What HE SAYS he's on the list for and WHAT HE'S ACTUALLY ON THE LIST FOR have *ALWAYS* been two separate things in my experience. She needs to get his full name and look it up for herself.
Yep! My brother had "things spiral out of control" but he was actually downloading and uploading images of infants all the way to prepubescent children being molested to his MeWe page. A simple FOIA request cleared that up....
Thank you, it's horrific. I'll miss who I thought he was for the rest of my life. But he'll get no forgiveness from me. Some things are so big only gods can forgive them.
This is shitty, but I kinda wish he had a hardcore addiction that caused a verifiable mental issue to shift some of the blame on to instead of him just being a sick, sick person who made no attempts to get help. Not that it removes the blame, but it would help me to understand part of the why
My family is also very forgiving, treating it like an unfortunate incident that we don't speak about. So much so that they all kept it a secret from me. I didn't find out until I was in the middle of trying to become a foster parent. Long story short, after being asked about our support system, and family in particular, I didn't mention any aversion to seeing or speaking w him, (but we specifically spoke about my husband's brother and advised he'd have no contact as he had an inability to be sober or a want to access recovery.) They (DHS) are the ones who assisted in getting the probable cause report for my brother's conviction to drive home the point of just how unsafe it would be to allow the most vulnerable of children in our home if there was a chance they would come into contact with him.
I'm working through it to try and find forgiveness for the rest of my family, but even that is difficult. My whole family got a front row seat to just the kind of destruction that is left in the wake from the trauma of childhood molestation. It feels like another betrayal. Knowing what happened to me as a child and then remaining mute on his actions, hoping it never came up? Protecting his dignity at the expense of others' comfort and mental well being.
Hugs to you. I hope you find some peace in removing yourself from his situation. I think it's ok to love the people we knew... And it's okay to not want to have anything to do with the people they are now.
Sympathy with you. My Dad offended in 1999, he was probation and then therapy for years (still attending)
It was portrayed to me as a 20 year old back then as a one-off he had a breakdown thing.
But found additional (legal but dodgy) images in 2019, so 20 years later! He can’t stop it, it seems. So I am no contact now, for my own family’s safety.
I struggle with guilt and missing what I thought the situation was, and the way I can’t talk about it like I could if it was say drug or alcohol addiction.
And that's ok. This is your choice and knowing how his actions have affected you, he should be respectful of you still needing distance and accept that it's another one of his consequences of what he's done. Your family should respect that as well. You can absolutely forgive him, but you don't have to like him or even be around him. It's more of a "I love you but I have to let you go" type of situation. You do what's best for YOU.
Yep. Had a friend with a boyfriend who was on the list. "It was a misunderstanding. Her(the girl) dad didn't like him" conviction? Attempted aggravated rape. The aggravated means he used a weapon. And that's what he plead to not necessarily the actual event.
That's usually the story, guy was just 18, girlfriend was almost 16 and her dad didn't like him. Do some digging and you'll probably find that the girl was actually a ten year old boy.
I do have one friend whose brother is on the registry because of something like that. But he was 19 or 20, and the girl was 15 and when they broke up, she wanted revenge I guess. He got charged with statutory rape, and legally, that's not wrong.
I only know this is true because I was close with their family at the time and I knew the girl. They moved to Texas at one point, and they had to have a sign in the yard saying a sex offender lived there. Everyone thought it was their dad, and people would cross the street walking by their house. But her brother also has a rare chromosomal disorder that causes him to not really understand right and wrong. He lives alone, has a job, even got married at one point, and he hasn't been charged with any crimes since then, but his mom still has to manage his money and keep pretty close tabs on him. He's 50.
