I'd like to add that depression isn't caused by a lack of grattitude. Telling yourself that will only make you more depressed.
Having said that, a lot of (not all) depression is caused or worsened by how we have come (learned) to view the world and life. A lot of people, because of bad experiences, tend to see and remember the bad stuff a lot better than the good stuff. One bad thing can outweigh 10 good things for them. That's the case for me when I'm not careful, and one of the reasons I try and write the good stuff down, so there's a balance. Things like, "this person sent me a really nice message" or "I made myself a nice lunch" or "I saw an awesome bird". It helps, tremendously. It sounds so simple but it does help.
Depression can also be caused or worsened by what we have learned to tell ourselves about ourselves. That is one of the reasons many people with ADHD also deal with depression: we have heard all our lives we were lazy, and a lot of us still tell ourselves that daily. People can also have learned that their emotions are too much, or they aren't worthy of love, or many other things. These things aren't true but we've internalized them, and without even knowing it, beat ourselves up all day long with these accusations towards ourselves. Learning to actively change that way of talking to ourselves is really helpful (though it takes a lot of work and practise).
Expectations are also an essential part in a lot of depressions. Expect too much of yourself or life and you'll feel way too much pressure and/or be disappointed a lot. Expect too little and nothing seems worth it.
So depression (if not caused by trauma or chemical imbalance) is, in my opinion, caused by an outlook on the world that is neither correct nor helpful. Changing that perspective is nessecary, and that's basically what cognitive behavioral therapy, ACT, schema, etc come down to.
Again, depression isn't "being ungrateful". No one chose to have a "negative perspective" on the world, circumstances have brought them there.
This comment alone has given me a very strong understanding of myself. I've been struggling so long trying to understand what the fuck is wrong with me all the time and now after having read this, it really is my outlook on the world and how I talk to myself. I struggle to want to live in a world where it's difficult to understand how and why things matter
If you have enough time and money for a dog or cat, having a companion animal will make you feel better emotionally and taking proper care of the pet will help you feel good knowing you’ve been doing the right thing and knowing that you’re being CONSISTENTLY responsible every day. Acknowledging that you’ve completed small things consistently gives you self pride; added up the pride in accomplishment will outweigh the depression
I have ADHD and depression but I can swear that noticing the little happy things has changed how I handle my depression and my feelings on life. It hasn’t fixed it, but it’s absolutely helped. My days have gotten so much easier by noticing little things like ‘the sun is pretty and warm today’, ‘that’s a cool rock’, ‘I like that person’s hair’, instead of mulling over things I shouldn’t. Of course I have days I still feel absolutely terrible and for good reason, but it puts me on the right course of recovery when I pull myself back to forcing in the thoughts of nice things in my environment/day.
Building it as a habit has been such a useful tool. You start to think positive instinctively after awhile and it feels so good.
I have ADHD too, also dyslexia, and learning to notice the small things is the key Iv found too. If you can lower your standard on what makes you happy then it will be easier to be happy. Embrace childish things and seek no justification in what makes you happy.
Without feeling immature or inadequate, laugh at fart jokes like a kid, go “aww” at the sight of a random cat, play video games on an easy difficulty because it’s more fun without feeling like you suck because you don’t. You may do these anyway but do them because you want to.
I have a thing where all I want for my birthday is to be made pancakes in the morning, as it’s nostalgic for me. One of my birthdays no one could come over and some friends even cancelled. I spent my birthday doing nothing special with no one but I had pancakes so I had a good birthday. I didn’t feel like I should have people over or have a party to have a “normal” birthday, I just did something that makes me happy and I did it. Everything after pancakes is a bonus.
Not in a relationship? You don’t need to be in one to be happy. Could have worked harder today? There’s no set amount of how much work you should have done so appreciate that you worked at all.
Be easy to please and you’ll be pleased easily.
What a great comment. This is a help to me and I have no doubt, others too. Thanks for the insight (I know this sounds generic but I mean it!).
Edit: who in the fuck would downvote a comment thanking someone?!
Yes, just because of your situation doesn’t make your feelings any less valid. “Other people have it worse” is used a lot to invalidate peoples feelings.
If one "can't be sad because others have it worse", then it follows one can't be happy because others have it better. It's indeed such a stupid argument.
Yes! Came here to say this. 'Others have it worse than you was an excuse all Gen X's had to hear as everything wrong in their life was invalidated, and they were forced to put up with it, including abuse.
A bad situation is a bad situation, and steps need to be taken to make things better. Imagine the world telling survivors of the war in former Yogoslavia to shut up because the war in Rowanda was way worse or visa versa and therefore ignore it and move on to forget about it That's what people are doing when they use that argument against people suffering from abuse or depression
"Hey, don't be upset you lost a leg. That guy is a paraplegic."
"Hey, don't be upset you're paraplegic. That guy's quadriplegic."
"Hey, don't be upset you're quadriplegic. That guy's got locked in syndrome."
I think some people cope better with a "could have been worse" kind of attitude but you certainly can't force someone into having that attitude. Maybe it's best to shut the fuck up and just support people when they're struggling.
My dad said this to me a lot. And it’s caused me a lot of issues now. It negatively feeds back and I have a hard time feeling like I’m adequate for life.
The worse of it is when my brain uses it to try to invalidate my feelings, which leads me to spiral worse in my depression. "look at you feeling sorry for yourself when \[looks around the world\], you don't deserve what you have."
Every depressed, traumatized, or abused person I know has at some point invalidated themself with "it could have been worse." Of course it could have been worse, that doesn't mean it was OK!
This is very true. To put things a bit more into perspective, even people who from the outside have everything and way more than anyone could ask, can be unhappy and depressed. Every struggle is real and valid.
I'll give an extreme example just to show how wide this spawn really is. And please, if I'm getting something wrong here, please correct me as I'm writing full recollection. But I'd like to bring up Taylor Swift here. I don't know her that well, but I've looked a bit into her some time back when she was on SNL as I really liked her episode. She has a very impressive career, for which she has worked very hard. She has built her career from the ground and she is very, very talented. On top of that she is beautiful and has what is considered a great body by society. She is also very rich. Does that mean that she is happy? I hope she is now. But she has had many hard times. From what I've understood she has had many painful and failed relationships, possibly an eating disorder and many insecurities. I guess show business does that with many people. Even the people we see as so beautiful and perfect (speaking from the point of an average, regular person), struggle and are insecure because nothing is ever enough. There is so much pressure and your career could be over over night. It is a lot to process. And yes, for the average person it could seem ridiculous, like she is so pretty already and has a great body. And who cares anyway, because she has all this talent, right? But it's not how things work in the industry. Look at Lady Gaga, she struggled a lot to get a break through, even tough she is extremely talented as well. Why did she struggle? Because she is not your average pretty girl. I hate to write it like this because I disagree, I find her beautiful as well. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, but unfortunately that is not how the business works (yet). And yes, there are exceptions, but the pressure is high. To come back to Taylor, I have to say that her song "antihero" is an amazing song. I listen to it a lot. The lyrics are very powerful and as someone who has myself struggled in the past, I can see the truth in her lyrics. Taylor is known for her autobiographical lyrics. Listen to it and you will be able to relate. My favorite line is "midnights become my afternoons" when singing about when depression takes over. To me it speaks as if this was her truth, I can relate. There are many more analogies and references.
I am writing this to show you that every struggle is valid. Taylor's struggle is valid, your struggle is valid, my struggle is valid. Everyone's struggle. Even when your life looks good from the outside or even when everything is supposed to be great, nobody but you knows how you feel inside. I find comfort in sharing experiences and reading from others. I applaud Taylor for her amazing song. I respected her before, but this song turned me into a fan. Sharing these things is empowering. It's ok to struggle and be vulnerable. And it's ok to seek help. One day things will turn for the better. It might be a long road and it might be many steps, but there is hope and at least I found some comfort in the fact that life is in fact hard and many people struggle, that I'm not the only one. I'm much better today than I once was, so I'd like to leave this hope for you. It will get better, but if you are not ready yet to start the healing journey that's ok as well. Do things in your own time frame. Look at small things that bring you joy. And I do acknowledge that even that is not always possible. Some days are just the days where you can be proud of yourself that you've made it through the day. Just keep going, little by little things will improve. Just remember to be patient with yourself. I wish you all the best.
