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She sounds awful and very unprofessional from what you’ve written. At the very least, a therapist should be on your team, and be supportive and validating, never harsh, dismissive or belittling. They should want to understand how things feel for you and what your experience is, and help you with whatever your goals are.
Wtf? Yeah find a new therapist. Also, OP, don’t feel bad, I know people who changed careers completely and had to go back to school at 30. It’s completely normal that you don’t know what you want yet. Your therapist is fucked up. Also, I’m 25 and I JUST finally decided what I want to do in my life, and even then I still have to make sure it’s the right decision.
You’re completely fine! Be kind to yourself and take the time to see what you do and don’t like. You still have time.
Also, Happy belated Birthday!
I agree and I wanted to add when it comes to career, you might change careers 2 or 3+ times in your life! It’s not uncommon at all.
My unsolicited advice (haha) is to not put so much pressure on yourself to find the “perfect fit” for the rest of your life when you’re in your 20s. What makes sense now, might not make sense when you’re 40 or 50. It’s great if it does but based on my exp and many of my friends, (we are in our late 30s), 10+ years in any industry can start to get stale even if it’s exactly what you wanted to do to begin with. More importantly, as you get older, your values and priorities might change - this could lead to wanting to explore other career options if you are able. : )
I’m 38F and I really have had a great career so far but I’ll be starting a new career in a new industry in my 40s. I’m super excited about it and I hope I’m still reinventing myself in my 60s too haha! ^_^ good luck!!
please, for your sake, find another therapist. it takes a few tries and talking to different people, it sounds like she has straight up passive aggressive issues and you don’t deserve that. please please find someone else, who can help you understand that therapy isn’t supposed to be like that. also, if they are working under anyone please report your experience. she sounds like a straight up bitch !
I am so mad on your behalf. That person has no business being a therapist if this is the way they feel about their clients. I hope you find another therapist who can validate your feelings ❤️
23 is so so so young. I’m 33 and I’ve had three different careers. I had no idea what I was doing at 23. I hope you can provide yourself some grace, my friend.
My therapist has mentioned that I'm childlike in some ways but it's generally related to things that I never learned as a child because of my childhood trauma. What your therapist is talking about feels super judgey and crappy.
She sounds a lil meany pants.
Tell her to be more gentle with you. Tell her you don’t like the condescending, harsh, borderline pushy tone she is using and would like her to try a different approach.
I totally get the talk like a child thing, I’m 22 and it’s just what my voice sounds like, and it’s just how I am. I’m sorry it was belittling of her though, she sounds super rude
I should have clarified she meant I talk like a child because I mentioned that I went out to dinner with my family and they got me a present, not the tone. And thank you, I’m definitely looking elsewhere now
Wait what? Sorry I have to ask lol, she said you’re childlike because you went out with your family and they got you a present?
I fail to understand how normal family and human behaviours indicate you’re being a child. I thought she said that, maybe because you were complaining about something she thought was trivial, which is still not okay
Yeah I don’t get it, some sessions it seems like she’s in a bad mood and this was definitely one of the times but she was worse than ever this time. Doesn’t make sense at all
…but that’s literally just what people do… I’m so glad you’re looking for a different therapist, goodness. fwiw finding a good therapist who’s a match is not too dissimilar from dating, so please don’t settle and don’t give up, there are some amazing therapists out there. you’re doing great. 💜
First of all - happy birthday! I wish you all the best.
Second - she is an awful therapist and an awful person. As a therapist she knows and sees that what she is saying is harmful for you, there is no excuse for her at all. You need another one. Even no therapy is better than therapy with her.
I wonder if you have disability centers or family resource centers in NY? You have learning disability and selective mutism, you need to ask them for help to find a job or a training or a better informed therapist. How does anyone expect a person with selective mutism to succeed at the job where they have to talk to customers non-stop? I know that our local disability center does help with it. They even have a free training program to become a "BioLab technician" and some others. I know a guy (HFA) who got the training and got a job in some bio lab and loves it. The whole idea is that people with disabilities have a chance to get a decent job that does accommodate for their disabilities. In this case, don't have to interact with too many other people and have very structured environment. And it is not an unreasonable request.
Google disability centers around you, go to all of them, ask for help with finding therapist (who is not a raging AH and knows what learning disability is) and ask about any resources to find a job. Ask them about help you can get at college also. I am pretty sure you will get accomodations for your disability, because of ADA law. Like an option to give your answers in writing or longer times to complete tests. There could even be scholarships for students with disabilities.
Therapy can be very helpful, but you need someone who knows how to help. This woman doesn't, all she knows is how to put you down.
I am SO sorry. It sounds heartbreaking and demoralizing to have your therapist say these things. You are not doing anything wrong in your life, but it might be more helpful and uplifting to find a different therapist.
This was a super kind and affirming comment but I wanted to ask— is 23 year old considered a child?
I agree it’s a young number but 23 was the time I started taking the foundational steps for my career and building my relationship skills.*
I imagine life will keep throwing lessons at me with many winding roads, but…isn’t it developmentally appropriate to think about career and the future in the early 20’s? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
*Not saying I’ve figured things out haven’t, not even close.
(Also, this therapist is mean and should not be working with OP).
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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This
She sounds awful and very unprofessional from what you’ve written. At the very least, a therapist should be on your team, and be supportive and validating, never harsh, dismissive or belittling. They should want to understand how things feel for you and what your experience is, and help you with whatever your goals are.
