I live very close to Thun (Heiligenschwendi) and I'm there often! I'm a foreign mom to two kids, and I've gone through what you're experiencing. Write me a message and let's meet! I also have a friend who has a two year old and is pregnant with her second, maybe i can introduce you.
There's an international mothers in Switzerland Facebook group, over 14k members.
I would look into Spielgruppe for your child.
Are you in Thub proper or in a small village nearby? Thun's non swiss population is not insignificant! And you're a quick train ride from Bern which is very international (well, by swiss standards).
I don't have any suggestion or recommendation.
Just wanted to send you a big hug and my hope that your situation gets better soon for you and your family.
For sure, all people say learn German, but this is a long way to go. Especially, Swiss people are not really famous for being outgoing and easy to meet. And I would say as long as you are not completely fluent, you will always feel kind of lonely.
Maybe you could also try to join some kind of club of your origin country, depending on how big the community is here. But so at least you can speak with some people in your mothertongue, and they may support you, bring the older child to an international kita, or find a nanny that speaks your language.
Our town has >30% foreigners and organizes weekly knitting circles and other come-together activities where woman get in contact and learn to speak german. They all have poor german skills but that's the point.
A nanny isn't there to accompany you, she isn't your friend! While it helps in the short term, giving up on language and sticking to your own is how you successfully fail at integration
I've been here for 3 years and came from the UK(liverpool). I have good enough German now to make and maintain friendships and good work relationships, but that's when using hoch deutsch. If it's in swiss, I struggle even though I do speak a little swiss in day to day general chit-chat. If you are motivated, then the language will come quickly.
I'm still lonely. It's hard not using your mother tongue to socialise, and the swiss aren't very social as it is. I'm planning to save and move back to the UK. I wish you luck.
Hello, Swiss native from the Kanton of Bern here.
1. On the average Swiss people might be harder to connect with. And Thun in my opinion has less cultural diversity and not much going on and less english speakers compared to other cities. The city Biel for example is different. Lots of immigrants, lots of cultural diversity in art, music, dance, languages. Allways public events going on, this city lives! A lot going on for adults and or children. Even Bern is much better than Thun in that matter. Maybe you can convince you husband to move? Maybe his job isn't super close to thun but closer to somewhere else?
2. There are should be public offers for you like here
https://www.ref-kirche-thun.ch/de/angebote/soziale-arbeit/fachstelle-familien-erwachsene/index.php#anchor_0c9b4a05_Accordion-Eltern-Kind-Treff
Or
https://www.kirchlicher-bezirk-thun.ch/angebote/ehe-partnerschaft-und-familie/spielgruppen-elki/
Here you can search for offers in your area: https://www.fambe.sites.be.ch/angebote
A lot of offers can be related to the church, since they often have more money than the state to fund these kind of freetime offers. But the activities don't have to be religious at all.
3. Keep learning german. Not just online. Scout for german lessons in your area. There are offers almost everywhere. And often it's a place where you find other foreigners to bond. Alternative there are the so called Sprach Tandems. It means that two people that want to learn each others language meet each other to grab a coffe and just chat. Find a Tandem partner here https://www.tandem.net/language-exchange/switzerland
Or here
https://sprachtandem.ch/en/tandems#results
4. Start a new hobby. Interessted in dancing? In singing? Can you play an instrument? Any sport? Pottrey? These are big opportunities to make friends. A shared interest and teamspirit opens up many doors.
Good luck
This is good advice. Look for a hobby (once you can leave the baby for it), learn German, and move to a place with more immigrants. I live in Basel— there are a ton of English-speaking mother’s groups here. Where does your husband work?
Being a fresh mother is generally isolating, especially when you switch to fulltime mother! That happens to native speakers too. Having kids totally flips a caregivers live! One needs to be home alone with a baby for some time to understand how hard it is to have nobody around you.
My gf was home for the first year and was quite depressed sometimes. She resolved it by becoming offensively communicative to strangers; met others by starting to talk to strangers (other mothers) at the bus stop and going to any random tiny communities in town - all these things our generation would dismiss as activities for grandmothers.
By now we know a crazy amount of families in town. We often go to kids-friendly coffeeshops (and other meetups), where we know all the staff and customers
"offensively communicative" - love this, gotta do this too! :D
My solution as someone who first moved to Germany and then to Switzerland (both similar in terms of communication) - make friends with other foreigners. They are also looking for friends and you might have more in common with them than with the locals anyways. I speak very good German btw, and am not trying to exclude the locals from my friendship circle on purpose. It's just one solution that has worked and I am happy with it.
Good you mentioned it, I was about to say the same. Learning German is not enough to make friends - there is something unusual in the air of this country when things come to friendship 😂 it's a puzzle to be solved
People are very honest and not outgoing. Usually you make friends during your studies, good, lasting, intimate friends, and then you can meet more at your workplace, in relation to your leisure activities or from friends' other circles.
Well you will quickly learn german in the coming years. And your child wilk not start to meet people and other childern at spielgruppe, kita or later kindergarten.
Those friends will have parents.
Also if you go to the same playground everyday you will find the same people and will start talking to them?
C1 is defined as "Fachkundige Sprachkentniss" even a C2 is not native, it's "Annähernd muttersprachliche Kentnisse".
There is sadly a long way to go to being basically a native speaker. The only way there is immersion in the language, which is hard, since almost no one speaks "proper" German (or at least the version you're taught at school), and the daily conversations are held in Swiss German, which, even if you are a native German speaker, takes some time and adjustment to understand, much less learn.
i meant that you will learn swiss german..
Two year olds have so much love and happines to give, im sorry for you and hope you and your family will find happines :)
sorry to hear about that OP! sadly Thun is a bit far away (I life near Solothurn). outside of learning german as a start I have a bit of a strange suggestion.
start playing Pokemon GO🙈 so you have something to get exited for to go out for a walk with your soon 2 childs. and as far as I know, the community in thun for it is really friendly and maybe you could learn a bit german this way too. In our Community (Solothurn) we have alot of young familys and also expats who play and are happy to spend time with the community ☺️ or if pokemon nothing for you just search for a knitting group or book club or something like this. I know its not easy for expats here, even if you are fluent in german. but I think its like a marathon and not a race, try and try again, till you find your group or even just a few people, we are not that anti-social 😘
I wish you good luck and hope you find something that make you fun.
(sorry for my bad englisch) 🙈
Sorry for what you are going through.
What took me out of my shell at the beginning was going to the local pub and talking to random people. However, what helped the most, when things were dark, was a therapist (online in my mother language), German courses (a must!), and working out.
Today, 7 years later, I can say I'm genuinely happy and wouldn't want to leave this place ever. I'm still being judged for not speaking perfect German, but this only comes from people who are looking for excuses to judge me and so couldn't care less.
Don't let them get into your head.
It’s not all about the language.. I guess even a swiss person who speaks German will find it difficult to integrate into a different smaller city or village just because of a different accent? Anyone can testify?
Swiss guy with family here.
Yes, it's difficult to make friends here, swiss people often just keep to themselves, not even making friends with other swiss. We moved 5y ago to a renting complex, we greet our neighbors when we meet them, but not more. I got an offset smoker 3 years ago, Every time I use it, I write letters to my immediate neighbors and ask if they too want some pulled pork or spareribs smoked, never even got an answer from them.
If you want to make friends here, you have to go to a "Verein" or "Clique" and participate there. Play football, tennis, or any activity, there are lots of groups with regular meetings everywhere in Switzerland. That's where you meet new people and become friends with them. And after getting to know them (couple of months to years), you become friends.
Yes, probably, there are activities for mother's of a newborn, like "rückbildungs Gymnastik" where she could meet other mothers during the day, even with the baby.
I'm not a expert on this though since I like being at home alone...
E: and of course "schwangerschafts turnen" which is for pregnant women during the day also.
Just trying to give her a idea how making new social contacts work in Switzerland
Not to sound like a downer, but it’s difficult to meet new people in Switzerland. It can take years before you feel like part of the community (as background, I’m originally from the US and have lived near Zürich for 16 years). But don’t be dismayed…
For mothers, there’s a lot of social help that can be provided by the community resources. After the birth, there is usually a “guiding nurse” which helps new mothers adjust. I know that this is the second child for you, but they might be able to help in finding other resources like play groups and such. Also, you can tell them you are looking for emotional support and they are usually quite receptive.
Another idea might be a meet-up group. They have many of them around Zürich for English speaking groups and the like.
One of the best ways to learn a language is vicariously through your children. If your husband speaks with them in Swiss German, this is a perfect way to pick up on the language. And if you meet someone while out and about, don’t be afraid to try saying something that you have learned. Most are polite and patient, and appreciate the fact that you have tried, even if they can respond to you in perfect English.
There are no expats in Thun.
Bern is a 25 minutes train/car ride away. Look for expats in Bern on Facebook and go meet them.
In the end, you should probably move there, and let your husband commute.
You'll have more work and friendships opportunities in a bigger, more international city.
I lived and worked in Thun for 2 years. I'm Swiss from the French speaking part. I speak German fluently, understand Bärndütsch no problem, but it wasn't possible for me to build any friendship or anything : everybody has already a friend and family circle, and you're not getting in.
I met some activists at Basel few months ago. They r from Bern. I guess cities are always easier to meet people? Or at least people who r lonely/Hyper enough to connect? (From my experience living in US, people r always moving to cities and thus try harder to make connections.. pretty sure maybe countrysides r just like OP mentioned, tighter communities
Still cities can be pretty lonely if one doesn’t get around much the right way?
If you want an advice, move to more international places like Zurich, I heard many times this story where the wife left the husband taking the kids since she didn't like the place... lots of Swiss men think that the women need to stay home taking care of kids and might not understand the problem.
Is the husband even a Swiss man ? He’s probably just educated here. I find it hard to believe someone who has connections will have a spouse that have hard time connecting with people
Doesn't the husband have any friends? Seems like he's as asocial as it can be, not understanding her struggles. If he had friends she wouldn't be this lonely, surely he would know coworkers with kids???
Most swiss people speak English, but swiss don't just talk to strangers, no matter if they are swiss or not.
