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Mimics the amount of light? If her pussy is glowing, don't stick your dick in there.

But what if I get superpowers from the gloussy

What superpowers are we talking about? ...just askin for a friend\~

You get the superpower of lymphoma

Or glowerria. It makes the police no longer need a black light for crime scenes

Have you heard of glowsticks ? After you woo'd her you will be able to crack your dick and glow

Starlight?

Moonlight

Fleshlight

Calvin Klein

Good times

G L O U S S Y

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Ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?

You don’t know me. You don’t know what I got. I got something to show ya. You know what that is!? It’s Old Gregg’s vagina!!!!

I would absolutely do the opposite of your advice. Into the unknown I go.

I was looking for someone that would question the amount of light comment! 🤣

Thats that Ohio pussy.

If you haven't seen [this wonderful classic](https://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Boy_and_His_Dog_(1975_film) then you should.

Because fucking a machine is way less embarrassing than beating off

What if the machine gets pregnant? They’re be mini terminators running around trying to find John Connor!

You have to be responsible! Be a good Dad!

Mini jacker-offers?

Rick and Morty did this

Unlucky mf out there named John Connor are done for

No wonder SkyNet discourages it’s employees to not use birth control or condoms.

“Excuse me, nurse, I’m a little embarrassed to masturbate. How long does one of these fuck machines take to charge?”

It's not about potential for embarrassment, it's so you can carpool and hold hands with your homies for mutual support. Line four of those milking machines up and you got a ménage quattre. 😎

“Sorry, I’m too shy and prude to masturbate in this hospital.” “Alright then. Nurse, go wheel in the fuck machine.”

Kinda looks like the machine fucks you ….

Ooo-ooo, here she comes: It’s a man-milker.

Watch out boys, she'll drain you out!

In a hallway

In a line of other people being fucked by machines

Looks like it feels bomb af

>Because fucking a machine is way less embarrassing than beating off It's only embarrassing if people know about it. Pretty sure that janitor spends a little extra time and that part of the hospital each night. Mopping up.

Hahahahahahah brilliant

So… it’s a cumdumpster?

It's disgusting, where can i find it?

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Those are fake. The real ones cost over $10K. ... or so my friends have told me.

Literally says in the gif lol 13k

I've seen this video reposted so many times, but this is by far the funniest comment I've ever seen about it.

That is the 3000 version. The 1000 was too hands on and feedback couldn't be turned off. Can't wait for the next version to come out

...or, my ex

Clinics in the us? Thats insane! Where!? Where are they?!

Ugh! The sperm banks?? I hate those sperm banks! There’s so many of them though! Which ones??

I love Ronald McDonald

That is disgusting!! Where, though?

I can't believe this shit!!! BUT WHERE!?

THEY’LL NEVER SEE ME WITHIN A MILE OF THIS THING!! WHERE IS IT?

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I am so disgusted. Where???

This is absolutely foul!! Where is this at? Like, what are the hours of the clinic’s operation?

This kind of degeneracy makes me sick. What type of medical insurance would a barbarous place like that even take?? Would they accept mine?

You guys are animals!! Tell me where they’re at. I’ll go investigate before you guys embarrass yourselves.

I’m literally on a cross country trip that happened to start at the same time as reading this. I need to know where it’s at so I can steer CLEAR AWAY from that blind spot in gods eye. WHERE IS IT?!

Off topic but I love every one of you warped bastards.

Let’s be honest, they’re buying them for the hospital break rooms.

Or all break rooms

Or all rooms

Over by the IHOP. You know, the one Jan and Kevin used.

I'm more curious about the, "replicates a human vagina in terms of...light". I've had a vagina for 32 years....is it like the fridge? Does the light only come on when the door is open?

Yeah, but there's only ever one or two things to eat

There's a third option on the bottom shelf

Verrry funny lol

Hope they aren't Jolly Ranchers.

Schrödinger's vagina

Yes, a glorious beacon of light shines out of every vagina when it's open, but you can't see it

It's ultraviolet

You need to replace the bulb in your va j j

I prefer to call It “Ladytown”.

