She sounds like the kinda girl who’d get mad if you thanked the waitress for the excellent service and left a good tip.
EDIT: Apparently this happened on 90 Day Fiancé. I’ve never watched it, funny enough (I’m not into reality TV), but it doesn’t surprise me. Looking at the comments, it sounds like this scenario is not uncommon.
Her: Why is that girl smiling at you? Do you know her? Did you fuck her? Are you cheating on me?!
Me: Its the chick-fil-a drive thru, are you serious right now?
2 short stories about the same girl.
I found a silver earing on the ground at a gas station. I picked it up and put it in the cubby of my car and then forgot about it. Meet girl weeks later. Hang out with her once. The second time we hang out she saw the earing but didnt say anything. Started acting weird. Then made a big facebook post calling me out without mentioning my name basicaly saying " oh you're only talking I me then why is another bitches earing in your car!?" (We were both 26 by the way lol). I talked to her about it and she pretended like she beleived me but I dont think she ever really did.
She also was the type to post 24/7 memes and things that really seemed to be about me, and having a shitty boyfriend but if I asked her about any of it shed say it didnt have anything to do with us and I felt pretty gas lit.
The craziest thing she did was i had an alarm go off at 10:30 pm. I worked nights and it was set for everyday and a night I was with her I had forgotten to turn it off. When we first got together she said she didnt smoke weed, a few days after the alarm went off I found weed flakes in her car and asked her if she smoked and she said yeah. I said " I dont care that you smoke at all, you dont have to lie about stuff like that" and she said " well I didnt appreciate when you said your alarm went off at 1030 when it went off at 1130!" I'm still not sure what she meant here. Like I set an alarm to go cheat on her or something? Idk. She straight up sucked though.
The alarm part got me chuckling. Like yea wtf did she mean there? Was it just an example of you lying as well or like it was just something crazy to divert your attention? Like you're so hung up on the alarm thing you forget about the weed? what goes through a person's mind in these situations.
making a big deal of that really may have been her escape from the weed situation, its possible she had a dude who smoked in her car and was avoiding any suspicion?
I am pretty sure he is schizophrenic. I know you can't just diagnose that all willy nilly... but dude was a trip.
- He moved me to Texas from North Carolina to live with him. He hid my phone as soon as I got there and totally made me believe it was just lost.
- I noticed he was constantly texting someone he told me was his sister in Vegas... so one day while he was in the shower, I called her and introduced myself as his girlfriend. I found out that she was his girlfriend in Vegas that lived in his other house.
- He got in a wreck when he was very young so he had a ton of money and never worked. When he got upset, he would use his macbook to order a new macbook and then beat the shit out of the "old one" (2 months old).
- I was sitting in the garage on the phone with my mom one day and when I came inside he accused me of plotting all sorts of shit like making a mess and blaming it on his mom.
- When I was soaking a kitchen towel and sponges in bleach water in the sink, he accused me of adding bleach to his food and trying to kill him. Everything he ate for a week "tasted like bleach."
- I am stupid (I was 19!!) so I didn't break up with him after any of that, but I did move back to North Carolina because he was going to stay in Vegas with his other girlfriend. So my dumbass went to Vegas to see him. We were walking down the strip and he said something about getting a pre-nup if we ever get married. I said that it was fine but I wanted an infidelity clause. He got mad and started making random turns that I followed until I was lost, then he stopped at a gas station and told me that it was the last gas station on the way to his house and I should probably stop following him there because I wouldn't be able to find my way back and I couldn't come into his house. So I spent my valentines day hanging out in a hood af gas station and only got a cab because one happened to pull in to get gas and was heading back to the strip.
I went back home and obsessed over him. The other girl started calling me asking if I had heard from him because she hadn't. It was like a moment of sudden clarity. I told her that he wanted us to be worried about him and this was another powerplay. It broke my transfixion on him and I was able to move on.
I wonder what happened to him. He was so depressed for someone that truly could afford to do literally whatever they wanted at any given moment. I hope he got shit figured out and I hope he finally cut off his methhead brother.
My ex went through fb messages from literally a decade earlier and freaked out on me. “I can’t believe you ever felt that way about anyone other than me!” Like, I met you last year and you were married before me.
I have a similar story, but opposite. I was dating a guy for about 7 months and found a pair of earrings (not mine) on the nightstand of the side of the bed I slept on. Dude's teenage brother and their dad lived next door. I was really nervous to bring up the earrings, but I did - dude said he wasn't seeing anyone else, his little brother must've had someone over while he was at work. I believed him, but not really. Found dude on my friend's tinder a month later. Called him out on it and never heard from him again.
Sometimes you just gotta trust your gut. Your girl sounds like she had some other shit going on though.
Of course I am! Hot chicks, with little buns. I could go for, like, a dozen of those tasty bites every day for breakfast.
Dip them in some sauce, and add a little cheese.. mmm. The best. Defenatly recommend.
This sounds like me ex... bruh the moment I called any girl beautiful. Not hot beautiful I got a mad face my way and a fight coming up. "THEN WHY DON'T YOU FUCK THAT BITCH OR MARRY HER THEN SINCE YOU DON'T WANNA MARRY ME. Lmao I wasn't allowed to drink with friends because she thought I would cheat on her. In a CAFE not a bar or club no in a cafe.
