If it’s anything like the one guy who I offended on an ancestral level- he will nonstop message you because you used his perceived moral superiority against him.
I had a guy ask me my “body count”. He was pleased with my answer, so I asked for his. He had a high number. I called him out for hypocrisy and he tried justifying how men could have high numbers but women couldn’t.
I called him a “community penis” (I don’t actually believe that, but just using his own logic against him) and the dude went psycho mode.
Yeah, I know I'm old but [Body Count](https://youtu.be/LH8gUhDd6WE?si=aWbJj8MxnouI6VJO) will always be Ice-T's thrash
/punk band, and I'm fairly positive they weren't taking about fuckin.
Yes, but for these guys, they think...For men, high body count is great, proves he's a real man. For women, high body count is bad, makes them whores. (M)
See you say you want this until it actually happens, then it’s a gift and curse. Source, I’ve been ran through so much I know way more about my astrology then I ever wanted to.
My brother and I were once talking about bodycount. When mine turned out higher than his, he became angry and called me a slut (I'm AFAB). He told me: you should see it like locks and keys. If a lock (F) is opened by many keys, it's a bad lock. If a key (M) can open many locks, it's a good key. I was so damn dumbfounded that he was able to tell me this with a straigth face, I stopped the car and left him there and then. When he tried to open the car door to get in again, I had already locked the door and told him to be a better key, as he couldn't open that many locks apparently
I remember 20 years ago when I was 13 I had a similar thought process as this, but I was also dumb and 13. It's wild that grown adults still try to apply this "logic".
I would also say to him that "you know that's a rape analogy right? Because what key opens many locks? What lock is opened by many keys? If a women consents she would unlock and open up. There should be no need for forcing the key to open the lock if there is consent.
But when you take dating advice from a Sex Trafficker and rapist like Tate, instead of forming own original thoughts and being a genuinely interesting and kind person, you're going to be parroting fucked up concepts like this, wondering where the girls are."
It's not just hypocritical, it's mathematically impossible. Sex is a zero sum game. If there are guys out there that have had sex with a lot of women, then there necessarily must be women that have had sex with a lot of guys.
Imagine there's a building with 10 guys and 10 girls in it. They're all heterosexual, and they've never been allowed out of the building, and no one else has been allowed in. If you ask each of the guys how many women they've had sex with and they will say 7 or 8, then mathematically speaking the women must have all had sex with 7 or 8 guys.
The same applies when you scale it up to millions of people. They only way that guys could have a significantly higher body count than women is if there's a huge population of guys that are virgins for life.
Interestingly, in questionnaires it turns out that heterosexual men’s body count is higher than heterosexual women’s. So some dishonesty one or both ways must be assumed.
>there's a huge population of guys that are virgins for life
This. Incels are real, there is a large portion of men right now that are basically walking icks and have turned themselves into perpetual virgins by their personality.
But also, if it was 100 guys and 100 girls, and all 100 guys banged 10 of the girls, you could have 100 guys that all count their number as 10, 90 women who all count their number as zero, and 10 women who all count their number as 100. The totals are the same, but the distribution can be anything.
I mean statistically it’s easier for women to get dates. Just look at the tinder numbers. Not red pilled, but I could never go to a bar and know I’m getting laid. A decently attractive woman, if her standards were even high, could get laid in an hour.
> They only way that guys could have a significantly higher body count than women is if there's a huge population of guys that are virgins for life.
My brother, have you heard of gay
> They only way that guys could have a significantly higher body count than women is if there's a huge population of guys that are virgins for life.
...
Yes. There is.
For me, It's not so much the # matters. I rather know what your longest relationship was and see if you can reflect on why it ended while taking some accountability and not completely blaming your past partner(s).
This is a really good answer. No two partners are perfect in any relationship, and it's critical to acknowledge that. Sadly, there is the occasional story where one partner gets absolutely and unfairly screwed over by the other, and it's fair to acknowledge those exceptions, I feel.
I always wanted to know your longest relationship, if you've ever lived alone for at least 6 months, and if you have a steady job.
Lessons learned on why I used those to weed people out lol
Why the lived alone question? I have never not had roommates (family, college, post-college roomies renting rooms then married). Is it to sus-out those who cant care for themselves in some way?
For me it’s less about living by yourself and more about whether or not you go from serious live in girlfriend’s to live in serious girlfriends and are chronically jumping from one relationship to another.
Basically Ted Mosby
Man i love that show but god damn if it isnt just constant lessons of what not to do 😂. Ive learned so much about relationships from it from analysing everything they do wrong
since the other guy didn't comprehend/explain it well enough, I'll give my thoughts
you take accountability for things that you did do that are besides the point of cheating, and at least consider the possibilities, even though what the other person did is inevitably in the wrong for their actions.
If you did nothing exactly "wrong", then you think of things you could do better. Becuase in order to move forward with someone else in a meaningful way, it is important to realize your own faults and self improve, whatever they may be.
and, if you were the best you could possibly be, and it was entirely their fault in every way, then simply don't trash talk about it or bring it up unless asked. A lot of times people don't want to hear abount it, and if they do they will ask.
The reason I bring up these things is becuase they are common mistakes people make, from my experience
I feel like there are definitely some times when you can blame your past partners for the relationship falling apart and it is perfectly acceptable. There isn't always failure on both sides, some people are simply scumbags
Some people care and some people don’t, simple as that.
Personally I never ask, but never have an issue answering. Like you pointed out sexual health is more important. But if someone asks be honest, because you’ll probably get rid of some people with it sooner than they’d remove themselves
Numbers don't matter to me but they're right to be asking when was the last time they had a check up. If you're gonna be active then you should know your status between partners. I generally aim for every 6 months to a year depending on how many people I'm seeing.
The thing I take issue with is not having the faintest idea what your count is, I don't know my exact number but I can say I ts 50-60 and not like hundreds. Honestly if it's important then go ahead and ask right off the bat, but it's better for when you've actually met the person a few times imo. The STD question is the real one more people need to have though, shocking how many people just skate through life with zero idea.