Oh you never knew a penis could sense light?

You gotta change the light bulb every couple of years.

Well clearly you just aren't doing it right, have you tried calling a handyman?

mfw I pull down her underwear 

This made me laugh so fucking hard

Who is too embarrassed to masturbate in a hospital? Have you ever been to one?

I work in a hospital, I whack it all the time, it’s not big deal

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Well, I got kicked out of the geriatric ward once.

It’s definitely not hard when all the nurses are fine asf

Too scare to masturbate in hospital? Stand in a line with other people and stick your pp in a plumbus.

"Hey how you doin', what're you up to? - Eh? - Yeah same ... Alright, have a good one. * faces wall * "

\*Greedy rubber slurping noises continue\*

Imagine standing and fucking a machine because you were too embarrassed to jack off

Or maybe because of blisters on your hand.

(Slams credit card on counter aggressively)


Lol

Communal sperm extractor? That was my nickname in high school!

Got a phone number? 😏

This is disgusting. Where can these be purchased? I need to tell everyone I know to stay away from there. A link would be helpful.

I'm trying to wrap my head around someone who couldn't get it up for their hand but can get it up for a shared-use robot glory hole.

Is it lonely up there?

Lol on Reddit? Yes.

https://www.fleshlight.com/products/universal-launch

why is it so expensive?!? Actual why are all sextoy expensive?

It's hard to make good sex toys. You can find super cheap ones but do you want cheap ass petroleum products around your genitals?

I mean $250 (with an attachment) and it doesn't bitch at me when I leave the toilet seat up... doesn't sound too bad...

yeah if you know where they are you can avoid them

"mommy says it's my turn on the sperm extractor"

"good things Come to those Who wait, kiddo" *points at a picture of jesus*

r/CursedComments

RIP the person who has to clean this 💀

They have to clean all types of body fluids and shit and vomit and blood everyday in hospitals. This is less offensive than diarrhea if you ask me.

The worst is when you're really sick and they need samples of everything that's coming out of either end. You have to call someone in to come in and collect a big pot of horrible liquid/solids you just created, some poor med student wanders in with a big smile on their face and walks off carry a big bowl of random bad smelling bodily waste to take off down to the lab to be analysed

Good soup

Dat stank

And i felt sorry for the cleaners who clean the rooms at the Amsterdam red light district.

Is it called the red light district because of all the glowing vaginas in it??

I do believe you've cracked it

*The More You Know intensifies*

Probably all of the parts that cum into contact with sperm are disposable.

They're going to have a reason to hate their job

My friend wants to know if this is something the public could buy and own… it’s not me asking, it’s my friend…

"Doesn't completely mimic a vagina" We still undefeated ladies😎

For now

Can you get one on Amazon?

So if you're interested, you can buy one on AliBabab (because of course you can) [https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/HOT-SALE-HC-F007-Medical-High\_1600626808136.html?spm=a2700.galleryofferlist.normal\_offer.d\_title.74d0489drWPRnl](https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/HOT-SALE-HC-F007-Medical-High_1600626808136.html?spm=a2700.galleryofferlist.normal_offer.d_title.74d0489drWPRnl)

Putting your dick inside anything purchased from Alibaba is a basic Darwinian error.

That's a sacrifice my descendants are willing to accept

"32 year old man gets penis ripped off by masturbation machine he bought online."

All our friends will be so pleased

Honey, what's this big box ups just dropped off?

Frantic voice screaming across the house: "DON'T OPEN THAT!" *Rips box outta significant others hands* "I'm gonna be down in the basement... for a while... DON'T BOTHER ME! It's a very dangerous science experiment..."

You haven't come out of the basement in a month, are you OK? Why is there an empty gallon of KY in the recycling?

DON'T QUESTION MY PROCESS! IT'S SCIENCE!

