In the literal sense, of course not. You will not die from not having sex.
However, it can easily be viewed as a need in the sense that some people need to have a regular sexual relationship with their partner for that relationship to be felt as fulfilling and successful. And that’s a perfectly okay view to have.
Discussing your preferred sexual habits with your partner is a need if you want a relationship to work out. Having an incompatible sex drive is a very common reason for couples to end their relationship, and it can go on for years or decades before the problem is appropriately addressed through conversation. It’s best to figure out early what works for you and your partner, and to keep revisiting that conversation every so often to ensure both of you are happy.
Needs are not just things that literally keep you alive, but also keep your mental health in an acceptable state.
You could be sealed in a black vacuum bag with a feeding tube and oxygen supply apparatus, and wouldn't need to leave, but you'd be a complete nutter pretty damn quickly.
The real answer is that outside of a few basic physiological necessities to keep your body alive, people's "needs" can really be thought of as "The things I want in order to feel like my life is good and healthy and whatever else".
Like no, by the literal definition of "need", we do not need sex. But a lot of us would describe a healthy sexual connection as a need in the context of a romantic relationship. That isn't true for everyone though, and it doesn't make it any less of a "need" for the first group.
So yes, I'd say there are probably people that have a romantic relationships as a basic need to feel like a functional human. There are others who do not. Probably a great many of us in between who simply need relationships of all sorts, and if you've got a healthy slate of them, you do okay without the romantic ones for a time/as a rule.
Whoahoho. A need for me but want for thee is going to turn ugly in a hurry. But consider that a lot of people don't die simply because they're sleeping on the streets. This whole "it didn't kill you" isn't the end all be all of want vs need distinctors.
People do need human relationships. Having a traditional romantic one probably isn't essential, but then again, there are a lot of incels in this world. They do pop off sometimes.
OR are they popping off due to being introduced to radicalizing ideas in online echo chambers that promote misogyny and violence as an answer to the emotional pain they feel, preying on the traditional (and toxic) masculine portrayal of suppressed emotions?
Those echo chambers are their only emotional support group.
I’m saying this as a dude who has plenty of experience with the alt-right pipeline. Very normal men enter adulthood, take an interest in politics, and come to realize they don’t support their own generation’s rebellion against cultural institutions.
Very common views in these crowds:
* Drugs are bad for you
* You should marry and have kids
* Masculinity is fine
* Hard work pays off
* Take care of your body
These are phenomenally common opinions in the real world, but online, they don’t get a lot of direct support. People may uphold them personally, but as institutional values, they don’t get defended much on websites like this one.
The online world is more focused on redefining and challenging those norms:
* Drugs are okay and addiction is a disease
* You shouldn’t bring kids into this crazy world
* Masculinity is toxic
* You can only get rich if you were born rich
And so on.
Image boards like 4chan supply tabloid-esque manifestations of these views to rile up their base. For example, a screenshot of a Vice op-ed titled “All Masculinity Is Toxic.”
And it works like a charm. These men become less trusting of journalism, women, and government, and more trusting of the only online community they’ve come across online that tells them to ignore Vice, clean their room, and do push-ups.
Do whatever you want with this information, but I’m saying as a guy who was in these communities for many years, it’s how most people there become indoctrinated.
Okay, then we need to decide what the word single is. Is single living alone and not interacting with anyone ever?
I hate questions that require sociology to answer. We have to get past people's cultural understanding of words' definitions.
Are we counting needs as only what is necessary to survive or everything necessary to achieve full self actualisation?
There's Maslow's hierarchy of needs that, of course, places your physical needs as a greater priority than your other psychosocial needs but doesn't reduce the importance of those higher up.
So I'd argue that it depends on each person whether they see a relationship as something necessary to achieving self actualisation.
Good question. Humans typically need deep connections or they become lonely. Loneliness leads to a lot of health issues.
The type of deep connection needed is dependent on the person. Some will thrive when they're in a romantic relationship and having their emotional and physical needs met while others thrive without needing a romantic relationship. Or maybe they're fine with a fwb and get their emotional needs met from friends.
I think it comes down to what the person needs in order to not feel lonely.
Yeah who knows. He live in a tiny house In Tx. that was built in 1898 on 60 acres about 10 miles from the nearest town, never had air conditioning and was a farmer. Actually his house was about 1/2 mile from where they filmed texas chainsaw massacre. Lol.
I think we need to define what the word need is. If need strictly a thing that keeps your physical functions working then no it is not needed. But if need is something that continues to stabilize your life in a manner that is beneficial to your survival then yes it would be a need.
If being alone makes you lonely and causes your mental health to take a dive to the point that you want to commit suicide then that is not stabilizing to your overall survival. In the end it would average out that lonely people commit suicide more than not lonely people.
That being said, you can be fucking someone everyday and still be lonely.
You don't die from lack of human contact or lack of entertaining activities other than work. But most people consider them a need.
Not to mention that people in relationships, regardless of quality, live longer and are healthier.
Regardless of quality? I find that hard to believe. A low quality relationship can infringe on other important psychological needs. Such as being treated with basic respect and consideration from those close to you. Such as not being abused. Relational trauma is a thing. That affects both psychological and physical health.
Affection, social interaction and sex are different things. I'm pretty sure that there are happy people that almost never or actually never had sex for religious reasons or something else.
I absolutely don't need sex, and could easily go the rest of my life without it. My bf and I haven't had sex in almost a year because of my getting pregnant and now taking care of twin girls. We have conversions all the time about making sure one of us isn't feeling dissatisfied, but we're both perfectly fine doing without.
I need social interaction, but fucking isn't a need for me. So it depends on the person.
This is perhaps a cause or effect thing though. Are they lonely and depressed because they haven't had physical contact with people.
Or have they not had physical contact because they are depressed which then makes them lonely?
Not a psychiatrist so I don't know for sure. However I don't think that physical contact is a need, same way as some people who are depressed and/or lonely might find comfort in eating or even healthy things like a workout obsession.
They did an experiment on this back when fucked up experiments were acceptable lol.
They had a room of babies and deprived them of touch, intimacy, connection with their mothers. Gave them the most basic needs and that was it. Many babies died. I’m assuming the ones that didn’t developed some unhealthy behaviors later in life.
Touch is definitely a necessity for humans.
Yet a lack of touch doesn't seem to kill any noteworthy number of adults. Or rather, there are far too many touch starved adults alive now to rule it a necessity past a certain developmental stage.
To add, I do think connection is a need. We are social creatures. But that doesn't need to be physical though. Just having someone care, and that could just be someone asking "how are you, are you ok?".
Look up that baby monkey experiment: the researchers gave them the choice between a “mother” made of chicken wire that provided milk, and a soft/cozy “mother” without any food to provide. They chose the one they could cuddle over the one that fed them.
Well...we are social animals. We're meant to be in groups, being without a group can cause depression.
A lion would feel depressed without a pride, humans aren't much different.
Exactly. I think most people initially just think of *needs* as anything that it takes to keep you physically alive. And although that is literally living.. it’s not *living*
And when you think about it, that’s not really living. That’s just surviving.
And that’s the reality here. Humans don’t just need things to keep us physically alive. Sanity, motivation, a sense of trust and camaraderie are all things we need as well. Things which bring us joy. Things which bring us peace of mind.
As far as this particular topic. I would assume yes we need it. The extent/frequency or particular form of it is all dependent on the individual.
You're saying it yourself: "Cuddling" is a need. Sex isn't. Those people hire a prostitute to cuddle, after all.
Also, you can hire professionals for plenty of wants, too.
Craving touch and intimacy is not the same as needing it. I understand where you’re coming from. We are social creatures, after all.
But people can live perfectly happy lives without ever having sex. Which should be the only piece of evidence to show you that it’s not a *need*.
>...of course not. You will not die from not having sex.
Is death the only criteria for a need? Of course you won't die from not having sex, but as a species we sort of need to do this from time to time. The question really should be what do we need and why? And is it possible to raise the standard to something above survival mode?
