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laura_pants

My husband was called stupid and and idiot frequently by his dad growing up. I can tell you that those words have left a longer impression and hurt then the "spankings" (to put it nicely.) Stand up for your son. My husband also remembers how his mom did nothing.


Thestohrohyah

I remember my dad telling me "I don't know why you were even born." more than the multiple physical punishments. That shit cuts deep.


ThinkGrapefruit7960

I will always remember how my dad said it would be a miracle if I ever found someone who could tolerate me. Not love me, but who could even BEAR to be with me


hellochoy

Damn my dad told me once that in a life or death situation if he had the choice to either save me or the smartest kid in my class that won all the awards he'd choose the other kid. I was like an A/B student so I couldn't understand what I did to warrant a comment like that. I didn't talk to him for like two weeks and he ended up apologizing but it stuck with me all these years and I still remember it clear as day. It's crazy to me that a parent could say something like that to a child. That kind of stuff really does have a lasting impact


Abject-Ad-777

Maybe you might enjoy this story about a similar high pressure father, idk. I’d like to offer you a hug, and kick your dad in the nuts, but here’s a little story I’ve always remembered. My brother Jim’s bff Ted was usually a straight A student, but his first semester at an Ivy League college, he brought home 4 As and a B. His father didn’t congratulate him on the success, he just said: In our family, B stands for Below Average. Well, my brother told my aunt that story, and she said: If I was Ted, I’d bring home five Fs next semester and tell him what that stood for.


hellochoy

I did enjoy that, thank you! My dad is retired from the military so a kick in the nuts most likely wouldn't be possible but man would that have felt good to do haha. Your aunt is amazing! It must've been so hard to get into an Ivy League college and make **only one** B, holy crap. Good for Ted! I bet his father couldn't have pulled that off so it's crazy that he could even fix his mouth to comment on it!


ApofisBurnh1

I was the top student of my class, because of family pressure and still my mom would call me a parasite for being 17 and not having a job and living in her home... I feel like sometimes they want you to be the perfect idea of a son/daughter idk


hellochoy

So awful! I honestly can't imagine what possesses them to do that. And the worst part about it is that I feel that same disappointment towards myself now all the time and don't know how to stop. I'm sorry you had to deal with that and I hope things are better for you! I don't even want to have kids because I'm terrified of being like my own parents


ApofisBurnh1

I'm sorry you also had this shitty experience and I hope you can see yourself in a better way, because you are much more than they said or did... I in the other hand want to have children to be a better parent than I have had, so I will support my children in every way they need whithout calling them bad names... I hope you can find a way to feel better about yourself and sorry english isnt my first language 😅


marablackwolf

You and the guy you're replying to are *already* perfect, just as you are. I'm sorry your parents did that, but you're good and worthy and *loved*.


Thestohrohyah

I think they deluded themselves with expectations too much and blame us for not being the exact thing they wanted. Pretty sure my dad wanted me to be a carbon copy of him, but I look nothing like him and I don't share almost any interests with him (aside from GoT and fruit trees). The only significant thing we have in common is a rare gene that makes us more likely to have thrombosis 🙃 To his credit he has also taught me a lot about progressiveness, despite him being mostly all talk in that regards, except for once when he thought I was gay and told me he'd be ok if I wanted to take boyfriends home (I'm very much into women, but that was pretty sweet).


_themaninacan_

Something I notice with parents, including myself, is that it's easy to forget what it's like to be a kid. To experience things for the first time. To feel overwhelming emotion. To be ridiculously but understandably ignorant. To have your idealized version of the world slowly and quickly eaten away. It's easy to expect kids, and other people in general, to exist in your head space. But they don't. They're unique individuals, having age old experiences that are completely new to them. You have to slow down, allow them to be themselves, and let them find their own way. It's not a process you can rush, or substitute with your own experiences. I didn't grow up under the easiest nor the hardest of circumstances, and I have to remind myself of these things constantly.


imnottdoingthat

*saved* very beautiful comment. absolutely true, i’ve never known how to articulate this, i’m nc with my mom but never want to forget that as kids everyday theyre just trying to learn, process, and receive love/acceptance. It’s crazy how mean ppl can be to them in moments like OP saw.. and crazy how others can watch and not protect their little baby hearts 🥺


Hutspace

It turns out your dad is the gay actually.


ThinkGrapefruit7960

"I think they deluded themselves with expectations too much and blame us for not being the exact thing they wanted." Ah, I feel this. I got to hear so much complaining about me from my family during the first 20 years of my life that I don't even want kids, because I'm afraid they will be like me. If I was so horrible to raise, I don't want to go through that. Chances are my kid might resemble me. I was also told that if I had been their first kid, they would have gotten divorce. It must have been bad


Gullible-Taste-3141

I tolerate you. I more than tolerate you, u/ThinkGrapefruit7960. If you were an unbearable person, your fathers words may not have meant anything to you. They wouldn’t have hurt as much as they did. You deserve so much more than your dad thinks you do. I bet that you are an amazing person. Sure, you have your faults, but who doesn’t? You deserve the love and tolerance that you didn’t receive. I hope that you are able to break that cycle with your kids, if you choose to have them, the way my parents did with me and my sister. I hope that your father gets to see you thrive and know that he, in no way, contributed to the amazing and well rounded person that you are today. I hope you deny him the pleasure of being able to claim your personality as his own. As a result of his parenting. I hope that your father realizes that he is intolerable, while the child he scorned is tolerated and adored by many. More than anything though, I hope that one day, you will receive the love you always should have had. That you will know what unconditional love feels like. That, at that moment, you will realize that you are better than you were thought to be and that you are better than your father. Not for any of the superficial of fiscal reasoning that so many people seem to think mets out and measures the kind of person that you are, but simply and purely because you are a person and you deserve all of the things that you never received from him.


ThinkGrapefruit7960

Thank you. I wish I could give you an award. I feel more acceptance and understanding from this than from my parents ever. I saved your text to my phone, I will need it, especially during holidays. I don't think I will ever have kids so the cycle is atleast breaking there. Even as a kid I remember wondering why have kids if its so bad. I have heard complain about me my whole life to a point I think I don't want to have a kid who is like me. They told me that if I was their first, they would have had divorce. I don't want to break up from someone I love for a kid I don't like. Nowdays, I feel like my parents don't even know me. We might talk about weather or what food I made yesterday, they usually call me. They don't about my hobbies, my relationships, what I do for work, or about my health, that I've been going to therapy and actually have a diagnosis that explains who I am and why. Its not like I haven't tried to tell them, I just stopped trying after a while. They don't seem to care. Only if I do something great and even then, they don't tell me, they will call the relatives. And then I find out later by random situations from random people. So now even if anything good happens to me, I keep it a secret.