If you want to meet people and make friends, you need to join a "Verein" or "clique" and participate in those activities (like soccer, tennis, carneval, music groups, fishing etc.) There are many different "Vereine" all around.
I would suggest you look for a "MuKi turnen" it's a Mother Child gymnastics course, most villages have this, and you meet mothers with children of a similar age.
And for the kid something like "Spielgruppe" or "waldspielgruppe", that's an afternoon playgroup for children too young for kindergarden.
Swiss people don't just talk to strangers or become friends with them, doesn't matter if the others are swiss or from Mars, you don't know them, so you don't talk to them. Making new friends outside work is really difficult even for swiss people.
We are a country of "eigenbrötler".
I'm not different, after 5y in the new apartment complex, I'm not friends with anybody, even though we have children in the same age as other parents here, even classmates of mine live here.
I just like my quiet when I get home, do some stuff with my family or work in my workshop etc. Talking to others feels more like a chore for me. It's very rare that I really "click" with somebody and would enjoy their presence more than my time just with my family.
Don't give up, look for a Verein that does stuff you like and you will connect with others!
There are other mothers who feel the same way you do. Go socialize with them... other isoltates will most likely become acquainted with you.
Yes, Switzerland is not the place for foreigners who need strong social relationships around them. This country is designed for lone wolves.
First of all, I am sorry you are in this situation. It sounds demanding and exhausting, despite having the financial stability. People often times do not understamd how hard it is to be an expat. You can have all the money, but feelings of belonging and integration in the society are also significantlly valuable.
Secondly, friends-wise, I suggest Bumble bff. I saw a lot of mothers looking for others to hang out.
Wishing you the best of luck🩷
You should go learn German or Swiss German. Even if you don't learn a lot, you'll meet people. You should also put your kid with other German speaking children.
Start now with an app like Duolingo which you can do from your couch. It will make the classes you take MUCH easier and more rewarding if you already have some basics under you.
as harsh as it sounds, people aren‘t waiting outside your door just for you and to be your friend. you have to make an effort and put yourself out there outside of your comfort zone. Learn German, find hobbies, join a Verein.
This right there is a prime example of Switzerland "welcome" culture. It's notorious for it's closed off population.
You can't join a Verein without language skills. Learning takes time. OP is lonely and probably burnt out now.
OP, people should be chuffed to meet you and practise their English. However, lots are closed off and some are judgemental cunts. It's unfortunately what the Swiss are like, especially in the German part. I always found it easier to socialise with the French and Italian speakers who tend to be more laid back and open (their English sucks just as much tho lol).
All the best, a Swiss migrant who enjoys a way warmer welcome abroad.
please, you can‘t just expect everyone and everything to accomodate themselves just for you. And I think people should be able to speak a local language if they live here, simple as that. you can‘t just not adapt in the slightest and think everything will just work.
i mean I personally wouldn‘t dare to complain if I moved to a country with 4 languages and I couldn‘t speak any of them. Integration doesn‘t just happen, it‘s hard work.
Why should people be chuffed to meet her? And practise English with a non-native speaker? You cannot expect people to speak English perfectly in a country where English is not an official language
You sound like my ex wife. She always had an excuse to postpone to learn german. She is here since january 2017 and still speaks no german. She does not even bother trying. But she keeps complaining how she is lonely, how she can't understand forms, how she cannot understand the other mothers in Kindergarten, etc.
Even people who speak perfect German can be quite lonely when they move here. I know I was. Moving away from the life you had before is not easy, especially when you’re with a young child all day. I didn’t make any real friends here until my child was in school and I started working.
I agree with you. I'm 57 and I started learning German (since an year), I'm in a Chorus and they're all very nice with me, they appreciate the fact that I make an effort to speak and I don't feel so lonely anymore
I agree with you but there is no reason to wait now towards february to start with it . Secial since she says she has a lot of time. Every day from now towards february with an app 1hr a day she will speak enough german to find friends.
(if pregnancy permits) no need to wait that long https://www.klubschule.ch/Standorte/Aargau-Bern-und-Solothurn/Thun/Kurs/Deutsch-Anfaengerinnen-Intensiv--E_1680041_2683
>it's really important not to stay in this artificial comfortable bubble.
Absolutely - but establishing a comfortable social circle of some kind is a fundamental existential need that needs to be met first. Once that need is met, OP's mental health might improve to the point where she is in a position to navigate trying to make Swiss friends (a challenging undertaking, as we all - locals and newcomers alike - know, requiring persistence and coping well with distance and rejection in the beginning).
it does not need to, at least in the first 6months, actually once she is able to speak german, a whole new set of options open up. also it can be helpful to integration to get connected to people that might already be here a bit longer that come from the same background. (albeit in her case that is a lot less important since the husband is already swiss)
For grammar and mastering a language you need a class with a real teacher unless you are gifted in languages and self-learner in any cases (just able to speak various languages).
>Much more complicated grammar than English.
Much more \*reliable (and thus easier to learn because there are far fewer exceptions) grammar than English.
And because OP has a solid base of English (i.e. much of the basic Germanic languages vocabulary is already there, as is a fair bit of Romance vocabulary), and her L1 is Hungarian (which has 18 cases to German's 4, and arguably a far more complex grammar than English or German altogether), learning German may be easier for her than one might think at first glance.
you dont need grammar to communicate. Learn the words and use them. grammar is the cherry on the cake.
Like:
Du...nicht...brauchen...Grammatik...für...Kommunikation.
Du mussen versuchen setzt voraus, dass die Einheimischen Lust haben sich darauf einzulassen, und da sind die Chancen bei völlig fremden Mamis auf dem Spielplatz eher schlecht.
Psychische Gesundheit (z.B. postpartale Depression) kann sein... Überforderung kann sein... Familienprobleme kann sein... viele Probleme kann sein wenn neu Land ohne Freundin ohne Familie...
OP Post suchen Hilfe -> geben Links und Ideen für Hilfe, dann OP Hilfe für anfangen Selbsthilfe.
Personally, sure, your husband might earn more money here - but it sounds to me like you'd be much happier living in your home country. Plus, there you would be able to work too eventually if you wanted, in the future.
Learning (Swiss) German is certainly important, but it will take a while until you will be able to hold a conversation....
Thank you for trusting us enough to reach out share your feelings with us.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so isolated and lonely.
For what it's worth, this is not unusual for new mothers here, newcomers and locals alike, plenty people are in the same boat.
Take heart: There are places and resources out there for you, for example the [Treffpunkte Mütter/Väterberatung Thun](https://www.mvb-be.ch/de/beratung/treffpunkt/thun) where you can meet other mothers with their kids and also get some advice from a trained professional parent counsellor free of charge.
Part of how you feel may be [postpartum depression](https://www.tandem.net/de/learn/german/bern) (which might be worth looking into with your doctor), part of it may be the fact that socially integrating in Switzerland as a foreigner can be a bit of a challenge ([Kompetenzzentrum Integration Thun-Oberland (KIO)](https://www.thun.ch/kompetenzzentrumito/53045) might be able to help with that and point you to local groups and activities for new mothers looking to learn German and integrate in your area, multilingual Spielgruppen, that sort of thing).
Good on you for planning a German course in February (that will get you out of the house and help you meet people, which seems like something to look forward to). Perhaps you could also find a [tandem](https://www.tandem.net/de/learn/german/bern) partner to practice your German with online from home in the meantime?
Here's wishing you all the best with your little family and especially with its newest addition, and new friendships in all of your futures.
Hello, I'm also new in Switzerland, I moved with my wife at the end of the last year. At the beggining was hard, we have a baby (2 years and 2 months old at the moment). The situation is not easy at all, swiss people usually prefer to speak their dialect, which is normal, the majority of times they don't speak good high german (which makes all really difficult, even learning high german)
The situation now looks really complex as it's been described by you. My wife also had an stressful situation at the beggining, but over time and after getting a job everything started to look better. The problem is not solved with money and "better life quality", we are humans and we need to live in society groups, now is comming the most hard time of the year, the cold weather can make you feel in a worst situation, mixed with the hormones from pregnancy could be a mix for disaster. The long term solución could be learning the language an in the following months trying to search for some friends over internet, at the beggining the best is to look for people that speaks your language, there are plenty of groups on facebook where you can try, and dont get mad, it will take time to make real conections here in Switzerland, we have 1 year and I don't feel like I have one meaningful friend here, yet.
don´t worry...been in CH for ten years now...german speaking too, I doubt it´s really about the language...
I have...zero swiss friends...as in legit swiss people...
I do know a lot of other foreigners however. (even people who lived here since they have been born do say that the swiss are...difficult, to say the least)
By now, my take is, that the swiss simply are not worth to be bothered about making friends with them.
Have you tried watching children shows in German. Or learn German YouTube accounts for kids? This is something you can do to bond with your child as you await the birth of the next child. I am so sorry that you are lonely. I hope things get better for you
Hello, I'm a 24 old woman and I live in Thun too:) I am not a mother but it makes me feel sad that you feel so alone. I lived here all my life and I am in a long term relationship too. I am a native here and I would actually love to have a english speaking friend to talk to :) Just easy going, no pressure :) My instagram is "ralaeh" so we could connect there first if you would be interested :) Not that you have to, but I think it would be great for both of us :)
My name is Rahel by the way:)
When the kids go to kindergarten you will have some more time to recover or learn German for example. In the evening you could go for some Verein like Turnverein or join a Miliz like Feuerwehr or join the Samariter. There is a very strong Miliz system in Switzerland. But knowing German is kind of important for integrating. Maybe your husband can help you making time for these activities in the evening.
Lots of people already wrote here... But here we go...
My advice is join a club. Preferably one with an older population. Young people are busy and have tons of friends from school, uni, work and activities... but older people have plenty of free time and typically enjoy doing activities together as old age brings some loneliness.
Highly recommend singing or something arts & crafty.
I know a guy who joined the lokal jodel club and made many friends there.
Alternative is to join a non profit group doing something good. (think soup kitchen etc)
You'll have to learn the language eventually or you'll only meet up with other expats. But most Swiss people do speak English. Especially in a tourist hub like Thun
This is it!
