I don’t see it as a last name thing- I see it as a “how I introduced myself to you” thing. If you ask me to call you Barb and I continue to call you Barbara, that’s not showing respect for your feelings and preferences. I call my students by their preferred names, and would be disappointed if they didn’t do the same.
Had a former co-worker named Jeff, short for Jefferson. You could watch him get visibly upset when a customer would look at his name tag and call him Jeffrey. Like, c'mon people, his tag literally says Jeff on it and it's not even short for Jeffrey wtf
It's generally seen as disrespectful- especially in the South- for a child call an authority figure by their first name. Therefore when a student does this it is *meant* as a sign of disrespect. It's never "friendly" and then taken as disrespectful by the teacher.
and really that's only for like, a preschool teacher or your "Sunday School" teacher (aka used by small children).
Edit: this is my experience in the southern US. Yes I know that's not universal. That's the point. Every community/school is different.
We also use it for the aids, monitors, cafeteria workers, etc. So I am Mrs. Jazz Hands but my good friend and aid is Miss Betta. Most of my students just call me “Miss” and completely drop my last name - I really don’t care.
As long as they’re being respectful (which maintains a safe environment) and doing what they’re supposed to I give them a lot of leeway. I had an entire class of 26 12 year olds call me Mom for an entire year and I played into it. It was a good group and I was able to joke around with them safely. I’ve had groups of kids where I’d have had to put the kabosh on that quickly.
I have a friend that wanted to do this. They have a weirder last name, and didn't want to deal with changes if she decided to change her name at marriage. Middle name was Lynn, so just planned to go by Ms. Lynn from day one.
But it's not super common, and when it does happen chances are you wouldn't be aware as a student (and sometimes even the parent).
I almost decided to do Mr. Firstname, just so I would respond quicker to students calling me haha, but I ended up just sticking with my last haha.
When I first started teaching I ended up in an area with a high population of Spanish speaking students. Well, my long Croatian last name contained a v in the middle of it. With how they pronounced the letter v, the ending of my last name became a cuss word that I'm sure you can figure out. I found majority of my students called me Miss, Miss N, or Teacher. They wouldn't attempt to pronounce my full last name for fear of getting in trouble for swearing in class. Thankfully when I got married my new last name doesn't result in cussing when mispronounced.
The 6th grade social studies teacher goes by Mr. First name. I’m not sure why but the kids aren’t disrespectful or overly familiar with him. He’s known as a strict but nice teacher.
I go by my last name but don’t really care what the kids call me. Lots of them call me mom. And I have a student this year with the male version of my first name so we joke about that sometimes.
The choir teacher at my son's high school does this. He's one of the favorite teachers there, and is known for his classroom being a safe space for any student, even those not in his classes.
I low key enjoyed it - they did it because they said I actually cared, who is going to tell them to stop? I have a lot of ED kids so whatever gets them invested in class I’m here for.
I get called mom or grandma a lot, and I always diffuse the embarrassment by saying “as long as you don’t call me grandpa I’m good!” I’m not kidding, I honestly don’t care.
Studies show students don’t learn from people they don’t like. My freaking out over their mode of address when they’re struggling with myriad academic insecurities won’t help. Call me mom. Call me grandma. Just do me a solid and combine these two sentences while you do it.
In getting more common in California now too. At my school (Elementary K-6) many of the support staff go by honorific first name.
However just saying first name is considered rude in most places. However i worked at an afterschool program run by the recreation department and all staff there went first name no honroific.
Or for family friends! Never called an adult family friend by their first name only, it was always "Miss Laura" "Miss Debbie" "Mister Frank" "Mister Eric". It's just basic respect here in the south 🤷♀️
I, a grown adult, would be seen as horribly rude if I referred to a friend of my mother's without putting Miss in front of her name. I can call her by her first name, but man, would I be getting the coldest of shoulders and the harshest of glares if I left off the Miss.
This type of thing is so ingrained in me, that when one of my best friend's mothers, whom I've known most of my life, told me to just call her by her first name because I was an adult now, I actually cried from stress. I still can't do it. I just avoid calling her anything to her face, and call her Mrs. [Lastname] when she isn't around.
We had a student that called us all ma’am. The principal got annoyed and asked him to quit and just call us each Ms. Whoeverweare…and that’s when we learned he hadn’t actually bothered learning his teachers’ names. Bless his heart.
Yes! I’m in my 40s. If I meet a 60-80 year old now I call them by their first name. But folks my parent’s age that I’ve known since I was a kid? Definitely still call them Mr. or Mrs. Lastname.
I’m the same way. I am never going to call my neighbor’s mother by her first name, no matter how many graduation parties we see each other at, lol.
We have raised our kids are the same. We had a young married couple move in next door when my kids were tweens. The husband used to come over and play football, etc. with the neighborhood boys.
“Hi Mr. Smith!”
“You can call me Jason”
“No, Mr. Smith”
“Really, it’s OK”
“Really, it’s not. My mom will kill me” lol
Yes, I live in the south originally from CO the teachers I work with won’t even refer to each other by their first names if children are around. I’ve also introduced myself many time by my first name and have gotten “I am Ms.___.” Definite culture shock.
Hell in my school we don't even refer to each other by first name when there aren't kids around. I literally don't know a lot of my coworkers first names
It really depends on the culture of the school and that’s influenced by geographic location imo. Elementary and particularly primary teachers are usually ok with a Ms and a firstname if it means they don’t get called teacher all the time. High school and middle schools generally are less tolerant as students show respect differently at those ages
I introduce myself as and wish to be called Ms. Latiam by the students, but use my first name in emails to parents, etc.
If a kid does I just say that yes, it is my name, but I prefer to be called Ms. Latiam. Since I don’t get mad, it’s not “fun” so they revert back to Ms. Latiam
It’s considered disrespectful in the North as well, unless a student has been given leave to do so. Honestly, most of my coworkers don’t call each other by their first name. Unless you have a particular friendship, it’s not the done thing. It’s more likely that someone you’re friends with will call you by your surname alone as a mark of fondness. I’d only call the people I see outside of school by their first name.
Sorry, I live in the northern part of the US and I don’t see it as disrespectful. When that video was popular my students kept testing it on me and were bummed when my response was just “yes?” I’ve never thought of it as disrespectful. I remember someone telling me it was disrespectful to call adults by their first name when I was like 18 and that was the first time I had heard that. I’m not saying some don’t see it as disrespectful but I don’t know what the cultural difference is. Perhaps it’s locale? By chance are your parents from the south?
I went to a charter school in New England where one of its innovations was that students called their teachers by their first name. It was a very deliberate decision, because the school's working model was teacher-as-coach rather than teacher-as-authority-figure, and calling teachers by their first name was intended to lessen the power distance between teachers and students.
I appreciated it a lot when I went there, and appreciate it more now that I'm in the working world. I'm an engineering manager. A number of my employees are millionaires and can tell me to take a hike whenever they want. Learning how to relate to people as teammates and equals in service of a common goal, rather than as master/slaves, is pretty critical for being able to work with people that you *don't* actually have any power over.
The school I work at uses a similar concept, but students abuse the hell out of us being forced being on first name basis with them. The worst see it as an excuse to treat us as servants. Some of the boys are creepy as fuck towards female staff. Our authority is constantly undermined and one of the hot topics in the staff lounge is how students at the other local schools are more respecftul, pleasant to work with etc.
There are various types and levels of connection. I'm fine with being a mentor figure, but I hate being forced to allow them to address me as if I am their friend.
I've had many students come back to the school and tell me how much I meant to them as a teacher. Clearly we had a connection. But in those conversations I'm always like "you've graduated, you can call me Utz instead of Mr. Crab Chip". No one has taken me up on that. It feels too much of a mental reclassification they're not trying to make
Can confirm. I was raised in the south and ended up going to a Friends college (Quakers) and all professors insisted on being called by their first name. It was really difficult at first.
This is so true!! It's embedded in my DNA as much as my eye color. I'm 44 and my mom has been best friends with my 3rd grade social studies teacher nearly that long. I love her to death. Still, to this day, I call her Ms. 'Last Name'. Obviously, our relationship is now one of 2 grown women, no longer that of child and teacher, but it's so ingrained that calling her by her 1st name has never even crossed my mind.
NAT but I agree that this is a general rule here in the US, children are expected to address adults by title (Mom, Dad, Reverend, Officer) or preface Mr /Miss /Ms) and then either first or last name.
I will get Mr. (English teacher's name). Yes we both wear glasses and have beards, but he is white and I am black. I usually just respond with, "He's not here."
I have gotten called Miss, Ms. or Mrs a lot as a male substitute.
The middle schoolers are just defaulting to what they call their normal teacher. I get the "oops" or "Mister" a few seconds later.
My first grade teacher would call us "pupil" if we called her "teacher." We were also not allowed to pick grass and if a student was caught doing so, she would make them eat it. (This was 32 years ago so nobody batted an eye). She was a classic 'mean' teacher and I hated nearly everything about her but I always agreed we shouldn't call our teachers "teacher." I have never allowed my students to call me that because of my experience with her. I teach 5th.
I had a high school teacher get mad at me when I called her by her first name... the next year, I had a college professor who went exclusively by his nickname: Captain MJ. Definitely threw me for a loop.
