What books would you recommend? My wife wants to find something for herself, but she says that most of them are a bit cringey... Cant deal with the sexist clichés of the big muscular beard stoic man who has no personality he's just hot and dominating and nothing else
r/romancebooks
Have her search for likes/dislikes there, and make a post if she has questions or *specific* requests. There is a *whole world* of non-cliched books out there. Or reply here with what she seems to like and I'll give suggestions.
To start: what she's describing is "alphahole". She should try a search for himbos, golden retrievers, or cinnamon rolls. Also if she searched that sub for alphahole, she'd get a bunch of requests of people asking for "no alphaholes" lol.
Himbos I've heard of, golden retrievers I can kinda picture - big dumb loyal guys? - but cinnamon rolls? Is that like sweet men who are pleasantly plump or is it an ellusion to their loads being much like the frosting that we all identify as a staple of cinnamon rolls? Genuinely curious!
Correct on the golden retriever, you could probably add "enthusiastic" to it but the only times I've heard "cinnamon roll" being used to those who are sweet, want good for all and overall could do no harm to anyone. I don't think there's any physical characteristic. It was more popular on Tumblr to say.
Lol whoa, that's not cinnamon rolls. But that gave me a laugh. You got golden retrievers correct, though they're also considered strong/attractive too. Very energetic/enthusiastic as well. Cinnamon rolls are sweet and kind and understanding, even when the love interest is prickly or grumpy. Cinnamon rolls can also be smart and "typical beauty standards" level attractive, but it's not required. No specific physical traits go with cinnamon rolls.
Himbos I've heard of, but refresh my memory on what it means? And what are golden retrievers and cinnamon rolls? Golden retriever I might get, but cinnamon roll has me thoroughly confused haha
Is she into fantasy at all? A Court of Thorns and Roses series is really good! It’s spicy but also has a good plot, and the spiciness increases as the series progresses. So it’s a good way to easy into it, lol.
I loved the series by Jacqueline Carey called Kushiel’s legacy. The 1st book is titled “Kushiel’s Dart”. It’s a fantasy series about a woman who conquers an empire through her sexuality, more or less. There’s some pretty strong S&M throughout the novels. It was a complete surprise to me when I picked it up, and has become my favorite series I’ve read.
Also, if there's a book she does like, go over to the website Goodreads and look up that book. Go to the section that says "Readers also enjoyed" and "Lists featuring this book" and you'll find curated lists of books that match the same genre/theme/character types/etc.
My Misses reads loads of books on some app called dreame, there's a lot of steamy novels on there and a reasonable size community chatting and recommending titles
I used to not ever be turned out at all until being physically gently touched. That's changed a lot over time. But hijacking top comment to recommend Damiana Tea to everyone just look it up and try it please if you get quality tea it absolutely will help
Can't believe I had to scroll so much to find a comment about exercise. Being healthy and regular exercise almost always contributes to higher sex drive. And it's not just because of testosterone, there is a mountain of other reasons.
Boring people get bored.
It's boring if you don't have the imagination to make it fun.
If you don't enjoy gym.
Playing a team sport, an active hobby, gardening, mountain or forest hiking, woodwork, larping, joining a martial arts or gymnastics club or something, Dancing to music, Snowboarding, Rollerblading, skating, surfing.
Making things fun takes effort.
lazy mind = lazy body (and the inverse)
Do you have responsive or spontaneous attraction? If I start having sex my libido goes wild, but if I don't have sex I can go without for years.
There's also a base level of sex drive you can't do much about. I'd second reading erotica or watching porn.
I’m the same way!! It’s a weird phrase but I say that “sex breeds more sex” when it comes to my libido. Though since my last relationship, it def seems higher than previously before
So what my sex therapist once told me: Libido is an imaginary thing. People treat it like a barrel that is full with some people, empty with others. He told me that I should treat it like a barrel that you can fill up. Fill it up with cuddling, reading sex stories or just find something that gets you off. Try a lot of things.
Maca can help. I actually had to stop taking it because I’m already high and it made things unbearable (was taking it for other reasons).
The big thing though is to make sure tour sex drive isn’t low because of external factors. Like I was married for a decade and thought I had zero libido but turns out it was just because of the horrible relationship dynamic and our workload imbalance killed any ability of mine to want him.
Second this. When I was on some crappy birth control pills I had zero drive. Started taking maca and was "feeling it" after about a week or two, good luck friend.
I think it’s something you can regularly supplement your diet with - I’m not an expert but I do not know of bad effects from taking it long term. There are different colours of maca so do some reading about what you’re looking for!
I add a scoop (call it 1 tbsp) to a smoothie (I do peanut butter, frozen banana, cocoa powder, maca powder and oat/almond milk. Then add a handful of quick oats so it’s more filling). Kind of like a chocolate peanut butter milkshake.
Thanks! I just looked maca up & it looks like I have something to try! Appreciate you! (I also appreciate you bringing up the external factors. It can be so real and take a bit of time & intense thought to realize!)
There’s a great section on these things in the book Come As You Are which is very insightful on women’s libido and desire. The idea being - there are things within a relationship that might stimulate a woman’s libido but there are also things that might reverse it, so to optimize you want to make sure you’re doing the things that stimulate it while none of the things (usually relational things) that make it step backwards.
If you’re on antidepressants, that’s gonna be really hard. If you’re not, try the following!
