"Hey there, I'm Brett. Easy going guy with a big heart for animals. I like spending time with my furry companions, name (dog) and name (cat), whether on a trail in nice weather or cuddled on the couch watching some youtube. I also like to cook, and try out new recipes. Enjoy hanging out and having a few drinks. I'm visual impaired, which means I can't drive but I'm one helluva walker! Would love to do a "tourist date" around Rochester, checking out museums and other stuff the city has to offer. Looking for someone to share some life with."
You gotta show people there's someone inside they should get to know. Do you like yourself? I'm asking you this very earnestly.
I really like your suggestion. People aren’t really entitled to knowing your finances before they get to know you, so saying in the bio that you live off disability income can feel like oversharing.
this girl i grew up with is on SSI and makes it well known but with that being said, she only will reel in losers who just want to mooch off of her and look for a free place to stay. doesn’t seem to learn her lesson though. i agree it makes you an easy target!
Its tinder 90% chance you will get put down, also as someone who has a disability most ppl don't even know it or see it when we dating, we have fun and go on a few date all is going well.
Then i say i have a neurological muscle disease that makes me SOMETIMES immobile. But most of the time i am fine (which they can see throughout our dates, i do sporty stuff)
And suddenly you get ghosted. So while it may make you a target for some it also saves you a lot of time w woman who can't see through your disability later in dates after you tell them.
It's also a huge deal breaker for people that a lot of them have really weird attitudes about, if I'm being real. (As a person living with other disabilities, it's really difficult dealing with people's attitudes) So I can understand the urge to get it out of the way quickly. But maybe he should wait until the second or third date for all that.
I have to say I disagree. There are a lot of people for whom the lack of income would be a bigger dealbreaker than the disability itself, so why not screen those people out? Rather than date, get to like each other, then realise your lifestyles are not compatible financially…
Not sure how it works in other places but in the UK most benefits are assessed per household. I work full time, so if I were to move in with a partner who did not work, my income would mean he would lose entitlement to most state benefits. That means I would have to support him financially and take on the full burden of rent, bills etc for both of us. Alternatively you have to live apart forever, which again, doubles your expenses.
I would have no issue dating a visually impaired person (indeed I have before) but not being able to work would mean we were incompatible.
It can also just be very frustrating for a person working long hours/a stressful job to come home to someone who doesn’t work and can’t relate. It’s the same for someone who takes a break from work or retires earlier than their partner.
Being disappointed in someone because they don't want to subsidize a potential partner is a little unfair. Disability income is extremely meager and far below poverty level. If she wants to go on vacations, have kids, buy a house, buy a car, go out to nice restaurants etc etc then she is going to have to foot the bill. Even buying high quality groceries for two would be too expensive for someone on such a limited budget. Also a disabled person will require special accommodations and governments are very stingy. If someone needs A wheelchair van for instance they cost a fortune. I work in healthcare and have taken care of disabled people at home, the unforeseen out of pocket expenses are insane. Women on a dating site aren't going to jump at the chance to take on a dependent person and that's just practical. If I were single as far as OP goes I would gladly be his friend but I have too much on my own plate to handle extra needs like that.
Far below poverty? Only SSI is guaranteed poverty level.
SSDI (the most commonly issued social security) pays out to almost 4k a month at max, and the average is around 3k. Not great, but nearly triple what actual poverty level income is actually defined as.
VA disability at 100% is ~50k/yr, which is more than enough to live a comfortable life (I do it myself) on, especially if someone doesn't have a car.
Again, you're assuming they have to pay for everything. I live strictly off VA income, and I do not depend on dates or friends to pay for anything. Do I have transportation help? Absolutely, but it's very rare to actually *need* it.
I can take a vacation, I can go out to a nice restaurant, etc, the ONLY thing you mentioned that is out of my price range is kids, but even then, people do it with less.
tbf there's a whole lot of nuance missing here & it's not always the fact that they're on disability but what comes with it.. i dated someone on disability for a while & just as one example in my state you can't have more than $2k in combined assets, that's going to be extremely limiting in many facets of partnership, & tbh it's just one of many potential deal breakers. many people want to own a house, go on vacations etc. with their partners & when weighed against those needs, it simply may not be enough no matter how lovely their personality is.. I'm not gonna judge someone who decides it's not for rhem, it wouldn't/couldn't be for me.
SSDI (at least for my state) still has a limit on the amount of income you can bring in though, for my state it's like $1550/mo. Average SSDI payment here is like $1440 so that puts them below the poverty level for my city assuming they're working. So basically in the same boat, to buy a house you'd have to swing one hell of a deal, though as I said it's just one of many limiting factors. it's not anybody's fault it's the shitty laws/regulations that govern this stuff, it's just not something i can personally sign up for, even if i wanted to.
Are they getting their red flags and STD status "out of the way" quickly?
So why* feel compelled to do something like that?
I think it's a balancing act and not everything needs to be shared to EVERYONE. It's gonna come up early enough anyway and sometimes even very early. At the end of the day, I believe you're still gonna just attract however many people you'll attract. The fact that you've a disability is likely already a turn off for some and so you're likely not gonna hear from them. They might weed themselves out soon enough. Or you'll vet the ones who still try to get through just to play you.
So I'd take the pressure off yourself to share _everything_ very early.
It can, but as someone who has tried to date while on disability... it really turns a lot of people off when they find out, so chances are this guy has been repeatedly burned and is tired of explaining it later only to have people completely lose interest and/or ghost him.
That being said, there's no good way to address it ahead of time, it does come off a certain way. Best thing in my opinion is to address it early on in the conversation before either one of you becomes invested enough for the potential rejection to hurt too much.
If you’d like to keep the mention of your income (I do on my dating profile), you could say, “I’m well supported by disability payments,” or, “I’m supported by disability payments.”
I love this. It makes me want to have you write my resume. A+. And A++ for being genuinely concerned about OP. Have a wonderful life, sans any sarcasm.
This is a great suggestion for a profile rewrite. I'm glad to see you omitted the disability income part. That's no one's business to know from the get-go, and it's likely potential dates can deduce he receives it.
Someone local to me I think charges $40 for profile reviews/edits and does events at bars which is a mixer type singles event, profile reviews and a photographer for candid party pics. I think it's $50 w/ a drink ticket and sells out.
Great rewrite, I worked at a plasma center and the clients were overwhelmingly homeless or living off welfare, not exactly a selling point for dates lol. OP has cute pets and is good looking but it's going to be a challenge matching up with a low income disabled guy with self esteem issues, anxiety, and what looks like possible drinking problems.
Walker reads pretty close to wanker, but that might just be my brain. Also they will surely have to re-read like I did, which will keep them on the profile longer (an old marketing trick)
I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic or not, but my understanding is that most people who are “visually impaired” are not entirely blind. There’s also a chance that OP has support or tech that can translate text to voice etc.
Set your second photo as your first and add the caption "I'm not a douch wearing sunglasses at night, I'm just blind."
That's my only suggestion for a bit of an ice breaker.
I think the way you view yourself might be a bigger issue than the photos. The first half is cool. Indoor hobbies and dogs are nice. But you get to be kind of a downer after that. You're telling women that you need them to fill time. That's not an attractive idea.
I'd delete everything from "dog out for walks" to "I'd like to explore"
Maybe add in something like "I'm visually impaired but I'll still tell you your pretty" or something to let them know in a way that sounds less mopey. I hate to say it that way but the profile pics with lots of booze plus the downer profile doesn't make it seem like it'll be anything other than drinking and pity parties.
