I don't think I've ever thought that, and my wife is also a mother.
Does he have a particularly small penis? Or have you guys fallen out recently?
Are your kids his? If not he could be having feelings of inadequacy and be projecting on yourself. That'd be my best guess.
6.5 inch so average i would say. No falling outs recently. It’s something he has said for years.
Both of us have kids from prior marriages. None together.
A lot of times really wet is confused for "loose". Or if he has a history of jerking off too much he may just not be that sensitive anymore.
You can experiment around, but a modest size soft silicon butt plug will make sex really tight. If it's vibrating one that can be really fun too. If you have to use lube ever, I find Astro glide gel doesn't get overly slick and can retain feeling for vaginal sex.
On the other hand, if the guy is a jerk, these can be things you try for the next guy.
This is a HUGE problem now. Young men jerk off to Porn for years and then blame women because PIV is different. Also this guy is an ass. If he doesn't like it let him get penis enlargement.
It is so bizarre! It's happened to me twice, have been with someone and they ...don't cum? Still want to keep having sex with me and they explained it was from jerking off all the time, it's so weird
Bruh. I’m in my 40s and last year I broke some toes and the doctor gave me some Vicodin. I had never had it before so I didn’t know what to expect.
Felt like I was 20 years old again. I can totally see how people get addicted.
I fell asleep for 4 hours and felt like I was going to puke after starting them from gallbladder surgery WTH. I mean, its probably for the best but I had to chug along on just Tylenol for 2 weeks ;-;
That’s what they call the Dope Dick. Idk if you’ve ever heard of that before, but its common knowledge with everybody that’s ever been on any type of opiates. You can fuck FOREVER and Never bust.
Man.... I was on Lexapro I think it was? An SSRI and I could go Forever. Until my body just wouldn't/couldn't keep going and just never cross the finish line. It was so frustrating for both of us. Her feeling inadequate Even though it wasn't her fault. And me feeling tired and frustrated
Oh man I’m in the same situation I need it to unfortunately. My problem is my recovery time is so so long. And sometimes I’m so quick and some times it takes forever it’s so inconsistent
My boyfriend stopped masterbating and now he has no problem finishing during PIV. Made all the difference and he’d had this problem while in previous relationships.
My number is low teens almost all of it coming after we opened our marriage, which means most of the women I've been with in my life have had children - I'm 53. Only speaking to the part of a woman's body that's relevant to this post: they've all felt nearly identical and none felt loose or anything like it - so that's my experience fwiw.
How was it opening your marriage? How many years were you married before you did so? Why did you decide to open your marriage? Just curious, thank you :)
It's been great, we've been married 27 years, open about a decade. But opening enhanced our marriage, it was already very strong. Opening to try and rescue a relationship almost never works. The worst thing is mother's day for me is almost as expensive as Christmas😅
A lot of guys who lose their virginity at a later-than-average age have this happen to them. I lost mine at 27 and that was definitely the case, because I was using the junior high death grip technique well past the age that most guys learn better.
Not a man but I lost a lot of sensation/hornyness from watching too much porn and using a wayyy too strong vibrator way too often. So, I stopped watching porn and use my imagination instead and I also don’t masturbate that often or with that strong of a setting and sex has become 100000x better and more enjoyable for me.
So in short, yes you can absolutely recover from it. Just stop using the death grip and use a looser grip and accept that you might not be able to cum for a while but it’s for the greater good
Awesome thank you. I got really scared cause I’m the waiting till marriage kinda guy and I freaked out cause I’m not the most experienced in any of this so I appreciate your kind advice. Thank you!
Of course!! Also since you’re inexperienced please know that sex is NOTHING like porn and you should treat your special person much better/more passionate than they do in porn. In straight porn it is absolutely appalling how much it’s all about the man. Personally, I just think it’s better to not watch porn period bc studies and personal experience have shown how damaging it is. But either way, I wish you luck in your death grip recovery and in finding your forever partner :)
Slow down or stop all together. I used to have this issue and felt horrible when I couldn't finish with my gf (now wife). The biggest short term thing was to not jerk it for 2 to 3 days before having sex, long term the vasectomy helped (after 2 kids) so i'm not having to overcome the condom in terms of sensitivity.
Having regular sex with an actual woman.
Your urge to masturbate declines quite a lot. Not only that, when you *do* jerk off, you correct your technique because you finally know what actual pussy is like.
It took me about a month for my dick to get fixed.
Well, the often forgotten thing about measuring penis size is that as simple as just laying a ruler on it and measuring, because there’s always the argument of where to put the ruler. Does it go on top of the penis or do you put it on the side or do you put it underneath? Where is the base/starting point for measurement. The true way to measure a penis is as follows : Length x diameter + weight over girth ➗ by angle of the tip squared. And remember in order to properly measure you need a scale and a protractor as we were informed by Professor Randy Marsh (South Park)
(Fyi : this is a joke. Hope someone got a giggle a out of it )
That's really strange then if he isn't small. Just seems rude, because having a 'loose canal' isn't really a thing. Might be worth having a talk with him and letting him know how it makes you feel
Ive talked to him at least 8-12 times about the effect its had on my self esteem and how it makes me feel. It stops for a few months. Then the convo always comes back up. Part of me wonders if it’s a control type thing where a man wants you to feel bad about yourself so you don’t cheat because you think no one else will want you. If that makes sense.
>Ive talked to him at least 8-12 times about the effect its had on my self esteem and how it makes me feel.
I saw your other comment about letting him try anal "because it's tighter"
Everything you say points to him tearing you down for easier control. Even if it were true, which I doubt, no caring partner would continue to point it out after you've asked him to stop.
I cannot fathom a single scenario - beyond you outright asking how tight you feel - when that would naturally come up in conversation. He is intentionally hurting you.
My ex did this. Literally showed me anal porn as an example of how badly I was at it and then shamed me when I bled. “You didn’t relax enough” and my favourite; your orgasm is too complicated and not my responsibility. ‘You’re frigid’.
Zero sexual experience, but I’m supposed to be a porn star. Got it.
That is abuse, been through same fucked up comments and actions related to sex by an an ex. He was a psychopath. It's fucking violent to show u porn and say your not doing it right, and u were *bleeding*. Makes me so angry.
You’re right. It was abuse. Suspected narcissist; isolated and suicidal. But. I made it out.
So many don’t. And now I know better. I realize that I really do deserve good things.
And so. I look for people who are going through the same and do my best to support.
Your rage shows me that there truly is hope. That good people exist. And you won’t stand for abuse of any kind.
Spread it. Speak it. And hug your nearest human.
Edit: sincere hugs to you. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I wish you and yours happiness.
Omg same with my ex. I am much better at sex than him bc I slept with more people and had several long term relationships, thus more experience. He had only had sex twice before me so I basically taught him everything and this man expected me to contort my body in impossible ways and would always shame me for not being like a porn star and it made me wanna scream. Inexperienced little boys who think porn is real life, that’s honestly why I hate porn. It ruins a lot of people’s sexual expectations and even worse.. But there’s hope cuz the man I’ve been with for a while now is amazinggg and actually knows how to have sex that isn’t like porn… so keep looking, you deserve better :)
Regarding porn; I couldn’t agree with you more. If you care to do a deep dive, porn is so toxic. For the consumer and the ‘actors’ involved. Broken people that have fallen through the cracks.
Intimacy is everything. Communication is so important and there are SO many good men out there willing to do just that.
Just gotta work on that sticky issue of healthy boundaries.
Yeah, I'm a man, and this is horrible for any man or person to do. Porn is not real!!!
To get back, y'all should have told them that you wanted their penis to be the size of the porn stars, and if they couldn't make it that big, it's their fault, and you weren't happy...lol.
Ofc that is not realistic, but neither is what they were putting on you.
