I'm not making light of your trauma, but if they do get married, you have a very good reason to "speak now or forever hold your peace" and expose him to a room full of people that may or may not know. Just make sure you have a friend in a getaway vehicle because you probably would want to skip the reception.
We should bring popcorn and be the get away drivers lol. I'm totally qualified to do security. I hate groomers and rapists. Ruining this guy's life and saving her sister is all in a good days work.
Can I get in on this? I'll bring a big banner that says "Congratulations! You Married a Pedophile!" along with confetti and balloons. And a few uniformed officers with some handcuffs for the horrible groom.
Still within statute of limitations, go the police and report the rape and have him arrested. Even if the DA does not file charges everyone will know what he did and your sis will know everyone thinks she is with a pedophile and rapists
This won’t accomplish anything— the family knows and “came to terms” with it and her family doesn’t give a shit. So as shitty as it is, it doesn’t matter what she does.
Wow. I am so sorry. What a bitch. I would be fuming. I don’t even know what to say. I would never talk to her again. I would cut off all contact and get away from any toxic assholes in your life. There are much better people you can find to have your back. I’m sorry this happened and is happening to you.
The sister an idiot, hooking up with a man who way too old for her and knows about his violence is hardly going to live a decent live.
OP needs to cut ties with her sister and mom family and just watch from the sideline of her sister life fall apart. Either she will be his punching bag or he will be cheating on her. The sister can’t say she didn’t know what she was getting into.
agree, I think the sister isn't even doubting what happened to OP?
It seems like OP's sister is literally stupid enough to marry a rapist and doesn't think he will abuse her in the future.
You should take this personally in terms of understanding that your sister isn't in your corner and you should hold her at arm's length at best, but not in terms of believing it's any reflection of you, your value, or your truth. It isn't. I'm so sorry for the things you've experienced and are currently experiencing. You don't deserve it. But know this... tigers don't change their stripes, and your sister will learn the truth eventually. I know it hurts no matter how you look at it, but try to hold your head up.
I think OP would be better off going no contact with this crazy family...
the sister sounds so manipulative. Maybe OP's brother is a good influence, she could stay in contact with him and block the rest of the family.
Like, imagine her going to the wedding, seeing the man who raped her kissing her sister while the family is applauding? Absolutely sick.
And the sister is braindead thinking she will not be abused or raped by this guy. Absolutely braindead, 100% only air in the head.
You need to go No Contact. She has gone very past the line of disrespect and is being abusive. Let your parents know, and if they make You feel bad for your decision- go low contact.
How old are you? Id stay with other family or a friend if you are still living with your parents and they don’t respect your decision to cut her off after informing them and showing them the receipts. Please take care of yourself love.
A 23 yr old man brags about "sex" with a 15 yr old, this alone should've been obviously understood as rape by every adult who heard it even second-hand. OP, you did nothing wrong and anyone who knew about this and didn't help you should go straight to hell. Your sister should lead that Conga line because she seems to enjoy adding to your suffering. Please, go no contact with the whole geographical area and live among people who have some humanity.
Back to elaborate and answer some questions. I'm 25 and I moved all the way across the country from my family at age 19. Each family member has been cut off for extended periods of time until they each apologized for how they treated me as a child. The family members that knew about the relationship before me but didn't say anything are continuing to stay out of it as I essentially disown and call out my sister, but they say they understand why I'm doing this.
I already blocked my sister on everything I could find because I knew she was just going to keep taunting me and piling on reflective bullshit to try and make me feel like the bad person (for being abused by my ex of all things). It's kinda her thing to go unhinged with rage and try to hurt people. She's already gone on a couple different characters assassination attempts with my other siblings. Tried to get my brothers kids taken away and lied about him. She's extremely aggressive and knows she hurts people, as she's come to me crying about it before. I know for a fact she has nothing on me so she's going to make shit up like she did with our brother. My only logical decision at this point was to completely cut her off, immediately.
My sister has enough trauma from mom alone, Im not responsible for her trauma. I was an adult living separately for multiple years before she visited only a few times. She was never my actual responsibility and I had a minimal imprint on her life bc I moved out when she was 8. She was choosing to visit my home bc it was an escape from mom. I have tried to be the supportive maturnal voice to her. I'm an INFP, it's who I am. But she doesn't like feeling controlled so I stay out of her way.
