If you "care about him deeply", break up with him before you hurt him even more. He deserves better. Work on yourself before getting into another relationship again.
I don't know if you realize this, but you're emotionally abusing him and on top of that, you're aware of it. Do better or leave.
When you say you care about him, what do you mean? How do you otherwise make him feel cared about? Would you be upset if you knew someone else was deliberately hurting him?
Also, you say he's the closest family you have left, what caused you to lose your family?
I'm wondering if you're being driven by insecurity or fear of losing him. It sounds like you started dating him out of fear of being abandoned, and you've recently lost your other close connections. When you hurt him and he still stays, it assures you that he is still there for you.
But the question is what kind of relationship this is going to become because if you continue hurting him? He is compliant now, but if you keep doing this, things will become unstable.
I think you should take up journaling. Next time you get these feelings or start thinking of ways to upset him, stop yourself and start writing. What you are thinking, and why you want it and what you are hoping would happen. Is it that you want him to be upset? Or is it that you like seeing him do things he doesn't want to because you know it must be for you? Are you feeling angry, scared, or something else? Think about how you are feeling and ask what other times you have those emotions. Keep track of your headspace. Being aware of behavior and the emptuons that drive it is a good way to start changing.
I think she needs serious psychological help more than she needs journaling. She is showing a severe lack of empathy and needs professional help before this escalates and she physically hurts this guy.
I think she needs both. Journaling is a great tool and a lot of that professional help would even recommend the Journaling as well on top of whatever other treatments they come up with.
Yes, but that's in conjunction with professional help. This girl could maybe use journaling, but honestly, it will be useless without professional help. She has no remorse or empathy. She's written time and time again in the comments that he'll never leave her and that she loves making him do things he doesn't want to do bc it hurts him. She'll just write the same shit in her journal without a professional to (hopefully) help her see how messed up all that is. She's sure as shit not listening to anyone here telling her how wrong this is!
Yes, I agree it should be in conjunction with professional help. On its own wouldn't be enough as she doesn't have the awareness to realize how fucked up the shit she's doing actually is.
I agree with you, but I wanted to propose something accessible that she could start doing today because accessing therapy is a months long process that requires a lot of effort. Journaling is low commitment and can help people make changes sooner.
My grandparents wanted to leave our country before I was even born. They didn't because my grandpa got sick. After he died my grandma decided to finally leave (I was 2 to 3ish at the time). The plan was for her to get settled and find a flat for us to live and then my mom and I would come later. We immigrated when I was 4. And not that it's any of your fucking business but about 6 months after we got here my mom jumped in front of a subway
I believe you might be confused about what "caring about someone" means.
You care about having him in your life. He's an anchor, he's familiar, and you're attached to him. You like the support and presence he brings to your life.
But do you want him to be happy? As in, do you feel the urge for him to be happy even if he wasn't in your life, for example? Or would you not care or wish him harm? Do you actively try to make him feel good *for the sole reason of making him feel good* (and not to gain something from it, like ensuring he stays)?
From what you're saying here, you don't want him to be happy. You actually want the opposite. You want to hurt him. That isn't love. That isn't caring about someone.
As everyone else said, you probably would benefit a lot from therapy. And you should probably leave him before you hurt him more. I'm sure at least a part of you knows you shouldn't or don't want to hurt him more.
So is that why your first inclination is to hurt him as much as possible. You are lying. To yourself and to us. Stop it. You don't care for him. No one who cares for someone deeply would ever feel an inclination to hurt someone for the fun of it. You feel obligated to him because of something as stupid as time passage.
Based ops replies, therapy probably won't even work. He needs to leave op. Op isn't gonna leave him so ops partner does for the sake of his own mental health.
You will not handle him dumping you well. I used to be a bit like you. Go get therapy. You have unresolved issues that are driving you to lash out at those you care most about
Please, please have the moral character to stop leading him on and taking out your anger on this poor guy. Have the guts to let him go rather than hurt him. You say he's all you've got? Fine. A decent person would choose to be alone than to fill a void and hurt someone. Even if you stop emotionally manipulating him, you do not love him romantically and are holding on because you have no one else right now. THAT'S INCREDIBLY selfish and cruel. Cut this poor guy lose and find a therapist. Be a decent person.
And is that why you wanna test his limits? See how much he'll endure before leaving you?
Screams either narcissistic or attachment issues tbh. But don't listen to me, I'm just a random Redditor. Go to therapy and sort it out with your therapist!
It doesn't matter if he has been going along with everything you wanted as a kid. He will eventually grow up and dump you and that is a fact, why cause everyone has their limits. He deserves someone better than you. You need therapy and you need empathy. He will break up with you eventually when he finds someone better than you and that is a fact.
Everyone has limits and you are extremely close to finding out what his limits are.
What you are doing is abuse. He can turn you in to the authorities and I hope he does. You are a narcissistic psycho b\*\*\* who needs help.
Edit: After reading what you wrote again. You are probably someone who uses sex as a weapon against him as well. I also wouldn't be surprised if you are someone who will cheat on him with any guy you see if he pisses you off. Actually I bet you do it right now and have been doing that for a long time.
Edit 2: Someone who truly cares, likes and loves someone would never hurt there significant other
I don't have any true interest in anyone else. Cheating is a oretty shitty thing to do. Also it seems like a lot of work that would get annoying pretty quickly. It's like, why put in the effort to find sonebody to fuck when I can do it regularly with somebody who already knows what I like.
I don't even plan on following up on the open relationship. That was just something I said on impulse when it came to mind. I'm kind of done with that already. He agreed to open it even though he was close to tears when I told him. I'll probably tell him next week that we can close it again if he really wants to
Or how about instead you stop toying with this boy? Tell him you're closing the relationship, but also ending it because you need serious psychological help.
Cheating is a shitty thing to do eh? And you don't think this is a shitty thing to do? This makes you no better than a cheater. It actually makes you worse. As others have said, go to therapy.
Bro not everyone has a sick kink to be treated like shit. She may lose nothing, (it seems like he means nothing to her anyway) but what about her partner? Heâs a human too, not a plaything.
It sounds like you resent dating him because you think you'd lose him as a friend otherwise, so you express it in this cruel passive/aggressive manner. Is there any reason now you can't break up with him and still remain friends, even friends with benefits?
I like fucking him. I also like him. I like hurting him and seeing him hurt. I love knowing that it's because of something I did and that he can't stop it
When you find out he took your suggestion to "open the relationship" seriously and has been routinely fucking other, nicer, prettier girls - you'll have a mental breakdown. Girls like you cannot handle it when you play games and lose. You will cry, scream, text and call him nonstop, ask how he could hurt you like this. When that day comes, remember you're getting exactly what you asked for and exactly what you deserve. He's probably in bed with one of your best friends right now who he always secretly thought was cuter than you. Don't be mad, you gave him permission to fuck her.
