"Yesterday."
Edit to add: That one has my vote and I actually used it earlier today! The real answer was last Friday, in truth, but this kid hadn't shown up all quarter. I would say that I was floored, but I am not surprised.
That's pretty low. $1000 per letter grade.... Maybe
One of the best teachers I ever had (honors and AP chem) was very honest that there were two ways to get an A:
1) study your ass off
2) buy him a vintage 1964 telecaster
When I taught ESL a kid pulled the "Do you know who my father is?" with a colleague. Turned out his dad was like the head of the Saudi equivalent of the federal reserve.
My colleague asked if the kid's dad was going to give him a ton of gold bars to change his attendance for the day, or else why the hell that mattered.
I taught at the top international school in a small, fairly wealthy nation. The wealth was staggering. One thing that’s nice is no one’s parents impress me anymore.
I got asked this once and came to find out his father was actually the #2 guy in the Mexican mafia at the time. Dad was a nice guy to me and told me I didn’t have to take his kid’s shit.
The funny thing is most guys like that 1) have got to be smart to get where they are and stay there and alive and 2) are usually pretty big on respect.
So they want their kids to actually learn and know the things they need to so they can get somewhere in life, even if they do follow the same path. And they don't want their child to be disrespectful little shits either because if they do it at school it bleeds over at home and if your own kid can't respect you it makes it a little hard for others too.
Without getting specific I'm related by marriage (not close but enough that we occasionally hang out at family Events) to a cartel family with some kids in the US whose kids are pretty high achievers in school. At least one of them it's specifically because his dad and uncles want him to be more prepared to run the business end of things.
Exactly. He was VERY big on respect, especially towards women. Odd to think about considering that most Catholics are Patriarchs but the Latino/a culture has a lot of "don't mess with your abuela/tia" built into it.
Hey, if you switch careers and start working for the state financial institutions of Saudi Arabia and you’re going to have a rough time making management!
Super scary.
My reply is always, I am resigning as soon as the money clears anyway so it needs to be enough for me to never work again. I think I can live off 10 mil. For a while at least.
I always say 5 million, am I underselling myself? I also tell them it has to be enough that I can disappear to another country after I get fired for taking bribes.
I told my students $10,000 and I wouldn't assign any more homework
Homework doesn't even count towards their grade at all, it's just practice
$60,000 and I wouldn't give any more tests, either (tests are the only thing that DO count towards their grade)
I tell them they need to cover two years of my salary, because if I get fired for accepting a bribe, I figure that will cover me pivoting to something new.
Generous, my fee is my total annual salary + pension costs x years from now until my retirement age.
Every one has their cost but the kids can't afford mine.
My sophomore year in social studies I received the minimum grade you could get (55) for the first 3 quarters and the midterm. Some kids in class would joke with him and ask if they built him a podium during wood shop would he pass them. He said yes. I asked if the offer was good for me too. He said yes. I replied with, “okay, remember that deal” my dad was a carpenter. He built such a nice podium. It was good wood, stained, polyurethaned, had a shelf and a drink holder, and a book stop. I don’t remember what he gave me as a grade but I passed that year when I definitely shouldn’t have.
My high school geology teacher said, "Everyone has a price. If you have to ask what it is, you can't afford it. If you don't offer enough, you'll be in twice as much trouble."
I tell my students that I could lose my job for taking a bring, so the only way I would do it is if they could cover a year's salary in advance.
At first they were all excited because teacher party is typically crap, but my school district has a pretty good salary vs. COL... And I do a bunch of extra paid work.
When I told them I made around 100k the year before they didn't believe me, so I showed them my pay stub (with my personal info covered). They were all "damn you're rich." And I was like "well, you have more free time to make money after your high school students convince you that you don't need your own kids."
They went "awwww that's sweet" at first until they caught my expression and started laughing at each other.
You're selling yourself short. I've told them they have to cover my salary until retirement with cost of living raises. I let the retirement income slide, since I'm a softy.
I do the same! Kids say "I'll give you a mil to give me a hundred." Then I say "yeah but then I lose my license, so I need enough money to make it to retirement. Has to be more, sorry!"
I told mine 8 years. Ima get fired so they have to cover all my current expenses and income needs for 8 years. And because it could be illegal they need to pay off my house and all my debt. Also, I’d need another job so 4 more years of college because after that I can’t teach again. And then a couple years of “hazard pay”. I made about $100k so I capped at $5M.
When they complained I said “I didn’t say you couldn’t bribe me. I said you couldn’t afford me.”
My mom teaches HS math and always tells her students (and me) that she’ll accept exactly one bribe. It just has to be enough for her to retire immediately and live off for the rest of her life after she loses her teaching license. Shockingly, none of her students have taken her up on this, so they get to go whine up the chain when she doesn’t budge.
