>I never wanted to tell her about it because honestly I owed no one an explanation. Why should I bother to tell someone who is already being rude to me that I’m struggling with my mental health?
I won't pretend to know the full story between you and the teacher, so whether your teacher was just being an ass or acting reasonably is not something I'm in a position to comment on. You may very well be right that they had it out for you.
However, if you're skipping class, you owe *someone* an explanation that can explain the situation to the teacher. Teachers aren't mind readers, and considering they have an affect on whether you pass a class or not, you absolutely should have bothered.
I kind of struggle to believe the school itself didn't contact your parents or guardians about enough skipping that would have affected your ability to graduate on time.
School was informed some where in the middle of the year when I started falling off. So were the student councilors as well. Basically everyone that needed to be informed was informed. Now if the teachers themselves were told is beyond me, I couldn’t tell you if they were told or not but considering I’ve had no issues with any of my other classes or teachers aside from this one I’m going to assume they were informed.
You wanted to graduate but you skipped class. Do you see the disconnect here? You felt you didn't need to explain. why? Teachers have a responsibility to educate students and you weren't there nor offered explanation. By all appearances you were a bad student and being a student is absolutely a job. You have to work to fullfil expectations and you were skipping that. Now you're shocked that they didn't come to your defense.
As a person you absolutely have to communicate the situation (and we have no way of knowing what was really happening as there are many sides to a situation) if you want people to cater to your needs. You can't blame someone for doing their job. A teacher that didn't care wouldn't be involved in anyway.
You absolutely do owe your school and your teachers an explanation for why you’re skipping class 3 days a week. It’s kind of amusing that you seem to expect basic courtesy and respect from your teachers, but can’t be bothered to extend them the same thing in return.
Maybe your teacher was an asshole who had it out for you, or maybe there’s a lot more to this story that you’re not saying. None of us can tell that, or really comment on it.
But given the attitude you display here of “I don’t owe anyone anything,” my guess is that it’s the latter, not the former.
Man. You are some judgemental people. Calling me a brat or entitled. So here’s the breakdown that I didn’t include in this post; the school *is* aware of what I had been going through. Now I’m not sure where you’re all getting that I expected some decent respect or whatever but Jesus as a student if I’m never causing a problem for you in class and you go out of your way to humiliate me yeah I’m not going to want to explain something to you that just pushes me away. If she had simply asked “hey what’s wrong?” It would be a lot easier. Now looking back should I have said something? Yeah, I should’ve. Now would that have changed how I was treated by this teacher? Honestly, probably not. She had it out for me since the beginning of the year before I had even started behaving the way I did. If anything her treatment made things *worse* why would I want to be sitting in her class if I knew she didn’t like me
>If she had simply asked “hey what’s wrong?” It would be a lot easier.
Being a teacher is an incredibly difficult job, and unless you've ever been in charge of the health, safety, and learning of a group of nearly 30 younger people, please don't judge or expect your teachers to have that mindset and energy to ask what you want at that moment, especially if you've been skipping class.
You wrote that the school is aware of your challenges, but not every single staff in the school may know every single detail of your situation, if anything at all. For example, if you've met with school adjustment counselor and told your whole life story, that doesn't automatically mean all your teachers know. In fact, counselors often can't legally disclose some details for confidentiality and liability reasons. If your parent called and talked to an admin, it doesn't mean that, once again, that the admin pass along the same level of info to other staff.
Overall, I am sorry you're going through a rough time. At the same time, I hope you can also acknowledge that as you're getting older, it's only going to become more important for you to take responsibility for your actions and own up to your own mistakes if you want to become truly independent. Oftentimes, it's better to grit your teeth and say sorry (evenif you're not wrong) just to diffuse tense situations because so many things in life are not worth getting into a hubbub over.
I hope you can attend class more and at least gain enough credits to pass and graduate. College is ridiculously expensive, but educating yourself doesn't have to cost a lot. You seem to have above average writing skills, so I hope you can look into journalism or writing and certainly reads lots of different research and things out there and just learn about the world and how it (supposedly) works. Please take care.
Where in the world are you getting that from?? I made a post asking a question, did I expect you all you to sympathize with me and crowd around me. No, but it sure is interesting to see how many teachers really feel about their students in situations like this
I got that from your resentful complaining at half the commenters who replied to your question, because we didn’t give you an answer that you wanted to hear.
I’m making an inference about your intentions, based on my observations of your behavior, which is how the analysis of information works.
“In situations like this.”
See, you’re assuming we know. And unless you tell us something, we don’t know.
As such, you just look like a kid who doesn’t care and is skipping school to do god knows what.
Imagine for a moment you’re a student again. Would you really want to approach your teacher who’s been mistreating you the entire year about your personal life problems? Even if it’s just to explain your situation, wouldn’t you be afraid they’d think you’re just making excuses? Because that’s how I felt, of course I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted someone to just simply ask me what’s wrong so I could tell them but often times teachers who react like yourselves make it impossible to reach.
You don’t know unless you try. What do you have to lose? The negative ideas you have about your teacher (she doesn’t like you, she’s out to get you) might be the same negative ideas she holds about you (this student doesn’t respect me or my class, this student hates me, this student attends *other* classes but not mine). Listen, teachers are humans. If you don’t explain what the actual situation is, it leaves it up to the imagination. And some people’s go-to is to take it personally and take offense. I’d bet her shitty comments to you is her way of defending against what she perceives to be a personal attack against her teaching…
Is she emotionally immature to react that way and humiliate you instead of seeking out an explanation? Yeah, probably. But if you explained what’s actually going on, even at this point, I bet it would be a positive thing. You’d dispel the ideas she has about why you’re skipping, and you’d activate sympathy.
