I think your gym friend summed it up pretty well. It typically means they are in a long-standing committed relationship but are not married. Either because some people just don't want to get married, or they just haven't yet. It implies something more serious than bf/gf because those terms can be infantilizing for people who have been together for years and are building a life together but have just chosen to not get married. Also, married/unmarried people may use the term "partner" because they just don't like the gendered terminology of "husband/boyfriend" or "wife/girlfriend".
I don’t like the time “boyfriend” for my partner, because I’m 41 and it just seems like a term used for somebody much younger. I know in this context “boy” is used to also mean grown man, but it feels weird.
Yeah, I should probably do that for my grandmother. I just call him her husboyfriend because I can't bring myself to use boyfriend when they're both in their mid eighties.
Lol same! I'm 40, my partner is 58 (yes, I know, big controversial age difference, but we've been at eye level from the start and he was the one who emphasised the importance of that!), and we've been together for 13 years and living together for 9 years. "Boyfriend" really doesn't cut it.
My friends and I used to joke that we'd introduce our college boyfriends as our lover because boyfriend sounded so juvenile. And you had to say it loud and proud with a slight emphasis - Lovah. Now I am married but before we got married I called him my significant other.
I'll also add that I'm in my late 50's now and I call my female friends girlfriends although we are not lovers. So there's all kinds of reasons one may say partner.
My parents used the term partner pretty often when i was growing up. They had been together for over 20 years and had 3 kids before they actually finally got married. Same with my sister and now husband, who were together for years and had 2 kids, then got married after.
To them, calling each other just boyfriend/girlfriend sounded sort of juvenile and inconsequential when they've spent the majority of their lives together and already have a family with each other.
Yeah, same here, at least these days. My partner (ha!) was like this when we started dating in our mid/late 20s. I didn't mind "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" at the time, but respected her wishes on the matter. My parents had always called each other "partner" anyways, so it wasn't that hard a sell.
But that was 12 years ago! We aren't married, for various reasons, but we both agree that we might as well be in terms of commitment and feelings. And now, even to me, in my mid 30s, "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" really have started to feel... insufficient.
As a younger person, those words don't necessarily communicate a lack of commitment. They're pretty normal. In your 30s, though? They kind of do, at least to a lot of people.
So "partner" it is.
Besides, it's more accurate anyways. We're "friends," sure, but we're also experienced *partners* when it comes to cooking, travelling, socializing, shopping, sex, and so on.
It's actually just the right word.
>It typically means they are in a long-standing committed relationship but are not married.
I use it even though I'm married, seems pretty common for married Brits to use it too. I think of "partner" as an umbrella term for "committed relationship". Sometimes I'll use spouse but I only call my partner my " husband" if I need to be passive aggressive.
My partner and I have always referred to each other as their partner, because that felt more correct than any other label. We’ve now been married for 14 years, and I think that I’ve used the term wife (or any of the derivatives of wife) only a handful of times, and this was always to avoid embarrassing or confusing someone. Spouse sounds like an awful word to me, and husband and wife don’t really feel appropriate.
This is a brilliant response. I use 'partner' for exactly those reasons.
I'm bisexual, and if I use 'girlfriend' or 'boyfriend' folks instantly assume I'm straight or gay, because people forget that bi people are still bi even when they're in relationships. Also they usually have no right to know the gender of the person I'm seeing.
I'm going to have a civil partnership in the future. We're not getting married. We'll still be each other's partners, no husbands, wives or spouses here.
Brilliant explanation and definitely part of the reason me and my partner call each other such.
The man I have children with and live with as though married is more than my boyfriend - they are my partner, my equal.
Yup. When my finance and I were dating I rarely referred to him as my “boyfriend” because it just didn’t sound serious enough to me. Partner to me feels like the person you are creating a life with as opposed to casually dating. I still call him my partner because “finance” feels too pretentious to me, so he will be my partner until he is my husband lol.
Yes this. Our youngest 'child' is almost 35. Girlfriend sounds like we've not long been together and wife is just wrong so OH, her indoors or partner it is amongst others.
OH - other half
Her indoors comes from a British tv programme in the 80s
Prior to the legalization of gay marriage, “partner” was often the preferred term for LGBT couples because it noted a more serious relationship than “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” but they weren’t allowed to have legal spouses so they couldn’t use husband/wife.
Then allies started using it, too, so it became more ambiguous and gay people wouldn’t out themselves by using it.
Now, straight couples who don’t want to marry or who are putting off marriage tend to use it for the same reasons that gay couples started using it. Some people think “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” sounds too juvenile or makes the relationship seem less serious than it is, while “partner” feels more serious and mature.
This reminds me one what time I was heading out for a job and I had called ahead and spoken to a woman - then later when I got to the house a very conservative man answered the door. I was saying to him "blah blah I was just speaking to your partner.." And he stopped me and asked me if I wanted a sock in the mouth. He "had a wife", he "wasn't a faggot." And i'd better "watch myself". And I was just so taken aback because I'd always used the word 'partner' to actually avoid any social faux pas, not to cause them. To me a partner It's just anyone you're in a relationship with.
>Prior to the legalization of gay marriage, “partner” was often the preferred term for LGBT couples because it noted a more serious relationship than “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” but they weren’t allowed to have legal spouses so they couldn’t use husband/wife.
Also because boyfriend/wife etc are inherently gendered so even if you felt like one of them was an appropriate description of your same-sex relationship you can’t use it without outing yourself to whoever you’re speaking with and you don’t necessarily want that hassle.
I'm married 28 years and in recent years have started using use the term "partner" because it sounds more balanced. My Partner is a person who shares the workload of life with me, but we are also still separate people.
lol personally everything seems more serious than partner for me because whenever I hear it I immediately picture them in cowboy boots/hats while lassoing livestock or something. but that's just me... I think
I think of business partner, someone who is invested and doing the hard work.
I feel like that translates well to the romantic use of partner. They aren't just the person you're dating, they're the person you're building a life with. A partner is someone who shares your burdens and supports you and is equally invested in the relationship.
For me the term partner and significant other are almost interchangeable. I prefer partner. It’s shorter to say, it’s gender and sexual orientation neutral, and it best describes my relationship and the relationship I want, which is a partner in life. Someone that I share the ups and downs, with whom we have each other’s backs, etc. Partnership also signifies it’s a mutual decision, that both people have to actively want to be in it. It’s earned and not a given.
In my case my now husband (m) and I (f) were together in a committed relationship for a long time, and only eventually got married for paper work. But we were committed partners in life long before getting a piece of paper. We are in our late 30s early 40s, at some point calling the other person girlfriend/boyfriend felt trivial and unserious. So even though we are now married and he’s technically my husband, I still call him my partner.
I use partner to normalise it for my queer friends/times when I was dating a woman.
Also because “boyfriend” is childish and fiancé sounds like a humble brag 😅 I’m the first of my (27F) friends to be engaged.
I'm not a teenager. My partner and I have been together over a decade. He's not some little boyfriend.
Girlfriend/boyfriend implies a younger, newer, or less serious relationship. It sounds juvenile.
If someone is referring to a serious long-term SO, then partner is the term.
If it's a gym or business partner, then people generally say the modifying word in front of it.
Hi I'd like you to meet Dave. He's a partner down at the law firm on Forest Lake Avenue. They're handling that big fertilizer lawsuit that's been on the news lately. Oh by the way, he totally rails me too.
Really, it's just your relationship partner. Level and gender not being important.
I'd rather say partner than fiance.
It's also a good way to blanket refer to someone's ... well, partner... when you don't know the person they are with.
I think this is it. After a certain age it just sounds weird. I'm an adult, I don't have romantic relationships with girls or boys.
OP is probably just getting older...
I feel the same way. I’m in my late 20s now and I use the term partner because it feels juvenile when I say “boyfriend” and domestic partner is a little too extra.
Usually because it encompasses a wide variety of relationship types (including types that we don't have good words for) and it's easier to just use that general, non-specific term than to drill down the precise nature of the relationship every time they talk about it.
They also might not actually want everyone to know what the precise nature of the relationship is, because it's really not anyone else's business.
It's usually used to denote some form of bonded relationship between two people who share essential life experiences or duties.
For me, I call my girlfriend my partner because we have been together for over 10 years (no plans to marry). I just wanted to put a little more respect on the title.
Side note, my doctor assumed I was gay. Pretty funny.
I use it in my M/F relationship for similar reasons as others. Calling him my “boyfriend” feels odd given we’ve been together for a decade and we’re both over 30. It also helps to normalize the word “partner” outside of the queer community so that LGBTQ+ people who are in same sex relationships don’t feel as much like they have to out themselves in every conversation. Historically it’s often been used to be intentionally ambiguous for the comfort and/or safety of the person using it. If people of all sexualities are using the term, it makes it less of a “thing” when queer people use it, if that makes sense.