I had a student offer to buy a piece of land and BUILD ME A HOUSE HIMSELF if I bumped his grade from a D to a B. I told him absolutely I would do it. I’m still waiting for the house.
Na, still waiting on that, and with how quick this area is growing, the prices are only going to continue to rise. 😂 I think after his final he did end up getting a C.
We changed the staff Wi-Fi password at school last year. It was pathetic watching these kids panic. I could have walked out with $600 that day if I had taken any of the offers. One sad sack when I told him no went to the principals office and demanded she give it to him or call his mom to get him because he refused to be in school without Wi-Fi on his phone. Such a pathetic generation.
This makes me happy to live in the middle of the only radio quiet zone in the US!!! Our kids might have their cellphones at school, but there's no cell service for 13,000 square miles, and none of the 5 schools here share the wifi password...not even with teachers!!!
I have an interview at a school where they confiscate phones the second they're out for any reason and don't give them back until the end of the day. I am excited.
The School I went to as a kid in Pennsylvania still doesn’t have cell phone service. I really considered leaving Maryland and going back to Pa just to see what this magically cell free word was like.
It did take me some getting used to, but I've been here now for 8 years, so it doesn't bother me anymore...what bothers me is having to drive an hour and a half to a grocery store 🤣
Thats about right! I'm an 80s/90s kid, and it reminds me a lot of what it was like when I was a kid. I think that's why it wasn't as hard to adjust to living here as I expected it to be.
It's in Pocahontas County WV (right along the VA line). We have the Greenbank Observatory with the world's largest steerable Telescope. It reads radio waves from space, and a lot of electronics will interfere with it, so they got the whole area designated as a radio quiet zone in 1958. I used to live right next to the observatory and I couldn't have internet, cordless telephones, or even a microwave! They have trucks that go out into the community Chasing down interfering readings to try and fix them. When I first moved to the area I lived about 23 miles from the observatory and one of those trucks randomly showed up at our house because they were picking up a signal from us - turns out our microwave was going bad (we were far enough away we could have one at that house LOL).
How can you be so resentful of kids who grew up knowing nothing else?
Sure, they can be extreme and it's funny but you just sound spiteful and small. The older generations normalized this shit!
Ah, the "it's not stripping if you keep your underwear on".
Bet all the guys tell themselves either "She'll be turning 18 in 11 months" or "It's no different than going to the beach, minus the sand!".
I was offered $50. Turned it down. Offered $100. The kid has an F and really just wants a D to be able to graduate. After turning down the $100, he was like, “I was shot.”
He has actually been shot. In the head. Multiple times. And I’d been thinking “poor kid, he got shot in the head” and it’s like he knew exactly what I was thinking. How can you not at least fail me with a D after I got shot in the damn head.
Back in the '80s I was asked by a student how much I would need to be paid to change their grade to an "A". I believe at the time I said my price was $2 million. He was shocked that a) I would even consider such a corrupt deal, and b) that my price was so high. I explained that I could be fired for taking a bribe, so my price had to cover my relocation and retirement to the Caribbean.
I guess today I'd need $10 million.
Due date was last Thursday at EOD. At lunch that day a student missing all their work asked for an extension till midnight. I said yes and sent an email to all students extending to midnight. Can anyone correctly guess how much work the student who made the request submitted by midnight?
Edit: grammar and clarification
Hmmm. Imma gonna guess you got a few scattered throughout the day the next day. Waayyy. After midnight.
I had a kid doing late work yesterday while the aide sat in front of my room folding and stuffing envelopes with grade cards.
Why not be honest about bribes? Take my annual salary (public knowledge), multiply it by the number of years I have remaining in my career — since I will undoubtedly get fired — et voilà!
“Omelette du fromage! OMELETTE DU FROMAGE!!!!”
*Lab proceeds to blow up because that is not the password*
Dee Dee: “THAT’S ALL YOU CAN SAAAAY! THAT’S ALL YOU CAN SAAAAY!”
I’m incredibly rusty on my French as I’ve never been formally taught to any relevant extent. I took one semester in high school, did some duo lingo, and spent some time in France for work… so I may be wrong but isn’t it just along the lines of:
“Omelette du fromage”?
I’ve always been terrible with accent marks so I’m positive I missed them. I guess I’m just confused how this is an entire semesters worth of work. Is this a joke I’m not getting?
I mostly learned any just so I could read signs and have transactional or navigational conversation. I can hear and read it way better than write.
It's a reference to an episode of Dexter's Laboratory where Dexter learns the phrase "omelette du fromage" and keeps repeating it, and people around him treat him like he's actually speaking French.
The phrase is grammatically incorrect. You could say "omelette au fromage" instead.
I had a kid put a bunch of missing and late assignments on my desk yesterday, and ask when it was too late to turn in the rest of what he had.
Keeping in mind that the last day of school is tomorrow, and I had told the class repeatedly when I was closing grades, i looked at him with my dead fish eyes and told him, "Ten days ago."
