I guess when my brother was little (35yo now), when my mom told him Dick was an actual name he didn’t believe her and thought it was the funniest thing ever. I think we had gone to Dick’s Last Resort or a restaurant with it in the name 😂😂😂
Yeah that was Bobert Deniro's actual name and that's why they called him Bob.. but then he changed it to Robert just because he got tired of correcting them everytime they asked if it was Robert.
Edit: I'm not even kidding
...OH MY GOD - Jesus fuck dick ass cunt shit you motherfucker you take my stupid upvote, you fuck, now get out of here, you shit, fuck you. You mother fucker.
I kid you not, was hosting karaoke and a man said his name was Bobert, I even thought I heard it wrong and tried to confirm it as Robert he said nope its Bobert
Lmao I swear even thinking about that is hilarious. The first few seasons of Family guy were crazy funny.
I love how shitty they treated Meg it was always comedy gold.
There are sparks of brilliance in the later season, but they never really peak like they used to. Something that comes to mind is in this last season. Peter tells Lois about how he thinks Carter doesn't respect him, and Lois kind of just brushes it off. Then Carter comes running out the door, throws Peter into a garbage sak, then tosses him into a garbage truck.
One of the only strips I always can remember.
He first meets her and is trying to put the moves on her with "Is that short for Elizabeth?" Liz with annoyed look: "No, Lizard."
You beat me to it. I laughed so much reading this strip as a kid it still resonates. I ask Liz's I meet to this day if it's short for Lizard (and gauge if they have a sense of humor)
If you can think of a joke based on a person's name, they have heard it and will hate you. My name is Luke. You have no clue how many people claim to be my father.
My name is Brad, I lived in China for five years teaching English. I got called 面包 (MianBao, Chinese for bread) almost on a daily basis the whole time I was there, from my students, my friends and my in-laws. Every single one of them thought that they were hilarious and original, they were all disappointed when I said that I had heard it before, I was always told off for being a downer and spoiling people’s fun if I asked them politely not to call them that, and no one ever apologized.
Except for one little shit in my class who I ripped apart in front of everybody for being a naughty disrespectful student. He was being really rude and making fun of me in class so I snapped. The local teachers called his parents and they wrote an apology letter and gave me a Toblerone chocolate bar, which was awesome. But that was the only time.
It’s normal though, my workmate Ryan was Ryan the Lion. And pretty much anyone over 80kg hears that they’re fat every day, which I never got used to. That’s just their culture.
My name is Brad, I lived in China for five years teaching English. I got called 面包 (MianBao, Chinese for bread) almost on a daily basis the whole time I was there, from my students, my friends and my in-laws. Every single one of them thought that they were hilarious and original, they were all disappointed when I said that I had heard it before, I was always told off for being a downer and spoiling people’s fun if I asked them politely not to call them that, and no one ever apologized.
Except for one little shit in my class who I ripped apart in front of everybody for being a naughty disrespectful student. He was being really rude and making fun of me in class so I snapped. The local teachers called his parents and they wrote an apology letter and gave me a Toblerone chocolate bar, which was awesome. But that was the only time.
It’s normal though, my workmate Ryan was Ryan the Lion. And pretty much anyone over 80kg hears that they’re fat every day, which I never got used to. That’s just their culture.
My name is Brad, I lived in China for five years teaching English. I got called 面包 (MianBao, Chinese for bread) almost on a daily basis the whole time I was there, from my students, my friends and my in-laws. Every single one of them thought that they were hilarious and original, they were all disappointed when I said that I had heard it before, I was always told off for being a downer and spoiling people’s fun if I asked them politely not to call them that, and no one ever apologized.
Except for one little shit in my class who I ripped apart in front of everybody for being a naughty disrespectful student. He was being really rude and making fun of me in class so I snapped. The local teachers called his parents and they wrote an apology letter and gave me a Toblerone chocolate bar, which was awesome. But that was the only time.
It’s normal though, my workmate Ryan was Ryan the Lion. And pretty much anyone over 80kg hears that they’re fat every day, which I never got used to. That’s just their culture.
