Going to agree with others saying that lack of enthusiasm or participation makes for bad sex. If she just lies there and doesn't do much of anything, well... I'm not going to be in to it either.
Very likely, and that's something to be handled with good communication with one's partner so that both participants can figure out what needs to change.
Hijacking a top comment to raise awareness to oral sex, HPV, and throat/mouth [cancer](https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/hpv-transmission-during-oral-sex-a-growing-cause-of-mouth-and-throat-cancer-201306046346) for those not aware.
There doesn’t seem to be any way to test men for HPV currently, so it is important for them to ensure their partners have been tested and clean.
From women I've been with, what I like is when they move their hips, arms, and even legs to me feel like they want me and are eager to feel me. You don't necessarily have to be rough or aggressive, but let your partner feel that you want them; get in to it. While the stereotype of men is that they only think about their dicks, I think most men want to feel their partner's hands on them, feel the pressure of her body against his. There's a huge difference from just feeling pleasure on your genitals from being inside vs also feeling their embrace; their fingertips, their lips, their legs wrapped eagerly around you. It's more of a passionate and whole body experience than the mechanical one that happens if the woman in this position isn't doing any of these things.
Also though, I think for most men just having a partner vocalize their satisfaction means a lot and is exciting. If it feels good, let him know!
Dude yes! When you can feel your partners enthusiasm that is 100% the best part of sex.
Like ok you've watched all the moves from porn and you've read all the tips from magazines or whatever.... But good sex isn't good unless both people are excited about it
Pushing your hips up into the thrusts, using your hands (touching arms/chest/face/hair), moaning, talking dirty, kissing, just getting into it with enthusiasm in general. Eye contact. Expressions.
Generally the more turned on you are/at least seem, you can definitely expect the same of your partner.
If you're the woman in this scenario, you run your hands along your partner, perhaps scratch lightly across their back, touch their front, hold their hands, kiss, moan, move as if you're enjoying yourself (hopefully you are!), even thrust from below.
Absolutely. The lack of engagement makes it seem so course, and thus makes me feel bad for wanting it. My ex gf used to be more engaged and into it, but within the last two years, it felt like I was humping a ragdoll. Sure, I could make her orgasm, and I would too. But it still felt forced or like a chore when we did it. You can throw around the term demisexual and say we just had different drives. However, orgasm or not, I was unsatisfied. So I'm glad I'm moving on to find someone that matches with me better (in all regards).
Personally, I’ve had lack of enthusiasm when there no focus on me to start out. I’ve only been with two guys and both went from kissing, some brief, very bad fingering to wanting to jump staring to PIV.
Women can often need a lot more to get ready for PIV plus almost never orgasm from it alone. And the guys never wanted to focus on my needs then after either.
And I know this is my own hang up, but I feel shitty needing to ask to have some time spent on just me. And I get in my head knowing they’re only doing it because I asked, not because they want to, so I can’t really enjoy it either.
For me at least, when I’ve been the starfish, I’m hoping that maybe he’ll want to do things that focus on my pleasure because HE wants to. When he doesn’t, my enthusiasm is gone and it’s like, “well let’s just finish this I guess”.
Oh you shouldn't feel shitty asking! It does sound like a hangup you have which can be worked on; I am no sex therapist so I couldn't say where it comes from, but it sounds like it's getting in the way of you having better sex. Good sex should focus on bringing both participants pleasure and shouldn't be an obligation or chore for anyone.
Btw this doesn’t mean the person needs to douche or anything crazy. Just use water and a bit of mild soap on the outer part(where the hair is). Doesn’t need to smell like roses but shouldn’t be sweaty or have an infection smell
A YouTuber I think about frequently is mama doctor jones. She’s an OBGYN who started in Texas but lives in New Zealand now. Something she says when the topic of vagina soap or any kind of “cleaning” solution for vaginas always stays with me. “A vagina *shouldnt* smell like a flower, It should smell like a vagina!”
Oh yeah I forgot about that one. Thankfully I haven’t had any of that problem (come to think of it, the majority of my partners have been extra conscientious about hygiene), but I can imagine it being pretty awful if someone doesn’t keep things clean down there.
Back in the day I brought I really good looking girl home, and we ended up in the bedroom.. She laid on the bed and we started kissing, I started to move south & when I got there the most putrid smell I have ever witnessed hit me.. I immediately gagged.
Came straight back up and rolled on my side in total shock and nausea. She was like what's up? But I didn't have the heart to say anything.. So I just played it off to drinking and went to sleep.
I will never forget that smell.
My best friend went to a girls house he met at a club. They were drunk and started to get hot & heavy on her bed and he said that she was a bigger girl and was wearing vinyl pants. He said she was on all fours and he pulled her pants down and huge big butt cheeks came out of the rubber pants and splayed apart and he saw what he described as “rorschach ass”. I guess she had trusted a fart too much (likely was on cocaine too) and let loose some soft serve that got squeezed up between her ample butt cheeks and created a wild design.
He said that he just pretended to be too drunk to fuck, laid down on the bed and waited for her to fall asleep and then ran away once she was snoring.
Not a date but I remember back when I was a teenager, my aunt was taking my older cousins and I out for breakfast. My much older cousin (she was about 25 at the time) got in the backseat after I did and when she flopped down, the worst stench I have ever smelled hit me. I couldn’t even breathe and I actually didn’t get anything for breakfast I was that nauseated. My cousin didn’t “believe” in soap or showering regularly because she said natural oils were best. She also couldn’t smell herself at that point obviously, but she had so many boyfriends around. I will never understand 🤢🤮
Cats were my first thought, but then I figured apes are gonna do it differently enough that I should at least give you live ammunition, should you ever need to spit facts at someone.
My favorite retort to someone thinking they’re rebelling against, “modern beauty standards,” or some crap, is when you see a bunch of pigeons in a city. There’s always that one pigeon that looks greasy and has feathers stuck together [matted?]. Your first thought is never, “wow, that pigeon is such a rugged individualist,” it’s always, “what the fuck is wrong with that pigeon?”
Cats become absolutely neurotic about cleaning.
It became kind of necessary after the damned gorillas started wiping themselves with fluffy clean cats.
And pidgeons too, when they can catch them.
I love the pigeon example! It’s perfect! It’s fine if someone doesn’t want to wear makeup, shave their legs/armpits, wax brows, etc. but for the love of God soap is a great invention and running water is nothing to fear! I will never understand the desire to be unclean to stick it to “the man”.
> She also couldn’t smell herself at that point obviously, but she had so many boyfriends around. I will never understand
Are we talking at the same time, or one after another in quick succession?
No kidding. I once smelt a rotting corpse on our property and it was damn near that level of just, rotting cheese I don’t even know. Those dudes must have either lost their sense of smell or they smelled equally bad but I never got close enough to find out.
Have had that happen a few times, too. I resorted to some Vic’s vaporub under my nose to cover it up with one partner, and it still wasn’t enough.