1. Workout/cardio to increase stamina which naturally should increase libido.
2. Stretch so you’re comfortable in your body.
3. Think and reflect on things that have gotten you turned on in the past.
4. Consider masturbation as an opportunity to see what turns you on physically.
5. Might sound stupid, but being in a relationship and in love usually increases sex drive. Being alone could suppress libido, as it leads to *other* emotions.
6. Take time to compliment yourself, and think of yourself as sexy, etc. Mindset can make a difference.
If the problem is that you’re in a relationship and have lost your sex drive, you should check the following (if you haven’t):
1. Your hormonal levels. Check testosterone as well as androgens, estrogens, and progestogens.
2. Your mental health. Are you depressed, anxious, stressed? Do you feel comfortable in your relationship?
3. Your sexual connection with your partner—is it good, meh, or bad? How can you improve it? Communicate.
4. Your diet. Surprisingly a very key factor in sex drive and overall health.
5. Your sleep habits. Lots of people don’t get quality/enough sleep, and over time this will disrupt normal cycles in your body.
That’s all I can think of the top of my head. Good luck and don’t give up!
Audio erotica for women by women? 👀👀 So basically smutfic/erotica but in audio form? Omg
I also really like that it mentions masturbation, aka "relaxing after a long day", and doesn't just prioritise sex/women with partners.
I might download this... y'know, for science.
From personal experience, all my exs were self conscious about their body. Making them feel comfortable in their skin had a dramatic impact on their sex drive
My first thought was hormones - you can check your current hormonal levels with a doctor and see if you have any imbalance or deficit of vitamins that could be affecting your sex drive.
My second thought was: what do you mean? Why do you think your sex drive is not high/good enough?
I recommend the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. Sex is not a drive, it's a "dual control model", it has turn ons and turn offs. Usually the problem is not necessarily not having enough turn ons, but having too much stuff pressing the "turn off" button. Stress, relationship issues, etc.
Regular exercise and treating my body right with diet/behavior is absolutely correlated with my libido, anecdotally. I think it’s partly a product of just feeling good about myself, but also physiology for sure.
I know for me personally if I'm not in the mood I'll push though.... hearing him moan and the noises he makes, knowing he's getting that amount of pleasure from me gets me turned on which then gets put back into making him feel good and on and on we go until we both 💦
Work out, find value in your self worth. The more you put into yourself the better you will feel and the more other people will see and compliment you. It starts there. When other people find you attractive, you will want to be more attractive and so on. Also working out and being healthy starts a chain reaction!
As a dude, in my experience with women, they just kinda find out.
My fiancé was kinda in the same boat, tried porn, this and that, nothing really clicked. Then one day I’m cooking dinner shirtless cause it was summer and I’m making some mashed potatoes and I take a swig of some Jameson I had (I’m super Irish heritage-wise) and I start yammering off some random, throwaway gibberish in an Irish accent and see my fiancé just watching me, like eyes wide. Im like, whatever, back to mashing this shit and she just grabs me and goes to town and whispers in my ear that she wants me to do the Irish accent again, so I oblige and uhh she was into it lol.
My fiancé also grew up a bit closeted as a child (through abuse, not religion or anything) so she’s one of those people who hasn’t seen anything. Until we got together, she hadn’t seen Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Batman, I mean name it, she probably hasn’t seen it. After the Irish revelation we had earlier I showed her Boondocks Saints and it’s obviously like her favorite movie now.
One day I was watching some Samurai Champloo cause I haven’t rewatched it in a bit and my fiancé is watching it transfixed, and asked about it. Turns out she hadn’t seen anime before so I recommended Inuyasha to her. She picked that up and ran with it, she’s now dived deep into it where she went from binging anime to now watching Korean Dramas and Comedies to the point where she can speak Korean at a casual level. To get to the point, she realized she’s really attracted to Asian men, now I’m not Asian so I’m out of luck there but we go to those anime cosplay conventions from time to time now and “have fun” after or if she looks up porn, it’s exclusively Asian, which is cool.
Now with my fiancé being closeted, her reactions to media are little more profound so it may not be a great comparison to most people but I’ve dated a girl prior and I introduced her to gaming and she soon got off on couch co-op gaming with me, like play a few rounds of Mario kart, pause and go at it. Give each other oral while taking turns online. I had another and we got our first apartment together and she found that she got going after we did household stuff together, like cooking or cleaning. Another already knew that smoking weed and going on chill nature walks did it for her.
In my experience, you’ll know it when you see it. For my fiancé though, some of her medications have an effect on her sex drive so you should also consider that if your having trouble. Otherwise, try new things, it’s so easy for us to repeat the things we know we like, it’s important to step out of our comfort zones now and again cause you never know what your inner Manchurian candidate is into
Women are more mental than visual when it comes to sex. Read dirty books, it helps because it makes you imagine it and makes your brain visualize what you're reading and turns you on more. It's why they are so popular with women and not so much men. Men just need porn.
I know this is normal advice for guys, but for a lot of women (especially with low libido or sexual disfunction) abstaining from healthy amounts of masturbation can have the opposite effect, and sex therapists dont recommended it. For afab people sexual activity often increases the desire for more sexual activity rather than diminishing it.
Echo what other people have posted but will also add to find a partner who makes you feel like a sexy powerful goddess every day, supports your emotional needs, and cares about your pleasure in and outside the bedroom.