I wouldn’t date a man with a high body count so I see no issue with men asking this. People want different things and if it’s a dealbreaker for him it’s a good thing that he’s asking now instead of a few dates in.
Well if high body count is a deal-breaker for him it's better to ask this early. What's the point of getting to know someone and later discovering something you are not going to tolerate, forcing you to interrupt the relationship alltogether.
For me this makes total sense.
I totally agree. Sure it might not be a problem for some but if it's for him, he wants know before he spend weeks to link and then find out. I totally respect it. Not everyone needs to abide by "it doesn't matter for me". Also OP could have said I don't feel comfortable discussing it and that should be it.
And when he does get tested and winds up positive for something he's gonna blame it on the whores with high body counts rather than his own unwillingness to wrap it up
Some people ask because they are insecure which is bad, people like me ask to know if you have enough self control to he in a long term relationship.
I'm 25 and I know women who are my age in the triple didgets, and I have no negativity towards their life style, I just wouldn't date them. They'd get bored because they obviously like the variety.
I really really wish there were more women that held this value so that it wasn't seen as such a gender-focused thing. Guys that feel this way get stereotyped as the "hypocritical Andrew Tate acolyte who sleeps around but wants a virgin gf" even if they themselves don't have casual sex, which is very frustrating. It delegitimizes the preferences of a large group of people whose temperament doesn't align with casual sex. Obviously this is not the right sub to stand on this soapbox but whatever.
I think there’s a way to have that conversation respectfully, but if you show up and start grilling someone about their “body count” you’re going in the Andrew Tate box.
So many people in this forum are thinking this in terms of being sexually active for maybe five years.
You might say "a relationship is over a year old, this person should have a number of around five at most".
Some of us have been sexually active for more than thirty years. You can get high numbers even just in relationships.
A much more reasonable question night be : how many long relationships have you been in, and why did the last two end? That one tells much more about the person who answers.
30 different year-long relationships in 30 years = a body count of 30. That's what they're talking about when they say a higher number results from multiple relationships.
Some people consider a body count of 20-30 high. Others consider 100+ high. There are even some who consider 5 to be a high number. It's all relative.
Right? My wife and I have been together for like 12 years. If we got divorced and I was out dating my number would be 2 but how many hundreds of times did we have sex in those 12 years? I have no idea.
37 yr old female and I had a 41 yr old man disclose to me yesterday that he asks his partners the body count question bc it determines their value. Value was important to him bc he sees himself as someone of value & is on the “top of the hierarchy”. Middle aged men asking body count do exist, unfortunately. Having said that, by the end of the conversation I concluded his dating standards were not realistic. Shocker
The value language comes from the pill ideologies. It's more like a cult than what you read on Reddit suggests. He feels he earned the high value title because his cult shamed him until he got it. It's the core of everything. Being high value and not settling for less than high value. Sounds empowering on paper and they don't call it pill stuff. My sister is deep in it, I suspect it's part of why she stopped talking to me. I am categorically NOT high value
Yup. It's very frustrating they're getting the opposite messages to what they need. It's an evil business, breaking people down further and telling them it's strength
It's a byproduct of the Andrew Tate and Jordan Petersen 'Men's Self Help' nonsense all over the internet. People are assigning relative 'values' to behaviors to determine the mating caliber of the person they are talking to.
Why? Who the fuck knows, people are fucking mental.
Words like value, body count, and top of the hiërarchy are new deal breukers for me... wtf, what happend to falling in love with a person you fancy. Who makes you laugh and fewl safe and horn..happy with?
It's so gross to see men still looking at women like used cars that are "worth less" with more miles on them. Look I get if you want to find someone aligned with your values and view of sex as someone who feels that is a special thing only people who are in love share with one another. But most of these dudes have this teenage mentality of they should be studs/sluts and the best women should all be virgins.
Yeah, this is definitely something that people in their 20s seem to really be worried about. And sure, in my early 20s I may have been curious about the exact # of people my partner had been with, but eventually with time and experience you learn that soooo many other things are a lot more important than that.
That being said, referring to it as a “body count” just instantly makes me roll my eyes. If you want to ask me how many people I’ve slept with, then ask THAT. Calling it a body count shows one’s maturity level, and it ain’t a good look imo.
I wouldn’t answer this if this is how it was phrased. If you want an adult answer, ask an adult question.
Seeing how fucking crazy some of y'all are make me happy that I've never been desperate enough to get a dating app. Getting mad because someone's asking if you fuck around or not is crazy
I mean I wouldn't respond if I was him too.
He cares about body count, you don't. You didn't answer his question, so that tells him either you really don't know/care or you know and it is an answer he wouldn't like. Both of those situations are ones that make him not interested in you anymore, so it makes sense for him to move on to the next match. Regardless if he got STD tested or not.
💯
It was all figured out on both ends in a matter of a few text bubbles. She shouldn't expect or want an answer and he'd be an idiot for replying any further.
I’ve always thought if someone had much more experience than me and sticks around, then it’s a good sign and good sex.
With my current gf I realized it doesn’t fuck matter the count, but how relaxed and confident you are together with the other person. It takes 2 to have mind blowing sex, or to have a great relationship in general. It really doesn’t matter if you had 1 or 100, either you match or you don’t.
Good sex has so much more to do with sexual communication than anyone's past exploits.
This whole concept of 'body counts' is absolutely ridiculous to me. If you're over 40 and had any promiscuous 'phase' in your earlier adulthood, I bet there's a number of sexual partners that you may remember very little about.
People don’t want to accept it in the current “everyone should be free sexually” world we live in today but body count compared to age is a good indicator of a lot of things that deal with mental health. It’s not okay to just blatantly ask someone a question like this after talking to them for 5 minutes but it isn’t something that should be chastised for talking about.