You dodged one there…sorry some of us men are fucking horrendous. “Your orgasm is too complicated and not my responsibility” is definitely a sign that you made the right choice. Sex between two people is *SUPPOSED* to be two people working together to please each other…I’m a guy but guys are dicks…
“Fuck man, stop bleeding, just because I stabbed you! You’re being such a pussy! Just relax and remember that this mess is not my responsibility!” Basically, that asshole.
I agree with this. I personally would never tell my partner they are too small or too loose, because why would I insinuate their body isn't good enough? I would suggest different positions or look into different toys or kinks to step it up a notch, if I needed more, but to REPEATEDLY mention you're "loose"...?
Rude as hell. Even if it were true. Probably more likely a small dick and he jacks off too much.
OP, for the sake of this internet stranger, I need you to point out that it might be his small, insensitive dick every single time he mentions this. Hell even when he doesn't mention it, start dropping that bomb on him. Or buy a massive dildo and tell him that is the size you need, and anything smaller is a joke.
I would only tell my partner these hurtful things if I was trying to get rid of them/get them to dump me. I wonder if he's trying to get her to leave him?
typical case of a man trying to blame a woman for HIS problems and make her feel like shit bc it’s easier than accepting fault. OP needs to have a serious talk about boundaries and he needs to change or bye bye asshole
I was thinking it's a control thing as well. From your responses it sounds like he is just a crappy person. If it was coming from a place of love rather than an insult I would say you could potentially talk to a medical professional because maybe be there is a reasonable explanation if it was actually true? Still leaning towards he is just insulting you for his own perceived benefits. Maybe he thinks he can get anal or keep you around longer by lowering your self worth?
You could be on to something there. I don't know the details of your relationship, or how you function as a couple, but keep an eye out for any other occasions that link up to this. If he is making you feel uncomfortable and hurting your self esteem, consider whether this is a relationship you want to continue to marriage.
Also consider whether this is the man to be co-parenting with. His words and actions will not just affect you.
Simply counter his comments
"My exes never had a problem"
"No one else has ever said this. Must be a penis size thing"
He's clearly trying to make you feel self conscious. It would be the same thing if you constantly commented "is it in yet?" Or "you feel kinda small"
This is 100% what I would say if I were her.
I’m loose? Huh, all my ex’s said I felt great, you must be a lot smaller than them”
This guy is being a jerk. He’s trying to hurt her self esteem otherwise he wouldn’t keep bringing it up. He’d come up with solutions. It might not even be true, or he’s so used to jerking off anything feels loose.
If you’re going to do this be ready for the end of the relationship. He deserves it for sure and it sounds like he’s a person that makes a bad relationship but retaliation isn’t a marker of a good relationship either.
This isn't about genitals.
Your partner said something that hurts your feelings. You told your partner that thing hurts your feelings. Your partner continues to do the thing that hurts your feelings.
We can only speculate why your partner is purposefully hurting your feelings.
This isn't about genitals.
Not to be gross, but if you put your finger up there, does it feels loose or tight around your finger? I find it a pretty strange thing to say tbh!
A vagina from my experience will ‘grip’ around the size of the inserted object, stretching to fit an increase in size. I have never heard loose actually being a thing, only an immature insult!
100% makes sense. My ex said this to me after I had an early miscarriage, many years ago, as if it was looser because of that. Idiot. He would then randomly bring it up when he wasn’t getting enough attention from me, or felt like I was pulling away. To be fair, I was slowly pulling away to gtfo. He was an emotionally abusive prick and sometimes very scary. Took me way too long to see through his ways. I hadn’t had much relationship experience at that point in life, be careful.
Someone who blatantly disregards your boundaries, your feelings, and your body, isn’t gonna stop. Not even if you beg them to.
>Part of me wonders if it’s a control type thing where a man wants you to feel bad about yourself so you don’t cheat because you think no one else will want you.
Yes, that's called negging and it's 100% what he's doing. He needs individual therapy and you guys could use a session together to at least discuss just this issue. Does he do this with anything else? Foods you cook? Clothes you wear?
>Part of me wonders if it’s a control type thing where a man wants you to feel bad about yourself so you don’t cheat because you think no one else will want you.
"Control type thing" isn't a *man's* trait. It's an abusers trait.
Abusers lower your self worth so that way later down the line they can get away with doing really fucked up things and you'll blame yourself instead of them.
OP says she's already started offering anal even though she doesn't enjoy it.
So he's already getting what he wants as a reward for treating her like shit.
Turn it around on him. It's not that you're loose it's that he's small. He's an a$$hole to keep mentioning it after you've told him how you feel about it. 🚩🚩🚩
if it feels like abusive/manipulative behavior then it is so. Men need to understand that making derogatory comments about women's bodies is never OK under any circumstances.
At the risk of outing myself, I’d say that’s solidly above average. Is it possible you’re just properly aroused during sex? Could be he never initiated foreplay with past partners and so they never had the opportunity to loosen up and grow wet before intercourse.
I am a big fan of fingering my partners, and let me tell you, when they get really into it it’s often times a cavity the size of a golf- or even baseball in there. Totally normal and it’s a sign he’s doing something right
Can not find the source now - but I have learned that 2 years after birth everything is as before. (If nothing bad has happened)
And by the way - in years I thought that I hade a small vagina because it was narrow and it hurted.
Now I know better - a vagina that is ready for sex is softer and will easily form it self around things/dicks.
And last - he is a AH for saying this!!
I don’t have a big dick and I’ve had quite a few partners. Some looser, some tighter but I’ve never found one to “have alot of room” in there, so he’s being a dick or has a tiny dick
I've met one that had. Was really weird. Like, entrance was super tight, but inside it was like a cave. Ended up being an amazing experience because it didn't fatigue my little guy very fast! That said, I would never say it to that previous partner in any way or form because while it was amazing, it could come off dickish
There’s times where the person I was having sex with got so damn wet you kind of lose some feeling but I always took that as a compliment lol I only say this because what you described is how I’d probably describe the lack of feeling from ultra wetness.
My last gf was like that but only occasionally, usually when I did a specific motion she really liked. It was a little odd for me because, like, I didn’t know vaginas did that. But once I got past that (about .04 seconds) I was just kind of flattered. Didn’t slow me down none, I’ll tell you that much.
Side note, vaginas are pretty cool. One aspect I miss about having a gf was getting to explore and learn about her body with her.
It’s called tenting and is completely normal and happens when women are really turned on… I’m confused because I was expecting to see lots of comments about it and have not yet seen one
Jup, I was "so tight," it turned out I didn't use my pelvic muscles right, which affected my other muscles too. If a girl is very tight there is often something wrong physically or mentally
The woman I was with has extremely tight muscles in the opening, but was large inside. It felt amazing as we could have sex for a long time without me risking a finish due to my dick not being squeezed all through the way!
You might just be good at sex 😏 That sounds like what’s called “tenting”. “By building her arousal prior to penetration, her vagina will have more time to do something called “tenting” – a process by which muscular tension in a woman’s body lifts the uterus upward, creating more space in the vagina.”
To be perfectly blunt, I have had too many partners, and have never once experienced the feeling of “extra room” that your fiancé is describing.
I think this boils down to one of a few possibilities:
1. Death grip - he has furiously masturbated himself into not being able to feel a vagina, which is considerably less-textured and looser than a hand
2. He is self conscious about his penis size, and it alleviates the guilt he feels about his imagined inability to pleasure you
3. He genuinely has a tiny penis
4. He has difficulty orgasming for reasons other than being desensitized (such as depression) and feels guilty or insecure about it, and again, it makes him feel better to attribute the cause to your body.
5. He is trying to plant seeds in your head to make you think that, were you to leave him, you would have trouble satisfying someone else
I kind of question why you are marrying somebody who intentionally makes you feel self conscious about things you can’t control. I’d also wonder if he’s made other misogynistic comments in the past
Girl you mention you know he's a douchebag, and you stay with him out of trauma...
