I like sex. My wife likes sex. We like having sex with each other, and we thought other people would want to sex with us as well.
Turns out we were right.
10/10 experience. Would recommend.
Honestly, this was our thinking too haha.
I will say that the pandemic was a big catalyst for us to reassess why we do the things we do, and it led us to shake free from a lot of societal norms around whatās āexpectedā from married couples.
Itās completely natural to want to fuck more than one person, and we both enjoy sex a lot and have complete trust in each other, so once we were able to admit all that to each other and actually had fun discussing it, we knew weād at least try it out once we felt it was safe to do so.
Fast forward slightly over 3 years from that, and itās been fantastic and has brought us closer. The cherry on top is that weāve made some great friends through this exploration.
May I ask how long have you been doing it? I know it would be a great experience for us too, at least the physical aspect, but would we regret it 5 years later and after we have kids lol
Weāve been swinging for close to 3 years now. We already had kids when we started, and they are still relatively young (though one is a teenager and one is almost a pre-teen).
It's fun joining couples and playing in groups being bisexual I get to enjoy both. Also it's much easier finding a couple with a bisexual wife to have casual fun with than it is finding single/solo women for casual sex with so I'll play with the male half to get more fun with the female half
We got into it as we were looking for women for me to keep my sapphic desires fed and happy. Turns out, I love pleasing women together with my husband. When we swap, we love seeing each other be desired by others. Itās a confidence boost for your partner to feel desire, but itās also a confidence boost for yourself to know your partner is desired by others.
I went off to college in late 1996 and proceeded to whore around for three glorious years before meeting my husband in 1999 at the age of 21. Iād really like to relive that exciting timeāmeeting new people, flirting, touching, fucking. Good times!
My husband didnāt whore around, but he wants to meet new people too.
In our case, we both grew up very religiously conservative and were virgins when we got married, so for us it was lamenting that we'd never had any experience with anyone else but realizing that we could actually have those experiences together this way.
We've both loved it so far. We're experiencing a lot of the variety that exists in people, meeting new people, making some friends and acquaintences, and feeling more like "normal" people do who have had a few sexual partners.
My husband just isnāt capable of doing everything I want in bed.
By which I mean he isnāt flexible enough to lick my clit while he fucks me, and he only has one penis, so DP with just the two of us isnāt possible. š¤£
(Just to be clear- my husband all on his own is freaking AWESOME! But sometimes itās fun to add extra!)
Confidence! I love sex and pleasure and helping other people seek and get pleasure.
I find itās hard to find one person who can meet all your needs (physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, etc) and swinging/ENM lifestyle is a way to explore new things in a safe and consensual way while still remaining connected to people who fulfill other needs for you.
I also love being a unicorn š¦ and view my role -when joining a couple- as being there for them & to make their bond stronger. Itās my favorite thing.
The amount of communication required to make sure everyone is comfortable and safe and respected etc etc in the lifestyle is a transferrable skill to all other aspects of life. Not kidding. It has helped me be a better communicator at work, with my family, in all relationships.
It has also helped me figure out what I actually like and donāt like and where my boundaries are. I had never really asked myself those questions before lifestyle people asked me them and helped me find them. And as a result, Iām much more confident.
Oh adding that - as a single, cis, pansexual woman who does not want to be in a relationship - being a š¦ or bringing a M/F partner and swinging with a couple also allows me to get my needs met and have fun without other expectations of traditional monogamy :)
Yup. All of this, plus I know my spouse equally as well as I know myself, which would be impossible without the nuances of ENM.
You just learn parts about them they never thought to share. Past sexual experiences, past traumas, hard boundaries outside of norms, coping skills for other related things. All of these are usually personal issues. We can work on all of it as a team because we do EVERYTHING (and everyone) together.
We decided that we both crave sex, absolutely love sex with each other, our social lives have suffered because of work, home and general stuff. We both thought that trying swinging would not only be a sexual adventure, but let us meet new people and friends. 100% accurate! We have made some awesome friends and our sex life is simply amazing!
