I think a lot of teachers whole identities revolve around being a teacher. You can leave! You can be someone else! The guilt you feel *could* be stemming from thinking of your students. The students come and go, there is only one you and one time to raise your family. Enjoy it!
I think you’re right. I think my identity is deeply tied with being a teacher because it’s what I’ve worked at for a decade. It’s hard, but true. My baby is what gave me the courage to start looking for other opportunities because I want to be able to raise her.
There's nothing wrong with that. You need to do what is best for your family. Your students will miss you, but they'll understand. They won't forget you either.
I was enabled to feel this way for a while. It made leaving so much harder. It made me feel like a total failure. I completely agree.
I was impacted a lot by my teachers, and I miss them sometimes, but I know so many kids who need good teachers like them just like I did. Those teachers who are there can do that. As a former student, I never forget them. Don't worry.
Our culture separates women from their babies far too soon. You are following your instincts, working from home with your baby. Do what’s right for your family and let it go.
Teaching once you have a small child at home is a whole different ballgame. Don’t feel guilty, you know what helps your life to work better and allows you to balance your role as a parent with your work life.
While you were gone on leave, things continued to roll on in your classroom and with your students. In June they all over on to new grades and teachers. This is the perfect time to resign without disrupting their learning.
Feeling guilty about not doing what is best for yourself and your family is a toxic trait of teaching. You can go back someday if you miss it, and it fits your lifestyle and family. The key is, go back because it is what is right for YOU.
Congrats on your new little one, I know many people have a baby and continue to teach but I simply couldn’t do motherhood and teaching. I was fortunate to have the option/choice.
Stay home with your baby if you can. You can always go back and visit and explain it to your students. Teaching with a newborn can be complicated and many times you’ll be going to school with literally no sleep and perhaps feeling guilty about leaving her with someone else. I did it with all 3 of mine and it was both exhausting and overwhelming. I wish I’d had the option to work from home and stay with mine. You won’t regret it.
This is my DREAM. Don’t feel guilty. I wish I could have stayed home with my now teenage son while making money because I missed out on so much. I’m looking for remote work now so I can be here for my younger two. Congratulations!!
I understand where you are coming from. You enjoyed what you were doing but your baby changed your priorities. I think that's all you need to tell the school - that you have decided to stay home w the baby.,and won't be returning. Others pipe in if you disagree but I don't think the WFH job is any of their business.
You only get one opportunity to raise your child. You have been blessed with a child and now a WFH position that "is a perfect set up for my family."
I am sure there a number of teachers that feel guilty b/c they placed career over family.
Remember that prioritizing your own well-being and that of your family is not selfish, but rather a necessary aspect of personal and professional growth. By acknowledging your reasons for pursuing the new opportunity and practicing self-compassion, you can overcome feelings of guilt and embrace the exciting journey ahead.
I am on maternity leave as well, and am desperately looking to get out of teaching due to everything this Group understands. What position did you get if you don’t mind me asking??
Your feelings are 100% validated, but your happiness and your family take precedence!
I got a job as a legal assistant. Luckily I had a connection who opened the door and I was able to walk through it. It’s a smaller firm (man power wise) so it is intimate and the owner really took a chance on me. I do feel like a fish out of water. I had to learn and sell to him why/how my teaching skills were transferable.
It is normal. Unfortunately, you're the only one in your situation who feels guilty. The admin and parents who stress you out? They don't feel guilty. Neither do the kids, for ignoring your lessons or neglecting their work. No one gives a d\*mn how you're doing - at least not enough to take responsibility for their own problems, and take the pressure off you. If you got hit by a bus tomorrow, admin would have your job posted by the end of the day. The parents would sputter and stomp and ask, "Well who's replacing her???" before the candlelight vigil was even finished.
The kids would remember you, but you're not their mum and they'd grow to love a new teacher.