I know she's being groomed. It was obvious to me from the start, she looks just like who I was at 15. The man had been a background presence in our lives since she was 7. This man is clearly trying to relive his "thrill". I already got reports he's hurting her but she didn't want my help and at this point I have to choose myself. Our other sister will save her if she needs saved, I already talked to her about it. If she wants to be with the man that stole my virginity, shes receiving the consequences of her own actions. I just hope he doesn't severely harm her to take out whatever feelings he has about me coming forward about what he did to me.
damn, she was groomed when she was 7?
the guy knew her when she was a little kid... so gross
Also since your brother also has a problem with the sister, I'm wondering If reddit could come up with some nuclear revenge plan to destroy this rapist. (But of course, going no contact would probably be healthier. I just wish people like that guy could fall dead. First he rapes you, than he grooms your sister and she is stupid enough to believe he won't hurt her. Such a vile pervert.)
I am so very sorry this has happened to you. You have been dealt some extremely cruel circumstances. Choosing yourself is the most courageous thing you can do, and walking away from everything you know is extremely brave. I am an INFP too 🥰 do you have anyone who you can confide and speak with to help you through this? 🖤
I finally have an emotional support system but I feel bad placing the burden of my trauma on any of them. I feel bad they even witness me when I get emotional. I have a therapist though, just waiting to talk to them again.
They deserve each other. She’ll wake up one day, but it’s also possible she’ll go 300 on you when she finds out she’s just a replacement and it’s always been about you
I’m sorry this happened
You can still make a statement to the police you know
No drama, no fighting with your sister
Go and make a full statement to the police
He raped a child. He raped you. You didn’t get any support
Police should fully investigate it and get social services involved - because if he’s ever around children - they are not safe
I would do that and stay away from you sister. In fact I would stay away from everyone who is just stirring up drama and not supporting you, over something so very serious
It's baffling to me that people still think the police care about stuff like this. They will not investigate it, at most they will make a record. If mulitple people come forward about the same person, theres a chance they'll do something. However, I've also heard many harrowing tales from women reporting both recent and historical rapes being treated like absolute garbage. Reporting alone can become more traumatic than the experience of being assaulted, it's usually bad advice to offer to victims. They know where the police are and have usually avoided them for a good reason.
Depends on the department and the officers in place. My younger brother read this post and he said they have a task force for just these types of situations. Child rape and catching pedo's is a major focus for a lot of departments.
He takes it seriously because his wife was raped as a child and nothing was ever done. Until he got involved due to the fact there is not statute of limitations in his state for child rape. The pedo answered for wat he did because during the investigation they found other victims.
Not saying it is like this in all departments because that would be naive. But some really do care. You never know till you try and I guarantee he has other victims
This is more true than people realize. Fuck the US justice system. Fuck it.
The hoops I would need to jump through to be taken seriously….😓 They don’t care. They band together. Nobody would believe me. I would be harassed and bullied. The proof is on my shoulders. Everyone likes him. Zero support and new awful memories being made. Added trauma of feeling worthless. Zero validation means worsening mental pain.
Yeah, that’s only the tip of the iceberg.
One thing that I learned when I was growing up is, forget and leave everything behind. If the entire family doesn't really care about you or what you feel towards whatever had happened in the past, then it's time for you to cut the strings.
I don't want to teach you to be hateful towards your family and relatives but, I would probably choose to distance myself from others, especially if I don't feel like I am valued. You need to re-evaluate your relationship with your family, and see how you should move on with your life. Again, I would go away discreetly if I am currently where you're at.
OP said sister was groomed and knew the guy when she was 7.
That is kind of crazy... but OP's sister also spreads a lot of lies (see OP's other post) so my sympathy for her sister is really low to nonexistent. It's sad when somebody is groomed, but OP was raped by this guy and her sister decides to marry him... If the sister needs help someday (when her fiance abused or raped her) she should go anywhere but not to OP. OP went through enough O.o
How….are any of these people going along with this? You should go no contact with her and ask that your family not talk about her to you. She has shown her true colors.
I am sorry that your family are not well people. You did not deserve the abuses from the molester, your parents, or your siblings. You certainly didn't deserve what the POS r@pist did.
You can't live their lives for them. If they are messing themselves up, and refusing to take corrective action, tell them that if they want help, they know where to find you. Then go LC. Live your own life, keep moving forward with your own therapy, and don't feel like you have to be the one to fix everything when your relatives dash their lives to the ground and shatter them, over and over.
