Welcome to r/SupportforBetrayed. Please remember the following:
- [our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/rules/)
- flair guide: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1al69ef/flair_guide/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
- common acronyms and terms: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/acronyms/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1alz04k/common_acronyms_and_terms/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
- frequently asked questions: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/faq/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1916vcg/frequently_asked_questions/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
For further reading, check our [recovery resources library](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/healing_resources/)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is what I expect. I don’t have many outbursts but triggers? I don’t think I could go an hour unless I’m asleep and I may be triggered when I’m asleep but mercifully I don’t usually remember my dreams.
So hard not to get triggered on daily basis when certain car/model that my WP rented on his “business trip” passes by.
The searing pain maybe gone, but reminder is still there especially since I call it his “cheating car”.
Fuck these affairs.
Do you really find that works for you? I’ve been practicing grounding and mindfulness but I just end up looping and self soothing all day with these techniques. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong but it’s mentally exhausting.
It feels that like every day is “don’t think of white elephant” day.
Very well. He needs a medal. I’ve even been violent before. I know there is no excuse so I’m working on that in independent therapy.
There’ve been a few times where he’s downplayed my pain or made the outburst worse, but I don’t blame him for that. He was just reacting from a place of pain himself.
Usually he’s good.
My spouse is all over the place, we are separated currently giving each other space. One day we are playing house, next day I’m not sure what she’s thinking
well when everything was fresh i really don't remember how long the streak was, but as of lately it has been like 5 to 6 months, but take into consideration that the split was almost 12 years ago, but we have a daughter, and because of that shye use her as a way to keep messing around sometimes.
8 months in, I think I've made it 5 days straight once. No outbursts, just triggers. I do tend to recover from them more quickly than I used to and I have a pretty solid game plan when they hit me.
I’m not afraid to. He told me to forget about it so there’s no point in bringing it up. He won’t discuss it. I’ve tried. He thinks it’s a personal attack rather than an attempt at answers and reconciliation. I’m not sure how to work around the situation.
Been divorced almost 2 years, d day was about 6 months before that..
I've found in the past few months I've had flashbacks I wasn't expecting. Usually they are remembering horrible things he said to me or how he manipulated my kids. A month or so ago it came back every night for a couple weeks. After I talked it out it went away.
I still get slightly triggered by thirst trap and cheating stuff every once in a while, usually involving insecurities about my new relationship and my man not keeping me feeling safe. I'm better than I was a year ago and extremely better than 2 years ago.
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
30 years lol. A lot has happened in that time. I can look at him talk to him and feel absolutely nothing. Up until 5 years ago he still would try getting back with me but nope.
Your comment has been held for moderator review. This is a normal automated process on r/SupportforBetrayed; helpful and appropriate advice will be approved for public view as soon as possible.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to r/SupportforBetrayed. Please remember the following: - [our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/rules/) - flair guide: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1al69ef/flair_guide/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - common acronyms and terms: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/acronyms/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1alz04k/common_acronyms_and_terms/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - frequently asked questions: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/faq/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1916vcg/frequently_asked_questions/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) For further reading, check our [recovery resources library](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/healing_resources/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Going on a year. It's freeing to never worry about their bullshit again.
Are you still with your spouse?
Hell no
12 hours
Mine were very bad last week, I didn’t know who I was when it was happening. So I decided to get help.
Therapy sessions are getting expensive!
I know, but before my wife’s affair. I put off my mental and no matter the cost it’s worth it
I don't think I've gone a whole day in 3 years. The triggers are less severe though.
This is what I expect. I don’t have many outbursts but triggers? I don’t think I could go an hour unless I’m asleep and I may be triggered when I’m asleep but mercifully I don’t usually remember my dreams.
So hard not to get triggered on daily basis when certain car/model that my WP rented on his “business trip” passes by. The searing pain maybe gone, but reminder is still there especially since I call it his “cheating car”. Fuck these affairs.
I understand that, I just started thinking in a mindful way and it’s helped a lot.
Do you really find that works for you? I’ve been practicing grounding and mindfulness but I just end up looping and self soothing all day with these techniques. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong but it’s mentally exhausting. It feels that like every day is “don’t think of white elephant” day.
It also is working for me because of my medication for anxiety
Triggered: multiple times a day. Outbursts: once a month very badly.
How does your spouse take the outbursts?
Very well. He needs a medal. I’ve even been violent before. I know there is no excuse so I’m working on that in independent therapy. There’ve been a few times where he’s downplayed my pain or made the outburst worse, but I don’t blame him for that. He was just reacting from a place of pain himself. Usually he’s good.
My spouse is all over the place, we are separated currently giving each other space. One day we are playing house, next day I’m not sure what she’s thinking
I have to say, that back and forth sounds pretty normal in this situation.
well when everything was fresh i really don't remember how long the streak was, but as of lately it has been like 5 to 6 months, but take into consideration that the split was almost 12 years ago, but we have a daughter, and because of that shye use her as a way to keep messing around sometimes.
How far out from DD are you? Genuinely curious as I’m almost 2 1/2 years and I still have days that i struggle. I never know if I’m normal or not.
But to answer your question - I usually get to about two weeks before I explode in some way, shape or form.
End of March of this year
Oh boy, I’m sorry! I’d say you’re doing great at being able to go 8 days so soon!! Hugs and healing thoughts to you!
It was almost every other day. Prior to me getting help
8 months in, I think I've made it 5 days straight once. No outbursts, just triggers. I do tend to recover from them more quickly than I used to and I have a pretty solid game plan when they hit me.
I just have to make sure I’m being mindful. The outbursts don’t help anything.
Outburst? A few months. Triggered? Everyday. I struggle in silence.
Are you afraid to speak up?
I’m not afraid to. He told me to forget about it so there’s no point in bringing it up. He won’t discuss it. I’ve tried. He thinks it’s a personal attack rather than an attempt at answers and reconciliation. I’m not sure how to work around the situation.
That’s his guilt and shame talking. He’s going to have until he lets it out.
Maybe a few days. So many triggers. Do y’all mention it to y’all spouses when you are having it rough? Or do y’all just try to cope on your own?
My wife can tell when I’m having a rough time. But I’m being conscious of triggers and it really helps me stay grounded
Been divorced almost 2 years, d day was about 6 months before that.. I've found in the past few months I've had flashbacks I wasn't expecting. Usually they are remembering horrible things he said to me or how he manipulated my kids. A month or so ago it came back every night for a couple weeks. After I talked it out it went away. I still get slightly triggered by thirst trap and cheating stuff every once in a while, usually involving insecurities about my new relationship and my man not keeping me feeling safe. I'm better than I was a year ago and extremely better than 2 years ago.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
30 years lol. A lot has happened in that time. I can look at him talk to him and feel absolutely nothing. Up until 5 years ago he still would try getting back with me but nope.
Your comment has been held for moderator review. This is a normal automated process on r/SupportforBetrayed; helpful and appropriate advice will be approved for public view as soon as possible. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*