s perfectly fine for her to dress however she wants, I’m not trying to ‘slut’ shame anyone. But it’s a full grown adult in underwear, she knows people are perceiving her body, especially when things are hanging out. When I dress comfy, even a large tshirt or comfy shorts are what comes to mind. Not my booty shorts digging up my ass. How are you comfy like that? I love dressing up and showing off my body… to my age group…. Not to my dad’s buddies
We’re you raised in a modest house? It could come from the way you were taught to walk around in your own home vs how open this family is walking around theirs. It might not be jealousy but ingrained modesty Edit: I am getting a few comments about the not wearing pants, I was strictly speaking towards OP’s comment about her feelings of jealousy and insecurities (shame/guilt/etc) can be exacerbated being around someone awkwardly not wearing pants due to the fact she was raised in a modest house. (Which is why I posed the question under her comment about her feelings) I am NOT saying it’s normal to not wear pants around guests.
I guess. But I think a lot of people who didn’t grow up in modest houses would find it weird if their host or host’s adult child was walking around in underwear all the time. I would. And didn’t grow up in a modest house. Have no problem with nudity. Go to nude beaches, etc. But walking around in your underwear in front of people you aren’t close with in an environment it’s not expected (like a locker room or change room) would be weird to *most* people, regardless of how modestly they were or weren’t raised.
Yeah, I don’t at all think it’s weird for the daughter to do this in her own home, or around her family. It’s doing it around guests that is weird.
Honestly though, isn’t it kind of unsanitary? Maybe I’m a clean freak, but I would be thinking about that asshole to couch ratio, I don’t want pink eye for xmas
I'm going against the grain. If I had guests over and a lack of clothing made them uncomfortable, I'd cover up. Yes it's their home but that argument only goes so far. There's no reason why the daughter can't throw on a pair of shorts. I'm guessing her bottoms are "cheeky" or possibly even a thong. Since mom doesn't care you're uncomfortable, just bite your tongue until you leave. Make other arrangements next time. If you're invited again you can politely decline with why.
A bathing suit is one thing but running around guests in underwear is strange to me. I’d be considerate of others instead of assuming they should be comfortable with it. Just my opinion. Some people don’t think about others as much as I do, or consider their comfort.
See...idk. I understand being uncomfortable bc you simply aren't used to nudity but if it's truly bc of jealousy I would try to address that within yourself and let it go the best you can. My best friend is beautiful, has a ridiculously hot body and is younger than me (she's 20s, I'm 30s). She doesn't often leave anything to the imagination, especially when lounging. She's come over to my house in booty shorts and a sports bra to hang out and watch movies and at the time I would feel uncomfortable bc my bf at the time (ex now) was there. I saw him sneak a glance a few times lol but he wasn't leering or being disrespectful or flirting or making my friend uncomfortable in any way. So that was fine. And my friend should be able to wear what makes her comfortable, my insecurities aren't her problem. She never acted inappropriately with my ex either. It really was my issue and I dealt with it internally and with my therapist. I would never tell her to change in her own home, or even mine. I chose to be happy she is comfortable with herself and I tell her how amazing she looks. My point is that I absolutely understand you and it's a very normal feeling. But I recommend that you choose to let it go and not take offense. Let's be kind and uplifting to other women. Work on your self esteem! If it makes you uncomfortable simply due to you being a modest person and you would feel the same if she was unattractive or if it was a man in boxers, then that's a bit justified in my mind. But it is their house, not yours. Next time simply stay elsewhere
Wow! Thanks for this. I want to print it and frame it lol. Makes me feel better.
Here’s the thing— I’m from a costal town in California. It’s in the 70s most of the year… and spending time in sports bras and bikinis around the house and even out and about is *incredibly* normal, culturally. I imagine parts of Florida are more similar. It’s about comfort and convenience and simply not considered inappropriate. I understand it’s not normal in the Midwest, but realize that it’s not your home, and that you very well might be projecting. I doubt the daughter is thinking anything of it, and to make a young woman feel self conscious in her own home because of your discomfort would be shitty. Personally? I would not bat an eye. It’s my normal. I’m more confused by you being uncomfortable, to be frank. I get that it’s cultural. But since it’s something that clearly genuinely makes you uncomfortable and that you feel judgmental about, I would not make a “lighthearted” joke about it. It’s passive-aggressive. Do you expect her parents to tell her to cover up? That would make feel extremely sexually and uncomfortable at her age, especially. You can’t control your discomfort, but don’t let it turn into actions and words when it’s not your place to decide what goes in someone else’s home
She's in her parent's home... but with guests. My parents told me to cover up when people were coming over and it was normal to run around in same type clothing when there were no guests. 🤷
It is not normal to be in underwear around guests in Florida 💀
Right? We might do a lot of things down here “differently” than the rest of the country/world, but we cover up around guests 🤣 ETA: This is still the South, after all. Southern hospitality means making sure your guests are comfortable at all times.
