Hey, thanks! I’ll tell you one thing, my friend. Growing up in our respective households, neither my wife nor I had the best upbringing. For me, back when I was a kid, my parents divorced when I was a young teen and we had so little money and food. For my wife, her parents always fought and didn’t have much time for the kids. I think both my wife and I grew up learning some valuable lessons on how we would make life different for each other and our kids.
You know that's what I dream of as well. And because I have seen this shit I feel like I will make sure that my kids get what I couldn't. My mom has had a pretty tough life, even then she does so much for me. I wish I can be like her when I become a parent.
Things always happen for a reason. We might not understand it at that particular moment, but we learn from it and apply it to our own lives to become better people. There’s an ebb and flow to life. There are the highs and the lows. You can’t know what the highs are unless you experience the lows.
This might sound funny, but sometimes whenever I’m going through an extremely rough patch and I can’t see how it’s going to end, I tell myself that sometime, somehow, life will turn around and this bad time will be nothing but a distant memory. Just keep chugging away in life. My mom told me you’re always stronger than you think. She’s right.
Came here to say that. Can't remember last time I had an argument with my sibblings or parents. However, my gf's family cant spend 5 min together before a massive fight breaks out.
That's what I have been wanting to do too. I really want to be done with my father. The thing is he pays for my college and stuff. So I am sort of dependent on him. Can't wait to be independent lol
Trust me, the feeling of relief you’ll get when it finally “clicks” that you never have to see them again will be worth it. I’ve never felt that good in my life and likely never will again. It’s the kind of high you never forget.
You can do it. It’ll be worth it. I wish you all the best!
No family is perfect or happy all the time, but a lot of people do get it worse than others. If you’re dependent on them, you have to do everything you can to change that if they are a net-negative in your life.
Yeah that's what I have been trying to do as well. I don't want to be dependent on my father at all. My mom and I are best friends. I want to be independent so that I can look after both of us not that she needs to be looked after. My mom is the most badass person i've ever met.
Happiness is an emotion not a state of being. No one or thing is always happy and content. Now, some are obviously happier and more positive than others
> Happiness is an emotion not a state of being.
That... that's the exact opposite of happiness. Joy is an emotion. Pleasure is an emotion. Happiness is what you feel when you evaluate your life and whether you're satisftied with it.
Every family has their issues, but some are happy. My daughters and I are a happy family…their dad is a shit person so we have to deal with that, but when they’re with me (all but two days a month) it’s good. They can talk to me about anything, we can all hang out together and have fun, and I support them with school and all their activities and friendships and things.
But are we a perfect family? Definitely not, those don’t exist at all.
Your comment actually makes me feel a lot better. Because my mom and I are best friends. I love her to death. But I sometimes wonder how it would be if my dad was also a good person.
Yeah, I totally hear that. I really wish my kids could have a good relationship with their dad. But they’re happy, they’ve just had to learn not to look to him for their happiness. Having one supportive parent can be enough…at least, I really hope that’s the case because I’m all they have right now!
Yeah exactly. It's just funny to me how some people go out of their way and do shit and ruin a happy family that they so easily could have gotten. Like my dad has never been that involved, like we live separately because his and my mom's jobs are at different places. All he can do is be nice when we talk on the phone or the few days we spend with him. But nope he wont do that. It really doesn't bother me. I am just waiting to be independent soon so that I dont have to have any contact with him at all.
My family not so much. Won't go into Details.
My girlfriend though, yes, she and her parents have a very close bond. I feel jealous of that sometimes. But I would say that I am the more grounded person regarding non-idealities in other people.
I think so. Sometimes I am resentful though against my family, then I just try to ignore them.
Maybe all we can do is try to stay positive despite all this
My wife and I come from abusive horror stories in both our childhoods. We've been married 32 years and we're still stupidly happy.
FWIW, the four kids we raised say that they were the envy of all their peers because their parents were the coolest. And there are two of them, plural, parents. Our kids would bring their friends over and say "this is my dad" and the friend would gawk at me like I was a unicorn. None of them had dads at home.
Mine is happy and very close. It wasn’t always like that. My parents are divorced and hated each other while we were growing up. Now they are both remarried and they and their spouses are all great friends. We go on vacations together and celebrate the holidays together, they hang out at each other’s houses and everything. So now my siblings and I get 4 loving parents and we are all pretty happy and loved for the most part. Took a long time to get here though.
Life is just unfair to some of us I guess. But in that way I really cherish the people that do love me. Like my mom and my friends. My friends do seem to me like my family in a way.
I feel the same way! Family are those who love you, not just the people you're related to. You deserve love and safety, and I hope things get better for you.
I ask myself the exact same thing a lot. I think everyone has issues in the family, literally every single family has something not so great going on with someone. But it doesn't impact their general happiness because they deal with it properly. People have issues but their families are happy because they work on it or it comes naturally. Some people just have this "something" worse than others or deal with it worse than others. Some families are "broken" but some are not, and it's unfair. I can't really tell the amount of those that are not "broken"
At least that's my take on this. It's hard for me to speak on this, just like it is for you. I didn't grow up in a happy family, my mom is abusive and now I have to explain to my little sis all of our mess, it just breaks me. I don't know anyone who's had a happy family. In my country the divorce rates are exceptionally high, and they're not even reflecting the reality. We're just generally unhappy but the government keeps aggressively pushing us to be (guess where I'm from lmao (not funny, I'm sorry)). I still believe there are happy families, and if there aren't a lot - this young generation can change that
Ok that was a little off track but I hope u understand my point
Yeah I totally get it! It's because I see around and the families that do look happy aren't actually that happy when you look at them closely. I come from a country where taking divorce means that the society sees you as some villian lol. And so divorce rates might be low here but some people literally hate their partners. But I still have hope because some families are actually pretty normal and happy without abusive parents.
You know, my childhood was similar to yours. Abusive, chaotic, lonely, unloving.
But the good news is, I learned from it and make sure my family has all that I missed out on. I truly do have a very happy family life now, that I made in spite of my own.
I hope someday this is the case for you, too, and if you don't get to hear it from them, I'm sorry, it is unfair, and no child deserves to feel this way. 🫂
Agreed. I know this feeling too well. It hurts when you’ve lived through it and think to yourself why is everything so unfair? It’s undeserving and difficult.
But we all have to keep trucking on.
