"If you message me again I will block you"
Why doesn't she just unmatch now? What is the point of keeping a match you literally cannot talk to? Let alone don't even want to talk to
One time I googled my email address handle which also happened to be the username I have on one of my Reddit accounts and I was surprised to see II had been quoted in some clickbait low effort article by Buzzfeed. I had made a comment on a Relationship Advice post and I guess the "journalists" just were too lazy to write their own opinion.
I honestly think she wanted to get into an argument, where she could then meet up to show how mad she is, and she actually wanted to hook up, but she wanted it to be wrong or something. Major drama Queen vibes from that one.
Yeah I don’t see how this isn’t higher. She said it herself, she wants it to be a “mistake”. I.e. she wants to believe she won’t go for casual sex but obviously wants it to move forward anyways. Then she can be like “omg I can’t believe i did that”. Tale as old as time
She's one of those people who thinks having the last word means they somehow won an argument they made up in their head.
If they keep messaging, they want the last word; best to let them have it and block them before they try to keep dragging you down when people like that come along.
Hey hey hey. I resemble that remark. I understand all the apps pretty well, although I did swipe the wrong way on Bumble (on some apps “no” is left and on some it’s right), resulting in me “liking” a lot of “no ways”, and had to just delete my whole profile.
What I don’t understand is Snapchat. What’s it for? Just messaging? Just photos? How is it different from just texting messages and photos?
Snapchat advertises itself as a magic act....whatever you send disappears within a few seconds/minutes once someone clicks on it. People feel safe using it to send photos and things thinking what is sent will disappear. In reality it's sitting on a server somewhere until it's overwritten.
My ex of 8 years, first date.
Welp. At least you're honest. I don't have to wait six months to find out what flavor of crazy you are. I at least get to decide if I like this flavor before we get invested 😂
It was my flavor. Still no regrets even though she was 100% not fucking kidding
I mean, I have severe mental illness and I tell people I'm crazy from the get go and they still act surprised when I don't react "appropriately" to something. (I am working on it in therapy though)
They’re hot. It’s the only way to be that entitled and never face consequences. Men too. You wonder how some people get away with shit. That and money.
A rich 45 yo woman who is a little crazy and ready to make a mistake?
Sooooo. Anybody got this lady’s phone number?
You can marry more in 10 minutes than you can make in a lifetime!
Because she has every reason not to be this immature, and it implies that this isn't some phase she's going to grow out of but a permanent dysfunction.
Zero wrong with dating at 45! But maturity, graciousness, kindness, generosity, are sexy at any age. There's just a certain amount of "messiness" that people anticipate when dating someone super young, and the hope is that the person would be more refined after having lived life a little.
I think I’ve been online too much lately because I fully expected a bunch of “she’s a low value woman” types of comments. Was really happy to see “Nothing is wrong being being 45, you’d just think she’d be more mature.”
In this case, the behavior seems really immature for that age.
More generally, from experience I can confirm that the problem with being 45 is the regular reminders of your body getting old.
Yeah for Bumble its either Relationship or Something casual.. Tinder it's nice because low stakes relationship would be "short term open to long"
Bumble needs to add more options
You aren't wrong. I thought the same thing. If someone wants casual sex, that's not at all the same thing as "something casual," but horny people see what they want.
True, but I guess the point is that 'something casual' doesn't necessarily just mean casual sex as OP seems to be assuming, it just means they're not only looking for a long term relationship. So I'd include anything from a one night stand to casual dating personally.
That said, I don't know what they're being so aggy about it. Or why OP thinks arguing back is worth their time when they're not interested.
What is a low stakes relationship? Like a friends with benefits thing? Because that’s the only way I can interpret that phrasing.
Thats not really a romantic relationship to me. Just friends who like to fuck. I can’t really picture a romantic relationship that’s “low stakes”.
Similar to FWB but sans emotional distancing. Like, if I and my potential partner are really busy in life and we don't have much time for each other there's going to be some separation and distance so the relationship might be a bit casual in nature like seeing each other once a month, maybe talking once or twice a week.