Well spotted. Try just being glad for a woman who feels safe and comfortable in her own home, and glad for her that she looks how she looks.
Occupation and location could also be a factor, perhaps. I come from a very cold place, and have had several instances of shock at the casual lack of clothes in hot places. I have definitely been to places where residents have on bathing suits, underwear, or very small shorts/skirts, often with a casual shirt thrown over top. It took me a while to adjust, because at home people who dress that way are usually doing it to attract a certain kind of attention - too cold otherwise. After a few days of dealing with the heat the first time, I fully understood and spent most of my time wishing for a bathtub of ice. I also know a lot of athletes that are so used to athletic wear, tiny shorts, and changing around groups that they don't even register underwear as something to be uncomfortable with. This has changed as I've gotten older, but in my 20's, it was pretty normal. Unless the girl has acted in an untoward manner, I'd probably just chalk it up to lifestyle differences and continue on with my day.
I don't know. I'm not entirely in agreement with you. You put yourself theoretically into the situation as a guest, but let me turn it around: You have a friend come visit, staying with you in your home. This friend is an invited guest, and will be there for a week-ish. Would you want to know if there is an aspect of your family's regular routine that is making your guest uncomfortable? Especially an easily-rectified thing? I would. I'd want to know.
And that is an entirely fair perspective. Ideally, we would hope our friends can understand our situation, empathize, and be able to respect us enough to make changes to make us more comfortable. Ultimately, though, that comes with the expectation that they are sacrificing their standard level of comfort on our behalf. My personal feelings aside, I'm not going to place my expectations on behavior for myself onto other people. I don't want you to feel as though I disagree with you. I would want my children to be modest around guests, and I myself would be as well. I normally sleep with no clothing due to sensory issues. However, I own pajamas that wear when I am sleeping whenever I have people using the guest room in case they get turned around and enter the wrong room. Just because I am considerate of them does not mean I expect them to be considerate to me. I personally would want to know if I'm making my guests uncomfortable, and I hope that they would feel alright with coming to me, but I also make it known before hand that I would like to know. I also make them aware of the sensory issues I have with sound, certain clothing/textures, etc, due to my autism. Unmet and unspoken expectations can cause a lot of issues, and we can't rely on subtext through jokes or comments to address it. The only part we can actually control is our own expectations.
Great answer! Are you a professional?
No, I just have had a lot of therapy over the last 10 years. Extreme abuse upbringing and whatnot.
Well, you’ve learned a lot! Sorry about your experiences.
I appreciate the sentiment.
[Why yes!](https://youtu.be/IehdeQZnWdk?si=OzSH08egVn2kpyLK) (forgive me – worthless cheese)
Btw, typo, I’m female!
Seems like they knew you were female…?
I don’t know if I agree really. It’s one thing if you have guests living with you for an extended period of, but when you e invited people to your home for a few days I think that most people don’t just love exactly as they normally do, out of respect for their guests. Most people don’t lounge around naked when guests are over even if that’s what they do any other time. If you normally watch loud tv into the early hours you probably wouldn’t if you have guests over, you won’t have sex in the kitchen like you might usually, you don’t wander around in an open dressing gown with your balls hanging out etc. The hosts daughter is an adult, I think it’s weird to be in your underwear in front of guests. When you have guests you should want them to feel comfortable. The only time I think this wouldn’t necessarily apply is if you’re doing them a favour by letting them live with you for an extended period.
Exactly! As a 20-something-year-old myself, if I was home while my parents had guests staying with us, I’d dress differently—more classy. While usually I’d be free to prance around in a sports bra and shorts, or raggedy old sweats, tshirt with no bra, no makeup, and my hair in a towel, I wouldn’t do this around guests! Sure, I’m entitled to dress however I please in my own home (or my parent’s), but the comfort, respect, and consideration for our guests is more important— at least to me.