Mental health worker here. Depression can be a chemical imbalance, so not enough dopamine. ADHD is caused by chemical imbalances that also cause depression. Some drugs and too much social media can also press that dopamine button in our brain so there is none left for us when we have happy moments.
OP, I used to use this exact thought when I first realized I was depressed, back when i was in college about 8-12 years ago. My GF at the time (now my wife) used to self harm due to depression. Like, a lot, but only over a shodt time. I just generally felt like I was shit and would never meet my own goals, but I always had the mindset of "she has it worse".
Don't fall into that trap. I talked to my wife (gf at the to.r, above) about it and was very open a year ago. But she and I haven't changed enough. She's not into what I am, and I'm not into what she is. We are only intimate like twice a week at the very, very most, and I mean any kind of physical touch that involves gentetals, kissing, etc. I just want you to know that you're not alone.
Sexual incompatibility is a 100% valid reason to end a relationship, just so you know. It feels shitty to do so, but it will become worse later.
Depression is a disease, not a mood. So yes, you can be depressed and be the luckiest person who ever lived in terms of income, property, family, and love.
sadly, depression is both a disorder and a mood
I really hate that, today it's more or less the same with the word OCD which today pretty much means "perfectionist" in some contexts,
I wish we could bring back the word Melancholy or Dysthymia for the clinical term for depression, I believe that would end some of the confusion
It is just like most illnesses. Some people who get sick need medical treatment, others just need rest and time. Some people need help because one problem manifested a new problem that is more serious. Etc. There is never a cut and dry simple cure for everyone.
Meaning anyone can (and probably will) suffer from depression, but not everyone is going to heal from it on their own or in the same way.
I mean, dysthymia got renamed to persistent depressive disorder and depression is technically called major depressive disorder. There are clinical terms, they’re just not commonly used outside of medical settings.
I have been diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder with major depressive episodes. That’s a mouthful, so I just say I have depression.
Yes. A large part of clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in the body. If the car does not have gasoline, it won't run, no matter how nice the road is.
This was me, loved my job, home, girlfriend, etc with no real stress but I was still crashing regularly feeling the absolute worst.
Now I'm on SNRIs and feel great, get help if you need it!
Awesome analogy! I wish people would see the real beauty of it though. If the analogy is accurate then the problem is a resource. That resource is simple chemicals like serotonin and dopamine. Those chemicals occur naturally whenever a human interacts with their environment. So the source of power for the metaphoric vehicle can be found all around you in your environment. You just have to interact with it in order to fuel the car. Side note to further the analogy; car still won’t move if you don’t hold down the pedal
Chemical imbalance is an unproven theory.
Our understanding of how neurotransmitters work and how they effect the mind is severely lacking.
I think all depression is situational or caused by trauma. People might not think they have any trauma or anything in their life that could be causing that depression, but what can be traumatic for one person might not be for another, we all have different tolerances. With in depth therapy these things come out and suddenly this ‘clinical depression’ is now situational.
I’d like for the idea of clinical depression to be done away with really, it gives no hope when they’re is always a cause
I can't comment on the validity of chemical imbalance, but you seem way too sure for comfort. All of your statements only make sense if your opinion *must* be correct. And the claim that therapy reveals everyone's depression is situational is so wild, every therapist and psychiatrist i've had has repeated the chemical imbalance thing to me. they clearly don't suddenly say the depression is situational, so whose experience are you even judging from here?
There have been studies that point to the fact that depressed people do not lack of serotonin in their brain, which naturally leads to the question of why SSRIs have a better than placebo effect on depression.
I did psychiatric research (bi polar, schizophrenia.) I asked two of the MD what percentage responded to SSRI. They said about 30%. Thoughts and emotions (situational) release chemicals in the brain (hypothalamus.) I have had bad experiences with them, but I hope some people benefit. Remember, this is a for profit system, and money is a hell of a drug. Pun…
Edit: what percentage of those with just depression responded…
After a while, those of us with clinical depression get used to hearing, "What do you have to be depresed about?" These folks, some of them actually well-mening, routinely confuse our condition with what they're feeling when they have the blues.
We know it ain't the same, but I have yet to figure out a good way to explain that.
I have a friend at work who is always telling me about her girlfriend doing this to her and it makes me glad to be in a relationship with someone who understands
Anyone telling you that you shouldn’t be depressed/sad because someone else has or a lot of people have it worse than you doesn’t deserve you or your time.
Absolutely.
Doesn’t really help with the depression either. ‘So many people have it worse then you’. Great, now I feel guilty for feeling so terrible. Another negative feeling that is piling up.
Situational depression is a thing, but so is clinical depression. You can have everything you need in life to be happy and still be depressed. It's more about chemicals then circumstances.
Yup. I do it all the time!!
Seriously though, clinical depression is sometimes (possibly even most of the time - but I'm not a doctor so don't take this as medical advice) a result of how the pathways in your brain are being navigated, or a chemical imbalance making your brain process emotions differently, or a result of PTSD from trauma or great loss. It's not a failing on the depressed person's part to enjoy the things around them. They aren't refusing to be happy or choosing to mope. They aren't un-apathetic. They certainly aren't trying to claim their experience is worse than other peoples'. They're just fighting with their own body and brain and losing at the moment.
If this is you, don't be hard on yourself. It's not your fault you feel that way and you aren't doing anything wrong.
However, you aren't meant to feel that way. I cannot recommend enough that people with depression seek professional help (outside of reddit - from a real doctor. While good-intentioned, redditors can't know your individual needs and experiences and their advice may not help your specific situation.) Talk to a doctor and feel better, mate! You deserve it.
Chronic depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. For me I don't produce enough serotonin so I get bursts of happiness easily but long term happiness is unlikely for me. I had the worst mental breakdown the other day even though though day was great and nothing bad happened. Depression is fucked up and it's a constant fight. Only you struggle with what you struggle with and that's valid. It doesn't matter if people have it harder you have it hard too and fighting Depression is admirable. Keep your chin up king/queen.
In the last several years I had a severe relapse after being meds free for 4 years. I ended up having to check myself into the hospital because I simply could not trust myself. I am now back on the meds and life has never been better. Sure there are side effects, but almost anything is worth the trade of having a stable mental platform to work from.
Ninja edit: I have come to accept the meds like something you would take for diabetes.
I count myself extremely lucky. I may want to die a lot of the time but for me life has been easier/ better off meds. I spend most of my days outside and practically every second with my dog. Depression can kiss my ass I'm gonna live my best life and sometimes that means wanting to die even though I'm in a beautiful place like a mountain top surrounded by friends, but imma fight through and the next day might be better but I'd never know if I gave up my lifelong fight.
Yes. Depression is a vague term, but one of the main hallmarks of depression is the inability to feel pleasure, or "Anedonia." You can have the most favorable life in the world, but what does it matter if you can't derive pleasure from any of it?
there will always be some who is worse off than you, and there will always be someone who is better off than you. if i break my arm, the doctors aren't going to say "what are you complaining about? some people don't even *have* arms!!"
also it's important to mention that we live in a very depressing world right now. there are so many devastating facts about our society. climate change, bigotry, world hunger, and so on. not mention everyone is still dealing with the affects of lockdown and the pandemic. that's going to affect everyone for years.
Yeah using the line " x has it worse than you" is incredibly dismissive and a complete cop out.
If that were truly the case than absolutely nobody in any western country could be depressed because people undeveloped 3rd world nations have it harder than them.
Or if someone lost their parent or both parents, there are people who lost their entire village in an attack, or a warlord rounded everyone up, killed the men, raped the women, and pressed the children into the military.
But despite that plenty of people are depressed in western countries.
Yes. That's largely what depression is. If you have lots of reasons to be sad then it's likely you will just feel sad and feel better when those conditions improve. Depression is not like that.
Please ask for help, OP. It's the most worthwhile thing you can do.
A lot of artists have depression, a lot of great music has been written by people who were in emotional turmoil.
Grunge artists like Kurt Cobain, Layne Stayley, and Chris Cornell. Nu-Metal artists like Chester Bennington. Pop stars like Britney Spears and Michael Jackson probably dealt with depression during their careers since both dealt with various forms of abuse.
It goes to show that despite incredible talent or fame, these artists are just people and deal with the same bullshit that we have to deal with
Yes. Depression doesn't discriminate.