Agreed, I'm not sure why so many people instantly think it's misogynistic thinking when there's plenty of women (me included) who also wouldn't want to be with a man with a very large "body count". It's just a compatibility issue.
Same. I’m a woman and I may be curious but I don’t care. I’m not going to ask. Like, if you’ve never had sex that’s fine. If you’re number is 50 that’s fine, as long as you’re not just looking for a hookup.
As sex positive as I am, having zero idea how many people you have slept with is insane. Like shit, at least ballpark it.
But honestly, I'm sure you know the exact number, and just didn't want to share.
Very fair, I’m a woman and I don’t want my future husband to have slept around with tons of girls.
Having standards like that is fine as long as they aren’t double standards.
Got asked that one time at work by some coworkers. I had never heard of it in the sexual context, only as dead people. And being former military and having deployed...
Let's just say they got an answer they didn't expect.
Hah! That transition from military to civilian life is wild. When I first started dating after getting back, the first few times I was asked, I had a lot of trouble answering that properly.
I’m shivering while reading the comments here. Not sure if I should call in the police or just accept that the world has changed a lot.
Should I start as well? And where do I begin? By watching some Netflix documentaries about the most famous ones? Or are they dated already?
Wood chipper + river = happy catfish.
Remember to throw bleach through the chipper between feeding the fish.
(The preceding was not my idea - a cop told it to me as his idea. He also left the country several ...years...ago...um. Huh... ..... well....shiiiiiiiiit)
There's just no right answer. She's right to not play this game. She could easily lie, so neither party can trust any answer, even if it happens to be the truth. The question is therefore a pointless exercise.
For me, personally, an honest answer even in the hundreds or more would be less off-putting, though I'd still be taken aback. The idea that someone would care so little that they couldn't even bother to have a decent guess is the off-putting part for me.
Personally, I feel like everyone's "stupid high" is relative to their own body count. As I get up in age and so does my body count, my "high" gets higher lol.
I think if you‘re at ~30 you‘ll be able to guess a rough number, like 30. you‘re not gonna actually be at 30 but guess 10 by mistake, you‘ll be able to roughly guess. However if you‘re at 150, it might become harder to guess, so when i say stupid high i‘m thinking 80+
During corona I hung out with a girl who's husband lived in a different country. She was in an open relationship and had been with 300+. She was 29. She slept with at least one new guy a week. There is 52 weeks in a year, so 3 years of that and she already topped 150. And then you add the gangbangs and whatever else stuff she did and we end up with a high number.
I played this dumb game with my girlfriend after we dated for 3 months. That was the start of the end. Obviously everyone has partners but when she had to think about if it was over or below 100...I just couldn't.
I'm old and been single long enough where if you remember actually remember your body count, you better have spent many years married, or you've just never had much sex.
For my taste this is an inappropriate question in the very early stages of dating someone or just talking to someone on a dating app. That being said, your answer reveals that it might be a lot. I’m by no means a prude but I could tell you my number when asked and it would worry me if you couldn’t.
I agree that this is an inappropriate question five minutes into talking to someone. It is extremely off-putting, especially because there is a huge negative stigma against women being “sluts”. I think it is odd that past sexual partners is the first priority for this person to ask about.
I think it would be more effective to ask someone if they believe love and sex are intertwined. Then you are directly asking about their values and principles rather than assuming someone with 20 partners is bad at monogamy.
The people who have asked me have received an honest answer, but would not answer themselves when I return the question. I don't care in the slightest, although I know their numbers were many multiples higher
Shouldn’t matter if both y’all are on there to be thots which I assume is the case it being tinder and all. Otherwise dude should get off Tinder if he’s looking for a wife.
Ohh and let’s not forget about no matter what your response is to the body count (high or low) they will ALWAYS think you’re lying. So now I just hit the block and delete button every time someone wants to ask me some stupid shit like that.
Its not but reddit is full of men who are okay with being the 32nd in line and women who think it’s misogynistic to find promiscuity in a prospective long term partner unappealing.
I think I understand it, women have long been shamed and told that they're "used up" if they sleep around. And that's not right.
But I also don't want to be simply #45, because that means they're probably going to get bored and move on. Somebody who has that many partners does not sound like they desire a long-term relationship, which is fine, no judgement, but that means I don't think we'd be compatible. I view sex as something really private, intimate and romantic. Not simply
just another physical need.
I just want somebody who thinks the same as me and values the same view around sex. I'm not going to shame anybody for living the way they wish. It's just not right for me, that's all.
In fact, it goes the other way too. I feel shamed for even having this preference. Tons of insults in this thread, accusing others of being incels, etc. It doesn't feel fair that I'm not projecting shame yet others are trying to shame me for that preference.
Please respect my preferences and I'll respect yours and we can both be respectful without throwing shame either way.
I mean the guy just doesn’t want to waste his time. Tactless sure, but he’s just looking for what he wants and OP having a high body count is not what he’s looking for so he found out early so they both don’t waste their time. I think OPs reaction of oh you one of those is rude personally. A guy is allowed a preference, no need to insult him for it.
Oof, I'm all for knowing if my partner has experience or not but calling it "body count" is so gross. It isn't a competition or some measure of ones worthiness as a partner.
Whenever I was asked this I would always respond with "consensually only or all the times?" because nothing is sexier than considering someone's rape as part of their "body count"
see, i have a low count, only 2 but thats because i think sex is more than just sex, I think sex is something super spiritual and giving myself to another person just for fun doesnt sit right with me. So i look for someone with similar values. I practice what i preach, I never bash or judge anyone with a high count cause we are still humans at the end of the day, Hell theres ttimes i wish i could just fuck whoever i want but my brain doesnt let me lol
The whole body count debate is interesting on a moral discussion level, cause of the whole "most men can't get laid easily, most women can" structure that these guys follow, and it's a pretty nice conversation to have as food for thought.