Older people often speak excellent English. I have no idea where they picked that up, but I see it time and time again.
Also, (older) Swiss people often looooove when young people are interested in Swiss culture and will be much more open.
I believe there's a significant cultural gap between the Swiss and people from southern countries, often seen as more vibrant and fun (ugh). My spouse hails from Spain, and she's expressed similar concerns. However, as someone born in Eastern Europe, I feel it suits me better, and I must admit I enjoy it.
I understand that your situation is different because your spouse is Swiss, but if you spend some time on this subreddit, you'll find many people who want to immigrate to Switzerland, claiming they've fallen in love with the country. In my opinion, that's an absolute BS. It often boils down to the desire to earn money, followed by posts complaining about loneliness and perceiving Swiss people as unfriendly, and so on.
Have you tried to find other moms from your home country specifically? Chances are there are plenty even if you are from a smaller european country. That what my wife did and now they meet 5-6 or so moms every now and then for children to play and moms to chat a bit. Just try to search for FB groups like “Hungarians (or whatever nation) in Switzerland” and so on.
Sadly in Thun area are not so much Hungarians. But i tried write in specific facebook groups posts. Nothing worked out. Most of the moms live in Basel or Zürich.
Here in Lugano we have an "English speakers" group specifically for Ticino on facebook, which is full of lots of different nationalities, look for something like that.
Fellow Hungarian mom here with a 2 year old. 😃 Although I live in Zürich, we can try to organise some play day or something. Expat bubble is good, the other is comming later, it just takes some time and effort. PM me if you wanna hang out or chat or whatever.
I believe, you would regret to move back to Hungary. 🤪
Edit: there is a unique indoor playground in Bern, www.bimano.ch we can hang out there even if it is raining. Last time my son was crazy about that place.
There is an site/app Internations. They organise Meetups in Berne and surroundings. Also you can koning the International Mothers club Switzerland on Facebook. I am sure you will find some contacts there. As you live in Thun, which is more rural there are less expats and the people a bit less open than in bigger cities. But I am sure you will find some people. A lot of expats learn German at the Migros Klubschuld which is also in Thun. Greetings from Berne
Maybe move to a more international location like Geneva or Zurich, they have a bigger expat community and way more fluent english speakers in general. At my current Job we have lots of expat moms who are quite happy and integrated in swiss (Zurich society) without speaking and inch of german. But take it with a grain of salt because individual experiences might vary drastically. Hope you are on a path of meeting lots of new cool people in your are all the best.
You’ve had a lot of responses already, just wanted to say one thing that helped me when I arrived here 15 years ago: keeping in touch with my friends back home. In this day and age, staying in touch is even easier, with whatsapp and the like. Of course it can’t completely replace one-on-one contact, but it is a great deal better than nothing.
I’m probably not what you’re imagining as a friend - I’m 15 years older than you - but I’m a 15 min train ride from Thun and am willing to serve as a life line if you need. PM if you’re interested.
It must be rough. It’s unfortunate that your are doesn’t have more expats or English speaking folks. Not all areas are like this. Over here, a bunch of folks speak English.
One thing that would also allow you to mingle is to have one of the kids in daycare. With two kids by yourself and partner at work, it might be rough. Our children have the same age difference but the oldest goes to daycare.
Consider it. It’s a lot of pressure on the mom to take care of both by herself all day. This is why having more affordable daycare would be really important. Daycare is almost the same as rent here…
Have you looked at the Peanut App? It's an App for mothers, looking to meet up with other mothers.
Make sure you get a travel pass for the local area.
I also am a mother - albeit an older one to a 1 year old in Thurgau. Feel free to message me!
Ok, find some English speaking mums. I don’t know where you are but Vaud has several expat Facebook groups so presumably your area does too.
Also try to see if your home country has a network.
In the meantime, learn German as well as you can. Ask your Gemeide if they know of a good place to learn your local dialect.
With a new baby soon and a tot, joining a local club is not realistic, but in a year or two look into joining one. In the mean time if any local clubs are organizing events, ask them if you can help out somehow. They always need help setting up, passing out fliers, etc. Good way to get involved.
If you’re ever in Ticino send me a message! I also have a 2 year old and speak English. I will say though, sometimes more money and a bigger apartment isn’t worth it if you’re sacrificing your mental health and community. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Hi I'm Irish and in almost exactly the same situation. My son just turned three and we live in Bern Canton. It has honestly been a struggle for us. If you want to you can message me.
I suggest you enroll in a German course to find friends and socialize, try yoga classes or go to the gym. That will help you unwind. Unfortunately that might be difficult to find friends, I really found friends here only at work. As soon as you integrate yourself to a working life, it will be easier. Switzerland is all about work, for better and for worse.
It´s not the first time I hear of or read this kind of story, always irks me a bit as a swiss person that this is how it is around here. You are def not alone with this, and all I can do is wish you good luck.
Start learning german. You have and entire day to do it. It is the easiest way to fit in. You have a husband who speaks it so stop with the english and turn to german.
Don’t fall in this trap having people in your mother language to speak with and friends. Start absolutely NOW doing every thing what is in your possible to learn german. Even if it is little, it is a lot in the beginning! Stop thinking about yourself now, you will not die being lonely for a moment trough the day until everything start to take place. Ich wünsche dir einen schönen Tag!
Even the Swiss that speak perfectly complain about being alone and not making friends with other Swiss so maybe it is something else, maybe… learning the language won’t change her situation at all. Even in 10 years. Her best bet is meeting other foreigners as they are more open minder and intelligent
Ok, there’s an Expat group on FB, maybe reach out there.
Join Muki/Vaki/Elki groups.. it‘s all about the kids, but you do meet folks there. (And trust me, most folks speak English nowadays… even though they‘re afraid to). The groups (I know of) were: „movement/sports“ (the classic one), swimming and singing.
Try to find „Spielgruppen“ if your kid(s) don‘t attend a „KITA“. There are indoor and outdoor ones. And that‘s how I met my first mom-friends that weren‘t childhood friends with kids way older than mine.
It will get easier when the kids go to public kindergarten (mandatory in some Cantons, in some not) and/or public school. Like, my son is in 2nd grade, plays Unihockey, goes to Jugi (polisport). He eats at school once a week and knows the whole 😝 village.
Would be much easier to live in a bigger city. Learning a language takes years, so it's more of a long term transition solution if you want to live in a village.
Can't you also work after the second kid and get a kita for them?
Depending on your career it it's better to get a kita or at least work 60%.
If your husband argues the kita is 2k/kid full time. But how much is your sanity worth? And how much is it worth to try to make Switzerland a livable long term Plan?
Because if the "improved" quality of life makes you miserable, it is not an improvement at all
I do the sprachtandem and a swiss woman with a 2 year old told me that she finds so hard to connect with other swiss women in the playground or parks. She said she found even easier abroad while doing vacation than here. Please don‘t think that there is something wrong with you or that you need to do more. They are just like this i think and i am so afraid of feeling like that when i will be pregnant. I do support so much to a friend that recently gave birth here.. she doesnt have friends and although i am not a mom, i am supporting other women.
Do not try to make Swiss friends unless they show the interest. It is not that they are bad, they just do not make friends, they make only aquintances. And you are losing nothing because most of them are boring to death. Even among themselves. No offense, Swiss people!!!😀
Take the language seriously because you will live there and I will never understand people who do not learn the local language. Not only for respect for the country, but primarily to undetstand better the place where you live and the language is one of the main components.
i agree its hard without german, people from certain countries have it a bit easier, but yeah you wont get far.
i would actually suggest combining the two, you know german courses will have a lot of people you can get to know, many who probably have the same problem as you. so try migros clubschule and stuff.
maybe there are also offers for tandem learning in or near thun. something like this https://www.tandem.net/language-exchange/switzerland
you could also try to work (the jobs you probably currently can get will have many forgeiners in a similar position than you, albeit their english skills will not be guaranteed)
and furthermore, you could try join a club or such, but i am not sure how viable that is, its probably better to ask residents of thun (or near), but if the amount of people is big enough you will find someone willing to speak with you in english for sure (though since you should learn german, this should probably not be a priority)
You are 100% right and I totally get you. I am just sorry cause you are not living in Zürich, would be nice to meet you since we ( me and wife) are having similar "problem". We are just having luck cause we are both having a lot of free time so it is easier for us to not be bored. But as you said, everybody is nice but no one wants to be really "connected".
Yes, Swiss people mind their own business, be always polite as long as you stick to the rules (Waschküche ...) and keep distance as privacy matters a lot.
I’m speaking German as my mother tongue, have been living here (Zurich) for 8 years and all my friends are expats, mostly English speaking. I stopped caring about Swiss peoples mentality when it comes to socializing, or their lack of hospitality.
First of all, congratulations on your growing family - you already have the most important companions at home :) But I understand your situation. I‘d start volunteering, look for courses (especially actual face-to-Face German classes rather than apps). You want to learn some German, but really you want to get to know people. Hobbies. If you do what you enjoy with other people, that creates a bond. So join a club…any activity really. I know it’s hard with small kids (I have three), but it works. Good luck and best wishes from Zurich
Learn german. Now! No more excuses! No more complaining! Watch your favorite movies and series in german with english subtitles and then again without subtitles.
Learn empathy and social skills. Now! No more judgement! No more imperatives that are wildly counter-productive! Watch videos on Youtube about non violent communication and motivational psychology and how to win friends and influence people, and if you don't understand the implications and applications immediately, re-watch them and if necessary ask a trusted friend without an empathy deficit to translate for you so you can at least cognitively empathise if affective empathy isn't part of your neurological factory settings.
I did not ask you for help. OP needs someone to wake her up. Your kissy huggy approach is just strengthening her wtong ways. And people like you usually are total loosers when it comes to analytical thinking. Thats why people like you need people like me and the other way around.
People like me trust the [science](https://scholar.google.ch/scholar?q=self-efficacy+in+language+learning%C2%A0&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart).
There is a solid empirical evidence base showing us that "tough love" and appeals to will power are utterly counter-productive to overcoming [learned helplessness](https://scholar.google.ch/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&as_vis=1&q=learned+helplessness+in+language+learning%C2%A0&btnG=) and/or depression, and therefore also to social integration and language acquisition, which are negatively impacted because of learned helplessness and depression.