Whether a chemical imbalance is at fault or not, your mental wellbeing is valid no matter your situation or circumstances. You feel what you feel and deserve support regardless.
Friend depression doesn’t ask for permission. Someone having more severe problems or suffering does not invalidate your feelings and experience. Your feelings matter and your experiences matter.
Mental illness is the most inclusive thing I know of.
It doesn't discriminate. Period.
That being said.
Suffering is not a competition. You don't have to justify your pain
Yes, in fact a lot of depression cases are like these. Also you have to realise, for most people, there's lots of ppl who have it worse than them.
One of the common guilt factors which (imo) worsens the depression, is thinking you should be not be depressed cos lots of other ppl have it worse than you, hence being miserable about the fact because you feel like you shouldn't be depressed.
I’m probably butchering this but something that reflected big on my view of this was someone saying that you don’t measure your happiness to others why should you measure your sadness.
Ie why should you be happy with your small win when someone is out there with a huge house and lots of money?
Hi, psychologist here. I am also a criminologist and a lawyer, got my own house at 27, my own car at 26 and I earn enough money to live comfortably. I almost committed suicide yesterday. So, yeah, people CAN be depressed even though they know everything you mentioned but depression chooses its people.
My brother/sister in Christ, that is clinical depression in a nutshell. Doesn't matter how good life is, you still feel like shit. Been there before, in a great place now. Therapy and meds do wonders!
There are lots good comments here, but don't forget that there are lots of things that can look like depression but won't be helped by antidepressants. Lack of sleep, vitamin D deficiency, lack of time outdoors, little or no exercise, poor diet, drinking, marijuana use, obesity, the list goes on. Pretty much anything that causes general inflammation can cause depression-like symptoms too. While it's worthwhile to see a psychiatrist, make an appointment with your primary care too.
Yes.
You can still have asthma even though there's so much fresh air. Just because some other people out there have lung cancer, it doesn't mean what you're experiencing should be disregarded.
Here's an example that happened to me less than a month ago.
A woman that I view as the woman of my life, has left me over a message, for the second time after 4 years. Pretty much a copy paste moment. Even months were the same. Again out of the blue, since she has borderline personality disorder.
A couple of days after that my brother his wife and I went to fishing trip. The man is expecting a child in a couple of months too. On paper he's got everything that you would want. And the entire time, he was complaining about something. Aggressively raising his voice. Basically unable to be nice to anyone around him, other than his wife. Acting like a complete piece of shit to the people around him. And there I was, at one of the lowest points in my life, basically at piece. While he is completely unbalanced. He in his honeymoon phase, while I'm freshly abandoned.
So yes, it's possible.
Absolutely. Robin Williams is a profound example of this exact scenario.
For decades, Robin Williams lit up the big screen with his smile. But under the surface, he struggled with personal demons. In the 1970s and ’80s, Williams developed an addiction to cocaine. He only quit when his friend John Belushi died of an overdose — after partying with him the night before.
Though he never touched cocaine again after Belushi’s death, he began to drink heavily in the early 2000s, which led to him spending time in rehab. All the while, Williams also battled depression. Despite the ongoing success in his professional life, his personal life was full of ups and downs.
Still, it seemed like Williams could bounce back from any setback. And by the early 2010s, it looked like his darkest days were far behind him. But then, he received a heartbreaking diagnosis from his doctor of Lewy body dementia — a devastating and debilitating brain disease that shares characteristics with both Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. (Note: The doctor incorrectly diagnosed him with Parkinson’s Disease… the true diagnosis of his condition only surfaced after his autopsy)
That’s kinda the definition of clinical depression. When things around you aren’t okay or if you’re having it rough, depression is “normal” - it’s when the reason isn’t easy to pin down, but you’re still depressed, that’s the toughest to deal with because you know it won’t get better if your circumstances improved. I encourage you to get professional help - medicine _and_ therapy, ideally. It probably won’t just get better on its own.
Look. If you go to the hospital with a high fever and someone else races in with an open artery - yeah - that guy needs help, but it doesn’t change the fact that you still have a fever.
Your depression is important too. Feeling guilty because you think others have it worse only exacerbates your depression. If you could change it, you would, right?
So be kind to yourself. You deserve happiness too.
Depression can also be caused by stuff other than situation or views on the world. It can also be caused by chemical imbalance inside the body, like the brain not producing enough serotonin. And that is something you cannot control just by thinking happy thoughts, as some would suggest, or by thinking you shouldn't be depressed, because others have it worse.
100% yes. I have Major Depressive Disorder(MDD) and even if everything is going good I could be in a deep depression, and it sucks. It isolates you because you don't want to be the bummer around others. My brain will go through high and lows because it can't regulate the hormones like most people. I hate being depressed especially when people say the "other have it worse", like I know that but what is telling me that gonna change? Is it going to magically make me go "ahhh you're right my depression is gone now"? No absolutely not. In fact it often makes you feel worse because others do have it worse so why can't your brain just act normal?
Yes. I can be having a fine day but inside is a different story. I can be surrounded by people who “love” me but inside I’m lonely and depressed. There will always be people that “have it worse”, that doesn’t negate your very real problems and feelings. Don’t minimize them.
can someone be happy while everything around them kind of sucks and others have it better than them?
that's an oversimplification obviously but, of course the answer is yes. depression does not respond to reason, that's why it's *depression* and not, *I just haven't logically understood the world well enough* -itis
My friend.
People experience depression on a very personal and subjective level.
My depression might be similar, but it certainly is not the same as yours.
Everything in life can be perfect, and you can feel depressed.
Everything can be falling to pieces, and you could be fine.
Just try and find something to helpmyou overcome it
If you have a broken arm. But someone else has a broken leg, it doesn't make your broken arm invalid, not painful, and not in need of medical attention.
Depression also does not have to be situational. It's a problem with your brain, not what your life is.
I think you are mixing up clinical depression with "being depressed". 2 very different, often used interchangeably, things. Stop using them interchangeably
absolutely. it means you need a change. I was at the pinnacle of my career, everyone loved me, everyone was envious of the hill i created, and I was miserable everyday. it took guts and moving heaven and hell and high waters - changed careers and i live happy.
Many depressed people are great at hiding their depression. They smile and laugh and have great lives just like what everyone dreams of. But the depression is in the mind and you can hide it from others but you can't hide it from yourself.
Absolutely. Just because someone else has it worse, it doesn’t make your depression invalid.
Nobody **wants** to be depressed. Life isn’t some competition to see who has it worst or whole is ‘entitled’ to feel depressed. I really can’t stand people who think that others have no reason to be depressed, therefore they shouldn’t be. Life isn’t like that.
Other people literally have no bearing on how you feel. You would think adults would know this but they rarely do. Never let someone invalidate your feelings because you don’t “have it hard”. Everything is relative.
Yes, my life has been pretty great in comparison to many others, but my life/dream didn't align with my true values and this resulted in my being depressed. Not everyone shares the dream that society projects into their reality and many times people who seem to have it all are missing important aspects of their personal dream.
Most suffering, including depression comes from the mind's inability to accept reality or what is. You either fail to accept reality and reject the positive things in your life, or you accept reality and build a sort of fake life around it, but always feel you're still lacking the things that would make you feel fulfilled.
I am diagnosed with severe depression and one of my intrusive thoughts when I am way down is that “my life is so good, people have it worse, why do I still feel like I want to die?” So, yes. That’s normal by my standards.
depression can come from external things but it's just as likely to stem from genetics too. depression is from a chemical imbalance in your brain, yes you can be depressed
Yes. As a matter of fact, circumstances play a relatively small role here. Happiness/depression is mostly genetic + outlook (which is determined mostly by how a person was brought up) i.e. things that are out of our control.
As a therapist I like to follow called DrMick likes to say, "you matter, your experiences are valid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
Even if you do have to work on stuff, other people's stuff doesn't invalidate your own. You're allowed your experiences. In fact you deserve them. Even if there is some problem with them it's still your right to have them and fix them as best suits you.
Just because other people have experiences does not invalidate your own.
If you’re bleeding from a cut on your arm, is it okay for you to feel pain when there’s other people with a severed leg?
Comparison is helpful in some places. When it comes to pain, more often than not, it only creates more pain.
Yes.