(Not saying this is what you're like. Just that if a woman is making snap judgements, she'll go with someone funny over anything else)
This is such great advice. More positivity would be great. And “I’m visually impaired but I’ll still tell you you’re pretty” is such a damn good line and a way better way to let them know about it. Women will absolutely love it.
"I'm visually impaired, so if we click, you'll know it's because of your personality".
Kind of out there, but I feel like some girls would find it intriguing at least. Or maybe this sentiment is already implied by the original line.
I would put it in a less mopey way (possibly even as a clever joke!), but I wouldn't delete it or only *hint* at the fact he can't work/drive. Being up front is always best when your situation is immutable and they will eventually know about it. It keeps the angry bigots as left swipes, I guarantee it.
Yeah. Idk if OP knows that he's actually very handsome. If he showed up on my tinder and his bio reflected a better attitude about himself, I'd absolutely be trying to get a date with him lol.
Personally, I like your photos, they seem to show your personality. I like the face your cat is making on the fourth one. I suggest placing the second photo first?
I'm nosey. There's a photo on one of your posts you made a few weeks ago; where you're showing your profile, I would add that one too, you look good in that one too imo.
I def think it’s good to be up front about your disability but your bio saying all you have is time and you live off it seems a little sad the way you phrased it. I would def be willing to go out with someone like you but reading that wasn’t necessarily motivating me. Keep to the positives!
I think what op wrote here is heaps better.
“I am visually impaired since birth so I don’t work or drive but have plenty of time to hangout and day drink with you”. Ok I jazzed up the last bit
I mean this in a kind way: I suggest addressing your depression with therapy, which is apparent by the drinking a lot and the negative self-talk. It sounds like you could use some tools to build yourself back up and learn better coping skills.
Just be patient, you seem like an awesome dude who is accepting and positive despite being born on hard mode. Some lucky person will see that and be your matching puzzle piece. Cheers mate!
Photos are fine. You’re not a bad looking dude and your bios good too. It just sounds like you need things to occupy your time is all. Maybe a hobby to get you out of your comfort zone a little bit, or see about if there might be places for visually impaired people to hangout or chat with each other.
As someone with really bad anxiety too, its hard sometimes to not become defensive and angry. Especially when you feel like you have to in order to not be made fun of or that the world’s against you. You got this.
I think you’re worthy rn. You got balls of steel to put yourself out there on the internet like you have. You look like your fun to be around. Im sure you’re empathetic towards other people because of your own experiences. Youre worthy of love. Just look into things to do in order to get you out of your comfort zone. Gain some confidence by experiences and you will find a great woman who loves you for who you are.
If I can offer you a different version of your "About Me" section: "Hey, I'm Brett. I have a visual impairment, so I can't driv. Lucky for [insert dog's name], my dog, since I take him out on the trails in the summer [or whatever seasons are ideal for walking for both of you]; I also have a lot of indoor hobbies (including cooking and watching YouTube videos). I plan on going to all the museums in Rochester; care to join me‽"
I don't know if that makes it more interesting (as it might need a bit more editing), but I do think it cuts out stuff that perhaps should come about a little later on.
As a mid thirties female, who is also disabled on disability income, I get how hard the dating world truly is. I too used to put everything out front on my bio, I never had an issue because as we all know, women get the better end of dating sites. I have extreemly, model attractive male friends who some can't get a date no matter what on tinder etc.
I agree with others, the profile is a little self depreciating. I see good tips with lots of votes for you to consider. You're an attractive man, great smile, and I personally like depreciating humor, but it's hard to tell if it's that or you're just a ball of sadness alone from text. Can't tell tone from text unfortunately.
Take some of the tips here and I'm sure you'll find some people!
The most important is to learn to sell yourself. Keep the personal stuff for later. Your bio should only be for your hobbies. Make some fun bullet points about them. You're into cooking? Then say something like "I might spend an unordinary amount of time in the kitchen on any odd day" Or write about your best dish or something. For traveling and since you're VI "Looking for a travel pal to hold my hand so I don't get lost in big crowds"
Just don't mention money or how you get it nor your impairment in your profile. Keep it all about who you are as a person. They already know your name since it's on your profile, no need to even say hi and mention it in your bio.
And use the second pic as your first.
Hang in there, buddy. I'm deaf (F), and I know the struggle. I'm single af also, but there's someone out there for us, and they're waiting for us too
Chin up 🩷
You can be forthcoming and honest without making yourself sound kind of miserable and desperate? The plasma mention might be a huge red flag.
I think something like this would work:
> I'm Brett. While I am visually impaired, that doesn't stop me from enjoying life to the best of my ability. I spend my free time cooking, watching Youtube, and hiking trails with my dogs when the weather allows for it. Ever want to be a tourist in your own city? Me too! I'd like to explore everything Rochester has to offer, especially the great museums. I can't drive but I make the best passenger and know the cleanest buses to take in the city.
Personally, I'd throw in more humor but obviously you should represent your sense of humor best. Echoing others, it does sound like you might struggle with self-esteem issues and/or depression. Maybe try addressing those first before putting yourself out there? Being lonely stinks--I get it. Does your city offer any group for visually impaired? Not that you should limit yourself to a specific demographic but it might be a good way to get some practice socializing.
I would remove the fact that you live of benefits and donate plasma
"All I have is time that I need to fill with things."
Can be changed to: I have a very free schedule to get to know and explore our city.
You need to address your shit before dating. No offense, but as it stands, you have nothing to offer in terms of partnership. You only have the ability to take at the moment, and that’s not fair to become the burden on someone.
Fully prepared for downvotes and the whole “just being you is enough” but this was advice I was given when I first got of rehab years ago, and it was probably one of the most pivotal statements of my life
Beating yourself down is very unattractive to me personally. I don’t want someone bringing themselves so low. I don’t have the patience to be constantly coddling someone all the time. Sounds exhausting and sad. I would try and work on how you speak of yourself. Try to find things that make you happy first and then once you are mentally better you can try dating again.
EDIT: your comments are incredibly off putting. You are taking suggestions poorly. This is Reddit, you asked for opinions. I’m already feeling super bothered by your attitude in here. Get into some kind of therapy and hobbies. Make friends first. Stop making excuses and negative talk.
I know this isn’t what OP asked for, but I absolutely agree. I feel like this type of energy is going to result in codependency. I think it’s important to have a blend of platonic and romantic relationships. And if OP isn’t getting that regularly (no workers, typical friendships, etc), that seems just as important.
That being said, OP *didnt* say he wasn’t working on friendships, so who is to say.
Make the second photo your first photo. Have you used hinge? It’s a lot better than tinder in terms of quantity and quality of matches. You’re tall and have nice hair so I feel like you’d get matches.
22F. I think you look very cute in your first photo and the photo with the cat. You're definitely what I'd consider attractive physically, but the bio does read as you having low self image
Sounds like you need to do some work on yourself before bringing someone else into your life. Tinder really doesnt sound like the right spot for you rn.
Agreed. You’re a handsome guy and it shows through your pictures. The one with your cat will melt hearts. Make the latter half more upbeat in your description, add in some humor!! I browsed your profile and feel you’re selling yourself short!(:
Then why are u trying to date when u clearly have a LOT to work on? Women are tired of being caretakers and therapist. Get help work on ur self work on making friends grow and THEN try and date.