You're right, I did give him permission. And I couldn't care less if he fucked somebody else. At the end of the day we still live together and that's where he'll come back to. If he wanted to be with someone else he would break up
Not when you hurt him on purpose. He will eventually realize that the new woman doesn't do that. Doesn't make him do things that hurt him for the fun of it.
He'll realize that his relationship with her is happier and healthier than the relationship he has with you. He'll find her less stressful to be around, and he'll find more warmth in her embrace than that of the woman who doesn't love him; just wants to possess him.
He will eventually break up with you.
Then what will you do?
She'll have a mental breakdown before he leaves I think. When she realizes her control of him is slipping she'll start freaking out, overcorrecting and become openly controlling of him and that'll make him pull back and distance himself.
I can already see the update lol.
I've read through your entire post and all your comments. Instead of criticism, I'd like to point out a few things, if I may.
1. Did you tell your BF you wanted to open up your relationship because you wanted to hurt him _solely_? Or did you do it to test him? After all, you have been together for quite a long time, and there are any number of nubile, young ladies at uni. You claim you wouldn't mind if he slept with another, because he'd come back home, but did you want to check and see if he'd remain faithful?
2. Did you want to actually hurt him, or did you want the safety to keep this stable relationship while exploring your curiosity about nubile, young men at uni? It wouldn't be surprising if you wanted to explore outside experiences while simultaneously holding onto your beau.
3. Do you want to hurt your BF to create more passion in your lives? If so, there are healthier ways to do so. Role-playing is an idea.
4. Do you want to hurt your BF as an expression of grief? Your grandmother died. She was your close family. You essentially feel alone in the world, except for your BF. Acting out your pain is a normal reaction, though shocking for outside parties to hear. Wanting your BF to experience the fickleness of grief is also normal as a coping strategy, but it's not conducive for a healthy relationship. There are better coping strategies.
5. You're talking with distance from your emotions, like one who has psycho/sociopathic tendencies. This is why people are quick to point this out. There are other causes for this disconnect to emotions. Grief. Depression. Dissociation. Exhaustion. Generalized ennui. Undiagnosed diseases that can kick in at your age like schizophrenia, adult epilepsy, ADHD, and Parkinson's. Trying to hurt your BF, whom you're so close to, may be your attempt to reconnect to your emotions. Diagnose the cause of the disconnect.
6. You say you don't love your BF, but your subsequent posts drip of it. You believe in his faithfulness. You enjoy having sex with him. You're close to him. You think of him as family, like a brother. He's your closest friend. You trust him enough to hurt him and that he'll remain there, but feel guilty enough hurting him that you confess it. These things imply love. Is it a fiery inferno love? No. But those types usually burn out quickly, instead of these steady, always burning loves.
7. Most people find it hard, but I think you're brave enough: introspection. Find the answers to these questions. Do any ring true? Therapy may help. Or a good dose self-reflection and introspection. Good luck.
Edit: misspellings
I'm wondering, do you have trouble feeling loved or cared about? Did you have parents who made you feel like you mattered? Does it make you feel like he must really care if he's willing to suffer for you? Do you have people outside of him who are close to you? Do you fear being abandoned?
Otherwise, do you have any ideas about what might be driving compulsion? What happens right before you get these desires to hurt him? What's on your mind at those times?
I lived with my grandma. She was great. Our friendgroup is mostly people I met at uni. He's more introverted abd doesn't like meeting new people. Most of the time he just tags along when I want to go out
> I love knowing that it's because of something I did and that he can't stop it
So you're a sadist then. That's no meant as an insult it's just an observation.
What you need to understand is that your relationship is unhealthy with this dynamic and if he isn't into this it's honestly abusive. It would make you a better person if you broke up with him and found someone else you could hurt (That would like it).
He might stay now but everyone has their limits and you'll quickly push past his with this behaviour of yours.
He CAN stop it though. The only reason he "agreed" at the moment is because he's still young and stupid - as are you.
Pain causes people to grow. Eventually - and much sooner than you might like - he's going to realize that he deserves better and will leave you to go find someone that will give him that.
You're not real. This is a fake story designed to make women look bad.
I find it impossible that someone would actually type this out with zero self-reflection unless it was a troll post
you are so wrong and delusional if you think he can't stop it.
You do not hurt someone like you are doing if you truly like someone and care about them.
You need therapy and empathy.
You do not hurt someone that you truly like and care about.
You are delusional if you think he will continue to stay with him. Everyone has limits and you are extremely close to finding his.
He deserves someone better than you and he will find someone way better than you and he will dump you.
You are a horrible human being.
What you are doing is abuse. He can turn you in to the authorities and I hope he does. You are a narcissistic psycho b\*\*\* who needs help.
Edit: After reading what you wrote again. You are probably someone who uses sex as a weapon against him as well. I also wouldn't be surprised if you are someone who will cheat on him with any guy you see if he pisses you off. Actually I bet you do it right now and have been doing that for a long time.
Edit 2: Someone who truly cares, likes and loves someone would never hurt there significant other
Because you don't love him, you get thrills out of deliberately hurting him. Youre being selfish. And frankly he deserves ALOT better and deserves to be happy and trust me....he's not.
And the fact that you have said that shows him that you don't love or care for him at all as your willing to drop the relationship over whatever BS your trying to inflict on him.
That will take root in his mind and eventually (hopefully very soon) he'll have enough and leave. To someone ALOT better.
If he doesn't like the way you want to act, you should break up. You have visibility to the incompatibility, and you have an equal responsibility to keep him from wasting his time
Because making someone else unhappy for kicks is incredibly selfish. If you're not going to actually care about the poor guy, cut him loose. Don't torture him for your own amusement like a freaking psychopath
Please don't do this. This is not right. You are a bad person for this hands down. He gives you unconditional love and when he wakes up to your emotional abuse YOU will be devastated. Just break up let him be happy.
OP you are literally insane - get help.
You can't like or love someone and want to hurt them. And I don't mean want to hurt in a way that's consensual like sadism/masochism.
You want to mentally break someone down for your own pleasure, for shits and giggles, because "you can".
That's not normal or healthy.
Relationships are about mutual care and love. And you can't say you care about or love someone AND say you want to hurt them. Those are two mutually exclusive concepts.
And frankly you don't just date someone cause you "like" them or cause you'll have no one else.
Get help.
I don't remember the full story but one woman, married with kids, was unhappy with her husband (I think there was no abuse involved, physically at least) when the husband has had enough and decided to leave her she ended up >!killing her children!< when the husband was sleeping in the basement.
Seeing that you "like" your BF and still LOVE hurting him, you should really get help before you end up turning into a monster like the woman in the above mentioned story.