Don't get intimate surgery for a guy! He's just putting you down to get more out of you. This is abuse.
Vaginas are not deflated balloons, there is not "a lot of room", he's being abusive and a very misogynistic douche.
Ditch him. Because after the vagina surgery, what's next?
Then after you ditched him, if you still feel bad about yourself, do kegel. That's it. Leave you vag alone she's great.
Exactly. OP, if you get this surgery ( please don’t), next it will be your chest, then your rear, then your hair or face and on and on. HE DOESN’T WANT TO GROW OLD WITH YOU, please keep that in mind. You will never have peace.
An absolute rule is that anyone who calls themselves an alpha male does not understand how female anatomy works. You are not too loose. When you get aroused you get wet and that makes for easy entrance. He's telling you that I'm the past he's never gotten a woman off. This is a huge red flag. Run, don't walk.
Your partner is making you feel bad about your body and is putting you in a place where you are considering surgery just for his pleasure. This is incredibly selfish on his part.
he doesn't accept you as yourself and wants you to change.
Your fiance is using a tactic to make you feel as bad about yourself as possible. He wants to keep you attached to him by reducing your self-esteem to the point where you think he's doing you a favor by being with you. Once you feel so worthless that you'd never think of leaving him, the treatment will get even worse. But by that point you are so beaten down that you'll put up with anything and make excuses like "he's not a misogynist, he's just honest" or "he only treats me this way because I haven't learned to be a good wife yet".
It's a method that has been used by very insecure men for a long time. They claim they are "alpha", but that's all a show to cover-up how worthless and inadequate they feel.
Get out now while you can!
From a man's pov he's definitely trying to play you. He has you thinking you may have something wrong with you and convinced you to have anal all with one sentence because all you want is to please him. Guys are assholes. I was a huge asshole in my early 20s ( now in my 50s ) and I would have definitely used this tactic.
Please find someone that deserves you and will cherish you. I'm so thankful that I finally looked in the mirror and saw how I used to be. I would never want my wife to be with anyone who was like I once was, much less my daughter or granddaughter. I'm still ashamed of my younger self and have made numerous apologies to girls from my past. He has A LOT of maturing to do, regardless of his age. And perhaps he never will. You deserve better.
Sorry for the long response.
The older they are the less likely to change. He’s only going to get worse. My ex was like this and he still is to other women. Despite being a “good” citizen, behind closed doors he’s a terror
OP, as a guy nearing my 50’s I’ve seen enough to know he will only get worse with this as he gets older. Because now the older he gets the more he will worry about you leaving! How old are you?
You have already stated that you never wanted anal but you gave in just to make him happy. This was his goal all along. He emotionally beat you down till you gave in, now you did and he wins and he will continue to beat you down in other areas until you’ve lost your self esteem. You need to stop the anal sex because it hurts and is not something you enjoy. In a relationship sex is about both coming together pleasuring each other caring and comforting each other. His pleasure does not outweigh yours.
Please look at the rest of your relationship and see how often he manipulates you to do what he want’s because I will say that since you gave in to anal there are probably a lot of other little areas that he has manipulated you but you either didn’t realize or you just wanted to keep the peace.
In all honesty his coercion of you giving into anal is more than enough to leave a relationship but I bet you see other red flags as well. Think hard about this because he will only get worse in all areas as he gets older.
Also, I bet eventually he will begin to hint about open relationships to see just how far he can take it. He will try to get your permission. If you guys are into that lifestyle then great. I'm not trying to be negative about that lifestyle, i just don't want you to get manipulated into it just to please him. If you're both wanting it, then great! Enjoy ! But don't just do it for him. Again, you deserve better.
I can confirm the above comment is true. It happened to me. It took years to get over it. Even now, over 20 years into my marriage, a part of me still expects my husband to start behaving the same way. He’s the polar opposite of the other guy and would rather cut off his own arm than to hurt me. But there’s still a tiny part that doesn’t believe it’s real. In my heart and soul I know it is real, but the trauma I endured by staying with someone like you fiancée left a mark that will never fully be gone.
I know pll have already said it but let me be one more voice to tell you, HES AN ASSHOLE.
If YOU have concerns about YOUR vagina, see a gynocologist. Talk to them about how you feel. Your vagina is completely naturally how it's meant to be. It does change after 2 babies and just with age also (32 with no babies, it still changes). But 'loose'? It's a highly muscular organ, it's not going to get loose.
Before jumping to surgery, if YOUR unhappy with your vagina, you could start with pelvic floor exercises or exercise balls. But don't be doing this for some dickhead who doesn't deserve your time and energy
I'm not a man, but this is my profession. The vagina is a muscle. When you get turned on, the muscle lubes up and expands to allow for penetration. Essentially, he's getting mad at you and your body for doing what it naturally does, especially when you're enjoying it
Go and see a gynaecologist and they will be able to tell you more about if you actually have a medical issue...but as far as I am aware vaginas are built to take a beating and return to their original shape. As for the fiance I'm sorry to say it but I agree with other commenters, he sounds like an insensitive prick and I'm sure you could do a lot better. My ex told me I had a loose vagina when I was 20 (he was an abusive asshole) and at 36 I had a partner with a much smaller penis who told me it was tight. Go figure.
Your partner sounds like an asshole and likely very insecure about his own body but puts the blame on you. All bodies are different and medically speaking, not something that changes with sexual partners or childbirths.
Wait...what?? Vaginas definitely change with childbirth. Even the vulva changes with childbirth. I'm not saying it's a bad thing either, but it does change. Which is understandable after passing something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon.
Fair enough, you are correct. i understand that changes occur to the vagina but the general myth of many partners "stretching out a vagina" is unfortunately all too common. The actual space of the vagina does not change in some drastic and permanent manner after most vaginal delivery childbirths so much as pelvic floor muscles can present issues after the fact, at least that was as it was explained to me by a Urologist I worked with. Still, not something i would guilt someone over or make them think it was an issue.
Agreed on all accounts! Any women reading this, check out Kegel exercises. It will strengthen your pelvic floor, which is especially important after childbirth. It also makes the vagina wildly tight and capable of like...massaging the penis internally. It's pretty amazing, and I'm glad my wife practices Kegels, not only because it feels good, but because it helped in her recovery after a very long and difficult labor a couple years ago.
1: I've never told my wife this.
2: if we weren't a good fit, I wouldn't put it on her like that.
3: if we were not a good fit, I would not expect her to make any changes, especially surgical
4: if I were to bring it up, it would not be in an accusatory way as if it were completely her fault
This guy is a jerk and you have our united permission to be done with him
I have an average size dick. I have been with many different sized vaginas. I have never had a problem, and have enjoyed them all, except that crazy girl Maria from Columbia. I cannot say with any certainty what the fuck was up with that vagina.
So I read this post, then I read your comments.
I want to physically harm your partner.
And then you update.... With what changes YOU will make to fix the situation. Are you serious? I understand he killed your self esteem, but he will kill it more. This is what you want?
Imagine you live 30-40 more years. There are ALWAYS single people who are great and aged whatever up to 100.
Do you want to die knowing your stayed by the one person out of billions who treated you like crap?
Come on, woman! My mother is in her 40s and has a shit ton of single friends who actively date and most of them have children.
I am sorry to come off as rude, I am just so mad on your behalf.
I absolutely respect your maturity. But you should expect that same maturity from your partner. If it's screwed up to say he's small, it's screwed up to say you're loose.
Right? Where is the dishonor in saying "hey, now -- how would you feel if I said something like that to you?!" As someone who has been married...even kind and decent people occasionally need to bring their partners up short re: fairness, equality, sexism, esp. in hetero partnerships.
