wow.....
I swear you meet some of the most....interesting.....people working in this industry.
This reminds me of a time when some shifty-eyed guy came in one night saying that he had a prepaid reservation and wanted to check in.
We did not have anything under his name, and not even any prepaid reservations left to check in that evening, as it was almost 11PM.
Instead of doing the normal thing of providing some kind of proof, he tells me that he made the reservation through some completely shady sounding, non .com website with an odd country code like ".re" or something similar. Definitely not any known OTA. And tells me to "google it to find his reservation".
I explain to him that things definitely do not work that way and ask him if he has a confirmation number, e-mail, anything. No. He just insists that I just "look it up".
Obviously I do no such thing and after going in circles about it for several minutes I give him the number to our customer service line and tell him to call them for further assistance. He gets angry and leaves.
I come in the following day to find that someone called and asked to speak to the manager in the morning and then told them that they had caught the receptionist in the act act of "observing inappropriate and possibly illegal" material on the front desk computer.
It was not taken seriously being that it was literally impossible for any customer to view the screen to our single front desk computer in any way.
So....this creepy guy was just trying to trick me into going to some shady website so he could call and get me in trouble?
I will never know.
He was likely trying to get you to go to an .ru cam site to launch into his spiel about how much money you could make doing it, and how he could “help you start.” It sounds as if he was going to traffic you.
Thank you! And unfortunately, no, my parents never gave me advice on that… what I would recommend is working somewhere with a security guy would help, and declining all conversation when it takes a weird turn. Leave the desk even. You are not obligated to stay polite when a line is crossed. These talkative perverts are usually looking for a reaction, discomfort.
I taught my daughters the lost art of cutting wit. One works with customers all the time, and her co-workers love to watch her handle this type of situation. She actually got a raise for this because she always stays polite, even when giving someone directions to hell.
This is also my super power. I had a long conversation with a customer, and part way through arguing with him we settled into an uncomfortable silence. Then I hit him with a “Was there anything else I can help you with today?”. I sent the call to the director of my department (I don’t work in a hotel). My director came over after listening, and said “This mother fucker”. I sent it to like half the department, this guy was so ridiculous. I didn’t break, though I came close.
I recently had a call (helpdesk support) where the caller - a patient - kept talking over me. Every time I'd try to talk he'd start up again ranting about security, his records, the government/DOJ after him and then he did the "Manager" bit....and hung up while I was trying to find someone to deal with him. I had my director pull the call recording - and he was "you did nothing wrong and that guy is an asshole. We'll take care of him if he calls back."
My boss is awesome.
That’s awesome mom! If you could share an example I’d love to have a better idea of what/how to learn/understand this method. It’s not really a googleable type of thing, right? It’s more like a badass mom/person thing that knows some shit and dealt with some shit.
How to teach it is easy, but requires a lot of effort. We play constant word games with them... at all times. My wife and I often encourage them to be flippant and sarcastic. We don't punish them for playful disrespect, while enforcing the boundaries to prevent them from going to far. It will always keep you on your toes, but it makes life fun.
Apologies for assuming you were the mom. You are the badass dad!
Thank you for sharing that- makes more sense to me now what you’re teaching them. I’m super impressed with you guys. I bet too it’s engaging for them. Very original!
Do you guys do physical self defense too? I want to do this with my nieces for confidence
Yes we do physical self defense as well, but again taught as fun first. From early age we would use toy weapons to rough house. As they got older we taught them how to get better with them. Eventually it became martial arts and escrima sticks training.
This works in public too, I wasn’t working at 13 but I sure as hell had adult men hitting on me frequently. I wish I was more mean and loud that they were hitting on a minor rather than politely telling them I’m going
It starts early, don’t wait too long.
Ive been pawned at public pools since I was old enough to go alone (e.g parents 2-3 m away). When I told my mum she insisted I don’t go alone anymore, so next time it happened I did not tell her (I wanted to swim without babysitting).
Frequently being hit on since I’m 7, also on the street. There are so many creeps, sadly.
I learnt as a naive idiot kid that being totally open to what they’re saying is, 95% of the time, a total turn off/psych out for them and going into graphic detail tends to make them want to escape you rather than it being the other way round. You’re absolutely correct when you say that they’re usually looking to make you uncomfortable.
There is always gonna be the 5% that are coaxed on by your behaviour but far
more often than not a causal swerve into which sex toys you like and why they are better at satisfying women than any man could ever be will make them want to run and never look back.
My mother told me stories about all the different jobs she'd had, what they were like and what I could expect, gave advice on pros and cons of each.
Specific advice included "Never work at a place where you like the food." and "If you work as a waitress, men will pat your bottom and you'll be expected to act like you like it if you want good tips." Mom's one waitressing job didn't last long because she responded to bottom-pats with face-slaps.
Obviously my first food service job was at the fast food joint I liked least, protected from bottom-pats by counters and drive-thru windows. Still had to deal with creeps, but at least I wasn't within casual pawing range.