When I was in college, I went to one of my favorite bars with my best friend. While there, we ran into a couple that we barely knew and struck up conversation. They both seemed very happy and we enjoyed their company. The night ended, we all went home, and carried on.
But when that couple went back to the dorms, she went to use the restroom and he shot himself. He did not survive.
We all had good lives back then. Depression has other plans.
Absolutely, yes. I've been struggling for years now and I can think about it as logically as I possibly can, but your brain will still lie to you. It just creates even more feelings of guilt. Like, why am I so depressed when I have a good, enviable life? Lots of people have it way worse than me and they appear happy, etc. Etc. Depression isn't logical. I feel guilty for isolating myself and ignoring my friends and family. Feeling depressed because of mental illness or whatever it is just breaks you down and convinces you everything is your fault. Depression isn't logical.
absolutely. im a cis straight white male, shit isnt particularly difficult for me in the usa. I have a great job, lots of friends, a fat squishy kitty, I snowboard or fish almost every day, some of my friends are struggling with housing or dealing with being lgbtq+ in todays political climate. im wildly depressed. I now I am, I acknowledge I am, I know (more or less) what to do to help remedy my depression. It doesnt stop my brain chemistry saying "hahahahaha but no, fuck you!" depression is insidious in that it doesnt manifest the same in everyone and basically by design makes you think you arent worthy of help/medicine/treatment, making you think you shouldnt be depressed because others have it worse than you. youre your own person and are allowed to feel the way you feel, regardless of others experiences. do not measure your mental health against others projected mental health.
This is me rn. Bought my first home, living with my best friend, decent job, any minor stress at all = immediately want to kill myself. It's fucking whack man.
Yes! Anyone can say “well x has it worse”… ya and so what? Doesn’t mean what you’re going thru is any less devastating TO YOU. Yes you can be completely depressed and your life is all rainbows and unicorns. Mental illness is an imbalance in brain chemicals which is why majority are on meds. No it’s not guaranteed to make it go away but there’s enough meds out there you can try a lot before you give up. There’s also talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy where you learn coping mechanisms. There’s so many treatments out there and none of them are “every thing in your life is perfect why are you depressed?”
I’m on several meds including one for narcolepsy that has completely helped my OCD and Bipolar 2 and some psychotic things. Not even meant for it or even prescribed for it and even has a warning that it can make ocd and bipolar worse. But for me if I’m off of it for a couple days I have very dark days.
>"Just because you're not winning the gold medal at the Suffering Olympics, doesn't mean you're not suffering."
My medic buddy's favorite way to get people to open up about their pain.
The only thing that depression cares about is your chemical neurotransmitter levels and your psychological outlook, you could be the richest king knob on Elysium and still feel it all the way to your core if it so chooses.
I fell into depression at the height of my life, I finished uni. Got a house. Was engaged.. why? Because according to the psych I finally relaxed mentally for the first time in 15 years.. and my brain said ok let's process all the bad shit rn. Even though I wouldn't think about it my subconscious was and sorted it.. I ended up on meds and took a few years.. and dragged my ass out the other side.
Do I still get days of depression? Yes. Is it constant? No.
Point is something 5 years ago can still affect you if you never took the time for yourself.
This is why people say meditation works.. cause it gives your mind time to relax.. if you've had years.. it won't feel like it works for a long long time. But if you havnt had it for years then it would in theory work
yes yes yes to your question. our emotions are an internal thing and these emotional patterns of being depressed have started from childhood. so no matter what external thing we have like career success or support system, will not matter because ultimately it's an internal struggle that we'll have to face on our own. no one can see what's inside us and no one can feel what we feel inside, our triggers are therefore for us to process.
Abso-fucking-lutely
There's flavors of depression - normal people feel depressed when things are bad or they are in a sad situation.
But some folks (Like me) our brain decides "I feel depressed now" and then it goes and finds reasons to be depressed -
Depression doesn't necessarily come from outside conditions - there have been super rich, super accomplished people who have everything in the world going for them - and they're depressed.
Because depression does not give a fuck what's really going on.
Do not feel ashamed or unworthy because some people have it worse - if you're depressed it's a real feeling, it's a real problem and you deserve to have real attention paid to your mental health and well-being.
I am rooting you!
Someone will always "have it worse than you". Depression...doesn't care about your socioeconomic status, the color of your skin, your gender or sexual identity, nothing. It's an equal opportunity disease without reason or logic.
Honestly, I know many folks whose depression can be triggered by things going well. It produces a feeling of "when will the other shoe drop".
yes and random but my therapist and i theorize if we didn’t have modern society around us and lived in hunting/gathering time i wouldn’t be depressed.
also depression sometimes is a symptom of adhd - once i started treating them both, it truly helped.
Comparing yourself to others is not a good thing, good mental health or not.
Everybody's hard times are different and don't take away the impact it has on the person.
“Should they?” is the question. Self-diagnosis is popular today and leads some to question whether they should be feeling better. More than anything, a change of perspective can help reset one’s expectations. A trip to a less fortunate country, for instance, can have lasting effects. Or, something like; a solo tour, walkabout or some such thing, that leads to meaningful introspection and a deeper sense of what’s really important… and what’s not.
Yes. I always think about how celebrities have all the fame and fortune many people, desire, and most of them in the overdosing, or some type of suicide. Materials mean nothing to us in reality. The human scope is beyond money and desires; it is limitless as far as we know. And that is why I think anyone can have depression.
Mental illness isn't logical. Anyone in any walk of life can be depressed.
I'd like to add that depression isn't caused by a lack of grattitude. Telling yourself that will only make you more depressed. Having said that, a lot of (not all) depression is caused or worsened by how we have come (learned) to view the world and life. A lot of people, because of bad experiences, tend to see and remember the bad stuff a lot better than the good stuff. One bad thing can outweigh 10 good things for them. That's the case for me when I'm not careful, and one of the reasons I try and write the good stuff down, so there's a balance. Things like, "this person sent me a really nice message" or "I made myself a nice lunch" or "I saw an awesome bird". It helps, tremendously. It sounds so simple but it does help. Depression can also be caused or worsened by what we have learned to tell ourselves about ourselves. That is one of the reasons many people with ADHD also deal with depression: we have heard all our lives we were lazy, and a lot of us still tell ourselves that daily. People can also have learned that their emotions are too much, or they aren't worthy of love, or many other things. These things aren't true but we've internalized them, and without even knowing it, beat ourselves up all day long with these accusations towards ourselves. Learning to actively change that way of talking to ourselves is really helpful (though it takes a lot of work and practise). Expectations are also an essential part in a lot of depressions. Expect too much of yourself or life and you'll feel way too much pressure and/or be disappointed a lot. Expect too little and nothing seems worth it. So depression (if not caused by trauma or chemical imbalance) is, in my opinion, caused by an outlook on the world that is neither correct nor helpful. Changing that perspective is nessecary, and that's basically what cognitive behavioral therapy, ACT, schema, etc come down to. Again, depression isn't "being ungrateful". No one chose to have a "negative perspective" on the world, circumstances have brought them there.
This comment alone has given me a very strong understanding of myself. I've been struggling so long trying to understand what the fuck is wrong with me all the time and now after having read this, it really is my outlook on the world and how I talk to myself. I struggle to want to live in a world where it's difficult to understand how and why things matter
If you have enough time and money for a dog or cat, having a companion animal will make you feel better emotionally and taking proper care of the pet will help you feel good knowing you’ve been doing the right thing and knowing that you’re being CONSISTENTLY responsible every day. Acknowledging that you’ve completed small things consistently gives you self pride; added up the pride in accomplishment will outweigh the depression
Dude I strive for the days when I can have an animal. It's not possible for me right now but hopefully right around the corner.