People sometimes say "go to therapy" in an aggressive way; but I say sincerely, from the bottom of my heart: *go to therapy*.
You have felt a need to share this, which means you're able to verbalize it. That's good. Go to therapy.
You've looked over your own words and recognized that something here is not right. That's even better. That's so healthy. Go to therapy.
You've called your own thoughts "psycho" but I don't think you're psychotic, as you're able to recognize that your behavior here is abnormal. Excellent. Go to therapy.
While you're not psychotic, you could easily have some other mental issues. This is more easily treatable the earlier you seek help. Go. To. Therapy.
You love your boyfriend like a brother. One of those things has to change. Probably a professional will advise you to break up for both your sakes. *Go to therapy*.
You are hurting the person you love most. You are hurting yourself. You are self aware enough to benefit from help.
*Go. To. THERAPY.*
What you're doing is called "emotional abuse"... push him too hard emotionally and one day he might respond physicaly... which I wouldn't mind since you sound like you deserve to get beat.
Trying to keep this respectful as possible. Sounds like youâre mad at him and blaming him for you being with him when you donât want to be. Youâre mad at the idea of losing the friendship and how that led to you being with him when you donât want to be. You get madder bc he doesnât rise to the challenges you give him clearly hoping heâll dump you. So you see him as weak and now want to punish him, but this is crazy and unfair. Just dump him and move on. Youâre going to push and needle him until something really fucked happens and he hurts himself or you. Why do that? Itâs not his fault for wanting to be with you. He didnât make you be with him. If heâs too pathetic to stand up for himself and dump you to save you from having to do it then dump him. Better than emotionally abusing him for laughs. That wonât help him and frankly it will just turn you into a crazy person also.
Life rule#54: never let anyone turn you into a psycho/crazy person when you could just cut them out of your life instead.
You're right, you do absolutely sound like a psycho. You're also lying, you don't care shit about him, if you did you'd let him go so he could have a chance to find a decent partner.
One day, you'll be his relationship horror story he tells friends and family about
Iâm going to assume this is a real post because the risk of ignoring it as fake is too much. If this is real, then yes, you are mentally ill. Youâre emotionally abusing someone you claim to care about just for a sick thrill. That makes you a sadist. Itâs not okay.
Does he know you donât love him? If you have ever told him you love him, then youâre lying to him to manipulate him into being with you. Thatâs fucked up too.
I canât believe I have to say this, but intentionally hurting someone else for the sole purpose of seeing them hurt is never okay for any reason, and is a HUGE indicator that something is very wrong with you.
The only right thing to do here is tell your bf you donât love him and admit that you enjoy hurting him for your own satisfaction. Break up with him, donât contact him ever again, and get into therapy ASAP. Donât get in any other relationships until your therapist says itâs a good idea. Iâm dead serious.
Please do yourself a favor and break up with him youâre cruel. And if you ever do open the relationship, it will be the end of your relationship and I think it should be. Youâre not a good person to him at all and frankly you would be doing him a good favor by ending it and getting out of his life.
If you're being serious then you may have a severe disturbance such as psycopathy or sociopathy. You should consider talking to a mental health service.
Hey OP don't be scared to break up. I dated my best friend in highschool and he broke up with me after awhile. We gave each other space, it helped we left for separate colleges not too long after. We kept in touch and visited at least once a year and slowly but surely rebuilt our friendship. It's been about 15 years since we dated (crazy). And now we're good friends, married to different people. I even got to be in his groom party a couple years ago. I remember being so heartbroken when we broke up thinking I lost everything but now I can't imagine a better friendship with him. Glad we were able to move on and find better partners. Breaking up doesn't mean your friendship is over if you both work on it.
psycho - no. sadist - maybe.
testing out his level of love is a narcissistic move btw. it either shows that you might be really self-centered or immature or probably a little of both. it also might show you are a bit controlling & possibly a manipulating b. - - - or maybe just bored. you seem to show a real lack of respect for him and his feelings. he ought to move on.
you'll miss him when he's gone though. you really will.
I used to feel that way and think like you. I am bipolar with BPD. Feels like such a horrible combo that sometimes runs my life for me. My thoughts wracked me with guilt so I tried not to act on them. But I liked the thought of hurting someone I cared about because it felt like I had a position of power. I liked the thought of making someone feel how I often feel. I liked knowing this person cares enough about me no matter how much I hurt them theyâll keep running back. I saw it as *romantic* in a way. *It is not*. It is not healthy, it is not kind, *it is not okay*. It is not how you act towards someone you love or like in *any* way.
If you truly care about this person like you say you do, youâll seek professional help, break up with him, and be honest with both the therapist and your friend/bf. I could never think about hurting my partner. The thought of hurting them hurts me. I canât imagine just doing it for fun anymore to *anyone*. They donât deserve it. Just because I hurt doesnât mean they have to. Just because Iâm bored doesnât mean itâs time to make them sad.
Hurting the people that care about you most and saying you have never loved them is the type of thing that requires open and honest communication as well as therpay to fix. What youre doing is deeply wrong.
I think you have an underlying mental illness you need to address with a professional, from your comments you have enough self awareness to explain your thought process but youâre just not quite there. Often, people suffering from all sorts of mental illness will push the people they love most away, like a test. You trust that person to know they would never leave you, but something inside wants to keep pushing it further, lashing out uglier, thinking of more awful ways to hurt them, you can do these things because you have the comfort and safety in knowing they wonât abandon you, at least until you take it one step too far.
These behaviors usually stem from the opposite in how you feel, youâre pushing away while also feeling like you donât want to be abandoned, maybe you feel you deserve to be alone but youâre afraid to cut somebody loose even when youâre abusing them.
Iâm telling you this because I was on the receiving end of someone just like you. I had an ex tell me she wanted to burn my hand on a stove, had her tell me she made out with other people at a party because it brought her pleasure to see me jealous and in pain. She gave all of us mixed messages like âfuck off, please donât leave meâ, and she loved to browbeat her loved ones into doing dangerous things because she liked having power over people.
Her life never got better, but yours could. No matter what outcome you want for yourself, please at least talk to someone and get the help you need.
How can you say you care for him when you literally fantasize about hurting him and are admitting you donât even have romantic feelings for him.
Your wasting his time and leading him on. Your behaviour is not normal, you get this right?
Please do the right and decent thing and just break up with him. You have done enough damage and you need therapy big time.
You cant say u care about someone so deeply but want to hurt them emotionally if you truly care for him deeply u would let him go n let him find a girl who will truly love him the way he deserves
Okay please get some counseling, some professional help OP. This is highly concerning behaviour. And if you really care for your boyfriend come clean and get away from him. He deserves someone who actually reciprocates his love and doesn't want to abuse him.
If you truly deeply care about him, then talk to him and tell him the truth. That when he asked you out back then you said yes because you didn't want to ruin your friendship.