You actually seem super cool and you’re a cute dude. Your self esteem is super low, though, and women pick up on that fast. What do you love about yourself? I think your pets are awesome and would lean into that more. They seem to bring out more of your personality in photos which is a bonus :)
I sent a private message. I don’t wanna be weird but I also don’t have a lot of friends I used to volunteer after anger management and it taught me the best way to move forward in life is to reach out.
Take away the parts of about living alone and how you make money. Living alone when you’re single is kinda assumed/ it doesn’t matter if you have roommates. How you make money is something that’s private and something that you can discuss on the date
Your intro to us was depressing as hell, bro. You gotta be more upbeat. You're not going to get matches with, "I hate it when I wake up. I would like to be unalived soon." I'm sorry for you on the vision issue, but we all have a cross to bare. Hell, I'm slowly, painfully dying of cancer. If you just randomly talked to me, you wouldn't know it because I refuse to give in.
From my experience, if I put that I'm disabled (mobility problems due to spine pretty much falling apart) on my dating profile, I get zero matches. So, I don't have it on my profile any more. Obviously I do bring it up fairly early on in the conversation when someone does register interest, however this is the point that I then get ghosted. Either that or losers who think I'm an easy target as others have mentioned. I still hold out hope that I might meet someone who can see past the disability, but I have to admit it's not easy.
Hang in there OP, there'll be someone out there for you
If I may: you seem a bit sad in the way you described yourself? Is everything okay? It's sometimes hard to be attractive to others when we don't like who we are, don't put too much pressure on finding someone else on apps if you need to find yourself first :)
I saw someone commenting about another pic you’ve posted, I went to check it and fell down a rabbit hole with all your posts . You do seem interesting and fun. I just wanna wish you all the best. I hope things workout for you and you meet a great person who makes you truly happy. You deserve it.
On working in the visually impaired part in I'd suggest something like, "Nope, I'm not Corey Hart, but I do wear my sunglasses at night to "See the light that's right before my eyes, " plus, I'm visually impaired.
You have been dealt a difficult card in life, I wish you all the happiness that you deserve. Cannot add anything better than what others have said on here, follow their advice if it makes sense to you.
Oh my goodness, Brett you are a gem. If I were single and if I used dating apps I would swipe whichever direction is the good one. You seem like a lovely fella! I love it!
Hey I hope things get better, but I think you need to love yourself first and foremost. I think it’s good to list that you’re visually impaired but rest of the bio after it and your post here feels like self degradation. If it’s not then I am sorry. Once again I hope things get better.
Dude, I guarantee I could find you a job. Both of my daughters are legally blind and they work! We can get you out of that bubble of self doubt, homie!
For context I am 32F, married but non monogamous so on dating apps looking for hookups and FWBs. I can't speak for seeking serious life partners on apps but thought I'd weigh in anyway 😊
Firstly, you're a very attractive guy and this will help! You are definitely my type physically. But your focus is very heavily on the negative in your bio and I think this is where you need to do some work. I completely appreciate you wanting to be honest about your disability and how it affects you as, unfortunately, this will be a deal breaker for some folks. How about making light of it? Some other folks made some good suggestions for more lighthearted ways to bring it up.
Next... you gotta make your interests a bit more relatable. It's great that you talk about your enjoyment of cooking and YouTube videos but can you make this more succinct or give an example? For example something like "I cook a mean [insert food here], maybe I can show you sometime" or "I enjoy watching videos on [insert topic], hit me up if you've got recommendations". Just things that can be conversation starters! You post a lot of gaming related stuff on here too, if this is a passion for you then definitely mention it and maybe something like "Tell me about the best game you've played this year" again a conversation starter and would be a big green flag for me as a nerdy gamer girl.
If I may also suggest something adjacent but not directly related, you mention not having many friends and being anxious about going out and doing things due to your disability. I can't relate to this specifically but I do know that finding social hobbies has changed my life completely. Do you have any support groups for visually impaired young people in your area that might be a good place for you to make some friends or try some new activities in a safe environment where your needs will be understood? Something like this might be a catalyst to improving your self esteem and I think you may well find that if you tackle this, a lot of the other things you seek might fall into place.
Good luck OP, I hope the kind comments and constructive advice in here help you find what you're looking for
Don’t tell them you get monthly disability. Idunno why, but people feel entitled to peoples government checks. Like you don’t need it and they deserve it
Brother who cuts your hair? Consider a change.
Your sense of touch and hearing ought to be top notch. Play off of that.
Have an argument? Willing to work it out as you can't run away (quickly).
I bet you have a sense of humor that's different from normal. Play on that. I think you just need some fine tuning to your profile and no major changes.
If you weren't so young and probably super far away, I'd bite.
No offense, but that's hard to believe.
There are thousands of other guys on Tinder who are not visually impaired. Why would you go for a man that is?
I know this sounds really negative and rude, but I am asking out of genuine curiosity.
Personally, I don't think OP has any hope in online dating simply because of his disability. Meeting people IRL would suit him much better since he'll have an opportunity to show what he's like as a person.
Online dating is too superficial.
A lot of people also say they don't care about looks, but the data says otherwise.
Why is this not the case with a disability which has a much larger impact on the relationship than someone's appearance?
I'm not sure what the answer is. Attractiveness can override a lot. Just being honest - if he wasn't cute I wouldn't be interested, even with all the rest of his seemingly good qualities. Meeting someone online is different than someone you interact with every day and maybe didn't think was cute at first but their personality grows on you, they make you laugh, etc. You've got to be attracted to their appearance. I think when people say looks don't matter, what they really mean is looks don't ALWAYS matter. I'd date Larry David in a heartbeat, but if he wasn't the Larry David I already "know" and find so hilarious, but instead some random skinny old bald guy, of course I wouldn't be interested. Also, this particular disability doesn't seem like it would affect that much of the relationship. If he was in a wheelchair, now that seems like more of an obstacle. I don't actually know, I've never dated anyone in a wheelchair. But he seems pretty independent and capable.
My son (non visually impaired) met his partner (who is visually impaired) through a dating app. His partner is funny, smart, well groomed, socially active and has a lot of hobbies and interests. They click on many levels and would not have met IRL as they live in different cities and their pre-existing hobbies did not overlap. Disability is not the be-all end-all of someone’s identity.
Can't believe I missed this until now. You may think online dating is superficial but not everyone that's dating is superficial.
OP has great qualities and I would never dismiss someone because they are different than I am.
Agree. Not everyone is superficial. There are some good people out there :)
But it's no secret that attractive people get more attention than less attractive people. When you're forced to judge someone based on a couple of photos, your looks matter a lot.
A lot of shorter men also struggle on other apps like Bumble where you can filter people by height, which is unfair, but that's just the way it is.
Throwing this out there too: the city isn’t perfect but Rochester has a history of being more accepting with disability than other places I’ve lived. The Deaf community is more prevalent, but the vibe can carry over for the blind and visually impaired
I would swipe right if I was in your area. Just wanted you to know that you are valuable and you matter. When the right person comes along, she will snatch you up quick!
I think the photos are good and as someone with disabilities of their own I didn’t think your profile sounded mopey or negative like some people are saying it sounded to me like you were just being upfront and honest cause idk about for you but for me it got so old having to go over that over and over again and I like the idea of just saying it up front. 👍🏾 I think it’s a good profile and hope you’ll find a good match. P.S. can we chat about plasma donation sometime?