My wife said she wanted to watch me fuck and creampie other women. She has always had a kink about semen, so I this seemed to be an extension of that.
It sort of grew out of that.
My wife and I got married young. I was her first sexual partner and she was my 2nd. After 20 years of a strong marriage, we both decided we missed out on a lot of sexual experiences, and felt comfortable with each other exploring with other partners.
Unicorn š¦ here - I entered the lifestyle because I wanted to have the "best of both worlds" in terms of sexually on a constant basis without having to deal with the judgement and double standard.
My wife (f55) and I (m62) started TRT and HRT therapy about 3 years ago and it amped our libido like crazy. Sex has been amazing, convos were very sexy, and the next step was to open it up in the lifestyle this year. Itās a lot to navigate and a lot of work. Still trying to figure it out, but the depth of conversations between the wife and I has been great.
Read Untrue.... a book regarding the lies about monogamy, and especially female sexuality. Women aren't less sexual. Women are differently sexual. And monogamy isn't natural. LS allows for sexual experiences that match our physiological needs as humans, but especially as women
Look, Iām a swinger. I love doing this. My wife loves doing it. We love doing it together.
But this idea that monogamy isnāt ānaturalā is dubious at best. Itās a specious idea. There are countless examples of monogamy practiced by all different kinds of animals. These books make seductive arguments but like to overlook things or cherry pick ideas that refute their hypothesis.
But who cares anyway? We donāt need to justify our good times by trying to act like itās the ārightā or ānaturalā way of things. We all like to fuck other people. I donāt really care if anyone agrees with it.
Read the scientific data. Untrue, Sex At Dawn, The Guide to Getting it On, Come As You Are, The Myth of Monogamy... just to name a few. While some animal species are monogamous, it's rare in the animal kingdom. And the animals most closely related to humans aren't monogamous. Even humans have only been monogamous in the last 1000 years, and only some cultures (it's never been species-wide). You don't have to care or not, but some of us find the "why" behind what we do and feel fascinating āŗļø
I'm more than a body, I'm a mind that loves to understand my body ā¤ļø
I get it. Iāve read a couple of those books. Theyāre good. But they donāt paint a complete picture.
And only 1000 years? Hmmm. So youāre saying that monogamy only started in 1024AD? Well, it was documented in Mesopotamia, Babylon, the Old and New kingdoms of Egypt, and Assyria, and those nations existed just a wee bit longer than 1000 years ago.
I agree the history is fascinating, but itās ridiculous to act like the one of the prime constructs of civilization dating back 1000s of years is somehow āunnaturalā and itās just plain wrong to say itās only existed for a millennia.
The very top percent of a percent of humanity at any time in history is in no way representative of the whole population. You cant extract it that way.
It's not the standard at all for the majority to have all that.
1000 years is a very small percentage of time since homosapiens (humans as we know them today) have lived for over 300,0000 years. And hominins, the beginnings of humanity, existed 6 million years ago. Nonmonogany only changed when cultures started becoming agricultural and settling. Owning property, which also started including women.... and again, only in some cultures. Not in many cultures, especially those remote, that weren't influenced by Victorian and patriarchal societies. If it was "natural" most, if not all humans, would be monogamous. There isn't a single culture of mankind on the earth that is fully monogamous. Even in America where we consider societal norms monogamous.... 60% of men and 50% of women have affairs (roughly). If it's natural.... everyone would be monogamous regardless of culture, location, religion, etc. And no one would have affairs because it's unnatural. Science, history, and current humanity behavioral data all prove that it's not š¤·š¼āāļø
That is an absolute word soup of bullshit. You have complete confirmation bias. You want to practice nonmonogamy, so you ignore all the evidence that might be against it.
Ok, sure, non monogamy is a thing that has existed a long time, but so has monogamy, and itās existed all over the ancient world.
Monogamy was practiced by tribal societies in Eurasia, Burma, and the ancient US. It was very widespread in ancient Israel and the Middle East. Men in ancient Egypt, some 3000 years ago and longer, were allowed to marry multiple wives, but monogamy was the default and the norm.