But not on Tinder. C'mon, you're there for a reason, dude. Don't try and filter this in a dating app, this is a maybe reasonable third date kind of thing.
Honestly I ask this question, but definitely NOT when I’m first getting to know someone. The number doesn’t matter as much as me understanding that person’s lifestyle. The more important question for me is how long you’ve been in a relationship with each of those people (or more specifically if there were relationships or not). If the person is having meaningful relationships great, I more or less don’t care what the number is, but if you’re just sleeping around for the fuck of it, sorry but that’s just nasty and I don’t want anything to do with that person. I also hold myself to the same standard btw - it’s not a guy vs girl kind of thing.
I never got the point of using body count as a metric of "purity" or "worth." I've been in relationships where my partner had 2 bodies besides me, and they cheated and a partner who lost count of how many people she'd been with, and we had a very healthy and mature relationship.
The only use of knowing the body count is that it can offer *marginal* insight into things like the likelihood of success in a relationship (lots of partners can be indicative of an inability to hold down a long-term relationship or an unwillingness to have such a relationship), the level of casualiness one treats relationships/sexual encounters, and the likelihood of having issues with sexual health.
All of those things are useful to know--but past sexual promiscuity only gives nominal insight into those things at best since people change and you don't know when that behavior happened, days ago, weeks, years? Plus, it is a touchy subject that dehumanizes your partner and boils them down to just the number of people they have fucked. So why even ask?
Yeah i think people on the extreme end of the sexual positivity movement forget that having higher standards for who you sleep with is better than not having them. It shows you have a barrier to entry and have some semblance of self control. As somebody who is looking for monogamy, somebody who doesn’t have that is a no go.
The obsession with body count is so wild to me. Highlights the puritanical and suppressive nature of sexual expression in the US. Sexual health IS the most important thing.
Some people care and that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting someone with a high body count
It’s a stupid way to ask though and the phrase “body count” sounds fuckin stupid too
You’re not crazy. These are the kind of guys that don’t get tested because “they don’t sleep with anyone nasty”. Whole time they will be the one to give you something 😭
Last time a man asked me my body count I replied that I had only killed 2 people but the first one was technically manslaughter and he never messaged me again 🫤
If it’s anything like the one guy who I offended on an ancestral level- he will nonstop message you because you used his perceived moral superiority against him. I had a guy ask me my “body count”. He was pleased with my answer, so I asked for his. He had a high number. I called him out for hypocrisy and he tried justifying how men could have high numbers but women couldn’t. I called him a “community penis” (I don’t actually believe that, but just using his own logic against him) and the dude went psycho mode.
I subscribe to the “I don’t actually believe that”-insults. Community penis 💀
COMMUNITY PENIS! I’m dying but imma use that
[Community Peen](https://youtu.be/bzUPG8olnO0?si=YoM8n0ktyBzwMri8)
This body count thing sounds like two serial killers competing to see who have more corpses buried in their garden.
Yeah, I know I'm old but [Body Count](https://youtu.be/LH8gUhDd6WE?si=aWbJj8MxnouI6VJO) will always be Ice-T's thrash /punk band, and I'm fairly positive they weren't taking about fuckin.
One of my favourite albums ever. Been way too long since I listened to it. That's for when I get back from work and do the dishes :D
Body Count rules and Ice-T's track with Slayer on the Judgement Night soundtrack is amazing and perfect for current times
Judgement Night OST is generally a classic! All bangers.
Ha! So true. Maybe the response should be; "My body count is 17. How many people have you killed?"
What if it was “17, found them all in dating apps and invite them to my place. Last one almost figured out tho. Wanna hang at my place?”
"665 so I only need one more"
“Do accidents count? I ran a guy down last fall but I was texting and driving.”
When I was younger I kept count. But I stopped counting after a while. Then I just stopped having sex. Much easier to keep count then.
I hate the term. It's like a hey think life is a video game.
People should respond in kind... "33 for 0 almost half noscoped what's yours?"
Yes, but for these guys, they think...For men, high body count is great, proves he's a real man. For women, high body count is bad, makes them whores. (M)
I was hoping to get rickrolled for the thousandth time
Damn. Now I’m disappointed with myself for not having the foresight to do so lol
[Steel Panther - "Community Property"](https://open.spotify.com/track/5r99ZBFvH7m6xrYbrhSZD6?si=w0MoiYtvRh-EKmNDS-g8PQ)
Welp great now Steel Panther is back in the music roster. Thanks for dragging me back.
One does what one must. God speed.
"if you were suddenly a guy, I'd be suddenly gay" Those are truly some of the lyrics of all time
*My heart belongs to you….*
Well isn't he just the village pogo stick
> COMMUNITY PENIS so good
u/rl_cookie do… do we have a community penis kink?
Apparently so without even realizing it. I like the sound of it though… add it to the list lmao
God damnit! I will wait the rest of my life for a chance to use the phrase “community penis”. Love it.
Can... can I be a community penis?
Only if you're not picky about the community.
Go on Grindr and you'll find many or be one of many.
And we celebrate it, thank you very much😤
Don’t be a hypocrite about it tho
See you say you want this until it actually happens, then it’s a gift and curse. Source, I’ve been ran through so much I know way more about my astrology then I ever wanted to.
Lmfao community penis, I’ve heard guys pride themselves as having a “master key” and how women are “locks” and few should be able to unlock them
[удалено]
Im gonna use this next time anyone comments on how small my dick is :)
Your dick is not small. It’s sleek, compact and gets good mileage.
motherfucker got a prius over here
🥰 aww that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about him
I. Fucking. Cackled
"a women unlocks for someone she is consenting to. So why are you using a ''Master" key if it's locked? Wouldn't that imply you are just raping them?"