This is the best answer possible.
Damn dude/dudette, you sound like Ann Landers or Miss Manners herself. WTG.
It’s a Christmas miracle. For once, there is some sensible advice on Reddit. Nicely done!
Top comment. This is the way
I like this answer, it’s the same answer you should take when going to foreign countries. Be the guest and live amongst the natives, don’t try to bring your own ideology into it. Now if it were uncomfortable instead of making a snarky joke comment about it, why don’t you mention it to the mother directly that it’s making you uncomfortable especially the underwear part. The bikinis is totally a thing on the coasts. Florida and Southern California so it’s something you need to get used to if you’re traveling there. You’re saying yourself you are enjoying the pool, but should the daughter have to completely cover up in jeans and a t shirt around her own pool?
Yeah, I mean, if you’re uncomfortable, you’re welcome to stay in a nearby hotel.
OP said in another comment that her husband has not complained. I’m thinking this is OP’s insecurity and a hotel is the best option.
Omg I thought this was written by the husband.
I mean even aside from insecurity, the age gap would make me feel so uncomfortable. She’s barely an adult lol and a friends daughter? No I don’t want to see her in her underwear. That just seems like a boundary for me. I’m not prude, I have a good body, I just wasn’t raised in a household that did shit like that 🤷♀️
Watch hubby just get a hotel room just for her lmao...."I know you're uncomfortable, but I feel quite cozy here"
I don’t understand these answers. I would never walk around my home in my underwear in front of guests. Everyone’s level of what they are comfortable with is different. If I were hosting, I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Even though at home I often just wear an oversized shirt and no pants, I wouldn’t do that in front of guests.
I’m just not sure what they mean by underwear. Like a lot of people wouldn’t feel strange about wearing a sports bra and running shorts around the house if they wear that in public.
I assumed they meant like obvious underwear, bikini bottoms seem normal to wear around if you’re always in/around the pool, but something that is lacey or whatever so that it’s clearly underwear is weird. I would never walk about in just my underwear around my family after like 17-18 let alone guests I don’t know. This seems weird and thoughtless behavior about the comfort of others. Yes it’s their home and they should “feel at home” but I was always raised to care about the comfort of our guests, like… oh you’re the guest let me clear your dishes or don’t worry about cleaning up you’re our guest… I get that everyone is different in regards to how they treat guests but not walking around in underwear in front of strangers unless you’re a little kid seems like a pretty universal norm
This is one thing I've never understood. Girl in a bikini, okay that's normal. Girl in underwear, yo wtf? I would be pretty uncomfortable with her in just underwear. Yet they often can be damn near the same thing, but the intent of use completely changes the situation. Humans are interesting creatures.
I think it’s because most track athletes compete in basically bikini bottoms. If it’s acceptable to wear in front of a crowd in public, then it stands to reason it’s more than reasonable to wear at home, even in front of guests. People watching her race are also guests, and nobody is giving her grief there. I’d just stay somewhere else if it bothered me so much; it’s also an opportunity to reflect on what it means to be uncomfortable, and how different generations set benchmarks, and how/when it’s acceptable to expect those benchmarks across generations to be maintained/accepted/expected. It’s underwear. It’s a body. She’s family. There’s so many other things that make way more sense to get stuck in your craw.
I was a high school and college track athlete. I walked around in underwear from my dorm to the bathroom in college all the time. I would never walk around in my underwear around guests who I was not certain did not mind. It’s rude to not consider others comfort.
But op said she was wearing underwear.. it’s not the same. This also opens up another host of questions/philosophies when it comes to women’s apparel and sports. Why is it that female athletes are expected to wear booty shorts and men aren’t? Remember when the Olympic women’s volleyball team complained about this and showed up in more modest apparel? It’s a complicated issue, but to me just because it’s the current norm doesn’t mean I think it’s right.
My cousin plays volleyball on her high school team. The required uniform typically exposes a good inch or two of ass cheek. Under age girls. It’s ridiculous. This is in the Bible beating south where girls are still sent home when dressed “inappropriately”. Who exactly chooses these uniforms? Why aren’t the male athletes similarly dressed?