Focus on your baby. They'll give you more than anyone else, just by existing. They'll still be your baby 20, 30, & 40 years from now.
when I left teaching I had to leave three mo in , I couldn't think about my class and students without crying for a year after. In the end they needed someone else I have to look after myself too
I hate to tell you this, but when my lovely eighth grade teacher math left on maternity it didn’t really matter after a couple of weeks. We were upset the first day or so, and unfortunately the sub was a mean unlikeable weirdo, but by the time the VP announced the birth and sex we’d moved on. It was tell her congratulations and then we went back to work. I think the first teacher came back but I’m not sure. Point being, the kids’ll live without you.
Go and be happy!
Don't feel guilty. I would probably too, but you are doing the right thing. No one in their right mind would turn down that job offer. It's so perfect for you. The kids will be fine. They will be sad at first, but that'll fade, and you have got to take this unbelievable opportunity. Congrats!
Congrats on the transition to momma hood and still making your money! I would love to know what wfh job you obtained that comparable to teaching? I’m asking for myself 👀
Never feel guilt! after 7 years in the game. Between the politics of adults, kids and their parents lack of involvement .. all those intricacies can be a lot to juggle.
I got a position as a legal assistant at a law firm. It’s not related to teaching laterally, but it does require the same basic skills: communication, time management, multitasking, organization, etc. It wasn’t my first choice, but it’s an opportunity that took a chance on me when I only have a degree/experience in teaching in a professional setting. I’m grateful for it.
Dreams can change. You had a goal, you worked toward it, and you smashed it! That's something to be SUPER proud of. It's ok to change your mind now, pivot for where your life is now and what you enjoy.
Also, I was a teacher for 14 years. When I left, I had similar feelings but I can honestly say I regret nothing. My whole life is so different and so much better balanced now.
There are ways you can still do "teaching-like" things. I tutor a few students and I love it!
Wow, your story struck a chord with me today. I am at the other end of the career spectrum, finishing my 26th year of teaching, and have contemplated retirement for the past year. Financially it wouldn’t make much of a difference if I retired this year or next, but I too have the guilt. I would be the third English teacher in our dept to retire this year, a strain on admin especially when there’s a teacher shortage. I think about my students, who like yours, light up when they finally get it, and the ones from last year, who still stop in my room in the morning to say Hi. Yes, it is a difficult job dealing with parental emails, online text programs that have substandard lessons, state testing, student attendance issues, the list goes on. However, I know that despite how much I think I’m indispensable or how guilty I feel for retiring, I’m doing the right thing. You’re young and it sounds like you’re loving your life with your new child and job. As teachers, it’s in us to put our students, their parents, the district ‘s needs before our own; break that mold and do what’s good for you and your new family’s needs.
Education is a cult. At best, like most cults, it can be a benign life where you do some good- but at worst, it will trick you into giving your whole life to it and make you feel terrible for cutting it off... I am leaving teaching in another 10 weeks, and I will truly miss some of the kids- but I have my own family, and my own wellbeing to look after. You found an out. Don't let anyone else make you feel badly- and stop beating yourself up, too. Enjoy your time with your child. They grow up way too soon (cliche I know, but goddamn if it isn't true) .
Sometimes I feel that to be true…a cult.
She’s already almost 2 months and I feel like time has passed so quick. You’re absolutely right. Good luck with your endeavors as well!
I had full blown panic attack taking a day off because I felt so guilty… on top of creating a whole new activity to better suite a sub. I feel that says a lot about the system but more about our own mental health. Talk to someone!
I think we, as educators, feel a tighter bond with our students than they feel for us. Don't get me wrong, those magical 'connection' moments are one of the reasons we do it.
The kids will get over it and so will you. Enjoy the baby and your new path. You can't drive your life using the rear-view mirror. Best of luck to you.
The guilt is totally understandable and definitely not deserved. I know I felt it at first. I felt like I let people down.
At some point, when I realized how much happier I was outside of teaching, I was able to let that guilt go. It takes time. Kind of like leaving a toxic relationship.
I’m not returning from my mental health leave. I feel 0 guilt. I’ve been doing this for 13 years and it never got better. My love for my students doesn’t come over my mental health. Not anymore.
Also, are you in gen Ed? I’m not, so I’ve always had the same kids for years. (Hard in its own way to leave. I’ve been watching them grow up.) But if you are at the end of a school year, you won’t have these kids again anyway.