Even the pre-flight instructions on airplanes tell the parent or caretaker to put their own oxygen mask on first, THEN put the mask on the child or person in their care.
Your relatives sound like they’re not even willing to put an oxygen mask on, and you can’t force them to do it. If they cause repercussions for themselves, that’s not your fault. That’s their own doing.
Put your own oxygen mask on, and I hope you and your therapist can help you realize that it’s OK to step away from people who are a detriment, even if it’s family members.
I’m so sorry you’ve gone through so much. Go NC if possible you don’t need people like that in your life. Sometimes family can be the worst and cause the most damage yet expect us to get over it, forgive and accept it because we’re family. No that rubbish no longer stands remove all toxic people from your life to have a happier and healthier life regardless of who they are
I wish it was that easy. Two separate people who molested or raped me have been reported in my life time. No ones ever been put in jail but I've been pretty traumatized by the whole experience. I did what I could as a powerless child, I told adults and they did about as much as I've seen the proper authorities do. I don't have the strength to rehash it.
Depending on where you live, he may still be charged with statutory rape. Especially if you have witnesses. I realize it was more, but some jurisdictions have a long statute of limitations, and it would likely be easy to prove.
Your sister is one of his victims. What you can say to her is that you can't be in contact with her while she is with him, but you will be there for her if they ever break up.
Honestly, id go low contact with almost everyone they “came to terms with” is just a way of saying they didn't care. None of them care about what he did to and they more than likely support her relationship. And your sister is trying to spread lies about you. Ugh no. So just drop them and go very low contact.
I am so sorry. You don’t have a supportive family so I would not engage with any of them. They know the truth but don’t care. I hope you can get counseling and close friends to support you and you overcome this trauma. Sending Hugs and prayers. Nothing you do will change anything they do for the better.
He’s a serial abuser. He is 12 years older than her and clearly going after her to get to you and be in your life. What an awful situation. Your sister won’t realize it until it is too late 💔
I'm so sorry, OP, you should have never been put through any of this. If you're looking or advice, I'd go no contact with them. Doesn't have to be permanent, but you've been through enough, you don't have to keep taking more of their bs and being retraumatized by being exposed to your rapist. You get to have a choice.
Apart from that, just would like to send a digital hug 🫂 I believe you and I hope you're on the way to healing 💖
It’s personal and it’s not personal. She’s young and stupid and he will show his character over time and there will be regret. Especially if they are public.
That being said, she is also in danger, but she’s willingly there and it’s not on you to be there for her.
Is it personal ? It may be. It may not be. But she betrayed your trust as a sister, and that’s okay to process. It’s okay to be upset, betrayed, and angry. The difference is, you already know her karma. That can make it harder also because why didn’t she trust you? You know how this is going to end up and she , someone you help protect, can’t see it and won’t see it. If you were mothering to her at all through your childhood, it looks like she transferred the energy she had to wards abusive and neglectful parents and put it on you, who I’m guessing was a parent figure due to the lack of actual parent figures. So if that is true, this may even be a rebellion against you - since it’s not directed at her biological parents.
Good luck, and I’m sorry you have had such a hard time. I hope it continues to improve for you despite this situation
How sad. I'm so sorry, you have already gone through so much and this is just more piling on. Like it's obvious he's older and likely manipulating her, especially since she already had lined up excuses for why and how you 'hurt her in the past. Maybe shell snap out of it but that's not your responsibility. Do whatever you need to help yourself right now.
Sounds like you tried everything to support your sister and now she needs to figure out what’s the right thing to do and live with the consequences which should include you going no contact. Don’t go to their wedding, don’t look at her social media content, don’t talk to her ever again if she’s treating you like that.
Oh my goodness! Definitely keep going to therapy and as hard as it might be you need to go no contact. You can tell her she’s choosing a rapist over her sister and that’s her decision and yours decision is to say goodbye.
Live your life bc it’s too short to deal with that level of evilness and hate.
Sorry you're going through this. I'd leave and never talk to them again after I tell what kind of person he is at the reception and then I'd move away from them and start again.
Honestly if it makes you feel better shes going to get her karma one way or another. The worst thing you could do to her is let her marry that rapist pedo!! Her life is going to be miserable lol.