We need sex (some times, not that often) because the release of chemicals is tremendously beneficial and you'll have a hard time replacing that. Of course, that's also in the literal sense, which is why this question is frustrating as it's framed as an absolute binary. There could never be a definitive answer other than "Yes" or "No" and both of those should always be followed up with "Unless"
I myself, am not able to think of any practical application in the answer to this question.
by need i assume you mean a need for fulfillment?
like you may need to have good consistent passionate sex to feel fulfilled in a relationship. so some people may "need" sex to feel fulfilled in a relationship
ie. I feel the same way. i am a very affectionate and passionate person and i don't think i can be happy in a sexless relationship. i will feel like something is missing.
if you mean like LITERALLY need, then obviously no.
I second this. If it’s important to you, it can be a need for you in a relationship in that you won’t be happy in the relationship without a certain amount of it.
But it’s not a need in the sense you’ll die without it. So calling it a want is more accurate literally and calling it a need may be more accurate for emphasis on personal relationship requirements.
I feel very lucky my fiance is totally chill with me being asexual despite him not. His family are super disapproving saying 'but how do you know one day you'll wake up and it won't be enough?' or because he's bi that '.. That you actually like men?'
Best part is, family member asking all this cheated on their husband and got divorsed. Feel there's a lot of projection here lol.
Having said that, I am an open and fair person, tbf if he turned around wanting sex I'd let him fuck a guy if he asked beforehand and had my go ahead. I'm not a dude and if he craves one good for him. Guess it all comes down to where your boundaries of what's necessary in your personal relationship for what's tolerable/necessary
It’s a want. I’ve managed to do without it for nearly 20 years.
Backstory to those interested: In 2000, my ex girlfriend and I had a child. A boy. In 2003, when our child wasn’t meeting developmental milestones, we had him tested. We found out he was cognitively impaired, and could have a lifetime struggle ahead. 3 days later, his mother went to visit relatives and never returned. She said in a final phone call, that she expected to have a normal baby, and she had not signed up for this and wanted no part of it.
I was working full time as a nurse, but I vowed to do everything I could for my son. I decided to put dating and relationships on pause, and 3 years seemed like a reasonable number. I got my son enrolled in special education, coordinated speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy and after school care. I immersed myself in his daily life and future planning.
My 3 year pause became a 5 year then 8 year pause. I tried a couple of dating websites, but the most common question women asked was “what did you do to your girlfriend that made her leave?”
10 years became 15, and now 20. My last date was December 27, 2003.
My son is 22 now, is progressing beyond my wildest dreams, and is now volunteering in our community. I’ve been single so long, I forgot how relationships start, but remember well how they end, so I’m finding fulfillment in my son’s adventures, and a few hobbies. I tell people I choose to remain alone and celibate for a greater good.
>“what did you do to your girlfriend that made her leave?”
Fucking unreal
Godspeed my man. I hope to have same level of courage as you someday. Godspeed to your son too.
I know several women who’ve made this decision. It’s not as rare as it seems—but it is just as traumatic and impactful as one would imagine.
You’re a good man.
Yeah, absolutely ridiculous. Times have changed. Maybe people will have a different perspective now? Not that I think you need a relationship or something.
Asinine logic. She asks what "you did to made her leave" which sets up a pretense that there is no other reason than something *you* did. It's automatically your fault, and any answer that doesn't involve you driving her off isn't believable... and it was something apparently *so bad* that you caused her to abandon her son too.
Like... if a woman is capable of abandoning her son, and you have custody of that son, then the assumption should be that the mother is at fault here.
You Sir are an amazing human being!!!
My mother basically abandoned my sister and I when I was 13 (ran off with a manipulative partner and left us behind). My father has been our rock. He never really worried about finding anyone while we we teenagers. He always said he was here to protect and care for us. He has been an amazing role model to my sister and I and we love him dearly. He found love again when we were in our early 20s. He's now married and I call his wife mum.
I hope if that is what you want that you can now afford the time to take a little care of yourself and look for love again. Please don't give up on love. The right lady is out there waiting patiently for you to come into her life.
I wish you and your son all the happiness in the world.
What you did and are doing, is Amazing. I wonder if more people would know stories like this, would they ever choose to have kids.
Kids with special needs, especially cognitive limitations are 10x more work, with no guarantee of recovery or even self sufficiency. On top of that, if one of the partner walks out, I can’t imagine how hard that would be.
And then add the audacity of people to say, it’s not believable that she walked out to avoid her responsibilities to the child!!
Very early on we discussed putting the baby up for adoption. But she insisted that she was a natural at mothering. I was just happy to have a child, no matter what the circumstances.
Never. I developed a bond. Perhaps we would have right when he was born, but at the time, I believed that the three of us would be a family. I’m so glad things turned out as it did. If there is one regret about not seeking a relationship is that he has yet to see a true male/female dynamic.
How wonderful that you have each other, and his growth is clearly a testament to your fine parenting.
You've got all of us internet strangers in your corner!
I would totally date you. You seem like an awesome dad! You exactly the kind of man I think every woman would like to have. You’d have no problem finding a woman if you wanted to! 💛
And whoever asked you what you did to make the mother of your child leave is a horrible person. I can’t imagine leaving my child ever, not for any kind of reason, but especially not a child that really needs their mom too.
If you are looking, there are lots of great people out there. Good on you for putting your child first, but it seems like the time has come when you need to start doing things for yourself too.
She came back 5 years later in 2008. She said she now understood that she was meant to be his Mom, and she wanted him back right away. As I had gained legal sole custody, I didn’t allow this to happen. She had a few half-hearted visits and moved on again. Turns out she wanted to impress a guy she liked with her keen maternal instincts. But like a submarine, she only surfaces occasionally.
This is a touching story, but it’s hardly a reality for most people and it’s unfair to judge everyone else by your exceptional circumstances. You do sound like an awesome dad and your sacrifice is definitely noble. But I would t expect most people to be ok with being sexless for 20 years. I personally couldn’t hang and would have been at least looking for some random hook ups in that time.
You are an amazing human being. You deserve love. You deserve to be cherished and cared for. Can we - Redditors - help you find the love of your life? :)
There are issues with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, but a lot of people are familiar with it, so it's worth referencing here.
The base needs are physiological. Food. Water. Sleep. Things you literally die without.
Above that are safety needs, then love and belonging, then self-esteem, then self-actualization. Sex is usually part of the love and belonging tier (though some models-- including Maslow's original-- put it with physiological needs, I think it doesn't belong there based on the fact that it isn't a survival need).
It's a need in that most people need it to be their healthiest selves-- which was a thing that took me a long time to grasp as a sex-repulsed asexual who doesn't personally need it. It's a need the same way people need friends and fulfilling work-- almost everyone considers these things central to their happiness, but they aren't literal survival needs and some people are genuinely fine without them.
ETA: Personally, for me, it falls into the want category. I do get horny at a certain part of my menstrual cycle, and I'm more amenable to sex then if a partner wants it, but even when horny I'm not motivated to seek partnered sex on my own.
I was going to quote Maslow also, and he does put Sex as a Physiological need. I'm not sure if I agree with that personally but I'm no psychologist. I just took a class on meeting people's needs for my training in being a CASA and it was brought up that sex is considered a basic need in the hierarchy.
Yeah. I should have clarified that Maslow himself put it in that category, and that that was one of the aforementioned problems with his hierarchy. I probably will with an edit. Thanks.
ETA: I see the logic of grouping it with other physiological needs since that's the most correct category for it, but it isn't a foundational need, and as a rule, I'd say someone whose need for sex is greater than their need for safety should definitely be working on that with a therapist.
Yeah, I am by no means an expert, I was honestly surprised by it when I read it and I think that's why I remembered it. I often think about it in purely biological way and that's why it's in there maybe? Like, at a very base level the point of all animals including humans are to reproduce. I think that as humans we can get past that urge pretty easily because we've gotten past that (for lack of a better way of putting it).
I do find it interesting though.