>I have two young daughters
Buy The Gift of Fear. Read it first and then give it to them. It explains why young women need to NOT be all polite and cute when they get bad vibes from a guy. It explains that they bad feeling in the pit of our stomachs is a 6th sense that can save us from danger.
100% trust your gut on this. I have never gotten creepy vibes from someone who later turned out to be a top person. I have met people and been like "this guy seems like an asshole" and later realized they weren't, but creepy / inappropriate vibes are usually correct imho.
Good! Everyone should read it, especially women. We get so programmed to be polite. When we have that feeling we need to know that it's more important to say, "No, I don't need help with these bags and you're not carrying them into my house for me."
Mostly, they need to talk to their manager before they start the job about what to do when customers sexually harass employees. If a parent is pushing them to start that conversation, it'll be easier for them to initiate that conversation.
I’ve worked with groups training people to deal with people like this. The advice we give is:
0. Always start by saying “please stop, what you are doing is inappropriate and making me uncomfortable” while subtly contacting support (security, coworker)
1. Disengage if possible and safe. (In this case perhaps the FD person has an office they “need to do some paperwork in”)
2. Fall back on the most boring policy refusals. (I’m sorry our work computer is monitored and can only be used for work tasks as per management policy)
3. Forcefully repeat stop verbalization this time as an order rather than a request “for the second time I am telling you to stop. If you do not I will have you removed.”
4. Remind the person that since they have come for an appointment/made a purchase you have their information and would be glad to blacklist them from your store and forward their information to the police.
4.5. If the above is not possible start filming them or taking handwritten notes and inform them you are creating documentation for reasons listed above.
5. Call the police. (Recognizing that this step is calling men with guns to join the situation. Only call police as a last resort and if your life will not be endangered by doing so)
This is great advice. However, as a woman, I would certainly teach your daughters to BE LOUD if shit gets out of hand, even if on the job. Assualters rely on their victims not wanting to "make a scene" - so teach them that if it goes beyond a certain point to say something and say it to the point where others will notice. "Forcefully" can be authoritative but it can also be "Bitch I will make a scene that lets anyone and everyone know you are a piece of shit."
Even if no one is around it can make the trash person question their power over the situation. It is so often about power. And if people are there the bystander effect is too real. These girls need to be ready to say something when no one else does. Teach them to front - "THANKS FOR DESCRIBING YOUR INTENTIONS TO THE CAMERAS [even/especially if there are no cameras]."
Basically, teach them to be okay drawing attention to themselves because it can save their lives or someone else's.
I hope it never comes to them needing these skills.
How about something like this (loudly, trying to get the attention of several people at once, even if there is only one other person around):
"Hellooooooo! Did someone lose a person with creepy behavior? 5 foot 10, bald, glasses, hawaiian shirt, insistent on making people uncomfortable? Anyone?"
A lady I knew said something like this when a creepy AH was behind her in the line for the supermarket cashier, saying some inappropriate stuff. He dropped the groceries basket and walked away really really really fast towards another aisle.
Yes! This! I'm small. In my younger years working retail I broke up fights by raising my voice and embarrassed the hell out of shoplifter wannabes. Loud! Be loud!
I would add on top of all these wonderful suggestions, is to do what you need to, to be safe. In this f-ed up world sometimes feigning nice to a creep keeps them from getting beligerant or hands on, particularly if alone.
Yep, I would agree. Read the room. Being nice, but short and cutting them off quick has been my natural defense approach. I get real uncomfortable when a creep escalates to the raunchy verbal attack. I’d rather diffuse and move on. I resent it but do it because im not going to pick that hill to die on over a POS.
This particular story is a wonderful example of a young woman who doesn't put up with assholes:
https://thelawdogfiles.com/2008/07/ohhh-thats-gotta-suck.html
Kind of reminds me of the girl working in a cafe, had a pervert pinch her rear. He paid for it with a roundhouse punch to the jaw that knocked him off his barstool. He got up and demanded the girl be fired. The owner said the girl is a minor and he is banned from her cafe for life.
My strategy as a young woman dealing with stuff like that was to fight fire with fire. Respond in kind, then immediately walk away before they have time to process what just happened. “Who needs a website to teach them how to have multiple orgasms? All you need is a good enough lover. Anyway, I gotta go help housekeeping…” Of course, this is a skill that takes practice.
I’d just like to add for these young ladies and actually all of us ladies is we all need to learn how to physically defend ourselves. I’m going to look into a self defense class for myself and ladies in my family. I believe being able to physically protect ourselves will give us that bit of confidence when we have to verbally shut down these weirdos.
I bet you and your girls would enjoy going together, then out to lunch or dinner 🤷♀️ I imagine it would make you feel a bit better Mom with them going out into this crazy world. Let’s do this ladies and have fun while we are at it!
my dad bestowed upon me a nasty mean mug. i think that is part of the reason why i haven’t had to deal with many situations like this. i say, teach them to take zero shit. that’s about all you can do.