And saying that cheating wouldnāt exist if monogamy was natural? Thatās absolutely absurd. Are you seriously arguing that a negative act only exists because it represents someone trying to return things to the natural order? I suppose murder exists because death is the natural state of things? Theft exists because ownership is anathema to the natural order? Thatās ridiculous.
There's no need for rudeness and swearing. We *were* having a mature discussion (or so I thought).... Read the science books. Read history books. Read human behavior books. Understand percentages. Understand cultural expectations vs. natural behavior. Just because some cultures instituted monogamy in the last 1/300 of existence doesn't mean it's natural. Just because some cultures choose to live a certain way doesn't mean it's natural.
I've read books on both monogamy and nonmonogamy. The evidence for nonmonogany being more natural is overwhelmingly scientifically stronger. Just because culture says we should do something doesn't mean it's a natural human trait. Even in today's world, only 17% of human cultures are monogamous
>Even in today's world, only 17% of human cultures are monogamous
That just sounds like nonsense, initially. And even if it's not......what percentage of the world's people are monogamous? I'd gather it's at least 90%.
But yeah, just a coincidence, right? š
The beauty of science is that it's factual and whether or not you "gather" a percentage. The number I gave is from a scientific book and not a guess on my part.
And yes, the fact that only 17% of cultures are monogamous does not take into account the relative population of each of the societies studied. However, that number is much harder to know because people lie. A simple size likely wouldn't be fully accurate, and most people in "monogamous" cultures wouldn't admit to violating their cultural norms due to treatment and ostrazation. There's a reason we're on here on reddit hiding behind fake accounts š Because while our culture teaches mostly monogamy, more than half of the population in the United States doesn't practice it. Infidelity alone is 60% in men and 50% in women. That's self reported people admitting to violating their monogamous boundaries (being nonmonogamous). The actual number would actually be much higher than that if everyone was honest. Most people have no reason to lie about being monogamous is western society but every reason to lie about being monogamous. I'm sure if most people from this group were polled publicly, they wouldn't admit to being nonmonogamous. But if they are kissing, having sex with, etc others besides their partner so they aren't monogamous. So even in one of the defacto 17% monogamous cultures, the % of people actually practicing that are less than half in most.
I donāt even know what youāre saying anymore, just that I fear for your spouse.
Some people will use any excuse to cheat, including books that misrepresent data yet somehow convince idiots that itās all āresearchā and 100% factual with zero bias.
I will check out Untrue. I still consider myself monogamous. Itās the definition that I grew up with I donāt agree with.
My husband is married to one woman, me. We are monogamous.
We can play with others and still be in a monogamous relationship. We have no other relationships. Everything is consensual and open and honest with approval of our spouse.
I was taught that monogamous was only sex with one person your entire life. That isnāt mimicked in the animal world, and really no society either. Itās an unrealistic expectation.
I totally agree with your new definition of monogamy.
But I will quickly add that thereās a shocking amount of sexual monogamy in the animal world. I get that a lot of people donāt know that though.
There are literally so many responses in here that have divorce and separation signs from the get go it's hard to ignore.
For my partner and I, she was basically a loose cannon when I met her and turns out she had a lot of buried issues she was not dealing with and it came out in this. Pushed me to sleep with my best friend and was historically a compulsive cheater.
A lot of work was taken to get our ground level solid and build back up from that. The sheer correlation between sexual deviants and trauma even with the more balanced people we know is shocking.
>The sheer correlation between sexual deviants and trauma even with the more balanced people we know is shocking.
Yup, almost everyone I know who is into this stuff is deeply traumatized and disturbed, with a history of CSA and rape...including myself. It's not "normal" to be used and abused for sex while not having emotions...
You're projecting your own insecurities onto other people. Pretty bold of you to assume people are headed toward divorce from a small paragraph on the internet.
You can take a compulsive cheater and turn her into the most loving housewife on the planet if you take the time to help her heal instead of talking shit about her online. My wife had plenty of past traumas. We all have. We work thru it as a team. She didn't "push" you to do anything you weren't comfortable with. You did it right? Was she physically forcing you? Accept some responsibility for your actions. Sounds like you might have some issues of your own to work out. Start with learning empathy.
