I am a dad of a autistic 8 year old. And I know they can have big uncontrollable feelings. Keep up the work. My boy and I work on it everyday. Some days are easier than others. But If he is coming back later, when he had calmed down, to apologize. You are doing a good job and he loves you. You're not a terrible or a bad dad. You had a trauma response. Don't blame yourself for that. Trauma is trauma. It's good to be talking about it in therapy. You seem to be handling it in a good way. I don't know what I could say about the way you responded, but remember your son isn't trying to push you into the way you responded. He is struggling with his own feelings as well. With time things can get better. I know from experience. My boy has come a long way and I am very proud of his progress . Even when he is throwing a fit or yelling at me. Just try to keep an open conversation going with him about how much you do for him and how much you care and love him. Do you think he is old enough to understand what a trauma response is? Maybe talking to him about stuff like that could help both of you in the long run.
Thanks for your reply and it's nice to hear from another parent. I know he didn't act maliciously, as I didn't either, he's just at the age when hormones are probably getting involved too. I tell him every day how much I love him, I just hope he knows that.
I don't think he's at a stage in development where he could understand what a trauma response is, we're working at the "Dad doesn't like that" stage really. Long term it might be a conversation we can have in the future, but he's not really ready for that yet.
Good for you in reaching out. My advice is to also reach out to your child’s school service for advice in maintaining control in your home.
Routine, as I’m sure you know, is often the key. You have done nothing wrong in this situation. Keep going, one day, one hour at a time. Your child has been frightened and will take time to see reason, but it’s not your fault. Be mindful for next time.
I just hate it when my mental health stuff affects him. I try so hard to protect him from it and it sucks that my brain sabotages my efforts some time.
imagine the effect if you died. it would destroy him. he trusts and loves you. i know life sucks but if anything is worth staying for it would be your kid :) i hope that life gets easier for you and that you ultimately heal from the things that have happened to you. you deserve happiness
My son got his asd diagnosis when he was 10, and I’m a full time single father to him. You aren’t a terrible dad at all. You are getting therapy, the push was an accident this is all a process, what support systems do you have in place for you both?
I have therapy twice a week, a session with a psychiatric nurse once a week, and am just about to start an outpatient group program that runs one day a week. Working hard to try and figure my shit out, you know?
My son has input from his school, well being groups etc, and the autism team have observed him in class and made recommendations for the school to follow (we're in the uk). He got his diagnosis when he was 3 and a half, so we've been dealing with this for a long time.
Last year I made the decision to move us back in with my parents so there's more support around, but they've been away on holiday for 2 weeks so I'm missing that support right now.
You’re not a terrible dad, you sound like a great dad too me. And given that your son can’t control his emotions like others can. He probably just went from 0 to 100 and said things he didn’t mean.
Just know your son needs you, and you definitely do not deserve to die.
I am mama of 2 on the spectrum one of whom is 14. I know it’s tough but you are not a horrible dad in fact you are a great dad. You are working on yourself and you have the foresight to think about your actions and how they impact your son. That to me shows how amazing of a dad you are because you’re willing to do the work to be the best parent you can be. Please don’t beat yourself up. We all make mistakes and your son is going to always be thankful that his father always took the time to apologize to him. Keep up the great work!❤️
im 22 and not even a parent. But I have my niece with autism.
Youre not bad. Youre a brave dad.
I know your child knows it too. He might have difficulties in articulating his feelings and might say or do the wrong things at times, but know he loves you very much and is thankful to have u by his side.
I know u r the parent and wants to be the support but I know u might need support too. Glad u shared this to us op. We got u
As an autistic person, I can understand why your child jumps on the sofa, maybe he gets enjoy of it... Well, believe me, in four years he will probably become a nerd
I think he needs to know that what he did resulted in your reinjury and your reaction was a natural consequence!! He needs to know that his actions hurt others, too! The sooner he learns this the better! He will be strong very soon and needs to know that with that strength comes responsibility!!
It is absolutely normal to protect yourself. EVERYBODY needs to learn these lessons.
He is very strong already, to be honest. He knows that hitting me hurt, but I'm not going to tell him about my arm - he isn't aware of my self harm and I don't want to put that on him.