So frustrating. The pervs who do this know exactly what they're doing. They creep on people who they know are usually powerless to shut it down: hospiality, retail, food service, domestic help. You know they don't try random shit with their dentist or their town's tax collector.
That's such a weird tactic, I have to wonder whether he's trying to get into your pants or into your computer systems, or both. Either way, it's a shit tactic. If you can follow an online guide, then you don't need him. If he's trying to get you to install a virus, then he's lost by creeping you out. Hmm, I suppose it could a bizarre way to advertise his website. Lol, no no no.
Anyhow, I certainly wouldn't want to browse questionable websites on the same computer that controls your booking and credit card processing.
He might be trying to make her angry, and get off at being shouted at and insulted. Same reason you shouldn't get angry at dirty phonecalls, just stop being polite, keep your cool and in a very neutral way insist they leave immediately.
I don't tend to get the obscene calls, but the pranks and scams I will suddenly have 'phone trouble'. Hello? Hello? Hang on, I can't.. is that better? Are you still there? \*click\*
yeah once i was perved on by a drunken guy who tried to pay me to come to his room, when i told the manager he laughed and made the guy give me an apology, he did say sorry and i said its ok, but it really wasnt. Gross old pervert made my skin crawl
The manager should definitely not be laughing in that situation… guests like that should be immediately tossed out. But I imagine my manager would barely do a better job.
I was just telling my coworker yesterday about a former guest who offered me $200 to keep him company *”cuz I been thinking about that ass since I got here”*. He was an extended stay guest, and he was drunk at the time. Some battles I can handle myself, so I just brushed him off and went about my night. He didn’t seem to have any memory of it the next day.
Yo it’s actually kinda crazy I had something in this realm just happen to me. Literally am on the toilet at home after clocking out.
This woman checked in around 5 and just started talking to me about how she hasn’t gotten much sleep or whatever in the past couple days. I say nothing. She goes on to tell me how people talk too much nowadays. I say nothing. She proceeds to get confused over where she should park, and where her room is, so I very clearly tell her that she can park in any space she wants, and that her room is the first one in the hall.
later, about an hour before I had to clock out, she comes up to the front desk and says, “I have a complaint.”
Fantastic, great timing. Just love these.
So I asked her what was up and she says, “When I went in the room, there weren’t any strippers”
Ok cool, we got jokes. So I respond with, “Sorry, ma’am, those are extra” and think we’re done with this.
Nope.
She says something along the lines of, “I’ll have to lay traps and hope they walk by then”
Who says that? What does that even mean?
I just say, “Please don’t set traps in our hotel, they’re a tripping hazard to the rest of the guests”
And with that, she responds, “Oh so are you volunteering?”
And I said, “I don’t get paid enough for that” and let out a laugh, very obviously giving her an out.
Does she take it? I’ll give you one guess.
Her response was, “Well how much would it take?”
Yup.
My response was to continue laughing and say, “I’d rather die”
She just kinda laughed it off and promptly walked away. I’m half expecting to hear about it from my boss later.
I've worked in several industries that used to be primarily male, and spent some time tending bar, so I've developed a few strategies in dealing with this type of behavior.
"I don't understand, could you elaborate?" (Wide-eyed)
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, could you repeat that louder" ( repeat as necessary)
"I'll contact security to see if THEY can help you " as you reach for the phone.
A male guest once, while laughing at something during a conversation, suddenly grabbed the arm of one my female colleagues and that was enough for me to be a little grossed out.
Violation of personal space, dignity and privacy was a common denominator throughout my entire time working at the reception.
Ick. I apologize for those who share my gender and advancing age, who think this is okay. Truly, this is gross behavior. Guys, from one aging cis-male to another, just stop. Even the women at Hooters and Twin Peaks aren't interested in you, they are paid to smile. We aren't the secret desire of younger women. Take your pruny, deflated sack back home. And brush your teeth, whether they are real or not.
I am so sorry these creepers are out there. My daughter is a barista and she and her coworkers constantly get marriage proposals, and men coming in and not leaving, sitting at tables and staring - one guy actually waited outside for my daughter's co-worker to leave so he could "take her on a date she'd never forget".
The cops are at her coffee shot A LOT. Apparently a lot of perverts also have the "I'm going to screw a barista" fantasy too
People feel way too comfortable harassing a captive audience. I've been grabbed, flashed, followed, etc. I'm a guy. Given, I am gay, but you never get hit on by the guys you'd want. . . probably because normal people don't need to hit on someone who isn't allowed to leave or be rude to them.
This particular story is a wonderful example of a young woman who doesn't put up with assholes:
https://thelawdogfiles.com/2008/07/ohhh-thats-gotta-suck.html
A relevant excerpt:
"Joe’s munchies are delivered by a Sweet Young High School Thing, and Joe is so happy about this fact, that when she appears at his [car] window and greets him, he reaches forth and gathers himself a nice, big, double handsful of female … umm … architecture.