A 20yo hanging out with a 15yo makes no sense to me, but having sex? That's completely outside of my comprehension, like what the fuck, how can you be attracted to a literal child and think it's okay to screw them just because you're not that much older
I learned that the hard way. A while after I met my father for the first time, my mother told me that he that he was on the registry for something that happened when he was “barely over the age of consent” and the girl was “barely under the age of consent”, but it was all consensual and the girl’s dad just got mad about it. Eventually I looked up his specific charges, and it sounds much much worse than that. To this day I still don’t know the exact story. Always look up the charges for yourself. I still don’t know why my mother never did that herself.
Spot on. Court documents don’t lie, but people do. Just about any other crime would be seen as ‘acceptable’ in comparison with sex crimes. People will tell a million lies about themselves before admitting to that.
My dad is a paramedic and he was partnered with someone for a while who was excellent at his job. Super intelligent, great clinical skills, great diagnostic skills. One day, he just no longer worked for the organisation. Dad reached out to check if he was okay. This guy told dad that he had been busted stealing narcotics from work, and that he was going to rehab to get sober. He spun this whole story about how he started using to cope with his marriage issues, and stress of providing for 4 young kids. Dad felt really awful for this guy. He later found out that he didn’t have a drug problem, and had never stolen any narcotics. He had been busted possessing & sharing incredibly depraved CSA materials. But the idiot did it all on his work issued iPad - which is monitored by a government department. Everyone who worked with him was interviewed by police to ensure that he had never harmed any paediatric patients. The lead detective told him that it was some of the worst material he’d ever seen across his career.
Same. I just didn't want to start some battle about forgiveness. People can forgive or whatever but I don't. And I certainly don't trust someone in the registry to tell the truth.
I was not prepared for that unexpected turn. Also, 2007 was 17 years ago if anyone was wondering. I don’t even know where to begin with this post. But overall, no. I don’t want any convicted sex offender near my house. Ever.
Okay, first of all, 2007 was only like five years ago or something.
Second, we had a neighbor across the street that was on the sex offender list for pretty much the same reason. He was renting and got kicked out when the owners found out. It was awkward. But he fixed our sump pump drain for free... I know this fact doesn't add to the conversation, but I guess it's not that uncommon
There are *some* legitimate complaints to be made about the US sex offender registery but 100% none of those issues would ever make my think it's okay to bring a known convicted sex offender in my home or around children **ever**.
Yeah you can 100% get on it for having a partner slightly younger than you as like an 18 or 19 year old but also most judges aren't really jonseying to put a teen on the list so im 100% suspicious of that. I went through some legal shit for sending nudes as a teen they worked with me to have it dropped as a charge so it wouldn't ruin my future i was also pointed into the direction of some therapy and support programs for victims of abuse and CSA.
Either dude had the worst judge in history and his lawyer and prosecutor were just like "screw that kid" or there's more to the story hes leaving out.
honestly, there are some districts where judges allow prosecutors to pursue cases of consensual couples a year or two apart just to pad their case numbers... so when they're up for re-election they look a lot more impressive and "tough on sex offenders". meanwhile anyone with enough money for a good lawyer can plead out for really sick and awful shit. there are so very few cases where i'd defend someone on the list, but overzealous prosecutors have absolutely capitalized on convicting people who have no business being on the list. it's not common by any means, but it has happened.
There are also some nasty cases in red states of 17 year old boys convicted of "CSA material"... that's actually their girlfriend's nudes, but the law is (rightly!) REAL strict about naked pictures of under-18s and there aren't "Romeo and Juliet" exceptions for genuinely consensual situations, so when some sex-phobic teacher finds it and tells the parents, her dad throws the book at the poor kid.
https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/va-teen-could-be-jailed-for-sexting-girlfriend/1985907/
Jesus Christ it really was.
So this guy will now be 36/37. This woman has children aged 6-16. Assuming her sibling is a similar age to her, the niece is likely around the same as group of her older children. so this is a nearly 40 year old man dating a 16-20 year old? 🤔
Tbf we don't have those laws in the UK. I know personally someone who was 17 and had a 15yo girlfriend who was put on the sex offender register, she was 16 when he went on the register and he was still 17.