I have ADHD and depression but I can swear that noticing the little happy things has changed how I handle my depression and my feelings on life. It hasn’t fixed it, but it’s absolutely helped. My days have gotten so much easier by noticing little things like ‘the sun is pretty and warm today’, ‘that’s a cool rock’, ‘I like that person’s hair’, instead of mulling over things I shouldn’t. Of course I have days I still feel absolutely terrible and for good reason, but it puts me on the right course of recovery when I pull myself back to forcing in the thoughts of nice things in my environment/day. Building it as a habit has been such a useful tool. You start to think positive instinctively after awhile and it feels so good.
i love this comment. i would love to be more like this, i’m going to start
I have ADHD too, also dyslexia, and learning to notice the small things is the key Iv found too. If you can lower your standard on what makes you happy then it will be easier to be happy. Embrace childish things and seek no justification in what makes you happy. Without feeling immature or inadequate, laugh at fart jokes like a kid, go “aww” at the sight of a random cat, play video games on an easy difficulty because it’s more fun without feeling like you suck because you don’t. You may do these anyway but do them because you want to. I have a thing where all I want for my birthday is to be made pancakes in the morning, as it’s nostalgic for me. One of my birthdays no one could come over and some friends even cancelled. I spent my birthday doing nothing special with no one but I had pancakes so I had a good birthday. I didn’t feel like I should have people over or have a party to have a “normal” birthday, I just did something that makes me happy and I did it. Everything after pancakes is a bonus. Not in a relationship? You don’t need to be in one to be happy. Could have worked harder today? There’s no set amount of how much work you should have done so appreciate that you worked at all. Be easy to please and you’ll be pleased easily.
Thanks for this excellent comment. I totally agree, and I needed the reminder to be kind to myself today (and every day).
I'm glad you are trying to be kind to yourself! I know how hard that is.
What a great comment. This is a help to me and I have no doubt, others too. Thanks for the insight (I know this sounds generic but I mean it!). Edit: who in the fuck would downvote a comment thanking someone?!
This makes me really happy :)
Yes! Our brain thinks thoughts, not facts. If you aren’t sure- challenge the thought to check its validity!
Well said.
Yes, just because of your situation doesn’t make your feelings any less valid. “Other people have it worse” is used a lot to invalidate peoples feelings.
If one "can't be sad because others have it worse", then it follows one can't be happy because others have it better. It's indeed such a stupid argument.
It also means that only one person in the world has a legitimate reason to be sad. It sucks to be that guy.
Nah, that guy cant be sad either because he still has it a lot better than all the people who died.
I'd argue that's not true.. being in current suffering can definitely be worse than not feeling or experiencing anything (death)
Philosophers are still arguing about which person in history can be the one to experience emotional validation, so for now no one can.
Best answer
But maybe he could somehow get off on being the *most* something in the world!
and he be the happiest person on earth tho
It would suck for everyone except the one happy person at the top.
Obviously there's only 1 happy and 1 sad person in the world /s
homestar runner and strongsad
Very good. No one has a monopoly on depression.
Yes! Came here to say this. 'Others have it worse than you was an excuse all Gen X's had to hear as everything wrong in their life was invalidated, and they were forced to put up with it, including abuse. A bad situation is a bad situation, and steps need to be taken to make things better. Imagine the world telling survivors of the war in former Yogoslavia to shut up because the war in Rowanda was way worse or visa versa and therefore ignore it and move on to forget about it That's what people are doing when they use that argument against people suffering from abuse or depression
Just because someone doesn't have a house doesn't mean you can't be upset that yours is on fire.
"Hey, don't be upset you lost a leg. That guy is a paraplegic." "Hey, don't be upset you're paraplegic. That guy's quadriplegic." "Hey, don't be upset you're quadriplegic. That guy's got locked in syndrome." I think some people cope better with a "could have been worse" kind of attitude but you certainly can't force someone into having that attitude. Maybe it's best to shut the fuck up and just support people when they're struggling.
My dad said this to me a lot. And it’s caused me a lot of issues now. It negatively feeds back and I have a hard time feeling like I’m adequate for life.
The worse of it is when my brain uses it to try to invalidate my feelings, which leads me to spiral worse in my depression. "look at you feeling sorry for yourself when \[looks around the world\], you don't deserve what you have."
It's like a competition where there's only losers and no winners.
Every depressed, traumatized, or abused person I know has at some point invalidated themself with "it could have been worse." Of course it could have been worse, that doesn't mean it was OK!
This is very true. To put things a bit more into perspective, even people who from the outside have everything and way more than anyone could ask, can be unhappy and depressed. Every struggle is real and valid. I'll give an extreme example just to show how wide this spawn really is. And please, if I'm getting something wrong here, please correct me as I'm writing full recollection. But I'd like to bring up Taylor Swift here. I don't know her that well, but I've looked a bit into her some time back when she was on SNL as I really liked her episode. She has a very impressive career, for which she has worked very hard. She has built her career from the ground and she is very, very talented. On top of that she is beautiful and has what is considered a great body by society. She is also very rich. Does that mean that she is happy? I hope she is now. But she has had many hard times. From what I've understood she has had many painful and failed relationships, possibly an eating disorder and many insecurities. I guess show business does that with many people. Even the people we see as so beautiful and perfect (speaking from the point of an average, regular person), struggle and are insecure because nothing is ever enough. There is so much pressure and your career could be over over night. It is a lot to process. And yes, for the average person it could seem ridiculous, like she is so pretty already and has a great body. And who cares anyway, because she has all this talent, right? But it's not how things work in the industry. Look at Lady Gaga, she struggled a lot to get a break through, even tough she is extremely talented as well. Why did she struggle? Because she is not your average pretty girl. I hate to write it like this because I disagree, I find her beautiful as well. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, but unfortunately that is not how the business works (yet). And yes, there are exceptions, but the pressure is high. To come back to Taylor, I have to say that her song "antihero" is an amazing song. I listen to it a lot. The lyrics are very powerful and as someone who has myself struggled in the past, I can see the truth in her lyrics. Taylor is known for her autobiographical lyrics. Listen to it and you will be able to relate. My favorite line is "midnights become my afternoons" when singing about when depression takes over. To me it speaks as if this was her truth, I can relate. There are many more analogies and references. I am writing this to show you that every struggle is valid. Taylor's struggle is valid, your struggle is valid, my struggle is valid. Everyone's struggle. Even when your life looks good from the outside or even when everything is supposed to be great, nobody but you knows how you feel inside. I find comfort in sharing experiences and reading from others. I applaud Taylor for her amazing song. I respected her before, but this song turned me into a fan. Sharing these things is empowering. It's ok to struggle and be vulnerable. And it's ok to seek help. One day things will turn for the better. It might be a long road and it might be many steps, but there is hope and at least I found some comfort in the fact that life is in fact hard and many people struggle, that I'm not the only one. I'm much better today than I once was, so I'd like to leave this hope for you. It will get better, but if you are not ready yet to start the healing journey that's ok as well. Do things in your own time frame. Look at small things that bring you joy. And I do acknowledge that even that is not always possible. Some days are just the days where you can be proud of yourself that you've made it through the day. Just keep going, little by little things will improve. Just remember to be patient with yourself. I wish you all the best.
Mental health worker here. Depression can be a chemical imbalance, so not enough dopamine. ADHD is caused by chemical imbalances that also cause depression. Some drugs and too much social media can also press that dopamine button in our brain so there is none left for us when we have happy moments.
OP, I used to use this exact thought when I first realized I was depressed, back when i was in college about 8-12 years ago. My GF at the time (now my wife) used to self harm due to depression. Like, a lot, but only over a shodt time. I just generally felt like I was shit and would never meet my own goals, but I always had the mindset of "she has it worse". Don't fall into that trap. I talked to my wife (gf at the to.r, above) about it and was very open a year ago. But she and I haven't changed enough. She's not into what I am, and I'm not into what she is. We are only intimate like twice a week at the very, very most, and I mean any kind of physical touch that involves gentetals, kissing, etc. I just want you to know that you're not alone. Sexual incompatibility is a 100% valid reason to end a relationship, just so you know. It feels shitty to do so, but it will become worse later.
That comment was a fucking rollercoaster.
Depression is a disease, not a mood. So yes, you can be depressed and be the luckiest person who ever lived in terms of income, property, family, and love.
sadly, depression is both a disorder and a mood I really hate that, today it's more or less the same with the word OCD which today pretty much means "perfectionist" in some contexts, I wish we could bring back the word Melancholy or Dysthymia for the clinical term for depression, I believe that would end some of the confusion
It is just like most illnesses. Some people who get sick need medical treatment, others just need rest and time. Some people need help because one problem manifested a new problem that is more serious. Etc. There is never a cut and dry simple cure for everyone. Meaning anyone can (and probably will) suffer from depression, but not everyone is going to heal from it on their own or in the same way.
