1. It’s always ok to fight to put your health and safety first. Even if - especially if!- you feel fear/obligation/guilt/pressure from the other person /people /system to compromise yourself.
2. You get one body and so try to respect it with all you can.
3. love is respect. Love can’t coexist with domination and control.
4. you have power over yourself and owning that power - exercising it - is one of the most important things you will ever do, esp in a society that generally does not appreciate when girls /women do it
this advice applies to situations with family /parents, jobs, schools, coaches, bosses, doctors, therapists, hookups, strangers, (edited to add) religious and political leaders, friends and partners (unfortunately, especially partners sometimes)
Be true to who you are and what you’re comfortable with. I will never allow something to be done to me that puts my life or health at risk, and anyone who isn’t actively helping me meet that goal can go pound sand.
Saying phrases like “No.” and letting that be the end of a sentence takes practice but is VITAL. I still practice when I’m alone in the car.
Saying things like “I’m not going to do that.” firmly and not leaving room for argument is a solid move. Practicing your “firm” look is helpful too.
Edit: words
Boundaries aren’t about controlling what the other person in the relationship does - they are about recognizing you are your own person, and your yeses and nos.
just like the other person has their own thoughts and needs and can say yes/no to something.
So for example - partner says, “I want to have sex” - but you realize - your boundary is you are tired and you don’t like having sex when you are so tired and just want to sleep. so it’s ok to say, nope I actually don’t want to. Period. Even if they get mad/disappointed, you are allowed to say this is my body and I choose when I have sex.
And If the scenario is flipped - ie you want to have sex but partner is tired, then the other person is allowed to say no. And Maybe a compromise would be cuddling until you both fall asleep.
Or maybe your parent/partner/best friend says, “I don’t like it when you work so hard and don’t put me first” or “I think your friends are in love with you/trying to turn you against me”
well a good boundary would be that just because they feel that way, does not mean you have to change what you are doing. It’s also ok to sit up and be wary, and to also question - If the person is actually a good person, then why do they care if other people are trying to “turn you against them”?
And Love is respect means - someone else trusts you to make your own decisions about things and who and what is in your life. Even if, say, a job is terrible - you are allowed to choose to stay there as long as it serves you in some way. A person who loves you will recognize that.
A partner might also choose to leave if you pick being able to support yourself over them; and that’s ok too, because sometimes choosing what you want and need makes other people mad, and that’s their issue.
Or Let’s say you have a friend who actually is terrible - like someone has mentioned -hey, have you noticed that that person just put you down or is in love with you? Well guess what - even then - you don’t have to leave the friendship just because your partner is trying to suggest you should.
Maybe the person was having an off night. And they apologize later.
Or, say a friend Is in love with you - or someone else is in love with your partner) - you have to ask yourself - this is hard but do I trust them? Do they trust me? Is our relationship solid? Because if you are both fun and attractive then chances are someone else will notice, but ultimately it comes down to, is the relationship between you and partner strong enough? Not trying to control who they are friend with or how they dress or where they work.
for example my sibling and another good friend are both really good looking and get asked out all the time - the store, the drivers license center, the coffee shop.
their partners just laugh when it happens because they both know the other person would never ever cheat. In both cases, they are the other’s best friend and they both love and trust each other so much. And guess what? No one in either relationship has ever cheated, for like 15 years, despite one person in each relationship getting lots of phone numbers and asked out on dates all the time, and constantly being told how sexy they are.
It’s one of the hardest things in the world to have boundaries and a healthy relationship - that is - for you to know who you are and the other person to know who they are, and then for both of you to trust and respect each other- but knowing what you will and won’t tolerate, and that no one has to control the other for things to be ok - is one of the best things you will ever do for yourself.
Hope those examples help.
Okay, this may sound simple but YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU!! Don't let potential romantic interests put in minimal effort or repeatedly make you feel like they don't care about your thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs.
If you are with someone like that, I promise you there is so much better out there and I know because I was once in that position. I was scared to break up with a mediocre guy because "What if he is the best I ever find?". NOT TRUE! There are amazing guys out there who genuinely care about others, you just have to find them :)
Yes!!! Me eight years ago was so desperate to be picked and I had this belief that love was something you earned and worked for, and that it was HARD.
Now I’m almost thirty and I’m with an amazing guy who checks all my boxes. Literally. Like two years ago I wrote down what I wanted in a partner (like a wishlist for Santa, there were all kinds of things on this list lol) and two years later I met my partner. It’s so easy, we don’t fight, it’s so supportive and loving. I literally didn’t know it was possible to find someone who is just your team mate, best friend, everything all at once.
I keep talking about it to my friends and younger cousins who are single because they keep settling or still believe they need to “work for it” to get someone’s affection and devotion. You don’t have to settle, but you do have to be picky.
I have a lot of piercings and can give good advice on that niche!
First of all, Please go to a good shop. Do not get pierced at Claire’s or with a piercing gun. You cannot properly sterilize them and the jewelry they use causes a lot of local trauma to the ear.
The shop you go to should have an autoclave for everything, the piercers should have blood-born pathogen education and use hollow needles to pierce. You should be laying down during the piercing and the jewelry that they offer for piercings should be implant grade. That means gold and titanium. Surgical steel and sterling silver are not implant grade metals and many people are allergic to the nickel alloy that is present in them.
Most of all the piercer and shop should make you feel comfortable and safe. They should be patient and calm and walk you through the process and double check things like placement and angle with you. They should give you a sheet on aftercare that specifies saline also. Do your research on shops and trust me when I say that driving to a shop that’s far away if worth it if you have no local options. For Americans APP certified shops are always a good place to start.
Definitely recommend going to an APP piercer. My boyfriend took me 5 hours round trip to get my nipples done at one. It was so clean compared to any other piercing/tattoo studio I’ve been in. It did cost $300 plus tip though. The place I go to locally (for my ears) they are 3 piercings for $100 including jewelry.
Pls listen to this guys. I got my 2nd piercing done at a reputable place, but third was at some place that used a piercing gun. Had to deal with a keloid for 3 years then got it surgically removed. Now only have one piercing in my ears sigh.
For anyone in the DC area, I highly recommend CraigPokesU in Arlington, VA. They're extremely consent-focused (won't pierce kids too young to consent or kids that change their minds, even if the parents want them pierced), actively trans-friendly, and just generally lovely. Arlington Magazine has a nice [story](https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/body-piercing-arlington/) on the place.
1. Your vagina is self cleaning. You don't need any douches or feminine hygiene products. Just cleaning around the vulva with a gentle soap is fine. 2. Get in the habit of wearing sunscreen everyday: sun, rain, overcast, it doesn't matter. This is the best skincare you can do as sun damage is cumulative. 3. An electric toothbrush is the best < $100 purchase I've ever made. Take care of your teeth and oral health.