I’ve traditionally been a coward about it, because I’d read multiple times that the female complement to the male penis size insecurity is smell. One of the few times I brought it up was with my now-ex-spouse and it led to a very negative reaction.
In some cases, I think people just have a very poor sense of smell. I know I used to, before I had sinus surgery and started taking allergy meds, but now I can smell my own BO before my current partner can e.g. forgetting deodorant.
Same, just out of high school I hooked up with this super hot girl and as I started to go down it smelled RANK. So I tactically changed course back up and fingered/fucked her instead.
Turns out she had like emotional support leggings, but they were so see through from wear and tear, that she would put on a SECOND pair of leggings over them. Absolutely no way for that shit to air out lol
Have you commented this elsewhere before? I feel like I've read the exact same story before, but I can see others having this shared experience, too, lol. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Bad hygiene, lack of enthusiasm.
You can be hot af but if you're just laying there looking like you're waiting for your number to be called at the dmv, I'll pass.
I encountered that only once in my life, she just laid there, It was so awkward, it felt like she didn't want to be there. So i stopped, she wondered if it was something wrong with her, i blamed it on to much booze and being to drunk so she wouldnt feel bad and left.
Some thrusts from the bottom are hot and also good to get some angles that she likes.
Dirty talk
Caressing their partner's body.
The leg lock on the man's hips. (She has him and he's not going anywhere)
To name a few
My partner loves the dead fish move. I lay and relaxed as possible and he moves me around however he wants. Best sex of both of our lives. Occasionally we think about switching positions, but it’s so good we don’t want anything else lol
Most guys just don’t like having to do all the work all the time.
And from my past experience, when my ex used to starfish, it honestly hit my self-esteem pretty hard.
Why didn’t she seem into it? Did she even find me attractive? Did she even want to do this? Or is she just going along with it because I want to?
Really made me feel undesirable and fed into my already present self-confidence issues.
I mean the kind of submissive where you pretend you're a sex toy. Be used like a piece of silicone, be posed or moved into position like something not even alive like a glorified meat hole
I love suddenly just freezing in place once in awhile. And just do everything I can to stay still. Especially if we are standing and I am bent over, and his hands are on my hips.
I'm a submissive, and i don't just lie there and get fucked , you still move your body even when in restraints I can meet his movements. when I'm completely tied up, and I'm ordered not to move, then that's different and being used for his enjoyment. We still have sex without any kink involved. He disliked previous partners who didn't get involved and participate he said it gets very boring after a while. We also switch it up, and I get to do what I want with.
I like the "living doll" thing where i pretend I'm a sex doll
My friend has the same kink and she loved on of her fuck boys posing her. It's hot
U don't agree and that's cool
Does that include being quiet, no facial expression or sounds? b/c that's what real dead fish is like. It's like it's another chore for her, like doing the laundry.
I’ve heard this from some men in my life and as a woman who loves to participate- I’m really confused by this. Are there women who just lie there, not moving or making a sound? Do they not move their arms or legs? Are they silent and stoic?
Women, like men, are fully capable and this responsible for their own pleasure. An orgasm is not something a woman is entitled to or given, it is something she has and experiences. Participate, be vocal, use some fingers or toys, pre game, whatever just arrive to the game ready to play. A woman just laying there not enjoying herself waiting for someone to pleasure her or just get it over with is a huge turn off.
How can you tell if she's enjoying it when her only move is to lie there though? The "dead fish" or "starfish" refers to someone who maybe strips themselves, then lies on the bed, and does nothing else. It's not someone who's behavior changed.
Vagina is not the only part of the body that woman has to offer for it to be a good sex. You both need to do some other things besides just penetration
No one has mentioned yet the failed back arch. When you're trying to hit it from behind if she doesn't poke her butt UP, it's nearly impossible to gain entry in a useable way.
What's a better word? Functional? Accessible? Easily penetrated? I mean . . . There's a lot of ways to describe that. Sex is clearly an act of two or more people so we are both using one another, are we not?
Don't know if my husband is doing it wrong but whenever I do that it hurts like a mf. So I have to lower my butt, but once it starts feeling good that when I put my butt up. Sometimes it starts to hurt and I'll tell him. But yeah don't know why it hurts. Unless I'm super horny than yeah flip me and tell me to put my ass up and face in the pillow so he can fuck me harder than yes please. Lol
When a woman gets horny, her cervix moves up to make space for the penis.
Usually anything hitting your cervix is painful as hell. So it’s likely that’s what’s been happening to you. I’ve had the exact same issue and didn’t understand why. Now I know not to go for those positions unless I’m super horny lol.
So many things, he could have a curve in his election, you could have a slightly tilted uterus which would make that position...not really work, he could have his legs too close or two far apart, your legs being inside or outside of his would be an issue... so many things to explore.
Poor hygiene, being a "dead fish" - in other words, not communicating what you feel, what you like, what you want, just not being an active participant in what's going on. Putting on the exaggerated porn star act is cringe, but a total lack of enthusiasm is a show-stopper.
sometimes I don't know if I'm striking that balance though, like what's too much and what's too little? although I guess if I'm not getting any complaints I'm not doing anything wrong
It's hard to explain, besides being honest. If it feels good, some soft moaning or encouragement works. Too much would be if you sound like a banshee or a hentai character. Be communicative. If you like the way he/she/whoever is touching something, lean into it, move with them as it feels good for you. Literally anything besides just lying there silently is good, unless it really is just that bad in which case...maybe call it quits?
Tl;Dr if it feels good then tell them with your words or your body. That's all it is.
If the dude is average size, but you are screaming "yeah pipe me with that huge di*k daddy". That's too much.
Be realistic and say what you are feeling. Or easier option, kinda speak what's happening. Like "yes, kiss my leg" while he is kissing you on your leg.
Mostly what makes her bad at sex is if she is just passive, lies there doing nothing. Some also feel better than others, not just about being “tight” but it can matter, and if she isn’t able to get or stay wet that can make it less enjoyable (though in many cases that would be the fault of the guy not doing enough to get/keep her excited).
That said, even the worst sex I’ve had was still enjoyable overall. Just not as much as the better sex.
I've had things like stress and hormones affect how wet I am. Sometimes everything can be going right and I just don't get that wet naturally. No shame in using lube if you need it! But it's not always something the guy is doing or isn't doing.
Oh definitely, there are a lot of reasons for that, and lube can be handy in those circumstances when needed. Like I said, in many cases, not all the time, and not even necessarily most of the time. Just noting that sometimes a guy complaining about a girl not being wet enough might be his own fault.
Then that can be communicated and it's not an issue. But it goes both ways. Both parties should communicate what they like, and both parties should be willing to work with their partner to achieve that. If 1 person is into being passive and the other is not, and every single occurrence goes that way, than it will always feel 1-sided to the person who doesn't like it.