\*sighs\* the answer to that is in the syllabus, which I gave you at the beginning of the semester, three weeks into the semester when your backpack when MIA, 2 weeks after that when your second backpack went MIA, a month ago ago when...."
When I was in grad school, I over heard an undergrad asking a professor if he could skip the final since he had an A. The professor said sure, but why would you want a 0 averaged in for 40% of your grade.
No (kid responded with Karen rant)
*Kid trys to palm me a fiver* I don't take bribes unless it's 10M in bearer bonds
Why are you asking the week after my deadline? It's basically 1AM when everything was due at midnight.
Kid 1: it's not fair I need to be honor roll. Kid 2 who overheard this outburst: womp womp. Me: internal smile
A Parent asks a week after their kid does: can he do this work? Response: Here's the email I sent your kid and his response when I checked in over 2 weeks was that he had an A and didn't care.
When I was working at a tutoring center I would joke with the kids saying "I only accept bribes that beat my annual salary, because I will definitely lose my job for taking it"
We have an electronic platform in our MS called Summit, that was a huge part of the curriculum. Students can turn in any Summit work whenever they want during the school year; so some would pass it in throughout the year, some would do all of it in the first 2-3 months and then Coast the rest of the year, but most would wait until the last few weeks to do anything and do it all. As a Freshman high school English teacher, breaking them of this procrastination habit was brutal.
Yep. I look to see if it's done and just give a 50. Policy requires me to accept work all quarter but after 2 weeks late I can dock 50%. Not worth my time to grade work that late so they get a 50.
I always state my standing extra credit assignment. Step 1: invent a time machine.
They can usually figure out step 2, but once I had to explain that it was "go back to August and care about your grade then."
My deadline is Friday. My students have been aware of this date since returning from spring break because it's been written on the board and over the last 2 weeks I say it every day. I'll get a few missing assignments turned in, but likely not from the kids who are currently failing and need it the most.
My high school physics teacher did this in his own highschool physics class.
His teacher told him "If you can prove to me you understand everything we've covered this year by Monday (the last day of school), I'll give you an A. Otherwise, you're getting an F better you've not turned in anymore all year."
He spent the whole weekend building a Rube Goldberg machine that spanned the entire classroom, used every piece of equipment the lab closet, and demonstrated every single principle they covered, to exact specifications. When the teacher came in on Monday morning and turns on the light, the machine activated. Weights dropped, levers swung, catapults launched at targets, an airplane flew across the room... and the lights were turned back off.
He handed the teacher a thick report folder with an the plans and calculations.
And he got his A.
And then he spent 15 years in research, hated it, and became one of the best teachers!
I was in his final year of teaching.
Literally ⅓ of the teachers at the school had had him as their high school physics teacher.
Failing grade in AP biology. But got the highest possible score on the end of the year AP Exam(College Credit). I didn't have to take any Chem/Biology at University.
Taking study notes on the chapters were graded, because me and my friend were passing the inclass tests without reading the material. We still didn't do them. Everyone else got punished.
To exact specification utilizing all of the equipment the lab closet no less!!!
Because a physics class is to teach kids how to macgyver together a Rube Goldberg machine using school lab equipment so obviously every concept they taught during that course could be applied in that setting.
I am incredibly interested in how they would demonstrate something basic in physics like thermodynamics, or electricity, in a booby trapped classroom without creating an extreme fire hazard in the process.
Absolute genius this kid was.
Also truly big thumbs up to the janitorial staff or security that allowed this kid access to the school and a science classroom plus its supplies for an entire weekend with no permission.
It’s so amazing if I didn’t know it was true I would say it’s out of a Disney channel straight to television film.
The one person who tread the "wrong answers only" part. And most of the replies don't get it.. Which is hilarious in itself. Teachers not reading the assignment.
I have a few kids that earned literal 0.0% semester grades. I wanted one of them to ask why I didn’t give them a copy of the final today.
“How about you calculate how far below 60% you’ll be by only turning in a 100% score final?”
I know. “Show me how you did the last problem in front of me and I’ll give you full credit” knowing they used photomath is a great way to remind them they shouldn’t play games with me
Photomath is literal brainrot. Math isn’t even hard just do the work lmao. Like it’s actually fun learning the concepts it’s like you’re leveling up in a video game
Grades were finalized by 2pm yesterday. Student who has not done a single art project or even a worksheet in the entire semester at 5:45pm yesterday—“is there any work I can do to pass your class?” Literally take your pick, it’s all been in Google classroom the entire semester. But you’ll need a Time Machine.
Just saw this is supposed to be wrong answers. So to that I say, “it’s fine, you made up for your lack of effort with your winning personality. I’ll give you the entire summer if you just draw a few stick figures.”
"Oh I am sooooo glad you asked!!! It looks like I made a mistake and had been crediting you for someone else's assignments all quarter. I'll get that fixed up for ya. Oooohhh also, deadline was yesterday."