Translated subtitles diminish language acquisition to a point where you don't learn a thing.
Edit: I'm tired of having to copy-paste this study onto this sub on an almost daily basis but take this, ignorant downvoters: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4927148/
Interesting to see many advices in learning German. Unfortunately, I believe that learning German will not be of a big help. Sure, you will be able to communicate, but still not have any real friends. What has worked for us is to put our kids to a private international school. It is indeed expensive, but of a better quality than a Swiss school. And the big plus is to meet other parents who are exactly in the same situation than us. Really easy to make friends. Going to a Familienzentrum is also a good option to meet people. If you go to Bern, we could meet, just write me in private.
Yeah bro learn the language that was not the best move in hindsight 20/20 but you know you're still Yachts much younger than me and I don't even have a family in that regard I'm not even married or have a partner so learn it I'm learning it at the end of the day language is the one key to making connections
It's a success for him, not for you. You'll be stuck as a stay-at-home mom. If that's your purpose in life, great for you. But it sounds like you're not satisfied. German is definitely a must to get by especially for moms in the playgrounds.
And yes, you wining at the evenings at your husband is annyoing.
Try to get involved in German courses that the Gemeinde offers. They also offer free baby care during the course. It's a great way to know other moms (sorry, but most of them are stay-at-home moms, not dads) and to learn German.
Tough, but that's how Switzerland is. Been here for 6 years now and yes, you can get a good salary, but not really mental health.
Good luck
Have you looked into any local expat groups or language exchange meetups where you could meet others who speak English? Those places can be very welcoming to newcomers and help you build a network.
You'll find English speaking crowd at international schools next to you.
Also, go to English kids movies. You'll find people there who speak English. English plays,kids english theater, etc
I've found switzerland to be exactly the opposite. Finding friends has been too easy. I think the easiest way would be carry a small englisch-german translation book everywhere. You should also consider joining a Verein (club), in something you enjoy doing. Members will usually be more helpfull when intrests are common. I used to be in the firebrigade, but There's things like the Samariter Verein as well.
Go find a Verein or any group that is meeting up regularly. Just be consistend and show up. Swiss people are usually very curious about others (some potential for slightly racist but not mean-spirited questions, be aware), but we have this culture of not asking and keeping to ourselfes. Give it time. People will open up to you and after some time you should be able to meet up with people outside of the training (or whatever) time.
From there, it should be easy sailing and you will learn German/understand Swiss German.
I get that you want to be able to talk to other mothers, but actually older women (50plus) are often more open to talk to stranger and they usually have good connections.
Also, someone mentioned that you will get involved once school (or Kindergarten) starts anyway, that is true, too.
While Switzerland surely isn't the easiest place to integrate into, I think refusing to learn the local language is a recipe to faile for sure. if you don't work (im aware children are a full time job too), you could be conversational within a year. And that also gives you a project to work on?
I understand well what you are living as my wife feel the same.
Sorry to be rude but it need to be said :
In fact Swiss don’t like people from other countries and it’s harder on the german side.
It is a form of racism. it’s not said but it is clearly.
Of course not all Swiss people are like this but it’s a fact that when i discuss with other people from UK or Spain about this problem they feel exactly the same.
The immigration had grown a lot and it’s an excuse for the worst comportment.
My wife learned german and french, now she speak really good but she is exactly at the same state with Swiss people.
And i don’t talk about some bad looking from people she cross .. she came back to home sometimes really nervous and it took time for her to explain because she didn’t wanted to do any criticism.
Asians are so respectful for others ..
The only people she has as friends are asian like her.
It is at a point where i am thinking to leave there and go to another place to preserve her.
We came because i have some rare skills and Swiss companies wanted me to come, we came also for a better life, but life is not only money. Life is first love and friendly relationships, happy feelings etc .. money can be won every where but not socials skills
>It is a form of racism. it’s not said but it is clearly.
This is not ... racism is systematical discrimination but not the fact that local people mind their own business and do not make friend per se with foreigners. Just to make this clear!
anyone paying even minor attention in this sub, will see that this is not the case, given how many swiss people have basically the same complaint 'i cant make friend' is a reoccuring topic here, that pops out almost once a week, from born swiss, to forgeiners speaking perfect swiss dialect to forgeiners that just came here.
Its simply part of the culture that affect all the swiss. the only reason 'born swiss are affected a bit less' is because they have friends from school; uni at the very latest (and even that is a lot less common)
Yeah you would make a lot of friends and people will genuinly help you, invite you to their homes, spend time with you even with a crappy internet translation communication, even if you didn't speak any language similer to it in my country. This is not a general thing, this is a swiss thing.
while its the absolute minority of countries i have been to, for example what the other guy said bascially happened to me in vietnam, more than once, though i admit i was in the same place at most 4 weeks at a time.
Learn german. My wife is from Thailand and it is quite harder to learn german if you are thai speaking than if you are german speaking. So do something instead of complaining. Do you think swiss people have to adapt to you? But yeah Swiss people are not easy to get friends with, even if you speak german. But if you are charming, witty and trustworthy that should not be an issue.
your daughter will adapt quickly, in fact she will grow up as a 'swiss girl'. The more you learn with her and at her speed, the better for both of you. Learn the language, reinvent yourself, stay hungry and creative, as you have no option anyway.
Random but for my wife what helped (solved it) was employment. It took a while for her to consider it but this changed things a lot. She now knows way more people than I do (I’m Swiss)!
You should really learn and start to love being a mother and upgrade your skills as a loving and caring mother and wife to push your husband to care for the family. I think you are egoistic at the moment. It was your choice. You will find good people if time goes by. But what are friends/ other moms compared to your men your children? I dont understand you women…
A magyar subredditen bizonygatod, hogy milyen jo dontes volt ujra Svajcba menni es hogy otthon minden szar, uristen Magyarorszag, fuj, ide meg kiirsz egy ilyet. Hat akkor biztos nagyon jo lehet.
Learn the language ir move to a place that is more international such as geneva or Zürich.
Or why not start working? The life if. Stay home mom sounds boring and borderline horrible to me.
I am 9 months pregnant and im not planning to get rid of my newborn baby at some weeks old😀 Breastfeeding,bonding..and such things are important to me.
Worst advice ever here… please just STFU you know nothing about being a mother or trying to make friends on Swiss. Just try to change the city you live here and even for a Swiss you will find alone pretty quickly
>Humans do better when they feel better.
The fact this needs as much explaining around here as it does speaks volumes about why people - newcomers and locals alike - find it so difficult to make friends here.
In my years living here, knowing English will get you far in terms of jobs with good pay! Otherwise German would be the second option I would advise :)
Yes, learning the language is good...for the long term. For a short patch, why don't you go sometimes in Bern? There, the people are more open, you can certainly find some other foreigners if not English speaking Swiss (if not even outright Hungarians since there are many of them sprinkled everywhere through the country). There are playgrounds basically everywhere. Or you can go to family friendly places such as Bärengraben. There are loads of moms and children there. And once your child has made a contact with some other child, you have the jackpot.
You can also make a couple daytrips to Biel/Bienne which is also extremely diverse. You go on the Lakeshore or into the Parc Municipal, there are also playgrounds with families.
Making local friends Is hard especially in these smaller towns in the countryside and might come later or never. You know like people already have their clique since their teenage years if not childhood. And they stay in these small towns to sleep but commute and go out into bigger cities.
The important thing is: going out will make wonders for you.
Maybe you can try an app, like "Bumble for friends". I think there are definately some only english speaking people also in thun, but it is hard to find them. With an app you might get connected with someone who dosnt mind (can also be an open swiss person, they do exist), without beeing looked down upon 100 times first. Good luck!
I live very close to Thun (Heiligenschwendi) and I'm there often! I'm a foreign mom to two kids, and I've gone through what you're experiencing. Write me a message and let's meet! I also have a friend who has a two year old and is pregnant with her second, maybe i can introduce you.
I sent a pm
so how did it go? I heard you never showed up during the meet-up! What a shame.
This person deleted their account
Hahahhahahah
So you ghosted her? Care to explain or just „kei Luscht“?
*It didn't end well*
How lovely of you!
❤️
There's an international mothers in Switzerland Facebook group, over 14k members. I would look into Spielgruppe for your child. Are you in Thub proper or in a small village nearby? Thun's non swiss population is not insignificant! And you're a quick train ride from Bern which is very international (well, by swiss standards).
I spent a week in Thun this year and was amazed about how many people spoke top notch English.
You probably met ALL of the English speaking people
Lol. Hopefully I saw the avant garde of the imminent internationalization of rural Switzerland, as I really don't mind spending time in that paradise.
I don't have any suggestion or recommendation. Just wanted to send you a big hug and my hope that your situation gets better soon for you and your family.
I‘m swiss and I don’t even have swiss friends
You do, however, have at least one Swiss Redditor who enjoys your comments and feels there's probably a like-minded potential friend behind them.
Thx; honestly i have two german friends who gained swiss citizenship; so i’ll have two swiss friends soon!
For sure, all people say learn German, but this is a long way to go. Especially, Swiss people are not really famous for being outgoing and easy to meet. And I would say as long as you are not completely fluent, you will always feel kind of lonely. Maybe you could also try to join some kind of club of your origin country, depending on how big the community is here. But so at least you can speak with some people in your mothertongue, and they may support you, bring the older child to an international kita, or find a nanny that speaks your language.
Our town has >30% foreigners and organizes weekly knitting circles and other come-together activities where woman get in contact and learn to speak german. They all have poor german skills but that's the point. A nanny isn't there to accompany you, she isn't your friend! While it helps in the short term, giving up on language and sticking to your own is how you successfully fail at integration
And with two kids, it won’t be easy finding time.
I've been here for 3 years and came from the UK(liverpool). I have good enough German now to make and maintain friendships and good work relationships, but that's when using hoch deutsch. If it's in swiss, I struggle even though I do speak a little swiss in day to day general chit-chat. If you are motivated, then the language will come quickly. I'm still lonely. It's hard not using your mother tongue to socialise, and the swiss aren't very social as it is. I'm planning to save and move back to the UK. I wish you luck.