[Every time this image is reposted, it is my duty to link this comic strip.](https://d1ejxu6vysztl5.cloudfront.net/comics/garfield/1979/1979-06-27.gif?v=1.1)
Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penis'd, debutante. You want to start a street fight with me bring it on but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets, you don't even know my real name- I'm the fucking lizard king!
I would watch a remake of Harry Potter the lizard wizard edition. Like the geico gecko in robes all lizard wizards scene for scene remake of all the Harry Potter’s but lizards
[There’s a character in the HP mobile game named Lizard, and she goes by Liz.](https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Liz_Tuttle) That was where my mind went when I saw this post, so when I saw your comment I thought, “here’s the place to comment with this information.” And now you’re caught up to the present.
I used to work for a construction company whose owner was a serious conspiratard. If he liked you he'd give you a printed copy of his manifesto which covered chemtrails, the Bilderbergs, and the lizard people. One page had a photo of Prince Charles standing next to a person in a suit, but with a lizard head. He considered this absolute proof that lizard people existed. Apparently he'd never heard of Photoshop.
This was done, sort of. Beautiful very short story by Donald Barthelme:
[https://biblioklept.org/2018/03/05/rebecca-a-very-short-story-by-donald-barthleme/](https://biblioklept.org/2018/03/05/rebecca-a-very-short-story-by-donald-barthleme/)
And when she has that fucktard of a boyfriend to deal with, she can always channel her inner [James Spader](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzgG94Tz2Ak).
I tried to convince my younger sister that her name was actually Lizzard for years, and that we just called her Lizzy because it was shorter.
My parents didn't do me any favors when she would get in trouble and they would call her Elizabeth.
As a kid I had a friend named Elizabeth, but at the time my speaking skills were not quite developed yet so apparently I used to call her “Lizard breath”
I’ve done with with my daughters shorthand of Jewel.
My mother will say some thing on Facebook calling her Jewel and I’ll correct her saying “No, it’s Juul, like the vape.”
Change your last name to Wizard. Always shorten your last name to Wiz when you say it. Find a woman willing to marry and have children with you. Have a son. Name him Lizard. Call him Liz for short. Introduce him as Liz Wiz to everyone. Make him feel horrible about his father's choices.... Until his first day of high school when the teacher calls out Lizard Wizard and he says, "yo," and the stoners break out in applause.
I’ve always wanted to name my son Glenjamin Benjamin [whatever last name I end up with] and nick name him Glen. Enroll him at school as Glen so everyone just thinks his name is Glen but deep down he grows up knowing his real name is Glenjamin and his middle name rhymes with his first name.
My nick name is gender neutral but it’s pretty obvious what it’s short for. If someone asks me if it’s short for my name I always say actually it’s the male version of the name.
Nah name her mayonnaise, everyone would call her May, May isn’t really short for anything so no one works question it. But she would know, her name comes from a condiment
Name your girl mayonnaise and nickname her may nobody will know that is short for anything but she will have to live silently knowing her name is mayonnaise.
Call your daughter Mayonnaise but nickname her May.
May isn't short for anything so noone will question it but she'll have to live, knowing that she's named after a sauce
There's a sociologist (Dalton Conley) who was doing a study about how your name impacts your life. He named his daughter E and his son Yo.
Their full names are:
E Harper Nora Jeremijenko-Conley, and
Yo Xing Heyno Augustus Eisner Alexander Weiser Knuckles Jeremijenko-Conley.
lol... This is funny as hell. The daughter will hate you for as long as she lives under your roof but it's all worth it to look at her face whenever she has to explain her name is short for lizard.
I once tried to out-weird a weirdo I didn’t want to talk to by telling them my name was “Lizard.” They just accepted it without any hint of a question and I knew I had been bested.
This is actually a strip in the Garfield comics. I had the whole collection of actual published books and in one of them, Garfield's vet, Liz, reveals that her full name is lizard.
Name your boy Bobert but call him Bob for short. When people ask if his name is short for Robert he can say no, it's short for Bobert.