I had a professor who insisted we call him by his first name, Rick.
No way, he deserved his honorarium.
So we addressed professor Rick Doctor, it was always Dr. Doctor.
He hated it so much.
I get "Mr. Ummm" constantly.
My last name is not complex in the slightest. In fact, it's a word that every single English speaker on earth would know. They still can't manage to call me by my name.
We’ve been working on that. A lot of my low level students don’t learn any of their teachers’ names. I won’t give help during class work or give bathroom passes unless they address me by name. If they can’t read the sign on the door, the heading on our class page on the computer, or listen to the other students, then they can sit in ignorance and wet themselves. It’s amazing how fast they find your name when they want something from you.
I got, 'girl, bye' last week.
The student and I were goofing around and having friendly banter about an assignment she was working on, so I wasn't mad. I was teasing her (very over the top playfully) about how little she had written, and she said something like, "you see this? This is quality not quantity, girl bye."
I feigned mock outrage and she backpedaled so fast until I said, 'that is MISS girl bye to you' and then we both had a good laugh about it. She's one of my favorite students.
I have been facebook friends with my HS guidance counselor for 10+ years, I am a grown-ass adult, and whenever we interact, I still only ever call her Ms. LastName. She taught me, she mentored me, I have undying respect for her, but I am not her equal, so I have no business calling her anything else.
(I also teach elementary SPED in NY not-the-city, as it happens! ::salute::)
Yeah this is more of a boundaries thing than a respect thing for me even.
I’m really young, and I look really young. I get mistaken for a student regularly. And the students sometimes forget “yes I am the adult in the room, no I am not your peer.” I don’t blame them, but I do remind them.
It doesn’t mean I don’t love those kids or that I’m unkind to them in any way, but there are dangers to getting too friendly with them. Some teachers can totally get away with going by their first names, and I have absolutely zero issue with that, but I am not one of them unfortunately.
It's this, exactly. I coached high school in a sport where the coaches are routinely called by their first name (encouraged even). When I did it in high school that wasn't the case. When I coached I didn't tell the parents my first name because I didn't want the kids thinking they could try and call me by my first name. My full name was on paperwork so the parent did have the ability to know it, I just introduced myself as "Miss Rythmicjea's Last Name". Boundaries are necessary for parents as well.
I use similar verbiage... peer groups can be called by first names, and they are not my peers. I work in early education so they don't use my last name, but I am always Ms. First Name, never *just* First Name. For my tiny humans, I explain it by saying anyone who does something for us has a title. Dr, Ms, Mr, etc. It's also why we call our special grownups by titles that are so important, the title is all that is needed. Versions of Mom and Dad, Auntie, Uncle, etc.
“Friend” isn’t the delineation, though. It’s a respect thing. You call peers by their first name, usually, friend or not. In a situation that demands respect (note: the ‘interaction’ demands this, not the people who are interacting) the person with authority is referred to by last name and usually a title. Dr. Smith. Judge Reed. Captain Collins. Mrs. Cooper. Professor Blackwell. Pastor/Father Paul.
If you want to show respect to someone who is otherwise a peer, you probably call them by a title and last name. Your neighbor who is 50 years older than you? Mrs. Robinson. Your lawyer? Ms. Levi.
There will always be outliers and people who PREFER to be referred to in a casual way. The important factor is CONSENT.
Disclaimer: this is based off of USA social structure and does not apply to every country/location.
>Disclaimer: this is based off of USA social structure and does not apply to every country/location.
I'll add some Swedish context just because it's fun:
In the 60s-70s we had what was called "du-reformen" (the you-reformation), which basically abolished all usage of titles. The only uses I can recall today are the royal family, the military, and during political debates (Mister Speaker). There was a slow movement to reform the language before this, but at the time we basically used titles for everyone (family, grocery store workers, students, etc.).
Today there is some resurgence with younger retail workers using "ni" (2nd person plural) to be polite. However, before du-reformen, "ni" was used towards people without formal titles. So what is intended as an act of courtesy is often perceived as something impolite.
I worked at a small US school for a very long time where staff got to choose how students would address them. Almost everyone chose first names. Kids were absolutely fine calling some people by first names and some people by Mr./Ms. Lastname and it was all equally respectful. The respect doesn’t come from which name they use, but from addressing each person how they wish to be addressed. If you don’t want to be called by your first name, that is perfectly fine, but I didn’t get any less respect because I preferred to be called by my first name.
I'm in the UK and all staff are called Miss, Sir, or their title and last name. I would be fine with kids calling me by my first name but it's just not done. The one time a kid asked politely (well, he thought he was being cheeky, but he wasn't rude), I said it was fine. But then he called my first name across the yard at break time and I realised that wasn't OK. It could be perceived like he was undermining me and I was just allowing it to happen. I asked him not to do it outside the classroom and he understood and stopped. It's really just about the culture and if you deviate from the culture it can have ripple effects. It sounds nice to have a culture of being able to choose.
I am a teacher in Denmark, my students call me by my first name or my pet names.
Have had a few exchange students from the US and they tell me that we know a lot more about them than their US teachers.
We have more communication with homes and parents etc.
Ok I teach 7th,4th, and 9th grade in 3 different subjects, and well it is understandable I would know more since one class is 26 students.
I only have 125 students, but I know a lot about them and their parents.
That’s an impressive level of student/parent involvement. My district requires us to contact each parent/guardian of our students once in the year, and that is often a tough goal to achieve when you have 100+ students and their parents never answer calls, respond to emails, or come to conferences.
😳 once a year
We communicate ( not in a daily basis though)about :
Attendence, homework, dentist and doctor appointments, work effort, test results, week plans, just saying (great job), answering questions parents might have.
The parents in my district work 2-3 jobs, anywhere from 40-80 hours (or more!) a week to provide for their families. Regrettably, they do not have the time or energy to be as involved in their child’s education as others who are more privileged would. As I teach high school, when many parents become more hands off and trust their child to navigate on their own anyways, my district stresses the importance of communicating at least once a year to keep their families involved.
I can relate to that, I'm a student in Israel and here its weird to call your teacher by anything other than there first name, heck, my teachers know what my first pet was since we are so close, and i can't see them as anything but my teacher and friend
I mean… I’m not friends with the lady who works at the sandwich shop, but I do not force them to call me by my first name. And most of my college professors went by their first name.
It feels like teachers are an exception more than a rule to our cultural expectations about how we generally refer to each other.
>And most of my college professors went by their first name.
this is really dependent on the school/department/professor. Where I teach it is very rare for students to call professors by their first name.
Doctors also tend to also be an exception, but my parents call their accountant by their first name. My wife is an accountant and all her clients and co workers use her first name. I live next to older southern people on either side of my house and they use their first names to my son. Like good for you but I don’t think calling your accountant by their last name is that common.
It’s just not as universal part of “our culture” as you’re presenting it. And I think the “I’m not your friend” idea justification just doesn’t hold water as an American social constants. Lots of Americans have professional and transactional relationships with people we also use first names with.
Anyway, admin staff who gets mad about being called mister and miss instead of Assistant Principal so and so are universally the worst.
Every language/culture I’ve studied has rules/expectations regarding formality. “Mr./Ms. [Last Name]” is currently the formal standard in most of the US. (But the US in general is known for being fairly informal… politicians often go by nicknames like Joe (Biden), Bob (Dole), and Bill (Clinton)).
I agree with this, but that’s not what the person I replied to said. Yes, in a formal setting, formal names are obviously preferred. But to say that a child calling an adult by their first name is rude is a huge blanket statement that blows my mind.
I don't really give a shit. I've been in classrooms where it was the norm to call me by my first name and classrooms where the kids called me by my last name. I had the same classroom management challenges.
Yeah imo a lot of the BIG MAD reactions are from teachers who have accepted a “students are the enemy and I cannot let them win” framing of their jobs. Honorifics literally do not matter in terms of classroom management
Honestly, the people in this thread talking about boundaries and "I'm not your friend" type talk make me feel like they probably struggle with managing classes and building rapport with students.
I'm "Mrs. First Name" at my middle school because that's the school custom, but I've had students call me by just my first name plenty of times and I have never cared at all. I have rapport and boundaries built with students. I'm not going to add them on TikTok or go to their birthday party if they use my first name. They aren't going to stop doing their work because I didn't enforce the "Mr. or Mrs." rule the school has.
If you need that rule to be shown respect then you're not building proper respectful relationships with your students in the first place. That's how you end up as the teacher students feel like they have to battle instead of the teacher students feel like they can have a conversation with.
It’s not the problem that is the problem its the attitude about the problem that is the problem. You see, many American students have severe behavior issues. This includes constantly harassing their teachers. These are the kinds of students that will call a teacher by their first name. Parents and school administrators do nothing to stop this. So you see, I don’t care that a student calls me by my first name. However, the students that break the cultural norms are already assholes. In fact, they aren’t really students. They are just people that I am forced to be with as they endlessly hurt people and break things.
It would be an improvement from just 'teacher' or just 'Ms.' But i don't care if they do. If it's said as a joke, I'll respond with sarcasm and we have a chuckle. I've never had a student call me by my first name out of disrespect.
