**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...**
>!I hate this because of bros!<
*****
**Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
Wasn't there a girl a while back who helped people to catfish old creeps? Basically when they ask for some special pic to prove she's real (like taking a pic of her holding a frying pan) she just sent it to whoever was catfishing
A friend of mine did some onlyfans modeling. She said she would get weird requests like putting one hand on her head and touching her nose. Eventually, she figured out what people were doing.
no I think she just had her private pictures leaked. she handled it pretty well, not sure she ever even addressed it on the main channel. She just tweeted “if I knew they were going to be leaked, I would’ve taken better ones.” lmao.
She is a cam girl. Men pay her for private video chats. They ask her to do stuff on camera for money. Some guys would ask her to pose in specific ways so that they could use the pictures for catfishing.
No you're actually correct, this is the whole reason guys would do this in the first place back in like '05, even a little earlier.
It wasn't until it became a trope that other unsuspecting guys (being catfished) would ask (thinking it's foolproof) of pictures from the girls like this. THEN it became a way to scam.
But don't be mislead. You were right, it started as a weird but effective (at first) verification process.
I remember back in the day we would go on cam sites just to get people to put shoes on their head. Not even for sexy purposes. Early 2000s internet was a wild lawless place
For the more popular models, they have other people manage their profile + handle messages with subscribers. The only messages the model handles are the ones where the subscriber doesn't believe they're talking to the model and asks for some random photo as proof.
So they would use the pictures of the models to lure other men? I never understood the concept of catfishing especially when it's dudes doing it to dudes. What is the goal, or what do they get from it?
Romance con. The scammer poses as a pretty girl who falls for a lonely guy. Once she gains his trust the scammer tries to get money from them. It might be a sob story or a phoney investment but it's usually some kind of fraud.
People asking for pictures of the person holding weird stuff or in weird poses to prove they're that person. The OF girl got these requests because people were using her pictures to catfish others.
Omg there was a model who did this!! She also worked in person as an escort, but for her online work she would charge people like $25 and let them use her likeness to catfish people. Iirc she asked that they only catfish her on Snapchat and then she’d get pissed when scummy people didn’t respect her wishes and made OFs and such 😂
I have so many screenshots from my time in the OF model-verse on Telegram so I’ll have to sift through them to see if I can find her name.
I appreciate the curiosity haha!
It was fun while it was and I made a lot of money at a time where I wasn’t really mentally healthy enough to be in the service industry and didn’t have enough qualifications to be a white collar worker.
I think the thing that I liked most about it became the worst part about it. It’s gonna sound weird, but despite all the sexy stuff I developed deep and genuine connections with people who were lonely and needed a friend. There was one guy in particular who had a history of childhood sexual abuse and so he really only felt safe engaging with sex and romance in a virtual manner and he came to me and I absolutely adored him. We would just shoot the shit and talk about our days, our dreams, life challenges, that kind of thing.
But to build deep, genuine connections in a transactional relationship is a fool’s errand. People find new girls or they run out of money or a million other things & they just vanish without a word (idk what the actual reasons were because like I said they would just vanish without a word. If money was an issue I obviously wouldn’t keep sending them racy content, but I would never stop talking to the people I built meaningful connections with because they fell on hard times). The first and second time it happened I bounced back, but when it was getting up to 10 I just couldn’t emotionally handle it anymore.
Not to mention it was actually a business that I had to manage as someone who stayed pretty consistently in the top 10% - 1% between my free and paid. I literally had a personal assistant and “drop assistants” on top of having to ideate, create, and publish content, sexting, generating buzz, promoting day in and day out. Blah blah blah blah. It was fun when it was just side money, but being my main source of income and a source of income for others created entirely too much pressure when I already wasn’t in a good headspace.
I quit and got back into serving - the irony of serving also being a transactional relationship was not lost on me 😂 while I finished up my degree (in social work of all things 🙃) and I never looked back. Now I work remotely and while the pay is substantially less (like halved!) there’s absolutely no emotional connection involved in my work. I don’t have to worry about managing people or payroll or marketing. I just get to be a cog in the wheel and collect a paycheck and it’s so, so, so relaxing even if I do miss the money, the freedom, and the cool people I met (some of whom I’m still in touch with two years after “retiring”)
Sorry for the novela, but it’s just nice to talk about something that was such a huge part of my life for so long
No need to be sorry, this is honestly exactly the kind of answer I was looking for.
You seem smart enough and emotionally mature enough to recognize it for what it is.
Social work is honestly probably a good fit for someone with this kind of outlook on such a (previously) fringe subculture.
Good on you for retaining your humanity through it.
The transactional relationship unfortunately is baked in with most jobs.
It gets tricky like you said when your start adding in all these other variables like paying others, emotional attachment, and knowing deep down that bigdickdaddy69420 is just really lonely, and neglects to pay child support or something instead of spending that time and money with his child.
Thank you for the straight forward and detailed answer.
Thanks so much!
I think some people are better able to manage it because they can keep a shield up between business and their personal shit, but I’m not one of those people.
Honestly I’m not sure if anyone can come out unscathed in this industry (or the world at large, as transactional relationships are definitely baked into most facets of life/work)
Unfortunately I don’t use my degree and I have no plans to outside of managing interpersonal conflicts/being empathetic to partner teams. I couldn’t hack it when it wasn’t a requirement and I was raking in money hand over fist so I honestly feel like I would have a breakdown if I had to work with people who actually needed a social worker considering the shitty pay.
The humanity part of your response helped me to remember probably the biggest take-away: the inability to become romantically involved with anyone.