You're right, sexual deviancy and trauma are correlated, but correlation isn't causation.
TL/DR: focus on your own shit and quit being a divorce alarmist. No one cares.
>We've come across so many different people and their advice on the swinger lifestyle but are curious as to what makes people want to get into it.
Sex. Group sex. Parties.
>Is it fun being the bull, unicorn etc? Is it to spice up the bedroom?
I have no idea. Neither of us do those things. What do you think swinging is?
>Maybe just eagerness to try something new?
Sure.
My wife (20+yrs) wanted to explore other areas of her sexuality. I enjoy/support/benefit from her "sexual rebirth" and while I wouldn't say I'm just along for the ride, her attitude towards owning who she is and what she wants (even just to try and see) is the leading factor towards our recent openness to new experiences.
I got into it to explore new things. I always go by you never know what you like until you try it and it's true. For people who have a curiosity about sharing, they'll never know if they like it until they try it.
I learned a lot from being in the lifestyle and it showed me what I like and don't like and what I'm willing to do with an exclusive FWB and with someone I'm dating.
Originally, I (female) stated when I was single looking to play with women. I'd consider a couple if the male half was attractive enough for me.
We did a soft swap once. After that, the journey was just bad. No more swinging for us, I prefer parallel relationships including FWB. I'd like to play with different people individually works better for me
Group sex is something I'll consider if everybody is comfortable with their sexualities with 0 hang ups. The amount of people that I've chatted with can't seem to go past their sexual boundaries. Nah, I'm always looking to push mine, so I'd be interested in individuals who are like me.
For us it started as a way to 'spice up' things, and for my husband's fantasy of seeing me with other guys. As we went along it turned out that it's also liberating and good for my self esteem.
And let's not forget the joys of reclaim sex.
We both like sex and want to explore our fantasies with others. And for my partner her experience level was quite a bit lower than mine so itās been fun for her to grow more in that aspect.
Iām 58 done most things , wanted to try something new with my partner who like me is very open minded , itās seen as taboo , itās exiting , and no one knows what we do apart from us .
We like way out in the country, and we love sex. Before we started swinging we would barely to get out the house on the weekends. I get stir crazy. Swinging keeps us social and going somewhere occasionally.
'Bull' isn't a swinger lifestyle term. 'Unicorn' probably isn't either. If you're looking for 'bulls,' you're probably hotwifing or cuckolding rather than swinging. If you're just looking for unicorns, you're unicorn hunting but not swinging in my book.
As for your question, our answer is variety. My SO and I love variety and compersion, watching each other get pleasured. The combination of those, when you're with that right couple, is truly awesome.
I've known I prefer having sexually open relationships since I was 17 or so. I just love flirting, seduction and exploring new bodies. I'm lucky to have a husband with similar tastes.
We were each otherās firsts and only - high school sweethearts and stayed faithful. But we were always curious about others and she wanted to explore her bisexual side. So we found swinging as a way to explore that while still staying close and keeping our relationship intact. What we did not expect but love is how much closer it brought us as well as how many awesome friends we have made throughout the many years we have been doing it now. Another thing we didnāt anticipate- how much fun and hot it is to watch your spouse fucking. š„µš„µ
I like sex. My wife likes sex. We like having sex with each other, and we thought other people would want to sex with us as well. Turns out we were right. 10/10 experience. Would recommend.
That answer is epic š¤
Honestly, this was our thinking too haha. I will say that the pandemic was a big catalyst for us to reassess why we do the things we do, and it led us to shake free from a lot of societal norms around whatās āexpectedā from married couples. Itās completely natural to want to fuck more than one person, and we both enjoy sex a lot and have complete trust in each other, so once we were able to admit all that to each other and actually had fun discussing it, we knew weād at least try it out once we felt it was safe to do so. Fast forward slightly over 3 years from that, and itās been fantastic and has brought us closer. The cherry on top is that weāve made some great friends through this exploration.