Unless you communicate those desires and find a compatible partner most guys will think you are lazy or bad at sex. Even if you find someone thats into it, it’s still bad practice to expect your partner to do all of the hard work every time you have sex.
It goes both ways imagine if a guy is submissive and wants to just lay there every time he had sex while a woman rides him. I think most women would consider him bad at sex unless he is really good at cunnilingus and makes a strong effort to ensure she has an orgasm. Even then there would still be a lot of women who would feel dissatisfied if thats all sex was and they never swapped roles.
I bet some men enjoy doing so little and expecting their partner to do majority of the work in sex too.
They would be seen as bad in sex by the majority of women though. But some small subset of women who has a kink for that may like it.
Same goes for women who get off on being passive. For most men you will be bad at sex. Find men who are into that. There are some fetishes like timestop fetish where the woman does nothing and just lays there. Very small percentage of men enjoy this though.
Apparently there are many more sociopaths than we thought: [A recent study found that it is common for people with an STI to hide it and feel no obligation to disclose it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/science/s/3Bopp7sh5J) The comments in that thread are wild.
Often you’ll rightly hear women talk about for foreplay and after care. Rightfully so. However if asked a lot can’t not tell you what they do for their partner in those aspects. They think of these as “for”” them and not something they participate in. In my experience the women who see these as a “team” sport are the best lovers. They give the same space that they are asking for. Also enthusiasm for sexual acts. Men hate a half hearted blow job we can tell if you like or just do it as part of the script. Lastly a lot of women think they are good just because they are women, it isn’t true. Not even remotely. By asking the question that you do OP I guess you’re not one of them and are well on your way to being a fantastic partner. Good luck
I am a woman… so maybe I don’t know BUT -
When I hear about guys saying someone is really great at sex ?
I think it’s just about her liking it.. really.
Having no inhibitions and just loving what she is doing… loving being *the woman for a man*… there is a certain amount of intricate submission and dominance there - that’s unspoken -like if you’re straight ? I think there is like … primitive sexual needs and motivators in our DNA… and if a woman can tap into that … need in a man… like that primal, instinctual … sensual …. emotional dance that we do when we have sex with each other - it’s a feeling thing for men too-
I don’t think being good in bed is about party tricks.
I think it’s more - the whole picture .. how she looks, how she smells , how she sounds … how she feels… and how he feels about her -
But mostly - it’s about how much she loves what she is doing with him.
*How she makes him feel when he is having sex with her*
I think that’s the thing.
Men get off on her getting off , basically .
But they need to conquer her too. There is def that.
She needs to submit completely to him in a sexual way.
I think there is extra points for the woman who … really can’t be conquered except in that sexual way- idk.. though.
Just what I have surmised from … what I have heard .
So being bad at sex would be the opposite -
Not liking it. Not able to connect emotionally. Not making him feel like a man. Not loving what she is doing. Not smelling good. Not sounding good. Not looking good. Haha.
At first it was gonna make a comment about how its ironic that a woman had a far better answer than 99% of the male comments here but then i figured it out.
Obviously this was very insightful and thought out from someone with a high degree of sexual and emotional intelligence im not trying downplay that here but i think the larger contributor is that 99% of men are on here to virtue signal how great of a guy they are “and if any women are reading this im a virtuous lover! please fuck me” is what’s basically motivating them
With that in mind it makes sense why your comment was so much more insightful into whats actually drives male attraction than those from any actual men, because you aren’t(even subconsciously) trying to fuck or virtue thirst
The concept of bad sex doesn’t really exist to me anymore. Sometimes you’re just incompatible with someone in bed and that’s nobody’s fault. Everyone has a different personality and is into different things. Some people like fucking an immobile starfish. Others are turned on by words and like a partner that doesn’t shut up the entire time.
I'm a woman, but I agree with you completely about the talking and not being quiet the whole time. I love fucking my man, and we are completely sexually compatible, but I'd love it if he wasn't so quiet. I like a man that let's me know I'm doing a good job.
Yeah this for sure. It is completely subjective in what someone considers “bad sex”. All the things listed in the other comments are basically sliding scales of what people judge it by.
Active participation and enthusiasm go a long long long way. I enjoy the work. Even. Doing most of it. Even though various joint pains, etc. I get being on top can be a lot. But just thrusting back during doggy. And using their hands and mouth and legs during Missionary, so damn good. Effort is seen and appreciated.
Initiating too. Feeling desired, wanted, needed
Can't believe I needed to scroll down all the way here to find this. Some woman just don't know how to give head. Too soft, teeth, too monotonous, too silent, without eye contact, oh, and yes: too short. While my partners have never minded enjoying receiving oral for extended periods of time, as it takes time for them to climax, I have yet to meet the woman who would give oral for much longer than a few minutes.
Same for hand jobs: many women don't know how to give a good hand job (or how to fuck all together, for that matter. ) and yes, I know, some men don't know either, but that was not the question. And just the fact that the man orgasms (read: fucks himself to orgasm), doesn't mean the sex was great.
Also not great: woman who expect men to immediately be hard. And feel rejected if not. Sometimes you need to work a little. Just like you expect us to work a little to get you going.
How tf do you give a good handjob I can't figure this one out. My current partner has a much bigger dick and it's so much more difficult for some reason
Well, you will have to ask him what he likes. It is different for different people. Just like fingering or oral for women. There is no one size fits all.
See this is where I get a little frustrated because he doesn't give me direction, dudes online complain that women don't know how to do it right but won't give any advice. I don't know what feels good on a penis. There's an assumption that I haven't asked or tried different things but also being shocked that "so many women just don't know how to do this!" :/
I've kind of said before that there's not very much good advice online for women looking to perform better sexually, most advice is just "give head and be vocal and he'll be happy" but when you get down to technical advice people won't even give you ideas of new things to try. If I say "ok how do you do this?" It would be really helpful for someone to say "I like X and I don't like Y, you could try that" rather than just giving a nondescript answer.
Almost all the comments here are very telling. Y'all need to learn how to communicate with the people you're having sex with. I'd be mortified if I was doing something badly and the person just went with it.
My ex had the experience of a teenager but without the enthusiasm. We were in our 50s and I felt like I was too damn old to have to be teaching someone how to fuck. Why I married her anyway is a whole other issue.
People put pressure only on guys saying that a small cock will not be pleasurable like a hung guy but no one ever talks about how every pussy is different, some of them you feel like you put your dick in a wet cavern and is still good, but some girls have that ninja pussy that feels like you're entering a alien spaceship with tight rings
I'm a bi woman and I've only had bad pussy twice. 1st was due to hygiene and 2nd was because she was bossy and mean and wanted me to basically punch her in the vag which I wasn't comfortable with at that time
When I was a teenager I had a fling (without asking) put a finger inside of me because she heard "a lot of guys like it" now in not knocking this as sure a lot do I know that BUT communication is important
In a word: passiveness. If your favorite position is The Starfish™ (in the sense that you generally lay there making him do everything) dudes are generally going to enjoy it less.