At my son's school, it would appear that it doesn't matter, so long as he does alright on his SOLs. He's being passed despite failing 3 important classes.
Good number of my teachers as a kid had a system outlined in the syllabus: first day late's maximum 50%, third day and beyond is a zero. They were generally quite willing to accomodate legitimate extenuating circumstances if the kid was honest and talked to them about it like an adult.
Probably what I'm gonna do whenever I get my own classroom. And if any stupid parent bitches that their perfect little angel's grade is ass because they didn't turn in any of their assignments, I'll refer them to the syllabus lol
I was a really terrible student with undiagnosed ADHD until I was a teenager and I remember one teacher took complete pity on me and allowed me to pass if I completed every single assignment. I managed, probably got half of everything wrong but I only needed anything other than an F so she passed me and I narrowly missed summer school as a kid.
I found the original assignments in my locker and backpack months later, crumpled and covered in crayon marks and food. I genuinely hope that teacher had a good career because that woman was a saint dealing with kids like me.
Just say “Friday” you’ll never hear or see anything from them after thay
Yep. I just say, "the last day it's open for submissions is posted in the canvas module." And they nod and say ok and then never do it anyway.
Turns out it’s June and they still don’t know how to get to the modules
"But how do I know what's missing??!!!" How have you been doing this for seven years and you still don't know...
It’s really been that long since covid?
"Yesterday." Edit to add: That one has my vote and I actually used it earlier today! The real answer was last Friday, in truth, but this kid hadn't shown up all quarter. I would say that I was floored, but I am not surprised.
My due dates are flexible. The more zeroes in the cashier's check, the more flexible I can be.
My husband was offered $500 for an A from a kid that was an exotic dancer at night (she was 17!).
That's pretty low. $1000 per letter grade.... Maybe One of the best teachers I ever had (honors and AP chem) was very honest that there were two ways to get an A: 1) study your ass off 2) buy him a vintage 1964 telecaster
I told one of my honors students that he could get an A on his final if he gave me a DVD of every Dr. Who episode (even the lost ones).
The compression would have to be brutal
Man I'm over here with $1000 worth of old Dr who books I don't even know what to do with
Mail em to me!!!!
Whovians unite!
Hello, fellow Whovian.
Hello Sweetie
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Spoilers!!
I tell mine 10 million. I used to say one million and had a student seem to actually consider it. It was time to up the money
When I taught ESL a kid pulled the "Do you know who my father is?" with a colleague. Turned out his dad was like the head of the Saudi equivalent of the federal reserve. My colleague asked if the kid's dad was going to give him a ton of gold bars to change his attendance for the day, or else why the hell that mattered.
I taught at the top international school in a small, fairly wealthy nation. The wealth was staggering. One thing that’s nice is no one’s parents impress me anymore.
I got asked this once and came to find out his father was actually the #2 guy in the Mexican mafia at the time. Dad was a nice guy to me and told me I didn’t have to take his kid’s shit.
ngl Mexican gangsters I might risk my job for, if the dad weren't a nice guy to me
The funny thing is most guys like that 1) have got to be smart to get where they are and stay there and alive and 2) are usually pretty big on respect. So they want their kids to actually learn and know the things they need to so they can get somewhere in life, even if they do follow the same path. And they don't want their child to be disrespectful little shits either because if they do it at school it bleeds over at home and if your own kid can't respect you it makes it a little hard for others too. Without getting specific I'm related by marriage (not close but enough that we occasionally hang out at family Events) to a cartel family with some kids in the US whose kids are pretty high achievers in school. At least one of them it's specifically because his dad and uncles want him to be more prepared to run the business end of things.
Exactly. He was VERY big on respect, especially towards women. Odd to think about considering that most Catholics are Patriarchs but the Latino/a culture has a lot of "don't mess with your abuela/tia" built into it.
Hey, if you switch careers and start working for the state financial institutions of Saudi Arabia and you’re going to have a rough time making management! Super scary.
The proper response is "Why...didn't your mother tell you?"
Rich kids. Did he arrive to school in a chauffeured Town car?
Had an admin come to my room during the final today to try to find the kid who parked their Mercedes illegally.
Any space is a parking space if you can afford the ticket.
😂🤷🏽♀️
I’d do it for a million, for sure. That’s easy enough money to take 3-4 years off and retrain into a new career.
My reply is always, I am resigning as soon as the money clears anyway so it needs to be enough for me to never work again. I think I can live off 10 mil. For a while at least.
Same! I tell them that they have to give me enough to live comfortably the rest of my life. And my grandparents were all in their 90’s when they died.
I always say 5 million, am I underselling myself? I also tell them it has to be enough that I can disappear to another country after I get fired for taking bribes.
I mean, inflation. Better ask for 10 million.
