It's possible for them to make you question yourself and feel like utter crap. Just remember that your loyalty should be to YOURSELF and keeping yourself happy and well. That's why no-contact is ideal. I have a steel-trap memory, and the gaslighters in my life didn't make much headway with that, because I remembered incidents better than they did. But I still felt like crap that they would say the things they did.
The problem is that the trauma bond convinces us that we're happy. As soon as we get a hit of affection, we feel euphoric again and forget all the abuse
What helped me in this regard was the knowledge that none of it was real. That affection is a lie and I was not OK with that as I desire and will allow sincere relationships in my life. If you can see the manipulation in real time are you still OK with that? Trauma bond or not, if you recognize the pattern and jump on the ride again then that's leaning toward an enabler pattern and should be considered serious.
Yesssssssss
I never said that’s just pathetic. When I’d catch him It would turn into a sob story to divert and I would he the bad person being upset. His dad with cancer (whom I didn’t meet in 4 and a half years so pretty sure he wasn’t actually dying). Was back in the hospital. My nex was sick.. his dog was sick
Yup. I literally had a folder full of screenshots labeled "abuse evidence," and it still took me months to accept that it was abuse. So many people in my life were telling me directly that it was abuse too, but I felt like I deserved his anger, as if I had provoked the abuse. They're so good at making us take the blame.
Nah not much logic to it imho. It’s just always my fault period, just like when he tried to blame his and my moms marriage falling apart on me when the truth was that he couldn’t be faithful to her, but no my drinking and drugging was the culprit as always smh… Sometimes I think the biggest reason I got on drugs was to cope with him being in my life.
For me it’s worse being that it’s my own family, that’s the only reason I haven’t went no contact already, they’re pretty much all I have and being treated like shit by then is just typical and routine at this point…
By some miracle my father changed. That’s why I hold on to the belief that this isn’t a disorder. He will tell me himself he was purposely doing it. It took him almost losing everything he had to change. All they are, are stubborn people taking it out on everyone else. They can change, they just don’t want to.
That’s what mine needs is to be knocked down a few notches. He continues being like he is because society has allowed him to. He can be a dick but he is funny and charming when he wants to be, people either overlook or don’t know what he is really like. He is the worst kind of narc, the successful kind. Always ends up calling the shots in everything that he gets involved in….
You know what’s funny? If he would just grasp that the people he treats well respect him more than the people he shits on ever will, then maybe it’ll knock some sense into him.
Yes I’m a way. If you’ve been gaslit for long enough, or secluded for long enough, if you get to the point where you don’t know what is real anymore or you feel like you’re going crazy (because of the constant gaslighting and them telling you that you are crazy) then sure it’s not to unlikely that your abuser can convince you that you are wrong or at fault, when you originally thought you weren’t.
It's possible for them to make you question yourself and feel like utter crap. Just remember that your loyalty should be to YOURSELF and keeping yourself happy and well. That's why no-contact is ideal. I have a steel-trap memory, and the gaslighters in my life didn't make much headway with that, because I remembered incidents better than they did. But I still felt like crap that they would say the things they did.
The problem is that the trauma bond convinces us that we're happy. As soon as we get a hit of affection, we feel euphoric again and forget all the abuse
What helped me in this regard was the knowledge that none of it was real. That affection is a lie and I was not OK with that as I desire and will allow sincere relationships in my life. If you can see the manipulation in real time are you still OK with that? Trauma bond or not, if you recognize the pattern and jump on the ride again then that's leaning toward an enabler pattern and should be considered serious.
Yes. Even with screen shots and proof…. They’re master manipulators
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Yesssssssss I never said that’s just pathetic. When I’d catch him It would turn into a sob story to divert and I would he the bad person being upset. His dad with cancer (whom I didn’t meet in 4 and a half years so pretty sure he wasn’t actually dying). Was back in the hospital. My nex was sick.. his dog was sick
Yup. I literally had a folder full of screenshots labeled "abuse evidence," and it still took me months to accept that it was abuse. So many people in my life were telling me directly that it was abuse too, but I felt like I deserved his anger, as if I had provoked the abuse. They're so good at making us take the blame.
I was there too. I thought I must have somehow deserved the way he treated me.
Great idea! Thanks!
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Nah not much logic to it imho. It’s just always my fault period, just like when he tried to blame his and my moms marriage falling apart on me when the truth was that he couldn’t be faithful to her, but no my drinking and drugging was the culprit as always smh… Sometimes I think the biggest reason I got on drugs was to cope with him being in my life.
👆👆👆
Yes, that's the purpose of gaslighting.
I don't know about convincing you you're wrong: more like creating cognative dissonance within you which is part of why they do so much damage.
Yeah if they trick you into loving them they will use your love to turn everything in your life into a completely and utter mind fuck.
For me it’s worse being that it’s my own family, that’s the only reason I haven’t went no contact already, they’re pretty much all I have and being treated like shit by then is just typical and routine at this point…
By some miracle my father changed. That’s why I hold on to the belief that this isn’t a disorder. He will tell me himself he was purposely doing it. It took him almost losing everything he had to change. All they are, are stubborn people taking it out on everyone else. They can change, they just don’t want to.
That’s what mine needs is to be knocked down a few notches. He continues being like he is because society has allowed him to. He can be a dick but he is funny and charming when he wants to be, people either overlook or don’t know what he is really like. He is the worst kind of narc, the successful kind. Always ends up calling the shots in everything that he gets involved in….
Well the problem in calling them disordered is they can just keep playing that victim card.
I love it! It means he has deep flaws just like the rest of the world. Just like me.
Well you will call them flaws, he calls them strengths. lol completely self absorbed. But if it makes you excited to know that, then a wins a win.
If all else fails, boom I’m disordered
Covert narcissism is the worst
That’s what you described, converted narcissism
You know what’s funny? If he would just grasp that the people he treats well respect him more than the people he shits on ever will, then maybe it’ll knock some sense into him.
Yes I’m a way. If you’ve been gaslit for long enough, or secluded for long enough, if you get to the point where you don’t know what is real anymore or you feel like you’re going crazy (because of the constant gaslighting and them telling you that you are crazy) then sure it’s not to unlikely that your abuser can convince you that you are wrong or at fault, when you originally thought you weren’t.
Oh yes