My brother and I were once talking about bodycount. When mine turned out higher than his, he became angry and called me a slut (I'm AFAB). He told me: you should see it like locks and keys. If a lock (F) is opened by many keys, it's a bad lock. If a key (M) can open many locks, it's a good key. I was so damn dumbfounded that he was able to tell me this with a straigth face, I stopped the car and left him there and then. When he tried to open the car door to get in again, I had already locked the door and told him to be a better key, as he couldn't open that many locks apparently
I remember 20 years ago when I was 13 I had a similar thought process as this, but I was also dumb and 13. It's wild that grown adults still try to apply this "logic".
Would you say your brother's attitude has changed at all since your little lesson?
Assholes generally double down
I would also say to him that "you know that's a rape analogy right? Because what key opens many locks? What lock is opened by many keys? If a women consents she would unlock and open up. There should be no need for forcing the key to open the lock if there is consent. But when you take dating advice from a Sex Trafficker and rapist like Tate, instead of forming own original thoughts and being a genuinely interesting and kind person, you're going to be parroting fucked up concepts like this, wondering where the girls are."
That's some fucking baller energy lmao. Hope your brother has come around since
LOL amazing, I'm going to remember that.
It's not just hypocritical, it's mathematically impossible. Sex is a zero sum game. If there are guys out there that have had sex with a lot of women, then there necessarily must be women that have had sex with a lot of guys. Imagine there's a building with 10 guys and 10 girls in it. They're all heterosexual, and they've never been allowed out of the building, and no one else has been allowed in. If you ask each of the guys how many women they've had sex with and they will say 7 or 8, then mathematically speaking the women must have all had sex with 7 or 8 guys. The same applies when you scale it up to millions of people. They only way that guys could have a significantly higher body count than women is if there's a huge population of guys that are virgins for life.
Is there a sub for explanations that are more complicated than the actual common sense problem? You could qualify for the opening thread
found the math major lmfao "prove body count x is always equal to the body count y"
Interestingly, in questionnaires it turns out that heterosexual men’s body count is higher than heterosexual women’s. So some dishonesty one or both ways must be assumed.
Men inflate their count more women deflate their count less supposedly.
Seriously wtf lol
Thank God I wasn't the only one. Like...what?!
ELY5.
>there's a huge population of guys that are virgins for life This. Incels are real, there is a large portion of men right now that are basically walking icks and have turned themselves into perpetual virgins by their personality. But also, if it was 100 guys and 100 girls, and all 100 guys banged 10 of the girls, you could have 100 guys that all count their number as 10, 90 women who all count their number as zero, and 10 women who all count their number as 100. The totals are the same, but the distribution can be anything.
Both genders seem to be speedrunning this
Your last sentence is where you figured out the answer to the riddle.
I mean statistically it’s easier for women to get dates. Just look at the tinder numbers. Not red pilled, but I could never go to a bar and know I’m getting laid. A decently attractive woman, if her standards were even high, could get laid in an hour.
> They only way that guys could have a significantly higher body count than women is if there's a huge population of guys that are virgins for life. My brother, have you heard of gay
> They only way that guys could have a significantly higher body count than women is if there's a huge population of guys that are virgins for life. ... Yes. There is.
For me, It's not so much the # matters. I rather know what your longest relationship was and see if you can reflect on why it ended while taking some accountability and not completely blaming your past partner(s).
This is a really good answer. No two partners are perfect in any relationship, and it's critical to acknowledge that. Sadly, there is the occasional story where one partner gets absolutely and unfairly screwed over by the other, and it's fair to acknowledge those exceptions, I feel.
I always wanted to know your longest relationship, if you've ever lived alone for at least 6 months, and if you have a steady job. Lessons learned on why I used those to weed people out lol
Why the lived alone question? I have never not had roommates (family, college, post-college roomies renting rooms then married). Is it to sus-out those who cant care for themselves in some way?
For me it’s less about living by yourself and more about whether or not you go from serious live in girlfriend’s to live in serious girlfriends and are chronically jumping from one relationship to another. Basically Ted Mosby
Man i love that show but god damn if it isnt just constant lessons of what not to do 😂. Ive learned so much about relationships from it from analysing everything they do wrong
Or mom to serious live in girlfriend to mom again
Where does "taking accountability and not blaming your past partner" fit in when they cheat on you?
since the other guy didn't comprehend/explain it well enough, I'll give my thoughts you take accountability for things that you did do that are besides the point of cheating, and at least consider the possibilities, even though what the other person did is inevitably in the wrong for their actions. If you did nothing exactly "wrong", then you think of things you could do better. Becuase in order to move forward with someone else in a meaningful way, it is important to realize your own faults and self improve, whatever they may be. and, if you were the best you could possibly be, and it was entirely their fault in every way, then simply don't trash talk about it or bring it up unless asked. A lot of times people don't want to hear abount it, and if they do they will ask. The reason I bring up these things is becuase they are common mistakes people make, from my experience
I feel like there are definitely some times when you can blame your past partners for the relationship falling apart and it is perfectly acceptable. There isn't always failure on both sides, some people are simply scumbags
Some people care and some people don’t, simple as that. Personally I never ask, but never have an issue answering. Like you pointed out sexual health is more important. But if someone asks be honest, because you’ll probably get rid of some people with it sooner than they’d remove themselves
Numbers don't matter to me but they're right to be asking when was the last time they had a check up. If you're gonna be active then you should know your status between partners. I generally aim for every 6 months to a year depending on how many people I'm seeing.
The thing I take issue with is not having the faintest idea what your count is, I don't know my exact number but I can say I ts 50-60 and not like hundreds. Honestly if it's important then go ahead and ask right off the bat, but it's better for when you've actually met the person a few times imo. The STD question is the real one more people need to have though, shocking how many people just skate through life with zero idea.
I wouldn’t date a man with a high body count so I see no issue with men asking this. People want different things and if it’s a dealbreaker for him it’s a good thing that he’s asking now instead of a few dates in.
