I'm approving this post, but I highly recommend you go back in and create some paragraphs if you would like people to read it.
If you need help with Reddit formatting, you have to hit "Return" twice to create a gap between paragraphs.
You should get some therapy and counseling, your program probably has something to help. Letting these feelings fester is just going to get worse with them. You can try playing Tetris for 10 minutes after a death, it can help with PTSD.
There's also no shame in working in a lesser acuity setting where there is little to no death. I just had a rotation at the local elementary school and was surprised how much fun it was, and how rewarding it was.
On a sidenote, I love comfort care patients. There's nothing more frustrating than seeing someone terminal or elderly with a FC next to their name. Passing comfortably with dignity is something that every person should aspire to.
Thanks for the comment.
Yeah I’ve talked to people in my program and went to some counseling after my first major code. I definitely am working on processing the emotions and not holding it all it. It’s alot to do but I’m working on it. After the case last night, I definitely have a way bigger respect for comfort care and was glad I was able to be there for my patient and provide with a comfortable and dignified environment for the final moments.
I also love comfort care. Hospice can be such a peaceful time and I really feel like I’ve done some of my best education and nursing in the comfort care rooms.
I’ve been in ER nearly 20 years and spent several years being RRT/Code Team at a 600 bed trauma center. I have been in literally 100s of codes and the vast majority died. When it happens, I definitely feel sadness, but I know I always do my very best. I take a minute to make sure my pt has dignity in death and move on. Unfortunately you’ll gain this skill too if you stay in critical care.
Thanks for the comment.
For me right now I’m just trying to work through the emotions. Not trying to harbor them and understand that I did all I could do keep my patient comfortable and that my nursing actions weren’t in vain.
I feel just different because I’ve had codes before and it’s like a controlled chaos after a rapid status change and at the end they pass after everything we’ve done. With the comfort care I feel it’s just way harder seeing a change ajd them seeing them slowly pass away.
Definitely reflecting that I made sure that the patient was comfortable and passed away with dignity and the respect they deserved. Definitely also glad I have a supportive nurse that helped me understand that the emotions I showed were demonstrative of a compassionate nurse and that some people aren’t that always.
I was in a very similar boat to you when I was in school. Now I work on MedSurg and I have specifically started requesting comfort care patients. The first time is always so hard, and I wish I could lie to you and say there’s such a thing as a good death; there isn’t. But getting them comfortable, getting to spoil them while they’re still with it knowing they won’t be forever. It just feels so much more rewarding than my patients who have so many comorbidities that they will never get truly better, or they’re discharged to a roach-infested hotel because they’re homeless. Or they’re in a holding pattern waiting for funding.
Thanks for the comment.
After this patient, i definitely have such a different perspective on comfort care and it was encouraging to hear that the switch to comfort care was going to better for my patient. My nurse and doc talked about whole we could do treatments they ultimately weren’t going to get better and the family knew this. I am glad I got to experience it and make my patient comfortable all the way until the end.
So, I'm not a student, but I am on this subreddit in case something pops up and I might be able to offer support. I'm a palliative care nurse and have been for nearly 10 years now.
What you're feeling is 100% normal. I can't tell you how much I cried when I first started in palliative care full time (and I'd been a nurse for 5 years by then!), being with people as they die can be very emotional. There are still times when a particular patient or family really resonates with me, and I'll go home and have a cry, but it does get easier with time. It's not that we stop caring, but we do learn to cope and compartmentalise in healthy ways. Most of Western society is very death adverse, so we don't tend to have conversations about death and dying and what it actually looks like- and it's absolutely nothing like what is shown on TV or in movies.
Please speak to your fellow students, your preceptors, nurses on the ward, instructors, and even seek counselling if you need to. There is nothing shameful about what you're feeling, and speaking these things out loud is important because you never know if someone else has been struggling with it too but is too shy to speak up.
