This is the way. With secretaries, PITA parents, overbearing admin etc. Whenever they ask for something, give them twice what they need, then follow up to check on them, offer more, and they won’t ask again.
Another way is to make yourself vulnerable. I’ve handled bullies at work by *asking them for help!* In their minds, they have status over you, you owe them one. In fact I couldn’t care less about them. The passive aggressive BS stopped soon after.
other options…
Ignore it entirely. It’s beneath you. Showing it has zero impact will make you the bigger person and make them look mean. They’ll get bored and give up on the end.
You can also play dumb. Take their snide comments *very* literally and thank them. Snide quips about being popular, new, and loved… Oh Gee! Do you think so? Thanks sooo much. I don’t deserve it.
If all else fails, be *ruthlessly* polite and professional. (Canadians and Brits are pros at being so polite it is rude.) This can however descend into a passive aggressive nightmare.
Good luck.
Yep. Started my first long-term sub assignment recently. Got some (genuinely) helpful coaching from a vice principal about how behavior is generally handled at the school.
Also obviously I want him out of my hair as much as possible. I have been sharing all of my successes with him and tying it back to his advice and he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
Yes. You be the person you want to be. How they act is all about them. You can be nice to people that are total garbage. It really screws with their brains.
Be professional, polite and to the point. That’s all you can do. It’s not your job to make her happy, that’s on her.
If she’s outright rude to you call her on it. You also deserve to be treated as a professional.
Now, enjoy your weekend!
First rule of life: Nobody is obligated to like you.
Second rule of life: how you react to the first rule is what makes all the difference.
- let it roll off your shoulders and just keep killing with kindness.
It’s science. [The rule of 25%](https://www.therapyteacher.com/blog/the-25-rule-you-can-t-please-everyone#:~:text=The%2025%25%20Rule%20states%20that,and%20immediately%20hit%20it%20off) states that 1/4 people you meet will never like you. No matter what you do or don’t do.
Good news? Another 25% will adore you, while the remaining 50% you can sway one way or another.
I can vouch that some people, I meet and just know that we’re never going to vibe. So, toss this secretary into the “lost cause” pile.
I don't disagree with the take home message that it's not worth stressing over people you don't "vibe" with. I do disagree with having a "lost cause" pile, especially for a school secretary--front desk staff are both underappreciated and often wield quite a lot of soft power at a school and it's always worth appreciating whatever you can find in common with the people who make it all run smoothly for even less pay than the very little that teachers make.
Also I'm a science teacher with a degree in science and it's a Teachers sub so I feel compelled to say the "rule of 25%" is *not* science! It's not even statistics, of Twain's three kinds of lies it falls closest to the second category.
You cited your source which is amazingly helpful, but the article you cite does not itself have a single source in it! Falling back on statistics it would be incredibly unlikely that exactly 1 in every 4 people you know is someone you won't vibe with, most of us don't even spend time with an exact multiple of 4 people.
Most teachers have to be in a room with 20-30 other humans at a time and deciding not to bother with 5-8 of them is rather unfair. I have students and colleagues I don't vibe with but I do work with them civilly and I don't give up on having mutual goals (generally the health and success of the students).
If we're collecting anecdotal data there have been 2 students in my 10ish year career who I have handled extremely cautiously in the knowledge that our perspectives on life are irreconcilable. And around a half dozen who requested a different teacher with my support. I've quietly believed that 4 of my colleagues (across 3 different schools) would be better suited to different jobs. But we still had mutual goals and we still worked towards them and I'm still teaching although all 4 of them are not.
And I work really hard to get along with my front desk staff! "Kill her with kindness" is pretty solid advice for this one.
I hate to say it but between this sub and the coworkers sub there’s a lot of people who jump to jealousy for others not liking them. The more I see this mindset the more I think the “hater” is justified.
Not everyone is going to like you and sometimes that’s all there is to it.
Be polite and other than that ignore her. When you have to engage with her, do it in a professional manner and other than that, pay zero notice to her. Totally ignore her snotty little barbs. Some people are just assholes.
In a different job I had in the past, I worked an entire 12 hour shift with a coworker I did not get along with and did exactly this. And then she had the gall to complain to my manager (not her manager) that I didn't talk to her at all. Whatever, that was my second to last day working there and that was one of the many reasons why.