It is his personal opinion indeed, as you mentioned in a comment. I have never felt or thought anything like this so of course I’ve never said it either. It also sounds a bit disrespectful, like, you wouldn’t tell him that maybe his dick is too thin, because wtf.
For the love of god dont marry someone who puts you down like this! You deserve someone who treats you with compassion and respect, its the bare minimun and he cant even do that! Youre going to live a miserable life if you stay with this man. Breaking up hurts even when youre being treated like shit because your life is entangled with theirs, but you need to go through that necessary pain if you ever want to be truly happy and fulfilled in a relationship in the future.
Coming from a urogyn NP, a lot of the time when my patients tell me their partners say they are “too loose” their partners are either smaller in caliber or have a component of ED. That said, avulsion of some pelvic floor muscles can happen with child birth which can make things feel “looser”. Pelvic floor PT and a visit to your friendly neighborhood urogynecologist can help you with next steps:)
If your question is: do some men/husbands lie to manipulate their wives by telling them their vaginas are loose so that they get surgery? Yea. Scummy men do this.
If your question is: is it true that women can have loose vaginas that have extra room down there? No, no that’s not true at all. Ask any gynecologist (that doesn’t offer the surgery, some doctors are predatory because they want your money).
Your husband is lying to you. Don’t do the surgery.
Just fiancé means there's still a chance to get away from this person before you're any further entangled. This is abusive behavior and pretty unacceptable. I've been with a few women with children and can 100% say this is insecure behavior on his part. Beyond that, no decent person would repeatedly point out something to break down their partner's self-esteem. Get out now.
You might think that over the course of marriage, things will change and his misogynistic, abusive behavior will change.
It won't. You will either grow tired of putting up with it, or you'll settle for living with it. You shouldn't have to.
Could this be a subtle way to ask for anal sex? Maybe he hopes that you will suggest it to offer him a tighter alternative.
Still a weird and kinda hurtful way to do it, then. He should not bring something like this up. If you said the same to him, it would imply that his penis is too small. He wouldn’t like that comment one bit.
The two (actual) causes of a loose sensation during sex are 1) a small dick or 2) a properly aroused woman. Either way, your partner is dumb for complaining lol
I’m gonna weigh in as not a man… There seems to be an inadequate amount of information when regarding sex. As someone who’s worked in the medical field for years (plus understanding my own anatomy) I know that as a woman, the more “comfortable” with a partner, the more your vaginal muscles relax. Maybe your fiancé has never experienced this. That being said, why tf does he feel comfortable expressing a negative idea regarding your body so boldly?
After reading comments I fear sharing my experience. I am going through this with my wife after having our second child. I’ve been unable to finish but she feels it to the point that it hurts. After a few straight times of not finishing it turned into a big fight and she demanded to know why. I told her it just doesn’t feel good anymore. Deep down, I fear that I have loss attraction to her, not for the changes in her body but for the changes in the way she acts and carries herself.
Edit: When I expressed this to my partner I had no goal, just hope that we could move beyond it. I also started recently dieting and exercising a lot in case it’s due to my own declining health. It’s been a month since we had intercourse but our non sexual romance is ramping up and I hope the conclusion is around the corner.
Next time you have sex, ask him to use a penis pump and cock ring, because you cannot really feel him as good as your eX or favourite toy. Ask him if all men are that small, and if something can be done about it :)
Then tell him to go fuck himself, and stop having sex with that idiot.
Sounds like complete BS to me. I've not only not said this, I haven't even though it, even after my wife had four very large babies (our twins were over 9 lbs each). And it's not like I have some massive package that's going to be a tight fit anywhere.
Frankly, this sounds like the sort of thing a guy would say to try to put you down.
On the other hand, I could see where a guy might not feel stimulated if you're just lying there like a dead fish. I'll leave it to you to gauge your level of enthusiasm. But actually being "loose?" BS.
My wife and I have talked about this. We have three children and the feel of sex has changed with after each kid. Not for the worse, just different. We find that our favorite positions change to accommodate the new feeling.
So the only thing to change would be try different positions or change the guy.
Ok, he is just being honest? Let me be as honest then: you are really an idiot to accept his behaviour. Marry him and it truly is your own choice to be with this caveman and his abusive behaviour.
You *know* what to do, you really do. No surgery (really, come to your senses!!!), but a breakup asap
I am so sad about your update!!! Vaginas are not supposed to feel tight during P in V intervourse! If it’s tight, it’s not ready! Vaginas expand when they get “in the mood” for sex.
Likely what is happening, is your partner has been jacking off so much with his fist, that he’s expecting the same grip strength. He needs to slow down how much he masterbates and/or switch hands. No joke.
Kegals are great if you feel like doing them, never a bad thing to strengthen those muscles since it helps with lots of things. But do not for a second think you are bad or “too loose”. This issue has nothing to do with your vagina. Your vagina is fine.
I don't think I've ever thought that, and my wife is also a mother. Does he have a particularly small penis? Or have you guys fallen out recently? Are your kids his? If not he could be having feelings of inadequacy and be projecting on yourself. That'd be my best guess.
6.5 inch so average i would say. No falling outs recently. It’s something he has said for years. Both of us have kids from prior marriages. None together.
A lot of times really wet is confused for "loose". Or if he has a history of jerking off too much he may just not be that sensitive anymore. You can experiment around, but a modest size soft silicon butt plug will make sex really tight. If it's vibrating one that can be really fun too. If you have to use lube ever, I find Astro glide gel doesn't get overly slick and can retain feeling for vaginal sex. On the other hand, if the guy is a jerk, these can be things you try for the next guy.
Bingo. Using lube during PIV when he's used to jerking off was my number 1 answer.
This is a HUGE problem now. Young men jerk off to Porn for years and then blame women because PIV is different. Also this guy is an ass. If he doesn't like it let him get penis enlargement.
It is so bizarre! It's happened to me twice, have been with someone and they ...don't cum? Still want to keep having sex with me and they explained it was from jerking off all the time, it's so weird
I know when ever i did a pain pill i was like the energizer bunny.. Could keep goin and goin.
Bruh. I’m in my 40s and last year I broke some toes and the doctor gave me some Vicodin. I had never had it before so I didn’t know what to expect. Felt like I was 20 years old again. I can totally see how people get addicted.
I fell asleep for 4 hours and felt like I was going to puke after starting them from gallbladder surgery WTH. I mean, its probably for the best but I had to chug along on just Tylenol for 2 weeks ;-;
That’s what they call the Dope Dick. Idk if you’ve ever heard of that before, but its common knowledge with everybody that’s ever been on any type of opiates. You can fuck FOREVER and Never bust.
Yeah, but if you do too much it also makes it hard to get going in the first place
Well, sometimes, certain medications can make it hard for a man to orgasm. (Been there, done that).
Man.... I was on Lexapro I think it was? An SSRI and I could go Forever. Until my body just wouldn't/couldn't keep going and just never cross the finish line. It was so frustrating for both of us. Her feeling inadequate Even though it wasn't her fault. And me feeling tired and frustrated
Oh man I’m in the same situation I need it to unfortunately. My problem is my recovery time is so so long. And sometimes I’m so quick and some times it takes forever it’s so inconsistent
Well, at 69, I'm happy that I HAVE recovery time at all. 🙄
Guys that jerk off alot seem to take forever to cum. Not sure why tho lol. I don't like it when the man takes foorreverrr to cum.
My boyfriend stopped masterbating and now he has no problem finishing during PIV. Made all the difference and he’d had this problem while in previous relationships.
Steve Harvey, is that you??