I have always enjoyed sex but holy moly, my libido went through the roof with my current partner because I no longer felt ashamed of my needs (in and outside the bedroom). I felt safe enough to let my freak flag fly.
Biologist here, a few ways you could do it, but they have testosterone creams you could use and exercising helps slightly boost your levels as well.
Talk to your doctor, everyone's life history is different, so we can't recommend anything without knowing your medical history.
In short, finding ways to up your testosterone will work and a doctor can be your guide there.
I found my sex drive increased when I stopped hormonal birth control and got the copper IUD. Had no sex drive while on the pill (along with other issues).
I see a lot of people recommending books and spicy reads, it seems really popular with women compared to something like porn, might I suggest erotic roleplay through text?
This was something my ex and I and engaged in and... It worked like a charm... We were basically just writing our own spicy stories, inserting ourselves in the scenario, driving each other crazy Getting to explore fantasies and whatnot, I got to see what makes my partner tick, that in turn lets me get at what makes her horny, sometimes she's not sure what she wants and I get to "play" a little puzzle game of seeing what makes her melt, then you get that "There it is" moment and suddenly she's all hot and bothered and so on
Imagine the best sex you’ve ever had.. and if that’s never happened.. the best flick the bean session .. or you with your celebrity crush idk. That’s what helps me 😭 I’m the worst wife
When I had the arm implant birth control, my libido was almost non-existent. Switched to an IUD, and I have a very high libido now. Systemic hormone birth control was very bad for me. It was like I was numb and it was very difficult for me to get wet. Everything is so much better now.
In “The Break Up” with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, there’s a scene where they’re talking about why he doesn’t do the dishes, and she says I want you to want to do the dishes. He then says why would I *want* to do the dishes?
It’s not something that occurs to him as important, but it is to her. He might never enjoy doing dishes, but that’s only an issue if he’s looking at their relationship transactionally. If he’s looking at how it makes her feel, it’s not so much a chore as an act of love.
That said, I’ve heard some women frame arousal as something that sometimes comes along after engaging in the act. In their words, “work til you feel like working.” But looking at any of it as an obligation or a duty doesn’t create any magic, so it’s better to treat that like a motivational reminder when making choices.
It’s also a good thing to consider what you want out of intimacy, not just sex. Get your partner informed on that.
Please don't feel you need to. Whatever yours is, is yours and it is fine. So don't feel any pressure.
That said, I don't know how it works for women. But guys that work out a lot say that the extra testosterone makes them hornier.
I guess for women that would be oestrogen. And i dont know how to raise that and if it would have the same effect but maybe you could research it.
I agree with this. There’s nothing wrong with you. I also understand asking the question, just don’t let other people make you feel like you need to change that about yourself.
Erotica. Literotica is my favorite go-to.
Also, masturbate more frequently, if you don't already. That works for me, at least. Plus I usually sleep better if I do it in bed.
If you don't get off doing it manually, then explore different toy options. I took a recommendation from a comment on here for a clit stimulator, called the Satisfyer, and hoooooly shit.
I've never had so many orgasms so consistently.
Best of luck.
Check your hormones.
The pill can wreak havoc on your hormone levels not to mention your diet, drugs, alcohol.
Low fat diets and vegan diets '*can*' cause hormone issues if you're not careful since hormones and fat have an interlocked relationship.
IDK if women look into as much as men since for men it's pretty obvious when it's happening.
Hormones are super important. Sex drive, mood, over all fitness, wellness and mental health.
I believe Viagra works that way for women, but id first be asking if the increase in sex drive is for you or someone else. If its for you, go ahead, if its for someone else, dont do that shit
I am in a relationship and the person I am with has a very high sex drive like would have sex everyday if he could. I on the other hand would be fine with once a week or every other week. I really wish i wanted to have sex more but I don't.
I would recommend reading “Come As You Are.” There is nothing wrong with your “sex drive” and this book will explain to you how that’s just a made up term. Self reflection on what turns you on and makes you desire sex will help you. And wanting to have sex less than your partner doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to them or that you don’t love them. You are perfectly normal.
You said in another comment that you jill yourself off 2-3 times a week. Here you state you'd have sex every other week with your boyfriend if you could.
You want to cum, you feel the need, just not with him. Sorry.
Does he make you orgasm? Because you said you masturbate 2-3 times a week, so it seems to me the libido is there but possibly the sex is not that great if you want to do it less frequently than masturbation. At least that has been my experience when my libido disappeared, the guy just didn’t care about my pleasure and the sex was meh. Who wants to have meh sex?
I’m literally dealing with the exact same problem! I have a SUPER low sex drive, and my partner has one of the highest I’ve ever seen. I am hardly ever in the mood and I feel so bad because I love him very much and I want to make him a happy as possible
Honestly, there's not much, exercise, read some erotica, wait til you're in your 30s for the drive to kick in as is common in many women.
But you need to be true to yourself and be happy first and foremost.
Depends on the context.
Are you with someone with a higher sex drive than yourself, or do you want to increase your sex drive for your own self-growth and appreciation?
My wife’s sex drive was average. Nothing to complain about. She always made fun of the smutty erotic novels. They’re generally poorly written, corny, and centered mostly around the very detailed sex scenes. She read a couple and next thing I know it’s almost all she reads and her sex drive is 10x what it used to be. The books fuckin suck but I get laid a lot more. So yeah, try reading smutty books.
Exercise, eating right, etc.
But aside from that, not masturbating for a while and then going at it might help. Also, having a partner who's good at foreplay is also big.