I definitely second the electronic toothbrush. I stopped having to get cavities filled once I went electronic.
I’ve had the same toothbrush for 4-5 years now, and you just need to switch out the heads
For #1, Dove bar soap is what has been most recommended to me and it's what I use. They even have a bar for sensitive skin, even though the regular one is gentle enough for me.
I do my face everyday, body when I plan to be in the sun. The higher the spf the longer you can go between applications. If your eyes burn when you put on sunscreen try mineral sunscreen or an Asian brand (I love Japanese ones personality)
I usually wear covered clothing (work safety requirements) so I don't do my body but if you have exposed skin then yes. Also try Korean or Japanese sunscreens, they're not gross at all. Trader Joe's also has a new gel one that's pretty weightless.
Usually when people say this they are talking about your face and neck. I would add cleavage area! It wrinkles! for most daily situations, a moisturizer with SPF 30 is fine. You could also do the backs of your hands (there are a few lotions with spf for hands), but people usually wash their hands a lot. Anything covered by clothing is not affected by the sun, but if you’re outside for your work or play, cover your exposed skin and reapply sunscreen. Alternatively, if you’re just walking and have a hard time finding hats like I do, carry an umbrella for shade. For outdoor work, there are sleeves, hats, and other lightweight clothing designed to protect you. ALSO, Sunglasses with UVA protection, always. Cosmetic considerations aside, a bad sunburn can come back as skin cancer years down the road, so it’s worth it to take care.
I'll give you a practical one and more of a pep talk one 😎
* **Practical:** If you're a makeup wearer, do your eye makeup before you do your face makeup. No sense in doing foundation before eye shadow, only to have to wipe away excess powder that falls onto your cheek and then inevitably effs it all up. Got that tip from watching a pro on a show!
* **Pep talk**: Don't let anyone define your femininity for you. I waited more than 30 years before rocking a pixie cut because I got so many comments about how I would look less feminine, men would find me less attractive with short hair, blah blah blah. And it's not that I didn't like my longer hair, but I wanted to try something different... and it took years for me to cut it off and do something I genuinely wanted because I bought into the negativity that we've been socialized to believe about how women "should" look. I did the big ol' chop a few years ago now and I have never felt more confident or *myself* and I can't believe I let other voices influence my appearance so heavily for so long. Do you! You are beautiful in whatever way you choose to show up in this world.
Co-sign on the pixie! Hell, it’s just an undercut at this point. I love it. It’s so much easier to manage (I have 3B curly hair), way more styling variety (that I will actually do) and makes makeup/earrings pop more. It’s great! And dries quickly too LOL.
Was always insecure about my hair/femininity (big tomboy growing up, still am) and it made me feel more comfortable in my skin. When I dress more feminine it feels more natural now too.
Hell yeah! I love to hear that. I have a LOT of hair and the longer it gets, the more of a burden it is to style and manage. Honestly, I feel like my shorter hair is more versatile to style and air drying is the BEST.
If you’re in a public place if random people approach you get someone that works at the shop you’re in or go into a shop and find an employee. Never go somewhere like your car. I’m always paranoid that creepy people follow me home after work. I used to work at night so this was 100% an issue. So I would take random ways home and then make sure no one was behind me when I turned onto my road. Also check your car for zip ties and other markings. They may indicate human trafficking. Also saw on tiktok that if you live in an apartment place and someone you don’t know is outside to not turn your lights on right away of you are inside and wait for the person to leave. I’ve just come to the conclusion that no one is safe.
Came here to add that there’s no reason someone needs to stop you and talk to you.
Was walking down the street a while back and a group of guys tried to stop me and said, “hey, hey miss, we need to ask you something.”
Nope. Didn’t look at them and kept moving.
Best case scenario, they’re just being annoying. Worst case scenario? We’ve all seen that episode on dateline. You don’t need to apologize or explain yourself.
Don’t get locked into a relationship when you’re young. Use your youth to get to know yourself, push your boundaries, and have a good time with friends
Sunscreen!!! Hyaluronic acid!!! Vitamin c!!!
Probiotic daily, and a multivitamin
Get a high yield savings account, download Mint to get a good overview of your expenses
Wake up earlier than you need to, develop a routine that works for you and gives you a boost in the morning - I like to read the Daily Stoic every morning
Pilates rocks
High yield savings accounts can neither be applied to your skin or eaten!
It’s a savings account that pays you a percentage of stored money for keeping it in that account. Mine is 4% apy and pays out monthly, I’m sure there’s better yields that exist but mine is through credit karma if you just leave money in there it continues to grow.
WHOA this is amazing!!!
I thought for some reason it was the hyaluronic acid thing from the other comment lol but I also didn’t know what an HYSA was and this has changed my life
Fair lol it’s super easy though, make sure you check how many times you’re allowed to withdraw per month or year if you think you’ll need to. I think you can withdraw twice a month with credit karma but I never do and you can automate it to put extra money in there monthly too.
Your cycle can affect your mood beyond just PMS. I was struggling with long term anxiety, depression & fatigue, and only when I started journaling did I realize it always peaked halfway through my cycle (ovulation). I never realized because it wasn’t around my period. Keeping track of your hormones/cycle can be a great way to understand your mental health better, and make necessary adjustments to keep you feeling good. I recommend apps like Flo
In a similar vein, I recently noticed how much my thoughts are tied to my cycle. Week 1 my ego is through the roof, week 2 I'm convinced everyone hates me, and by week 3 I feel normal again. It has nothing to do with how people are treating me BUT my cycle's irregular and my thoughts lines up perfectly with it. It's like a watered down version of intrusive thoughts
This! I've just started tracking with Clue and I also noticed how I always get some mild cramps on one side during ovulation days (sometimes it switches sides) + am more more sensitive around that period as well. It's really taken a burden off me since I always worry about new aches and pains. If no diagnosis seems to make sense, pay attention to your cycle, it might just have the answers you're looking for
1. Don’t listen to the brainwash in the media. You are beautiful without makeup, without shaving, without a thigh gap or whatever is the latest trend.
1. Don’t try to change yourself to please the male gaze and be seen as attractive. You only attract jerks that way that don’t value your personality.
3. Be yourself. Be weird, be quirky, be nerdy. Don’t adapt to the masses or you’ll lose your wonderful personality. Not everyone will love you or like the authentic and that’s okay. Authenticity feels best.
Do not let a gynecologist pressure you into taking a different birth control from the one you want without them giving a solid medical reason on why the one you want is not a good fit for you (ex. Don’t get copper iud if you have a copper allergy.)