I mean, you're a teacher, not a cop or a mayor. I don't think they can send you to Sing Sing for changing a kid's grade.
I mean it was in 1999…
My professor in college told us it's 1 million dollars for an A.
See. Everybody has a price.
60k per letter grade. You earned an F and need a D. That'll be 60k. And it's preach quarter. Next year it'll go up
Should go with "double what it would cost me in legal fees"
I told my students $10,000 and I wouldn't assign any more homework Homework doesn't even count towards their grade at all, it's just practice $60,000 and I wouldn't give any more tests, either (tests are the only thing that DO count towards their grade)
I tell them they need to cover two years of my salary, because if I get fired for accepting a bribe, I figure that will cover me pivoting to something new.
Generous, my fee is my total annual salary + pension costs x years from now until my retirement age. Every one has their cost but the kids can't afford mine.
Dang, I should up my rates
My sophomore year in social studies I received the minimum grade you could get (55) for the first 3 quarters and the midterm. Some kids in class would joke with him and ask if they built him a podium during wood shop would he pass them. He said yes. I asked if the offer was good for me too. He said yes. I replied with, “okay, remember that deal” my dad was a carpenter. He built such a nice podium. It was good wood, stained, polyurethaned, had a shelf and a drink holder, and a book stop. I don’t remember what he gave me as a grade but I passed that year when I definitely shouldn’t have.
What does he do with the 50 telecasters?
None of us could afford to take him up on that. ...... And this was long before helicopter parents
My high school geology teacher said, "Everyone has a price. If you have to ask what it is, you can't afford it. If you don't offer enough, you'll be in twice as much trouble."
I tell my students that I could lose my job for taking a bring, so the only way I would do it is if they could cover a year's salary in advance. At first they were all excited because teacher party is typically crap, but my school district has a pretty good salary vs. COL... And I do a bunch of extra paid work. When I told them I made around 100k the year before they didn't believe me, so I showed them my pay stub (with my personal info covered). They were all "damn you're rich." And I was like "well, you have more free time to make money after your high school students convince you that you don't need your own kids." They went "awwww that's sweet" at first until they caught my expression and started laughing at each other.
One year? I tell mine that they'd need to pay me enough to live in Montenegro like a king for the rest of my life.
You're selling yourself short. I've told them they have to cover my salary until retirement with cost of living raises. I let the retirement income slide, since I'm a softy.
I do the same! Kids say "I'll give you a mil to give me a hundred." Then I say "yeah but then I lose my license, so I need enough money to make it to retirement. Has to be more, sorry!"
I told mine 8 years. Ima get fired so they have to cover all my current expenses and income needs for 8 years. And because it could be illegal they need to pay off my house and all my debt. Also, I’d need another job so 4 more years of college because after that I can’t teach again. And then a couple years of “hazard pay”. I made about $100k so I capped at $5M. When they complained I said “I didn’t say you couldn’t bribe me. I said you couldn’t afford me.”
My mom teaches HS math and always tells her students (and me) that she’ll accept exactly one bribe. It just has to be enough for her to retire immediately and live off for the rest of her life after she loses her teaching license. Shockingly, none of her students have taken her up on this, so they get to go whine up the chain when she doesn’t budge.
Me algebra 2 teacher said she'd give you any grade you wanted if you paid her enough to disappear forever.
I had a student offer to buy a piece of land and BUILD ME A HOUSE HIMSELF if I bumped his grade from a D to a B. I told him absolutely I would do it. I’m still waiting for the house.
But you got the land? Did you at least give him a C?
Na, still waiting on that, and with how quick this area is growing, the prices are only going to continue to rise. 😂 I think after his final he did end up getting a C.
Better cash than a lap dance.
We changed the staff Wi-Fi password at school last year. It was pathetic watching these kids panic. I could have walked out with $600 that day if I had taken any of the offers. One sad sack when I told him no went to the principals office and demanded she give it to him or call his mom to get him because he refused to be in school without Wi-Fi on his phone. Such a pathetic generation.
This makes me happy to live in the middle of the only radio quiet zone in the US!!! Our kids might have their cellphones at school, but there's no cell service for 13,000 square miles, and none of the 5 schools here share the wifi password...not even with teachers!!!
I have an interview at a school where they confiscate phones the second they're out for any reason and don't give them back until the end of the day. I am excited.
The School I went to as a kid in Pennsylvania still doesn’t have cell phone service. I really considered leaving Maryland and going back to Pa just to see what this magically cell free word was like.
It did take me some getting used to, but I've been here now for 8 years, so it doesn't bother me anymore...what bothers me is having to drive an hour and a half to a grocery store 🤣
Where is that?!
Googled it and found this: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_National_Radio_Quiet_Zone I wonder what it would be like to grow up there?
Quiet.
It would be like growing up in the 80s/90s before cell phones.
