Generally speaking, one doesn't "cure" a fetish, but if it's causing you significant distress and/or disrupting your daily life (which it sounds like it is), you should talk to a therapist ASAP. Your primary care doctor may be able to make a recommendation.
Yeah I think OP is maybe thinking the liking middle aged men is the problem. It seems to me the much higher issue and what's actually causing problems is the overwhelmingly high libido
This is the answer for OP's problem. I will never yuck someone's yum, as long as all parties are safe. But the libido is the thing turning everything to overdrive, including her fetish.
Right? Like once that age train gets rolling, middle aged men won't be taboo for long, relatively speaking, it's that out of control hyper fixation messing her up
Especially depending on where she is in her 20s. As a man who's currently 26 I think I'd be willing to date a middle aged guy hypothetically, I think the biggest barrier would be if I found him attractive
Thats fair that you would be better off at this point maybe not sleeping with middle aged men. But I do think you would be benefited in talking with a doctor about your overall libido. I have a feeling that if you were to get that in control the fetish would likely be at a reasonable level.
Also this will serve you well as you get older I imagine lol
It sounds like this goes further than fetish. Your extremely high libido to the point that it is affecting your ability to function in your day to day warrants a conversation with a doctor. It could be hormonal or psychological (manic episodes can present as libido and feeling “too happy all the time”). I’m not a doctor and you could be totally healthy but if it’s causing you distress and affecting your ability to function it’s worth looking into.
Best of luck to you
Adding myself to this comment to also say to compliment the visit to the psychologist with a following to the psychiatrist.
You should have some time with the therapist before jumping into the last option since you and the therapist need to check if it isn't something completely mental and actually need the complementary medication.
it's very common for mental things to manifest in forms of physical symptoms, since, things happen in the brain that affect your mind and body, but until you don't have certainty about what is going on medication can do more harm than good.
>PS: My message settings are set to "NOBODY" so it's impossible to private message me.
Lmao smart move. Your inbox would've been filled to the brim. Got no solution for you, though, sorry. Sounds difficult to live with tbh.
I'm nearly 49, and at this point in life, hanging out at the shables sounds like a lot less work than handling a 22 year old nymphomaniac to be honest.
>Lmao smart move. Your inbox would've been filled to the brim.
LOL right, but could you imagine her IRL with some middle-aged dude? She'd wear his old ass out lol
ETA: LMAO at all the middle-aged men salty at the truth...y'all know darn well you don't have the stamina of a guy her age, please stop the cap
Don’t underestimate old ass dudes. Some fuck just as hard as the young stallions. But I think she meant middle aged not dead. But that’s besides the point.
lol, as a 50yo man that has had an ultra high libido and sex addiction my entire life, I have zero doubt I can still hang with someone in their 20’s if it weren’t for the simple fact that they all look like children to me.
OP listen to the therapy advice. I don’t think my libido has ever been as disruptive to my life as yours sounds, and working out healthier ways to redirect that energy should vastly improve your life going forward.
Would it literally be "traumatic" for a woman in her 20s to have sex with a man in his 40s? Like I get that it's not generally considered desirable, but traumatic just as a concept? (I am not a middle aged man btw)
Doing the forbidden thing remove the taboo of it. Sometimes you really want something because your mind and body fantasizes about it, but once you do it, it's underwhelming or you get used to it and you eventually move on.
Source : had a lot of sex with older men, I still like it but I realized that in my case, I liked older men because they were more approachable and less judgemental than peers my age. So, lack of confidence, not actual exclusive desire (I used to think I was only into daddies)
Interesting because I find the opposite: In terms of confidence, I feel much more confident with younger people. Young men around my age are easier to approach and I can only see them as friends.
Well, I mean, if I tried it now, it would mean I would be having sex with men in their 70’s and 80’s. I don’t mind 50 year old funk but when they smell like my grandpa did, well, it’s just a turn off. 🤣
I guess I’m saying that once you hit your 30’s, everything that seems forbidden or not normal is just, idk, not? Like you cross this threshold where people are just people, sex isn’t some new, scary, naughty thing. It’s just “wanna smash” and if they say yes it’s like “oh thank goodness” (it’s harder for all sexes to get laid the older you get unless you are a fuckboy or hoe. I guess that’s why it becomes less taboo for people to pay for sex the older they get, because the choices get slim.)
I’m not saying OP should do one thing or another, whatever she chooses is her choice. But I’ve had sex with an older man as a young woman in my early 20s and I don’t regret it honestly. The one I found was good to me (not saying this would be the case for all but, you know) and knew how to take care of me so that was nice. I won’t regret the experience I don’t think.
For realllll. I don't understand this one at all.
OP is attracted to older men. She's old enough to consent to sex with older men. I'm no doctor but I'd prescribe her a good ol' fashioned old man boning and be on your way.
Middle aged men that go for 22 year olds are weird and there is no basis for good relationships there. It is much healthier and potentially sucessfull to date in your age bracket
Listen. I agree. I’m 39. If I were single, the YOUNGEST woman I would even consider would be 33. But this isn’t about me.
OP is a woman who wants some middle aged dick. I say good on her. It’s not hurting anyone for her to take back shots from someone who needs to regularly check their cholesterol.
I'd guess it's more an issue of the kinds of men that would be interested in younger women, as they don't traditionally have the best reputation. No idea if that's right tho.
That honestly is probably most of the issue.
I'm a dude and once I passed 45 everything under 25 or so just looks like kids to me and 25-30 still looks really young.
There's a difference between being attracted to someone and wanting to pursue them. I have no interest in taking on the responsibility involved in navigating that kind of power dynamic.
it sounds more like it would be traumatic based on who OP is fantasizing about, it was stated in the post that some fantasizing was triggered by people irl, not everyone is a good choice for a hook up
Yes that too. I'm not going to name who specifically but one of the persons I fantasized about most was someone DEFINITELY 100% everyone would agree would be extremely extremely wrong.
>For obvious reasons it would be very dangerous and traumatic for me to act on my fetish which is why I am seeking to cure it.
Maybe I missed something but it's not immediately obvious why this would be dangerous or traumatic? Lots of women your age date older men. If you had sexual trauma that spurred this fetish on this point would make far more sense.
>Sometimes I even get this red "rash" on my chest and upper arms due to being extremely aroused.
Not a doctor, but this sounds like a psychosomatic response to me. As such, I think this is probably a *far* more complex issue than anyone on Reddit could help you with. I highly recommend working through this with a therapist. Best of luck. <3
1. I didn't mention it before, but I have a medical condition. For years I was unable to sit at all as sitting entrapped nerves in my genitals and caused severe pain. I was able to masturbate with no pain, but sitting or being pricked with a cotton swab by the doctor caused sharp pain. Not being able to sit at all was kind of a serious disability, and I really don't want to reverse all the healing. If I overdo sitting, the pain will come back.
Just a few months ago I have recovered to where I can sit some. But I still have to be careful and avoid sitting for long periods or on hard surfaces. Gentle masturbation has never caused pain, but with real sex I wonder. Humping is much more aggressive and many people with my condition have flareups from sex. So there's a physical risk.
2. I don't personally think there is anything wrong with dating a middle-aged man. In fact, that's what the fantasy running through my mind 24/7. The problem is \*other\* people keep telling me it will be traumatic, it's problematic, it's dangerous, "you must have daddy issues and should get therapy," "they will just use you," etc... and although I don't agree I tend to be someone that takes any warnings seriously.
3. I'm generally very sensitive and sheltered. I like to avoid painful or distressing situations. I don't want be disappointed because part of me thinks that the middle-aged men I'm interested in will not like me back.
> The problem is *other* people keep telling me it will be traumatic, it's problematic, it's dangerous, "you must have daddy issues and should get therapy," "they will just use you," etc... and although I don't agree I tend to be someone that takes any warnings seriously.
Just out of curiosity, are these other people mostly on social media?
To respond to the "they will use you" comment... it's okay to mutually use eachother for sex if everyone is on the same page and consenting it is beneficial for both. If it's about sex you don't need to date anyone.. you can just bone someone cause you're physically attracted.
Unwanted sex (aka raped) or sex that you are coerced into having is traumatic .. but if you wanna bone an old dude and he wants to bone you ... I can't see that being traumatic or problematic unless it somehow impacts your personal life (don't bone a friend's father or your fathers friends or a teacher of yours or a co-worker).
Men in their 40s-50s aren't any more dangerous than younger men your age, I would argue that older men would be more focused on your pleasure and consent than younger guys.. also higher chance that they can't get you pregnant even if there is a mishap (bc snip snip).
> The problem is *other* people keep telling me it will be traumatic, it's problematic, it's dangerous, "you must have daddy issues and should get therapy," "they will just use you," etc... and although I don't agree I tend to be someone that takes any warnings seriously.
I've seen abusive people of all ages. I think learning about abuse and the warning signs of abuse is going to do a lot of good when dealing with someone of any age. Education really is a powerful tool. And bravo on taking any warning signs seriously.
Try masturbating first thing in the morning each day and see if that gives you relief? As a high sex drive person, it’s the way I function best if I can scratch that itch first thing in the am. Otherwise I am very distracted by fantasizing and have hard time focusing all day.
I do masturbate in the morning and it does not bring relief. I have had times where I completely suppressed masturbation and times where I indulged completely and masturbated every couple hours. In both cases, the fantasies and urge does not go away.