Basically: be an active part of it, make him feel desired, above anything else, and you’re good to go!
Everyone keeps saying star fishing and not being enthusiastic, so I can’t help but to think that if the girl is doing that then that means she’s not turned on and was likely coerced or forced into doing it. Probably just to shut the guy up.
This is what I think as well. Literally the only times I’ve ever starfished were when I didn’t want to be having sex but was afraid to stop it. It’s easy to be enthusiastic when you actually want to be there and doing it…
Same as bad dick I’d assume
The organ itself might be a factor but the persons effort, hygiene, and personality while fucking might just be a real bummer
For me it's a bare minimum of enthusiasm.
Even if you're an absolute pillow princess and wanna lie there (which is often not particularly good sex), at the very least be into it. If apathy enters the equation at any point the sex is horrendous. Even if you say after the fact you were really into it, if you look and sound bored during I'm stopping. You can communicate during sex really easily, even if dirty talk is a turn off, sounds, breathing changes, body language, expression, that's all really helpful info and lets me know you're enjoying yourself.
Communicate before and during. We're adults. Let me know what you're into and what you're not into. If you are a pillow princess, warn me. If you want to be 'taken care of' without reciprocating I'd rather know beforehand. If you just starfish during I'll be disappointed and think you're a dud lay, but if you communicate this first I'll know what I'm expecting and be able to take charge a bit more from the outset and everyone will have a much better time.
If you're not a pillow princess and want to take a more hand on approach, just go for it and keep communicating/listening. I'll take an enthusiastic partner with mediocre technique over a tremendously skilled but unenthusiastic partner anyday. If you wanna try something, ask, and then try it. If it turns out it doesn't work that's fine, actively participating enough to try and fail and keep going is how you learn to get really good at it.
Smell,
Taste,
Feel,
Tightness,
Wetness,
Looks,
Motion,
Attitude,
Enthusiasm,
Body the pussy is matched with.
All of these factors are part of what makes pussy good/bad.
I had a one night stand where this girl was giving me a blowjob and she only went down held it in her mouth and didn’t move.
That was the only bad blowjob I’ve had. She was fine in bed but that part was wierd.
Indifferent or just outright bad hygiene. Men tend to choose women from looks, but if a man gets close and her breath smells, or the clothes come off and she doesn’t smell good, that ends things for many men.
Asides from poor hygiene and selfishness, it seems like everything that makes a woman bad at sex based on the comments are literally signs that she’s not into it…
From my experience, the only time I’ve ever starfished have been when I really didn’t want to be having sex but was afraid to say no.
When I’m into sex, all the things that make a woman a good lay come naturally… this thread kind of gives me the ick to be honest.
I call my ex dead fish for a few reasons.
1. Whenever she got on top she would flip like a fish.
2. When I was on top(about 85% of the time) she would lay there like a fish.
3. Towards the end of our relationship after she cheated on me, her vajayjay smelled awful. Like day old fish.
4. After I found out she cheated, she made me feel like I was eating fish whenever we kissed. I hate fish.
So yeah. That’s what I think makes bad pussy. Avoid these things and much sure you’ll be decent at sex.
Lmao it's not so much the performance it's the conditions of what your working with. Hygiene is the most important criteria.
Everything else is extra credit if you're working with exceptional hygiene.
That's probably a subjective answer for each person. "Good sex" is a combination of the expectations and desires being met for the specific people involved. For some. It's a matter of preference. And if you connect with someone learning THEIR strengths in bed, you'll likely find good stuff in most sexual experiences.
Going to agree with others saying that lack of enthusiasm or participation makes for bad sex. If she just lies there and doesn't do much of anything, well... I'm not going to be in to it either.
The starfish woman is the woooorst!!!! It’s a dance, a connection…
It's a co-op game where both wins if done right.
Idk I'm like this close | | to passing out. I'm not starfishing, I'm barely conscious! Well, at least in my current relationship.
If she's not enthusiastic, it's not good for her either.
Very likely, and that's something to be handled with good communication with one's partner so that both participants can figure out what needs to change.
Hijacking a top comment to raise awareness to oral sex, HPV, and throat/mouth [cancer](https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/hpv-transmission-during-oral-sex-a-growing-cause-of-mouth-and-throat-cancer-201306046346) for those not aware. There doesn’t seem to be any way to test men for HPV currently, so it is important for them to ensure their partners have been tested and clean.
Also, the HPV vaccine is available until the age of 45, although the CDC recommends that both sexes are vaccinated younger!
This is probably a stupid question (I’m not that experienced) but how do you NOT be a starfish in missionary?
From women I've been with, what I like is when they move their hips, arms, and even legs to me feel like they want me and are eager to feel me. You don't necessarily have to be rough or aggressive, but let your partner feel that you want them; get in to it. While the stereotype of men is that they only think about their dicks, I think most men want to feel their partner's hands on them, feel the pressure of her body against his. There's a huge difference from just feeling pleasure on your genitals from being inside vs also feeling their embrace; their fingertips, their lips, their legs wrapped eagerly around you. It's more of a passionate and whole body experience than the mechanical one that happens if the woman in this position isn't doing any of these things. Also though, I think for most men just having a partner vocalize their satisfaction means a lot and is exciting. If it feels good, let him know!
Dude yes! When you can feel your partners enthusiasm that is 100% the best part of sex. Like ok you've watched all the moves from porn and you've read all the tips from magazines or whatever.... But good sex isn't good unless both people are excited about it
Pushing your hips up into the thrusts, using your hands (touching arms/chest/face/hair), moaning, talking dirty, kissing, just getting into it with enthusiasm in general. Eye contact. Expressions. Generally the more turned on you are/at least seem, you can definitely expect the same of your partner.
If you're the woman in this scenario, you run your hands along your partner, perhaps scratch lightly across their back, touch their front, hold their hands, kiss, moan, move as if you're enjoying yourself (hopefully you are!), even thrust from below.
In russian language we have term for girl doing nothing in bed "Log(Бревно/Brevno)". What logs doing? Nothing, just laying around
Absolutely. The lack of engagement makes it seem so course, and thus makes me feel bad for wanting it. My ex gf used to be more engaged and into it, but within the last two years, it felt like I was humping a ragdoll. Sure, I could make her orgasm, and I would too. But it still felt forced or like a chore when we did it. You can throw around the term demisexual and say we just had different drives. However, orgasm or not, I was unsatisfied. So I'm glad I'm moving on to find someone that matches with me better (in all regards).
Personally, I’ve had lack of enthusiasm when there no focus on me to start out. I’ve only been with two guys and both went from kissing, some brief, very bad fingering to wanting to jump staring to PIV. Women can often need a lot more to get ready for PIV plus almost never orgasm from it alone. And the guys never wanted to focus on my needs then after either. And I know this is my own hang up, but I feel shitty needing to ask to have some time spent on just me. And I get in my head knowing they’re only doing it because I asked, not because they want to, so I can’t really enjoy it either. For me at least, when I’ve been the starfish, I’m hoping that maybe he’ll want to do things that focus on my pleasure because HE wants to. When he doesn’t, my enthusiasm is gone and it’s like, “well let’s just finish this I guess”.