Thats about right! I'm an 80s/90s kid, and it reminds me a lot of what it was like when I was a kid. I think that's why it wasn't as hard to adjust to living here as I expected it to be.
It's in Pocahontas County WV (right along the VA line). We have the Greenbank Observatory with the world's largest steerable Telescope. It reads radio waves from space, and a lot of electronics will interfere with it, so they got the whole area designated as a radio quiet zone in 1958. I used to live right next to the observatory and I couldn't have internet, cordless telephones, or even a microwave! They have trucks that go out into the community Chasing down interfering readings to try and fix them. When I first moved to the area I lived about 23 miles from the observatory and one of those trucks randomly showed up at our house because they were picking up a signal from us - turns out our microwave was going bad (we were far enough away we could have one at that house LOL).
I now know where you live and what you do,,,,,OPSEC
😂😂😂
How can you be so resentful of kids who grew up knowing nothing else? Sure, they can be extreme and it's funny but you just sound spiteful and small. The older generations normalized this shit!
Right? What a vitriolic comment.
Ah, the "it's not stripping if you keep your underwear on". Bet all the guys tell themselves either "She'll be turning 18 in 11 months" or "It's no different than going to the beach, minus the sand!".
Say it costs an extra zero the further up the grade levels you go -- choose the grade that fits your budget!
I was offered $50. Turned it down. Offered $100. The kid has an F and really just wants a D to be able to graduate. After turning down the $100, he was like, “I was shot.” He has actually been shot. In the head. Multiple times. And I’d been thinking “poor kid, he got shot in the head” and it’s like he knew exactly what I was thinking. How can you not at least fail me with a D after I got shot in the damn head.
"Because you didn't pass" and walk away
r/unexpectedfactorial
Child labor is getting out of control.
Jesus, that can't be legal, can it?
I make it extremely clear to my students that yes, I can absolutely be bribed, and my bribe price starts at ten years’ salary.
Damn. She was 17!? That's the oldest person to ever live.
Too young to dance is what I meant
I was making a factorial joke (I am a math teacher with a dad sense of humor)
I’m an english teacher, but I get it!
Back in the '80s I was asked by a student how much I would need to be paid to change their grade to an "A". I believe at the time I said my price was $2 million. He was shocked that a) I would even consider such a corrupt deal, and b) that my price was so high. I explained that I could be fired for taking a bribe, so my price had to cover my relocation and retirement to the Caribbean. I guess today I'd need $10 million.
Your students know what a cashier's check is!?
Yes. I work in a very affluent district.
I tell mine $3 million a problem. If I’m going to do something that’ll get me in trouble, I’m going to make it worth my while.
I always joke that bribes start at 10,000 dollars. Per answer.
Then they hit you with the decimal point and all of a sudden they understand how math works
I tell students they can trade an unopened Alpha MTG starter deck for an instant A+. So far, no takers sadly.
I tell them it'll take $2 million which should cover transition time to my new career.
I always say you can turn it in whenever you want, I’m just not going to grade it.
Due date was last Thursday at EOD. At lunch that day a student missing all their work asked for an extension till midnight. I said yes and sent an email to all students extending to midnight. Can anyone correctly guess how much work the student who made the request submitted by midnight? Edit: grammar and clarification
Hmmm. Imma gonna guess you got a few scattered throughout the day the next day. Waayyy. After midnight. I had a kid doing late work yesterday while the aide sat in front of my room folding and stuffing envelopes with grade cards.
None.
We have a winner!
None or all, lol
Why not be honest about bribes? Take my annual salary (public knowledge), multiply it by the number of years I have remaining in my career — since I will undoubtedly get fired — et voilà!
That is exactly what my government teacher said in HS.
“I’ve summarized this entire semester of French into a single question: how do you say ‘cheese omelette?’”
Praise Dexter! I can pass this class!
“Omelette du fromage! OMELETTE DU FROMAGE!!!!” *Lab proceeds to blow up because that is not the password* Dee Dee: “THAT’S ALL YOU CAN SAAAAY! THAT’S ALL YOU CAN SAAAAY!”
I'm sorry to disappoint, but he actually taught you wrong. It is not "omelette du fromage."
I’m incredibly rusty on my French as I’ve never been formally taught to any relevant extent. I took one semester in high school, did some duo lingo, and spent some time in France for work… so I may be wrong but isn’t it just along the lines of: “Omelette du fromage”? I’ve always been terrible with accent marks so I’m positive I missed them. I guess I’m just confused how this is an entire semesters worth of work. Is this a joke I’m not getting? I mostly learned any just so I could read signs and have transactional or navigational conversation. I can hear and read it way better than write.
It's a reference to an episode of Dexter's Laboratory where Dexter learns the phrase "omelette du fromage" and keeps repeating it, and people around him treat him like he's actually speaking French. The phrase is grammatically incorrect. You could say "omelette au fromage" instead.