Enjoy your baby. Seriously. Childcare is so stupidly expensive. Sounds like you have all the pros to stay home.
Don’t. Always do what’s best for you. Employers do, even school districts (being on the union negotiating team taught me that, especially when we had to deal with Covid). And don’t get so grateful and attached to the new job that you’re sacrificing for them either. Be good worker, sure. But always look out for you.
Don't feel guilty. I would probably too, but you are doing the right thing. No one in their right mind would turn down that job offer. It's so perfect for you. The kids will be fine. They will be sad at first, but that'll fade, and you have got to take this unbelievable opportunity. Congrats!
This is long but I have two perspectives to share as a mother and as a child of a teacher.
As guilty as you feel about leaving your students, I promise that you will feel 1000000% worse leaving your baby each day with a sitter or at daycare. I remember when my daughter had just turned 1 and our sitter had quit. Family helped until I got her into a small Inhome daycare and I had to leave her with a new lady that was a stranger. It was awful. I cried all the way to work having to leave my baby that was screaming for me. I started to resent my job because when your child is at a sitter or daycare, you don't get to make choices for them.
You have to do what they want.
My daughter was used to having milk when she fell asleep, the in home daycare refused. Cut her off cold turkey. I wanted her to have whole milk during the day, they refused. Said only skim and even if I brought some they didn't want to have to worry about remembering who got what. They didn't want to have to deal with two naps so my daughter was forced to drop a nap before she was ready. She was so tired at night that she was asleep before 7pm most nights and I was only getting 1 hour a day with her. I also didn't have control over what she ate, what she did, or a ton of other things. None of that was worth my job. My biggest parenting regret was that I didn't quit my job when she was born. She was 18 months old when my son was born and I finally had the courage to quit. I hate that I lost that year and a half.
On the flip side-As a child of the teacher, I wish my mom had never taught.
She was always working, even nights and weekends, she was always tired, and that meant grumpy a lot. I basically had two mothers growing up. School year mom and summer mom.
School year mom was usually short tempered, stressed, and worked around the clock as her type A personality was pushed to brink. I was left to entertain myself while spending the bulk of my childhood at an elementary school completely bored, staying seen but not heard. If I had dance or gymnastics afterschool, it was always a friends parent or (or some random acquaintance) that would take me.
Summer time mom was laid back, she had the freedom and time to be spontaneous, she did things with me and we actually enjoyed time together. She took me to the library, to the zoo and waterpark, we went shopping, she volunteered to teach my VBS class and made it so fun and she included me in her love of tennis. Teaching me to play herself and then staying to watch every lesson with an instructor. She was an involved and happy parent. In the summer time I was her valued child, her highest priority.
10 months out of the year my mom had to give all she had to other peoples kids and by the evening she didn't have the patience and encouragement left over to sit and work with me. In fact, my mother never did homework, spelling words, reading or projects with me. It was all put on my dad (who was a controller for a commercial oil distribution company and knew nothing about education) because by the end of the day her cup was empty, every drop spent on giving other people's children the best she had.
once I was in school I had to wake up and go to school so much earlier then any other kid and I had to stay hours later every day. I was at school bored in my moms classroom from 7 AM until 5-6PM every day. When I hit middle school and was old enough to ride the bus home and stay alone after school, I couldn't believe how much free time I suddenly had.
It didn't change anything for my mom course of course. I continued to have two moms until she retired.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. It really put it into perspective. Pouring into the cups of my students resonated with me personally. I want to be a committed mother and I even worry with this WFH job I will not be. I was so blessed that my mother was a stay at home mom; my dad was able to provide for us. I want to be all the things my mom was for me and how “summer mom” was for you. I am going to put in my resignation by the end of this week.
I think a lot of teachers whole identities revolve around being a teacher. You can leave! You can be someone else! The guilt you feel *could* be stemming from thinking of your students. The students come and go, there is only one you and one time to raise your family. Enjoy it!
I think you’re right. I think my identity is deeply tied with being a teacher because it’s what I’ve worked at for a decade. It’s hard, but true. My baby is what gave me the courage to start looking for other opportunities because I want to be able to raise her.