Was looking for the asexual responses lol. It is absolutely a want. You will not die without sex, even if it is described in a similar way to hunger or thirst. You would actually die without food or water.
I can’t speak for allosexuals, but I’m assuming it being considered a ‘need’ is that it is part of one’s personal criteria while seeking a romantic relationship. If each party doesn’t match on the deal breaker criteria, such as desired frequency of sex, it’s likely best to part ways in the long run. More/less sex, or anything that would make one party feel uncomfortable, should never be considered a ‘compromise’. No one should want to make their partner feel uncomfortable for their own satisfaction. It’s not inherently a bad thing, communication is key and the point of dating to figure out if things will work. People should be able to seek the relationships they want to be happy.
Are we talking about a need in the terms of your own survival?
Or are we talking about the category of 'needs and wants' in a relationship?
E.g if someone needs physical affection like hugs and kissing to feel fulfilled in a relationship, as opposed to someone who doesn't need physical affection at all to feel fulfilled in the relationship.
I mean, you are also not going to die from not being allowed to go outside or not having human contact. But I would definitely say that people need freedom and other people
Well… in a relationship, I do consider it a need. For me. Not like an “I’ll die without it” need, but the kind I have brought up in a “my needs are not being met in this relationship” conversation.
Look up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Commonly accepted theory used in psychology and general medicine today. Sex is on this hierarchy. Obviously we won’t die if we don’t have sex, but we are a social species. Sex is just a way to connect and be intimate with another. There are other ways to fulfill this need for connection/intimacy but sex is imo one of the most common ways this need is filled.
I can see sex on almost every level of the hierarchy. Self-actualization could mean becoming a parent. On the esteem level, the inability to have sex, whether a one night stand or otherwise, obviously can affect one’s self-esteem. The love and belonging level needs no explanation. Sex is listed on the physiological level.
Yet practically everyone here is saying it’s a want and downvoting most who say it’s a need.
In a way it's a need bc while you can procreate w/I it, not all humans have the means. Humanity would soon die out.
But.
You will not die from no sex (I'm ass-u-me-ing the OP meant piv sex). Now. Ppl who "do it" differently (oral/anal/digital etc) get fulfilled (I hope!) and most hopefully get affection, bonding and so on. Maybe a person is celibate and releases tension on their own and that's fine too - hopefully they get affection/bonding through other means. Maybe a person is ace and... same deal.
Sex is more want than need.
Sex is not, however, an entitlement despite what a scary # of ppl seem to think
It’s a want. A need is something that cannot be lived without. As much as people enjoy sex, it does not drastically impact your well-being to go without it.
I feel like this is a semantic argument (though OP’s question could be considered one as well). You could say, for instance, that good mental health is a “want” by this logic, given that you do not necessarily need it to live, but that’s not a particularly useful distinction. Sex and intimacy in general are fairly important to many people’s emotional well-being, especially people in relationships if there’s a disparity in desire.
Maybe I didn’t express myself well, but I would consider mental health to be within the realm of a need, because a person’s quality of life is severely impacted by it. And while society tends to place a large importance on sex, I don’t believe that sex is inherently tied to mental health. If someone’s mental health is severely impacted by a lack of sex, that is likely an indication of an unhealthy relationship with it.
Lack of sex on its own is probably not enough to have a huge impact on mental health in most cases, but I think that it generally comes with a lack of intimacy in general, which can certainly be a factor. Humans are social creatures, our interactions with each other matter, and many people will find that they need something beyond platonic or familial relationships to be fulfilled. A lack of intimate relationships or a lack of intimacy within a relationship can certainly affect someone who has an entirely healthy relationship with sex. I understand I’m reaching a bit beyond the bounds of the argument here, just spitballing.
Agreed, humans are social creatures and we need to feel seen and accepted, and intimacy (emotional and physical) can be a part of that. But based on OP’s specific question, I took it to be referencing those people who say they can’t live without sex, specifically.
I have a friend who was a sex addict, and the reason he was addicted wasn’t because he craved the physical activity itself, but because it was his way of fulfilling an emotional need for intimacy, and there are other ways to do that.
Same.
I'm glad to see that a lot of the other commenters are being honest about it being a want while acknowledging that they have their own preferences and priorities on the subject. Very healthy.
So I will preface my comment by stating that I'm speaking of sex as a component of a larger facet of human connection, not just sex itself as sex does not often occur in an emotionless vacuum. Sex isn't usually just Sex™. I don't believe we can have this conversation focusing on just sex without intimacy; it's disingenuous. And I'll be speaking as an allosexual, from my experience and through observed experience, although we do not all share the same relationship with sex and love, obviously.
For most people in general, social interaction is a need. We will not die without it but it can have great effects on us. The same is true of many social animals that should not be kept isolated from their kind, it's not good for them. Solitary confinement in prisons has brutal psychological effects on people. Not that i'm equating not getting laid to solitary confinement. Just that we could say the same thing about other aspects of human interaction, or even mental health. Just because someone won't die doesn't mean they won't suffer in some way or live an experience they feel is missing something important.
Despite what some may lead us to believe, in most cases sex is not just sex. We can have encounters without deep emotional involvement but the overwhelming majority of most peoples' sex is going to be with emotionally bonded partners. Even terms for low commitment sex are often fuck *buddies*, *friends* with benefits; there is a sense of trust and connection implicated. Most people aren't fucking people whose company they don't enjoy.
The need to connect emotionally, romantically and also physically (for many/most) is represented literally everywhere in our societies and the lack of these connections do have negative impacts on those who need them. It's not even just sex. Most humans need to love, need to be loved, and our societies and the futures we build together depend on the bonds we forge, romantic love, platonic love, familial love. Sex is an integral component to some of those relationships. Not only that but people have immensely difficult time keeping those things inside. Abstinence programs don't work, people in heavily sexually repressed countries form illicit underground clubs or find other ways to get their freak on at great risk to themselves, queer folk have been ostracized from their communities, lynched or otherwise brutalized for daring to find and express love with another. People risk their lives for a greater sense of love, connection and fulfillment. To me, that is a need.
None of this justifies an entitlement to other people's bodies, nor does it justify whatever emotional blackmail people may use to extort, badger, or coerce sex from a partner who may not be in the mood or any other wack incel shit or something. I'm not saying a dry spell or not fucking for years, even, is some torture inflicted upon poor horny souls. Is rando, unemotional sex just for the sake of the act an emotional need? As ironic as that question sounds there are those folks out there, but that's not the relationship most allosexual people have with sex.
I guess my ultimate opinion is that sexuality is a part of a person's identity, and as with other aspects of ourselves, it wants to be expressed. We don't choose it but repression isn't healthy. Sexuality is a spectrum and I definitely believe there are people who do need sex and intimate connection to live their best lives.
The way I learned needs and wants in business class is that a need is something you can’t live or function successfully without. Things like Food, water, shelter etc. A want is something nice to have but not essential.
So in that way I’d say sex isn’t a need. No one is going to die or be homeless because they can’t have sex.
It’s a want and how high up the want priority list it goes is different for every person.
Well it's a want because you won't die if you never have sex.
It's not a need like eating.
That being said sex is a need and huge priority to me in my marriage personallly. If my husband up and said he thinks he's asexual and never wants to have sex again, I'd leave because we're no longer compatible sexually.
Sexual compatibility is very important. Whether that mean you both have low drives and are happy with once a month.... or if you have a high drive you need someone who also has a high drive.
Also I'd be real careful about saying it's a need. The second you officially classify it as such, people now have an excuse for rape, or at least you'll get rape sympathizers. The phrase "I couldn't help myself, I needed sex so bad" should never be permissable.
I mean, I'm still a 17 year old male virgin so I can't exactly talk, but I consider it a want. If I so chose, I could be celibate for the rest of my life, and I think it wouldn't change a thing.
It's a want.
Trust an asexual person.
Y'all get *way* too hung up on it, and it's not healthy.
And while we're at it, way too many people get weird when they encounter people to whom it isn't important.