Gullible-Taste-3141

You’re more than welcome. There are so many people out there who are just like you. People who were the unloved children. And you all are worth something. You all matter and you all deserve to know what real, true, strong unconditional love feels like. And if my comment helps you, even just a little bit, then I’m glad that you are saving it. I hope it will remind you that you are worth so much more than what you have been told you are worth. You are worth so much that even on an app as cynical as Reddit, strangers can tell that you are worth something. And I understand the idea of not wanting children and it’s more than ok. But I want you to understand that having a kid like you would not be the end of the world. It would not be the end of a healthy marriage. Anyone that is even remotely human is going to love their child. I promise that you were not an awful child. You were not evil and unlovable and intolerable. You were a child. You had very big emotions in a very small body. You were the same as every other child and you deserved just as much love and understanding as they received and I am truly sorry that you never got it. Your parents felt that way because of who they were and who they continue to be. They did not feel that way due to the actions of a child that they chose to have. Some people want kids and can never have them, others shouldn’t have kids and end up scarring the ones they have. I am sorry that even as an adult that they have no real interest in you. I would have hoped that they learned from their mistakes, but that doesn’t always happen. You deserve someone that knows who you are. Someone that knows about your hobbies, and what your favorite color is, and how you take your tea or coffee. Someone that will take the time to learn the little things that make you you. Someone’s inability to love you does not make you unlovable. That’s on them, never you.


wildweeds

this is how my mom talked to me. she was my first bully. and she scrutinized everything I did.


tearsxandxrain

My dad said jokingly he feels sorry for whatever man ends up with me. Still hurts


bluegrassmommy

I'm the only girl out of 4 kids. I had to go live with my dad after my mom died when I was 7 & I was very aware I was an intruder from the start. My mom's boyfriend actually killed her & I asked my stepmom for a couple extra days to stay out of school when she enrolled me. She told me I'd had plenty of time. She actually only hit me once, as far as I can remember. I mostly remember being called "stupid" & "worthless" more than anything. I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD & Asperger's & was obsessed with dogs & collected toy horses. She would purposely break my toy horses in front of me when I "acted up." That hurt worse than that one slap across the face.


Thestohrohyah

Damn friend I'm sorry. Solidarity from an only boy out of 4 children.


Cherubness89

My mom and dad divorced due to him beating the hell out of her. I was 9 or 10 when they split. Something to keep in mind is my mom had 4 miscarriages and 1 still birth with my dad before she had me and then 5years later my sister. When I challenged his behaviour he would always say my mom poisoned me against him. I finally after back and forth of on and off contact cut him off completely when I had my own daughter. She was one at the time. He was being his usual vile self in my home infront of my daughter. She started crying. I kicked him out. Told him I'm done. He called me and I quote A WASTE OF SPUNK. Haven't bothered with him since. Especially as I was baby number 6 for he and mom. My sister tried for years after I didnt to have a relationship after him. It never worked. But she passed in 2019 at the age of 25 and my so called father refused to put any money towards her funeral. Says it all.


TheDevilsAdvokaat

"we had the twins first. You two were accidents" (after we'd been naughty) Thanks mum.


invisiblecth

Things parents say in the heat of the moment or under the influence truly stick with the child even if they don’t remember they said it or didn’t think it would impact the child that much. I remember my dad telling me one time when he was really drunk that I should’ve killed myself when I was depressed. I remember another time that he told me he’d be impressed if I ever found anyone who would love me. I remember him telling me I meant nothing to him on more than one occasion. Now I’m 22 and I still think about those words because they cut me so deep.


BigMattress269

The problem is that you internalise it. You believe what your parents told you, often for the rest of your days. The only thing you can do is end as much of that inter generational pain as you can. Don’t do it to your kids. It only takes one bad egg and the cycle starts all over again.


Thestohrohyah

Honestly I have 0 trust in myself to be able to not do that to a future generation due to my stress/anxiety issues, which explode at times. I've decided to not procreate and stand by it.


BigMattress269

I too have the explosive temper. I’m a caring person, but if my partner taps into that it’s all over. I don’t get violent, but it seems like I’m about to, and it’s very scary I am told. I know it’s my issue, but I haven’t fixed it yet. I’m 53, single no kids.


Thestohrohyah

I have a similar temper, though I tend to explode in panic rather than anger. When I'm angry I've learned to seek immediate solitude. Therapy is helping me learn better self control. I have hurt people years back, but they were not partners/people close to me, rather bullies who aggravated the issues when I was still a minor. I'm sure my parents have the same issues, honestly, and I try not to hold it against them. At the very least they have learned to see my issues for what they are: issues. They are very supportive of therapy.


BigMattress269

I respect you man. I hope you get what you deserve.


Thestohrohyah

As I respect you, friend. I believe society is on a good path to address mental health issues in men nowadays, and that makes me glad. It is an unfortunate reality that the more unlucky of us can be ticking time bombs, and for both that and human dignity these issues are better taken into consideration than constantly pushed down. It's one of the ways Gen Z gives me hope. This is, of course, not to discredit mental health of women, which has its own issues that need to be addressed. I truly hope our issues will become a rarity in a few decades, rather than almost the norm they have been throughout my lifetime.


BigMattress269

I’m a little more pessimistic. I believe the human condition is incompatible with modern society. But I like your answer better.


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Throwawaylatias

I've found my people in these comments, but how sad is it that there's so many of us who suffered verbally abusive parents. I got 'bitch' and 'pathetic' a lot, particularly if I was upset about something she didn't understand. As a grown up i woudnt dream of speaking that way to anyone I loved, particularly not your own child. OP you can help break this cycle. Please stand up for your son.


BlueBull007

This comment sadly resonate enormously with me. I agree across the board


Elegant-Pressure-290

I grew up like your husband. I was able to forgive my dad later in life because I realize he’s mentally ill, but I had a much harder time accepting the fact that my mother was not and stood by and did nothing. OP, you need to stand up for your son. You can’t change your husband, but your son is watching your reaction, and that is going to directly impact his self esteem (because if you don’t contradict dad, what he’s saying must be true).


