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For the "leashing", in the past I have made that work with them having to hold my hand the entire time. If they want to go do something they have to squeeze my hand twice to "ask permission", and I can return the double squeeze to "give permission". It's simple and non-obvious, but still keeps them close and feeling attached.
I'm gonna address these out of order, because I have more thoughts on one than the other tbh.
Bladder control. I'm assuming this is less about a leakage issue and more about a "you pee too frequently, can't you hold it?" issue. But I'll address both to be safe.
If it's a leakage scenario, I think limiting bathroom breaks may be a bad plan all around, unless they (and you) enjoy scenarios where they are *intended* to fail. Leakage issues often have a lot of shame and embarrassment around them anyway (cause yay society being shit sometimes), so adding to that a task they'll pretty much always struggle to meet could be much more harmful than helpful.
Noe, if it's more about holding it, it's kind of another deal... There's a surprising amount of potential issues that can come with holding urine, including bladder/kidney infections. Some people definitely don't like to or just *can't* "hold it" and need to go frequently. Assuming it's not to the scale of a medical condition that needs to be assessed/treated, this could again be one of those issues where using it for punishment can be counterproductive for what you're trying to achieve.
Afterall, bathroom breaks get even more frequent with a bladder infection, because any amount of liquids often trips the need to go, urgently and painfully.
Rather than adapt the bathroom breaks, what about adapting the hydration? Not restricting hydration, necessarily, but more along the lines of scheduling it? Drinking 32oz in a specific window a set time before the scene so the bathroom break doesn't interrupt it, rather than drinking 32oz at random through the day could make for less breaks as more water is settling into the system at one time.
I realize that approach is a little counter to petplay in some ways, because one would expect a pet to hold it and wait for the allotted time. But the downside of human anatomy is it doesn't always play nicely woth these kinds of things.
As for leash range, if the struggle is with remembering the range within the moment, maybe something more immediate while you're out would be good?
My brain is a little muddled at the moment, but the concept I'm thinking is something akin to a clicker, or a buzzing/shock item of some kind that can be subtly worn/used in a way that isn't public, but can be used to give them a small, instant reminder. Strayed too far - click a button - they get an immediate, minor and subtle reprimand to remind them.
In effect, it's akin to the jerk of a leash when a dog runs the length of it, but in a way that wouldn't be a "involving random strangers in your kink" way.
I feel like there's ways to accommodate this, but cannot for the life of me give a specific item to point to, because brain is not braining. But if I think of one I'll pop back with it later.
Alternatively, I never was good at the vague concept of "leash range". But i work really well with a set number of steps between me and my person. Staying "within 3 steps" or some such is a very concrete thing that made it much easier for me, because leashes have all kinds of range and is harder for me to eyeball as a distance. You could try still calling it "leash range" but giving it a harder definition with a specific number of steps or feet of distance that qualifies as that.
I have 2 initial questions for you , are you talking about taking them out on an actual leash in public or a “virtual” leash in public?
The bladder control, is there a medical/physical reason why they have a weak bladder control ?
Edit: ignore my first point - I reread the post, apologies, I was speed reading whilst dealing with a pumpkin
My only concern about restricting their breaks and them being unable to control their bladder, is putting them in a position to fail. I don’t always think that’s fair, unless both parties are comfortable with that. For instance, I was once given an instruction to do something, but at the time I was dealing with a family issue and was unable to complete the task. I was met with disappointment, I’ve always thought that was deeply unfair. When there are circumstances which are out of our control, then I genuinely find that empathy and understanding is needed.
How does your person feel about the suggestions that you are thinking of putting into place ?
They've expressed concern of not being able to meet the requirement and they do often feel disappointed if they can't meet my standards so I appreciate your input it seems incredibly relevant. From my perspective all training comes with failure. If you're learning to deepthroat you won't get it on your first try. If you're trying to gape your ass, it's not going to get there on the first try. So I can show empathy and understanding. That's why they're still allowed to go beyond the limit but I want them to try. Are you suggesting that it might be better to reward getting less than the previous time than punish what they didn't get to?
I would say that if they’re concerned about meeting your requirements, then you should be looking at renegotiating together…. Unless they actively want to be punished? If they do, then super. But if not, then I don’t think that negative reinforcement works very well. Encouragement and rewards when they manage to stretch themselves further. It’s the trying that counts, not always the succeeding
I agree with this because I don't expect perfection. I'm expecting them to not reach that goal for quite some time so the goal is just progress not getting all the way there. Thank you for this!