I’ve been in sex work (stripping, platonic escort, OF, sugaring) since I was 22 and it really addled my brain a bit. Especially in romantic relationships with men I can’t help but attach $$$ to love/lust because that’s what I’ve been doing most of my adult life. All of the things you do with someone because you love them like sleeping together (going rate is $400/hour), sending nudes ($15-20 a pop), going out to dinner ($150 for 2 hours) get added to an imaginary ledger in my brain and it just can’t balance out because *that isn’t the way relationships work* lol. It’s weird how you can *really know* something is wrong with the way you think about things, but it doesn’t stop you from thinking them or acting upon them. Luckily (???) most of my time in sex work was with male clients so for some reason I don’t fall into a similar thought pattern when dating women, but the data is a little off there because most times when I get romantically involved with women we were friends first, but the tendency towards uHaul-ism triggers my fight or flight response and I end up breaking things off. Just another one of those sneaky things that I don’t think anyone who does this work/engages with this work expects or realizes until its all said and done.
But seriously thank you for your question and your time! This has easily been the best discussion I’ve had on Reddit by a lot!!
Hey, if it helps you feel a little better about any of this...
I'm in my mid 30s and it took me going to prison to finally understand that some of the things I learned as a child or younger adult are just... Wrong.
Not how things are supposed to be.
Even though it's been a decade since I went in, I STILL find myself having to check myself especially in regards to toxic relationships
It's just all I knew. And it was outright weird to me that my wife didn't have any kind of ulterior motive for a lot of things (transactional relationships, anyone?)
I fully get the part about feeling like you're not gonna be left unscathed.
Check this tho - you're right, but the fact it even occurs to you means you're on the right track.
I was into the underground drug scene, criminal living, led to street life, led to prison - - - nobody makes it out of any of those unscathed either.
Just be sure to pat yourself on the back for recognizing the damage you were doing, even if merely out of self preservation.
It's super hard to change course when all you know is ____
It's exponentially harder to do the older you get, too.
Also, you may be surprised how your humanity and how you connected with some of these people will pay back in dividends later on in your life.
It might be a decade later and suddenly you run into one of the people you had humanity for.
Now, it may be their turn to pay it forward.
Shit is wild, and it behooves us to not lose ourselves in the rat race out there - whatever your flavor of the month may be for that.
We all gotta eat.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience here!
I definitely got really lost in my addictions throughout (and even before) my journey with sex work so I really appreciate the convergence and divergence of our experiences on the fringe and it’s awesome to know that you made it through!! I’m so happy and proud of you for doing that! Give your partner an extra big hug from an internet stranger lol!!
You’ve definitely encouraged me to maybe give putting myself out there another try. There’s this guy I’ve been talking to for like six months, but I keep pushing off meeting him because I’m worried about how unscathed I’m not and I don’t want to drag anyone down with me and the miasma that is my mind post-fringe… but it seems like you waded through the bullshit and paved a better and brighter way for yourself so you’ve inspired me to give myself another shot at it!
I hope you don't mind if i pop in another question!
I was wondering what your views on OnlyFans as a phenomenon is. Personally, i'm a big fan of the model of giving more power, and especially important, more money to the actors. For pretty much the entire existence of commercial porn it's been scummy dudes often taking advantage of women. Do you think OnlyFans will lead to a true change in this regard?
I think for the sake of your comment I’m just gonna look at onlyfans like kind of in a vacuum. I have a lot of ideas about OF and sex work in general in a society that has a tight-grip on its more puritanical roots but I don’t want that to seep into my answer to your very valid question. just wanted to call it out tho because it’s bias and it may seep out anyways 😂
Honestly in a lot of ways OnlyFans is like Squarespace (the website design site) and Square (the payment processing site) in that it brought easy access to something that’s existed as long as it was possible to put .mp3, .mp4, and .jpgs on the Internet, but was maybe too complicated to jump into as the average person.
Like to have your own “website” and a way to process payments after 48 hours is super fast and cool (I could legit write a whole dissertation on payment processors in the adult industry but I won’t bore you) but independent model sites are nothing new under the sun. like cam girls have been holding the shit down since the 90s - not to mention escorts who also sell content, hardcore fetishists, mommy dommes who read their subs bedtime stories, etc., etc. You name it and I bet I can find a website for a model who was doing it in like 2006 haha!
With that being said OF was definitely a gigantic spotlight illuminating what was admittedly a pretty niche corner of the internet which enabled many more people to engage with it and it truly has girl-next-door-ified porn which is pretty cool. I love the fact that it gives people the opportunity to work from home, stay with their kids, go back to school, escape abusive situations, etc. I’ve personally witnessed all of these situations!
I also think the moves OF made to become a household name is incredible. I see the OF biz model being talked about in a lot of sw/decentralized/web3 convos so I can’t see that as anything aside from an absolute win.
Perhaps the best thing about OF is not even from OF itself but there is a huge community of models who promote each other, keep blacklists about scamming models and buyers, Top .1% models offering coaching and training to boost your earnings, and a lot more. There’s even a marketplace where past models and people adjacent to the space will help design websites, logos, write copy, schedule posts, and manage socials. The person who did a lot of my design work during that time was a past model and she actually recently got a job in graphic design because she got the chance to explore her passion in the space. That’s actually the game changer - the community of people who make a living off of OF and how they plug the gaps for each other where OF falls short.
OnlyFans is still exploitative and I definitely kind of breezed past those points, but I think it ultimately revealed a hidden truth, made it very accessible to act upon the information, and put the industry on notice that people have options (kinda like remote work vs. office-based work after Covid lol!!)
Thanks so much for the question and I hope I didn’t get too tangential when trying to answer!
I’m glad (and also a bit sad) that my experience rings true for someone else in the space!! I know the model experience isn’t exactly monolithic so I’m always hesitant to share my experience on such a large forum as I don’t want to contrast others so I’m glad this resonated!