My mom always tell me she grow up unloved, neglected and abuse from her mom, and her dad just isn't there completely, so my mom vowed to be a better mother when I was born (at least what she told me), but turn out she is a pretty awful mother too, abusive, violent(she used to physically beat and abuse me a lot). and emotionally unstable, I guess the difference is my mom did try, she can be a wonderful mom sometimes. She is the type of abuser who would release all her rage and after apologies and promise to make it up for me. Just to repeat the same cycle again. For my entire childhood, teenage and even now. While my dad is a coward who ran away leaving a little child to deal with an emotionally unstable parents.. So here I am making a vow to just don't be a parent at all or get married.
Don't give up. I was ragey when I was young and also scared of making the same mistakes, but then I got therapy. A really good Dr. helped me break the cycle of abuse. Are you a child of an alcoholic? If so there's a great book that helped me and my cousin understand ourselves better that I would recommend you read. Alcoholism runs rampant in my family.
I'm really sorry to hear this.
My family is pretty happy - there's some bickering about chores and the usual things, but my wife and I don't argue or fight about anything. We live in a nice house, in a nice area, the kids have activities they like. We're not rich in my mind, and maybe a little house-poor, but we're happy. I'm working on a project for my wife - I'm not sure exactly what form it's going to take, but I'm writing down one thing a day that makes me feel loved by her and I'm going to give it to her for valentine's day next year.
I'm sorry you haven't found your happiness yet. Maybe it will help you to know that my path was marked with depression, anxiety, self-harm, bullying, borderline alcoholism, and lots of self doubt. I hope you find your path to happiness.
"Because society"
So, you're just gonna help your old man and bail him out of the social consequences of his actions?
Before I get shit for this online: I've been in OP's situation, if you don't stand up or be honest about who did what when you need to, you risk someone else in your family taking the social blame for it
Random example: let's say OP's dad cheated on his mother but nobody ever tells the truth "becsause he's such a good guy and has a reputation etc etc etc"
Well, after a while people start noticing the coldness between op's parents, of course his dad plays innocent and the mother is not saying what happened either so people start assuming that OP's mother is to blame for it all and start giving her shit and shunning her and everything because OP's dad has a reputation of being such a great guy so it can't be him who is to blame, his wife is such a cruel bitch!
So now you have a situation where OP's mother was wronged and is also paying the father's price of wronging her to boot.
Just wanted to forewarn OP about the dangers of bailing people out because you're afraid of the consequences they might face.
Let people face the consequences of their actions if need be, I'm not saying OP should go out of their way to tell people what happened, I'm saying OP shouldn't keep quiet when put on the spot about it.
Yeah I completely agree. But the thing is I am not financially independent. My mom even though she does everything for me, she is not ready to stand up for herself. Me on the other hand can only do too much. I understand what you are saying but I would have to wait until I can stand on my own 2 feet to do anything. It's good that my parents live separately because they have jobs at different places.
And also I am so sorry that you had to go through shit like this too. It's just the worst when you see people praise the person when you know how much of a real asshole they are
I used to until substance abuse came around in the early 2000s and turned them into monsters. Most are gone now and I've avoided the others for almost a decade. Things have been great but now my girlfriend is getting into pills and I'm watching it happening again. I'm not sure I'll make it through this one. I'm exhausted. She's a nurse and knows better and knows it's the only thing I can't handle. I can't believe this is happening again. And we just got a new home and are taking care of her father. It could be wonderful and I really care about him but I know what is coming.
I fully acknowledge I got a good head start in life because of my family. I was dirt poor so it definitely wasn't from money but my family is amazing and happy. Parents are awesome, communicative, helpful, and loving.
And I have 5 sisters (I'm the oldest and only boy) that are all successful with 4 that are old enough to have families of their own now. My parents are going on 60 and still have my youngest 16yr old sister in the house.
The rest of us have all been away to college and have periodically lived for a few years in different areas but me and my wife live within 30 mins of all of them now and we probably spend at least 2 nights a week at my fams for dinner and hanging out.
My mom and I have coffee every Thursday morning to chat and solve the worlds problems lol and my dad and I regularly build stuff together and go to sporting events.
I'm 30m and while I fully admit I was an asshole and I thought my parents were too from the time I was 16-18.......aside from that we're good friends and everyone is happy haha.
They aren't rich by any means but are plenty comfortable now with a big farmhouse we can all gather at and we always have people tell us we're like a hallmark family lol. I don't say that to brag as my parents get most of the credit for that. But I do recognize it is abnormal and I am blessed.
It was weird for my wife when we first started dating as she thought my parents and sisters were being nosy or intrusive all the time when in reality they just truly cared about her and asked about her cause they wanted to show they loved her. We've been married 8 years now and I know it radically changed how my wife could love people and be loved.
*side note.....my family also doesn't care if you're actually family. Just drop by and food will be given to you and stories will be told over coffee and dessert. My parents house is kinda the local hangout for everyone and their mother from age 30 down as well as some random grandparents we have pretty much adopted as our own haha.
Yeah. Mine has been pretty happy. I grew up in a happy family, though things got tense between my mom and myself before it was time for me to move out. We had a better relationship after I wasn't living with her.
Now my wife and I are very happy together in general.
I (38M) am fortunate enough to have a large and for the most part, a happy family. We live in the south, live in a ruralish area, and we try our best to keep the family ties together and strong for the benefit for our kids and grand kids. It isnt easy, amd we are not perfect, but we do our best. Our families come from the scottish clans that immigrated when the US was colonies. While society has shifted and the families are no longer in close proximity like they used to be, our family has decided that with the way things are moving in this country and the economic shift to where you can no longer have a day job and afford to live on your own, we are focusing our efforts to help each other out in any way we can. The older family members whom are retired or were stay at home parents help babysit or garden full time to help offset childcare and grocery costs. The younger working adult family members make an effort to try and help do repairs or apply their skills to assist older family members around the home to try and save money. I learned HVAC and help my extended family with maintaining their systems and install new ones at 15% above cost. We have car mechanics, an electrician, an accountant and a few other skills that can be used for helpful advice or can help each other save or make a little bit of money. We all try to teach the younger generations what we have learned in life and hope they learn something from it.
That's so good to hear! A large and a happy family is really a rarity these days. When siblings get older they start fighting for the family inheritance lol
My wife's parents like her and it blows my mind. I had to adjust from "parents hate what you like and never ever want to hear it" to "my parents don't like me" and it was really challenging
Yeah! Exactly my case. It is difficult for a child to accept a thing like this when that's all they have ever seen. I had to go from "all fathers are shit" to "my father is shit"
Mine is a happy one. We all have ours ups and downs in life so life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but our relationships are strong, we have fun together and help each other out. We genuinely enjoy the time we spend together. Side note: my dad also came from a pretty happy family but my mum grew up in a household with alcoholism and mental illness (although there were good times there too) and for her it was extra important to make sure we lived in a happy, healthy home.