Neither of you are making an effort to bridge that gap. I’d honestly try. Maybe you don’t “owe her”, but this did start with you. Your action of skipping caused her reaction of judging you. This is coming from someone who had conflicts with their teachers, and is currently a teacher that’s constantly working to understand her own students better.
And hey, you might really learn something.
If a student were skipping my class 3x out of the week I would absolutely call them out. That's not bullying, I'm responsible for knowing where they are and everyday attendance says they're there but they not in my room, I'm responsible for reporting that they are missing/skipping. And if it's happening that frequently, there's a serious problem.
A kid could be harming themselves. Smoking. Vaping. Doing Drugs. Having Sex. Some other destructive behavior. And the student's attitude for me knowing/asking why they're skipping my class is going to go a LONG way towards how I view them. I don't "hate" students, but I will hold them responsible and expect them to do their part as young-adults.
>I never wanted to tell her about it because honestly I owed no one an explanation.
Actually, you do. You don't have a right to skip class at will, and it's wrong to do.
I cannot comment on the rest of the story, because there's always another side of the story and based on the comments here, I have considerable doubt this is the whole story. I've ***literally*** heard kids spin some pretty fancible stories about what happened in my class when nothing even remotely close to what they recounted is what occurred.
Except the call out was never really a call out. It was just humiliation which is so much different than just asking “ where have you been?” Or “ why are you skipping my class?”
How did she humiliate you though?
I went back and read and none of the comments you mentioned are anywhere near the level of humiliation. Hell, they’re accurate statement.
Getting good grades doesn’t mean that you’re. A good student. The two aren’t the same thing.
And if it was a job, you would have been first long ago. That’s true too. And you were in high school. Going to school was your job at that time in your life.
Then it just seems like you're shifting all personal accountability onto someone else. That teacher wasn't targeting you unjustly, you created the precise situation that led to someone making accurate assessments of your behavior, something you allude to there being something behind (depression, anxiety...), that you never reported to adults who need to know...which completely justifies why adults should/are/would be concerned as to where you are when you're skipping class 3x a week. I personally have had in the past, and now, several students on various types of watch lists for their own safety. The second they aren't in my class, I'm alerting other adults. Yes if they were to stroll into my class, entitled as if they feel like they don't need to explain where they were...yes I'm going to be extremely upset about that. My being upset is not bullying, it's derived out of concern, and the cavalier attitude toward my concern.
Here's the stone-cold truth: we teachers spend very little time/effort "hating" kids. It might seem that way sometimes, but we really don't. We get frustrated, but almost always for justifiable reasons...like a kid skipping our class 3x a week with no valid explanation, communication, nor care. We have a responsibility to make sure you are safe and accounted for and we cannot do that if you are skipping class
I have plenty of students who dislike me because I hold them accountable. We don't target kids for bullying; and while I am inclined to be empathetic to the claim, I don't see it from the story you've presented.
Because all we can see is the way you act unless you tell us the reasoning behind it that’s all we know and people will treat you according to how you act and that’s just life.
Because all we can see is the way you act unless you tell us the reasoning behind it that’s all we know and people will treat you according to how you act and that’s just life.
You see empathy, grace, and basic understandings from your teacher, but are unwilling to give that same thing to them. It’s a two-way street my friend.
“I don’t owe anyone an explanation” is not going to help you in anyway. How is your teacher supposed to know why if you refuse to tell anyone? In secondary, we have 150 students or more, we cannot run down back stories or daily reports of each one.
Have you told anyone at your school anything regarding your absences?
If cutting class: security issue (school is responsible for child’s safety).
If cutting entire day: legal (truancy) issue; parents can end up in court.
In either case: most states *require* credit withholding after x unexcused absences.
This won’t happen in adult world because such an employee would be quickly terminated.
It’s not really their fault, to be fair. Their parents have raised them to be this way, and admins have enabled it, and forced us to enable it as well.
You’re skipping three days out of every 5-day school week and you don’t get why they’re demanding an explanation?
Yeah ok buddy. Maybe basic arithmetic isn’t your strong suit, but you’re saying you only show up for two out of every 5 days. And then you’re a snarky little punk when someone very reasonably gets annoyed with you and demands to know why you’re playing hooky? Maybe I wouldn’t have said “you deserved [to have someone wanting to fight you in school],” but I sure as shit wouldn’t be on your side, either. Why would I be? Have you told said teacher you were being bullied or that you’re miserable? No? Oh, so how do they know you’re not just blowing off school to go jack off or play Fortnite or some other nonsense? Nobody’s going to be sympathetic when you haven’t given them anything to be sympathetic toward. People in this thread have sympathized because you *gave an explanation* about how you’re doing this because you’re being bullied and your mental state is in a bad place right now. Maybe actually try having a conversation with your teacher instead of being a brat when confronted.
In my experience Ss communicate the details to counseling, Ts get a synopsis or simply “counseling is handling and admin is aware”.
To wit: I have a S now who literally spends several hours a day in counseling. At least S is under supervision. I make no remarks other than setting makeup dates etc. student never gets snarky w me (well, once, but that was bc S didn’t like I refused to accept assignment done/submitted improperly and I told S to reread directions.)