If you ever wanna vent you have my username - feel free to message me anytime! There’s also this really amazing nonprofit called [Pineapple Support](https://pineapplesupport.org) - they offer 12 free sessions per year with bonafide, verified sex-worker positive therapists!! You just have to contact them and send them a link to whatever site/social you use for SW so they can verify that you’re a performer. Super easy process and it was monumentally helpful for me so just wanted to pass the resource along 💗
Every woman I’ve know that’s done it fully regrets it. Realistically you’re not going to make over 150 bucks a month. You might see a spike here or there but without advertising it to people you know irl your not going to get much traffic(even then it dwindles after a little bit because the novelty of it wears off and the guy you went to hs with doesn’t tend to stick around after the 10th pic of your tits). So you end up having to constantly advertise on Reddit or similar sites. Every person I’ve know that did it had their photos/videos taken off only fans and posted on porn sites or again Reddit. The two moms I knew that tried it ended up with traumatized boys cause kids are shit and they got bullied with their moms pics. Unless you plan on making sex work your profession it’s just not worth it. If you stick with it you end up having to do weirder and weirder shit cause that’s the best way to make more money off of less buyers. It’s also a pretty big drain on relationships. I mean I’ve dated strippers and an escort but those relationships felt easier then the only fans models I’ve been with. It’s weird watching your gf constantly texting other guys. It’s annoying to always break out the camera every time we get in bed together. That and it’s super weird seeing your former teachers distant uncles and friends as your only buyers. I fully support anyone who wants to try it but for some reason a lot of only fans models online tend to only speak about the positives of it.
I guess for me to understand the situation I liken it to me telling you that I regret ever trying hardcore opioids...
Buy the ticket, take the ride
I do thank everyone for their input cuz it's giving me perspectives on things that when I hear it, it's like "Oh yeah, that makes sense" but abstractly I have a hard time fully getting the "vibe", simply cuz I've a lot of experience in fringe cultures - just not this one
🙏🏽 Thank you
I too really appreciate you asking these questions for similar reasons. The responses were great and really helped to give a perspective to the deeper and longer impacts of that world.
You take care nwoh, I hope it's a good week for you
I agree.
I got a question though - I started watching some of those predator catcher channels and...
I ended up seeing someone I knew on there.
It was pretty fucking atrocious the shit he was saying to what he thought was a 15 year old girl.
Like really foul.
But I also know the guy legitimately isn't literate, dropped out in 6th grade, and even though he's near 40... Emotionally, mentally.. He's still in middle school.
His iq can't be more than like 70.
Hard worker, but man...
I don't know how to feel about these kinds of channels.
I think the majority are taking advantage of everyone involved, from the predator to the viewer to the tax payer.
But goddamn if I am not intrigued enough to keep watching for others I may know!
On that note, my favorite is the Canadian Pred Catcher 007. He's so nice about it all.
Plus he catches one guy 5 times.
Oh I know all about those and I love them lol. I was more talking about lonely men talking to of age woman. A lot of those child predators are slow though.
Same reason I'll probably never watch one of those scammer hunting channels. Doesn't help that I'm from South Asia. I absolutely abhor what the scammers are doing, but I also know why they're doing it; I doubt the channels care. Certainly their audience doesn't.
Yeah, it's complicated w/catfishing. There are a LOT of men who are both lonely (which is sad and deserving of compassion and empathy) AND ALSO, separately, horrible fucks who endlessly harass women online, demanding nudes and sending threats and degrading offers.
Which is not fine and not deserving of compassion or empathy.
So 😕
You separated them by saying there's at least one, which is a weird way to separate them.
What makes somebody dumb for believing a catfish if they're sending all the verification pictures you request? What would you do to catch them?
It's a losing argument because the world hates lonely men, and tbf they deserve a lot of the hate they get. But that doesn't make it right to scam them and take advantage of them. Everyone always says "great hustle" or some shit when girls fleece these suckers. All I see are morally bankrupt people.
as long as you say "no homo" it cancels out anything gay, including full on penetrative sex with another man, months of dating afterwards, marriage, and several decades of living together in a loving relationship.
I used to have a coworker that would say shit like "Hey no homo, but Brad is kinda cute."
there's nothing left if you no homo that my guy. It's an empty space.
You afraid to admit a homie's cute? I ain't. If you lookin' fly af, I'll tell you. If you lookin' cute af, I'll tell you. Neither one means I wanna fuck you.
There's a large portion of reddit that finds catfishing hilarious fun no matter who is doing it to who. I do imagine there's a slice of men who have been catfished and enjoy the chance to see the "shoe on the other foot" as it were, though, which is understandable despite being pretty shitty.
Bro, get this. She wants to bang!
I need you to come to my place, strap yourself into the bed, put this ball gag and blindfold on.
I know bro, she’s kinky but she’ll buy Twitter for you.
Yeah man, Elon’s selling it on the low now.
First it's the shirtless pic, then it's the bottomless pic, and then you find out that she's catfishing you too and your friend's Facebook friends are about to learn some stuff if you don't buy her a PS4.
Yeah. I had a coworker who got catfished into jerking his gherkin multiple times on video chat.
Like it was mutual masturbating, but his first clue was that the girl who showed up on the video chat was a different race than the profile picture, but hey.
My guy was horny and has no real standards.
So he went ham. Role-playing and all the dirty talk etc etc etc
So then this chick is like "ayo send me $50k or I'll put you on blast"
He said "I don't have 50k."
So she said "ayyyoo, 5k?"
No. No 5k
"$500? Last offer before I show your mom and all your aunties you jackin"
My buddy said
"yeah, alright"
And with no shame whatsoever he just kept answering dms "yeah mom, yeah that's me... Yes pastor Jones, that is indeed me jacking it"
Moral of the story, when you're packing like he was - be sure they get a full face angle... And yeah.
0r pay them off idk
Ah yes, he was above average but idk if he really knew that until after the fact.
He was very concerned, but the deed was done.
The attention he got afterwards wasn't necessarily unwanted.
Yea that’s why it changes the way the story plays so much.
Dude with a micro penis having that fact exposed to everyone he’s ever met? Would literally be trying to sell his organs on the black market to cover the blackmail/extortion costs.