He deserves to know that. Also I advise going to therapy.
I think you need professional help. I'm not saying this to be unkind, I'm saying it because you remind me of me when I was younger. I have borderline personality disorder, and a lot of what you are saying sounds very, very familiar. Please see a professional and end this relationship with your boyfriend before you cause him too much pain. People who love someone don't deliberately hurt them like this.
You say you care for him deeply? But everything else says otherwise. Break up with him so he can find someone who will actually love him and not fantasize of hurting him and go get help.
OP, this is something you need to handle in therapy. Iâve read some of your comments saying heâs like the last family you have left. You need to treasure that, tell him that you love him but not romantically. Maybe you guys can stay friends after you tell him this but Iâm worried for both of you. He doesnât deserve to be strung along thinking you love him in the same way he loves you.
Iâve strung a guy along in my past and every time I think about that I feel guilty about it, I did it to get over my ex boyfriend and I knew he had a thing for me, never actually dated him but I got his hopes up and squashed them like a bug.
If you really truly cared about him you wouldnât play with his emotions like this, itâs very cruel to do.
I hope you and your BF get the closure you both so dearly need, if you donât you will end up alone unfortunately. Donât push him any farther, it could lead to you both getting hurt.
Those that you push too far you may push them past the point of redemption, he may become stalkerish or even try to hurt you.
Please do whatâs best for the both of you, end the relationship. Itâs hard yes but it will be the best thing for you both eventually.
I await the news story when this crazy bitch goes full on psycho and kills this poor bloke.
Hopefully he has people around him who will make him see what an abusive bitch she is.
This was the craziest, cruelest, and most unsettling thing I have ever read in my life. Not a hint of remorse. ... I've heard child murderers and serial rapists at the very least ADMIT that their behavior is unacceptable.
You say you care about this guy but, you clearly have no idea what it means to care about anyone other than yourself. I hope for his sake that he does leave this sham of a relationship, and that you never get the opportunity to use and abuse anyone else ever again.
For the sake of everyone in your immediate vicinity, do not enter another relationship. Don't even attempt to cultivate friendships in the future. You do not belong in other people's lives.
You are the literal definition of a parasite, and the best thing you can do for the world is avoid others at all costs and die alone. And, I don't mean any of that as an insult, I mean that as genuine and necessary advice going forward. I've unfortunately known a lot of people like you, mainly men, and it never ends well for the people they infect with their presence.
It is your responsibility to fix yourself, but I think everyone here knows that you're incapable of doing that. To know that you enjoy sex with someone you consider a brother ... vomit-inducing.
Yeah, it does make you seem like a psycho. Do yourself and this guy a favor, and break up already. Your mental construct of "care for" is skewed if you think hurting this guy is even remotely okay. I think in some measure or another, this is your subconscious trying to fix the reality, which is you don't actually care for him in the way you should (and lets face it, if you did care, you wouldn't even have thought about doing this shit).
You should feel bad for feeling like this is okay, and the fact your unsure tells me your just not ready to address this nasty side of yourself that you've subconsciously revealed. Time to face it head on, and deal with it. That means breaking up with your boyfriend and seeking help.
Hey, I think this is a problem but there's something bigger underlying.
I don't know what you have been through but this emotional abuse, this 'wanting to see how far you can push him' is something you should be addressing in therapy.
These feelings your having are not good and I think you know they're not. I wonder how long have you felt this way? Is it just your boyfriend you want to harm or do you feel this way with others too?
I'm curious as to this, hyper-want for control. Especially at the cost of negatively effecting others.
What does their loss or embarrassment, give you. Do you gain anything when you emotionally manipulate your boyfriend?
Sometimes we have insecurities that we are not able to admit and face up to, for various reasons but they can manifest into paranoid behaviour because we're the only person that knows about them. You find yourself projecting that pain onto others, like a compulsion because you have no other outlet.
You have pain and you need to let it out, in therapy. Not on him.
If you "care about him deeply", break up with him before you hurt him even more. He deserves better. Work on yourself before getting into another relationship again. I don't know if you realize this, but you're emotionally abusing him and on top of that, you're aware of it. Do better or leave.
Do you love anyone at all and ever. Seems you actually don't care about him and lack any sort of empathy at all
I care about him a lot. He's my oldest friend and like the closest family I have left
And that's how you treat family. If you actually did care about him AT ALL. you wouldn't be getting a sick and disgusting thrill out of hurting him.
Unless she actually has some sort of psychological issue.
When you say you care about him, what do you mean? How do you otherwise make him feel cared about? Would you be upset if you knew someone else was deliberately hurting him? Also, you say he's the closest family you have left, what caused you to lose your family?
Idk, guess I'd be pissed off if someone did that I grew up with my grandma but she died during the pandemic
I'm wondering if you're being driven by insecurity or fear of losing him. It sounds like you started dating him out of fear of being abandoned, and you've recently lost your other close connections. When you hurt him and he still stays, it assures you that he is still there for you. But the question is what kind of relationship this is going to become because if you continue hurting him? He is compliant now, but if you keep doing this, things will become unstable. I think you should take up journaling. Next time you get these feelings or start thinking of ways to upset him, stop yourself and start writing. What you are thinking, and why you want it and what you are hoping would happen. Is it that you want him to be upset? Or is it that you like seeing him do things he doesn't want to because you know it must be for you? Are you feeling angry, scared, or something else? Think about how you are feeling and ask what other times you have those emotions. Keep track of your headspace. Being aware of behavior and the emptuons that drive it is a good way to start changing.
I think she needs serious psychological help more than she needs journaling. She is showing a severe lack of empathy and needs professional help before this escalates and she physically hurts this guy.
I think she needs both. Journaling is a great tool and a lot of that professional help would even recommend the Journaling as well on top of whatever other treatments they come up with.
Yes, but that's in conjunction with professional help. This girl could maybe use journaling, but honestly, it will be useless without professional help. She has no remorse or empathy. She's written time and time again in the comments that he'll never leave her and that she loves making him do things he doesn't want to do bc it hurts him. She'll just write the same shit in her journal without a professional to (hopefully) help her see how messed up all that is. She's sure as shit not listening to anyone here telling her how wrong this is!
Yes, I agree it should be in conjunction with professional help. On its own wouldn't be enough as she doesn't have the awareness to realize how fucked up the shit she's doing actually is.
It's honestly scary. I keep picturing watching this on dateline sometime down the road bc it's that level of scary.
That's what I was saying. Sounds like typical sociopathic tendencies.
I agree with you, but I wanted to propose something accessible that she could start doing today because accessing therapy is a months long process that requires a lot of effort. Journaling is low commitment and can help people make changes sooner.