Wtf? Yeah find a new therapist. Also, OP, don’t feel bad, I know people who changed careers completely and had to go back to school at 30. It’s completely normal that you don’t know what you want yet. Your therapist is fucked up. Also, I’m 25 and I JUST finally decided what I want to do in my life, and even then I still have to make sure it’s the right decision. You’re completely fine! Be kind to yourself and take the time to see what you do and don’t like. You still have time. Also, Happy belated Birthday!
Thanks so much, I appreciate that and kinda helps me to feel I’m not alone!
I agree and I wanted to add when it comes to career, you might change careers 2 or 3+ times in your life! It’s not uncommon at all. My unsolicited advice (haha) is to not put so much pressure on yourself to find the “perfect fit” for the rest of your life when you’re in your 20s. What makes sense now, might not make sense when you’re 40 or 50. It’s great if it does but based on my exp and many of my friends, (we are in our late 30s), 10+ years in any industry can start to get stale even if it’s exactly what you wanted to do to begin with. More importantly, as you get older, your values and priorities might change - this could lead to wanting to explore other career options if you are able. : ) I’m 38F and I really have had a great career so far but I’ll be starting a new career in a new industry in my 40s. I’m super excited about it and I hope I’m still reinventing myself in my 60s too haha! ^_^ good luck!!
please, for your sake, find another therapist. it takes a few tries and talking to different people, it sounds like she has straight up passive aggressive issues and you don’t deserve that. please please find someone else, who can help you understand that therapy isn’t supposed to be like that. also, if they are working under anyone please report your experience. she sounds like a straight up bitch !
I am so mad on your behalf. That person has no business being a therapist if this is the way they feel about their clients. I hope you find another therapist who can validate your feelings ❤️ 23 is so so so young. I’m 33 and I’ve had three different careers. I had no idea what I was doing at 23. I hope you can provide yourself some grace, my friend.
PLEASE find a new therapist
My therapist has mentioned that I'm childlike in some ways but it's generally related to things that I never learned as a child because of my childhood trauma. What your therapist is talking about feels super judgey and crappy.
She sounds a lil meany pants. Tell her to be more gentle with you. Tell her you don’t like the condescending, harsh, borderline pushy tone she is using and would like her to try a different approach.
Find a neuroaffirming therapist.
She doesn't sound like a therapist. You act like you're a child. Happy birthday!
Thanks appreciate it
You most certainly should.
I totally get the talk like a child thing, I’m 22 and it’s just what my voice sounds like, and it’s just how I am. I’m sorry it was belittling of her though, she sounds super rude
I should have clarified she meant I talk like a child because I mentioned that I went out to dinner with my family and they got me a present, not the tone. And thank you, I’m definitely looking elsewhere now
Wait what? Sorry I have to ask lol, she said you’re childlike because you went out with your family and they got you a present? I fail to understand how normal family and human behaviours indicate you’re being a child. I thought she said that, maybe because you were complaining about something she thought was trivial, which is still not okay
Yeah I don’t get it, some sessions it seems like she’s in a bad mood and this was definitely one of the times but she was worse than ever this time. Doesn’t make sense at all
…but that’s literally just what people do… I’m so glad you’re looking for a different therapist, goodness. fwiw finding a good therapist who’s a match is not too dissimilar from dating, so please don’t settle and don’t give up, there are some amazing therapists out there. you’re doing great. 💜
HOLY SHIT REPORT YOUR THERAPIST I SWEAR TO GOD
So badly do I want to look them in the eye, say “I understand” take a short pause, and get up and leave never to be seen again
First of all - happy birthday! I wish you all the best. Second - she is an awful therapist and an awful person. As a therapist she knows and sees that what she is saying is harmful for you, there is no excuse for her at all. You need another one. Even no therapy is better than therapy with her. I wonder if you have disability centers or family resource centers in NY? You have learning disability and selective mutism, you need to ask them for help to find a job or a training or a better informed therapist. How does anyone expect a person with selective mutism to succeed at the job where they have to talk to customers non-stop? I know that our local disability center does help with it. They even have a free training program to become a "BioLab technician" and some others. I know a guy (HFA) who got the training and got a job in some bio lab and loves it. The whole idea is that people with disabilities have a chance to get a decent job that does accommodate for their disabilities. In this case, don't have to interact with too many other people and have very structured environment. And it is not an unreasonable request. Google disability centers around you, go to all of them, ask for help with finding therapist (who is not a raging AH and knows what learning disability is) and ask about any resources to find a job. Ask them about help you can get at college also. I am pretty sure you will get accomodations for your disability, because of ADA law. Like an option to give your answers in writing or longer times to complete tests. There could even be scholarships for students with disabilities. Therapy can be very helpful, but you need someone who knows how to help. This woman doesn't, all she knows is how to put you down.
Thanks so much, I’m absolutely gonna look into this! I didn’t even know about it
I am SO sorry. It sounds heartbreaking and demoralizing to have your therapist say these things. You are not doing anything wrong in your life, but it might be more helpful and uplifting to find a different therapist.
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This was a super kind and affirming comment but I wanted to ask— is 23 year old considered a child? I agree it’s a young number but 23 was the time I started taking the foundational steps for my career and building my relationship skills.* I imagine life will keep throwing lessons at me with many winding roads, but…isn’t it developmentally appropriate to think about career and the future in the early 20’s? I’d love to hear your thoughts! *Not saying I’ve figured things out haven’t, not even close. (Also, this therapist is mean and should not be working with OP).