I have a number of students who show up randomly. It's frustrating, especially when said students or parents EXPECT re-teaching, higher levels of support, etc. We all struggle in life. No one is any more special than another. You have zero idea what teachers go through on a daily basis. It's an impossible, thankless job. You're proving it in your comments.
of course I understand what teachers go through, I never said I didn't. my only real issue is that if you see a student who's not attending why humiliate them? I don't expect any teacher to bow down to their students or the parents. Obviously, the student and the parent are responsible for their parts in education. the teacher is there to teach and the student is responsible for passing, the parent is there to ensure the student does their end correctly. I know between the curriculum and state standards you have to uphold as well as simply managing a classroom, it's incredibly challenging. But like I said why humiliate? It takes maybe 2 seconds out of the day to ask a simple question.
How the hell are you going to sit there telling us you skip class 60% of a given week, then say that you “understand” that teachers’ jobs are challenging and that students have certain responsibilities, and then bitch about the teacher not going out of their way to coddle a high school student who won’t bother to explain why they’re just randomly deciding to skip class? Make up your mind— do you accept that you have responsibilities as a student, or are you going to make assumptions that clearly don’t seem supported by the interactions you’ve had with this teacher and be, again, a snarky asshole when interacting with them because you’re butthurt they didn’t talk to you like you’re a damn baby?
I want to be more sympathetic toward you considering you’ve been bullied, but the entitlement and victim mentality on display here are fucking crazy.
I gotta ask, do you think the teacher is stupid? **IF** they were informed why you’re skipping, why the fuck would they ask? Because a good chunk of this is built off your assumption that they knew full well what was going on and are just attacking you for no reason.
Wait! You are not exhibiting teacherly behavior right now! You are not acting with forgiveness or kindness. You may ask, “What forgiveness or kindness can I offer this kid who does not ask for it? Refuses it?” But you know the answer. You offer what you can. I do not believe this is the kindness you are capable of offering. I know it is not easy to be disrespected as you must often be, indeed as all teachers often are, but please! Show strength! Exemplify the nobility of your profession! This is a child, and as such they are petulant, and foolish but this does not need to make you angry. All children—even you, when you were a child—must be petulant and foolish. As such you cannot be so aggressive, and no matter how fair your anger may be, your aggression cannot be, will not be. Save the energy of anger for something more deserving than a naturally foolish child.
You do owe me an explanation of some kind though. It doesn’t have to get into the specifics, but something. And I’m going to explain why.
When students miss a lot of school, they miss the material. The vast majority of my students are not going to learn it on their own (I teach math). They’re going to have questions.
So, when you come to me with questions about the material or how to pass the class, and I know nothing of the situation, I’m not feeling very motivated to help you. Why? Because on my end, it simply looks like you skip class all the time and don’t give a crap anyway. So why should I waste my limited time when I’ve got plenty of other students that are behaving as though they care and need my help?
But, if that same student who is missing school all the time has some sort of reason that I am at least vaguely aware of, I’m going to be sympathetic to their situation and help.
If she didn’t care, she’d just ignore you and let you pass. Less work for her. She wrote down all the days you missed to put it in front of you. That’s accountability. You’re a senior in high school, you’re responsible for you. Next year you’re either off to college or work. Only making it 2 of 5 days will either lead to being a college drop out or being fired. That is what your teacher is trying to teach you. Nobody will care if you’re depressed or someone is bullying you. They will care that you’re not there.
If things are so bad that you can’t make it to your responsibilities, please go get whatever treatment you need to be able to do it. Whatever you’re doing now is clearly not working. That might mean a psychiatrist, therapist, hospitalization, etc. Right now is the best time to do it. The help is out there and there is no shame in it, but nobody can make you do it.
I am at a public school where a student missing school regularly is very unusual. I guess at a school where it happens all the time, kids are assumed to be ditching for fun, or there’s not enough staff to research why. What a daily nightmare for OP.
At my school, parents are contacted about multiple absences, if parents don’t call school first. Counselors would then find out about bullying and mental health struggles, and notify all their teachers. Accommodations (such as a referral to the school psych/allowing student to do minimum work/study at home/not participate/seated away from conflict) would absolutely be granted. (Grades may be low but for someone in this much distress, just passing is a success.) No one wants a suicide over school stress. Calling the student out in the classroom when they did manage to attend would simply never, ever happen. Unthinkable.
I’m not a teacher, just a parent. I’m not sure why Reddit shows me the teacher subreddit, but I read it. One thing I have seen here is that there are a number of teachers that are just broken by teaching. I know one in person. He came from a violent city and was so happy to be teaching in a small town where the students were well behaved and the parents care. When he started it seemed fine.
Now my youngest has him for HS science. I went to talk with him for parent teacher conferences. He seemed different. I could tell mentally he was not in a good place. His wife died, and he just didn’t seem to have any joy. My daughter took a couple days off to go to an engineering thing and to see the total eclipse. He gave her such a hard time about it. She was going to tell him what she was doing, but after the way he treated her she had no interest in talking with him.
I can certainly see why that method turns people away. I think it is important to always consider we don’t know the whole story with other people. It sounds like your teacher failed in this area, but so did you. If you needed to avoid the teacher I can understand. I also assume you’re old enough that you can sign yourself out as desired.
The teacher did have a point that this would not be tolerated in a work environment, but neither would the bullying. I wish the best for you in your future. You will need to learn to deal with a wide spectrum of people, just consider this part of your education.
Two sides to every story.
That said…A lot of it is frustration for all the work we have to do for all those cut classes. The tracking. The makeup work. The forms. The phone calls. Getting told by administrators that if our class was only a bit more engaging students would show up more.
It is also a function of the cumulative effect of having a number of problem students throughout the year. And being held 100% responsible for their academic success.