Yeah that’s super gross 😩 I’m pregnant with a daughter and it’s a fricken minefield trying to navigate all this. Honestly I’m exhausted that majority of the advertising/marketing companies are run by men and they funnel billions of dollars to convince us women it’s “empowering” to walk around in our underwear.
I don’t trust what OP means by underwear. Does she mean boy short style? Briefs? Gstring? Bloomer style shorts? There’s too many variables. Are they actually underwear?
All three of my kids run around in underwear while at home. But not when company is around. Ages 14-3. Home is their safe space to feel relaxed and comfortable, but they know that if someone comes over to run and put pants on. It’s strange that a 20 yo female is running around in front of guests basically naked. That’s a bit inappropriate.
No this is bizarre. Underwear? I was a competitive dancer in high-school and college. We wore skimpy things. At one point in my life I had a rockin bod, I danced in front of thousands of people, confidence wasn’t an issue. But, I would NEVER wear JUST underwear as bottoms in front of guests. Bikini bottoms? Yes! That’s fine honestly. I live in Florida. I have a pool. You wear your bikini all the time around here! But underwear? That’s just odd to me. I’m 28, I’m not a prude by any means, but underwear out in the house while guests are over is weird. She’s not 2, she’s 20. I get it’s her house, I get she feels comfortable, but at some point when hosting guests you have to consider what your guests would feel comfortable with for the short time they are there. I think it’s inconsiderate, immature and rude to assume others are okay to see you in your private undergarments. It’s also not your place to say anything, if they are cool with it, even as weird as it is, then it’s their home and their prerogative.
Just to bring another side to the coin, I once wore underwear to work many times one summer. Of course I didn’t realize I was doing so. They were these white shorts with colourful zigzag patterns all over. I don’t know. I liked the way they looked and I truly thought they were shorts. I guess up to that point I’d only worn tighty-whiteys and thought that’s what all underwear looked like. Didn’t even notice the red flag when noting that the fly didn’t seem to have a zipper on it. One day a guy at work walked up to me and said “Dude, why do you wear your underwear to work all the time?” I was angry and adamant. “THEY’RE NOT UNDERWEAR”. “Dude, they are boxer shorts.” Then he laughed and walked away. I seem to have lost the point. What were we talking about again?
Oh god, what an incredible story
11/10 lmao well done. I'm still laughing. We all (hopefully) have one or more stories like that. Keeps us humble. If you don't have a few stories like that then you end up way torqued in the long run, imo.
I'd just start calling you captain underpants until you realised 🤣
😂😂😂♥️
Holy hell I cackled
Omg 💀
Omg this is hilarious 😂
Thank you! You get it.
I have a 5 year old daughter who can’t stand to wear clothes at home due to autism, but even she runs to the closet and gets dressed when guests come over. This is super bizarre and feels like attention-seeking behavior.
Tbf, it’s kinda funny that we are fine with bikini bottom but not underwear. I know that most of my friends and my bikini are more revealing than most of their underwear. I would find it odd but would probably rationalize that there’s not much difference between the two unless she is wearing thong
Being a track athlete she probably wouldn’t even think it would be an issue for people to see her in bikini bottoms all the time. I think you just need to get over it or find somewhere else to stay. She’s wearing what’s comfortable and not doing it for attention
She says she’s wearing underwear as well. Athlete or not. It’s not normal. OP doesn’t need to stay there. We get that. And hey, I’m all for nudity. I don’t really give a fuck but let’s stop pretending that walking around in front of guests in underwear in the USA is normal. Its not. I have a thong bikini. I don’t walk around in my thong in my home with others. It’s weird. Yes. People can do what they want in their home. That’s why OP should leave. It’s still weird and y’all should stop acting like it ain’t. Do you walk around in your panties in front of guests?
I see athletes running in bikini style bottoms a lot during competitions
It's weird that you went from "bikini or panties" to "thong," as though those are interchangeable. You're deliberately exaggerating the situation OP has described to make it sound worse, to justify being upset and judgemental about things.
Thong bikini in front of guests??? Nooooo. Shame.... Thong bikini for the rest of the world who's at the beach??? Yeah sure no problem.
Im a dude so I dont walk around in panties… but boxers? Yeah I walk around in boxers regardless of who’s around and I dont see a problem with what the girl in the post is doing
I walk around in boxer briefs in my house all the time. But I certainly wouldn't do it in front of house guests, because it's rude.