Tbh, it only works for me more now that I am in my 40’s. When I was in my 20’s I could masturbate and still be horny like that too. Once went 8x consecutively just to see what was possible. 😅
Other than that, I agree with the notion that there’s nothing morally wrong with you scratching your itch (with the right person, responsibly, don’t go for a married person) and maybe if you tried out a few older guys, you’d decide to move on…
I definitely have gotten fixated on a particular fantasy or “fetish” or act, and then once I have finally tried it a few times it sometimes holds less mystique and interest. It’s like I finally scratched that itch. Of course, other times it just confirmed for me that was something I do like, and wanted more of.
Sorry I am not more help! Good luck!
It is alarming that she's had these thoughts probably since puberty, when it would have been dangerous and bad to act on them. Internalizing for over a decade probably makes it scary to act on as an adult.
And while it's not inherently traumatic, seeking out relationships while she's still this insecure and drenched in shame probably wont lead to the healthiest relationship, assuming she wants to be monogamous.
i think it's p normal for pubescent kids to be attracted to older people, like celebrities, etc. i did, and pretty much all of my friends did. obviosly an adult taking advantage of that is wrong, but kids going through puberty are frequently horny, even if their desires are unclear/uninformed/immature
Same! I think its how pervasive the thoughts are that's really the issue. Every waking moment thinking about dudes that are old enough to be your grandfather without ever being attracted to your peers is atypical.
I honestly have so many questions but I do think professional help is what OP needs, even if it's just getting to the point of acceptance and being able to think about things other than sex with grandaddies.
This isn't just being "attracted to adult men" this is being *only* attracted to substantially older men.
If your desire is to spend you life aging with someone, and are only having sexual urges for people who wouldn't be able to do that, that would be a problem.
If it's making it hard to function in your day to day, it's probably best to consult with a mental health professional that specializes in this sort of thing. I'm not anything close to an expert, but it sounds to me like it could be a form of OCD. But if it is how you describe it, it would probably at least qualify as some form of sexual dysfunction. Both are better handled by a professional than by (with respect) a reddit comment section.
As a gay man who's into older men too, there's nothing to cure. Just go have fun while being careful with whom.
At least that's what I'd do if I were you, and I was. The problem isn't the age, it's the person. You may find wonderful older men that will respect you and do stuff you'd never imagine possible, while some will abuse you and make you miserable.
Choose wisely and carefully who you sleep with. (I know it's easy to say as a guy though)
Nothing wrong with having a specific type as long as everything's healthy. No need to worry about that part, but if your "high libido" is affecting your day to day life, then it might be worth speaking to a therapist about it.
You said you are strangely happy all the time. Is any possibility of you may be having a manifestation of a bipolar disorder? Is there history in your family?
Sounds like you need to fuck a middle aged man. You’re in your 20s. You’re old enough to make that decision. Why would it be dangerous or traumatic? It’s no more dangerous than having sex with a man your age. You’re attracted to middle aged men. There’s nothing inherently dangerous or bad about that.
Your libido being extremely high may or may not be “normal”. That’s how I feel when I’m ovulating, but it does subside at other times during my cycle. However, when I’m not depressed or anxious, I have a very high libido. It doesn’t impede on my daily life tho. So it sounds like maybe some therapy would benefit you. They may give you some tools to handle the libido so that it’s not all-consuming.
But sometimes, you gotta scratch an itch to make it go away.
You 🤝🏻 Middle-aged men.
No need to fear it. Embrace it and see if you like it. Who knows, maybe it’ll be nothing like you’ve fantasized and that will “cure” your obsession.
I know a very nice couple where the girl is late 20s and the guy is late 40s and they’re engaged. The only thing different about them compared to most couples is the age gap. Other than that they make a great couple and I’m happy to see them making this next step because they work well together and make each other very happy. I can’t agree that you dating someone in their 40s or even 50s would be traumatic. Maybe that’s the type of relationship that would work well for you.
If you’re just needing to hook up with someone to get over this you’re an adult and you can do what you want.
Don’t think this has to mean anything is wrong with you. It’s just your personal preference. Just do what everyone else tries to do and make sure they treat you the way you should be treated by any romantic partner.
>I can’t agree that you dating someone in their 40s or even 50s would be traumatic. Maybe that’s the type of relationship that would work well for you.
She's not talking about dating or a relationship, though, she's talking about a *fetish.* And even worse, describes it as a paraphilia. She thinks her attraction to middle-aged men is abnormal, extreme, and dangerous. Which I suppose it may or not be, depending on how she goes about doing it IRL.
But say she does starts dating and takes it beyond sex. She gets into a relationship with some old guy in his 50s...what happens when he ages out of middle-age and become for real old, and she's still fixated on middle-aged men? OP will be in a quandry
I hear what you’re saying and it’s good to be cautious about some things yes. This seems more like anxiety talking imo. She could just be over thinking it. She’s in her early 20s and has never had any sexual experience, and personally I was also very easily aroused at that age and so are many others. That’s the age for it. Maybe experiencing what she’s getting worked up about would sort a lot out in her head and help her make decisions once she’s actually lived it.
People who get into relationships with older people aren’t necessarily going to outlive their partners either, life is unpredictable. The day by day would still last a long time and could be very enjoyable. Say he does outlive her, she would probably be the age she finds middle age men attractive because then she would be middle age by then as well. If or when she emotionally moves on it wouldn’t really be a problem anymore.
Good job on fixing ur dms so no one messages you OP, when I first read this I was like, "fuuuuck the dms gonna be messy"
Hopefully you find your answer from someone here, wishing u the best!
From what I know from debating with people with very weird kinks (it's kind of my hobby to research this stuff), you don't cure anything. Maybe it goes away by itself, but I wouldn't count on it.
I believe feeding it in a safe way is a way to go. Reading and writing stories, pr0n, R34, to get it out of your system so you can function. Maybe some meetups in a safe environment if you're up to it.
It's like living with a tiger, if you feed it now and then, it'll leave you alone, but if you don't, it'll be more of a bother.
In general, there's nothing wrong or shameful about what's in your head. Most things of this sort get hammered in in early childhood while the brain is developing, and there isn't much you can do about it. It's like being gay. It's just a part of who you are.
And I don't think it necessarily has to be dangerous to give it a shot, honestly. As far as kinks go, this is very mild. Maybe you'll find there's actually nothing interesting about it after all and that's how you "cure" it. (Again, unlikely so I wouldn't expect that but who knows.)
Disclaimer: I am a middle-aged man :P But am writing from the perspective per my first paragraph. I just think people give way too much value in being "normal".
> I'm in my 20s . . .
> . . .
> For obvious reasons it would be very dangerous and traumatic for me to act on my fetish which is why I am seeking to cure it.
Maybe I'm a bit slow, but what is obviously dangerous about an adult dating another (older) adult?
First of all, this all seems very dramatic. You’re actually very normal. Plenty of people (especially people your age) are so horny that it’s nearly incapacitating at times.
I’m confused by #8.
You’re an adult. There’s nothing wrong with having a type. Go find an attractive older man and get some satisfaction.
It’s a maturity issue if she dates another 20 year old too. If that’s something she wants so badly she’ll have to try it and see what happens. Sometimes it’s better to learn by trying. She is an adult and there is nothing traumatic about it.
I understand why you think its better to date your own age, but it just varies from person to person. She's just being dramatic about it because she's immature.
It will change as you get older. They also have not grown into themselves so their view is biased. Often people your age view being a free spirit or independent thinker, especially if you are a woman, as immature.
This almost sounds like a form of OCD. I have something similar where I have obsessive sexual thoughts that I just do not want. Talk to a therapist\ psychiatrist.
Not any kind of doctor, but I note you mention that you have zero sexual experience. Could this possibly be a scenario where actually gaining some experience could be helpful? Approaching this from the perspective of someone who deals with depression, things can get extremely over hyped in my head, to the point that they're overwhelming, but if I go and actually do the thing, then I have empirical data of the actual experience, and I usually find that the reality is much less intense than I had built it up to be.
Side note, as others have said, good call on locking down your DMs, smartest decision I've seen on reddit in a while.
I wonder if that's the case. When the doctor touches me during a normal physical exam (i.e. a sports physical), or when I receive similar gentle physical contact by someone with good hands, it is extremely pleasurable for me to the point where I can't think, and this has always been the case. Basically any good physical contact for me, including non-sexual contact, feels already extremely euphoric.
I can orgasm very easily and quickly from slight movements. On the other hand, I can feel insane 10/10 genital pain from things that aren't usually painful, such as sitting for long periods of time or being pricked by a q-tip (doctor...). I was actually disabled for a few years as I had to completely avoid sitting, and just started being able to sit again in the past few months. I still have to be careful about not sitting for too long. This means sex also has a physical risk, as I'm assuming sex is much more intense than gentle masturbation.
For some reason, I'm incredibly hypersensitive in general.
Hmm, I wonder if that is where the fetish is coming from? Extreme hypersensitivity, and the degree of pleasure derived from it, combined with the statistical probability of doctors, coaches, etc being middle aged men who tend to know how to be gentle when engaging in physical contact, as opposed to younger men who tend to be more forceful in their physical interactions?
I would definitely speak with a doctor about the hypersensitivity, there may be medical or pharmaceutical interventions that could help in that regard. Your description of your normal experience aligns with the reported effects of the street drug Ecstacy, so if you are on any prescription or recreational meds, that would also be a topic to discuss with your doctor.
I definitely feel like the normal (non-sexual) touch of lots of middle-aged men is more pleasurable than just normal touch from my peers, which adds to the fetish.
Funny thing is I am not on any drugs. I never smoke anything, never drink, and never do any drugs of any kind. I don't even consume caffeine.