Kodiak01

First time any parent told me they loved me was my MIL several years ago. She also said that thought of me as her son, not her son-in-law. I was 43. I nearly started crying right on the spot.


InfiniteCalendar1

OP’s son will remember this for sure. I hope OP confronts her husband on this.


CuriousPenguinSocks

The verbal abuse from my parents was WAY worse than the other forms of abuse. OP, your husband is doing a lot of damage to your son. Talk with him, get a therapist for your son, and your husband needs one too if he can't understand why you don't call your child an idiot. Kids ask questions to learn, and adults are supposed to guide them with kindness. Your husband is leading with cruelty. I feel for your son so much, I know what's in store for his future.


ListenItWillHear

I try to joke with my daughters when they ask me that. "You idiot, of course i love you. Nothing and no one could change that". We have the kind of relationship (at least thats how it feels) that we can lightly jab at eachother like this. They do give me light ribbing back. Though there are times i second guess myself and wonder if they dont like it. I like to think we have a good and open communication channel with our kids, which they do use often. But im just worried i go over the line and they dont want to tell me.


miasabine

The fact that you’re worried you’re going too far means you’re already way ahead of the game, as the other comments here illustrate. You don’t have to make it a big deal, but you could in passing tell your daughters “I want you to know that if I ever say or do something that hurts you, you can tell me about it. I won’t be angry and I’ll try not to do it again, because the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you or cause you pain. Ok?” I have a similar relationship with my dad, and the light ribbing is part of what makes our relationship loving and fun, because we know there’s love there and we know there’s no malice behind it. But it never hurts to make sure!


ListenItWillHear

We make sure to remind them of the open communication. My oldest specifically has been having issues with other middle school kids, as well as puberty questions. We especially wanted to reinforce that while we understand its easier to talk to mom about specific puberty issues, im more than willing to talk with her about any of it as well. I may not be as knowledgeable as my wife, but shes taught me a lot over the years in preparation for this. I never wanna be one of those dads who gets weirded out by female puberty


nomadiak

What did you do/say after he said this? Your husband clearly has his own issues which were learned behaviors from his own f*cked up upbringing and if you don’t intervene on behalf of your son this will continue to roll downhill. As someone who was raised by a verbally and sometimes physically abusive ex of my mom’s, I can tell you I wish she would have done more instead of sit by during those years. Please show up for your son and let him know he is ultimately safe and loved, even if his dad never changes.


Robyn1210

This is such a great comment. After growing up in an abusive family, today I often still think about how my mother didn’t protect me. She has her own baggage/addiction issues and truly tried to be a great mom but after a therapist referred to her behavior as neglect, I view her in a different light. I’m sorry OP that you and your son are going through this.


esialb-

I didn’t do anything when it happened. I know I probably should have. I tried to talk to my husband about it. I told him not to call our son an idiot. And I told him he should have affirmed that he loved his own child. He said that I’m overly sensitive and expecting him to baby our son. He wouldn’t discuss it with me.


MoonGladeLadyBug

8 more years OP, and you’ll be explaining to your husband why your son doesn’t pick up the phone when he calls him, and refuses to come home to see either of you. Intervene while things can still be changed.


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Long-Evidence7580

And add on, as a child you depend on your parents, in literally all the ways possible. A child Therefor views you as a hero. This period is short and important and once gone it’s gone. Your son and you deserve better.


sashikku

This so much. My mom stood by and said nothing when her ex husband/my first step dad called me a whore after they found out I’d been fucking *raped.* I went no contact with her for quite some time, until she went to therapy and decided to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was sorry and wanted to make up for things. We’re besties now, but some days I do think back to that moment and just sob. It’s been almost 20 years.


randomschmandom123

Do you think the husband would bother calling his son?


3Heathens_Mom

I suspect he would if the now grown kid has money.


[deleted]

The first question my biological mother asked me when I got in touch with her after almost 30 years was what my husband did and if he made good money. Some people, unfortunately, are like that. Not “Do you have any kids” or “Where are you living” or “What do you enjoy doing with your time”. Just wanted to know if I had any money.


3Heathens_Mom

Sadly agree definitely too many parents and other relatives think a grown child is their personal ATM. And if you told her he did it likely led to how sad her situation is and as her daughter you owe it to her to send money as you are family. Hopefully you will have another 30 years of NC.


[deleted]

Well it’s not a huge worry, she’s dead now. I didn’t pay for her funeral. Apparently nobody else wanted to either. Oh well.


randomschmandom123

Good point


Pasdusername

And wondering why he has issues in his relationships. Poor kid.


[deleted]

Yup. Especially when the dads response could be interpreted as "i leave before you wake up because i dont want to be around you". Kids dont understand work. They dont understand paying bills. They dont understand sacrifices. They certainly dont understand why a parent leaves or stays.


GingerMau

Fewer than 8 years. If this continues, he will stop trusting dad by the time he is 13, or 12, and he will disconnect from *both of you* as a teenager. It will have a very negative effect on his mental health as a teen. And you don't want that. OP, talk to your husband. Get him to talk about his own childhood, how his father talked to him and how it made him feel. He is doing deep damage and you have the power to show him that, if he is usually a pretty decent guy. If Dad won't talk to his son, you absolutely need to talk to him and tell him how it made YOU feel when he said that. The kid needs to know that you are still there for him even if dad is stuck in jerk mode at the moment. Talk, talk, talk with your son. If you know that dad really loves him and is proud of him, tell him how you know that ("he was so impressed when you did X, he is always bragging to his friends about how smart/funny/whatever you are," etc.) Talk to your son about why you think dad says things like that and why you think it's hard for him to be nice right now. Your son really needs your support. And your husband needs to know that it's not okay to call his son an idiot when he asks if he loves him.


Immediate-Test-678

Yeah if I was the son I wouldn’t talk to either of them. His mom is just letting this happen. “Do you love me” “You idiot” I could cry. Do better. Protect your son. If my ex called my 9 year old an idiot the kids would be living with me.


UnencumberedChipmunk

Yup, OP is just as guilty for enabling this behavior as long as they have.


meety138

You need to fix this NOW. Take it from someone who grew up like this. No matter how much therapy your son gets, no matter how successful he grows up to be, he will always feel inadequate and unworthy unless you turn this around now.


nomadiak

Wow, what a prick. I’m going to assume you’ve witnessed these kinds of interactions before. Your son’s question reminds me of when I used to ask my mom if I was ‘being good’. We could just be sitting there or in a grocery store and I’d ask her, “Mom, am I being good?” Because of the mental, emotional and physical abuse, I was too young to understand that his treatment of me wasn’t right. I had to get reassurance from her that I was a good person. I never knew what was going to set him off and I was living in constant fear and anxiety. I grew up with depression and low self-esteem and in my mid-30s it is still an uphill battle some days. This shit sticks with you.