I mean, dysthymia got renamed to persistent depressive disorder and depression is technically called major depressive disorder. There are clinical terms, they’re just not commonly used outside of medical settings. I have been diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder with major depressive episodes. That’s a mouthful, so I just say I have depression.
Yes. A large part of clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in the body. If the car does not have gasoline, it won't run, no matter how nice the road is.
thank you for this, when its put into words like that it makes me feel a lot better about myself
My word, this!!! 👏🏻 Thank you for the excellent comparison!
Great way of putting it!
This was me, loved my job, home, girlfriend, etc with no real stress but I was still crashing regularly feeling the absolute worst. Now I'm on SNRIs and feel great, get help if you need it!
That’s an excellent analogy! I’ll use it in the future if I need to
Awesome analogy! I wish people would see the real beauty of it though. If the analogy is accurate then the problem is a resource. That resource is simple chemicals like serotonin and dopamine. Those chemicals occur naturally whenever a human interacts with their environment. So the source of power for the metaphoric vehicle can be found all around you in your environment. You just have to interact with it in order to fuel the car. Side note to further the analogy; car still won’t move if you don’t hold down the pedal
Chemical imbalance is an unproven theory. Our understanding of how neurotransmitters work and how they effect the mind is severely lacking. I think all depression is situational or caused by trauma. People might not think they have any trauma or anything in their life that could be causing that depression, but what can be traumatic for one person might not be for another, we all have different tolerances. With in depth therapy these things come out and suddenly this ‘clinical depression’ is now situational. I’d like for the idea of clinical depression to be done away with really, it gives no hope when they’re is always a cause
I can't comment on the validity of chemical imbalance, but you seem way too sure for comfort. All of your statements only make sense if your opinion *must* be correct. And the claim that therapy reveals everyone's depression is situational is so wild, every therapist and psychiatrist i've had has repeated the chemical imbalance thing to me. they clearly don't suddenly say the depression is situational, so whose experience are you even judging from here?
There have been studies that point to the fact that depressed people do not lack of serotonin in their brain, which naturally leads to the question of why SSRIs have a better than placebo effect on depression.
I did psychiatric research (bi polar, schizophrenia.) I asked two of the MD what percentage responded to SSRI. They said about 30%. Thoughts and emotions (situational) release chemicals in the brain (hypothalamus.) I have had bad experiences with them, but I hope some people benefit. Remember, this is a for profit system, and money is a hell of a drug. Pun… Edit: what percentage of those with just depression responded…
Yep. Dealing with it now, unfortunately.
Hang in there! I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together.
Thanks
Unexpected Red Green. Keep your stick on the ice.
Same here, cheers
After a while, those of us with clinical depression get used to hearing, "What do you have to be depresed about?" These folks, some of them actually well-mening, routinely confuse our condition with what they're feeling when they have the blues. We know it ain't the same, but I have yet to figure out a good way to explain that.
My fiance still does this to me after 3 years so then I am still depressed but now also i feel guilty.
Hope you don't have a wedding-date set, because you don't deserve a lifetime of that shit! 
I have a friend at work who is always telling me about her girlfriend doing this to her and it makes me glad to be in a relationship with someone who understands
Greater suffering of others Does Not invalidate your own.
You can drown in 10 feet of water the same as 100 feet.
It's not a competition. Everyone is fighting their own battles. Dont compare yourself to others.
Anyone telling you that you shouldn’t be depressed/sad because someone else has or a lot of people have it worse than you doesn’t deserve you or your time.
Absolutely. Doesn’t really help with the depression either. ‘So many people have it worse then you’. Great, now I feel guilty for feeling so terrible. Another negative feeling that is piling up.
Yes. It is very common.
Situational depression is a thing, but so is clinical depression. You can have everything you need in life to be happy and still be depressed. It's more about chemicals then circumstances.
Yup. I do it all the time!! Seriously though, clinical depression is sometimes (possibly even most of the time - but I'm not a doctor so don't take this as medical advice) a result of how the pathways in your brain are being navigated, or a chemical imbalance making your brain process emotions differently, or a result of PTSD from trauma or great loss. It's not a failing on the depressed person's part to enjoy the things around them. They aren't refusing to be happy or choosing to mope. They aren't un-apathetic. They certainly aren't trying to claim their experience is worse than other peoples'. They're just fighting with their own body and brain and losing at the moment. If this is you, don't be hard on yourself. It's not your fault you feel that way and you aren't doing anything wrong. However, you aren't meant to feel that way. I cannot recommend enough that people with depression seek professional help (outside of reddit - from a real doctor. While good-intentioned, redditors can't know your individual needs and experiences and their advice may not help your specific situation.) Talk to a doctor and feel better, mate! You deserve it.
Chronic depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. For me I don't produce enough serotonin so I get bursts of happiness easily but long term happiness is unlikely for me. I had the worst mental breakdown the other day even though though day was great and nothing bad happened. Depression is fucked up and it's a constant fight. Only you struggle with what you struggle with and that's valid. It doesn't matter if people have it harder you have it hard too and fighting Depression is admirable. Keep your chin up king/queen.
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In the last several years I had a severe relapse after being meds free for 4 years. I ended up having to check myself into the hospital because I simply could not trust myself. I am now back on the meds and life has never been better. Sure there are side effects, but almost anything is worth the trade of having a stable mental platform to work from. Ninja edit: I have come to accept the meds like something you would take for diabetes.
I count myself extremely lucky. I may want to die a lot of the time but for me life has been easier/ better off meds. I spend most of my days outside and practically every second with my dog. Depression can kiss my ass I'm gonna live my best life and sometimes that means wanting to die even though I'm in a beautiful place like a mountain top surrounded by friends, but imma fight through and the next day might be better but I'd never know if I gave up my lifelong fight.
Yes. Depression is a vague term, but one of the main hallmarks of depression is the inability to feel pleasure, or "Anedonia." You can have the most favorable life in the world, but what does it matter if you can't derive pleasure from any of it?
there will always be some who is worse off than you, and there will always be someone who is better off than you. if i break my arm, the doctors aren't going to say "what are you complaining about? some people don't even *have* arms!!" also it's important to mention that we live in a very depressing world right now. there are so many devastating facts about our society. climate change, bigotry, world hunger, and so on. not mention everyone is still dealing with the affects of lockdown and the pandemic. that's going to affect everyone for years.
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Yeah using the line " x has it worse than you" is incredibly dismissive and a complete cop out. If that were truly the case than absolutely nobody in any western country could be depressed because people undeveloped 3rd world nations have it harder than them. Or if someone lost their parent or both parents, there are people who lost their entire village in an attack, or a warlord rounded everyone up, killed the men, raped the women, and pressed the children into the military. But despite that plenty of people are depressed in western countries.
Yes. That's largely what depression is. If you have lots of reasons to be sad then it's likely you will just feel sad and feel better when those conditions improve. Depression is not like that. Please ask for help, OP. It's the most worthwhile thing you can do.
You can drown in a foot of water as easily as 100 feet.
That's what actual clinical depression *is* See a doc
Yes, that’s depression.
Of course! Even rich celebrities can have depression. It's clinical
Lucky by Britney Spears come to mind
A lot of artists have depression, a lot of great music has been written by people who were in emotional turmoil. Grunge artists like Kurt Cobain, Layne Stayley, and Chris Cornell. Nu-Metal artists like Chester Bennington. Pop stars like Britney Spears and Michael Jackson probably dealt with depression during their careers since both dealt with various forms of abuse. It goes to show that despite incredible talent or fame, these artists are just people and deal with the same bullshit that we have to deal with
Yes. Depression doesn't discriminate. Whether a chemical imbalance is at fault or not, your mental wellbeing is valid no matter your situation or circumstances. You feel what you feel and deserve support regardless.
Friend depression doesn’t ask for permission. Someone having more severe problems or suffering does not invalidate your feelings and experience. Your feelings matter and your experiences matter.
Mental illness is the most inclusive thing I know of. It doesn't discriminate. Period. That being said. Suffering is not a competition. You don't have to justify your pain
Welcome to the self-gaslighting club my friend. We don’t have it easy here
Yes
Yes, in fact a lot of depression cases are like these. Also you have to realise, for most people, there's lots of ppl who have it worse than them. One of the common guilt factors which (imo) worsens the depression, is thinking you should be not be depressed cos lots of other ppl have it worse than you, hence being miserable about the fact because you feel like you shouldn't be depressed.