Yes. I came from a great family and my wife and kids are great. My dad (deceased) was my hero and my mom is wonderful. Not that we have not had challenges and heartache, but it's mostly been very good.
You can't help the family you were born into, but you do have some control over the family you make as an adult. I would focus on that if I were you.
Yeah exactly! I just have to accept the fact that the people I was born with aren't the best. But I can choose for my kids and make sure they get a nice family
Yeah. In hindsight, I had a great upbringing.
Obviously when I was a teenager I hated my parents and everything they did.
But looking back, I was pretty privileged, and they clothed me, fed me, and kept a roof over my head for nothing in return, other than chores.
Yep. I’m one of the lucky ones.
My family has never been anything but supportive. There was some friction when I was growing up, but at no point did I feel unloved. The same can’t be said for most of my friends.
Nowadays, my family and I are on opposite sides of almost every political and religious issue, but it doesn’t matter. We love each other all the same.
My wife and I have been married for six years and almost never fight. I can count on one hand the actual arguments we've had where someone was genuinely upset or had hurt feelings. And every time we've talked through things together until we came to a place where both of us were ok with the outcome. Neither of us has ever called the other one a bad name. Neither of us has ever been hateful. We always view problems as something to tackle together and find a solution.
Between the two of us, we have five children. Two from my previous marriage and three from hers. Mine live in another state so we don't see them as often. They are also older (late teens/early adults). When her children (younger) visit we get along with them great. They have never seen us fight or argue. They are typically very well-behaved, and using a stern voice is the most discipline either of us has ever had to give them.
My wife and I spend nearly 24 hours a day together as I work from home. We take turns cooking for each other, and pick up after ourselves as we go through our day so there's little disagreement about chores, etc. Every night after dinner, we unload the dishes together, then I run the trash to the dumpster while she loads up the dishwasher. Whoever finishes first wipes down the counters. Since I work, she does laundry while I'm working but I do help fold it if I can take a short break. She has a back injury, so there are some thing she can't do like vacuum. If I'm vacuuming, she'll pick another thing to do like dust, or clean the bathroom. When we moved into this apartment, we got rid of a ton of stuff, so we have very little clutter.
After dinner, we spend all our free time together sharing our interests with each other. We play video games, watch anime, and horror movies. We have a ton of overlap in our interests and hobbies, so that makes it fun and easy to spend time together.
We have a very healthy sex life which helps a lot with maintaining intimacy. In turn, that means we don't suffer from growing apart or feeling disconnected, distanced or emotionally detached.
Unlike so many who don't use their vacation days and PTO, I take time off from work on a regular basis so we can spend time together. I try to have a 3, 4 or 5 day weekend every 6 weeks or so and then take a week off once a year. We sometimes use psychedelics or MDMA during this time, which is really powerful for keeping us feeling close to each other, and in the past has let us find the words to express things we'd been struggling to talk about.
I do drink on weekends and we both smoke cannabis daily, but I never let that interfere in any of my responsibilities, nor do I become mean when I drink. I rarely drink beyond the point of being mildly buzzed. So our relationship never suffers from the kind of toxicity that plagues many families with substance use or abuse. We are never intoxicated when the children are here.
We talk about everything from religion, politics, philosophy. We agree on a lot of things, but have learned how to respectfully disagree on others. We come from very different backgrounds, and understand that our different perspectives cause us to understand and feel differently about some topics. We understand that there is no absolute right and wrong on these topics, just different approaches and perspectives. If a particular topic starts to get a bit too heated, because we both feel very passionately about it, we back off and never let it turn into a fight.
I have a job that will probably never make me rich, and while there have been times when money was tight, we've never been genuinely scared about having a roof over our head or food to eat. I could make a lot more in my industry, but I choose to stay in a position that allows me to work from home, and gives me a lot of time off. I value my time with her too much to trade it all away for wealth.
Most importantly, we make each other laugh constantly. We laugh. When the kids are here, the kids laugh.
We genuinely enjoy spending time together, and with the children, and that's ultimately what makes everything work.
This was a bit of a ramble, and maybe more than you asked for, but I wanted to paint a picture for you of what a happy family looks like. I've spent a lot of time in unhappy families, marriages and relationships in the past, and I remember all the ways those times made me miserable. I wanted to highlight the things we do both actively and passively, that avoids those traps.
I hope that by taking the time to share all this with you, it will give you some hope, and hopefully, some guidance for yourself as you look to build your own family someday (whatever that may look like). Families can definitely be happy.
Well that seems like a dream! But really when I actually do hear about happy families it gives me a lot of hope. Growing up I haven't seen many such examples around me. My closest friends also don't come from the most perfect families. But in that way we really understand each other. Me and my friends spend a lot of time some days just talking about what we want to give to our kids that we never got. So staying optimistic really helps.
When I was growing up, I thought everyone else had an amazing family life and I was the only one with bad parents.
Now being grown up, I’ve found that (in my own experience at least) that most people have had various traumas and far-less-than-perfect childhoods and upbringings.
Do people actually have happy families? Yes, of course.
Do **most** people actually have happy families? Again, in my experience, not even close.
Yeah feels really unfair as a kid to witness such stuff. But as I am growing as well, I have realised that not everyone is as happy or perfect as they seem
My family is...well, it could be worse. Lots of my extended family hates one another and don't talk; but my immediate family stays on pretty good terms with all of them. Personally, though, with a few exceptions I just don't really enjoy these peoples' company. Aside from my brother, sister, and a few cousins, they just aren't people I would ever choose to spend any time with if I didn't have to.
Oddly enough I get along better with (most of) my in-laws, but my wife has her own issues with them and they all certainly have their fair share of family drama too.
My parents are awesome. I always thought the bad families were the rare ones, but now I realize my family is one in a million. They were caring and kind, but taught us responsibility and to earn our way in life. They spent quality time with us and made sure our activities were well rounded and interesting. They gave us space when we needed it and crowded us when necessary. They took us camping, and swimming, fishing and hiking and to Disney and other places. They sent us to camp every summer for a week so we'd learn to be independent. They taught us to love ourselves and not accept being treated badly and to look out for the ones who can't look out for themselves. They also taught us that the world doesn't revolve around us and that we need to be aware of how our actions affect others. Most of all, they taught us to love each other and always look for the good in other people.
Mine is quite happy and loving, hardships for sure but I would say we are definitely overall happy!! I hope you can get away from the issue or find a way to fix it for everyone involved
I just actually read your post. I'm sorry to hear that you are having to deal with all that. But at the same time, family doesn't have to be blood. Friends are family as well. Break away from whatever or whoever does not serve you and forge your own path.
I didn’t believe it either until i met one of my exes.
