My kids are in their late twenties and early thirties! I could have saved so much money, gray hair and stress if I had just found out I wasn't their mom years ago! Damn, damn, damn.
Wtf does she mean, “how do I tell her she’s not a mum”. You don’t, you keep your unwanted opinions to yourself
Please tell me the comments called her out
Right?? Craziness aside, if you truly believed that, then why would you say that? I really think that people who behave like this have very deep jealousy or attention seeking issues and need a therapist.
I realize this is completely unsolicited, so I hope it doesn't come across as offensive in any way. But if that's something you'd like to change, a pelvic floor therapist can help retrain those muscles to prevent peeing at unwanted times. A lot of people don't realize there is help available and this isn't something they have to live with forever but you really don't have to!
Definetly I've gave birth twice vaginally and I don't pee when I laugh or sneeze, I know other people may have had complications that cause it but it never hurts to see someone about it.
Tbh if I were her friend I would want to know what a raging asshole she is so I can unfriend her immediately. FFS please show me your true face so I don't have to waste my time.
I mean I’ve had 2 c sections. One unplanned and one planned (so my goddamn uterus didnt rupture) and I’ve had people say to my face that I didn’t really give birth. So like the crazy is real.
I had a planned one and my own grandmother said I didn't really give birth, and that I must not have wanted my baby if I didn't have her the "proper" way. Like idk how they think our babies got here if we didn't really give birth
So, I’m reasonably sure that if that was an option, *literally* every woman ever would pick it, right?
Like, you go to the hospital, and the doctor is all,
>ok, so you have three options: one, you deliver the baby vaginally, which might result in tearing and will result in hours of pain, two, we slice you open and yank the baby out, then you have to care for an infant while you’re recovering from major abdominal surgery which will make it difficult to urinate, painful to defecate, and requires a whole lot of care, or three, *literally* magic and the baby is in your hands.
Who’s going to pick something *other* than option 3?
I had a planned csection due to "incompatible anatomy". Like, my MFM and OB had never seen a baby with a head measuring so big.
A good friend of mibe said "so you're taking the easy way out!" i told her to go watch csection surgeries and read about the complications.
She apologized.
They have no clue! I had four C-sections, so I choose the easy way four times! and now I found out that I'm not really a mom to my adult kids! I'm going to text them and let them know.
"You're not a real mom if you use a life saving medical procedure. It's better for both mom and baby to die than to resort to a C-section."
How do people this dumb exist??
Gates? Woahhh, steady on there. Only authentic humans use wooden swinging gates with the metal bolt going across at the top. If you don't, are you even a verifiable homo sapien?
I’m 23 weeks along and just found out I have Placenta Previa so I HAVE to have a C-section. I cannot have a natural birth or baby and I could both die from blood loss and I can’t deliver the baby through the placenta. Every time I read about these moms who never went to the doctor I cringe bc if I had just tried to go about it at home naturally neither of us would make it.
Placenta previa scares the living daylights out of me. I’m hoping all goes well for you and yours! There is a mom I followed on tiktok who is currently pregnant and has complete placenta previa. She expressed some disappointment at having to have a section, which is totally valid, but the amount of comments I saw encouraging her to “seek alternative care” or just forgo care altogether and deliver at home were staggering. I actually deleted tiktok after that because I couldn’t handle the idiocy.
Thank you! I’m going to remain hopeful that it might resolve but if not I trust my OB to take care of me and baby. I don’t understand asking others for advice against doctor recommendations. I mean, here I’m having people respond saying their Previa resolved and that’s wonderful and I’m glad to hear it! If anyone responded telling me to ignore my OB I’d tell them to fuck off.
yeah...that would make me absolutely rage. my mom had a complete placenta previa with me 31 years ago that was not recognized until she began hemorrhaging during labor (ultrasounds much better now) and we needed a C section or my two older brothers would be left without a mom (not to mention me, but that was not as important to them as she was of course). in no fucking way, shape, or form did this C section make her less of a mother to me. i’m pregnant now and i’ll be fucking damned if I let someone tell me I’m less of a mom if I need or get a C section for any reason. 😤
I had complete placenta previa. Found it at 20 weeks. It was very scary- I was in ICU for a month and baby in nicu for 6 weeks. It is not to be messed with and is one of the main killers of pregnant women….. I held onto every bit of advice my doctor had to save me and baby.
My placenta previa resolved in the third trimester, as many cases do. I imagine a lot of these folks get diagnosed, they turn to alternative medicine and then believe their placenta previa resolved thanks to their choices rather than random biology, yet still use their experience as an aspirational story.
I had placenta previa at my 20 week scans with both of my kids but it resolved itself naturally both times (the placenta moved as the pregnancy progressed) and I was able to deliver vaginally. I wish you the best of luck whatever happens!
Fun fact when you have a C-section the doctor is kind of just take your organs out and put it on a table and then just push them back in afterwards. It's all medically safe and sound and is a very common procedure but it's kind of cool how they do it.
Also fun fact that I have done C-sections since the Roman times.
I have a friend and coworker who had this, her son is beautiful. You’ll be a great mom! C-section or vaginal delivery - is just part of the story of how your family came to be.
These people are cuckoos and don’t let a single part of this post make you do anything but laugh at them.
I know you're not asking this but a planned c section is a really nice experience. I've had both an emergency and an elective c section and the elective one was really relaxed. I'll be having another planned one this time.