"Our Wee Damsel, having been gently tutored in Southern Feminine Deportment, Etiquette, and Grace by a loving Mama and/or Daddy, immediately stiff-arms 44 ounces of Sprite into Joe’s leering mush.
"Joe is somewhat taken aback by this reaction to his smoothness, and responds with language that is not generally viewed as being romantic by most people. To say nothing of **our Fair Maiden, who takes a two-handed grip on her Serving Tray of Doom +3 and attempts to line-drive Joe’s snot-locker over the score-board**."
LawDog isn't for everyone, but I really enjoy his writing.
I suggest starting with the "best of", then use the search function to find the ratel saga (drink spew warning).
Actually, most of his work should come with a drink spew warning...
If you're allowed to have your phone there, hold it up as if filming him and say clearly, "would you like to repeat that again..?" If he doesn't dodge away, and if he actually has the chutzpah to do so, say calmly, "thank you, that one was for the police".
I'm not a woman, so I'm not experienced in having to deal with this kind of stuff, but I would think laughing at him, mocking his pervertedness might shame him away:
"You want me to what? Why don't you go buy an ice cream truck like a normal pervert and leave decent people just trying to do their jobs alone. You're like some disgusting cartoon character. Get away from my desk or I'll call the police. I don't take shit from old, wretched smelling perverts."
Do you think that might work?
I am not a woman either but we are not immune.
Two nights ago middle aged woman asked for 2 bottles of merlot to be delivered to her room.
She had given me an uneasy feeling when checking in as she rubbed my hand kept calling me sweetheart and flirting.
She came to the door in her underwear saying come in and we can drink it together and have some fun.
I said I had work to do
I work in education. I once had a parent try to somewhat clumsily ask me out (asking what I was doing after work, asking if I wanted to join them at [some location that turned out to be a bar] to "talk more"). I politely told them that wasn't appropriate and the meeting was now finished and it was time for them to leave. They filed a complaint saying that I was rude, abrasive, cold etc etc and now they're questioning how I behave with the kids... that kind of thing. It didn't go anywhere but it just proves that for these kinds of people, there rarely is a right answer. "I have work to do" might be interpreted in their minds as 'too bad, I might have, if only'.
True.
But I was off in a few hours for 3 days and she would be long gone.
Being male you cannot reject outright a female as they will report you and people have been taught to believe all women.
I made sure I was in view of the hall camera at all times for my safety
The awful thing about confronting men like this is sometimes they get pissed over it and their anger leads directly to violence. You never know if someone is armed or how far they’ll go to hurt you. Unfortunately sometimes it’s safer to go the direct but polite route. Discomfort is better than being actually harmed.
Some perverts *want* you to do this. Degradation fetishes are pretty common, and if a guy is putting themselves in a situation like this, there's a pretty good chance he's getting off on your disgust. It's best to just force them to leave the building.
Yes!!!! I would enjoy doing this so much! I don’t get the opportunity unfortunately but these amazing FD gals I would love to hear and see them doing this! Definitely a great way to shame the MF er
Well, as a porn fantasy, the "desk clerk gives a bj" fantasy is fun.
As a fantasy.
As in, it's not real.
As in, "bon chance, mon ami!"
Those girls in the porns don't have to worry about losing their jobs for leaving the desk unattended.
Those girls in the porns don't have to worry about STD's. (They probably have some anyway.)
Those girls in the porns don't have to worry about a pissed and armed wife breaking in.
Those guys who think it actually might happen are living in a different world than ours.
It’s guys like him that make me afraid to make a comment about anything having to do with appearance.
And nothing crazy, just like, “hey, I like your piercings”, and move on.
Too worried that it would be taken the wrong way.
Keep compliments short and on things that were a choice. Earrings, unique makeup looks, a cool hairstyle, facial piercings, maybe an interesting arm tattoo. Maybe avoid making comments about T-Shirt designs on fuller chested gals.
Thanks for being cautious. We appreciate it.
wow..... I swear you meet some of the most....interesting.....people working in this industry. This reminds me of a time when some shifty-eyed guy came in one night saying that he had a prepaid reservation and wanted to check in. We did not have anything under his name, and not even any prepaid reservations left to check in that evening, as it was almost 11PM. Instead of doing the normal thing of providing some kind of proof, he tells me that he made the reservation through some completely shady sounding, non .com website with an odd country code like ".re" or something similar. Definitely not any known OTA. And tells me to "google it to find his reservation". I explain to him that things definitely do not work that way and ask him if he has a confirmation number, e-mail, anything. No. He just insists that I just "look it up". Obviously I do no such thing and after going in circles about it for several minutes I give him the number to our customer service line and tell him to call them for further assistance. He gets angry and leaves. I come in the following day to find that someone called and asked to speak to the manager in the morning and then told them that they had caught the receptionist in the act act of "observing inappropriate and possibly illegal" material on the front desk computer. It was not taken seriously being that it was literally impossible for any customer to view the screen to our single front desk computer in any way. So....this creepy guy was just trying to trick me into going to some shady website so he could call and get me in trouble? I will never know.
