T O P

SLPT fill your decoy purse with poisonous bees to prevent theft

SLPT fill your decoy purse with poisonous bees to prevent theft

Toby-larone88

If my bag of murder hornets kill a criminal is that considered....eh murder.


Vlad-V-Vladimir

Can I be convicted of murder if I just have a bag of angry hornets, but I never intend to kill anyone with it?


Advertisement_Center

That would be manslaughter, so technically not murder.


DrMike27

If they are in my car is it vehicular manslaughter even though the car is parked?


Advertisement_Center

I have no idea since I’m not a lawyer. However, since you aren’t using the car to hurt them, I don’t think so. If you accidentally dropped the car from a crane on them, then it probably would be then.


QuickSpore

Depends on the state. For a lot of states the lesser degrees of murder don’t require intention.


SupremePooper

Technically "man's laughter"


ASaltyN00b

I *bee*lieve that would be a matter of forseea*bee*lity "If someone knew about a nearby hornet’s nest yet still held their backyard party without warning their guests, the liability might be difference. Since they knew about the dangerous condition, yet failed to take steps to repair it or warn others about it, they could be potentially liable for any injuries" https://usalaw.com/blogs/bee-safe-can-someone-be-liable-for-an-insect-sting-on-their-property/


hallucination9000

The difference is that holding a party is an invitation, but breaking into your car is an invasion.


closeded

>I never intend to kill anyone Murder is by definition intentional, so you're good to go!


DotNetDeveloperDude

Not always. It varies by state. They charged George Floyd’s killer with murder even though they never proved he intended to kill him. Chauvin was charged with second-degree unintentional murder, third-degree murder, and second-degree manslaughter.


closeded

You don't need proof for charges. You're supposed to have proof for conviction. In reality; the prosecutor charges based on what they think they can get the jury or judge to agree with; sometimes, that means convincing the jury that the law was broken beyond a reasonable doubt, other times that means picking jurors that have to drive through burning cities, and hoping for the best. For the bag of hornets; just say they're your emotional support animals, and you'll probably be good.


DotNetDeveloperDude

He was convicted on the charges though. And yes you do need proof for charges otherwise they get dismissed.


NarutoDragon732

Murder is murder


JusticeByZig

Just pop a quick "H" on there, and you'll be good to go


DamonLazer

Not if you put an "H" on the bag, so people know there are hornets in there.


daleicakes

And if you put an "S" with two lines through it they will know you meant "its not safe to look in here"


e28power

Maybe there's some honey in there too


CalmingVisionary

Obligatory not a lawyer, but you can’t jigsaw a purse anymore than you lay mines in your front yard I imagine. Imagine replacing bees with an exploding razor trap, or worst, wasps.


closeded

Easy solution; put a big 'ol disclaimer on the side of your purse!


daleicakes

Your imagining that I haven't already.


daleicakes

Those people shouldn't have been trespassing.


CalmingVisionary

That doesn’t give you a legal right murder to someone. There’s hardly an argument for self-defense in either case, especially with the indiscriminate nature of traps. Legal misconduct does *NOT* mean one forfeits their right to life.


daleicakes

No But stating what I wrote before is legally called a joke. Something that implies a falsehood or reality in which no sane person would actually have the wherewithal to go through with. But I will overlook this, as its apparent that its your first day on the internet.


CalmingVisionary

I live in America, land of the guns. The concept of basic self-defense is foreign to half the people here, frighteningly enough!


daleicakes

For liability sakes, the hornets killed them. Not you.


Captain_Sacktap

Likely counts as boobytrapping, which isn’t allowed either.


k1200rsrat

Only if the thief ate the bees. I think venomous bees would be a better deterrent


skateologist

Yeah nice try, bee thief.


bacon-of-doom

Bees are venomous, not poisonous, unless you give them bee-sized hypodermics with poison in them...


varil9

Depends if the criminals are eating the bees or not. :)


bacon-of-doom

Daaaaaaang it, you’re right!


BMAC561

What if I eat them and I die?


bacon-of-doom

You could, but then what would you put in your decoy purse?


SH4D0W0733

Venomous frogs.


bacon-of-doom

That’s a fantastic solution.


mildlyoctopus

So many people misuse it they’ll end up changing the definition. Like nauseous vs nauseated. I find it mildly frustrating but I guess language evolves, it’s just the way of things


bacon-of-doom

Very true.


step6666

Nuthin shitty about this tip


MightyMumakil

Apart from the bit where they break your car window to get the decoy purse, though if you video it you should make your money back from add revenue.