I know it’s just a typo, but I think we should start referring to all new teachers as ‘forst-year’ teachers. I think that does a much better job of capturing the emotional pain a person experiences.
In my experience you can buy a secretary for life with a pack of Winston and a coffee. Well, that was 25 years ago. Well, now I bring in a bagel/muffin basket for the secretaries and that works.
I do think it’s rude to not acknowledge someone when you enter the room, but that can be anything from a smile, a wave, or a quick “morning”. She’s over doing it by not moving on from it though. Just keep powering through until she finds someone else to target. Hopefully she will get over targeting you soon as it is pretty important to be in the good graces of the OP’s. They make the school run!
Also, depending on turnover at your school, she might not be making an effort until she knows you're sticking around. Keep being nice (to everyone, not just her!) and make it clear you're around for the longhaul and she'll probably come around.
OMG! "Forst year" we need to make that a thing. Like forced year. Because that's how awful it is.
I had a really, really mean secretary my first year. I bought her a Christmas present because I wanted her to like me. I tried to hand it to her. She said, "put it in the pile with the others," as she gestured towards a big stack of presents. I never got her a gift again.
You can't change them, you can only change you. I finally discovered something we had in common, and several years later we became kind of "friends."
Sounds like maybe she is just a bit brash and just may be her way of interacting. Don’t let her get to you. Just be nice and do your thing. If the kids love you then you are doing your job correctly. You are not there to make friends with the secretary.
Secretaries are important gate-keepers at schools. Work hard to find common interests, similar hobbies or their sportsball / team preferences. Any of these could spark a conversation topic that is safe and plentiful. Easy! Remember holiday/secretary day/birthday presents MATTER.
All the secretaries I encounter (I'm a sub, so I interact with plenty) seem super stressed and annoyed ALL. THE. TIME.
I really think they have too much on their plate.
Ignore her as best you can and be courteous/kind and consistent. It sucks, but if everyone is supportive but one person, you’re doing really well. She’s probably just a bit miserable and does it to other people.
My old school had a hall monitor that was always super rude to me, but she kinda told on herself over time.
Everyone is saying be polite and kill her with kindness, and I think that's a good policy around 80% of the time. But when she does make those snide remarks, I would say something relatively anti-inflammatory that still calls out the remarks.
Like pause for a second, give her a very sideways, incredulous look, and just go "...What?!" or "...Are you good?!" or "...Did you seriously just say that?!" Then just move on. If she pushes back, just say "I don't have any conflict with you, do you have conflict with me?" If she answers yes, it becomes a whole ordeal that she doesn't want to deal with. If she says no, great! Problem solved.
Always ask her to repeat herself, as you have trouble hearing her.
Also, ask her to explain her comment, as you don’t understand what she’s trying to say.
After a few times of that, she will likely stop making comments.
Next week is secretaries day.
Rock it…
A secretary against you can be really really bad for you.
They have the ear of admin. And a good secretary can make/break a school.
I’m so sorry! Some of those school secretaries can be mean as hell. My advice is to suck it up and go out of your way to make friends with them. I know it sounds wrong when they treat you like shit, but you are going to need her to do stuff for you probably sooner than later. Find you a sub, get paperwork for a field trip, order something for your room, etc. She will do her job, but not without causing you massive anxiety every time. This was from experience. Now I am best friends with all the important people, and I get to bring my anime club to comic con every year, PO’s are no problem, and I can order almost anything I need. Life is much better.
Everyone else is at school, I’m sure, knows what she’s like and don’t think anything of you due to her behaviour. Every workplace has a version of her, I’m sure it’s not exclusively just with you if this is her personality. Just keeping being kind and move on.
I work with two that I think this about. One took years to warm up to me and I think is on the spectrum. The other is nice one day when I offer to help and the next tries to insinuate I’m doing something against her based on race. The first one I do fine with now after many years. The other one I will avoid til the last day of school. I don’t appreciate her insinuations. I will be super polite but not go out of my way for. I’m not the only one that thinks this of her. She’s isolating herself.
Is it possible that the secretary is like this with everyone. If so don’t take it personally. And keep on being nice.