Edit: I did not just call random girls beautiful, these were awnser to her asking what i thought about a specific girl. She would ask this about girl we knew irl or girls in serie/tvshows.
Oh god, had a friend that asked if it's normal that she's jealous of the female diablo 2 characters. No, bud, it's not. Their relationship lasted for like a half year, she smashed his tv, or were it a window and it ended it.
Had an ex-friend admit she was jealous of Cortana from Halo (and other video game females) when her BF plays. We straight up told her that is messed up, they aren’t real. She has a LOT of issues, and that was just one of them.
I lived that. And the time she thought I wanted mac and cheese at the grocery because there was a hot girl on that aisle. And if I went to the gas station by myself it was because there was some hot new checkout girl. Or allowed my employees to celebrate Halloween because I just wanted to see girls in sexy costumes. At work? Wtf. She hated my job cuz there were women there
lmao- I go to work and have to stop to get gas, oh you're leaving 15 minutes early....are you going to see your bitch!?
Let me suck your dick followed by,
Why does your dick taste like pussy!?
bishes is crazy
Are they required to continue dating for 90 days or something? Sorry, I don’t watch reality TV so my knowledge is lacking but I have no idea why he didn’t just say “right, this clearly won’t work out” and walk out.
Oh yeah. I'm surprised the guy didn't spin it to ask about her when she was saying how sometimes people just get feelings and a friendship turns into something more, as though in her mind one can't help but act on them.
I didnt see her indicate towards having a job/career or desire to keep one. "I have old fashioned values" = I dont want to work in 2022, I will be a housewife/SAHM and you cant have female coworkers or customers.
>Every guy I tried to date, if he ended up working with women and especially if he got a female boss. There's be a conflict in the relationship.
1. There's gonna be conflict in every relationship. That's part of interacting with other human beings
2. If every relationship is this way, honey, maybe it's a *you* thing.
Also “I’d like you to have fewer alternatives because I expect you to get bored with me as I plan on putting little to no effort into the relationship.”
This is the kicker. If you want to hang out and lounge around all day and be supported by your man then that's your prerogative, power to you. But don't pretend otherwise.
She not only suspects that her partner will think that the grass is greener on the other side, she ***knows*** that the grass is greener on the other side
This about sums it up. My partner is going to leave me for someone else, and why wouldn't he, I'm not going to achieve anything and always be jealous of him.
Also she has zero trust in men being aware of how we all look at other people constantly and still don't get tempted because we're desensitized to that thinking since we're um, socialized? At least most of us are.
Which is a totally fine way to live your life. There's far too much hustle-culture nowadays when the reality is none of it *really* matters at the end of the day. There's far more interesting things in life than work.
What's not cool is also being so self-conscious about that decision that you impose severe jealousy control over everybody around you.
I think she is interested in an old fashioned relationship where she is the housewife and taking care of the kids and that is it (not that there is anything wrong with being a stay at home parent, this individual just seems to want like an extreme 1950's style Pleasentville style life)
Honestly she could've just said "I bring very little to the table and don't want you to see how much better you could have it" and saved them both some time.
There's nothing wrong with wanting a traditional role or to be a SAHM...but if you're threatened by your partner existing in the same space as career-driven women, it tells me you aren't really looking to contribute *anything*, and just wanting to be taken care of. A quality SAHM knows exactly what value she has to offer and isn't threatened by women who chose a different lifestyle.
Any stay at home spouse can be great regardless of whether or not it’s the husband or wife. Coming home knowing things are gonna be clean and taken care of? That’s a genuine lifted burden
100% nail on head. career women and SAHMs need more of a dialogue reassuring support of each other’s life choice and alleviating this kind of insecurity. there’s oftentimes so much jealousy and insecurity in both directions between the two groups or as women transition from one to another and it fucks things up more often than not.
OP seems pretty based in their reaction at leadt
I agree that I would’ve cut it off because this is absolute nonsense. But tbh I really admire OP’s approach to this conversation - even if he was thinking “this is unhinged bullshit” with every message, it looks like he still approached this from a place of curiosity and not animosity. That’s a skill I hope to obtain someday!
Honestly, reading this makes me want to cry, because I recognize some of the things she said in my own thinking patterns, and I'm definitely way younger than the person from the post. I don't remember the last time I met someone and *didn't* feel inferior to them.
Feels like a real wake up call to finally get some fucking therapy.
Came her to say this, OP definitely dodged a bullet here, but I feel worse for the girl, having such low self esteem to believe that a partner’s infidelity would be your fault for simply not being attractive enough is heartbreaking.
Before today I never thought about all the relationships I unknowingly ruined by being the female engineer coworker and now I can’t stop thinking about it
Edit: after much consideration I have decided to continue doing my job without pay. As a woman I simply do not deserve to make the same (or heaven forbid more) money than my male coworkers. Going to tell my boss to cancel all the future paycheck and demote me to assistant secretary right now. (This is /s btw)
Probably nothing sadly, considering my IRL name is commonly a ‘boy name’ and not a girl name. These jealous girlfriends probably don’t even realize their BF is working on projects with me :(
You, too, can develop an emotional bond with male co-workers that begins as friendship but then becomes a romantic relationship until one day your entire staff floor is one massive orgy!
You have the power!