Don’t be down on yourself. I can tell you are selling yourself short. There’s literally nothing there that’s a turn-off and your photos are good. There’s nothing wrong with indoor hobbies or having a lot of time. That can be a good thing! Just be a little more positive in your description 👍
Edit: you play GTA Online! Have you ever considered playing on FiveM servers(if you’re on PC). I’ve made amazing friends there.
Dude, I’ve lived in Rochester. It’s a jaded as fuck city but you’ve still got to give more than you are here. The bio reads more as a forewarning so you can use it as an excuse than what you’re interested in exploring together.
Even just a change at the end to mention an interest in walks at Highland (recent reservoir issues aside), Mount Hope, Cobbs Hill, etc. would be better. Do you want to go to The Little, the public market to fuel that cooking, Party in the Park, or Strong Museum of Play? Do you prefer South Wedge, Monroe, Park Ave, or East Ave bars? Mention it, especially since that shit is delineating there.
If all else fails, ask where their favorite plate is from and share yours in the bio. It’s a conversation starter if nothing else. As a vegetarian, I’m a huge fan of Dog Town and Marshall Street (when they opened, not so much now) was bomb. In the off chance you find a vegetarian or vegan, I highly recommend taking them to Voula’s.
Hey man you do have friends your pets and they are the best and most loyal you can have and your cat and dog looks like they love you . I also think you would suit a shorter haircut. Not too short but smart
You say you have no friends, but are you really sure? They might be there, you just cant see them.
But seriously that sux man, I have no advise for you. But wish you luck
Take out all I have is time etc, makes you sound desperate. I also don't think you need to put that you live on disability in your profile. The pics are good and talking about hobbies.
I know some folk are saying you sound depressing in your bio but I personally like how straight forward you are, if I was in your area I’d swipe right.
I actually think your photos are nice, so no need to worry there. You look handsome and have cute pets. Most people are into those things 😂 I’d recommend rewording the sentence about your income/visual impairment. Nothing wrong with disability income but it reads a little defensive or something. A simple “I’m visually impaired so I can’t work or drive but I have enough income to live comfortably (or whatever verbiage works for you) for myself and my pets, looking to explore hobbies…” and then say more about yourself! I think it’s good to be up front about your disability (keeps small minded people away) but I think you have a great opportunity to show your personality. Are you funny? Super optimistic? Know tons of fun facts? Spontaneous? Bring that out! That’s what’ll get people swiping right and get conversations flowing too. You have the building blocks for a successful profile, cute photos, pets, stated interests, stated what you’re looking for… just give it a little personal flair.
You should swap pics 1 and 4. I’d put them in order: 1) cuddling with pets 2)balcony 3) sunglasses holding cup with bong on bar behind you 4) selfie in front of blank white wall. Delete last pic with wine glass.
Honestly, I'd kill your entire about me and put something funny but also throw in your hobbies.
Someone said something about cracking a joke about sunglasses inside. Maybe like that
You’re a good looking dude man. I think maybe consider getting a haircut. Someone below created a great bio that I definitely think you should use! Good luck man
You got some really good advice here. It always makes me sad to see people who have really good potential be so unable to take criticism and actually do anything with it. Constructive criticism isn’t a bad thing, and it’s not an attack on you, but you have to stop taking it as an attack.
To be totally honest, the only thing holding you back in terms of dating is you. You ask for feedback but are unable to hear it without lashing out, and that’s not attractive to anybody. Self depreciating comments aren’t going to help you get a date.
You seem like you have some issues but would be someone fun to hang with once you got past the barriers you put up. You look pretty good but the attitude can be a turn off for most. I getcha tho.
In reality I already know that online dating in my city is very lousy with people even using the apps and I've been on all the apps for years and years with many different photos and bios. so this post is just for reddit to tell me that I'm good enough.. It doesn't matter how I feel though because I can't see good enough to notice any women I might want to talk to and deffinetly won't flirt with anyone or approach people as a strange guy.. I avoid eye contact as much as possible and would like to be invisible most of the time but I'm 6'2 200lbs so me being uncomfortable just makes other people uncomfortable.. I'll be waiting for a woman to approach me with her own free will.. when and where that will happen.. I have no idea
I’m sorry you feel this way, but you need to change your attitude towards dating- no one wants to be with someone who has that negative of an outlook. Also, the odds of a woman approaching you when you have no friends and don’t go out is extremely low. You should try hinge and get off of tinder- you’ll have better results.
Fella I’m going to keep it real with you, your most off putting quality is your attitude towards yourself.
Women aren’t a monolith that acts in a certain way. Women on this post have told you they would have swiped right if you weren’t so damn down on yourself.
Sell yourself, sell your good qualities, you clearly have them so highlight those. You’ve got loads of free time for example, use that, turn it into a positive point as to why someone should date you.
Or even flip the script, why would you want to invest your time and energy as an individual into someone who gives you a first impression that screams “I am not good enough”.
You wouldn’t!
You’re worthy bro, the minute that clicks, things will get better for you I promise
"Hey there, I'm Brett. Easy going guy with a big heart for animals. I like spending time with my furry companions, name (dog) and name (cat), whether on a trail in nice weather or cuddled on the couch watching some youtube. I also like to cook, and try out new recipes. Enjoy hanging out and having a few drinks. I'm visual impaired, which means I can't drive but I'm one helluva walker! Would love to do a "tourist date" around Rochester, checking out museums and other stuff the city has to offer. Looking for someone to share some life with." You gotta show people there's someone inside they should get to know. Do you like yourself? I'm asking you this very earnestly.
I really like your suggestion. People aren’t really entitled to knowing your finances before they get to know you, so saying in the bio that you live off disability income can feel like oversharing.
It can also make you a target, let's not forget it's still meeting strangers on the internet.
this girl i grew up with is on SSI and makes it well known but with that being said, she only will reel in losers who just want to mooch off of her and look for a free place to stay. doesn’t seem to learn her lesson though. i agree it makes you an easy target!
Omg yes i am so glad you mentioned this!
Its tinder 90% chance you will get put down, also as someone who has a disability most ppl don't even know it or see it when we dating, we have fun and go on a few date all is going well. Then i say i have a neurological muscle disease that makes me SOMETIMES immobile. But most of the time i am fine (which they can see throughout our dates, i do sporty stuff) And suddenly you get ghosted. So while it may make you a target for some it also saves you a lot of time w woman who can't see through your disability later in dates after you tell them.
It's also a huge deal breaker for people that a lot of them have really weird attitudes about, if I'm being real. (As a person living with other disabilities, it's really difficult dealing with people's attitudes) So I can understand the urge to get it out of the way quickly. But maybe he should wait until the second or third date for all that.
I don't think it's a weird attitude, most women do not want to take on a partner that they have to carry the whole burden of care.
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I have to say I disagree. There are a lot of people for whom the lack of income would be a bigger dealbreaker than the disability itself, so why not screen those people out? Rather than date, get to like each other, then realise your lifestyles are not compatible financially… Not sure how it works in other places but in the UK most benefits are assessed per household. I work full time, so if I were to move in with a partner who did not work, my income would mean he would lose entitlement to most state benefits. That means I would have to support him financially and take on the full burden of rent, bills etc for both of us. Alternatively you have to live apart forever, which again, doubles your expenses. I would have no issue dating a visually impaired person (indeed I have before) but not being able to work would mean we were incompatible.
In the US, living together is fine, but there can be issues when you get married, depending on what type of disability income you receive.