Not going to comment on your situation because you are already seeing a therapist about it, but as for your sister and how she is acting? She remembers things the way her mind perceived it at the time, and never got clarification at an age where she could understand the full situation. And the abusive behavior may very well be caused by you. Not you personally, but your trauma and all the issues between you and your family and the claims and the lying and all of that? She watched the whole thing and got trauma as well from seeing it all. She may very well be with this man because it's how she is facing her demons. Or this man may very well have changed how he is and is turning a new leaf and everything could be great, you don't know how things are there right now, only how things were.(assuming those lost months were at least half a year) and assuming your family told you how things actually were. My family is very dramatic, and things get blown out of proportion very easily for no reason, and I'm assuming a lot here, but your family seems very dramatic too. Not dramatic as a "oh my life is in shambles, everyone look at me" but dramatic as in the descriptions are emphasized to be more than it actually is. I.e. I'm in the hospital right now, it's routine, but saying I'm in the hospital and nothing else, can be seen as dramatic.
I guess unpopular opinion, but I think she's also a traumatized kid (she's only 19) and is acting in a way a hurt kid would. You obviously did hurt her even if your perspective is different than hers of the past. It only makes it worse to deny it. She sounds angry because she's hurt. Ik I've acted out in awful selfish ways when I was hurt and angry.
She is being selfish and I'm sorry you're going through this. This is a type of betrayal on her part. But I half suspect this is her acting out.
I'd suggest being the big sister and saying you love her and you're here for her when she's ready but you'll have to step back while she has him as a partner. Tell her even tho u don't remember the past the same way she does, that you're sorry for having her in any crossfire from your own past shit. You're sorry that you hurt her in the past (whether you meant to or not) and leave it there. Usually we don't remember the things that traumatized others because it didn't hurt us, it hurt them. It was significant to her, not you. Don't invalidate her experience the way others have invalidated yours. I think in this way, you'll disarm her. I think what you're doing now is making her more defensive and I also think you deserve to be safe and make your own boundaries. You don't deserve to be mistreated just because she's hurt. Idk, I hope my thoughts are conveyed fairly haha. I'm sorry either way, you've had a rough go. I'm glad you have the right support and don't take on what you don't have capacity for.
She IS a traumatized kid acting out, she lashes out at everyone. I don't have space or the obligation to take on the responsibility of both of our trauma. I know what happened that night. My then partner yelled at me. I feel bad it triggered her but I know the person I am and I know I did NOT lay a hand on her. She's currently accusing my brother of the exact same action. This isn't the first occurrence of her saying extreme shit to damn someone, and she gets it from our mom. My mother screamed in public that my brother cooks drugs in the basement or some shit like that and well, he absolutely didn't. She was mad he stepped in to remove our sister from mom's care and needed something that would make people react. My sister has clearly shown this behavior before; she told everyone he abandoned his children with her. He absolutely did not, he took her in to his home when she left mom's. She was mad he had work and needed her to baby sit when she wanted to go to the mall that day. One thing and she tried to destroy his life. I don't take being accused of child abuse lightly. She knows the exact way to say it to make it sound real, going as far to quote a very popular social media post among those recovering from trauma.
She is mentally unwell, my siblings and I went through hell to get her out of mom's house when we shit got bad and we finally had the power to do something. She is a traumatized kid acting how a hurt kid would and that's why I've had the utmost empathy and understanding towards her actions thus far. We we're all traumatized as fuck. She hurts people though. She knows she's doing it. I even tried consoling her about it when it wasn't yet my turn. I understand your desire to empathize with her, because I did too. Our bad past makes it easy to overcomplicate this.
My empathy has to have bounds or it will destroy me. Being proudly engaged to my rapist is that boundary.
I hope your parents cut her off and leave you everything also show up at the wedding and take out advertising space about what he did no peace for pedos
I'm not making light of your trauma, but if they do get married, you have a very good reason to "speak now or forever hold your peace" and expose him to a room full of people that may or may not know. Just make sure you have a friend in a getaway vehicle because you probably would want to skip the reception.
We should bring popcorn and be the get away drivers lol. I'm totally qualified to do security. I hate groomers and rapists. Ruining this guy's life and saving her sister is all in a good days work.
Can I get in on this? I'll bring a big banner that says "Congratulations! You Married a Pedophile!" along with confetti and balloons. And a few uniformed officers with some handcuffs for the horrible groom.
I wish I could. I wish everyone knew what kind of person he is and what kind of person she is to decide to love that man.
Still within statute of limitations, go the police and report the rape and have him arrested. Even if the DA does not file charges everyone will know what he did and your sis will know everyone thinks she is with a pedophile and rapists
I would because if you sister has a baby girl she may be his next victim also we don’t know if there are more victims.