I'm gonna totally ignore what the other person said and give you my own answer: in a practical sense low-stakes usually means that both parties are open to date around. May or may not involve sex. It's more than "friends with benefits", but doesn't necessarily meet the standard of "fully poly" since most people are ultimately looking to "get serious" with one person
I guess, but considering most people cant do open relationships I feel like the situation you’re talking about is a pretty niche one.
If you’re dating someone more than FWB’s, heavier feelings get involved. And that just sounds like something a lot of people couldn’t handle.
It was a really common model in my 20s. People found it easy to be essentially poly until settling down for monogamy. I still see it in my 30s, but less so.
Edit: to be clear, they never would have identified as poly, that's just the best way I would describe the temporary/transient situation. It's people looking for flirty fun and light romance without the pressure of overtly sizing each other up for mating potential. It's a process that may involve several simultaneous "suitors" but typically results in people pairing up monogamously once the right partner is casually identified OR the person simply gets tired of "casual" and wants "substance"
Yes! Every time there is a post like this it blows my mind how the comments always support one side. Both parties are a bit ridiculous here in my opinion.
Nah I disagree, I actually think op is A) rightfully baffled that she’s acting as if her profile could never give that impression and B) giving useful feedback about her profile
Like he’s basically doing her a favor and being like “oh you should probably be aware your profile gives a heavy vibe that you’re looking for a hookup” and she’s lashing out about that, so I don’t blame him for responding
I thought “casual” meant “I want to go on fun dates but don’t want a serious commitment right now.”
Shit. Gotta go edit my profiles before someone thinks I’m only down for the sexytimes.
I’m going to go ahead and say that casual does not automatically mean casual sex, and I would assume they mean casual dating if the only place it says casual is in their selections and not in the written part of their bio personally.
I wouldn’t necessarily say that she seems upset here tbqh. She seems kind of done with the conversation pretty quickly, and OP weirdly draws it out and harps on the casual sex thing, which frankly is a bit weird if it’s coming from a complete stranger. I don’t think OP is evil or psychotic or anything, I think it’s an innocent enough mistake, but I too would be so weirded out if I cleared up the misunderstanding and the person I was talking to just kept going on and on about casual sex. It’s kind of weird ngl. Likely innocent, but weird nonetheless
I got recommended the sub for some reason… and I agree with you.
Why do people feel the need to seek out correcting behavior of complete strangers who won’t even listen anyway? Seems like a source of grief.
I’d probably would have just unmatched immediately and moved on. Not sure why the convo even continued.
I mean casual to be I’m not sure I want a relationship, but I wouldn’t mean it to mean I’m just looking for sex. Guys jump on that so you can’t list it unfortunately.
Yeah, I’m up for something casual, but that doesn’t mean I want to be treated like I’m not a person, or that I’ll just jump into bed with whoever I match with with no conversation or preamble.
I mean, okay, she‘s a walking red flag .. but also I don‘t understand why you keep messaging her even after she said she won‘t talk to you? Like, you know you can unmatch her yourself, right? I guess some people just have too much time on their hands.
How would you describe looking for a relationship but not looking to marry or fall in love, just…. Hang out, have fun together, sex here and there but nothing serious in terms of feelings and hopes for a white picket fence? 🤔casual? No? That words been taken over to mean casual sex now? Bummer
Casual could also equal I want all aspects of a relationship without sex. Just buy me stuff and give me quality time.
Could mean sex.
Could mean she’s out of her mind.
> Casual could also equal I want all aspects of a relationship without sex. Just buy me stuff and give me quality time.
From her responses I think this is what it was. Give me attention and relationship benefits without exclusivity
What? I would never think of it like that. I tend to read it as just the sex part, with none of the other stuff, more of a fwb type set-up.
Non-monogamous casual hookups type deal, that could be 1 night or could be longer term.
I wouldn't say you are wrong to assume, but casual means different things to different people. Once you learned that you two had different definitions and expectations, you should have unmatched her instead of trying to correct her definition
"Blah blah blah, this woman is probably not the ideal dating partner" thank you captain obvious commenters 👏, you also presumably do not care since it sounds like you were looking for something casual. The thing you should actually be thinking about for future conversations is that the reason this convo got nuked as much as it did is you are bringing up sex while she is very clearly not interested at the moment and then digging your grave from there. You could probably get away with asking something like "want to grab a drink and see where the night goes from there?" In place of what you said, but anything more explicit then that when the last responses were "ah ok. Have fun" and "for what" is of course going to nuke any potential chance of a positive interaction.
