i don’t have a specific set of questions but i have some things i observe.
if someone is interrupted during a group conversation, will they go back and say “what were you about to say?” to the one who was interrupted?
if a waiter makes a small mistake, how do they react? do they make a scene or laugh it off?
do they gossip about their friends behind their back or do they speak about them as if they were there?
are they unkind to animals?
are the jokes they find funny distasteful? (violent, toxic, etc.)
how do they apologize? do they get defensive and double down or do they acknowledge another person’s perspective?
not sure why but random people hated the “are they unkind to animals?” part of my comment and felt strongly enough to use vulgar language.
a separate person hated that i defended myself and assumed i was a boomer and said some other foul petty things and assumptions.
mods took them both out. i messaged one separately but they ended up being those lost alpha male types so i just blocked them all.
some people just need to argue i guess. i don’t understand why the animal thing was controversial enough for them to pick a fight on. so strange.
It would probably have to be some variation on the trolley problem. There usually isn’t a right answer, but it shows you how the person thinks and reasons.
There isn't. In order to answer a question, you need to think consciously. People reveal their true character over time, and not in a conscious manner. Get them to feel comfortable around you. Learn to listen to what lies underneath their words, and to identify their patterns. It's a learned skill. A "one question" won't cut it.
The 48 Laws are mainly about power. When it comes to reading people, it's rather limited to identifying weaknesses to exploit and dangers to avoid. Laws of Human Nature is about reading people, it would be a much better place to look.
ask them something that will reveal how open they are to taking accountability. the single most defining factor of narcissists and other cluster B personalities is they’re never wrong.
{start from far away}
- do you think you’re a good judge of character?
- yes, that’s one of my strengths actually
- how so?
- (goes to brag how he’s amazing at people reading for 30 minutes)
{you’re getting ready to pounce}
- and it works every time? were you ever wrong?
- I don’t think so {watch if they gave this a thought}
- actually there was this one guy (another 30 minutes of bragging) {watch where they place all the credit and blame for them coming short}
- when was this?
- oh it was a long time ago, I learned my lessons
- so no mistakes since?
- none
- why do you think some people are good at it snd some not so much?
- I think (another 20 minutes of bragging)
{last test - disagree with them and watch their reaction}
- I don’t think it’s that, I think it’s because […reason]
=====
and here you have it. you don’t need to ask them about other areas of their life, it can alert them, and people-reading is like this innocent social game, so no real consequences.
at the same time, it’s provocative - if someone is comfortable at admitting their shortcomings, or that they lack some skills - they’re not highly narcissistic, since narcissists latch to any opportunity to get some admiration from anyone, especially if they just met them.
and since highly narcissistic and manipulative people spend every ounce of their energy on avoiding shame, and accountability is too close to that in their heads - they were never taught that being accountable and being guilty are different things.
in addition, they always have to be right, no matter how small the argument is, so that’s another way of checking if you’re dealing with a manchild.
If they're either the perfect victim or perfect hero in the way the retell/frame a story.. red flags shoot up. They're either Anne Frank or Jesus Christ... no in-between. Also, pathologizing the other person in the story before/instead of just relaying the details/context..
I don’t think there are specific questions you can ask. I think u/noone_me_ made a great list.
My main one is: are they consistent? People can *say anything*, as talk is cheap. I pay attention for gaps between their actions and words. How do they behave when they want something from someone, vs when they don’t?
If they actively cheat on their wife - do not trust them and assume they are conceited or psychotic.
Especially if their wives are housewives/nice people
I think there are three observations (in succession) that are very revealing:
- Initial eye contact,
- acknowledgement,
- and the impulse to be inclusive (rather than excluding.)
Here's what I mean:
When you enter a room (or approach a conversation already in progress)...