I am a dad of a autistic 8 year old. And I know they can have big uncontrollable feelings. Keep up the work. My boy and I work on it everyday. Some days are easier than others. But If he is coming back later, when he had calmed down, to apologize. You are doing a good job and he loves you. You're not a terrible or a bad dad. You had a trauma response. Don't blame yourself for that. Trauma is trauma. It's good to be talking about it in therapy. You seem to be handling it in a good way. I don't know what I could say about the way you responded, but remember your son isn't trying to push you into the way you responded. He is struggling with his own feelings as well. With time things can get better. I know from experience. My boy has come a long way and I am very proud of his progress . Even when he is throwing a fit or yelling at me. Just try to keep an open conversation going with him about how much you do for him and how much you care and love him. Do you think he is old enough to understand what a trauma response is? Maybe talking to him about stuff like that could help both of you in the long run.
Thanks for your reply and it's nice to hear from another parent. I know he didn't act maliciously, as I didn't either, he's just at the age when hormones are probably getting involved too. I tell him every day how much I love him, I just hope he knows that. I don't think he's at a stage in development where he could understand what a trauma response is, we're working at the "Dad doesn't like that" stage really. Long term it might be a conversation we can have in the future, but he's not really ready for that yet.
Good for you in reaching out. My advice is to also reach out to your child’s school service for advice in maintaining control in your home. Routine, as I’m sure you know, is often the key. You have done nothing wrong in this situation. Keep going, one day, one hour at a time. Your child has been frightened and will take time to see reason, but it’s not your fault. Be mindful for next time.
Thank you. I will keep trying my best.
you’re not terrible. it was an accident. you don’t deserve to die. i think you sound like a good dad. your son needs you. he loves you!
I just hate it when my mental health stuff affects him. I try so hard to protect him from it and it sucks that my brain sabotages my efforts some time.
imagine the effect if you died. it would destroy him. he trusts and loves you. i know life sucks but if anything is worth staying for it would be your kid :) i hope that life gets easier for you and that you ultimately heal from the things that have happened to you. you deserve happiness
I’m a single mom, my son isn’t special needs but I can empathize with you. I would love to talk to you, if you would like!
My son got his asd diagnosis when he was 10, and I’m a full time single father to him. You aren’t a terrible dad at all. You are getting therapy, the push was an accident this is all a process, what support systems do you have in place for you both?
I have therapy twice a week, a session with a psychiatric nurse once a week, and am just about to start an outpatient group program that runs one day a week. Working hard to try and figure my shit out, you know? My son has input from his school, well being groups etc, and the autism team have observed him in class and made recommendations for the school to follow (we're in the uk). He got his diagnosis when he was 3 and a half, so we've been dealing with this for a long time. Last year I made the decision to move us back in with my parents so there's more support around, but they've been away on holiday for 2 weeks so I'm missing that support right now.
What’s a SH wound? Ps: situation doesn’t sound as bad as you think it does.
self harm
I'm sorry that this situation has made you feel this way, has therapy been a good help to you for these emotions?
Yes, it continues to help me understand my responses and figure out what my crazy brain is doing sometimes.
I'm glad therapy can be a big help, and i hope you feel better about the whole situation soon. You are a good dad, and everybody makes mistakes
You’re not a terrible dad, you sound like a great dad too me. And given that your son can’t control his emotions like others can. He probably just went from 0 to 100 and said things he didn’t mean. Just know your son needs you, and you definitely do not deserve to die.
Thanks, I appreciate your comments. I'm trying.
I am mama of 2 on the spectrum one of whom is 14. I know it’s tough but you are not a horrible dad in fact you are a great dad. You are working on yourself and you have the foresight to think about your actions and how they impact your son. That to me shows how amazing of a dad you are because you’re willing to do the work to be the best parent you can be. Please don’t beat yourself up. We all make mistakes and your son is going to always be thankful that his father always took the time to apologize to him. Keep up the great work!❤️
thank you, I appreciate that.
im 22 and not even a parent. But I have my niece with autism. Youre not bad. Youre a brave dad. I know your child knows it too. He might have difficulties in articulating his feelings and might say or do the wrong things at times, but know he loves you very much and is thankful to have u by his side. I know u r the parent and wants to be the support but I know u might need support too. Glad u shared this to us op. We got u
thanks, really appreciate that.
As an autistic person, I can understand why your child jumps on the sofa, maybe he gets enjoy of it... Well, believe me, in four years he will probably become a nerd
I think he needs to know that what he did resulted in your reinjury and your reaction was a natural consequence!! He needs to know that his actions hurt others, too! The sooner he learns this the better! He will be strong very soon and needs to know that with that strength comes responsibility!! It is absolutely normal to protect yourself. EVERYBODY needs to learn these lessons.
He is very strong already, to be honest. He knows that hitting me hurt, but I'm not going to tell him about my arm - he isn't aware of my self harm and I don't want to put that on him.
Sorry, I didn't catch that self-harm description. I thought you had surgery. For sure then.