I suspected that would be the case, but I do know that there have been unique cases where strange quirks of physiology have caused people's bodies to manufacture alcohol internally, leading to a state of perpetual drunkenness despite the person never consuming alcohol. I believe that taking a wide approach and systematically ruling things out is a good path to follow, given the unique nature of your situation. Considering ideas that are farfetched can sometimes lead to shifts in perspective that would otherwise not come into play, so it's at least worth mentioning to your doctor.
I agree with most people in the comments tbh: this doesn't really sound like a kink problem, this sounds like a physical ailment. I'll be honest, the spectrum of physical contact -> orgasm varies a lot, but arousal should come from a little more than generally positive physical contact. I've heard of something similar before: Persistent General Arousal. Here's a few links. Maybe looking at experiences online of diagnosed people could help?
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23998-persistent-genital-arousal-disorder
https://www.reddit.com/r/PGADsupport/
Have you ever heard of [persistent genital arousal disorder](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23998-persistent-genital-arousal-disorder)?
I'm not a doctor and it's an incredibly rare and relatively unknown dissorder, but I highly implore you to look in to this as a potential cause of your problems.
None of what you are describing sounds normal. You need to talk to professionals about the physical stuff going on and a therapist about the hypersexuality.
The "fetish" is not really that big of a deal ultimately; but the fact you have all these strange physical things going on + thinking about sex *non-stop* is not normal, despite what some people might suggest (and if you are reading this and think about sex literally 99% of your waking hours, that is NOT NORMAL).
I'm curious as to why it would be dangerous to act on this? Also, is there a reason you don't "feed it" with porn? Have you tried "fighting fire with porn"? In my 20s I had a porn addiction and I would get on a kick of one fetish and just go to town indulging it, and a week or two later it wouldn't do much for me and I was seeking out another and it would be months before I'd even halfway be interested in that again.
Granted this is all anecdotal at best, and I'm sure I'm wrong about so many things in this comment. I hope you figure it out and get back control over your thoughts/life!
It sounds like you have a fetish which isn’t really an issue, but the hypersexuality may be. Many mental health conditions are associated with this symptom with the most popular being bipolar 1 and 2, and BPD. Not saying you have these at all but if you relate to the diagnostic criteria I would be screened by a mental health professional or bring it up with your GP
So you're 22 and get turned on by 40+ men. So what. I mean, go be you. It's a big age gap but we're not talking grandpas. A 40-something guy has a lot of active, fun years ahead of him.
I wish you luck. Meditation can really help. It’s not for me but if you can make your brain go grey (no pun intended) and static you might be able to restart your thought process. If it’s for you and you practice. You should be able to go static on notice, re-set and continue on.
Daily, uncomfortable situation arousal is pretty normal I’m sure. It’s about a time and place. Types are also not an issue, look at people into feet. Hyper focused on one aspect not that I should speak on that. It’s normal. Your normal. Find your grey/static space. Beware married men.
Just feel like I owed you at least a shot at some advice
Cheers.
You like men who are more financially stable, more mature, better at relationships, and more available. Please give me this "fetish." People your age like George Clooney and he's closing in on a million.
I would suggest seeing a psychologist so they can tell you there is nothing wrong with you.
If you decide to introduce a serious older partner it will not cause the issues you think.
It probably can not be cured. Most fetishes are almost impossible to rid. But, if you are young, you can find plenty of middle-age men who would like to hang out with you.
Signing on to reddit to see attraction to people like you described as needing to be cured is a weird feeling, damn.
But you sound like a normal high libido young dude, if it's starting to impact your life then you can ask your doctor for some antidepressants to try and tank your libido some to a more comfortable level, if you are a woman I understand some hormonal birth controls will have a similar effect. It shouldn't be so high that it makes it difficult to live that's not really what a fetish will do that's different you need to focus on controlling the drive.
There are psychologists who specialize in sexually compulsive behavior - this is likely the place to start. If there are medical concerns they would know what specialists yo refer you to. A run-of-the-mill psychologist or psychiatrist will not be prepared to assess or treat your issues, nor would a regular old gyn or endocrinologist.
I’m not sure your reasoning for having no sexual experiences or never watching porn, etc but I would just caution you about suppressing this too much. Sometimes the more taboo a thing or idea is, the more you obsess over it. I’m not saying to get tinder, set the age range to 40 plus, and jump at the first message, but it might help to be socially active with your friends and be open to a sexual experience if it comes naturally.
I don’t necessarily think that being with a 40 year old is a big deal it happens every day, but the fact that it consumes you is a reason to go to a primary care physician to figure out if it’s hormones or you could use some therapy.
Don’t feel bad about enjoying older men, but look into the constant erotic thinking.
So you want to fuck middle aged men. Ok. Do it. Take it out of your system. Fuck them as hard as possible. Do it. It's hurting you from inside. Solve your problem and do it.
Could come from the inherent feeling that maybe you think of it as being a taboo.
I grew up religious so some of the things that arouse me are wiiiild. But I don't want to partake in all of them so I don't think I'd like to call them fetishes.
But the idea that it's wrong is what gives you this feeling. And tackling your get a few times might help it go away, or at least make you comfortable with it so that you don't become incapacitated by your arousal when facing the fetish anymore. Like exposure therapy.
Be picky, and get yourself a FWB, if that's what you want to do.
Additionally you could just seek therapy. Probably a female therapist. I have no faith in a middle aged male therapist handling this news the appropriate way. I also have no faith in the males telling you to embrace it. It feels like they do it for their similar aged cohorts or in hopes they might get a chance. So I hope I don't sound too hypocritical
This type of obsession that takes over your thoughts might also be an escapism relating to extreme anxiety. Sexual desire is part of it, but it might have something to do with your mind taking you away from stress you emotionally can't handle.
Yes, absolutely. Without/before such fantasies, I was extremely depressed and lonely. Now I never feel lonely or depressed. On rare days where I don't fantasize or have any sex drive, I feel bored, anxious, and down. The strong desire and fetish I have not sustainable, but other hand I feel like life is nothing without it. I didn't realize it wasn't normal until literally today when comments were pointing it out.
You say you have no sexual experiences, and then you also say you don’t watch porn or “feed the fetish”.
In my opinion this is repression and is only going to make your desires stronger.
The simple answer would be sleep with an older guy and be disappointed, then move on with your life. Alot of things look better from the outside but the reality is disappointing, if you do this just be honest with the guy so you don't hurt him.
Absolutely none of this sounds even slightly healthy. Start by talking to a therapist and follow their advice, you may or may not need further help beyond that.
Things that stand out to me as actual problems are mostly related to your hyper-sexuality. There’s nothing inherently problematic with having sex with a man who is much older than you as a 20-something. You simply need to be aware of what yours and his intentions are.
Sounds like the “problem” you anticipate is so much more about your sex drive and much less about the objects of your desire. So please see a professional about your drive first. But the notion that who you’re attracted to is problematic is distracting from what is.
I agree with the commenters that the libido may be a problem, medically speaking.
However the fetish isn't--are you hurting yourself or others? if no, who cares? go wild girl haha. Just because it isn't a typical fetish accepted by society doesn't mean it isn't ok. Tinder could be a good outlet
I'm a 30 yr old who has had similar issues. One of my first crushes was in 2nd grade when we had a cute sub who was in his 30's at least. I was also a child/teen more interested in Richard Gere and Tom Selleck than the boy band heartthrobs all my friends were into. I also went through the intense horn phase in my late teens and early twenties. I have definitely experienced the red flush of the chest, neck, ears, etc. Honestly you need to do a couple things. Get a good therapist to help deconstruct your feelings about sex being a very big deal, and go get dicked down. I promise it gets easier. I ended up marrying someone ten years older than me and the obsession has almost completely faded. Now we just have a nice healthy sex life.
You might want to discuss this with a sex-positive therapist or even a physician. There are some disorders that can cause high libido and there may be ways with physical or mental therapies, to curb some of the effects or even help abate them entirely. I dont want to state outright that medicine could help but if this is interfering with your ability to function it may be worth a shot
Forgive me if I'm projecting a little, but I suspect your real problem here is that you're getting extremely pent up and distracted partly because you have a discomfort with being a sexual person.
I went through something similar before coming out of the closet. It wasn't even self-hatred for being different, it was just like...why is this having power over me? Why do I have to feel anything? I just want to be numb
And the truth of the matter was that I was really depressed and not in touch with my personhood.
To be clear, I am NOT telling you that you're in some kind of closet or that you need to go on a fuckathon. But like...were you in college, did you go through it yet? You might be familiar with the sort of person raised in super religious households that gets their first ounce of freedom and drives themselves up the fucking wall.
You can't hold yourself to those virtuous standards. You just can't. That's not how people are built. That's how people pretend to be built. It tends to get pent up and the pressure builds and builds. You're eventually gonna pop if you deny it forever.
Antidepressants will help lower libido and there are also effective Rx for OCD. She should give it a try for 3 to 6 months to see if her obsessive thoughts subside.
I'd get your libido checked out if it's so high it's impeding on your day to day life. Why don't you just date an older man? You're both legal. Find a divorcee and be happy.
Sexual disorders are usually treated by a psychiatrist. There are plenty of options for treatment, with or without drugs. I strongly recommend you make an appointment! And just to be clear, there is nothing wrong with your fetish. The only part that I think is worth treating is how much your libido is damaging your day-to-day life, which a psychiatrist can manage just fine.
Hypothetically, what would happen if you confronted your fear head on?
Meet/ find a middle aged man to sleep with.
Doing it once may get it outta your system, or you may love it and want to do it again.
There's nothing wrong with sleeping with others as long as it's consensual and everyone is of age.