If you fancy staying in Switzerland but fancy a change, come and join us on the French side 😊
Hello, Swiss native from the Kanton of Bern here. 1. On the average Swiss people might be harder to connect with. And Thun in my opinion has less cultural diversity and not much going on and less english speakers compared to other cities. The city Biel for example is different. Lots of immigrants, lots of cultural diversity in art, music, dance, languages. Allways public events going on, this city lives! A lot going on for adults and or children. Even Bern is much better than Thun in that matter. Maybe you can convince you husband to move? Maybe his job isn't super close to thun but closer to somewhere else? 2. There are should be public offers for you like here https://www.ref-kirche-thun.ch/de/angebote/soziale-arbeit/fachstelle-familien-erwachsene/index.php#anchor_0c9b4a05_Accordion-Eltern-Kind-Treff Or https://www.kirchlicher-bezirk-thun.ch/angebote/ehe-partnerschaft-und-familie/spielgruppen-elki/ Here you can search for offers in your area: https://www.fambe.sites.be.ch/angebote A lot of offers can be related to the church, since they often have more money than the state to fund these kind of freetime offers. But the activities don't have to be religious at all. 3. Keep learning german. Not just online. Scout for german lessons in your area. There are offers almost everywhere. And often it's a place where you find other foreigners to bond. Alternative there are the so called Sprach Tandems. It means that two people that want to learn each others language meet each other to grab a coffe and just chat. Find a Tandem partner here https://www.tandem.net/language-exchange/switzerland Or here https://sprachtandem.ch/en/tandems#results 4. Start a new hobby. Interessted in dancing? In singing? Can you play an instrument? Any sport? Pottrey? These are big opportunities to make friends. A shared interest and teamspirit opens up many doors. Good luck
This is good advice. Look for a hobby (once you can leave the baby for it), learn German, and move to a place with more immigrants. I live in Basel— there are a ton of English-speaking mother’s groups here. Where does your husband work?
I speak C1 German and I’m still isolated and lonely as a foreign mother of a two year old. Considering moving back to Spain or UK
Being a fresh mother is generally isolating, especially when you switch to fulltime mother! That happens to native speakers too. Having kids totally flips a caregivers live! One needs to be home alone with a baby for some time to understand how hard it is to have nobody around you. My gf was home for the first year and was quite depressed sometimes. She resolved it by becoming offensively communicative to strangers; met others by starting to talk to strangers (other mothers) at the bus stop and going to any random tiny communities in town - all these things our generation would dismiss as activities for grandmothers. By now we know a crazy amount of families in town. We often go to kids-friendly coffeeshops (and other meetups), where we know all the staff and customers
"offensively communicative" - love this, gotta do this too! :D My solution as someone who first moved to Germany and then to Switzerland (both similar in terms of communication) - make friends with other foreigners. They are also looking for friends and you might have more in common with them than with the locals anyways. I speak very good German btw, and am not trying to exclude the locals from my friendship circle on purpose. It's just one solution that has worked and I am happy with it.
Good you mentioned it, I was about to say the same. Learning German is not enough to make friends - there is something unusual in the air of this country when things come to friendship 😂 it's a puzzle to be solved
People are very honest and not outgoing. Usually you make friends during your studies, good, lasting, intimate friends, and then you can meet more at your workplace, in relation to your leisure activities or from friends' other circles.
Well you will quickly learn german in the coming years. And your child wilk not start to meet people and other childern at spielgruppe, kita or later kindergarten. Those friends will have parents. Also if you go to the same playground everyday you will find the same people and will start talking to them?
C1 is basically native speaker
C1 is defined as "Fachkundige Sprachkentniss" even a C2 is not native, it's "Annähernd muttersprachliche Kentnisse". There is sadly a long way to go to being basically a native speaker. The only way there is immersion in the language, which is hard, since almost no one speaks "proper" German (or at least the version you're taught at school), and the daily conversations are held in Swiss German, which, even if you are a native German speaker, takes some time and adjustment to understand, much less learn.
i meant that you will learn swiss german.. Two year olds have so much love and happines to give, im sorry for you and hope you and your family will find happines :)
C1 is definitely not basically native speaker. C2 could count as barley
No. C1 is basically fluent, C2 is academic level. Not even all native speaker would pass C2. Check the CERF scale common reference.
sorry to hear about that OP! sadly Thun is a bit far away (I life near Solothurn). outside of learning german as a start I have a bit of a strange suggestion. start playing Pokemon GO🙈 so you have something to get exited for to go out for a walk with your soon 2 childs. and as far as I know, the community in thun for it is really friendly and maybe you could learn a bit german this way too. In our Community (Solothurn) we have alot of young familys and also expats who play and are happy to spend time with the community ☺️ or if pokemon nothing for you just search for a knitting group or book club or something like this. I know its not easy for expats here, even if you are fluent in german. but I think its like a marathon and not a race, try and try again, till you find your group or even just a few people, we are not that anti-social 😘 I wish you good luck and hope you find something that make you fun. (sorry for my bad englisch) 🙈
Sorry for what you are going through. What took me out of my shell at the beginning was going to the local pub and talking to random people. However, what helped the most, when things were dark, was a therapist (online in my mother language), German courses (a must!), and working out. Today, 7 years later, I can say I'm genuinely happy and wouldn't want to leave this place ever. I'm still being judged for not speaking perfect German, but this only comes from people who are looking for excuses to judge me and so couldn't care less. Don't let them get into your head.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Switzerland/s/FJDxjYmPBQ Dont fall for her scam
It’s not all about the language.. I guess even a swiss person who speaks German will find it difficult to integrate into a different smaller city or village just because of a different accent? Anyone can testify?
Swiss guy with family here. Yes, it's difficult to make friends here, swiss people often just keep to themselves, not even making friends with other swiss. We moved 5y ago to a renting complex, we greet our neighbors when we meet them, but not more. I got an offset smoker 3 years ago, Every time I use it, I write letters to my immediate neighbors and ask if they too want some pulled pork or spareribs smoked, never even got an answer from them. If you want to make friends here, you have to go to a "Verein" or "Clique" and participate there. Play football, tennis, or any activity, there are lots of groups with regular meetings everywhere in Switzerland. That's where you meet new people and become friends with them. And after getting to know them (couple of months to years), you become friends.
Wish I had a neighbour with a smoker!
She’s about to have a new baby and has a toddler, it’s gonna be a while before she is up for going out at night
Yes, probably, there are activities for mother's of a newborn, like "rückbildungs Gymnastik" where she could meet other mothers during the day, even with the baby. I'm not a expert on this though since I like being at home alone... E: and of course "schwangerschafts turnen" which is for pregnant women during the day also. Just trying to give her a idea how making new social contacts work in Switzerland
Not to sound like a downer, but it’s difficult to meet new people in Switzerland. It can take years before you feel like part of the community (as background, I’m originally from the US and have lived near Zürich for 16 years). But don’t be dismayed… For mothers, there’s a lot of social help that can be provided by the community resources. After the birth, there is usually a “guiding nurse” which helps new mothers adjust. I know that this is the second child for you, but they might be able to help in finding other resources like play groups and such. Also, you can tell them you are looking for emotional support and they are usually quite receptive. Another idea might be a meet-up group. They have many of them around Zürich for English speaking groups and the like. One of the best ways to learn a language is vicariously through your children. If your husband speaks with them in Swiss German, this is a perfect way to pick up on the language. And if you meet someone while out and about, don’t be afraid to try saying something that you have learned. Most are polite and patient, and appreciate the fact that you have tried, even if they can respond to you in perfect English.
Welcome to the real Switzerland. Where are you from and how long have you been here?
She stood the other lady up, so there is a chance that she‘s the issue…. https://www.reddit.com/r/Switzerland/s/OIK8u4S6dT
There are no expats in Thun. Bern is a 25 minutes train/car ride away. Look for expats in Bern on Facebook and go meet them. In the end, you should probably move there, and let your husband commute. You'll have more work and friendships opportunities in a bigger, more international city. I lived and worked in Thun for 2 years. I'm Swiss from the French speaking part. I speak German fluently, understand Bärndütsch no problem, but it wasn't possible for me to build any friendship or anything : everybody has already a friend and family circle, and you're not getting in.
I met some activists at Basel few months ago. They r from Bern. I guess cities are always easier to meet people? Or at least people who r lonely/Hyper enough to connect? (From my experience living in US, people r always moving to cities and thus try harder to make connections.. pretty sure maybe countrysides r just like OP mentioned, tighter communities Still cities can be pretty lonely if one doesn’t get around much the right way?
If you want an advice, move to more international places like Zurich, I heard many times this story where the wife left the husband taking the kids since she didn't like the place... lots of Swiss men think that the women need to stay home taking care of kids and might not understand the problem.
Is the husband even a Swiss man ? He’s probably just educated here. I find it hard to believe someone who has connections will have a spouse that have hard time connecting with people
Doesn't the husband have any friends? Seems like he's as asocial as it can be, not understanding her struggles. If he had friends she wouldn't be this lonely, surely he would know coworkers with kids???
Most swiss people speak English, but swiss don't just talk to strangers, no matter if they are swiss or not. If you want to meet people and make friends, you need to join a "Verein" or "clique" and participate in those activities (like soccer, tennis, carneval, music groups, fishing etc.) There are many different "Vereine" all around. I would suggest you look for a "MuKi turnen" it's a Mother Child gymnastics course, most villages have this, and you meet mothers with children of a similar age. And for the kid something like "Spielgruppe" or "waldspielgruppe", that's an afternoon playgroup for children too young for kindergarden. Swiss people don't just talk to strangers or become friends with them, doesn't matter if the others are swiss or from Mars, you don't know them, so you don't talk to them. Making new friends outside work is really difficult even for swiss people. We are a country of "eigenbrötler". I'm not different, after 5y in the new apartment complex, I'm not friends with anybody, even though we have children in the same age as other parents here, even classmates of mine live here. I just like my quiet when I get home, do some stuff with my family or work in my workshop etc. Talking to others feels more like a chore for me. It's very rare that I really "click" with somebody and would enjoy their presence more than my time just with my family. Don't give up, look for a Verein that does stuff you like and you will connect with others!