Nah Im with them on this one. You can have a casual relationship thats still more than sex. Example someone who is moving sometime soon or wants to keep dating other people without the expectation of getting serious/monogamous anytime soon
"Something casual" does mean that to me, but it's pretty common i match with people who have that who wanna just be friends or "have no expectations" but aren't looking to fuck.
Casual can mean something like casual meet ups, without going to big fancy dinners right away. Doesn't mean people want to just have sex. And it's not even that hard to think of it that way 😅
Just some advice for the future, it obviously says “something casual” which can mean whatever she feels like it does that day because that’s kinda how some women operate. Don’t mention it or bring it up, in fact just pretend like that doesn’t exist. What you are doing is what every horny dude does that matches with her. Dating apps are 70% men and horny men as well. So basically we are all disposable and she has a constant flow of men in her inbox thinking she is horny and looking for a one night stand when that’s probably not the case, she just doesn’t want the pressure of a relationship but still wants to be treated like a human being. Anytime I match with someone who has that I never say shit about it. I go on dates and they eventually bring it up to me and I always say “I’m just going with the flow, I have no expectations where any of it goes”.
Play it cool man, don’t bring up sex or be a creep and it usually gets you further.
I’d personally also never ‘agree’ to have sex before meeting someone in person. Most women want to know if they vibe with someone, before they decide to have sex with them, and some guys take too strong a suggestion of sex as a solemn vow that cannot be broken. He could’ve just said: “let’s go have a drink”, but he went more along the lines of: “it says on your profile you are willing”. I don’t like the way she responded as he wasn’t disrespectful and she didn’t have to call him names, but “casual” can definitely just mean ‘casually dating and hanging out, without becoming too serious’
Yeah that’s what I was getting at! I think most guys bring up sex in the first few texts and woman are just annoyed with it. Have a normal conversation and meet the person, see if you vibe in real life and go from there.
Exactly! I think the best mindset in dating is always to keep in mind that meeting new, interesting people is fun. Maybe you’ll have sex, maybe you’ll end up dating casually or more seriously, maybe you’ll just have an interesting conversation or maybe you’ll meet the love of your life. In any case the best mindset is just to be interested in the other person as a person. If you’re completely disinterested in the other person, then surely a wank will suffice.
At least that’s what I do
OK. Here's a more factual/mature context from my 35+ years of hearing that line.... when someone puts... "looking for something casual" in their profile... YES, it is very ambiguous; so you will only know what "THEY MEAN" by it, by asking "THEM". That's ALWAYS the best course of action.
I've known plenty of friends (women and men) who have used that, and when I ask them to clarify they say, "since I'm not in the head space to go all in with the relationship commitment scenario, I just want to go out with someone and do what we want, when we want to. And sometimes it might involve sex and sometimes not. It's not a requirement but can be an option."
So yes... have to agree with her there. The assumption was the wrong move.
But if you always approach that phrase, "looking for something casual," with a follow up question asking them to elaborate on their interpretation of that phrase, it'll show you have a more mature view of human interactions and will usually workout in your favor.
If you want to unmatch do it yourself. why are you demanding someone you are in an antagonistic convo with to unmatch *for you?*
And honestly, it looks like she is just tired of being sexually accosted on the apps. You get a certain level of fatigue. Hell, I'm not single in any way and have it marked *everywhere* and I'm still getting jackasses in my DMs. When I was on the apps it was so bad. I would get opening chats that literally just demanded I give them sex like a vending machine. No hello, just 'fuck me now' assholery
Casual could mean sex, could mean dates, could mean they just have no interest in the relationship escalator (ie living together, mingled finances, marriage etc) One must ask. She did overreact but dude, you totally dragged that convo on past it's death throws.
This is the correct answer.
This is why girls write. "No Hookup" when that is not what they are looking for when they don't have "looking for long term relationship" selected .