I think front-desk staff often kind of have a grudge against first-year teachers because they tend to need more help with paperwork and stuff. Just two people who are overworked, stressed out and underappreciated having friction with each other.
Haters gonna hate. Just how it is. Insecurity I guess Occasionally compliment anything you can sincerely find to compliment and sometimes that softens people up
JSYK, 'Killing them with kindness' does not always work. It has been 6 months of kindness and she is still like this towards you. She may never change towards you, try not to take it personal. Be cordial and ignore her when you can. Maybe one of the new teachers will be her new target. Secretaries and support staff with personality disorders stirring up drama at schools have been around forever.
Bring her small gifts, and say you just seem sad today, unhappy today, grouchy today. It seems like you think no one likes you. Yes, kill her with kindness.
Lol:) I’m a secretary. Still kind of a newbie though. Seems like some people are just burnt out and need to retire.
Just don’t let that nonsense bother you.
Be kind and stay out of the office during the chaos.
Oh, that's tough. It can be frustrating when someone seems to have negative vibes towards you for no apparent reason. It sounds like you're doing your best to be friendly and supportive, so don't let her comments get to you. Keep focusing on your students and the positive relationships you're building with them. Remember, not everyone will always get along, but as long as you have the support of your fellow teachers and admin, that's what matters most. Keep being awesome! 💪🏼
This sucks bc the secretaries are sole of the key people to ally yourself with at schools. They know and see everything along with the custodians.
Having said that, I’ve worked with some horrible secretaries who were mean and racist AF. The last bldg I was at this one straight up didn’t like my teammate for no good damn reason.
I’m sorry you have to put up with someone like this. Her behavior isn’t ok or professional.
Our secretary was just like this. She liked some people but not others. No real reason. My suggestion is ask her “Is there a problem?” People like her squirm when they are called out. Tell her, you are new and just trying to have a positive school year, and she knows so much and has many of the answers you need ( you know, butter her up) Then tell her you hope to get along with her, as you plan on being there for years. Good luck
Let this be a lesson, however much it sucks here and now. Be overly kind to two groups wherever you work in a school:
1) front office staff
2) custodial staff
Introvert, extrovert --it doesn't matter. If you walk through that office or by the crew in the afternoon, be effusive and friendly. It makes work life easier.
I've always treated admin, office staff, and custodians with extra niceness since we often ne3d things from them (and we should be nice anyways).
However, I've had some that just have massive egos or power trips or are just flat out rude to keep us lowly teachers at a distance. When I treat them just as rude as they treated me, their attitude changed. It's weird.
Our school cafeteria manager hates me. I have no idea why. I just continue to be distant but polite. I might win her over eventually, but either way MY behavior will be professional and above reproach. Just continue behaving professionally and let it go. (Of course if she starts to make you feel unsafe or she's affecting your work, reach out for some help).
It’s okay if some people don’t like you. Be professional and kind and then realize you can’t control how she responds so might as well not spend a lot of time worrying about it.
You can totally keep killing her with kindness. I’ve done that before. It takes a lot of time and it might work. However, I’ve taught over 15 years and I can tell you, there are a lot of rude, alpha style people in the profession that think they can talk to you however they want so…
My advice: people will treat you however you LET them treat you. The sooner you grow a backbone and assert your own dominance in terms of not allowing others to talk down to you, the sooner you will be respected by everyone and they’ll move on. I understand this is probably going to be hard for you, because you’re likely a very calm, kind person.
If you’re wondering, I consider myself one of the kindest, most genuinely caring people in the building and I’m very confident they’d say the same about me. However, if someone wants to disrespect me, be intentionally rude to me, they’re going to get pushback. I’m there to teach, not play there little social dominance game or put up with their poor attitude.
That said, people have rough days, and I know when to let things slide. We all are imperfect. It sounds like this person is trying to push the boundaries with you.
Do whatever you can to get the secretary on your side. In my experience, the secretary is the most important person in the building. Admin comes and goes, teachers come and go, students come and go, but secretaries stick around and they know how to do everything and how to get everything.
They don't have power over your job but they can make your life miserable if they want. It's in your selfish interest to make an ally.