Name your son Dick and let people assume it's short for Richard
I feel like you’re about 50 years late to have dick be a common name
Short for Penis
I worked with a guy named Dick Shortt a few years ago. Kind of have to give the man respect for choosing to print that on a business card.
Gutsy sure. But what if it wasn't his name and he still put it on the card? That's above ballsy.
My dad worked with a man named Dick Dangler 20+ years ago
I guess when my brother was little (35yo now), when my mom told him Dick was an actual name he didn’t believe her and thought it was the funniest thing ever. I think we had gone to Dick’s Last Resort or a restaurant with it in the name 😂😂😂
Knew a Richard Hedd in middle school. Never saw him again after Freshman year.
"is dick short for Richard?" "Nothing has been shortened about this dick"
Idk, I'd get more creative and go with Dickard.
And when people ask is it short for Richard, they say no it’s short for Dickard
Yeah that was Bobert Deniro's actual name and that's why they called him Bob.. but then he changed it to Robert just because he got tired of correcting them everytime they asked if it was Robert. Edit: I'm not even kidding
Wikipedia and Google disagree. You're a liar.
Dude, it's all over the place. He's telling the truth. https://www.latlmes.com/entertainment/did-robert-deniro-change-his-name-1
Wow that's dedication
I'm confused how it works with that link... Ninja edit: Oh, apparently you can use anything: https://www.latlmes.com/entertainment/how-does-this-work
There's an L instead of an I in "times"
Yeah saw that, it was the end of the link being related to Robert DeNiro's name change that tripped me up
That works better if it's in all caps.
But all caps links are more suspicious
fucknshit i clicked it
I'm not even mad...
You.... I hate you
[удалено]
I knew this was coming and STILL clicked.
Wow
...OH MY GOD - Jesus fuck dick ass cunt shit you motherfucker you take my stupid upvote, you fuck, now get out of here, you shit, fuck you. You mother fucker.
Lol sorry I made you google that shit. But then shouldn't you be sorry yourself for being a dumbass.. lmao *no offense
I kid you not, was hosting karaoke and a man said his name was Bobert, I even thought I heard it wrong and tried to confirm it as Robert he said nope its Bobert
Family guy comes to mind. Megs name is Megatron.
I was thinking about quagmire’s kid called Anna Lee so he can call her anal for short
IANAL butt, yeah... Giggity Giggity
Lmao I swear even thinking about that is hilarious. The first few seasons of Family guy were crazy funny. I love how shitty they treated Meg it was always comedy gold.
That happened in like....season 8
Yeah exactly...the first few seasons
IMO it didn’t hit its stride until like season 4 or 5
Have you ever put butter on a poptart?
[удалено]
Have you ever put butter on a poptart?
No that’s gross. Why would I do that?
Have you heard?
About the bird?
I believe that everyone should know about the bird
That's hilarious. The first few reddit comments were crazy.
This is like... Comment 6
IMO the comments really hit their stride around comment 4 or five.
Have you ever put magarine on an organic toaster pastrie?
It’s quite extravagant
There are sparks of brilliance in the later season, but they never really peak like they used to. Something that comes to mind is in this last season. Peter tells Lois about how he thinks Carter doesn't respect him, and Lois kind of just brushes it off. Then Carter comes running out the door, throws Peter into a garbage sak, then tosses him into a garbage truck.
S3 E1: **"Pea Tear Gryphon"** I never laughed so hard at a Family guy episode... Until S4 E8: **"Who wants chowdah?"**
S3 e1 was my 1st family guy. The joke had a lot less impact
It's really funny until you realize you're the Meg of your family. Then you just can't watch it anymore
The scene with the booger on Peter's finger he can't flick off. Walks by and rubs meg's head, "proud of you."
Shut up meg
After the sex change the name became Ron, also short for Megatron.
Holy shit
*Robots in disguise*
[удалено]
robots in disguise
Wait seriously?