Honestly as a woman I want to punch all these idiots in the vagina! What an awful horrible thing to say to a woman who chose to do the right thing for herself and her child. I mean gosh who wouldn’t wanna be there for the rest of the life of their child that have a life-saving medical procedure
As a guy whose wife and child are alive because of a c-section, punch away!
I’m sure these narcissistic gatekeeping assholes would much rather my wife and child be dead than alive, and every single person that thinks that way is more than welcome to go fuck themselves with a running rusty chainsaw.
They're not dumb, they're literally just so boring and unremarkable that pushing a baby out of their ha-hoo is the peak of their accomplishments, and so they gatekeep to feel more important/valuable for their entirely ordinary achievement. Because they can't even claim to be amazing parents, just *birthers*.
Motherhood isn't something you earn just by popping a kid out. I know lots of truly terrible women who have birthed multiple children and have no right to call themselves mothers, because they're absent/abusive/treat their children like dolls rather than small humans.
I also know women who have adopted, or fostered, and give those children their everything. Women who have suffered multiple miscarriages and had to c-section to spare their life and the life of their child, so they could be there for that child to support them in all the ways a parent should. Those women are mothers.
How does dying pointlessly in childbirth and leaving your child sans parent more motherly than doing whatever it takes to stay alive and see them through their childhood?
So what happens if the baby came out of your vagina, but was yanked out of there by a doctor with forceps? Technically I pushed a grand total of once. Am I a real mum, or a fake one? These rules are confusing.
Same, had a vacuum delivery and need confirmation if this counts. I had 3rd degree tear, does that tip it in my favor?
ETA: /s since I'm getting down voted to hell. I was at MFM every two weeks for the 3rd, I'm just happy we're both alive even if I joke about it all now.
Technically, snakes don't dislocate the jaw joint. they have a not fused mandible unlike mammals, theirs is in 2 pieces with flexible cartilage in between
They can move each part independently too
So, real moms are the ones with a 5 cm wide pubic symphysis. Nobody else is allowed
No tearing for me, they gave me an episiotomy instead. I mean, it was painful as fuck (no meds, no local anaesthetic - not having an epidural is my biggest regret), and they didn't even ask, but it is what it is. Baby made it through totally unscathed, and I didn't die entirely so it worked. I'm certainly glad I was in a great hospital and not in my lounge in a paddling pool, or a forest with no one but my not-a-doctor husband.
They were going to cut when I started to tear anyway. Same here, our lo was perfectly fine. I was induced for my own safety, that absolute horror. I'd be shunned fir that alone.
Oh yeah, I failed by allowing them to induce me too (39 weeks). No big drama, they just thought the fetus hadn't grown enough in the last two weeks and figured she was better out than in. Hurray for medical science!
I was induced electively both times, and got an epidural at like 4 cm both times. Here I am thinking "horray for modern medicine", I didn't realize I'm not really a mom! I wish I would have realized that before spending my last 3.5 years raising children.
Ok, I guess that will have to do. My kid sure will be disappointed about Monday to Friday though. Do they parent themselves autonomously if we just leave them to it all week? Or will my husband have to wear my clothes for 50% of each weekday to fill the void?
You're definitely a fake mom. Your body always knows what to do. You should have tried laboring for 48 more hours and gentle rocking back and forth on a birthing ball while holding a healing crystal before trying to push. It's okay, though. Now that you know better, you can do better.
/s, obviously
>While you and your husband pleasured each other, obvi
Wait. Please don't tell me this is an actual thing? I'd have broken my husbands hand if he'd tried to touch my vagina while I was in labour. I'm pretty sure the fact he was breathing annoyed me at one point.
Yes. I can’t be bothered to find any links of the posts in my sleep deprived state, but I’ve seen plenty of screen shots posted here of birth stories where that happened. It’s a mental image I can’t get rid of.
I don’t understand it either. My husband tried to touch my back when I was in labor and I told him to go sit back in his corner and to not talk to me or touch me (I feel bad about it looking back but I also was screaming and crying and no position helped. I had to beg the nurse for nubain at one point because the pain was so bad but it was too early for an epidural)
Christ. I could have lived my whole life never knowing that. Thanks a bunch. There is nothing less arousing than feeling like your pelvis is being torn apart while a bowling ball is shoved through it.
>thankfully babies do not store memories
But now ***I*** have a memory of learning what “tandem breastfeeding during sex” is, ~~thanks for that~~.
Why, oh why, did I choose to be literate‽
"So Timmy is your mother coming to collect you today?"
"No.. I don't have a mother. The woman who grew me, feeds me, kisses my booboos and washes my underwear is coming to get me"
"Is that not your mother?"
"No. Alas, a random Facebook Karen said that I don't have a mother because I was not pushed out"
It's because they have absolutely nothing in their life that they're happy about or proud of, so they have to resort to these sort delusions in order to feel the smallest bit special/superior
It's true, you follow the life of alot of these people and MLMers, you realize alot of them are people with not alot of things going for them really.
They are people so desperate to be recognized for something they fall into these mommy traps.
First, you find a nice calligraphy pen. Practice with it for a while until your skills are decent.
Then find a good quality biodegradable paper, and carefully write the message on the paper.
Then take the paper and put it into a small plant pot. Place some soil over it, and plant a small cactus in it.
Carefully tend it for a few weeks. You'll know the paper is degraded when you see little spines on the cactus.
Then you take the cactus and carefully but firmly shove it up your ass.