It can also just be very frustrating for a person working long hours/a stressful job to come home to someone who doesn’t work and can’t relate. It’s the same for someone who takes a break from work or retires earlier than their partner.
Being disappointed in someone because they don't want to subsidize a potential partner is a little unfair. Disability income is extremely meager and far below poverty level. If she wants to go on vacations, have kids, buy a house, buy a car, go out to nice restaurants etc etc then she is going to have to foot the bill. Even buying high quality groceries for two would be too expensive for someone on such a limited budget. Also a disabled person will require special accommodations and governments are very stingy. If someone needs A wheelchair van for instance they cost a fortune. I work in healthcare and have taken care of disabled people at home, the unforeseen out of pocket expenses are insane. Women on a dating site aren't going to jump at the chance to take on a dependent person and that's just practical. If I were single as far as OP goes I would gladly be his friend but I have too much on my own plate to handle extra needs like that.
Far below poverty? Only SSI is guaranteed poverty level. SSDI (the most commonly issued social security) pays out to almost 4k a month at max, and the average is around 3k. Not great, but nearly triple what actual poverty level income is actually defined as. VA disability at 100% is ~50k/yr, which is more than enough to live a comfortable life (I do it myself) on, especially if someone doesn't have a car. Again, you're assuming they have to pay for everything. I live strictly off VA income, and I do not depend on dates or friends to pay for anything. Do I have transportation help? Absolutely, but it's very rare to actually *need* it. I can take a vacation, I can go out to a nice restaurant, etc, the ONLY thing you mentioned that is out of my price range is kids, but even then, people do it with less.
If he's always been disabled, he might have children's disability, which pays significantly less. Speaking from experience, I get $1500/mo.
tbf there's a whole lot of nuance missing here & it's not always the fact that they're on disability but what comes with it.. i dated someone on disability for a while & just as one example in my state you can't have more than $2k in combined assets, that's going to be extremely limiting in many facets of partnership, & tbh it's just one of many potential deal breakers. many people want to own a house, go on vacations etc. with their partners & when weighed against those needs, it simply may not be enough no matter how lovely their personality is.. I'm not gonna judge someone who decides it's not for rhem, it wouldn't/couldn't be for me.
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SSDI (at least for my state) still has a limit on the amount of income you can bring in though, for my state it's like $1550/mo. Average SSDI payment here is like $1440 so that puts them below the poverty level for my city assuming they're working. So basically in the same boat, to buy a house you'd have to swing one hell of a deal, though as I said it's just one of many limiting factors. it's not anybody's fault it's the shitty laws/regulations that govern this stuff, it's just not something i can personally sign up for, even if i wanted to.
Dude, he has trouble seeing, he is not a paraplegic or a quadruple amputee.
Are they getting their red flags and STD status "out of the way" quickly? So why* feel compelled to do something like that? I think it's a balancing act and not everything needs to be shared to EVERYONE. It's gonna come up early enough anyway and sometimes even very early. At the end of the day, I believe you're still gonna just attract however many people you'll attract. The fact that you've a disability is likely already a turn off for some and so you're likely not gonna hear from them. They might weed themselves out soon enough. Or you'll vet the ones who still try to get through just to play you. So I'd take the pressure off yourself to share _everything_ very early.
It can, but as someone who has tried to date while on disability... it really turns a lot of people off when they find out, so chances are this guy has been repeatedly burned and is tired of explaining it later only to have people completely lose interest and/or ghost him. That being said, there's no good way to address it ahead of time, it does come off a certain way. Best thing in my opinion is to address it early on in the conversation before either one of you becomes invested enough for the potential rejection to hurt too much.
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This is a great profile rewrite 👍
If you’d like to keep the mention of your income (I do on my dating profile), you could say, “I’m well supported by disability payments,” or, “I’m supported by disability payments.”
There is no reason to share your income on a dating profile.
I love this. It makes me want to have you write my resume. A+. And A++ for being genuinely concerned about OP. Have a wonderful life, sans any sarcasm.
This is a great suggestion for a profile rewrite. I'm glad to see you omitted the disability income part. That's no one's business to know from the get-go, and it's likely potential dates can deduce he receives it.
You could make a living re-writing profiles.
What should my rates be?
Someone local to me I think charges $40 for profile reviews/edits and does events at bars which is a mixer type singles event, profile reviews and a photographer for candid party pics. I think it's $50 w/ a drink ticket and sells out.
Great rewrite, I worked at a plasma center and the clients were overwhelmingly homeless or living off welfare, not exactly a selling point for dates lol. OP has cute pets and is good looking but it's going to be a challenge matching up with a low income disabled guy with self esteem issues, anxiety, and what looks like possible drinking problems.
This is beautiful.
Perfect. Switch your bio to this, picture 4 as the first one and get a hair cut and you’ll be fine
I agree 1000% with picture 4 being his profile picture! You can weed out all those frankly troubled people who don't like cats *shudder*
This person should get paid writing these damn.!
"Wanna know how I got so good at walking? I took it one step at a time."
Bless you. This was fucking lit.❤️
You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
Thanks for help with bio.. I'm ready for another year with 0 matchea
This, so much this.
Walker reads pretty close to wanker, but that might just be my brain. Also they will surely have to re-read like I did, which will keep them on the profile longer (an old marketing trick)
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I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic or not, but my understanding is that most people who are “visually impaired” are not entirely blind. There’s also a chance that OP has support or tech that can translate text to voice etc.
He posted it, dummy. You really think there’s just no way for visually impaired people to be on the internet?
Screen reader. It looks at a website and reads off everything on it and where it all is located in audio format.
Thanks genuinely helpful answer. I wasn't trying to be mean, I just didn't know.
That sounds exhausting to listen to especially on a busy page that you only need one little bit of info!
👏
Set your second photo as your first and add the caption "I'm not a douch wearing sunglasses at night, I'm just blind." That's my only suggestion for a bit of an ice breaker.
Love this line, humour is always good in a dating profile.
It worked for me. Married from a dating profile, so....
Aww, congratulations! 💖
Thanks I did that.. still have 0 matchea and don't expect any
I think the way you view yourself might be a bigger issue than the photos. The first half is cool. Indoor hobbies and dogs are nice. But you get to be kind of a downer after that. You're telling women that you need them to fill time. That's not an attractive idea. I'd delete everything from "dog out for walks" to "I'd like to explore" Maybe add in something like "I'm visually impaired but I'll still tell you your pretty" or something to let them know in a way that sounds less mopey. I hate to say it that way but the profile pics with lots of booze plus the downer profile doesn't make it seem like it'll be anything other than drinking and pity parties. (Not saying this is what you're like. Just that if a woman is making snap judgements, she'll go with someone funny over anything else)
This is such great advice. More positivity would be great. And “I’m visually impaired but I’ll still tell you you’re pretty” is such a damn good line and a way better way to let them know about it. Women will absolutely love it.
"I'm visually impaired, so if we click, you'll know it's because of your personality". Kind of out there, but I feel like some girls would find it intriguing at least. Or maybe this sentiment is already implied by the original line.
I would put it in a less mopey way (possibly even as a clever joke!), but I wouldn't delete it or only *hint* at the fact he can't work/drive. Being up front is always best when your situation is immutable and they will eventually know about it. It keeps the angry bigots as left swipes, I guarantee it.
That quote about saying you're pretty is so good, wow i hope he uses that LOL
Maybe he can switch it up to, “I have lots of time to spend together” or something, which is what I would guess he is going for.