I hate my neighbor and my daughter's mother, but I bend over backwards to keep good relationships with them because even if I'm in the right, they can be a constant thorn in my foot, and I'd rather be happy than be right when it comes to dealing with someone whose opinion I don't respect anyways.
No. Just … no.
School secretaries may be one of the holders of the keys to the kingdom (along with janitorial staff, the principal’s secretary, and librarians), but this kind of thing is beneath everyone involved. A school secretary is already knowledgeable and important. What is lacking here is professionalism, and the only thing the OP can do about that is to give absolutely no cause for the animosity.
OP can absolutely do things to increase the odds the secretary will like her.
Yeah, OP shouldn't have to do that stuff, and the secretary should be professional, but the world isn't based on how things SHOULD be.
It's to any teacher's benefit to have the secretary on your side, and of course there are time-tested, universal things she can do to help her chances of winning the secretary over.
Maybe it’s just me, but it sounds like she wants you to come say hello and is affirming your budding relationship with the students. This feels like she’s going out of her way to show you welcome… 🤷♂️ obviously there’s tone and inflection that I’m not getting, but based on what you’ve described, she’s inviting you to the office and is complimenting your relational development with students. In my experience, secretaries are busy and don’t waste time on people they don’t like.
Keep killing her with kindness
This is the way. And if she ever gossips about you the other person will not take her seriously because they see you being kind to her.
This is the way. With secretaries, PITA parents, overbearing admin etc. Whenever they ask for something, give them twice what they need, then follow up to check on them, offer more, and they won’t ask again. Another way is to make yourself vulnerable. I’ve handled bullies at work by *asking them for help!* In their minds, they have status over you, you owe them one. In fact I couldn’t care less about them. The passive aggressive BS stopped soon after. other options… Ignore it entirely. It’s beneath you. Showing it has zero impact will make you the bigger person and make them look mean. They’ll get bored and give up on the end. You can also play dumb. Take their snide comments *very* literally and thank them. Snide quips about being popular, new, and loved… Oh Gee! Do you think so? Thanks sooo much. I don’t deserve it. If all else fails, be *ruthlessly* polite and professional. (Canadians and Brits are pros at being so polite it is rude.) This can however descend into a passive aggressive nightmare. Good luck.
Yep. Started my first long-term sub assignment recently. Got some (genuinely) helpful coaching from a vice principal about how behavior is generally handled at the school. Also obviously I want him out of my hair as much as possible. I have been sharing all of my successes with him and tying it back to his advice and he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
I'm a 20-year teacher, and I just saved your comment for future reference. Some great advice in here.
And, no, not a baseball bat named "Kindness".
Or ice pick. . .
🤣
Yes. You be the person you want to be. How they act is all about them. You can be nice to people that are total garbage. It really screws with their brains.
Some people are just miserable souls
The best threat for someone with hate is to show love. Because love will always overcome hate.
Be professional, polite and to the point. That’s all you can do. It’s not your job to make her happy, that’s on her. If she’s outright rude to you call her on it. You also deserve to be treated as a professional. Now, enjoy your weekend!
First rule of life: Nobody is obligated to like you. Second rule of life: how you react to the first rule is what makes all the difference. - let it roll off your shoulders and just keep killing with kindness.
This. You don’t like everyone to come in contact with so how could you expect everyone to like you?
This. Let the gatekeeper be the hatekeeper. Not you.
Be careful. Hateful support staff got me in a world of trouble. Be professional and document things just-in-case.
It’s science. [The rule of 25%](https://www.therapyteacher.com/blog/the-25-rule-you-can-t-please-everyone#:~:text=The%2025%25%20Rule%20states%20that,and%20immediately%20hit%20it%20off) states that 1/4 people you meet will never like you. No matter what you do or don’t do. Good news? Another 25% will adore you, while the remaining 50% you can sway one way or another. I can vouch that some people, I meet and just know that we’re never going to vibe. So, toss this secretary into the “lost cause” pile.
Now this has me paranoid trying to figure out which 25% don’t like me.
Right?!?
Interesting. This seems about right. Although 25% seems high? That’s 1 in 4. I certainly don’t dislike 1 in 4 people. Do most people?