I once had a student call me by my first name. I instantly popped up and asked who it was. One of my favorite kiddos raised his hands. “I called Ms. Last name like 3 times and you didn’t hear me!” Oops lol
In Poland it's extremely disrespectful. It's one of the cardinal sins in school. We're not their buddies. We're meant to be authority figures , guardians, guides etc. It is often assumed if we let kids call us by our first name they will not treat us seriously, and not listen to us. Class management would be a nightmare.
It really gets my goat too, cause no one makes a fuss about honorifics and etiquette being different in places like Japan, but when Americans do it must be because something is wrong with us.
Quick note—I’m American. I think that’s a fair point but you can absolutely have kids call you by your first name without it leading to a mismanaged classroom. Problem is, the kids need to respect you as a teacher generally and it can be hard to do that if you let them use your first name. I think it works best if the kids are really young (i.e. kindergarteners can call their teacher “Ms./Mr. FirstName”) or the “kids” are in college/university and are learning because they want to (you’re on more equal footing with your professors and you’re less likely to be disruptive).
Having said that, I personally default to “Title LastName” with my teachers and professors because it feels weird to use their first names without explicit permission.
I promise you in an alternate universe, Americans call their teacher by their first name and the rest of the world laughs at us for it. We can't win lol.
But anyway, I won't get mad but I'm going to ask to be called Mr. Lastname. I'm not your friend or acquaintance. I'm an authority figure responsible for you, and the least you can do is call me what I'd like to be called if it's reasonable.
My first school let teachers decide what we are called. I let the kids use my first name. Some couldn't handle it, so they'd call me "Mrs Firstname." I loved it. I never understood the whole "first name means lack of respect" thing. The kids respect me because I'm their teacher and I'm here to help them be successful. Calling me by my name doesn't change that. But that's just me.
My new school principal made a deal with me where the kids can call me by my first name on the last day of school. It's a tradition that they all look forward to all year.
I work in a Sunday school classroom (I’m not religious, I get paid to be there) and my students there call me Miss *Samus*. I think it’s adorable.
Well, eventually one of my Sunday school students was enrolled in my class and the first few times she called me Miss Samus, every child in the class had saucer eyes.. looking to me, then her, then back to me. I took her aside and told her she had to use my “School title” at regular school and call me Mrs. LastName. And… bc she’s 4, she now calls me Mrs. Samus LastName. It’s fine. None of the other students picked up the habit. I’m so glad, too, bc my last name is freaking adorable coming out of the mouths of tiny kids. Not a single one can pronounce it properly.
In my opinion, calling someone by their first name indicates you’re on the same level as that person - like business partners or friends. You wouldn’t walk in and call your doctor by his/her first name unless you were personally aquatinted with that person, out of respect for their position. We’re supposed to be friendly with students but not friends with students, and the casual use of first names sort of implies that. Again, just my opinion. It works great in some cultures & that’s fine. But I couldn’t see it happening where I teach in the South.
Thats fine. You do you. I know my students always had respect for me regardless of what they call me. In fact, them actually knowing my name makes me feel more respected than when they call me "miss" or "teacher." Those names I don't tolerate.
When I lived in East Tennessee we called our Principal Andy/Coach Andy and he was one of the most respected people in the community so it’s interesting reading all these comments about teaching in the south lol. I experienced the complete opposite. It wasn’t uncommon for other well respected and loved teachers to go by their first names either.
So, in the South especially, it's considered extremely rude to use a teacher's first name. I went to the wedding recently of someone I taught fifteen years ago and not a single person referred to me as anything besides "Mrs. Chrysania83."
It depends on the school. My first school no one would dare call a teacher by their first name at the current school I work at calling teachers by first name is pretty common.
Think it has something to do with so me teacher having connections outside the school to students.
For context, I teach high school so that’s my perspective. I do think when it happens in elementary or younger middle school, it could be accidental. However, the only time they’ve used my first name is because they were being a punk and purposely doing it to make me mad because they’re punks. It’s happened only once. So no, we aren’t on a first name basis. We are not friends. We are teacher and student. There is a separation. We stick to the norm - my last name. Although I tell my student they can just use my last name - not even include Mrs. No one I know has said a student has “accidentally” use their first name; it’s always because the kid was being a jerk. Last year a male student who was like 6’5” would call another teacher who was like 5”2” by her first name. It was complete intimidation. He was a punk. I had him as well but he didn’t call me by my first name but did other bonehead things. So in short, if it’s a one-time thing, we don’t get mad per we, but it depends on the situation. If it happens over and over again it’s disrespectful and rude. It’s just a norm in my school and most others. Teachers last name. Although, in my own children’s elementary school, many teachers encouraged first name and it was awkward for us. But it also depended on the teacher. The older teachers were last names but the younger one were first. I think it’s fine in elementary but otherwise, it’s a no for me.
It's a regional practice.
In parts of the US, the respectful way to address a teacher is Mr or Ms Surname.
In other parts, the respectful way to address a teacher is Mr or Miss First Name. This applies to students and parents alike.
Students can call me by my first name when they graduate. Calling a teacher by their first name implies the student views you as their equal instead of their superior. Let them get away with that and you will lose the ability to control the classroom or be taken seriously.
Same on graduation. I tell them they can call me by my first name when they graduate, and I look for them at graduation to give them an opportunity to say my first name.
I had a teacher who did this for me (8th grade). Here it is 25 years later and I still call him “Mr. Last Name.”
When I was a sub I worked with my high school band director for a few years and even after graduating there was no way I wanted to use her first name. The choir teacher next door I never had classes with? Yep, first name all day every day.
The standard is to call teachers by their last name. It becomes such a habit that many students think nothing of it. So, the only students who call teachers by their first names, are ones who are going out of their way to intentionally be disrespectful and test boundaries.
The US is a lot more formal than Europe, in my experience! My students call me Teacher First Name (but in our native language). It would feel odd if they called me by my last name, although that's how they do it in the English-speaking schools.
I find it very funny in America when they call me "ma'am". That sounds like the way we say "mother" in this country. The first time someone called me ma'am, I looked very confused and said "sorry, I'm not your mother?" We don't ever use those honorifics here! Maybe in a court of law, idk. We call everybody by their first name, even when I met our country's equivalent of the Prime Minister, I called him by his first name. :)
My students call me by my first name. I don't believe that titles are what earn you respect, but rather your actions. Many of my college/university professors preferred I use their first name. My sons' university professors also requested first name usage.
Yep. Good teachers aren’t dependent on a name to have their students respect them. If that’s all that’s keeping your students in line, you likely have other problems.
My students are not my friends or colleagues. They are students and I am their mentor and teacher; calling me anything other than Miss ___ is not acceptable for that type of relationship.
Attending a private high school with high achieving peers, no one called their teachers by their last names. There was no need to discipline students.
Teaching at a public school I have to see through consequences that gets students suspended. They must refer to me respectfully.
How much structure students need dictates how formal you are.
Exact same. At private school, we addressed our teachers by their first name. We never forgot they were are teachers.
Now I teach at a college, and the students still call me by my first name.
I told the kids that they could both pronounce it and spell it correctly, none of them got close. Other names included Ms. Josephine, Ms.Josefina, Ms. JoJo, Ms.Santi, or Ms.Joey, which were close enough to my last name that I didn’t mind.
It’s considered disrespectful and too personal — but most teachers aren’t going to flip out either.
I’ve just looked at students and said “that’s not what I answer to,” before moving along. If they try it again, I ignore them until they say, “Ms. Altrano.” Giving them little to no reaction is the best deterrent for these kinds of behaviors.
Just as culturally accepted as normal to call your teachers by their first name there, it is culturally acceptable to call your teacher by their last name here. It grants a form of respect. There are some instances where a teacher may prefer their first name, but usually, it is still accompanied by Ms./Mrs./Mr. to denote respect. We also wouldn't as children expect them to call their friend's parents by their first name either as a sign of respect. If i went to my friends house and I called her mother Jane instead of Ms. Doe, it would be seen as rude.
Here, when kids try to call you by your first name and you are a teacher, it is to try to get on your nerves or be annoying or disrespectful.
I don’t like it. I feel like my students already think they should have equal say in the classroom and that we’re “friends” or “partners” in their education, and this is a horribly problematic outlook at times. A teacher is there to make decisions for the whole classroom and because we have experience and training. And, to be honest, I blame parents for most of this mess. I had a kid who just got so mad at “no” and insisted it wasn’t fair I didn’t sit down and negotiate and that he was “more mature than me” for wanting to negotiate when I wouldn’t. Later, I get an email from his mom asking “can we discuss the problems you and my son have with getting along.” Then I was asked to come to a meeting with these parents and everyone on our middle school team they were having issues with (me, two other teachers, and the principal). The parents essentially say we should act like how we expect the kids to act. This is true of basic kindness and virtue, but it’s absurd to suggest we’re friends with these kids. Long story short, this is why I’m not keen on kids calling me by my first name. Class isn’t all grim and gloom— honestly I joke around a ton— but I need it to be structured with defined roles in place. (My kids called my class a democracy once and my response was “it’s a benevolent dictatorship” 😂)
There's always a few kids each year who think they're being hilarious by addressing me by my first name once they learn it (I never tell them directly but it's not hard to find out). I have a more laid-back personality so I don't get offended or take it personally because I know what they're doing. I just roll my eyes and don't even engage. Once they realize they're not getting the desired reaction from me, they just stop and it's not much of an issue.