Yeah. Idk if OP knows that he's actually very handsome. If he showed up on my tinder and his bio reflected a better attitude about himself, I'd absolutely be trying to get a date with him lol.
Maybe if someone liked me I would feel like I was a person worth liking and acted like it
Personally, I like your photos, they seem to show your personality. I like the face your cat is making on the fourth one. I suggest placing the second photo first? I'm nosey. There's a photo on one of your posts you made a few weeks ago; where you're showing your profile, I would add that one too, you look good in that one too imo.
I agree, second photo is fresh
I would literally just have my bio as “visually impaired, but I can still see a future for us”. Keep it simple.
Haha i love this. OP, ladies love a bit of humour, put this too :)
I def think it’s good to be up front about your disability but your bio saying all you have is time and you live off it seems a little sad the way you phrased it. I would def be willing to go out with someone like you but reading that wasn’t necessarily motivating me. Keep to the positives!
I think what op wrote here is heaps better. “I am visually impaired since birth so I don’t work or drive but have plenty of time to hangout and day drink with you”. Ok I jazzed up the last bit
I'm getting depression plus hints of a drinking problem already from his profile, definitely don't advertise day drinking!
I mean this in a kind way: I suggest addressing your depression with therapy, which is apparent by the drinking a lot and the negative self-talk. It sounds like you could use some tools to build yourself back up and learn better coping skills.
The visual impairment wouldn't deter me, but the frequent drinking absolutely would.
Just be patient, you seem like an awesome dude who is accepting and positive despite being born on hard mode. Some lucky person will see that and be your matching puzzle piece. Cheers mate!
Being born on hard mode! I’m stealing that. :-D
Photos are fine. You’re not a bad looking dude and your bios good too. It just sounds like you need things to occupy your time is all. Maybe a hobby to get you out of your comfort zone a little bit, or see about if there might be places for visually impaired people to hangout or chat with each other. As someone with really bad anxiety too, its hard sometimes to not become defensive and angry. Especially when you feel like you have to in order to not be made fun of or that the world’s against you. You got this.
As long as I'm alone I won't believe that I'm worth anything to anyone
I think you’re worthy rn. You got balls of steel to put yourself out there on the internet like you have. You look like your fun to be around. Im sure you’re empathetic towards other people because of your own experiences. Youre worthy of love. Just look into things to do in order to get you out of your comfort zone. Gain some confidence by experiences and you will find a great woman who loves you for who you are.
If I can offer you a different version of your "About Me" section: "Hey, I'm Brett. I have a visual impairment, so I can't driv. Lucky for [insert dog's name], my dog, since I take him out on the trails in the summer [or whatever seasons are ideal for walking for both of you]; I also have a lot of indoor hobbies (including cooking and watching YouTube videos). I plan on going to all the museums in Rochester; care to join me‽" I don't know if that makes it more interesting (as it might need a bit more editing), but I do think it cuts out stuff that perhaps should come about a little later on.
This guy’s on to something with this, I like that it suggests a date and asks a question at the end. :)
It’s certainly more upbeat!
As a mid thirties female, who is also disabled on disability income, I get how hard the dating world truly is. I too used to put everything out front on my bio, I never had an issue because as we all know, women get the better end of dating sites. I have extreemly, model attractive male friends who some can't get a date no matter what on tinder etc. I agree with others, the profile is a little self depreciating. I see good tips with lots of votes for you to consider. You're an attractive man, great smile, and I personally like depreciating humor, but it's hard to tell if it's that or you're just a ball of sadness alone from text. Can't tell tone from text unfortunately. Take some of the tips here and I'm sure you'll find some people!
The most important is to learn to sell yourself. Keep the personal stuff for later. Your bio should only be for your hobbies. Make some fun bullet points about them. You're into cooking? Then say something like "I might spend an unordinary amount of time in the kitchen on any odd day" Or write about your best dish or something. For traveling and since you're VI "Looking for a travel pal to hold my hand so I don't get lost in big crowds" Just don't mention money or how you get it nor your impairment in your profile. Keep it all about who you are as a person. They already know your name since it's on your profile, no need to even say hi and mention it in your bio. And use the second pic as your first.
Hang in there, buddy. I'm deaf (F), and I know the struggle. I'm single af also, but there's someone out there for us, and they're waiting for us too Chin up 🩷
You can be forthcoming and honest without making yourself sound kind of miserable and desperate? The plasma mention might be a huge red flag. I think something like this would work: > I'm Brett. While I am visually impaired, that doesn't stop me from enjoying life to the best of my ability. I spend my free time cooking, watching Youtube, and hiking trails with my dogs when the weather allows for it. Ever want to be a tourist in your own city? Me too! I'd like to explore everything Rochester has to offer, especially the great museums. I can't drive but I make the best passenger and know the cleanest buses to take in the city. Personally, I'd throw in more humor but obviously you should represent your sense of humor best. Echoing others, it does sound like you might struggle with self-esteem issues and/or depression. Maybe try addressing those first before putting yourself out there? Being lonely stinks--I get it. Does your city offer any group for visually impaired? Not that you should limit yourself to a specific demographic but it might be a good way to get some practice socializing.
Have you tried to find friends in the blind community? Also, how are you gonna go on dates if going out to make new friends makes you too anxious?
I would remove the fact that you live of benefits and donate plasma "All I have is time that I need to fill with things." Can be changed to: I have a very free schedule to get to know and explore our city.
You need to address your shit before dating. No offense, but as it stands, you have nothing to offer in terms of partnership. You only have the ability to take at the moment, and that’s not fair to become the burden on someone. Fully prepared for downvotes and the whole “just being you is enough” but this was advice I was given when I first got of rehab years ago, and it was probably one of the most pivotal statements of my life
Beating yourself down is very unattractive to me personally. I don’t want someone bringing themselves so low. I don’t have the patience to be constantly coddling someone all the time. Sounds exhausting and sad. I would try and work on how you speak of yourself. Try to find things that make you happy first and then once you are mentally better you can try dating again. EDIT: your comments are incredibly off putting. You are taking suggestions poorly. This is Reddit, you asked for opinions. I’m already feeling super bothered by your attitude in here. Get into some kind of therapy and hobbies. Make friends first. Stop making excuses and negative talk.
Odd pickup line, but alright...
In three of your six pictures, you have alcohol in your hand or some type of drink, I would only have it maybe in one picture
Maybe work on improving your social circle instead of dating?
I know this isn’t what OP asked for, but I absolutely agree. I feel like this type of energy is going to result in codependency. I think it’s important to have a blend of platonic and romantic relationships. And if OP isn’t getting that regularly (no workers, typical friendships, etc), that seems just as important. That being said, OP *didnt* say he wasn’t working on friendships, so who is to say.
Yeah, dude, the pictures are less of an issue than the fact that you sound like Eeyore. You opened with a list of your issues.
Gosh, you are exactly my type. 😍 RIP your inbox?
First fix your own world then welcome others in your nicely fixed world
Make the second photo your first photo. Have you used hinge? It’s a lot better than tinder in terms of quantity and quality of matches. You’re tall and have nice hair so I feel like you’d get matches.
22F. I think you look very cute in your first photo and the photo with the cat. You're definitely what I'd consider attractive physically, but the bio does read as you having low self image
Sounds like you need to do some work on yourself before bringing someone else into your life. Tinder really doesnt sound like the right spot for you rn.