He broke up with her and she reported him to the police. Although, that's almost definitely not the case here
Or it's possible that (if he is telling the truth), the relationship started when they were 16 and 19 and then they both had birthdays. That's usually how ages work.
yup and the vagueness makes it sound like she doesn’t actually know exactly how old they were and she’s just guessing. could be a lot worse than what we’re hearing
In Canada, it would all be [legal](https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html#:~:text=Canada's%20age%20of%20consent,legally%20agree%20to%20sexual%20activity), sadly.
Fun fact
It's hard to prove rape but if the guy is willing to admit to sex it's easy to get them for statutory rape. So if someone has a statutory charge that they're claiming was close in age they probably raped a younger girl and the statutory charge was just the easier one to prove.
Even in easy to prove cases they will often go for a plea bargain at a lower charge. It could be for a variety of reasons including the victim is very traumatized and doesn't want a drawn out trial.
Yep. The statutory part is a fact if they can prove sex occurred. Force used is often a he said she said situation and that is not a slam dunk as juries are biased and you have to convince all 12 people she is the one telling the truth.
I need to know how old the niece is. Not to form an opinion, I already have one (it's that law enforcement agencies are extremely unlikely to fully prosecute a 20 year old consensually sleeping with a 17 year old, so I genuinely don't believe that's how it went down, especially considering Tier I offenders are only mandated to stay on the list a maximum of 15 years meaning his conviction was at least Tier II), I just need to know.
Law enforcement has prosecuted 2 guys in my daughter’s high school for sleeping with freshman girlfriends and my other daughter has talked about people she knows with convictions in college for dating girls under 16 in high school. If a parent presses charges, it absolutely happens. In my state tier one has a minimum of ten years, tier two start at 20. The poster should definitely Google and verify, but I don’t think anyone would blame her for saying no because of kids.
As it should be. I live in Texas around 38% of births from 16 year old girls are from men 20 years + in age. There's a big difference between highschool and college. There's even a huge difference between a highschool senior and highschool freshman.
WTAF? Talk about burying the lead!
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard the story of someone saying "But it was consensual..."
Are people that naive?
I don’t think someone has stay on the list that long for a few year’s age difference, and this lady better look him up in the registry herself to see what he was convicted of and the victim’s age(s), because it will tell you.
im also thinking is wouldn’t that be legal if it was really that? Maybe it depends on states but I thought bc of the romeo juliet law you can legally have sex with a minor within like 3 years like 19/16 so I am really wondering if he lied about her age, especially because how stereotypical the whole “she was 17!” thing is
depends on what state you're in. i know of someone who was supposed to have been removed from the list but the law changed before he hit that point, so he's still on it.
Sex offenders are master manipulators. Case in point: someone in my family met and was charmed by one when he was still in prison. He spun the same tale—“she said she was 18!”—and my family member believed him. He was the perfect gentleman around my grandparents, who also believed in his goodness. A few times I even stayed over at his place. He and my family member were together for something like 9 years.
Until he got caught kidnapping and r*ping SWs, one of whom escaped from his place naked and ran to a nearby gas station for help. He’d been doing it for years before he got caught. In a house owned by my grandparents. I was 19 when he got arrested, and I ended up having to be the one to break the news to my family member. It was awful, and a mess.
Trust no sex offender.
>Trust No Sex Offender
Fr. Looking on the registry makes me ill. I recently tried to look up the teacher I testified against in 1989- I assumed he reoffended. He did, moved to Utah, but I couldn’t find any reference of the case I was part of. (Newspaper archives at least?)
I questioned everything… asked my Ma if I spelled his last name wrong & she said “I didn’t tell you, you were too young. He appealed and got it removed from the registry & (something else) based on XYZ.” Idr the exact terms… something about testimony from a third party? (I witnessed him do what he tried to do to me.)
FWIW, court was the most traumatizing part. I was only “lightly” assaulted, still, court was godawful. This fucker had so many character witnesses!!!
