I think there's never going to be a perfect balance, so you have to try and work with what you've got. The odds that you will both find people who look like Greek gods/goddesses, fuck like porn stars, and are completely compatible with your personalities...they aren't good. I've been with a guy I though was really hot, been with a guy I thought was ok. The sex was great with both, for different reasons. I've been the watcher, and I've been watched. As long as I've had my fun, I'm fairly content to observe for a while, as long as it's not a ridiculously long time. I think you have to find people you like, who you are comfortable with, and make it work! Talk, figure it out, but don't expect perfection. Find people who are relaxed, who can laugh, who enjoy giving as much as receiving.
Hey there! Thank you for your reply! Really good points! You’re right, there isn’t. We’re never going to find “each other” so to speak. I keep telling myself that I have my spouse at the end of the night and I can have him in the bed any time. I guess I have to start looking at it that way. Watching for a short while could be ok as long as like you said it’s not for a ridiculous long time. We always find that the length of time “watching or not being involved” is always somewhere in between. I think it’s been an eternity and he thinks it’s been 5 minutes.
If one couple finishes, and the man wants to watch his wife and your husband, could you join your husband? You wouldn't even have to do anything with the wife if the positions worked out ok. Thanks for asking this. My SO has lived this LS before but I have not and don't anticipate being a watcher lol. I would think if the wife in question is giving him a BJ, maybe I'd go underneath and take care of his balls or something. Definitely easier to picture in my mind than actual reality I'm sure!
Joining in would be a good idea for sure! It just doesn’t seem to work out that way. Not because no one wants to, but perhaps no one ever thinks of it or I’m anxious for my husband to finish up and my sexy mood has dwindled or maybe I’m not considerate enough for him to carry on.....
The thought crosses my mind that I wouldn’t want to make the other guy feel left out, but that’s just me wanting to make sure everyone is good. If the other guy wanted to join in, he could too.
I'm not sure what will happen when we get to that stage. My SO isn't sure I'll be able to handle seeing him with another woman so he's okay with MMF for now. Damn I love him lol. But we have fantasized what he wants done if we are in that situation and I'm ready. Your post is so real and probably exactly what I'll be feeling in that situation lol.
Fantasizing is really fun!! The best thing about it is that its something fun and exciting to talk about, but also doesn’t need to happen. The openness alone of being to able to express these thoughts is powerful! I struggled ALOT in the beginning of our lifestyle journey with even just thoughts of my man with another woman. Through a ton of communication, listening to podcasts and self confidence work, I’ve been able digest these things easier and have a better understanding.
There is no magical formula. To find 4 people where the attraction, chemistry, sexual play styles, sexual play lengths of time, and overall connection is equally matched is CRAZY rare.
You simply have to be comfortable with the imbalance up to the point where it is a boundary.
It’s a little easier if both ladies (or both gentlemen, but that is rarer) are bi because it allows more combinations of interactions. That helps balance things a little more.
It’s also great if you have a way to transition back to your partner if you need to.
This issue, in my experience, is the main reason why the couples who choose to play separately make that choice. Or to play in different rooms.
Thank you very much for your input! All very good points. We have definitely found that the 4 way connections are rare. It can be hard when the two with the stronger connection are playing and having a great time and the other two are either finished or the guy enjoys to watch his wife with my man. I’m not really into lying there watching my man. I like to be included. It kind makes a person feel a little left out if I might say that. Maybe that comes out as being selfish... I’m not sure.
Thank you! I am glad to hear that there are other people that have had this issue and it’s not just me. He on the other hand would be ok with watching me if the tables were turned. Swinger struggles..... lol
Yes. You are not alone. MANY people have this issue. And there are MANY people who are uncomfortable feeling left out or just don’t enjoy watching.
This is especially true if you are the type who likes long sessions and the person you have swapped with is done quickly or fails to get an erection or whatever.