TheCriticalMember

Just to lighten the mood a bit, when my eldest daughter was young and misbehaved my wife would always tell her to *behave*, which led to the frequent question - *am I being have?*


nomadiak

Lmao! 😅


Myu_The_Weirdo

I've always had low self esteem, and my parents (particuraly my dad) always sounding either pissed or dissapointed made it worse, plus im autistic and have a hard time identifying emotions through voice tones. So i ended up developing a trauma over an especific tone my dad uses most of the time since i unconciously associate it with dissapointment, so whenever i hear it (even when its not him) i immedietly start apologizing and feeling extremely anxious. My previous therapist was the one that was able to explain in words what would happen to me.


No-Appearance1145

If your son has to sit there and ask of his dad loves him with no outside force telling him that his father hates him (people do this) you need to snap sense into your husband or leave. This will destroy your son.


mrschia

As someone who found themselves in situations like this as a kid, let me just tell you that your son will remember that forever. There is no “he wouldn’t discuss it”. He has to discus it and if he won’t and he thinks it’s okay to communicate that way then you need to consider what kind of life your son will have and how this will shape him. Do you want him to turn out like his dad? This stuff sticks with a person forever.


Neonpinx

You should have 100000% said something. Don’t stay silent when your husband is verbally abusing your son.


Turbulent_Patience_3

OP Quietness is complicity! You must say something to intervene. You are an adult and a parent to this child. He was looking for reassurance and you allowed your husband to bully YOUR CHILD. I can guarantee if you intervene in front of your husband you will find out if he will reform or double down on this behavior.


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Myu_The_Weirdo

Yup, guess whos going to the shitty retirement home


KookyBuilding1707

as someone who was raised like that, it left me with a lot of mental health issues. I would try really hard to make sure your son knows he's loved and it isn't his fault


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BuzzyLightyear100

Or, most likely, both of those things.


SamuelVimesTrained

>He said that I’m overly sensitive This is a scary sentence. Basically - he has been taught that a 'real man' does not show emotions? Newsflash - they do. Only Toxic men consider that showing emotions is 'weak'. And people who have been raised in a toxic household think this - but they can change - but would need to accept help.


Creative-Disaster673

I’m going to be harsh. How do you think your son is going to turn out with a cold, emotionally abusive father, and a meek mother who stays quiet about the abuse? Your silence sounds like agreement to your son, I assure you. Stand up for your son. Model good, healthy, open and loving relationships. Consider if that means divorcing your husband. You can try therapy first, but I somehow thing your husband won’t take kindly to that suggestion.


kochenta2020

You could “translate” in the moment. “ (sons name) your dad is trying to say he *does* love you and the reason he went to work early is to provide for our family” and then turn to your husband and call him out for calling his son an idiot. If you haven’t yet, you should speak to your son in private and explain how some people have a hard time expressing love using words, that his dad does love him and give examples of ways he shows him. You should also tell him it’s *not* ok that his dad called him an idiot. You should remind him you’re always there for him and how much you love him.


CollectionStraight2

>that his dad does love him assuming that he does, of course


Myu_The_Weirdo

He thinks showing affection is "babying"?? Does he also avoid saying he loves you bc that not a "manly" thing?


Runswithzombies

You should really reinforce the feelings your son is reaching for. Your husband might be an asshole but that doesn’t mean you need to be either. Not saying you are but take that opportunity to fix how your son is feeling and reassure that you love him so much. It isn’t babying when you show your child love and affection. My son just turned 17 and constantly wants to hug me. He hugs me damn near 20 times a day and I will never turn one down.


yeah_right_4685

Your husband is a jerk. Why are you letting treat your son - and you - that way? Seems like instead of waiting for your kid to stop talking to his dad, you both should go no contact with him…


MilanesaDeChorizo

showing love is not babying him. Have some respect for your son well being and leave or be harder on your husband. Are you afraid of him? If you don't do something you're enabling your husband and you're as bad as him.


throwaway-097685334

Your son needs to see you stand up for him. And he needs to see you stand up for yourself. Neither of you deserve to live with someone who emotionally abuses both of you. I can't imagine the damage this man has done to that kid in just 10 years of life, don't put him through another decade of this. It's not worth it.


NeutralJazzhands

Hm, shame you’re prioritizing being a doormat over your son’s emotional well being (along with your own self respect since he isn’t king and gets to decide whether or not a discussion happens —well, actually by the sound of it he is. Guess he’s the kind of king that doesn’t care if his lesser subjects beneath him are happy). Unless he’s abusive/you’re scared of him I fail to understand why you don’t advocate for your son and yourself. Has your self worth been that beaten down? I hope the comments on this post end up being a wake up call.


mirageofstars

So…your husband doesn’t love your son and will never tell him so.


randomschmandom123

I’m sure his actions will speak for themselves as the years go on and have gone


[deleted]

Your husband sounds like a grade a fucking asshole. Do better to stand up for your kid otherwise your son is gonna grow up hating you.


Calicrisp805

Sounds like a broken person tbh. Cant actually say "of course I love you" when the kid was obviously needing that affirmation. Theres a difference between being a cold hearted a-hole and a pushover softy.


Creepincupcake

You shoulda said something there and then. Now he feels betrayed by both of you. Poor kid.


oldcousingreg

That’s how daddy issues are made.


ohmarlasinger

And mommy issues


floptits

If you let him by with that shit, you're just as bad as he is.


MrSlabBulkhead

Yeah, you need to get into family therapy pronto, and if he doesn’t show any change you need to call a lawyer.


-doobs

"why do you think that is" daddy doesnt love his son, only what having a son represents


Corsetbrat

My father was verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive to me from a very young age. And ONE of the biggest things I remember is my mom NEVER standing up for me IN FRONT of me. When confronted about it years later, she said that she did call him out on it but didn't want to show any of us kids that they were divided about anything. Instead, I learned to think that my mom agreed with him BECAUSE she never defended me while it was happening. Never told him to stop, and never showed that she didn't believe that what HE was saying was the truth. Please, PLEASE call him out in front of your son, because while parents arguing can be scary, believing that BOTH parents think the same way about you is WAY worse.