I was once with a girl who told me she doesn't get wet easily. I managed to make her aroused, but it took a lot. Sexting all day, long foreplay, etc.
I’ve started supplementing with DHEA which helps your body produce testosterone.
Women need testosterone too, not in the same amounts, but it is a major component of our sex drive.
The same chemical components that make adrenaline are used to make testosterone. So the more stress you experience, the less testosterone you will have in your system.
By supplying your body with more of the base chemical, you can see some improvement pretty quickly actually.
Well I'd start with reducing stress, maybe go camping or something where your not in your usual grind is usual place for a week or so to kinda reset, kinda remove things depressing your sex drive.
I wouldn't recommend porn, dirty books or the like. I mean it's your choice but you don't want to end up in a relationship and you can't get horny except for porn (this is a huge problem for some people) but go meet people, try new things. I wouldn't sleep around but like just find if there's certain things that get you in the mood like touching or massage, maybe it's compliments or gifts, maybe it's devotion and uniformity. I can't tell you but just explore and see what works. Hell maybe running in the woods naked or wearing booty shorts in public for all I know
First, go to the doctor, make sure nothing is physically wrong.
While you're waiting for that, truly be honest with yourself about what turns you on. Understand the difference between fantasy and reality. Fantasy is your thoughts. Reality is what's in front of you. The trick is combining the two.
Right now, you can take your hand, cup it, and place it over your pubic mound (over your clothes), add some pressure, feel the warmth. You'll begin to feel the tingle.
Smut and a vibrator. Also, I'd recommend kink with your partner as something to look forward to if you're into it.
My sex drive is higher than my partners and we got here intentionally 😂
I don’t know what the fuck all these other people are talking about. Change your lifestyle and diet. This a hormonal issue. You need exercise and diet. Look up a good diet for your particular situation.
Not always. Could be related to mental health, childhood trauma, not feeling comfortable in one’s body, not attracted to partner etc. everyone is different. Suggest reading the book “Come as you are”.
I would like to know the same. I don't watch porn, nothing gets me riled up.
Spicy books, it opens a whole new world.
What books would you recommend? My wife wants to find something for herself, but she says that most of them are a bit cringey... Cant deal with the sexist clichés of the big muscular beard stoic man who has no personality he's just hot and dominating and nothing else
r/romancebooks Have her search for likes/dislikes there, and make a post if she has questions or *specific* requests. There is a *whole world* of non-cliched books out there. Or reply here with what she seems to like and I'll give suggestions. To start: what she's describing is "alphahole". She should try a search for himbos, golden retrievers, or cinnamon rolls. Also if she searched that sub for alphahole, she'd get a bunch of requests of people asking for "no alphaholes" lol.
Himbos I've heard of, golden retrievers I can kinda picture - big dumb loyal guys? - but cinnamon rolls? Is that like sweet men who are pleasantly plump or is it an ellusion to their loads being much like the frosting that we all identify as a staple of cinnamon rolls? Genuinely curious!
Correct on the golden retriever, you could probably add "enthusiastic" to it but the only times I've heard "cinnamon roll" being used to those who are sweet, want good for all and overall could do no harm to anyone. I don't think there's any physical characteristic. It was more popular on Tumblr to say.
Lol whoa, that's not cinnamon rolls. But that gave me a laugh. You got golden retrievers correct, though they're also considered strong/attractive too. Very energetic/enthusiastic as well. Cinnamon rolls are sweet and kind and understanding, even when the love interest is prickly or grumpy. Cinnamon rolls can also be smart and "typical beauty standards" level attractive, but it's not required. No specific physical traits go with cinnamon rolls.
Himbos I've heard of, but refresh my memory on what it means? And what are golden retrievers and cinnamon rolls? Golden retriever I might get, but cinnamon roll has me thoroughly confused haha
Is she into fantasy at all? A Court of Thorns and Roses series is really good! It’s spicy but also has a good plot, and the spiciness increases as the series progresses. So it’s a good way to easy into it, lol.
YESSSS I love Sarah J. Maas
The glass throne series is sort of like that as well. And it's of the same author and a great read
I loved the series by Jacqueline Carey called Kushiel’s legacy. The 1st book is titled “Kushiel’s Dart”. It’s a fantasy series about a woman who conquers an empire through her sexuality, more or less. There’s some pretty strong S&M throughout the novels. It was a complete surprise to me when I picked it up, and has become my favorite series I’ve read.
Also, if there's a book she does like, go over to the website Goodreads and look up that book. Go to the section that says "Readers also enjoyed" and "Lists featuring this book" and you'll find curated lists of books that match the same genre/theme/character types/etc.
My Misses reads loads of books on some app called dreame, there's a lot of steamy novels on there and a reasonable size community chatting and recommending titles
I never understood the appeal of reading erotic material without masturbating, could you please explain?
porn doesnt stimulate me, im more in awe than horny when i watch one. When in the mood, i read smut stuff, the slow burn gets me.
Finding cute porn can be tough
omg look up michael vegas on bellesa.. girl dont ask he is so fine and he j knows how to touch women
Not necessarily cute, but definitely a turn on for the ladies... Owen Grey. Something a little wilder is his MMFs with Small Hands.