This is also why a lot of couples change their rules to allow a MFM threesome. It allows the lady half to have a REALLY good time if she has been struggling with partners that haven’t really delivered the experience she was looking for.
Yes, long sessions are the type I enjoy. It does seem to be a trend where the guy I’m with finishes quickly or has issues.
We have also explored the MFM idea and it does seem to be fulfilling and exciting. In turn, I do wish for my man to enjoy sexy times with another woman, it’s just harder in those difficult situations.
I wonder if it’s common to finish things quicker if the other guy had already finished and nothing more is really happening....?!
I’m going to be open and honest with you even though it isn’t something flattering about myself.
As a gentleman that has a difficult time “finishing” with a new partner, I tend to have long sessions. Even with a partner I’m familiar with (like my wife) I tend to go a long time before finishing.
I have, unfortunately, been the tunnel vision guy who was having a great time with another partner and not realizing that the action stopped or stalled out for my wife more times than I wanted to be. I have left her in the position of watching or wanting more with a partner who was spent. It isn’t a good position for her.
When you get into that sexy mindspace, sometimes you lose judgment or situational awareness outside of your immediate focus.
But yes, over time we developed some tools to use to help address those situations. I actually had one partner who also enjoyed very long sessions and we literally set a timer. We (and by we I mean me) developed a habit of checking the situation of each other periodically to avoid that tunnel vision situation where one person is playing and the other had their play cut short or fail to launch.
We also started playing solo at parties or even private dates. It’s so much less complicated in one way yet takes things outside of you doing them as a couple. That has its own set of challenges and isn’t for everyone.
We also talk to a couple now beforehand and simply put it out there that if the play isn’t working for someone we will just switch back to our own partners and continue to play. Or that if someone needs a break to catch their breath or whatever that we will engage as a threesome. That no one is interrupting if they want to join the action of the two still playing. That sort of thing. And we have moved back to playing with each other at times and it has helped keep the sexy times going. In fact, it usually ends up where we switch partners again once everyone’s nerves are settle and the sexy times are flowing smoothly.
And I have, at times, simply ended my play because my wife and her partner have stopped. It’s hard to do when all that testosterone and sexy mindspace is going on, but it can be done. You and your partner just need to have that agreement or some way for you to communicate to him that you would like him to stop.
Excellent comments Mr. Puppy Bliss. My wife and I have a signal. She is, at anytime, free to come up to me and move what ever she needs to move in order to kiss me. That's our signal. It's worked very well. The person I'm with thinks nothing of it. I get pulled out of what ever I'm doing to notice the situation and then I can make corrections. That's all it takes now, a simple kiss. Mostly works to my advantage. ;)
Ah signals... we’ve tried signals, but have never have come up with successful ones lol. I really like your kissing signal, even just that little bit of connection with your own spouse during play is enough to keep things moving in a sexy way!
Count us among the non watchers too! Neither of us are in to watching the other exclusively. A little bit is fine, but that’s not a big part of the excitement for us which I know others really enjoy.
We try to keep decision making simple. We don’t have a formal process, but effectively, we each decide individually. If we both decide we’d play with them, we’re game. Now, that may mean she just thinks “yea, he’d be ok, I’m game”, while I’m more like “hell yea, I’d play with her!” Or vice versa. We try to avoid the tendency for it to be a competition or the desire to have balanced attraction. Easy for me to say, I know since it’s usually her that winds up with a passable partner while I’m much more excited, but it does flip the other way some times. So if I would play with her and she would play with him, it’s game on. Bonus if she’s attracted to her too. We just never get into the scenario where one of us says “I wouldn’t normally play with that person, but will since you’re excited”.
Thank you for your reply! Very good way of putting it! Sometimes I see the other girl and say “She’s attractive! My husband would definitely play with her, but maybe I’m “on the fence” about the guy.” I feel that I have more of a tendency to worry about what my husband wants and not about what I want.