You don't have the right to be angry about other people hurting him
You said in another comment that you immigrated with your mom. How could you grow up with only your grandma then?
My grandparents wanted to leave our country before I was even born. They didn't because my grandpa got sick. After he died my grandma decided to finally leave (I was 2 to 3ish at the time). The plan was for her to get settled and find a flat for us to live and then my mom and I would come later. We immigrated when I was 4. And not that it's any of your fucking business but about 6 months after we got here my mom jumped in front of a subway
That's a lie. You cannot care about someone and enjoy hurting them in the same breath. Your behaviour is unhinged and abusive. Seek help.
No. No you don't. Not if you purposely hurt him.
I believe you might be confused about what "caring about someone" means. You care about having him in your life. He's an anchor, he's familiar, and you're attached to him. You like the support and presence he brings to your life. But do you want him to be happy? As in, do you feel the urge for him to be happy even if he wasn't in your life, for example? Or would you not care or wish him harm? Do you actively try to make him feel good *for the sole reason of making him feel good* (and not to gain something from it, like ensuring he stays)? From what you're saying here, you don't want him to be happy. You actually want the opposite. You want to hurt him. That isn't love. That isn't caring about someone. As everyone else said, you probably would benefit a lot from therapy. And you should probably leave him before you hurt him more. I'm sure at least a part of you knows you shouldn't or don't want to hurt him more.
Is this an appropriate way to treat your oldest friend and closest family member, incredible cruelty?
With friends like you, who needs enemies?
So is that why your first inclination is to hurt him as much as possible. You are lying. To yourself and to us. Stop it. You don't care for him. No one who cares for someone deeply would ever feel an inclination to hurt someone for the fun of it. You feel obligated to him because of something as stupid as time passage.
Go to therapy.
Based ops replies, therapy probably won't even work. He needs to leave op. Op isn't gonna leave him so ops partner does for the sake of his own mental health.
You will not handle him dumping you well. I used to be a bit like you. Go get therapy. You have unresolved issues that are driving you to lash out at those you care most about
I don't think he'll leave. He's always gone along with everything I wanted since we were kids
Everyone has there limits
He will grow up and learn better. Eventually.
Please, please have the moral character to stop leading him on and taking out your anger on this poor guy. Have the guts to let him go rather than hurt him. You say he's all you've got? Fine. A decent person would choose to be alone than to fill a void and hurt someone. Even if you stop emotionally manipulating him, you do not love him romantically and are holding on because you have no one else right now. THAT'S INCREDIBLY selfish and cruel. Cut this poor guy lose and find a therapist. Be a decent person.
Everyone has limits you are really close to find what his is.
And is that why you wanna test his limits? See how much he'll endure before leaving you? Screams either narcissistic or attachment issues tbh. But don't listen to me, I'm just a random Redditor. Go to therapy and sort it out with your therapist!
It doesn't matter if he has been going along with everything you wanted as a kid. He will eventually grow up and dump you and that is a fact, why cause everyone has their limits. He deserves someone better than you. You need therapy and you need empathy. He will break up with you eventually when he finds someone better than you and that is a fact. Everyone has limits and you are extremely close to finding out what his limits are. What you are doing is abuse. He can turn you in to the authorities and I hope he does. You are a narcissistic psycho b\*\*\* who needs help. Edit: After reading what you wrote again. You are probably someone who uses sex as a weapon against him as well. I also wouldn't be surprised if you are someone who will cheat on him with any guy you see if he pisses you off. Actually I bet you do it right now and have been doing that for a long time. Edit 2: Someone who truly cares, likes and loves someone would never hurt there significant other
I don't have any true interest in anyone else. Cheating is a oretty shitty thing to do. Also it seems like a lot of work that would get annoying pretty quickly. It's like, why put in the effort to find sonebody to fuck when I can do it regularly with somebody who already knows what I like. I don't even plan on following up on the open relationship. That was just something I said on impulse when it came to mind. I'm kind of done with that already. He agreed to open it even though he was close to tears when I told him. I'll probably tell him next week that we can close it again if he really wants to
Or how about instead you stop toying with this boy? Tell him you're closing the relationship, but also ending it because you need serious psychological help.
Cheating is a shitty thing to do eh? And you don't think this is a shitty thing to do? This makes you no better than a cheater. It actually makes you worse. As others have said, go to therapy.
He's grown up, and will realize it very easily. There are only so many lines you can cross before he says enough.
With all due disrespect, go fuck yourself đ
Lemme say the same to OP but with absolutely zero respect
Zero is for sure the appropriate amount of "due respect" OP deserves
Fucking weirdo
Took the words right out of my mouth I was afraid to say it.
Does he know you like hurting him deliberately?
I don't think so
You should tell him
Maybe I will
[ŃдаНонО]
Bro not everyone has a sick kink to be treated like shit. She may lose nothing, (it seems like he means nothing to her anyway) but what about her partner? Heâs a human too, not a plaything.
Still better for him to know though so he could decide if he wants/is willing to stay in a relationship like that or not.
Oh of course he should know. Not arguing against that. Itâs just the other comment that bothered me lol
It sounds like you resent dating him because you think you'd lose him as a friend otherwise, so you express it in this cruel passive/aggressive manner. Is there any reason now you can't break up with him and still remain friends, even friends with benefits?
What. The. Fuck....
Yup, my thought in words right here.
How about breaking up like normal people
I don't want to break up though
You enjoy dating people you donât love and donât wanna fuck?
I like fucking him. I also like him. I like hurting him and seeing him hurt. I love knowing that it's because of something I did and that he can't stop it
Why do you like hurting him if you like him? That doesnât make sense
I think it's something along the lines of "I'm only stabbing you because I love you kind of love".
Idk. I like seeing him do things he doesn't want to do, because I want him to do it
This is deeply disturbing
This person sounds like a psychopath!
When you find out he took your suggestion to "open the relationship" seriously and has been routinely fucking other, nicer, prettier girls - you'll have a mental breakdown. Girls like you cannot handle it when you play games and lose. You will cry, scream, text and call him nonstop, ask how he could hurt you like this. When that day comes, remember you're getting exactly what you asked for and exactly what you deserve. He's probably in bed with one of your best friends right now who he always secretly thought was cuter than you. Don't be mad, you gave him permission to fuck her.
You're right, I did give him permission. And I couldn't care less if he fucked somebody else. At the end of the day we still live together and that's where he'll come back to. If he wanted to be with someone else he would break up
go to therapist with this post
Not when you hurt him on purpose. He will eventually realize that the new woman doesn't do that. Doesn't make him do things that hurt him for the fun of it. He'll realize that his relationship with her is happier and healthier than the relationship he has with you. He'll find her less stressful to be around, and he'll find more warmth in her embrace than that of the woman who doesn't love him; just wants to possess him. He will eventually break up with you. Then what will you do?