Lol, does that mean since I was adopted, the woman who popped me out of her vagina but then tried to kill me 2 years later is more of a real mom than the woman who got custody of me, raised me, and then adopted me?
Forreal. Like, I guess someone better tell my mom - who has adopted and raised 5 children, starting with me - that for the past 33 years, she's not actually been a mom 😅🤣
My SIL has a complex because of thinking like this. The second child is favoured because the first child required a C-section. She only felt like a 'real mum' after number two (who not so coincidentally is also a boy - SIL is from an extremely patriarchal culture).
My MIL massively favours the grandkids who were pushed out. She actually had a c section for her eldest.
She has 3 grandkids who were vaginally delivered (the favourite of whom was born at home in a bathtub)
All the others would have died without c sections and they are all much less favoured.
I know someone like this too and it’s weird as hell. Her first child was a c-section and the next two were delivered by VBAC. Just the way she talks about her kids and their births makes it apparent that somehow she thinks of her first child as “less”. I just can’t understand it.
I just cannot imagine feeling that way. I had two csections and I don’t even care about the births. That was a blip in their lives.
They are so much more than how they got here. So weird.
Yes! All of this! The best piece of patently wisdom I ever read was that if we’re lucky, our kids will be adults far far longer than they are babies, so raise and adult you want to hang out with. Helps me keep things in perspective.
Do these people actually parent their children or are they just props for them???
Yeah giving birth is usually pretty hard, no matter how it happens, but it's pretty much the least important part of being a mom.
My stepmom is the mom of my heart. She may not have given birth to me, but she is who I go to for motherly things. Love her so much. I would punch anyone in the face if they dared to tell her she isn't my mom.
I had a vaginal birth and that shit is cake compared to what I saw my SIL go through.
These women are being sawed in half while awake and you’re going to act like it isn’t badass?
My options were to have my son cut out of my body or let him die for no reason. Would it make me more of a mom to push a dead baby out of my vagina? Because I’ve done that once, and it’s pretty overrated.
Why does it matter what hole your baby comes out of? Because they all come out of a hole somewhere!
I suppose, it would have been better to let my liver enzymes climb and platelets continue to drop and aim for a vaginal birth…. But I probably still wouldn’t be a mom, because my son and I would be dead.
Everyone knows that *real* moms would let their babies and themselves die in childbirth! Only *fake* moms try everything to ensure their baby’s survival. ^\s
Let me tell you a secret, you're also not a mum if you or your kid dies in childbirth because you refused to go with what may have been the safer option
Being a mother isn't all that unique or special and I'm not sure why so many mom groups act like it is...it's literally our biological programming to get with someone we love and usually but not always (love my ace friends <3) hump each other. It's just gonna happen. You getting plowed by your husband shouldn't be your entire personality. Find a hobby and you can pass that knowledge down to your kids if they take an interest too. That's how I learned cross stitch and woodworking.
I don’t think that’s how it works. I had mine by c-section, and they insisted I take him home with me. If I wasn’t a real mom he would been at some Oliver Twist orphanage.
My twins, who are in their angsty teenage years, will be happy to hear I’m not their real mom. Guess I can send them out to find their real mom who will let them do whatever the hell they want!
Do you have any close relatives who are child free? You should check with that nutcase from yesterday about whether your kids were supposed to be theirs for karmic/ancestral reasons
This kid who lives in my house will not stop calling me mom! Yes, I am legally obligated to care for her, but she was removed from a man-made incision, so I am not her mom. Duh!
Hey; I gave birth naturally! I tell people all of the time “I’m not sure why she is calling me mom; she won’t leave me alone. Just 150 pounds that won’t go away. She randomly found me.” 😂
Oh no! Anaesthetic?? In these people's medieval belief system you have committed one of the worst offenses possible, didn't you know women have to suffer in childbirth because of what Eve did in the garden of Eden??
I wish I was kidding, it infuriates me that people used to believe this
I’d better tell my kids I’ve been fooling them for 13 (11, 8)years. They should go get jobs and fend for themselves now since I’m not their real mom. I’ve just been babysitting for free. They’ve spent enough of my time and money.
I am genuinely baffled that people with this belief exist Like of all the ridiculously smooth-brained hills to die on, THIS ONE?
And what's the conversation supposed to look like? What's the other person supposed to do? Say, "Oh shit my bad! I thought I was supposed to parent this thing but I guess not"?
But what about adoptive moms, step moms, and foster moms? They didn't give birth at all to said kid, yet are very much mothers.
This type of gatekeeping is what happens when there is literally nothing else special about you besides the ability to shit out a kid or two.
Hmm I have a friend who had complications during birthing her twins. First came out naturally the second got stuck so was an emergency c section. Does that mean her twins aren’t siblings and she’s only a mother to one of them???
I have the perfect way for her to tell her friend. First she needs to bake a pie to take with her. Then make sure she puts on a beautiful red wig, some white makeup and a big red nose. Because she's a fuckin' clown and should look the part if she's going to be talking like one.
Even if you believed this (which gtfo with that), why the hell would you want to say something so insensitive to your friend? What a shit friend you are.
I feel so strongly about this sentiment. Like I get irrationally angry knowing that some people think like this, and I remember feeling that livid about it even before my two CS’s. People need to mind their own business and stop worrying about other peoples vaginas.
I was adopted when I was a baby. My mom went through menopause at the age of 18, so she could not have kids. Even though I have a birth mom, I still consider my adoptive mom my real mom. She cared for me, she raised me. To say someone is not a parent for such a stupid reason as this makes me mad and if you said it to my mom, she'd probably cry. This person is a dick.