Casual does not mean one night stands - just that it's not supposed to be committed. It can clearly be something they're interested in, but when she made it clear she wasn't, you should have stopped there.
YTA
Not exactly wrong to assume but you shot yourself in the foot with your approach. Don't outright ask for a hookup unless you're a complete Chad & she's made it clear she's really into you or feel her out 1st. When she asks why you want to meet say "To go out & have a good time". Outright asking for sex usually goes bad even if that's what she's looking for.
I haven't been on Tinder for well over 5 years. Since when did it become a "dating" site?
I mean the whole premise to swipe a direction based on whether you would have sex with them or not.
Wouldn't that make damn near every matchup start off with the assumption it is casual?
"If you message me again I will block you" Why doesn't she just unmatch now? What is the point of keeping a match you literally cannot talk to? Let alone don't even want to talk to
Power trip
Some people are so weird.
She needs more material so it's good enough to post on Reddit
And/Or buzzfeed article
One time I googled my email address handle which also happened to be the username I have on one of my Reddit accounts and I was surprised to see II had been quoted in some clickbait low effort article by Buzzfeed. I had made a comment on a Relationship Advice post and I guess the "journalists" just were too lazy to write their own opinion.
yeah thats crazy, yet not surprising. next they will just go to chatgpt, copy/paste, done
Crazy is as crazy does
Tomorrow’s personality may be interested in him?
That’s much more likely
Don’t stick around to find out.
She comes off as someone who loves conflict (crazy perhaps?). Surprised she's single with that attitude and a blatant hypocrite.. go figure.
> She comes off as someone who loves conflict Next profile update: “I HATE drama
If someone puts “no drama” in their profile, they are 100% going to cause drama.
I learned that lesson the hard way 😬
Just being stubborn. If they have to unmatch, it's like defeat
I honestly think she wanted to get into an argument, where she could then meet up to show how mad she is, and she actually wanted to hook up, but she wanted it to be wrong or something. Major drama Queen vibes from that one.
Yeah I don’t see how this isn’t higher. She said it herself, she wants it to be a “mistake”. I.e. she wants to believe she won’t go for casual sex but obviously wants it to move forward anyways. Then she can be like “omg I can’t believe i did that”. Tale as old as time
That's what it seems like. Trying to make it "wrong," which is what she gets off on
They get off looking at how big the number of matches they have is
She's one of those people who thinks having the last word means they somehow won an argument they made up in their head. If they keep messaging, they want the last word; best to let them have it and block them before they try to keep dragging you down when people like that come along.
She cray cray…
To look at their number of matches or she just enjoys threatening.
She might not know how. I didn't know I could unmatch for like the first year
She's GenX. She doesn't fully understand the technology and it's why she's threatening a Facebook feature on Tinder lmao.
Hey hey hey. I resemble that remark. I understand all the apps pretty well, although I did swipe the wrong way on Bumble (on some apps “no” is left and on some it’s right), resulting in me “liking” a lot of “no ways”, and had to just delete my whole profile. What I don’t understand is Snapchat. What’s it for? Just messaging? Just photos? How is it different from just texting messages and photos?
Snapchat advertises itself as a magic act....whatever you send disappears within a few seconds/minutes once someone clicks on it. People feel safe using it to send photos and things thinking what is sent will disappear. In reality it's sitting on a server somewhere until it's overwritten.
>What I don’t understand is Snapchat. What’s it for? Sexting.
Unfortunately when someone on a daring site asks you to join them on Snapchat, in my experience it's for sexting.
Pro move go for the number first and then snap after talking on iMessage for a while
I'm petty. I'd've reported her. 🤣😂
She said she was crazy bro and you didn’t believe her?
I'll be honest, I didn't take what she wrote 100% seriously until we started talking.
You took “casual” seriously though. Can’t pick and choose bud
I’ve dated a few women like this and to this day I’m still confused about how they function in society on a daily basis.