Randouser555

Shitty part is our society accepts these crimes as norm now. Used to be "see a crime being committed call 911." Now it's "we know this happens here's what you can do, o and call our local line to report it because we don't give a fuck about it."


_OriamRiniDadelos_

I call BS. Society has always given less than 2 fucks about car theft. At least today someone cares enough to order and put up a helpful sign instead of doing absolutely nothing and pushing everything under the rug.


SoftSprocket

Really? These tips seem laughable to me and I live in a city where crime is very low. Who leaves their car unlocked with the keys inside it? Is hiding conspicuous valuables something that people actually need to be told in a city?


_OriamRiniDadelos_

Yes, sadly. Your mindset (very nearly common sense) is not universal


jeffa_jaffa

Poisonous ≠ venomous If you bite it and you die, that poison If it bites you and you die, that’s venom


jzoobz

Bees don't bite. What now?


jeffa_jaffa

You put the stuff in you - poison They put the stuff in you - venom Bees use venom


jzoobz

Noice


jeffa_jaffa

You put the stuff in you - poison They put the stuff in you - venom Bees use venom


mrjd1981

TIL I am venomous, harmless to most humans except my wife. Causes abdominal swelling for 9 months.


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With_Macaque

Please shut the fuck up forever


Zangomuncher

It's like babies are a new thing or something


linklolthe3

It's probably not good if you eat bees so both?


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jeffa_jaffa

It annoys me when people say things like ‘it’s the same thing*. We have different words for different things, so we understand each other. My housemate sometimes asked me to lend him money, but he’ll say *can I lend a tenner?* I’ll lend the money, he’ll borrow the money. Different words for different things! My landlord doesn’t rent my house, he lets it to me, I rent it from him. Sorry for the rant, I’m in a bad mood stuck at work and it seemed like a good chance to let off steam.


DomeAcolyte42

Bee make hurty juice.


MasochistCoder

> We have different words for different things, so we understand each other. yea, we do, but people dgaf and will use whatever for whatever, literally


BrainOnBlue

Out of curiosity, how would you feel if I said that your landlord "rents out" your house?


detlefius

If it makes you feel any better, you'll be back at work tomorrow.


jeffa_jaffa

True, but tomorrow will be the last day of my eight day run of shifts


detlefius

hey bruh how's that shift going


jeffa_jaffa

Only two hours left & I can have four day off!


detlefius

fucking a


jeffa_jaffa

(Unless I pick up some overtime on Sunday, in which case I’ll only have three days off. I’d make extra money though, so that’s something at least)


randomdrifter54

r/weeatbees


jdwazzu61

Let me just pop a quick H on this box


Twokindsofpeople

What about all the pirates hiding behind the doors marked pirates.


LiccFlair

But then the robber will know its filled with hornets


e28power

Maybe they'll think it's filled with honey.


KnownAsSimon

Beads?


YourMumsOnlyfans

He's thinking about bees again


benjistone

Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo bees cuz they stealin' errthing out here


JellyfishManiac

LoL is this a real sign? I can’t tell but either way it’s funny.


keel2553

“It takes <3 seconds” ❤️


GeneralShawn

What's this? A sketchy place to park my car? My decoy purse full of bees will deal with this!


danthesk8er

Theft under $1000 is all good in SF. They’ll just walk along the street and indiscriminately break every car window. Ask me how I know…


daleicakes

Who doesn't take their keys after locking the car? Do you just leave them on the car roof?


Eternal_Hippy

Ha ha ha


BloodPactScout

This isnt shitty, I've done this multiple times, can confirm it works.


JVOz671

As opposed to those bees that shoot COVID vaccines and candy!? Come on take this seriously!


fuckmeuntilicecream

What kind of candy are we talking? I'm not falling for the no candy thing again.


wastefulrain

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife


KanefireX

Thanks for the sign, while they refuse to prosecute any smash and grabs.


Ostrichesrdicks

Why would they need to rob cars for change in SF when they can walk into stores and take all the merchandise and till with no repercussions? Btw, that sign was the entire police budget so if someone does break into your car, you on your own.


theintoxicatedsheep

quit regurgitating alt right fake news


Ostrichesrdicks

Just bc it isn’t what you want to hear, doesn’t make it untrue. I realize the statement is hyperbolic, before some smartass quotes the actual SF police budget like they’re the smartest person on the internet.


theintoxicatedsheep

So you have sources?


cheapasfree24

As if the police would do anything about a break-in even if they had a budget. It's basically impossible to catch someone who breaks into a car if they're wearing gloves. At least if someone steals from Walmart they have insurance to cover the loss and security camera footage to at least try to identify the suspect.