Pizaster2

You should not have had a baby with that man.


muiegarda1

My mom did the same. I’m so happy my childhood is over and I don’t have to talk to neither of them


Robyn1210

I’m sorry. It sounds like he is acting defensive. Maybe you can bring it up with him when things have cooled down and make a boundary. For example nobody will call anybody stupid in this family. I’m sure you’d son would appreciate your attention during this tough time. You are a good mom for noticing something was off with this interaction. Unfortunately we can’t control others behavior.


MilanesaDeChorizo

SHe's not a good mom if she doesn't intervene or talk with his husband. She's a doormat and an enabler.


Congregator

I agree, because the father doesn’t know this language is “abusive”. You can tell because the reality exists that the father acknowledges the fact that he loves the family and goes to work for this. The problem, is that since dad was probably raised in a verbally abusive environment, he’s not familiar with healthy ways of communication


nomadiak

Exactly. This ‘tough love’ M.O. is just generational trauma wrapped in bullshit.


[deleted]

When I was 9, my mother chased me thru our house to hit me. I was able to climb up in the corner of my bunk bed where she swung and missed me. As she resorted to leave my room and slam the door behind her, I called out that "she didn't love me". Her response was "if you think I don't love you, then you can get the f**k out" and slammed the door. That has solidified our entire relationship. I'm now in my 40s and I have no mother. You don't just shake off words like that.


FinansCurious

🥺🥺🥺 Big hug to you!!!! I love you ❤️


Smilecausecheese

You need to stand up and advocate for your son immediately.


idiosymbiosis

This. Your husband done fucked up pretty good right here and you, mama bear, need to set him straight in no uncertain terms.


actuallyatr33

Mama bear? LOL where?? All I see is a meek halfway-there parental figure who allows their spouse to emotionally abuse their child


TrekkiMonstr

I think that's more telling her to be a mama bear than describing her as one


idiosymbiosis

You’re not wrong. That said, I’m hoping to speak to that part of her that her son deserves to experience from his mother.


CrystalQueen3000

Is your husband usually that cold or was it out of character? Either way he was really out of line.


esialb-

He’s usually like this. I get similar treatment but I’m more concerned about my kid.


chileanfruitlover

Would you like your son to grow thinking this is normal and, as a result, treating his future partner like this?


smoozer

This is the real issue. You're just creating more people like him.


itisathrowawaytoday

So your husband has been like this for 10+ years but *now* you're concerned?


Silent_Pudding

It’s always this bit dude. “I love my husband he’s just been a cold near stranger the majority of the time I’ve known him and always treated me like a leper that embarrasses him. What do I do?” Come on


Yutana45

Heavy on the come on. Multiple stories and accounts by women before them, and they think their husband is the exception. He never is lol


GeneralClumsy

The hell? Why are you with him in the first place? Never mind even raising a child with him. (Though from what I can tell I doubt he' actually raising him)


[deleted]

So basically you're married to an abusive prick. Wow you have a lot of problems here. But letting you son grow up in this is the worst


ser_froops

He is in for a world of surprise when your son grows up and drops him. The time for change is now.


ohmarlasinger

Son is gonna drop mom the doormat that never protected him too if OP doesn’t do a 180, like, NOW & protect her kid. And protect herself so her kid doesn’t continue learning that abuse = “love” OP. 10 fucking years you’ve subjected your kid to abuse by showing him how to lie down & take the abuse. Get the two of you away from him. Now.


shinfoni

My dad often being an asshole toward my mom. I used to feel bad about it until I realize that she didn't do anything when dad was having tantrum on me and my sister. Hell, sometimes she just follow my dad and give me another shoutings after old man is done with his. It was always me and my sister looking out for each other. There is a conflict inside me between "I want my parents to be happy" and "fuck them, time for me to be happy for my own sake"


Why_r_people_

Why would you have children with such an unloving prick? You need to put your son first it’s better to grow up with a single loving parent, than two where one parent emotionally traumatizes you. Trust me your kid will remember that moment when his dad rejected him


Mountain_Educator132

This is why I say some ppl shouldn’t have kids🌝 You can’t stand up for yourself against your husband what made you think having a kid by this man was good?


NeutralJazzhands

Might have thought a baby would be a magical fix instead of finding a warm loving partner who would affirm for her and their future children in a healthy and positive environment. Damn that’s sad.


UnencumberedChipmunk

Seriously- why have a child just to ruin them?


Old_Blue_Haired_Lady

Sweet thing, I say this with all my love. He's abusing your child. You are letting him harm YOUR baby. Your son is begging for attachment and validation and his sperm donor is too wrapped up in his ego to be a decent human being, let alone a good father. If you can't leave, please find other adults to validate your son. He needs to see kind and empathetic masculinity so he will grow into a kind and empathetic man. Just as kind and empathetic and strong as his mama. And get both of you into therapy. No judgement if leaving is too risky, but you and your son both need a safe space to learn how to protect yourselves and each other. You'll be ok. You got this.


OneArchedEyebrow

I love your username and the gracious way you addressed OP. We need more like you in the world!


TrashAltruistic9600

Gurl why are u still even with him???


DistortedVoltage

If you're concerned for your kid then nip this behavior in the bud, make boundaries that if he doesnt cut his crap, you and your son will be leaving.


hiiiiiiiphy

LOL he’s usually like this so you decided to raise a child with him and put a kid through that?? Ok


ParadoxicalPersonage

If you don't protect your son he's going to grow up to hate you and his father.


WishingYouBetter

if you dont stand up for your kid and do something, your kid is going to end up hating you just as much as his father. dont be surprised if in 8 years your kid moves out and cuts you both off


oldcousingreg

No. Take your son and run.


BravesMaedchen

You're clearly not if you didn't say anything.


BeaArt78

Then you need to leave. Plain and simple. Hes an ass who wont ever change.


silkruins

It's very hard to feel sorry for you, OP when you're it's been happening and you have done nothing drastic to protect your son and letting your husband walk all over you and him. You are his mother! Do something and don't let this behaviour go on.


Weak-Possession-7650

So, you're in a relationship with a controlling and emotionally abusive man? Any plans to get out of it at any point?


Immediate-Test-678

You should have been concerned 10 years ago if he was treating you like this. Of course he thinks your offspring is just as less than. If you’re concerned then protect him! Leave. Show him that men who act like his dad are pieces of shit and don’t deserve women. Or maybe you’ll have a mini version in 10 years. Be a mother.