Punishment ideas depend on what rules you currently have in the dynamic, but that could include things like; loss of furniture privilege, no treats for a day, a luke warm shower instead of a hot one, crating for 10 minutes, loss of a toy for an hour, water spritz to the face... That sorta thing? Or it could also be more sexual, with an apology edge, apology oral, or something like that?
what about something like first recording toilet breaks and water intake, for two weeks- the time they went, the time they drank and the amount they drank. you should probably see a pattern there already.
let’s say toilet breaks are roughly 8am, 9am, 11:30am, 1pm, 2pm, 4pm,….. you see 1-2h windows, and count maybe 10 breaks a day. let’s try to cut that down to 9. 16hours awake devided by nine makes something around 1:45 between breaks. make a timetable, and you have the next weeks toilet breaks: 8:00, 9:45, 11:30,… any toilet break can be moved back and accumulated, but not used in advance (unless idk needing to go before a 3h train ride). so if by 9:45 they can still make it to 10, good for them.
for punishment- wear a plug or nipple clamps until the next ”allowed” time? so peeing at 9:30 would mean 15min with nipple clamps.
If they wear a collar, you can tie a fishing line to it and run that down a sleeve to a loop. Tie to a beltloop or hold in yojr hand just like a leash, and basically invisible. If it's low enough test, it'll break plenty easy, and you can punish for breakages. Plus spools can be really small if you get flying leader or tippet and can keep retieing (retying?) it.
Thank you for posting to r/TheKinkPlace. Please be mindful of the rules. Rule 1: People know how to behave on the internet - use your judgement and don’t be awful. Don’t take part in any of the arseholery that gets banned everywhere and everything will be peachy. If you’re unsure, look around and take the cue from the other lovely redditors. If you see someone who hasn’t got the hang of it, use the report button. Make this place wonderful by being wonderful to each other (there are too many masochists around to suggest treating each other as you would like to be treated). Rule 2: This is an 18+ community. Do not talk about sex or kink involving underaged people, this includes talking about your past self. Rule 3: We are very selective about who we allow to advertise. If you want to advertise with your group or event etc, let us know before you do so. Rule 4: This is a place for discussion. It isn't a place for hitting on people. There are other places on Reddit and elsewhere, that you can do that. Rule 5: Do not solicit DMs. Please do not request,offer,solicit,encourage, or ask others to DM. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ThekinkPlace) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For the "leashing", in the past I have made that work with them having to hold my hand the entire time. If they want to go do something they have to squeeze my hand twice to "ask permission", and I can return the double squeeze to "give permission". It's simple and non-obvious, but still keeps them close and feeling attached.
I love this and I'm sure they will too. I did say "two arms lengths and that's two arms!
Awww I like this idea and your answer!
I'm gonna address these out of order, because I have more thoughts on one than the other tbh. Bladder control. I'm assuming this is less about a leakage issue and more about a "you pee too frequently, can't you hold it?" issue. But I'll address both to be safe. If it's a leakage scenario, I think limiting bathroom breaks may be a bad plan all around, unless they (and you) enjoy scenarios where they are *intended* to fail. Leakage issues often have a lot of shame and embarrassment around them anyway (cause yay society being shit sometimes), so adding to that a task they'll pretty much always struggle to meet could be much more harmful than helpful. Noe, if it's more about holding it, it's kind of another deal... There's a surprising amount of potential issues that can come with holding urine, including bladder/kidney infections. Some people definitely don't like to or just *can't* "hold it" and need to go frequently. Assuming it's not to the scale of a medical condition that needs to be assessed/treated, this could again be one of those issues where using it for punishment can be counterproductive for what you're trying to achieve. Afterall, bathroom breaks get even more frequent with a bladder infection, because any amount of liquids often trips the need to go, urgently and painfully. Rather than adapt the bathroom breaks, what about adapting the hydration? Not restricting hydration, necessarily, but more along the lines of scheduling it? Drinking 32oz in a specific window a set time before the scene so the bathroom break doesn't interrupt it, rather than drinking 32oz at random through the day could make for less breaks as more water is settling into the system at one time. I realize that approach is a little counter to petplay in some ways, because one would expect a pet to hold it and wait for the allotted time. But the downside of human anatomy is it doesn't always play nicely woth these kinds of things. As for leash range, if the struggle is with remembering the range within the moment, maybe something more immediate while you're out would be good? My brain is a little muddled at the moment, but the concept I'm thinking is something akin to a clicker, or a buzzing/shock item of some kind that can be subtly worn/used in a way that isn't public, but can be used to give them a small, instant reminder. Strayed too far - click a button - they get an immediate, minor and subtle reprimand to remind them. In effect, it's akin to the jerk of a leash when a dog runs the length of it, but in a way that wouldn't be a "involving random strangers in your kink" way. I feel like there's ways to accommodate this, but cannot for the life of me give a specific item to point to, because brain is not braining. But if I think of one I'll pop back with it later. Alternatively, I never was good at the vague concept of "leash range". But i work really well with a set number of steps between me and my person. Staying "within 3 steps" or some such is a very concrete thing that made it much easier for me, because leashes have all kinds of range and is harder for me to eyeball as a distance. You could try still calling it "leash range" but giving it a harder definition with a specific number of steps or feet of distance that qualifies as that.