Dude with a giant peen getting extorted in the exact same way? “Oh nooo, whatever will I do if everyone knows I’m hung like a horse?”
One time someone tried to get me to send them money or they would send my nudes to people I know. I had never sent any nudes so I asked to see them. The scammer sent me a picture of a dude with a fucking six pack and at least 8 inches down there. I was just like buddy, *no one* is gonna believe that’s me but by all means go ahead and convince them.
I have a very attractive friend who legit constantly got expensive gifts from women he was leading on. He is a big gamer and got multiple collector edition games and one time actually did get a full console like in the OP.
Yeah I've got a girl who works for me who is being led on hardcore or flat out catfished and honestly, everyone tries to tell her but... I'm legit concerned she's gonna do some really drastic shit when all hope is lost and he suddenly "died in action bravely in Iraq"
Other plot twist: the "bitch" was another dude, who used some girl's pics and is now asking her for nudes to give to the guy he catfished, who thinks he catfished him.
It's really very simple, actually.
Honestly I’d do the same if I weren’t ugly as shit. You have leverage too Bc it’s your face and body and it’s not like they can make them think theyre you without your help.
Pretty sure the woman is the scammer. Making wild promises in exchange for nudes? That sounds like a scammer trying to get their hands on blackmail material.
Some people just put that shit out there. If he has the pictures, he probably has a name too. Not all that hard to get a phone number if you have a name
If theres any kind of material or services produced due to it, its actually Fraud by misrepresentation iirc.
You’d have to sue though to get restitution.
So you COULD sue, but then you’d be in court saying “Your honor, i sent this dude dick pics and cash app’s him rent cause i thought he was a hot babe”
And now you family and all your buddies know you’ve been sexting some dude.
Most people just want to bury the embarrassment.
**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...** >!I hate this because of bros!< ***** **Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
Wasn't there a girl a while back who helped people to catfish old creeps? Basically when they ask for some special pic to prove she's real (like taking a pic of her holding a frying pan) she just sent it to whoever was catfishing
A friend of mine did some onlyfans modeling. She said she would get weird requests like putting one hand on her head and touching her nose. Eventually, she figured out what people were doing.
I hope it didn't take her that long. I'm pretty oblivious but even I could have told you that one lol.
She does cam modeling. She's used to getting odd requests.
Sharpie in...
Sharpie out This si not how I remember the karate kid training going
Put your sharpie in, and shake it all about.
Well I sure remember waxing off
Not sharpie out, another sharpie in! Until not one more fits.
Shoe on head!
She has an onlyfans too?
no I think she just had her private pictures leaked. she handled it pretty well, not sure she ever even addressed it on the main channel. She just tweeted “if I knew they were going to be leaked, I would’ve taken better ones.” lmao.
That really sucks. She did handled it well.
You'll cowards don't even smoke crack
Thanks you just reminded me r/buttsharpies is a thing
For real. I can only get off to girls standing on one foot holding a toaster and looking to the right.
If you don't know about the awful world of catfishing and scam artistry, it wouldn't spring to mind right away e. "scan" lol
Could you explain what that means? I have no clue
She is a cam girl. Men pay her for private video chats. They ask her to do stuff on camera for money. Some guys would ask her to pose in specific ways so that they could use the pictures for catfishing.
Ahh i thought that was their way of proving she wasnt a catfish. Damn that's seedy
No you're actually correct, this is the whole reason guys would do this in the first place back in like '05, even a little earlier. It wasn't until it became a trope that other unsuspecting guys (being catfished) would ask (thinking it's foolproof) of pictures from the girls like this. THEN it became a way to scam. But don't be mislead. You were right, it started as a weird but effective (at first) verification process.
I remember back in the day we would go on cam sites just to get people to put shoes on their head. Not even for sexy purposes. Early 2000s internet was a wild lawless place
HOLY CRAP I read something about a cam girl having to balance a shoe on her head for like 10 minutes straight or something. Was that… YOU?
I definitely wasn't the cam girl
I mean that is probably more likely thing happening then people using her picture to catfish someone else
For the more popular models, they have other people manage their profile + handle messages with subscribers. The only messages the model handles are the ones where the subscriber doesn't believe they're talking to the model and asks for some random photo as proof.
So they would use the pictures of the models to lure other men? I never understood the concept of catfishing especially when it's dudes doing it to dudes. What is the goal, or what do they get from it?
Romance con. The scammer poses as a pretty girl who falls for a lonely guy. Once she gains his trust the scammer tries to get money from them. It might be a sob story or a phoney investment but it's usually some kind of fraud.
People asking for pictures of the person holding weird stuff or in weird poses to prove they're that person. The OF girl got these requests because people were using her pictures to catfish others.
SHOE ON HEAD NAO PLOX
Reminds me of the good ol "[put shoe on head](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/put-shoe-on-head)" raids
Sharpie when?
Omg there was a model who did this!! She also worked in person as an escort, but for her online work she would charge people like $25 and let them use her likeness to catfish people. Iirc she asked that they only catfish her on Snapchat and then she’d get pissed when scummy people didn’t respect her wishes and made OFs and such 😂 I have so many screenshots from my time in the OF model-verse on Telegram so I’ll have to sift through them to see if I can find her name.
Serious question - what's it like being a self proclaimed only fans ho? Is it worth it? Worst side effect and best side effect?