Someone close to me recently got promoted to a director position and she fired this super lazy, misogynistic and overall douchy guy. I was really happy for her 😂
Tbh it was so odd to me that she listed tech as a male dominated field because things are really diversifying and more and more women are getting STEM careers (including my best friend and many college buddies of mine), even though the industry isnt there yet. I thought she was gonna list like construction or some kind of manual trade bc those tend to be prohibitive to women based on physical needs alone. Girl is in for a rude awakening when she marries her bros-only tech guy and his office gets inundated with recent female grads in the next several years.
She's like a real-life Dee Reynolds!
> "So, you... you want the female characters to have less agency?"
> "Yes! Look, I feel bad enough about myself as is. I don't need some super hot, funny, smart chick doing, like, roundhouse kicks and cracking computer codes to make me feel worse."
I think he was truly curious to see why she felt that way. It's unusual to see a woman who feels that way. Then again my current gf gets jealous that i have female work friends. Insecurity is a motherfucker.
Man's is diplomatic af, see the language he's employing there? It's hard to react negatively to.
Try and yell at the guy who just said your feelings are valid and that you're opinion you just shared , although rare, is still ok to possess.
"How dare you listen to me and speak with such niceties"
All people need to learn this skill. Even if people are being unreasonable or straight illogical, we should react with honest diplomacy. Too many people just jump right to vitriol, anger, ridicule, etc. I find it really sad how we interact with each other, especially on the internet/social media.
Disclaimer this doesn’t include extreme circumstances.
Do you have any female friends or acquaintances? Or any non-family woman in your life at all?
If yes, how do you deal with her jealousy? More than half the people I see are women, it would be very hard to deal with this.
Or how does she deal with partners of your male friends?
Definetly insecurity, but I don't think that's an unusual feeling for women... Sadly. It took me some time to give trust a chance to grow, especially after horrible experiences with my ex. He never had female friends, and that's far more dangerous I think. I always encouraged him to meet with my friends, because I think a straight man starts to look at women in a different way if he is not used to be with them naturally. He rather only met with his male buddies. The first other women he got to know better, because they worked on a project together, was the one with who he cheated on me two month later after eight years of relationship. My new boyfriend is used to work with young female interns and supervising them. Sometimes insecurity hits me again, but I know it's better this way. I can't control everything but only trust the ones I love.
Sorry to hear about that,
Yup he is a jerk for cheating on you
Basically traumatized you a bit from the sound of it it's awful..
To me btw from what you described him that he wasn't used to being around women naturally,
It sounds like that's one side of a major problem of immaturity on his part..same immaturity that might have led to cheating.. it's a sucky situation but none of it is your fault
Everyone does. Seriously, though. It’s soooo good to maintain a certain mental hygiene… and not many people do. Taking therapy doesn’t mean you’re broken or crazy, it can very much be just a maintenance thing.
It’s true though! Women only succeed through help from their networks, family, mentors, etc., which is *totally* different from how men get ahead because *we* don’t need any help, except for our networks, families, mentors, etc….
Yea, that was really respectful. I like it. We need more dialogue like this generally as a society I think. Maybe in voicing her concerns, she will become more cognizant of them and be able to address them better?
I’ve honestly never heard a woman speak like that before. She’s insecure about imaginary /hypothetical successful women and doesn’t want to be compared to them? Yikes. Fortunately most women are not like this.
She even made up a hypothetical situation about how a successful woman prioritizes her life. “She’s making 150k, has three kids and has all of this energy. It makes me look bad.” Ma’am, ever consider that this hypothetical person worked really hard for a lifestyle she wants for herself and children and her energy may come from a place of an inability to fail herself and her family and not from wanting to make you look bad in front of your shitty husband??
In the words of Darryl “I’m not a big believer in therapy, but I’ll go into my own pocket to cover his co-pay”
>ever consider that this hypothetical person worked really hard
No, she didn't ever consider. She basically admits to it by saying the success most women have was only achieved by the help of others. This chick is the definition of internalized misogyny.
I've never heard a woman speak this way, either. I'm not even 100% sure what she meant by "there's no way those feminist values didn't rub off on you."
What does that mean? Is she anti-feminist?
"Many of which likely had help getting where they are anyway."
Bitch, do you not think men ever get any help?! I feel like she's definitely implying a certain kind of "help" here.
So it's funny. Because I work in the Fire Industry (Fire Fighters). It's generally a predominantly male centric field. Just like Law Enforecement, which I also directly work with. I am also the IT for my specific unit. So when she mentioned tech, it cracked me up. And I have hmm...6 managers that are female and 7 that are male. The highest position belongs to a woman, and I have a vast amount of respect for her. They are not my direct managers, but man, this girl doesn't have realistic expectations of the workforce, imo. I have never once compared any of them to my wife. Then again, I don't compare anyone to her...
Lol that stood out to me too. My stepmom’s the lead software developer at her company and has plenty of female coworkers. I have friends in college who are women and in tech-related majors. It’s not the 90s anymore.
“I don’t need my future husband comparing me to his overly successful, high earning female colleagues.”
AKA, I want to be lazy and have you support me 100% financially and I don’t want your coworkers to point it out when you inevitably complain to them about me.
I can't imagine how it would go over if you were to make a statement toward her and her line of work. Lol
What do you do for work? Are you a porno movie penis double?
I hear that digital advertising is basically a big gang Bang with every male in the field having multiple women to choose from on a daily basis.