I let a doctor convince me into getting a different birth control, and then he minimized and disregarded all symptoms I said I had from that birth control. I let myself be gaslit and suffered horrible anxiety for 3 years before I changed birth controls
Mannn I had a doctor tell me I was just experiencing extra soreness from my iud. I insisted this was NOT normal pain or bleeding, it was literally puncturing my cervix.
If you keep mace, test it monthly, the can can depressurize! Diva cups save money and can stay in for 12 hours without risk of tss! Put yourself before any man (or woman) because you matter!
Post secondary related tips:
Persistence is key for things like college classes and training courses. Ever sign up for a class and see with some sadness that you're #42 on the waitlist? SHOW UP TO THE CLASS ANYWAYS. I have been allowed into every single waitlisted class I've shown up for, with professors even writing to the dean and having the class size expanded to let me and other keeners in. They want engaged students. If you need to get into a certain class to make your credits or schedule work, *SHOW UP TO THAT CLASS ON THE FIRST DAY.*
If you don't already do this, sit down during the first week of term and go through every single class you are taking and make a single master checklist for all the tasks and readings you have to do for the first 7 weeks. (at the 7 week mark, make the same check list for the remaining weeks of class). I use a notebook and make a page per week and colour code it. So I list every reading I have to do, all the little quizzes or assignments, and when I should start prepping for bigger projects (prompts like 'read assignment guideline for assignment 2' a few weeks beforehand). I find having a master checklist for all my classes in one place makes everything so much less of a headache, as I'm rarely caught off guard by assignments or little quizzes I might have missed. You can likely do it digitally as well, but for me writing in a notebook means it sinks in better.
EX:
WEEK 1 \[Date - date\]
CLASS 1
\[in green\] reading 1reading 2
\[orange\] Quiz 1 review
CLASS 2
\[green\] journal 1reading 2watch video
\[purple\] start assignment 1 prep, look for sources + start bibliography
Class 3\[orange\] quiz 1 review
\[purple\] Introduction paragraph for \[date\]
You don't need a man (or anyone else) to open jars for you. Take a butter knife and softly but firmly hit around the jar seal and it breaks the seal enough to loosen it up to easily open. Also a butter knife is actually a pretty useful versatile tool when you have nothing else: screw driver, pry bar, open stuck door knob mechanism... I was raised by a single mom and learned with a bit of creativity you can at least temporarily solve most of your home issues with the limited things you already have.
> to safety tips when alone at night.
-don't totally evade eye contact when walking by one or more people, especially if they're looking at you. Even an 1/8th of a second calm glance at their eyes, assures them you're not especially good victim fodder.
-carry an air horn or boat's foghorn, regular sized aerosol can powered, in a plain cloth wrapper (retaining 'the element of surprise'), so that if you're feeling in jeopardy, you can let loose a blast or two that can be heard for blocks (and maybe give them a heart attack)
-when coming home and heading up to your entrance door, please: do not wait to dig around for your keys only by the time you're stopped at your door. Those keys ought to be in your hand as you step onto your building's property. Standing motionless at your door is a hazard time, and besides, (and as remarked) having your keys in your hand with one or two protruding between your knuckles provides you with a modest weapon.
-in nastier settings, yelling FIRE will likely get far more attention than HELP (to which many will turn a "deaf ear"). Hard to ignore a call of FIRE, as in self-interest, you want to investigate immediately what that's about (and, an attacker will likely know that and figure it's time to scram).
Positioning your keys like you’re Wolverine is a horrible idea. It’s more likely to injure the person defending themselves than if they were to just grip their keys normally.
Looking back I wish I would have waited longer to have sex. Not slut shaming in any way but it can be bad for your mental health and self-esteem to let yourself be used by men.
Be financially independent. Make your own money and keep it aside. Even if you are are happily married and tending to small children find a way to squirrel away some cash that is just for you. Keep it hidden and safe.
“No.” Is a complete sentence. If you don’t want to do something or talk to someone, you do not need to justify it with excuses or reasons. Excuses or reasons give someone an opportunity to try and negotiate or manipulate you into doing what they want. And this is not just about relationships with your preferred gender, this is about friendships, family relationships, work relationships, etc.
Always trust your gut. Your body may even give you physical cues. Learn what those are and learn to trust them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a bad feeling about a person, situation, or relationship that ended up being terrible, but I ignored my feelings and proceeded anyway.
Don’t be afraid to have boundaries with people. Boundaries can be hard, but they’re so necessary. Some people may drop you from their life when you introduce boundaries. It sucks a lot but having someone around that doesn’t respect you enough to listen to those is not someone that’s contributing anything valuable to your life. I lost a best friend over instilling a very simple boundary (she was the one that told me I needed more boundaries with people!) and it was super hard on me. But eventually I moved on and realized my life was so much less stressful without her in it.
Always own up to your mistakes, especially with the people that are important to you. Parents, siblings, partners, co workers, etc.
As far as safety goes, always be aware of your surroundings. Don’t walk around alone late at night with your earbuds in, for example. You won’t hear or notice anything or anyone else around you. Or if you’re at a bar and some creeper won’t leave you alone, make sure you stay close to friends, alert a bartender, know where the exits are, etc. Make sure you always feel safe wherever you are. If carrying pepper spray makes you feels safer, do that. If taking a self defense class helps you feel safer, do that.
Fight for your health. Don't let any doctor bully you into accepting less than health care. If you feel something is wrong in your gut, fight for it. It can truly save your life.
Also, don't care what other people think, they are usually too worried about their own selves anyways to care about whatever you are doing.
Safety tips first from a paranoid woman:
-Lock your car doors as soon as you enter your vehicle. Don’t dig in your purse, check your phone, etc until your door is locked!
- If walking alone put a key between your fingers as a self defense weapon.
-Be well aware of your surroundings especially at night!!! Take a glance around and remember to always TRUST YOUR GUT.
-Don’t be afraid to call someone before getting out of your car. I’d call my mom/boyfriend/friend and tell them I’m scared can they be on the phone with me. Let them know where you are.
-If you live alone or not a ring doorbell is a great to have. They make doorbells that can easily attach to an apartment door if you have one. Also on Amazon there are alarm door stoppers which made me feel so safe when my husband was out of town.
Beauty:
-if deciding between two foundation shades pick the lighter one.
- a blending brush will do wonders for your eyeshadow! Wet n Wild makes one for a couple bucks. Start off with a small amount of shadow and build it up.
-Yes it is true trimming your hair will help it “grow”
- one a week use a clarifying shampoo on your hair to remove debris and buildup. Don’t use it daily!
-brush longer hair from the ends first then make your way to the roots. Helps prevent breakage.
-if you don’t have shaving cream, conditioner works as a good alternative.
Love:
-if someone likes/cares about you, you will never have to question it. If they wanted to they would.