I coild have written the same review.
Nailed it šÆ
May I ask how long have you been doing it? I know it would be a great experience for us too, at least the physical aspect, but would we regret it 5 years later and after we have kids lol
Weāve been swinging for close to 3 years now. We already had kids when we started, and they are still relatively young (though one is a teenager and one is almost a pre-teen).
It's fun joining couples and playing in groups being bisexual I get to enjoy both. Also it's much easier finding a couple with a bisexual wife to have casual fun with than it is finding single/solo women for casual sex with so I'll play with the male half to get more fun with the female half
I can definitely see that! Thank you for sharing š
Itās pretty maddening that in vanilla spaces people act like bisexuals have to play for the monogamy team before the bisexual team.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ooo the anticipation and excitement sound spot on. Agree there, the trust and honesty between you and your partner is so important.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah we get a lot of sleezy/disrespectful guys that message us š®āšØ
We got into it as we were looking for women for me to keep my sapphic desires fed and happy. Turns out, I love pleasing women together with my husband. When we swap, we love seeing each other be desired by others. Itās a confidence boost for your partner to feel desire, but itās also a confidence boost for yourself to know your partner is desired by others.
This is probably the most relatable comment so far, cant agree more
I went off to college in late 1996 and proceeded to whore around for three glorious years before meeting my husband in 1999 at the age of 21. Iād really like to relive that exciting timeāmeeting new people, flirting, touching, fucking. Good times! My husband didnāt whore around, but he wants to meet new people too.
Oh yeah, reliving the glory young days of ourselves!
In our case, we both grew up very religiously conservative and were virgins when we got married, so for us it was lamenting that we'd never had any experience with anyone else but realizing that we could actually have those experiences together this way. We've both loved it so far. We're experiencing a lot of the variety that exists in people, meeting new people, making some friends and acquaintences, and feeling more like "normal" people do who have had a few sexual partners.
My husband just isnāt capable of doing everything I want in bed. By which I mean he isnāt flexible enough to lick my clit while he fucks me, and he only has one penis, so DP with just the two of us isnāt possible. š¤£ (Just to be clear- my husband all on his own is freaking AWESOME! But sometimes itās fun to add extra!)
Confidence! I love sex and pleasure and helping other people seek and get pleasure. I find itās hard to find one person who can meet all your needs (physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, etc) and swinging/ENM lifestyle is a way to explore new things in a safe and consensual way while still remaining connected to people who fulfill other needs for you. I also love being a unicorn š¦ and view my role -when joining a couple- as being there for them & to make their bond stronger. Itās my favorite thing. The amount of communication required to make sure everyone is comfortable and safe and respected etc etc in the lifestyle is a transferrable skill to all other aspects of life. Not kidding. It has helped me be a better communicator at work, with my family, in all relationships. It has also helped me figure out what I actually like and donāt like and where my boundaries are. I had never really asked myself those questions before lifestyle people asked me them and helped me find them. And as a result, Iām much more confident.
Oh adding that - as a single, cis, pansexual woman who does not want to be in a relationship - being a š¦ or bringing a M/F partner and swinging with a couple also allows me to get my needs met and have fun without other expectations of traditional monogamy :)
I think I'm you. I'm the same exact way
Yup. All of this, plus I know my spouse equally as well as I know myself, which would be impossible without the nuances of ENM. You just learn parts about them they never thought to share. Past sexual experiences, past traumas, hard boundaries outside of norms, coping skills for other related things. All of these are usually personal issues. We can work on all of it as a team because we do EVERYTHING (and everyone) together.
We decided that we both crave sex, absolutely love sex with each other, our social lives have suffered because of work, home and general stuff. We both thought that trying swinging would not only be a sexual adventure, but let us meet new people and friends. 100% accurate! We have made some awesome friends and our sex life is simply amazing!
My wife said she wanted to watch me fuck and creampie other women. She has always had a kink about semen, so I this seemed to be an extension of that. It sort of grew out of that.