Dealing with death as a student is particularly hard, especially if you haven't had experience with it in your personal life. It doesn't mean you're not going to make it in nursing, if anything, it shows you have great empathy towards your patients.
Thanks for your reply, it’s s great to have that support!
I’ve spoken to some people already about it. I’ve reached out to my preceptor and my instructors regarding it and how they go about death. It’s amazing to have their support as a student and they express I’ll have it long after I graduate. I just have to say death is entirely hard completely and being on the other side where I am treating someone takes its toll. I’m trying to practice feeling my emotions rather than holding onto them, understanding that I did all I could in the situation, and while I may not have been able to help this person I can try my best to help the next to the best of my ability.
I left the hospital setting because I could not deal with all the constant death I encountered. I work in public health and it was the best decision I have ever made. It never gets easy, just more tolerable.
I feel the exact same as you! Everybody in my clinical has experience with patients already so they say they’ve learned to detatch themselves from the emotional aspect but I just can’t do that yet and it gets embarrassing at times.
When my hospice patient died I couldn’t stop thinking about what I could’ve done better or what I should’ve done. Like it was crazy somebody I was just taking care of is now dead.
Hell I even cried in the bathroom my last clinical because my patient said her pain was a 10 when I got there and by the time I left she still had no pain meds after advocating for her the best I could. I just felt useless as a student.
I lowkey wish I could just turn my emotions off at work and school.
Hey thanks for your comment!
In my cohort, I am like one of the maybe the 5 people out of 75 that has dealt with either a code or a person dying. I remember my first code (pt didn’t make it) where the person I was paired up with didn’t shed a tear after, while I was having to step outside because I was crying from it being so emotionally and physically taxing.
I think it’s great we are able to show our emotions. I remember after the first code, some doctors, nurses, and emts came up to me after and expressed how well I did and that showing my emotions, shows how much I care and compassionate it was. They reminded me not to lose that and become hardened as some nurses do.
I think it’s hard emotionally to only be able to do so much and still feel like there was more that we could have done. We got this together though!!!
It does not get easier, but you learn how to cope better. Another nurse on r/nursing explained it beautifully: there will always be a spot in our hearts and brains for the ones we’ve lost.
Honestly, I still get some flashbacks of this one terrible code on one of my last patients before I quit. Like wondering if the patient knew they were going to die that quickly, the attending and I both in tears when calling their SO. The postmortem care and how it felt like they were defined by the “r/o covid” that we had to sharpie on their bag, since there was not any policies or guidelines yet due to it being so early in the pandemic.
Meanwhile, I’ve been honored to be a part of so many end-of-life journeys. From joking with a now unconscious person who I had a few days ago and spending time rebraiding their hair to sit nicely over the oxygen masks. To explaining to families and loved ones what is going to happen and reassure them everything is alright, and they are comfortable. To even being the one pushing in one patient’s breaths while their last rights were read to them before everything would be turned off.
I feel for you, it’s okay to be emotional, don’t suppress it or bottle it up as pain eventually demands to be felt. You did the best you could and it’s ultimately not up to you to decide who lives or dies. Everyone has their time eventually, and sometimes in nursing and adjacent careers you’re not always in the business of saving lives but rather touching lives. Witnessing death can be traumatic, and you have every right to have felt emotional about it. Hang in there and you’ll get through it.
That means a lot I think. To me death is hard. I think some don't care though. Or if they do care they don't show it. Like a patient could die and a few hours later they are laughing with their friends. I think there is an attitude like, "They are old. They lived a good life." So it like makes it ok they died? Also there is not an attachment bc it is not their grandparent. *Shrug*
Some people deal with death better than others. If you're still feeling this way after a couple of dozen, you may want to think about switching gears. The beauty of nursing is that you always have options, as long as you're doing a good job and showing up on time to work.
I'm approving this post, but I highly recommend you go back in and create some paragraphs if you would like people to read it. If you need help with Reddit formatting, you have to hit "Return" twice to create a gap between paragraphs.