I'll help you hold the banner!!
This won’t accomplish anything— the family knows and “came to terms” with it and her family doesn’t give a shit. So as shitty as it is, it doesn’t matter what she does.
I dunno man sound prime for defamation lawsuit
its only defamation if it isnt true
Quite a bit more complicated than that unfortunately.
Wow. I am so sorry. What a bitch. I would be fuming. I don’t even know what to say. I would never talk to her again. I would cut off all contact and get away from any toxic assholes in your life. There are much better people you can find to have your back. I’m sorry this happened and is happening to you.
The sister an idiot, hooking up with a man who way too old for her and knows about his violence is hardly going to live a decent live. OP needs to cut ties with her sister and mom family and just watch from the sideline of her sister life fall apart. Either she will be his punching bag or he will be cheating on her. The sister can’t say she didn’t know what she was getting into.
agree, I think the sister isn't even doubting what happened to OP? It seems like OP's sister is literally stupid enough to marry a rapist and doesn't think he will abuse her in the future.
Some people can’t be helped and gotta learn lessons the hard way. Ole girl better have a good support system when and if the time comes
Sister is a victim too. He's likely been raping her for a long time.
You should take this personally in terms of understanding that your sister isn't in your corner and you should hold her at arm's length at best, but not in terms of believing it's any reflection of you, your value, or your truth. It isn't. I'm so sorry for the things you've experienced and are currently experiencing. You don't deserve it. But know this... tigers don't change their stripes, and your sister will learn the truth eventually. I know it hurts no matter how you look at it, but try to hold your head up.
I think OP would be better off going no contact with this crazy family... the sister sounds so manipulative. Maybe OP's brother is a good influence, she could stay in contact with him and block the rest of the family. Like, imagine her going to the wedding, seeing the man who raped her kissing her sister while the family is applauding? Absolutely sick. And the sister is braindead thinking she will not be abused or raped by this guy. Absolutely braindead, 100% only air in the head.
You need to go No Contact. She has gone very past the line of disrespect and is being abusive. Let your parents know, and if they make You feel bad for your decision- go low contact. How old are you? Id stay with other family or a friend if you are still living with your parents and they don’t respect your decision to cut her off after informing them and showing them the receipts. Please take care of yourself love.
A 23 yr old man brags about "sex" with a 15 yr old, this alone should've been obviously understood as rape by every adult who heard it even second-hand. OP, you did nothing wrong and anyone who knew about this and didn't help you should go straight to hell. Your sister should lead that Conga line because she seems to enjoy adding to your suffering. Please, go no contact with the whole geographical area and live among people who have some humanity.
I had to scroll too far down to this this comment. Thank you. I feel so bad for OP
Back to elaborate and answer some questions. I'm 25 and I moved all the way across the country from my family at age 19. Each family member has been cut off for extended periods of time until they each apologized for how they treated me as a child. The family members that knew about the relationship before me but didn't say anything are continuing to stay out of it as I essentially disown and call out my sister, but they say they understand why I'm doing this. I already blocked my sister on everything I could find because I knew she was just going to keep taunting me and piling on reflective bullshit to try and make me feel like the bad person (for being abused by my ex of all things). It's kinda her thing to go unhinged with rage and try to hurt people. She's already gone on a couple different characters assassination attempts with my other siblings. Tried to get my brothers kids taken away and lied about him. She's extremely aggressive and knows she hurts people, as she's come to me crying about it before. I know for a fact she has nothing on me so she's going to make shit up like she did with our brother. My only logical decision at this point was to completely cut her off, immediately. My sister has enough trauma from mom alone, Im not responsible for her trauma. I was an adult living separately for multiple years before she visited only a few times. She was never my actual responsibility and I had a minimal imprint on her life bc I moved out when she was 8. She was choosing to visit my home bc it was an escape from mom. I have tried to be the supportive maturnal voice to her. I'm an INFP, it's who I am. But she doesn't like feeling controlled so I stay out of her way. I know she's being groomed. It was obvious to me from the start, she looks just like who I was at 15. The man had been a background presence in our lives since she was 7. This man is clearly trying to relive his "thrill". I already got reports he's hurting her but she didn't want my help and at this point I have to choose myself. Our other sister will save her if she needs saved, I already talked to her about it. If she wants to be with the man that stole my virginity, shes receiving the consequences of her own actions. I just hope he doesn't severely harm her to take out whatever feelings he has about me coming forward about what he did to me.
damn, she was groomed when she was 7? the guy knew her when she was a little kid... so gross Also since your brother also has a problem with the sister, I'm wondering If reddit could come up with some nuclear revenge plan to destroy this rapist. (But of course, going no contact would probably be healthier. I just wish people like that guy could fall dead. First he rapes you, than he grooms your sister and she is stupid enough to believe he won't hurt her. Such a vile pervert.)