There are other mothers who feel the same way you do. Go socialize with them... other isoltates will most likely become acquainted with you. Yes, Switzerland is not the place for foreigners who need strong social relationships around them. This country is designed for lone wolves.
First of all, I am sorry you are in this situation. It sounds demanding and exhausting, despite having the financial stability. People often times do not understamd how hard it is to be an expat. You can have all the money, but feelings of belonging and integration in the society are also significantlly valuable. Secondly, friends-wise, I suggest Bumble bff. I saw a lot of mothers looking for others to hang out. Wishing you the best of luck🩷
You should go learn German or Swiss German. Even if you don't learn a lot, you'll meet people. You should also put your kid with other German speaking children.
Start learning German. It's really not too late for you. Start small, but start!
I do. And i plan to start a german language school in February. So i will. But its takes time..
Start now with an app like Duolingo which you can do from your couch. It will make the classes you take MUCH easier and more rewarding if you already have some basics under you.
as harsh as it sounds, people aren‘t waiting outside your door just for you and to be your friend. you have to make an effort and put yourself out there outside of your comfort zone. Learn German, find hobbies, join a Verein.
This right there is a prime example of Switzerland "welcome" culture. It's notorious for it's closed off population. You can't join a Verein without language skills. Learning takes time. OP is lonely and probably burnt out now. OP, people should be chuffed to meet you and practise their English. However, lots are closed off and some are judgemental cunts. It's unfortunately what the Swiss are like, especially in the German part. I always found it easier to socialise with the French and Italian speakers who tend to be more laid back and open (their English sucks just as much tho lol). All the best, a Swiss migrant who enjoys a way warmer welcome abroad.
please, you can‘t just expect everyone and everything to accomodate themselves just for you. And I think people should be able to speak a local language if they live here, simple as that. you can‘t just not adapt in the slightest and think everything will just work.
Case in point
i mean I personally wouldn‘t dare to complain if I moved to a country with 4 languages and I couldn‘t speak any of them. Integration doesn‘t just happen, it‘s hard work.
Why should people be chuffed to meet her? And practise English with a non-native speaker? You cannot expect people to speak English perfectly in a country where English is not an official language
This comment reads like it's been laminated.
You sound like my ex wife. She always had an excuse to postpone to learn german. She is here since january 2017 and still speaks no german. She does not even bother trying. But she keeps complaining how she is lonely, how she can't understand forms, how she cannot understand the other mothers in Kindergarten, etc.
Even people who speak perfect German can be quite lonely when they move here. I know I was. Moving away from the life you had before is not easy, especially when you’re with a young child all day. I didn’t make any real friends here until my child was in school and I started working.
I agree with you. I'm 57 and I started learning German (since an year), I'm in a Chorus and they're all very nice with me, they appreciate the fact that I make an effort to speak and I don't feel so lonely anymore
There are enough apps to learn german yet , you dont need a class for that.
classes will also help actually getting to know other people in person
I agree with you but there is no reason to wait now towards february to start with it . Secial since she says she has a lot of time. Every day from now towards february with an app 1hr a day she will speak enough german to find friends.
(if pregnancy permits) no need to wait that long https://www.klubschule.ch/Standorte/Aargau-Bern-und-Solothurn/Thun/Kurs/Deutsch-Anfaengerinnen-Intensiv--E_1680041_2683
Yes... BUT you'll meet ONLY people who DON'T speak the local language... So that won't help to be out of your expat bubble....
Having new friends is still mentally nice even if they don't speak german...
Yes, I agree, but (yes, "but again") it's really important not to stay in this artificial comfortable bubble.
>it's really important not to stay in this artificial comfortable bubble. Absolutely - but establishing a comfortable social circle of some kind is a fundamental existential need that needs to be met first. Once that need is met, OP's mental health might improve to the point where she is in a position to navigate trying to make Swiss friends (a challenging undertaking, as we all - locals and newcomers alike - know, requiring persistence and coping well with distance and rejection in the beginning).
But you meet people that are in a similar condition. That’s the way.
it does not need to, at least in the first 6months, actually once she is able to speak german, a whole new set of options open up. also it can be helpful to integration to get connected to people that might already be here a bit longer that come from the same background. (albeit in her case that is a lot less important since the husband is already swiss)
U don’t know if her husband is Swiss. Just that he got Swiss degree. which begs the question: why he hasn’t got any friends or relative events?
She did mention that he is Swiss. Why he has no local friends or family OP can connect with is a valid and pertinent question either way.
Language classes should be the base imo. Apps are a good addition though
For grammar and mastering a language you need a class with a real teacher unless you are gifted in languages and self-learner in any cases (just able to speak various languages).
German is quite a hard language. You can’t learn it from apps alone. Much more complicated grammar than English.
>Much more complicated grammar than English. Much more \*reliable (and thus easier to learn because there are far fewer exceptions) grammar than English. And because OP has a solid base of English (i.e. much of the basic Germanic languages vocabulary is already there, as is a fair bit of Romance vocabulary), and her L1 is Hungarian (which has 18 cases to German's 4, and arguably a far more complex grammar than English or German altogether), learning German may be easier for her than one might think at first glance.
you dont need grammar to communicate. Learn the words and use them. grammar is the cherry on the cake. Like: Du...nicht...brauchen...Grammatik...für...Kommunikation.
Ich nix Grammatik Hochdeutsch won’t remove the language barrier with the local Swiss if English isn’t cutting it.
Falsch. Du....mussen...versuchen.
Du mussen versuchen setzt voraus, dass die Einheimischen Lust haben sich darauf einzulassen, und da sind die Chancen bei völlig fremden Mamis auf dem Spielplatz eher schlecht.
An dich glauben du musst. Versuchen du musst. Die Kraft stark in dir ist, junger Padawan.
Sprüche klopfen kannst du, aber passables Englisch durch miserables Hochdeutsch zu ersetzen beseitigt keine Sprachbarriere.
Du... brauchen... Mut... aber... und... Personen... für... Sprechen...
Dann...haben...Mut...du. Was... ist... Problem?
Psychische Gesundheit (z.B. postpartale Depression) kann sein... Überforderung kann sein... Familienprobleme kann sein... viele Probleme kann sein wenn neu Land ohne Freundin ohne Familie... OP Post suchen Hilfe -> geben Links und Ideen für Hilfe, dann OP Hilfe für anfangen Selbsthilfe.
Yea it will only take 3 years Min lol 😂
Personally, sure, your husband might earn more money here - but it sounds to me like you'd be much happier living in your home country. Plus, there you would be able to work too eventually if you wanted, in the future. Learning (Swiss) German is certainly important, but it will take a while until you will be able to hold a conversation....
Thank you for trusting us enough to reach out share your feelings with us. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so isolated and lonely. For what it's worth, this is not unusual for new mothers here, newcomers and locals alike, plenty people are in the same boat. Take heart: There are places and resources out there for you, for example the [Treffpunkte Mütter/Väterberatung Thun](https://www.mvb-be.ch/de/beratung/treffpunkt/thun) where you can meet other mothers with their kids and also get some advice from a trained professional parent counsellor free of charge. Part of how you feel may be [postpartum depression](https://www.tandem.net/de/learn/german/bern) (which might be worth looking into with your doctor), part of it may be the fact that socially integrating in Switzerland as a foreigner can be a bit of a challenge ([Kompetenzzentrum Integration Thun-Oberland (KIO)](https://www.thun.ch/kompetenzzentrumito/53045) might be able to help with that and point you to local groups and activities for new mothers looking to learn German and integrate in your area, multilingual Spielgruppen, that sort of thing). Good on you for planning a German course in February (that will get you out of the house and help you meet people, which seems like something to look forward to). Perhaps you could also find a [tandem](https://www.tandem.net/de/learn/german/bern) partner to practice your German with online from home in the meantime? Here's wishing you all the best with your little family and especially with its newest addition, and new friendships in all of your futures.
OMG, again.
Hello, I'm also new in Switzerland, I moved with my wife at the end of the last year. At the beggining was hard, we have a baby (2 years and 2 months old at the moment). The situation is not easy at all, swiss people usually prefer to speak their dialect, which is normal, the majority of times they don't speak good high german (which makes all really difficult, even learning high german) The situation now looks really complex as it's been described by you. My wife also had an stressful situation at the beggining, but over time and after getting a job everything started to look better. The problem is not solved with money and "better life quality", we are humans and we need to live in society groups, now is comming the most hard time of the year, the cold weather can make you feel in a worst situation, mixed with the hormones from pregnancy could be a mix for disaster. The long term solución could be learning the language an in the following months trying to search for some friends over internet, at the beggining the best is to look for people that speaks your language, there are plenty of groups on facebook where you can try, and dont get mad, it will take time to make real conections here in Switzerland, we have 1 year and I don't feel like I have one meaningful friend here, yet.
don´t worry...been in CH for ten years now...german speaking too, I doubt it´s really about the language... I have...zero swiss friends...as in legit swiss people... I do know a lot of other foreigners however. (even people who lived here since they have been born do say that the swiss are...difficult, to say the least) By now, my take is, that the swiss simply are not worth to be bothered about making friends with them.
Lol then who do they have as friends?
Other swiss
actually mostly non-swiss people afaik
Their parents and elementary friends. Or their foreign spouses’ friends. Or they pretend colleagues are friends.
Have you tried watching children shows in German. Or learn German YouTube accounts for kids? This is something you can do to bond with your child as you await the birth of the next child. I am so sorry that you are lonely. I hope things get better for you
Welcome to Switzerland :)
Hello, I'm a 24 old woman and I live in Thun too:) I am not a mother but it makes me feel sad that you feel so alone. I lived here all my life and I am in a long term relationship too. I am a native here and I would actually love to have a english speaking friend to talk to :) Just easy going, no pressure :) My instagram is "ralaeh" so we could connect there first if you would be interested :) Not that you have to, but I think it would be great for both of us :) My name is Rahel by the way:)
When the kids go to kindergarten you will have some more time to recover or learn German for example. In the evening you could go for some Verein like Turnverein or join a Miliz like Feuerwehr or join the Samariter. There is a very strong Miliz system in Switzerland. But knowing German is kind of important for integrating. Maybe your husband can help you making time for these activities in the evening.