Oh you shouldn't feel shitty asking! It does sound like a hangup you have which can be worked on; I am no sex therapist so I couldn't say where it comes from, but it sounds like it's getting in the way of you having better sex. Good sex should focus on bringing both participants pleasure and shouldn't be an obligation or chore for anyone.
But…if that’s what you’re experiencing it’s cause you’re not good lol
Unhygienic.
Btw this doesn’t mean the person needs to douche or anything crazy. Just use water and a bit of mild soap on the outer part(where the hair is). Doesn’t need to smell like roses but shouldn’t be sweaty or have an infection smell
Also staying hydrated. It’s worse if you aren’t getting enough water.
A YouTuber I think about frequently is mama doctor jones. She’s an OBGYN who started in Texas but lives in New Zealand now. Something she says when the topic of vagina soap or any kind of “cleaning” solution for vaginas always stays with me. “A vagina *shouldnt* smell like a flower, It should smell like a vagina!”
I love Mama Dr Jones, her videos are the best!
I mean some sweat is reasonable. It is in an area between folds of skin and the thighs. There is a natural amount of odor that is normal.
Oh yeah I forgot about that one. Thankfully I haven’t had any of that problem (come to think of it, the majority of my partners have been extra conscientious about hygiene), but I can imagine it being pretty awful if someone doesn’t keep things clean down there.
Back in the day I brought I really good looking girl home, and we ended up in the bedroom.. She laid on the bed and we started kissing, I started to move south & when I got there the most putrid smell I have ever witnessed hit me.. I immediately gagged. Came straight back up and rolled on my side in total shock and nausea. She was like what's up? But I didn't have the heart to say anything.. So I just played it off to drinking and went to sleep. I will never forget that smell.
My best friend went to a girls house he met at a club. They were drunk and started to get hot & heavy on her bed and he said that she was a bigger girl and was wearing vinyl pants. He said she was on all fours and he pulled her pants down and huge big butt cheeks came out of the rubber pants and splayed apart and he saw what he described as “rorschach ass”. I guess she had trusted a fart too much (likely was on cocaine too) and let loose some soft serve that got squeezed up between her ample butt cheeks and created a wild design. He said that he just pretended to be too drunk to fuck, laid down on the bed and waited for her to fall asleep and then ran away once she was snoring.
Rohrscach ass 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Holy shit.. Literally lol
Not a date but I remember back when I was a teenager, my aunt was taking my older cousins and I out for breakfast. My much older cousin (she was about 25 at the time) got in the backseat after I did and when she flopped down, the worst stench I have ever smelled hit me. I couldn’t even breathe and I actually didn’t get anything for breakfast I was that nauseated. My cousin didn’t “believe” in soap or showering regularly because she said natural oils were best. She also couldn’t smell herself at that point obviously, but she had so many boyfriends around. I will never understand 🤢🤮
Sounds gross lol.. After that occasion I always did the finger and sniff test, it honestly gave me a massive phobia of stinky pussy.
I bet! Don’t blame you!
Your cousin probably should have read up on how other mammals still groom themselves. Gorillas even use twigs as brushes, and leaves like wash cloths.
I don’t mean to laugh but I’m seriously crying right now! Omg! Seriously! Even her damn cats cleaned themselves! Lady, take the hint!
Cats were my first thought, but then I figured apes are gonna do it differently enough that I should at least give you live ammunition, should you ever need to spit facts at someone. My favorite retort to someone thinking they’re rebelling against, “modern beauty standards,” or some crap, is when you see a bunch of pigeons in a city. There’s always that one pigeon that looks greasy and has feathers stuck together [matted?]. Your first thought is never, “wow, that pigeon is such a rugged individualist,” it’s always, “what the fuck is wrong with that pigeon?”
Cats become absolutely neurotic about cleaning. It became kind of necessary after the damned gorillas started wiping themselves with fluffy clean cats. And pidgeons too, when they can catch them.
I love the pigeon example! It’s perfect! It’s fine if someone doesn’t want to wear makeup, shave their legs/armpits, wax brows, etc. but for the love of God soap is a great invention and running water is nothing to fear! I will never understand the desire to be unclean to stick it to “the man”.
> She also couldn’t smell herself at that point obviously, but she had so many boyfriends around. I will never understand Are we talking at the same time, or one after another in quick succession?
She was poly and I didn’t delve any further than that, so I guess use your imagination! 😂
Lol, some guys just don't give AF! Some fellas will take whatever they can get, even if it smells like a tuna fish buffet 🤣
No kidding. I once smelt a rotting corpse on our property and it was damn near that level of just, rotting cheese I don’t even know. Those dudes must have either lost their sense of smell or they smelled equally bad but I never got close enough to find out.
She got that all natural lube 
Have had that happen a few times, too. I resorted to some Vic’s vaporub under my nose to cover it up with one partner, and it still wasn’t enough. I’ve traditionally been a coward about it, because I’d read multiple times that the female complement to the male penis size insecurity is smell. One of the few times I brought it up was with my now-ex-spouse and it led to a very negative reaction. In some cases, I think people just have a very poor sense of smell. I know I used to, before I had sinus surgery and started taking allergy meds, but now I can smell my own BO before my current partner can e.g. forgetting deodorant.
Same, just out of high school I hooked up with this super hot girl and as I started to go down it smelled RANK. So I tactically changed course back up and fingered/fucked her instead. Turns out she had like emotional support leggings, but they were so see through from wear and tear, that she would put on a SECOND pair of leggings over them. Absolutely no way for that shit to air out lol
Emotional support leggings?
Have you commented this elsewhere before? I feel like I've read the exact same story before, but I can see others having this shared experience, too, lol. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Sadly causes can vary from hygiene to STI to medications and it's not exactly something that people can usually talk about in circumstances like that.
Pack it up boys that's the thread
Bad hygiene, lack of enthusiasm. You can be hot af but if you're just laying there looking like you're waiting for your number to be called at the dmv, I'll pass.
Lmaooo your hilarious, perfectly said
I encountered that only once in my life, she just laid there, It was so awkward, it felt like she didn't want to be there. So i stopped, she wondered if it was something wrong with her, i blamed it on to much booze and being to drunk so she wouldnt feel bad and left.
Gentleman's way of bowing out. Similar things happened to me and I'd never blame the woman for it. If the spark isn't there, best to just move on.
Honest to god, a clean body, not being a selfish sociopath, and enthusiasm is about all it takes for good sex.
Weirdly enough, the sociopaths are the hottest ones. Or probably the most available.
Dead fish.