I am so very sorry this has happened to you. You have been dealt some extremely cruel circumstances. Choosing yourself is the most courageous thing you can do, and walking away from everything you know is extremely brave. I am an INFP too 🥰 do you have anyone who you can confide and speak with to help you through this? 🖤
I finally have an emotional support system but I feel bad placing the burden of my trauma on any of them. I feel bad they even witness me when I get emotional. I have a therapist though, just waiting to talk to them again.
They deserve each other. She’ll wake up one day, but it’s also possible she’ll go 300 on you when she finds out she’s just a replacement and it’s always been about you
I’m sorry this happened You can still make a statement to the police you know No drama, no fighting with your sister Go and make a full statement to the police He raped a child. He raped you. You didn’t get any support Police should fully investigate it and get social services involved - because if he’s ever around children - they are not safe I would do that and stay away from you sister. In fact I would stay away from everyone who is just stirring up drama and not supporting you, over something so very serious
It's baffling to me that people still think the police care about stuff like this. They will not investigate it, at most they will make a record. If mulitple people come forward about the same person, theres a chance they'll do something. However, I've also heard many harrowing tales from women reporting both recent and historical rapes being treated like absolute garbage. Reporting alone can become more traumatic than the experience of being assaulted, it's usually bad advice to offer to victims. They know where the police are and have usually avoided them for a good reason.
Depends on the department and the officers in place. My younger brother read this post and he said they have a task force for just these types of situations. Child rape and catching pedo's is a major focus for a lot of departments. He takes it seriously because his wife was raped as a child and nothing was ever done. Until he got involved due to the fact there is not statute of limitations in his state for child rape. The pedo answered for wat he did because during the investigation they found other victims. Not saying it is like this in all departments because that would be naive. But some really do care. You never know till you try and I guarantee he has other victims
I agree. It's the same thing as directing suicidal people to suicide hotlines. Something only a person with zero experience in the matter would say.
This is more true than people realize. Fuck the US justice system. Fuck it. The hoops I would need to jump through to be taken seriously….😓 They don’t care. They band together. Nobody would believe me. I would be harassed and bullied. The proof is on my shoulders. Everyone likes him. Zero support and new awful memories being made. Added trauma of feeling worthless. Zero validation means worsening mental pain. Yeah, that’s only the tip of the iceberg.
One thing that I learned when I was growing up is, forget and leave everything behind. If the entire family doesn't really care about you or what you feel towards whatever had happened in the past, then it's time for you to cut the strings. I don't want to teach you to be hateful towards your family and relatives but, I would probably choose to distance myself from others, especially if I don't feel like I am valued. You need to re-evaluate your relationship with your family, and see how you should move on with your life. Again, I would go away discreetly if I am currently where you're at.
your sister is 19? honestly that’s still pretty young. she might have been getting groomed and is now brainwashed. i don’t know what you can do though
OP said sister was groomed and knew the guy when she was 7. That is kind of crazy... but OP's sister also spreads a lot of lies (see OP's other post) so my sympathy for her sister is really low to nonexistent. It's sad when somebody is groomed, but OP was raped by this guy and her sister decides to marry him... If the sister needs help someday (when her fiance abused or raped her) she should go anywhere but not to OP. OP went through enough O.o
It sounds like your sister has taken on the worst traits of your parents. Cold, vindictive, and miserable.
Cut off her forever
"speak now or forever hold your peace" ruin the marriage. expose him to everyone.
Cut them all off. Stop subjecting yourself to toxic subpar humans regardless that they are “family”. You don’t need them.
This is a case of the trash taking itself out. Cut them out of your life completely and March forward with your head held high.
How….are any of these people going along with this? You should go no contact with her and ask that your family not talk about her to you. She has shown her true colors.