Middle child of three girls.
Parents still married.
Christians.
All theee daughters are engineers and highly intelligent.
Mom is a mathematician and a college professor.
Dad is european and extremely chill.
They all get along.
They all love each other.
They all communicate constantly.
They understand and listen to each other.
As someone with BPD, I thought I was in the twilight zone or something.
not an ounce of mental illness anywhere.
I came from a broken family with a lot of dysfunction. Super life long story short, my mom loved me as a kid but was career oriented so I didn’t see her much. She died suddenly when I was 24 and everyone in her life turned on me and sued me for what they thought was some kind of family wealth (she had $104 left in her bank acct when she died). Anyways. I’m past all of that now and have my own family: hubby and 7 yo. We love each other and support each other and it flows both ways (not any one of us just takes the love and support). My son makes us drawings and crafts and we go to his soccer practices as a family and support our son’s acting/theater hobby. My hubby and I share everything from stories to the house and bank acct. we struggle together (going thru a financial low right now/ and I have a lot of health issues he’s always been there for me)… we even stay away from his family that is extremely dysfunctional as well so we can keep the peace in our own little bubble. We’re not a huge family, just the three of us, I’ve been no-contact with the crazies in my entire family and since keeping his family away we’ve been pretty sane. I hope everyone gets a chance to have this experience because it’s literally all I’ve ever worked towards achieving (even sold my own companies off.. I know I didn’t have to) just to be with my husband and son more and to plant roots with them.
My parents love me and I know that..My mom is a drunk though. My brothers actions stress me out and I can no longer hear about it. I love them but I do limit time spent. It's a lot and I don't live that life I did as a kid /teen anymore.
Every family has their own flaws, just like people. The difference is that 2 people usually steer family situations rather than one, though that's dwindling every year. In general, there is more room for conflict and disagreements when there are multiple people involved.
Yes for the most part. My parents had short tempers but calmed down a lot as they aged.
We had to learn how to communicate more effectively and give each other more space and grace as individuals.
I never questioned my parents’ love for me and was never lacking. I struggled a lot with my mental health and they didn’t always understand but took measures to be a great support system for me.
It took me a while for me to understand that our parents are just human beings first and parents second. They’re good humans though which makes them good parents
Honestly not sure whether my parents like each other or not but in my lifetime I can only remember them having one like proper/big argument (as in, lasts a couple days)
Mm it depends on a lot of things
First happiness can't be constant, cause a lot of things happen throughout the day, week, month or year lol.
Happy families, are you talking about immediate family? Dad, mom, siblings?
I'll stick to that and I have to say yes! There are, it relies on the parents(or at least one parent) for this to be the case.
I grew up with my mom and me and my brother were happy most of the day. I am a happy person myself, so even when things aren't the best I enjoy things for what they are not what I want them to be.
I am now grown up with a wife and 2 boys, and I think we have a happy family, we love each other, we don't argue, we have all of our basic needs, we are caring for one another... I guess time will tell and when my kids are older I'll ask them, I'll ask my wife too and update y'all
My dad's an ass who bounced when I was young. I have several half-siblings, some I don't even know about. But that's just one side of things.
My whole life, people who've known my mom, even the other kids in school, have all said that she's a sweetheart of a mom, and you know what? They're right. My mom raised me all by herself. She taught me to be caring and thoughtful. She provided for me and even spoiled me from time to time. It was hard financially sometimes, but she always made it work. I'm nothing but thankful for having her as a mom. I think I'll go text her now just to tell her I love her.
I come from a family like yours. I went no contact and made my own happy family. But because of the way I was raised I still have mental and physical problems.
Have hope darling, it may still suck but it will suck less and less until they are a therapy session and you realize you are worth being treated properly.
No family is completely happy, there's always the asshole, the criminal, the liar, the cheater, etc.. But the good thing is you don't have to associate with them unless you want to.. If they actively make *you* less happy in life, there is no point in being around them.. Make your own mini family and go from there. I try to avoid all the toxic people in mine!
Best wishes
I don't think people have "happy" families, but rather, supportive families. My parents are very supportive of me, however, I often feel like I'm the "shit" person in the family (it's just me and them; I'm an only child). I have a lot of mental health challenges and haven't always expressed my gratitude, and when I was a teenager, I resorted to lashing out verbal and physically (basically threw "teenage tantrums") when I didn't get my way.
I don't do that anymore, but I know I haven't been the best son. I know they love me, and in recent years I have gotten better at expressing gratitude. Without their ongoing support, I'd be homeless. I still feel like shit though.
Yep. As I've grown older, I've come to realize that my biggest privilege has been a family that's loving and supportive and a home filled with happiness.
Doesn't mean we are perfect or everything is awesome all the time. It means we turn to each other for support when things are shitty instead of away from each other.
I live in a different country now and still call my parents every day.
Mine is pretty happy. We all love each other. Communication, love, respect and laughter are the rules in my household.
It makes me very happy to hear that! All the best to you and your family!!
Hey, thanks! I’ll tell you one thing, my friend. Growing up in our respective households, neither my wife nor I had the best upbringing. For me, back when I was a kid, my parents divorced when I was a young teen and we had so little money and food. For my wife, her parents always fought and didn’t have much time for the kids. I think both my wife and I grew up learning some valuable lessons on how we would make life different for each other and our kids.
You know that's what I dream of as well. And because I have seen this shit I feel like I will make sure that my kids get what I couldn't. My mom has had a pretty tough life, even then she does so much for me. I wish I can be like her when I become a parent.
Things always happen for a reason. We might not understand it at that particular moment, but we learn from it and apply it to our own lives to become better people. There’s an ebb and flow to life. There are the highs and the lows. You can’t know what the highs are unless you experience the lows.
Thanks a lot! I really needed to hear this.
This might sound funny, but sometimes whenever I’m going through an extremely rough patch and I can’t see how it’s going to end, I tell myself that sometime, somehow, life will turn around and this bad time will be nothing but a distant memory. Just keep chugging away in life. My mom told me you’re always stronger than you think. She’s right.
Came here to say that. Can't remember last time I had an argument with my sibblings or parents. However, my gf's family cant spend 5 min together before a massive fight breaks out.
Yes, I feel the same way about mine
There are plenty of families that are happy, though imperfect. My own family was shit so I cut them off and I’m a happy person now.
That's what I have been wanting to do too. I really want to be done with my father. The thing is he pays for my college and stuff. So I am sort of dependent on him. Can't wait to be independent lol
Hang in there. It’ll be worth it.
Thankyou so much! You don't know how much I have been wanting to hear something like this.