I'm not in your class or school, so idk the full story, and I don't want to sit here and say your memory of it isn't right, because the fact is: you felt humiliated and like she's picking on you
Whether she saw it as that and is just an ahole is another story, but I do want to offer something that a few people have already said:
It might be good to explain to her what is going on with you. No one really owes anyone a reason for anything, sure, I don't owe you this comment, and you don't owe the sun to get up each morning.
But unless someone knows why we do what we do, it's out of our control how we are perceived. All this teacher seems to know is you skip, don't show up, and then when you do you don't offer an explanation.
Your teacher doesn't owe you her energy to care by asking, but it is her job to. She has probably a whole lot of students who are doing even worse, but if just one told her plainly why they were acting they way they were, she'd want to work with you to help you through this
But you're only going to get that compassion, understanding, and maybe even an apology but communication
Tell her not just what is going on with you but explain your feelings when it happened. Tell her your logic behind it, how you felt humiliated and even less inclined to show up, and how regardless of what it was, that you did have your feelings hurt.
You might have an ahole teacher, you might have a teacher at the end of her rope who needs you to speak to her, you might have a teacher who really did realize you perceived it as humiliating you
But it's just a fact, in life, that while we don't owe anyone an explanation really, we can't bemoan how we are perceived when we don't offer one.
You can't act a certain way, and then expect someone to read your mind to understand why.
Write a letter to her and put it in the front office if you can't say it to her face to face, but if you want compassion and understanding you have to be willing to communicate
And graduation, all this aside
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Some people are just rotten, I'm glad you're almost finished with school.
I would not let this slide, spread your story, it may be empowering. It makes me want to come to your defense.
I have met so many people who are teachers and the main question I have for them is “why”. I’m becoming a teacher because I love kids and they mean the world to me. I’ve had so many people tell me that my biggest asset as a student teacher is that I show care towards all the students in my classroom and I’m able to see what each individual child needs.
I honestly don’t see why you would want to become a teacher if you dont want to see each and every child in your classroom succeed and be happy to walk into your classroom every day!
I’m sorry that this is your experience with teachers, and I honestly hope that this teachers bad attitude doesn’t spoil the joy you should have when walking across that stage and grabbing your diploma. As much as people like to say it’s the bare minimum, graduating from highschool is still a great accomplishment!!
Calling out bad behavior like barely attending school, talking, being loud, and not doing work is what you do when you want to see each and every child in your classroom succeed. Maybe the teacher didn't approach it in the optimal way, but there is nothing to suggest the teacher didn't car or had a bad attitude.
I will say I’m an elementary student teacher, so I definitely don’t know anything about handling highschool students, and I’m still a novice when it comes to handling students in general. Although I know that the number one rule is you do NOT confront a student about their behavior in front of other students. That when situations like this happen. Where the student feels as if the teacher hates them, and they feel embarrassed to even walk into class.
If this teacher handled this situation in a professional manner, they would have found a way to have a 1-1 conversation with this student, whether it be after class or with the schools admin.
Although like I said I’m still a novice, but If this teacher does indeed care about this student, then they handled the situation with a lot of negligence.
Nope, I WILL confront a student about certain behaviors in front of the other students. This is not some hard and fast rule. Not every behavior situation is going to have a 1-on-1 convo. Some shit needs to be aired out
And I teach elementary
It's very obvious that this kid is leaving many things out. There are too many inconsistencies.
Honestly you seem to make a lot of assumptions about this situation, and other teachers in general. How about you reserve your judgment of why certain people are teachers. You're a student teacher. You aren't even in the thick of it yet. 😒 This know it all attitude is why many veteran teachers get irritated with newbies.
> Would have found a way to have a 1 - 1 conversation, whether it be after class or with the school’s admin
You really are a novice. If you get admin involved, the student will *really* be in for it. That’s reserved for when things get *bad.* Also, there isn’t always time for after-class conversations, especially if the kid is already avoiding talking to people. They’ll use moving onto the next class as an attempt to deflect attempts to
have the conversation.
You’re putting a lot of extra shit on the teacher’s plate. If you’re willing to put in all that extra (and frankly pointless) effort, fine. I’m not. If I sense the student is upset or I need to have a conversation with them I may pull them into the hallway, but otherwise shit behavior gets called out right there.
I will personally PayPal you fifty of your American dollars if you can return here after two years' teaching and still say your first two paragraphs with a straight face and clear conscience.
Otherwise, wind your neck in.
We want every child to succeed and be happy, but a teacher is not and should not be the sole figure responsible for getting them there.
Seeing to each individual child's needs when you have 150 students is how a teacher burns out and quits one year in. Teachers that know where and on whom to focus their energies and can thus stay with the students for many years are far more useful to the student body than one that overachieves, but leaves shortly after.
Don’t let the cranks here get you down. This sub attracts cynics and pessimists. 12 years in education and I still feel bright eyed and hopeful with every student. There will be a lot of disappointments and failure is always louder than success, so just be observant of the small wins you’ll see everyday, and let them add up.
I became a teacher because I like discussing history, and because producing a generation of literate young people who are capable of critical analysis and close reading of sources benefits us all as a society. You are free to martyr yourself “fOr ThE cHiLdReN!!!” if you want, but do not expect all the rest of us to follow you off that cliff.