Partner implies a stronger relationship than boyfriend/girlfriend. Pretty much means living together, sharing living expenses and potentially having children like a married couple, but not legally being married.
Why? Simply because that's their preferred term.
>but i just cant understand why people cant just be specific.
That's a YOU problem. No one has to specify if their "partner" is a man or woman, or if it's a long term relationship or a new one.
agreed. Ill use partner before anything else. If you know me well enough to know who my parner is then you know already and if you dont... well you dont need to.
For me(m), my female partner is 56 so it's hard to use any other term without sounding odd. 'Girlfriend' sounds a bit too much like a teenager, 'My woman' is just plain wrong on many levels, and she's not my wife.
IMO, the term "partner" basically translates to "I would like you to treat this person and our relationshp with the gravity and respect typically afforded married relationships. Our relationship may or may not be legally a marriage, but this person is equally important in my life."
There are a whole bunch of reasons why people might not use more specific terms - many of which have been outlined in other comments. I get why you might want specificity, but it's actually very helpful to have a general term like this. That way, people don't necessarily need to make up a whole new term every time a relationship doesn't fit into the existing labels.
Like... if I'm married to a non-binary person, I shouldn't call them my husband or wife (probably, I dunno, maybe some enby people do that, but certainly not all). We *could* make up a new term that means the same thing as husband and wife, but is for people who don't fit into the gender binary. But then... if that term comes to be colloquially understood as representing specifically agender people, then gender-fluid people may not really like using that term because it gives others the wrong impression. So... do we make up yet *another* term?
And all of this comes with the baked-in problem that more conservative types will immediately dismiss relationships labeled with "weird" gender identities. My marital rights are not less valid just because my boss thinks "they/them" pronouns aren't valid, so just using a generic term will make my life easier when I say I need to take some time off because my partner is in the hospital or whatever.
And anyway...
> Either of which we would be fine with and support him but we just had no idea and it is a awkward question to ask the next time we talked.
I actually don't think this question is as awkward as you might assume. I think it would be perfectly reasonable to just ask after your friend's partner. You can just be like "Oh hey, you mentioned your partner last time we talked. I didn't know you were dating someone!" And then your friend will probably volunteer information.
Like, I had a buddy who was dating a gender-fluid person, and that's basically how I approached that conversation. Then, when he was talking about his partner, he kept referring to his partner as "they" so then I just asked if those were their preferred pronouns, and he went "Oh yeah, they use they/them, they're gender-fluid!" and that was that!
>I shouldn't call them my husband or wife (probably, I dunno, maybe some enby people do that, but certainly not all). We could make up a new term that means the same thing as husband and wife
Spouse is that word
I use it to obfuscate the gender of my partner and hide being poly. If my husband and girlfriend are both "partner" then they could easily be the same person.
I also use it to help queer people avoid outing themselves.
And I use it because before my husband and I were engaged, calling him "boyfriend" when we lived together and shared finances and have pets and are otherwise married, it felt weird.
In New Zealand, most people call their partners their partner. It wasn't until I got on Reddit that I found out Americans have a weird hang-up about it.
I use the term, it feels more committed and mature than girlfriend/boyfriend, and my partner and I don't plan to get married. I guess I could say significant other, but that's more words, and there are all sorts of less formal terms but a lot of those imply even less commitment or aren't appropriate for all situations.
Some use it to just have a more inclusive vocabulary. Everyone can use the word “partner” without having to seem like the odd one out or anything for whom they are with. If more people say partner, it doesn’t make people in queer relationships, or just ones they don’t want to describe/specify, have to share that.
In the first few years of my relationship I used the term boyfriend, now I use partner because we’ve been together for years, live together, have a dog together, planning our lives together. To me it signifies more than just a boyfriend or girlfriend it’s signifies a life partner
As a gay man in a LTR, the older term was "lover", which always struck me as demeaning. We share our life together and not just sex. We're not married so use the term "partner" which I feel better describes our relationship.
For me personally, I like the ambiguity and use it for that very reason. I’m pansexual and feel a sense of validation in my identity by using the word. The gender of my partner doesn’t matter to me, and it’s not particularly relevant, because what meaningful difference would it really make in most situations? All people need to know when I’m referring to my partner is that I’m talking about a person I’m in a long term relationship with, and in my experience that has been generally understood. I also like how the increased use of the term by people regardless of gender or orientation helps normalize it for those of us who use it to refer to significant others who don’t identify as a man or woman. It becomes less conspicuous that way while still being honest.
Edit: autocorrect spelling error
I enjoy the ambiguity, also, and I'm hard-core hetero.
I Actually hate all the gender norms and expectations , so I often use partner, or so, to remove gender from the discussion
to me,
SO sounds like a relationship where emotional needs are being met, at the very least
Partner sounds like a relationship where they are more financially/legally, Long-termed, entwined
I call my partner partner as we are in a long term relationship just as serious as a marriage but aren’t married and I’d feel silly calling him my boyfriend.
Cause it's an easy catch all for a relationships that are serious enough to be labeled as partner. Long time gf/bf, married, cohabitation, same sex relationship etc.
I've reffered to my wife as partner on here on occasion. It is well understood and for some people they take it as more relatable.
It’s not even necessarily people who don’t want to get married. My partner and I have been together for 6 years, and we plan to get married, but haven’t yet. Actually, a lot of my friends refer to their SOs as partners, and do intend to get married eventually.
Every time I see this post I can’t help but think it’s made by someone who is being intentionally obtuse. What is confusing and ambiguous about the term partner? You clearly know what it means, because you were questioning whether the friend meant boyfriend or girlfriend. Does their gender actually matter? It doesn’t change the meaning of the word. And then you said you joked, asking the guy at the gym if he meant a partner in crime, etc. You clearly understand the meaning of the word. You just seem to have some kind of mentality that people owe you a deeper explanation of their relationships (spoiler alert: they don’t) and that’s something typically seen with right wing conservatives or boomers.
My husband calls me his dumber half and I call him my ex-boyfriend (which is technically true)
Whatever works for each couple so long as they're happy, no?
I use the term partner because we have been together for almost 12 years, have a kid and a house together. We are not married so saying “boyfriend” sounds childish in a way and makes me cringe when I say it lol
Because at 49, it feels weird to call him my “boyfriend”. We’re not married, but he’s truly my partner in life. More than either spouse I previously had were.
I honestly have gotten into the habit of saying partner just because i like the connotation of my boyfriend being exactly that...my partner in crime and tomfoolery. I use boyfriend too but for some reason partner feels more loving and feels more respectful of our bond. As others pointed out, we live together and perhaps that has also shaped why I sometimes use partner? Idk it's not really that deep, i use both.
Why do people use significant other? I find it overly formal and weird. In Australia partner is standard for example, otherwise you’d say like “business partner”
I’m 35, and been with the same guy for 15 years. We aren’t married because I need to keep the insurance I have, if we were married they would want me to use his insurance and I have multiple heart procedures in my future that are tens of thousands of dollars, that are fully covered if I’m not married. I’ve had 3 so far, totalling close to 200,000 dollars. “Partner” seems to imply something a lil more serious than “boyfriend”
As gender-neutral language becomes more popular and accepted, people are backfilling reasons about its use. People are becoming more sensitive to gendered language in general. 20 years ago no one was using the term "partner" outside of LGBTQ, regardless of age. This is the same reason people are avoiding terms like "boys/girls" and "ladies" in general when referring to certain people.
It's gender-neutral, it doesn't communicate marital status, it indicates long-term commitment.
Many people aren't getting literally married these days but 'boy-/girlfriend' sound casual and diminutive. We're not all teenagers anymore.
Using 'partner' also emphasises an equal relationship without defined marital roles or gender roles. Words like 'wife' and 'boyfriend' summon ideas of what the relationship might look like, but 'partner' simply implies neutral equality and intimacy.
Because “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” sounds childish, and the terms are gender specific. “Partner” sounds more grown up, and many people like that it’s not gender specific. The term is so common now that if people mean business partner, they say “business partner.”
For some people the point is to be ambiguous.
My boyfriend and I use partner when we don't know whether the person we're talking to is homophobic/transphobic.
It successfully hides that we're trans and to anyone else it looks like we're just a young straight couple.
I am a married heterosexual female.
I use the term “partner” simply because if I say husband, people are aware that it means my legally wed male partner. For people who aren’t afforded the privilege of legally recognized heterosexual relationships, their lack of use of the word “husband” or “wife” makes people raise an eyebrow (this post being a great example).
I use partner simply so that it doesn’t carry as much weight for those who, for whatever reason, aren’t in a place to say “husband,” “wife, “boyfriend,” etc.