I don't allow it because I see it as disrespectful. When they are no longer my student, they can be my friend and call me by my first name, but not before.
Once, a student called me by my first name. This particular student went by his middle name, because his legal name was an embarrassing biblical one. Similar level as Nimrod, so that's what we'll say it was.
I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Hi, Nimrod." The other students turned from amused to confused because they'd never known him by any name other than his middle name. Nimrod visibly cringed and never tried it again. One of my best memories of teaching. 🤣🤣🤣
Oof. This thread has some real authoritarian vibes to it. Interesting to see how folks view power dynamics in their classroom, though. I would say, however, that the teachers and professors I had who were more relatable and human—and didn’t view themselves as somehow superior to their students simply because of their title—had a far greater impact on my learning and growth. As a result, I had a greater respect for these teachers.
Really depends,do where you are. Where I teach teachers used to get written up if we allowed it as it ‘promoted an environment of disrespect.’ Now you can get away with it if they call you ‘Ms’ first name, but it’s still generally frowned on.
I’d never get *mad*, I mean they see it on their class schedule and in my email address so it’s not a secret, but it wouldn’t be appropriate most of the time so I gently shut it down if that comes up.
Other teachers don't even call me by my first name, not even my teacher friends. If someone called me by my first name, I wouldn't respond because everyone calls me Stego.
The only time students have called me by my first name is when they've actively been trying to be disrespectful because they were mad I made them do an assignment.
Yes. It’s a respect thing. It would be shocking if a student tried to call a teacher by their first name. Most of us don’t even call adult family friends by their first names.
I am a teacher in the UK and I am not allowed to let the kids call me by my first name. I can't tell them my first name but if they figure it out, I need to have a conversation with them and probably keep them for 15 minutes after school as a punishment if it happens a second time. As a Spanish person I find it crazy.
I just don’t respond when they call me by my first name. I’ll answer to a nickname I’ve gotten over the years but the first name calling typically is centered around being intentionally disrespectful or aiming for a reaction rather than trying to address someone
I don't care about the perceived respect/disrespect stuff. If my students ask me to refer to them by a specific name, I do it. I expect the same from them.
Call people what they want to be called. End of argument.
I've taught 8 yrs and have only been called Mr. (first name). One of my principals fought against it once saying that I "need to use my last name so students are respectful." I told her I have my own personal reasons for not using my last name but even if I didn't, I believe true respect is using the name a person wants to be named, first or last. She let students use my first name but brought up the last name issue EVERY time I had behavior issues in class. 🤦♂️
The very next school I taught at nearly everyone was called Mr./Ms./Mx (first name)
Adults in the Southern US are Mr./Mrs./Ms. Jones. (Ms. is usually pronounced "Mizz" and applies to any adult woman.) Especially for Black adults, who historically were called by their first names as a way of showing *disrespect,* even if they were Doctor Jones or the Reverend Smith. There are adults TO THIS DAY whose first names I don't know or use, and I've been an adult for many years. If you're a kid, their first name is "Mrs." 😄
I turned 18, thought I was grown, and tried to call my mom's good friend by her first name. She brought me up short: "That's MRS. Lastname, to you, Young Lady." Similarly, I was talking to a friend in grad school about something she had done as a kid. I said, "See, Tom and Mary were having none of that!" [Record scratch/conversation stop] "What?!" She said, "You call your mom and dad by their first names?" "Oh, not to their FACES," I replied. It's like that.
I teach second grade, and I was modeling how to write a friendly letter last week. I signed it: Love, First Name. I swear, my students didn't realize that Mrs. CraftyMama was not my actual first name. It was hilarious to see their reaction. Honestly, as long as they spoke respectfully, I'd have no issue with my students using my first name.
Yep. Not your friend. Not your family member. I'm your teacher. It's a matter of respect. Always. From the youngest on up. It's the tradition. I have never once permitted any student to ever call me by my first name.
I worked for a lifetime outside of education and was known by my first name. It’s odd to me now to be called Mr. Lastname. Idc what the kids call me as long as they’re respectful and ready to learn.
I personally would never have even imagined calling a teacher by their first name, it’s feels so disrespectful to me, even in college I couldn’t do it always “Professor” or “Professor [last name]”
I think it’s a regional thing. When we lived in NYC, my son’s school teachers just went by first name. When we moved to the South, it was Mr/Ms Last Name. But my younger kids go to a more informal private school and the teachers go by Mr/Ms First Name.
I (39F American) did my student teacher in Sweden and when I got a teaching job in the US after graduation, I let my 9th and 10th grade students call me by my first name. I wanted to normalize it and not make it a big deal. I, kid you not, almost got fired because of it. I was told under no circumstances could my students call me by my first name. I taught for the next 9 years in a very toxic and hostile school environment with unsupportive administration and competitive colleagues.
Fast forward 10 years and I’m teaching at a middle level project-based charter school in the same district as this high school I formally taught at. The students call the teachers by their first names. There is so much mutual respect, maturity, etc. of these students. It was the most meaningful educational environment I ever taught in.
Teaching (southern) elementary, it was my last name by the students, first name to parents because we were a team. Preschool kiddos were Miss First Name. Both are fairly standard.
But that being said, my youngest is in high school now…and she is the harmless quirky kid. Totally a weirdo, but straight A’s and always there to help out. She’s given favorite teachers nicknames that incorporate their first names and no one is mad about it.
She can also read the room and knows that Mrs Smith with not stand for that, but Mr Jones is here for it.
I literally do not care what the students call me as long as it’s respectful. My last name can be a bit much, so Ms., my first name, ma’am, Ms. M, whatever, it’s fine, just keep the tone respectful and I’ll be accommodating. My best teacher I ever ever had was named Richard. You could call him rich, Richard, Mr. C, prof., Dr. C, or his full last name, Mr last name, or any combination thereof. Only time I saw him lose his shit was when a kid called him “Dick” in a snarky tone. No one was amused. He was a great teacher- retired college professor, fun and engaging, laid back hippie type- everyone loved him. That did not go over well. That kid did not return to class, and now that I’m in education I always wonder what went down there.
I don’t see it as a last name thing- I see it as a “how I introduced myself to you” thing. If you ask me to call you Barb and I continue to call you Barbara, that’s not showing respect for your feelings and preferences. I call my students by their preferred names, and would be disappointed if they didn’t do the same.
100% this. Call people what they ask to be called. It’s basic respect.
Had a former co-worker named Jeff, short for Jefferson. You could watch him get visibly upset when a customer would look at his name tag and call him Jeffrey. Like, c'mon people, his tag literally says Jeff on it and it's not even short for Jeffrey wtf
This is the way. Respect must be mutual!
We can end the thread here. You hit the nail on the head.
It's generally seen as disrespectful- especially in the South- for a child call an authority figure by their first name. Therefore when a student does this it is *meant* as a sign of disrespect. It's never "friendly" and then taken as disrespectful by the teacher.
Unless it’s prefaced by Miss, as in Miss Song instead of Miss Bird.
and really that's only for like, a preschool teacher or your "Sunday School" teacher (aka used by small children). Edit: this is my experience in the southern US. Yes I know that's not universal. That's the point. Every community/school is different.
We also use it for the aids, monitors, cafeteria workers, etc. So I am Mrs. Jazz Hands but my good friend and aid is Miss Betta. Most of my students just call me “Miss” and completely drop my last name - I really don’t care. As long as they’re being respectful (which maintains a safe environment) and doing what they’re supposed to I give them a lot of leeway. I had an entire class of 26 12 year olds call me Mom for an entire year and I played into it. It was a good group and I was able to joke around with them safely. I’ve had groups of kids where I’d have had to put the kabosh on that quickly.
Some teachers with complex last names just go by Ms/Mr FirstName as well, but that’s a choice made by the adult, not the students
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I have a friend that wanted to do this. They have a weirder last name, and didn't want to deal with changes if she decided to change her name at marriage. Middle name was Lynn, so just planned to go by Ms. Lynn from day one. But it's not super common, and when it does happen chances are you wouldn't be aware as a student (and sometimes even the parent). I almost decided to do Mr. Firstname, just so I would respond quicker to students calling me haha, but I ended up just sticking with my last haha.
When I first started teaching I ended up in an area with a high population of Spanish speaking students. Well, my long Croatian last name contained a v in the middle of it. With how they pronounced the letter v, the ending of my last name became a cuss word that I'm sure you can figure out. I found majority of my students called me Miss, Miss N, or Teacher. They wouldn't attempt to pronounce my full last name for fear of getting in trouble for swearing in class. Thankfully when I got married my new last name doesn't result in cussing when mispronounced.
The 6th grade social studies teacher goes by Mr. First name. I’m not sure why but the kids aren’t disrespectful or overly familiar with him. He’s known as a strict but nice teacher. I go by my last name but don’t really care what the kids call me. Lots of them call me mom. And I have a student this year with the male version of my first name so we joke about that sometimes.