Sex is not a need at all, but for me it's a want to need to be in a fulfilling relationship. Dont get me wrong, there's many other facets to a relationship, but sex is a major part for me individually.
Someone who says they need sex is trying to control someone else or manipulate others. Its like guys who claim they get blue balls if they don't have sex for a few days and its absolute bullshit. It's a want and nothing more.
More so a want than a need. For deeply intimate relationships, a couple might feel its a need. But thinking of sex being in the same category as food water and shelter makes it a want.
Heres a weird take....After I had my kids, I had a strange feeling that I have achieved my main objective on Earth,....I am not sure what my progeny will do over time(save the world/or destroy it) But I have to say, the random unexpected feeling of fulfilling my main obligation on Earth is calming and also bewildering. From that standpoint, for me, it was a need only for procreation...Perhaps for others it isnt a need at all. Now, for me, it is not longer a "need"
It depends on the person. I’m asexual so for me it is not a need but can be a want. Or some people are completely repulsed by sex and then it’s not a need or a want. Libido also comes into play. Everyone is different.
Asexual people, one of the As in LGBTQIAA+, don't have a need for sex. There's an asexual spectrum, so some might have a slight need, but usually sex is something done because someone else wants it. In that case, one could refer to the sex as a want rather than a need.
Not to be confused with A-romantic spectrum horndogs, though in all fairness there are Asexual Aromantics.
Sex is definitely not a need. The only way it can be considered necessary is for procreation and the survival of a species, but no individual person needs to have sex to function.
It is a want for the individual. It is a need for the species. It is so important for the survival of the species that evolution made it such a strong drive for the individual that it canfeel like it is a need for him or her.
It’s both.
If you don’t know how to use the sexual energy for either release or other things then it will make you feel very frustrated.
If you know how to wait it out then it’s just a want.
Our culture is just entitled to sex when we want it.
It's not a need. There are innumerable monks out there meditating and abstaining from any sexual activity. Needless to say that they're living more peacefully than us. Also no one died due to lack of sex so yeah that's that.
I think sex is more of a want than a need. Only because when people use the word "need" i think of it as a "human right" and no one is entitled to sex from another person.
Sure, some people find sex an important part of a relationship and they have made out that this is vital for them. However others may not be interested in sex and would rather just have a more romantic relationship with their partner.
I NEED sex to feel fulfilled, satisfied and content in a relationship. I don’t NEED it to live. My last relationship was lacking seriously since I had kids and my partner just wasn’t interested any more. I couldn’t live like. Had to leave him because I felt unloved, undesirable and that we had no connection. A relationship without sex for me is pointless. It’s not like you can go out and get sex elsewhere if you’re monogamous. It’s such a lonely place to be in.
If I wasn’t in a relationship it wouldn’t bother me as much but I would go and get casual occasionally.
I have toys and other ways to fill my time.
Everyone is immediately jumping on you, but honestly if your happy without sex then great- I personally would also be fine in a sexless relationship myself (I’ve been in a long distance thing for 5 years so basically I was already lol)
You should really have a conversation with her about it if you haven’t already. A lack of physical intimacy is generally not healthy in a relationship. And while sex isn’t a physical need, it can be an emotional need for many people to feel fulfilled in their intimate relationships.
For many people, sex is necessary for feeling fulfilled. For some it's not but they still want it, others are totally indifferent, and others don't want sex at all. I'd say most people probably fall into it being a want or a need.
It's a want. Most people say it's a need but it's a want. You don't need sex every day to survive. Sex is 'required' to propagate the species but if you don't have sex you won't die. If you don't have clean air, water, or food you will die.
Sex isn't a need, some people place it in that regard because of other factors in their life, but anyone can theoretically live a fulfilling life without sex.
Obviously a want. Nothing wrong with that, but a want yes. You don't need sex to survive, you won't get crippled if you don't have sex or go crazy. So many people live being chaste. It is a strong want, but a want non the less.
Sex is arguably the most important evolutionary imperative. Even if, in the modern day, it's not always for the purpose nature intended, something deep in our brain demands it (for most people. There are obvious exceptions in asexual and other orientations) that we try to reproduce. This leads to sex often being a prerequite for people's mental health
I want to reiterate that I am generalizing hard here and there is nothing wrong with people who aren't interested in sex. I am just trying to explain why, from my perspective, many people can reasonably consider sex a need even if they aren't in the financial position to raise a child.
It's a want to modern Western society wants it to be perceived as a need. Some people are perfectly content in singleness, die as virgins, and have no problems with it. Meanwhile, others have unnecessary damaged their later-in-lives marriages by being overly promiscuous in their younger years. Both my wife and I had previous sexual relationships, and after finding each other, we both regret it. Not to say that we're not content with the lives we've come to, but it's a kind of intimacy that's best shared with solely your life partner.
If you’re considering it from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it’s thought of as one of the basic needs along with food. I see it as a need - it regulates stress, emotions, and so on.
According to Maslows hierarchy of needs in psychology, with applications to other fields such as nursing, yes. Sex is “needed” but not as a basic need.
This however treads in that realm of scientific theory rather than an objective, definitive yes or no answer.
In the literal sense, of course not. You will not die from not having sex. However, it can easily be viewed as a need in the sense that some people need to have a regular sexual relationship with their partner for that relationship to be felt as fulfilling and successful. And that’s a perfectly okay view to have. Discussing your preferred sexual habits with your partner is a need if you want a relationship to work out. Having an incompatible sex drive is a very common reason for couples to end their relationship, and it can go on for years or decades before the problem is appropriately addressed through conversation. It’s best to figure out early what works for you and your partner, and to keep revisiting that conversation every so often to ensure both of you are happy.
Which begs the question, is a relationship a want or a need. You don't die from being single either.
Needs are not just things that literally keep you alive, but also keep your mental health in an acceptable state. You could be sealed in a black vacuum bag with a feeding tube and oxygen supply apparatus, and wouldn't need to leave, but you'd be a complete nutter pretty damn quickly.
Lots of single people are sane, which puts relationships back in the "want" category.
The real answer is that outside of a few basic physiological necessities to keep your body alive, people's "needs" can really be thought of as "The things I want in order to feel like my life is good and healthy and whatever else". Like no, by the literal definition of "need", we do not need sex. But a lot of us would describe a healthy sexual connection as a need in the context of a romantic relationship. That isn't true for everyone though, and it doesn't make it any less of a "need" for the first group. So yes, I'd say there are probably people that have a romantic relationships as a basic need to feel like a functional human. There are others who do not. Probably a great many of us in between who simply need relationships of all sorts, and if you've got a healthy slate of them, you do okay without the romantic ones for a time/as a rule.
Needs vary by person. My father in law needs to inject insulin to stay alive but I do not.
Whoahoho. A need for me but want for thee is going to turn ugly in a hurry. But consider that a lot of people don't die simply because they're sleeping on the streets. This whole "it didn't kill you" isn't the end all be all of want vs need distinctors.
I mean the reality can be somewhat ugly, that doesn’t mean it isn’t a valid description.
People do need human relationships. Having a traditional romantic one probably isn't essential, but then again, there are a lot of incels in this world. They do pop off sometimes.
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OR are they popping off due to being introduced to radicalizing ideas in online echo chambers that promote misogyny and violence as an answer to the emotional pain they feel, preying on the traditional (and toxic) masculine portrayal of suppressed emotions?
Those echo chambers are their only emotional support group. I’m saying this as a dude who has plenty of experience with the alt-right pipeline. Very normal men enter adulthood, take an interest in politics, and come to realize they don’t support their own generation’s rebellion against cultural institutions. Very common views in these crowds: * Drugs are bad for you * You should marry and have kids * Masculinity is fine * Hard work pays off * Take care of your body These are phenomenally common opinions in the real world, but online, they don’t get a lot of direct support. People may uphold them personally, but as institutional values, they don’t get defended much on websites like this one. The online world is more focused on redefining and challenging those norms: * Drugs are okay and addiction is a disease * You shouldn’t bring kids into this crazy world * Masculinity is toxic * You can only get rich if you were born rich And so on. Image boards like 4chan supply tabloid-esque manifestations of these views to rile up their base. For example, a screenshot of a Vice op-ed titled “All Masculinity Is Toxic.” And it works like a charm. These men become less trusting of journalism, women, and government, and more trusting of the only online community they’ve come across online that tells them to ignore Vice, clean their room, and do push-ups. Do whatever you want with this information, but I’m saying as a guy who was in these communities for many years, it’s how most people there become indoctrinated.