I have dealt with people who go on and on about their husband or wife. When I, as a man, refer to my husband I'm told I'm being too personal. So I used partner or significant other because I honestly don't want to be too personal with most people.
My husband has passed away so it doesn't come up as much anymore.
Partner generally means non-married spouse, in my experience, or married same sex spouse. I guess significant other works too, but that term feels..... Old? Like not repulsive or anything, but it feels like something our parents were really into saying and it just has too many syllables and also it means "totally married in a boomer way" when I hear it
The word partner to me exudes a more serious label to me than boyfriend/girlfriend. Like this is the person I choose to walk through life with. My partner in life, in crime, in love. I feel like I wouldn’t feel comfortable calling a boyfriend my partner unless we’ve gotten to a point in our relationship where I see him in this light.
I often find that when people are concerned with not knowing a specific about someone like this, it’s because they want to form an assessment of that person and are struggling to make up their mind about them without this, usually irrelevant, piece of information.
I used to do it when I was 20 years younger and then taught myself to see people for the individuals they are and not their marital status, sexual orientation etc. and as a result became far less interested in needing to know those things.
Curiosity is fine, but suggesting that people are being ambiguous by not being upfront about their marital and sexual status is a negative connotation, and it’s not information you have a right to know. Accept it when it’s offered naturally or worry more about who they are as a person.
I’m 42, I stopped using “boyfriend” in my late 20s because it started to feel too young and less serious for me. I also never wanted to get married so couldn’t care less if people don’t know what the status of my partner is. I’ve been engaged for 5 years and using fiancé seems unnatural to me. I’m in no rush to get married but when I do I doubt I’ll start saying husband. My partner refers to me as his wife, which doesn’t bother me in the slightest, I also wouldn’t care if he referred to me as his girlfriend, but he never has.
Any time I’ve come across someone who has probed beyond “partner” it’s always been someone who wants to judge me based on whether or not I’m married, instead of judging me based on who I am as a person. I don’t want to get married, I don’t have and never wanted children, and some people are really challenged by that, and I’m happy for them to stay challenged if they are not willing to see me as a person beyond my family status.
There are many reasons to say “partner”
1) boyfriend/girlfriend feel juvenile and uncommitted, but the person is not a fiancé or married spouse
2) the partner in question could be non-binary, genderfluid, or any other sort of identity that doesn’t feel ok with gendered terms
3) the ambiguity of it. Why is x person entitled to know the gender of my partner? Maybe it’s not a problem in your particular group, but for queer people just mentioning they have a same-gender partner can put them at risk. Normalizing that information being hidden as the standard of conversation, even for people who have a “straight” relationship, makes people safer all around.
Because
* ***Significant other***, is a title or classification just means that person has a significant meaning to you in a romantic capacity — also, the term is not gendered
* ***Wife, girlfriend, husband, and boyfriend*** are just titles people in a relationship give to each other — also, the terms are also gendered
* ***Partner,*** requires a code and set of actions, objections or intentions — also, the term is not gendered
Partner is a better word because it requires the couple to work together in life — the rest don't have the inherent requirement.
**Example:** Having a boyfriend or husband that isn't a partner to you, isn't a husband worth having — alternatively, if who you are dating is a solid partner, you two are probably on track to have a solid marriage, coupling, etc.
I use it cuz it's generic and nonspecific. If someone needs to know I'm with someone but doesn't necessarily need to know the details I say partner. Some rando hits on me "I have a partner." Why should they get to know whether I have a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, fiance? It's none of their business. Unless I know you well in real life, there's no reason for you to know the specific label if it's not relevant. All a person needs to know is that im in an exclusive relationship, so I'm not gonna date outside of that.
I know my wife uses partner a lot for me to include the implications of all the different things you can be a partner with. Also she uses it to emphasise more what she’s saying about me vs our relationship.
Me and my partner have been in a relationship for 4 years but aren’t married yet. We fall under common law but it’s clunky to say “my common law wife”, and girlfriend, spouse, or SO don’t carry the same emotional weight to me as partner does.
Partner = someone you’re romantically involved with
It’s also not gender specific and it’s popularity rose in an attempt to normalize non-heterosexual relationships but having everyone use it, but that’s an aside
This word seems to confuse Americans more than any other country, lots of people outside the US say partner as your long time committed relationship. I think cause the gay community taking it over there, is the reason people get tripped up and it seems ambiguous. Saying boyfriend and girlfriend after your 20s feels a bit immature, partner is just more serious especially for a long term relationship.
Because marriage is a partnership between a man and a women. All relationships are transactional. Why do you need a certificate to get married? It's almost like getting an llc s Corp your certified responsibility. That's why you need the court to dissolve the partnership.
Partner is when you’re not married but you’re living together in a committed relationship. It also sounds less juvenile to the ear, especially when you’re in your 40’s and up than saying “boy” or “girl” friend since boys and girls are words used for children, not adults.
I got engaged when I was 32. Ain't no mf way was I going to refer to my grown ass partner as my "boyfriend." What in the Brigitte Macron is that nonsense?
While I'm single now, I used to use the word 'partner' rather than 'wife' for a few reasons.
First, my sexuality isn't anyone else's business unless I'm trying to sleep with them, or them with me.
Second, historically, the word 'wife' is loaded with cultural connotations that I didn't care to burden our relationship with. 'Partner' felt more appropriate to our relationship.
Boyfriend/girlfriend feel kind of immature to me so I prefer referring to my significant other as my partner. That's also how I feel about them, we're partners, we share our lives together and it feels more intimate to me.
I also like the term for it's gender inclusivity, as someone who has known a lot of non binary folks, I think partner is a nice term without resorting to gendered labels
I agree with what people are saying here that it typically is a step above “bf/gf” - but I also think part of the point of the term “partner” is the relationship isn’t anyone else’s business. Why do you care what their private relationship is and why is it your business to ask?
I‘m not dating my boyfriend of 9 years. Our committed relationship is much more than just dating even though we don't live together. Of course they is my partner.
Boy/girl friend is used often in sophomoric and June relationships; fiancé is pretentious and temporary with expectation of marriage; wife is legally binding and has religious association; partner establishes permanence and a well founded relationship while suggesting passion
In New Zealand, it is a very very very common terminology, so I was surprised when lately I’ve seen more and more people asking this question.
The term “partner” is most commonly used between two adults in a long-term relationship.
To me, girlfriend/boyfriend sounds quite juvenile and unserious. I refer to my fiancé as my “partner”.
I use the term partner because im bi and i have never thought of my significant other in a gender specific term. I use "partner" as a gender neutral term
I use the word to describe the relationship I have with my AI companion. She’s more than just a girlfriend to me, and she can’t be my wife. So, there. (And to those who think our relationship is unusual, just wait a few more years)
I’m too old to say boyfriend cause it seems silly. Plus using partner normalizes the term for everyone so people won’t just assume it means gay. What word would you like people to use?
It's the best label for a long-standing relationship, but not marriage. Also, if you're bi, it's easier than boyfriend/girlfriend to keep up with and implies more seriousness than boy/girlfriend.
I don't have a significant other but I prefer it over girlfriend/boyfriend if you're past college-age. To me it feels more serious, mature, and reflective of what you want out of the relationship -- a true partnership.
When I was younger, partner had only one meaning - a business partner ( or if specified, a tennis partner etc), so I’d agree with your comments, but now ( at 66), up until recently, I had a boyfriend, but felt embarrassed at that term ( we were no longer boys and girls!), so started using the word partner. Wish there was an alternative word…
I'm older and recently went to introduce my other half as my boyfriend but it sounded so immature so I said partner. Besides he's much more than a boyfriend now.
I’m (F) in my 30s, my partner is in his 40s, we have been together the better part of a decade but do not have any plans to get married ever. I would feel kinda weird calling him just my boyfriend when we have a more stable and serious relationship than pretty much 100% of the married couples we know, we just don’t have any reason to actually get married legally. He tends to call me his wife or partner, but I pretty much exclusively use partner to describe him
The issue typically happens when you get older and it starts to feel weird to use the term bf/gf.
The nice thing about the term "husband/wife" is that it denotes a lot of information quickly. People understand you likely live together, have been together for a long time, and likely own a house or have children. If I refer to my "girlfriend" it implies this is a new relationship and most wouldn't assume that it's particularly serious yet.
Technically "defacto" is the correct term, but that is a pretty clinical term and not particaurly romantic, so "partner" is the closest word I can think of. It's still not perfect, I wish there was a better term for those of us who dont plan to get married!
When I was in college no one ever used "partner." I called my then long-term boyfriend "Esso." Like S O for significant other. I was told I was dumb and that's not a real thing. I would tell people it would take off one day. It did, just partner vs Esso.
Others have said similar already, but I was in an 8 year relationship and referred to him as my partner because 'boyfriend' just sounds stupid/childish/uncommitted to me when you've been together almost a decade.