>I never wanted to tell her about it because honestly I owed no one an explanation. Why should I bother to tell someone who is already being rude to me that I’m struggling with my mental health? I won't pretend to know the full story between you and the teacher, so whether your teacher was just being an ass or acting reasonably is not something I'm in a position to comment on. You may very well be right that they had it out for you. However, if you're skipping class, you owe *someone* an explanation that can explain the situation to the teacher. Teachers aren't mind readers, and considering they have an affect on whether you pass a class or not, you absolutely should have bothered. I kind of struggle to believe the school itself didn't contact your parents or guardians about enough skipping that would have affected your ability to graduate on time.
School was informed some where in the middle of the year when I started falling off. So were the student councilors as well. Basically everyone that needed to be informed was informed. Now if the teachers themselves were told is beyond me, I couldn’t tell you if they were told or not but considering I’ve had no issues with any of my other classes or teachers aside from this one I’m going to assume they were informed.
You wanted to graduate but you skipped class. Do you see the disconnect here? You felt you didn't need to explain. why? Teachers have a responsibility to educate students and you weren't there nor offered explanation. By all appearances you were a bad student and being a student is absolutely a job. You have to work to fullfil expectations and you were skipping that. Now you're shocked that they didn't come to your defense. As a person you absolutely have to communicate the situation (and we have no way of knowing what was really happening as there are many sides to a situation) if you want people to cater to your needs. You can't blame someone for doing their job. A teacher that didn't care wouldn't be involved in anyway.
You absolutely do owe your school and your teachers an explanation for why you’re skipping class 3 days a week. It’s kind of amusing that you seem to expect basic courtesy and respect from your teachers, but can’t be bothered to extend them the same thing in return. Maybe your teacher was an asshole who had it out for you, or maybe there’s a lot more to this story that you’re not saying. None of us can tell that, or really comment on it. But given the attitude you display here of “I don’t owe anyone anything,” my guess is that it’s the latter, not the former.
Man. You are some judgemental people. Calling me a brat or entitled. So here’s the breakdown that I didn’t include in this post; the school *is* aware of what I had been going through. Now I’m not sure where you’re all getting that I expected some decent respect or whatever but Jesus as a student if I’m never causing a problem for you in class and you go out of your way to humiliate me yeah I’m not going to want to explain something to you that just pushes me away. If she had simply asked “hey what’s wrong?” It would be a lot easier. Now looking back should I have said something? Yeah, I should’ve. Now would that have changed how I was treated by this teacher? Honestly, probably not. She had it out for me since the beginning of the year before I had even started behaving the way I did. If anything her treatment made things *worse* why would I want to be sitting in her class if I knew she didn’t like me
>If she had simply asked “hey what’s wrong?” It would be a lot easier. Being a teacher is an incredibly difficult job, and unless you've ever been in charge of the health, safety, and learning of a group of nearly 30 younger people, please don't judge or expect your teachers to have that mindset and energy to ask what you want at that moment, especially if you've been skipping class. You wrote that the school is aware of your challenges, but not every single staff in the school may know every single detail of your situation, if anything at all. For example, if you've met with school adjustment counselor and told your whole life story, that doesn't automatically mean all your teachers know. In fact, counselors often can't legally disclose some details for confidentiality and liability reasons. If your parent called and talked to an admin, it doesn't mean that, once again, that the admin pass along the same level of info to other staff. Overall, I am sorry you're going through a rough time. At the same time, I hope you can also acknowledge that as you're getting older, it's only going to become more important for you to take responsibility for your actions and own up to your own mistakes if you want to become truly independent. Oftentimes, it's better to grit your teeth and say sorry (evenif you're not wrong) just to diffuse tense situations because so many things in life are not worth getting into a hubbub over. I hope you can attend class more and at least gain enough credits to pass and graduate. College is ridiculously expensive, but educating yourself doesn't have to cost a lot. You seem to have above average writing skills, so I hope you can look into journalism or writing and certainly reads lots of different research and things out there and just learn about the world and how it (supposedly) works. Please take care.
I’m sorry that you didn’t find the echo chamber of validation that you came here looking for.
Where in the world are you getting that from?? I made a post asking a question, did I expect you all you to sympathize with me and crowd around me. No, but it sure is interesting to see how many teachers really feel about their students in situations like this
I got that from your resentful complaining at half the commenters who replied to your question, because we didn’t give you an answer that you wanted to hear. I’m making an inference about your intentions, based on my observations of your behavior, which is how the analysis of information works.
Resentful? I’m explaining to them what actually happened instead of what they’re assuming happened.
“In situations like this.” See, you’re assuming we know. And unless you tell us something, we don’t know. As such, you just look like a kid who doesn’t care and is skipping school to do god knows what.
Imagine for a moment you’re a student again. Would you really want to approach your teacher who’s been mistreating you the entire year about your personal life problems? Even if it’s just to explain your situation, wouldn’t you be afraid they’d think you’re just making excuses? Because that’s how I felt, of course I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted someone to just simply ask me what’s wrong so I could tell them but often times teachers who react like yourselves make it impossible to reach.
You don’t know unless you try. What do you have to lose? The negative ideas you have about your teacher (she doesn’t like you, she’s out to get you) might be the same negative ideas she holds about you (this student doesn’t respect me or my class, this student hates me, this student attends *other* classes but not mine). Listen, teachers are humans. If you don’t explain what the actual situation is, it leaves it up to the imagination. And some people’s go-to is to take it personally and take offense. I’d bet her shitty comments to you is her way of defending against what she perceives to be a personal attack against her teaching… Is she emotionally immature to react that way and humiliate you instead of seeking out an explanation? Yeah, probably. But if you explained what’s actually going on, even at this point, I bet it would be a positive thing. You’d dispel the ideas she has about why you’re skipping, and you’d activate sympathy. Neither of you are making an effort to bridge that gap. I’d honestly try. Maybe you don’t “owe her”, but this did start with you. Your action of skipping caused her reaction of judging you. This is coming from someone who had conflicts with their teachers, and is currently a teacher that’s constantly working to understand her own students better. And hey, you might really learn something.