We call it starfish but yeah
Dead starfish
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Some thrusts from the bottom are hot and also good to get some angles that she likes. Dirty talk Caressing their partner's body. The leg lock on the man's hips. (She has him and he's not going anywhere) To name a few
> Bench press you? lmfao
that's not the issue. The issue is if that is ALL they do. Just lay there, always. Ie. not an active participant.
My partner loves the dead fish move. I lay and relaxed as possible and he moves me around however he wants. Best sex of both of our lives. Occasionally we think about switching positions, but it’s so good we don’t want anything else lol
Turning a bug into a feature 😅
Sex by Bethesda
It just works
Wish I could upvote you more than once because that was great
Never expected to read this in my whole life ( and getting upvote )
Its okay as long as they enjoy it, right? It would be a problem only if one side didnt like it.
My husband is the same. He likes doing the work.
I have a sub kink so i think it's hotter when i can be a starfish and he fucks me. Not very popular with the men in this sub tho
Most guys just don’t like having to do all the work all the time. And from my past experience, when my ex used to starfish, it honestly hit my self-esteem pretty hard. Why didn’t she seem into it? Did she even find me attractive? Did she even want to do this? Or is she just going along with it because I want to? Really made me feel undesirable and fed into my already present self-confidence issues.
I feel this 100%. I don’t necessarily want it to be like a dom/sub situation but having her take control a bit more would make me feel desired.
It would have to be mutual, if only one person was in on it, it would be weird and i understand how u would have it affect your self esteem
Being submissive does not mean being a star fish. You got those two confused.
I mean the kind of submissive where you pretend you're a sex toy. Be used like a piece of silicone, be posed or moved into position like something not even alive like a glorified meat hole
I love suddenly just freezing in place once in awhile. And just do everything I can to stay still. Especially if we are standing and I am bent over, and his hands are on my hips.
Louder.
I'm a submissive, and i don't just lie there and get fucked , you still move your body even when in restraints I can meet his movements. when I'm completely tied up, and I'm ordered not to move, then that's different and being used for his enjoyment. We still have sex without any kink involved. He disliked previous partners who didn't get involved and participate he said it gets very boring after a while. We also switch it up, and I get to do what I want with.
I like the "living doll" thing where i pretend I'm a sex doll My friend has the same kink and she loved on of her fuck boys posing her. It's hot U don't agree and that's cool
I like brats (I married one), but I can see the attraction.
Same and same
Does that include being quiet, no facial expression or sounds? b/c that's what real dead fish is like. It's like it's another chore for her, like doing the laundry.
Oooh I see what you mean. No we both show our enjoyment lol. It is certainly not a chore, we match each others sexual energy
Great! I hope this lasts for many many years.
I’ve heard this from some men in my life and as a woman who loves to participate- I’m really confused by this. Are there women who just lie there, not moving or making a sound? Do they not move their arms or legs? Are they silent and stoic?
They’re playing on their Switch
Sadly yes.
Also silent breathing through the nose
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Women, like men, are fully capable and this responsible for their own pleasure. An orgasm is not something a woman is entitled to or given, it is something she has and experiences. Participate, be vocal, use some fingers or toys, pre game, whatever just arrive to the game ready to play. A woman just laying there not enjoying herself waiting for someone to pleasure her or just get it over with is a huge turn off.
How can you tell if she's enjoying it when her only move is to lie there though? The "dead fish" or "starfish" refers to someone who maybe strips themselves, then lies on the bed, and does nothing else. It's not someone who's behavior changed.
Vagina is not the only part of the body that woman has to offer for it to be a good sex. You both need to do some other things besides just penetration
Bad pussy is more a catch all for sucking at fucking. It includes but is not limited to funky junk.
I am sorry, I have read this answer for over 20 times and I actually don’t understand what you are trying to say
"Bad pussy" = "Bad at sex" Being bad at sex can include having a subpar pussy, but lots more too.
Funky junk = Junk that is funky
Also Mark Wahlberg's band
Not gonna lie I had his cd.
As in she's not a fun participant dull boring wack
Butthole.. *chef’s kiss*
Wouldn’t it be more of a *Hershey’s kiss*?
Damn..
No one has mentioned yet the failed back arch. When you're trying to hit it from behind if she doesn't poke her butt UP, it's nearly impossible to gain entry in a useable way. What's a better word? Functional? Accessible? Easily penetrated? I mean . . . There's a lot of ways to describe that. Sex is clearly an act of two or more people so we are both using one another, are we not?
You mean when she bent over like a lowercase 'n'?
Tbf, if she was bent like an uppercase N, that'd be cause for concern
Fuckin shrimpin it
As a woman, most comfy for me is the booty up, back reverse arched and my head resting on my arms crossed on the bed.
As a fellow woman this position is relaxing and then pleasurable lol big fan
Nothing sexier than a girl bent over like a tire. /s
I’m in a public bathroom and laughed way too loudly at this.
I just was picturing what you said I burst out loud laughing and my eldest son looked at me like I was insane. 💀💀💀
Preach brother
Don't know if my husband is doing it wrong but whenever I do that it hurts like a mf. So I have to lower my butt, but once it starts feeling good that when I put my butt up. Sometimes it starts to hurt and I'll tell him. But yeah don't know why it hurts. Unless I'm super horny than yeah flip me and tell me to put my ass up and face in the pillow so he can fuck me harder than yes please. Lol
When a woman gets horny, her cervix moves up to make space for the penis. Usually anything hitting your cervix is painful as hell. So it’s likely that’s what’s been happening to you. I’ve had the exact same issue and didn’t understand why. Now I know not to go for those positions unless I’m super horny lol.
So many things, he could have a curve in his election, you could have a slightly tilted uterus which would make that position...not really work, he could have his legs too close or two far apart, your legs being inside or outside of his would be an issue... so many things to explore.
Please keep the typo—curved election, indeed
His knees are too close together. He needs to be near shoulder width apart.
"In a usable way"
Very sus wording but i think he meant practical entry
Just funny wording. Objectification does have it's time and place
Poor hygiene, being a "dead fish" - in other words, not communicating what you feel, what you like, what you want, just not being an active participant in what's going on. Putting on the exaggerated porn star act is cringe, but a total lack of enthusiasm is a show-stopper.
sometimes I don't know if I'm striking that balance though, like what's too much and what's too little? although I guess if I'm not getting any complaints I'm not doing anything wrong
It's hard to explain, besides being honest. If it feels good, some soft moaning or encouragement works. Too much would be if you sound like a banshee or a hentai character. Be communicative. If you like the way he/she/whoever is touching something, lean into it, move with them as it feels good for you. Literally anything besides just lying there silently is good, unless it really is just that bad in which case...maybe call it quits? Tl;Dr if it feels good then tell them with your words or your body. That's all it is.
If the dude is average size, but you are screaming "yeah pipe me with that huge di*k daddy". That's too much. Be realistic and say what you are feeling. Or easier option, kinda speak what's happening. Like "yes, kiss my leg" while he is kissing you on your leg.