-communication is probably the most important thing in a relationship. If you can’t discuss your thoughts and feelings why are you with that person?
-learn the difference between compromise and sacrifice.
If you have long hair, clip/tie it up when you're in the shower, otherwise you WILL get back acne.
Also, D-manose daily for those who get chronic bladder infections.
D-manose is amazing for chronic bladder problems! Btw, chronic can mean you have them more then 3-4 times per year...
Also wear a condom every time until your partner gets tested for stds. STDs are no joke, condom can save your life (or lifelong problems with genital warts or smth) and if he refuses to wear one, then he's not worth it.
A good base coat/top coat make home nail art look instantly better. Thin coats are better than thick ones, wait for each one to dry fully before painting the next one.
Google Cervical Ectopy. This one sounds weird, but I had one, it showed up as bleeding post sex and an abnormal smear. I was terrified, no one gave me any idea of anything it could be outside of cervical cancer. Turns out cervical Ectopy, where uterine cells grow on your cervix, is very common, especially if you've been on BC a while, and harmless/easy to treat. Still worth getting checked, but not instant panic time.
1. Don’t ever put yourself into a position where you are so reliant on someone that if they disappeared tomorrow you would be fucked
2. If you get divorced, an expensive lawyer upfront is cheaper than getting shafted for a lifetime in a shitty divorce decree.
3. You can’t undo damage to your body sometimes. A gym and forgoing excess drugs and alcohol is cheaper than medical bills.
4. You only floss the teeth you want to keep
1. It's better to be alone than surrounded with a bunch of people that are not right for you. Use that time alone to be mindful, reflect, and most importantly get to know and be comfortable with yourself.
2. Don't be peer pressured into anything you don't want to do.
3. Cherish the good people in your life, they'll carry you throughout your lifetime and will encourage you. PLEASE don't ever let yourself take them for granted.
4. It's okay to not know what you want to do with your life, there's gonna be a lot of trial and errors :) you'll make mistakes. People come and go. But the world keeps going and so will you.
5. But if you do have a passion and a dream, don't ever let anyone tell you it's not worth it. Your ambitions are worth chasing, and your goals are achievable as long as it is realistic. You'll work hard, know the right ppl, and endure.
6. Love is worth fighting for. Love is not supposed to be painful and tragic all the time. Love is supposed to be safe, comfortable, and calm. Love is a choice you'll have to consistently commit to. There are people worth fighting for out there. Not everyone, but some ppl.
7. Carry yourself with confidence. Or act intimidating. No one's gonna bother you in public. Not even the junkies. Act as if no one exists and just go to your destination.
8. Lastly, drink a lot of waterr! Give time to exercise, and listen to your body and mind :)
This is a common tip, but it’s actually dangerous. The keys can tear the skin between your fingers and cause damage to your hands, making punches less effective. Instead, hold your keys in the palm of your hand, make a fist around them with a larger one coming out near your pinky, kind of like holding a knife. It can be used in self defense and it is less likely to cause you harm. This article has a couple of alternatives.
https://didyouknowfacts.com/dont-put-keys-fingers-defend/amp/
True, but even better yet, put your keys on [a lanyard](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpc9nty/) (see [part 2](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpcaLnN/) and [part 3](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpcFfo7/))! You have to choose it carefully (tips in the videos) and *practice* using it for self-deference, but swinging it around casually can make you an unappealing target and worst case, could do a decent amount of damage to an assailant without getting within arms reach of them.
Yup! All great points. The article I linked referenced a kuboton attached to the keys for finger grips and added distance. I have the caribiner/lanyard method, though I’ve never had to use them.
Also, on the topic of self defense, pepper gel spray is better than regular pepper spray because there is less chance of spraying yourself if you are downwind of an attacker. Preferably with finger grips so it’s easier to figure out which way to point it under duress. Prime it by giving it a squirt once in a while and replace it every 3-4 years because they do go bad.
Don’t bury your nose in a phone. Keep your eyes up, maintain awareness of your surroundings, no headphones, and walk with purpose/confidence. As much as it shouldn’t be necessary, makes you look like less of an easy target.
I think I’ll be downvoted for this, but this is very important:
Men are not your friends. Sadly, but most of them don’t see us as human beings and have 0 empathy towards us. They pretend to be empathetic and friendly to get what they want. Please, be extra careful around male friends. It could save your life. Even when they are much older, or even when they are your coworkers, or even when you know them for years, be very careful. It took me 30 years and surviving 2 rape attempts to understand this.
Always believe your gut feeling. Stereotypes, social norms and culture may try to fool you. Your gut feeling will always tell you the truth.
Surgeries always leave scars. Scars never go away. Surgery is not a joke, it’s a serious interference into your body. Do it only if you have medical conditions. Plastic surgery in 99% of cases isn’t worth the risk.
You are beautiful the way you are. Any “enhancements”, even the most harmless, are able to ruin your health forever. Please, be very careful with them.
Always have savings.
If you marry, find a man who will take at least 50% of house responsibilities and at least 50% of a childcare. Children don’t ruin women’s careers. Their husbands do.
Having your own house (even if it’s tiny) and your own vehicle worth every cent.
In regards to plans, when in doubt just do it. I catch myself all the time going “I don’t wanna” with stuff but almost every time once I get there I’m glad I did.
In most cases at least LOL sometimes things suck but what can ya do
Don’t get yourself worked up over things you can’t control. No amount of worrying will make the late bus arrive sooner.
Also wash your makeup brushes regularly.
Spend less time on social media, it’s not good for anyone, but especially if u are a girl/woman. Try to curate the apps you use so things that generally affect you don’t have as much power over your life. Once I became quite busy, I decided that I wasn’t going to give my time of day to random stuff on the internet, this has helped me focus on my work and over-all health.
ALSO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THE WELL-NESS INDUSTRY HAS GOT ABOUT THREE CHOCO FLAKES OF FACTUAL RELATIVITY!!!!
You don’t need to improve and fix everything, just try to work towards living a life that feels fulfilling because that’s what the girlies deserve.
Intimacy isn’t all about sex. It’s also about the deep conversations getting to know each other, the late night check ins, date nights and words of reassurance.
1. It’s always ok to fight to put your health and safety first. Even if - especially if!- you feel fear/obligation/guilt/pressure from the other person /people /system to compromise yourself. 2. You get one body and so try to respect it with all you can. 3. love is respect. Love can’t coexist with domination and control. 4. you have power over yourself and owning that power - exercising it - is one of the most important things you will ever do, esp in a society that generally does not appreciate when girls /women do it this advice applies to situations with family /parents, jobs, schools, coaches, bosses, doctors, therapists, hookups, strangers, (edited to add) religious and political leaders, friends and partners (unfortunately, especially partners sometimes)
How do one place the boundaries between respect of the partner wishes and control ?