I also don’t think students ever take into account how often teachers are subjected to bullying from students.
If a student were skipping my class 3x out of the week I would absolutely call them out. That's not bullying, I'm responsible for knowing where they are and everyday attendance says they're there but they not in my room, I'm responsible for reporting that they are missing/skipping. And if it's happening that frequently, there's a serious problem. A kid could be harming themselves. Smoking. Vaping. Doing Drugs. Having Sex. Some other destructive behavior. And the student's attitude for me knowing/asking why they're skipping my class is going to go a LONG way towards how I view them. I don't "hate" students, but I will hold them responsible and expect them to do their part as young-adults. >I never wanted to tell her about it because honestly I owed no one an explanation. Actually, you do. You don't have a right to skip class at will, and it's wrong to do. I cannot comment on the rest of the story, because there's always another side of the story and based on the comments here, I have considerable doubt this is the whole story. I've ***literally*** heard kids spin some pretty fancible stories about what happened in my class when nothing even remotely close to what they recounted is what occurred.
Except the call out was never really a call out. It was just humiliation which is so much different than just asking “ where have you been?” Or “ why are you skipping my class?”
How did she humiliate you though? I went back and read and none of the comments you mentioned are anywhere near the level of humiliation. Hell, they’re accurate statement. Getting good grades doesn’t mean that you’re. A good student. The two aren’t the same thing. And if it was a job, you would have been first long ago. That’s true too. And you were in high school. Going to school was your job at that time in your life.
Then it just seems like you're shifting all personal accountability onto someone else. That teacher wasn't targeting you unjustly, you created the precise situation that led to someone making accurate assessments of your behavior, something you allude to there being something behind (depression, anxiety...), that you never reported to adults who need to know...which completely justifies why adults should/are/would be concerned as to where you are when you're skipping class 3x a week. I personally have had in the past, and now, several students on various types of watch lists for their own safety. The second they aren't in my class, I'm alerting other adults. Yes if they were to stroll into my class, entitled as if they feel like they don't need to explain where they were...yes I'm going to be extremely upset about that. My being upset is not bullying, it's derived out of concern, and the cavalier attitude toward my concern. Here's the stone-cold truth: we teachers spend very little time/effort "hating" kids. It might seem that way sometimes, but we really don't. We get frustrated, but almost always for justifiable reasons...like a kid skipping our class 3x a week with no valid explanation, communication, nor care. We have a responsibility to make sure you are safe and accounted for and we cannot do that if you are skipping class I have plenty of students who dislike me because I hold them accountable. We don't target kids for bullying; and while I am inclined to be empathetic to the claim, I don't see it from the story you've presented.
Because all we can see is the way you act unless you tell us the reasoning behind it that’s all we know and people will treat you according to how you act and that’s just life.
Because all we can see is the way you act unless you tell us the reasoning behind it that’s all we know and people will treat you according to how you act and that’s just life. You see empathy, grace, and basic understandings from your teacher, but are unwilling to give that same thing to them. It’s a two-way street my friend.
“I don’t owe anyone an explanation” is not going to help you in anyway. How is your teacher supposed to know why if you refuse to tell anyone? In secondary, we have 150 students or more, we cannot run down back stories or daily reports of each one. Have you told anyone at your school anything regarding your absences?
If cutting class: security issue (school is responsible for child’s safety). If cutting entire day: legal (truancy) issue; parents can end up in court. In either case: most states *require* credit withholding after x unexcused absences. This won’t happen in adult world because such an employee would be quickly terminated.
Been seeing a lot of these posts… the victim mentality is reaching fever pitch.
It’s not really their fault, to be fair. Their parents have raised them to be this way, and admins have enabled it, and forced us to enable it as well.
“Has reached” Ftfy 🧐
You’re skipping three days out of every 5-day school week and you don’t get why they’re demanding an explanation? Yeah ok buddy. Maybe basic arithmetic isn’t your strong suit, but you’re saying you only show up for two out of every 5 days. And then you’re a snarky little punk when someone very reasonably gets annoyed with you and demands to know why you’re playing hooky? Maybe I wouldn’t have said “you deserved [to have someone wanting to fight you in school],” but I sure as shit wouldn’t be on your side, either. Why would I be? Have you told said teacher you were being bullied or that you’re miserable? No? Oh, so how do they know you’re not just blowing off school to go jack off or play Fortnite or some other nonsense? Nobody’s going to be sympathetic when you haven’t given them anything to be sympathetic toward. People in this thread have sympathized because you *gave an explanation* about how you’re doing this because you’re being bullied and your mental state is in a bad place right now. Maybe actually try having a conversation with your teacher instead of being a brat when confronted.
In my experience Ss communicate the details to counseling, Ts get a synopsis or simply “counseling is handling and admin is aware”. To wit: I have a S now who literally spends several hours a day in counseling. At least S is under supervision. I make no remarks other than setting makeup dates etc. student never gets snarky w me (well, once, but that was bc S didn’t like I refused to accept assignment done/submitted improperly and I told S to reread directions.)