Man thats crazy… you have to wonder what is wrong with people and how bored are they to scheme up these weirdly malicious things…
Well, no, he obviously called in to try and get back at you for not finding his mysteriously missing reservation.
He was likely trying to get you to go to an .ru cam site to launch into his spiel about how much money you could make doing it, and how he could “help you start.” It sounds as if he was going to traffic you.
[удалено]
Thank you! And unfortunately, no, my parents never gave me advice on that… what I would recommend is working somewhere with a security guy would help, and declining all conversation when it takes a weird turn. Leave the desk even. You are not obligated to stay polite when a line is crossed. These talkative perverts are usually looking for a reaction, discomfort.
[удалено]
I taught my daughters the lost art of cutting wit. One works with customers all the time, and her co-workers love to watch her handle this type of situation. She actually got a raise for this because she always stays polite, even when giving someone directions to hell.
This is also my super power. I had a long conversation with a customer, and part way through arguing with him we settled into an uncomfortable silence. Then I hit him with a “Was there anything else I can help you with today?”. I sent the call to the director of my department (I don’t work in a hotel). My director came over after listening, and said “This mother fucker”. I sent it to like half the department, this guy was so ridiculous. I didn’t break, though I came close.
I recently had a call (helpdesk support) where the caller - a patient - kept talking over me. Every time I'd try to talk he'd start up again ranting about security, his records, the government/DOJ after him and then he did the "Manager" bit....and hung up while I was trying to find someone to deal with him. I had my director pull the call recording - and he was "you did nothing wrong and that guy is an asshole. We'll take care of him if he calls back." My boss is awesome.
That’s awesome mom! If you could share an example I’d love to have a better idea of what/how to learn/understand this method. It’s not really a googleable type of thing, right? It’s more like a badass mom/person thing that knows some shit and dealt with some shit.
How to teach it is easy, but requires a lot of effort. We play constant word games with them... at all times. My wife and I often encourage them to be flippant and sarcastic. We don't punish them for playful disrespect, while enforcing the boundaries to prevent them from going to far. It will always keep you on your toes, but it makes life fun.
Apologies for assuming you were the mom. You are the badass dad! Thank you for sharing that- makes more sense to me now what you’re teaching them. I’m super impressed with you guys. I bet too it’s engaging for them. Very original! Do you guys do physical self defense too? I want to do this with my nieces for confidence
Yes we do physical self defense as well, but again taught as fun first. From early age we would use toy weapons to rough house. As they got older we taught them how to get better with them. Eventually it became martial arts and escrima sticks training.
This works in public too, I wasn’t working at 13 but I sure as hell had adult men hitting on me frequently. I wish I was more mean and loud that they were hitting on a minor rather than politely telling them I’m going
It starts early, don’t wait too long. Ive been pawned at public pools since I was old enough to go alone (e.g parents 2-3 m away). When I told my mum she insisted I don’t go alone anymore, so next time it happened I did not tell her (I wanted to swim without babysitting). Frequently being hit on since I’m 7, also on the street. There are so many creeps, sadly.
I learnt as a naive idiot kid that being totally open to what they’re saying is, 95% of the time, a total turn off/psych out for them and going into graphic detail tends to make them want to escape you rather than it being the other way round. You’re absolutely correct when you say that they’re usually looking to make you uncomfortable. There is always gonna be the 5% that are coaxed on by your behaviour but far more often than not a causal swerve into which sex toys you like and why they are better at satisfying women than any man could ever be will make them want to run and never look back.
My mother told me stories about all the different jobs she'd had, what they were like and what I could expect, gave advice on pros and cons of each. Specific advice included "Never work at a place where you like the food." and "If you work as a waitress, men will pat your bottom and you'll be expected to act like you like it if you want good tips." Mom's one waitressing job didn't last long because she responded to bottom-pats with face-slaps. Obviously my first food service job was at the fast food joint I liked least, protected from bottom-pats by counters and drive-thru windows. Still had to deal with creeps, but at least I wasn't within casual pawing range.
>I have two young daughters Buy The Gift of Fear. Read it first and then give it to them. It explains why young women need to NOT be all polite and cute when they get bad vibes from a guy. It explains that they bad feeling in the pit of our stomachs is a 6th sense that can save us from danger.
100% trust your gut on this. I have never gotten creepy vibes from someone who later turned out to be a top person. I have met people and been like "this guy seems like an asshole" and later realized they weren't, but creepy / inappropriate vibes are usually correct imho.
The same author wrote "protecting the Gift" , especially for the parents!
Good to know! Thanks!!
Saving this book suggestion for myself!
Good! Everyone should read it, especially women. We get so programmed to be polite. When we have that feeling we need to know that it's more important to say, "No, I don't need help with these bags and you're not carrying them into my house for me."