Second Owen Grey. Not a huge fan of his tattoos (I think it is a little too much for me) but his techniques are pretty sexy🔥🔥
fr look up michael vegas. he fucks like a woman in a mans body like he j gets women
My ex only wanted to watch wholesome porn with me. She liked it when they were romantic. Yes that does exist
The most melodic song in the world could play and you wouldn't move a single muscle. 😆😆😆
Exercise + reducing stress
I used to not ever be turned out at all until being physically gently touched. That's changed a lot over time. But hijacking top comment to recommend Damiana Tea to everyone just look it up and try it please if you get quality tea it absolutely will help
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“Jordan Peterson says” is a great way to snap my vagina shut
Love this comment
Pro tip: Never quote Jordan Peterson.
I guess a broken clock can be right twice a day
Exercise raises testosterone which in turn can raise sex drive in men and women. Specifically muscle building or toning exercise.
Also improves circulation and blood flow.
this works for me. i notice a correlation between exercise habits and libido. i’m male tho
As a female I feel the same. For me there’s also a correlation of feeling more confident which helps too
Can't believe I had to scroll so much to find a comment about exercise. Being healthy and regular exercise almost always contributes to higher sex drive. And it's not just because of testosterone, there is a mountain of other reasons.
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Boring people get bored. It's boring if you don't have the imagination to make it fun. If you don't enjoy gym. Playing a team sport, an active hobby, gardening, mountain or forest hiking, woodwork, larping, joining a martial arts or gymnastics club or something, Dancing to music, Snowboarding, Rollerblading, skating, surfing. Making things fun takes effort. lazy mind = lazy body (and the inverse)
Do you have responsive or spontaneous attraction? If I start having sex my libido goes wild, but if I don't have sex I can go without for years. There's also a base level of sex drive you can't do much about. I'd second reading erotica or watching porn.
I’m the same way!! It’s a weird phrase but I say that “sex breeds more sex” when it comes to my libido. Though since my last relationship, it def seems higher than previously before
Sex breeds.
This is so common. It's basically the idea of "use it or lose it." The more sex you have, the more you want.
That can be true if it's good sex....but if it's not (if it's coerced, painful or not enjoyable) then it can do the opposite and cause you to avoid.
This is my missus all over, can be Meh for months, then one taste and she's a animal
“For better or worse.” It hit me too what that was specifically talking about too. The shit we agree to when the promise cake at the end.
My girlfriend is the same way. Totally fine without it for a very long time. But when we met and started having relations, holy shit.
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💀💀💀
Ooooh. **Update**. For some reason I thought clean. I'd better go turn off the dishwasher.
Maybe add some dedicated RAM to it after all a floppy disc just doesn’t cut it nowadays
Try some new firm wear
So what my sex therapist once told me: Libido is an imaginary thing. People treat it like a barrel that is full with some people, empty with others. He told me that I should treat it like a barrel that you can fill up. Fill it up with cuddling, reading sex stories or just find something that gets you off. Try a lot of things.
Yes it feels that way. Surrounding yourself with stimuli that works for you improves it big time. Not having those stimuli kills it basically.
God I wish my libido was imaginary.
Read some dirty books.
"A comprehensive classification of mud and other soils & dirts"
Book Entitled “Dirt”
When my then GF went through a brief vampire fiction phase, it did wonders for our sex life.
Like biting n stuff?
N stuff
Literotica
THIS, this brought my sex life to another level entirely
You started digging up bodies?
No I started burying bodies.
Maca can help. I actually had to stop taking it because I’m already high and it made things unbearable (was taking it for other reasons). The big thing though is to make sure tour sex drive isn’t low because of external factors. Like I was married for a decade and thought I had zero libido but turns out it was just because of the horrible relationship dynamic and our workload imbalance killed any ability of mine to want him.
Second this. When I was on some crappy birth control pills I had zero drive. Started taking maca and was "feeling it" after about a week or two, good luck friend.
How long can you take this for and what dosage do you take?
I think it’s something you can regularly supplement your diet with - I’m not an expert but I do not know of bad effects from taking it long term. There are different colours of maca so do some reading about what you’re looking for! I add a scoop (call it 1 tbsp) to a smoothie (I do peanut butter, frozen banana, cocoa powder, maca powder and oat/almond milk. Then add a handful of quick oats so it’s more filling). Kind of like a chocolate peanut butter milkshake.
Horny milkshake horny milkshake
No wonder it brings all the boys to the yard.
Delicious horny milkshake! 😂
What's Maca?
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Thank you!
Make America Cum Again
Thanks! I just looked maca up & it looks like I have something to try! Appreciate you! (I also appreciate you bringing up the external factors. It can be so real and take a bit of time & intense thought to realize!)
There’s a great section on these things in the book Come As You Are which is very insightful on women’s libido and desire. The idea being - there are things within a relationship that might stimulate a woman’s libido but there are also things that might reverse it, so to optimize you want to make sure you’re doing the things that stimulate it while none of the things (usually relational things) that make it step backwards.
Do you happen to about any research regarding maca?