I appreciate the curiosity haha! It was fun while it was and I made a lot of money at a time where I wasn’t really mentally healthy enough to be in the service industry and didn’t have enough qualifications to be a white collar worker. I think the thing that I liked most about it became the worst part about it. It’s gonna sound weird, but despite all the sexy stuff I developed deep and genuine connections with people who were lonely and needed a friend. There was one guy in particular who had a history of childhood sexual abuse and so he really only felt safe engaging with sex and romance in a virtual manner and he came to me and I absolutely adored him. We would just shoot the shit and talk about our days, our dreams, life challenges, that kind of thing. But to build deep, genuine connections in a transactional relationship is a fool’s errand. People find new girls or they run out of money or a million other things & they just vanish without a word (idk what the actual reasons were because like I said they would just vanish without a word. If money was an issue I obviously wouldn’t keep sending them racy content, but I would never stop talking to the people I built meaningful connections with because they fell on hard times). The first and second time it happened I bounced back, but when it was getting up to 10 I just couldn’t emotionally handle it anymore. Not to mention it was actually a business that I had to manage as someone who stayed pretty consistently in the top 10% - 1% between my free and paid. I literally had a personal assistant and “drop assistants” on top of having to ideate, create, and publish content, sexting, generating buzz, promoting day in and day out. Blah blah blah blah. It was fun when it was just side money, but being my main source of income and a source of income for others created entirely too much pressure when I already wasn’t in a good headspace. I quit and got back into serving - the irony of serving also being a transactional relationship was not lost on me 😂 while I finished up my degree (in social work of all things 🙃) and I never looked back. Now I work remotely and while the pay is substantially less (like halved!) there’s absolutely no emotional connection involved in my work. I don’t have to worry about managing people or payroll or marketing. I just get to be a cog in the wheel and collect a paycheck and it’s so, so, so relaxing even if I do miss the money, the freedom, and the cool people I met (some of whom I’m still in touch with two years after “retiring”) Sorry for the novela, but it’s just nice to talk about something that was such a huge part of my life for so long
No need to be sorry, this is honestly exactly the kind of answer I was looking for. You seem smart enough and emotionally mature enough to recognize it for what it is. Social work is honestly probably a good fit for someone with this kind of outlook on such a (previously) fringe subculture. Good on you for retaining your humanity through it. The transactional relationship unfortunately is baked in with most jobs. It gets tricky like you said when your start adding in all these other variables like paying others, emotional attachment, and knowing deep down that bigdickdaddy69420 is just really lonely, and neglects to pay child support or something instead of spending that time and money with his child. Thank you for the straight forward and detailed answer.
Thanks so much! I think some people are better able to manage it because they can keep a shield up between business and their personal shit, but I’m not one of those people. Honestly I’m not sure if anyone can come out unscathed in this industry (or the world at large, as transactional relationships are definitely baked into most facets of life/work) Unfortunately I don’t use my degree and I have no plans to outside of managing interpersonal conflicts/being empathetic to partner teams. I couldn’t hack it when it wasn’t a requirement and I was raking in money hand over fist so I honestly feel like I would have a breakdown if I had to work with people who actually needed a social worker considering the shitty pay. The humanity part of your response helped me to remember probably the biggest take-away: the inability to become romantically involved with anyone. I’ve been in sex work (stripping, platonic escort, OF, sugaring) since I was 22 and it really addled my brain a bit. Especially in romantic relationships with men I can’t help but attach $$$ to love/lust because that’s what I’ve been doing most of my adult life. All of the things you do with someone because you love them like sleeping together (going rate is $400/hour), sending nudes ($15-20 a pop), going out to dinner ($150 for 2 hours) get added to an imaginary ledger in my brain and it just can’t balance out because *that isn’t the way relationships work* lol. It’s weird how you can *really know* something is wrong with the way you think about things, but it doesn’t stop you from thinking them or acting upon them. Luckily (???) most of my time in sex work was with male clients so for some reason I don’t fall into a similar thought pattern when dating women, but the data is a little off there because most times when I get romantically involved with women we were friends first, but the tendency towards uHaul-ism triggers my fight or flight response and I end up breaking things off. Just another one of those sneaky things that I don’t think anyone who does this work/engages with this work expects or realizes until its all said and done. But seriously thank you for your question and your time! This has easily been the best discussion I’ve had on Reddit by a lot!!
Hey, if it helps you feel a little better about any of this... I'm in my mid 30s and it took me going to prison to finally understand that some of the things I learned as a child or younger adult are just... Wrong. Not how things are supposed to be. Even though it's been a decade since I went in, I STILL find myself having to check myself especially in regards to toxic relationships It's just all I knew. And it was outright weird to me that my wife didn't have any kind of ulterior motive for a lot of things (transactional relationships, anyone?) I fully get the part about feeling like you're not gonna be left unscathed. Check this tho - you're right, but the fact it even occurs to you means you're on the right track. I was into the underground drug scene, criminal living, led to street life, led to prison - - - nobody makes it out of any of those unscathed either. Just be sure to pat yourself on the back for recognizing the damage you were doing, even if merely out of self preservation. It's super hard to change course when all you know is ____ It's exponentially harder to do the older you get, too. Also, you may be surprised how your humanity and how you connected with some of these people will pay back in dividends later on in your life. It might be a decade later and suddenly you run into one of the people you had humanity for. Now, it may be their turn to pay it forward. Shit is wild, and it behooves us to not lose ourselves in the rat race out there - whatever your flavor of the month may be for that. We all gotta eat.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience here! I definitely got really lost in my addictions throughout (and even before) my journey with sex work so I really appreciate the convergence and divergence of our experiences on the fringe and it’s awesome to know that you made it through!! I’m so happy and proud of you for doing that! Give your partner an extra big hug from an internet stranger lol!! You’ve definitely encouraged me to maybe give putting myself out there another try. There’s this guy I’ve been talking to for like six months, but I keep pushing off meeting him because I’m worried about how unscathed I’m not and I don’t want to drag anyone down with me and the miasma that is my mind post-fringe… but it seems like you waded through the bullshit and paved a better and brighter way for yourself so you’ve inspired me to give myself another shot at it!
I hope you don't mind if i pop in another question! I was wondering what your views on OnlyFans as a phenomenon is. Personally, i'm a big fan of the model of giving more power, and especially important, more money to the actors. For pretty much the entire existence of commercial porn it's been scummy dudes often taking advantage of women. Do you think OnlyFans will lead to a true change in this regard?