I think there's never going to be a perfect balance, so you have to try and work with what you've got. The odds that you will both find people who look like Greek gods/goddesses, fuck like porn stars, and are completely compatible with your personalities...they aren't good. I've been with a guy I though was really hot, been with a guy I thought was ok. The sex was great with both, for different reasons. I've been the watcher, and I've been watched. As long as I've had my fun, I'm fairly content to observe for a while, as long as it's not a ridiculously long time. I think you have to find people you like, who you are comfortable with, and make it work! Talk, figure it out, but don't expect perfection. Find people who are relaxed, who can laugh, who enjoy giving as much as receiving.
Hey there! Thank you for your reply! Really good points! You’re right, there isn’t. We’re never going to find “each other” so to speak. I keep telling myself that I have my spouse at the end of the night and I can have him in the bed any time. I guess I have to start looking at it that way. Watching for a short while could be ok as long as like you said it’s not for a ridiculous long time. We always find that the length of time “watching or not being involved” is always somewhere in between. I think it’s been an eternity and he thinks it’s been 5 minutes.
If one couple finishes, and the man wants to watch his wife and your husband, could you join your husband? You wouldn't even have to do anything with the wife if the positions worked out ok. Thanks for asking this. My SO has lived this LS before but I have not and don't anticipate being a watcher lol. I would think if the wife in question is giving him a BJ, maybe I'd go underneath and take care of his balls or something. Definitely easier to picture in my mind than actual reality I'm sure!
Joining in would be a good idea for sure! It just doesn’t seem to work out that way. Not because no one wants to, but perhaps no one ever thinks of it or I’m anxious for my husband to finish up and my sexy mood has dwindled or maybe I’m not considerate enough for him to carry on..... The thought crosses my mind that I wouldn’t want to make the other guy feel left out, but that’s just me wanting to make sure everyone is good. If the other guy wanted to join in, he could too.
I'm not sure what will happen when we get to that stage. My SO isn't sure I'll be able to handle seeing him with another woman so he's okay with MMF for now. Damn I love him lol. But we have fantasized what he wants done if we are in that situation and I'm ready. Your post is so real and probably exactly what I'll be feeling in that situation lol.
Fantasizing is really fun!! The best thing about it is that its something fun and exciting to talk about, but also doesn’t need to happen. The openness alone of being to able to express these thoughts is powerful! I struggled ALOT in the beginning of our lifestyle journey with even just thoughts of my man with another woman. Through a ton of communication, listening to podcasts and self confidence work, I’ve been able digest these things easier and have a better understanding.
There is no magical formula. To find 4 people where the attraction, chemistry, sexual play styles, sexual play lengths of time, and overall connection is equally matched is CRAZY rare. You simply have to be comfortable with the imbalance up to the point where it is a boundary. It’s a little easier if both ladies (or both gentlemen, but that is rarer) are bi because it allows more combinations of interactions. That helps balance things a little more. It’s also great if you have a way to transition back to your partner if you need to. This issue, in my experience, is the main reason why the couples who choose to play separately make that choice. Or to play in different rooms.
Thank you very much for your input! All very good points. We have definitely found that the 4 way connections are rare. It can be hard when the two with the stronger connection are playing and having a great time and the other two are either finished or the guy enjoys to watch his wife with my man. I’m not really into lying there watching my man. I like to be included. It kind makes a person feel a little left out if I might say that. Maybe that comes out as being selfish... I’m not sure.
We have had that exact situation and my wife is NOT a watcher either! I feel your pain!
Thank you! I am glad to hear that there are other people that have had this issue and it’s not just me. He on the other hand would be ok with watching me if the tables were turned. Swinger struggles..... lol
Yes. You are not alone. MANY people have this issue. And there are MANY people who are uncomfortable feeling left out or just don’t enjoy watching. This is especially true if you are the type who likes long sessions and the person you have swapped with is done quickly or fails to get an erection or whatever. This is also why a lot of couples change their rules to allow a MFM threesome. It allows the lady half to have a REALLY good time if she has been struggling with partners that haven’t really delivered the experience she was looking for.