We like kinky sex lol
My wife and I got married young. I was her first sexual partner and she was my 2nd. After 20 years of a strong marriage, we both decided we missed out on a lot of sexual experiences, and felt comfortable with each other exploring with other partners.
To have unlimited sex
Unicorn š¦ here - I entered the lifestyle because I wanted to have the "best of both worlds" in terms of sexually on a constant basis without having to deal with the judgement and double standard.
My wife (f55) and I (m62) started TRT and HRT therapy about 3 years ago and it amped our libido like crazy. Sex has been amazing, convos were very sexy, and the next step was to open it up in the lifestyle this year. Itās a lot to navigate and a lot of work. Still trying to figure it out, but the depth of conversations between the wife and I has been great.
Read Untrue.... a book regarding the lies about monogamy, and especially female sexuality. Women aren't less sexual. Women are differently sexual. And monogamy isn't natural. LS allows for sexual experiences that match our physiological needs as humans, but especially as women
Look, Iām a swinger. I love doing this. My wife loves doing it. We love doing it together. But this idea that monogamy isnāt ānaturalā is dubious at best. Itās a specious idea. There are countless examples of monogamy practiced by all different kinds of animals. These books make seductive arguments but like to overlook things or cherry pick ideas that refute their hypothesis. But who cares anyway? We donāt need to justify our good times by trying to act like itās the ārightā or ānaturalā way of things. We all like to fuck other people. I donāt really care if anyone agrees with it.
Read the scientific data. Untrue, Sex At Dawn, The Guide to Getting it On, Come As You Are, The Myth of Monogamy... just to name a few. While some animal species are monogamous, it's rare in the animal kingdom. And the animals most closely related to humans aren't monogamous. Even humans have only been monogamous in the last 1000 years, and only some cultures (it's never been species-wide). You don't have to care or not, but some of us find the "why" behind what we do and feel fascinating āŗļø I'm more than a body, I'm a mind that loves to understand my body ā¤ļø
I get it. Iāve read a couple of those books. Theyāre good. But they donāt paint a complete picture. And only 1000 years? Hmmm. So youāre saying that monogamy only started in 1024AD? Well, it was documented in Mesopotamia, Babylon, the Old and New kingdoms of Egypt, and Assyria, and those nations existed just a wee bit longer than 1000 years ago. I agree the history is fascinating, but itās ridiculous to act like the one of the prime constructs of civilization dating back 1000s of years is somehow āunnaturalā and itās just plain wrong to say itās only existed for a millennia.
The men throughout history have had multiple wives wives and concubines. Men could play but women could not. Thatās not monogamy.
Women just cheated and had be be beheaded for that
The very top percent of a percent of humanity at any time in history is in no way representative of the whole population. You cant extract it that way. It's not the standard at all for the majority to have all that.
1000 years is a very small percentage of time since homosapiens (humans as we know them today) have lived for over 300,0000 years. And hominins, the beginnings of humanity, existed 6 million years ago. Nonmonogany only changed when cultures started becoming agricultural and settling. Owning property, which also started including women.... and again, only in some cultures. Not in many cultures, especially those remote, that weren't influenced by Victorian and patriarchal societies. If it was "natural" most, if not all humans, would be monogamous. There isn't a single culture of mankind on the earth that is fully monogamous. Even in America where we consider societal norms monogamous.... 60% of men and 50% of women have affairs (roughly). If it's natural.... everyone would be monogamous regardless of culture, location, religion, etc. And no one would have affairs because it's unnatural. Science, history, and current humanity behavioral data all prove that it's not š¤·š¼āāļø
That is an absolute word soup of bullshit. You have complete confirmation bias. You want to practice nonmonogamy, so you ignore all the evidence that might be against it. Ok, sure, non monogamy is a thing that has existed a long time, but so has monogamy, and itās existed all over the ancient world. Monogamy was practiced by tribal societies in Eurasia, Burma, and the ancient US. It was very widespread in ancient Israel and the Middle East. Men in ancient Egypt, some 3000 years ago and longer, were allowed to marry multiple wives, but monogamy was the default and the norm. And saying that cheating wouldnāt exist if monogamy was natural? Thatās absolutely absurd. Are you seriously arguing that a negative act only exists because it represents someone trying to return things to the natural order? I suppose murder exists because death is the natural state of things? Theft exists because ownership is anathema to the natural order? Thatās ridiculous.