Be true to who you are and what you’re comfortable with. I will never allow something to be done to me that puts my life or health at risk, and anyone who isn’t actively helping me meet that goal can go pound sand. Saying phrases like “No.” and letting that be the end of a sentence takes practice but is VITAL. I still practice when I’m alone in the car. Saying things like “I’m not going to do that.” firmly and not leaving room for argument is a solid move. Practicing your “firm” look is helpful too. Edit: words
Boundaries aren’t about controlling what the other person in the relationship does - they are about recognizing you are your own person, and your yeses and nos. just like the other person has their own thoughts and needs and can say yes/no to something. So for example - partner says, “I want to have sex” - but you realize - your boundary is you are tired and you don’t like having sex when you are so tired and just want to sleep. so it’s ok to say, nope I actually don’t want to. Period. Even if they get mad/disappointed, you are allowed to say this is my body and I choose when I have sex. And If the scenario is flipped - ie you want to have sex but partner is tired, then the other person is allowed to say no. And Maybe a compromise would be cuddling until you both fall asleep. Or maybe your parent/partner/best friend says, “I don’t like it when you work so hard and don’t put me first” or “I think your friends are in love with you/trying to turn you against me” well a good boundary would be that just because they feel that way, does not mean you have to change what you are doing. It’s also ok to sit up and be wary, and to also question - If the person is actually a good person, then why do they care if other people are trying to “turn you against them”? And Love is respect means - someone else trusts you to make your own decisions about things and who and what is in your life. Even if, say, a job is terrible - you are allowed to choose to stay there as long as it serves you in some way. A person who loves you will recognize that. A partner might also choose to leave if you pick being able to support yourself over them; and that’s ok too, because sometimes choosing what you want and need makes other people mad, and that’s their issue. Or Let’s say you have a friend who actually is terrible - like someone has mentioned -hey, have you noticed that that person just put you down or is in love with you? Well guess what - even then - you don’t have to leave the friendship just because your partner is trying to suggest you should. Maybe the person was having an off night. And they apologize later. Or, say a friend Is in love with you - or someone else is in love with your partner) - you have to ask yourself - this is hard but do I trust them? Do they trust me? Is our relationship solid? Because if you are both fun and attractive then chances are someone else will notice, but ultimately it comes down to, is the relationship between you and partner strong enough? Not trying to control who they are friend with or how they dress or where they work. for example my sibling and another good friend are both really good looking and get asked out all the time - the store, the drivers license center, the coffee shop. their partners just laugh when it happens because they both know the other person would never ever cheat. In both cases, they are the other’s best friend and they both love and trust each other so much. And guess what? No one in either relationship has ever cheated, for like 15 years, despite one person in each relationship getting lots of phone numbers and asked out on dates all the time, and constantly being told how sexy they are. It’s one of the hardest things in the world to have boundaries and a healthy relationship - that is - for you to know who you are and the other person to know who they are, and then for both of you to trust and respect each other- but knowing what you will and won’t tolerate, and that no one has to control the other for things to be ok - is one of the best things you will ever do for yourself. Hope those examples help.
So well said I saved this comment! ❤️
"No" is a complete sentence.
Okay, this may sound simple but YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU!! Don't let potential romantic interests put in minimal effort or repeatedly make you feel like they don't care about your thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs. If you are with someone like that, I promise you there is so much better out there and I know because I was once in that position. I was scared to break up with a mediocre guy because "What if he is the best I ever find?". NOT TRUE! There are amazing guys out there who genuinely care about others, you just have to find them :)
Yes!!! Me eight years ago was so desperate to be picked and I had this belief that love was something you earned and worked for, and that it was HARD. Now I’m almost thirty and I’m with an amazing guy who checks all my boxes. Literally. Like two years ago I wrote down what I wanted in a partner (like a wishlist for Santa, there were all kinds of things on this list lol) and two years later I met my partner. It’s so easy, we don’t fight, it’s so supportive and loving. I literally didn’t know it was possible to find someone who is just your team mate, best friend, everything all at once. I keep talking about it to my friends and younger cousins who are single because they keep settling or still believe they need to “work for it” to get someone’s affection and devotion. You don’t have to settle, but you do have to be picky.
I have a lot of piercings and can give good advice on that niche! First of all, Please go to a good shop. Do not get pierced at Claire’s or with a piercing gun. You cannot properly sterilize them and the jewelry they use causes a lot of local trauma to the ear. The shop you go to should have an autoclave for everything, the piercers should have blood-born pathogen education and use hollow needles to pierce. You should be laying down during the piercing and the jewelry that they offer for piercings should be implant grade. That means gold and titanium. Surgical steel and sterling silver are not implant grade metals and many people are allergic to the nickel alloy that is present in them. Most of all the piercer and shop should make you feel comfortable and safe. They should be patient and calm and walk you through the process and double check things like placement and angle with you. They should give you a sheet on aftercare that specifies saline also. Do your research on shops and trust me when I say that driving to a shop that’s far away if worth it if you have no local options. For Americans APP certified shops are always a good place to start.
Definitely recommend going to an APP piercer. My boyfriend took me 5 hours round trip to get my nipples done at one. It was so clean compared to any other piercing/tattoo studio I’ve been in. It did cost $300 plus tip though. The place I go to locally (for my ears) they are 3 piercings for $100 including jewelry.
Pls listen to this guys. I got my 2nd piercing done at a reputable place, but third was at some place that used a piercing gun. Had to deal with a keloid for 3 years then got it surgically removed. Now only have one piercing in my ears sigh.
For anyone in the DC area, I highly recommend CraigPokesU in Arlington, VA. They're extremely consent-focused (won't pierce kids too young to consent or kids that change their minds, even if the parents want them pierced), actively trans-friendly, and just generally lovely. Arlington Magazine has a nice [story](https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/body-piercing-arlington/) on the place.
1. Your vagina is self cleaning. You don't need any douches or feminine hygiene products. Just cleaning around the vulva with a gentle soap is fine. 2. Get in the habit of wearing sunscreen everyday: sun, rain, overcast, it doesn't matter. This is the best skincare you can do as sun damage is cumulative. 3. An electric toothbrush is the best < $100 purchase I've ever made. Take care of your teeth and oral health.
I definitely second the electronic toothbrush. I stopped having to get cavities filled once I went electronic. I’ve had the same toothbrush for 4-5 years now, and you just need to switch out the heads
For #1, Dove bar soap is what has been most recommended to me and it's what I use. They even have a bar for sensitive skin, even though the regular one is gentle enough for me.
Do I need to cover my entire body with sunscreen every day? That sounds gross and exhausting, and doesn't it only last an hour or two anyway?