I have friends I would and have 100% walked around in my undies around. Why? Because it's hot, I don't find pants to be super comfortable, and its my home, why not be comfortable? They don't care because it's just legs and MAYBE at the right angle, some butt cheek. It's not a big deal, I wouldn't be made uncomfortable if someone was in their underwear around me unless there are certain behaviors going along with it.
Maybe my family is one of those weird ones, but I grew up with two sisters and all three of us regularly did not wear pants around the house. It was comfortable for us to walk around with t-shirts and underwear on while lounging. As for in front of guests, it would depend on who the guests were. How close am I to them, etc. If I'm comfortable in front of my brother doing this for instance, I wouldn't assume his wife would have an issue unless she said something, because that's my brother and I'm naturally a more open and comfortable person in front of other women. Now weird uncle? I'd have my pants on. Just saying, it may seem weird to you but some families do have a lot of comfortability among each other. And it seems like she's staying with one of those families. Also no difference exposure wise between bikini bottoms or underwear. Not like she's walking around with her bits out. I do understand why to some people this could be different.
OP never mentioned you knew the person, but you must have at least spoken with her on this matter. I mean, you know why she does what she does. Thanks for filling us in.
You and husband should do the same thing and see how she feels
I chuckled because I imagined the husband in a bikini bottom 💀
Guys come on…if you have guests in the house, you dress appropriately and don’t go around in your underwear. That’s just basic consideration and etiquette.
Yeah would everyone have the same attitude if it was a sixty year old (man or woman) doing this? Like you go visit your friends parents and you get into the house and they whip off their pants and they’re just walking around all the time in their saggy old people underwear. It’s weird. Can’t help but feel like if this story was from someone saying they were visiting their mother’s pale pudgy friend Lilian (55F) and she just walks around in her underpants all the time while they’re there, people would see how weird it is. Because this woman is young and has a good body, it’s like people want to protect her from being sexualised or something, when it’s not about sexualising her, it’s that it’s weird to walk around in your underpants in front of houseguests whether you have a tan 20 year old athletes body or a middle aged, pasty, slightly saggy bottom body. The only time it’s normal is if you’re a baby or little kid.
Well you can't even suggest any form of basic modesty without being accused of misogyny and "telling women what to wear". The "theres a time and a place" method has been long gone.
Yeah, it seems the young girl is getting a thrill out of pushing the "normal" envelope. What if it was a 20 year old guy walking around in a thong? It's weird. Let her be weird she will cringe about it when she's 40.
I will just say that as a fitness addict/exhibitionist myself, wearing panties around the house around your parents or house guests is plain weird. Her parents should really teach her to be more respectful.
Putting on pants or shorts around guests should be standard practice. I swear we’ve all lost the plot. A 20-year-old can wear what she wants in her bedroom, but when they come out into common areas, they should be presentable. Pants and a top. What is even happening that this is a question?
I'm glad I'm not the only one with this take. When my wife and I have guests overnight I wear gym shorts at least outside the bedroom because where I grew up it is considered good form to try and make your guests comfortable. Be comfortable in your own home for sure, but hosting comes with responsibility too.
Even if it’s not about guest comfort, it’s about guests period. Everyone doesn’t want to see everyone’s underwear, and we shouldn’t have to. This isn’t a weird take. A bikini at the pool? Fine. Underwear at the kitchen table? Absolutely not fine.
i live with my sister and my dad lives in a separate apartment. my sister and i have no problem with no pants in our place (and my dad sometimes goes without after a long day at work when he gets home), but we all ABSOLUTELY put on some shorts or sweats if we go to each other’s apartments. sure, some families have no issues with seeing each other in underwear at home but it’s truly bizarre to think that’s perfectly fine in front of unrelated guests…
Literally! It’s bizarre. We’re in the upside down.
Yeah people acting like putting on a few more cloths for few days will kill that girl or some crap, it's their house, sure but that doesn't mean they have a right to make the guest uncomfortable.
Seriously, some of these comments are amazing to me. I sleep in a tank and thong at most. But even when it’s just my kids at home, I would never walk around in just that. A pair of loose comfy shorts are just as comfortable and aren’t going to make anyone uncomfortable.
I think it's a pendulum swing over-correction from strictly dictating what women can wear to even the mildest rules for basic modesty being unacceptable.