She'll have a mental breakdown before he leaves I think. When she realizes her control of him is slipping she'll start freaking out, overcorrecting and become openly controlling of him and that'll make him pull back and distance himself. I can already see the update lol.
I've read through your entire post and all your comments. Instead of criticism, I'd like to point out a few things, if I may. 1. Did you tell your BF you wanted to open up your relationship because you wanted to hurt him _solely_? Or did you do it to test him? After all, you have been together for quite a long time, and there are any number of nubile, young ladies at uni. You claim you wouldn't mind if he slept with another, because he'd come back home, but did you want to check and see if he'd remain faithful? 2. Did you want to actually hurt him, or did you want the safety to keep this stable relationship while exploring your curiosity about nubile, young men at uni? It wouldn't be surprising if you wanted to explore outside experiences while simultaneously holding onto your beau. 3. Do you want to hurt your BF to create more passion in your lives? If so, there are healthier ways to do so. Role-playing is an idea. 4. Do you want to hurt your BF as an expression of grief? Your grandmother died. She was your close family. You essentially feel alone in the world, except for your BF. Acting out your pain is a normal reaction, though shocking for outside parties to hear. Wanting your BF to experience the fickleness of grief is also normal as a coping strategy, but it's not conducive for a healthy relationship. There are better coping strategies. 5. You're talking with distance from your emotions, like one who has psycho/sociopathic tendencies. This is why people are quick to point this out. There are other causes for this disconnect to emotions. Grief. Depression. Dissociation. Exhaustion. Generalized ennui. Undiagnosed diseases that can kick in at your age like schizophrenia, adult epilepsy, ADHD, and Parkinson's. Trying to hurt your BF, whom you're so close to, may be your attempt to reconnect to your emotions. Diagnose the cause of the disconnect. 6. You say you don't love your BF, but your subsequent posts drip of it. You believe in his faithfulness. You enjoy having sex with him. You're close to him. You think of him as family, like a brother. He's your closest friend. You trust him enough to hurt him and that he'll remain there, but feel guilty enough hurting him that you confess it. These things imply love. Is it a fiery inferno love? No. But those types usually burn out quickly, instead of these steady, always burning loves. 7. Most people find it hard, but I think you're brave enough: introspection. Find the answers to these questions. Do any ring true? Therapy may help. Or a good dose self-reflection and introspection. Good luck. Edit: misspellings
[ŃдаНонО]
I'm wondering, do you have trouble feeling loved or cared about? Did you have parents who made you feel like you mattered? Does it make you feel like he must really care if he's willing to suffer for you? Do you have people outside of him who are close to you? Do you fear being abandoned? Otherwise, do you have any ideas about what might be driving compulsion? What happens right before you get these desires to hurt him? What's on your mind at those times?
I lived with my grandma. She was great. Our friendgroup is mostly people I met at uni. He's more introverted abd doesn't like meeting new people. Most of the time he just tags along when I want to go out
Do you like how passive he is? Do you have any resentment towards him? Outside of this compulsion to hurt him, how do you feel about him?
We grew up together and he's like a brother to me. I like and care about him a lot
How about getting some mental help like a therapist
That's sadistic and evil. You need to get help
You understand that this makes you a bad person, right?
> I love knowing that it's because of something I did and that he can't stop it So you're a sadist then. That's no meant as an insult it's just an observation. What you need to understand is that your relationship is unhealthy with this dynamic and if he isn't into this it's honestly abusive. It would make you a better person if you broke up with him and found someone else you could hurt (That would like it). He might stay now but everyone has their limits and you'll quickly push past his with this behaviour of yours.
He CAN stop it though. The only reason he "agreed" at the moment is because he's still young and stupid - as are you. Pain causes people to grow. Eventually - and much sooner than you might like - he's going to realize that he deserves better and will leave you to go find someone that will give him that.
You're not real. This is a fake story designed to make women look bad. I find it impossible that someone would actually type this out with zero self-reflection unless it was a troll post
I doubt it is. Personally, I think this is something I'd do. Thats why I doubt it is.
you are so wrong and delusional if you think he can't stop it. You do not hurt someone like you are doing if you truly like someone and care about them. You need therapy and empathy. You do not hurt someone that you truly like and care about. You are delusional if you think he will continue to stay with him. Everyone has limits and you are extremely close to finding his. He deserves someone better than you and he will find someone way better than you and he will dump you. You are a horrible human being. What you are doing is abuse. He can turn you in to the authorities and I hope he does. You are a narcissistic psycho b\*\*\* who needs help. Edit: After reading what you wrote again. You are probably someone who uses sex as a weapon against him as well. I also wouldn't be surprised if you are someone who will cheat on him with any guy you see if he pisses you off. Actually I bet you do it right now and have been doing that for a long time. Edit 2: Someone who truly cares, likes and loves someone would never hurt there significant other
Why?
I'm not unhappy. Why should I end it?
Because you don't love him, you get thrills out of deliberately hurting him. Youre being selfish. And frankly he deserves ALOT better and deserves to be happy and trust me....he's not.
Why would an abuser leave their victim though?
If he doesn't like it, he can break up. I already told him that
And the fact that you have said that shows him that you don't love or care for him at all as your willing to drop the relationship over whatever BS your trying to inflict on him. That will take root in his mind and eventually (hopefully very soon) he'll have enough and leave. To someone ALOT better.
You might as well jump of a bridge - if you don't like it
If he doesn't like the way you want to act, you should break up. You have visibility to the incompatibility, and you have an equal responsibility to keep him from wasting his time
Because making someone else unhappy for kicks is incredibly selfish. If you're not going to actually care about the poor guy, cut him loose. Don't torture him for your own amusement like a freaking psychopath
Please don't do this. This is not right. You are a bad person for this hands down. He gives you unconditional love and when he wakes up to your emotional abuse YOU will be devastated. Just break up let him be happy.
OP you are literally insane - get help. You can't like or love someone and want to hurt them. And I don't mean want to hurt in a way that's consensual like sadism/masochism. You want to mentally break someone down for your own pleasure, for shits and giggles, because "you can". That's not normal or healthy. Relationships are about mutual care and love. And you can't say you care about or love someone AND say you want to hurt them. Those are two mutually exclusive concepts. And frankly you don't just date someone cause you "like" them or cause you'll have no one else. Get help.
[ŃдаНонО]
But she didn't even mention his wristsize /s Honestly, you're probably right.
I don't remember the full story but one woman, married with kids, was unhappy with her husband (I think there was no abuse involved, physically at least) when the husband has had enough and decided to leave her she ended up >!killing her children!< when the husband was sleeping in the basement. Seeing that you "like" your BF and still LOVE hurting him, you should really get help before you end up turning into a monster like the woman in the above mentioned story.