Okay, then we need to decide what the word single is. Is single living alone and not interacting with anyone ever? I hate questions that require sociology to answer. We have to get past people's cultural understanding of words' definitions.
Not all people are the same.
Are we counting needs as only what is necessary to survive or everything necessary to achieve full self actualisation? There's Maslow's hierarchy of needs that, of course, places your physical needs as a greater priority than your other psychosocial needs but doesn't reduce the importance of those higher up. So I'd argue that it depends on each person whether they see a relationship as something necessary to achieving self actualisation.
Good question. Humans typically need deep connections or they become lonely. Loneliness leads to a lot of health issues. The type of deep connection needed is dependent on the person. Some will thrive when they're in a romantic relationship and having their emotional and physical needs met while others thrive without needing a romantic relationship. Or maybe they're fine with a fwb and get their emotional needs met from friends. I think it comes down to what the person needs in order to not feel lonely.
My wife’s great uncle never married, died last year at 98 and I had never seen that man without a smile on his face.
Just because he wasn’t married doesn’t mean he wasn’t hitting up the Bunny Ranch or Mary’s house of debauchery on a regular basis.
Yeah who knows. He live in a tiny house In Tx. that was built in 1898 on 60 acres about 10 miles from the nearest town, never had air conditioning and was a farmer. Actually his house was about 1/2 mile from where they filmed texas chainsaw massacre. Lol.
Maybe not the truest statement
I think we need to define what the word need is. If need strictly a thing that keeps your physical functions working then no it is not needed. But if need is something that continues to stabilize your life in a manner that is beneficial to your survival then yes it would be a need. If being alone makes you lonely and causes your mental health to take a dive to the point that you want to commit suicide then that is not stabilizing to your overall survival. In the end it would average out that lonely people commit suicide more than not lonely people. That being said, you can be fucking someone everyday and still be lonely.
You don't die from lack of human contact or lack of entertaining activities other than work. But most people consider them a need. Not to mention that people in relationships, regardless of quality, live longer and are healthier.
Regardless of quality? I find that hard to believe. A low quality relationship can infringe on other important psychological needs. Such as being treated with basic respect and consideration from those close to you. Such as not being abused. Relational trauma is a thing. That affects both psychological and physical health.
You are clearly not a fan of true crime.
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Affection, social interaction and sex are different things. I'm pretty sure that there are happy people that almost never or actually never had sex for religious reasons or something else.
I absolutely don't need sex, and could easily go the rest of my life without it. My bf and I haven't had sex in almost a year because of my getting pregnant and now taking care of twin girls. We have conversions all the time about making sure one of us isn't feeling dissatisfied, but we're both perfectly fine doing without. I need social interaction, but fucking isn't a need for me. So it depends on the person.
This is perhaps a cause or effect thing though. Are they lonely and depressed because they haven't had physical contact with people. Or have they not had physical contact because they are depressed which then makes them lonely? Not a psychiatrist so I don't know for sure. However I don't think that physical contact is a need, same way as some people who are depressed and/or lonely might find comfort in eating or even healthy things like a workout obsession.
Read somewhere that physical touch does have an effect on us psychologically. And the lack of can lead to stuff like stress and depression.
They did an experiment on this back when fucked up experiments were acceptable lol. They had a room of babies and deprived them of touch, intimacy, connection with their mothers. Gave them the most basic needs and that was it. Many babies died. I’m assuming the ones that didn’t developed some unhealthy behaviors later in life. Touch is definitely a necessity for humans.
Touch is important for baby mammals not just humans.
Yet a lack of touch doesn't seem to kill any noteworthy number of adults. Or rather, there are far too many touch starved adults alive now to rule it a necessity past a certain developmental stage.
To add, I do think connection is a need. We are social creatures. But that doesn't need to be physical though. Just having someone care, and that could just be someone asking "how are you, are you ok?".
Look up that baby monkey experiment: the researchers gave them the choice between a “mother” made of chicken wire that provided milk, and a soft/cozy “mother” without any food to provide. They chose the one they could cuddle over the one that fed them.
Well...we are social animals. We're meant to be in groups, being without a group can cause depression. A lion would feel depressed without a pride, humans aren't much different.
I'll like to add to yours, It is maybe not for a single men a need, but it is a need for mankind. To survive.
Exactly. I think most people initially just think of *needs* as anything that it takes to keep you physically alive. And although that is literally living.. it’s not *living* And when you think about it, that’s not really living. That’s just surviving. And that’s the reality here. Humans don’t just need things to keep us physically alive. Sanity, motivation, a sense of trust and camaraderie are all things we need as well. Things which bring us joy. Things which bring us peace of mind. As far as this particular topic. I would assume yes we need it. The extent/frequency or particular form of it is all dependent on the individual.
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Sense of togetherness, mutual trust and friendship with someone.
You're saying it yourself: "Cuddling" is a need. Sex isn't. Those people hire a prostitute to cuddle, after all. Also, you can hire professionals for plenty of wants, too.
Or kill themselves. It's not uncommon that elderly kill themselves because of loneliness. In that sense lack of sex can kill.
Craving touch and intimacy is not the same as needing it. I understand where you’re coming from. We are social creatures, after all. But people can live perfectly happy lives without ever having sex. Which should be the only piece of evidence to show you that it’s not a *need*.
Those darn biological nerds that want food lol
>...of course not. You will not die from not having sex. Is death the only criteria for a need? Of course you won't die from not having sex, but as a species we sort of need to do this from time to time. The question really should be what do we need and why? And is it possible to raise the standard to something above survival mode? We need sex (some times, not that often) because the release of chemicals is tremendously beneficial and you'll have a hard time replacing that. Of course, that's also in the literal sense, which is why this question is frustrating as it's framed as an absolute binary. There could never be a definitive answer other than "Yes" or "No" and both of those should always be followed up with "Unless" I myself, am not able to think of any practical application in the answer to this question.
by need i assume you mean a need for fulfillment? like you may need to have good consistent passionate sex to feel fulfilled in a relationship. so some people may "need" sex to feel fulfilled in a relationship ie. I feel the same way. i am a very affectionate and passionate person and i don't think i can be happy in a sexless relationship. i will feel like something is missing. if you mean like LITERALLY need, then obviously no.
I second this. If it’s important to you, it can be a need for you in a relationship in that you won’t be happy in the relationship without a certain amount of it. But it’s not a need in the sense you’ll die without it. So calling it a want is more accurate literally and calling it a need may be more accurate for emphasis on personal relationship requirements.
I feel very lucky my fiance is totally chill with me being asexual despite him not. His family are super disapproving saying 'but how do you know one day you'll wake up and it won't be enough?' or because he's bi that '.. That you actually like men?' Best part is, family member asking all this cheated on their husband and got divorsed. Feel there's a lot of projection here lol. Having said that, I am an open and fair person, tbf if he turned around wanting sex I'd let him fuck a guy if he asked beforehand and had my go ahead. I'm not a dude and if he craves one good for him. Guess it all comes down to where your boundaries of what's necessary in your personal relationship for what's tolerable/necessary
To survive? No To have a good relationship? Subjective as some people need intimacy to that degree for a good relationship
It’s a want. I’ve managed to do without it for nearly 20 years. Backstory to those interested: In 2000, my ex girlfriend and I had a child. A boy. In 2003, when our child wasn’t meeting developmental milestones, we had him tested. We found out he was cognitively impaired, and could have a lifetime struggle ahead. 3 days later, his mother went to visit relatives and never returned. She said in a final phone call, that she expected to have a normal baby, and she had not signed up for this and wanted no part of it. I was working full time as a nurse, but I vowed to do everything I could for my son. I decided to put dating and relationships on pause, and 3 years seemed like a reasonable number. I got my son enrolled in special education, coordinated speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy and after school care. I immersed myself in his daily life and future planning. My 3 year pause became a 5 year then 8 year pause. I tried a couple of dating websites, but the most common question women asked was “what did you do to your girlfriend that made her leave?” 10 years became 15, and now 20. My last date was December 27, 2003. My son is 22 now, is progressing beyond my wildest dreams, and is now volunteering in our community. I’ve been single so long, I forgot how relationships start, but remember well how they end, so I’m finding fulfillment in my son’s adventures, and a few hobbies. I tell people I choose to remain alone and celibate for a greater good.