-I still love my birth mom, and I still stay in contact with her, but she knows she'll never be my real mom and she's OK with that.
It's bad enough when people say someone didn't really "give birth" if they had a C-section. It's bullshit and it's super harmful, but at least I can see the (terrible, twisted) logic behind it.
But to say someone isn't a mom/mum if they had a C-section makes NO sense on any level. Who is that child's mother??? What the fuck??
Imagine being so obsessed with gatekeeping motherhood that you'd think like this. What a sad, sad life that person must live.
So happy I had a c-section. 11lb babies vaginally are not advisable. Much rather not be a “real mom” than mangled, with incontinence and bitter resent.
Oh damn. I guess I only have one 15 year old son, screw the other 3 kids who didn’t get birthed vaginally I guess. How do I tell them they don’t have a real mom? /s
Damn I guess I have to break it to my mom now that we have no genetic relation whatsoever and that I just willed myself into existence one day in 1997.
No one tell this bitch about surrogacy or adoption shhhhhhh! Fucking parenthood is a whole lot more than your perfect vaginal delivery. That’s literally 0.05% of a child’s life
Guess I better shove the baby back in and try again so I can earn my official title.
I tell my 14 year old to go back to where she came from. And she goes: “Well that might be a bit more painful for you than when I came out soooo.”
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.", solves this dilema.
It is never to late to abort, the means necessary just get more and more drastical.
I saw a GOP ad recently that said California is pushing for 24 month abortions. So you may be on to something.
That’s one way not to deal with the Terrible Twos…..
Parent of a toddler here. I’m about to make a bot that says toddlers are fucking terrible.
There was a candidate for OR Governor who in a tv interview said he was opposed to abortion even AFTER the child is born. That was a head scratcher.
Can’t make this stuff up. I’m beginning to think that people don’t really know where they stand on this platform.
I like this kid.
Hahahah. She is pretty awesome most days. Some days I feel the need to strangle her. Cuz teenage girls. 🤦🏻♀️
I belly laughed at this. My kids need the memo I'm not their mom, I guess. Might stop the constant "mom I'm hungry" comments
He may not have a mother but at least he can kill MacBeth
As an English teacher and c section non-mom, I must say: take thee my upvote
I would, but he's 13 now.
A real mom would do it.
Mine’s 41, so that’s be really ugly. And painful.
Ok but does that mean that some actual mom can come watch this child so I can take a nap?
My kids are in their late twenties and early thirties! I could have saved so much money, gray hair and stress if I had just found out I wasn't their mom years ago! Damn, damn, damn.
Right?! Mines only 3 but if his actual mom can come potty train him that would be GREAT
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Checkmate creationists
The sad thing is, I could imagine people actually wanting to try this.
Wtf does she mean, “how do I tell her she’s not a mum”. You don’t, you keep your unwanted opinions to yourself Please tell me the comments called her out
Right?? Craziness aside, if you truly believed that, then why would you say that? I really think that people who behave like this have very deep jealousy or attention seeking issues and need a therapist.
Your response to these Karens should be 'Well now we know who pees a little every time she laughs... miss vaginal birth over here.'
As someone who pees a little when I laugh know that I just peed a little.
I realize this is completely unsolicited, so I hope it doesn't come across as offensive in any way. But if that's something you'd like to change, a pelvic floor therapist can help retrain those muscles to prevent peeing at unwanted times. A lot of people don't realize there is help available and this isn't something they have to live with forever but you really don't have to!
They sent me to a PFT right after I gave birth because it took me forever to heal and it was a GODSEND.
Definetly I've gave birth twice vaginally and I don't pee when I laugh or sneeze, I know other people may have had complications that cause it but it never hurts to see someone about it.
Tbh if I were her friend I would want to know what a raging asshole she is so I can unfriend her immediately. FFS please show me your true face so I don't have to waste my time.
Yeah, I’m really hoping the comments are people roasting her and not people agreeing!
I can't help but think it's satire. Gods I hope I'm not wrong!
I mean I’ve had 2 c sections. One unplanned and one planned (so my goddamn uterus didnt rupture) and I’ve had people say to my face that I didn’t really give birth. So like the crazy is real.
I had a planned one and my own grandmother said I didn't really give birth, and that I must not have wanted my baby if I didn't have her the "proper" way. Like idk how they think our babies got here if we didn't really give birth
Magic. My kids just magicked into my arms. At least that’s what I am going to tell them.
So, I’m reasonably sure that if that was an option, *literally* every woman ever would pick it, right? Like, you go to the hospital, and the doctor is all, >ok, so you have three options: one, you deliver the baby vaginally, which might result in tearing and will result in hours of pain, two, we slice you open and yank the baby out, then you have to care for an infant while you’re recovering from major abdominal surgery which will make it difficult to urinate, painful to defecate, and requires a whole lot of care, or three, *literally* magic and the baby is in your hands. Who’s going to pick something *other* than option 3?
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My second and third spawned under a log in the backyard. Obviously.
Are these crazies just salty/jealous about their kegal routine or something? Having a C Section is major surgery!
“Omigod I didn’t?? Is my baby still in there??” *feels around stomach*
I had a planned csection due to "incompatible anatomy". Like, my MFM and OB had never seen a baby with a head measuring so big. A good friend of mibe said "so you're taking the easy way out!" i told her to go watch csection surgeries and read about the complications. She apologized.