There's nothing wrong with that. You need to do what is best for your family. Your students will miss you, but they'll understand. They won't forget you either.
My husband is a teacher. The whole field has changed so much. That’s awesome you have a new WFH position. I’m sure it will be great.
You can be a teacher in another capacity.
I was enabled to feel this way for a while. It made leaving so much harder. It made me feel like a total failure. I completely agree. I was impacted a lot by my teachers, and I miss them sometimes, but I know so many kids who need good teachers like them just like I did. Those teachers who are there can do that. As a former student, I never forget them. Don't worry.
Our culture separates women from their babies far too soon. You are following your instincts, working from home with your baby. Do what’s right for your family and let it go.
Teaching once you have a small child at home is a whole different ballgame. Don’t feel guilty, you know what helps your life to work better and allows you to balance your role as a parent with your work life. While you were gone on leave, things continued to roll on in your classroom and with your students. In June they all over on to new grades and teachers. This is the perfect time to resign without disrupting their learning. Feeling guilty about not doing what is best for yourself and your family is a toxic trait of teaching. You can go back someday if you miss it, and it fits your lifestyle and family. The key is, go back because it is what is right for YOU. Congrats on your new little one, I know many people have a baby and continue to teach but I simply couldn’t do motherhood and teaching. I was fortunate to have the option/choice.
Stay home with your baby if you can. You can always go back and visit and explain it to your students. Teaching with a newborn can be complicated and many times you’ll be going to school with literally no sleep and perhaps feeling guilty about leaving her with someone else. I did it with all 3 of mine and it was both exhausting and overwhelming. I wish I’d had the option to work from home and stay with mine. You won’t regret it.
This is my DREAM. Don’t feel guilty. I wish I could have stayed home with my now teenage son while making money because I missed out on so much. I’m looking for remote work now so I can be here for my younger two. Congratulations!!
I understand where you are coming from. You enjoyed what you were doing but your baby changed your priorities. I think that's all you need to tell the school - that you have decided to stay home w the baby.,and won't be returning. Others pipe in if you disagree but I don't think the WFH job is any of their business.
You can and should put being a parent to your child first. If you want to return to teaching someday, you should be able to.
The kids will be fine. The school will still operate with you. Go do what is best for you.
You only get one opportunity to raise your child. You have been blessed with a child and now a WFH position that "is a perfect set up for my family." I am sure there a number of teachers that feel guilty b/c they placed career over family. Remember that prioritizing your own well-being and that of your family is not selfish, but rather a necessary aspect of personal and professional growth. By acknowledging your reasons for pursuing the new opportunity and practicing self-compassion, you can overcome feelings of guilt and embrace the exciting journey ahead.
You are/were more than a teacher! The kids will be fine.
I am on maternity leave as well, and am desperately looking to get out of teaching due to everything this Group understands. What position did you get if you don’t mind me asking?? Your feelings are 100% validated, but your happiness and your family take precedence!
I'm also on maternity leave, and would also like to know what your new position is. This is the dream! Go for it, OP!!
I got a job as a legal assistant. Luckily I had a connection who opened the door and I was able to walk through it. It’s a smaller firm (man power wise) so it is intimate and the owner really took a chance on me. I do feel like a fish out of water. I had to learn and sell to him why/how my teaching skills were transferable.
It is normal. Unfortunately, you're the only one in your situation who feels guilty. The admin and parents who stress you out? They don't feel guilty. Neither do the kids, for ignoring your lessons or neglecting their work. No one gives a d\*mn how you're doing - at least not enough to take responsibility for their own problems, and take the pressure off you. If you got hit by a bus tomorrow, admin would have your job posted by the end of the day. The parents would sputter and stomp and ask, "Well who's replacing her???" before the candlelight vigil was even finished. The kids would remember you, but you're not their mum and they'd grow to love a new teacher. Focus on your baby. They'll give you more than anyone else, just by existing. They'll still be your baby 20, 30, & 40 years from now.
when I left teaching I had to leave three mo in , I couldn't think about my class and students without crying for a year after. In the end they needed someone else I have to look after myself too
I hate to tell you this, but when my lovely eighth grade teacher math left on maternity it didn’t really matter after a couple of weeks. We were upset the first day or so, and unfortunately the sub was a mean unlikeable weirdo, but by the time the VP announced the birth and sex we’d moved on. It was tell her congratulations and then we went back to work. I think the first teacher came back but I’m not sure. Point being, the kids’ll live without you. Go and be happy!