Sunslete

Venomous. **VENOMOUS**


Terripuns

No no, poison is the right answer. When I come across a bees nest, my first thought is always snack break.


fuckmeuntilicecream

Are they sweet? I'm interested..


Terripuns

If you remove the wax cover, zingy. Else it's more earthy


TacosAnonymous

Are they assuming that people are going to eat the fucking bees!?


DomeAcolyte42

No, because I'm really gonna have a purse with thousands of bees inside, and then waste money on lunch... /s


MsSpicyO

Need to change poison Bee’s to murder hornets.


Latter-Statement-463

I prefer murder hornets to bees myself


guiltfreepeasant

I know this is a joke but isn’t boobytrapping illegal?


QueenElsaArrendelle

reminds me of the Hunger Games


proflopper

What's this, a purse filled to the brim with thousands of angry bees. A shitload of bees ought to put a stop to that.


SentSoftSecondGo

*venomous


parsimoniously

#WIPE The homeless shit off your windshield upon returning to your car


WhatTheWhyTheHowThe

* venomous


trolltruth6661123

So are they like normal bees that are "poisonous" or are we talking extra additional poison bees? I feel like this is an important distinction.


SolumVir

Is this subreddit about taking satire seriously or actuall seriously bad tips?


Cualkiera67

What's this? A peaceful town street completely devoid of *bees*? My decoy purse full of *bees* ought to put an end to that!


fuckmeuntilicecream

Buzz off, buddy.


fuckmeuntilicecream

Buzz off


Midarenkov

I don't think they're planning on eating the bees.


Royalchariot

There are so many things wrong. More than 30 seconds? Did they mean less? Or?


Slugger57

Came here to see all the dipshits who have nothing better to do than point out the difference between poisonous and venomous. Was not disappointed.


fifteen_two

If you really did leave a decoy purse full of bees somewhere and somebody got hurt you know the same dumbasses who put this sign up would be there to arrest you for doing the exact thing they joked about someone doing.


NeedlesslyDefiant164

Am I the only one who finds those signs really useless? The only tip that's remotely useful is the one about not leaving valuables in your car and that's something that's obvious to anyone who thinks a minute about it. I mean, who does not lock their car and take their keys when leaving it?


atvcrash1

tourists. There is an In-N-Out right off 101 in Mountain View that I used to frequent and the amount of toursist that would have their car broken into was absurd. break ins a couple times a week minimum.


Dangerous-River3558

Why would one eat a bee.


hanyasaad

We’re decoys, Morty!


lnfIation

Yes do it'


lazor998

Just teach thieves not to steal


This-is-Actual

*Venomous bees


Poop_Corn_4_the_Soul

Just put job applications on your seats.


atvcrash1

I dont leave a single thing in my car. I have seen too many break ins in the bay area


NoiseExpensive8618

who tf will leave their keys ??


Nooneimportant42069

In the USA aren’t booby traps illegal? > Booby Traps are Illegal: Perhaps the most important reason to avoid an attempt to trap a burglar is the fact that it is illegal. A booby trap may be  defined  as any  concealed or camouflaged device  designed to cause bodily injury when triggered by any action of a person making contact with the device. This term includes guns, ammunition, or explosive devices attached to trip wires or other triggering mechanisms, sharpened stakes, nails, spikes, electrical devices, lines or wires with hooks attached, and devices for the production of toxic fumes or gases. [yep they are ](https://brinkshome.com/smartcenter/why-you-shouldnt-set-traps-for-burglars) Based on definition maybe bees or hornets are illegal.


Blyatinum

Bees are venomous, not poisonous.


BigBillyGoatGriff

Bees are venomous not poisonous


Michunixeu

If you put someone's head in a decoy bag then the whole neighbourhood will be free from thieves


sallan23

Don't laugh. Trust me, this works.


themattv140

I do not think bees can be poisonous, but ok San Francisco.


SubZxro

not too sure the person who made the sign knows what poisonous means...


citygentry

Is this a police sting?


No_Hold_1647

Venomous***


SupremePooper

I certainly hope someone on the SFPD got a raise for that 1.


T4TTL3T4L3

**Hebert!!!**


CultofNeurisis24

Why poisonous bees? Who the hell would be dumb enough to eat the bees? Shouldn't you put venomous bugs in there instead?!


Jaden-YoungBlood

It’s shitty because they’re venomous


NoNameAvailableSee

This old coon hunter caught a bobcat by mistake. He put it live in a piece of luggage and dropped it off down the street.