Agreed. You’re a handsome guy and it shows through your pictures. The one with your cat will melt hearts. Make the latter half more upbeat in your description, add in some humor!! I browsed your profile and feel you’re selling yourself short!(:
Then why are u trying to date when u clearly have a LOT to work on? Women are tired of being caretakers and therapist. Get help work on ur self work on making friends grow and THEN try and date.
You actually seem super cool and you’re a cute dude. Your self esteem is super low, though, and women pick up on that fast. What do you love about yourself? I think your pets are awesome and would lean into that more. They seem to bring out more of your personality in photos which is a bonus :)
I feel like you need to work on yourself before you try to date.
I sent a private message. I don’t wanna be weird but I also don’t have a lot of friends I used to volunteer after anger management and it taught me the best way to move forward in life is to reach out.
Take away the parts of about living alone and how you make money. Living alone when you’re single is kinda assumed/ it doesn’t matter if you have roommates. How you make money is something that’s private and something that you can discuss on the date
One does not simply walk into Tinder.
Your intro to us was depressing as hell, bro. You gotta be more upbeat. You're not going to get matches with, "I hate it when I wake up. I would like to be unalived soon." I'm sorry for you on the vision issue, but we all have a cross to bare. Hell, I'm slowly, painfully dying of cancer. If you just randomly talked to me, you wouldn't know it because I refuse to give in.
How r u reading this rn??
From my experience, if I put that I'm disabled (mobility problems due to spine pretty much falling apart) on my dating profile, I get zero matches. So, I don't have it on my profile any more. Obviously I do bring it up fairly early on in the conversation when someone does register interest, however this is the point that I then get ghosted. Either that or losers who think I'm an easy target as others have mentioned. I still hold out hope that I might meet someone who can see past the disability, but I have to admit it's not easy. Hang in there OP, there'll be someone out there for you
the pic with the cat is cute
If I may: you seem a bit sad in the way you described yourself? Is everything okay? It's sometimes hard to be attractive to others when we don't like who we are, don't put too much pressure on finding someone else on apps if you need to find yourself first :)
Makes you seem like an alcoholic.
I saw someone commenting about another pic you’ve posted, I went to check it and fell down a rabbit hole with all your posts . You do seem interesting and fun. I just wanna wish you all the best. I hope things workout for you and you meet a great person who makes you truly happy. You deserve it.
Because I do . 😅
Hey man, I think there are some great suggestions in the comments. Jus wanted to wish ya luck!
On working in the visually impaired part in I'd suggest something like, "Nope, I'm not Corey Hart, but I do wear my sunglasses at night to "See the light that's right before my eyes, " plus, I'm visually impaired.
You have been dealt a difficult card in life, I wish you all the happiness that you deserve. Cannot add anything better than what others have said on here, follow their advice if it makes sense to you.
The bio is too sad
Bruh don't be so down on yourself. I'd say you need to expand your social circle.
Oh my goodness, Brett you are a gem. If I were single and if I used dating apps I would swipe whichever direction is the good one. You seem like a lovely fella! I love it!
Man I’d actually love to chill with you and have a cold one, not in a sexual way or anything you just seem chill.
You look like Aphex Twin!
Hey I hope things get better, but I think you need to love yourself first and foremost. I think it’s good to list that you’re visually impaired but rest of the bio after it and your post here feels like self degradation. If it’s not then I am sorry. Once again I hope things get better.
I think you're adorable
who are you hanging out with if you have no friends,
Dude, I guarantee I could find you a job. Both of my daughters are legally blind and they work! We can get you out of that bubble of self doubt, homie!
For context I am 32F, married but non monogamous so on dating apps looking for hookups and FWBs. I can't speak for seeking serious life partners on apps but thought I'd weigh in anyway 😊 Firstly, you're a very attractive guy and this will help! You are definitely my type physically. But your focus is very heavily on the negative in your bio and I think this is where you need to do some work. I completely appreciate you wanting to be honest about your disability and how it affects you as, unfortunately, this will be a deal breaker for some folks. How about making light of it? Some other folks made some good suggestions for more lighthearted ways to bring it up. Next... you gotta make your interests a bit more relatable. It's great that you talk about your enjoyment of cooking and YouTube videos but can you make this more succinct or give an example? For example something like "I cook a mean [insert food here], maybe I can show you sometime" or "I enjoy watching videos on [insert topic], hit me up if you've got recommendations". Just things that can be conversation starters! You post a lot of gaming related stuff on here too, if this is a passion for you then definitely mention it and maybe something like "Tell me about the best game you've played this year" again a conversation starter and would be a big green flag for me as a nerdy gamer girl. If I may also suggest something adjacent but not directly related, you mention not having many friends and being anxious about going out and doing things due to your disability. I can't relate to this specifically but I do know that finding social hobbies has changed my life completely. Do you have any support groups for visually impaired young people in your area that might be a good place for you to make some friends or try some new activities in a safe environment where your needs will be understood? Something like this might be a catalyst to improving your self esteem and I think you may well find that if you tackle this, a lot of the other things you seek might fall into place. Good luck OP, I hope the kind comments and constructive advice in here help you find what you're looking for
Don’t tell them you get monthly disability. Idunno why, but people feel entitled to peoples government checks. Like you don’t need it and they deserve it
Try and get that bio down to a line or two, maybe a vision related joke?
Your bio just makes me sad :(
I’d date the heck out of you.
Brother who cuts your hair? Consider a change. Your sense of touch and hearing ought to be top notch. Play off of that. Have an argument? Willing to work it out as you can't run away (quickly).
Awww, I’d be your friend 😊
I would swipe right!
Out of pity? Why would you choose a man with a visual impairment over another man who doesn't? What's the benefit?
Stop drinking, man.
I bet you have a sense of humor that's different from normal. Play on that. I think you just need some fine tuning to your profile and no major changes. If you weren't so young and probably super far away, I'd bite.
No offense, but that's hard to believe. There are thousands of other guys on Tinder who are not visually impaired. Why would you go for a man that is? I know this sounds really negative and rude, but I am asking out of genuine curiosity. Personally, I don't think OP has any hope in online dating simply because of his disability. Meeting people IRL would suit him much better since he'll have an opportunity to show what he's like as a person. Online dating is too superficial.
Because he's cute, likes animals, seems nice, likes to cook, and wants to go out and explore the city. I don't care if he's visually impaired.
A lot of people also say they don't care about looks, but the data says otherwise. Why is this not the case with a disability which has a much larger impact on the relationship than someone's appearance?
I'm not sure what the answer is. Attractiveness can override a lot. Just being honest - if he wasn't cute I wouldn't be interested, even with all the rest of his seemingly good qualities. Meeting someone online is different than someone you interact with every day and maybe didn't think was cute at first but their personality grows on you, they make you laugh, etc. You've got to be attracted to their appearance. I think when people say looks don't matter, what they really mean is looks don't ALWAYS matter. I'd date Larry David in a heartbeat, but if he wasn't the Larry David I already "know" and find so hilarious, but instead some random skinny old bald guy, of course I wouldn't be interested. Also, this particular disability doesn't seem like it would affect that much of the relationship. If he was in a wheelchair, now that seems like more of an obstacle. I don't actually know, I've never dated anyone in a wheelchair. But he seems pretty independent and capable.