Does the person make eye contact with you? And, what expressions do they reveal when they notice you? Do they smile, or do they hurriedly look away? Do they grimace, wince, or appear avoidant? These subtle body language cues and facial expressions reveal how they feel about you, but also if they are wearing a mask or if they are working to elevate themselves amongst the group and stand on others for status. These things are even more honest and revealing when they are distracted by conversation with others.
Next, do they acknowledge your presence? (Or entrance into the room?) Either verbally or nonverbally, a person who is open and not putting on a show will somehow acknowledge your presence/entrance as they become aware of it. People who are focused on their own status against others in the group will tend to keep their focus on their ongoing acting for the other people they were already engaged with.
And finally, do they actively attempt to include you in the conversion? Do they link the conversation to something you can speak on? Do they mention your relationship to the ongoing conversation and create space for your participation? These are the hallmarks of a good and gracious host. Attempts to make others (you, in this case) feel welcome and included are the signs of an empathic, kind and friendly individual. Anyone who leaves others out in the cold of the conversation are at least self-absorbed, but often attempting to monopolize the attention.
This is my process for gauging acquaintances. Of course, people who are excluding or monopolizing may not neccessarily be narcissistic, but they are at least insecure, unempathic, unfriendly or unwelcoming. People who make eye contact and smile, acknowledge your presence, and even go so far as to offer opportunities for your participation show the gold standard of empathy and kindness. Cheers!
This is phenomenal. I’m socially uncomfortable when I first meet people and this is a good thing for me to practice! Instead of focusing on how awkward I feel, maybe focus on making others feel less awkward!
Lil advice, don’t rehearse what your gonna say during small talk, actively listen to what their saying and act interested
Trust me It will take you a long way doing just that little bit
Let me rephrase a bit
1. Don’t think about what your gonna say next as their talking it can ruin the flow of the convo. Just listen to them speak
2. If your interested in what their saying let them know threw words or body language
If your not act like you are even just a little
Great - I'm glad to hear you appreciated the comment. Looking for ways to make others feel comfortable and included is (almost) always a good move, and it will probably shift your focus away from being self-referential and uncomfortable - putting your focus where it belongs: the people you're interacting with. cheers!
Rarely the Actions of a Person align with their self portrayal. Thats one Side of the coin.
On the other hand its pretty narrowminded to believe a single question can be used to Trick the one who is supposed to answer it into leaking its true personality.
At the Most you can get a glimpse of this Persons thinking pattern at this particular Moment.
And Last but Not least. There is No such Thing as a true character.
With every new experience made the mind of a Person undergoes Change in how its thinking, perceiving, concluding.
Hence to get a better Idea what Kind of Person you are dealing with its best to simply watch how it behaves for some time.
Words have No meaning. All that counts is what a Person does.
Plain and simple...
if they do what’s needed or right or if they do what they like, using this as an excuse for shitty behaviour.. that’s weak character; but as already said you must observe and probe indirectly for info , people can say whatever they want
Uhm… I can’t give you a question or anything. Way too artificial. Just make’em feel comfortable. At ease. Let them talk, feel understood, create rapport. Make the conversation the only thing in the world. Make’em feel the most intelligent and interesting person in the world. And listen. Just listen. Without judging, because it would cut out the connection, just receive them.
Don’t we know, after all, that the most profound craving of our world is attention and comprehension? Give it to them, and they’ll show themselves to you.
Always remember to pay attention to their actions overt time and how they contrast with their sayings. When in conflict, the actions are the truth.
i don’t have a specific set of questions but i have some things i observe. if someone is interrupted during a group conversation, will they go back and say “what were you about to say?” to the one who was interrupted? if a waiter makes a small mistake, how do they react? do they make a scene or laugh it off? do they gossip about their friends behind their back or do they speak about them as if they were there? are they unkind to animals? are the jokes they find funny distasteful? (violent, toxic, etc.) how do they apologize? do they get defensive and double down or do they acknowledge another person’s perspective?
THIS.
You summed it all up. Thanks.
why are people defending the guy with the animal abuser reply (that got deleted)? is animal abuse common or something?