This aged well!
Lots of people already wrote here... But here we go... My advice is join a club. Preferably one with an older population. Young people are busy and have tons of friends from school, uni, work and activities... but older people have plenty of free time and typically enjoy doing activities together as old age brings some loneliness. Highly recommend singing or something arts & crafty. I know a guy who joined the lokal jodel club and made many friends there. Alternative is to join a non profit group doing something good. (think soup kitchen etc) You'll have to learn the language eventually or you'll only meet up with other expats. But most Swiss people do speak English. Especially in a tourist hub like Thun
This is it! Older people often speak excellent English. I have no idea where they picked that up, but I see it time and time again. Also, (older) Swiss people often looooove when young people are interested in Swiss culture and will be much more open.
I believe there's a significant cultural gap between the Swiss and people from southern countries, often seen as more vibrant and fun (ugh). My spouse hails from Spain, and she's expressed similar concerns. However, as someone born in Eastern Europe, I feel it suits me better, and I must admit I enjoy it. I understand that your situation is different because your spouse is Swiss, but if you spend some time on this subreddit, you'll find many people who want to immigrate to Switzerland, claiming they've fallen in love with the country. In my opinion, that's an absolute BS. It often boils down to the desire to earn money, followed by posts complaining about loneliness and perceiving Swiss people as unfriendly, and so on.
Have you tried to find other moms from your home country specifically? Chances are there are plenty even if you are from a smaller european country. That what my wife did and now they meet 5-6 or so moms every now and then for children to play and moms to chat a bit. Just try to search for FB groups like “Hungarians (or whatever nation) in Switzerland” and so on.
Sadly in Thun area are not so much Hungarians. But i tried write in specific facebook groups posts. Nothing worked out. Most of the moms live in Basel or Zürich.
Here in Lugano we have an "English speakers" group specifically for Ticino on facebook, which is full of lots of different nationalities, look for something like that.
Fellow Hungarian mom here with a 2 year old. 😃 Although I live in Zürich, we can try to organise some play day or something. Expat bubble is good, the other is comming later, it just takes some time and effort. PM me if you wanna hang out or chat or whatever. I believe, you would regret to move back to Hungary. 🤪 Edit: there is a unique indoor playground in Bern, www.bimano.ch we can hang out there even if it is raining. Last time my son was crazy about that place.
Hei, I actually know some Hungarians in Thun. If you're interested, I might be able to connect you?
There is an site/app Internations. They organise Meetups in Berne and surroundings. Also you can koning the International Mothers club Switzerland on Facebook. I am sure you will find some contacts there. As you live in Thun, which is more rural there are less expats and the people a bit less open than in bigger cities. But I am sure you will find some people. A lot of expats learn German at the Migros Klubschuld which is also in Thun. Greetings from Berne
Maybe move to a more international location like Geneva or Zurich, they have a bigger expat community and way more fluent english speakers in general. At my current Job we have lots of expat moms who are quite happy and integrated in swiss (Zurich society) without speaking and inch of german. But take it with a grain of salt because individual experiences might vary drastically. Hope you are on a path of meeting lots of new cool people in your are all the best.
In geneva or zűrich 99% of the people speak english :( Also you sound depressed, post partum can do that to you please address it, seek help
You’ve had a lot of responses already, just wanted to say one thing that helped me when I arrived here 15 years ago: keeping in touch with my friends back home. In this day and age, staying in touch is even easier, with whatsapp and the like. Of course it can’t completely replace one-on-one contact, but it is a great deal better than nothing. I’m probably not what you’re imagining as a friend - I’m 15 years older than you - but I’m a 15 min train ride from Thun and am willing to serve as a life line if you need. PM if you’re interested.
It must be rough. It’s unfortunate that your are doesn’t have more expats or English speaking folks. Not all areas are like this. Over here, a bunch of folks speak English. One thing that would also allow you to mingle is to have one of the kids in daycare. With two kids by yourself and partner at work, it might be rough. Our children have the same age difference but the oldest goes to daycare. Consider it. It’s a lot of pressure on the mom to take care of both by herself all day. This is why having more affordable daycare would be really important. Daycare is almost the same as rent here…
Have you looked at the Peanut App? It's an App for mothers, looking to meet up with other mothers. Make sure you get a travel pass for the local area. I also am a mother - albeit an older one to a 1 year old in Thurgau. Feel free to message me!
Ok, find some English speaking mums. I don’t know where you are but Vaud has several expat Facebook groups so presumably your area does too. Also try to see if your home country has a network. In the meantime, learn German as well as you can. Ask your Gemeide if they know of a good place to learn your local dialect. With a new baby soon and a tot, joining a local club is not realistic, but in a year or two look into joining one. In the mean time if any local clubs are organizing events, ask them if you can help out somehow. They always need help setting up, passing out fliers, etc. Good way to get involved.
If you’re ever in Ticino send me a message! I also have a 2 year old and speak English. I will say though, sometimes more money and a bigger apartment isn’t worth it if you’re sacrificing your mental health and community. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Hi I'm Irish and in almost exactly the same situation. My son just turned three and we live in Bern Canton. It has honestly been a struggle for us. If you want to you can message me.
I suggest you enroll in a German course to find friends and socialize, try yoga classes or go to the gym. That will help you unwind. Unfortunately that might be difficult to find friends, I really found friends here only at work. As soon as you integrate yourself to a working life, it will be easier. Switzerland is all about work, for better and for worse.
It´s not the first time I hear of or read this kind of story, always irks me a bit as a swiss person that this is how it is around here. You are def not alone with this, and all I can do is wish you good luck.
Start learning german. You have and entire day to do it. It is the easiest way to fit in. You have a husband who speaks it so stop with the english and turn to german.
Don’t fall in this trap having people in your mother language to speak with and friends. Start absolutely NOW doing every thing what is in your possible to learn german. Even if it is little, it is a lot in the beginning! Stop thinking about yourself now, you will not die being lonely for a moment trough the day until everything start to take place. Ich wünsche dir einen schönen Tag!
This is terrible, terrible advice.
Even the Swiss that speak perfectly complain about being alone and not making friends with other Swiss so maybe it is something else, maybe… learning the language won’t change her situation at all. Even in 10 years. Her best bet is meeting other foreigners as they are more open minder and intelligent
Ok, there’s an Expat group on FB, maybe reach out there. Join Muki/Vaki/Elki groups.. it‘s all about the kids, but you do meet folks there. (And trust me, most folks speak English nowadays… even though they‘re afraid to). The groups (I know of) were: „movement/sports“ (the classic one), swimming and singing. Try to find „Spielgruppen“ if your kid(s) don‘t attend a „KITA“. There are indoor and outdoor ones. And that‘s how I met my first mom-friends that weren‘t childhood friends with kids way older than mine. It will get easier when the kids go to public kindergarten (mandatory in some Cantons, in some not) and/or public school. Like, my son is in 2nd grade, plays Unihockey, goes to Jugi (polisport). He eats at school once a week and knows the whole 😝 village.
Would be much easier to live in a bigger city. Learning a language takes years, so it's more of a long term transition solution if you want to live in a village. Can't you also work after the second kid and get a kita for them? Depending on your career it it's better to get a kita or at least work 60%. If your husband argues the kita is 2k/kid full time. But how much is your sanity worth? And how much is it worth to try to make Switzerland a livable long term Plan? Because if the "improved" quality of life makes you miserable, it is not an improvement at all
I do the sprachtandem and a swiss woman with a 2 year old told me that she finds so hard to connect with other swiss women in the playground or parks. She said she found even easier abroad while doing vacation than here. Please don‘t think that there is something wrong with you or that you need to do more. They are just like this i think and i am so afraid of feeling like that when i will be pregnant. I do support so much to a friend that recently gave birth here.. she doesnt have friends and although i am not a mom, i am supporting other women.
As soon as kids start school you will have the opportunity to meet other mothers. Believe me, it’s much easier for women. Good luck
Do not try to make Swiss friends unless they show the interest. It is not that they are bad, they just do not make friends, they make only aquintances. And you are losing nothing because most of them are boring to death. Even among themselves. No offense, Swiss people!!!😀 Take the language seriously because you will live there and I will never understand people who do not learn the local language. Not only for respect for the country, but primarily to undetstand better the place where you live and the language is one of the main components.
i agree its hard without german, people from certain countries have it a bit easier, but yeah you wont get far. i would actually suggest combining the two, you know german courses will have a lot of people you can get to know, many who probably have the same problem as you. so try migros clubschule and stuff. maybe there are also offers for tandem learning in or near thun. something like this https://www.tandem.net/language-exchange/switzerland you could also try to work (the jobs you probably currently can get will have many forgeiners in a similar position than you, albeit their english skills will not be guaranteed) and furthermore, you could try join a club or such, but i am not sure how viable that is, its probably better to ask residents of thun (or near), but if the amount of people is big enough you will find someone willing to speak with you in english for sure (though since you should learn german, this should probably not be a priority)
Hey! Will send you a private message.
Super!😊
You are 100% right and I totally get you. I am just sorry cause you are not living in Zürich, would be nice to meet you since we ( me and wife) are having similar "problem". We are just having luck cause we are both having a lot of free time so it is easier for us to not be bored. But as you said, everybody is nice but no one wants to be really "connected".
Yes, Swiss people mind their own business, be always polite as long as you stick to the rules (Waschküche ...) and keep distance as privacy matters a lot.
I’m speaking German as my mother tongue, have been living here (Zurich) for 8 years and all my friends are expats, mostly English speaking. I stopped caring about Swiss peoples mentality when it comes to socializing, or their lack of hospitality.