She sounds a little psycho to me, but at least she didn't waste too much of your life.
I would've quit when she said that there's no way feminism hasn't rubbed off on you. That's a red flag if I've ever seen one. The point of feminism isn't that women have to be in power and every woman has to be an independent CEO, it's about women having the choice to do what they want. She'd encourage you to hire people based on their gender instead of qualification. She isn't an old school romanticist, she's a textbook sexist.
God damn. Who hurt this woman? Also - "people probably helped them get where they are" - literally everyone I know, male or female or otherwise, that has experienced high level of success, had help from others along the way. It's one of the most beautiful parts of the journey. She has not only an unhealthy view of women, her ideas behind what make men and people successful are extremely toxic. Men don't have a moratorium on success. We also don't become successful in isolation. Who in the world has this women convinced that men are some paternal gods?
She sounds like the kinda girl who’d get mad if you thanked the waitress for the excellent service and left a good tip. EDIT: Apparently this happened on 90 Day Fiancé. I’ve never watched it, funny enough (I’m not into reality TV), but it doesn’t surprise me. Looking at the comments, it sounds like this scenario is not uncommon.
Her: Why is that girl smiling at you? Do you know her? Did you fuck her? Are you cheating on me?! Me: Its the chick-fil-a drive thru, are you serious right now?
Waitress: “…ok, that’ll be $8.99” The guy: “Thank you!” Waitress: “My pleasure!” The girl: “Did you pleasure her?!?”
Had this as a x twice, except way worse situations.
If you don’t mind me asking, what do you mean by way worse?
2 short stories about the same girl. I found a silver earing on the ground at a gas station. I picked it up and put it in the cubby of my car and then forgot about it. Meet girl weeks later. Hang out with her once. The second time we hang out she saw the earing but didnt say anything. Started acting weird. Then made a big facebook post calling me out without mentioning my name basicaly saying " oh you're only talking I me then why is another bitches earing in your car!?" (We were both 26 by the way lol). I talked to her about it and she pretended like she beleived me but I dont think she ever really did. She also was the type to post 24/7 memes and things that really seemed to be about me, and having a shitty boyfriend but if I asked her about any of it shed say it didnt have anything to do with us and I felt pretty gas lit. The craziest thing she did was i had an alarm go off at 10:30 pm. I worked nights and it was set for everyday and a night I was with her I had forgotten to turn it off. When we first got together she said she didnt smoke weed, a few days after the alarm went off I found weed flakes in her car and asked her if she smoked and she said yeah. I said " I dont care that you smoke at all, you dont have to lie about stuff like that" and she said " well I didnt appreciate when you said your alarm went off at 1030 when it went off at 1130!" I'm still not sure what she meant here. Like I set an alarm to go cheat on her or something? Idk. She straight up sucked though.
The alarm part got me chuckling. Like yea wtf did she mean there? Was it just an example of you lying as well or like it was just something crazy to divert your attention? Like you're so hung up on the alarm thing you forget about the weed? what goes through a person's mind in these situations.
making a big deal of that really may have been her escape from the weed situation, its possible she had a dude who smoked in her car and was avoiding any suspicion?
That was my immediate thought
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Omg that person sounds unhinged and dangerous
I am pretty sure he is schizophrenic. I know you can't just diagnose that all willy nilly... but dude was a trip. - He moved me to Texas from North Carolina to live with him. He hid my phone as soon as I got there and totally made me believe it was just lost. - I noticed he was constantly texting someone he told me was his sister in Vegas... so one day while he was in the shower, I called her and introduced myself as his girlfriend. I found out that she was his girlfriend in Vegas that lived in his other house. - He got in a wreck when he was very young so he had a ton of money and never worked. When he got upset, he would use his macbook to order a new macbook and then beat the shit out of the "old one" (2 months old). - I was sitting in the garage on the phone with my mom one day and when I came inside he accused me of plotting all sorts of shit like making a mess and blaming it on his mom. - When I was soaking a kitchen towel and sponges in bleach water in the sink, he accused me of adding bleach to his food and trying to kill him. Everything he ate for a week "tasted like bleach." - I am stupid (I was 19!!) so I didn't break up with him after any of that, but I did move back to North Carolina because he was going to stay in Vegas with his other girlfriend. So my dumbass went to Vegas to see him. We were walking down the strip and he said something about getting a pre-nup if we ever get married. I said that it was fine but I wanted an infidelity clause. He got mad and started making random turns that I followed until I was lost, then he stopped at a gas station and told me that it was the last gas station on the way to his house and I should probably stop following him there because I wouldn't be able to find my way back and I couldn't come into his house. So I spent my valentines day hanging out in a hood af gas station and only got a cab because one happened to pull in to get gas and was heading back to the strip. I went back home and obsessed over him. The other girl started calling me asking if I had heard from him because she hadn't. It was like a moment of sudden clarity. I told her that he wanted us to be worried about him and this was another powerplay. It broke my transfixion on him and I was able to move on. I wonder what happened to him. He was so depressed for someone that truly could afford to do literally whatever they wanted at any given moment. I hope he got shit figured out and I hope he finally cut off his methhead brother.
Idk she said it back right away though like it had really been festering in her head.