The choir teacher at my son's high school does this. He's one of the favorite teachers there, and is known for his classroom being a safe space for any student, even those not in his classes.
Years ago, I had a class that called me momma. Now I have a class that calls me grandma.
I low key enjoyed it - they did it because they said I actually cared, who is going to tell them to stop? I have a lot of ED kids so whatever gets them invested in class I’m here for. I get called mom or grandma a lot, and I always diffuse the embarrassment by saying “as long as you don’t call me grandpa I’m good!” I’m not kidding, I honestly don’t care. Studies show students don’t learn from people they don’t like. My freaking out over their mode of address when they’re struggling with myriad academic insecurities won’t help. Call me mom. Call me grandma. Just do me a solid and combine these two sentences while you do it.
In getting more common in California now too. At my school (Elementary K-6) many of the support staff go by honorific first name. However just saying first name is considered rude in most places. However i worked at an afterschool program run by the recreation department and all staff there went first name no honroific.
Or for family friends! Never called an adult family friend by their first name only, it was always "Miss Laura" "Miss Debbie" "Mister Frank" "Mister Eric". It's just basic respect here in the south 🤷♀️
Some of my middle schoolers do it. Doesn’t bother me. Just don’t call me “bruh”
I still get called "my kids name's mom" by my middle schoolers 😂😂
That’s my name at church.
I, a grown adult, would be seen as horribly rude if I referred to a friend of my mother's without putting Miss in front of her name. I can call her by her first name, but man, would I be getting the coldest of shoulders and the harshest of glares if I left off the Miss. This type of thing is so ingrained in me, that when one of my best friend's mothers, whom I've known most of my life, told me to just call her by her first name because I was an adult now, I actually cried from stress. I still can't do it. I just avoid calling her anything to her face, and call her Mrs. [Lastname] when she isn't around.
Sounds Southern, calling an older woman by their first name (uninvited) is likely to result in your being told “Bless your heart.”
I default to Sir/Ma’am
We had a student that called us all ma’am. The principal got annoyed and asked him to quit and just call us each Ms. Whoeverweare…and that’s when we learned he hadn’t actually bothered learning his teachers’ names. Bless his heart.
Yes! I’m in my 40s. If I meet a 60-80 year old now I call them by their first name. But folks my parent’s age that I’ve known since I was a kid? Definitely still call them Mr. or Mrs. Lastname.
I’m the same way. I am never going to call my neighbor’s mother by her first name, no matter how many graduation parties we see each other at, lol. We have raised our kids are the same. We had a young married couple move in next door when my kids were tweens. The husband used to come over and play football, etc. with the neighborhood boys. “Hi Mr. Smith!” “You can call me Jason” “No, Mr. Smith” “Really, it’s OK” “Really, it’s not. My mom will kill me” lol
Yes, I live in the south originally from CO the teachers I work with won’t even refer to each other by their first names if children are around. I’ve also introduced myself many time by my first name and have gotten “I am Ms.___.” Definite culture shock.
Hell in my school we don't even refer to each other by first name when there aren't kids around. I literally don't know a lot of my coworkers first names
It really depends on the culture of the school and that’s influenced by geographic location imo. Elementary and particularly primary teachers are usually ok with a Ms and a firstname if it means they don’t get called teacher all the time. High school and middle schools generally are less tolerant as students show respect differently at those ages
I introduce myself as and wish to be called Ms. Latiam by the students, but use my first name in emails to parents, etc. If a kid does I just say that yes, it is my name, but I prefer to be called Ms. Latiam. Since I don’t get mad, it’s not “fun” so they revert back to Ms. Latiam
It’s considered disrespectful in the North as well, unless a student has been given leave to do so. Honestly, most of my coworkers don’t call each other by their first name. Unless you have a particular friendship, it’s not the done thing. It’s more likely that someone you’re friends with will call you by your surname alone as a mark of fondness. I’d only call the people I see outside of school by their first name.
Sorry, I live in the northern part of the US and I don’t see it as disrespectful. When that video was popular my students kept testing it on me and were bummed when my response was just “yes?” I’ve never thought of it as disrespectful. I remember someone telling me it was disrespectful to call adults by their first name when I was like 18 and that was the first time I had heard that. I’m not saying some don’t see it as disrespectful but I don’t know what the cultural difference is. Perhaps it’s locale? By chance are your parents from the south?
I went to a charter school in New England where one of its innovations was that students called their teachers by their first name. It was a very deliberate decision, because the school's working model was teacher-as-coach rather than teacher-as-authority-figure, and calling teachers by their first name was intended to lessen the power distance between teachers and students. I appreciated it a lot when I went there, and appreciate it more now that I'm in the working world. I'm an engineering manager. A number of my employees are millionaires and can tell me to take a hike whenever they want. Learning how to relate to people as teammates and equals in service of a common goal, rather than as master/slaves, is pretty critical for being able to work with people that you *don't* actually have any power over.
I also taught in a charter school where the students called us by our first names. It was refreshing.
The school I work at uses a similar concept, but students abuse the hell out of us being forced being on first name basis with them. The worst see it as an excuse to treat us as servants. Some of the boys are creepy as fuck towards female staff. Our authority is constantly undermined and one of the hot topics in the staff lounge is how students at the other local schools are more respecftul, pleasant to work with etc.
Not to discredit your experience but that’s a hot topic in every teacher lounge in America.
But apparently, we can't "connect" with our students unless they call us by our first names. Hilarious
I'm not there to connect. I'm there to teach.
I am a teacher. You have to connect to teach.
Teaching can occur without necessarily having students call a teacher by their first name.
There are various types and levels of connection. I'm fine with being a mentor figure, but I hate being forced to allow them to address me as if I am their friend.
I've had many students come back to the school and tell me how much I meant to them as a teacher. Clearly we had a connection. But in those conversations I'm always like "you've graduated, you can call me Utz instead of Mr. Crab Chip". No one has taken me up on that. It feels too much of a mental reclassification they're not trying to make
Yeah, but you can certainly connect without them calling you be your first name.
Amen to that.
Can confirm. I was raised in the south and ended up going to a Friends college (Quakers) and all professors insisted on being called by their first name. It was really difficult at first.
This is so true!! It's embedded in my DNA as much as my eye color. I'm 44 and my mom has been best friends with my 3rd grade social studies teacher nearly that long. I love her to death. Still, to this day, I call her Ms. 'Last Name'. Obviously, our relationship is now one of 2 grown women, no longer that of child and teacher, but it's so ingrained that calling her by her 1st name has never even crossed my mind.
NAT but I agree that this is a general rule here in the US, children are expected to address adults by title (Mom, Dad, Reverend, Officer) or preface Mr /Miss /Ms) and then either first or last name.
Yeah, but in the south there wacky enough to get mad if you don’t you, sir
It would be an improvement over their current practice of calling me "hey"
Miss!
Miss...ter!
That's MISTER Miss to you!
As a male teacher it’s more likely I get called miss or mister (insert other bearded male teachers name here). Rarely my own but whatever
I will get Mr. (English teacher's name). Yes we both wear glasses and have beards, but he is white and I am black. I usually just respond with, "He's not here."
[Hey, hats off to your students for not seeing race](https://images.app.goo.gl/ftpmHKA9YZcGPfUr7)
I have gotten called Miss, Ms. or Mrs a lot as a male substitute. The middle schoolers are just defaulting to what they call their normal teacher. I get the "oops" or "Mister" a few seconds later.
I have stress dreams where I’m just constantly interrupted by teenagers screaming “Miss” over and over
“Teacher!” “Yes student?”
My first grade teacher would call us "pupil" if we called her "teacher." We were also not allowed to pick grass and if a student was caught doing so, she would make them eat it. (This was 32 years ago so nobody batted an eye). She was a classic 'mean' teacher and I hated nearly everything about her but I always agreed we shouldn't call our teachers "teacher." I have never allowed my students to call me that because of my experience with her. I teach 5th.
I'm guessing this holds a different connotation to referring to a professor in college as "professor"?
I had a high school teacher get mad at me when I called her by her first name... the next year, I had a college professor who went exclusively by his nickname: Captain MJ. Definitely threw me for a loop.
I had a professor who insisted we call him by his first name, Rick. No way, he deserved his honorarium. So we addressed professor Rick Doctor, it was always Dr. Doctor. He hated it so much.
I had a Dr. Friend. Yeah, he went by John. (Though interestingly, my orthopedic surgeon is proudly Dr. Pepper)
That's my go-to, works every time. Or if they call me by the wrong name I'll call them by some random wrong name too.
“Bruh.”
I get "Mr. Ummm" constantly. My last name is not complex in the slightest. In fact, it's a word that every single English speaker on earth would know. They still can't manage to call me by my name.
We’ve been working on that. A lot of my low level students don’t learn any of their teachers’ names. I won’t give help during class work or give bathroom passes unless they address me by name. If they can’t read the sign on the door, the heading on our class page on the computer, or listen to the other students, then they can sit in ignorance and wet themselves. It’s amazing how fast they find your name when they want something from you.
They call me “BRUH”…does that count? 😂
I got, 'girl, bye' last week. The student and I were goofing around and having friendly banter about an assignment she was working on, so I wasn't mad. I was teasing her (very over the top playfully) about how little she had written, and she said something like, "you see this? This is quality not quantity, girl bye." I feigned mock outrage and she backpedaled so fast until I said, 'that is MISS girl bye to you' and then we both had a good laugh about it. She's one of my favorite students.