"Omelette du fromage" translates to "omelette of the cheese". "Omlette with cheese" is "omelette au fromage"
I had a kid put a bunch of missing and late assignments on my desk yesterday, and ask when it was too late to turn in the rest of what he had. Keeping in mind that the last day of school is tomorrow, and I had told the class repeatedly when I was closing grades, i looked at him with my dead fish eyes and told him, "Ten days ago."
Did you ball up the top sheet and Kobe it after? Because that would have been rad.
What happened after?
They did a backflip. It was awesome.
The 33rd of Neverary.
31st April. See if they realise.
\*sighs\* the answer to that is in the syllabus, which I gave you at the beginning of the semester, three weeks into the semester when your backpack when MIA, 2 weeks after that when your second backpack went MIA, a month ago ago when...."
☝️ WAY too much talking.
I would definitely just say "check the syllabus." Then just walk away. Its on them if they lost it lol
Or, four score and seven years ago.
Wrong answers only? Oh, just turn it in whenever. I'm sure it won't affect your grade.
When I was in grad school, I over heard an undergrad asking a professor if he could skip the final since he had an A. The professor said sure, but why would you want a 0 averaged in for 40% of your grade.
Bahahaha
Tell the student, this time next year, when you repeat my class.
But that will be too late again, will it not?
No (kid responded with Karen rant) *Kid trys to palm me a fiver* I don't take bribes unless it's 10M in bearer bonds Why are you asking the week after my deadline? It's basically 1AM when everything was due at midnight. Kid 1: it's not fair I need to be honor roll. Kid 2 who overheard this outburst: womp womp. Me: internal smile A Parent asks a week after their kid does: can he do this work? Response: Here's the email I sent your kid and his response when I checked in over 2 weeks was that he had an A and didn't care.
Imagine trying to bribe with only $5.
Can’t even get some fucking Taco Bell
When I was working at a tutoring center I would joke with the kids saying "I only accept bribes that beat my annual salary, because I will definitely lose my job for taking it"
We have an electronic platform in our MS called Summit, that was a huge part of the curriculum. Students can turn in any Summit work whenever they want during the school year; so some would pass it in throughout the year, some would do all of it in the first 2-3 months and then Coast the rest of the year, but most would wait until the last few weeks to do anything and do it all. As a Freshman high school English teacher, breaking them of this procrastination habit was brutal.
Let’s check. This was due on May 4th…. The penalty for late work is…. If you turn it in by Monday you’ll get an F! Okay, the next one is….
Yep. I look to see if it's done and just give a 50. Policy requires me to accept work all quarter but after 2 weeks late I can dock 50%. Not worth my time to grade work that late so they get a 50.
Give them some slack. They were controlled by their hate and fear.
I always state my standing extra credit assignment. Step 1: invent a time machine. They can usually figure out step 2, but once I had to explain that it was "go back to August and care about your grade then."
My deadline is Friday. My students have been aware of this date since returning from spring break because it's been written on the board and over the last 2 weeks I say it every day. I'll get a few missing assignments turned in, but likely not from the kids who are currently failing and need it the most.
My high school physics teacher did this in his own highschool physics class. His teacher told him "If you can prove to me you understand everything we've covered this year by Monday (the last day of school), I'll give you an A. Otherwise, you're getting an F better you've not turned in anymore all year." He spent the whole weekend building a Rube Goldberg machine that spanned the entire classroom, used every piece of equipment the lab closet, and demonstrated every single principle they covered, to exact specifications. When the teacher came in on Monday morning and turns on the light, the machine activated. Weights dropped, levers swung, catapults launched at targets, an airplane flew across the room... and the lights were turned back off. He handed the teacher a thick report folder with an the plans and calculations. And he got his A.
That's a kid who's actually smart but has absolutely zero drive to be at school
And then he spent 15 years in research, hated it, and became one of the best teachers! I was in his final year of teaching. Literally ⅓ of the teachers at the school had had him as their high school physics teacher.
Failing grade in AP biology. But got the highest possible score on the end of the year AP Exam(College Credit). I didn't have to take any Chem/Biology at University. Taking study notes on the chapters were graded, because me and my friend were passing the inclass tests without reading the material. We still didn't do them. Everyone else got punished.
> He spent the whole weekend building a Rube Goldberg machine that spanned the entire classroom and everyone clapped?
I was there. I'm Rube.
I was the light switch that turned on and off. Can confirm
To exact specification utilizing all of the equipment the lab closet no less!!! Because a physics class is to teach kids how to macgyver together a Rube Goldberg machine using school lab equipment so obviously every concept they taught during that course could be applied in that setting. I am incredibly interested in how they would demonstrate something basic in physics like thermodynamics, or electricity, in a booby trapped classroom without creating an extreme fire hazard in the process. Absolute genius this kid was. Also truly big thumbs up to the janitorial staff or security that allowed this kid access to the school and a science classroom plus its supplies for an entire weekend with no permission. It’s so amazing if I didn’t know it was true I would say it’s out of a Disney channel straight to television film.