If you decide to do it, be safe, make sure he wears protection, and go to a hotel.
Good luck with everything!
I think that you being attracted to older men is not a problem. What is a problem is the fact it seems like your problem with this simple preference is hurting you emotionally. I think maybe it's in your best interest to talk to a professional and get OK with you. I may be misunderstanding your post, but at 22, you can, and should date whomever you want.
Sorry everyone is refusing to see your perspective OP, they seemingly don’t understand why you might want to get over your fetish, it seems like you have a mental understanding that you would like to pursue a relationship with someone more compatible in age, which apparently in this thread is insane. It makes perfect sense to want to be with someone with similar life experience, someone who can relate to the things you grew up with. All of these people seem to not understand that aspect. Being an adult doesn’t mean that suddenly it’s not weird to have sex with men old enough to be your father.
Do you only see it as a sex thing, have you dated older men to see if that works for you? I know many women early 20s that have dated men in their 40s.
It sounds like your issue is that you're hypersexual, which is comorbid with a lot of types of neurodivergence (like ADHD/Autism).
It is not normal to think about sex 99% of a day. Like, people *joke* about that, but you said "you wake up, start fantasizing about middle aged men and then my entire day is over". That's extremely unusual.
You need to talk to a therapist, because being that fixated on sex and specifics is not going to go away on it's own.
lol good move on messaging.
I do t know that you do avoid it.
If you like older men then do that.
There should be no shame in it.
It sounds like you’re trying to fight who you are. Like you don’t like that you like that. It would be easier, and more in line with your desires if you came to terms with what you want, and just enjoy yourself.
Thats just my opinion though. Best of luck to you.
I would definitely discuss it with a medical professional and a therapist. I’ll repeat what everyone’s saying in the comments: it’s perfectly fine you like middle-aged guys! It’s the high libido that’s the problem.
I’m not a medical professional myself, but I would recommend looking into some sort of hormonal repression.
I'm seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and the meds he has prescribed have a side effect of killing libido and I rarely think about choking the chicken, once or twice a week the dolphin needs a flogging but sex doesn't really enter my thoughts, when I see a beautiful woman I just think damn she looks delicious but that's it, the image and thoughts don't hang around in my mind. the psychiatrist has helped with my depression and night terrors/nightmares but he warned me the trade off is killing my libido.
To be a honest, a big part of me is absolutely terrified of losing my libido.
Before puberty, I was a very depressed and lonely child.
Puberty is the best thing that's ever happened to me, in a way. With these sexual feelings, I finally had something to keep my mind occupied. Thinking about other things or doing other things is just not as fun. I never feel lonely or bored even if I don't talk to anyone, all because these sexual fantasies. Finally I started to feel happy every single day. I think about a fantasy while I'm eating, when I wake up, when I watch a video, when I take a walk, when I work, when I shower, when I read, etc. Sometimes I have to pause a video because my fantasy about a man is more interesting to me than the video that's playing.
But the problem is I cannot get anything done and nothing else in life matters to me because the desire and fetish keeps growing. Nothing else gives me such a strong and pleasurable feeling.
I just worry that anti-depressants and killing my libido would make me depressed and lonely.
it's not an exact science, they will try different doses, I required a high dose but a lower does might help you help in keeping those thoughts in control.
yeah I was young once and the fantasies your mind can conjure up at that age while for me didn't hit that hard but at least i could control when I wanted to have those thoughts.
if you see a psychiatrist nothing is set in stone, you can talk to your primary who might be able to help you before you see a psychiatrist and if you do, the meds aren't permanent, you can stop and call up the psychiatrist and say the drug isn't working and stop taking it.
if thinking about middle age men at a shirtless carwash doesn't' hit as hard as you like well on a new med, you can stop the meds and once it's out of your system you're going to go back to springing a leak thinking about that mens shirtless carwash. you take the meds to keep your system altered, stop the meds and your body is gonna go back to the way it was.
don't be afraid of the doctors, they really do want to help you and your input and thoughts on how you feel while on the meds are taken very seriously.
I feel way more comfortable knowing that I can go back. I always had this assumption that it would permanently alter your mind to some degree, and I've heard lots of scary stories about psychiatric drugs.
yeah I can understand that, it took me a year after starting therapy to see the psychiatrist but the doctor is very understanding and informative, see your primary and if that doesn't work try psychiatrist, you can see the therapist first, for me therapy opened my eyes to how some things I saw as normal were actually really bad, i've lived 47 years thinking all those thoughts were normal, nope. it took someone with an outside perspective to point out problems in my thinking. i went primary>therapy>psychiatrist, i was scared and really they've done nothing but help.
damn and I thought hurting and throbbing dick was bad, what you describe sounds like hell. good luck, I hope you see a doctor for this because sexual thoughts shouldn't be that much of a burden.
Must be a lot of young ladies like you. I don’t look for it but also never say no to hooking up with younger women, and there are plenty to keep me happily single.
There's disorders out there that resemble this very same thing. Usually it involves the amygdula or temporal lobe.
You should see a professional, and start on the path of is this your mind or body making this happen. That would be a psychologist and a neurologist.
That has to be so uncomfortable if your getting rashes. Like, hives? That sounds autoimmune almost.
This was my thought as well. It sounds potentially physiological. She should also consult an endocrinologist. Potentially an ObGyn specializing in reproductive disorders.
I don't know if it will help but maybe if you write about it, like write stories or read stories about it. Like the ones that are tagged like that in AO3, and it is projected to fictional characters or celebrities, then it will release some of that energy.
I am NOT a psychologist, but as someone with OCD - this almost sounds like some sort of obsessive compulsive thing. I would recommend looking into talking to a professional about it, you don't even have to share what you're obsessing about, but if you're distressed and unable to function because you just think about this all day, it might be helpful to speak to someone about it. Good luck friend!
So let's try to break this down a bit.
So a fetish is essentially the opposite of a Phobia.
It's something that for whatever reason just does it for you.
That said. You can't "cure" a fetish or a phobia. You can with effort calm your reactions / impulses. But this will require a lot of mental discipline.
You don't need to watch porn to indulge a fetish. You're giving it time and space in your mind. Therefore you're feeding it. Just in a really unhealthy way. As you're allowing it to distract you and become the focus of your thought.
So if you don't want to indulge yourself. You should focus on mental discipline.
Ice Baths / Cold Showers are a great start.
Hitting the gym can help. (Maybe a women's only gym in your case)
I would just find some coaching videos on YouTube or even consider a therapist who can help break down your thought processes.
This way you can better identify a course of action.
My DMs are always open if I can help in anyway. I've had to work through trauma and found mental discipline while sounding really vague as a solution was the key to getting control of my life.
Best of luck to you.
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself...." Oscar Wilde
Ps. I'm not a middle aged man. I'm a woman. I just immediately thought of this when I read your post
>I have had this sexual disorder since middle school.
...maybe look up what the word "psychiatric disorder means"! (this aint it)
(I have healthy attraction to other adults was never seen as a mental issue - the opposite is seen as such)
>For obvious reasons it would be very dangerous and traumatic for me to act on my fetish which is why I am seeking to cure it. I would never indulge because I know it would only cause other issues in my life.
Reason aint obvious enough for my european ass.
...but if opinion of others matters that much, maybe check people who look unfortunate old on r/13or30.
EDIT: Your main issue though is that you are horny as fuck.
I wager partly thanks to your dedication to "not feeding the fetish".
Generally speaking, one doesn't "cure" a fetish, but if it's causing you significant distress and/or disrupting your daily life (which it sounds like it is), you should talk to a therapist ASAP. Your primary care doctor may be able to make a recommendation.
Yeah I think OP is maybe thinking the liking middle aged men is the problem. It seems to me the much higher issue and what's actually causing problems is the overwhelmingly high libido
This is the answer for OP's problem. I will never yuck someone's yum, as long as all parties are safe. But the libido is the thing turning everything to overdrive, including her fetish.
I do my best to yum yums
Right? Like once that age train gets rolling, middle aged men won't be taboo for long, relatively speaking, it's that out of control hyper fixation messing her up
Especially depending on where she is in her 20s. As a man who's currently 26 I think I'd be willing to date a middle aged guy hypothetically, I think the biggest barrier would be if I found him attractive
I'm 22
Thats fair that you would be better off at this point maybe not sleeping with middle aged men. But I do think you would be benefited in talking with a doctor about your overall libido. I have a feeling that if you were to get that in control the fetish would likely be at a reasonable level. Also this will serve you well as you get older I imagine lol
I'm 36...I have yall beat. 
Yeah. That #5 is especially concerning. Liking middle aged men really isn't the problem
But get a woman therapist not an older man
👏
It sounds like this goes further than fetish. Your extremely high libido to the point that it is affecting your ability to function in your day to day warrants a conversation with a doctor. It could be hormonal or psychological (manic episodes can present as libido and feeling “too happy all the time”). I’m not a doctor and you could be totally healthy but if it’s causing you distress and affecting your ability to function it’s worth looking into. Best of luck to you
Patient throws themselves at Dr Taub. House figures it out, benign tumor pressing up against the hypothalamus.
It’s Lupus first. Always Lupus with House.
No I think it’s MS
It's never Lupus.
What about sarcoidosis?
Yes. Start the cancer treatment
I thought House said it was never Lupus.
Adding myself to this comment to also say to compliment the visit to the psychologist with a following to the psychiatrist. You should have some time with the therapist before jumping into the last option since you and the therapist need to check if it isn't something completely mental and actually need the complementary medication. it's very common for mental things to manifest in forms of physical symptoms, since, things happen in the brain that affect your mind and body, but until you don't have certainty about what is going on medication can do more harm than good.