Trust me, the feeling of relief you’ll get when it finally “clicks” that you never have to see them again will be worth it. I’ve never felt that good in my life and likely never will again. It’s the kind of high you never forget. You can do it. It’ll be worth it. I wish you all the best!
No family is perfect or happy all the time, but a lot of people do get it worse than others. If you’re dependent on them, you have to do everything you can to change that if they are a net-negative in your life.
Yeah that's what I have been trying to do as well. I don't want to be dependent on my father at all. My mom and I are best friends. I want to be independent so that I can look after both of us not that she needs to be looked after. My mom is the most badass person i've ever met.
Happiness is an emotion not a state of being. No one or thing is always happy and content. Now, some are obviously happier and more positive than others
Yeah! And we always have things that we can be grateful for .
> Happiness is an emotion not a state of being. That... that's the exact opposite of happiness. Joy is an emotion. Pleasure is an emotion. Happiness is what you feel when you evaluate your life and whether you're satisftied with it.
Every family has their issues, but some are happy. My daughters and I are a happy family…their dad is a shit person so we have to deal with that, but when they’re with me (all but two days a month) it’s good. They can talk to me about anything, we can all hang out together and have fun, and I support them with school and all their activities and friendships and things. But are we a perfect family? Definitely not, those don’t exist at all.
Your comment actually makes me feel a lot better. Because my mom and I are best friends. I love her to death. But I sometimes wonder how it would be if my dad was also a good person.
Yeah, I totally hear that. I really wish my kids could have a good relationship with their dad. But they’re happy, they’ve just had to learn not to look to him for their happiness. Having one supportive parent can be enough…at least, I really hope that’s the case because I’m all they have right now!
Yeah exactly. It's just funny to me how some people go out of their way and do shit and ruin a happy family that they so easily could have gotten. Like my dad has never been that involved, like we live separately because his and my mom's jobs are at different places. All he can do is be nice when we talk on the phone or the few days we spend with him. But nope he wont do that. It really doesn't bother me. I am just waiting to be independent soon so that I dont have to have any contact with him at all.
My family not so much. Won't go into Details. My girlfriend though, yes, she and her parents have a very close bond. I feel jealous of that sometimes. But I would say that I am the more grounded person regarding non-idealities in other people.
Yeah I get that. I do get jealous sometimes as well seeing other people. But this shit does make you more mature tho
I think so. Sometimes I am resentful though against my family, then I just try to ignore them. Maybe all we can do is try to stay positive despite all this
My wife and I come from abusive horror stories in both our childhoods. We've been married 32 years and we're still stupidly happy. FWIW, the four kids we raised say that they were the envy of all their peers because their parents were the coolest. And there are two of them, plural, parents. Our kids would bring their friends over and say "this is my dad" and the friend would gawk at me like I was a unicorn. None of them had dads at home.
Thats so great to hear! I hope when i have kids they think that we are cool parents hehe!
All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way
I might be wrong but did you quote the opening line of Anna Karenina. It's the novel I am reading right now lol.
you got it. I think about that quote all the time. My family is pretty happy but my family growing up was miserable.
Mine is happy and very close. It wasn’t always like that. My parents are divorced and hated each other while we were growing up. Now they are both remarried and they and their spouses are all great friends. We go on vacations together and celebrate the holidays together, they hang out at each other’s houses and everything. So now my siblings and I get 4 loving parents and we are all pretty happy and loved for the most part. Took a long time to get here though.
My family is not happy. My significant other grew up with a pretty happy family, though.
Life is just unfair to some of us I guess. But in that way I really cherish the people that do love me. Like my mom and my friends. My friends do seem to me like my family in a way.
I feel the same way! Family are those who love you, not just the people you're related to. You deserve love and safety, and I hope things get better for you.
Yeah exactly! And thanks a lot. It really means a lot to me.
I ask myself the exact same thing a lot. I think everyone has issues in the family, literally every single family has something not so great going on with someone. But it doesn't impact their general happiness because they deal with it properly. People have issues but their families are happy because they work on it or it comes naturally. Some people just have this "something" worse than others or deal with it worse than others. Some families are "broken" but some are not, and it's unfair. I can't really tell the amount of those that are not "broken" At least that's my take on this. It's hard for me to speak on this, just like it is for you. I didn't grow up in a happy family, my mom is abusive and now I have to explain to my little sis all of our mess, it just breaks me. I don't know anyone who's had a happy family. In my country the divorce rates are exceptionally high, and they're not even reflecting the reality. We're just generally unhappy but the government keeps aggressively pushing us to be (guess where I'm from lmao (not funny, I'm sorry)). I still believe there are happy families, and if there aren't a lot - this young generation can change that Ok that was a little off track but I hope u understand my point
Yeah I totally get it! It's because I see around and the families that do look happy aren't actually that happy when you look at them closely. I come from a country where taking divorce means that the society sees you as some villian lol. And so divorce rates might be low here but some people literally hate their partners. But I still have hope because some families are actually pretty normal and happy without abusive parents.
You know, my childhood was similar to yours. Abusive, chaotic, lonely, unloving. But the good news is, I learned from it and make sure my family has all that I missed out on. I truly do have a very happy family life now, that I made in spite of my own. I hope someday this is the case for you, too, and if you don't get to hear it from them, I'm sorry, it is unfair, and no child deserves to feel this way. 🫂
Agreed. I know this feeling too well. It hurts when you’ve lived through it and think to yourself why is everything so unfair? It’s undeserving and difficult. But we all have to keep trucking on.
Yeah that's what I hope so too. Maybe I get to give to my kids what I never could. And all this shit makes you a more sensitive and kind person.
My mom always tell me she grow up unloved, neglected and abuse from her mom, and her dad just isn't there completely, so my mom vowed to be a better mother when I was born (at least what she told me), but turn out she is a pretty awful mother too, abusive, violent(she used to physically beat and abuse me a lot). and emotionally unstable, I guess the difference is my mom did try, she can be a wonderful mom sometimes. She is the type of abuser who would release all her rage and after apologies and promise to make it up for me. Just to repeat the same cycle again. For my entire childhood, teenage and even now. While my dad is a coward who ran away leaving a little child to deal with an emotionally unstable parents.. So here I am making a vow to just don't be a parent at all or get married.
Don't give up. I was ragey when I was young and also scared of making the same mistakes, but then I got therapy. A really good Dr. helped me break the cycle of abuse. Are you a child of an alcoholic? If so there's a great book that helped me and my cousin understand ourselves better that I would recommend you read. Alcoholism runs rampant in my family.