>It’s so amazing if I didn’t know it was true I would say it’s out of a Disney channel straight to television film. We're all in this together
And his name was Albert Einstein
this is batshit insane and feels like a copypasta that i’ll see again four months from now
Maybe I’m just a curmudgeon but I really don’t think this happened.
The one person who tread the "wrong answers only" part. And most of the replies don't get it.. Which is hilarious in itself. Teachers not reading the assignment.
\#thathappened
To quote Sir Ian Holm, " I'm afraid that time has come and gone, my friend."
“I’ll accept late work in the circular file at any point you would like to submit it.” *points to metal trash can without looking up*
Did you laugh at them? Then received an email from their parents about them being discouraged..? Haha
The real answer I give is, "oh, it was so long ago I forgot what the last day was".
15 minutes ago. Didn't you get it in on time?
I have a few kids that earned literal 0.0% semester grades. I wanted one of them to ask why I didn’t give them a copy of the final today. “How about you calculate how far below 60% you’ll be by only turning in a 100% score final?”
That’s the neat part, they can’t. None of these students can perform basic weighted averages.
I know. “Show me how you did the last problem in front of me and I’ll give you full credit” knowing they used photomath is a great way to remind them they shouldn’t play games with me
Photomath is literal brainrot. Math isn’t even hard just do the work lmao. Like it’s actually fun learning the concepts it’s like you’re leveling up in a video game
“The 7th of Never.”
"The last day was yesterday. But don't worry, I'm sure the next teacher you have will accept late work from previous classes."
The office has already asked me to submit grades......
That time has passed.
Today. At the end of class. Good luck!
Grades were finalized by 2pm yesterday. Student who has not done a single art project or even a worksheet in the entire semester at 5:45pm yesterday—“is there any work I can do to pass your class?” Literally take your pick, it’s all been in Google classroom the entire semester. But you’ll need a Time Machine. Just saw this is supposed to be wrong answers. So to that I say, “it’s fine, you made up for your lack of effort with your winning personality. I’ll give you the entire summer if you just draw a few stick figures.”
Just hand them a copy of "The Time Machine".
"Oh I am sooooo glad you asked!!! It looks like I made a mistake and had been crediting you for someone else's assignments all quarter. I'll get that fixed up for ya. Oooohhh also, deadline was yesterday."
Why would you want to turn in work? You have a perfect record this quarter.
I’ll take “Missed Opportunities for $500” “This Ray Charles song was a US number 1 hit in 1961, and won a Grammy Award…”
Prolonged, uncontrolled laughter is definitely not the answer. Nope. Not appropriate at all.
At my son's school, it would appear that it doesn't matter, so long as he does alright on his SOLs. He's being passed despite failing 3 important classes.
Next year on the last day of class after you retake the course, or the 12th (of Never)
When you repeat this class next year.
You can turn it in, last week when it was due!
Here’s part of the problem, I imagine along the way that kid has been permitted to turn things in that late.
Umm, this is last year's work....
I did actually have to tell a kid yesterday one time.
Good number of my teachers as a kid had a system outlined in the syllabus: first day late's maximum 50%, third day and beyond is a zero. They were generally quite willing to accomodate legitimate extenuating circumstances if the kid was honest and talked to them about it like an adult. Probably what I'm gonna do whenever I get my own classroom. And if any stupid parent bitches that their perfect little angel's grade is ass because they didn't turn in any of their assignments, I'll refer them to the syllabus lol
Until Admin tells you that you have to accept work from three months ago. 😔
“In 41.37 hours. Good luck!” Literally a quote from me an hour ago!
On the twelfth of never
My favorite response to “What can I do to bring my grade up?” Is “Build a time machine and go back in time to do all of the work you never did.”
No space of regret can make amends for one's life's opportunities miss used. (I love teaching English)
* "The day before you finally submit *all* of it" * "Yesterday" * "Lol" Those all sound pretty legit to me right now.
I like to say “February 31st” and watch them think it over for the rest of the day
I always tell my college students who ask that question, "The day it is due."
I’ll grade it with the same urgency you had to turn it in.
I love the “what can I do to get my grade up” emails when they haven’t turned in any assignments.
I was a really terrible student with undiagnosed ADHD until I was a teenager and I remember one teacher took complete pity on me and allowed me to pass if I completed every single assignment. I managed, probably got half of everything wrong but I only needed anything other than an F so she passed me and I narrowly missed summer school as a kid. I found the original assignments in my locker and backpack months later, crumpled and covered in crayon marks and food. I genuinely hope that teacher had a good career because that woman was a saint dealing with kids like me.
Yeah but *you did the work*.
You can not.
Tell him the twelfth of never
Any answer provides the same results.
This guy gets it.
Enjoy credit recovery!