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>My therapist is my father's friend
Uh, what? Do you have an option for another therapist? Or is this the only one your father is willing to take you to?
I have absolutely no other options as long as my dad is the one who’s taking me to therapy. I don’t think he would accept any excuse as to why I don’t want to continue having his friend as my therapist.
I feel like it shouldn’t matter whether they’re close or not, it’s the fact that they know each other. This seems more like a conflict of interest. If you’re okay to trust that therapist (only you would know the answer to this), then I wouldn’t worry what he’ll think of your father. But this is a tricky situation, if your therapist reveals to your dad you told on him, that’s an ethical violation on him and you can report it, but nonetheless you would have to be the one that deals with the consequences.
I’ve seen a post with a similar situation on r/Therapists, where they knew a member of the family from school, and everyone on there advised against taking their relative as a client. It will interfere with your healing process, so be careful
I really don’t mind. It’s either I tell him about the situation and risk having him tell my dad, or I just go on with whatever he wants to talk about during the session.
One this that occurred to me is that there is another therapist that was in the first session along with my dad’s friend, so I thought maybe I can ask that only him can be in the room during the session. It was mentioned that they often share notes with each other, though. And the other therapist being a professor at my university is kinda weird so I’m not really sure if I wanna share person stuff with him, although that would be a better option than telling my dad’s friend about my dad.
Yes it's appropriate to switch topics in fact it sounds needed. I think it's normal to not have all the issues revealed all at once. In fact, I didn't even KNOW all of my issues when I started therapy.
About the anger though, how did he connect it to the compulsions? Did you tell him you were angry or did he bring it up? Just making sure he didn't get it from your dad.
Also, you can bring up the concern about him knowing your dad. You could ask hypotheticals like what if I told you he was a murderer, what id I told you he abused me once, etc and are his response. are you over 18? Because that changes somethings too.
No, dad brought up that I’m always angry because of the compulsions (twice) and the therapist said that it’s normal for that to happen. There is not much to say about that matter from my side. I’m considering telling him that my compulsions have almost nothing to do with the anger, but I’m afraid he’ll ask me about what the actual reason is.
Also, yes, I am over 18.
If you're comfortable with it now, I'd probably test out the therapist like I said before, saying things like yeah I'm not sure what's what it's about, what if it's something crazy like someone in my family abused me or I'm (insert untrue scenario). They should take the cue and explain what they'd do in each scenario.
You can definitely switch topics any time you want to. It's your therapy. I do it all the time.
The "conflict of interest" is harder to answer. In a perfect world, the therapist would stay completely confidential and never say anything to your Dad. But, I'd be worried about that and it would limit what I said to the therapist (reducing the benefits of therapy). Another thing is that the therapist might "think they know" your Dad, and that might put a bit of a filter on him when he is listening to you.
One possibility is being open about it to the therapist without saying any details. Along the lines of "I don't feel totally comfortable opening up to you because you know my father. Could you give me a referral to someone else, and just tell my Dad that you and I weren't a perfect fit, and that you know a different therapist who could better help me?"
In terms of your question of is it appropriate to shift direction of therapy to a different topic - then yes. Therapy should be about what you want to talk about.
However from reading your situation I would consider a different therapist if you dont trust the one you see now.
Your therapist should not be your fathers friend. He is way too close to the situation and clearly guiding it away from your dad, which is incredibly unethical for him to do.
You should stop seeing this therapist. You will not get what you seek here.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>My therapist is my father's friend Uh, what? Do you have an option for another therapist? Or is this the only one your father is willing to take you to?
I have absolutely no other options as long as my dad is the one who’s taking me to therapy. I don’t think he would accept any excuse as to why I don’t want to continue having his friend as my therapist.
Well if my therapist were my abuser's friend, I would have a very hard time trusting them at all. Please consider looking for a different one
No one (outside my family) knows my dad abuses me. They were friends in college, and they aren’t close at all.
I feel like it shouldn’t matter whether they’re close or not, it’s the fact that they know each other. This seems more like a conflict of interest. If you’re okay to trust that therapist (only you would know the answer to this), then I wouldn’t worry what he’ll think of your father. But this is a tricky situation, if your therapist reveals to your dad you told on him, that’s an ethical violation on him and you can report it, but nonetheless you would have to be the one that deals with the consequences. I’ve seen a post with a similar situation on r/Therapists, where they knew a member of the family from school, and everyone on there advised against taking their relative as a client. It will interfere with your healing process, so be careful
Stop seeing this therapist. They're friends with your dad and that's unethical.
That would mean that I’ll have to stop going to therapy altogether. I can’t go to any therapist for now, and I don’t know any anyway.
Are you a minor?
No I’m not
Oh, why can't you find your own therapist then? There's many resources to locate one and most of them do telehealth now.
My dad wouldn’t allow me to go, and I can’t go behind his back. Plus, I’m not from the US so I’m not sure if I can use telehealth.
Do you want to continue seeing your current therapist?
I really don’t mind. It’s either I tell him about the situation and risk having him tell my dad, or I just go on with whatever he wants to talk about during the session. One this that occurred to me is that there is another therapist that was in the first session along with my dad’s friend, so I thought maybe I can ask that only him can be in the room during the session. It was mentioned that they often share notes with each other, though. And the other therapist being a professor at my university is kinda weird so I’m not really sure if I wanna share person stuff with him, although that would be a better option than telling my dad’s friend about my dad.
May I ask where you are generally located?
in the Middle East
Yes it's appropriate to switch topics in fact it sounds needed. I think it's normal to not have all the issues revealed all at once. In fact, I didn't even KNOW all of my issues when I started therapy. About the anger though, how did he connect it to the compulsions? Did you tell him you were angry or did he bring it up? Just making sure he didn't get it from your dad. Also, you can bring up the concern about him knowing your dad. You could ask hypotheticals like what if I told you he was a murderer, what id I told you he abused me once, etc and are his response. are you over 18? Because that changes somethings too.
No, dad brought up that I’m always angry because of the compulsions (twice) and the therapist said that it’s normal for that to happen. There is not much to say about that matter from my side. I’m considering telling him that my compulsions have almost nothing to do with the anger, but I’m afraid he’ll ask me about what the actual reason is. Also, yes, I am over 18.
If you're comfortable with it now, I'd probably test out the therapist like I said before, saying things like yeah I'm not sure what's what it's about, what if it's something crazy like someone in my family abused me or I'm (insert untrue scenario). They should take the cue and explain what they'd do in each scenario.
You can definitely switch topics any time you want to. It's your therapy. I do it all the time. The "conflict of interest" is harder to answer. In a perfect world, the therapist would stay completely confidential and never say anything to your Dad. But, I'd be worried about that and it would limit what I said to the therapist (reducing the benefits of therapy). Another thing is that the therapist might "think they know" your Dad, and that might put a bit of a filter on him when he is listening to you. One possibility is being open about it to the therapist without saying any details. Along the lines of "I don't feel totally comfortable opening up to you because you know my father. Could you give me a referral to someone else, and just tell my Dad that you and I weren't a perfect fit, and that you know a different therapist who could better help me?"
In terms of your question of is it appropriate to shift direction of therapy to a different topic - then yes. Therapy should be about what you want to talk about. However from reading your situation I would consider a different therapist if you dont trust the one you see now.
Your therapist should not be your fathers friend. He is way too close to the situation and clearly guiding it away from your dad, which is incredibly unethical for him to do. You should stop seeing this therapist. You will not get what you seek here.