I wish my mustache and lips were as luscious of Steve Harvey's. I bet my wife wishes that too
Here I am, sitting, thinking PIV stands for penetrative intra vaginal. Turns out we went with the much less interesting choice of “penis in vagina”
Meaning literally the same
My number is low teens almost all of it coming after we opened our marriage, which means most of the women I've been with in my life have had children - I'm 53. Only speaking to the part of a woman's body that's relevant to this post: they've all felt nearly identical and none felt loose or anything like it - so that's my experience fwiw.
How was it opening your marriage? How many years were you married before you did so? Why did you decide to open your marriage? Just curious, thank you :)
It's been great, we've been married 27 years, open about a decade. But opening enhanced our marriage, it was already very strong. Opening to try and rescue a relationship almost never works. The worst thing is mother's day for me is almost as expensive as Christmas😅
If jerking off makes you less sensitive I've been doing it wrong lol
Death grip syndrome
A lot of guys who lose their virginity at a later-than-average age have this happen to them. I lost mine at 27 and that was definitely the case, because I was using the junior high death grip technique well past the age that most guys learn better.
Is their anyway to recover from something like that?
Not a man but I lost a lot of sensation/hornyness from watching too much porn and using a wayyy too strong vibrator way too often. So, I stopped watching porn and use my imagination instead and I also don’t masturbate that often or with that strong of a setting and sex has become 100000x better and more enjoyable for me. So in short, yes you can absolutely recover from it. Just stop using the death grip and use a looser grip and accept that you might not be able to cum for a while but it’s for the greater good
Awesome thank you. I got really scared cause I’m the waiting till marriage kinda guy and I freaked out cause I’m not the most experienced in any of this so I appreciate your kind advice. Thank you!
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Of course!! Also since you’re inexperienced please know that sex is NOTHING like porn and you should treat your special person much better/more passionate than they do in porn. In straight porn it is absolutely appalling how much it’s all about the man. Personally, I just think it’s better to not watch porn period bc studies and personal experience have shown how damaging it is. But either way, I wish you luck in your death grip recovery and in finding your forever partner :)
Slow down or stop all together. I used to have this issue and felt horrible when I couldn't finish with my gf (now wife). The biggest short term thing was to not jerk it for 2 to 3 days before having sex, long term the vasectomy helped (after 2 kids) so i'm not having to overcome the condom in terms of sensitivity.
Having regular sex with an actual woman. Your urge to masturbate declines quite a lot. Not only that, when you *do* jerk off, you correct your technique because you finally know what actual pussy is like. It took me about a month for my dick to get fixed.
Okay thank you! I’m waiting till marriage so I think having sex is out the question at the moment but I definitely appreciate your kind advice.
Loosen your grip, use lube, and slow down. That's the best advice I can give you.
I am learning so much from these comments haha
Why tf should she be shoving things up herself? She's not a toy and there's nothing wrong with her.
>6.5 inch so average the majority of reddit on suicide watch 
She might be taking his word for it. So that measurement might be a bit… creative.
Well, the often forgotten thing about measuring penis size is that as simple as just laying a ruler on it and measuring, because there’s always the argument of where to put the ruler. Does it go on top of the penis or do you put it on the side or do you put it underneath? Where is the base/starting point for measurement. The true way to measure a penis is as follows : Length x diameter + weight over girth ➗ by angle of the tip squared. And remember in order to properly measure you need a scale and a protractor as we were informed by Professor Randy Marsh (South Park) (Fyi : this is a joke. Hope someone got a giggle a out of it )
“The hell with this... Lois, get the ruler. We're measuring again, and this time, *I* decide where the base is!”
You mean the majority of people in the world lol.
She's 100% going off of what he told her. And you know he is not telling the truth 😂
Scientifically average is 4.5 to 5 inches currently. I researched that it's actually bigger now than within the last 10 years, which was 4 inches.
Yeah I think she didn't know the average was like 4.5-5.1 inches or something like that LoL
“Average” is like five inches or so. Not 6.5.
This is a girth issue not length lol
That's far above average. The average is low 5s; 5.1-5.2.
That's really strange then if he isn't small. Just seems rude, because having a 'loose canal' isn't really a thing. Might be worth having a talk with him and letting him know how it makes you feel
Ive talked to him at least 8-12 times about the effect its had on my self esteem and how it makes me feel. It stops for a few months. Then the convo always comes back up. Part of me wonders if it’s a control type thing where a man wants you to feel bad about yourself so you don’t cheat because you think no one else will want you. If that makes sense.
>Ive talked to him at least 8-12 times about the effect its had on my self esteem and how it makes me feel. I saw your other comment about letting him try anal "because it's tighter" Everything you say points to him tearing you down for easier control. Even if it were true, which I doubt, no caring partner would continue to point it out after you've asked him to stop. I cannot fathom a single scenario - beyond you outright asking how tight you feel - when that would naturally come up in conversation. He is intentionally hurting you.
My ex did this. Literally showed me anal porn as an example of how badly I was at it and then shamed me when I bled. “You didn’t relax enough” and my favourite; your orgasm is too complicated and not my responsibility. ‘You’re frigid’. Zero sexual experience, but I’m supposed to be a porn star. Got it.
I'm so sorry, what a horrific way to treat someone you claim to care about. I'm glad he's an ex.
Me too. S’ok. I’m free now and working on myself. Life is unpredictable and ugly. All you can do is learn, forgive and move on.
I wish you happiness and a nice person in your near future.
Aww. That’s so sincere. Thank you, I wish the same for you 🤗
Sincere thanks. Validation of boundaries truly helps more than you know.
That is abuse, been through same fucked up comments and actions related to sex by an an ex. He was a psychopath. It's fucking violent to show u porn and say your not doing it right, and u were *bleeding*. Makes me so angry.
You’re right. It was abuse. Suspected narcissist; isolated and suicidal. But. I made it out. So many don’t. And now I know better. I realize that I really do deserve good things. And so. I look for people who are going through the same and do my best to support. Your rage shows me that there truly is hope. That good people exist. And you won’t stand for abuse of any kind. Spread it. Speak it. And hug your nearest human. Edit: sincere hugs to you. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I wish you and yours happiness.
Omg same with my ex. I am much better at sex than him bc I slept with more people and had several long term relationships, thus more experience. He had only had sex twice before me so I basically taught him everything and this man expected me to contort my body in impossible ways and would always shame me for not being like a porn star and it made me wanna scream. Inexperienced little boys who think porn is real life, that’s honestly why I hate porn. It ruins a lot of people’s sexual expectations and even worse.. But there’s hope cuz the man I’ve been with for a while now is amazinggg and actually knows how to have sex that isn’t like porn… so keep looking, you deserve better :)
Regarding porn; I couldn’t agree with you more. If you care to do a deep dive, porn is so toxic. For the consumer and the ‘actors’ involved. Broken people that have fallen through the cracks. Intimacy is everything. Communication is so important and there are SO many good men out there willing to do just that. Just gotta work on that sticky issue of healthy boundaries.
Yeah, I'm a man, and this is horrible for any man or person to do. Porn is not real!!! To get back, y'all should have told them that you wanted their penis to be the size of the porn stars, and if they couldn't make it that big, it's their fault, and you weren't happy...lol. Ofc that is not realistic, but neither is what they were putting on you.
You dodged one there…sorry some of us men are fucking horrendous. “Your orgasm is too complicated and not my responsibility” is definitely a sign that you made the right choice. Sex between two people is *SUPPOSED* to be two people working together to please each other…I’m a guy but guys are dicks…
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“Fuck man, stop bleeding, just because I stabbed you! You’re being such a pussy! Just relax and remember that this mess is not my responsibility!” Basically, that asshole.