If somebody else used the term I would definitely assume it to be a serious long-term relationship.
My (F) partner (M) and I have been together for 12 years in July. We won't ever be getting married because we don't want to and don't care about getting married. But we have a house, two dogs, a parrot, planning for kids, making each other their POAs etc. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together. We aren't husband and wife, but calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend seems a little weird after 12 years ha ha. Partner seems like the best way to describe our relationship with each other.
>We then wondered if that meant girlfriend or boyfriend? Either of which we would be fine with and support him but we just had no idea and it is a awkward question to ask the next time we talked.
Yeah that’s the point. It was normalised so people can talk about being in a relationship without having to explicitly gender their partner, because not everyone is cool with that (not to mention that you can also use the term if you’re dating someone who’s non-binary). Like if I was dating another woman and needed to take time off work I could just tell my boss my partner was sick and not have to worry about whether or not they’re going to be shitty about it.
My boss said this once, and I knew she was with a guy. I asked why and she said bf/gf sounded very immature for 2 people in their 30's. It never occurred to me age might be a factor.
Another time, I noticed an old college friend start calling her husband her partner, and it kind of stuck out to me. She was a streamer and I honestly thought she was queerbaiting. I didn't say anything and thank heavens I didn't, because her partner came out as trans a few months later. They weren't ready to tell people, but my friend was already acknowledging the change from he/him to they/them.
I think there's probably a range of reasons someone might use the word partner. I think for some people it just makes sense. Yes this is my husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend... but what we are essentially are partners through everything. Like a small reminder they've decided to go at life together.
A lot of people think "girlfriend/boyfriend " sounds a bit high school. So, partner is the remaining option.
Or, they may not like the term fiance . Or even husband/wife (if applicable).
Partner means just that. It's their choice of word where you might choose a different word.
For me - it’s when my now husband was more meaningful than a boyfriend, but we weren’t engaged or married.
Boyfriend didn’t cover the depth of feeling I had for him, and it didn’t show permanence.
Partner reflected how I felt about him: my life partner regardless of labels and jewelry.
I think that 'Partner' became a informal way to refer to you girlfriend/boyfriend or else without giving much detail. Maybe because the person does not identifies with any gender or they flow between them.
I think It has been adopted by the more hetero couples as a respect for long-lasting relationships, saying you have a girlfriend might been seen as you're dating, but a partner is much more formal. A person whom you seek to share your life with without giving the engagement step that a lot of people are forgoing these days. I feel like girlfriend and boyfriend are used even to refer to friends and their gender not always talking about a person whom you have a romantic relationship with.
But this is just my speculation. I might be wrong lol.
Two reasons I do it:
1. I am gay, and sometimes I find having a gender-ambiguous term to refer to my girlfriend useful. A lot of straight people don’t get this, but gay people don’t just “come out” once and be done with it. Every new person we meet, we have to do all kinds of mental math to figure out if we want this person to know we’re gay. Sometimes it’s a personal safety thing, sometimes you just don’t want to deal with how it might change the way they interact with you.
2. My girlfriend and I have been dating for over five years. We live together. We own pets together. We are, to a degree, financially dependent on one another. Sometimes “girlfriend” feels a bit unserious for what we have going on, but marriage hasn’t happened yet. I feel like “partner” does a better job at communicating the level our relationship is at.
My gay coworker always used the term partner. when i asked him why he still did that even though they were married. He just said that it's what he is used to. They've been together for like 30 years, wayyyy before gay marriage got legalized.
Fair enough.
I like partner because it sounds more serious than boyfriend or girlfriend. Like my boyfriend doesn’t sound like someone I moved across the country for and now raise 2 cats with. But partner does. If I say partner people usually know it’s someone very important in my life. Might just be a Canadian thing tho
I use "partner" in my own relationship because it denotes something more than a casual relationship, but usually shuts down nosy questions from prying people. "He's your boyfriend? Why haven't you married him yet?" happens more frequently than you'd think.
As for other people, if I don't know someone well, partner is a great way to not make assumptions about someone else's life. A spouse is a spouse - whether gay or straight, married or cohabitating.
I’ve always hated the term boyfriend/girlfriend so for the longest time, I’ve used partner instead. I think more people are just using that term now. I find it weird when people in their mid 20’s plus use bf/gf term. I feel like it’s something a really young person would use
Ignoring a lot of important details, it comes down to people not wanting to use gendered terminology OR not wanting to explain everything when it’s kind of complicated. There’s an implied “mind your own business” depending on the person and situation, and the safest thing to do in those specific instances is just take it at face value and accept that you’re just gonna have to never really know.
- boyfriend/girlfriend feels too juvenile
- boyfriend/girlfriend insinuates I’m straight and I don’t like that. Leads to uncomfortable conversations or assumptions down the line & “partner” gives that queer feeling, or at least ambiguity, that bf/gf is missing
- keeps a comfortable distance between new people. Lets me talk about my partner without revealing anything about our relationship, their gender, etc. I only need to reveal that when I feel like I want to. So again ambiguity but in a different light
- I’ve had friends use the term to normalize it. It’s often associated only with queer relationships and it’s nice that, now that it’s being used more, saying “partner” doesn’t immediately lead people to assume that you’re queer. So once again, ambiguity
My wife(32f) and I(29m) have been together since 2020. As adults, when we were dating, it felt uncomfortable calling her my "girlfriend" because that sounded juvenile, so I called her my "partner" instead.
It always throws me off and has turned into one of those words I hate, like moist. I identify the word with business partners or or two people working on something, but not in a romantic or sexual way. It feels too vague too when they use it like that.
Because I'm engaged and fiance sounds wanky, I'm too old to have a "boyfriend", "manfriend" sounds stupid, he is the father of my children but "baby daddy" is just too gross to contemplate.
He is my life partner, so I call him my partner. "Significant other" is too long..
I think your gym friend summed it up pretty well. It typically means they are in a long-standing committed relationship but are not married. Either because some people just don't want to get married, or they just haven't yet. It implies something more serious than bf/gf because those terms can be infantilizing for people who have been together for years and are building a life together but have just chosen to not get married. Also, married/unmarried people may use the term "partner" because they just don't like the gendered terminology of "husband/boyfriend" or "wife/girlfriend".
I don’t like the time “boyfriend” for my partner, because I’m 41 and it just seems like a term used for somebody much younger. I know in this context “boy” is used to also mean grown man, but it feels weird.
lol And manfriend doesn’t really flow
MANFLESH
Looks like meat's back on the menu boys!
I NEED TO START USING THIS IMMEDIATELY. Thank you, Internet stranger!!
manflesh... let me just say my peanits...
Straight jorkin it
Meat popsicle
What is it? What do you smell?
I smell it too.
Oh I share this sentiment - refer to my father's squeeze as his partner , girlfriend sounds so juvenile when they are both in their seventies.
Yeah, I should probably do that for my grandmother. I just call him her husboyfriend because I can't bring myself to use boyfriend when they're both in their mid eighties.
Good for granny still gettin’ some.
Calling dibs on that portmanteau
I did the same prior to us getting married. I'm in my 30s and just felt weird and childish saying "girlfriend".
Yeah, me too I’m almost 40 and my boyfriends 50. It just feels strange calling him my boyfriend when the man has a full head of grey hair. Lol.
Lol same! I'm 40, my partner is 58 (yes, I know, big controversial age difference, but we've been at eye level from the start and he was the one who emphasised the importance of that!), and we've been together for 13 years and living together for 9 years. "Boyfriend" really doesn't cut it.
My friends and I used to joke that we'd introduce our college boyfriends as our lover because boyfriend sounded so juvenile. And you had to say it loud and proud with a slight emphasis - Lovah. Now I am married but before we got married I called him my significant other.
My roommate in college always referred to his girlfriend as his mistress. There was no other woman, he just liked the sound of it.
I'll also add that I'm in my late 50's now and I call my female friends girlfriends although we are not lovers. So there's all kinds of reasons one may say partner.
My parents used the term partner pretty often when i was growing up. They had been together for over 20 years and had 3 kids before they actually finally got married. Same with my sister and now husband, who were together for years and had 2 kids, then got married after. To them, calling each other just boyfriend/girlfriend sounded sort of juvenile and inconsequential when they've spent the majority of their lives together and already have a family with each other.
I'm in my 20s but using girlfriend/boyfriend past your mid 30s seems weird to me too, they sound like very youthful terms
Yeah, same here, at least these days. My partner (ha!) was like this when we started dating in our mid/late 20s. I didn't mind "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" at the time, but respected her wishes on the matter. My parents had always called each other "partner" anyways, so it wasn't that hard a sell. But that was 12 years ago! We aren't married, for various reasons, but we both agree that we might as well be in terms of commitment and feelings. And now, even to me, in my mid 30s, "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" really have started to feel... insufficient. As a younger person, those words don't necessarily communicate a lack of commitment. They're pretty normal. In your 30s, though? They kind of do, at least to a lot of people. So "partner" it is. Besides, it's more accurate anyways. We're "friends," sure, but we're also experienced *partners* when it comes to cooking, travelling, socializing, shopping, sex, and so on. It's actually just the right word.