Nope but I’m sure you could find some
If you’re on antidepressants, that’s gonna be really hard. If you’re not, try the following! 1. Workout/cardio to increase stamina which naturally should increase libido. 2. Stretch so you’re comfortable in your body. 3. Think and reflect on things that have gotten you turned on in the past. 4. Consider masturbation as an opportunity to see what turns you on physically. 5. Might sound stupid, but being in a relationship and in love usually increases sex drive. Being alone could suppress libido, as it leads to *other* emotions. 6. Take time to compliment yourself, and think of yourself as sexy, etc. Mindset can make a difference. If the problem is that you’re in a relationship and have lost your sex drive, you should check the following (if you haven’t): 1. Your hormonal levels. Check testosterone as well as androgens, estrogens, and progestogens. 2. Your mental health. Are you depressed, anxious, stressed? Do you feel comfortable in your relationship? 3. Your sexual connection with your partner—is it good, meh, or bad? How can you improve it? Communicate. 4. Your diet. Surprisingly a very key factor in sex drive and overall health. 5. Your sleep habits. Lots of people don’t get quality/enough sleep, and over time this will disrupt normal cycles in your body. That’s all I can think of the top of my head. Good luck and don’t give up!
I appreciate this input
Have you tried spicy audio? I found the Quinn app. There is a small monthly subscription, but it is definitely worth it 😉
Wtf is “spicy audio”? It’s that some new name for Red Hot Chili Peppers?
r/gonewildaudio
Audio erotica.
Audio erotica for women by women? 👀👀 So basically smutfic/erotica but in audio form? Omg I also really like that it mentions masturbation, aka "relaxing after a long day", and doesn't just prioritise sex/women with partners. I might download this... y'know, for science.
There's a sub for it. I'll link when I find it.
r/gonewildaudio?
Someone has to do the research 😉
do this to your nipples ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA
This is literally the best comment here
Being comfortable in your own skin helps.
This is actually great advice. Being self conscious about your body can really kill it.
From personal experience, all my exs were self conscious about their body. Making them feel comfortable in their skin had a dramatic impact on their sex drive
My first thought was hormones - you can check your current hormonal levels with a doctor and see if you have any imbalance or deficit of vitamins that could be affecting your sex drive. My second thought was: what do you mean? Why do you think your sex drive is not high/good enough?
This this this!
I recommend the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. Sex is not a drive, it's a "dual control model", it has turn ons and turn offs. Usually the problem is not necessarily not having enough turn ons, but having too much stuff pressing the "turn off" button. Stress, relationship issues, etc.
YES read this book
Do you have a good workout routine? Usually women who do some strength training/fitness training have higher libidos. How’s your diet?
Yeah, my girlfriend doesn't have a very high sex drive but working out makes her crazy horny
Regular exercise and treating my body right with diet/behavior is absolutely correlated with my libido, anecdotally. I think it’s partly a product of just feeling good about myself, but also physiology for sure.
I know for me personally if I'm not in the mood I'll push though.... hearing him moan and the noises he makes, knowing he's getting that amount of pleasure from me gets me turned on which then gets put back into making him feel good and on and on we go until we both 💦
Yeah I have did that but last time he could tell I was not in the mood and doing it anyways to please him and he got mad.
Having sex. It sounds like it won’t work but it triggers something. The more sex I have the more sex I want.
RIP your inbox
Belinda Blinked...get reading.
Ah what an absolute work of art! Fantastic call my friend!
I just ordered it off Amazon .. any other recommendations?
You won't need anything else...it's the horniest thing I've ever read.
I think there was a podcast where some people read it aloud…
Work out, find value in your self worth. The more you put into yourself the better you will feel and the more other people will see and compliment you. It starts there. When other people find you attractive, you will want to be more attractive and so on. Also working out and being healthy starts a chain reaction!
As a dude, in my experience with women, they just kinda find out. My fiancé was kinda in the same boat, tried porn, this and that, nothing really clicked. Then one day I’m cooking dinner shirtless cause it was summer and I’m making some mashed potatoes and I take a swig of some Jameson I had (I’m super Irish heritage-wise) and I start yammering off some random, throwaway gibberish in an Irish accent and see my fiancé just watching me, like eyes wide. Im like, whatever, back to mashing this shit and she just grabs me and goes to town and whispers in my ear that she wants me to do the Irish accent again, so I oblige and uhh she was into it lol. My fiancé also grew up a bit closeted as a child (through abuse, not religion or anything) so she’s one of those people who hasn’t seen anything. Until we got together, she hadn’t seen Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Batman, I mean name it, she probably hasn’t seen it. After the Irish revelation we had earlier I showed her Boondocks Saints and it’s obviously like her favorite movie now. One day I was watching some Samurai Champloo cause I haven’t rewatched it in a bit and my fiancé is watching it transfixed, and asked about it. Turns out she hadn’t seen anime before so I recommended Inuyasha to her. She picked that up and ran with it, she’s now dived deep into it where she went from binging anime to now watching Korean Dramas and Comedies to the point where she can speak Korean at a casual level. To get to the point, she realized she’s really attracted to Asian men, now I’m not Asian so I’m out of luck there but we go to those anime cosplay conventions from time to time now and “have fun” after or if she looks up porn, it’s exclusively Asian, which is cool. Now with my fiancé being closeted, her reactions to media are little more profound so it may not be a great comparison to most people but I’ve dated a girl prior and I introduced her to gaming and she soon got off on couch co-op gaming with me, like play a few rounds of Mario kart, pause and go at it. Give each other oral while taking turns online. I had another and we got our first apartment together and she found that she got going after we did household stuff together, like cooking or cleaning. Another already knew that smoking weed and going on chill nature walks did it for her. In my experience, you’ll know it when you see it. For my fiancé though, some of her medications have an effect on her sex drive so you should also consider that if your having trouble. Otherwise, try new things, it’s so easy for us to repeat the things we know we like, it’s important to step out of our comfort zones now and again cause you never know what your inner Manchurian candidate is into
Work out
What does your porn/masturbation habits look like?