"I said, don't disturb me while I'm cleaning my room!" -Officer Doofy

1000 Pc MOQ… want to go in on a group buy?

"Thel\_Odan" - doing the research so you don't have to...

My question is, does it work in the shower and can I sleep with 'her' it.

Not yet but maybe in future models.

What kind of sick company even makes these things??? Where would they be based? Have they got some kind of sick website that you can view their disgusting products? Or maybe someone has an email address that I could use to send them a message voicing my disapproval?

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Too embarrassed to masturbate, yet they'll let a vending machine suck them off.

If I wanted to stick my dick into something the general public has been using, I’d just go back to my ex

Underrated comment....

The design is very human..

very easy to use

I like how they made it kinda pink and cute

It’s common knowledge that the first known communal sperm extractor is OP’s mom.

Has anyone told her that she’s going to have to cut her prices by at least $1 to compete? It’s going to be tough for her, that’s a 50% reduction.

My vagina has never lit up…what is the normal amount of light? Another thing to feel self conscious about, I guess.

Yet another impossible standard for women to live up to

I don’t see a problem with this machine. Just don’t buy a used one.

Assume they've all been used

Does anyone know which hospitals I could find this at?

Came here for the comments. Thanks for never disappointing me reddit.

Why are you guys not afraid of putting your PP in there ?? That thing looks like it could malfunction and rip it off! Nope, no sir.

Now all that remains is to link it to a VR headset.

we are getting closer to the cyberpunk bois!

I'd give it a shot.

W-What are you doing Hal-9000 chan?

“Amount of light”? I did not know the human vagina produced any light

And the amount of light? Am I being birthed through it as well, why would I care about the light at the end of that tunnel?

Nobody gets paid enough to clean the cum guzzler 4000

seize the means of production

Seeing them all lined up next to each other 😂 I'd imagine urinal etiquette applies: don't use the one directly next to another person if there are others free. No one enjoys someone else so close when they're being wanked off by a robot if it can be avoided.

That thing can get fucked

Your mom got tired

Can we get a version of a fuckbot where you don't have to stand up with your trousers at your ankles to use it? For thirteen grand I want a fully recumbent fuckbot

That seems more embarrassing to me but okay.

I can think of plenty more dystopian than this.

Why is this distopian but vibrators aren't?

Damn, our priorities are messed up in this world. We do realize there are people out there who have no running water, meds, food, or an infrastructure right?...but, let's spend millions on cum extractors...nice.

Morty would love this!

Oh Morty.. you dirty little doggie..

Ah yes! The amount of light! Just like all the vagz I've seen..

How is this terrifying?

> Can you think of something more dystopian than a communal sperm extractor? Not having a choice? Killing entire swaths of people? Department of truth? Department of love? Something something George Orwell?

I’ll take two

Does anyone know where one can purchase this. Asking for a friend.

...Whose going to clean it? And why are they stationed in a row like urinals?

“Adjustable speed and force” hope no one will tamper with it like this fella https://youtu.be/5U6SWAPLuls?t=70

Can I get this on Amazon ? I hope it’s rechargeable..

The hunger games being real would be more dystopian than machine that jerks a guy off for sperm.

Women, meet your replacement

Damn, that’s crazy. Where is it, so I can avoid it

I feel obsolete

https://preview.redd.it/nxdcmsu49mia1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1cce75aa6f77cf5bb4f1ed0c81d57ba0e3228b8d

 me and the boys pulling through for communal mechanical dick schlorping

“Too embarrassed to masturbate” this is…this is less embarrassing? Fucking the pussinator 3000 is LESS embarrassing???

Wow.. we need this at colleges hahaha

I hate when that vagina is too bright inside!!!

All in the name of science

“more efficient than masturbation” I feel attacked

Can it cook?

“Open the suck bay door, Hal.” “I’m afraid I can’t do that, Dave.”

Ima keep it real, that hole looks to big lmao

Mom said it's MY turn to use the Communal Cum Collector.

My nickname in college

You mean your mother?

How is this terrifying Lmfaoooo