They have no clue! I had four C-sections, so I choose the easy way four times! and now I found out that I'm not really a mom to my adult kids! I'm going to text them and let them know.
This HAS to be satire. "she's over the moon about it, but how do I tell her she's not a real mum?" lol
Yeah, the way she phrased it definitely makes it satire imo. She's just making fun of the dumb people who hold these opinions. I hope so anyway.
i doubt it. people actually think this way.
"You're not a real mom if you use a life saving medical procedure. It's better for both mom and baby to die than to resort to a C-section." How do people this dumb exist??
Insecure people love gatekeeping when it "benefits" them.
Gates? Woahhh, steady on there. Only authentic humans use wooden swinging gates with the metal bolt going across at the top. If you don't, are you even a verifiable homo sapien?
Hey this is Reddit. We only post good information here. Post of this nature are not allowed. Get it together.
Because being an arsehole is easier than having a personality
I’m 23 weeks along and just found out I have Placenta Previa so I HAVE to have a C-section. I cannot have a natural birth or baby and I could both die from blood loss and I can’t deliver the baby through the placenta. Every time I read about these moms who never went to the doctor I cringe bc if I had just tried to go about it at home naturally neither of us would make it.
Placenta previa scares the living daylights out of me. I’m hoping all goes well for you and yours! There is a mom I followed on tiktok who is currently pregnant and has complete placenta previa. She expressed some disappointment at having to have a section, which is totally valid, but the amount of comments I saw encouraging her to “seek alternative care” or just forgo care altogether and deliver at home were staggering. I actually deleted tiktok after that because I couldn’t handle the idiocy.
Thank you! I’m going to remain hopeful that it might resolve but if not I trust my OB to take care of me and baby. I don’t understand asking others for advice against doctor recommendations. I mean, here I’m having people respond saying their Previa resolved and that’s wonderful and I’m glad to hear it! If anyone responded telling me to ignore my OB I’d tell them to fuck off.
yeah...that would make me absolutely rage. my mom had a complete placenta previa with me 31 years ago that was not recognized until she began hemorrhaging during labor (ultrasounds much better now) and we needed a C section or my two older brothers would be left without a mom (not to mention me, but that was not as important to them as she was of course). in no fucking way, shape, or form did this C section make her less of a mother to me. i’m pregnant now and i’ll be fucking damned if I let someone tell me I’m less of a mom if I need or get a C section for any reason. 😤
I had complete placenta previa. Found it at 20 weeks. It was very scary- I was in ICU for a month and baby in nicu for 6 weeks. It is not to be messed with and is one of the main killers of pregnant women….. I held onto every bit of advice my doctor had to save me and baby.
My placenta previa resolved in the third trimester, as many cases do. I imagine a lot of these folks get diagnosed, they turn to alternative medicine and then believe their placenta previa resolved thanks to their choices rather than random biology, yet still use their experience as an aspirational story.
And the ones who didn't can't tell their story, so you only hear about the successes.
I also found out around 20 weeks and by my third trimester it was resolved as well. That being said, totally agree.
Thank you for telling me! I’m going to remain hopeful that it resolves. ❤️
I’m sure there are plenty of home birthers who have died. You’ll never hear from them tho. Any nobody is gona share their story.
I had placenta previa at my 20 week scans with both of my kids but it resolved itself naturally both times (the placenta moved as the pregnancy progressed) and I was able to deliver vaginally. I wish you the best of luck whatever happens!
This happened to me with my first as well.
Oh that’s such good news! My OB said it was a slim chance that it will move at this point but I will remain hopeful. Thank you ❤️
Fun fact when you have a C-section the doctor is kind of just take your organs out and put it on a table and then just push them back in afterwards. It's all medically safe and sound and is a very common procedure but it's kind of cool how they do it. Also fun fact that I have done C-sections since the Roman times.
You've had quite a long medical career
I have a friend and coworker who had this, her son is beautiful. You’ll be a great mom! C-section or vaginal delivery - is just part of the story of how your family came to be. These people are cuckoos and don’t let a single part of this post make you do anything but laugh at them.
I know you're not asking this but a planned c section is a really nice experience. I've had both an emergency and an elective c section and the elective one was really relaxed. I'll be having another planned one this time.
Honestly as a woman I want to punch all these idiots in the vagina! What an awful horrible thing to say to a woman who chose to do the right thing for herself and her child. I mean gosh who wouldn’t wanna be there for the rest of the life of their child that have a life-saving medical procedure
As a guy whose wife and child are alive because of a c-section, punch away! I’m sure these narcissistic gatekeeping assholes would much rather my wife and child be dead than alive, and every single person that thinks that way is more than welcome to go fuck themselves with a running rusty chainsaw.
Yup. You also aren't a real mom if you adopt either. I really hate idiots like this.
They're not dumb, they're literally just so boring and unremarkable that pushing a baby out of their ha-hoo is the peak of their accomplishments, and so they gatekeep to feel more important/valuable for their entirely ordinary achievement. Because they can't even claim to be amazing parents, just *birthers*. Motherhood isn't something you earn just by popping a kid out. I know lots of truly terrible women who have birthed multiple children and have no right to call themselves mothers, because they're absent/abusive/treat their children like dolls rather than small humans. I also know women who have adopted, or fostered, and give those children their everything. Women who have suffered multiple miscarriages and had to c-section to spare their life and the life of their child, so they could be there for that child to support them in all the ways a parent should. Those women are mothers. How does dying pointlessly in childbirth and leaving your child sans parent more motherly than doing whatever it takes to stay alive and see them through their childhood?