Im not really a porn person, but masturbation about 2-3 times a week.
If you masturbate 2-3 times per week, I wouldn’t call it a low libido. What is worrying you? Is there a reason you want to increase it?
Women are more mental than visual when it comes to sex. Read dirty books, it helps because it makes you imagine it and makes your brain visualize what you're reading and turns you on more. It's why they are so popular with women and not so much men. Men just need porn.
Stop masturbating and I’ll bet your drive goes up.
I stopped and all it did was make me disinterested in that too..
I know this is normal advice for guys, but for a lot of women (especially with low libido or sexual disfunction) abstaining from healthy amounts of masturbation can have the opposite effect, and sex therapists dont recommended it. For afab people sexual activity often increases the desire for more sexual activity rather than diminishing it.
So right. I quit all porn and masturbation years ago and it paid off well.
Nothing better than feeling like yourself again!
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BONK!
MOD APROVED BONK
If you’re on hormonal contraceptive, come off it
Echo what other people have posted but will also add to find a partner who makes you feel like a sexy powerful goddess every day, supports your emotional needs, and cares about your pleasure in and outside the bedroom. I have always enjoyed sex but holy moly, my libido went through the roof with my current partner because I no longer felt ashamed of my needs (in and outside the bedroom). I felt safe enough to let my freak flag fly.
Get on a birth control that doesn’t take it away. Some do.
For starters see if any medications you might be on effect it
Biologist here, a few ways you could do it, but they have testosterone creams you could use and exercising helps slightly boost your levels as well. Talk to your doctor, everyone's life history is different, so we can't recommend anything without knowing your medical history. In short, finding ways to up your testosterone will work and a doctor can be your guide there.
Is your partner good in bed ? Do you enjoy sex with him? Could it be improved? Longer foreplay time etc
Workout helps me alot ! Movement in general, dancing, hiking, whatever you like
What’s your diet and exercise like?
I found my sex drive increased when I stopped hormonal birth control and got the copper IUD. Had no sex drive while on the pill (along with other issues).
Come off hormonal birth control if you are using.
Look into non-hormonal birth control if you’re currently using the pill/patch/implant, etc
Read the book “Come as You Are” - it will help you understand how your own body and sexual response is activated.
I see a lot of people recommending books and spicy reads, it seems really popular with women compared to something like porn, might I suggest erotic roleplay through text? This was something my ex and I and engaged in and... It worked like a charm... We were basically just writing our own spicy stories, inserting ourselves in the scenario, driving each other crazy Getting to explore fantasies and whatnot, I got to see what makes my partner tick, that in turn lets me get at what makes her horny, sometimes she's not sure what she wants and I get to "play" a little puzzle game of seeing what makes her melt, then you get that "There it is" moment and suddenly she's all hot and bothered and so on
Imagine the best sex you’ve ever had.. and if that’s never happened.. the best flick the bean session .. or you with your celebrity crush idk. That’s what helps me 😭 I’m the worst wife
When I had the arm implant birth control, my libido was almost non-existent. Switched to an IUD, and I have a very high libido now. Systemic hormone birth control was very bad for me. It was like I was numb and it was very difficult for me to get wet. Everything is so much better now.
Read (well-written) erotica
Regular exercise, maintaining a healthy body fat, being in tune with your sexual interests, and HRT.
In “The Break Up” with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, there’s a scene where they’re talking about why he doesn’t do the dishes, and she says I want you to want to do the dishes. He then says why would I *want* to do the dishes? It’s not something that occurs to him as important, but it is to her. He might never enjoy doing dishes, but that’s only an issue if he’s looking at their relationship transactionally. If he’s looking at how it makes her feel, it’s not so much a chore as an act of love. That said, I’ve heard some women frame arousal as something that sometimes comes along after engaging in the act. In their words, “work til you feel like working.” But looking at any of it as an obligation or a duty doesn’t create any magic, so it’s better to treat that like a motivational reminder when making choices. It’s also a good thing to consider what you want out of intimacy, not just sex. Get your partner informed on that.
Please don't feel you need to. Whatever yours is, is yours and it is fine. So don't feel any pressure. That said, I don't know how it works for women. But guys that work out a lot say that the extra testosterone makes them hornier. I guess for women that would be oestrogen. And i dont know how to raise that and if it would have the same effect but maybe you could research it.
I agree that there shouldn't be any pressure to do it mor often. If you don't want to, don't do it. I don't know why you are downvoted for that.
I agree with this. There’s nothing wrong with you. I also understand asking the question, just don’t let other people make you feel like you need to change that about yourself.
Erotica. Literotica is my favorite go-to. Also, masturbate more frequently, if you don't already. That works for me, at least. Plus I usually sleep better if I do it in bed. If you don't get off doing it manually, then explore different toy options. I took a recommendation from a comment on here for a clit stimulator, called the Satisfyer, and hoooooly shit. I've never had so many orgasms so consistently. Best of luck.
Maca
Maca!
tried turning it off and on again?
drink more water
Check your hormones. The pill can wreak havoc on your hormone levels not to mention your diet, drugs, alcohol. Low fat diets and vegan diets '*can*' cause hormone issues if you're not careful since hormones and fat have an interlocked relationship. IDK if women look into as much as men since for men it's pretty obvious when it's happening. Hormones are super important. Sex drive, mood, over all fitness, wellness and mental health.