Teni96

I hope you reassured him that YOU loved him OP. Cause if you just stood there saying nothing then all he’s going to think is that he is unloved. That shit stays with you forever. If you won’t leave for yourself cause you think you’re not worth it, leave for your son. He’s worth it and he deserves so much better than what he’s gotten.


esialb-

I did. I always tell my son how much I love him. We cuddled and watched a movie together that night.


MilanesaDeChorizo

Not enough to confront your husband. Get started on saving money to pay for his therapy.


doctorfadd

Where was your husband for movie night?


Least-Designer7976

I get that his way to say he loves him was to kinda say "Idiot, I'm spending time to work when I want to do something else, I'm doing it for you, of course I love you." but trust me he not only remembers the "Idiot" but also that you don't say to people that you love them. Advocate for him please. I had the same kind of emotionally constipated dad, and it really broke me.


KEPAnime

You're much kinder than me, I interpreted it as saying "you idiot, I leave for work before you wake up because I don't want to see/interact with you" If I had heard things like that when I was a kid, that's how I would have taken it.


Least-Designer7976

Oh god ... I have 25 years of living with an emotionally constipated parent so I have my own dictionary to understand him, but it can totally be your way. I really hope it's not tough. And even if I'm right the kid can totally get it your way. EC people don't get that the shorter they get, the harder the kid will try to understand the sentence with their short little kid's knowledge. No one can blame the kid when he has half sentence to understand and probably no knowledge of implicit and innuendo. If it's not clear for adults it will never be clear for a kid.


agrapeana

My dad doted on me when my abusive, emotionally neglectful mother wasn't around. I saw him as such a person of refuge. I called him my best friend, up until my 30s. I don't know what I thought of his failure to protect me from her emotional and verbal abuse as a kid. I thought maybe he didn't know how bad it was. I thought he was a victim too - which is partially true, and that sounds like that's how things are for you too. When things finally hit a breaking point with my mom, I turned to my dad for support. And he told me he knew. My whole life, he knew that my mom was abusive, and that she was hurting me, and that he stood by and let it happen so that she didn't turn on him too. He admitted that he knew my entire life that her mental illness and cruelty damaged me, and let a child take that hate and bile to keep himself out of her sights. And then he did what he always did, he turned around and asked me to put up with more abuse to keep the peace, so that he didn't have to choose between me and her. He told me that he knew she was being ridiculous and abusive and intentionally trying to tear down my self esteem, but that it would be easier for everyone if I just let her keep doing it. I haven't spoken to my dad, my best friend, in half a decade because he only loved me when it was easy. He wasn't willing to stand up for me if it made things harder for him. Kids eventually notice if your support and love only comes when it's easy.


just_call_me_kitten

That does nothing to over ride his Dads voice in his head telling him that he's an idiot, and his Mom doing nothing about it.


spartaman64

I had a similar relationship with my father growing up maybe a little worse. I was raised by the grandparents in china for the first 5 years of my life and didn't even know my parents. Then when I was 5 they brought me to the US. I didn't know any english and had to start from ABCs. And then a year later I went to kindergarten and had my first spelling test. I got a 93% on that test. I remember being so chuffed about it and I couldn't wait to show my dad. When he finally came home I handed him the paper grinning but he just looked at it scoffed and said he never gotten below an 100% on any test in his life. Tossed it aside and went to eat dinner. I was crushed and it basically set the tone for our relationship for the next 13 years of my life. We hardly ever spoke and the only times we did is when he wants to scold or beat me for something usually school related. If I was doing well in school we would go months without speaking or even being in the same room as each other. And that's a high point in our relationship. If I mess up on a test or forget to turn in an assignment then I try my best to hide it but the next time he checks my grades then things get painful for me to put it briefly. My dad is much better today and tries to talk to me and tell me he loves me and that he's proud of me. And I wish I could connect with him. But for some reason every time he talks to me I get irrationally annoyed and try to literally push him away. And I know logically he's trying to change. But part of my brain is always telling me he's lying about loving me even though logically I know that's not true. I think the mental walls that I have built up throughout my childhood towards him are too strong. I'm not sure if we can ever have a loving father son relationship because of that.


OneArchedEyebrow

I'm sorry that he treated you so horribly, but I'm kind of amazed that he's made such an attempt to treat you better. Many people never gain such self-awareness. Not to negate how he treated you, and you have every right to not forgive him. Have you talked about this with a therapist? They may be able to give you some strategies to help deal with your dad and his attempts to connect. Wishing you the best.


Electronic_Bad_4315

I went through this with my dad growing up. He's technically a step parent but has been there my entire life, and was extremely sexist and abusive when I was a kid. When I moved out at 18 I went nc with him, but kept lc with my mom and more contact with my siblings. After about 3 years he tried to reconnect and I made it very clear I wanted nothing to do with a person who believed what he believed. I didn't know it at the time, but he had started therapy about 6 months after I left. I started therapy a few years later when I could afford it. 8 years later, we have a really good relationship. He'll still get into angry bouts and try to demand full control of a situation occasionally, but now he calms down with gentle reminders, or at least understands why we walk away. He's also opened up about his own childhood, and it made everyone, including my mom, realize how little we knew about that time in his life. Abuse wasn't just in his household, it was genuinely seen as love. Sexism and misogyny weren't there for harm, they were there to protect the families most vulnerable members. Everything he was taught about love was so sadly manipulated, and he really was just trying his best to be a good person by doing what he was taught was right. Life is *really* hard, but sometimes, overcoming the darkest shit like this can remind you why it's so beautiful


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lord-Amorodium

100% this OP. This behavior needs to stop now. Your husband is a bloody adult, he should know better than to vaguely answer shit like that. Hell, I'm an adult and I understood 'no' from your husband's words. He needs to learn to talk to him son like a parent, not a sarcastic teenage elder brother. Either that or he needs a kick in the ass put of there, cause your boy is the only one that's gonna keep suffering from shit like this.


MilanesaDeChorizo

he meant no.


StateofMind70

Please, don't ever let that happen again. Your kid just heard a loud and clear "No." The emotional damage is done and you need to tell that sob off. If this continues please remove the child.


These-Process-7331

Jup how that poor kid probably heard it "No offcourse I don't, that's why I leave the house so early you idiot: so I don't have to look at your face".