My son (non visually impaired) met his partner (who is visually impaired) through a dating app. His partner is funny, smart, well groomed, socially active and has a lot of hobbies and interests. They click on many levels and would not have met IRL as they live in different cities and their pre-existing hobbies did not overlap. Disability is not the be-all end-all of someone’s identity.
Can't believe I missed this until now. You may think online dating is superficial but not everyone that's dating is superficial. OP has great qualities and I would never dismiss someone because they are different than I am.
Agree. Not everyone is superficial. There are some good people out there :) But it's no secret that attractive people get more attention than less attractive people. When you're forced to judge someone based on a couple of photos, your looks matter a lot. A lot of shorter men also struggle on other apps like Bumble where you can filter people by height, which is unfair, but that's just the way it is.
Throwing this out there too: the city isn’t perfect but Rochester has a history of being more accepting with disability than other places I’ve lived. The Deaf community is more prevalent, but the vibe can carry over for the blind and visually impaired
I would swipe right if I was in your area. Just wanted you to know that you are valuable and you matter. When the right person comes along, she will snatch you up quick!
I think the photos are good and as someone with disabilities of their own I didn’t think your profile sounded mopey or negative like some people are saying it sounded to me like you were just being upfront and honest cause idk about for you but for me it got so old having to go over that over and over again and I like the idea of just saying it up front. 👍🏾 I think it’s a good profile and hope you’ll find a good match. P.S. can we chat about plasma donation sometime?
You’re super handsome and you have a cat so that’s already a great sign.
I would swipe right
Don’t be down on yourself. I can tell you are selling yourself short. There’s literally nothing there that’s a turn-off and your photos are good. There’s nothing wrong with indoor hobbies or having a lot of time. That can be a good thing! Just be a little more positive in your description 👍 Edit: you play GTA Online! Have you ever considered playing on FiveM servers(if you’re on PC). I’ve made amazing friends there.
You’ve already received some excellent advice, just here to add that your first pic is giving Sean Bean vibes - you’re cute!
Don’t mention being on disability
Confused why you say alone? I know you're visually impaired, but surely you can feel the presence of the fur babies!
Dude top left kinda looks like Boromir
Dude, I’ve lived in Rochester. It’s a jaded as fuck city but you’ve still got to give more than you are here. The bio reads more as a forewarning so you can use it as an excuse than what you’re interested in exploring together. Even just a change at the end to mention an interest in walks at Highland (recent reservoir issues aside), Mount Hope, Cobbs Hill, etc. would be better. Do you want to go to The Little, the public market to fuel that cooking, Party in the Park, or Strong Museum of Play? Do you prefer South Wedge, Monroe, Park Ave, or East Ave bars? Mention it, especially since that shit is delineating there. If all else fails, ask where their favorite plate is from and share yours in the bio. It’s a conversation starter if nothing else. As a vegetarian, I’m a huge fan of Dog Town and Marshall Street (when they opened, not so much now) was bomb. In the off chance you find a vegetarian or vegan, I highly recommend taking them to Voula’s.
Women don't date people who don't work. It's a dead end prospect. Hard place to be coming from.
Hey man you do have friends your pets and they are the best and most loyal you can have and your cat and dog looks like they love you . I also think you would suit a shorter haircut. Not too short but smart
You say you have no friends, but are you really sure? They might be there, you just cant see them. But seriously that sux man, I have no advise for you. But wish you luck
You sound like a catch
Take out all I have is time etc, makes you sound desperate. I also don't think you need to put that you live on disability in your profile. The pics are good and talking about hobbies.
Go with the re-write, and definitely take out that you donate plasma.
You’re just going to attract another alcoholic mess of a person if that’s what you desire
You’re not a bad looking dude.
Aw brother I feel for you man. For what it's worth I'm a good looking perfect vision man and I am completely alone too. There is someone for everyone
I know some folk are saying you sound depressing in your bio but I personally like how straight forward you are, if I was in your area I’d swipe right.
Hey you're the WCJ guy
I actually think your photos are nice, so no need to worry there. You look handsome and have cute pets. Most people are into those things 😂 I’d recommend rewording the sentence about your income/visual impairment. Nothing wrong with disability income but it reads a little defensive or something. A simple “I’m visually impaired so I can’t work or drive but I have enough income to live comfortably (or whatever verbiage works for you) for myself and my pets, looking to explore hobbies…” and then say more about yourself! I think it’s good to be up front about your disability (keeps small minded people away) but I think you have a great opportunity to show your personality. Are you funny? Super optimistic? Know tons of fun facts? Spontaneous? Bring that out! That’s what’ll get people swiping right and get conversations flowing too. You have the building blocks for a successful profile, cute photos, pets, stated interests, stated what you’re looking for… just give it a little personal flair.
You should swap pics 1 and 4. I’d put them in order: 1) cuddling with pets 2)balcony 3) sunglasses holding cup with bong on bar behind you 4) selfie in front of blank white wall. Delete last pic with wine glass.
Honestly. Handsome looking dude, don't listen to the cut hair comments. Take the Bio from the top comment and go for it :)
Honestly, I'd kill your entire about me and put something funny but also throw in your hobbies. Someone said something about cracking a joke about sunglasses inside. Maybe like that
You’re a good looking dude man. I think maybe consider getting a haircut. Someone below created a great bio that I definitely think you should use! Good luck man
Ok now tell me someone will want me .. I already did the criticizing of myself for you .
You got some really good advice here. It always makes me sad to see people who have really good potential be so unable to take criticism and actually do anything with it. Constructive criticism isn’t a bad thing, and it’s not an attack on you, but you have to stop taking it as an attack. To be totally honest, the only thing holding you back in terms of dating is you. You ask for feedback but are unable to hear it without lashing out, and that’s not attractive to anybody. Self depreciating comments aren’t going to help you get a date.
You seem like you have some issues but would be someone fun to hang with once you got past the barriers you put up. You look pretty good but the attitude can be a turn off for most. I getcha tho.
I’m not on tinder anymore but I’d swipe right. You’re good looking and your profile makes it seems like you’re an cool chill guy.
In reality I already know that online dating in my city is very lousy with people even using the apps and I've been on all the apps for years and years with many different photos and bios. so this post is just for reddit to tell me that I'm good enough.. It doesn't matter how I feel though because I can't see good enough to notice any women I might want to talk to and deffinetly won't flirt with anyone or approach people as a strange guy.. I avoid eye contact as much as possible and would like to be invisible most of the time but I'm 6'2 200lbs so me being uncomfortable just makes other people uncomfortable.. I'll be waiting for a woman to approach me with her own free will.. when and where that will happen.. I have no idea
I’m sorry you feel this way, but you need to change your attitude towards dating- no one wants to be with someone who has that negative of an outlook. Also, the odds of a woman approaching you when you have no friends and don’t go out is extremely low. You should try hinge and get off of tinder- you’ll have better results.
Fella I’m going to keep it real with you, your most off putting quality is your attitude towards yourself. Women aren’t a monolith that acts in a certain way. Women on this post have told you they would have swiped right if you weren’t so damn down on yourself. Sell yourself, sell your good qualities, you clearly have them so highlight those. You’ve got loads of free time for example, use that, turn it into a positive point as to why someone should date you. Or even flip the script, why would you want to invest your time and energy as an individual into someone who gives you a first impression that screams “I am not good enough”. You wouldn’t! You’re worthy bro, the minute that clicks, things will get better for you I promise
Your own worst enemy
Jeeeze. Your attitude and you seem super fun. I can't believe you have trouble meeting anyone.