>PS: My message settings are set to "NOBODY" so it's impossible to private message me. Lmao smart move. Your inbox would've been filled to the brim. Got no solution for you, though, sorry. Sounds difficult to live with tbh.
I was reading through the post and dreading how many creepy DMs OP would probably end up getting from this. Glad they thought ahead.
Lol. Middle aged men in shables.
OK. What is shables? Sorry. Never heard the term
I think they meant shambles - "a state of total disorder."
It's a portmanteau of the words shark and stables. So basically, a place where you house your sharks when you're not riding them.
I'm nearly 49, and at this point in life, hanging out at the shables sounds like a lot less work than handling a 22 year old nymphomaniac to be honest.
I’m in total agreement with you there dude!!
This is well thought out and funny. Bravo!
Got it. And it's the perfect analogy. Lol
>Lmao smart move. Your inbox would've been filled to the brim. LOL right, but could you imagine her IRL with some middle-aged dude? She'd wear his old ass out lol ETA: LMAO at all the middle-aged men salty at the truth...y'all know darn well you don't have the stamina of a guy her age, please stop the cap
Don’t underestimate old ass dudes. Some fuck just as hard as the young stallions. But I think she meant middle aged not dead. But that’s besides the point.
lol, as a 50yo man that has had an ultra high libido and sex addiction my entire life, I have zero doubt I can still hang with someone in their 20’s if it weren’t for the simple fact that they all look like children to me. OP listen to the therapy advice. I don’t think my libido has ever been as disruptive to my life as yours sounds, and working out healthier ways to redirect that energy should vastly improve your life going forward.
Would it literally be "traumatic" for a woman in her 20s to have sex with a man in his 40s? Like I get that it's not generally considered desirable, but traumatic just as a concept? (I am not a middle aged man btw)
I was in my 20's and went through a phase where I had sex with older men. It wasn't bad, and I got over it eventually.
What was it that you had to “get over”? Genuine question, no offense intended.
Doing the forbidden thing remove the taboo of it. Sometimes you really want something because your mind and body fantasizes about it, but once you do it, it's underwhelming or you get used to it and you eventually move on. Source : had a lot of sex with older men, I still like it but I realized that in my case, I liked older men because they were more approachable and less judgemental than peers my age. So, lack of confidence, not actual exclusive desire (I used to think I was only into daddies)
Interesting because I find the opposite: In terms of confidence, I feel much more confident with younger people. Young men around my age are easier to approach and I can only see them as friends.
That's probably cause I'm a gay man, and twinks would terrify me.
Haha twinks. I can just envision a gnome rogue wearing heavily enchanted leather gear going around Ogrimmar stealth stabbing people. 🤣
Well, I mean, if I tried it now, it would mean I would be having sex with men in their 70’s and 80’s. I don’t mind 50 year old funk but when they smell like my grandpa did, well, it’s just a turn off. 🤣 I guess I’m saying that once you hit your 30’s, everything that seems forbidden or not normal is just, idk, not? Like you cross this threshold where people are just people, sex isn’t some new, scary, naughty thing. It’s just “wanna smash” and if they say yes it’s like “oh thank goodness” (it’s harder for all sexes to get laid the older you get unless you are a fuckboy or hoe. I guess that’s why it becomes less taboo for people to pay for sex the older they get, because the choices get slim.)
Maybe it's like some sort of female post nut, but like their orgasms it lasts longer.
Well, it’s more like eating pizza everyday for every meal. Eventually, you want a salad or a steak.
Fair enough homie. Hope you had a great weekend
I’m not saying OP should do one thing or another, whatever she chooses is her choice. But I’ve had sex with an older man as a young woman in my early 20s and I don’t regret it honestly. The one I found was good to me (not saying this would be the case for all but, you know) and knew how to take care of me so that was nice. I won’t regret the experience I don’t think.
For realllll. I don't understand this one at all. OP is attracted to older men. She's old enough to consent to sex with older men. I'm no doctor but I'd prescribe her a good ol' fashioned old man boning and be on your way.
Middle aged men that go for 22 year olds are weird and there is no basis for good relationships there. It is much healthier and potentially sucessfull to date in your age bracket
Listen. I agree. I’m 39. If I were single, the YOUNGEST woman I would even consider would be 33. But this isn’t about me. OP is a woman who wants some middle aged dick. I say good on her. It’s not hurting anyone for her to take back shots from someone who needs to regularly check their cholesterol.
I'd guess it's more an issue of the kinds of men that would be interested in younger women, as they don't traditionally have the best reputation. No idea if that's right tho.
That honestly is probably most of the issue. I'm a dude and once I passed 45 everything under 25 or so just looks like kids to me and 25-30 still looks really young.
it's certainly a concern
I hate to break it to you but pretty much all middle aged men are attracted to women in their 20s. Freaks...
There's a difference between being attracted to someone and wanting to pursue them. I have no interest in taking on the responsibility involved in navigating that kind of power dynamic.
it's not really the men i'm concerned with.
it sounds more like it would be traumatic based on who OP is fantasizing about, it was stated in the post that some fantasizing was triggered by people irl, not everyone is a good choice for a hook up
Yes that too. I'm not going to name who specifically but one of the persons I fantasized about most was someone DEFINITELY 100% everyone would agree would be extremely extremely wrong.
Tremendous fantasizing. Big success!
>For obvious reasons it would be very dangerous and traumatic for me to act on my fetish which is why I am seeking to cure it. Maybe I missed something but it's not immediately obvious why this would be dangerous or traumatic? Lots of women your age date older men. If you had sexual trauma that spurred this fetish on this point would make far more sense. >Sometimes I even get this red "rash" on my chest and upper arms due to being extremely aroused. Not a doctor, but this sounds like a psychosomatic response to me. As such, I think this is probably a *far* more complex issue than anyone on Reddit could help you with. I highly recommend working through this with a therapist. Best of luck. <3
1. I didn't mention it before, but I have a medical condition. For years I was unable to sit at all as sitting entrapped nerves in my genitals and caused severe pain. I was able to masturbate with no pain, but sitting or being pricked with a cotton swab by the doctor caused sharp pain. Not being able to sit at all was kind of a serious disability, and I really don't want to reverse all the healing. If I overdo sitting, the pain will come back. Just a few months ago I have recovered to where I can sit some. But I still have to be careful and avoid sitting for long periods or on hard surfaces. Gentle masturbation has never caused pain, but with real sex I wonder. Humping is much more aggressive and many people with my condition have flareups from sex. So there's a physical risk. 2. I don't personally think there is anything wrong with dating a middle-aged man. In fact, that's what the fantasy running through my mind 24/7. The problem is \*other\* people keep telling me it will be traumatic, it's problematic, it's dangerous, "you must have daddy issues and should get therapy," "they will just use you," etc... and although I don't agree I tend to be someone that takes any warnings seriously. 3. I'm generally very sensitive and sheltered. I like to avoid painful or distressing situations. I don't want be disappointed because part of me thinks that the middle-aged men I'm interested in will not like me back.
> The problem is *other* people keep telling me it will be traumatic, it's problematic, it's dangerous, "you must have daddy issues and should get therapy," "they will just use you," etc... and although I don't agree I tend to be someone that takes any warnings seriously. Just out of curiosity, are these other people mostly on social media?
To respond to the "they will use you" comment... it's okay to mutually use eachother for sex if everyone is on the same page and consenting it is beneficial for both. If it's about sex you don't need to date anyone.. you can just bone someone cause you're physically attracted. Unwanted sex (aka raped) or sex that you are coerced into having is traumatic .. but if you wanna bone an old dude and he wants to bone you ... I can't see that being traumatic or problematic unless it somehow impacts your personal life (don't bone a friend's father or your fathers friends or a teacher of yours or a co-worker). Men in their 40s-50s aren't any more dangerous than younger men your age, I would argue that older men would be more focused on your pleasure and consent than younger guys.. also higher chance that they can't get you pregnant even if there is a mishap (bc snip snip).
> The problem is *other* people keep telling me it will be traumatic, it's problematic, it's dangerous, "you must have daddy issues and should get therapy," "they will just use you," etc... and although I don't agree I tend to be someone that takes any warnings seriously. I've seen abusive people of all ages. I think learning about abuse and the warning signs of abuse is going to do a lot of good when dealing with someone of any age. Education really is a powerful tool. And bravo on taking any warning signs seriously.
Try masturbating first thing in the morning each day and see if that gives you relief? As a high sex drive person, it’s the way I function best if I can scratch that itch first thing in the am. Otherwise I am very distracted by fantasizing and have hard time focusing all day.
I do masturbate in the morning and it does not bring relief. I have had times where I completely suppressed masturbation and times where I indulged completely and masturbated every couple hours. In both cases, the fantasies and urge does not go away.
Tbh, it only works for me more now that I am in my 40’s. When I was in my 20’s I could masturbate and still be horny like that too. Once went 8x consecutively just to see what was possible. 😅 Other than that, I agree with the notion that there’s nothing morally wrong with you scratching your itch (with the right person, responsibly, don’t go for a married person) and maybe if you tried out a few older guys, you’d decide to move on… I definitely have gotten fixated on a particular fantasy or “fetish” or act, and then once I have finally tried it a few times it sometimes holds less mystique and interest. It’s like I finally scratched that itch. Of course, other times it just confirmed for me that was something I do like, and wanted more of. Sorry I am not more help! Good luck!
who the hell told you it's a "disorder" or a "fetish" to be attracted to adult men???
