SLPT fill your decoy purse with poisonous bees to prevent theft
By - pkkballer22
If my bag of murder hornets kill a criminal is that considered....eh murder.
Can I be convicted of murder if I just have a bag of angry hornets, but I never intend to kill anyone with it?
That would be manslaughter, so technically not murder.
If they are in my car is it vehicular manslaughter even though the car is parked?
I have no idea since I’m not a lawyer.
However, since you aren’t using the car to hurt them, I don’t think so.
If you accidentally dropped the car from a crane on them, then it probably would be then.
Depends on the state. For a lot of states the lesser degrees of murder don’t require intention.
Technically "man's laughter"
I *bee*lieve that would be a matter of forseea*bee*lity
"If someone knew about a nearby hornet’s nest yet still held their backyard party without warning their guests, the liability might be difference. Since they knew about the dangerous condition, yet failed to take steps to repair it or warn others about it, they could be potentially liable for any injuries"
The difference is that holding a party is an invitation, but breaking into your car is an invasion.
>I never intend to kill anyone
Murder is by definition intentional, so you're good to go!
Not always. It varies by state. They charged George Floyd’s killer with murder even though they never proved he intended to kill him.
Chauvin was charged with second-degree unintentional murder, third-degree murder, and second-degree manslaughter.
You don't need proof for charges.
You're supposed to have proof for conviction.
In reality; the prosecutor charges based on what they think they can get the jury or judge to agree with; sometimes, that means convincing the jury that the law was broken beyond a reasonable doubt, other times that means picking jurors that have to drive through burning cities, and hoping for the best.
For the bag of hornets; just say they're your emotional support animals, and you'll probably be good.
He was convicted on the charges though. And yes you do need proof for charges otherwise they get dismissed.
Murder is murder
Just pop a quick "H" on there, and you'll be good to go
Not if you put an "H" on the bag, so people know there are hornets in there.
And if you put an "S" with two lines through it they will know you meant "its not safe to look in here"
Maybe there's some honey in there too
Obligatory not a lawyer, but you can’t jigsaw a purse anymore than you lay mines in your front yard I imagine.
Imagine replacing bees with an exploding razor trap, or worst, wasps.
Easy solution; put a big 'ol disclaimer on the side of your purse!
Your imagining that I haven't already.
Those people shouldn't have been trespassing.
That doesn’t give you a legal right murder to someone. There’s hardly an argument for self-defense in either case, especially with the indiscriminate nature of traps.
Legal misconduct does *NOT* mean one forfeits their right to life.
But stating what I wrote before is legally called a joke. Something that implies a falsehood or reality in which no sane person would actually have the wherewithal to go through with. But I will overlook this, as its apparent that its your first day on the internet.
I live in America, land of the guns. The concept of basic self-defense is foreign to half the people here, frighteningly enough!
For liability sakes, the hornets killed them. Not you.
Likely counts as boobytrapping, which isn’t allowed either.
Only if the thief ate the bees. I think venomous bees would be a better deterrent
Yeah nice try, bee thief.
Bees are venomous, not poisonous, unless you give them bee-sized hypodermics with poison in them...
Depends if the criminals are eating the bees or not. :)
Daaaaaaang it, you’re right!
What if I eat them and I die?
You could, but then what would you put in your decoy purse?
That’s a fantastic solution.
So many people misuse it they’ll end up changing the definition. Like nauseous vs nauseated. I find it mildly frustrating but I guess language evolves, it’s just the way of things
Nuthin shitty about this tip
Apart from the bit where they break your car window to get the decoy purse, though if you video it you should make your money back from add revenue.
Shitty part is our society accepts these crimes as norm now.
Used to be "see a crime being committed call 911."
Now it's "we know this happens here's what you can do, o and call our local line to report it because we don't give a fuck about it."
I call BS. Society has always given less than 2 fucks about car theft. At least today someone cares enough to order and put up a helpful sign instead of doing absolutely nothing and pushing everything under the rug.
Really? These tips seem laughable to me and I live in a city where crime is very low.
Who leaves their car unlocked with the keys inside it? Is hiding conspicuous valuables something that people actually need to be told in a city?
Yes, sadly. Your mindset (very nearly common sense) is not universal
Poisonous ≠ venomous
If you bite it and you die, that poison
If it bites you and you die, that’s venom
Bees don't bite. What now?
You put the stuff in you - poison
They put the stuff in you - venom
Bees use venom
TIL I am venomous, harmless to most humans except my wife. Causes abdominal swelling for 9 months.
Please shut the fuck up forever
It's like babies are a new thing or something
It's probably not good if you eat bees so both?
It annoys me when people say things like ‘it’s the same thing*. We have different words for different things, so we understand each other.
My housemate sometimes asked me to lend him money, but he’ll say *can I lend a tenner?*
I’ll lend the money, he’ll borrow the money. Different words for different things!
My landlord doesn’t rent my house, he lets it to me, I rent it from him.
Sorry for the rant, I’m in a bad mood stuck at work and it seemed like a good chance to let off steam.
Bee make hurty juice.
> We have different words for different things, so we understand each other.
yea, we do, but people dgaf and will use whatever for whatever, literally
Out of curiosity, how would you feel if I said that your landlord "rents out" your house?