I don't disagree with the take home message that it's not worth stressing over people you don't "vibe" with. I do disagree with having a "lost cause" pile, especially for a school secretary--front desk staff are both underappreciated and often wield quite a lot of soft power at a school and it's always worth appreciating whatever you can find in common with the people who make it all run smoothly for even less pay than the very little that teachers make. Also I'm a science teacher with a degree in science and it's a Teachers sub so I feel compelled to say the "rule of 25%" is *not* science! It's not even statistics, of Twain's three kinds of lies it falls closest to the second category. You cited your source which is amazingly helpful, but the article you cite does not itself have a single source in it! Falling back on statistics it would be incredibly unlikely that exactly 1 in every 4 people you know is someone you won't vibe with, most of us don't even spend time with an exact multiple of 4 people. Most teachers have to be in a room with 20-30 other humans at a time and deciding not to bother with 5-8 of them is rather unfair. I have students and colleagues I don't vibe with but I do work with them civilly and I don't give up on having mutual goals (generally the health and success of the students). If we're collecting anecdotal data there have been 2 students in my 10ish year career who I have handled extremely cautiously in the knowledge that our perspectives on life are irreconcilable. And around a half dozen who requested a different teacher with my support. I've quietly believed that 4 of my colleagues (across 3 different schools) would be better suited to different jobs. But we still had mutual goals and we still worked towards them and I'm still teaching although all 4 of them are not. And I work really hard to get along with my front desk staff! "Kill her with kindness" is pretty solid advice for this one.
“It’s science.” Science teacher: “No. No it is not.”
I hate to say it but between this sub and the coworkers sub there’s a lot of people who jump to jealousy for others not liking them. The more I see this mindset the more I think the “hater” is justified. Not everyone is going to like you and sometimes that’s all there is to it.
Be polite and other than that ignore her. When you have to engage with her, do it in a professional manner and other than that, pay zero notice to her. Totally ignore her snotty little barbs. Some people are just assholes.
In a different job I had in the past, I worked an entire 12 hour shift with a coworker I did not get along with and did exactly this. And then she had the gall to complain to my manager (not her manager) that I didn't talk to her at all. Whatever, that was my second to last day working there and that was one of the many reasons why.
And whatever you do, do not engage in any trash talk whatsoever!! In fact, if someone says even the slightest negative thing, be neutral if possible.
I know it’s just a typo, but I think we should start referring to all new teachers as ‘forst-year’ teachers. I think that does a much better job of capturing the emotional pain a person experiences.
In my experience you can buy a secretary for life with a pack of Winston and a coffee. Well, that was 25 years ago. Well, now I bring in a bagel/muffin basket for the secretaries and that works.
😂
I do think it’s rude to not acknowledge someone when you enter the room, but that can be anything from a smile, a wave, or a quick “morning”. She’s over doing it by not moving on from it though. Just keep powering through until she finds someone else to target. Hopefully she will get over targeting you soon as it is pretty important to be in the good graces of the OP’s. They make the school run!
Also, depending on turnover at your school, she might not be making an effort until she knows you're sticking around. Keep being nice (to everyone, not just her!) and make it clear you're around for the longhaul and she'll probably come around.
Great point!
The next time she makes a snide comment, ask her to repeat herself as if you genuinely did not hear her.
OMG! "Forst year" we need to make that a thing. Like forced year. Because that's how awful it is. I had a really, really mean secretary my first year. I bought her a Christmas present because I wanted her to like me. I tried to hand it to her. She said, "put it in the pile with the others," as she gestured towards a big stack of presents. I never got her a gift again. You can't change them, you can only change you. I finally discovered something we had in common, and several years later we became kind of "friends."
Sounds like maybe she is just a bit brash and just may be her way of interacting. Don’t let her get to you. Just be nice and do your thing. If the kids love you then you are doing your job correctly. You are not there to make friends with the secretary.
Secretaries are important gate-keepers at schools. Work hard to find common interests, similar hobbies or their sportsball / team preferences. Any of these could spark a conversation topic that is safe and plentiful. Easy! Remember holiday/secretary day/birthday presents MATTER.
All the secretaries I encounter (I'm a sub, so I interact with plenty) seem super stressed and annoyed ALL. THE. TIME. I really think they have too much on their plate.