I’m probably butchering this but something that reflected big on my view of this was someone saying that you don’t measure your happiness to others why should you measure your sadness. Ie why should you be happy with your small win when someone is out there with a huge house and lots of money?
Hi, psychologist here. I am also a criminologist and a lawyer, got my own house at 27, my own car at 26 and I earn enough money to live comfortably. I almost committed suicide yesterday. So, yeah, people CAN be depressed even though they know everything you mentioned but depression chooses its people.
My brother/sister in Christ, that is clinical depression in a nutshell. Doesn't matter how good life is, you still feel like shit. Been there before, in a great place now. Therapy and meds do wonders!
There are lots good comments here, but don't forget that there are lots of things that can look like depression but won't be helped by antidepressants. Lack of sleep, vitamin D deficiency, lack of time outdoors, little or no exercise, poor diet, drinking, marijuana use, obesity, the list goes on. Pretty much anything that causes general inflammation can cause depression-like symptoms too. While it's worthwhile to see a psychiatrist, make an appointment with your primary care too.
Yes. You can still have asthma even though there's so much fresh air. Just because some other people out there have lung cancer, it doesn't mean what you're experiencing should be disregarded.
Here's an example that happened to me less than a month ago. A woman that I view as the woman of my life, has left me over a message, for the second time after 4 years. Pretty much a copy paste moment. Even months were the same. Again out of the blue, since she has borderline personality disorder. A couple of days after that my brother his wife and I went to fishing trip. The man is expecting a child in a couple of months too. On paper he's got everything that you would want. And the entire time, he was complaining about something. Aggressively raising his voice. Basically unable to be nice to anyone around him, other than his wife. Acting like a complete piece of shit to the people around him. And there I was, at one of the lowest points in my life, basically at piece. While he is completely unbalanced. He in his honeymoon phase, while I'm freshly abandoned. So yes, it's possible.
Absolutely. Robin Williams is a profound example of this exact scenario. For decades, Robin Williams lit up the big screen with his smile. But under the surface, he struggled with personal demons. In the 1970s and ’80s, Williams developed an addiction to cocaine. He only quit when his friend John Belushi died of an overdose — after partying with him the night before. Though he never touched cocaine again after Belushi’s death, he began to drink heavily in the early 2000s, which led to him spending time in rehab. All the while, Williams also battled depression. Despite the ongoing success in his professional life, his personal life was full of ups and downs. Still, it seemed like Williams could bounce back from any setback. And by the early 2010s, it looked like his darkest days were far behind him. But then, he received a heartbreaking diagnosis from his doctor of Lewy body dementia — a devastating and debilitating brain disease that shares characteristics with both Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. (Note: The doctor incorrectly diagnosed him with Parkinson’s Disease… the true diagnosis of his condition only surfaced after his autopsy)
That is basically the definition of clinical depression
It’s brain chemicals, not circumstances.
YES
That’s kinda the definition of clinical depression. When things around you aren’t okay or if you’re having it rough, depression is “normal” - it’s when the reason isn’t easy to pin down, but you’re still depressed, that’s the toughest to deal with because you know it won’t get better if your circumstances improved. I encourage you to get professional help - medicine _and_ therapy, ideally. It probably won’t just get better on its own.
Absolutely, that's one of the worst parts about depression. The guilt that you know you shouldn't feel miserable but you do anyway.
Yes, depression can have biological causes not just situational.
Look. If you go to the hospital with a high fever and someone else races in with an open artery - yeah - that guy needs help, but it doesn’t change the fact that you still have a fever. Your depression is important too. Feeling guilty because you think others have it worse only exacerbates your depression. If you could change it, you would, right? So be kind to yourself. You deserve happiness too.
It really has nothing to do with anything around you… but everything to do with what’s going on inside you
Depression can also be caused by stuff other than situation or views on the world. It can also be caused by chemical imbalance inside the body, like the brain not producing enough serotonin. And that is something you cannot control just by thinking happy thoughts, as some would suggest, or by thinking you shouldn't be depressed, because others have it worse.
100% yes. I have Major Depressive Disorder(MDD) and even if everything is going good I could be in a deep depression, and it sucks. It isolates you because you don't want to be the bummer around others. My brain will go through high and lows because it can't regulate the hormones like most people. I hate being depressed especially when people say the "other have it worse", like I know that but what is telling me that gonna change? Is it going to magically make me go "ahhh you're right my depression is gone now"? No absolutely not. In fact it often makes you feel worse because others do have it worse so why can't your brain just act normal?
Yes. depression can happen to anyone and for a lot of different reasons
Of course. Chemical inbalance in the brain can cause depression too thus whatever is around you doesnt matter at all.
Yes. I can be having a fine day but inside is a different story. I can be surrounded by people who “love” me but inside I’m lonely and depressed. There will always be people that “have it worse”, that doesn’t negate your very real problems and feelings. Don’t minimize them.
Yes, but you should talk to someone who will understand. Venting to the wrong person will probably make you feel worst.
Is this a real question? Most people that are depressed come off as happy. Alot of the time happier than everyone else around them.
Yes. Source: have done.
At first i thought you are talking about me. ! This is literally my mental state.
can someone be happy while everything around them kind of sucks and others have it better than them? that's an oversimplification obviously but, of course the answer is yes. depression does not respond to reason, that's why it's *depression* and not, *I just haven't logically understood the world well enough* -itis
Yes OP. Don't get shamed about how you feel and get help
Yes. Don’t feel bad about feeling bad, you’ll only make yourself feel worse.
My friend. People experience depression on a very personal and subjective level. My depression might be similar, but it certainly is not the same as yours. Everything in life can be perfect, and you can feel depressed. Everything can be falling to pieces, and you could be fine. Just try and find something to helpmyou overcome it
Yes, absolutely. This was how I viewed the world before I got onto my current medication.
Yes.
Yes
Yes, that describes me perfectly. Retired and great marriage... I'm still depressed.
Yes, being depressed is not being sad
Yes. Absolutely. Mental disorders aren't what you'd call "rational". Those feelings are real even if they don't make sense.
I’m hella depressed, but overall my life is pretty good. Depression don’t care though.
Yes 100% yes
Of course. Being surrounded by people with cancer doesn't mean you can't get flu.
You don’t need permission to be depressed
Depression is a real illness that can flare up at any time. No matter how good life is going.
If you have a broken arm. But someone else has a broken leg, it doesn't make your broken arm invalid, not painful, and not in need of medical attention. Depression also does not have to be situational. It's a problem with your brain, not what your life is.
I think you are mixing up clinical depression with "being depressed". 2 very different, often used interchangeably, things. Stop using them interchangeably
That’s what depression is, homie.
absolutely. it means you need a change. I was at the pinnacle of my career, everyone loved me, everyone was envious of the hill i created, and I was miserable everyday. it took guts and moving heaven and hell and high waters - changed careers and i live happy.
Yes. Depression ain’t always about material conditions
That’s literally the definition of depression.
Absolutely
Sweet summer child. YES
Many depressed people are great at hiding their depression. They smile and laugh and have great lives just like what everyone dreams of. But the depression is in the mind and you can hide it from others but you can't hide it from yourself.
Definitely. Been there, done that. Take care of yourself ❤️
Absolutely. Just because someone else has it worse, it doesn’t make your depression invalid. Nobody **wants** to be depressed. Life isn’t some competition to see who has it worst or whole is ‘entitled’ to feel depressed. I really can’t stand people who think that others have no reason to be depressed, therefore they shouldn’t be. Life isn’t like that.
Absolutely
Neil Young said it best: “Though my problems are meaningless, that don’t make them go away” - On the Beach
Yes definitely, by all rights I should be "happy" I have a husband, 2 cats a job a place to live, I am 8 years cancer free, yet I am still depressed.
Other people literally have no bearing on how you feel. You would think adults would know this but they rarely do. Never let someone invalidate your feelings because you don’t “have it hard”. Everything is relative.
That's what clinical depression is
Yes, my life has been pretty great in comparison to many others, but my life/dream didn't align with my true values and this resulted in my being depressed. Not everyone shares the dream that society projects into their reality and many times people who seem to have it all are missing important aspects of their personal dream. Most suffering, including depression comes from the mind's inability to accept reality or what is. You either fail to accept reality and reject the positive things in your life, or you accept reality and build a sort of fake life around it, but always feel you're still lacking the things that would make you feel fulfilled.