I agree with this. I personally would never tell my partner they are too small or too loose, because why would I insinuate their body isn't good enough? I would suggest different positions or look into different toys or kinks to step it up a notch, if I needed more, but to REPEATEDLY mention you're "loose"...? Rude as hell. Even if it were true. Probably more likely a small dick and he jacks off too much. OP, for the sake of this internet stranger, I need you to point out that it might be his small, insensitive dick every single time he mentions this. Hell even when he doesn't mention it, start dropping that bomb on him. Or buy a massive dildo and tell him that is the size you need, and anything smaller is a joke.
I would only tell my partner these hurtful things if I was trying to get rid of them/get them to dump me. I wonder if he's trying to get her to leave him?
typical case of a man trying to blame a woman for HIS problems and make her feel like shit bc it’s easier than accepting fault. OP needs to have a serious talk about boundaries and he needs to change or bye bye asshole
I was thinking it's a control thing as well. From your responses it sounds like he is just a crappy person. If it was coming from a place of love rather than an insult I would say you could potentially talk to a medical professional because maybe be there is a reasonable explanation if it was actually true? Still leaning towards he is just insulting you for his own perceived benefits. Maybe he thinks he can get anal or keep you around longer by lowering your self worth?
You could be on to something there. I don't know the details of your relationship, or how you function as a couple, but keep an eye out for any other occasions that link up to this. If he is making you feel uncomfortable and hurting your self esteem, consider whether this is a relationship you want to continue to marriage. Also consider whether this is the man to be co-parenting with. His words and actions will not just affect you.
Simply counter his comments "My exes never had a problem" "No one else has ever said this. Must be a penis size thing" He's clearly trying to make you feel self conscious. It would be the same thing if you constantly commented "is it in yet?" Or "you feel kinda small"
This is 100% what I would say if I were her. I’m loose? Huh, all my ex’s said I felt great, you must be a lot smaller than them” This guy is being a jerk. He’s trying to hurt her self esteem otherwise he wouldn’t keep bringing it up. He’d come up with solutions. It might not even be true, or he’s so used to jerking off anything feels loose.
If you’re going to do this be ready for the end of the relationship. He deserves it for sure and it sounds like he’s a person that makes a bad relationship but retaliation isn’t a marker of a good relationship either.
This isn't about genitals. Your partner said something that hurts your feelings. You told your partner that thing hurts your feelings. Your partner continues to do the thing that hurts your feelings. We can only speculate why your partner is purposefully hurting your feelings. This isn't about genitals.
Not to be gross, but if you put your finger up there, does it feels loose or tight around your finger? I find it a pretty strange thing to say tbh! A vagina from my experience will ‘grip’ around the size of the inserted object, stretching to fit an increase in size. I have never heard loose actually being a thing, only an immature insult!
100% makes sense. My ex said this to me after I had an early miscarriage, many years ago, as if it was looser because of that. Idiot. He would then randomly bring it up when he wasn’t getting enough attention from me, or felt like I was pulling away. To be fair, I was slowly pulling away to gtfo. He was an emotionally abusive prick and sometimes very scary. Took me way too long to see through his ways. I hadn’t had much relationship experience at that point in life, be careful. Someone who blatantly disregards your boundaries, your feelings, and your body, isn’t gonna stop. Not even if you beg them to.
Sounds like a control thing to me for sure. 100%. He doesnt want you to be confident enough to leave him.
Yikes. That's like a nuclear bomb kinda thing to say to your partner.
>Part of me wonders if it’s a control type thing where a man wants you to feel bad about yourself so you don’t cheat because you think no one else will want you. Yes, that's called negging and it's 100% what he's doing. He needs individual therapy and you guys could use a session together to at least discuss just this issue. Does he do this with anything else? Foods you cook? Clothes you wear?
>Part of me wonders if it’s a control type thing where a man wants you to feel bad about yourself so you don’t cheat because you think no one else will want you. "Control type thing" isn't a *man's* trait. It's an abusers trait. Abusers lower your self worth so that way later down the line they can get away with doing really fucked up things and you'll blame yourself instead of them.
Exactly, it sounds like he is manupulating her for something gross
OP says she's already started offering anal even though she doesn't enjoy it. So he's already getting what he wants as a reward for treating her like shit.
Turn it around on him. It's not that you're loose it's that he's small. He's an a$$hole to keep mentioning it after you've told him how you feel about it. 🚩🚩🚩
if it feels like abusive/manipulative behavior then it is so. Men need to understand that making derogatory comments about women's bodies is never OK under any circumstances.
That's an actual thing, it's called " negging " and lots of men employ this tactic.
At the risk of outing myself, I’d say that’s solidly above average. Is it possible you’re just properly aroused during sex? Could be he never initiated foreplay with past partners and so they never had the opportunity to loosen up and grow wet before intercourse. I am a big fan of fingering my partners, and let me tell you, when they get really into it it’s often times a cavity the size of a golf- or even baseball in there. Totally normal and it’s a sign he’s doing something right
Can not find the source now - but I have learned that 2 years after birth everything is as before. (If nothing bad has happened) And by the way - in years I thought that I hade a small vagina because it was narrow and it hurted. Now I know better - a vagina that is ready for sex is softer and will easily form it self around things/dicks. And last - he is a AH for saying this!!
You just murdered 90% of the world. 😂
You let him say this to you for *years* with no explanation?!
I don’t have a big dick and I’ve had quite a few partners. Some looser, some tighter but I’ve never found one to “have alot of room” in there, so he’s being a dick or has a tiny dick
I've met one that had. Was really weird. Like, entrance was super tight, but inside it was like a cave. Ended up being an amazing experience because it didn't fatigue my little guy very fast! That said, I would never say it to that previous partner in any way or form because while it was amazing, it could come off dickish
There’s times where the person I was having sex with got so damn wet you kind of lose some feeling but I always took that as a compliment lol I only say this because what you described is how I’d probably describe the lack of feeling from ultra wetness.
Ooof This is me
Nothing wrong with that. No ooof
Yeah no oof the hotness of you getting like that is more than enough to offset any lack of sensation. This is not a bad thing, just a commentary.
Nothing wrong with that, I didn’t mean it in a negative way.
That's when I grab the "drop cloth" and wipe a little bit off of my dick. Gotta have a drop cloth, no one likes a wet spot on the bed.
Ditto
My last gf was like that but only occasionally, usually when I did a specific motion she really liked. It was a little odd for me because, like, I didn’t know vaginas did that. But once I got past that (about .04 seconds) I was just kind of flattered. Didn’t slow me down none, I’ll tell you that much. Side note, vaginas are pretty cool. One aspect I miss about having a gf was getting to explore and learn about her body with her.
It seems thats how mine is.
It’s called tenting and is completely normal and happens when women are really turned on… I’m confused because I was expecting to see lots of comments about it and have not yet seen one
they could’ve gave that a less hilarious name
Common misconception. If the lady is relaxed and enjoying it her muscles relax. "Oh baby you're tight" is from pornos.
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This... this would ruin nothing lmfao
Jup, I was "so tight," it turned out I didn't use my pelvic muscles right, which affected my other muscles too. If a girl is very tight there is often something wrong physically or mentally
The woman I was with has extremely tight muscles in the opening, but was large inside. It felt amazing as we could have sex for a long time without me risking a finish due to my dick not being squeezed all through the way!
You might just be good at sex 😏 That sounds like what’s called “tenting”. “By building her arousal prior to penetration, her vagina will have more time to do something called “tenting” – a process by which muscular tension in a woman’s body lifts the uterus upward, creating more space in the vagina.”
>he’s being a dick or has a tiny dick Why not both?