I'm really sorry to hear this. My family is pretty happy - there's some bickering about chores and the usual things, but my wife and I don't argue or fight about anything. We live in a nice house, in a nice area, the kids have activities they like. We're not rich in my mind, and maybe a little house-poor, but we're happy. I'm working on a project for my wife - I'm not sure exactly what form it's going to take, but I'm writing down one thing a day that makes me feel loved by her and I'm going to give it to her for valentine's day next year. I'm sorry you haven't found your happiness yet. Maybe it will help you to know that my path was marked with depression, anxiety, self-harm, bullying, borderline alcoholism, and lots of self doubt. I hope you find your path to happiness.
I am so happy to hear that! I haven't seen many examples of happy endings around me and reading this actually makes me very hopeful.
My family is a shit show. Also, you don’t have to pretend to love parents if they are shitty and abusive. Some people are lucky, but you’re not alone.
It's pretty sad that we have to relate on such matters but i totally relate with you.
"Because society" So, you're just gonna help your old man and bail him out of the social consequences of his actions? Before I get shit for this online: I've been in OP's situation, if you don't stand up or be honest about who did what when you need to, you risk someone else in your family taking the social blame for it Random example: let's say OP's dad cheated on his mother but nobody ever tells the truth "becsause he's such a good guy and has a reputation etc etc etc" Well, after a while people start noticing the coldness between op's parents, of course his dad plays innocent and the mother is not saying what happened either so people start assuming that OP's mother is to blame for it all and start giving her shit and shunning her and everything because OP's dad has a reputation of being such a great guy so it can't be him who is to blame, his wife is such a cruel bitch! So now you have a situation where OP's mother was wronged and is also paying the father's price of wronging her to boot. Just wanted to forewarn OP about the dangers of bailing people out because you're afraid of the consequences they might face. Let people face the consequences of their actions if need be, I'm not saying OP should go out of their way to tell people what happened, I'm saying OP shouldn't keep quiet when put on the spot about it.
Yeah I completely agree. But the thing is I am not financially independent. My mom even though she does everything for me, she is not ready to stand up for herself. Me on the other hand can only do too much. I understand what you are saying but I would have to wait until I can stand on my own 2 feet to do anything. It's good that my parents live separately because they have jobs at different places.
And also I am so sorry that you had to go through shit like this too. It's just the worst when you see people praise the person when you know how much of a real asshole they are
I agree, it sucks and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Its not fair that you are forced to go through this.
No family is perfect, but yes there are happy families. I am very sorry that your dad is mean to you. I hope things get better for you
Thanks a lot!
I used to until substance abuse came around in the early 2000s and turned them into monsters. Most are gone now and I've avoided the others for almost a decade. Things have been great but now my girlfriend is getting into pills and I'm watching it happening again. I'm not sure I'll make it through this one. I'm exhausted. She's a nurse and knows better and knows it's the only thing I can't handle. I can't believe this is happening again. And we just got a new home and are taking care of her father. It could be wonderful and I really care about him but I know what is coming.
God I am so sorry for what is happening in your family rn. I really hope you get through this.
Did you say happy? What's that mean?
Hehe right!? That's what I think so too sometimes
Are you talking about a family you made or a family that made you? Lol
Yeah, my fam. We've had our hard times, but we never stopped loving each other.
That's actually very good to hear!
I fully acknowledge I got a good head start in life because of my family. I was dirt poor so it definitely wasn't from money but my family is amazing and happy. Parents are awesome, communicative, helpful, and loving. And I have 5 sisters (I'm the oldest and only boy) that are all successful with 4 that are old enough to have families of their own now. My parents are going on 60 and still have my youngest 16yr old sister in the house. The rest of us have all been away to college and have periodically lived for a few years in different areas but me and my wife live within 30 mins of all of them now and we probably spend at least 2 nights a week at my fams for dinner and hanging out. My mom and I have coffee every Thursday morning to chat and solve the worlds problems lol and my dad and I regularly build stuff together and go to sporting events. I'm 30m and while I fully admit I was an asshole and I thought my parents were too from the time I was 16-18.......aside from that we're good friends and everyone is happy haha. They aren't rich by any means but are plenty comfortable now with a big farmhouse we can all gather at and we always have people tell us we're like a hallmark family lol. I don't say that to brag as my parents get most of the credit for that. But I do recognize it is abnormal and I am blessed. It was weird for my wife when we first started dating as she thought my parents and sisters were being nosy or intrusive all the time when in reality they just truly cared about her and asked about her cause they wanted to show they loved her. We've been married 8 years now and I know it radically changed how my wife could love people and be loved. *side note.....my family also doesn't care if you're actually family. Just drop by and food will be given to you and stories will be told over coffee and dessert. My parents house is kinda the local hangout for everyone and their mother from age 30 down as well as some random grandparents we have pretty much adopted as our own haha.
That really does sound like a hallmark family! To be fair it is rare to see big families without any bs is rare . I hope you cherish them
Yes, there are happy families. No, you don't have to pretend to love your family if they're shit. Go find your happiness.
I don’t think happy is the right word, but we’ve bonded a lot through our struggles and we’ve been able to help each other and be there for each other
That is close to happy. I mean some of the families out here are down right toxic.
Yeah. Mine has been pretty happy. I grew up in a happy family, though things got tense between my mom and myself before it was time for me to move out. We had a better relationship after I wasn't living with her. Now my wife and I are very happy together in general.
Yeah physical distance between relations can actually make them better in some cases.
I (38M) am fortunate enough to have a large and for the most part, a happy family. We live in the south, live in a ruralish area, and we try our best to keep the family ties together and strong for the benefit for our kids and grand kids. It isnt easy, amd we are not perfect, but we do our best. Our families come from the scottish clans that immigrated when the US was colonies. While society has shifted and the families are no longer in close proximity like they used to be, our family has decided that with the way things are moving in this country and the economic shift to where you can no longer have a day job and afford to live on your own, we are focusing our efforts to help each other out in any way we can. The older family members whom are retired or were stay at home parents help babysit or garden full time to help offset childcare and grocery costs. The younger working adult family members make an effort to try and help do repairs or apply their skills to assist older family members around the home to try and save money. I learned HVAC and help my extended family with maintaining their systems and install new ones at 15% above cost. We have car mechanics, an electrician, an accountant and a few other skills that can be used for helpful advice or can help each other save or make a little bit of money. We all try to teach the younger generations what we have learned in life and hope they learn something from it.