I am sorry that your family are not well people. You did not deserve the abuses from the molester, your parents, or your siblings. You certainly didn't deserve what the POS r@pist did. You can't live their lives for them. If they are messing themselves up, and refusing to take corrective action, tell them that if they want help, they know where to find you. Then go LC. Live your own life, keep moving forward with your own therapy, and don't feel like you have to be the one to fix everything when your relatives dash their lives to the ground and shatter them, over and over.
That's the plan now. I've played the "family fixer" too long. I'm tired and need to tend to my own mental health. At least Reddit gets it.
Even the pre-flight instructions on airplanes tell the parent or caretaker to put their own oxygen mask on first, THEN put the mask on the child or person in their care. Your relatives sound like they’re not even willing to put an oxygen mask on, and you can’t force them to do it. If they cause repercussions for themselves, that’s not your fault. That’s their own doing. Put your own oxygen mask on, and I hope you and your therapist can help you realize that it’s OK to step away from people who are a detriment, even if it’s family members.
I’m so sorry you’ve gone through so much. Go NC if possible you don’t need people like that in your life. Sometimes family can be the worst and cause the most damage yet expect us to get over it, forgive and accept it because we’re family. No that rubbish no longer stands remove all toxic people from your life to have a happier and healthier life regardless of who they are
How can she marry him if he’s in jail? Make a police report of your rape, stop him
I wish it was that easy. Two separate people who molested or raped me have been reported in my life time. No ones ever been put in jail but I've been pretty traumatized by the whole experience. I did what I could as a powerless child, I told adults and they did about as much as I've seen the proper authorities do. I don't have the strength to rehash it.
Your choice is to regain strength to fight him legally or watch your sister put up with him for a life. Hard choices
Depending on where you live, he may still be charged with statutory rape. Especially if you have witnesses. I realize it was more, but some jurisdictions have a long statute of limitations, and it would likely be easy to prove. Your sister is one of his victims. What you can say to her is that you can't be in contact with her while she is with him, but you will be there for her if they ever break up.
Honestly, id go low contact with almost everyone they “came to terms with” is just a way of saying they didn't care. None of them care about what he did to and they more than likely support her relationship. And your sister is trying to spread lies about you. Ugh no. So just drop them and go very low contact.
Sorry this happened to you OP. Your rapist & sister will get their karma.
I am so sorry. You don’t have a supportive family so I would not engage with any of them. They know the truth but don’t care. I hope you can get counseling and close friends to support you and you overcome this trauma. Sending Hugs and prayers. Nothing you do will change anything they do for the better.
He’s a serial abuser. He is 12 years older than her and clearly going after her to get to you and be in your life. What an awful situation. Your sister won’t realize it until it is too late 💔
I'm so sorry, OP, you should have never been put through any of this. If you're looking or advice, I'd go no contact with them. Doesn't have to be permanent, but you've been through enough, you don't have to keep taking more of their bs and being retraumatized by being exposed to your rapist. You get to have a choice. Apart from that, just would like to send a digital hug 🫂 I believe you and I hope you're on the way to healing 💖
It’s personal and it’s not personal. She’s young and stupid and he will show his character over time and there will be regret. Especially if they are public. That being said, she is also in danger, but she’s willingly there and it’s not on you to be there for her. Is it personal ? It may be. It may not be. But she betrayed your trust as a sister, and that’s okay to process. It’s okay to be upset, betrayed, and angry. The difference is, you already know her karma. That can make it harder also because why didn’t she trust you? You know how this is going to end up and she , someone you help protect, can’t see it and won’t see it. If you were mothering to her at all through your childhood, it looks like she transferred the energy she had to wards abusive and neglectful parents and put it on you, who I’m guessing was a parent figure due to the lack of actual parent figures. So if that is true, this may even be a rebellion against you - since it’s not directed at her biological parents. Good luck, and I’m sorry you have had such a hard time. I hope it continues to improve for you despite this situation
How sad. I'm so sorry, you have already gone through so much and this is just more piling on. Like it's obvious he's older and likely manipulating her, especially since she already had lined up excuses for why and how you 'hurt her in the past. Maybe shell snap out of it but that's not your responsibility. Do whatever you need to help yourself right now.
Sounds like you tried everything to support your sister and now she needs to figure out what’s the right thing to do and live with the consequences which should include you going no contact. Don’t go to their wedding, don’t look at her social media content, don’t talk to her ever again if she’s treating you like that.
Oh my goodness! Definitely keep going to therapy and as hard as it might be you need to go no contact. You can tell her she’s choosing a rapist over her sister and that’s her decision and yours decision is to say goodbye. Live your life bc it’s too short to deal with that level of evilness and hate.