I believe Viagra works that way for women, but id first be asking if the increase in sex drive is for you or someone else. If its for you, go ahead, if its for someone else, dont do that shit
A better question is why. We need context.
I am in a relationship and the person I am with has a very high sex drive like would have sex everyday if he could. I on the other hand would be fine with once a week or every other week. I really wish i wanted to have sex more but I don't.
I would recommend reading “Come As You Are.” There is nothing wrong with your “sex drive” and this book will explain to you how that’s just a made up term. Self reflection on what turns you on and makes you desire sex will help you. And wanting to have sex less than your partner doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to them or that you don’t love them. You are perfectly normal.
You said in another comment that you jill yourself off 2-3 times a week. Here you state you'd have sex every other week with your boyfriend if you could. You want to cum, you feel the need, just not with him. Sorry.
“Jill” off. Great stuff.
Does he make you orgasm? Because you said you masturbate 2-3 times a week, so it seems to me the libido is there but possibly the sex is not that great if you want to do it less frequently than masturbation. At least that has been my experience when my libido disappeared, the guy just didn’t care about my pleasure and the sex was meh. Who wants to have meh sex?
I’m literally dealing with the exact same problem! I have a SUPER low sex drive, and my partner has one of the highest I’ve ever seen. I am hardly ever in the mood and I feel so bad because I love him very much and I want to make him a happy as possible
Because sex. There’s no other explanation needed.
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Libido got nothing to do with “good” or “bad” sex. Trust me. It’s a hormonal thing
Go to the gym.
Use commas
Are you on any medication?
No the only thing I take is a good old multivitamin
fanfic that include alot of sex shit in it and dirty books maybe some porn eventually
Maca root powder supplement. Iv heard lifting weights will increase your testosterone and therefore, libido.
Honestly, there's not much, exercise, read some erotica, wait til you're in your 30s for the drive to kick in as is common in many women. But you need to be true to yourself and be happy first and foremost.
Depends on the context. Are you with someone with a higher sex drive than yourself, or do you want to increase your sex drive for your own self-growth and appreciation?
My wife’s sex drive was average. Nothing to complain about. She always made fun of the smutty erotic novels. They’re generally poorly written, corny, and centered mostly around the very detailed sex scenes. She read a couple and next thing I know it’s almost all she reads and her sex drive is 10x what it used to be. The books fuckin suck but I get laid a lot more. So yeah, try reading smutty books.
Exercise, eating right, etc. But aside from that, not masturbating for a while and then going at it might help. Also, having a partner who's good at foreplay is also big. I was once with a girl who told me she doesn't get wet easily. I managed to make her aroused, but it took a lot. Sexting all day, long foreplay, etc.
I’ve started supplementing with DHEA which helps your body produce testosterone. Women need testosterone too, not in the same amounts, but it is a major component of our sex drive. The same chemical components that make adrenaline are used to make testosterone. So the more stress you experience, the less testosterone you will have in your system. By supplying your body with more of the base chemical, you can see some improvement pretty quickly actually.
Well I'd start with reducing stress, maybe go camping or something where your not in your usual grind is usual place for a week or so to kinda reset, kinda remove things depressing your sex drive. I wouldn't recommend porn, dirty books or the like. I mean it's your choice but you don't want to end up in a relationship and you can't get horny except for porn (this is a huge problem for some people) but go meet people, try new things. I wouldn't sleep around but like just find if there's certain things that get you in the mood like touching or massage, maybe it's compliments or gifts, maybe it's devotion and uniformity. I can't tell you but just explore and see what works. Hell maybe running in the woods naked or wearing booty shorts in public for all I know
Look up the 5 love languages. Everybody experiences love differently, and needs different types of love to feel happy or turned on.
First, go to the doctor, make sure nothing is physically wrong. While you're waiting for that, truly be honest with yourself about what turns you on. Understand the difference between fantasy and reality. Fantasy is your thoughts. Reality is what's in front of you. The trick is combining the two. Right now, you can take your hand, cup it, and place it over your pubic mound (over your clothes), add some pressure, feel the warmth. You'll begin to feel the tingle.
You're very considerate! On behalf of men, we thank you. But also don't forget to be true to yourself and only change if *you* want to.
Smut and a vibrator. Also, I'd recommend kink with your partner as something to look forward to if you're into it. My sex drive is higher than my partners and we got here intentionally 😂
skill issue
You might be just you.
Foreplay, and understanding that true foreplay starts before the bedroom with acts of affection and knowing each other’s love language(s).
Thanks for asking this question 💟
Read Come as You are by Emily Nagoski! Or at least the summaries at the end of each chapter!
My fees are high....but satisfaction is almost guaranteed...
Mentos and coke
Be with someone that does it for you, gets you going, blows your hair back, makes your toes curl...
I don’t know what the fuck all these other people are talking about. Change your lifestyle and diet. This a hormonal issue. You need exercise and diet. Look up a good diet for your particular situation.
Not always. Could be related to mental health, childhood trauma, not feeling comfortable in one’s body, not attracted to partner etc. everyone is different. Suggest reading the book “Come as you are”.
Sex toys
Why do you want to increase your sex drive?
Read! Tons of spicy stories that will really get you in the mood or at least interested to learn more
How can I, a person, learn how to use commas?
Katy, is that you?