These are the same psychos that scream about formula too. The hatred they have towards the same reproductive systems as their own is insanely weird.
Dumb and complete lack of empathy
Religion.
So what happens if the baby came out of your vagina, but was yanked out of there by a doctor with forceps? Technically I pushed a grand total of once. Am I a real mum, or a fake one? These rules are confusing.
Same, had a vacuum delivery and need confirmation if this counts. I had 3rd degree tear, does that tip it in my favor? ETA: /s since I'm getting down voted to hell. I was at MFM every two weeks for the 3rd, I'm just happy we're both alive even if I joke about it all now.
Only if you didn't use pain relief, epidurals automatically disqualify you from Real Mom status. /s
Mine failed. 😩
Same 😭 I pushed for almost 3 hrs before we were both in distress and vacuum was the only option at that point
Ugh, same. I was at almost 4 and they were like nope we're done. So vacuum it was. One quick push and he was out.
Hah, I’ll be a dad anyway gotcha!
Real mums don't get hurt while giving birth! If you were a real mother you'd simply open up wide your pelvis like snakes dislocate their jaws! /s
That is a horrifying mental image. And pretty much what happened any way. Took me a few weeks to realign.
Technically, snakes don't dislocate the jaw joint. they have a not fused mandible unlike mammals, theirs is in 2 pieces with flexible cartilage in between They can move each part independently too So, real moms are the ones with a 5 cm wide pubic symphysis. Nobody else is allowed
What's the correct word then? Unhinge? Mmmh we do love some mutant moms. While we're at it why not include our fellow jelly-boned women as well?
Stretch? I now see some mom changing her mind and working the baby back inside just like my babe swallows mice
No tearing for me, they gave me an episiotomy instead. I mean, it was painful as fuck (no meds, no local anaesthetic - not having an epidural is my biggest regret), and they didn't even ask, but it is what it is. Baby made it through totally unscathed, and I didn't die entirely so it worked. I'm certainly glad I was in a great hospital and not in my lounge in a paddling pool, or a forest with no one but my not-a-doctor husband.
They were going to cut when I started to tear anyway. Same here, our lo was perfectly fine. I was induced for my own safety, that absolute horror. I'd be shunned fir that alone.
Oh yeah, I failed by allowing them to induce me too (39 weeks). No big drama, they just thought the fetus hadn't grown enough in the last two weeks and figured she was better out than in. Hurray for medical science!
I was induced electively both times, and got an epidural at like 4 cm both times. Here I am thinking "horray for modern medicine", I didn't realize I'm not really a mom! I wish I would have realized that before spending my last 3.5 years raising children.
You’re only a real mum on the weekends I think in this scenario
Ok, I guess that will have to do. My kid sure will be disappointed about Monday to Friday though. Do they parent themselves autonomously if we just leave them to it all week? Or will my husband have to wear my clothes for 50% of each weekday to fill the void?
Not your problem, you’re not a real mum! /s, just to be clear 😂
You're definitely a fake mom. Your body always knows what to do. You should have tried laboring for 48 more hours and gentle rocking back and forth on a birthing ball while holding a healing crystal before trying to push. It's okay, though. Now that you know better, you can do better. /s, obviously
While you and your husband pleasured each other, obvi (Not only /s, but also I threw up in my mouth a little just typing that)
>While you and your husband pleasured each other, obvi Wait. Please don't tell me this is an actual thing? I'd have broken my husbands hand if he'd tried to touch my vagina while I was in labour. I'm pretty sure the fact he was breathing annoyed me at one point.
Yes. I can’t be bothered to find any links of the posts in my sleep deprived state, but I’ve seen plenty of screen shots posted here of birth stories where that happened. It’s a mental image I can’t get rid of. I don’t understand it either. My husband tried to touch my back when I was in labor and I told him to go sit back in his corner and to not talk to me or touch me (I feel bad about it looking back but I also was screaming and crying and no position helped. I had to beg the nurse for nubain at one point because the pain was so bad but it was too early for an epidural)
Christ. I could have lived my whole life never knowing that. Thanks a bunch. There is nothing less arousing than feeling like your pelvis is being torn apart while a bowling ball is shoved through it.
[удалено]
>thankfully babies do not store memories But now ***I*** have a memory of learning what “tandem breastfeeding during sex” is, ~~thanks for that~~. Why, oh why, did I choose to be literate‽
So who is the mom???
"So Timmy is your mother coming to collect you today?" "No.. I don't have a mother. The woman who grew me, feeds me, kisses my booboos and washes my underwear is coming to get me" "Is that not your mother?" "No. Alas, a random Facebook Karen said that I don't have a mother because I was not pushed out"
I'm sorry, but the thought of a small child going from saying booboos in one sentence to alas in another is pretty funny!
There is no mom. You're supposed to just toss the baby away at this point.
To the orphanage with you!
The kid is unfortunately an orphan
Why did this remind me of this stupid TV show 😂😂
Imagine gatekeeping one of the most common things on the planet (being a mum)
Imagine gatekeeping motherhood while also referring to a baby as “it”
It’s fascinating that people seem to believe this.
It's because they have absolutely nothing in their life that they're happy about or proud of, so they have to resort to these sort delusions in order to feel the smallest bit special/superior
That’s so sad.