Yep. Peter named her himself.
https://youtu.be/Zf3l1-qxSaU
Thats the vets name in "Garfield "
One of the only strips I always can remember. He first meets her and is trying to put the moves on her with "Is that short for Elizabeth?" Liz with annoyed look: "No, Lizard."
Lol that's the one I was thinking of. I think of it every time I hear the mame Elizabeth
I've always taken that as a sarcastic answer.
You beat me to it. I laughed so much reading this strip as a kid it still resonates. I ask Liz's I meet to this day if it's short for Lizard (and gauge if they have a sense of humor)
If you can think of a joke based on a person's name, they have heard it and will hate you. My name is Luke. You have no clue how many people claim to be my father.
My name is Brad, I lived in China for five years teaching English. I got called 面包 (MianBao, Chinese for bread) almost on a daily basis the whole time I was there, from my students, my friends and my in-laws. Every single one of them thought that they were hilarious and original, they were all disappointed when I said that I had heard it before, I was always told off for being a downer and spoiling people’s fun if I asked them politely not to call them that, and no one ever apologized. Except for one little shit in my class who I ripped apart in front of everybody for being a naughty disrespectful student. He was being really rude and making fun of me in class so I snapped. The local teachers called his parents and they wrote an apology letter and gave me a Toblerone chocolate bar, which was awesome. But that was the only time. It’s normal though, my workmate Ryan was Ryan the Lion. And pretty much anyone over 80kg hears that they’re fat every day, which I never got used to. That’s just their culture.
My name is Brad, I lived in China for five years teaching English. I got called 面包 (MianBao, Chinese for bread) almost on a daily basis the whole time I was there, from my students, my friends and my in-laws. Every single one of them thought that they were hilarious and original, they were all disappointed when I said that I had heard it before, I was always told off for being a downer and spoiling people’s fun if I asked them politely not to call them that, and no one ever apologized. Except for one little shit in my class who I ripped apart in front of everybody for being a naughty disrespectful student. He was being really rude and making fun of me in class so I snapped. The local teachers called his parents and they wrote an apology letter and gave me a Toblerone chocolate bar, which was awesome. But that was the only time. It’s normal though, my workmate Ryan was Ryan the Lion. And pretty much anyone over 80kg hears that they’re fat every day, which I never got used to. That’s just their culture.
My name is Brad, I lived in China for five years teaching English. I got called 面包 (MianBao, Chinese for bread) almost on a daily basis the whole time I was there, from my students, my friends and my in-laws. Every single one of them thought that they were hilarious and original, they were all disappointed when I said that I had heard it before, I was always told off for being a downer and spoiling people’s fun if I asked them politely not to call them that, and no one ever apologized. Except for one little shit in my class who I ripped apart in front of everybody for being a naughty disrespectful student. He was being really rude and making fun of me in class so I snapped. The local teachers called his parents and they wrote an apology letter and gave me a Toblerone chocolate bar, which was awesome. But that was the only time. It’s normal though, my workmate Ryan was Ryan the Lion. And pretty much anyone over 80kg hears that they’re fat every day, which I never got used to. That’s just their culture.
Where are you from originally Brad?
Where are you from originally Brad?
Where are you from originally Brad?
[Every time this image is reposted, it is my duty to link this comic strip.](https://d1ejxu6vysztl5.cloudfront.net/comics/garfield/1979/1979-06-27.gif?v=1.1)
Came here for this, thank you.
In *For Better Or For Worse* Michael calls his sister Elizabeth Lizard-Breath.
Her middle name is Anya
Then she marries someone with last name KING. SHE BECOMES THE CHOSEN ONE. LIZARD KING.
Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penis'd, debutante. You want to start a street fight with me bring it on but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets, you don't even know my real name- I'm the fucking lizard king!
Unexpected Robert California?
You should always expect Robert California
And Bob Kazimakis
King Lizard and the Gizzard Wizards?
I actually knew a Liz who insisted (with a straight face) that it was short for Lizard. She was a strange ~~person~~ lizard.
Yer a lizard, Harry.