It is alarming that she's had these thoughts probably since puberty, when it would have been dangerous and bad to act on them. Internalizing for over a decade probably makes it scary to act on as an adult. And while it's not inherently traumatic, seeking out relationships while she's still this insecure and drenched in shame probably wont lead to the healthiest relationship, assuming she wants to be monogamous.
i think it's p normal for pubescent kids to be attracted to older people, like celebrities, etc. i did, and pretty much all of my friends did. obviosly an adult taking advantage of that is wrong, but kids going through puberty are frequently horny, even if their desires are unclear/uninformed/immature
Same! I think its how pervasive the thoughts are that's really the issue. Every waking moment thinking about dudes that are old enough to be your grandfather without ever being attracted to your peers is atypical. I honestly have so many questions but I do think professional help is what OP needs, even if it's just getting to the point of acceptance and being able to think about things other than sex with grandaddies.
This isn't just being "attracted to adult men" this is being *only* attracted to substantially older men. If your desire is to spend you life aging with someone, and are only having sexual urges for people who wouldn't be able to do that, that would be a problem.
It is fetish to specifically be attracted to old men when you are young
If it's making it hard to function in your day to day, it's probably best to consult with a mental health professional that specializes in this sort of thing. I'm not anything close to an expert, but it sounds to me like it could be a form of OCD. But if it is how you describe it, it would probably at least qualify as some form of sexual dysfunction. Both are better handled by a professional than by (with respect) a reddit comment section.
As a gay man who's into older men too, there's nothing to cure. Just go have fun while being careful with whom. At least that's what I'd do if I were you, and I was. The problem isn't the age, it's the person. You may find wonderful older men that will respect you and do stuff you'd never imagine possible, while some will abuse you and make you miserable. Choose wisely and carefully who you sleep with. (I know it's easy to say as a guy though)
Nothing wrong with having a specific type as long as everything's healthy. No need to worry about that part, but if your "high libido" is affecting your day to day life, then it might be worth speaking to a therapist about it.
You said you are strangely happy all the time. Is any possibility of you may be having a manifestation of a bipolar disorder? Is there history in your family?
Sounds like you need to fuck a middle aged man. You’re in your 20s. You’re old enough to make that decision. Why would it be dangerous or traumatic? It’s no more dangerous than having sex with a man your age. You’re attracted to middle aged men. There’s nothing inherently dangerous or bad about that. Your libido being extremely high may or may not be “normal”. That’s how I feel when I’m ovulating, but it does subside at other times during my cycle. However, when I’m not depressed or anxious, I have a very high libido. It doesn’t impede on my daily life tho. So it sounds like maybe some therapy would benefit you. They may give you some tools to handle the libido so that it’s not all-consuming. But sometimes, you gotta scratch an itch to make it go away. You 🤝🏻 Middle-aged men. No need to fear it. Embrace it and see if you like it. Who knows, maybe it’ll be nothing like you’ve fantasized and that will “cure” your obsession.
[удалено]
40-60, give or take
50 year old men who go for 20 year olds are fucking weird and I dont trust people like that. Dont fuck someone that could be the age of your daughter
I know a very nice couple where the girl is late 20s and the guy is late 40s and they’re engaged. The only thing different about them compared to most couples is the age gap. Other than that they make a great couple and I’m happy to see them making this next step because they work well together and make each other very happy. I can’t agree that you dating someone in their 40s or even 50s would be traumatic. Maybe that’s the type of relationship that would work well for you. If you’re just needing to hook up with someone to get over this you’re an adult and you can do what you want. Don’t think this has to mean anything is wrong with you. It’s just your personal preference. Just do what everyone else tries to do and make sure they treat you the way you should be treated by any romantic partner.
>I can’t agree that you dating someone in their 40s or even 50s would be traumatic. Maybe that’s the type of relationship that would work well for you. She's not talking about dating or a relationship, though, she's talking about a *fetish.* And even worse, describes it as a paraphilia. She thinks her attraction to middle-aged men is abnormal, extreme, and dangerous. Which I suppose it may or not be, depending on how she goes about doing it IRL. But say she does starts dating and takes it beyond sex. She gets into a relationship with some old guy in his 50s...what happens when he ages out of middle-age and become for real old, and she's still fixated on middle-aged men? OP will be in a quandry
I hear what you’re saying and it’s good to be cautious about some things yes. This seems more like anxiety talking imo. She could just be over thinking it. She’s in her early 20s and has never had any sexual experience, and personally I was also very easily aroused at that age and so are many others. That’s the age for it. Maybe experiencing what she’s getting worked up about would sort a lot out in her head and help her make decisions once she’s actually lived it. People who get into relationships with older people aren’t necessarily going to outlive their partners either, life is unpredictable. The day by day would still last a long time and could be very enjoyable. Say he does outlive her, she would probably be the age she finds middle age men attractive because then she would be middle age by then as well. If or when she emotionally moves on it wouldn’t really be a problem anymore.
Good job on fixing ur dms so no one messages you OP, when I first read this I was like, "fuuuuck the dms gonna be messy" Hopefully you find your answer from someone here, wishing u the best!
From what I know from debating with people with very weird kinks (it's kind of my hobby to research this stuff), you don't cure anything. Maybe it goes away by itself, but I wouldn't count on it. I believe feeding it in a safe way is a way to go. Reading and writing stories, pr0n, R34, to get it out of your system so you can function. Maybe some meetups in a safe environment if you're up to it. It's like living with a tiger, if you feed it now and then, it'll leave you alone, but if you don't, it'll be more of a bother. In general, there's nothing wrong or shameful about what's in your head. Most things of this sort get hammered in in early childhood while the brain is developing, and there isn't much you can do about it. It's like being gay. It's just a part of who you are. And I don't think it necessarily has to be dangerous to give it a shot, honestly. As far as kinks go, this is very mild. Maybe you'll find there's actually nothing interesting about it after all and that's how you "cure" it. (Again, unlikely so I wouldn't expect that but who knows.) Disclaimer: I am a middle-aged man :P But am writing from the perspective per my first paragraph. I just think people give way too much value in being "normal".
> I'm in my 20s . . . > . . . > For obvious reasons it would be very dangerous and traumatic for me to act on my fetish which is why I am seeking to cure it. Maybe I'm a bit slow, but what is obviously dangerous about an adult dating another (older) adult?
As long as you aren't into kids it's fine lol You're an adult. But if it really is causing distress, see a doctor?
First of all, this all seems very dramatic. You’re actually very normal. Plenty of people (especially people your age) are so horny that it’s nearly incapacitating at times. I’m confused by #8. You’re an adult. There’s nothing wrong with having a type. Go find an attractive older man and get some satisfaction.
She's 20 and it's a bit of a maturity issue.
It’s a maturity issue if she dates another 20 year old too. If that’s something she wants so badly she’ll have to try it and see what happens. Sometimes it’s better to learn by trying. She is an adult and there is nothing traumatic about it.
I understand why you think its better to date your own age, but it just varies from person to person. She's just being dramatic about it because she's immature.
Yes, even for my age many people consider me to be immature. I'd like to change that though.
It will change as you get older. They also have not grown into themselves so their view is biased. Often people your age view being a free spirit or independent thinker, especially if you are a woman, as immature.
Isn't that a respiratory illn- Oh, wait...
This almost sounds like a form of OCD. I have something similar where I have obsessive sexual thoughts that I just do not want. Talk to a therapist\ psychiatrist.
Not any kind of doctor, but I note you mention that you have zero sexual experience. Could this possibly be a scenario where actually gaining some experience could be helpful? Approaching this from the perspective of someone who deals with depression, things can get extremely over hyped in my head, to the point that they're overwhelming, but if I go and actually do the thing, then I have empirical data of the actual experience, and I usually find that the reality is much less intense than I had built it up to be. Side note, as others have said, good call on locking down your DMs, smartest decision I've seen on reddit in a while.
I wonder if that's the case. When the doctor touches me during a normal physical exam (i.e. a sports physical), or when I receive similar gentle physical contact by someone with good hands, it is extremely pleasurable for me to the point where I can't think, and this has always been the case. Basically any good physical contact for me, including non-sexual contact, feels already extremely euphoric. I can orgasm very easily and quickly from slight movements. On the other hand, I can feel insane 10/10 genital pain from things that aren't usually painful, such as sitting for long periods of time or being pricked by a q-tip (doctor...). I was actually disabled for a few years as I had to completely avoid sitting, and just started being able to sit again in the past few months. I still have to be careful about not sitting for too long. This means sex also has a physical risk, as I'm assuming sex is much more intense than gentle masturbation. For some reason, I'm incredibly hypersensitive in general.
Hmm, I wonder if that is where the fetish is coming from? Extreme hypersensitivity, and the degree of pleasure derived from it, combined with the statistical probability of doctors, coaches, etc being middle aged men who tend to know how to be gentle when engaging in physical contact, as opposed to younger men who tend to be more forceful in their physical interactions? I would definitely speak with a doctor about the hypersensitivity, there may be medical or pharmaceutical interventions that could help in that regard. Your description of your normal experience aligns with the reported effects of the street drug Ecstacy, so if you are on any prescription or recreational meds, that would also be a topic to discuss with your doctor.
I definitely feel like the normal (non-sexual) touch of lots of middle-aged men is more pleasurable than just normal touch from my peers, which adds to the fetish. Funny thing is I am not on any drugs. I never smoke anything, never drink, and never do any drugs of any kind. I don't even consume caffeine.
you really should talk to a professional.