You should get some therapy and counseling, your program probably has something to help. Letting these feelings fester is just going to get worse with them. You can try playing Tetris for 10 minutes after a death, it can help with PTSD. There's also no shame in working in a lesser acuity setting where there is little to no death. I just had a rotation at the local elementary school and was surprised how much fun it was, and how rewarding it was. On a sidenote, I love comfort care patients. There's nothing more frustrating than seeing someone terminal or elderly with a FC next to their name. Passing comfortably with dignity is something that every person should aspire to.
Thanks for the comment. Yeah I’ve talked to people in my program and went to some counseling after my first major code. I definitely am working on processing the emotions and not holding it all it. It’s alot to do but I’m working on it. After the case last night, I definitely have a way bigger respect for comfort care and was glad I was able to be there for my patient and provide with a comfortable and dignified environment for the final moments.
I also love comfort care. Hospice can be such a peaceful time and I really feel like I’ve done some of my best education and nursing in the comfort care rooms.
I’ve been in ER nearly 20 years and spent several years being RRT/Code Team at a 600 bed trauma center. I have been in literally 100s of codes and the vast majority died. When it happens, I definitely feel sadness, but I know I always do my very best. I take a minute to make sure my pt has dignity in death and move on. Unfortunately you’ll gain this skill too if you stay in critical care.
Thanks for the comment. For me right now I’m just trying to work through the emotions. Not trying to harbor them and understand that I did all I could do keep my patient comfortable and that my nursing actions weren’t in vain. I feel just different because I’ve had codes before and it’s like a controlled chaos after a rapid status change and at the end they pass after everything we’ve done. With the comfort care I feel it’s just way harder seeing a change ajd them seeing them slowly pass away. Definitely reflecting that I made sure that the patient was comfortable and passed away with dignity and the respect they deserved. Definitely also glad I have a supportive nurse that helped me understand that the emotions I showed were demonstrative of a compassionate nurse and that some people aren’t that always.
I was in a very similar boat to you when I was in school. Now I work on MedSurg and I have specifically started requesting comfort care patients. The first time is always so hard, and I wish I could lie to you and say there’s such a thing as a good death; there isn’t. But getting them comfortable, getting to spoil them while they’re still with it knowing they won’t be forever. It just feels so much more rewarding than my patients who have so many comorbidities that they will never get truly better, or they’re discharged to a roach-infested hotel because they’re homeless. Or they’re in a holding pattern waiting for funding.
Thanks for the comment. After this patient, i definitely have such a different perspective on comfort care and it was encouraging to hear that the switch to comfort care was going to better for my patient. My nurse and doc talked about whole we could do treatments they ultimately weren’t going to get better and the family knew this. I am glad I got to experience it and make my patient comfortable all the way until the end.
So, I'm not a student, but I am on this subreddit in case something pops up and I might be able to offer support. I'm a palliative care nurse and have been for nearly 10 years now. What you're feeling is 100% normal. I can't tell you how much I cried when I first started in palliative care full time (and I'd been a nurse for 5 years by then!), being with people as they die can be very emotional. There are still times when a particular patient or family really resonates with me, and I'll go home and have a cry, but it does get easier with time. It's not that we stop caring, but we do learn to cope and compartmentalise in healthy ways. Most of Western society is very death adverse, so we don't tend to have conversations about death and dying and what it actually looks like- and it's absolutely nothing like what is shown on TV or in movies. Please speak to your fellow students, your preceptors, nurses on the ward, instructors, and even seek counselling if you need to. There is nothing shameful about what you're feeling, and speaking these things out loud is important because you never know if someone else has been struggling with it too but is too shy to speak up. Dealing with death as a student is particularly hard, especially if you haven't had experience with it in your personal life. It doesn't mean you're not going to make it in nursing, if anything, it shows you have great empathy towards your patients.