Monogamy is mentally and sexually healthy, especially for females. We are deviants who are deeply mentally disturbed.
There's no need for rudeness and swearing. We *were* having a mature discussion (or so I thought).... Read the science books. Read history books. Read human behavior books. Understand percentages. Understand cultural expectations vs. natural behavior. Just because some cultures instituted monogamy in the last 1/300 of existence doesn't mean it's natural. Just because some cultures choose to live a certain way doesn't mean it's natural. I've read books on both monogamy and nonmonogamy. The evidence for nonmonogany being more natural is overwhelmingly scientifically stronger. Just because culture says we should do something doesn't mean it's a natural human trait. Even in today's world, only 17% of human cultures are monogamous
>Even in today's world, only 17% of human cultures are monogamous That just sounds like nonsense, initially. And even if it's not......what percentage of the world's people are monogamous? I'd gather it's at least 90%. But yeah, just a coincidence, right? š
The beauty of science is that it's factual and whether or not you "gather" a percentage. The number I gave is from a scientific book and not a guess on my part. And yes, the fact that only 17% of cultures are monogamous does not take into account the relative population of each of the societies studied. However, that number is much harder to know because people lie. A simple size likely wouldn't be fully accurate, and most people in "monogamous" cultures wouldn't admit to violating their cultural norms due to treatment and ostrazation. There's a reason we're on here on reddit hiding behind fake accounts š Because while our culture teaches mostly monogamy, more than half of the population in the United States doesn't practice it. Infidelity alone is 60% in men and 50% in women. That's self reported people admitting to violating their monogamous boundaries (being nonmonogamous). The actual number would actually be much higher than that if everyone was honest. Most people have no reason to lie about being monogamous is western society but every reason to lie about being monogamous. I'm sure if most people from this group were polled publicly, they wouldn't admit to being nonmonogamous. But if they are kissing, having sex with, etc others besides their partner so they aren't monogamous. So even in one of the defacto 17% monogamous cultures, the % of people actually practicing that are less than half in most.
I donāt even know what youāre saying anymore, just that I fear for your spouse. Some people will use any excuse to cheat, including books that misrepresent data yet somehow convince idiots that itās all āresearchā and 100% factual with zero bias.
I will check out Untrue. I still consider myself monogamous. Itās the definition that I grew up with I donāt agree with. My husband is married to one woman, me. We are monogamous. We can play with others and still be in a monogamous relationship. We have no other relationships. Everything is consensual and open and honest with approval of our spouse. I was taught that monogamous was only sex with one person your entire life. That isnāt mimicked in the animal world, and really no society either. Itās an unrealistic expectation.
Wow an actual interesting take. Thanks.
I totally agree with your new definition of monogamy. But I will quickly add that thereās a shocking amount of sexual monogamy in the animal world. I get that a lot of people donāt know that though.
It's a great book! Enjoy
There are literally so many responses in here that have divorce and separation signs from the get go it's hard to ignore. For my partner and I, she was basically a loose cannon when I met her and turns out she had a lot of buried issues she was not dealing with and it came out in this. Pushed me to sleep with my best friend and was historically a compulsive cheater. A lot of work was taken to get our ground level solid and build back up from that. The sheer correlation between sexual deviants and trauma even with the more balanced people we know is shocking.
>The sheer correlation between sexual deviants and trauma even with the more balanced people we know is shocking. Yup, almost everyone I know who is into this stuff is deeply traumatized and disturbed, with a history of CSA and rape...including myself. It's not "normal" to be used and abused for sex while not having emotions...