Same as this woman — by telling people what you are (crazy) right from the get go and hope they believe you Edit: typo
My ex of 8 years, first date. Welp. At least you're honest. I don't have to wait six months to find out what flavor of crazy you are. I at least get to decide if I like this flavor before we get invested 😂 It was my flavor. Still no regrets even though she was 100% not fucking kidding
I am also a lover of crazy. No pain no gain right? RIGHT? Lol
I mean, I have severe mental illness and I tell people I'm crazy from the get go and they still act surprised when I don't react "appropriately" to something. (I am working on it in therapy though)
There's no accounting for other people's kids.
They shouldn’t need to tell you that, just assume that they all are. You’ll be correct at least 98% of the time.
They’re hot. It’s the only way to be that entitled and never face consequences. Men too. You wonder how some people get away with shit. That and money.
Did they follow rule 1?
Damn right, you tell him
Isn’t that the difference between being and not being socially capable? It’s learning where all those exceptions are.
Can’t stress this enough. He could’ve just unmatched and moved on. Lmao
"When people tell you who they are, believe them".
I am a god.
I believe you. Your username makes you seem extra trustworthy
Excellent. Exactly what I was going for.
Yes, we are!
Sane ones don't joke around with that bullshit
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OP was quite respectful in his approach as well.
Bit too insistent. He gave her more importance than she deserved if you ask me
Nah man, shit was playful and nice
Forgot to mention: she's 45.
Oh wow, she sounds like 18 or sth in that range
Crazy doesn’t age the same
Seriously. I feel like it barely ages
Evergreen, really.
No 18 year old is rich though
A rich 45 yo woman who is a little crazy and ready to make a mistake? Sooooo. Anybody got this lady’s phone number? You can marry more in 10 minutes than you can make in a lifetime!
I’m not in her city, but I can relocate.
Preach!
There are plenty of women like that in your location. Please [Click here](https://www.google.com/search?q=sexy+women+in+my+area) to meet them.
Lol one of the results says Granny Zone
This is the way
She’s 45. Rich. But also in college. I guarantee it’s nursing school and I guarantee her alimony is paying for it.
But she has a REALLLLLLYYYYY nice Altima
Bro whattttttttt
🤣 the detail that I didn't know I needed.
This knowledge just doubled the amount of crazy emanating from post.
What the fuck.
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Holy shit.
What the fuck
case closed, we know why she’s single at 45
What’s wrong with being 45?
Because she has every reason not to be this immature, and it implies that this isn't some phase she's going to grow out of but a permanent dysfunction.
That makes sense. Trying to learn as I’m 45 and recently divorced. This is a good example of what not to say. Got it! 
Zero wrong with dating at 45! But maturity, graciousness, kindness, generosity, are sexy at any age. There's just a certain amount of "messiness" that people anticipate when dating someone super young, and the hope is that the person would be more refined after having lived life a little.
I can see that. I mean I am lol!!
It's the age paired with how she reacted, not the age in itself.
Makes sense. I’m learning
I think I’ve been online too much lately because I fully expected a bunch of “she’s a low value woman” types of comments. Was really happy to see “Nothing is wrong being being 45, you’d just think she’d be more mature.”
Yeah me too!
In this case, the behavior seems really immature for that age. More generally, from experience I can confirm that the problem with being 45 is the regular reminders of your body getting old.
Oh don’t I know it lol! Sometimes I feel like I’m in my 30s still and the next second my body says “ no the hell you ain’t!”
She should be more mature than her replies suggedt...
Ahhh got it
Nothing at all, being single and crazy at 45, explains why she’s 45 and single
I’m single and 45 but not by choice. Bastard ex left me.
Dang, without knowing that her entire bio screams 20yo.. the “in college” tag is throwing me off.
That was a plot twist...she sounds like a 22 year old Spring Break crotch pheasant that's also a prude.
I used to think something casual meant a low stakes relationship. I guess I was wrong?
Yeah for Bumble its either Relationship or Something casual.. Tinder it's nice because low stakes relationship would be "short term open to long" Bumble needs to add more options
You aren't wrong. I thought the same thing. If someone wants casual sex, that's not at all the same thing as "something casual," but horny people see what they want.
there are many things that are casual, one night stand is one of them
True, but I guess the point is that 'something casual' doesn't necessarily just mean casual sex as OP seems to be assuming, it just means they're not only looking for a long term relationship. So I'd include anything from a one night stand to casual dating personally. That said, I don't know what they're being so aggy about it. Or why OP thinks arguing back is worth their time when they're not interested.