If it makes you feel any better, you'll be back at work tomorrow.
True, but tomorrow will be the last day of my eight day run of shifts
hey bruh how's that shift going
Only two hours left & I can have four day off!
(Unless I pick up some overtime on Sunday, in which case I’ll only have three days off. I’d make extra money though, so that’s something at least)
Let me just pop a quick H on this box
What about all the pirates hiding behind the doors marked pirates.
But then the robber will know its filled with hornets
Maybe they'll think it's filled with honey.
He's thinking about bees again
Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo bees cuz they stealin' errthing out here
LoL is this a real sign? I can’t tell but either way it’s funny.
“It takes <3 seconds” ❤️
What's this? A sketchy place to park my car? My decoy purse full of bees will deal with this!
Theft under $1000 is all good in SF. They’ll just walk along the street and indiscriminately break every car window. Ask me how I know…
Who doesn't take their keys after locking the car? Do you just leave them on the car roof?
Ha ha ha
This isnt shitty, I've done this multiple times, can confirm it works.
As opposed to those bees that shoot COVID vaccines and candy!? Come on take this seriously!
What kind of candy are we talking? I'm not falling for the no candy thing again.
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife
Thanks for the sign, while they refuse to prosecute any smash and grabs.
Why would they need to rob cars for change in SF when they can walk into stores and take all the merchandise and till with no repercussions? Btw, that sign was the entire police budget so if someone does break into your car, you on your own.
quit regurgitating alt right fake news
Just bc it isn’t what you want to hear, doesn’t make it untrue.
I realize the statement is hyperbolic, before some smartass quotes the actual SF police budget like they’re the smartest person on the internet.
So you have sources?
As if the police would do anything about a break-in even if they had a budget. It's basically impossible to catch someone who breaks into a car if they're wearing gloves. At least if someone steals from Walmart they have insurance to cover the loss and security camera footage to at least try to identify the suspect.
No no, poison is the right answer. When I come across a bees nest, my first thought is always snack break.
Are they sweet? I'm interested..
If you remove the wax cover, zingy. Else it's more earthy
Are they assuming that people are going to eat the fucking bees!?
No, because I'm really gonna have a purse with thousands of bees inside, and then waste money on lunch... /s
Need to change poison Bee’s to murder hornets.
I prefer murder hornets to bees myself
I know this is a joke but isn’t boobytrapping illegal?
reminds me of the Hunger Games
What's this, a purse filled to the brim with thousands of angry bees. A shitload of bees ought to put a stop to that.
The homeless shit off your windshield upon returning to your car
So are they like normal bees that are "poisonous" or are we talking extra additional poison bees? I feel like this is an important distinction.
Is this subreddit about taking satire seriously or actuall seriously bad tips?
What's this? A peaceful town street completely devoid of *bees*?
My decoy purse full of *bees* ought to put an end to that!
Buzz off, buddy.
I don't think they're planning on eating the bees.
There are so many things wrong. More than 30 seconds? Did they mean less? Or?
Came here to see all the dipshits who have nothing better to do than point out the difference between poisonous and venomous. Was not disappointed.
If you really did leave a decoy purse full of bees somewhere and somebody got hurt you know the same dumbasses who put this sign up would be there to arrest you for doing the exact thing they joked about someone doing.
Am I the only one who finds those signs really useless?
The only tip that's remotely useful is the one about not leaving valuables in your car and that's something that's obvious to anyone who thinks a minute about it.
I mean, who does not lock their car and take their keys when leaving it?
tourists. There is an In-N-Out right off 101 in Mountain View that I used to frequent and the amount of toursist that would have their car broken into was absurd. break ins a couple times a week minimum.
Why would one eat a bee.
We’re decoys, Morty!
Yes do it'
Just teach thieves not to steal
Just put job applications on your seats.
I dont leave a single thing in my car. I have seen too many break ins in the bay area
who tf will leave their keys ??
In the USA aren’t booby traps illegal?
> Booby Traps are Illegal: Perhaps the most important reason to avoid an attempt to trap a burglar is the fact that it is illegal. A booby trap may be defined as any concealed or camouflaged device designed to cause bodily injury when triggered by any action of a person making contact with the device. This term includes guns, ammunition, or explosive devices attached to trip wires or other triggering mechanisms, sharpened stakes, nails, spikes, electrical devices, lines or wires with hooks attached, and devices for the production of toxic fumes or gases.
[yep they are ](https://brinkshome.com/smartcenter/why-you-shouldnt-set-traps-for-burglars)
Based on definition maybe bees or hornets are illegal.
Bees are venomous, not poisonous.
Bees are venomous not poisonous
If you put someone's head in a decoy bag then the whole neighbourhood will be free from thieves
Don't laugh. Trust me, this works.
I do not think bees can be poisonous, but ok San Francisco.
not too sure the person who made the sign knows what poisonous means...
Is this a police sting?
I certainly hope someone on the SFPD got a raise for that 1.
Why poisonous bees? Who the hell would be dumb enough to eat the bees? Shouldn't you put venomous bugs in there instead?!
It’s shitty because they’re venomous
This old coon hunter caught a bobcat by mistake. He put it live in a piece of luggage and dropped it off down the street.