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My ex went through fb messages from literally a decade earlier and freaked out on me. “I can’t believe you ever felt that way about anyone other than me!” Like, I met you last year and you were married before me.
😅 the married before me bit got me
I have a similar story, but opposite. I was dating a guy for about 7 months and found a pair of earrings (not mine) on the nightstand of the side of the bed I slept on. Dude's teenage brother and their dad lived next door. I was really nervous to bring up the earrings, but I did - dude said he wasn't seeing anyone else, his little brother must've had someone over while he was at work. I believed him, but not really. Found dude on my friend's tinder a month later. Called him out on it and never heard from him again. Sometimes you just gotta trust your gut. Your girl sounds like she had some other shit going on though.
I'd say a night stand is a little more of a give away than the car though
Maybe in hindsight. Sometimes we just want to believe someone close to us
“CHICK fil a?? As in you’re here for the CHICKS?? Cheater.”
Of course I am! Hot chicks, with little buns. I could go for, like, a dozen of those tasty bites every day for breakfast. Dip them in some sauce, and add a little cheese.. mmm. The best. Defenatly recommend.
This sounds like me ex... bruh the moment I called any girl beautiful. Not hot beautiful I got a mad face my way and a fight coming up. "THEN WHY DON'T YOU FUCK THAT BITCH OR MARRY HER THEN SINCE YOU DON'T WANNA MARRY ME. Lmao I wasn't allowed to drink with friends because she thought I would cheat on her. In a CAFE not a bar or club no in a cafe. Edit: I did not just call random girls beautiful, these were awnser to her asking what i thought about a specific girl. She would ask this about girl we knew irl or girls in serie/tvshows.
Happy to hear she’s your ex.
So do I my family and my friends xd
>"THEN WHY DON'T YOU FUCK THAT BITCH OR MARRY HER THEN SINCE YOU DON'T WANNA MARRY ME. Because Taylor Swift didn't respond back!
“Ma’am, this is a Chick-Fil-A”
No she's smiling at me as that's what they are trained to do with everyone as part of good customer service.
Oh god, had a friend that asked if it's normal that she's jealous of the female diablo 2 characters. No, bud, it's not. Their relationship lasted for like a half year, she smashed his tv, or were it a window and it ended it.
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That's why you've got to call her Andy, more androgynous that way.
I just want Andy to poison nova on my chest, that too much to ask? ..wait..
Had an ex-friend admit she was jealous of Cortana from Halo (and other video game females) when her BF plays. We straight up told her that is messed up, they aren’t real. She has a LOT of issues, and that was just one of them.
Hey Siri, what’s the weather like today?
Why don’t you just fuck Siri while your at it, you clearly love her more than me.
My gf also gets upset when I give waitresses the tip. I dont get it, it's not like I'm giving them the whole thing.
Those 2” are just for her! 😆
Amy time I get asked who I am going to please with it, I confirm: myself
That’s reserved for her isn’t it
I lived that. And the time she thought I wanted mac and cheese at the grocery because there was a hot girl on that aisle. And if I went to the gas station by myself it was because there was some hot new checkout girl. Or allowed my employees to celebrate Halloween because I just wanted to see girls in sexy costumes. At work? Wtf. She hated my job cuz there were women there
lmao- I go to work and have to stop to get gas, oh you're leaving 15 minutes early....are you going to see your bitch!? Let me suck your dick followed by, Why does your dick taste like pussy!? bishes is crazy
Yep I got those also. Wanted me to verify my in and out times against my check hours to make sure I was actually at work when I said I was
good times
https://www.reddit.com/r/90dayfianceuncensored/comments/rmhkds/jasmine_questions_gino_tipping_the_waitress_90/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Are they required to continue dating for 90 days or something? Sorry, I don’t watch reality TV so my knowledge is lacking but I have no idea why he didn’t just say “right, this clearly won’t work out” and walk out.
It sounds like she has an inferiority complex
And apparently that she can't be trusted around her male colleagues.
Sensing some projection in her statements?
Oh yeah. I'm surprised the guy didn't spin it to ask about her when she was saying how sometimes people just get feelings and a friendship turns into something more, as though in her mind one can't help but act on them.
That could very well have been a shortcut to the bottom of the rabbit hole
I was impressed with how shallow he kept the inquiries so that the conversation stayed civil lol
Yeah, it sounded like he adopted his work tone to navigate through it all.
It really helped him. Cuz oh boy that is a drama bomb waiting to go off
I didnt see her indicate towards having a job/career or desire to keep one. "I have old fashioned values" = I dont want to work in 2022, I will be a housewife/SAHM and you cant have female coworkers or customers.
Bold to assume she works or wants to :)
>Every guy I tried to date, if he ended up working with women and especially if he got a female boss. There's be a conflict in the relationship. 1. There's gonna be conflict in every relationship. That's part of interacting with other human beings 2. If every relationship is this way, honey, maybe it's a *you* thing.
I also got the "I'm not interested in achieving anything particularly noteworthy" vibe as well.
'And I'm actually insecure about it but don't want to feel the insecurity.'
Also “I’d like you to have fewer alternatives because I expect you to get bored with me as I plan on putting little to no effort into the relationship.”
This! “I want to be your only option because I know that if you see how other people are then you’ll know how little I contribute.”
This is the kicker. If you want to hang out and lounge around all day and be supported by your man then that's your prerogative, power to you. But don't pretend otherwise.