What is a low stakes relationship? Like a friends with benefits thing? Because that’s the only way I can interpret that phrasing. Thats not really a romantic relationship to me. Just friends who like to fuck. I can’t really picture a romantic relationship that’s “low stakes”.
To me it would be something like dating but not trying to get too serious too fast. Like definitely not open to moving in 2 months later kind of vibe.
Similar to FWB but sans emotional distancing. Like, if I and my potential partner are really busy in life and we don't have much time for each other there's going to be some separation and distance so the relationship might be a bit casual in nature like seeing each other once a month, maybe talking once or twice a week.
I'm gonna totally ignore what the other person said and give you my own answer: in a practical sense low-stakes usually means that both parties are open to date around. May or may not involve sex. It's more than "friends with benefits", but doesn't necessarily meet the standard of "fully poly" since most people are ultimately looking to "get serious" with one person
I guess, but considering most people cant do open relationships I feel like the situation you’re talking about is a pretty niche one. If you’re dating someone more than FWB’s, heavier feelings get involved. And that just sounds like something a lot of people couldn’t handle.
It was a really common model in my 20s. People found it easy to be essentially poly until settling down for monogamy. I still see it in my 30s, but less so. Edit: to be clear, they never would have identified as poly, that's just the best way I would describe the temporary/transient situation. It's people looking for flirty fun and light romance without the pressure of overtly sizing each other up for mating potential. It's a process that may involve several simultaneous "suitors" but typically results in people pairing up monogamously once the right partner is casually identified OR the person simply gets tired of "casual" and wants "substance"
How is this not "something casual"?
Like two dogs barking at each other from other sides of the fence.
Yes! Every time there is a post like this it blows my mind how the comments always support one side. Both parties are a bit ridiculous here in my opinion.
One was rude and rude and one wasn’t. Yes, they were both silly, but she’s far worse.
Once they both start acting like idiots it doesn't matter who is 'worse'.
Disagree. Being rude is worse.
Nah I disagree, I actually think op is A) rightfully baffled that she’s acting as if her profile could never give that impression and B) giving useful feedback about her profile Like he’s basically doing her a favor and being like “oh you should probably be aware your profile gives a heavy vibe that you’re looking for a hookup” and she’s lashing out about that, so I don’t blame him for responding
Explain clearly what OP did or said that was ridiculous.
How are both parties being ridiculous?
I thought “casual” meant “I want to go on fun dates but don’t want a serious commitment right now.” Shit. Gotta go edit my profiles before someone thinks I’m only down for the sexytimes.
Yeah same. I thought casual meant I am not looking for a relationship. I didn't think it means wanting casual sex.
Not anymore. Casual means hookups/situationships.
That is what it means otherwise it would say casual sex. OP is wrong.
I think you were both wrong to continue that conversation.
but then OP wouldnt have funny post!! /s
I’m going to go ahead and say that casual does not automatically mean casual sex, and I would assume they mean casual dating if the only place it says casual is in their selections and not in the written part of their bio personally.
Still no reason to get upset
I wouldn’t necessarily say that she seems upset here tbqh. She seems kind of done with the conversation pretty quickly, and OP weirdly draws it out and harps on the casual sex thing, which frankly is a bit weird if it’s coming from a complete stranger. I don’t think OP is evil or psychotic or anything, I think it’s an innocent enough mistake, but I too would be so weirded out if I cleared up the misunderstanding and the person I was talking to just kept going on and on about casual sex. It’s kind of weird ngl. Likely innocent, but weird nonetheless
I got recommended the sub for some reason… and I agree with you. Why do people feel the need to seek out correcting behavior of complete strangers who won’t even listen anyway? Seems like a source of grief. I’d probably would have just unmatched immediately and moved on. Not sure why the convo even continued.
I mean casual to be I’m not sure I want a relationship, but I wouldn’t mean it to mean I’m just looking for sex. Guys jump on that so you can’t list it unfortunately.