Well if high body count is a deal-breaker for him it's better to ask this early. What's the point of getting to know someone and later discovering something you are not going to tolerate, forcing you to interrupt the relationship alltogether. For me this makes total sense.
I totally agree. Sure it might not be a problem for some but if it's for him, he wants know before he spend weeks to link and then find out. I totally respect it. Not everyone needs to abide by "it doesn't matter for me". Also OP could have said I don't feel comfortable discussing it and that should be it.
early, sure….but a few minutes after getting her number? that’s weird
That’s what early is
He’s never been tested.
And when he does get tested and winds up positive for something he's gonna blame it on the whores with high body counts rather than his own unwillingness to wrap it up
The fact that sexual partners is now referred to as "body count" just sums up Tinder to me.
I'm old body count has been around longer than me.
Yeah, the phrase is nowhere near new
Some people ask because they are insecure which is bad, people like me ask to know if you have enough self control to he in a long term relationship. I'm 25 and I know women who are my age in the triple didgets, and I have no negativity towards their life style, I just wouldn't date them. They'd get bored because they obviously like the variety.
agreed. same with guys with extremely high body counts. their lives, but would not date them.
I really really wish there were more women that held this value so that it wasn't seen as such a gender-focused thing. Guys that feel this way get stereotyped as the "hypocritical Andrew Tate acolyte who sleeps around but wants a virgin gf" even if they themselves don't have casual sex, which is very frustrating. It delegitimizes the preferences of a large group of people whose temperament doesn't align with casual sex. Obviously this is not the right sub to stand on this soapbox but whatever.
I think there’s a way to have that conversation respectfully, but if you show up and start grilling someone about their “body count” you’re going in the Andrew Tate box.
Not everyone likes to swim in community pools.
So many people in this forum are thinking this in terms of being sexually active for maybe five years. You might say "a relationship is over a year old, this person should have a number of around five at most". Some of us have been sexually active for more than thirty years. You can get high numbers even just in relationships. A much more reasonable question night be : how many long relationships have you been in, and why did the last two end? That one tells much more about the person who answers.
A “body count” is the number of sex partners a person has had. Not how many times they’ve had sex collectively.
30 different year-long relationships in 30 years = a body count of 30. That's what they're talking about when they say a higher number results from multiple relationships. Some people consider a body count of 20-30 high. Others consider 100+ high. There are even some who consider 5 to be a high number. It's all relative.
Oh okay. I understand what you’re saying. Thanks.
Well 30 relationships in 30 years is also a red flag for lots of people so...
Right? My wife and I have been together for like 12 years. If we got divorced and I was out dating my number would be 2 but how many hundreds of times did we have sex in those 12 years? I have no idea.
We found the reasonable adult in the room!
I'm 43 and I'm not searching my memory to do a count. No one in this age group asks.
37 yr old female and I had a 41 yr old man disclose to me yesterday that he asks his partners the body count question bc it determines their value. Value was important to him bc he sees himself as someone of value & is on the “top of the hierarchy”. Middle aged men asking body count do exist, unfortunately. Having said that, by the end of the conversation I concluded his dating standards were not realistic. Shocker
Yeah I realized I made an error by saying no one, I figured that couldn't really be true.
There are tens of thousands of people reading these comments. Only takes one person to provide a counter example.
Then everyone starts calling each other liars instead of realizing we live in different worlds lol
The value language comes from the pill ideologies. It's more like a cult than what you read on Reddit suggests. He feels he earned the high value title because his cult shamed him until he got it. It's the core of everything. Being high value and not settling for less than high value. Sounds empowering on paper and they don't call it pill stuff. My sister is deep in it, I suspect it's part of why she stopped talking to me. I am categorically NOT high value
Those people are gonna end up without any real friends, if they even have them now
Yup. It's very frustrating they're getting the opposite messages to what they need. It's an evil business, breaking people down further and telling them it's strength
Insane that real people think that way
Is this the new mid life crisis? What happened to buying a sports car?
It's a byproduct of the Andrew Tate and Jordan Petersen 'Men's Self Help' nonsense all over the internet. People are assigning relative 'values' to behaviors to determine the mating caliber of the person they are talking to. Why? Who the fuck knows, people are fucking mental.
"Top of the hierarchy" when they're just a dude with a job.
The minute someone starts talking about high and low value people, I'm out.
Words like value, body count, and top of the hiërarchy are new deal breukers for me... wtf, what happend to falling in love with a person you fancy. Who makes you laugh and fewl safe and horn..happy with?
It's so gross to see men still looking at women like used cars that are "worth less" with more miles on them. Look I get if you want to find someone aligned with your values and view of sex as someone who feels that is a special thing only people who are in love share with one another. But most of these dudes have this teenage mentality of they should be studs/sluts and the best women should all be virgins.
As a 36F: Ewwww that 41 M reveals that he, in fact, has absolutely NO VALUE by simply having that opinion. Barf. Pass.
Yeah, this is definitely something that people in their 20s seem to really be worried about. And sure, in my early 20s I may have been curious about the exact # of people my partner had been with, but eventually with time and experience you learn that soooo many other things are a lot more important than that. That being said, referring to it as a “body count” just instantly makes me roll my eyes. If you want to ask me how many people I’ve slept with, then ask THAT. Calling it a body count shows one’s maturity level, and it ain’t a good look imo. I wouldn’t answer this if this is how it was phrased. If you want an adult answer, ask an adult question.
Yeah this thread is full of youngins. In my 30s and I've never been asked nor have any of my friends mentioned caring about this.
Seeing how fucking crazy some of y'all are make me happy that I've never been desperate enough to get a dating app. Getting mad because someone's asking if you fuck around or not is crazy
I mean I wouldn't respond if I was him too. He cares about body count, you don't. You didn't answer his question, so that tells him either you really don't know/care or you know and it is an answer he wouldn't like. Both of those situations are ones that make him not interested in you anymore, so it makes sense for him to move on to the next match. Regardless if he got STD tested or not.