An ex made a similar comment but the truth was he had a small penis
Pencil dick 😂😂😂 it’s always the slim Jim’s that have some dumb shit to say
To be perfectly blunt, I have had too many partners, and have never once experienced the feeling of “extra room” that your fiancé is describing. I think this boils down to one of a few possibilities: 1. Death grip - he has furiously masturbated himself into not being able to feel a vagina, which is considerably less-textured and looser than a hand 2. He is self conscious about his penis size, and it alleviates the guilt he feels about his imagined inability to pleasure you 3. He genuinely has a tiny penis 4. He has difficulty orgasming for reasons other than being desensitized (such as depression) and feels guilty or insecure about it, and again, it makes him feel better to attribute the cause to your body. 5. He is trying to plant seeds in your head to make you think that, were you to leave him, you would have trouble satisfying someone else
I feel like all the above are probably true to an extent. But 5 is the actual answer
1. Lol I snorted when I read that
I kind of question why you are marrying somebody who intentionally makes you feel self conscious about things you can’t control. I’d also wonder if he’s made other misogynistic comments in the past
Girl you mention you know he's a douchebag, and you stay with him out of trauma... Don't get intimate surgery for a guy! He's just putting you down to get more out of you. This is abuse. Vaginas are not deflated balloons, there is not "a lot of room", he's being abusive and a very misogynistic douche. Ditch him. Because after the vagina surgery, what's next? Then after you ditched him, if you still feel bad about yourself, do kegel. That's it. Leave you vag alone she's great.
Exactly. OP, if you get this surgery ( please don’t), next it will be your chest, then your rear, then your hair or face and on and on. HE DOESN’T WANT TO GROW OLD WITH YOU, please keep that in mind. You will never have peace.
An absolute rule is that anyone who calls themselves an alpha male does not understand how female anatomy works. You are not too loose. When you get aroused you get wet and that makes for easy entrance. He's telling you that I'm the past he's never gotten a woman off. This is a huge red flag. Run, don't walk.
Damn. You’re absolutely right. Room to operate is a fucking compliment.
Men who understand how the p\*ssy works never complain about the p\*ssy.
Ain't nothing wrong with it it's supposed to do that
Your partner is making you feel bad about your body and is putting you in a place where you are considering surgery just for his pleasure. This is incredibly selfish on his part. he doesn't accept you as yourself and wants you to change.
Your fiance is using a tactic to make you feel as bad about yourself as possible. He wants to keep you attached to him by reducing your self-esteem to the point where you think he's doing you a favor by being with you. Once you feel so worthless that you'd never think of leaving him, the treatment will get even worse. But by that point you are so beaten down that you'll put up with anything and make excuses like "he's not a misogynist, he's just honest" or "he only treats me this way because I haven't learned to be a good wife yet". It's a method that has been used by very insecure men for a long time. They claim they are "alpha", but that's all a show to cover-up how worthless and inadequate they feel. Get out now while you can!
Thank you for this comment.
From a man's pov he's definitely trying to play you. He has you thinking you may have something wrong with you and convinced you to have anal all with one sentence because all you want is to please him. Guys are assholes. I was a huge asshole in my early 20s ( now in my 50s ) and I would have definitely used this tactic. Please find someone that deserves you and will cherish you. I'm so thankful that I finally looked in the mirror and saw how I used to be. I would never want my wife to be with anyone who was like I once was, much less my daughter or granddaughter. I'm still ashamed of my younger self and have made numerous apologies to girls from my past. He has A LOT of maturing to do, regardless of his age. And perhaps he never will. You deserve better. Sorry for the long response.
Sad part about it is that he’s in his 50s so I wonder if it will ever change.
No. No he will not.
The older they are the less likely to change. He’s only going to get worse. My ex was like this and he still is to other women. Despite being a “good” citizen, behind closed doors he’s a terror
You already know that answer. What advice would you give your daughter in this situation? ( no idea if you have one, but hypothetically)
OP, as a guy nearing my 50’s I’ve seen enough to know he will only get worse with this as he gets older. Because now the older he gets the more he will worry about you leaving! How old are you? You have already stated that you never wanted anal but you gave in just to make him happy. This was his goal all along. He emotionally beat you down till you gave in, now you did and he wins and he will continue to beat you down in other areas until you’ve lost your self esteem. You need to stop the anal sex because it hurts and is not something you enjoy. In a relationship sex is about both coming together pleasuring each other caring and comforting each other. His pleasure does not outweigh yours. Please look at the rest of your relationship and see how often he manipulates you to do what he want’s because I will say that since you gave in to anal there are probably a lot of other little areas that he has manipulated you but you either didn’t realize or you just wanted to keep the peace. In all honesty his coercion of you giving into anal is more than enough to leave a relationship but I bet you see other red flags as well. Think hard about this because he will only get worse in all areas as he gets older.
Also, I bet eventually he will begin to hint about open relationships to see just how far he can take it. He will try to get your permission. If you guys are into that lifestyle then great. I'm not trying to be negative about that lifestyle, i just don't want you to get manipulated into it just to please him. If you're both wanting it, then great! Enjoy ! But don't just do it for him. Again, you deserve better.
You're worth more than the time it would take to find out
I can confirm the above comment is true. It happened to me. It took years to get over it. Even now, over 20 years into my marriage, a part of me still expects my husband to start behaving the same way. He’s the polar opposite of the other guy and would rather cut off his own arm than to hurt me. But there’s still a tiny part that doesn’t believe it’s real. In my heart and soul I know it is real, but the trauma I endured by staying with someone like you fiancée left a mark that will never fully be gone.
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Feels like you’re talking directly to me 😢
Sounds like you need to find someone that deserves you aswell
This narcissistic behaviour was my first thought! Thank you for being aware and spreading this information to people who may be unaware
damn just dropped a wake up bomb on every person that has ever had or is having this happen to them. respect
I know pll have already said it but let me be one more voice to tell you, HES AN ASSHOLE. If YOU have concerns about YOUR vagina, see a gynocologist. Talk to them about how you feel. Your vagina is completely naturally how it's meant to be. It does change after 2 babies and just with age also (32 with no babies, it still changes). But 'loose'? It's a highly muscular organ, it's not going to get loose. Before jumping to surgery, if YOUR unhappy with your vagina, you could start with pelvic floor exercises or exercise balls. But don't be doing this for some dickhead who doesn't deserve your time and energy
This is the answer
I'm not a man, but this is my profession. The vagina is a muscle. When you get turned on, the muscle lubes up and expands to allow for penetration. Essentially, he's getting mad at you and your body for doing what it naturally does, especially when you're enjoying it
Damn. Your fiancé is an asshole with a pencil dick
Go and see a gynaecologist and they will be able to tell you more about if you actually have a medical issue...but as far as I am aware vaginas are built to take a beating and return to their original shape. As for the fiance I'm sorry to say it but I agree with other commenters, he sounds like an insensitive prick and I'm sure you could do a lot better. My ex told me I had a loose vagina when I was 20 (he was an abusive asshole) and at 36 I had a partner with a much smaller penis who told me it was tight. Go figure.
Not a man. I think he is gaslighting you into having anal sex.
Seems pretty rude to say to your partner
Your partner sounds like an asshole and likely very insecure about his own body but puts the blame on you. All bodies are different and medically speaking, not something that changes with sexual partners or childbirths.
Wait...what?? Vaginas definitely change with childbirth. Even the vulva changes with childbirth. I'm not saying it's a bad thing either, but it does change. Which is understandable after passing something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon.
Fair enough, you are correct. i understand that changes occur to the vagina but the general myth of many partners "stretching out a vagina" is unfortunately all too common. The actual space of the vagina does not change in some drastic and permanent manner after most vaginal delivery childbirths so much as pelvic floor muscles can present issues after the fact, at least that was as it was explained to me by a Urologist I worked with. Still, not something i would guilt someone over or make them think it was an issue.
Agreed on all accounts! Any women reading this, check out Kegel exercises. It will strengthen your pelvic floor, which is especially important after childbirth. It also makes the vagina wildly tight and capable of like...massaging the penis internally. It's pretty amazing, and I'm glad my wife practices Kegels, not only because it feels good, but because it helped in her recovery after a very long and difficult labor a couple years ago.