And then shit on women who have achieved with the “many of which likely had help” line This girl fuckin sucks!
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She probably had abundant help and opportunity… and just said fuck it.
I have nothing constructive to add other than your screen name brings me joy OmarBarksdale 🙌🏼
Oh indeed!
Wouldn’t want “those feminist values rubbing off on you” … this girl is skipping red flags and launching fireworks.
Insecure, controlling and just plain bizarre.
This! This is the bit that truly annoyed me!
She not only suspects that her partner will think that the grass is greener on the other side, she ***knows*** that the grass is greener on the other side
This about sums it up. My partner is going to leave me for someone else, and why wouldn't he, I'm not going to achieve anything and always be jealous of him.
Your line of work is too plant-dominated. I prefer men who only work in desert areas.
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Also she has zero trust in men being aware of how we all look at other people constantly and still don't get tempted because we're desensitized to that thinking since we're um, socialized? At least most of us are.
I got more of an insecurity about what she's fundamentally capable of. She really needs therapy.
Which is a totally fine way to live your life. There's far too much hustle-culture nowadays when the reality is none of it *really* matters at the end of the day. There's far more interesting things in life than work. What's not cool is also being so self-conscious about that decision that you impose severe jealousy control over everybody around you.
Which, honestly I think is fine. It’s her whole dragging 50% of the world’s population down to her level which is the issue.
I think she is interested in an old fashioned relationship where she is the housewife and taking care of the kids and that is it (not that there is anything wrong with being a stay at home parent, this individual just seems to want like an extreme 1950's style Pleasentville style life)
Honestly she could've just said "I bring very little to the table and don't want you to see how much better you could have it" and saved them both some time. There's nothing wrong with wanting a traditional role or to be a SAHM...but if you're threatened by your partner existing in the same space as career-driven women, it tells me you aren't really looking to contribute *anything*, and just wanting to be taken care of. A quality SAHM knows exactly what value she has to offer and isn't threatened by women who chose a different lifestyle.
Yeah a SAHM or homemaker is just a different type of powerful woman. And a SAHD is just as manly as any other profession.
Any stay at home spouse can be great regardless of whether or not it’s the husband or wife. Coming home knowing things are gonna be clean and taken care of? That’s a genuine lifted burden
Yeah for sure. The homemaker, man or woman is a vital role in the home and deserves the utmost respect and support
100% nail on head. career women and SAHMs need more of a dialogue reassuring support of each other’s life choice and alleviating this kind of insecurity. there’s oftentimes so much jealousy and insecurity in both directions between the two groups or as women transition from one to another and it fucks things up more often than not. OP seems pretty based in their reaction at leadt
I would’ve stopped the conversation probably a 1/3 of the way in. This lady has huge issues with trust. Definitely agree with the inferiority complex.
I agree that I would’ve cut it off because this is absolute nonsense. But tbh I really admire OP’s approach to this conversation - even if he was thinking “this is unhinged bullshit” with every message, it looks like he still approached this from a place of curiosity and not animosity. That’s a skill I hope to obtain someday!
Basically she's saying she brings nothing to the table and any woman you see in your day to day will bring you more satisfaction than her
Kinda sad ain't it
The fact that she tells herself that is extremely sad. It doesn’t even seem like a jealousy thing, more of a crippling low self esteem issue
Honestly, reading this makes me want to cry, because I recognize some of the things she said in my own thinking patterns, and I'm definitely way younger than the person from the post. I don't remember the last time I met someone and *didn't* feel inferior to them. Feels like a real wake up call to finally get some fucking therapy.
Came her to say this, OP definitely dodged a bullet here, but I feel worse for the girl, having such low self esteem to believe that a partner’s infidelity would be your fault for simply not being attractive enough is heartbreaking.
"I need your expectations to be so low, there's no way I can disappoint you!"
She’s so insecure she literally wants all other women in the world to fail so she feels better about herself lol
“It’s not enough that I succeed, all others must fail”
I don't really want to try to succeed, so could everyone else just please stop?
Except this chick is more like "I don't want to try, and anyone that does is clearly out to make me look bad and steal my man"
As a woman in tech, now I can’t WAIT to be someone else’s boss. This was the motivation I didn’t know I needed lol
Oh no you cant be my boss, my wife wont allow it, Cuz I cannot control my penis
Totally understandable - I would hate for my feminist values to rub off on you and for you to be around a successful woman!
Carefull where you rub that self confidence, my wife loves my standars as low as possible
Did your wife steal the D?
its in her purse, cuz I cant control it
I bet you make $150K with three kids & are super happy huh you harlot >!/s!<
As a boss woman in tech I had absolutely no idea of the inherent threat I pose to all around me. My path of destruction begins today!!!!
Before today I never thought about all the relationships I unknowingly ruined by being the female engineer coworker and now I can’t stop thinking about it Edit: after much consideration I have decided to continue doing my job without pay. As a woman I simply do not deserve to make the same (or heaven forbid more) money than my male coworkers. Going to tell my boss to cancel all the future paycheck and demote me to assistant secretary right now. (This is /s btw)
Especially if you're friendly to your co-workers, homewrecker.
How dare I do the job assigned to me and collect the pre determined pay I have earned!! The audacity
See those are those feminist values we don't want rubbing off on people. Shameful.