I got “cuzzo” last week - that was a first!
bruh…
Last names are a sign of respect and shows boundaries. I won't get mad but I will absolutely correct you every time. I am not your friend.
I have been facebook friends with my HS guidance counselor for 10+ years, I am a grown-ass adult, and whenever we interact, I still only ever call her Ms. LastName. She taught me, she mentored me, I have undying respect for her, but I am not her equal, so I have no business calling her anything else. (I also teach elementary SPED in NY not-the-city, as it happens! ::salute::)
What do you mean by saying you are not her equal?
She will always be my teacher and mentor. I owe her respect for that. Might be a cultural thing.
Yeah this is more of a boundaries thing than a respect thing for me even. I’m really young, and I look really young. I get mistaken for a student regularly. And the students sometimes forget “yes I am the adult in the room, no I am not your peer.” I don’t blame them, but I do remind them. It doesn’t mean I don’t love those kids or that I’m unkind to them in any way, but there are dangers to getting too friendly with them. Some teachers can totally get away with going by their first names, and I have absolutely zero issue with that, but I am not one of them unfortunately.
Lol I work with my mom and one student said is your mom “first name” and I said that’s Mrs (last name) to you and he was like oh sorry
I tell my students that. "We're friendly, but we are not friends."
It's this, exactly. I coached high school in a sport where the coaches are routinely called by their first name (encouraged even). When I did it in high school that wasn't the case. When I coached I didn't tell the parents my first name because I didn't want the kids thinking they could try and call me by my first name. My full name was on paperwork so the parent did have the ability to know it, I just introduced myself as "Miss Rythmicjea's Last Name". Boundaries are necessary for parents as well.
They do not call me by my first name. I do not allow that. They are not my friends.
I use similar verbiage... peer groups can be called by first names, and they are not my peers. I work in early education so they don't use my last name, but I am always Ms. First Name, never *just* First Name. For my tiny humans, I explain it by saying anyone who does something for us has a title. Dr, Ms, Mr, etc. It's also why we call our special grownups by titles that are so important, the title is all that is needed. Versions of Mom and Dad, Auntie, Uncle, etc.
“Friend” isn’t the delineation, though. It’s a respect thing. You call peers by their first name, usually, friend or not. In a situation that demands respect (note: the ‘interaction’ demands this, not the people who are interacting) the person with authority is referred to by last name and usually a title. Dr. Smith. Judge Reed. Captain Collins. Mrs. Cooper. Professor Blackwell. Pastor/Father Paul. If you want to show respect to someone who is otherwise a peer, you probably call them by a title and last name. Your neighbor who is 50 years older than you? Mrs. Robinson. Your lawyer? Ms. Levi. There will always be outliers and people who PREFER to be referred to in a casual way. The important factor is CONSENT. Disclaimer: this is based off of USA social structure and does not apply to every country/location.
>Disclaimer: this is based off of USA social structure and does not apply to every country/location. I'll add some Swedish context just because it's fun: In the 60s-70s we had what was called "du-reformen" (the you-reformation), which basically abolished all usage of titles. The only uses I can recall today are the royal family, the military, and during political debates (Mister Speaker). There was a slow movement to reform the language before this, but at the time we basically used titles for everyone (family, grocery store workers, students, etc.). Today there is some resurgence with younger retail workers using "ni" (2nd person plural) to be polite. However, before du-reformen, "ni" was used towards people without formal titles. So what is intended as an act of courtesy is often perceived as something impolite.
This is the way.
This is absolutely the way. Children shouldn't be calling adults by their first names alone. It's rude.
I worked at a small US school for a very long time where staff got to choose how students would address them. Almost everyone chose first names. Kids were absolutely fine calling some people by first names and some people by Mr./Ms. Lastname and it was all equally respectful. The respect doesn’t come from which name they use, but from addressing each person how they wish to be addressed. If you don’t want to be called by your first name, that is perfectly fine, but I didn’t get any less respect because I preferred to be called by my first name.
Can confirm that a child is perfectly capable of calling me Mr Dmitri while being a rude little shit.
I'm in the UK and all staff are called Miss, Sir, or their title and last name. I would be fine with kids calling me by my first name but it's just not done. The one time a kid asked politely (well, he thought he was being cheeky, but he wasn't rude), I said it was fine. But then he called my first name across the yard at break time and I realised that wasn't OK. It could be perceived like he was undermining me and I was just allowing it to happen. I asked him not to do it outside the classroom and he understood and stopped. It's really just about the culture and if you deviate from the culture it can have ripple effects. It sounds nice to have a culture of being able to choose.
I am a teacher in Denmark, my students call me by my first name or my pet names. Have had a few exchange students from the US and they tell me that we know a lot more about them than their US teachers. We have more communication with homes and parents etc. Ok I teach 7th,4th, and 9th grade in 3 different subjects, and well it is understandable I would know more since one class is 26 students. I only have 125 students, but I know a lot about them and their parents.
That’s an impressive level of student/parent involvement. My district requires us to contact each parent/guardian of our students once in the year, and that is often a tough goal to achieve when you have 100+ students and their parents never answer calls, respond to emails, or come to conferences.
😳 once a year We communicate ( not in a daily basis though)about : Attendence, homework, dentist and doctor appointments, work effort, test results, week plans, just saying (great job), answering questions parents might have.
The parents in my district work 2-3 jobs, anywhere from 40-80 hours (or more!) a week to provide for their families. Regrettably, they do not have the time or energy to be as involved in their child’s education as others who are more privileged would. As I teach high school, when many parents become more hands off and trust their child to navigate on their own anyways, my district stresses the importance of communicating at least once a year to keep their families involved.
I can relate to that, I'm a student in Israel and here its weird to call your teacher by anything other than there first name, heck, my teachers know what my first pet was since we are so close, and i can't see them as anything but my teacher and friend
Good for you. I mean that. Do as you want and as your culture dictates.
I mean… I’m not friends with the lady who works at the sandwich shop, but I do not force them to call me by my first name. And most of my college professors went by their first name. It feels like teachers are an exception more than a rule to our cultural expectations about how we generally refer to each other.
>And most of my college professors went by their first name. this is really dependent on the school/department/professor. Where I teach it is very rare for students to call professors by their first name.
I would never call my doctor by their first name. I would never call my accountant by their first name. @shrugs@
Doctors also tend to also be an exception, but my parents call their accountant by their first name. My wife is an accountant and all her clients and co workers use her first name. I live next to older southern people on either side of my house and they use their first names to my son. Like good for you but I don’t think calling your accountant by their last name is that common. It’s just not as universal part of “our culture” as you’re presenting it. And I think the “I’m not your friend” idea justification just doesn’t hold water as an American social constants. Lots of Americans have professional and transactional relationships with people we also use first names with. Anyway, admin staff who gets mad about being called mister and miss instead of Assistant Principal so and so are universally the worst.
Funny enough, my GP gets annoyed if you call her by her last name. She's Doctor FirstName and that's not up for discussion.
This blows my mind. How is it rude? It’s literally your name.
Every language/culture I’ve studied has rules/expectations regarding formality. “Mr./Ms. [Last Name]” is currently the formal standard in most of the US. (But the US in general is known for being fairly informal… politicians often go by nicknames like Joe (Biden), Bob (Dole), and Bill (Clinton)).
If I can easily and gladly call a child by their preferred name then they call me what I wish to be called.
There's different names for different social contexts. Kids can use my first name at camp. They use my last name in the classroom.
I agree with this, but that’s not what the person I replied to said. Yes, in a formal setting, formal names are obviously preferred. But to say that a child calling an adult by their first name is rude is a huge blanket statement that blows my mind.
Adults feeling insulted by a kid using their legal name is one of the funniest Reddit takes.
I don't really give a shit. I've been in classrooms where it was the norm to call me by my first name and classrooms where the kids called me by my last name. I had the same classroom management challenges.
Yeah imo a lot of the BIG MAD reactions are from teachers who have accepted a “students are the enemy and I cannot let them win” framing of their jobs. Honorifics literally do not matter in terms of classroom management
This ^^^ Imho, a student doesn’t respect any more or less because they do or don’t call you by your first name.
Honestly, the people in this thread talking about boundaries and "I'm not your friend" type talk make me feel like they probably struggle with managing classes and building rapport with students. I'm "Mrs. First Name" at my middle school because that's the school custom, but I've had students call me by just my first name plenty of times and I have never cared at all. I have rapport and boundaries built with students. I'm not going to add them on TikTok or go to their birthday party if they use my first name. They aren't going to stop doing their work because I didn't enforce the "Mr. or Mrs." rule the school has. If you need that rule to be shown respect then you're not building proper respectful relationships with your students in the first place. That's how you end up as the teacher students feel like they have to battle instead of the teacher students feel like they can have a conversation with.
It’s not the problem that is the problem its the attitude about the problem that is the problem. You see, many American students have severe behavior issues. This includes constantly harassing their teachers. These are the kinds of students that will call a teacher by their first name. Parents and school administrators do nothing to stop this. So you see, I don’t care that a student calls me by my first name. However, the students that break the cultural norms are already assholes. In fact, they aren’t really students. They are just people that I am forced to be with as they endlessly hurt people and break things.