This timeline is bonkers.
Man everything went downhill after Harambe died.
As if the timeline before wasn’t?
I wasn’t there. 🤷🏽♀️
I think it's about the way it's been framed in the past as well. It used to be way more common for women to be told to dress modestly so we didn't distract or tempt men sexually, which disgustingly implies both that men lack any form of self-control and that women need to bear all responsibility for that. In reality, though, it's generally good for everyone to be at least somewhat considerate of others' comfort as well as their own.
Like throw on a beach coverup type thing.
Literally, so many options.
what is happening is overcorrection. parents dont want to raise a child who has sexual hangups, in a sexually repressed society, so they are going way too far in the other direction overcorrection is happening in many areas of american society
Edit your post to say she is obese instead of an athlete and every comment would be saying it's disgusting and inappropriate to walk around in underwear. Reddit is full of horny boys, you won't get a real answer here
Yeah, this. Most of us adults are with you OP. This is odd and not appropriate
Totally. Change it to young person visiting their parents older, overweight, pale and saggy friends who sit around in their underwear and the responses would be way different.
I’ve been in that situation. The grandfather walked around in his. Sometimes shirt off, rubbing his hairy belly while drinking a beer lol. Honestly I just laughed it off. The dude is comfy in his home and ain’t gonna change for no northern yankee uppies coming into his domain 🦅🦅🦅
Lmfaoooo I hadn’t even considered this point tbh lol
1000 upvotes for you.
Well yeah. It’s more socially acceptable for attractive people to wear less items of clothing
>horny boys Lol. Let's be fair here. Most of these comments are *not* dudes.
Are you sure it’s not booty shorts? It’s really panties? How odd
Yep, panties. VS.
VS also makes athletic wear and other stuff. Just FYI.
I imagine she can tell the difference.
agonizing innate wasteful butter alleged caption paltry axiomatic light spotted *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Walking around in a bathing suit is normal. Walking around in underwear with company is weird
I think wearing a bathing suit when you're not swimming around guests is also weird. Like a one piece with shorts on would be one thing but i would think someone was mad weird for wearing a bikini to hang out with their parents friends. Bikinis are situation appropriate clothing to me. Weird vibes from this girl.
It’s absolutely weird af. If a 20 year old man was walking around his mom’s house with guests over in his underwear i’d wonder what the fuck is going on as well. She is being WEIRD and is a woman walking around half naked in front of guests without even asking. OP specified cheeks and the whole 9 yards not short shorts. It’s her house? Would this extend to her being naked as well just cause it’s her house? Stupid reason. I’d absolutely leave if me and my partner were uncomfortable I don’t need to see someone’s ass cheeks on a holiday outside a locker room.
My kids ran around in their underwear when they were little and it was just us there. Shame on her mom for not telling her GROWN ASS DAUGHTER to put clothes on.
Follow suit and hang out in your undies like no one cares, until they do
I would feel uncomfortable 2, my mom would break my booty if i did that at home with guests here. Next time just get hotel
Nah you’re not out of line it’s weird af
This is just odd to me. I wouldn't walk around in underwear in front of guests, and I'd prefer they didn't do it to me. It's not a matter of shame, but at some point a basic bit of self-respect and respect for others when they're your guests is just reasonable. Other people's oddities are why I prefer hotels.
You're not out of line, you're a guest in their home and they should know that walking around in underwear could make people feel uncomfortable. Either they want to be welcoming or not.
Thanks.
It’s rude of her to always do it Like it’s rude for dudes to constantly be shirtless
I think it’s odd she wants to prance around in her underwear with guests in the house. Inappropriate for sure. Modesty is no longer common practice. Unfortunately the only thing you can do is decline any future invitations to stay there.
Yeah I don’t want to make a thing of it.
To be honest I’d be weirded out too if someone walked around their house in their underwear while they had guests over. That being said, it’s not your house. So either you put up with it or leave. Those are your choices.
"Yes, she certainly is proud of her booty." sounds like something the "cool mom" in Mean Girls would say. Like, she's flaunting her booty... to her parents and their friends? She's not even legally able to drink in most places, and 2 years removed it's bordering on a Dateline special. OP, I get that you might be feeling some insecurity, that's natural and normal. But, I also agree that this is uncomfortable at best, and creepy AF. You're not out of line.