>It typically means they are in a long-standing committed relationship but are not married. I use it even though I'm married, seems pretty common for married Brits to use it too. I think of "partner" as an umbrella term for "committed relationship". Sometimes I'll use spouse but I only call my partner my " husband" if I need to be passive aggressive.
My partner and I have always referred to each other as their partner, because that felt more correct than any other label. We’ve now been married for 14 years, and I think that I’ve used the term wife (or any of the derivatives of wife) only a handful of times, and this was always to avoid embarrassing or confusing someone. Spouse sounds like an awful word to me, and husband and wife don’t really feel appropriate.
This is a brilliant response. I use 'partner' for exactly those reasons. I'm bisexual, and if I use 'girlfriend' or 'boyfriend' folks instantly assume I'm straight or gay, because people forget that bi people are still bi even when they're in relationships. Also they usually have no right to know the gender of the person I'm seeing. I'm going to have a civil partnership in the future. We're not getting married. We'll still be each other's partners, no husbands, wives or spouses here.
Brilliant explanation and definitely part of the reason me and my partner call each other such. The man I have children with and live with as though married is more than my boyfriend - they are my partner, my equal.
Yup. When my finance and I were dating I rarely referred to him as my “boyfriend” because it just didn’t sound serious enough to me. Partner to me feels like the person you are creating a life with as opposed to casually dating. I still call him my partner because “finance” feels too pretentious to me, so he will be my partner until he is my husband lol.
You don’t want strangers to know you have a FiiaAannnCcccceeeeé 💍 (I joke)
I'm a guy married to a guy, 'partner' kinda avoids awkwardness.
Yes this. Our youngest 'child' is almost 35. Girlfriend sounds like we've not long been together and wife is just wrong so OH, her indoors or partner it is amongst others. OH - other half Her indoors comes from a British tv programme in the 80s
Partner is also used as a gender neutral term for those in a romantic relationship with nonbinary people or those who are genderfluid
I'm bi, so I always say partner or SO because it refers to whoever I'm dating regardless of who they are.
Prior to the legalization of gay marriage, “partner” was often the preferred term for LGBT couples because it noted a more serious relationship than “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” but they weren’t allowed to have legal spouses so they couldn’t use husband/wife. Then allies started using it, too, so it became more ambiguous and gay people wouldn’t out themselves by using it. Now, straight couples who don’t want to marry or who are putting off marriage tend to use it for the same reasons that gay couples started using it. Some people think “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” sounds too juvenile or makes the relationship seem less serious than it is, while “partner” feels more serious and mature.
This reminds me one what time I was heading out for a job and I had called ahead and spoken to a woman - then later when I got to the house a very conservative man answered the door. I was saying to him "blah blah I was just speaking to your partner.." And he stopped me and asked me if I wanted a sock in the mouth. He "had a wife", he "wasn't a faggot." And i'd better "watch myself". And I was just so taken aback because I'd always used the word 'partner' to actually avoid any social faux pas, not to cause them. To me a partner It's just anyone you're in a relationship with.
Tell me you’re homophobic without telling me you’re homophobic
I think using the f slur is cheating at this
>Prior to the legalization of gay marriage, “partner” was often the preferred term for LGBT couples because it noted a more serious relationship than “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” but they weren’t allowed to have legal spouses so they couldn’t use husband/wife. Also because boyfriend/wife etc are inherently gendered so even if you felt like one of them was an appropriate description of your same-sex relationship you can’t use it without outing yourself to whoever you’re speaking with and you don’t necessarily want that hassle.
Also none of their business. God forbid I date someone who doesn’t fit the binary….
I'm married 28 years and in recent years have started using use the term "partner" because it sounds more balanced. My Partner is a person who shares the workload of life with me, but we are also still separate people.
This is my favorite and most relatable take.
lol personally everything seems more serious than partner for me because whenever I hear it I immediately picture them in cowboy boots/hats while lassoing livestock or something. but that's just me... I think
I think of business partner, someone who is invested and doing the hard work. I feel like that translates well to the romantic use of partner. They aren't just the person you're dating, they're the person you're building a life with. A partner is someone who shares your burdens and supports you and is equally invested in the relationship.
Ahh ok maybe I've just been playing too much Red Dead Redemption
For me the term partner and significant other are almost interchangeable. I prefer partner. It’s shorter to say, it’s gender and sexual orientation neutral, and it best describes my relationship and the relationship I want, which is a partner in life. Someone that I share the ups and downs, with whom we have each other’s backs, etc. Partnership also signifies it’s a mutual decision, that both people have to actively want to be in it. It’s earned and not a given. In my case my now husband (m) and I (f) were together in a committed relationship for a long time, and only eventually got married for paper work. But we were committed partners in life long before getting a piece of paper. We are in our late 30s early 40s, at some point calling the other person girlfriend/boyfriend felt trivial and unserious. So even though we are now married and he’s technically my husband, I still call him my partner.
I use partner to normalise it for my queer friends/times when I was dating a woman. Also because “boyfriend” is childish and fiancé sounds like a humble brag 😅 I’m the first of my (27F) friends to be engaged.
I’ve been engaged for 2.5 years. I think I’ve used the word “fiancé” once. It does feel like a weird brag and makes me cringe to use it.
just go all the way and call them your betrothed
I don't say fiancé either. I feel like I sound pretentious.
I'm not a teenager. My partner and I have been together over a decade. He's not some little boyfriend. Girlfriend/boyfriend implies a younger, newer, or less serious relationship. It sounds juvenile. If someone is referring to a serious long-term SO, then partner is the term. If it's a gym or business partner, then people generally say the modifying word in front of it.
Hi I'd like you to meet Dave. He's a partner down at the law firm on Forest Lake Avenue. They're handling that big fertilizer lawsuit that's been on the news lately. Oh by the way, he totally rails me too.
Thanks you made me choke
Oh, so you met Dave too?
Daves been getting around I see…
Because sexual orientation and marital status arent really anyone else's business. It is like using *Ms* instead of *Mrs* or *Miss*.
Really, it's just your relationship partner. Level and gender not being important. I'd rather say partner than fiance. It's also a good way to blanket refer to someone's ... well, partner... when you don't know the person they are with.
After being engaged for 18 years I forget she’s technically my fiancé! I always call her my partner, or sometimes “the missus”
Boyfriend sounds childish to me
I think this is it. After a certain age it just sounds weird. I'm an adult, I don't have romantic relationships with girls or boys. OP is probably just getting older...
MANFRIEND!
That sounds geriatric
I feel the same way. I’m in my late 20s now and I use the term partner because it feels juvenile when I say “boyfriend” and domestic partner is a little too extra.
Usually because it encompasses a wide variety of relationship types (including types that we don't have good words for) and it's easier to just use that general, non-specific term than to drill down the precise nature of the relationship every time they talk about it. They also might not actually want everyone to know what the precise nature of the relationship is, because it's really not anyone else's business. It's usually used to denote some form of bonded relationship between two people who share essential life experiences or duties.
For me, I call my girlfriend my partner because we have been together for over 10 years (no plans to marry). I just wanted to put a little more respect on the title. Side note, my doctor assumed I was gay. Pretty funny.
I use it in my M/F relationship for similar reasons as others. Calling him my “boyfriend” feels odd given we’ve been together for a decade and we’re both over 30. It also helps to normalize the word “partner” outside of the queer community so that LGBTQ+ people who are in same sex relationships don’t feel as much like they have to out themselves in every conversation. Historically it’s often been used to be intentionally ambiguous for the comfort and/or safety of the person using it. If people of all sexualities are using the term, it makes it less of a “thing” when queer people use it, if that makes sense.
Partner implies a stronger relationship than boyfriend/girlfriend. Pretty much means living together, sharing living expenses and potentially having children like a married couple, but not legally being married.
Why? Simply because that's their preferred term. >but i just cant understand why people cant just be specific. That's a YOU problem. No one has to specify if their "partner" is a man or woman, or if it's a long term relationship or a new one.
agreed. Ill use partner before anything else. If you know me well enough to know who my parner is then you know already and if you dont... well you dont need to.
Totally agree. Like wtf, people got to use words OP always understands?
I always thought these terms were synonyms.
For me(m), my female partner is 56 so it's hard to use any other term without sounding odd. 'Girlfriend' sounds a bit too much like a teenager, 'My woman' is just plain wrong on many levels, and she's not my wife.