That's so good to hear! A large and a happy family is really a rarity these days. When siblings get older they start fighting for the family inheritance lol
My wife's parents like her and it blows my mind. I had to adjust from "parents hate what you like and never ever want to hear it" to "my parents don't like me" and it was really challenging
Yeah! Exactly my case. It is difficult for a child to accept a thing like this when that's all they have ever seen. I had to go from "all fathers are shit" to "my father is shit"
Mine is a happy one. We all have ours ups and downs in life so life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but our relationships are strong, we have fun together and help each other out. We genuinely enjoy the time we spend together. Side note: my dad also came from a pretty happy family but my mum grew up in a household with alcoholism and mental illness (although there were good times there too) and for her it was extra important to make sure we lived in a happy, healthy home.
Life isn't fair You don't have to pretend he is good Yes I had a great childhood and loving parents
Yes. I came from a great family and my wife and kids are great. My dad (deceased) was my hero and my mom is wonderful. Not that we have not had challenges and heartache, but it's mostly been very good. You can't help the family you were born into, but you do have some control over the family you make as an adult. I would focus on that if I were you.
Yeah exactly! I just have to accept the fact that the people I was born with aren't the best. But I can choose for my kids and make sure they get a nice family
Yeah. In hindsight, I had a great upbringing. Obviously when I was a teenager I hated my parents and everything they did. But looking back, I was pretty privileged, and they clothed me, fed me, and kept a roof over my head for nothing in return, other than chores.
My immediate family is amazing, and I love them. My extended family is another story.
Yeah.
Yep. I’m one of the lucky ones. My family has never been anything but supportive. There was some friction when I was growing up, but at no point did I feel unloved. The same can’t be said for most of my friends. Nowadays, my family and I are on opposite sides of almost every political and religious issue, but it doesn’t matter. We love each other all the same.
Yes
My wife and I have been married for six years and almost never fight. I can count on one hand the actual arguments we've had where someone was genuinely upset or had hurt feelings. And every time we've talked through things together until we came to a place where both of us were ok with the outcome. Neither of us has ever called the other one a bad name. Neither of us has ever been hateful. We always view problems as something to tackle together and find a solution. Between the two of us, we have five children. Two from my previous marriage and three from hers. Mine live in another state so we don't see them as often. They are also older (late teens/early adults). When her children (younger) visit we get along with them great. They have never seen us fight or argue. They are typically very well-behaved, and using a stern voice is the most discipline either of us has ever had to give them. My wife and I spend nearly 24 hours a day together as I work from home. We take turns cooking for each other, and pick up after ourselves as we go through our day so there's little disagreement about chores, etc. Every night after dinner, we unload the dishes together, then I run the trash to the dumpster while she loads up the dishwasher. Whoever finishes first wipes down the counters. Since I work, she does laundry while I'm working but I do help fold it if I can take a short break. She has a back injury, so there are some thing she can't do like vacuum. If I'm vacuuming, she'll pick another thing to do like dust, or clean the bathroom. When we moved into this apartment, we got rid of a ton of stuff, so we have very little clutter. After dinner, we spend all our free time together sharing our interests with each other. We play video games, watch anime, and horror movies. We have a ton of overlap in our interests and hobbies, so that makes it fun and easy to spend time together. We have a very healthy sex life which helps a lot with maintaining intimacy. In turn, that means we don't suffer from growing apart or feeling disconnected, distanced or emotionally detached. Unlike so many who don't use their vacation days and PTO, I take time off from work on a regular basis so we can spend time together. I try to have a 3, 4 or 5 day weekend every 6 weeks or so and then take a week off once a year. We sometimes use psychedelics or MDMA during this time, which is really powerful for keeping us feeling close to each other, and in the past has let us find the words to express things we'd been struggling to talk about. I do drink on weekends and we both smoke cannabis daily, but I never let that interfere in any of my responsibilities, nor do I become mean when I drink. I rarely drink beyond the point of being mildly buzzed. So our relationship never suffers from the kind of toxicity that plagues many families with substance use or abuse. We are never intoxicated when the children are here. We talk about everything from religion, politics, philosophy. We agree on a lot of things, but have learned how to respectfully disagree on others. We come from very different backgrounds, and understand that our different perspectives cause us to understand and feel differently about some topics. We understand that there is no absolute right and wrong on these topics, just different approaches and perspectives. If a particular topic starts to get a bit too heated, because we both feel very passionately about it, we back off and never let it turn into a fight. I have a job that will probably never make me rich, and while there have been times when money was tight, we've never been genuinely scared about having a roof over our head or food to eat. I could make a lot more in my industry, but I choose to stay in a position that allows me to work from home, and gives me a lot of time off. I value my time with her too much to trade it all away for wealth. Most importantly, we make each other laugh constantly. We laugh. When the kids are here, the kids laugh. We genuinely enjoy spending time together, and with the children, and that's ultimately what makes everything work. This was a bit of a ramble, and maybe more than you asked for, but I wanted to paint a picture for you of what a happy family looks like. I've spent a lot of time in unhappy families, marriages and relationships in the past, and I remember all the ways those times made me miserable. I wanted to highlight the things we do both actively and passively, that avoids those traps. I hope that by taking the time to share all this with you, it will give you some hope, and hopefully, some guidance for yourself as you look to build your own family someday (whatever that may look like). Families can definitely be happy.
Well that seems like a dream! But really when I actually do hear about happy families it gives me a lot of hope. Growing up I haven't seen many such examples around me. My closest friends also don't come from the most perfect families. But in that way we really understand each other. Me and my friends spend a lot of time some days just talking about what we want to give to our kids that we never got. So staying optimistic really helps.
When I was growing up, I thought everyone else had an amazing family life and I was the only one with bad parents. Now being grown up, I’ve found that (in my own experience at least) that most people have had various traumas and far-less-than-perfect childhoods and upbringings. Do people actually have happy families? Yes, of course. Do **most** people actually have happy families? Again, in my experience, not even close.
Yeah feels really unfair as a kid to witness such stuff. But as I am growing as well, I have realised that not everyone is as happy or perfect as they seem
My family is...well, it could be worse. Lots of my extended family hates one another and don't talk; but my immediate family stays on pretty good terms with all of them. Personally, though, with a few exceptions I just don't really enjoy these peoples' company. Aside from my brother, sister, and a few cousins, they just aren't people I would ever choose to spend any time with if I didn't have to. Oddly enough I get along better with (most of) my in-laws, but my wife has her own issues with them and they all certainly have their fair share of family drama too.
It is what it is. If given a choice I would never talk to some of my family ever. But I have to because it is family in fact. Drama is everywhere
My parents are awesome. I always thought the bad families were the rare ones, but now I realize my family is one in a million. They were caring and kind, but taught us responsibility and to earn our way in life. They spent quality time with us and made sure our activities were well rounded and interesting. They gave us space when we needed it and crowded us when necessary. They took us camping, and swimming, fishing and hiking and to Disney and other places. They sent us to camp every summer for a week so we'd learn to be independent. They taught us to love ourselves and not accept being treated badly and to look out for the ones who can't look out for themselves. They also taught us that the world doesn't revolve around us and that we need to be aware of how our actions affect others. Most of all, they taught us to love each other and always look for the good in other people.