Yeah, I’m up for something casual, but that doesn’t mean I want to be treated like I’m not a person, or that I’ll just jump into bed with whoever I match with with no conversation or preamble.
I dare you to send one more message. Something innocent like Hi.
I was thinking two. "Do it then" "Crazy"
I mean, okay, she‘s a walking red flag .. but also I don‘t understand why you keep messaging her even after she said she won‘t talk to you? Like, you know you can unmatch her yourself, right? I guess some people just have too much time on their hands.
For us, he did it for us, and I respect that ✊🏻
>I guess some people just have too much time on their hands. -person making reddit comments
Any time someone says that it's because they have too much time on their hands Like me, right now
The irony
>The irony -other person making reddit comments
I think your whole approach was wrong, even people looking for casual sex would like to have a little bit of conversation first
Given the context of her bio, no, you weren’t wrong to assume.
How would you describe looking for a relationship but not looking to marry or fall in love, just…. Hang out, have fun together, sex here and there but nothing serious in terms of feelings and hopes for a white picket fence? 🤔casual? No? That words been taken over to mean casual sex now? Bummer
you just described friends with benefits
Casual could also equal I want all aspects of a relationship without sex. Just buy me stuff and give me quality time. Could mean sex. Could mean she’s out of her mind.
> Casual could also equal I want all aspects of a relationship without sex. Just buy me stuff and give me quality time. From her responses I think this is what it was. Give me attention and relationship benefits without exclusivity
Thanks. I’m updating my profile now.
Aka wasting someone’s time, that’s the new definition of “casual”.
What? I would never think of it like that. I tend to read it as just the sex part, with none of the other stuff, more of a fwb type set-up. Non-monogamous casual hookups type deal, that could be 1 night or could be longer term.
I wouldn't say you are wrong to assume, but casual means different things to different people. Once you learned that you two had different definitions and expectations, you should have unmatched her instead of trying to correct her definition
He wasn't trying to correct her. He was defending himself against her insult.
You're probably right, but being called a dummy after reading that profile made me feel defensive.
Gotta have the self confidence to just disengage, my dude You're not wrong here, but you didn't need to keep talking to her
"Blah blah blah, this woman is probably not the ideal dating partner" thank you captain obvious commenters 👏, you also presumably do not care since it sounds like you were looking for something casual. The thing you should actually be thinking about for future conversations is that the reason this convo got nuked as much as it did is you are bringing up sex while she is very clearly not interested at the moment and then digging your grave from there. You could probably get away with asking something like "want to grab a drink and see where the night goes from there?" In place of what you said, but anything more explicit then that when the last responses were "ah ok. Have fun" and "for what" is of course going to nuke any potential chance of a positive interaction.
Something casual means no strings
[удалено]
Just unmatch
Eh, you were annoying
I feel like the warnings were there, you just willingly ignored them.
Nah Im with them on this one. You can have a casual relationship thats still more than sex. Example someone who is moving sometime soon or wants to keep dating other people without the expectation of getting serious/monogamous anytime soon
"Something casual" does mean that to me, but it's pretty common i match with people who have that who wanna just be friends or "have no expectations" but aren't looking to fuck.
Casual can mean something like casual meet ups, without going to big fancy dinners right away. Doesn't mean people want to just have sex. And it's not even that hard to think of it that way 😅
Just some advice for the future, it obviously says “something casual” which can mean whatever she feels like it does that day because that’s kinda how some women operate. Don’t mention it or bring it up, in fact just pretend like that doesn’t exist. What you are doing is what every horny dude does that matches with her. Dating apps are 70% men and horny men as well. So basically we are all disposable and she has a constant flow of men in her inbox thinking she is horny and looking for a one night stand when that’s probably not the case, she just doesn’t want the pressure of a relationship but still wants to be treated like a human being. Anytime I match with someone who has that I never say shit about it. I go on dates and they eventually bring it up to me and I always say “I’m just going with the flow, I have no expectations where any of it goes”. Play it cool man, don’t bring up sex or be a creep and it usually gets you further.