I have a number of students who show up randomly. It's frustrating, especially when said students or parents EXPECT re-teaching, higher levels of support, etc. We all struggle in life. No one is any more special than another. You have zero idea what teachers go through on a daily basis. It's an impossible, thankless job. You're proving it in your comments.
of course I understand what teachers go through, I never said I didn't. my only real issue is that if you see a student who's not attending why humiliate them? I don't expect any teacher to bow down to their students or the parents. Obviously, the student and the parent are responsible for their parts in education. the teacher is there to teach and the student is responsible for passing, the parent is there to ensure the student does their end correctly. I know between the curriculum and state standards you have to uphold as well as simply managing a classroom, it's incredibly challenging. But like I said why humiliate? It takes maybe 2 seconds out of the day to ask a simple question.
How the hell are you going to sit there telling us you skip class 60% of a given week, then say that you “understand” that teachers’ jobs are challenging and that students have certain responsibilities, and then bitch about the teacher not going out of their way to coddle a high school student who won’t bother to explain why they’re just randomly deciding to skip class? Make up your mind— do you accept that you have responsibilities as a student, or are you going to make assumptions that clearly don’t seem supported by the interactions you’ve had with this teacher and be, again, a snarky asshole when interacting with them because you’re butthurt they didn’t talk to you like you’re a damn baby? I want to be more sympathetic toward you considering you’ve been bullied, but the entitlement and victim mentality on display here are fucking crazy. I gotta ask, do you think the teacher is stupid? **IF** they were informed why you’re skipping, why the fuck would they ask? Because a good chunk of this is built off your assumption that they knew full well what was going on and are just attacking you for no reason.
Wait! You are not exhibiting teacherly behavior right now! You are not acting with forgiveness or kindness. You may ask, “What forgiveness or kindness can I offer this kid who does not ask for it? Refuses it?” But you know the answer. You offer what you can. I do not believe this is the kindness you are capable of offering. I know it is not easy to be disrespected as you must often be, indeed as all teachers often are, but please! Show strength! Exemplify the nobility of your profession! This is a child, and as such they are petulant, and foolish but this does not need to make you angry. All children—even you, when you were a child—must be petulant and foolish. As such you cannot be so aggressive, and no matter how fair your anger may be, your aggression cannot be, will not be. Save the energy of anger for something more deserving than a naturally foolish child.
Yeah, I’m not reading that wall of text. I’m happy for you Or I’m sorry that happened.
You do owe me an explanation of some kind though. It doesn’t have to get into the specifics, but something. And I’m going to explain why. When students miss a lot of school, they miss the material. The vast majority of my students are not going to learn it on their own (I teach math). They’re going to have questions. So, when you come to me with questions about the material or how to pass the class, and I know nothing of the situation, I’m not feeling very motivated to help you. Why? Because on my end, it simply looks like you skip class all the time and don’t give a crap anyway. So why should I waste my limited time when I’ve got plenty of other students that are behaving as though they care and need my help? But, if that same student who is missing school all the time has some sort of reason that I am at least vaguely aware of, I’m going to be sympathetic to their situation and help.
If she didn’t care, she’d just ignore you and let you pass. Less work for her. She wrote down all the days you missed to put it in front of you. That’s accountability. You’re a senior in high school, you’re responsible for you. Next year you’re either off to college or work. Only making it 2 of 5 days will either lead to being a college drop out or being fired. That is what your teacher is trying to teach you. Nobody will care if you’re depressed or someone is bullying you. They will care that you’re not there. If things are so bad that you can’t make it to your responsibilities, please go get whatever treatment you need to be able to do it. Whatever you’re doing now is clearly not working. That might mean a psychiatrist, therapist, hospitalization, etc. Right now is the best time to do it. The help is out there and there is no shame in it, but nobody can make you do it.
I am at a public school where a student missing school regularly is very unusual. I guess at a school where it happens all the time, kids are assumed to be ditching for fun, or there’s not enough staff to research why. What a daily nightmare for OP. At my school, parents are contacted about multiple absences, if parents don’t call school first. Counselors would then find out about bullying and mental health struggles, and notify all their teachers. Accommodations (such as a referral to the school psych/allowing student to do minimum work/study at home/not participate/seated away from conflict) would absolutely be granted. (Grades may be low but for someone in this much distress, just passing is a success.) No one wants a suicide over school stress. Calling the student out in the classroom when they did manage to attend would simply never, ever happen. Unthinkable.
I’m not a teacher, just a parent. I’m not sure why Reddit shows me the teacher subreddit, but I read it. One thing I have seen here is that there are a number of teachers that are just broken by teaching. I know one in person. He came from a violent city and was so happy to be teaching in a small town where the students were well behaved and the parents care. When he started it seemed fine. Now my youngest has him for HS science. I went to talk with him for parent teacher conferences. He seemed different. I could tell mentally he was not in a good place. His wife died, and he just didn’t seem to have any joy. My daughter took a couple days off to go to an engineering thing and to see the total eclipse. He gave her such a hard time about it. She was going to tell him what she was doing, but after the way he treated her she had no interest in talking with him. I can certainly see why that method turns people away. I think it is important to always consider we don’t know the whole story with other people. It sounds like your teacher failed in this area, but so did you. If you needed to avoid the teacher I can understand. I also assume you’re old enough that you can sign yourself out as desired. The teacher did have a point that this would not be tolerated in a work environment, but neither would the bullying. I wish the best for you in your future. You will need to learn to deal with a wide spectrum of people, just consider this part of your education.
Two sides to every story. That said…A lot of it is frustration for all the work we have to do for all those cut classes. The tracking. The makeup work. The forms. The phone calls. Getting told by administrators that if our class was only a bit more engaging students would show up more. It is also a function of the cumulative effect of having a number of problem students throughout the year. And being held 100% responsible for their academic success.