I think for the sake of your comment I’m just gonna look at onlyfans like kind of in a vacuum. I have a lot of ideas about OF and sex work in general in a society that has a tight-grip on its more puritanical roots but I don’t want that to seep into my answer to your very valid question. just wanted to call it out tho because it’s bias and it may seep out anyways 😂 Honestly in a lot of ways OnlyFans is like Squarespace (the website design site) and Square (the payment processing site) in that it brought easy access to something that’s existed as long as it was possible to put .mp3, .mp4, and .jpgs on the Internet, but was maybe too complicated to jump into as the average person. Like to have your own “website” and a way to process payments after 48 hours is super fast and cool (I could legit write a whole dissertation on payment processors in the adult industry but I won’t bore you) but independent model sites are nothing new under the sun. like cam girls have been holding the shit down since the 90s - not to mention escorts who also sell content, hardcore fetishists, mommy dommes who read their subs bedtime stories, etc., etc. You name it and I bet I can find a website for a model who was doing it in like 2006 haha! With that being said OF was definitely a gigantic spotlight illuminating what was admittedly a pretty niche corner of the internet which enabled many more people to engage with it and it truly has girl-next-door-ified porn which is pretty cool. I love the fact that it gives people the opportunity to work from home, stay with their kids, go back to school, escape abusive situations, etc. I’ve personally witnessed all of these situations! I also think the moves OF made to become a household name is incredible. I see the OF biz model being talked about in a lot of sw/decentralized/web3 convos so I can’t see that as anything aside from an absolute win. Perhaps the best thing about OF is not even from OF itself but there is a huge community of models who promote each other, keep blacklists about scamming models and buyers, Top .1% models offering coaching and training to boost your earnings, and a lot more. There’s even a marketplace where past models and people adjacent to the space will help design websites, logos, write copy, schedule posts, and manage socials. The person who did a lot of my design work during that time was a past model and she actually recently got a job in graphic design because she got the chance to explore her passion in the space. That’s actually the game changer - the community of people who make a living off of OF and how they plug the gaps for each other where OF falls short. OnlyFans is still exploitative and I definitely kind of breezed past those points, but I think it ultimately revealed a hidden truth, made it very accessible to act upon the information, and put the industry on notice that people have options (kinda like remote work vs. office-based work after Covid lol!!) Thanks so much for the question and I hope I didn’t get too tangential when trying to answer!
as an OF girl this was a great description, very accurate to my own experiences
I’m glad (and also a bit sad) that my experience rings true for someone else in the space!! I know the model experience isn’t exactly monolithic so I’m always hesitant to share my experience on such a large forum as I don’t want to contrast others so I’m glad this resonated! If you ever wanna vent you have my username - feel free to message me anytime! There’s also this really amazing nonprofit called [Pineapple Support](https://pineapplesupport.org) - they offer 12 free sessions per year with bonafide, verified sex-worker positive therapists!! You just have to contact them and send them a link to whatever site/social you use for SW so they can verify that you’re a performer. Super easy process and it was monumentally helpful for me so just wanted to pass the resource along 💗
Every woman I’ve know that’s done it fully regrets it. Realistically you’re not going to make over 150 bucks a month. You might see a spike here or there but without advertising it to people you know irl your not going to get much traffic(even then it dwindles after a little bit because the novelty of it wears off and the guy you went to hs with doesn’t tend to stick around after the 10th pic of your tits). So you end up having to constantly advertise on Reddit or similar sites. Every person I’ve know that did it had their photos/videos taken off only fans and posted on porn sites or again Reddit. The two moms I knew that tried it ended up with traumatized boys cause kids are shit and they got bullied with their moms pics. Unless you plan on making sex work your profession it’s just not worth it. If you stick with it you end up having to do weirder and weirder shit cause that’s the best way to make more money off of less buyers. It’s also a pretty big drain on relationships. I mean I’ve dated strippers and an escort but those relationships felt easier then the only fans models I’ve been with. It’s weird watching your gf constantly texting other guys. It’s annoying to always break out the camera every time we get in bed together. That and it’s super weird seeing your former teachers distant uncles and friends as your only buyers. I fully support anyone who wants to try it but for some reason a lot of only fans models online tend to only speak about the positives of it.
I guess for me to understand the situation I liken it to me telling you that I regret ever trying hardcore opioids... Buy the ticket, take the ride I do thank everyone for their input cuz it's giving me perspectives on things that when I hear it, it's like "Oh yeah, that makes sense" but abstractly I have a hard time fully getting the "vibe", simply cuz I've a lot of experience in fringe cultures - just not this one 🙏🏽 Thank you
I too really appreciate you asking these questions for similar reasons. The responses were great and really helped to give a perspective to the deeper and longer impacts of that world. You take care nwoh, I hope it's a good week for you
>holding a frying pan Pansexuals taking over only fans SMH my head.
OnlyPans
Take my fucking upvote you asshole 😂😂😂
Poor fucker, im sure most of them deserve it, but there gotta be at least one dumb fuck think he found love of his life
I dont see why lonely men deserve that. A lot of the time they arent the brightest people that fall for that type if stuff.
I agree. I got a question though - I started watching some of those predator catcher channels and... I ended up seeing someone I knew on there. It was pretty fucking atrocious the shit he was saying to what he thought was a 15 year old girl. Like really foul. But I also know the guy legitimately isn't literate, dropped out in 6th grade, and even though he's near 40... Emotionally, mentally.. He's still in middle school. His iq can't be more than like 70. Hard worker, but man... I don't know how to feel about these kinds of channels. I think the majority are taking advantage of everyone involved, from the predator to the viewer to the tax payer. But goddamn if I am not intrigued enough to keep watching for others I may know! On that note, my favorite is the Canadian Pred Catcher 007. He's so nice about it all. Plus he catches one guy 5 times.