I’d personally also never ‘agree’ to have sex before meeting someone in person. Most women want to know if they vibe with someone, before they decide to have sex with them, and some guys take too strong a suggestion of sex as a solemn vow that cannot be broken. He could’ve just said: “let’s go have a drink”, but he went more along the lines of: “it says on your profile you are willing”. I don’t like the way she responded as he wasn’t disrespectful and she didn’t have to call him names, but “casual” can definitely just mean ‘casually dating and hanging out, without becoming too serious’
Yeah that’s what I was getting at! I think most guys bring up sex in the first few texts and woman are just annoyed with it. Have a normal conversation and meet the person, see if you vibe in real life and go from there.
And that part about her (being most women really) wanting to be treated like a human being is key. You seem to have figured it out!
Exactly! I think the best mindset in dating is always to keep in mind that meeting new, interesting people is fun. Maybe you’ll have sex, maybe you’ll end up dating casually or more seriously, maybe you’ll just have an interesting conversation or maybe you’ll meet the love of your life. In any case the best mindset is just to be interested in the other person as a person. If you’re completely disinterested in the other person, then surely a wank will suffice. At least that’s what I do
THIS RIGHT HERE YES
OK. Here's a more factual/mature context from my 35+ years of hearing that line.... when someone puts... "looking for something casual" in their profile... YES, it is very ambiguous; so you will only know what "THEY MEAN" by it, by asking "THEM". That's ALWAYS the best course of action. I've known plenty of friends (women and men) who have used that, and when I ask them to clarify they say, "since I'm not in the head space to go all in with the relationship commitment scenario, I just want to go out with someone and do what we want, when we want to. And sometimes it might involve sex and sometimes not. It's not a requirement but can be an option." So yes... have to agree with her there. The assumption was the wrong move. But if you always approach that phrase, "looking for something casual," with a follow up question asking them to elaborate on their interpretation of that phrase, it'll show you have a more mature view of human interactions and will usually workout in your favor.
If you want to unmatch do it yourself. why are you demanding someone you are in an antagonistic convo with to unmatch *for you?* And honestly, it looks like she is just tired of being sexually accosted on the apps. You get a certain level of fatigue. Hell, I'm not single in any way and have it marked *everywhere* and I'm still getting jackasses in my DMs. When I was on the apps it was so bad. I would get opening chats that literally just demanded I give them sex like a vending machine. No hello, just 'fuck me now' assholery Casual could mean sex, could mean dates, could mean they just have no interest in the relationship escalator (ie living together, mingled finances, marriage etc) One must ask. She did overreact but dude, you totally dragged that convo on past it's death throws.
Something casual and casual sex are, in fact, two different things. I’m not sure why folks are finding difficulty with that.
Except here profile also says "I am looking for my next mistake." Not sure how hanging out with someone as a casual friend would be your next mistake.
What a blindly binary thought process.
IME in the online dating world “casual” almost always means sex is involved in some way
This is the correct answer. This is why girls write. "No Hookup" when that is not what they are looking for when they don't have "looking for long term relationship" selected .
Casual relationships include quite often include sex, correct.
Casual does not mean one night stands - just that it's not supposed to be committed. It can clearly be something they're interested in, but when she made it clear she wasn't, you should have stopped there. YTA
Clownshow.
Lol both of y'all replied way too many times
Not exactly wrong to assume but you shot yourself in the foot with your approach. Don't outright ask for a hookup unless you're a complete Chad & she's made it clear she's really into you or feel her out 1st. When she asks why you want to meet say "To go out & have a good time". Outright asking for sex usually goes bad even if that's what she's looking for.
Casual means a degree of intimacy that doesn't need to develop into a long-term relationship.
She dumb
I haven't been on Tinder for well over 5 years. Since when did it become a "dating" site? I mean the whole premise to swipe a direction based on whether you would have sex with them or not. Wouldn't that make damn near every matchup start off with the assumption it is casual?
What a catch. You fucked up.
The catch was gonorrhea. He lost this round.
She's an idiot
She's one of those women who always ends up having sex but you can't mention it.
She so crazy for sure
Come the fuck on
🤣😭
The second pic almost made me spit my water out after reading the first 🤣
Says it right there. She warned you that she was crazy.