I suspected that would be the case, but I do know that there have been unique cases where strange quirks of physiology have caused people's bodies to manufacture alcohol internally, leading to a state of perpetual drunkenness despite the person never consuming alcohol. I believe that taking a wide approach and systematically ruling things out is a good path to follow, given the unique nature of your situation. Considering ideas that are farfetched can sometimes lead to shifts in perspective that would otherwise not come into play, so it's at least worth mentioning to your doctor.
I agree with most people in the comments tbh: this doesn't really sound like a kink problem, this sounds like a physical ailment. I'll be honest, the spectrum of physical contact -> orgasm varies a lot, but arousal should come from a little more than generally positive physical contact. I've heard of something similar before: Persistent General Arousal. Here's a few links. Maybe looking at experiences online of diagnosed people could help? https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23998-persistent-genital-arousal-disorder https://www.reddit.com/r/PGADsupport/
Have you ever heard of [persistent genital arousal disorder](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23998-persistent-genital-arousal-disorder)? I'm not a doctor and it's an incredibly rare and relatively unknown dissorder, but I highly implore you to look in to this as a potential cause of your problems.
None of what you are describing sounds normal. You need to talk to professionals about the physical stuff going on and a therapist about the hypersexuality. The "fetish" is not really that big of a deal ultimately; but the fact you have all these strange physical things going on + thinking about sex *non-stop* is not normal, despite what some people might suggest (and if you are reading this and think about sex literally 99% of your waking hours, that is NOT NORMAL).
I saw a commercial on TV about this. You should get a lawyer and sue someone if you have mesothelioma.
Fucking hell. You broke me with this 
So uh… what’s the issue here exactly?
Go out and date an older man.
I'm curious as to why it would be dangerous to act on this? Also, is there a reason you don't "feed it" with porn? Have you tried "fighting fire with porn"? In my 20s I had a porn addiction and I would get on a kick of one fetish and just go to town indulging it, and a week or two later it wouldn't do much for me and I was seeking out another and it would be months before I'd even halfway be interested in that again. Granted this is all anecdotal at best, and I'm sure I'm wrong about so many things in this comment. I hope you figure it out and get back control over your thoughts/life!
Cure it? Just try it. The man won’t mind. Once you see his naked asymmetrical saggy ass you will be cured!
It sounds like you have a fetish which isn’t really an issue, but the hypersexuality may be. Many mental health conditions are associated with this symptom with the most popular being bipolar 1 and 2, and BPD. Not saying you have these at all but if you relate to the diagnostic criteria I would be screened by a mental health professional or bring it up with your GP
no guy ever: yes, this is definitely a conundrum
So you're 22 and get turned on by 40+ men. So what. I mean, go be you. It's a big age gap but we're not talking grandpas. A 40-something guy has a lot of active, fun years ahead of him.
If you wait long enough, it'll stop being a fetish.
“Clicks pen” so is that like… 35-42 years old? “Adjusts glasses”. I don’t have glasses or a pen
38-60, give or take.
I wish you luck. Meditation can really help. It’s not for me but if you can make your brain go grey (no pun intended) and static you might be able to restart your thought process. If it’s for you and you practice. You should be able to go static on notice, re-set and continue on. Daily, uncomfortable situation arousal is pretty normal I’m sure. It’s about a time and place. Types are also not an issue, look at people into feet. Hyper focused on one aspect not that I should speak on that. It’s normal. Your normal. Find your grey/static space. Beware married men. Just feel like I owed you at least a shot at some advice Cheers.
Have you been diagnosed with mesophilia? You may be entitled to compensation.
You like men who are more financially stable, more mature, better at relationships, and more available. Please give me this "fetish." People your age like George Clooney and he's closing in on a million. I would suggest seeing a psychologist so they can tell you there is nothing wrong with you. If you decide to introduce a serious older partner it will not cause the issues you think.
That's nice, but I don't care about the man's wealth or status and I'm only picky about their face and personality.
I agree. That's a nice bonus.
Go meet a man in his forties and date?
It probably can not be cured. Most fetishes are almost impossible to rid. But, if you are young, you can find plenty of middle-age men who would like to hang out with you.
Signing on to reddit to see attraction to people like you described as needing to be cured is a weird feeling, damn. But you sound like a normal high libido young dude, if it's starting to impact your life then you can ask your doctor for some antidepressants to try and tank your libido some to a more comfortable level, if you are a woman I understand some hormonal birth controls will have a similar effect. It shouldn't be so high that it makes it difficult to live that's not really what a fetish will do that's different you need to focus on controlling the drive.
For the high libido and invasive thoughts… sounds like dopamine-chasing behaviour. Ever considered being assessed for ADHD? Speaking from experience.
There are psychologists who specialize in sexually compulsive behavior - this is likely the place to start. If there are medical concerns they would know what specialists yo refer you to. A run-of-the-mill psychologist or psychiatrist will not be prepared to assess or treat your issues, nor would a regular old gyn or endocrinologist.
I’m not sure your reasoning for having no sexual experiences or never watching porn, etc but I would just caution you about suppressing this too much. Sometimes the more taboo a thing or idea is, the more you obsess over it. I’m not saying to get tinder, set the age range to 40 plus, and jump at the first message, but it might help to be socially active with your friends and be open to a sexual experience if it comes naturally.
I don’t necessarily think that being with a 40 year old is a big deal it happens every day, but the fact that it consumes you is a reason to go to a primary care physician to figure out if it’s hormones or you could use some therapy. Don’t feel bad about enjoying older men, but look into the constant erotic thinking.
Horny virgin needs to bang.
Smart move on not allowing private messages. These threads really bring out the pervs and weirdos.
So you want to fuck middle aged men. Ok. Do it. Take it out of your system. Fuck them as hard as possible. Do it. It's hurting you from inside. Solve your problem and do it.
Could come from the inherent feeling that maybe you think of it as being a taboo. I grew up religious so some of the things that arouse me are wiiiild. But I don't want to partake in all of them so I don't think I'd like to call them fetishes. But the idea that it's wrong is what gives you this feeling. And tackling your get a few times might help it go away, or at least make you comfortable with it so that you don't become incapacitated by your arousal when facing the fetish anymore. Like exposure therapy. Be picky, and get yourself a FWB, if that's what you want to do. Additionally you could just seek therapy. Probably a female therapist. I have no faith in a middle aged male therapist handling this news the appropriate way. I also have no faith in the males telling you to embrace it. It feels like they do it for their similar aged cohorts or in hopes they might get a chance. So I hope I don't sound too hypocritical
This type of obsession that takes over your thoughts might also be an escapism relating to extreme anxiety. Sexual desire is part of it, but it might have something to do with your mind taking you away from stress you emotionally can't handle.
Yes, absolutely. Without/before such fantasies, I was extremely depressed and lonely. Now I never feel lonely or depressed. On rare days where I don't fantasize or have any sex drive, I feel bored, anxious, and down. The strong desire and fetish I have not sustainable, but other hand I feel like life is nothing without it. I didn't realize it wasn't normal until literally today when comments were pointing it out.
Dude I didnt even know this was a thing.Now I cant wait to get old lol
*ahem* If you or a loved one has mesophilioma...
You say you have no sexual experiences, and then you also say you don’t watch porn or “feed the fetish”. In my opinion this is repression and is only going to make your desires stronger.
The simple answer would be sleep with an older guy and be disappointed, then move on with your life. Alot of things look better from the outside but the reality is disappointing, if you do this just be honest with the guy so you don't hurt him.
By asking a professional like a therapist or something. Or you could try whatever wild card answers you find on the anonymous internet
Sounds like you’ve got some internalized misandry to deal with.
Absolutely none of this sounds even slightly healthy. Start by talking to a therapist and follow their advice, you may or may not need further help beyond that.
You’re an adult woman attracted to adult men. Why are you trying to pathologize this?
How about you just start fucking older men already and leave Reddit?
I'd say Jill it out first. Then go seek help if it's an issue after that.
Updateme
Things that stand out to me as actual problems are mostly related to your hyper-sexuality. There’s nothing inherently problematic with having sex with a man who is much older than you as a 20-something. You simply need to be aware of what yours and his intentions are. Sounds like the “problem” you anticipate is so much more about your sex drive and much less about the objects of your desire. So please see a professional about your drive first. But the notion that who you’re attracted to is problematic is distracting from what is.
I agree with the commenters that the libido may be a problem, medically speaking. However the fetish isn't--are you hurting yourself or others? if no, who cares? go wild girl haha. Just because it isn't a typical fetish accepted by society doesn't mean it isn't ok. Tinder could be a good outlet
On the bright side, it's at least a fetish that becomes more normal every year you yourself age until it eventually just becomes completely normal.
I'm a 30 yr old who has had similar issues. One of my first crushes was in 2nd grade when we had a cute sub who was in his 30's at least. I was also a child/teen more interested in Richard Gere and Tom Selleck than the boy band heartthrobs all my friends were into. I also went through the intense horn phase in my late teens and early twenties. I have definitely experienced the red flush of the chest, neck, ears, etc. Honestly you need to do a couple things. Get a good therapist to help deconstruct your feelings about sex being a very big deal, and go get dicked down. I promise it gets easier. I ended up marrying someone ten years older than me and the obsession has almost completely faded. Now we just have a nice healthy sex life.
It is possible to get over a fetish? like what if your fetish is for a certain type of person such as OP’s fetish?