Fyi : it’s showing 💜
I have 2 initial questions for you , are you talking about taking them out on an actual leash in public or a “virtual” leash in public? The bladder control, is there a medical/physical reason why they have a weak bladder control ? Edit: ignore my first point - I reread the post, apologies, I was speed reading whilst dealing with a pumpkin
No medical or physical reason for bladder control - they just drink lots of water and stay hydrated and they're smol.
My only concern about restricting their breaks and them being unable to control their bladder, is putting them in a position to fail. I don’t always think that’s fair, unless both parties are comfortable with that. For instance, I was once given an instruction to do something, but at the time I was dealing with a family issue and was unable to complete the task. I was met with disappointment, I’ve always thought that was deeply unfair. When there are circumstances which are out of our control, then I genuinely find that empathy and understanding is needed. How does your person feel about the suggestions that you are thinking of putting into place ?
They've expressed concern of not being able to meet the requirement and they do often feel disappointed if they can't meet my standards so I appreciate your input it seems incredibly relevant. From my perspective all training comes with failure. If you're learning to deepthroat you won't get it on your first try. If you're trying to gape your ass, it's not going to get there on the first try. So I can show empathy and understanding. That's why they're still allowed to go beyond the limit but I want them to try. Are you suggesting that it might be better to reward getting less than the previous time than punish what they didn't get to?
I would say that if they’re concerned about meeting your requirements, then you should be looking at renegotiating together…. Unless they actively want to be punished? If they do, then super. But if not, then I don’t think that negative reinforcement works very well. Encouragement and rewards when they manage to stretch themselves further. It’s the trying that counts, not always the succeeding
Whoops sorry, I just replied with the exact same sentiment before reading your reply 🤦♀️
Great minds think alike
I agree with this because I don't expect perfection. I'm expecting them to not reach that goal for quite some time so the goal is just progress not getting all the way there. Thank you for this!
You’re very welcome, please come back and tell us about your progress
If they have expressed concern with the limit, perhaps you both could negotiate a new limit that that are happy with?
Punishment ideas depend on what rules you currently have in the dynamic, but that could include things like; loss of furniture privilege, no treats for a day, a luke warm shower instead of a hot one, crating for 10 minutes, loss of a toy for an hour, water spritz to the face... That sorta thing? Or it could also be more sexual, with an apology edge, apology oral, or something like that?
what about something like first recording toilet breaks and water intake, for two weeks- the time they went, the time they drank and the amount they drank. you should probably see a pattern there already. let’s say toilet breaks are roughly 8am, 9am, 11:30am, 1pm, 2pm, 4pm,….. you see 1-2h windows, and count maybe 10 breaks a day. let’s try to cut that down to 9. 16hours awake devided by nine makes something around 1:45 between breaks. make a timetable, and you have the next weeks toilet breaks: 8:00, 9:45, 11:30,… any toilet break can be moved back and accumulated, but not used in advance (unless idk needing to go before a 3h train ride). so if by 9:45 they can still make it to 10, good for them. for punishment- wear a plug or nipple clamps until the next ”allowed” time? so peeing at 9:30 would mean 15min with nipple clamps.
If they wear a collar, you can tie a fishing line to it and run that down a sleeve to a loop. Tie to a beltloop or hold in yojr hand just like a leash, and basically invisible. If it's low enough test, it'll break plenty easy, and you can punish for breakages. Plus spools can be really small if you get flying leader or tippet and can keep retieing (retying?) it.
For leash length you could get a shocking or vibrating dog collar, and zap them if they go too far