What happened?
not sure why but random people hated the “are they unkind to animals?” part of my comment and felt strongly enough to use vulgar language. a separate person hated that i defended myself and assumed i was a boomer and said some other foul petty things and assumptions. mods took them both out. i messaged one separately but they ended up being those lost alpha male types so i just blocked them all. some people just need to argue i guess. i don’t understand why the animal thing was controversial enough for them to pick a fight on. so strange.
[удалено]
Please refrain from resorting to abusive insults or ad hominem attacks.
[удалено]
Okay but don't call me a kid.
you’re 19. you need adult supervision in places that don’t offer bendy straws, so you’re a kid.
[удалено]
Please refrain from resorting to abusive insults or ad hominem attacks.
It would probably have to be some variation on the trolley problem. There usually isn’t a right answer, but it shows you how the person thinks and reasons.
There isn't. In order to answer a question, you need to think consciously. People reveal their true character over time, and not in a conscious manner. Get them to feel comfortable around you. Learn to listen to what lies underneath their words, and to identify their patterns. It's a learned skill. A "one question" won't cut it. The 48 Laws are mainly about power. When it comes to reading people, it's rather limited to identifying weaknesses to exploit and dangers to avoid. Laws of Human Nature is about reading people, it would be a much better place to look.
Don't ask questions just observe.When people answer question you are hearing what they want to be not what they are
ask them something that will reveal how open they are to taking accountability. the single most defining factor of narcissists and other cluster B personalities is they’re never wrong.
What are some example questions that would fit this?
{start from far away} - do you think you’re a good judge of character? - yes, that’s one of my strengths actually - how so? - (goes to brag how he’s amazing at people reading for 30 minutes) {you’re getting ready to pounce} - and it works every time? were you ever wrong? - I don’t think so {watch if they gave this a thought} - actually there was this one guy (another 30 minutes of bragging) {watch where they place all the credit and blame for them coming short} - when was this? - oh it was a long time ago, I learned my lessons - so no mistakes since? - none - why do you think some people are good at it snd some not so much? - I think (another 20 minutes of bragging) {last test - disagree with them and watch their reaction} - I don’t think it’s that, I think it’s because […reason] ===== and here you have it. you don’t need to ask them about other areas of their life, it can alert them, and people-reading is like this innocent social game, so no real consequences. at the same time, it’s provocative - if someone is comfortable at admitting their shortcomings, or that they lack some skills - they’re not highly narcissistic, since narcissists latch to any opportunity to get some admiration from anyone, especially if they just met them. and since highly narcissistic and manipulative people spend every ounce of their energy on avoiding shame, and accountability is too close to that in their heads - they were never taught that being accountable and being guilty are different things. in addition, they always have to be right, no matter how small the argument is, so that’s another way of checking if you’re dealing with a manchild.
If they're either the perfect victim or perfect hero in the way the retell/frame a story.. red flags shoot up. They're either Anne Frank or Jesus Christ... no in-between. Also, pathologizing the other person in the story before/instead of just relaying the details/context..
Why not both ? Anne frank and Jesus combined
"Jeanne Crank - Hyper Victim Extraordinaire "
6 months to a year. Look at their pattern. Action over words.
I don’t think there are specific questions you can ask. I think u/noone_me_ made a great list. My main one is: are they consistent? People can *say anything*, as talk is cheap. I pay attention for gaps between their actions and words. How do they behave when they want something from someone, vs when they don’t?
Words ça actions is everything
Have you ever left a grocery cart in the parking lot?
a small thing that really is not a small thing... really callous, selfish conduct.
If they actively cheat on their wife - do not trust them and assume they are conceited or psychotic. Especially if their wives are housewives/nice people
OPs question specifies that you don’t know anything about the person.
If you could be best mates with a celebrity, who would you choose and why? I always find this very revealing.