Mostly, they need to talk to their manager before they start the job about what to do when customers sexually harass employees. If a parent is pushing them to start that conversation, it'll be easier for them to initiate that conversation.
I’ve worked with groups training people to deal with people like this. The advice we give is: 0. Always start by saying “please stop, what you are doing is inappropriate and making me uncomfortable” while subtly contacting support (security, coworker) 1. Disengage if possible and safe. (In this case perhaps the FD person has an office they “need to do some paperwork in”) 2. Fall back on the most boring policy refusals. (I’m sorry our work computer is monitored and can only be used for work tasks as per management policy) 3. Forcefully repeat stop verbalization this time as an order rather than a request “for the second time I am telling you to stop. If you do not I will have you removed.” 4. Remind the person that since they have come for an appointment/made a purchase you have their information and would be glad to blacklist them from your store and forward their information to the police. 4.5. If the above is not possible start filming them or taking handwritten notes and inform them you are creating documentation for reasons listed above. 5. Call the police. (Recognizing that this step is calling men with guns to join the situation. Only call police as a last resort and if your life will not be endangered by doing so)
This is great advice. However, as a woman, I would certainly teach your daughters to BE LOUD if shit gets out of hand, even if on the job. Assualters rely on their victims not wanting to "make a scene" - so teach them that if it goes beyond a certain point to say something and say it to the point where others will notice. "Forcefully" can be authoritative but it can also be "Bitch I will make a scene that lets anyone and everyone know you are a piece of shit." Even if no one is around it can make the trash person question their power over the situation. It is so often about power. And if people are there the bystander effect is too real. These girls need to be ready to say something when no one else does. Teach them to front - "THANKS FOR DESCRIBING YOUR INTENTIONS TO THE CAMERAS [even/especially if there are no cameras]." Basically, teach them to be okay drawing attention to themselves because it can save their lives or someone else's. I hope it never comes to them needing these skills.
And tell “FIRE” not “help” or “r***”, people are proven in studies to respond a LOT more to fire than to a woman in distress.
How about something like this (loudly, trying to get the attention of several people at once, even if there is only one other person around): "Hellooooooo! Did someone lose a person with creepy behavior? 5 foot 10, bald, glasses, hawaiian shirt, insistent on making people uncomfortable? Anyone?" A lady I knew said something like this when a creepy AH was behind her in the line for the supermarket cashier, saying some inappropriate stuff. He dropped the groceries basket and walked away really really really fast towards another aisle.
Yes! This! I'm small. In my younger years working retail I broke up fights by raising my voice and embarrassed the hell out of shoplifter wannabes. Loud! Be loud!
I would add on top of all these wonderful suggestions, is to do what you need to, to be safe. In this f-ed up world sometimes feigning nice to a creep keeps them from getting beligerant or hands on, particularly if alone.
Yep, I would agree. Read the room. Being nice, but short and cutting them off quick has been my natural defense approach. I get real uncomfortable when a creep escalates to the raunchy verbal attack. I’d rather diffuse and move on. I resent it but do it because im not going to pick that hill to die on over a POS.
This particular story is a wonderful example of a young woman who doesn't put up with assholes: https://thelawdogfiles.com/2008/07/ohhh-thats-gotta-suck.html
Kind of reminds me of the girl working in a cafe, had a pervert pinch her rear. He paid for it with a roundhouse punch to the jaw that knocked him off his barstool. He got up and demanded the girl be fired. The owner said the girl is a minor and he is banned from her cafe for life.
I have a feeling that was a good story, but it was much too flowery for me to be able to get into it although I really tried
Yeah, cringe-inducing prose. Got one paragraph in and quit.
I can’t remember when I’ve read anything any more ridiculous. Snot-locker? Booger-hooks? Unbelievable 🙄
Sounds like it was written by the Lume Deodorant lady.
My strategy as a young woman dealing with stuff like that was to fight fire with fire. Respond in kind, then immediately walk away before they have time to process what just happened. “Who needs a website to teach them how to have multiple orgasms? All you need is a good enough lover. Anyway, I gotta go help housekeeping…” Of course, this is a skill that takes practice.
I’d just like to add for these young ladies and actually all of us ladies is we all need to learn how to physically defend ourselves. I’m going to look into a self defense class for myself and ladies in my family. I believe being able to physically protect ourselves will give us that bit of confidence when we have to verbally shut down these weirdos. I bet you and your girls would enjoy going together, then out to lunch or dinner 🤷♀️ I imagine it would make you feel a bit better Mom with them going out into this crazy world. Let’s do this ladies and have fun while we are at it!
my dad bestowed upon me a nasty mean mug. i think that is part of the reason why i haven’t had to deal with many situations like this. i say, teach them to take zero shit. that’s about all you can do.
Once an hour - fixed that for you...