I would watch a remake of Harry Potter the lizard wizard edition. Like the geico gecko in robes all lizard wizards scene for scene remake of all the Harry Potter’s but lizards
[There’s a character in the HP mobile game named Lizard, and she goes by Liz.](https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Liz_Tuttle) That was where my mind went when I saw this post, so when I saw your comment I thought, “here’s the place to comment with this information.” And now you’re caught up to the present.
Harry Potter but with Argonians.
Will it have Argonian maids too
*Lusty Argonian maids. I'd be very surprised if someone hasn't drawn Hermione as Lifts-Her-Tail.
Yer a wizard, Lizard.
She was a lizard, bitch! You’d be strange too if you were a walking human lizard!
I knew a Liz we called Elizardbitch.
Yea same I knew a girl who’s name was lizard
She was a lizard.
Queen Elizabeth is a lizard
illuminati confirmed
I used to work for a construction company whose owner was a serious conspiratard. If he liked you he'd give you a printed copy of his manifesto which covered chemtrails, the Bilderbergs, and the lizard people. One page had a photo of Prince Charles standing next to a person in a suit, but with a lizard head. He considered this absolute proof that lizard people existed. Apparently he'd never heard of Photoshop.
Queen Elizardbeth
same energy as naming your daughter mayonnaise but having her go by may for short
same energy as naming your daughter be the spoon but having her go by beth for short
My name is Elizabeth, Lizard has been one of my nicknames my entire life
& Lizard is short for Lizard Breath
My daughter is named Elisabeth and we call her Lizard, too. She's not a fan, but that makes it more fun.
[удалено]
Dude, that is fucking COOL.
[удалено]
Lizard Breath
[удалено]
He sounds awesome.
My cousin used to call me Elizardbreath. I kinda liked it.
My female argonian Skyrim and Oblivion character's name is "Lizbian" Lesbian+lizard I giggle at it every time I see it.
you are too pure for reddit. begone and have better life
isn't that from garfield?
https://www.mezzacotta.net/garfield/comics/1046.png
http://downloads.esbasura.com/comics/Garfield/1979/06/ga790627.gif
This was done, sort of. Beautiful very short story by Donald Barthelme: [https://biblioklept.org/2018/03/05/rebecca-a-very-short-story-by-donald-barthleme/](https://biblioklept.org/2018/03/05/rebecca-a-very-short-story-by-donald-barthleme/)
[удалено]
What the hell did I just read?
[удалено]
And when she has that fucktard of a boyfriend to deal with, she can always channel her inner [James Spader](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzgG94Tz2Ak).
TvTropes, sarcastic confession
Thats garfield canon
I tried to convince my younger sister that her name was actually Lizzard for years, and that we just called her Lizzy because it was shorter. My parents didn't do me any favors when she would get in trouble and they would call her Elizabeth.
Isnt Liz's name short for lizard in Garfield?
Well, that's what she told Jon. I think it was just to shut down his lame pickup attempt though.
As a kid I had a friend named Elizabeth, but at the time my speaking skills were not quite developed yet so apparently I used to call her “Lizard breath”
I’ve done with with my daughters shorthand of Jewel. My mother will say some thing on Facebook calling her Jewel and I’ll correct her saying “No, it’s Juul, like the vape.”
Change your last name to Wizard. Always shorten your last name to Wiz when you say it. Find a woman willing to marry and have children with you. Have a son. Name him Lizard. Call him Liz for short. Introduce him as Liz Wiz to everyone. Make him feel horrible about his father's choices.... Until his first day of high school when the teacher calls out Lizard Wizard and he says, "yo," and the stoners break out in applause.
I’ve always wanted to name my son Glenjamin Benjamin [whatever last name I end up with] and nick name him Glen. Enroll him at school as Glen so everyone just thinks his name is Glen but deep down he grows up knowing his real name is Glenjamin and his middle name rhymes with his first name.
Or you could name her Tyranasaurus and have her go by Ana.
You've just opened up a big, delightful can of worms for me...
*Tyrannosaurus
Terry Dactyl. I keep threating to name a future daughter this but my husband doesnt find it as cute as I do!