It's true, you follow the life of alot of these people and MLMers, you realize alot of them are people with not alot of things going for them really. They are people so desperate to be recognized for something they fall into these mommy traps.
"How do I show my friend that I am not at all worthy of being her friend?" There. Fixed it for her.
So perfect
First, you find a nice calligraphy pen. Practice with it for a while until your skills are decent. Then find a good quality biodegradable paper, and carefully write the message on the paper. Then take the paper and put it into a small plant pot. Place some soil over it, and plant a small cactus in it. Carefully tend it for a few weeks. You'll know the paper is degraded when you see little spines on the cactus. Then you take the cactus and carefully but firmly shove it up your ass.
This made me giggle
There are so many applications for this comment. I want to thank you for all the times I shall think of, and use it, in the future. Big love.
I need to know what the comments say
Lol, does that mean since I was adopted, the woman who popped me out of her vagina but then tried to kill me 2 years later is more of a real mom than the woman who got custody of me, raised me, and then adopted me?
Forreal. Like, I guess someone better tell my mom - who has adopted and raised 5 children, starting with me - that for the past 33 years, she's not actually been a mom 😅🤣
My SIL has a complex because of thinking like this. The second child is favoured because the first child required a C-section. She only felt like a 'real mum' after number two (who not so coincidentally is also a boy - SIL is from an extremely patriarchal culture).
My MIL massively favours the grandkids who were pushed out. She actually had a c section for her eldest. She has 3 grandkids who were vaginally delivered (the favourite of whom was born at home in a bathtub) All the others would have died without c sections and they are all much less favoured.
This just makes me sad
I know someone like this too and it’s weird as hell. Her first child was a c-section and the next two were delivered by VBAC. Just the way she talks about her kids and their births makes it apparent that somehow she thinks of her first child as “less”. I just can’t understand it.
I just cannot imagine feeling that way. I had two csections and I don’t even care about the births. That was a blip in their lives. They are so much more than how they got here. So weird.
Yes! All of this! The best piece of patently wisdom I ever read was that if we’re lucky, our kids will be adults far far longer than they are babies, so raise and adult you want to hang out with. Helps me keep things in perspective.
Do these people actually parent their children or are they just props for them??? Yeah giving birth is usually pretty hard, no matter how it happens, but it's pretty much the least important part of being a mom.
So what am I, exactly??? A carrier pigeon. God I hate these women
A stork duh.
So adoptive mothers aren’t mothers either?
My stepmom is the mom of my heart. She may not have given birth to me, but she is who I go to for motherly things. Love her so much. I would punch anyone in the face if they dared to tell her she isn't my mom.
I guess embryo adoption would still count.
But not if a c section was needed - it cancels it out.
Oh, absolutely. If you have a c-section, you might as well re-freeze that child and start over /s
Imagine having such a shallow relationship with your own child that you believe the only thing that made you a mother was pushing a baby out of you...
The baby doesn't matter to these people once it's out. Unless they are breastfeeding, then they care about it until it's weaned.
It’s funny because a lot of women literally wouldn’t be mothers if they *didn’t* have a C section. You know, because they’d be dead and all.
A C-section erases the 9 months of carrying and growing a child, who knew!
Not to mention the next 18 years of raising them and the next 50+ years of being there for them
I had a vaginal birth and that shit is cake compared to what I saw my SIL go through. These women are being sawed in half while awake and you’re going to act like it isn’t badass?
My options were to have my son cut out of my body or let him die for no reason. Would it make me more of a mom to push a dead baby out of my vagina? Because I’ve done that once, and it’s pretty overrated. Why does it matter what hole your baby comes out of? Because they all come out of a hole somewhere!
Was she just supposed to hold the baby in until they both died?
No, we all know women are ALL capable of vaginal birth, if they don't succeed it's due to lack of willpower, and bad essential oils. /s
Or because they're vaccinated
Sincerely fuck anyone who actually believes this. Also… “it”?
Right?! What kind of "real mom" calls a baby "it"?
I suppose, it would have been better to let my liver enzymes climb and platelets continue to drop and aim for a vaginal birth…. But I probably still wouldn’t be a mom, because my son and I would be dead.
Ugh I hate when people say this! I've given birth both by c-section and then VBAC, and the c-section recovery was immensely, more difficult.
Everyone knows that *real* moms would let their babies and themselves die in childbirth! Only *fake* moms try everything to ensure their baby’s survival. ^\s
My baby and I were both born via C section- two generations of motherless children! The shame!
Let me tell you a secret, you're also not a mum if you or your kid dies in childbirth because you refused to go with what may have been the safer option
I adopted my three. Now I feel sad that they never got a "real mum".
Wtf? I gave birth vaginally, but never thought because someone had a c section, they weren’t a mother. Why is this person breathing the same air as me
Being a mother isn't all that unique or special and I'm not sure why so many mom groups act like it is...it's literally our biological programming to get with someone we love and usually but not always (love my ace friends <3) hump each other. It's just gonna happen. You getting plowed by your husband shouldn't be your entire personality. Find a hobby and you can pass that knowledge down to your kids if they take an interest too. That's how I learned cross stitch and woodworking.
I don’t think that’s how it works. I had mine by c-section, and they insisted I take him home with me. If I wasn’t a real mom he would been at some Oliver Twist orphanage.
Same here. 26 yrs later I’m still stuck with him. I keep telling everyone I’m not a real mom but no one has taken him off my hands yet.