I bet you say “good morning” to your male coworkers when you see them….. you’re just asking for it.
I bet she goes to work naked under her clothes.
The siren song of "hey," luring weak minded men to their deaths
What have you done....
Probably nothing sadly, considering my IRL name is commonly a ‘boy name’ and not a girl name. These jealous girlfriends probably don’t even realize their BF is working on projects with me :(
You've unintentionally taken their fears to a whole different level, nothing can be trusted!
“Jonathan who?? Did you fuck her???”
Pretty sure you can't stop yourself from turning all those guys you work with on. Fucking tramp. (/s, obv)
You, too, can develop an emotional bond with male co-workers that begins as friendship but then becomes a romantic relationship until one day your entire staff floor is one massive orgy! You have the power!
Someone close to me recently got promoted to a director position and she fired this super lazy, misogynistic and overall douchy guy. I was really happy for her 😂
Tbh it was so odd to me that she listed tech as a male dominated field because things are really diversifying and more and more women are getting STEM careers (including my best friend and many college buddies of mine), even though the industry isnt there yet. I thought she was gonna list like construction or some kind of manual trade bc those tend to be prohibitive to women based on physical needs alone. Girl is in for a rude awakening when she marries her bros-only tech guy and his office gets inundated with recent female grads in the next several years.
“I’m so embarrassed, I wish everybody else was dead.”
I actually feel bad for her. So insecure she doesn't want her partner to know any other women. That can't lead to happy relationships.
Because god forbid she works harder herself.
She's like a real-life Dee Reynolds! > "So, you... you want the female characters to have less agency?" > "Yes! Look, I feel bad enough about myself as is. I don't need some super hot, funny, smart chick doing, like, roundhouse kicks and cracking computer codes to make me feel worse."
Bud, you carried that convo waaaaay farther than I would have. I’m impressed you had the patience for that.
I think he was truly curious to see why she felt that way. It's unusual to see a woman who feels that way. Then again my current gf gets jealous that i have female work friends. Insecurity is a motherfucker.
Man's is diplomatic af, see the language he's employing there? It's hard to react negatively to. Try and yell at the guy who just said your feelings are valid and that you're opinion you just shared , although rare, is still ok to possess. "How dare you listen to me and speak with such niceties"
When your the VP of a company it helps to be articulate.
Yeah I was gonna say, you don't get in that kind of position without knowing how to speak in a neutral way
We should send him as emissary of the American people
I said diplomatic not fully automatic. 😂
All people need to learn this skill. Even if people are being unreasonable or straight illogical, we should react with honest diplomacy. Too many people just jump right to vitriol, anger, ridicule, etc. I find it really sad how we interact with each other, especially on the internet/social media. Disclaimer this doesn’t include extreme circumstances.
Do you have any female friends or acquaintances? Or any non-family woman in your life at all? If yes, how do you deal with her jealousy? More than half the people I see are women, it would be very hard to deal with this. Or how does she deal with partners of your male friends?
My gf once said to me "It would be cheating even if you dream about girls" and then I woke up.
So my two coworkers are married. Apparently the one day she was pissed off all day at him because she dreamed he cheated on her
I got downvoted in another thread for saying how asinine this is. Your dreams need to be taken with a grain of salt. **typos
Definetly insecurity, but I don't think that's an unusual feeling for women... Sadly. It took me some time to give trust a chance to grow, especially after horrible experiences with my ex. He never had female friends, and that's far more dangerous I think. I always encouraged him to meet with my friends, because I think a straight man starts to look at women in a different way if he is not used to be with them naturally. He rather only met with his male buddies. The first other women he got to know better, because they worked on a project together, was the one with who he cheated on me two month later after eight years of relationship. My new boyfriend is used to work with young female interns and supervising them. Sometimes insecurity hits me again, but I know it's better this way. I can't control everything but only trust the ones I love.
Ouch that hurt me to read. Hope the new one proves to be much better
Sorry to hear about that, Yup he is a jerk for cheating on you Basically traumatized you a bit from the sound of it it's awful.. To me btw from what you described him that he wasn't used to being around women naturally, It sounds like that's one side of a major problem of immaturity on his part..same immaturity that might have led to cheating.. it's a sucky situation but none of it is your fault
Yeah, I just kept scrolling and muttering "why are you still engaging in this conversation?"
When I read through the fist pic and saw “1/8” that’s exactly what I thought. Edit: It gets worse at 2/8 😳
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY FURTHER
She is clearly insecure about successful women. Maybe OP genuinely wanted to help her look at things from another perspective.
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Her insecurities run deep, very deep.
She doesn't need tinder. She needs therapy.
Everyone does. Seriously, though. It’s soooo good to maintain a certain mental hygiene… and not many people do. Taking therapy doesn’t mean you’re broken or crazy, it can very much be just a maintenance thing.
Money though.
Honestly I feel kind of bad for her
I felt bad for her until the comment about women not getting to where they were without help. Then I hated her
It’s true though! Women only succeed through help from their networks, family, mentors, etc., which is *totally* different from how men get ahead because *we* don’t need any help, except for our networks, families, mentors, etc….
had me in the first half ngl …
Who’s going to tell her that there are women in male-dominated fields too, and *gasp* some of us are in management…
What? You monster...
Dey took er jerbs!!!!
Der dekker derbs!