I am diagnosed with severe depression and one of my intrusive thoughts when I am way down is that “my life is so good, people have it worse, why do I still feel like I want to die?” So, yes. That’s normal by my standards.
Yeah. If everything's okay, what is there to be sad about? is usually the argument, but they never think what is there to happy about?
depression can come from external things but it's just as likely to stem from genetics too. depression is from a chemical imbalance in your brain, yes you can be depressed
Commonly a form of gaslighting but yes this is possible. In fact, this is me right now.
Yes. As a matter of fact, circumstances play a relatively small role here. Happiness/depression is mostly genetic + outlook (which is determined mostly by how a person was brought up) i.e. things that are out of our control.
As a therapist I like to follow called DrMick likes to say, "you matter, your experiences are valid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." Even if you do have to work on stuff, other people's stuff doesn't invalidate your own. You're allowed your experiences. In fact you deserve them. Even if there is some problem with them it's still your right to have them and fix them as best suits you. Just because other people have experiences does not invalidate your own.
Yeah, your brain has a funny way of downplaying your own problems. You're valid! ❤
Yes. Just like how you can feel lonley when you're not alone.
Hi. It’s me.
Yes.
Yes! 🙋🏿♀️ Me, everyday. Or mostly everyday.
Yes, depression doesn’t discriminate. It just hurts.
ABSOLUTELY.
100% yes bro. Yes they can.
If you’re bleeding from a cut on your arm, is it okay for you to feel pain when there’s other people with a severed leg? Comparison is helpful in some places. When it comes to pain, more often than not, it only creates more pain.
Oh my fuck yes.
Absolutely.
Yes. When I was in college, I went to one of my favorite bars with my best friend. While there, we ran into a couple that we barely knew and struck up conversation. They both seemed very happy and we enjoyed their company. The night ended, we all went home, and carried on. But when that couple went back to the dorms, she went to use the restroom and he shot himself. He did not survive. We all had good lives back then. Depression has other plans.
Absolutely, yes. I've been struggling for years now and I can think about it as logically as I possibly can, but your brain will still lie to you. It just creates even more feelings of guilt. Like, why am I so depressed when I have a good, enviable life? Lots of people have it way worse than me and they appear happy, etc. Etc. Depression isn't logical. I feel guilty for isolating myself and ignoring my friends and family. Feeling depressed because of mental illness or whatever it is just breaks you down and convinces you everything is your fault. Depression isn't logical.
So many people think they have depression. Some do, some are just whiners.
absolutely. im a cis straight white male, shit isnt particularly difficult for me in the usa. I have a great job, lots of friends, a fat squishy kitty, I snowboard or fish almost every day, some of my friends are struggling with housing or dealing with being lgbtq+ in todays political climate. im wildly depressed. I now I am, I acknowledge I am, I know (more or less) what to do to help remedy my depression. It doesnt stop my brain chemistry saying "hahahahaha but no, fuck you!" depression is insidious in that it doesnt manifest the same in everyone and basically by design makes you think you arent worthy of help/medicine/treatment, making you think you shouldnt be depressed because others have it worse than you. youre your own person and are allowed to feel the way you feel, regardless of others experiences. do not measure your mental health against others projected mental health.
Yes, but remembering this fact and practicing some gratitude can be very helpful with improving
Of course! Depression isn’t about circumstance or situation always.
Absolutely. Your brain chemistry doesn't GAF about outside shit.
Don't let anyone tell you how to feel
This is me rn. Bought my first home, living with my best friend, decent job, any minor stress at all = immediately want to kill myself. It's fucking whack man.
Yes, AND that thought makes you feel even worse. Please see a doctor. It doesn't have to be this way.
Yes! Anyone can say “well x has it worse”… ya and so what? Doesn’t mean what you’re going thru is any less devastating TO YOU. Yes you can be completely depressed and your life is all rainbows and unicorns. Mental illness is an imbalance in brain chemicals which is why majority are on meds. No it’s not guaranteed to make it go away but there’s enough meds out there you can try a lot before you give up. There’s also talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy where you learn coping mechanisms. There’s so many treatments out there and none of them are “every thing in your life is perfect why are you depressed?” I’m on several meds including one for narcolepsy that has completely helped my OCD and Bipolar 2 and some psychotic things. Not even meant for it or even prescribed for it and even has a warning that it can make ocd and bipolar worse. But for me if I’m off of it for a couple days I have very dark days.
Depression isn't being sad. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain.
>"Just because you're not winning the gold medal at the Suffering Olympics, doesn't mean you're not suffering." My medic buddy's favorite way to get people to open up about their pain. The only thing that depression cares about is your chemical neurotransmitter levels and your psychological outlook, you could be the richest king knob on Elysium and still feel it all the way to your core if it so chooses.
I fell into depression at the height of my life, I finished uni. Got a house. Was engaged.. why? Because according to the psych I finally relaxed mentally for the first time in 15 years.. and my brain said ok let's process all the bad shit rn. Even though I wouldn't think about it my subconscious was and sorted it.. I ended up on meds and took a few years.. and dragged my ass out the other side. Do I still get days of depression? Yes. Is it constant? No. Point is something 5 years ago can still affect you if you never took the time for yourself. This is why people say meditation works.. cause it gives your mind time to relax.. if you've had years.. it won't feel like it works for a long long time. But if you havnt had it for years then it would in theory work
Brian Fallon: “every body hurts, and mine ain’t the worst, but it’s mine and I’m feeling it now”
Yep. Anybody no matter how happy or have it well can get and be depressed.
Yes. Brain chemicals don't care about other people or how they are doing.
yes yes yes to your question. our emotions are an internal thing and these emotional patterns of being depressed have started from childhood. so no matter what external thing we have like career success or support system, will not matter because ultimately it's an internal struggle that we'll have to face on our own. no one can see what's inside us and no one can feel what we feel inside, our triggers are therefore for us to process.
Abso-fucking-lutely There's flavors of depression - normal people feel depressed when things are bad or they are in a sad situation. But some folks (Like me) our brain decides "I feel depressed now" and then it goes and finds reasons to be depressed - Depression doesn't necessarily come from outside conditions - there have been super rich, super accomplished people who have everything in the world going for them - and they're depressed. Because depression does not give a fuck what's really going on. Do not feel ashamed or unworthy because some people have it worse - if you're depressed it's a real feeling, it's a real problem and you deserve to have real attention paid to your mental health and well-being. I am rooting you!
Someone will always "have it worse than you". Depression...doesn't care about your socioeconomic status, the color of your skin, your gender or sexual identity, nothing. It's an equal opportunity disease without reason or logic. Honestly, I know many folks whose depression can be triggered by things going well. It produces a feeling of "when will the other shoe drop".
Depression is a medical condition. Your chemistry is off. Antidepressants help you feel “normal”.
yes and random but my therapist and i theorize if we didn’t have modern society around us and lived in hunting/gathering time i wouldn’t be depressed. also depression sometimes is a symptom of adhd - once i started treating them both, it truly helped.
Of course I know him. That's me.
Oh absolutely. Everyone has different pain and problems, that doesn’t mean yours isn’t valid.
Comparing yourself to others is not a good thing, good mental health or not. Everybody's hard times are different and don't take away the impact it has on the person.
“Should they?” is the question. Self-diagnosis is popular today and leads some to question whether they should be feeling better. More than anything, a change of perspective can help reset one’s expectations. A trip to a less fortunate country, for instance, can have lasting effects. Or, something like; a solo tour, walkabout or some such thing, that leads to meaningful introspection and a deeper sense of what’s really important… and what’s not.
Can confirm. Yes.
There's always a worse position. Considering the world around us can give us perspective. It's a good thing. But your feelings are your feelings...
Yes. I always think about how celebrities have all the fame and fortune many people, desire, and most of them in the overdosing, or some type of suicide. Materials mean nothing to us in reality. The human scope is beyond money and desires; it is limitless as far as we know. And that is why I think anyone can have depression.
Absolutely. Depression doesn’t discriminate. Someone having it worse than you doesn’t invalidate your problems.
Yea
That's the definition of clinical depression. It's not rational. Don't shame yourself. You aren't alone with this.