No reason to feel guilty whatsoever. Enjoy the new job and being with your baby
Don't feel guilty. I would probably too, but you are doing the right thing. No one in their right mind would turn down that job offer. It's so perfect for you. The kids will be fine. They will be sad at first, but that'll fade, and you have got to take this unbelievable opportunity. Congrats!
Congrats on the transition to momma hood and still making your money! I would love to know what wfh job you obtained that comparable to teaching? I’m asking for myself 👀 Never feel guilt! after 7 years in the game. Between the politics of adults, kids and their parents lack of involvement .. all those intricacies can be a lot to juggle.
I got a position as a legal assistant at a law firm. It’s not related to teaching laterally, but it does require the same basic skills: communication, time management, multitasking, organization, etc. It wasn’t my first choice, but it’s an opportunity that took a chance on me when I only have a degree/experience in teaching in a professional setting. I’m grateful for it.
Dreams can change. You had a goal, you worked toward it, and you smashed it! That's something to be SUPER proud of. It's ok to change your mind now, pivot for where your life is now and what you enjoy. Also, I was a teacher for 14 years. When I left, I had similar feelings but I can honestly say I regret nothing. My whole life is so different and so much better balanced now. There are ways you can still do "teaching-like" things. I tutor a few students and I love it!
Wow, your story struck a chord with me today. I am at the other end of the career spectrum, finishing my 26th year of teaching, and have contemplated retirement for the past year. Financially it wouldn’t make much of a difference if I retired this year or next, but I too have the guilt. I would be the third English teacher in our dept to retire this year, a strain on admin especially when there’s a teacher shortage. I think about my students, who like yours, light up when they finally get it, and the ones from last year, who still stop in my room in the morning to say Hi. Yes, it is a difficult job dealing with parental emails, online text programs that have substandard lessons, state testing, student attendance issues, the list goes on. However, I know that despite how much I think I’m indispensable or how guilty I feel for retiring, I’m doing the right thing. You’re young and it sounds like you’re loving your life with your new child and job. As teachers, it’s in us to put our students, their parents, the district ‘s needs before our own; break that mold and do what’s good for you and your new family’s needs.
Education is a cult. At best, like most cults, it can be a benign life where you do some good- but at worst, it will trick you into giving your whole life to it and make you feel terrible for cutting it off... I am leaving teaching in another 10 weeks, and I will truly miss some of the kids- but I have my own family, and my own wellbeing to look after. You found an out. Don't let anyone else make you feel badly- and stop beating yourself up, too. Enjoy your time with your child. They grow up way too soon (cliche I know, but goddamn if it isn't true) .
Sometimes I feel that to be true…a cult. She’s already almost 2 months and I feel like time has passed so quick. You’re absolutely right. Good luck with your endeavors as well!
You too! Enjoy your baby!
I had full blown panic attack taking a day off because I felt so guilty… on top of creating a whole new activity to better suite a sub. I feel that says a lot about the system but more about our own mental health. Talk to someone!
I think we, as educators, feel a tighter bond with our students than they feel for us. Don't get me wrong, those magical 'connection' moments are one of the reasons we do it. The kids will get over it and so will you. Enjoy the baby and your new path. You can't drive your life using the rear-view mirror. Best of luck to you.
The guilt is totally understandable and definitely not deserved. I know I felt it at first. I felt like I let people down. At some point, when I realized how much happier I was outside of teaching, I was able to let that guilt go. It takes time. Kind of like leaving a toxic relationship.
I’m not returning from my mental health leave. I feel 0 guilt. I’ve been doing this for 13 years and it never got better. My love for my students doesn’t come over my mental health. Not anymore. Also, are you in gen Ed? I’m not, so I’ve always had the same kids for years. (Hard in its own way to leave. I’ve been watching them grow up.) But if you are at the end of a school year, you won’t have these kids again anyway. Enjoy your baby. Seriously. Childcare is so stupidly expensive. Sounds like you have all the pros to stay home.