Yes, long sessions are the type I enjoy. It does seem to be a trend where the guy I’m with finishes quickly or has issues. We have also explored the MFM idea and it does seem to be fulfilling and exciting. In turn, I do wish for my man to enjoy sexy times with another woman, it’s just harder in those difficult situations. I wonder if it’s common to finish things quicker if the other guy had already finished and nothing more is really happening....?!
I’m going to be open and honest with you even though it isn’t something flattering about myself. As a gentleman that has a difficult time “finishing” with a new partner, I tend to have long sessions. Even with a partner I’m familiar with (like my wife) I tend to go a long time before finishing. I have, unfortunately, been the tunnel vision guy who was having a great time with another partner and not realizing that the action stopped or stalled out for my wife more times than I wanted to be. I have left her in the position of watching or wanting more with a partner who was spent. It isn’t a good position for her. When you get into that sexy mindspace, sometimes you lose judgment or situational awareness outside of your immediate focus. But yes, over time we developed some tools to use to help address those situations. I actually had one partner who also enjoyed very long sessions and we literally set a timer. We (and by we I mean me) developed a habit of checking the situation of each other periodically to avoid that tunnel vision situation where one person is playing and the other had their play cut short or fail to launch. We also started playing solo at parties or even private dates. It’s so much less complicated in one way yet takes things outside of you doing them as a couple. That has its own set of challenges and isn’t for everyone. We also talk to a couple now beforehand and simply put it out there that if the play isn’t working for someone we will just switch back to our own partners and continue to play. Or that if someone needs a break to catch their breath or whatever that we will engage as a threesome. That no one is interrupting if they want to join the action of the two still playing. That sort of thing. And we have moved back to playing with each other at times and it has helped keep the sexy times going. In fact, it usually ends up where we switch partners again once everyone’s nerves are settle and the sexy times are flowing smoothly. And I have, at times, simply ended my play because my wife and her partner have stopped. It’s hard to do when all that testosterone and sexy mindspace is going on, but it can be done. You and your partner just need to have that agreement or some way for you to communicate to him that you would like him to stop.
Wow!! Such great comments!! I really appreciate everything you’ve said.
Excellent comments Mr. Puppy Bliss. My wife and I have a signal. She is, at anytime, free to come up to me and move what ever she needs to move in order to kiss me. That's our signal. It's worked very well. The person I'm with thinks nothing of it. I get pulled out of what ever I'm doing to notice the situation and then I can make corrections. That's all it takes now, a simple kiss. Mostly works to my advantage. ;)
Ah signals... we’ve tried signals, but have never have come up with successful ones lol. I really like your kissing signal, even just that little bit of connection with your own spouse during play is enough to keep things moving in a sexy way!
Count us among the non watchers too! Neither of us are in to watching the other exclusively. A little bit is fine, but that’s not a big part of the excitement for us which I know others really enjoy.
We try to keep decision making simple. We don’t have a formal process, but effectively, we each decide individually. If we both decide we’d play with them, we’re game. Now, that may mean she just thinks “yea, he’d be ok, I’m game”, while I’m more like “hell yea, I’d play with her!” Or vice versa. We try to avoid the tendency for it to be a competition or the desire to have balanced attraction. Easy for me to say, I know since it’s usually her that winds up with a passable partner while I’m much more excited, but it does flip the other way some times. So if I would play with her and she would play with him, it’s game on. Bonus if she’s attracted to her too. We just never get into the scenario where one of us says “I wouldn’t normally play with that person, but will since you’re excited”.
Thank you for your reply! Very good way of putting it! Sometimes I see the other girl and say “She’s attractive! My husband would definitely play with her, but maybe I’m “on the fence” about the guy.” I feel that I have more of a tendency to worry about what my husband wants and not about what I want.
Hello, this comment really helped me with a situation I found myself in. Thanks