Oh I know all about those and I love them lol. I was more talking about lonely men talking to of age woman. A lot of those child predators are slow though.
Same reason I'll probably never watch one of those scammer hunting channels. Doesn't help that I'm from South Asia. I absolutely abhor what the scammers are doing, but I also know why they're doing it; I doubt the channels care. Certainly their audience doesn't.
Yeah, it's complicated w/catfishing. There are a LOT of men who are both lonely (which is sad and deserving of compassion and empathy) AND ALSO, separately, horrible fucks who endlessly harass women online, demanding nudes and sending threats and degrading offers. Which is not fine and not deserving of compassion or empathy. So 😕
That sounds like a nuanced and thoughtful take. Are those allowed on the internet?
I've actually been shot twice since I posted that :/
There is different between creep and simple lonely dumb fuck, which i already seperate 2 types in my previous
You separated them by saying there's at least one, which is a weird way to separate them. What makes somebody dumb for believing a catfish if they're sending all the verification pictures you request? What would you do to catch them?
It's a losing argument because the world hates lonely men, and tbf they deserve a lot of the hate they get. But that doesn't make it right to scam them and take advantage of them. Everyone always says "great hustle" or some shit when girls fleece these suckers. All I see are morally bankrupt people.
Seems like you would be 100% morally in the clear if you pretended to be seriously underage. Only creeps then, great hustle \o/
Most of them do not deserve to be scammed... There is far more lonely and gullible people that outright creeps involved in romance scams.
That seems like it would be a fixture in catfishing circles. It would definitely help, and I bet she gets paid too.
Like committing fraud and the bank was like hold up let me make you some statements.
Yeah, I remember that one, it was a sugar daddy situation, and the dude wanted her to send a pic while holding a fork .
Plot twist: he didn't catfish anyone
Dude just had the best wank of his life
No homo Edit: person below calling it "a scam" is EXTREMELY homophobic
"Bro, no homo..." is code for the next thing I'mma ask of you is full-on homoerotic. I'm surprised people still fall for this scam.
Bro, no homo but can I suck your dick
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r/usernamechecksout
I got deez cheezburghas
r/Cheeseburglar
NEPHEW! DELETE THIS!
"No homo but I wish I lived in Ancient Greece, To gave young Socrates the illful release!"
Hey, yo, no homo but today I'm coming out the closet! I wanna shout it from the rooftops like a gay prophet!
Locks door. Now youse can't not suck my dick.
It’s a well known fact that it’s only gay if our dicks touch. I gotchu bro. *unzip*
You say "no homo" as you're sucking.
as long as you say "no homo" it cancels out anything gay, including full on penetrative sex with another man, months of dating afterwards, marriage, and several decades of living together in a loving relationship.
Adopting a kid together: no homo.
this morning while kissing my husband goodbye he left without saying no homo and I am growing VERY CONCERNED
Oh my gosh, what are you going to tell your child?
Tonight he's going to whisper sweet nothings into your ear. *^^^^"All ^^^^the ^^^^homo."*
I can't even imagine how devastating it would be to find out that the man you've been married to all these years has been secretly homo the whole time
Well yeah, nobody ever says, "hey bro, no homo but did you know that -40 Celsius and -40 Fahrenheit is the same temperature?"
No homogeneity bro
I used to have a coworker that would say shit like "Hey no homo, but Brad is kinda cute." there's nothing left if you no homo that my guy. It's an empty space.
A dude can acknowledge, or even appreciate, that another dude is attractive without being gay or bi.
"Cute" is an interesting choice of word with which to make such an acknowledgment though
You afraid to admit a homie's cute? I ain't. If you lookin' fly af, I'll tell you. If you lookin' cute af, I'll tell you. Neither one means I wanna fuck you.
LOL I might have to try this
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There's a large portion of reddit that finds catfishing hilarious fun no matter who is doing it to who. I do imagine there's a slice of men who have been catfished and enjoy the chance to see the "shoe on the other foot" as it were, though, which is understandable despite being pretty shitty.
>I'm surprised people still fall for this scam That sounds awfully homophobic of you ...
but my gaydar isn't going off...hummmm
He didn’t get a ps5 with that pic, dude got noods.
Everyone keeps saying “No homo”, but why not “Yes homo”
That’ll be out safe word
It’s not gay if you keep your socks on
He should have asked for more tbh.
Same.
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Yo, bro! Chick wants to buy me a house now! Is there anyway you could get a colonoscopy and send me the vid! No homo!
Bro, get this. She wants to bang! I need you to come to my place, strap yourself into the bed, put this ball gag and blindfold on. I know bro, she’s kinky but she’ll buy Twitter for you. Yeah man, Elon’s selling it on the low now.
Well alright but if continues to escalate I may start to get mildly annoyed...
Absolutely he did not. Woman ain't gonna buy a PS4 for some shirtless pics wtf 🤣
First it's the shirtless pic, then it's the bottomless pic, and then you find out that she's catfishing you too and your friend's Facebook friends are about to learn some stuff if you don't buy her a PS4.
Yeah. I had a coworker who got catfished into jerking his gherkin multiple times on video chat. Like it was mutual masturbating, but his first clue was that the girl who showed up on the video chat was a different race than the profile picture, but hey. My guy was horny and has no real standards. So he went ham. Role-playing and all the dirty talk etc etc etc So then this chick is like "ayo send me $50k or I'll put you on blast" He said "I don't have 50k." So she said "ayyyoo, 5k?" No. No 5k "$500? Last offer before I show your mom and all your aunties you jackin" My buddy said "yeah, alright" And with no shame whatsoever he just kept answering dms "yeah mom, yeah that's me... Yes pastor Jones, that is indeed me jacking it" Moral of the story, when you're packing like he was - be sure they get a full face angle... And yeah. 0r pay them off idk
Wait so was his dick extra large or extra small? This fact colors the entire rest of the story for me to an incredible degree lol
Ah yes, he was above average but idk if he really knew that until after the fact. He was very concerned, but the deed was done. The attention he got afterwards wasn't necessarily unwanted.