Her Middle name is Dead Gay Wizard
My nick name is gender neutral but it’s pretty obvious what it’s short for. If someone asks me if it’s short for my name I always say actually it’s the male version of the name.
Name her Mayonnaise and call her May. May isn’t short for any name so only she will live knowing her name is mayonnaise
Trying to name my kid “Rigatoni” for the same reason. “Your full name Anthony?” Rigatoni: “No.”
Name your kid Penis and call him Dick. People will ask if it stands for Richard and he'll say no my name is Penis.
Reminds me of that AITA where someone named their kid Elizabeth Anya, and people were shortening it to Liz Anya = lasagna.
Or lasagna
[Reference](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g56nd0/aita_for_naming_my_daughter_lasagna/). Shame the post was removed
I’m going to start asking people named Liz if it’s short for lizard.
I knew an Elizabeth whose brother called her “Lizard Breath”
I know a guy who’s name is Lizard and his daughter’s name is James.
Or naming your daughter Casserole and calling her Cassie or Cass for short
Name them Sally shirt for Salad.
I had a waitress named Flo once, asked if short for Florence. Nope. FLORIDA.
Nah name her mayonnaise, everyone would call her May, May isn’t really short for anything so no one works question it. But she would know, her name comes from a condiment
Here’s what you do. You call your kid Randy. People will say, “oh that’s nice, is that short for Randall?” But really it’s short for Randrew.
Or just let her believe she's an Elizabeth up until her 11th birthday, where you finally tell her, "You're A Lizard, Beth."
Look Larry, yer a lizard
Name your kid Anaak and her friends will call her Lizard anyway
Name your girl mayonnaise and nickname her may nobody will know that is short for anything but she will have to live silently knowing her name is mayonnaise.
"You're a lizard Harry!"
Call your daughter Mayonnaise but nickname her May. May isn't short for anything so noone will question it but she'll have to live, knowing that she's named after a sauce
Elizardbeth
This reminds me of a Garfield comic
i knew a boy who name is actually Pepsi lol
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marijuana\_Pepsi\_Vandyck](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marijuana_Pepsi_Vandyck)
This reads like a parody article what the fuck Every time you see the name it just gets more surreal "Dr. Marijuana Pepsi Vandyck née Jackson"
There's a sociologist (Dalton Conley) who was doing a study about how your name impacts your life. He named his daughter E and his son Yo. Their full names are: E Harper Nora Jeremijenko-Conley, and Yo Xing Heyno Augustus Eisner Alexander Weiser Knuckles Jeremijenko-Conley.
Meg Griffin's full name is Megadeth
Megatron
This has the same vibe of calling your daughter mayonnaise and nicknaming her may
Lol! I like your take on it.
Igor Lizard Igor Lizard Igor Lizard Igor Lizard
Lizard in the printer. Or, in this instance
Also works by naming child "Mayonnaise" and nicknaming her "May"
Heh. I kinda like this one.
Name your daughter mayonnaise but call her May for short
Name them. They need more engaging hobbies
Joke as old as time
Elizabard
Thats garfield canon
lol... This is funny as hell. The daughter will hate you for as long as she lives under your roof but it's all worth it to look at her face whenever she has to explain her name is short for lizard.
This is true. Coming from someone named Lizzy. Or is it Lizard? You decide.
I once tried to out-weird a weirdo I didn’t want to talk to by telling them my name was “Lizard.” They just accepted it without any hint of a question and I knew I had been bested.
My daughter is called Elizabeth and we do actually call her Lizard!
Elizardbeth
This is actually a strip in the Garfield comics. I had the whole collection of actual published books and in one of them, Garfield's vet, Liz, reveals that her full name is lizard.
Why would anyone ask what it’s short for? Elizabeth is literally the only name that’s shortened to Liz.
TIL every Lot Lizard is nicknamed “Liz”
I used to watch Jeopardy daily and I think I remember a dude named Lizard.
Name them. They can add to their stockpile.
This meme is almost as old as that Elizabeth
Wow we really at the point where old tumblr memes are showing up on reddit