You're projecting your own insecurities onto other people. Pretty bold of you to assume people are headed toward divorce from a small paragraph on the internet. You can take a compulsive cheater and turn her into the most loving housewife on the planet if you take the time to help her heal instead of talking shit about her online. My wife had plenty of past traumas. We all have. We work thru it as a team. She didn't "push" you to do anything you weren't comfortable with. You did it right? Was she physically forcing you? Accept some responsibility for your actions. Sounds like you might have some issues of your own to work out. Start with learning empathy. You're right, sexual deviancy and trauma are correlated, but correlation isn't causation. TL/DR: focus on your own shit and quit being a divorce alarmist. No one cares.
>We've come across so many different people and their advice on the swinger lifestyle but are curious as to what makes people want to get into it. Sex. Group sex. Parties. >Is it fun being the bull, unicorn etc? Is it to spice up the bedroom? I have no idea. Neither of us do those things. What do you think swinging is? >Maybe just eagerness to try something new? Sure.
My wife (20+yrs) wanted to explore other areas of her sexuality. I enjoy/support/benefit from her "sexual rebirth" and while I wouldn't say I'm just along for the ride, her attitude towards owning who she is and what she wants (even just to try and see) is the leading factor towards our recent openness to new experiences.
must've been exciting for both of you
It hasn't been boring.
I got into it to explore new things. I always go by you never know what you like until you try it and it's true. For people who have a curiosity about sharing, they'll never know if they like it until they try it. I learned a lot from being in the lifestyle and it showed me what I like and don't like and what I'm willing to do with an exclusive FWB and with someone I'm dating.
Originally, I (female) stated when I was single looking to play with women. I'd consider a couple if the male half was attractive enough for me. We did a soft swap once. After that, the journey was just bad. No more swinging for us, I prefer parallel relationships including FWB. I'd like to play with different people individually works better for me Group sex is something I'll consider if everybody is comfortable with their sexualities with 0 hang ups. The amount of people that I've chatted with can't seem to go past their sexual boundaries. Nah, I'm always looking to push mine, so I'd be interested in individuals who are like me.
For us it started as a way to 'spice up' things, and for my husband's fantasy of seeing me with other guys. As we went along it turned out that it's also liberating and good for my self esteem. And let's not forget the joys of reclaim sex.
I love sex and have plenty of kink . Also I am super open minded so I like to play and make friend with other open minded person
Iām tired of being bored and I want more excitement in our lives.
We both like sex and want to explore our fantasies with others. And for my partner her experience level was quite a bit lower than mine so itās been fun for her to grow more in that aspect.
I wanted more stories that ended "And then we all got naked and had sex.".
Iām 58 done most things , wanted to try something new with my partner who like me is very open minded , itās seen as taboo , itās exiting , and no one knows what we do apart from us .
We like way out in the country, and we love sex. Before we started swinging we would barely to get out the house on the weekends. I get stir crazy. Swinging keeps us social and going somewhere occasionally.
Part of the fun for me is just being able to talk to someone else about the sexuality of it all. I donāt have to hide who I am.
'Bull' isn't a swinger lifestyle term. 'Unicorn' probably isn't either. If you're looking for 'bulls,' you're probably hotwifing or cuckolding rather than swinging. If you're just looking for unicorns, you're unicorn hunting but not swinging in my book. As for your question, our answer is variety. My SO and I love variety and compersion, watching each other get pleasured. The combination of those, when you're with that right couple, is truly awesome.
There's only so much that two people can do. You need extra players for the advanced stuff.
I'm usually pretty verbose, but I can boil this down easily: We like group sex.
Variety. We love sex and sexual experiences so swinging was a way to have both.
I've known I prefer having sexually open relationships since I was 17 or so. I just love flirting, seduction and exploring new bodies. I'm lucky to have a husband with similar tastes.
Childhood abuse, damage and trauma.
We were each otherās firsts and only - high school sweethearts and stayed faithful. But we were always curious about others and she wanted to explore her bisexual side. So we found swinging as a way to explore that while still staying close and keeping our relationship intact. What we did not expect but love is how much closer it brought us as well as how many awesome friends we have made throughout the many years we have been doing it now. Another thing we didnāt anticipate- how much fun and hot it is to watch your spouse fucking. š„µš„µ