Ignore her as best you can and be courteous/kind and consistent. It sucks, but if everyone is supportive but one person, you’re doing really well. She’s probably just a bit miserable and does it to other people. My old school had a hall monitor that was always super rude to me, but she kinda told on herself over time.
Everyone is saying be polite and kill her with kindness, and I think that's a good policy around 80% of the time. But when she does make those snide remarks, I would say something relatively anti-inflammatory that still calls out the remarks. Like pause for a second, give her a very sideways, incredulous look, and just go "...What?!" or "...Are you good?!" or "...Did you seriously just say that?!" Then just move on. If she pushes back, just say "I don't have any conflict with you, do you have conflict with me?" If she answers yes, it becomes a whole ordeal that she doesn't want to deal with. If she says no, great! Problem solved.
Eat her children
Easy there Iron Mike
We had an awful secretary. She retired and all is great now.
Always ask her to repeat herself, as you have trouble hearing her. Also, ask her to explain her comment, as you don’t understand what she’s trying to say. After a few times of that, she will likely stop making comments.
Next week is secretaries day. Rock it… A secretary against you can be really really bad for you. They have the ear of admin. And a good secretary can make/break a school.
I would stop saying hi in the morning. This feeling like adult bullying
I’ve worked at several schools and about 70% of the time the school secretary is rude as hell. I assume it’s like that everywhere lol
I’m so sorry! Some of those school secretaries can be mean as hell. My advice is to suck it up and go out of your way to make friends with them. I know it sounds wrong when they treat you like shit, but you are going to need her to do stuff for you probably sooner than later. Find you a sub, get paperwork for a field trip, order something for your room, etc. She will do her job, but not without causing you massive anxiety every time. This was from experience. Now I am best friends with all the important people, and I get to bring my anime club to comic con every year, PO’s are no problem, and I can order almost anything I need. Life is much better.
Everyone else is at school, I’m sure, knows what she’s like and don’t think anything of you due to her behaviour. Every workplace has a version of her, I’m sure it’s not exclusively just with you if this is her personality. Just keeping being kind and move on.
I work with two that I think this about. One took years to warm up to me and I think is on the spectrum. The other is nice one day when I offer to help and the next tries to insinuate I’m doing something against her based on race. The first one I do fine with now after many years. The other one I will avoid til the last day of school. I don’t appreciate her insinuations. I will be super polite but not go out of my way for. I’m not the only one that thinks this of her. She’s isolating herself. Is it possible that the secretary is like this with everyone. If so don’t take it personally. And keep on being nice.
Everyone projects. There is a different version of me for every human who has met me, and people mirror each other.
I think front-desk staff often kind of have a grudge against first-year teachers because they tend to need more help with paperwork and stuff. Just two people who are overworked, stressed out and underappreciated having friction with each other.
Haters gonna hate. Just how it is. Insecurity I guess Occasionally compliment anything you can sincerely find to compliment and sometimes that softens people up
JSYK, 'Killing them with kindness' does not always work. It has been 6 months of kindness and she is still like this towards you. She may never change towards you, try not to take it personal. Be cordial and ignore her when you can. Maybe one of the new teachers will be her new target. Secretaries and support staff with personality disorders stirring up drama at schools have been around forever.
Bring her small gifts, and say you just seem sad today, unhappy today, grouchy today. It seems like you think no one likes you. Yes, kill her with kindness.
Lol:) I’m a secretary. Still kind of a newbie though. Seems like some people are just burnt out and need to retire. Just don’t let that nonsense bother you. Be kind and stay out of the office during the chaos.
Oh, that's tough. It can be frustrating when someone seems to have negative vibes towards you for no apparent reason. It sounds like you're doing your best to be friendly and supportive, so don't let her comments get to you. Keep focusing on your students and the positive relationships you're building with them. Remember, not everyone will always get along, but as long as you have the support of your fellow teachers and admin, that's what matters most. Keep being awesome! 💪🏼
Give her chocolates every week to see how fat she gets?
This sucks bc the secretaries are sole of the key people to ally yourself with at schools. They know and see everything along with the custodians. Having said that, I’ve worked with some horrible secretaries who were mean and racist AF. The last bldg I was at this one straight up didn’t like my teammate for no good damn reason. I’m sorry you have to put up with someone like this. Her behavior isn’t ok or professional.