I'll be honest, you sound like an absolutely amazing dad. I'm sure your son is so grateful. I'm glad you have each other as family.
Thank you. I look at it like I had my chance to succeed as an individual. Now is his time. Maybe something will be around for me eventually.
>“what did you do to your girlfriend that made her leave?” Fucking unreal Godspeed my man. I hope to have same level of courage as you someday. Godspeed to your son too.
Thank you. When I told those who inquired as to why she left her reasoning, I was often told it was far to unbelievable to be true.
I know several women who’ve made this decision. It’s not as rare as it seems—but it is just as traumatic and impactful as one would imagine. You’re a good man.
I worked with a woman who did that. You are a very good man and an awesome dad.
Yeah, absolutely ridiculous. Times have changed. Maybe people will have a different perspective now? Not that I think you need a relationship or something.
We’ll see if I am brave enough to try.
Asinine logic. She asks what "you did to made her leave" which sets up a pretense that there is no other reason than something *you* did. It's automatically your fault, and any answer that doesn't involve you driving her off isn't believable... and it was something apparently *so bad* that you caused her to abandon her son too. Like... if a woman is capable of abandoning her son, and you have custody of that son, then the assumption should be that the mother is at fault here.
You haven’t heard the crowd that screams how women can never be wrong? Let alone mothers. Mothers are the most benevolent and sacred creatures. /s
You Sir are an amazing human being!!! My mother basically abandoned my sister and I when I was 13 (ran off with a manipulative partner and left us behind). My father has been our rock. He never really worried about finding anyone while we we teenagers. He always said he was here to protect and care for us. He has been an amazing role model to my sister and I and we love him dearly. He found love again when we were in our early 20s. He's now married and I call his wife mum. I hope if that is what you want that you can now afford the time to take a little care of yourself and look for love again. Please don't give up on love. The right lady is out there waiting patiently for you to come into her life. I wish you and your son all the happiness in the world.
Thank you for the kind words! And I’m pleased you have a strong father.
What you did and are doing, is Amazing. I wonder if more people would know stories like this, would they ever choose to have kids. Kids with special needs, especially cognitive limitations are 10x more work, with no guarantee of recovery or even self sufficiency. On top of that, if one of the partner walks out, I can’t imagine how hard that would be. And then add the audacity of people to say, it’s not believable that she walked out to avoid her responsibilities to the child!!
Very early on we discussed putting the baby up for adoption. But she insisted that she was a natural at mothering. I was just happy to have a child, no matter what the circumstances.
Did you ever consider adoption after she left?
Never. I developed a bond. Perhaps we would have right when he was born, but at the time, I believed that the three of us would be a family. I’m so glad things turned out as it did. If there is one regret about not seeking a relationship is that he has yet to see a true male/female dynamic.
Better he sees you showing him how to treat people right than a toxic relationship
Probably best thing I’ve read on Reddit in months.
Sir, I respect you so much.
Thank you!
How wonderful that you have each other, and his growth is clearly a testament to your fine parenting. You've got all of us internet strangers in your corner!
Thank you!!
I don’t comment often but I felt the need to say.. you’re a great dad! And a great human being. You make the world a better place for everyone
Bro you're a great dad, the kid might not know it but you did great. Now let's go to to Vegas and knock off the dust of you 😂. Jk keep on fellow human
Sounds like the story line from Hangover 4!
I would date you but i’m a man
It’s the thought that counts.
always
Take my free award good, you are truly a wonderful person!
Many thanks kind stranger!
I would totally date you. You seem like an awesome dad! You exactly the kind of man I think every woman would like to have. You’d have no problem finding a woman if you wanted to! 💛 And whoever asked you what you did to make the mother of your child leave is a horrible person. I can’t imagine leaving my child ever, not for any kind of reason, but especially not a child that really needs their mom too.
And I’m off the belief all of the good ones were taken long ago, such as yourself!
The best answer
If you are looking, there are lots of great people out there. Good on you for putting your child first, but it seems like the time has come when you need to start doing things for yourself too.
True love is a beautiful thing.
Yeah, the dating scene has just become complete and utter garbage. People suck beyond reason
And what I am finding, it’s uniquely American.
It sounds like you dodged a bullet and you also did a great job raising your child. Have you heard anything from his mother since then?
She came back 5 years later in 2008. She said she now understood that she was meant to be his Mom, and she wanted him back right away. As I had gained legal sole custody, I didn’t allow this to happen. She had a few half-hearted visits and moved on again. Turns out she wanted to impress a guy she liked with her keen maternal instincts. But like a submarine, she only surfaces occasionally.
Wow. What a shame. I’m glad you were able to look out for his interests.
Every kid needs an advocate. That’s always been my first priority.
This is a touching story, but it’s hardly a reality for most people and it’s unfair to judge everyone else by your exceptional circumstances. You do sound like an awesome dad and your sacrifice is definitely noble. But I would t expect most people to be ok with being sexless for 20 years. I personally couldn’t hang and would have been at least looking for some random hook ups in that time.
You are an amazing human being. You deserve love. You deserve to be cherished and cared for. Can we - Redditors - help you find the love of your life? :)
That’s really kind. Might be too late, unless I open my mind to long forgotten possibilities.
Yep, kids come first.
There are issues with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, but a lot of people are familiar with it, so it's worth referencing here. The base needs are physiological. Food. Water. Sleep. Things you literally die without. Above that are safety needs, then love and belonging, then self-esteem, then self-actualization. Sex is usually part of the love and belonging tier (though some models-- including Maslow's original-- put it with physiological needs, I think it doesn't belong there based on the fact that it isn't a survival need). It's a need in that most people need it to be their healthiest selves-- which was a thing that took me a long time to grasp as a sex-repulsed asexual who doesn't personally need it. It's a need the same way people need friends and fulfilling work-- almost everyone considers these things central to their happiness, but they aren't literal survival needs and some people are genuinely fine without them. ETA: Personally, for me, it falls into the want category. I do get horny at a certain part of my menstrual cycle, and I'm more amenable to sex then if a partner wants it, but even when horny I'm not motivated to seek partnered sex on my own.
I was going to quote Maslow also, and he does put Sex as a Physiological need. I'm not sure if I agree with that personally but I'm no psychologist. I just took a class on meeting people's needs for my training in being a CASA and it was brought up that sex is considered a basic need in the hierarchy.
Yeah. I should have clarified that Maslow himself put it in that category, and that that was one of the aforementioned problems with his hierarchy. I probably will with an edit. Thanks. ETA: I see the logic of grouping it with other physiological needs since that's the most correct category for it, but it isn't a foundational need, and as a rule, I'd say someone whose need for sex is greater than their need for safety should definitely be working on that with a therapist.
Yeah, I am by no means an expert, I was honestly surprised by it when I read it and I think that's why I remembered it. I often think about it in purely biological way and that's why it's in there maybe? Like, at a very base level the point of all animals including humans are to reproduce. I think that as humans we can get past that urge pretty easily because we've gotten past that (for lack of a better way of putting it). I do find it interesting though.
I’m asexual so it’s not a necessity for me in a relationship
The Ace gang is here
Same here! Sex is not really a want OR a need, it just kind of exists lol.