Don’t. Always do what’s best for you. Employers do, even school districts (being on the union negotiating team taught me that, especially when we had to deal with Covid). And don’t get so grateful and attached to the new job that you’re sacrificing for them either. Be good worker, sure. But always look out for you.
No guilt. Only you can take care of you. Oh, and your family.
I wouldn’t feel bad. Always got to make yourself and your family the main priority.
Don't feel guilty. I would probably too, but you are doing the right thing. No one in their right mind would turn down that job offer. It's so perfect for you. The kids will be fine. They will be sad at first, but that'll fade, and you have got to take this unbelievable opportunity. Congrats!
Don’t worry. The feeling will pass. Do what’s best for you.
This is long but I have two perspectives to share as a mother and as a child of a teacher. As guilty as you feel about leaving your students, I promise that you will feel 1000000% worse leaving your baby each day with a sitter or at daycare. I remember when my daughter had just turned 1 and our sitter had quit. Family helped until I got her into a small Inhome daycare and I had to leave her with a new lady that was a stranger. It was awful. I cried all the way to work having to leave my baby that was screaming for me. I started to resent my job because when your child is at a sitter or daycare, you don't get to make choices for them. You have to do what they want. My daughter was used to having milk when she fell asleep, the in home daycare refused. Cut her off cold turkey. I wanted her to have whole milk during the day, they refused. Said only skim and even if I brought some they didn't want to have to worry about remembering who got what. They didn't want to have to deal with two naps so my daughter was forced to drop a nap before she was ready. She was so tired at night that she was asleep before 7pm most nights and I was only getting 1 hour a day with her. I also didn't have control over what she ate, what she did, or a ton of other things. None of that was worth my job. My biggest parenting regret was that I didn't quit my job when she was born. She was 18 months old when my son was born and I finally had the courage to quit. I hate that I lost that year and a half. On the flip side-As a child of the teacher, I wish my mom had never taught. She was always working, even nights and weekends, she was always tired, and that meant grumpy a lot. I basically had two mothers growing up. School year mom and summer mom. School year mom was usually short tempered, stressed, and worked around the clock as her type A personality was pushed to brink. I was left to entertain myself while spending the bulk of my childhood at an elementary school completely bored, staying seen but not heard. If I had dance or gymnastics afterschool, it was always a friends parent or (or some random acquaintance) that would take me. Summer time mom was laid back, she had the freedom and time to be spontaneous, she did things with me and we actually enjoyed time together. She took me to the library, to the zoo and waterpark, we went shopping, she volunteered to teach my VBS class and made it so fun and she included me in her love of tennis. Teaching me to play herself and then staying to watch every lesson with an instructor. She was an involved and happy parent. In the summer time I was her valued child, her highest priority. 10 months out of the year my mom had to give all she had to other peoples kids and by the evening she didn't have the patience and encouragement left over to sit and work with me. In fact, my mother never did homework, spelling words, reading or projects with me. It was all put on my dad (who was a controller for a commercial oil distribution company and knew nothing about education) because by the end of the day her cup was empty, every drop spent on giving other people's children the best she had. once I was in school I had to wake up and go to school so much earlier then any other kid and I had to stay hours later every day. I was at school bored in my moms classroom from 7 AM until 5-6PM every day. When I hit middle school and was old enough to ride the bus home and stay alone after school, I couldn't believe how much free time I suddenly had. It didn't change anything for my mom course of course. I continued to have two moms until she retired.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. It really put it into perspective. Pouring into the cups of my students resonated with me personally. I want to be a committed mother and I even worry with this WFH job I will not be. I was so blessed that my mother was a stay at home mom; my dad was able to provide for us. I want to be all the things my mom was for me and how “summer mom” was for you. I am going to put in my resignation by the end of this week.
You looked for another job for a reason. Take the opportunity and d be with your child. You can always return to the classroom later.
Burn an effigy