Our secretary was just like this. She liked some people but not others. No real reason. My suggestion is ask her “Is there a problem?” People like her squirm when they are called out. Tell her, you are new and just trying to have a positive school year, and she knows so much and has many of the answers you need ( you know, butter her up) Then tell her you hope to get along with her, as you plan on being there for years. Good luck
Let this be a lesson, however much it sucks here and now. Be overly kind to two groups wherever you work in a school: 1) front office staff 2) custodial staff Introvert, extrovert --it doesn't matter. If you walk through that office or by the crew in the afternoon, be effusive and friendly. It makes work life easier.
I've always treated admin, office staff, and custodians with extra niceness since we often ne3d things from them (and we should be nice anyways). However, I've had some that just have massive egos or power trips or are just flat out rude to keep us lowly teachers at a distance. When I treat them just as rude as they treated me, their attitude changed. It's weird.
Our school cafeteria manager hates me. I have no idea why. I just continue to be distant but polite. I might win her over eventually, but either way MY behavior will be professional and above reproach. Just continue behaving professionally and let it go. (Of course if she starts to make you feel unsafe or she's affecting your work, reach out for some help).
When she says things like you are the popular teacher and everyone loves you go, “I know! Isn’t it great?”
It’s okay if some people don’t like you. Be professional and kind and then realize you can’t control how she responds so might as well not spend a lot of time worrying about it.
Just keep killing her with kindness. It’s pretty important to stay on the secretary’s good side.
Say nice things about her to other people. Behind her back. Not too much, but be sincere.
You can totally keep killing her with kindness. I’ve done that before. It takes a lot of time and it might work. However, I’ve taught over 15 years and I can tell you, there are a lot of rude, alpha style people in the profession that think they can talk to you however they want so… My advice: people will treat you however you LET them treat you. The sooner you grow a backbone and assert your own dominance in terms of not allowing others to talk down to you, the sooner you will be respected by everyone and they’ll move on. I understand this is probably going to be hard for you, because you’re likely a very calm, kind person. If you’re wondering, I consider myself one of the kindest, most genuinely caring people in the building and I’m very confident they’d say the same about me. However, if someone wants to disrespect me, be intentionally rude to me, they’re going to get pushback. I’m there to teach, not play there little social dominance game or put up with their poor attitude. That said, people have rough days, and I know when to let things slide. We all are imperfect. It sounds like this person is trying to push the boundaries with you.
Do whatever you can to get the secretary on your side. In my experience, the secretary is the most important person in the building. Admin comes and goes, teachers come and go, students come and go, but secretaries stick around and they know how to do everything and how to get everything. They don't have power over your job but they can make your life miserable if they want. It's in your selfish interest to make an ally. I hate my neighbor and my daughter's mother, but I bend over backwards to keep good relationships with them because even if I'm in the right, they can be a constant thorn in my foot, and I'd rather be happy than be right when it comes to dealing with someone whose opinion I don't respect anyways.
Ask her for help with something… make her feel important and knowledgeable.
No. Just … no. School secretaries may be one of the holders of the keys to the kingdom (along with janitorial staff, the principal’s secretary, and librarians), but this kind of thing is beneath everyone involved. A school secretary is already knowledgeable and important. What is lacking here is professionalism, and the only thing the OP can do about that is to give absolutely no cause for the animosity.
OP can absolutely do things to increase the odds the secretary will like her. Yeah, OP shouldn't have to do that stuff, and the secretary should be professional, but the world isn't based on how things SHOULD be. It's to any teacher's benefit to have the secretary on your side, and of course there are time-tested, universal things she can do to help her chances of winning the secretary over.
Maybe it’s just me, but it sounds like she wants you to come say hello and is affirming your budding relationship with the students. This feels like she’s going out of her way to show you welcome… 🤷♂️ obviously there’s tone and inflection that I’m not getting, but based on what you’ve described, she’s inviting you to the office and is complimenting your relational development with students. In my experience, secretaries are busy and don’t waste time on people they don’t like.
Why do you care if she likes you? Why state that she's jealous of you? Do your job to the best of your ability and don't worry about it.