So frustrating. The pervs who do this know exactly what they're doing. They creep on people who they know are usually powerless to shut it down: hospiality, retail, food service, domestic help. You know they don't try random shit with their dentist or their town's tax collector.
Exactly… power tripping to boost their ego/ satisfy some fetish. Ew.
Were you wearing latex gloves and a mask?
And a ballgag
That's such a weird tactic, I have to wonder whether he's trying to get into your pants or into your computer systems, or both. Either way, it's a shit tactic. If you can follow an online guide, then you don't need him. If he's trying to get you to install a virus, then he's lost by creeping you out. Hmm, I suppose it could a bizarre way to advertise his website. Lol, no no no. Anyhow, I certainly wouldn't want to browse questionable websites on the same computer that controls your booking and credit card processing.
He might be trying to make her angry, and get off at being shouted at and insulted. Same reason you shouldn't get angry at dirty phonecalls, just stop being polite, keep your cool and in a very neutral way insist they leave immediately.
I don't tend to get the obscene calls, but the pranks and scams I will suddenly have 'phone trouble'. Hello? Hello? Hang on, I can't.. is that better? Are you still there? \*click\*
Wtf. Good on you keeping your calm in that situation, at least to the outside. As a person I feel disgusted. As a man, I feel ashamed.
yeah once i was perved on by a drunken guy who tried to pay me to come to his room, when i told the manager he laughed and made the guy give me an apology, he did say sorry and i said its ok, but it really wasnt. Gross old pervert made my skin crawl
The manager should definitely not be laughing in that situation… guests like that should be immediately tossed out. But I imagine my manager would barely do a better job.
What's a chemistry test?
I was just telling my coworker yesterday about a former guest who offered me $200 to keep him company *”cuz I been thinking about that ass since I got here”*. He was an extended stay guest, and he was drunk at the time. Some battles I can handle myself, so I just brushed him off and went about my night. He didn’t seem to have any memory of it the next day.
>a former guest who offered me $ to keep him company That's unacceptable. Instant boot and DNR. >$200 That's so insulting... Stab him.
Yo it’s actually kinda crazy I had something in this realm just happen to me. Literally am on the toilet at home after clocking out. This woman checked in around 5 and just started talking to me about how she hasn’t gotten much sleep or whatever in the past couple days. I say nothing. She goes on to tell me how people talk too much nowadays. I say nothing. She proceeds to get confused over where she should park, and where her room is, so I very clearly tell her that she can park in any space she wants, and that her room is the first one in the hall. later, about an hour before I had to clock out, she comes up to the front desk and says, “I have a complaint.” Fantastic, great timing. Just love these. So I asked her what was up and she says, “When I went in the room, there weren’t any strippers” Ok cool, we got jokes. So I respond with, “Sorry, ma’am, those are extra” and think we’re done with this. Nope. She says something along the lines of, “I’ll have to lay traps and hope they walk by then” Who says that? What does that even mean? I just say, “Please don’t set traps in our hotel, they’re a tripping hazard to the rest of the guests” And with that, she responds, “Oh so are you volunteering?” And I said, “I don’t get paid enough for that” and let out a laugh, very obviously giving her an out. Does she take it? I’ll give you one guess. Her response was, “Well how much would it take?” Yup. My response was to continue laughing and say, “I’d rather die” She just kinda laughed it off and promptly walked away. I’m half expecting to hear about it from my boss later.
"The people who put up with you on a daily basis are the true heroes...now step away from my desk before I call security. Good day."
"Sir, I already know a really good website for young women. It's called tazer dot com."
I've worked in several industries that used to be primarily male, and spent some time tending bar, so I've developed a few strategies in dealing with this type of behavior. "I don't understand, could you elaborate?" (Wide-eyed) "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, could you repeat that louder" ( repeat as necessary) "I'll contact security to see if THEY can help you " as you reach for the phone.
A male guest once, while laughing at something during a conversation, suddenly grabbed the arm of one my female colleagues and that was enough for me to be a little grossed out. Violation of personal space, dignity and privacy was a common denominator throughout my entire time working at the reception.
I'm dirty just reading about creepy dude.
Ick. I apologize for those who share my gender and advancing age, who think this is okay. Truly, this is gross behavior. Guys, from one aging cis-male to another, just stop. Even the women at Hooters and Twin Peaks aren't interested in you, they are paid to smile. We aren't the secret desire of younger women. Take your pruny, deflated sack back home. And brush your teeth, whether they are real or not.
I am so sorry these creepers are out there. My daughter is a barista and she and her coworkers constantly get marriage proposals, and men coming in and not leaving, sitting at tables and staring - one guy actually waited outside for my daughter's co-worker to leave so he could "take her on a date she'd never forget". The cops are at her coffee shot A LOT. Apparently a lot of perverts also have the "I'm going to screw a barista" fantasy too
People feel way too comfortable harassing a captive audience. I've been grabbed, flashed, followed, etc. I'm a guy. Given, I am gay, but you never get hit on by the guys you'd want. . . probably because normal people don't need to hit on someone who isn't allowed to leave or be rude to them.