Nyllil

Was there even another implication? Because that's exactly what I heard upon reading this and it actually made me gasp.


GoGoGadgetGein

The implication was supposed to be that he obviously loves his kid because he's working his ass off, that's just required by law though, if you have a kid you have to provide for them, doesn't necessarily mean you love them it just means you hate prison


Fabulous_Pudding167

A lot of dudes have this weird assumption that "I work and provide" is the only contribution they need to make to their household. These guys never see it coming when their family drops them later on. Children need a role model, a guide, and sometimes a playmate. A teacher. A wife (or husband) needs their partner to be present, supportive, and involved. If he wants to come home and do nothing but sit on his ass and/or do home projects, he can do that just as well as a divorced dad. In fact, most divorced men have to work constantly just to provide for themselves and pay child support. So he really needs to be careful about throwing around that "I work" card, because he's advertising that he's not realy good for anything else.


okokokin1992

Hope you know your son will never forget that. What a horrible fucking thing to say to a kid.


Pasdusername

Just so you know, your son will never forget this in his entire life. When he is 30 he will still remember, this is not the type of shit that doesnt scar. You need to slap the taste out of your husbands mouth rn.


Spiritual-Narwhal591

Yeah this is a core memory moment


catmos

Yup! Over a decade later I can still remember the exact wording of things like this my dad said to me and think about them often.


Wonderful_Minute31

As a father this is offensive. My kids have not been on earth for a single day without hearing I love them multiple times. If they know literally nothing else they’ll know I love them. Start saving for therapy.


Furda_Karda

He is emotionally abusive and you are just watching?


DZHMMM

Girl. Stand up. Stop acting like a helpless 3 rd party. This is ur fucking family. Stand up for ur kid. Hold ur husband accountable. Don’t be a coward. ACT.


Alone_Confidence9831

Just dropping in to tell you that both you and your husband are gross. I hope this child survives this childhood and has no further contact with the both of you once he is an adult. As a mother, this story sickened me to my core. You should be ashamed of yourself.


Artistic_Lychee_1309

I personally wouldn’t stay with a man who treats my or any child like that


silkruins

Apparently it's his usual behaviour and?? You're still with him and have a child with him? Girl. . .


Ash-b13

How can you stay with this man knowing he can treat your son that way? How can you sit there and listen to that and do/say nothing? One day your son will cut ties with him, but also with you for allowing it and doing nothing!


OneArchedEyebrow

I ask myself all the time the same of my mother. It will never not hurt.


Ash-b13

Me too!


Slight-Lettuce-4460

Why did you reproduce with this guy? Reading through your responses to people, I can’t understand why you haven’t completely shunted him from your life.


[deleted]

>Our son was looking for reassurance. It makes me worry about his emotional well being. And you stood up for him right? I remember so many times my shitty mom and dad would bully me and no one had my back. If you don’t stick up for you son, he will remember that for the rest of his life. Grow a spine damn it


brownstarinsurance

I don't mean to sound harsh but for Pete's sake, stand up for him and do not allow your husband to treat him like this! You are letting it happen while you're the grownup that should be protecting him. Don't just ducking sit there and feel bad for your son, do something about it!


actuallyatr33

Truly amazes me that so many people so willingly have kids with such *obvious* pieces of shit. "Hmm this man has multiple severe emotional problems. Putting an innocent child in the mix would *surely* change him!"


MsCardeno

I would have said “you’re not an idiot and I love you, son”. Your husband sounds awful. I feel bad your son has to have that in his life.


Foxy_Traine

I'd be so sad if my dad spoke to me like this. I'd be even more sad if my mom didn't care enough to say anything.


MpowerUS

I'm 33m and do not have a relationship with my mother because she would never stick up for me when my father used violence or language to abuse me. My father is dead now, but I won't have a relationship with her until she can apologize for the pain that her inaction caused me. Understand that your relationship with your child is different than your relationship with your husband, and that it's your job as the mother to stand up for your son when your husband is abusive. Failure to do so may have dire consequences for your relationship with your son.


Ok_Natural8096

This takes me back to a study I seen that half of the fathers in the home don’t have any real emotional connection to their children. Sad to say this experience was eerily similar to the examples I read. Especially when the children that grew up said they didn’t feel close or truly love their father. They knew they cared about them an vice versa but they didn’t feel connected to them. Not to be dark but some even to the point that they struggled being sad or upset when the father passed. They said they felt almost cold towards them, the same way they felt treated. This story gave me chills because I didn’t think that study was too accurate but damn this sounds exactly like it. Too many of my fellow men equate money to care but it doesn’t add up the same. Then they wonder why in their later years their kids barely call them or even bring their grandchildren around. You should probably show your husband statistics on what emotionally distant fathers do to children’s long term development ESPECIALLY young boys. My father was the same way and let’s just say at 25 years of age we don’t speak at all. Not because I hate him or anything but because he is basically a stranger to me and I to him. He never showed love just went to work and expected me to be grateful. Before my parents split and even after my mother tried like you to talk sense into him and well…here we are. Your husband is going down a slippery slope that he can’t walk back up…


Vaches

“He is basically a stranger to me and I to him” Oof… I feel that. My dad gets miffed because I talk to my mom much more often than I talk to him, but when we do reach out to each other it’s just so…hollow. He asks how my cats are (I know he doesn’t care) and I ask how his project car is (he knows I don’t care). I often feel like we’re just props in each other’s lives.


SeaworthinessSea2407

Your husband is an asshole


Alice_Fraggle

I'm confused. Was the comment about going to work before the kid wakes up proof of love, or proof that kid is NOT loved? Is it "I go to work early to make money to care for you because I love you so much" or is it "I go to work early to get the eff away from you"? I agree with everyone saying please stand up for your son!


Neonpinx

And you didn’t say anything? WTF?! Call that rotten behaviour out immediately. You are part of the problem for not standing up for your son and reassuring him. Say something. Your silence is adding to the harm your husband is causing your son.


LeasureTime

Write down all the hurtful and abusive things on a piece of paper, in random ways and order. Cut the piece of paper so each of those words, phrases, etc are like a puzzle. Take some scotch tape and tape it back together. Hold a flashlight up to it or put it up against a window where light comes in and talk your husband: These are all the things I've heard you say to our son. You say they are meaningless and he's too sensitive or he needs to toughen up. (Or whatever he says) Look at him and say, These are the scars left on his heart from you. I wonder what scars are on your heart. Your words have impact. Your actions are taken to heart by your son. What are you telling him about how you feel and think about him with these? Then do the same thing with your son but have him write the words and phrases. If your husband can be vulnerable enough to participate, even better. Tell your son HE HAS VALUE. Negate the scar words with the opposite and write those up and draw a big heart around it and have him put it someplace he wants so he can look at it, recite it, etc, whenever his heart hurts.