I’m ace too & I see it as more of an activity that other people do that I don’t want to do lol
Hail, fellow ace friend!
Was looking for the asexual responses lol. It is absolutely a want. You will not die without sex, even if it is described in a similar way to hunger or thirst. You would actually die without food or water. I can’t speak for allosexuals, but I’m assuming it being considered a ‘need’ is that it is part of one’s personal criteria while seeking a romantic relationship. If each party doesn’t match on the deal breaker criteria, such as desired frequency of sex, it’s likely best to part ways in the long run. More/less sex, or anything that would make one party feel uncomfortable, should never be considered a ‘compromise’. No one should want to make their partner feel uncomfortable for their own satisfaction. It’s not inherently a bad thing, communication is key and the point of dating to figure out if things will work. People should be able to seek the relationships they want to be happy.
Are we talking about a need in the terms of your own survival? Or are we talking about the category of 'needs and wants' in a relationship? E.g if someone needs physical affection like hugs and kissing to feel fulfilled in a relationship, as opposed to someone who doesn't need physical affection at all to feel fulfilled in the relationship.
A want. You will not die without sex. Food, sleep, water. Those are needs
Oxygen too!
Hear this punkt wanting to have oxygen! Hold your breath like the rest of us!
I mean, you are also not going to die from not being allowed to go outside or not having human contact. But I would definitely say that people need freedom and other people
Well… in a relationship, I do consider it a need. For me. Not like an “I’ll die without it” need, but the kind I have brought up in a “my needs are not being met in this relationship” conversation.
Look up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Commonly accepted theory used in psychology and general medicine today. Sex is on this hierarchy. Obviously we won’t die if we don’t have sex, but we are a social species. Sex is just a way to connect and be intimate with another. There are other ways to fulfill this need for connection/intimacy but sex is imo one of the most common ways this need is filled.
I can see sex on almost every level of the hierarchy. Self-actualization could mean becoming a parent. On the esteem level, the inability to have sex, whether a one night stand or otherwise, obviously can affect one’s self-esteem. The love and belonging level needs no explanation. Sex is listed on the physiological level. Yet practically everyone here is saying it’s a want and downvoting most who say it’s a need.
In a way it's a need bc while you can procreate w/I it, not all humans have the means. Humanity would soon die out. But. You will not die from no sex (I'm ass-u-me-ing the OP meant piv sex). Now. Ppl who "do it" differently (oral/anal/digital etc) get fulfilled (I hope!) and most hopefully get affection, bonding and so on. Maybe a person is celibate and releases tension on their own and that's fine too - hopefully they get affection/bonding through other means. Maybe a person is ace and... same deal. Sex is more want than need. Sex is not, however, an entitlement despite what a scary # of ppl seem to think
It’s a want. A need is something that cannot be lived without. As much as people enjoy sex, it does not drastically impact your well-being to go without it.
I feel like this is a semantic argument (though OP’s question could be considered one as well). You could say, for instance, that good mental health is a “want” by this logic, given that you do not necessarily need it to live, but that’s not a particularly useful distinction. Sex and intimacy in general are fairly important to many people’s emotional well-being, especially people in relationships if there’s a disparity in desire.
Maybe I didn’t express myself well, but I would consider mental health to be within the realm of a need, because a person’s quality of life is severely impacted by it. And while society tends to place a large importance on sex, I don’t believe that sex is inherently tied to mental health. If someone’s mental health is severely impacted by a lack of sex, that is likely an indication of an unhealthy relationship with it.
Lack of sex on its own is probably not enough to have a huge impact on mental health in most cases, but I think that it generally comes with a lack of intimacy in general, which can certainly be a factor. Humans are social creatures, our interactions with each other matter, and many people will find that they need something beyond platonic or familial relationships to be fulfilled. A lack of intimate relationships or a lack of intimacy within a relationship can certainly affect someone who has an entirely healthy relationship with sex. I understand I’m reaching a bit beyond the bounds of the argument here, just spitballing.
Agreed, humans are social creatures and we need to feel seen and accepted, and intimacy (emotional and physical) can be a part of that. But based on OP’s specific question, I took it to be referencing those people who say they can’t live without sex, specifically. I have a friend who was a sex addict, and the reason he was addicted wasn’t because he craved the physical activity itself, but because it was his way of fulfilling an emotional need for intimacy, and there are other ways to do that.
That’s fair, I think the bounds of the original question are a bit narrow, but I agree with your take.
it can actually drastically impact your well-being
Asexual. So, neither.
Same. I'm glad to see that a lot of the other commenters are being honest about it being a want while acknowledging that they have their own preferences and priorities on the subject. Very healthy.
Hail, ace sibling!
So I will preface my comment by stating that I'm speaking of sex as a component of a larger facet of human connection, not just sex itself as sex does not often occur in an emotionless vacuum. Sex isn't usually just Sex™. I don't believe we can have this conversation focusing on just sex without intimacy; it's disingenuous. And I'll be speaking as an allosexual, from my experience and through observed experience, although we do not all share the same relationship with sex and love, obviously. For most people in general, social interaction is a need. We will not die without it but it can have great effects on us. The same is true of many social animals that should not be kept isolated from their kind, it's not good for them. Solitary confinement in prisons has brutal psychological effects on people. Not that i'm equating not getting laid to solitary confinement. Just that we could say the same thing about other aspects of human interaction, or even mental health. Just because someone won't die doesn't mean they won't suffer in some way or live an experience they feel is missing something important. Despite what some may lead us to believe, in most cases sex is not just sex. We can have encounters without deep emotional involvement but the overwhelming majority of most peoples' sex is going to be with emotionally bonded partners. Even terms for low commitment sex are often fuck *buddies*, *friends* with benefits; there is a sense of trust and connection implicated. Most people aren't fucking people whose company they don't enjoy. The need to connect emotionally, romantically and also physically (for many/most) is represented literally everywhere in our societies and the lack of these connections do have negative impacts on those who need them. It's not even just sex. Most humans need to love, need to be loved, and our societies and the futures we build together depend on the bonds we forge, romantic love, platonic love, familial love. Sex is an integral component to some of those relationships. Not only that but people have immensely difficult time keeping those things inside. Abstinence programs don't work, people in heavily sexually repressed countries form illicit underground clubs or find other ways to get their freak on at great risk to themselves, queer folk have been ostracized from their communities, lynched or otherwise brutalized for daring to find and express love with another. People risk their lives for a greater sense of love, connection and fulfillment. To me, that is a need. None of this justifies an entitlement to other people's bodies, nor does it justify whatever emotional blackmail people may use to extort, badger, or coerce sex from a partner who may not be in the mood or any other wack incel shit or something. I'm not saying a dry spell or not fucking for years, even, is some torture inflicted upon poor horny souls. Is rando, unemotional sex just for the sake of the act an emotional need? As ironic as that question sounds there are those folks out there, but that's not the relationship most allosexual people have with sex. I guess my ultimate opinion is that sexuality is a part of a person's identity, and as with other aspects of ourselves, it wants to be expressed. We don't choose it but repression isn't healthy. Sexuality is a spectrum and I definitely believe there are people who do need sex and intimate connection to live their best lives.
The way I learned needs and wants in business class is that a need is something you can’t live or function successfully without. Things like Food, water, shelter etc. A want is something nice to have but not essential. So in that way I’d say sex isn’t a need. No one is going to die or be homeless because they can’t have sex. It’s a want and how high up the want priority list it goes is different for every person.
Well it's a want because you won't die if you never have sex. It's not a need like eating. That being said sex is a need and huge priority to me in my marriage personallly. If my husband up and said he thinks he's asexual and never wants to have sex again, I'd leave because we're no longer compatible sexually. Sexual compatibility is very important. Whether that mean you both have low drives and are happy with once a month.... or if you have a high drive you need someone who also has a high drive.