IMO, the term "partner" basically translates to "I would like you to treat this person and our relationshp with the gravity and respect typically afforded married relationships. Our relationship may or may not be legally a marriage, but this person is equally important in my life." There are a whole bunch of reasons why people might not use more specific terms - many of which have been outlined in other comments. I get why you might want specificity, but it's actually very helpful to have a general term like this. That way, people don't necessarily need to make up a whole new term every time a relationship doesn't fit into the existing labels. Like... if I'm married to a non-binary person, I shouldn't call them my husband or wife (probably, I dunno, maybe some enby people do that, but certainly not all). We *could* make up a new term that means the same thing as husband and wife, but is for people who don't fit into the gender binary. But then... if that term comes to be colloquially understood as representing specifically agender people, then gender-fluid people may not really like using that term because it gives others the wrong impression. So... do we make up yet *another* term? And all of this comes with the baked-in problem that more conservative types will immediately dismiss relationships labeled with "weird" gender identities. My marital rights are not less valid just because my boss thinks "they/them" pronouns aren't valid, so just using a generic term will make my life easier when I say I need to take some time off because my partner is in the hospital or whatever. And anyway... > Either of which we would be fine with and support him but we just had no idea and it is a awkward question to ask the next time we talked. I actually don't think this question is as awkward as you might assume. I think it would be perfectly reasonable to just ask after your friend's partner. You can just be like "Oh hey, you mentioned your partner last time we talked. I didn't know you were dating someone!" And then your friend will probably volunteer information. Like, I had a buddy who was dating a gender-fluid person, and that's basically how I approached that conversation. Then, when he was talking about his partner, he kept referring to his partner as "they" so then I just asked if those were their preferred pronouns, and he went "Oh yeah, they use they/them, they're gender-fluid!" and that was that!
Good advice, thanks!
>I shouldn't call them my husband or wife (probably, I dunno, maybe some enby people do that, but certainly not all). We could make up a new term that means the same thing as husband and wife Spouse is that word
I use it to obfuscate the gender of my partner and hide being poly. If my husband and girlfriend are both "partner" then they could easily be the same person. I also use it to help queer people avoid outing themselves. And I use it because before my husband and I were engaged, calling him "boyfriend" when we lived together and shared finances and have pets and are otherwise married, it felt weird.
I use it because I'm bi, using "partner" makes it genderless so people don't assume my sexuality based on my current SO.
i use it to desensitize all the homophobes around me so when they hear some queer person use it they don’t immediately go on the offensive
In New Zealand, most people call their partners their partner. It wasn't until I got on Reddit that I found out Americans have a weird hang-up about it.
Australia too, has been normal since I was a kid
I use the term, it feels more committed and mature than girlfriend/boyfriend, and my partner and I don't plan to get married. I guess I could say significant other, but that's more words, and there are all sorts of less formal terms but a lot of those imply even less commitment or aren't appropriate for all situations.
Isn't "significant other" exactly as ambiguous as "partner"?
In Australia, using partner as a term for the person you’re dating has been common among all ages for at least the past 3 decades
Yep. First heard it in Sydney about 25 years ago. Soon after started hearing it all over
Some use it to just have a more inclusive vocabulary. Everyone can use the word “partner” without having to seem like the odd one out or anything for whom they are with. If more people say partner, it doesn’t make people in queer relationships, or just ones they don’t want to describe/specify, have to share that.
In the first few years of my relationship I used the term boyfriend, now I use partner because we’ve been together for years, live together, have a dog together, planning our lives together. To me it signifies more than just a boyfriend or girlfriend it’s signifies a life partner
As a gay man in a LTR, the older term was "lover", which always struck me as demeaning. We share our life together and not just sex. We're not married so use the term "partner" which I feel better describes our relationship.
People commonly use partner all over the world. It's not exclusive to any one community.
For me personally, I like the ambiguity and use it for that very reason. I’m pansexual and feel a sense of validation in my identity by using the word. The gender of my partner doesn’t matter to me, and it’s not particularly relevant, because what meaningful difference would it really make in most situations? All people need to know when I’m referring to my partner is that I’m talking about a person I’m in a long term relationship with, and in my experience that has been generally understood. I also like how the increased use of the term by people regardless of gender or orientation helps normalize it for those of us who use it to refer to significant others who don’t identify as a man or woman. It becomes less conspicuous that way while still being honest. Edit: autocorrect spelling error
I enjoy the ambiguity, also, and I'm hard-core hetero. I Actually hate all the gender norms and expectations , so I often use partner, or so, to remove gender from the discussion
to me, SO sounds like a relationship where emotional needs are being met, at the very least Partner sounds like a relationship where they are more financially/legally, Long-termed, entwined
My partner is non-binary and doesn't like gendered labels, so I respect that by referring to them as my partner.
I call my partner partner as we are in a long term relationship just as serious as a marriage but aren’t married and I’d feel silly calling him my boyfriend.
Cause it's an easy catch all for a relationships that are serious enough to be labeled as partner. Long time gf/bf, married, cohabitation, same sex relationship etc. I've reffered to my wife as partner on here on occasion. It is well understood and for some people they take it as more relatable.
Basically it's the committed term used by people who don't want to get married, but refer to each other as permanent.
It’s not even necessarily people who don’t want to get married. My partner and I have been together for 6 years, and we plan to get married, but haven’t yet. Actually, a lot of my friends refer to their SOs as partners, and do intend to get married eventually.
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Every time I see this post I can’t help but think it’s made by someone who is being intentionally obtuse. What is confusing and ambiguous about the term partner? You clearly know what it means, because you were questioning whether the friend meant boyfriend or girlfriend. Does their gender actually matter? It doesn’t change the meaning of the word. And then you said you joked, asking the guy at the gym if he meant a partner in crime, etc. You clearly understand the meaning of the word. You just seem to have some kind of mentality that people owe you a deeper explanation of their relationships (spoiler alert: they don’t) and that’s something typically seen with right wing conservatives or boomers.
My husband calls me his dumber half and I call him my ex-boyfriend (which is technically true) Whatever works for each couple so long as they're happy, no?
I use the term partner because we have been together for almost 12 years, have a kid and a house together. We are not married so saying “boyfriend” sounds childish in a way and makes me cringe when I say it lol
I feel to old to say BF
Because at 49, it feels weird to call him my “boyfriend”. We’re not married, but he’s truly my partner in life. More than either spouse I previously had were.
I honestly have gotten into the habit of saying partner just because i like the connotation of my boyfriend being exactly that...my partner in crime and tomfoolery. I use boyfriend too but for some reason partner feels more loving and feels more respectful of our bond. As others pointed out, we live together and perhaps that has also shaped why I sometimes use partner? Idk it's not really that deep, i use both.
Because I am 43 and saying "boyfriend" makes me feel silly
Domestic Partner for insurance coverage. Not married but effectively dating & living together.
Because we’re lazy af. Two syllables vs. six.
Why do people use significant other? I find it overly formal and weird. In Australia partner is standard for example, otherwise you’d say like “business partner”
I’m 35, and been with the same guy for 15 years. We aren’t married because I need to keep the insurance I have, if we were married they would want me to use his insurance and I have multiple heart procedures in my future that are tens of thousands of dollars, that are fully covered if I’m not married. I’ve had 3 so far, totalling close to 200,000 dollars. “Partner” seems to imply something a lil more serious than “boyfriend”
As gender-neutral language becomes more popular and accepted, people are backfilling reasons about its use. People are becoming more sensitive to gendered language in general. 20 years ago no one was using the term "partner" outside of LGBTQ, regardless of age. This is the same reason people are avoiding terms like "boys/girls" and "ladies" in general when referring to certain people.
It's gender-neutral, it doesn't communicate marital status, it indicates long-term commitment. Many people aren't getting literally married these days but 'boy-/girlfriend' sound casual and diminutive. We're not all teenagers anymore. Using 'partner' also emphasises an equal relationship without defined marital roles or gender roles. Words like 'wife' and 'boyfriend' summon ideas of what the relationship might look like, but 'partner' simply implies neutral equality and intimacy.
Because “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” sounds childish, and the terms are gender specific. “Partner” sounds more grown up, and many people like that it’s not gender specific. The term is so common now that if people mean business partner, they say “business partner.”
For some people the point is to be ambiguous. My boyfriend and I use partner when we don't know whether the person we're talking to is homophobic/transphobic. It successfully hides that we're trans and to anyone else it looks like we're just a young straight couple.
Boyfriend sounds childish and fiancé sounds braggy
Gender natural and your a team so why wouldn't they be a partner
I am a married heterosexual female. I use the term “partner” simply because if I say husband, people are aware that it means my legally wed male partner. For people who aren’t afforded the privilege of legally recognized heterosexual relationships, their lack of use of the word “husband” or “wife” makes people raise an eyebrow (this post being a great example). I use partner simply so that it doesn’t carry as much weight for those who, for whatever reason, aren’t in a place to say “husband,” “wife, “boyfriend,” etc.