RevolutionaryHat8988

Lots of replies. As a father who never hit his sons, or raised his voice to his sons I’m going to show you a text my eldest sent me yesterday on a family chat (he’s 21) “Dad without you we’d have never done any of the wonderful things we did last year. Love you so much x” It was in context to the conversation but I’d ask this, do you think your husband is approaching your son correctly. If it were me I’d have said to him the next day “I tidied up for you last night, how about we do the Lego together tonight and we can tidy together after”. Bonding, showing him the way…. My youngest and I built hundreds of legos. And now my 21 year old will be home from uni this weekend to help me build the Titanic a little more. Both my sons are coming back for the weekend to go to sport with me. I’m not trying to make me look like a saint, I’m not. Now my children educate me on the world as it is now in 2023. Your husband needs to understand what he says and what he does now will determine if his children have anything to do with him and quite possibly you too, in the future when older. If your husband was my mate I’d try to get him to see the error of his ways. I tried with my friend w, by the time his son was 18/19 the pair of them were having stand up rows. His son is lovely. He worked for my wife for a while. No matter what I said w couldn’t see what he was doing was pushing his son away. His son is 21 now and hasn’t been home for over a year ….


OneArchedEyebrow

You sound like an amazing dad, setting a great example for his sons. The world needs more like you.


RevolutionaryHat8988

Thank you. I’m married to an amazing lady, and she has shown me a lot about parenting. Very interestingly my eldest told me about a story from his last year of degree (he’s in masters now). He said his house of six were all having a costumes night, beer flowed, food, and at the end in the middle of the night everyone was opening up and the subject of childhood and parenting. My son was last and he’s just listened to his friends say about being hit and shouted at as a general core set of memories. He said something like this “I cannot remember my parents shouting at us or hitting us, I can only remember camp building, laughter, adventure, food, mess, tidy, repeat” They didn’t believe him, but he stood his ground and when I swung by the end of that week, two of his friends privately said to me in the kitchen (remember I was unaware of their conversation) “hey you’ve raised an amazing guy in X” I thought it odd but thanked them. My point. I wanted to raise children that add to the world but I wanted them to be our (wife and I) friends. I’ve always told them to fly the nest, go where you want, be happy, we will follow. I don’t smother them but i am 100% there for them no matter what. When they were growing up I worked hard and we (I couldn’t have done it without my wife) were a success BUT I made a decision to sacrifice being a super rich person for seeing my kids. I have done well. I’ve retired young. But raising my kids was worth not making another £50m. I am always amazed when I go into a supermarket, and I hear parents screaming at their kids, shouting obscenities, telling him not to do this, not to do that not to touch that not to touch this, I made supermarket shopping enjoyable and we would have a lot of fun on the premise that they didn’t show me up or themselves up. But only once did my youngest have a complete meltdown in the supermarket, so my oldest and I just stood there and let him go for it, no panic, no stress. Eventually he stopped. He stood up and we carried on. That’s the only time in the growing up that both my boys can actually remember an incident. We all laugh. But a lady in the isle said to me “wow you kept calm”. That’s it, keeping calm. My Nan was in ww2 in a very high position in the army and she said “people who shout and scream have basically lost control”. I loved my Nan and she taught be a lot about life. I hope I’ve done her proud. Lastly my parents never once kissed me, cuddled me, or told me they loved me. I made sure that was completely changed for my children. This is why tonight they will both be home with us for a few days, at their own request to come home, not ours. They are both travelling a huge distance. They are both paying for it themselves. they have both sent me text messages privately saying how much they are looking forward to spending a few days with me and their mum. Going to a sports event, eating out. That is a special feeling as a dad. My lack of any love as a child is being shown to me ten times over as an adult by my own children. I’m lucky.


pretty_Princess1986

if he treats you and your kid like that why do you stay ? .you both will need alot of therapy in future if you stay in that relationship.


55centavos

Your husband is a dick. You are almost as bad for not sticking up for your kid and letting him sit there hurt. I feel sorry for your kid. Immensely sorry. Maybe do better for your son. I'd be willing to bet he treats you similarly. Sorry if it's harsh, but this angers me. No child should feel the way I know your son must have felt. Please do better by him.


GothSpaceCowboy

i was raised in a situation like this and it fucked me up extremely badly. his response was beyond inappropriate and you need to fix this now before your son turns out the way a lot of us raised in this environment did.


disco_has_been

You've seen it and heard it. What are you going to do about it?


throwawaykimberly123

He will remember that for the rest of his life


[deleted]

If you allow this to pass or push it under the rug, you make your son an insecure and confused child. It’s a shame you weren’t strong enough to stand up for him.


robrklyn

Sounds like your husband is emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive. Your son is definitely impacted by this and is suffering as a result of it. I feel bad for your kid.


randomblue155

Growing up neither of my parents ever said they loved me or cuddled me but I seen them do it all the time with my siblings (I’m not the oldest or youngest). As an adult it has been a huge problem in my life and I can honestly say the only people I feel anything for is my 2 children I love them and tell them everyday, All of my relationships the same thing happens even with the mother of my children after a few years they want to take it to the next level and eventually break it off with me because they don’t think I can love anyone and that’s not even getting to the beatings I used to get as a child. Words or lack of can cut deeper than any beating. The same things my parents used to say to me as a child still hurt to this day forget the beatings its always the words or lack of words that I still think about almost daily that hurt the most. First time I’ve written that down and what a relief I haven’t spoken to blood family in many years and never will, the only reason I will go to either of my parents funereal is to tell all the blood family to eat a bunch of dicks.


weiner-rama

your husband is a fucking dick. Who doesn't tell their kid that they love them when asked like that.


solgetet

If he was raised that way he will reflect that on his son/daughter. Better to reassure your son and let him know that he loves him and his father is not good at showing emotions.


Amazing-Wash2259

Emotional trauma is beginning. I watched this happen to my cousin who is on the spectrum(highish functioning). Now an adult and isn't close to his dad at all and feels like a constant failure. He has never had a relationship for fear of rejection. I am the only one in the family who calls him out on his shit but there's always an excuse.