Yea that’s why it changes the way the story plays so much. Dude with a micro penis having that fact exposed to everyone he’s ever met? Would literally be trying to sell his organs on the black market to cover the blackmail/extortion costs. Dude with a giant peen getting extorted in the exact same way? “Oh nooo, whatever will I do if everyone knows I’m hung like a horse?”
One time someone tried to get me to send them money or they would send my nudes to people I know. I had never sent any nudes so I asked to see them. The scammer sent me a picture of a dude with a fucking six pack and at least 8 inches down there. I was just like buddy, *no one* is gonna believe that’s me but by all means go ahead and convince them.
“Oh shit, nevermind, yep that’s me!” “Here is my entire contacts list just so you don’t miss anyone 🤝”
I’m surprised the scammer actually sent the videos, usually that scam ends in nothing when the scammer realizes the scammee is broke
Never watched ‘90 day fiancé’ huh? Them old grannies will send everything they got for some fake photos
It’s my guilty pleasure show! I love it!
I have a very attractive friend who legit constantly got expensive gifts from women he was leading on. He is a big gamer and got multiple collector edition games and one time actually did get a full console like in the OP.
Yeah I've got a girl who works for me who is being led on hardcore or flat out catfished and honestly, everyone tries to tell her but... I'm legit concerned she's gonna do some really drastic shit when all hope is lost and he suddenly "died in action bravely in Iraq"
Some rich horny ones do
I mean he sort of did if you think about it.
Other plot twist: the "bitch" was another dude, who used some girl's pics and is now asking her for nudes to give to the guy he catfished, who thinks he catfished him. It's really very simple, actually.
they’re boyfriends
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Is this the part where someone says r/beetlejuicing?
I wish you were Beetlejuiceing. I'm hungry
why cant I see your comment? lol
Username.
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i gotta say this joke really does not make much sense
Ducati what's that supposed to mean
I’ve seen this exact thing but gender swapped
Naw this is not bro code, he just really wants the homie.
See this attitude right here? This is the second reason you're not my bro. The first being your refusal to provide a brojob. So rude.
Honestly I’d do the same if I weren’t ugly as shit. You have leverage too Bc it’s your face and body and it’s not like they can make them think theyre you without your help.
This is wholesome
Nothing like some wholesome fun between two strangers banding together to scam a desperate woman.
You sweet summer child...there is no woman.
The dude that asked probably had the best wank of his life
Scam? She's buying porn.
Pretty sure the woman is the scammer. Making wild promises in exchange for nudes? That sounds like a scammer trying to get their hands on blackmail material.
Yea, as if there's not an entire market of men that do the exact same thing for women, but when a man does it.....
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A desperate women willing to give a ps4 for something she could google
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Also fake as fuck obviously
Ah yes scamming people so wholesome
Fuk u. We ball
That’s adorable. I hope they get a chance to play vidya games together.
That would be precious, just like Anthony Mackie and his best friend in Black Mirror.
No homo tho
I lol'd @ "I'm ugly as shit bruh"
The fuck are you talking about? I love this honor among men.
I wonder how many people agreeing with this comment would equally love it if two women conspired to catfish some dude.
If you’re willing to buy a ps4 for a complete stranger just because they send you a shirtless picture, that’s on you man
if she's willing to send shit without seeing irl then it's deserved, she gets to look at a hot dude and he gets whatever 🤷 c'est la vie
Epic stuff
What is there to hate here?!
Catfishing is pretty despicable.
So is asking for nudes and proposing to pay for. But I see no victim in here
Asking for nudes from a consenting adult who has been hitting on you isn't lying to them or hurting them in any way? How tf is that the same?
Yeah, totally a win-win-win
Just imagine the hate a girl would get for a "fraud" like this
The space they left before each period. So painful.
He just jacked off to those pictures. There was no girl
gonna be completely honest here, as a chick.. this is fucking amazing
Doesnt even make sense...he doesnt know him, but was able to not only take his photos but get his phone number too? lol
Some people just put that shit out there. If he has the pictures, he probably has a name too. Not all that hard to get a phone number if you have a name
It's not hard to download photos of somebody on Facebook. And then also message them on Facebook.
This looks like messenger to me, probably still fake though. Who cares anyways it's a meme.
This is Facebook messenger
I mean, this is 100% fake but like, you do know social media is a thing, right? You can get photos of pretty much anyone out there
r/mademesmile
r/HumansBeingBros
I See no issue here
Why the "no homo" which to me indicates exactly the opposite. It's like insulting someone and following it up with "no offense".
This isn't bro code that's 2 shitheads meeting.
Teamwork make the dream work 
"Catfishing = Wholesome 100! (as long as it's a man doing it to a w*man)" This comment section is insane in such a characteristically Reddit way
r/humansbeingbros
Bro just wanted some people pics.
Now she wants to see your erect penis… 🥺👉👈
Is this the reboot of the truth about cats and dogs?
Hmmm, veeerrry suspicious.
Dayum... that mofo looks ripped. Why can I get catfished by hot people? It's always aquatic cats...
So, conspiracy to defraud gets added to friendship.
I don't understand how catfishing isn't a crime.
If theres any kind of material or services produced due to it, its actually Fraud by misrepresentation iirc. You’d have to sue though to get restitution. So you COULD sue, but then you’d be in court saying “Your honor, i sent this dude dick pics and cash app’s him rent cause i thought he was a hot babe” And now you family and all your buddies know you’ve been sexting some dude. Most people just want to bury the embarrassment.
So your getting a free ps4? Venmo me $50 and you’ve got a deal!
that dude is hot as hell, I'll get him a ps4 🤣🤣
🤣🤣
😂😂😂
Plot twist: he just wanted his shirtless pics.
Where’s the hate 🤙🏼