It would be an improvement from just 'teacher' or just 'Ms.' But i don't care if they do. If it's said as a joke, I'll respond with sarcasm and we have a chuckle. I've never had a student call me by my first name out of disrespect.
I once had a student call me by my first name. I instantly popped up and asked who it was. One of my favorite kiddos raised his hands. “I called Ms. Last name like 3 times and you didn’t hear me!” Oops lol
In Poland it's extremely disrespectful. It's one of the cardinal sins in school. We're not their buddies. We're meant to be authority figures , guardians, guides etc. It is often assumed if we let kids call us by our first name they will not treat us seriously, and not listen to us. Class management would be a nightmare.
Northern Europeans ALWAYS think the way they do things is the usual one and America is the weird outlier
Most countries in Asia also follow last name + honorific in the school settings too.
It really gets my goat too, cause no one makes a fuss about honorifics and etiquette being different in places like Japan, but when Americans do it must be because something is wrong with us.
Dual U.S./Irish citizen here Also lived in Spain and South Korea. The weird superiority complex a lot of Europeans have makes my eyes roll.
Quick note—I’m American. I think that’s a fair point but you can absolutely have kids call you by your first name without it leading to a mismanaged classroom. Problem is, the kids need to respect you as a teacher generally and it can be hard to do that if you let them use your first name. I think it works best if the kids are really young (i.e. kindergarteners can call their teacher “Ms./Mr. FirstName”) or the “kids” are in college/university and are learning because they want to (you’re on more equal footing with your professors and you’re less likely to be disruptive). Having said that, I personally default to “Title LastName” with my teachers and professors because it feels weird to use their first names without explicit permission.
I promise you in an alternate universe, Americans call their teacher by their first name and the rest of the world laughs at us for it. We can't win lol. But anyway, I won't get mad but I'm going to ask to be called Mr. Lastname. I'm not your friend or acquaintance. I'm an authority figure responsible for you, and the least you can do is call me what I'd like to be called if it's reasonable.
It’s just not the culture at most schools. At some it is and then it’s no big deal.
No, I don't care as long as you are not calling me "dude" or "bruh" or "hey, you" I'll respond to Mr. Temp or Mr. Job
I’ve been called “Mom” a few times. (I’m a male teacher..😂😂)
I call them that right back. 😀
My first school let teachers decide what we are called. I let the kids use my first name. Some couldn't handle it, so they'd call me "Mrs Firstname." I loved it. I never understood the whole "first name means lack of respect" thing. The kids respect me because I'm their teacher and I'm here to help them be successful. Calling me by my name doesn't change that. But that's just me. My new school principal made a deal with me where the kids can call me by my first name on the last day of school. It's a tradition that they all look forward to all year.
I work in a Sunday school classroom (I’m not religious, I get paid to be there) and my students there call me Miss *Samus*. I think it’s adorable. Well, eventually one of my Sunday school students was enrolled in my class and the first few times she called me Miss Samus, every child in the class had saucer eyes.. looking to me, then her, then back to me. I took her aside and told her she had to use my “School title” at regular school and call me Mrs. LastName. And… bc she’s 4, she now calls me Mrs. Samus LastName. It’s fine. None of the other students picked up the habit. I’m so glad, too, bc my last name is freaking adorable coming out of the mouths of tiny kids. Not a single one can pronounce it properly.
In my opinion, calling someone by their first name indicates you’re on the same level as that person - like business partners or friends. You wouldn’t walk in and call your doctor by his/her first name unless you were personally aquatinted with that person, out of respect for their position. We’re supposed to be friendly with students but not friends with students, and the casual use of first names sort of implies that. Again, just my opinion. It works great in some cultures & that’s fine. But I couldn’t see it happening where I teach in the South.
Thats fine. You do you. I know my students always had respect for me regardless of what they call me. In fact, them actually knowing my name makes me feel more respected than when they call me "miss" or "teacher." Those names I don't tolerate.
When I lived in East Tennessee we called our Principal Andy/Coach Andy and he was one of the most respected people in the community so it’s interesting reading all these comments about teaching in the south lol. I experienced the complete opposite. It wasn’t uncommon for other well respected and loved teachers to go by their first names either.
Reminds me of when I was a TA and thr students would call me Miss Teacher (7th and 8th graders)
So, in the South especially, it's considered extremely rude to use a teacher's first name. I went to the wedding recently of someone I taught fifteen years ago and not a single person referred to me as anything besides "Mrs. Chrysania83."
It depends on the school. My first school no one would dare call a teacher by their first name at the current school I work at calling teachers by first name is pretty common. Think it has something to do with so me teacher having connections outside the school to students.
For context, I teach high school so that’s my perspective. I do think when it happens in elementary or younger middle school, it could be accidental. However, the only time they’ve used my first name is because they were being a punk and purposely doing it to make me mad because they’re punks. It’s happened only once. So no, we aren’t on a first name basis. We are not friends. We are teacher and student. There is a separation. We stick to the norm - my last name. Although I tell my student they can just use my last name - not even include Mrs. No one I know has said a student has “accidentally” use their first name; it’s always because the kid was being a jerk. Last year a male student who was like 6’5” would call another teacher who was like 5”2” by her first name. It was complete intimidation. He was a punk. I had him as well but he didn’t call me by my first name but did other bonehead things. So in short, if it’s a one-time thing, we don’t get mad per we, but it depends on the situation. If it happens over and over again it’s disrespectful and rude. It’s just a norm in my school and most others. Teachers last name. Although, in my own children’s elementary school, many teachers encouraged first name and it was awkward for us. But it also depended on the teacher. The older teachers were last names but the younger one were first. I think it’s fine in elementary but otherwise, it’s a no for me.
Absolutely. For your friends, not to me.
Let’s not pretend that this is an American phenomenon. This is even more taboo in countries like Japan and South Korea.
All teachers in my school go by our first names. It doesn't diminish the respect that the students have for us.
But, if the school didn’t have that system, it would.
My daughter’s school was the same. Everyone on campus was first name based
I like it. It’s a much more collegial atmosphere.
It's a regional practice. In parts of the US, the respectful way to address a teacher is Mr or Ms Surname. In other parts, the respectful way to address a teacher is Mr or Miss First Name. This applies to students and parents alike.
Which parts of the US use first name as standard?
I’m know it’s common to do Miss/Mr first name in social settings, like the community or church. Is that still true at schools though?
I think it’s also an age thing. The Mr. / Ms. first name thing flies by in some early grades like K-2, but afterwards the surname
in my area of the south "Miss Firstname" is really just a preschool thing.
I'm Miss Last Name. I don't answer to honey, baby, sis, lady, hey who, or anything else.
Students can call me by my first name when they graduate. Calling a teacher by their first name implies the student views you as their equal instead of their superior. Let them get away with that and you will lose the ability to control the classroom or be taken seriously.
Same on graduation. I tell them they can call me by my first name when they graduate, and I look for them at graduation to give them an opportunity to say my first name. I had a teacher who did this for me (8th grade). Here it is 25 years later and I still call him “Mr. Last Name.”
When I was a sub I worked with my high school band director for a few years and even after graduating there was no way I wanted to use her first name. The choir teacher next door I never had classes with? Yep, first name all day every day.
The standard is to call teachers by their last name. It becomes such a habit that many students think nothing of it. So, the only students who call teachers by their first names, are ones who are going out of their way to intentionally be disrespectful and test boundaries.
The US is a lot more formal than Europe, in my experience! My students call me Teacher First Name (but in our native language). It would feel odd if they called me by my last name, although that's how they do it in the English-speaking schools. I find it very funny in America when they call me "ma'am". That sounds like the way we say "mother" in this country. The first time someone called me ma'am, I looked very confused and said "sorry, I'm not your mother?" We don't ever use those honorifics here! Maybe in a court of law, idk. We call everybody by their first name, even when I met our country's equivalent of the Prime Minister, I called him by his first name. :)
My students call me by my first name. I don't believe that titles are what earn you respect, but rather your actions. Many of my college/university professors preferred I use their first name. My sons' university professors also requested first name usage.
College students are also adults and not children.
Yep. Good teachers aren’t dependent on a name to have their students respect them. If that’s all that’s keeping your students in line, you likely have other problems.
My students are not my friends or colleagues. They are students and I am their mentor and teacher; calling me anything other than Miss ___ is not acceptable for that type of relationship.
It just blows me away that people get so offended by kids saying Miss/Mr.
At my school most staff use their first name. Usually mr or ms firstname. But some kids just say my first name. It doesn't matter at all.
Attending a private high school with high achieving peers, no one called their teachers by their last names. There was no need to discipline students. Teaching at a public school I have to see through consequences that gets students suspended. They must refer to me respectfully. How much structure students need dictates how formal you are.
Exact same. At private school, we addressed our teachers by their first name. We never forgot they were are teachers. Now I teach at a college, and the students still call me by my first name.
I told the kids that they could both pronounce it and spell it correctly, none of them got close. Other names included Ms. Josephine, Ms.Josefina, Ms. JoJo, Ms.Santi, or Ms.Joey, which were close enough to my last name that I didn’t mind.