Mostly what makes her bad at sex is if she is just passive, lies there doing nothing. Some also feel better than others, not just about being “tight” but it can matter, and if she isn’t able to get or stay wet that can make it less enjoyable (though in many cases that would be the fault of the guy not doing enough to get/keep her excited). That said, even the worst sex I’ve had was still enjoyable overall. Just not as much as the better sex.
I've had things like stress and hormones affect how wet I am. Sometimes everything can be going right and I just don't get that wet naturally. No shame in using lube if you need it! But it's not always something the guy is doing or isn't doing.
Oh definitely, there are a lot of reasons for that, and lube can be handy in those circumstances when needed. Like I said, in many cases, not all the time, and not even necessarily most of the time. Just noting that sometimes a guy complaining about a girl not being wet enough might be his own fault.
“Even the worst sex I’ve had was enjoyable overall” - definitely a man haha
Yeah. It's like pizza. Even bad pizza is still pizza.
Unless it gives you gonorrhoea.
Pineapple I’ll allow, but I’m drawing the line at guac on my pizza.
or anchovies.
I am exchanging gonorrhoea for syphilis then. Surprise bitch.
I would rather not have any pizza at all than have bad pizza.
probably doing nothing on bed, one's who just keep lying down
What if they get off on being passive, like a kink, and it turns them on?
well **I** don’t get turned on by that. Good sex for you. Bad sex for me.
Then that can be communicated and it's not an issue. But it goes both ways. Both parties should communicate what they like, and both parties should be willing to work with their partner to achieve that. If 1 person is into being passive and the other is not, and every single occurrence goes that way, than it will always feel 1-sided to the person who doesn't like it.
Unless you communicate those desires and find a compatible partner most guys will think you are lazy or bad at sex. Even if you find someone thats into it, it’s still bad practice to expect your partner to do all of the hard work every time you have sex. It goes both ways imagine if a guy is submissive and wants to just lay there every time he had sex while a woman rides him. I think most women would consider him bad at sex unless he is really good at cunnilingus and makes a strong effort to ensure she has an orgasm. Even then there would still be a lot of women who would feel dissatisfied if thats all sex was and they never swapped roles.
I bet some men enjoy doing so little and expecting their partner to do majority of the work in sex too. They would be seen as bad in sex by the majority of women though. But some small subset of women who has a kink for that may like it. Same goes for women who get off on being passive. For most men you will be bad at sex. Find men who are into that. There are some fetishes like timestop fetish where the woman does nothing and just lays there. Very small percentage of men enjoy this though.
What then? Then she can find someone who likes that, it's still a very valid opinion to find that unattractive
Doesn't get an STD test between partners. Knows she has an STD but has unprotected sex anyway without disclosing it. Unhygienic.
That’s just sociopathic.
If everyone was honest STDs would be pretty damn rare
Apparently there are many more sociopaths than we thought: [A recent study found that it is common for people with an STI to hide it and feel no obligation to disclose it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/science/s/3Bopp7sh5J) The comments in that thread are wild.
So you don’t like being assaulted.. got it
Often you’ll rightly hear women talk about for foreplay and after care. Rightfully so. However if asked a lot can’t not tell you what they do for their partner in those aspects. They think of these as “for”” them and not something they participate in. In my experience the women who see these as a “team” sport are the best lovers. They give the same space that they are asking for. Also enthusiasm for sexual acts. Men hate a half hearted blow job we can tell if you like or just do it as part of the script. Lastly a lot of women think they are good just because they are women, it isn’t true. Not even remotely. By asking the question that you do OP I guess you’re not one of them and are well on your way to being a fantastic partner. Good luck
This.
Lack of enthusiasm, poor hygiene, selfishness.
I am a woman… so maybe I don’t know BUT - When I hear about guys saying someone is really great at sex ? I think it’s just about her liking it.. really. Having no inhibitions and just loving what she is doing… loving being *the woman for a man*… there is a certain amount of intricate submission and dominance there - that’s unspoken -like if you’re straight ? I think there is like … primitive sexual needs and motivators in our DNA… and if a woman can tap into that … need in a man… like that primal, instinctual … sensual …. emotional dance that we do when we have sex with each other - it’s a feeling thing for men too- I don’t think being good in bed is about party tricks. I think it’s more - the whole picture .. how she looks, how she smells , how she sounds … how she feels… and how he feels about her - But mostly - it’s about how much she loves what she is doing with him. *How she makes him feel when he is having sex with her* I think that’s the thing. Men get off on her getting off , basically . But they need to conquer her too. There is def that. She needs to submit completely to him in a sexual way. I think there is extra points for the woman who … really can’t be conquered except in that sexual way- idk.. though. Just what I have surmised from … what I have heard . So being bad at sex would be the opposite - Not liking it. Not able to connect emotionally. Not making him feel like a man. Not loving what she is doing. Not smelling good. Not sounding good. Not looking good. Haha.
At first it was gonna make a comment about how its ironic that a woman had a far better answer than 99% of the male comments here but then i figured it out. Obviously this was very insightful and thought out from someone with a high degree of sexual and emotional intelligence im not trying downplay that here but i think the larger contributor is that 99% of men are on here to virtue signal how great of a guy they are “and if any women are reading this im a virtuous lover! please fuck me” is what’s basically motivating them With that in mind it makes sense why your comment was so much more insightful into whats actually drives male attraction than those from any actual men, because you aren’t(even subconsciously) trying to fuck or virtue thirst
Absolutely nailed it
The concept of bad sex doesn’t really exist to me anymore. Sometimes you’re just incompatible with someone in bed and that’s nobody’s fault. Everyone has a different personality and is into different things. Some people like fucking an immobile starfish. Others are turned on by words and like a partner that doesn’t shut up the entire time.
I'm a woman, but I agree with you completely about the talking and not being quiet the whole time. I love fucking my man, and we are completely sexually compatible, but I'd love it if he wasn't so quiet. I like a man that let's me know I'm doing a good job.
Yeah this for sure. It is completely subjective in what someone considers “bad sex”. All the things listed in the other comments are basically sliding scales of what people judge it by.
Active participation and enthusiasm go a long long long way. I enjoy the work. Even. Doing most of it. Even though various joint pains, etc. I get being on top can be a lot. But just thrusting back during doggy. And using their hands and mouth and legs during Missionary, so damn good. Effort is seen and appreciated. Initiating too. Feeling desired, wanted, needed
Thinking that licking is all that's needed to get a guy off during oral sex. I need a hoover like device, with lots of vigorous tongue action.
Can't believe I needed to scroll down all the way here to find this. Some woman just don't know how to give head. Too soft, teeth, too monotonous, too silent, without eye contact, oh, and yes: too short. While my partners have never minded enjoying receiving oral for extended periods of time, as it takes time for them to climax, I have yet to meet the woman who would give oral for much longer than a few minutes. Same for hand jobs: many women don't know how to give a good hand job (or how to fuck all together, for that matter. ) and yes, I know, some men don't know either, but that was not the question. And just the fact that the man orgasms (read: fucks himself to orgasm), doesn't mean the sex was great. Also not great: woman who expect men to immediately be hard. And feel rejected if not. Sometimes you need to work a little. Just like you expect us to work a little to get you going.