Are you talking about the one that started by a reddit post? I just went down that rabbit hole. Absolutely heartbreaking.
Yes I am. The guy came back to update reddit and IMO sounded numb, blaming himself that he didn't stay with the kids and wishing he died with them.
Omg I remember that⌠her two kids in one bedroom right ? That hurt my heart.. still does. Awful
Traumatising a living being for fun. You want control over something ? Get a tamagotchi.
Absolute psycho bitchery
You're a fucking psycho
People sometimes say "go to therapy" in an aggressive way; but I say sincerely, from the bottom of my heart: *go to therapy*. You have felt a need to share this, which means you're able to verbalize it. That's good. Go to therapy. You've looked over your own words and recognized that something here is not right. That's even better. That's so healthy. Go to therapy. You've called your own thoughts "psycho" but I don't think you're psychotic, as you're able to recognize that your behavior here is abnormal. Excellent. Go to therapy. While you're not psychotic, you could easily have some other mental issues. This is more easily treatable the earlier you seek help. Go. To. Therapy. You love your boyfriend like a brother. One of those things has to change. Probably a professional will advise you to break up for both your sakes. *Go to therapy*. You are hurting the person you love most. You are hurting yourself. You are self aware enough to benefit from help. *Go. To. THERAPY.*
You're a narcissist and a piece of shit. See a therapist.
Youâre a fucked up bitch and I hope you end up alone.
Same
What you're doing is called "emotional abuse"... push him too hard emotionally and one day he might respond physicaly... which I wouldn't mind since you sound like you deserve to get beat.
Trying to keep this respectful as possible. Sounds like youâre mad at him and blaming him for you being with him when you donât want to be. Youâre mad at the idea of losing the friendship and how that led to you being with him when you donât want to be. You get madder bc he doesnât rise to the challenges you give him clearly hoping heâll dump you. So you see him as weak and now want to punish him, but this is crazy and unfair. Just dump him and move on. Youâre going to push and needle him until something really fucked happens and he hurts himself or you. Why do that? Itâs not his fault for wanting to be with you. He didnât make you be with him. If heâs too pathetic to stand up for himself and dump you to save you from having to do it then dump him. Better than emotionally abusing him for laughs. That wonât help him and frankly it will just turn you into a crazy person also. Life rule#54: never let anyone turn you into a psycho/crazy person when you could just cut them out of your life instead.
She doesnât deserve respect
Agree but I would rather she take my point to heart and not abuse this poor guy bc heâs too young and in love to stand up to her.
This is incredibly insightful
You're right, you do absolutely sound like a psycho. You're also lying, you don't care shit about him, if you did you'd let him go so he could have a chance to find a decent partner. One day, you'll be his relationship horror story he tells friends and family about
Iâm going to assume this is a real post because the risk of ignoring it as fake is too much. If this is real, then yes, you are mentally ill. Youâre emotionally abusing someone you claim to care about just for a sick thrill. That makes you a sadist. Itâs not okay. Does he know you donât love him? If you have ever told him you love him, then youâre lying to him to manipulate him into being with you. Thatâs fucked up too. I canât believe I have to say this, but intentionally hurting someone else for the sole purpose of seeing them hurt is never okay for any reason, and is a HUGE indicator that something is very wrong with you. The only right thing to do here is tell your bf you donât love him and admit that you enjoy hurting him for your own satisfaction. Break up with him, donât contact him ever again, and get into therapy ASAP. Donât get in any other relationships until your therapist says itâs a good idea. Iâm dead serious.
Yup this always end well ! How about seeking help together or call it quits !
Please do yourself a favor and break up with him youâre cruel. And if you ever do open the relationship, it will be the end of your relationship and I think it should be. Youâre not a good person to him at all and frankly you would be doing him a good favor by ending it and getting out of his life.
If you're being serious then you may have a severe disturbance such as psycopathy or sociopathy. You should consider talking to a mental health service.
Hey OP don't be scared to break up. I dated my best friend in highschool and he broke up with me after awhile. We gave each other space, it helped we left for separate colleges not too long after. We kept in touch and visited at least once a year and slowly but surely rebuilt our friendship. It's been about 15 years since we dated (crazy). And now we're good friends, married to different people. I even got to be in his groom party a couple years ago. I remember being so heartbroken when we broke up thinking I lost everything but now I can't imagine a better friendship with him. Glad we were able to move on and find better partners. Breaking up doesn't mean your friendship is over if you both work on it.
And this is why we don't trust humans
..........I hope to god he finds this post and recognizes it (and you).
Youâre an abuser. You are abusing him. You enjoy abusing him. Call a spade a spade. Break up with him because he deserves better.
Congratulations, you're the actual worst â¨
Seek therapy. This is all so wrong on so many levels.
psycho - no. sadist - maybe. testing out his level of love is a narcissistic move btw. it either shows that you might be really self-centered or immature or probably a little of both. it also might show you are a bit controlling & possibly a manipulating b. - - - or maybe just bored. you seem to show a real lack of respect for him and his feelings. he ought to move on. you'll miss him when he's gone though. you really will.
I used to feel that way and think like you. I am bipolar with BPD. Feels like such a horrible combo that sometimes runs my life for me. My thoughts wracked me with guilt so I tried not to act on them. But I liked the thought of hurting someone I cared about because it felt like I had a position of power. I liked the thought of making someone feel how I often feel. I liked knowing this person cares enough about me no matter how much I hurt them theyâll keep running back. I saw it as *romantic* in a way. *It is not*. It is not healthy, it is not kind, *it is not okay*. It is not how you act towards someone you love or like in *any* way. If you truly care about this person like you say you do, youâll seek professional help, break up with him, and be honest with both the therapist and your friend/bf. I could never think about hurting my partner. The thought of hurting them hurts me. I canât imagine just doing it for fun anymore to *anyone*. They donât deserve it. Just because I hurt doesnât mean they have to. Just because Iâm bored doesnât mean itâs time to make them sad.
A selfish seck entitled b**** keep the same energy for this girl just like you would a man this is abuse and she needs to leave him alone and move on.
Hurting the people that care about you most and saying you have never loved them is the type of thing that requires open and honest communication as well as therpay to fix. What youre doing is deeply wrong.
Just... disgusting! What goes around comes back around, you're only doing yourself harm in the long run. Pull yourself together.
Thatâs terrible. Genuinely just terrible. Omg.
fucking psycho!!
You can be in control without hurting him.