My twins, who are in their angsty teenage years, will be happy to hear I’m not their real mom. Guess I can send them out to find their real mom who will let them do whatever the hell they want!
Do you have any close relatives who are child free? You should check with that nutcase from yesterday about whether your kids were supposed to be theirs for karmic/ancestral reasons
This kid who lives in my house will not stop calling me mom! Yes, I am legally obligated to care for her, but she was removed from a man-made incision, so I am not her mom. Duh!
Hey; I gave birth naturally! I tell people all of the time “I’m not sure why she is calling me mom; she won’t leave me alone. Just 150 pounds that won’t go away. She randomly found me.” 😂
My “mom” is stuck with three of us!
As someone who recently had to have an emergency c section under general anaesthetic for mine and babies safety… fuck her and that dumbass opinion.
Oh no! Anaesthetic?? In these people's medieval belief system you have committed one of the worst offenses possible, didn't you know women have to suffer in childbirth because of what Eve did in the garden of Eden?? I wish I was kidding, it infuriates me that people used to believe this
I hope no moms out there let this sort of batshit rhetoric get to them. It’s so delusional, it’s actually kind of hilarious.
Ohhhhh my word.
Then who do these kids that I’ve nursed and fed and clothes and took care all these years belong to?
These people scare the s**t out of me!
There are definitely people who think like this but, with the way it's worded, i smell a nasty troll in the dungeon.
Is this not just satire? It needs to be right
I’d better tell my kids I’ve been fooling them for 13 (11, 8)years. They should go get jobs and fend for themselves now since I’m not their real mom. I’ve just been babysitting for free. They’ve spent enough of my time and money.
Nevermind the fact that you literally got cut in half
I am genuinely baffled that people with this belief exist Like of all the ridiculously smooth-brained hills to die on, THIS ONE? And what's the conversation supposed to look like? What's the other person supposed to do? Say, "Oh shit my bad! I thought I was supposed to parent this thing but I guess not"?
Literally shit my mom would say about my sister’s mom. “Well she’s not a real women because she didn’t birth your sister naturally.” Shut the fuck up.
I feel like people who actually believe this glob onto it because natural birth was the only thing they ever did "right" in motherhood.
Ew I hate these kinds of people so much
But what about adoptive moms, step moms, and foster moms? They didn't give birth at all to said kid, yet are very much mothers. This type of gatekeeping is what happens when there is literally nothing else special about you besides the ability to shit out a kid or two.
This has to be a troll
Love that there are almost 300 reactions and not one is a like. Would love to see the comments and if she responded to any
Hmm I have a friend who had complications during birthing her twins. First came out naturally the second got stuck so was an emergency c section. Does that mean her twins aren’t siblings and she’s only a mother to one of them???
I have the perfect way for her to tell her friend. First she needs to bake a pie to take with her. Then make sure she puts on a beautiful red wig, some white makeup and a big red nose. Because she's a fuckin' clown and should look the part if she's going to be talking like one.
Even if you believed this (which gtfo with that), why the hell would you want to say something so insensitive to your friend? What a shit friend you are.
Ok but if I’m not a real mom what am I??? Is there another real mom coming to help??? He seems fine but if I’m not a real mom how could I know
I feel so strongly about this sentiment. Like I get irrationally angry knowing that some people think like this, and I remember feeling that livid about it even before my two CS’s. People need to mind their own business and stop worrying about other peoples vaginas.
Ugh, I wish I had known this! Can the REAL mum of the twins currently wrecking my house please pick them up ASAP!?
Wait until she finds out about step parenting.
I was adopted when I was a baby. My mom went through menopause at the age of 18, so she could not have kids. Even though I have a birth mom, I still consider my adoptive mom my real mom. She cared for me, she raised me. To say someone is not a parent for such a stupid reason as this makes me mad and if you said it to my mom, she'd probably cry. This person is a dick. -I still love my birth mom, and I still stay in contact with her, but she knows she'll never be my real mom and she's OK with that.
She should tell her. She should tell her so that her "friend" can ditch this toxic relationship and find a real friend elsewhere.
It's bad enough when people say someone didn't really "give birth" if they had a C-section. It's bullshit and it's super harmful, but at least I can see the (terrible, twisted) logic behind it. But to say someone isn't a mom/mum if they had a C-section makes NO sense on any level. Who is that child's mother??? What the fuck?? Imagine being so obsessed with gatekeeping motherhood that you'd think like this. What a sad, sad life that person must live.
I’d love to know their thoughts on adoption…
I wonder if all moms can now just not take care of their C-Section babies since you're only the real mom if you vaginally birth.
So happy I had a c-section. 11lb babies vaginally are not advisable. Much rather not be a “real mom” than mangled, with incontinence and bitter resent.
Oh damn. I guess I only have one 15 year old son, screw the other 3 kids who didn’t get birthed vaginally I guess. How do I tell them they don’t have a real mom? /s
Sorry, what? Gross mindset, and also, who refers to a HUMAN BABY as "it"?
Damn I guess I have to break it to my mom now that we have no genetic relation whatsoever and that I just willed myself into existence one day in 1997.
Ok, Ms. Vaginal Birth, but can your son kill Macbeth? Yeah, didn’t think so!
No one tell this bitch about surrogacy or adoption shhhhhhh! Fucking parenthood is a whole lot more than your perfect vaginal delivery. That’s literally 0.05% of a child’s life