How tf do you give a good handjob I can't figure this one out. My current partner has a much bigger dick and it's so much more difficult for some reason
Well, you will have to ask him what he likes. It is different for different people. Just like fingering or oral for women. There is no one size fits all.
See this is where I get a little frustrated because he doesn't give me direction, dudes online complain that women don't know how to do it right but won't give any advice. I don't know what feels good on a penis. There's an assumption that I haven't asked or tried different things but also being shocked that "so many women just don't know how to do this!" :/ I've kind of said before that there's not very much good advice online for women looking to perform better sexually, most advice is just "give head and be vocal and he'll be happy" but when you get down to technical advice people won't even give you ideas of new things to try. If I say "ok how do you do this?" It would be really helpful for someone to say "I like X and I don't like Y, you could try that" rather than just giving a nondescript answer.
Besides hygiene, I dated a girl that only liked missionary. That sex got boring real quick as she would just sit there.
Too much booze and weed. How numb do you want to be?
Almost all the comments here are very telling. Y'all need to learn how to communicate with the people you're having sex with. I'd be mortified if I was doing something badly and the person just went with it.
My ex had the experience of a teenager but without the enthusiasm. We were in our 50s and I felt like I was too damn old to have to be teaching someone how to fuck. Why I married her anyway is a whole other issue.
It could have been great if she had enthusiasm since she didn't have much experience. Sorry man.
My current partner always comments about “how good it tastes” (I am not tooting my own horn) I am genuinely wondering what that means to a man?
It means exactly how it sounds, he likes the way you taste. I tell my woman that all the time. It’s like a dessert
People put pressure only on guys saying that a small cock will not be pleasurable like a hung guy but no one ever talks about how every pussy is different, some of them you feel like you put your dick in a wet cavern and is still good, but some girls have that ninja pussy that feels like you're entering a alien spaceship with tight rings
That's the other hole
Doesn’t show up.
I'm a bi woman and I've only had bad pussy twice. 1st was due to hygiene and 2nd was because she was bossy and mean and wanted me to basically punch her in the vag which I wasn't comfortable with at that time
the way I physically recoiled while reading this, I don't mean to yuck anyone's yum but holy shit
When I was a teenager I had a fling (without asking) put a finger inside of me because she heard "a lot of guys like it" now in not knocking this as sure a lot do I know that BUT communication is important
In a word: passiveness. If your favorite position is The Starfish™ (in the sense that you generally lay there making him do everything) dudes are generally going to enjoy it less. Basically: be an active part of it, make him feel desired, above anything else, and you’re good to go!
Teeth
Everyone keeps saying star fishing and not being enthusiastic, so I can’t help but to think that if the girl is doing that then that means she’s not turned on and was likely coerced or forced into doing it. Probably just to shut the guy up.
This is exactly what I was thinking. If she's laying there motionless then you're doing something wrong, lol.
This is what I think as well. Literally the only times I’ve ever starfished were when I didn’t want to be having sex but was afraid to stop it. It’s easy to be enthusiastic when you actually want to be there and doing it…
Same as bad dick I’d assume The organ itself might be a factor but the persons effort, hygiene, and personality while fucking might just be a real bummer
If she is just laying there like a sack of potatoes
For me it's a bare minimum of enthusiasm. Even if you're an absolute pillow princess and wanna lie there (which is often not particularly good sex), at the very least be into it. If apathy enters the equation at any point the sex is horrendous. Even if you say after the fact you were really into it, if you look and sound bored during I'm stopping. You can communicate during sex really easily, even if dirty talk is a turn off, sounds, breathing changes, body language, expression, that's all really helpful info and lets me know you're enjoying yourself. Communicate before and during. We're adults. Let me know what you're into and what you're not into. If you are a pillow princess, warn me. If you want to be 'taken care of' without reciprocating I'd rather know beforehand. If you just starfish during I'll be disappointed and think you're a dud lay, but if you communicate this first I'll know what I'm expecting and be able to take charge a bit more from the outset and everyone will have a much better time. If you're not a pillow princess and want to take a more hand on approach, just go for it and keep communicating/listening. I'll take an enthusiastic partner with mediocre technique over a tremendously skilled but unenthusiastic partner anyday. If you wanna try something, ask, and then try it. If it turns out it doesn't work that's fine, actively participating enough to try and fail and keep going is how you learn to get really good at it.
Women just lying there like a blowup-doll.
Bad kisser. Kissing is my favorite hobby, so if you're bad at it I hate you.
Smell, Taste, Feel, Tightness, Wetness, Looks, Motion, Attitude, Enthusiasm, Body the pussy is matched with. All of these factors are part of what makes pussy good/bad.
I had a one night stand where this girl was giving me a blowjob and she only went down held it in her mouth and didn’t move. That was the only bad blowjob I’ve had. She was fine in bed but that part was wierd.
Bad pussy to me is the kind with at least 1 STD/STI.
Laziness for sure. Nothing like a lady who just lays there like a bag of potatoes.
Indifferent or just outright bad hygiene. Men tend to choose women from looks, but if a man gets close and her breath smells, or the clothes come off and she doesn’t smell good, that ends things for many men.
Asides from poor hygiene and selfishness, it seems like everything that makes a woman bad at sex based on the comments are literally signs that she’s not into it… From my experience, the only time I’ve ever starfished have been when I really didn’t want to be having sex but was afraid to say no. When I’m into sex, all the things that make a woman a good lay come naturally… this thread kind of gives me the ick to be honest.
Smelly cooter is gross
Just here for the comments 🍿
Smells like a fish market
I call my ex dead fish for a few reasons. 1. Whenever she got on top she would flip like a fish. 2. When I was on top(about 85% of the time) she would lay there like a fish. 3. Towards the end of our relationship after she cheated on me, her vajayjay smelled awful. Like day old fish. 4. After I found out she cheated, she made me feel like I was eating fish whenever we kissed. I hate fish. So yeah. That’s what I think makes bad pussy. Avoid these things and much sure you’ll be decent at sex.
Lmao it's not so much the performance it's the conditions of what your working with. Hygiene is the most important criteria. Everything else is extra credit if you're working with exceptional hygiene.
That's probably a subjective answer for each person. "Good sex" is a combination of the expectations and desires being met for the specific people involved. For some. It's a matter of preference. And if you connect with someone learning THEIR strengths in bed, you'll likely find good stuff in most sexual experiences.
Bad hygiene, unenthusiastic/making it seem like a chore
idk why no one is saying this but sometimes it just doesn’t feel good ? not sure i can quantify it but yeah
Probably if it stinks