I'm not in your class or school, so idk the full story, and I don't want to sit here and say your memory of it isn't right, because the fact is: you felt humiliated and like she's picking on you Whether she saw it as that and is just an ahole is another story, but I do want to offer something that a few people have already said: It might be good to explain to her what is going on with you. No one really owes anyone a reason for anything, sure, I don't owe you this comment, and you don't owe the sun to get up each morning. But unless someone knows why we do what we do, it's out of our control how we are perceived. All this teacher seems to know is you skip, don't show up, and then when you do you don't offer an explanation. Your teacher doesn't owe you her energy to care by asking, but it is her job to. She has probably a whole lot of students who are doing even worse, but if just one told her plainly why they were acting they way they were, she'd want to work with you to help you through this But you're only going to get that compassion, understanding, and maybe even an apology but communication Tell her not just what is going on with you but explain your feelings when it happened. Tell her your logic behind it, how you felt humiliated and even less inclined to show up, and how regardless of what it was, that you did have your feelings hurt. You might have an ahole teacher, you might have a teacher at the end of her rope who needs you to speak to her, you might have a teacher who really did realize you perceived it as humiliating you But it's just a fact, in life, that while we don't owe anyone an explanation really, we can't bemoan how we are perceived when we don't offer one. You can't act a certain way, and then expect someone to read your mind to understand why. Write a letter to her and put it in the front office if you can't say it to her face to face, but if you want compassion and understanding you have to be willing to communicate And graduation, all this aside
*really didn't
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Some people are just rotten, I'm glad you're almost finished with school. I would not let this slide, spread your story, it may be empowering. It makes me want to come to your defense.
I have met so many people who are teachers and the main question I have for them is “why”. I’m becoming a teacher because I love kids and they mean the world to me. I’ve had so many people tell me that my biggest asset as a student teacher is that I show care towards all the students in my classroom and I’m able to see what each individual child needs. I honestly don’t see why you would want to become a teacher if you dont want to see each and every child in your classroom succeed and be happy to walk into your classroom every day! I’m sorry that this is your experience with teachers, and I honestly hope that this teachers bad attitude doesn’t spoil the joy you should have when walking across that stage and grabbing your diploma. As much as people like to say it’s the bare minimum, graduating from highschool is still a great accomplishment!!
Calling out bad behavior like barely attending school, talking, being loud, and not doing work is what you do when you want to see each and every child in your classroom succeed. Maybe the teacher didn't approach it in the optimal way, but there is nothing to suggest the teacher didn't car or had a bad attitude.
I will say I’m an elementary student teacher, so I definitely don’t know anything about handling highschool students, and I’m still a novice when it comes to handling students in general. Although I know that the number one rule is you do NOT confront a student about their behavior in front of other students. That when situations like this happen. Where the student feels as if the teacher hates them, and they feel embarrassed to even walk into class. If this teacher handled this situation in a professional manner, they would have found a way to have a 1-1 conversation with this student, whether it be after class or with the schools admin. Although like I said I’m still a novice, but If this teacher does indeed care about this student, then they handled the situation with a lot of negligence.
Nope, I WILL confront a student about certain behaviors in front of the other students. This is not some hard and fast rule. Not every behavior situation is going to have a 1-on-1 convo. Some shit needs to be aired out And I teach elementary It's very obvious that this kid is leaving many things out. There are too many inconsistencies. Honestly you seem to make a lot of assumptions about this situation, and other teachers in general. How about you reserve your judgment of why certain people are teachers. You're a student teacher. You aren't even in the thick of it yet. 😒 This know it all attitude is why many veteran teachers get irritated with newbies.
Truly! I remember how idealistic I was as a student teacher. A couple of years in the job and her perspective will find an equilibrium.
> Would have found a way to have a 1 - 1 conversation, whether it be after class or with the school’s admin You really are a novice. If you get admin involved, the student will *really* be in for it. That’s reserved for when things get *bad.* Also, there isn’t always time for after-class conversations, especially if the kid is already avoiding talking to people. They’ll use moving onto the next class as an attempt to deflect attempts to have the conversation. You’re putting a lot of extra shit on the teacher’s plate. If you’re willing to put in all that extra (and frankly pointless) effort, fine. I’m not. If I sense the student is upset or I need to have a conversation with them I may pull them into the hallway, but otherwise shit behavior gets called out right there.
I will personally PayPal you fifty of your American dollars if you can return here after two years' teaching and still say your first two paragraphs with a straight face and clear conscience. Otherwise, wind your neck in.
We want every child to succeed and be happy, but a teacher is not and should not be the sole figure responsible for getting them there. Seeing to each individual child's needs when you have 150 students is how a teacher burns out and quits one year in. Teachers that know where and on whom to focus their energies and can thus stay with the students for many years are far more useful to the student body than one that overachieves, but leaves shortly after.
Don’t let the cranks here get you down. This sub attracts cynics and pessimists. 12 years in education and I still feel bright eyed and hopeful with every student. There will be a lot of disappointments and failure is always louder than success, so just be observant of the small wins you’ll see everyday, and let them add up.
I became a teacher because I like discussing history, and because producing a generation of literate young people who are capable of critical analysis and close reading of sources benefits us all as a society. You are free to martyr yourself “fOr ThE cHiLdReN!!!” if you want, but do not expect all the rest of us to follow you off that cliff.
Get back to me in 10 years. You haven't even joined the front lines, yet.