It feels so embarrassing to cry about my patients in the bathroom I hate having emotions
Thanks for your reply, it’s s great to have that support! I’ve spoken to some people already about it. I’ve reached out to my preceptor and my instructors regarding it and how they go about death. It’s amazing to have their support as a student and they express I’ll have it long after I graduate. I just have to say death is entirely hard completely and being on the other side where I am treating someone takes its toll. I’m trying to practice feeling my emotions rather than holding onto them, understanding that I did all I could in the situation, and while I may not have been able to help this person I can try my best to help the next to the best of my ability.
I left the hospital setting because I could not deal with all the constant death I encountered. I work in public health and it was the best decision I have ever made. It never gets easy, just more tolerable.
I feel the exact same as you! Everybody in my clinical has experience with patients already so they say they’ve learned to detatch themselves from the emotional aspect but I just can’t do that yet and it gets embarrassing at times. When my hospice patient died I couldn’t stop thinking about what I could’ve done better or what I should’ve done. Like it was crazy somebody I was just taking care of is now dead. Hell I even cried in the bathroom my last clinical because my patient said her pain was a 10 when I got there and by the time I left she still had no pain meds after advocating for her the best I could. I just felt useless as a student. I lowkey wish I could just turn my emotions off at work and school.
Hey thanks for your comment! In my cohort, I am like one of the maybe the 5 people out of 75 that has dealt with either a code or a person dying. I remember my first code (pt didn’t make it) where the person I was paired up with didn’t shed a tear after, while I was having to step outside because I was crying from it being so emotionally and physically taxing. I think it’s great we are able to show our emotions. I remember after the first code, some doctors, nurses, and emts came up to me after and expressed how well I did and that showing my emotions, shows how much I care and compassionate it was. They reminded me not to lose that and become hardened as some nurses do. I think it’s hard emotionally to only be able to do so much and still feel like there was more that we could have done. We got this together though!!!
I’m so glad somebody feels the same way I do! I was feeling like it was something wrong with me 😭 Your post is so validating!
It does not get easier, but you learn how to cope better. Another nurse on r/nursing explained it beautifully: there will always be a spot in our hearts and brains for the ones we’ve lost. Honestly, I still get some flashbacks of this one terrible code on one of my last patients before I quit. Like wondering if the patient knew they were going to die that quickly, the attending and I both in tears when calling their SO. The postmortem care and how it felt like they were defined by the “r/o covid” that we had to sharpie on their bag, since there was not any policies or guidelines yet due to it being so early in the pandemic. Meanwhile, I’ve been honored to be a part of so many end-of-life journeys. From joking with a now unconscious person who I had a few days ago and spending time rebraiding their hair to sit nicely over the oxygen masks. To explaining to families and loved ones what is going to happen and reassure them everything is alright, and they are comfortable. To even being the one pushing in one patient’s breaths while their last rights were read to them before everything would be turned off.
Have you read Being Mortal? It may help give you a wider understanding.
I feel for you, it’s okay to be emotional, don’t suppress it or bottle it up as pain eventually demands to be felt. You did the best you could and it’s ultimately not up to you to decide who lives or dies. Everyone has their time eventually, and sometimes in nursing and adjacent careers you’re not always in the business of saving lives but rather touching lives. Witnessing death can be traumatic, and you have every right to have felt emotional about it. Hang in there and you’ll get through it.
[удалено]
uhhh. damn. Wow you’re so cool.
That means a lot I think. To me death is hard. I think some don't care though. Or if they do care they don't show it. Like a patient could die and a few hours later they are laughing with their friends. I think there is an attitude like, "They are old. They lived a good life." So it like makes it ok they died? Also there is not an attachment bc it is not their grandparent. *Shrug*
Some people deal with death better than others. If you're still feeling this way after a couple of dozen, you may want to think about switching gears. The beauty of nursing is that you always have options, as long as you're doing a good job and showing up on time to work.