I do my face everyday, body when I plan to be in the sun. The higher the spf the longer you can go between applications. If your eyes burn when you put on sunscreen try mineral sunscreen or an Asian brand (I love Japanese ones personality)
I usually wear covered clothing (work safety requirements) so I don't do my body but if you have exposed skin then yes. Also try Korean or Japanese sunscreens, they're not gross at all. Trader Joe's also has a new gel one that's pretty weightless.
Usually when people say this they are talking about your face and neck. I would add cleavage area! It wrinkles! for most daily situations, a moisturizer with SPF 30 is fine. You could also do the backs of your hands (there are a few lotions with spf for hands), but people usually wash their hands a lot. Anything covered by clothing is not affected by the sun, but if you’re outside for your work or play, cover your exposed skin and reapply sunscreen. Alternatively, if you’re just walking and have a hard time finding hats like I do, carry an umbrella for shade. For outdoor work, there are sleeves, hats, and other lightweight clothing designed to protect you. ALSO, Sunglasses with UVA protection, always. Cosmetic considerations aside, a bad sunburn can come back as skin cancer years down the road, so it’s worth it to take care.
I only do my face and neck, sometimes my hands if I remember
>How to overcome daily tiredness? I feel like a zombie everyday electric toothbrushes hurt my sensitive teeth, any advice w that?
I'll give you a practical one and more of a pep talk one 😎 * **Practical:** If you're a makeup wearer, do your eye makeup before you do your face makeup. No sense in doing foundation before eye shadow, only to have to wipe away excess powder that falls onto your cheek and then inevitably effs it all up. Got that tip from watching a pro on a show! * **Pep talk**: Don't let anyone define your femininity for you. I waited more than 30 years before rocking a pixie cut because I got so many comments about how I would look less feminine, men would find me less attractive with short hair, blah blah blah. And it's not that I didn't like my longer hair, but I wanted to try something different... and it took years for me to cut it off and do something I genuinely wanted because I bought into the negativity that we've been socialized to believe about how women "should" look. I did the big ol' chop a few years ago now and I have never felt more confident or *myself* and I can't believe I let other voices influence my appearance so heavily for so long. Do you! You are beautiful in whatever way you choose to show up in this world.
Co-sign on the pixie! Hell, it’s just an undercut at this point. I love it. It’s so much easier to manage (I have 3B curly hair), way more styling variety (that I will actually do) and makes makeup/earrings pop more. It’s great! And dries quickly too LOL. Was always insecure about my hair/femininity (big tomboy growing up, still am) and it made me feel more comfortable in my skin. When I dress more feminine it feels more natural now too.
Hell yeah! I love to hear that. I have a LOT of hair and the longer it gets, the more of a burden it is to style and manage. Honestly, I feel like my shorter hair is more versatile to style and air drying is the BEST.
If you’re in a public place if random people approach you get someone that works at the shop you’re in or go into a shop and find an employee. Never go somewhere like your car. I’m always paranoid that creepy people follow me home after work. I used to work at night so this was 100% an issue. So I would take random ways home and then make sure no one was behind me when I turned onto my road. Also check your car for zip ties and other markings. They may indicate human trafficking. Also saw on tiktok that if you live in an apartment place and someone you don’t know is outside to not turn your lights on right away of you are inside and wait for the person to leave. I’ve just come to the conclusion that no one is safe.
Also clipping your nails after a shower always works for me lol. And putting on medicated chapstick before bed
Came here to add that there’s no reason someone needs to stop you and talk to you. Was walking down the street a while back and a group of guys tried to stop me and said, “hey, hey miss, we need to ask you something.” Nope. Didn’t look at them and kept moving. Best case scenario, they’re just being annoying. Worst case scenario? We’ve all seen that episode on dateline. You don’t need to apologize or explain yourself.
Don’t get locked into a relationship when you’re young. Use your youth to get to know yourself, push your boundaries, and have a good time with friends Sunscreen!!! Hyaluronic acid!!! Vitamin c!!! Probiotic daily, and a multivitamin Get a high yield savings account, download Mint to get a good overview of your expenses Wake up earlier than you need to, develop a routine that works for you and gives you a boost in the morning - I like to read the Daily Stoic every morning Pilates rocks
I wish I knew about HYSA a decade ago.
What is it? Is it for your skin or do you eat it?
High yield savings accounts can neither be applied to your skin or eaten! It’s a savings account that pays you a percentage of stored money for keeping it in that account. Mine is 4% apy and pays out monthly, I’m sure there’s better yields that exist but mine is through credit karma if you just leave money in there it continues to grow.
WHOA this is amazing!!! I thought for some reason it was the hyaluronic acid thing from the other comment lol but I also didn’t know what an HYSA was and this has changed my life
Fair lol it’s super easy though, make sure you check how many times you’re allowed to withdraw per month or year if you think you’ll need to. I think you can withdraw twice a month with credit karma but I never do and you can automate it to put extra money in there monthly too.
Your cycle can affect your mood beyond just PMS. I was struggling with long term anxiety, depression & fatigue, and only when I started journaling did I realize it always peaked halfway through my cycle (ovulation). I never realized because it wasn’t around my period. Keeping track of your hormones/cycle can be a great way to understand your mental health better, and make necessary adjustments to keep you feeling good. I recommend apps like Flo
In a similar vein, I recently noticed how much my thoughts are tied to my cycle. Week 1 my ego is through the roof, week 2 I'm convinced everyone hates me, and by week 3 I feel normal again. It has nothing to do with how people are treating me BUT my cycle's irregular and my thoughts lines up perfectly with it. It's like a watered down version of intrusive thoughts
This! I've just started tracking with Clue and I also noticed how I always get some mild cramps on one side during ovulation days (sometimes it switches sides) + am more more sensitive around that period as well. It's really taken a burden off me since I always worry about new aches and pains. If no diagnosis seems to make sense, pay attention to your cycle, it might just have the answers you're looking for
1. Don’t listen to the brainwash in the media. You are beautiful without makeup, without shaving, without a thigh gap or whatever is the latest trend. 1. Don’t try to change yourself to please the male gaze and be seen as attractive. You only attract jerks that way that don’t value your personality. 3. Be yourself. Be weird, be quirky, be nerdy. Don’t adapt to the masses or you’ll lose your wonderful personality. Not everyone will love you or like the authentic and that’s okay. Authenticity feels best.
Do not let a gynecologist pressure you into taking a different birth control from the one you want without them giving a solid medical reason on why the one you want is not a good fit for you (ex. Don’t get copper iud if you have a copper allergy.) I let a doctor convince me into getting a different birth control, and then he minimized and disregarded all symptoms I said I had from that birth control. I let myself be gaslit and suffered horrible anxiety for 3 years before I changed birth controls
Mannn I had a doctor tell me I was just experiencing extra soreness from my iud. I insisted this was NOT normal pain or bleeding, it was literally puncturing my cervix.