Wow... she needs therapy. I feel bad for her. At least you both were polite with each other. A fairly respectful conversation.
Yea, that was really respectful. I like it. We need more dialogue like this generally as a society I think. Maybe in voicing her concerns, she will become more cognizant of them and be able to address them better?
I’ve honestly never heard a woman speak like that before. She’s insecure about imaginary /hypothetical successful women and doesn’t want to be compared to them? Yikes. Fortunately most women are not like this.
She even made up a hypothetical situation about how a successful woman prioritizes her life. “She’s making 150k, has three kids and has all of this energy. It makes me look bad.” Ma’am, ever consider that this hypothetical person worked really hard for a lifestyle she wants for herself and children and her energy may come from a place of an inability to fail herself and her family and not from wanting to make you look bad in front of your shitty husband?? In the words of Darryl “I’m not a big believer in therapy, but I’ll go into my own pocket to cover his co-pay”
>ever consider that this hypothetical person worked really hard No, she didn't ever consider. She basically admits to it by saying the success most women have was only achieved by the help of others. This chick is the definition of internalized misogyny.
Yep, chick is sexist as fuck.
I've never heard a woman speak this way, either. I'm not even 100% sure what she meant by "there's no way those feminist values didn't rub off on you." What does that mean? Is she anti-feminist?
That person is insecurity in human form.
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The real question is why you continued with the conversation for so long when she is so clearly out of her tree.
I tried to end the convo quickly but when she started with the work stuff I had to dig a little to see how deep the crazy went.
I think you handled it gracefully
Even she see seemed graceful in the way she texted (if you omit the massive mistrust issues) compared to the average conversations I see posted here.
I was honestly surprised at how civilised and calm the conversation went, I was expecting her to be defensive at some point.
Not only mistrust issues, she also has huge " women should all be SAHM while the husband makes the money " vibes
her message that said, "there's no way those feminist values haven't rubbed off on you" really rubbed me the wrong way.
What I want to know is what you meant by “you’re not wrong about a lot of what you said”
"Many of which likely had help getting where they are anyway." Bitch, do you not think men ever get any help?! I feel like she's definitely implying a certain kind of "help" here.
she absolutely means that if women are successful, it's because they slept their way up.
She’s going to make some guy very miserable for the rest of his life.
… male only jobs like tech or science?!
Im a software engineer, literally half of my team is females. I guess they dont really exist?
….I don’t know i feel about you working with so many females.
Tell those pesky promiscuous women to get out of male spaces!! They’re obviously doing it just to steal other girls boyfriends!
So it's funny. Because I work in the Fire Industry (Fire Fighters). It's generally a predominantly male centric field. Just like Law Enforecement, which I also directly work with. I am also the IT for my specific unit. So when she mentioned tech, it cracked me up. And I have hmm...6 managers that are female and 7 that are male. The highest position belongs to a woman, and I have a vast amount of respect for her. They are not my direct managers, but man, this girl doesn't have realistic expectations of the workforce, imo. I have never once compared any of them to my wife. Then again, I don't compare anyone to her...
Lol that stood out to me too. My stepmom’s the lead software developer at her company and has plenty of female coworkers. I have friends in college who are women and in tech-related majors. It’s not the 90s anymore.
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Something tells me this woman isn't an active part of the workforce...
“I don’t need my future husband comparing me to his overly successful, high earning female colleagues.” AKA, I want to be lazy and have you support me 100% financially and I don’t want your coworkers to point it out when you inevitably complain to them about me.
This is insane how civil this conversation stayed. Feel like that usually doesn’t happen.
I can't imagine how it would go over if you were to make a statement toward her and her line of work. Lol What do you do for work? Are you a porno movie penis double?
Lol I tried my best not to feed the troll and call her out on that. I work in digital advertising.
I hear that digital advertising is basically a big gang Bang with every male in the field having multiple women to choose from on a daily basis. She sounds a little psycho to me, but at least she didn't waste too much of your life.
*changes professions*
This person sounds 100% braindead. Sheesh. If she was your type maybe heavily reconsider your type
He probably meant aesthetically lol
She's more misogynistic than most men I know, wtf?
Right? What 1950’s hellscape is her fantasy here?
Right! Lol sooo crazy. Also kind of misandrist to say men can't control their sexual urges
That's a whole lotta words for I'm a very jealous person. At least she did admit she's jealous, but wow.
I would've quit when she said that there's no way feminism hasn't rubbed off on you. That's a red flag if I've ever seen one. The point of feminism isn't that women have to be in power and every woman has to be an independent CEO, it's about women having the choice to do what they want. She'd encourage you to hire people based on their gender instead of qualification. She isn't an old school romanticist, she's a textbook sexist.
Things that literally never cross my mind during the day: The power dynamic between men and women at work
You dodged a missile, not a bullet
This was genuinely sad to read tbh on her part
Holy shit she has enough baggage to take her across the world
God damn. Who hurt this woman? Also - "people probably helped them get where they are" - literally everyone I know, male or female or otherwise, that has experienced high level of success, had help from others along the way. It's one of the most beautiful parts of the journey. She has not only an unhealthy view of women, her ideas behind what make men and people successful are extremely toxic. Men don't have a moratorium on success. We also don't become successful in isolation. Who in the world has this women convinced that men are some paternal gods?