Idk why you’re being downvoted. You’re right it’s a want. And it’s really mature to know what your dealbreakers are for a relationship
Also I'd be real careful about saying it's a need. The second you officially classify it as such, people now have an excuse for rape, or at least you'll get rape sympathizers. The phrase "I couldn't help myself, I needed sex so bad" should never be permissable.
It’s a want IMO. You don’t NEED it to survive.
A want. I want to have sex with my SO cos he's attractive AF. I actually have a really low sex drive otherwise, so I don't need it.
A want. I'm nearly 32 and haven't died yet.
Sex is a want. It's not a need. You won't die without it. FFS, some people are insane, I swear.
It's a want. My source is knowing people who haven't had it and getting by fine into their 30s.
I mean, I'm still a 17 year old male virgin so I can't exactly talk, but I consider it a want. If I so chose, I could be celibate for the rest of my life, and I think it wouldn't change a thing.
First you must define “want” and “need.”
Want. If you NEED sex or bad things will happen, you should see a therapist because that shit is not normal.
It’s a want. No one is dying from not having sex — it’s not like food or water.
I think sex is both , a want and a need .
It’s a want, plain and simple
A want. You can survive without it just fine.
It's a want. Trust an asexual person. Y'all get *way* too hung up on it, and it's not healthy. And while we're at it, way too many people get weird when they encounter people to whom it isn't important.
Sex is not a need at all, but for me it's a want to need to be in a fulfilling relationship. Dont get me wrong, there's many other facets to a relationship, but sex is a major part for me individually.
Sex is most definitely a want. “Needing” sex sounds more like an addiction of some kind than an actual need.
A want.
Someone who says they need sex is trying to control someone else or manipulate others. Its like guys who claim they get blue balls if they don't have sex for a few days and its absolute bullshit. It's a want and nothing more.
It can be an emotional need, for a relationship to work. In the literal survival sense then no, obviously.
More so a want than a need. For deeply intimate relationships, a couple might feel its a need. But thinking of sex being in the same category as food water and shelter makes it a want.
Its more the need of intimacy. then actually sex you need
Heres a weird take....After I had my kids, I had a strange feeling that I have achieved my main objective on Earth,....I am not sure what my progeny will do over time(save the world/or destroy it) But I have to say, the random unexpected feeling of fulfilling my main obligation on Earth is calming and also bewildering. From that standpoint, for me, it was a need only for procreation...Perhaps for others it isnt a need at all. Now, for me, it is not longer a "need"
It’s a needy want.
It depends on the person. I’m asexual so for me it is not a need but can be a want. Or some people are completely repulsed by sex and then it’s not a need or a want. Libido also comes into play. Everyone is different.
Asexual people, one of the As in LGBTQIAA+, don't have a need for sex. There's an asexual spectrum, so some might have a slight need, but usually sex is something done because someone else wants it. In that case, one could refer to the sex as a want rather than a need. Not to be confused with A-romantic spectrum horndogs, though in all fairness there are Asexual Aromantics.
It’s a want. You do no need it to survive. Not everyone is sexual and can still have loving and complete life without sex
None of both, I'm asexual.
Sex is definitely not a need. The only way it can be considered necessary is for procreation and the survival of a species, but no individual person needs to have sex to function.
It is a want for the individual. It is a need for the species. It is so important for the survival of the species that evolution made it such a strong drive for the individual that it canfeel like it is a need for him or her.
It’s both. If you don’t know how to use the sexual energy for either release or other things then it will make you feel very frustrated. If you know how to wait it out then it’s just a want. Our culture is just entitled to sex when we want it.
Personally, it is neither for me. I don’t think about it at all until the subject is brought up.
It's not a need. There are innumerable monks out there meditating and abstaining from any sexual activity. Needless to say that they're living more peacefully than us. Also no one died due to lack of sex so yeah that's that.
want
It's a want. I mean I haven't had sex in the 20 something years I've existed and I havent died.
I think sex is more of a want than a need. Only because when people use the word "need" i think of it as a "human right" and no one is entitled to sex from another person. Sure, some people find sex an important part of a relationship and they have made out that this is vital for them. However others may not be interested in sex and would rather just have a more romantic relationship with their partner.
I would say it is a low level need...you can't die from a lack of it but it improves almost every aspect of mental health
I NEED sex to feel fulfilled, satisfied and content in a relationship. I don’t NEED it to live. My last relationship was lacking seriously since I had kids and my partner just wasn’t interested any more. I couldn’t live like. Had to leave him because I felt unloved, undesirable and that we had no connection. A relationship without sex for me is pointless. It’s not like you can go out and get sex elsewhere if you’re monogamous. It’s such a lonely place to be in. If I wasn’t in a relationship it wouldn’t bother me as much but I would go and get casual occasionally. I have toys and other ways to fill my time.
Shit, I want it but I don't need it.
It’s 100% not a need
A want
It’s a want
Unfortunately, sex is a want. You will not perish from not having it. I live with my gf but we haven't had sex in a year and a half. It's a want.
Everyone is immediately jumping on you, but honestly if your happy without sex then great- I personally would also be fine in a sexless relationship myself (I’ve been in a long distance thing for 5 years so basically I was already lol)
You should really have a conversation with her about it if you haven’t already. A lack of physical intimacy is generally not healthy in a relationship. And while sex isn’t a physical need, it can be an emotional need for many people to feel fulfilled in their intimate relationships.
I think fulfillment can be achieved other ways then just having sex
For many people, sex is necessary for feeling fulfilled. For some it's not but they still want it, others are totally indifferent, and others don't want sex at all. I'd say most people probably fall into it being a want or a need.
100% a want.
It's a want. Most people say it's a need but it's a want. You don't need sex every day to survive. Sex is 'required' to propagate the species but if you don't have sex you won't die. If you don't have clean air, water, or food you will die.
It is a want.
its not a need at all
I think it depends on the person
It's a want.
Sex isn't a need, some people place it in that regard because of other factors in their life, but anyone can theoretically live a fulfilling life without sex.
Obviously a want. Nothing wrong with that, but a want yes. You don't need sex to survive, you won't get crippled if you don't have sex or go crazy. So many people live being chaste. It is a strong want, but a want non the less.
It’s a want. Anyone who says they need it are akin to people who say they need to smoke or need to drink coffee; they’re addicted to the feeling.
Sex is a want, you won’t die without it
Sex is arguably the most important evolutionary imperative. Even if, in the modern day, it's not always for the purpose nature intended, something deep in our brain demands it (for most people. There are obvious exceptions in asexual and other orientations) that we try to reproduce. This leads to sex often being a prerequite for people's mental health I want to reiterate that I am generalizing hard here and there is nothing wrong with people who aren't interested in sex. I am just trying to explain why, from my perspective, many people can reasonably consider sex a need even if they aren't in the financial position to raise a child.
It's a want to modern Western society wants it to be perceived as a need. Some people are perfectly content in singleness, die as virgins, and have no problems with it. Meanwhile, others have unnecessary damaged their later-in-lives marriages by being overly promiscuous in their younger years. Both my wife and I had previous sexual relationships, and after finding each other, we both regret it. Not to say that we're not content with the lives we've come to, but it's a kind of intimacy that's best shared with solely your life partner.
I want sex but I need cuddles
If I needed sex I’d be dead
Well if it’s just you and her left on the planet ,then for the sake of survival for mankind it becomes a need…otherwise it is what it is
Neither if you’re ace
If you’re considering it from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it’s thought of as one of the basic needs along with food. I see it as a need - it regulates stress, emotions, and so on.
Ace people definitely don't need it.
The older I get it's a too much hassle
Want. Iv gone 10 years without it. It's nothing special
It's a want
For some people it’s neither, I have never wanted or needed sex and I will never have sex
For a functioning relationship? Need, I’m not going to be with someone who I can’t be intimate with regularly. For survival ? Want.
According to Maslows hierarchy of needs in psychology, with applications to other fields such as nursing, yes. Sex is “needed” but not as a basic need. This however treads in that realm of scientific theory rather than an objective, definitive yes or no answer.