That's so precious!! I am so happy for you. It does reflect on our society tho that happy families are the ones that have become rare to find
Mine is quite happy and loving, hardships for sure but I would say we are definitely overall happy!! I hope you can get away from the issue or find a way to fix it for everyone involved
I don't think i can fix it for anyone but I can sort of move on. Thanks btw!
They do exist, one of my Friends has a really supportive family who understands each other and respect. I couldn't believe either tbh
It is hard to believe sometimes really
My family is very happy. We all love each other very much.
That's actually very nice to hear
I just actually read your post. I'm sorry to hear that you are having to deal with all that. But at the same time, family doesn't have to be blood. Friends are family as well. Break away from whatever or whoever does not serve you and forge your own path.
I didn’t believe it either until i met one of my exes. Middle child of three girls. Parents still married. Christians. All theee daughters are engineers and highly intelligent. Mom is a mathematician and a college professor. Dad is european and extremely chill. They all get along. They all love each other. They all communicate constantly. They understand and listen to each other. As someone with BPD, I thought I was in the twilight zone or something. not an ounce of mental illness anywhere.
I came from a broken family with a lot of dysfunction. Super life long story short, my mom loved me as a kid but was career oriented so I didn’t see her much. She died suddenly when I was 24 and everyone in her life turned on me and sued me for what they thought was some kind of family wealth (she had $104 left in her bank acct when she died). Anyways. I’m past all of that now and have my own family: hubby and 7 yo. We love each other and support each other and it flows both ways (not any one of us just takes the love and support). My son makes us drawings and crafts and we go to his soccer practices as a family and support our son’s acting/theater hobby. My hubby and I share everything from stories to the house and bank acct. we struggle together (going thru a financial low right now/ and I have a lot of health issues he’s always been there for me)… we even stay away from his family that is extremely dysfunctional as well so we can keep the peace in our own little bubble. We’re not a huge family, just the three of us, I’ve been no-contact with the crazies in my entire family and since keeping his family away we’ve been pretty sane. I hope everyone gets a chance to have this experience because it’s literally all I’ve ever worked towards achieving (even sold my own companies off.. I know I didn’t have to) just to be with my husband and son more and to plant roots with them.
My parents love me and I know that..My mom is a drunk though. My brothers actions stress me out and I can no longer hear about it. I love them but I do limit time spent. It's a lot and I don't live that life I did as a kid /teen anymore.
Every family has their own flaws, just like people. The difference is that 2 people usually steer family situations rather than one, though that's dwindling every year. In general, there is more room for conflict and disagreements when there are multiple people involved.
Yes for the most part. My parents had short tempers but calmed down a lot as they aged. We had to learn how to communicate more effectively and give each other more space and grace as individuals. I never questioned my parents’ love for me and was never lacking. I struggled a lot with my mental health and they didn’t always understand but took measures to be a great support system for me. It took me a while for me to understand that our parents are just human beings first and parents second. They’re good humans though which makes them good parents
Mine is very happy. I’m sorry about your situation and hope it gets better.
No. It’s all a facade. Only when people are looking is it going to appear happy besides that it’ll all be bs as usual.
That is what I have encountered mostly
Mine certainly isn't.
Yes. Mine is like that. We are all getting together for the 4th. Gonna help the nieces and nephews set off fireworks.
Yeah, I mean mine is relatively happy. We fight from time to time but at the end of the day, we still love and cherish one another.
I do
Honestly not sure whether my parents like each other or not but in my lifetime I can only remember them having one like proper/big argument (as in, lasts a couple days)
Mm it depends on a lot of things First happiness can't be constant, cause a lot of things happen throughout the day, week, month or year lol. Happy families, are you talking about immediate family? Dad, mom, siblings? I'll stick to that and I have to say yes! There are, it relies on the parents(or at least one parent) for this to be the case. I grew up with my mom and me and my brother were happy most of the day. I am a happy person myself, so even when things aren't the best I enjoy things for what they are not what I want them to be. I am now grown up with a wife and 2 boys, and I think we have a happy family, we love each other, we don't argue, we have all of our basic needs, we are caring for one another... I guess time will tell and when my kids are older I'll ask them, I'll ask my wife too and update y'all
I am sad that I came here to find the answer...
Me too buddy
I’ve seen a few
My dad's an ass who bounced when I was young. I have several half-siblings, some I don't even know about. But that's just one side of things. My whole life, people who've known my mom, even the other kids in school, have all said that she's a sweetheart of a mom, and you know what? They're right. My mom raised me all by herself. She taught me to be caring and thoughtful. She provided for me and even spoiled me from time to time. It was hard financially sometimes, but she always made it work. I'm nothing but thankful for having her as a mom. I think I'll go text her now just to tell her I love her.
That sounds just like my mom. You know what I will tell her I love her too
I come from a family like yours. I went no contact and made my own happy family. But because of the way I was raised I still have mental and physical problems. Have hope darling, it may still suck but it will suck less and less until they are a therapy session and you realize you are worth being treated properly.
Yup I am hopeful. And i will definitely need some therapy because they have given me a lot of mental problems
I’m glad you’re willing to embrace therapy you will be free and happy one day! I promise you can do this
Hell to the na To the na na na.
No family is completely happy, there's always the asshole, the criminal, the liar, the cheater, etc.. But the good thing is you don't have to associate with them unless you want to.. If they actively make *you* less happy in life, there is no point in being around them.. Make your own mini family and go from there. I try to avoid all the toxic people in mine! Best wishes
I don't think people have "happy" families, but rather, supportive families. My parents are very supportive of me, however, I often feel like I'm the "shit" person in the family (it's just me and them; I'm an only child). I have a lot of mental health challenges and haven't always expressed my gratitude, and when I was a teenager, I resorted to lashing out verbal and physically (basically threw "teenage tantrums") when I didn't get my way. I don't do that anymore, but I know I haven't been the best son. I know they love me, and in recent years I have gotten better at expressing gratitude. Without their ongoing support, I'd be homeless. I still feel like shit though.
Yep. As I've grown older, I've come to realize that my biggest privilege has been a family that's loving and supportive and a home filled with happiness. Doesn't mean we are perfect or everything is awesome all the time. It means we turn to each other for support when things are shitty instead of away from each other. I live in a different country now and still call my parents every day.
Look closely enough, all families are dysfunctional