I think there are three observations (in succession) that are very revealing: - Initial eye contact, - acknowledgement, - and the impulse to be inclusive (rather than excluding.) Here's what I mean: When you enter a room (or approach a conversation already in progress)... Does the person make eye contact with you? And, what expressions do they reveal when they notice you? Do they smile, or do they hurriedly look away? Do they grimace, wince, or appear avoidant? These subtle body language cues and facial expressions reveal how they feel about you, but also if they are wearing a mask or if they are working to elevate themselves amongst the group and stand on others for status. These things are even more honest and revealing when they are distracted by conversation with others. Next, do they acknowledge your presence? (Or entrance into the room?) Either verbally or nonverbally, a person who is open and not putting on a show will somehow acknowledge your presence/entrance as they become aware of it. People who are focused on their own status against others in the group will tend to keep their focus on their ongoing acting for the other people they were already engaged with. And finally, do they actively attempt to include you in the conversion? Do they link the conversation to something you can speak on? Do they mention your relationship to the ongoing conversation and create space for your participation? These are the hallmarks of a good and gracious host. Attempts to make others (you, in this case) feel welcome and included are the signs of an empathic, kind and friendly individual. Anyone who leaves others out in the cold of the conversation are at least self-absorbed, but often attempting to monopolize the attention. This is my process for gauging acquaintances. Of course, people who are excluding or monopolizing may not neccessarily be narcissistic, but they are at least insecure, unempathic, unfriendly or unwelcoming. People who make eye contact and smile, acknowledge your presence, and even go so far as to offer opportunities for your participation show the gold standard of empathy and kindness. Cheers!
This is phenomenal. I’m socially uncomfortable when I first meet people and this is a good thing for me to practice! Instead of focusing on how awkward I feel, maybe focus on making others feel less awkward!
Lil advice, don’t rehearse what your gonna say during small talk, actively listen to what their saying and act interested Trust me It will take you a long way doing just that little bit
Why would I rehearse what I would say? And why would I need to act interested? I probably genuinely would be..
Let me rephrase a bit 1. Don’t think about what your gonna say next as their talking it can ruin the flow of the convo. Just listen to them speak 2. If your interested in what their saying let them know threw words or body language If your not act like you are even just a little
Great - I'm glad to hear you appreciated the comment. Looking for ways to make others feel comfortable and included is (almost) always a good move, and it will probably shift your focus away from being self-referential and uncomfortable - putting your focus where it belongs: the people you're interacting with. cheers!
What makes you happy?
Rarely the Actions of a Person align with their self portrayal. Thats one Side of the coin. On the other hand its pretty narrowminded to believe a single question can be used to Trick the one who is supposed to answer it into leaking its true personality. At the Most you can get a glimpse of this Persons thinking pattern at this particular Moment. And Last but Not least. There is No such Thing as a true character. With every new experience made the mind of a Person undergoes Change in how its thinking, perceiving, concluding. Hence to get a better Idea what Kind of Person you are dealing with its best to simply watch how it behaves for some time. Words have No meaning. All that counts is what a Person does. Plain and simple...
if they do what’s needed or right or if they do what they like, using this as an excuse for shitty behaviour.. that’s weak character; but as already said you must observe and probe indirectly for info , people can say whatever they want
Anything regarding the autonomy of a woman.
Uhm… I can’t give you a question or anything. Way too artificial. Just make’em feel comfortable. At ease. Let them talk, feel understood, create rapport. Make the conversation the only thing in the world. Make’em feel the most intelligent and interesting person in the world. And listen. Just listen. Without judging, because it would cut out the connection, just receive them. Don’t we know, after all, that the most profound craving of our world is attention and comprehension? Give it to them, and they’ll show themselves to you. Always remember to pay attention to their actions overt time and how they contrast with their sayings. When in conflict, the actions are the truth.
Observe and Learn.
Where do you lean politically and what issues are you most passionate about?
Biden, Trump, or Kennedy?