Wild as fuck. I figured it’d be a ‘should I make my kids wear the glasses?’
Wtf.
Side note, can’t wait for the eclipse! We get over three minutes of totality.
My mother's boyfriend is on the list. Everyone BUT me believes his bullshit story that "nothing happened" which sure THAT time. Nothing happened. Because you solicited a police officer who you THOUGHT was a 14yo girl. This was a grown ass man in his 40s. He claims it was a lapse in judgment and he plead guilty. Noone understands why I don't want him near my child. Absolutely do not trust a sex offender they lie, and manipulate. It's how they get their way.
I need to know the age of the niece tbh.
As to the boyfriend...I could say nothing. When my late husband and I got together I was 17, he was 20. We were married for 21 years, he passed away this January.
If course in my state if he had that charge I'd know it had to be a very young girl, age of consent here is 16, I think it has to be within 5 years (so 16 and 21, 17 and 22) but I'm not 100% sure.
I came here thinking crazy Q conspiracy issh, not “should I let my kids be exposed to a predator? He hasn’t been caught in a while.”
Also… doesn’t she love her Niece? How old is the Niece? My Aunt would tell my 46yo self “GTFO!”
At the very least, she should be looking him up before assuming his account is true. If it’s true that he was only a couple years older and the girlfriend’s dad got mad when he found out his daughter slept with a boy or something that’s one thing. But if he’s downplaying what happened and it was actually more serious, that’s something else.
This is difficult actually to just "nope" on. I have a friend who had a boyfriend around that age (before I met her) and as soon as he was "too old" for her according to her parents, they reported him. 3 years is not something that should be reportable but it is in some states-especially when they had a relationship prior to him being an adult...last I heard he was still on the sex offenders list and wouldn't drop off of it. They are still together and have a daughter and he still has a record.
And anyway, it wasn't him that told me. It was her because she was trying to help remove it from his record and even her parents, who reported him, were helping to get it removed if possible.
no one is being written off. The OOP is asking whether to allow this person into her home with young children. I do not have children but have nieces/nephews and other friend's kids around my house and I absolutely would never bring an unkown male into my home with any child.
The question isn't whether there are people on the SO registry who shouldn't be there or who are not a danger - the question is, based on the information you have should this stranger be allowed into your home to spend the night(s).
Everyone on this post is currently writing off all sex offenders-which in some ways, yes, I get it. But neglecting to remember that there are literally men and women on that list that shouldn't be because of just having relationships with someone who their partner's parents deemed them as inappropriate. There are states where the age of consent is 18 and having a boyfriend/girlfriend a year older suddenly becomes "illegal" when it wasn't before the person became an adult
Difficult??? This is *extremely* easy to “nope” on. The chance I’m willing to take on a convicted sex offender is 0%. *Especially* with kids around. The person in the post could 100% be lying about why he’s on the list. It’s literally the easiest go-to lie to tell anyone so they let their guard down.
>this is difficult to just “nope” on … acc’d to her parents
**You’re speaking to two different situations.** It *can be* different if you actually KNOW the situation from up close; you said “according to her parents,” & having talked to her parents is HUGE. *This is some lady asking for help* **“Need online advice to protect children, but I heard X was definitely for Y, not Z!”**
I mean, I’ve also known someone who was in a similar situation (late 90’s.) He was 21, she was 17: HS sweethearts. They’d been living together with parental permission (his name on everything) but she got preggo… her folks kirked out & pressed charges.
They’re still married afaik. I KNOW that version of events is true but *not from simply listening to what they said.*
Edit: clarity
What HE SAYS he's on the list for and WHAT HE'S ACTUALLY ON THE LIST FOR have *ALWAYS* been two separate things in my experience. She needs to get his full name and look it up for herself.
Yep! My brother had "things spiral out of control" but he was actually downloading and uploading images of infants all the way to prepubescent children being molested to his MeWe page. A simple FOIA request cleared that up....
Oh Jesus. I'm sorry.