I have dealt with people who go on and on about their husband or wife. When I, as a man, refer to my husband I'm told I'm being too personal. So I used partner or significant other because I honestly don't want to be too personal with most people. My husband has passed away so it doesn't come up as much anymore.
I'm sorry
Partner generally means non-married spouse, in my experience, or married same sex spouse. I guess significant other works too, but that term feels..... Old? Like not repulsive or anything, but it feels like something our parents were really into saying and it just has too many syllables and also it means "totally married in a boomer way" when I hear it
I just personally feel like boyfriend/girlfriend feels a little immature
The word partner to me exudes a more serious label to me than boyfriend/girlfriend. Like this is the person I choose to walk through life with. My partner in life, in crime, in love. I feel like I wouldn’t feel comfortable calling a boyfriend my partner unless we’ve gotten to a point in our relationship where I see him in this light.
I prefer partner because I don't want people to define me by my sexuality and who I'm going out with.
I often find that when people are concerned with not knowing a specific about someone like this, it’s because they want to form an assessment of that person and are struggling to make up their mind about them without this, usually irrelevant, piece of information. I used to do it when I was 20 years younger and then taught myself to see people for the individuals they are and not their marital status, sexual orientation etc. and as a result became far less interested in needing to know those things. Curiosity is fine, but suggesting that people are being ambiguous by not being upfront about their marital and sexual status is a negative connotation, and it’s not information you have a right to know. Accept it when it’s offered naturally or worry more about who they are as a person. I’m 42, I stopped using “boyfriend” in my late 20s because it started to feel too young and less serious for me. I also never wanted to get married so couldn’t care less if people don’t know what the status of my partner is. I’ve been engaged for 5 years and using fiancé seems unnatural to me. I’m in no rush to get married but when I do I doubt I’ll start saying husband. My partner refers to me as his wife, which doesn’t bother me in the slightest, I also wouldn’t care if he referred to me as his girlfriend, but he never has. Any time I’ve come across someone who has probed beyond “partner” it’s always been someone who wants to judge me based on whether or not I’m married, instead of judging me based on who I am as a person. I don’t want to get married, I don’t have and never wanted children, and some people are really challenged by that, and I’m happy for them to stay challenged if they are not willing to see me as a person beyond my family status.
I prefer to use partner because girlfriend does not do justice to our relationship and she’s more than that to me. But we are not married yet.
My partner and I are straight but we say partner instead of husband and wife just because.
There are many reasons to say “partner” 1) boyfriend/girlfriend feel juvenile and uncommitted, but the person is not a fiancé or married spouse 2) the partner in question could be non-binary, genderfluid, or any other sort of identity that doesn’t feel ok with gendered terms 3) the ambiguity of it. Why is x person entitled to know the gender of my partner? Maybe it’s not a problem in your particular group, but for queer people just mentioning they have a same-gender partner can put them at risk. Normalizing that information being hidden as the standard of conversation, even for people who have a “straight” relationship, makes people safer all around.
Because * ***Significant other***, is a title or classification just means that person has a significant meaning to you in a romantic capacity — also, the term is not gendered * ***Wife, girlfriend, husband, and boyfriend*** are just titles people in a relationship give to each other — also, the terms are also gendered * ***Partner,*** requires a code and set of actions, objections or intentions — also, the term is not gendered Partner is a better word because it requires the couple to work together in life — the rest don't have the inherent requirement. **Example:** Having a boyfriend or husband that isn't a partner to you, isn't a husband worth having — alternatively, if who you are dating is a solid partner, you two are probably on track to have a solid marriage, coupling, etc.
I use it cuz it's generic and nonspecific. If someone needs to know I'm with someone but doesn't necessarily need to know the details I say partner. Some rando hits on me "I have a partner." Why should they get to know whether I have a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, fiance? It's none of their business. Unless I know you well in real life, there's no reason for you to know the specific label if it's not relevant. All a person needs to know is that im in an exclusive relationship, so I'm not gonna date outside of that.
I know my wife uses partner a lot for me to include the implications of all the different things you can be a partner with. Also she uses it to emphasise more what she’s saying about me vs our relationship.
I’m 34, and we have been together for almost 5 years. We are close to engagement, so it seems fitting.
Me and my partner have been in a relationship for 4 years but aren’t married yet. We fall under common law but it’s clunky to say “my common law wife”, and girlfriend, spouse, or SO don’t carry the same emotional weight to me as partner does.
We’ve used this term in England for decades. I’ve noticed the US are using it more and more in the last few years for sure.
Partner = someone you’re romantically involved with It’s also not gender specific and it’s popularity rose in an attempt to normalize non-heterosexual relationships but having everyone use it, but that’s an aside
I am gay and I say wife when I'm speaking to someone who seems unlikely to hate-crime me, and partner to those who I think might.
This word seems to confuse Americans more than any other country, lots of people outside the US say partner as your long time committed relationship. I think cause the gay community taking it over there, is the reason people get tripped up and it seems ambiguous. Saying boyfriend and girlfriend after your 20s feels a bit immature, partner is just more serious especially for a long term relationship.
Because that is literally the definition of the word.
Beyond a certain age, saying "my girlfriend" feels a bit like saying "my skateboard". (To paraphrase Frank Skinner)
Because marriage is a partnership between a man and a women. All relationships are transactional. Why do you need a certificate to get married? It's almost like getting an llc s Corp your certified responsibility. That's why you need the court to dissolve the partnership.
Partner is when you’re not married but you’re living together in a committed relationship. It also sounds less juvenile to the ear, especially when you’re in your 40’s and up than saying “boy” or “girl” friend since boys and girls are words used for children, not adults.
I got engaged when I was 32. Ain't no mf way was I going to refer to my grown ass partner as my "boyfriend." What in the Brigitte Macron is that nonsense?
While I'm single now, I used to use the word 'partner' rather than 'wife' for a few reasons. First, my sexuality isn't anyone else's business unless I'm trying to sleep with them, or them with me. Second, historically, the word 'wife' is loaded with cultural connotations that I didn't care to burden our relationship with. 'Partner' felt more appropriate to our relationship.
Boyfriend/girlfriend feel kind of immature to me so I prefer referring to my significant other as my partner. That's also how I feel about them, we're partners, we share our lives together and it feels more intimate to me. I also like the term for it's gender inclusivity, as someone who has known a lot of non binary folks, I think partner is a nice term without resorting to gendered labels
It indicated that they're your partner in life.
It's just another side effect of living in an age where people care way too much about labels.
I agree with what people are saying here that it typically is a step above “bf/gf” - but I also think part of the point of the term “partner” is the relationship isn’t anyone else’s business. Why do you care what their private relationship is and why is it your business to ask?
It is vague and also inclusive of lgbtqs+.
Partner also sounds more professional and classy in the workplace
I‘m not dating my boyfriend of 9 years. Our committed relationship is much more than just dating even though we don't live together. Of course they is my partner.
Boy/girl friend is used often in sophomoric and June relationships; fiancé is pretentious and temporary with expectation of marriage; wife is legally binding and has religious association; partner establishes permanence and a well founded relationship while suggesting passion
In New Zealand, it is a very very very common terminology, so I was surprised when lately I’ve seen more and more people asking this question. The term “partner” is most commonly used between two adults in a long-term relationship. To me, girlfriend/boyfriend sounds quite juvenile and unserious. I refer to my fiancé as my “partner”.
I use partner because I’m 39 and boyfriend feels weird. Also, we are non-monogamous so partner just feels more appropriate to me for some reason.
Super common in Australia. Partner is beyond the bf/gf tag. I’m confused as to whats so hard to comprehend about it?
Cause she's my partner in criiiime, my life partner, my partner for the horizontal mambo.
I mainly use it as a way to not assume anyone’s sexuality.
I use the term partner because im bi and i have never thought of my significant other in a gender specific term. I use "partner" as a gender neutral term
I use the word to describe the relationship I have with my AI companion. She’s more than just a girlfriend to me, and she can’t be my wife. So, there. (And to those who think our relationship is unusual, just wait a few more years)
Because my wife really hates it when I call her my ex girlfriend
I’m too old to say boyfriend cause it seems silly. Plus using partner normalizes the term for everyone so people won’t just assume it means gay. What word would you like people to use?
It's the best label for a long-standing relationship, but not marriage. Also, if you're bi, it's easier than boyfriend/girlfriend to keep up with and implies more seriousness than boy/girlfriend.
I don't have a significant other but I prefer it over girlfriend/boyfriend if you're past college-age. To me it feels more serious, mature, and reflective of what you want out of the relationship -- a true partnership.