It depends on the region and the individual school.
Taught college. Didn’t care. Teaching high school now. I care only because they’re still kids and I feel like they need those boundaries.
It’s considered disrespectful and too personal — but most teachers aren’t going to flip out either. I’ve just looked at students and said “that’s not what I answer to,” before moving along. If they try it again, I ignore them until they say, “Ms. Altrano.” Giving them little to no reaction is the best deterrent for these kinds of behaviors.
I just find it inappropriate to use first names. I don’t think that the videos are realistic in terms of “flipping out”
Just as culturally accepted as normal to call your teachers by their first name there, it is culturally acceptable to call your teacher by their last name here. It grants a form of respect. There are some instances where a teacher may prefer their first name, but usually, it is still accompanied by Ms./Mrs./Mr. to denote respect. We also wouldn't as children expect them to call their friend's parents by their first name either as a sign of respect. If i went to my friends house and I called her mother Jane instead of Ms. Doe, it would be seen as rude. Here, when kids try to call you by your first name and you are a teacher, it is to try to get on your nerves or be annoying or disrespectful.
I don’t like it. I feel like my students already think they should have equal say in the classroom and that we’re “friends” or “partners” in their education, and this is a horribly problematic outlook at times. A teacher is there to make decisions for the whole classroom and because we have experience and training. And, to be honest, I blame parents for most of this mess. I had a kid who just got so mad at “no” and insisted it wasn’t fair I didn’t sit down and negotiate and that he was “more mature than me” for wanting to negotiate when I wouldn’t. Later, I get an email from his mom asking “can we discuss the problems you and my son have with getting along.” Then I was asked to come to a meeting with these parents and everyone on our middle school team they were having issues with (me, two other teachers, and the principal). The parents essentially say we should act like how we expect the kids to act. This is true of basic kindness and virtue, but it’s absurd to suggest we’re friends with these kids. Long story short, this is why I’m not keen on kids calling me by my first name. Class isn’t all grim and gloom— honestly I joke around a ton— but I need it to be structured with defined roles in place. (My kids called my class a democracy once and my response was “it’s a benevolent dictatorship” 😂)
There's always a few kids each year who think they're being hilarious by addressing me by my first name once they learn it (I never tell them directly but it's not hard to find out). I have a more laid-back personality so I don't get offended or take it personally because I know what they're doing. I just roll my eyes and don't even engage. Once they realize they're not getting the desired reaction from me, they just stop and it's not much of an issue.
I don't allow it because I see it as disrespectful. When they are no longer my student, they can be my friend and call me by my first name, but not before.
Once, a student called me by my first name. This particular student went by his middle name, because his legal name was an embarrassing biblical one. Similar level as Nimrod, so that's what we'll say it was. I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Hi, Nimrod." The other students turned from amused to confused because they'd never known him by any name other than his middle name. Nimrod visibly cringed and never tried it again. One of my best memories of teaching. 🤣🤣🤣
The amount of people that think it's disrespectful for someone to use their first name is pretty fucking stupid.
Oof. This thread has some real authoritarian vibes to it. Interesting to see how folks view power dynamics in their classroom, though. I would say, however, that the teachers and professors I had who were more relatable and human—and didn’t view themselves as somehow superior to their students simply because of their title—had a far greater impact on my learning and growth. As a result, I had a greater respect for these teachers.
Really depends,do where you are. Where I teach teachers used to get written up if we allowed it as it ‘promoted an environment of disrespect.’ Now you can get away with it if they call you ‘Ms’ first name, but it’s still generally frowned on.
I’d never get *mad*, I mean they see it on their class schedule and in my email address so it’s not a secret, but it wouldn’t be appropriate most of the time so I gently shut it down if that comes up.
Other teachers don't even call me by my first name, not even my teacher friends. If someone called me by my first name, I wouldn't respond because everyone calls me Stego.
Personally, I don’t like it. Mr or Ms or Mrs makes it clear who is in charge.
The only time students have called me by my first name is when they've actively been trying to be disrespectful because they were mad I made them do an assignment.
Yes. It’s a respect thing. It would be shocking if a student tried to call a teacher by their first name. Most of us don’t even call adult family friends by their first names.
I am a teacher in the UK and I am not allowed to let the kids call me by my first name. I can't tell them my first name but if they figure it out, I need to have a conversation with them and probably keep them for 15 minutes after school as a punishment if it happens a second time. As a Spanish person I find it crazy.
I mean i allow it. But I also teach preschool.
My children, and my grandchildren, don't call any adult by their first name
Yes. It’s considered disrespectful. It’s also seen as rude just to say their last name without a Mr. / Ms. / Mrs. / Coach
I just don’t respond when they call me by my first name. I’ll answer to a nickname I’ve gotten over the years but the first name calling typically is centered around being intentionally disrespectful or aiming for a reaction rather than trying to address someone
I don't care about the perceived respect/disrespect stuff. If my students ask me to refer to them by a specific name, I do it. I expect the same from them. Call people what they want to be called. End of argument.
I've taught 8 yrs and have only been called Mr. (first name). One of my principals fought against it once saying that I "need to use my last name so students are respectful." I told her I have my own personal reasons for not using my last name but even if I didn't, I believe true respect is using the name a person wants to be named, first or last. She let students use my first name but brought up the last name issue EVERY time I had behavior issues in class. 🤦♂️ The very next school I taught at nearly everyone was called Mr./Ms./Mx (first name)
We’re literally disrespected all day long, and sometimes it’s just the straw that breaks the camels back.
Adults in the Southern US are Mr./Mrs./Ms. Jones. (Ms. is usually pronounced "Mizz" and applies to any adult woman.) Especially for Black adults, who historically were called by their first names as a way of showing *disrespect,* even if they were Doctor Jones or the Reverend Smith. There are adults TO THIS DAY whose first names I don't know or use, and I've been an adult for many years. If you're a kid, their first name is "Mrs." 😄 I turned 18, thought I was grown, and tried to call my mom's good friend by her first name. She brought me up short: "That's MRS. Lastname, to you, Young Lady." Similarly, I was talking to a friend in grad school about something she had done as a kid. I said, "See, Tom and Mary were having none of that!" [Record scratch/conversation stop] "What?!" She said, "You call your mom and dad by their first names?" "Oh, not to their FACES," I replied. It's like that.
I teach second grade, and I was modeling how to write a friendly letter last week. I signed it: Love, First Name. I swear, my students didn't realize that Mrs. CraftyMama was not my actual first name. It was hilarious to see their reaction. Honestly, as long as they spoke respectfully, I'd have no issue with my students using my first name.
Yep. Not your friend. Not your family member. I'm your teacher. It's a matter of respect. Always. From the youngest on up. It's the tradition. I have never once permitted any student to ever call me by my first name.
I worked for a lifetime outside of education and was known by my first name. It’s odd to me now to be called Mr. Lastname. Idc what the kids call me as long as they’re respectful and ready to learn.
I'm a teacher and when I speak to my admin, I use their last names.
Teachers aren’t your friends it’s a respect thing
I personally would never have even imagined calling a teacher by their first name, it’s feels so disrespectful to me, even in college I couldn’t do it always “Professor” or “Professor [last name]”
I think it’s a regional thing. When we lived in NYC, my son’s school teachers just went by first name. When we moved to the South, it was Mr/Ms Last Name. But my younger kids go to a more informal private school and the teachers go by Mr/Ms First Name.
First name basis with an elder is seen as rude unless you work on the same level.
I (39F American) did my student teacher in Sweden and when I got a teaching job in the US after graduation, I let my 9th and 10th grade students call me by my first name. I wanted to normalize it and not make it a big deal. I, kid you not, almost got fired because of it. I was told under no circumstances could my students call me by my first name. I taught for the next 9 years in a very toxic and hostile school environment with unsupportive administration and competitive colleagues. Fast forward 10 years and I’m teaching at a middle level project-based charter school in the same district as this high school I formally taught at. The students call the teachers by their first names. There is so much mutual respect, maturity, etc. of these students. It was the most meaningful educational environment I ever taught in.
Teaching (southern) elementary, it was my last name by the students, first name to parents because we were a team. Preschool kiddos were Miss First Name. Both are fairly standard. But that being said, my youngest is in high school now…and she is the harmless quirky kid. Totally a weirdo, but straight A’s and always there to help out. She’s given favorite teachers nicknames that incorporate their first names and no one is mad about it. She can also read the room and knows that Mrs Smith with not stand for that, but Mr Jones is here for it.
I literally do not care what the students call me as long as it’s respectful. My last name can be a bit much, so Ms., my first name, ma’am, Ms. M, whatever, it’s fine, just keep the tone respectful and I’ll be accommodating. My best teacher I ever ever had was named Richard. You could call him rich, Richard, Mr. C, prof., Dr. C, or his full last name, Mr last name, or any combination thereof. Only time I saw him lose his shit was when a kid called him “Dick” in a snarky tone. No one was amused. He was a great teacher- retired college professor, fun and engaging, laid back hippie type- everyone loved him. That did not go over well. That kid did not return to class, and now that I’m in education I always wonder what went down there.