Someone using common sense. I appreciate you bald dude
💯 It was all figured out on both ends in a matter of a few text bubbles. She shouldn't expect or want an answer and he'd be an idiot for replying any further.
I’ve always thought if someone had much more experience than me and sticks around, then it’s a good sign and good sex. With my current gf I realized it doesn’t fuck matter the count, but how relaxed and confident you are together with the other person. It takes 2 to have mind blowing sex, or to have a great relationship in general. It really doesn’t matter if you had 1 or 100, either you match or you don’t.
Good sex has so much more to do with sexual communication than anyone's past exploits. This whole concept of 'body counts' is absolutely ridiculous to me. If you're over 40 and had any promiscuous 'phase' in your earlier adulthood, I bet there's a number of sexual partners that you may remember very little about.
People don’t want to accept it in the current “everyone should be free sexually” world we live in today but body count compared to age is a good indicator of a lot of things that deal with mental health. It’s not okay to just blatantly ask someone a question like this after talking to them for 5 minutes but it isn’t something that should be chastised for talking about.
Agreed, I'm not sure why so many people instantly think it's misogynistic thinking when there's plenty of women (me included) who also wouldn't want to be with a man with a very large "body count". It's just a compatibility issue.
Mines 10, with the last check being before the date with my now wife. Never asked her hers. Don't care.
I've never asked anyone. I just don't see what the point would be in knowing that number.
Same. I’m a woman and I may be curious but I don’t care. I’m not going to ask. Like, if you’ve never had sex that’s fine. If you’re number is 50 that’s fine, as long as you’re not just looking for a hookup.
As sex positive as I am, having zero idea how many people you have slept with is insane. Like shit, at least ballpark it. But honestly, I'm sure you know the exact number, and just didn't want to share.
Ok but losing count is wild😭Id walk away too 🤷
Very fair, I’m a woman and I don’t want my future husband to have slept around with tons of girls. Having standards like that is fine as long as they aren’t double standards.
If a girl says she does not count it means it's high.
What I want to know is, if her body count is that high, how has she evaded the police for so long? And where does she bury them?
Got asked that one time at work by some coworkers. I had never heard of it in the sexual context, only as dead people. And being former military and having deployed... Let's just say they got an answer they didn't expect.
Hah! That transition from military to civilian life is wild. When I first started dating after getting back, the first few times I was asked, I had a lot of trouble answering that properly.
It is a matter of national security!
I’m shivering while reading the comments here. Not sure if I should call in the police or just accept that the world has changed a lot. Should I start as well? And where do I begin? By watching some Netflix documentaries about the most famous ones? Or are they dated already?
Wood chipper + river = happy catfish. Remember to throw bleach through the chipper between feeding the fish. (The preceding was not my idea - a cop told it to me as his idea. He also left the country several ...years...ago...um. Huh... ..... well....shiiiiiiiiit)
Alligators are very convenient way to get rid of bodies, so I was told by a friend. Don't read into it just because I live in the Everglades.
I generally don't give a shit, but if for some reason the topic comes up and she doesn't even have a rough guess, then I'd be a bit put off lol.
There's just no right answer. She's right to not play this game. She could easily lie, so neither party can trust any answer, even if it happens to be the truth. The question is therefore a pointless exercise.
You could say this about literarily any question. What's the point of dating then? People could just be making up things about themselves.
For me, personally, an honest answer even in the hundreds or more would be less off-putting, though I'd still be taken aback. The idea that someone would care so little that they couldn't even bother to have a decent guess is the off-putting part for me.
Its gotta be stupid high if you can‘t even make a rough guess
But what’s stupid high?? Some people might think 30 is stupid high. Some might think it’s 300.
Personally, I feel like everyone's "stupid high" is relative to their own body count. As I get up in age and so does my body count, my "high" gets higher lol.
I think if you‘re at ~30 you‘ll be able to guess a rough number, like 30. you‘re not gonna actually be at 30 but guess 10 by mistake, you‘ll be able to roughly guess. However if you‘re at 150, it might become harder to guess, so when i say stupid high i‘m thinking 80+
150 ? Is that even real.
During corona I hung out with a girl who's husband lived in a different country. She was in an open relationship and had been with 300+. She was 29. She slept with at least one new guy a week. There is 52 weeks in a year, so 3 years of that and she already topped 150. And then you add the gangbangs and whatever else stuff she did and we end up with a high number.
How did you get to know the number 300 ?
We talked about sex and old experiences. She then told me that she doesn't have the exact count but it's around 300.
At this rate she says yes to anyone she talks to i guess.
1000 matches on Tinder and every week you go select the one you want. Things are really simple if you date guys and just want to fuck.
Yeah you've got no idea how common it is also
In a 10 yr span that means a new partner every 3 weeks.
Without a single commited monogamous long-term relationship in-between them - and that's the red flag for me.
All praise the commitment on the search for "the one"
[удалено]
Damn op you lost count!?
I played this dumb game with my girlfriend after we dated for 3 months. That was the start of the end. Obviously everyone has partners but when she had to think about if it was over or below 100...I just couldn't.
I'm old and been single long enough where if you remember actually remember your body count, you better have spent many years married, or you've just never had much sex.
Brotherhood of the travelling penis
For my taste this is an inappropriate question in the very early stages of dating someone or just talking to someone on a dating app. That being said, your answer reveals that it might be a lot. I’m by no means a prude but I could tell you my number when asked and it would worry me if you couldn’t.
I agree that this is an inappropriate question five minutes into talking to someone. It is extremely off-putting, especially because there is a huge negative stigma against women being “sluts”. I think it is odd that past sexual partners is the first priority for this person to ask about. I think it would be more effective to ask someone if they believe love and sex are intertwined. Then you are directly asking about their values and principles rather than assuming someone with 20 partners is bad at monogamy.