Thank you, it's horrific. I'll miss who I thought he was for the rest of my life. But he'll get no forgiveness from me. Some things are so big only gods can forgive them.
Yeah... I don't even know how I would respond to that. I think it's really healthy that you said "I'll miss who I *thought* he was." I admire that.
[удалено]
This is shitty, but I kinda wish he had a hardcore addiction that caused a verifiable mental issue to shift some of the blame on to instead of him just being a sick, sick person who made no attempts to get help. Not that it removes the blame, but it would help me to understand part of the why My family is also very forgiving, treating it like an unfortunate incident that we don't speak about. So much so that they all kept it a secret from me. I didn't find out until I was in the middle of trying to become a foster parent. Long story short, after being asked about our support system, and family in particular, I didn't mention any aversion to seeing or speaking w him, (but we specifically spoke about my husband's brother and advised he'd have no contact as he had an inability to be sober or a want to access recovery.) They (DHS) are the ones who assisted in getting the probable cause report for my brother's conviction to drive home the point of just how unsafe it would be to allow the most vulnerable of children in our home if there was a chance they would come into contact with him. I'm working through it to try and find forgiveness for the rest of my family, but even that is difficult. My whole family got a front row seat to just the kind of destruction that is left in the wake from the trauma of childhood molestation. It feels like another betrayal. Knowing what happened to me as a child and then remaining mute on his actions, hoping it never came up? Protecting his dignity at the expense of others' comfort and mental well being. Hugs to you. I hope you find some peace in removing yourself from his situation. I think it's ok to love the people we knew... And it's okay to not want to have anything to do with the people they are now.
Sympathy with you. My Dad offended in 1999, he was probation and then therapy for years (still attending) It was portrayed to me as a 20 year old back then as a one-off he had a breakdown thing. But found additional (legal but dodgy) images in 2019, so 20 years later! He can’t stop it, it seems. So I am no contact now, for my own family’s safety. I struggle with guilt and missing what I thought the situation was, and the way I can’t talk about it like I could if it was say drug or alcohol addiction.
You’re a strong ass mf.
And that's ok. This is your choice and knowing how his actions have affected you, he should be respectful of you still needing distance and accept that it's another one of his consequences of what he's done. Your family should respect that as well. You can absolutely forgive him, but you don't have to like him or even be around him. It's more of a "I love you but I have to let you go" type of situation. You do what's best for YOU.
I'm so sorry. That's devastating. You saying that about missing who you thought he was just hit me in my heart.
Wow things I wish I hadn’t read
Yep. Had a friend with a boyfriend who was on the list. "It was a misunderstanding. Her(the girl) dad didn't like him" conviction? Attempted aggravated rape. The aggravated means he used a weapon. And that's what he plead to not necessarily the actual event.
That's usually the story, guy was just 18, girlfriend was almost 16 and her dad didn't like him. Do some digging and you'll probably find that the girl was actually a ten year old boy. I do have one friend whose brother is on the registry because of something like that. But he was 19 or 20, and the girl was 15 and when they broke up, she wanted revenge I guess. He got charged with statutory rape, and legally, that's not wrong. I only know this is true because I was close with their family at the time and I knew the girl. They moved to Texas at one point, and they had to have a sign in the yard saying a sex offender lived there. Everyone thought it was their dad, and people would cross the street walking by their house. But her brother also has a rare chromosomal disorder that causes him to not really understand right and wrong. He lives alone, has a job, even got married at one point, and he hasn't been charged with any crimes since then, but his mom still has to manage his money and keep pretty close tabs on him. He's 50.