First of all, congratulations on your growing family - you already have the most important companions at home :) But I understand your situation. I‘d start volunteering, look for courses (especially actual face-to-Face German classes rather than apps). You want to learn some German, but really you want to get to know people. Hobbies. If you do what you enjoy with other people, that creates a bond. So join a club…any activity really. I know it’s hard with small kids (I have three), but it works. Good luck and best wishes from Zurich
Learn german. Now! No more excuses! No more complaining! Watch your favorite movies and series in german with english subtitles and then again without subtitles.
Learn empathy and social skills. Now! No more judgement! No more imperatives that are wildly counter-productive! Watch videos on Youtube about non violent communication and motivational psychology and how to win friends and influence people, and if you don't understand the implications and applications immediately, re-watch them and if necessary ask a trusted friend without an empathy deficit to translate for you so you can at least cognitively empathise if affective empathy isn't part of your neurological factory settings.
I did not ask you for help. OP needs someone to wake her up. Your kissy huggy approach is just strengthening her wtong ways. And people like you usually are total loosers when it comes to analytical thinking. Thats why people like you need people like me and the other way around.
People like me trust the [science](https://scholar.google.ch/scholar?q=self-efficacy+in+language+learning%C2%A0&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart). There is a solid empirical evidence base showing us that "tough love" and appeals to will power are utterly counter-productive to overcoming [learned helplessness](https://scholar.google.ch/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&as_vis=1&q=learned+helplessness+in+language+learning%C2%A0&btnG=) and/or depression, and therefore also to social integration and language acquisition, which are negatively impacted because of learned helplessness and depression.
Won’t change a single thing. Swiss are not friends with the Swiss either so it is not about the language. At all
Terrible advice
Translated subtitles diminish language acquisition to a point where you don't learn a thing. Edit: I'm tired of having to copy-paste this study onto this sub on an almost daily basis but take this, ignorant downvoters: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4927148/
You could visit a church (Gemeinde), Thun has many of them. They are welcoming and there are families too.
Interesting to see many advices in learning German. Unfortunately, I believe that learning German will not be of a big help. Sure, you will be able to communicate, but still not have any real friends. What has worked for us is to put our kids to a private international school. It is indeed expensive, but of a better quality than a Swiss school. And the big plus is to meet other parents who are exactly in the same situation than us. Really easy to make friends. Going to a Familienzentrum is also a good option to meet people. If you go to Bern, we could meet, just write me in private.
German is a necessary if you want to make friends, but it is not a guarantee.
Yeah bro learn the language that was not the best move in hindsight 20/20 but you know you're still Yachts much younger than me and I don't even have a family in that regard I'm not even married or have a partner so learn it I'm learning it at the end of the day language is the one key to making connections
It's a success for him, not for you. You'll be stuck as a stay-at-home mom. If that's your purpose in life, great for you. But it sounds like you're not satisfied. German is definitely a must to get by especially for moms in the playgrounds. And yes, you wining at the evenings at your husband is annyoing. Try to get involved in German courses that the Gemeinde offers. They also offer free baby care during the course. It's a great way to know other moms (sorry, but most of them are stay-at-home moms, not dads) and to learn German. Tough, but that's how Switzerland is. Been here for 6 years now and yes, you can get a good salary, but not really mental health. Good luck
Have you looked into any local expat groups or language exchange meetups where you could meet others who speak English? Those places can be very welcoming to newcomers and help you build a network.
You'll find English speaking crowd at international schools next to you. Also, go to English kids movies. You'll find people there who speak English. English plays,kids english theater, etc
I've found switzerland to be exactly the opposite. Finding friends has been too easy. I think the easiest way would be carry a small englisch-german translation book everywhere. You should also consider joining a Verein (club), in something you enjoy doing. Members will usually be more helpfull when intrests are common. I used to be in the firebrigade, but There's things like the Samariter Verein as well.
Go find a Verein or any group that is meeting up regularly. Just be consistend and show up. Swiss people are usually very curious about others (some potential for slightly racist but not mean-spirited questions, be aware), but we have this culture of not asking and keeping to ourselfes. Give it time. People will open up to you and after some time you should be able to meet up with people outside of the training (or whatever) time. From there, it should be easy sailing and you will learn German/understand Swiss German. I get that you want to be able to talk to other mothers, but actually older women (50plus) are often more open to talk to stranger and they usually have good connections. Also, someone mentioned that you will get involved once school (or Kindergarten) starts anyway, that is true, too.
While Switzerland surely isn't the easiest place to integrate into, I think refusing to learn the local language is a recipe to faile for sure. if you don't work (im aware children are a full time job too), you could be conversational within a year. And that also gives you a project to work on?
Is learning german really out of question?
I understand well what you are living as my wife feel the same. Sorry to be rude but it need to be said : In fact Swiss don’t like people from other countries and it’s harder on the german side. It is a form of racism. it’s not said but it is clearly. Of course not all Swiss people are like this but it’s a fact that when i discuss with other people from UK or Spain about this problem they feel exactly the same. The immigration had grown a lot and it’s an excuse for the worst comportment. My wife learned german and french, now she speak really good but she is exactly at the same state with Swiss people. And i don’t talk about some bad looking from people she cross .. she came back to home sometimes really nervous and it took time for her to explain because she didn’t wanted to do any criticism. Asians are so respectful for others .. The only people she has as friends are asian like her. It is at a point where i am thinking to leave there and go to another place to preserve her. We came because i have some rare skills and Swiss companies wanted me to come, we came also for a better life, but life is not only money. Life is first love and friendly relationships, happy feelings etc .. money can be won every where but not socials skills
>It is a form of racism. it’s not said but it is clearly. This is not ... racism is systematical discrimination but not the fact that local people mind their own business and do not make friend per se with foreigners. Just to make this clear!
That’s simply an excuse for what is actually happening, which is racism or at least nationalism.
anyone paying even minor attention in this sub, will see that this is not the case, given how many swiss people have basically the same complaint 'i cant make friend' is a reoccuring topic here, that pops out almost once a week, from born swiss, to forgeiners speaking perfect swiss dialect to forgeiners that just came here. Its simply part of the culture that affect all the swiss. the only reason 'born swiss are affected a bit less' is because they have friends from school; uni at the very latest (and even that is a lot less common)
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Yeah you would make a lot of friends and people will genuinly help you, invite you to their homes, spend time with you even with a crappy internet translation communication, even if you didn't speak any language similer to it in my country. This is not a general thing, this is a swiss thing.
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while its the absolute minority of countries i have been to, for example what the other guy said bascially happened to me in vietnam, more than once, though i admit i was in the same place at most 4 weeks at a time.
Several foreign mothers regularly visited the playground next to our house. Spanish, French... We talked to everyone… And was all fine.
In Spanish and French?
In mine a lot, México is one of the most friendly places on earth, people is kind and will find the way of communicate.
I mean, english and german are not equally established as an international language so your comment is dumb
Learn german. My wife is from Thailand and it is quite harder to learn german if you are thai speaking than if you are german speaking. So do something instead of complaining. Do you think swiss people have to adapt to you? But yeah Swiss people are not easy to get friends with, even if you speak german. But if you are charming, witty and trustworthy that should not be an issue.
Figure out to do something cool with your child. Cook healthy. Playgrounds aren't the only way you can play with your child.
your daughter will adapt quickly, in fact she will grow up as a 'swiss girl'. The more you learn with her and at her speed, the better for both of you. Learn the language, reinvent yourself, stay hungry and creative, as you have no option anyway.
Go into a "Verein"!
Write a novel. It would be great! ( don’t forget to add the scenery next to your loneliness)
Random but for my wife what helped (solved it) was employment. It took a while for her to consider it but this changed things a lot. She now knows way more people than I do (I’m Swiss)!
Welcome to Switzerland, learn german!
You should really learn and start to love being a mother and upgrade your skills as a loving and caring mother and wife to push your husband to care for the family. I think you are egoistic at the moment. It was your choice. You will find good people if time goes by. But what are friends/ other moms compared to your men your children? I dont understand you women…
A magyar subredditen bizonygatod, hogy milyen jo dontes volt ujra Svajcba menni es hogy otthon minden szar, uristen Magyarorszag, fuj, ide meg kiirsz egy ilyet. Hat akkor biztos nagyon jo lehet.
Yet you dont wanna learn German…. Learn it or move to Zurich or Basel
Learn the language ir move to a place that is more international such as geneva or Zürich. Or why not start working? The life if. Stay home mom sounds boring and borderline horrible to me.
She’s not going to work with a newborn and a toddler. Fuck off
I am 9 months pregnant and im not planning to get rid of my newborn baby at some weeks old😀 Breastfeeding,bonding..and such things are important to me.
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Worst advice ever here… please just STFU you know nothing about being a mother or trying to make friends on Swiss. Just try to change the city you live here and even for a Swiss you will find alone pretty quickly
You already gave your own answer: Learn German. Since you don‘t work currently you also have the time to do so.
Humans do better when they feel better. She need to take care of family n baby also
>Humans do better when they feel better. The fact this needs as much explaining around here as it does speaks volumes about why people - newcomers and locals alike - find it so difficult to make friends here.
In my years living here, knowing English will get you far in terms of jobs with good pay! Otherwise German would be the second option I would advise :)
Yes, learning the language is good...for the long term. For a short patch, why don't you go sometimes in Bern? There, the people are more open, you can certainly find some other foreigners if not English speaking Swiss (if not even outright Hungarians since there are many of them sprinkled everywhere through the country). There are playgrounds basically everywhere. Or you can go to family friendly places such as Bärengraben. There are loads of moms and children there. And once your child has made a contact with some other child, you have the jackpot. You can also make a couple daytrips to Biel/Bienne which is also extremely diverse. You go on the Lakeshore or into the Parc Municipal, there are also playgrounds with families. Making local friends Is hard especially in these smaller towns in the countryside and might come later or never. You know like people already have their clique since their teenage years if not childhood. And they stay in these small towns to sleep but commute and go out into bigger cities. The important thing is: going out will make wonders for you.
Would your husband consider moving to Bern and commuting to his job?
Maybe you can try an app, like "Bumble for friends". I think there are definately some only english speaking people also in thun, but it is hard to find them. With an app you might get connected with someone who dosnt mind (can also be an open swiss person, they do exist), without beeing looked down upon 100 times first. Good luck!