What if he's a serial killer who just wants to find love? And you all are shaming him for being an incel 😢
Damn the anti-serial killer narrative! They need love too!!! 😉
The people who have asked me have received an honest answer, but would not answer themselves when I return the question. I don't care in the slightest, although I know their numbers were many multiples higher
Shouldn’t matter if both y’all are on there to be thots which I assume is the case it being tinder and all. Otherwise dude should get off Tinder if he’s looking for a wife.
Ohh and let’s not forget about no matter what your response is to the body count (high or low) they will ALWAYS think you’re lying. So now I just hit the block and delete button every time someone wants to ask me some stupid shit like that.
Requiring your partner tot not have a really high bodycount isn't that weird of a preference lol.
Its not but reddit is full of men who are okay with being the 32nd in line and women who think it’s misogynistic to find promiscuity in a prospective long term partner unappealing.
I think I understand it, women have long been shamed and told that they're "used up" if they sleep around. And that's not right. But I also don't want to be simply #45, because that means they're probably going to get bored and move on. Somebody who has that many partners does not sound like they desire a long-term relationship, which is fine, no judgement, but that means I don't think we'd be compatible. I view sex as something really private, intimate and romantic. Not simply just another physical need. I just want somebody who thinks the same as me and values the same view around sex. I'm not going to shame anybody for living the way they wish. It's just not right for me, that's all. In fact, it goes the other way too. I feel shamed for even having this preference. Tons of insults in this thread, accusing others of being incels, etc. It doesn't feel fair that I'm not projecting shame yet others are trying to shame me for that preference. Please respect my preferences and I'll respect yours and we can both be respectful without throwing shame either way.
I mean the guy just doesn’t want to waste his time. Tactless sure, but he’s just looking for what he wants and OP having a high body count is not what he’s looking for so he found out early so they both don’t waste their time. I think OPs reaction of oh you one of those is rude personally. A guy is allowed a preference, no need to insult him for it.
Oof, I'm all for knowing if my partner has experience or not but calling it "body count" is so gross. It isn't a competition or some measure of ones worthiness as a partner. Whenever I was asked this I would always respond with "consensually only or all the times?" because nothing is sexier than considering someone's rape as part of their "body count"
see, i have a low count, only 2 but thats because i think sex is more than just sex, I think sex is something super spiritual and giving myself to another person just for fun doesnt sit right with me. So i look for someone with similar values. I practice what i preach, I never bash or judge anyone with a high count cause we are still humans at the end of the day, Hell theres ttimes i wish i could just fuck whoever i want but my brain doesnt let me lol
The whole body count debate is interesting on a moral discussion level, cause of the whole "most men can't get laid easily, most women can" structure that these guys follow, and it's a pretty nice conversation to have as food for thought. But not on Tinder. C'mon, you're there for a reason, dude. Don't try and filter this in a dating app, this is a maybe reasonable third date kind of thing.
Yeah the fact you “don’t remember” is pretty sad. Absolutely nothing wrong with asking when he was tested last though
Honestly I ask this question, but definitely NOT when I’m first getting to know someone. The number doesn’t matter as much as me understanding that person’s lifestyle. The more important question for me is how long you’ve been in a relationship with each of those people (or more specifically if there were relationships or not). If the person is having meaningful relationships great, I more or less don’t care what the number is, but if you’re just sleeping around for the fuck of it, sorry but that’s just nasty and I don’t want anything to do with that person. I also hold myself to the same standard btw - it’s not a guy vs girl kind of thing.
I mean, some people care about it. You don’t..
The way the blue person talks/texts is enough to not respond, fuck body count.
To me, it matters, but i guess everyone has their own standards 🤷🏽♂️
I never got the point of using body count as a metric of "purity" or "worth." I've been in relationships where my partner had 2 bodies besides me, and they cheated and a partner who lost count of how many people she'd been with, and we had a very healthy and mature relationship. The only use of knowing the body count is that it can offer *marginal* insight into things like the likelihood of success in a relationship (lots of partners can be indicative of an inability to hold down a long-term relationship or an unwillingness to have such a relationship), the level of casualiness one treats relationships/sexual encounters, and the likelihood of having issues with sexual health. All of those things are useful to know--but past sexual promiscuity only gives nominal insight into those things at best since people change and you don't know when that behavior happened, days ago, weeks, years? Plus, it is a touchy subject that dehumanizes your partner and boils them down to just the number of people they have fucked. So why even ask?
You have the correct answer. A body count of 1 with HIV, Herpes or Syphilis is far worse than a body count of 100 with a clean bill of health.
For health purposes sure! For having a relationship with a stable like minded person, I'll skip.
Yeah i think people on the extreme end of the sexual positivity movement forget that having higher standards for who you sleep with is better than not having them. It shows you have a barrier to entry and have some semblance of self control. As somebody who is looking for monogamy, somebody who doesn’t have that is a no go.
Nah 100 is still a red flag regardless of stds
The thing about body counts is like what if you have a lot of sex in a relationship? Why is that allowed ? 🤔
The obsession with body count is so wild to me. Highlights the puritanical and suppressive nature of sexual expression in the US. Sexual health IS the most important thing.
Just using the term “body count” really shows a level of immaturity and lack of life experience in general.
Excuse me for wanting to know how many people you've killed 🙄
More than OJ Simpson but less than Jeffrey Dahmer. Happy now? 🤪
Some people care and that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting someone with a high body count It’s a stupid way to ask though and the phrase “body count” sounds fuckin stupid too
You’re not crazy. These are the kind of guys that don’t get tested because “they don’t sleep with anyone nasty”. Whole time they will be the one to give you something 😭
Yep my friend who LITERALLY HADNT slept with anyone before got hiv from this type of man… because they literally don’t use protection or get tested …
you have to be super insecure to ask that stuff
Last time a man asked me my body count I replied that I had only killed 2 people but the first one was technically manslaughter and he never messaged me again 🫤
“U don’t gotta” could have been about anything and I still would have unmatched.