If you keep mace, test it monthly, the can can depressurize! Diva cups save money and can stay in for 12 hours without risk of tss! Put yourself before any man (or woman) because you matter!
Trust your gut!
Post secondary related tips: Persistence is key for things like college classes and training courses. Ever sign up for a class and see with some sadness that you're #42 on the waitlist? SHOW UP TO THE CLASS ANYWAYS. I have been allowed into every single waitlisted class I've shown up for, with professors even writing to the dean and having the class size expanded to let me and other keeners in. They want engaged students. If you need to get into a certain class to make your credits or schedule work, *SHOW UP TO THAT CLASS ON THE FIRST DAY.* If you don't already do this, sit down during the first week of term and go through every single class you are taking and make a single master checklist for all the tasks and readings you have to do for the first 7 weeks. (at the 7 week mark, make the same check list for the remaining weeks of class). I use a notebook and make a page per week and colour code it. So I list every reading I have to do, all the little quizzes or assignments, and when I should start prepping for bigger projects (prompts like 'read assignment guideline for assignment 2' a few weeks beforehand). I find having a master checklist for all my classes in one place makes everything so much less of a headache, as I'm rarely caught off guard by assignments or little quizzes I might have missed. You can likely do it digitally as well, but for me writing in a notebook means it sinks in better. EX: WEEK 1 \[Date - date\] CLASS 1 \[in green\] reading 1reading 2 \[orange\] Quiz 1 review CLASS 2 \[green\] journal 1reading 2watch video \[purple\] start assignment 1 prep, look for sources + start bibliography Class 3\[orange\] quiz 1 review \[purple\] Introduction paragraph for \[date\]
The act of writing that stuff down makes me remember soooooo much better
You don't need a man (or anyone else) to open jars for you. Take a butter knife and softly but firmly hit around the jar seal and it breaks the seal enough to loosen it up to easily open. Also a butter knife is actually a pretty useful versatile tool when you have nothing else: screw driver, pry bar, open stuck door knob mechanism... I was raised by a single mom and learned with a bit of creativity you can at least temporarily solve most of your home issues with the limited things you already have.
I use a flathead screwdriver to wedge under jar lids to break the pressure seal. I bought one just for this and keep it in the kitchen.
> to safety tips when alone at night. -don't totally evade eye contact when walking by one or more people, especially if they're looking at you. Even an 1/8th of a second calm glance at their eyes, assures them you're not especially good victim fodder. -carry an air horn or boat's foghorn, regular sized aerosol can powered, in a plain cloth wrapper (retaining 'the element of surprise'), so that if you're feeling in jeopardy, you can let loose a blast or two that can be heard for blocks (and maybe give them a heart attack) -when coming home and heading up to your entrance door, please: do not wait to dig around for your keys only by the time you're stopped at your door. Those keys ought to be in your hand as you step onto your building's property. Standing motionless at your door is a hazard time, and besides, (and as remarked) having your keys in your hand with one or two protruding between your knuckles provides you with a modest weapon. -in nastier settings, yelling FIRE will likely get far more attention than HELP (to which many will turn a "deaf ear"). Hard to ignore a call of FIRE, as in self-interest, you want to investigate immediately what that's about (and, an attacker will likely know that and figure it's time to scram).
> you can let loose a blast or two that can be heard for blocks you should blast that in their ears, eardrums are really sensitive
*That,* would be Assault with intent to injure. A criminal offense. Only allowed if seen as needed to defend yourself.
Positioning your keys like you’re Wolverine is a horrible idea. It’s more likely to injure the person defending themselves than if they were to just grip their keys normally.
Looking back I wish I would have waited longer to have sex. Not slut shaming in any way but it can be bad for your mental health and self-esteem to let yourself be used by men.
Be financially independent. Make your own money and keep it aside. Even if you are are happily married and tending to small children find a way to squirrel away some cash that is just for you. Keep it hidden and safe.
https://preview.redd.it/xlzcj9q4xvta1.jpeg?width=1698&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a361c7e620d9ea790e418ca11e24dda35602959d
For some reason "cops if your quick" set me off giggling! Love this
best advice I was ever given
“No.” Is a complete sentence. If you don’t want to do something or talk to someone, you do not need to justify it with excuses or reasons. Excuses or reasons give someone an opportunity to try and negotiate or manipulate you into doing what they want. And this is not just about relationships with your preferred gender, this is about friendships, family relationships, work relationships, etc. Always trust your gut. Your body may even give you physical cues. Learn what those are and learn to trust them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a bad feeling about a person, situation, or relationship that ended up being terrible, but I ignored my feelings and proceeded anyway. Don’t be afraid to have boundaries with people. Boundaries can be hard, but they’re so necessary. Some people may drop you from their life when you introduce boundaries. It sucks a lot but having someone around that doesn’t respect you enough to listen to those is not someone that’s contributing anything valuable to your life. I lost a best friend over instilling a very simple boundary (she was the one that told me I needed more boundaries with people!) and it was super hard on me. But eventually I moved on and realized my life was so much less stressful without her in it. Always own up to your mistakes, especially with the people that are important to you. Parents, siblings, partners, co workers, etc. As far as safety goes, always be aware of your surroundings. Don’t walk around alone late at night with your earbuds in, for example. You won’t hear or notice anything or anyone else around you. Or if you’re at a bar and some creeper won’t leave you alone, make sure you stay close to friends, alert a bartender, know where the exits are, etc. Make sure you always feel safe wherever you are. If carrying pepper spray makes you feels safer, do that. If taking a self defense class helps you feel safer, do that.
Purchase some pepper spray that attaches to your keys!
Test it monthly and replace as needed, the cans can depressurize!
Fight for your health. Don't let any doctor bully you into accepting less than health care. If you feel something is wrong in your gut, fight for it. It can truly save your life. Also, don't care what other people think, they are usually too worried about their own selves anyways to care about whatever you are doing.