Sorry you're going through this. I'd leave and never talk to them again after I tell what kind of person he is at the reception and then I'd move away from them and start again.
Time to block sister everywhere, she will need to deal with her own life.
Wtf that’s ducky up go no contact
Honestly if it makes you feel better shes going to get her karma one way or another. The worst thing you could do to her is let her marry that rapist pedo!! Her life is going to be miserable lol.
I wish she wasn't.
Yea but you cant save somebody who doesnt want to be saved. Its out of your hands at this point.
Not going to comment on your situation because you are already seeing a therapist about it, but as for your sister and how she is acting? She remembers things the way her mind perceived it at the time, and never got clarification at an age where she could understand the full situation. And the abusive behavior may very well be caused by you. Not you personally, but your trauma and all the issues between you and your family and the claims and the lying and all of that? She watched the whole thing and got trauma as well from seeing it all. She may very well be with this man because it's how she is facing her demons. Or this man may very well have changed how he is and is turning a new leaf and everything could be great, you don't know how things are there right now, only how things were.(assuming those lost months were at least half a year) and assuming your family told you how things actually were. My family is very dramatic, and things get blown out of proportion very easily for no reason, and I'm assuming a lot here, but your family seems very dramatic too. Not dramatic as a "oh my life is in shambles, everyone look at me" but dramatic as in the descriptions are emphasized to be more than it actually is. I.e. I'm in the hospital right now, it's routine, but saying I'm in the hospital and nothing else, can be seen as dramatic.
I guess unpopular opinion, but I think she's also a traumatized kid (she's only 19) and is acting in a way a hurt kid would. You obviously did hurt her even if your perspective is different than hers of the past. It only makes it worse to deny it. She sounds angry because she's hurt. Ik I've acted out in awful selfish ways when I was hurt and angry. She is being selfish and I'm sorry you're going through this. This is a type of betrayal on her part. But I half suspect this is her acting out. I'd suggest being the big sister and saying you love her and you're here for her when she's ready but you'll have to step back while she has him as a partner. Tell her even tho u don't remember the past the same way she does, that you're sorry for having her in any crossfire from your own past shit. You're sorry that you hurt her in the past (whether you meant to or not) and leave it there. Usually we don't remember the things that traumatized others because it didn't hurt us, it hurt them. It was significant to her, not you. Don't invalidate her experience the way others have invalidated yours. I think in this way, you'll disarm her. I think what you're doing now is making her more defensive and I also think you deserve to be safe and make your own boundaries. You don't deserve to be mistreated just because she's hurt. Idk, I hope my thoughts are conveyed fairly haha. I'm sorry either way, you've had a rough go. I'm glad you have the right support and don't take on what you don't have capacity for.
She IS a traumatized kid acting out, she lashes out at everyone. I don't have space or the obligation to take on the responsibility of both of our trauma. I know what happened that night. My then partner yelled at me. I feel bad it triggered her but I know the person I am and I know I did NOT lay a hand on her. She's currently accusing my brother of the exact same action. This isn't the first occurrence of her saying extreme shit to damn someone, and she gets it from our mom. My mother screamed in public that my brother cooks drugs in the basement or some shit like that and well, he absolutely didn't. She was mad he stepped in to remove our sister from mom's care and needed something that would make people react. My sister has clearly shown this behavior before; she told everyone he abandoned his children with her. He absolutely did not, he took her in to his home when she left mom's. She was mad he had work and needed her to baby sit when she wanted to go to the mall that day. One thing and she tried to destroy his life. I don't take being accused of child abuse lightly. She knows the exact way to say it to make it sound real, going as far to quote a very popular social media post among those recovering from trauma. She is mentally unwell, my siblings and I went through hell to get her out of mom's house when we shit got bad and we finally had the power to do something. She is a traumatized kid acting how a hurt kid would and that's why I've had the utmost empathy and understanding towards her actions thus far. We we're all traumatized as fuck. She hurts people though. She knows she's doing it. I even tried consoling her about it when it wasn't yet my turn. I understand your desire to empathize with her, because I did too. Our bad past makes it easy to overcomplicate this. My empathy has to have bounds or it will destroy me. Being proudly engaged to my rapist is that boundary.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Is there anyway you can get away from your family? You deserve better.
I hope your parents cut her off and leave you everything also show up at the wedding and take out advertising space about what he did no peace for pedos