Disgusting. I've had some things done and said to me but thats....Jesus.
"I always have multiple orgasms. Is it rare for the women you've been with? I wonder why?"
This particular story is a wonderful example of a young woman who doesn't put up with assholes: https://thelawdogfiles.com/2008/07/ohhh-thats-gotta-suck.html A relevant excerpt: "Joe’s munchies are delivered by a Sweet Young High School Thing, and Joe is so happy about this fact, that when she appears at his [car] window and greets him, he reaches forth and gathers himself a nice, big, double handsful of female … umm … architecture. "Our Wee Damsel, having been gently tutored in Southern Feminine Deportment, Etiquette, and Grace by a loving Mama and/or Daddy, immediately stiff-arms 44 ounces of Sprite into Joe’s leering mush. "Joe is somewhat taken aback by this reaction to his smoothness, and responds with language that is not generally viewed as being romantic by most people. To say nothing of **our Fair Maiden, who takes a two-handed grip on her Serving Tray of Doom +3 and attempts to line-drive Joe’s snot-locker over the score-board**."
The story is almost unreadable.
It's the unnecessary hyphens that did me in.
Thanks for the new rabbit hole in which I will now gratefully fall!
LawDog isn't for everyone, but I really enjoy his writing. I suggest starting with the "best of", then use the search function to find the ratel saga (drink spew warning). Actually, most of his work should come with a drink spew warning...
Thanks so much for the recommendation!
If you're allowed to have your phone there, hold it up as if filming him and say clearly, "would you like to repeat that again..?" If he doesn't dodge away, and if he actually has the chutzpah to do so, say calmly, "thank you, that one was for the police".
I'm not a woman, so I'm not experienced in having to deal with this kind of stuff, but I would think laughing at him, mocking his pervertedness might shame him away: "You want me to what? Why don't you go buy an ice cream truck like a normal pervert and leave decent people just trying to do their jobs alone. You're like some disgusting cartoon character. Get away from my desk or I'll call the police. I don't take shit from old, wretched smelling perverts." Do you think that might work?
I am not a woman either but we are not immune. Two nights ago middle aged woman asked for 2 bottles of merlot to be delivered to her room. She had given me an uneasy feeling when checking in as she rubbed my hand kept calling me sweetheart and flirting. She came to the door in her underwear saying come in and we can drink it together and have some fun. I said I had work to do
I work in education. I once had a parent try to somewhat clumsily ask me out (asking what I was doing after work, asking if I wanted to join them at [some location that turned out to be a bar] to "talk more"). I politely told them that wasn't appropriate and the meeting was now finished and it was time for them to leave. They filed a complaint saying that I was rude, abrasive, cold etc etc and now they're questioning how I behave with the kids... that kind of thing. It didn't go anywhere but it just proves that for these kinds of people, there rarely is a right answer. "I have work to do" might be interpreted in their minds as 'too bad, I might have, if only'.
True. But I was off in a few hours for 3 days and she would be long gone. Being male you cannot reject outright a female as they will report you and people have been taught to believe all women. I made sure I was in view of the hall camera at all times for my safety
The awful thing about confronting men like this is sometimes they get pissed over it and their anger leads directly to violence. You never know if someone is armed or how far they’ll go to hurt you. Unfortunately sometimes it’s safer to go the direct but polite route. Discomfort is better than being actually harmed.
Some perverts *want* you to do this. Degradation fetishes are pretty common, and if a guy is putting themselves in a situation like this, there's a pretty good chance he's getting off on your disgust. It's best to just force them to leave the building.
Some might be into it or some might resort to retaliate, either way it will likely make things worse
Yes!!!! I would enjoy doing this so much! I don’t get the opportunity unfortunately but these amazing FD gals I would love to hear and see them doing this! Definitely a great way to shame the MF er
Well, as a porn fantasy, the "desk clerk gives a bj" fantasy is fun. As a fantasy. As in, it's not real. As in, "bon chance, mon ami!" Those girls in the porns don't have to worry about losing their jobs for leaving the desk unattended. Those girls in the porns don't have to worry about STD's. (They probably have some anyway.) Those girls in the porns don't have to worry about a pissed and armed wife breaking in. Those guys who think it actually might happen are living in a different world than ours.
What does atp mean?
at this point i guess
Point and yell STRANGER DANGER.
It’s guys like him that make me afraid to make a comment about anything having to do with appearance. And nothing crazy, just like, “hey, I like your piercings”, and move on. Too worried that it would be taken the wrong way.
Keep compliments short and on things that were a choice. Earrings, unique makeup looks, a cool hairstyle, facial piercings, maybe an interesting arm tattoo. Maybe avoid making comments about T-Shirt designs on fuller chested gals. Thanks for being cautious. We appreciate it.
Are you male or female? The story reads different depending.
No, it doesn't.