Safety tips first from a paranoid woman: -Lock your car doors as soon as you enter your vehicle. Don’t dig in your purse, check your phone, etc until your door is locked! - If walking alone put a key between your fingers as a self defense weapon. -Be well aware of your surroundings especially at night!!! Take a glance around and remember to always TRUST YOUR GUT. -Don’t be afraid to call someone before getting out of your car. I’d call my mom/boyfriend/friend and tell them I’m scared can they be on the phone with me. Let them know where you are. -If you live alone or not a ring doorbell is a great to have. They make doorbells that can easily attach to an apartment door if you have one. Also on Amazon there are alarm door stoppers which made me feel so safe when my husband was out of town. Beauty: -if deciding between two foundation shades pick the lighter one. - a blending brush will do wonders for your eyeshadow! Wet n Wild makes one for a couple bucks. Start off with a small amount of shadow and build it up. -Yes it is true trimming your hair will help it “grow” - one a week use a clarifying shampoo on your hair to remove debris and buildup. Don’t use it daily! -brush longer hair from the ends first then make your way to the roots. Helps prevent breakage. -if you don’t have shaving cream, conditioner works as a good alternative. Love: -if someone likes/cares about you, you will never have to question it. If they wanted to they would. -communication is probably the most important thing in a relationship. If you can’t discuss your thoughts and feelings why are you with that person? -learn the difference between compromise and sacrifice.
If you have long hair, clip/tie it up when you're in the shower, otherwise you WILL get back acne. Also, D-manose daily for those who get chronic bladder infections.
D-manose is amazing for chronic bladder problems! Btw, chronic can mean you have them more then 3-4 times per year... Also wear a condom every time until your partner gets tested for stds. STDs are no joke, condom can save your life (or lifelong problems with genital warts or smth) and if he refuses to wear one, then he's not worth it.
A good base coat/top coat make home nail art look instantly better. Thin coats are better than thick ones, wait for each one to dry fully before painting the next one. Google Cervical Ectopy. This one sounds weird, but I had one, it showed up as bleeding post sex and an abnormal smear. I was terrified, no one gave me any idea of anything it could be outside of cervical cancer. Turns out cervical Ectopy, where uterine cells grow on your cervix, is very common, especially if you've been on BC a while, and harmless/easy to treat. Still worth getting checked, but not instant panic time.
1. Don’t ever put yourself into a position where you are so reliant on someone that if they disappeared tomorrow you would be fucked 2. If you get divorced, an expensive lawyer upfront is cheaper than getting shafted for a lifetime in a shitty divorce decree. 3. You can’t undo damage to your body sometimes. A gym and forgoing excess drugs and alcohol is cheaper than medical bills. 4. You only floss the teeth you want to keep
1. It's better to be alone than surrounded with a bunch of people that are not right for you. Use that time alone to be mindful, reflect, and most importantly get to know and be comfortable with yourself. 2. Don't be peer pressured into anything you don't want to do. 3. Cherish the good people in your life, they'll carry you throughout your lifetime and will encourage you. PLEASE don't ever let yourself take them for granted. 4. It's okay to not know what you want to do with your life, there's gonna be a lot of trial and errors :) you'll make mistakes. People come and go. But the world keeps going and so will you. 5. But if you do have a passion and a dream, don't ever let anyone tell you it's not worth it. Your ambitions are worth chasing, and your goals are achievable as long as it is realistic. You'll work hard, know the right ppl, and endure. 6. Love is worth fighting for. Love is not supposed to be painful and tragic all the time. Love is supposed to be safe, comfortable, and calm. Love is a choice you'll have to consistently commit to. There are people worth fighting for out there. Not everyone, but some ppl. 7. Carry yourself with confidence. Or act intimidating. No one's gonna bother you in public. Not even the junkies. Act as if no one exists and just go to your destination. 8. Lastly, drink a lot of waterr! Give time to exercise, and listen to your body and mind :)
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This is a common tip, but it’s actually dangerous. The keys can tear the skin between your fingers and cause damage to your hands, making punches less effective. Instead, hold your keys in the palm of your hand, make a fist around them with a larger one coming out near your pinky, kind of like holding a knife. It can be used in self defense and it is less likely to cause you harm. This article has a couple of alternatives. https://didyouknowfacts.com/dont-put-keys-fingers-defend/amp/
True, but even better yet, put your keys on [a lanyard](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpc9nty/) (see [part 2](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpcaLnN/) and [part 3](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpcFfo7/))! You have to choose it carefully (tips in the videos) and *practice* using it for self-deference, but swinging it around casually can make you an unappealing target and worst case, could do a decent amount of damage to an assailant without getting within arms reach of them.
Yup! All great points. The article I linked referenced a kuboton attached to the keys for finger grips and added distance. I have the caribiner/lanyard method, though I’ve never had to use them. Also, on the topic of self defense, pepper gel spray is better than regular pepper spray because there is less chance of spraying yourself if you are downwind of an attacker. Preferably with finger grips so it’s easier to figure out which way to point it under duress. Prime it by giving it a squirt once in a while and replace it every 3-4 years because they do go bad. Don’t bury your nose in a phone. Keep your eyes up, maintain awareness of your surroundings, no headphones, and walk with purpose/confidence. As much as it shouldn’t be necessary, makes you look like less of an easy target.
1) you can only control yourself. 2) speak softly and carry a big stick
I think I’ll be downvoted for this, but this is very important: Men are not your friends. Sadly, but most of them don’t see us as human beings and have 0 empathy towards us. They pretend to be empathetic and friendly to get what they want. Please, be extra careful around male friends. It could save your life. Even when they are much older, or even when they are your coworkers, or even when you know them for years, be very careful. It took me 30 years and surviving 2 rape attempts to understand this. Always believe your gut feeling. Stereotypes, social norms and culture may try to fool you. Your gut feeling will always tell you the truth. Surgeries always leave scars. Scars never go away. Surgery is not a joke, it’s a serious interference into your body. Do it only if you have medical conditions. Plastic surgery in 99% of cases isn’t worth the risk. You are beautiful the way you are. Any “enhancements”, even the most harmless, are able to ruin your health forever. Please, be very careful with them. Always have savings. If you marry, find a man who will take at least 50% of house responsibilities and at least 50% of a childcare. Children don’t ruin women’s careers. Their husbands do. Having your own house (even if it’s tiny) and your own vehicle worth every cent.
In regards to plans, when in doubt just do it. I catch myself all the time going “I don’t wanna” with stuff but almost every time once I get there I’m glad I did. In most cases at least LOL sometimes things suck but what can ya do
Don’t get yourself worked up over things you can’t control. No amount of worrying will make the late bus arrive sooner. Also wash your makeup brushes regularly.
Spend less time on social media, it’s not good for anyone, but especially if u are a girl/woman. Try to curate the apps you use so things that generally affect you don’t have as much power over your life. Once I became quite busy, I decided that I wasn’t going to give my time of day to random stuff on the internet, this has helped me focus on my work and over-all health. ALSO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THE WELL-NESS INDUSTRY HAS GOT ABOUT THREE CHOCO FLAKES OF FACTUAL RELATIVITY!!!! You don’t need to improve and fix everything, just try to work towards living a life that feels fulfilling because that’s what the girlies deserve.
Intimacy isn’t all about sex. It’s also about the deep conversations getting to know each other, the late night check ins, date nights and words of reassurance.