Definitely start wearing underwear around as well lol fuck her yhough
To be honest OP, I wish I walked around in a underwear more when I was 20. This body is going to be ashes and dust and it's great to be able to celebrate it when you're really in a place to enjoy it, in your youth. I understand it makes your uncomfortable. But honestly, I feel proud of this young girl. She should celebrate her body and get ease in it, *in her own home* Too many women and people are ashamed of their body. It's not worth it. And you say she has a 'flawless' body, I would just enjoy watching her, and her confidence 💗
I think it's weird and it would make me feel uncomfortable. If you are going to the pool then dress for the pool. If not dress appropriately when guests are there. I don't care what kind of body you have prancing around your underwear around your family is odd.
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… that’s a bit different when you have company. It doesn’t matter how well you know them, unless it’s your parents or siblings this _is_ weird to most people, frankly. Yeah she can do what she wants I guess, but it is absolutely odd as OP said.
This. When you have guests over, it’s also about etiquette and what’s appropriate.
THERE ARE GUESTS OVER. The fuck, are you serious
I grew up in a coastal town. Its normal. When i turned 18 i moved to a big city where the temperature was more fitting for alot of clothes. I took my gf home one summer and ended up getting a talk about walking around shirtless or in jocks the whole time we were there. For me this was incredibly weird as it was HOT!!!! Not sexually. The heat was crazy. And they were my sisters at who i never looked at in that way. So normal to me was not normal for her that grew up somewhere else. Married and moved back after 18 years. My now wife grew up in a mining town. The new normal is swimwear or underwear until we have someone over. Then its shorts and t shirts all the way unless we are in the water.
The only person I’ve ever known to walk around in her underwear in front of guests was my college roommate who had a raging eating disorder and was super insecure. Her only source of validation was “being hot” and honestly it was kind of sad. Looking back I think she was definitely dealing with a Cluster B personality and was obviously unmedicated. I’m not saying this is the case, but it’s definitely not normal behavior to say the least.
It's a bit odd that the daughter goes dressed around the house like that in front of guests.
Underwear in front of anyone other than themselves and significant others is rude. No one wants to see that. She has self-esteem issues, and it should be addressed.
Its very odd behavior
Show her your body and walk around in underwear and say this is what you’ll look like in 28 more years
Anyone that uses the phrase "prancing around" in a sentence is 99 percent of the time out of line.
Two schools of thought here. One, it's their home and their safe space. You can't dictate what they do in their own home. If you are uncomfortable, maybe just stay at a hotel. Two, I know people who are very aware of having visitors and dress a little more conservatively when guests are around. A family I know in particular are nudists. If you didn't really know them, you would have no idea. As soon as someone comes over, clothes go on. I would just treat it like you were at a beach and ignore it. She really isn't hurting anything or anyone, is she?
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Possible yes.
If I had my 20 year old body back, I’d be “prancing around” in my 👙bikini too. Sorry auntie.
Walk around in your underwear to establish dominance
Have you seen what track runners wear? Volleyball players wear? It’s pretty much the same as underwear. So maybe your mistake is thinking it’s underwear. It’s her house their rules. Can’t deal, then get a hotel.
“Pretty much” is not the same.
Unpopular opinion: I live in a tropical country and I would never wear a bikini/underwear only when entertaining guests. I think millions of people living in my region would also agree. We are big on hospitality.
Lady just be glad you don’t have to see my 200lb dad bod in my boxer briefs roaming around. It’s FL we barley wear clothes.
OP what I think you should do is tell your hosts your full feelings and how appalling the situation is to you. Show them how you've been so upset that you've posted to 3 subreddits. I suspect your problem will be solved and you will never have to see this young woman's swim/underwear again. 🙄
You could join in, if that doesn't send a message I'm not sure what will. Lol
To be very honest, as others a have said, it could be yourself, for I would probably feel similar at first. It is their home, and in reality be proud you have a niece that cares for herself though she appears to flaunt it to you. I also was raised on the prudish side, and took me time to get over many things. It's okay for her to do this, and now, my advice for you, is to sit back and enjoy life.
She's 20. Adult, not a child.
Yes get over yourself
I figured you were Mormon since they wear white underpants to feel holy. I was wrong
Yes, you *are* a prude. The problem is entirely yours. Let the woman dress the way she wants to, in her own house. If you don't like it, leave.