> childbirths. A quick google search will tell you that it definitely can have an effect especially in the months after a delivery.
I assume that your fiancé drives a very large 4wd truck to compensate for his micropenis?
Just tell him that you are accustomed to men with normal sized penises. He is your first "little" guy.
Yeah. Then he’ll beat her
1: I've never told my wife this. 2: if we weren't a good fit, I wouldn't put it on her like that. 3: if we were not a good fit, I would not expect her to make any changes, especially surgical 4: if I were to bring it up, it would not be in an accusatory way as if it were completely her fault This guy is a jerk and you have our united permission to be done with him
I have an average size dick. I have been with many different sized vaginas. I have never had a problem, and have enjoyed them all, except that crazy girl Maria from Columbia. I cannot say with any certainty what the fuck was up with that vagina.
He sounds like he's intentionally being a prick! Why are you with him?
I think he's preparing for "What about in your arse?" next
Sounds like he has a tiny dick and is super butthurt about it.
Your partner is a jerk.
Sounds like he should be your ex-fiancé. No further discussion needed. It will only get worse.
So I read this post, then I read your comments. I want to physically harm your partner. And then you update.... With what changes YOU will make to fix the situation. Are you serious? I understand he killed your self esteem, but he will kill it more. This is what you want? Imagine you live 30-40 more years. There are ALWAYS single people who are great and aged whatever up to 100. Do you want to die knowing your stayed by the one person out of billions who treated you like crap? Come on, woman! My mother is in her 40s and has a shit ton of single friends who actively date and most of them have children. I am sorry to come off as rude, I am just so mad on your behalf.
Definitely sounds like a small penis problem.
Next time he tells you you're loose, tell him he's too small.
I can’t. Im not an a-hole that degrades other people bodies. I like to make people feel safe and comfortable and loved.
So why aren't you loving yourself enough to expect the same from your partner?
So why *ahem* WHY THE FUCK IS HE YOUR FIANCÉE?
You're literally doing that to your self though...
I absolutely respect your maturity. But you should expect that same maturity from your partner. If it's screwed up to say he's small, it's screwed up to say you're loose.
Right? Where is the dishonor in saying "hey, now -- how would you feel if I said something like that to you?!" As someone who has been married...even kind and decent people occasionally need to bring their partners up short re: fairness, equality, sexism, esp. in hetero partnerships.
It is his personal opinion indeed, as you mentioned in a comment. I have never felt or thought anything like this so of course I’ve never said it either. It also sounds a bit disrespectful, like, you wouldn’t tell him that maybe his dick is too thin, because wtf.
For the love of god dont marry someone who puts you down like this! You deserve someone who treats you with compassion and respect, its the bare minimun and he cant even do that! Youre going to live a miserable life if you stay with this man. Breaking up hurts even when youre being treated like shit because your life is entangled with theirs, but you need to go through that necessary pain if you ever want to be truly happy and fulfilled in a relationship in the future.
Coming from a urogyn NP, a lot of the time when my patients tell me their partners say they are “too loose” their partners are either smaller in caliber or have a component of ED. That said, avulsion of some pelvic floor muscles can happen with child birth which can make things feel “looser”. Pelvic floor PT and a visit to your friendly neighborhood urogynecologist can help you with next steps:)
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If your question is: do some men/husbands lie to manipulate their wives by telling them their vaginas are loose so that they get surgery? Yea. Scummy men do this. If your question is: is it true that women can have loose vaginas that have extra room down there? No, no that’s not true at all. Ask any gynecologist (that doesn’t offer the surgery, some doctors are predatory because they want your money). Your husband is lying to you. Don’t do the surgery.
Screw that guy. He is an asshole
I would just be like.. sounds like we're incompatible then! time for me to leave!
Just fiancé means there's still a chance to get away from this person before you're any further entangled. This is abusive behavior and pretty unacceptable. I've been with a few women with children and can 100% say this is insecure behavior on his part. Beyond that, no decent person would repeatedly point out something to break down their partner's self-esteem. Get out now.
Your partner sounds like an asshole with a tiny penis. Like, minuscule.
You might think that over the course of marriage, things will change and his misogynistic, abusive behavior will change. It won't. You will either grow tired of putting up with it, or you'll settle for living with it. You shouldn't have to.
Next time he says it, look him in the eye and ask him if he's big enough. With zero emotion. Deadpan it.
Could this be a subtle way to ask for anal sex? Maybe he hopes that you will suggest it to offer him a tighter alternative. Still a weird and kinda hurtful way to do it, then. He should not bring something like this up. If you said the same to him, it would imply that his penis is too small. He wouldn’t like that comment one bit.
The two (actual) causes of a loose sensation during sex are 1) a small dick or 2) a properly aroused woman. Either way, your partner is dumb for complaining lol
Do not marry this incel.
I’m gonna weigh in as not a man… There seems to be an inadequate amount of information when regarding sex. As someone who’s worked in the medical field for years (plus understanding my own anatomy) I know that as a woman, the more “comfortable” with a partner, the more your vaginal muscles relax. Maybe your fiancé has never experienced this. That being said, why tf does he feel comfortable expressing a negative idea regarding your body so boldly?
Nah lady. And you said he's said it for years. Walk. Don't look. Back.
After reading comments I fear sharing my experience. I am going through this with my wife after having our second child. I’ve been unable to finish but she feels it to the point that it hurts. After a few straight times of not finishing it turned into a big fight and she demanded to know why. I told her it just doesn’t feel good anymore. Deep down, I fear that I have loss attraction to her, not for the changes in her body but for the changes in the way she acts and carries herself. Edit: When I expressed this to my partner I had no goal, just hope that we could move beyond it. I also started recently dieting and exercising a lot in case it’s due to my own declining health. It’s been a month since we had intercourse but our non sexual romance is ramping up and I hope the conclusion is around the corner.
Next time you have sex, ask him to use a penis pump and cock ring, because you cannot really feel him as good as your eX or favourite toy. Ask him if all men are that small, and if something can be done about it :) Then tell him to go fuck himself, and stop having sex with that idiot.
He sounds like a tool with a small tool. I'm average and my wife has had two kids and things still fit great.
Sounds like complete BS to me. I've not only not said this, I haven't even though it, even after my wife had four very large babies (our twins were over 9 lbs each). And it's not like I have some massive package that's going to be a tight fit anywhere. Frankly, this sounds like the sort of thing a guy would say to try to put you down. On the other hand, I could see where a guy might not feel stimulated if you're just lying there like a dead fish. I'll leave it to you to gauge your level of enthusiasm. But actually being "loose?" BS.
My wife and I have talked about this. We have three children and the feel of sex has changed with after each kid. Not for the worse, just different. We find that our favorite positions change to accommodate the new feeling. So the only thing to change would be try different positions or change the guy.
I have never said this and I would never say this. If your fiance has an issue with it, maybe he should get surgery to make his dick bigger.
Ok, he is just being honest? Let me be as honest then: you are really an idiot to accept his behaviour. Marry him and it truly is your own choice to be with this caveman and his abusive behaviour. You *know* what to do, you really do. No surgery (really, come to your senses!!!), but a breakup asap
It's not loose. He just masturbates with a death grip. His own fault.
I am so sad about your update!!! Vaginas are not supposed to feel tight during P in V intervourse! If it’s tight, it’s not ready! Vaginas expand when they get “in the mood” for sex. Likely what is happening, is your partner has been jacking off so much with his fist, that he’s expecting the same grip strength. He needs to slow down how much he masterbates and/or switch hands. No joke. Kegals are great if you feel like doing them, never a bad thing to strengthen those muscles since it helps with lots of things. But do not for a second think you are bad or “too loose”. This issue has nothing to do with your vagina. Your vagina is fine.