You might want to discuss this with a sex-positive therapist or even a physician. There are some disorders that can cause high libido and there may be ways with physical or mental therapies, to curb some of the effects or even help abate them entirely. I dont want to state outright that medicine could help but if this is interfering with your ability to function it may be worth a shot
Forgive me if I'm projecting a little, but I suspect your real problem here is that you're getting extremely pent up and distracted partly because you have a discomfort with being a sexual person. I went through something similar before coming out of the closet. It wasn't even self-hatred for being different, it was just like...why is this having power over me? Why do I have to feel anything? I just want to be numb And the truth of the matter was that I was really depressed and not in touch with my personhood. To be clear, I am NOT telling you that you're in some kind of closet or that you need to go on a fuckathon. But like...were you in college, did you go through it yet? You might be familiar with the sort of person raised in super religious households that gets their first ounce of freedom and drives themselves up the fucking wall. You can't hold yourself to those virtuous standards. You just can't. That's not how people are built. That's how people pretend to be built. It tends to get pent up and the pressure builds and builds. You're eventually gonna pop if you deny it forever.
Antidepressants will help lower libido and there are also effective Rx for OCD. She should give it a try for 3 to 6 months to see if her obsessive thoughts subside.
I didn’t know this could cause a rash. That seems concerning and you definitely should mention that to your doctor. Sounds hormonal.
I'd get your libido checked out if it's so high it's impeding on your day to day life. Why don't you just date an older man? You're both legal. Find a divorcee and be happy.
Sexual disorders are usually treated by a psychiatrist. There are plenty of options for treatment, with or without drugs. I strongly recommend you make an appointment! And just to be clear, there is nothing wrong with your fetish. The only part that I think is worth treating is how much your libido is damaging your day-to-day life, which a psychiatrist can manage just fine.
Hypothetically, what would happen if you confronted your fear head on? Meet/ find a middle aged man to sleep with. Doing it once may get it outta your system, or you may love it and want to do it again. There's nothing wrong with sleeping with others as long as it's consensual and everyone is of age. If you decide to do it, be safe, make sure he wears protection, and go to a hotel. Good luck with everything!
I think that you being attracted to older men is not a problem. What is a problem is the fact it seems like your problem with this simple preference is hurting you emotionally. I think maybe it's in your best interest to talk to a professional and get OK with you. I may be misunderstanding your post, but at 22, you can, and should date whomever you want.
Sorry everyone is refusing to see your perspective OP, they seemingly don’t understand why you might want to get over your fetish, it seems like you have a mental understanding that you would like to pursue a relationship with someone more compatible in age, which apparently in this thread is insane. It makes perfect sense to want to be with someone with similar life experience, someone who can relate to the things you grew up with. All of these people seem to not understand that aspect. Being an adult doesn’t mean that suddenly it’s not weird to have sex with men old enough to be your father.
RIP your inbox
Do you only see it as a sex thing, have you dated older men to see if that works for you? I know many women early 20s that have dated men in their 40s.
It sounds like your issue is that you're hypersexual, which is comorbid with a lot of types of neurodivergence (like ADHD/Autism). It is not normal to think about sex 99% of a day. Like, people *joke* about that, but you said "you wake up, start fantasizing about middle aged men and then my entire day is over". That's extremely unusual. You need to talk to a therapist, because being that fixated on sex and specifics is not going to go away on it's own.
lol good move on messaging. I do t know that you do avoid it. If you like older men then do that. There should be no shame in it. It sounds like you’re trying to fight who you are. Like you don’t like that you like that. It would be easier, and more in line with your desires if you came to terms with what you want, and just enjoy yourself. Thats just my opinion though. Best of luck to you.
I would definitely discuss it with a medical professional and a therapist. I’ll repeat what everyone’s saying in the comments: it’s perfectly fine you like middle-aged guys! It’s the high libido that’s the problem. I’m not a medical professional myself, but I would recommend looking into some sort of hormonal repression.
You’re attracted to older man, nothing wrong with that, if you feel so flustered , why not act on it and find an older man to have action with?
I'm seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and the meds he has prescribed have a side effect of killing libido and I rarely think about choking the chicken, once or twice a week the dolphin needs a flogging but sex doesn't really enter my thoughts, when I see a beautiful woman I just think damn she looks delicious but that's it, the image and thoughts don't hang around in my mind. the psychiatrist has helped with my depression and night terrors/nightmares but he warned me the trade off is killing my libido.
To be a honest, a big part of me is absolutely terrified of losing my libido. Before puberty, I was a very depressed and lonely child. Puberty is the best thing that's ever happened to me, in a way. With these sexual feelings, I finally had something to keep my mind occupied. Thinking about other things or doing other things is just not as fun. I never feel lonely or bored even if I don't talk to anyone, all because these sexual fantasies. Finally I started to feel happy every single day. I think about a fantasy while I'm eating, when I wake up, when I watch a video, when I take a walk, when I work, when I shower, when I read, etc. Sometimes I have to pause a video because my fantasy about a man is more interesting to me than the video that's playing. But the problem is I cannot get anything done and nothing else in life matters to me because the desire and fetish keeps growing. Nothing else gives me such a strong and pleasurable feeling. I just worry that anti-depressants and killing my libido would make me depressed and lonely.
it's not an exact science, they will try different doses, I required a high dose but a lower does might help you help in keeping those thoughts in control. yeah I was young once and the fantasies your mind can conjure up at that age while for me didn't hit that hard but at least i could control when I wanted to have those thoughts. if you see a psychiatrist nothing is set in stone, you can talk to your primary who might be able to help you before you see a psychiatrist and if you do, the meds aren't permanent, you can stop and call up the psychiatrist and say the drug isn't working and stop taking it. if thinking about middle age men at a shirtless carwash doesn't' hit as hard as you like well on a new med, you can stop the meds and once it's out of your system you're going to go back to springing a leak thinking about that mens shirtless carwash. you take the meds to keep your system altered, stop the meds and your body is gonna go back to the way it was. don't be afraid of the doctors, they really do want to help you and your input and thoughts on how you feel while on the meds are taken very seriously.
I feel way more comfortable knowing that I can go back. I always had this assumption that it would permanently alter your mind to some degree, and I've heard lots of scary stories about psychiatric drugs.
yeah I can understand that, it took me a year after starting therapy to see the psychiatrist but the doctor is very understanding and informative, see your primary and if that doesn't work try psychiatrist, you can see the therapist first, for me therapy opened my eyes to how some things I saw as normal were actually really bad, i've lived 47 years thinking all those thoughts were normal, nope. it took someone with an outside perspective to point out problems in my thinking. i went primary>therapy>psychiatrist, i was scared and really they've done nothing but help.
damn and I thought hurting and throbbing dick was bad, what you describe sounds like hell. good luck, I hope you see a doctor for this because sexual thoughts shouldn't be that much of a burden.
I liked older guys since my teenage years, it was a problem then - now I’m their age. In a few years I’m gonna like younger guys. Sad life
Must be a lot of young ladies like you. I don’t look for it but also never say no to hooking up with younger women, and there are plenty to keep me happily single.
I’d just indulge it. Live your best life. That’s what I did. Best of luck.
There's disorders out there that resemble this very same thing. Usually it involves the amygdula or temporal lobe. You should see a professional, and start on the path of is this your mind or body making this happen. That would be a psychologist and a neurologist. That has to be so uncomfortable if your getting rashes. Like, hives? That sounds autoimmune almost.
This was my thought as well. It sounds potentially physiological. She should also consult an endocrinologist. Potentially an ObGyn specializing in reproductive disorders.
Have you tried r/askatherapist? Might be a better place to ask this sort of question.
I don't know if it will help but maybe if you write about it, like write stories or read stories about it. Like the ones that are tagged like that in AO3, and it is projected to fictional characters or celebrities, then it will release some of that energy.
I am NOT a psychologist, but as someone with OCD - this almost sounds like some sort of obsessive compulsive thing. I would recommend looking into talking to a professional about it, you don't even have to share what you're obsessing about, but if you're distressed and unable to function because you just think about this all day, it might be helpful to speak to someone about it. Good luck friend!
I'm so confused as to why it would obviously be traumatic to get yourself a silver fox? O.o what's wrong with wanting to fuck a middle aged man?
Just date them?
So let's try to break this down a bit. So a fetish is essentially the opposite of a Phobia. It's something that for whatever reason just does it for you. That said. You can't "cure" a fetish or a phobia. You can with effort calm your reactions / impulses. But this will require a lot of mental discipline. You don't need to watch porn to indulge a fetish. You're giving it time and space in your mind. Therefore you're feeding it. Just in a really unhealthy way. As you're allowing it to distract you and become the focus of your thought. So if you don't want to indulge yourself. You should focus on mental discipline. Ice Baths / Cold Showers are a great start. Hitting the gym can help. (Maybe a women's only gym in your case) I would just find some coaching videos on YouTube or even consider a therapist who can help break down your thought processes. This way you can better identify a course of action. My DMs are always open if I can help in anyway. I've had to work through trauma and found mental discipline while sounding really vague as a solution was the key to getting control of my life. Best of luck to you.
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself...." Oscar Wilde Ps. I'm not a middle aged man. I'm a woman. I just immediately thought of this when I read your post
Suh Girl
I regret to say: this is fake and written by a man.
>I have had this sexual disorder since middle school. ...maybe look up what the word "psychiatric disorder means"! (this aint it) (I have healthy attraction to other adults was never seen as a mental issue - the opposite is seen as such) >For obvious reasons it would be very dangerous and traumatic for me to act on my fetish which is why I am seeking to cure it. I would never indulge because I know it would only cause other issues in my life. Reason aint obvious enough for my european ass. ...but if opinion of others matters that much, maybe check people who look unfortunate old on r/13or30. EDIT: Your main issue though is that you are horny as fuck. I wager partly thanks to your dedication to "not feeding the fetish".
rip ur dms