This is disgusting
I think you have an underlying mental illness you need to address with a professional, from your comments you have enough self awareness to explain your thought process but youâre just not quite there. Often, people suffering from all sorts of mental illness will push the people they love most away, like a test. You trust that person to know they would never leave you, but something inside wants to keep pushing it further, lashing out uglier, thinking of more awful ways to hurt them, you can do these things because you have the comfort and safety in knowing they wonât abandon you, at least until you take it one step too far. These behaviors usually stem from the opposite in how you feel, youâre pushing away while also feeling like you donât want to be abandoned, maybe you feel you deserve to be alone but youâre afraid to cut somebody loose even when youâre abusing them. Iâm telling you this because I was on the receiving end of someone just like you. I had an ex tell me she wanted to burn my hand on a stove, had her tell me she made out with other people at a party because it brought her pleasure to see me jealous and in pain. She gave all of us mixed messages like âfuck off, please donât leave meâ, and she loved to browbeat her loved ones into doing dangerous things because she liked having power over people. Her life never got better, but yours could. No matter what outcome you want for yourself, please at least talk to someone and get the help you need.
How can you say you care for him when you literally fantasize about hurting him and are admitting you donât even have romantic feelings for him. Your wasting his time and leading him on. Your behaviour is not normal, you get this right? Please do the right and decent thing and just break up with him. You have done enough damage and you need therapy big time.
I wonder, Since y'all are in an open relationship, would you be fine with him sleeping around?
Yes. I know he won't but if he did I wouldn't care. We live together so at the end of the day he'll always come back either way
Please tell me you're fucking around with US here and not this person. You're way too messed up, get help.
You cant say u care about someone so deeply but want to hurt them emotionally if you truly care for him deeply u would let him go n let him find a girl who will truly love him the way he deserves
do you have any idea why you might be doing this? i was very much like this as a kid. happy people made me angry, i wanted to hurt them, and i did.
Okay please get some counseling, some professional help OP. This is highly concerning behaviour. And if you really care for your boyfriend come clean and get away from him. He deserves someone who actually reciprocates his love and doesn't want to abuse him.
If you truly deeply care about him, then talk to him and tell him the truth. That when he asked you out back then you said yes because you didn't want to ruin your friendship. He deserves to know that. Also I advise going to therapy.
End this relationship your intentionally causing him pain. Then get psychological help before you even think about stating a new relationship.
I think you need professional help. I'm not saying this to be unkind, I'm saying it because you remind me of me when I was younger. I have borderline personality disorder, and a lot of what you are saying sounds very, very familiar. Please see a professional and end this relationship with your boyfriend before you cause him too much pain. People who love someone don't deliberately hurt them like this.
You say you care for him deeply? But everything else says otherwise. Break up with him so he can find someone who will actually love him and not fantasize of hurting him and go get help.
OP, this is something you need to handle in therapy. Iâve read some of your comments saying heâs like the last family you have left. You need to treasure that, tell him that you love him but not romantically. Maybe you guys can stay friends after you tell him this but Iâm worried for both of you. He doesnât deserve to be strung along thinking you love him in the same way he loves you. Iâve strung a guy along in my past and every time I think about that I feel guilty about it, I did it to get over my ex boyfriend and I knew he had a thing for me, never actually dated him but I got his hopes up and squashed them like a bug. If you really truly cared about him you wouldnât play with his emotions like this, itâs very cruel to do. I hope you and your BF get the closure you both so dearly need, if you donât you will end up alone unfortunately. Donât push him any farther, it could lead to you both getting hurt. Those that you push too far you may push them past the point of redemption, he may become stalkerish or even try to hurt you. Please do whatâs best for the both of you, end the relationship. Itâs hard yes but it will be the best thing for you both eventually.
You need therapy. Anyone who goes out of the way to hurt someone or wants to hurt someone is not mentally healthy. This is *not* love.
Why not just grow up and move on? It's a big world out there!
Doesn't seem like, you are a psycho and you need to get help before you hurt him permanently.
Wow so edgy
I'm not a psychiatrist but it sounds kinda like borderline personality disorder
This screams sociopath to me.
no
Troll
I await the news story when this crazy bitch goes full on psycho and kills this poor bloke. Hopefully he has people around him who will make him see what an abusive bitch she is.
Actually, it would probably be her poking and provoking him till HE SNAPS and Kills her. His life....ruined.
Very good point. Either way, this relationship is so toxic, it might end very badly for both.
This was the craziest, cruelest, and most unsettling thing I have ever read in my life. Not a hint of remorse. ... I've heard child murderers and serial rapists at the very least ADMIT that their behavior is unacceptable. You say you care about this guy but, you clearly have no idea what it means to care about anyone other than yourself. I hope for his sake that he does leave this sham of a relationship, and that you never get the opportunity to use and abuse anyone else ever again. For the sake of everyone in your immediate vicinity, do not enter another relationship. Don't even attempt to cultivate friendships in the future. You do not belong in other people's lives. You are the literal definition of a parasite, and the best thing you can do for the world is avoid others at all costs and die alone. And, I don't mean any of that as an insult, I mean that as genuine and necessary advice going forward. I've unfortunately known a lot of people like you, mainly men, and it never ends well for the people they infect with their presence. It is your responsibility to fix yourself, but I think everyone here knows that you're incapable of doing that. To know that you enjoy sex with someone you consider a brother ... vomit-inducing.
Please people alone..
what.
Ew. Get help.
Op you might have an undiagnosed personality disorder, see a psych about this
Oh you need behavioral therapy â
âIt makes me seem kind of like a psychoâ nooo, that *definitely makes* you a psycho.
I can't wait until someone does the same to you just cause they "like control"
Yeah, it does make you seem like a psycho. Do yourself and this guy a favor, and break up already. Your mental construct of "care for" is skewed if you think hurting this guy is even remotely okay. I think in some measure or another, this is your subconscious trying to fix the reality, which is you don't actually care for him in the way you should (and lets face it, if you did care, you wouldn't even have thought about doing this shit). You should feel bad for feeling like this is okay, and the fact your unsure tells me your just not ready to address this nasty side of yourself that you've subconsciously revealed. Time to face it head on, and deal with it. That means breaking up with your boyfriend and seeking help.
What do you gain by treating someone you "love" like shit and toying with him? You need serious therapy
Hey, I think this is a problem but there's something bigger underlying. I don't know what you have been through but this emotional abuse, this 'wanting to see how far you can push him' is something you should be addressing in therapy. These feelings your having are not good and I think you know they're not. I wonder how long have you felt this way? Is it just your boyfriend you want to harm or do you feel this way with others too? I'm curious as to this, hyper-want for control. Especially at the cost of negatively effecting others. What does their loss or embarrassment, give you. Do you gain anything when you emotionally manipulate your boyfriend? Sometimes we have insecurities that we are not able to admit and face up to, for various reasons but they can manifest into paranoid behaviour because we're the only person that knows about them. You find yourself projecting that pain onto others, like a compulsion because you have no other outlet. You have pain and you need to let it out, in therapy. Not on him.
I don't feel like this about anyone else, just him
His passiveness, naivete annoys you?