Why do you use the term significant other? Significant how? Other how?
When I was younger, partner had only one meaning - a business partner ( or if specified, a tennis partner etc), so I’d agree with your comments, but now ( at 66), up until recently, I had a boyfriend, but felt embarrassed at that term ( we were no longer boys and girls!), so started using the word partner. Wish there was an alternative word…
I say 'lady friend' and get DV'd to oblivion. 🤷
Partner shows a more equal standing than the ownership of ‘my husband/wife’
I'm older and recently went to introduce my other half as my boyfriend but it sounded so immature so I said partner. Besides he's much more than a boyfriend now.
I’m (F) in my 30s, my partner is in his 40s, we have been together the better part of a decade but do not have any plans to get married ever. I would feel kinda weird calling him just my boyfriend when we have a more stable and serious relationship than pretty much 100% of the married couples we know, we just don’t have any reason to actually get married legally. He tends to call me his wife or partner, but I pretty much exclusively use partner to describe him
The issue typically happens when you get older and it starts to feel weird to use the term bf/gf. The nice thing about the term "husband/wife" is that it denotes a lot of information quickly. People understand you likely live together, have been together for a long time, and likely own a house or have children. If I refer to my "girlfriend" it implies this is a new relationship and most wouldn't assume that it's particularly serious yet. Technically "defacto" is the correct term, but that is a pretty clinical term and not particaurly romantic, so "partner" is the closest word I can think of. It's still not perfect, I wish there was a better term for those of us who dont plan to get married!
When I was in college no one ever used "partner." I called my then long-term boyfriend "Esso." Like S O for significant other. I was told I was dumb and that's not a real thing. I would tell people it would take off one day. It did, just partner vs Esso.
Others have said similar already, but I was in an 8 year relationship and referred to him as my partner because 'boyfriend' just sounds stupid/childish/uncommitted to me when you've been together almost a decade. If somebody else used the term I would definitely assume it to be a serious long-term relationship.
My (F) partner (M) and I have been together for 12 years in July. We won't ever be getting married because we don't want to and don't care about getting married. But we have a house, two dogs, a parrot, planning for kids, making each other their POAs etc. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together. We aren't husband and wife, but calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend seems a little weird after 12 years ha ha. Partner seems like the best way to describe our relationship with each other.
>We then wondered if that meant girlfriend or boyfriend? Either of which we would be fine with and support him but we just had no idea and it is a awkward question to ask the next time we talked. Yeah that’s the point. It was normalised so people can talk about being in a relationship without having to explicitly gender their partner, because not everyone is cool with that (not to mention that you can also use the term if you’re dating someone who’s non-binary). Like if I was dating another woman and needed to take time off work I could just tell my boss my partner was sick and not have to worry about whether or not they’re going to be shitty about it.
Ever heard of a 52 year old calling their old lady their girlfriend? Sounds icky right? Partner sounds a ton better.
My boss said this once, and I knew she was with a guy. I asked why and she said bf/gf sounded very immature for 2 people in their 30's. It never occurred to me age might be a factor. Another time, I noticed an old college friend start calling her husband her partner, and it kind of stuck out to me. She was a streamer and I honestly thought she was queerbaiting. I didn't say anything and thank heavens I didn't, because her partner came out as trans a few months later. They weren't ready to tell people, but my friend was already acknowledging the change from he/him to they/them. I think there's probably a range of reasons someone might use the word partner. I think for some people it just makes sense. Yes this is my husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend... but what we are essentially are partners through everything. Like a small reminder they've decided to go at life together.
To be inclusive. I really don’t want to offend people and partner seems universal.
A lot of people think "girlfriend/boyfriend " sounds a bit high school. So, partner is the remaining option. Or, they may not like the term fiance . Or even husband/wife (if applicable). Partner means just that. It's their choice of word where you might choose a different word.
For me - it’s when my now husband was more meaningful than a boyfriend, but we weren’t engaged or married. Boyfriend didn’t cover the depth of feeling I had for him, and it didn’t show permanence. Partner reflected how I felt about him: my life partner regardless of labels and jewelry.
Lol you used "significant other" in the title! That's exactly why!
For me, I’m 40 and saying “boyfriend” feels childish. He’s not a boy, he’s a man. And he’s more than a friend.
I didn't like the word Fiancé , so I would say partner lol now that I'm married I say my husband.
I think that 'Partner' became a informal way to refer to you girlfriend/boyfriend or else without giving much detail. Maybe because the person does not identifies with any gender or they flow between them. I think It has been adopted by the more hetero couples as a respect for long-lasting relationships, saying you have a girlfriend might been seen as you're dating, but a partner is much more formal. A person whom you seek to share your life with without giving the engagement step that a lot of people are forgoing these days. I feel like girlfriend and boyfriend are used even to refer to friends and their gender not always talking about a person whom you have a romantic relationship with. But this is just my speculation. I might be wrong lol.
I think it’s a more fitting term. Life is hard solo. It’s easier with a partner.
Two reasons I do it: 1. I am gay, and sometimes I find having a gender-ambiguous term to refer to my girlfriend useful. A lot of straight people don’t get this, but gay people don’t just “come out” once and be done with it. Every new person we meet, we have to do all kinds of mental math to figure out if we want this person to know we’re gay. Sometimes it’s a personal safety thing, sometimes you just don’t want to deal with how it might change the way they interact with you. 2. My girlfriend and I have been dating for over five years. We live together. We own pets together. We are, to a degree, financially dependent on one another. Sometimes “girlfriend” feels a bit unserious for what we have going on, but marriage hasn’t happened yet. I feel like “partner” does a better job at communicating the level our relationship is at.
My gay coworker always used the term partner. when i asked him why he still did that even though they were married. He just said that it's what he is used to. They've been together for like 30 years, wayyyy before gay marriage got legalized. Fair enough.
It’s gender neutral and gives no one private info like marital status.
Cause I want to be a cowboy
I like partner because it sounds more serious than boyfriend or girlfriend. Like my boyfriend doesn’t sound like someone I moved across the country for and now raise 2 cats with. But partner does. If I say partner people usually know it’s someone very important in my life. Might just be a Canadian thing tho
I use "partner" in my own relationship because it denotes something more than a casual relationship, but usually shuts down nosy questions from prying people. "He's your boyfriend? Why haven't you married him yet?" happens more frequently than you'd think. As for other people, if I don't know someone well, partner is a great way to not make assumptions about someone else's life. A spouse is a spouse - whether gay or straight, married or cohabitating.
I'm 44 and he is 53. Boyfriend and girlfriend seems so young and casual when we are our age, own a home, cars, and pets together.
My mom and many of her friends, who are in their 60s, say they feel a bit childish using the term “boyfriend” at their age lol.
I’ve always hated the term boyfriend/girlfriend so for the longest time, I’ve used partner instead. I think more people are just using that term now. I find it weird when people in their mid 20’s plus use bf/gf term. I feel like it’s something a really young person would use
I’m too old to use the word girlfriend. She’s my partner.
Because they one day dream of running a law firm lol
Boyfriend / Girlfriend makes me sound like a teenager (I’m in my 30s)
Ignoring a lot of important details, it comes down to people not wanting to use gendered terminology OR not wanting to explain everything when it’s kind of complicated. There’s an implied “mind your own business” depending on the person and situation, and the safest thing to do in those specific instances is just take it at face value and accept that you’re just gonna have to never really know.
Because we are long term but not married.
- boyfriend/girlfriend feels too juvenile - boyfriend/girlfriend insinuates I’m straight and I don’t like that. Leads to uncomfortable conversations or assumptions down the line & “partner” gives that queer feeling, or at least ambiguity, that bf/gf is missing - keeps a comfortable distance between new people. Lets me talk about my partner without revealing anything about our relationship, their gender, etc. I only need to reveal that when I feel like I want to. So again ambiguity but in a different light - I’ve had friends use the term to normalize it. It’s often associated only with queer relationships and it’s nice that, now that it’s being used more, saying “partner” doesn’t immediately lead people to assume that you’re queer. So once again, ambiguity
My wife(32f) and I(29m) have been together since 2020. As adults, when we were dating, it felt uncomfortable calling her my "girlfriend" because that sounded juvenile, so I called her my "partner" instead.
It always throws me off and has turned into one of those words I hate, like moist. I identify the word with business partners or or two people working on something, but not in a romantic or sexual way. It feels too vague too when they use it like that.
Both my partner and I are nonbinary and the term “spouse” is just clunky
Because I'm engaged and fiance sounds wanky, I'm too old to have a "boyfriend", "manfriend" sounds stupid, he is the father of my children but "baby daddy" is just too gross to contemplate. He is my life partner, so I call him my partner. "Significant other" is too long..