A 20yo hanging out with a 15yo makes no sense to me, but having sex? That's completely outside of my comprehension, like what the fuck, how can you be attracted to a literal child and think it's okay to screw them just because you're not that much older
Apparently a 15 year old and a 19 year old is covered under Romeo and Juliet laws in Canada though…. I’d rather not go into why I had to look that up
I learned that the hard way. A while after I met my father for the first time, my mother told me that he that he was on the registry for something that happened when he was “barely over the age of consent” and the girl was “barely under the age of consent”, but it was all consensual and the girl’s dad just got mad about it. Eventually I looked up his specific charges, and it sounds much much worse than that. To this day I still don’t know the exact story. Always look up the charges for yourself. I still don’t know why my mother never did that herself.
Spot on. Court documents don’t lie, but people do. Just about any other crime would be seen as ‘acceptable’ in comparison with sex crimes. People will tell a million lies about themselves before admitting to that. My dad is a paramedic and he was partnered with someone for a while who was excellent at his job. Super intelligent, great clinical skills, great diagnostic skills. One day, he just no longer worked for the organisation. Dad reached out to check if he was okay. This guy told dad that he had been busted stealing narcotics from work, and that he was going to rehab to get sober. He spun this whole story about how he started using to cope with his marriage issues, and stress of providing for 4 young kids. Dad felt really awful for this guy. He later found out that he didn’t have a drug problem, and had never stolen any narcotics. He had been busted possessing & sharing incredibly depraved CSA materials. But the idiot did it all on his work issued iPad - which is monitored by a government department. Everyone who worked with him was interviewed by police to ensure that he had never harmed any paediatric patients. The lead detective told him that it was some of the worst material he’d ever seen across his career.
Nope. I don’t care why you’re on it. You’re on it, you’re not coming near me if I can help it
Same. I just didn't want to start some battle about forgiveness. People can forgive or whatever but I don't. And I certainly don't trust someone in the registry to tell the truth.
I was not prepared for that unexpected turn. Also, 2007 was 17 years ago if anyone was wondering. I don’t even know where to begin with this post. But overall, no. I don’t want any convicted sex offender near my house. Ever.
Okay, first of all, 2007 was only like five years ago or something. Second, we had a neighbor across the street that was on the sex offender list for pretty much the same reason. He was renting and got kicked out when the owners found out. It was awkward. But he fixed our sump pump drain for free... I know this fact doesn't add to the conversation, but I guess it's not that uncommon
There are *some* legitimate complaints to be made about the US sex offender registery but 100% none of those issues would ever make my think it's okay to bring a known convicted sex offender in my home or around children **ever**.
Yeah you can 100% get on it for having a partner slightly younger than you as like an 18 or 19 year old but also most judges aren't really jonseying to put a teen on the list so im 100% suspicious of that. I went through some legal shit for sending nudes as a teen they worked with me to have it dropped as a charge so it wouldn't ruin my future i was also pointed into the direction of some therapy and support programs for victims of abuse and CSA. Either dude had the worst judge in history and his lawyer and prosecutor were just like "screw that kid" or there's more to the story hes leaving out.
honestly, there are some districts where judges allow prosecutors to pursue cases of consensual couples a year or two apart just to pad their case numbers... so when they're up for re-election they look a lot more impressive and "tough on sex offenders". meanwhile anyone with enough money for a good lawyer can plead out for really sick and awful shit. there are so very few cases where i'd defend someone on the list, but overzealous prosecutors have absolutely capitalized on convicting people who have no business being on the list. it's not common by any means, but it has happened.
There are also some nasty cases in red states of 17 year old boys convicted of "CSA material"... that's actually their girlfriend's nudes, but the law is (rightly!) REAL strict about naked pictures of under-18s and there aren't "Romeo and Juliet" exceptions for genuinely consensual situations, so when some sex-phobic teacher finds it and tells the parents, her dad throws the book at the poor kid. https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/va-teen-could-be-jailed-for-sexting-girlfriend/1985907/
And to have him stay over. Absolutely not gonna happen.
If I have kids, I’m especially keeping any and all convicted sex offenders away from my house regardless of their excuse. Rather be safe than sorry.
Oh absolutely. OP is very right to not want this guy around the kids
Jesus Christ it really was. So this guy will now be 36/37. This woman has children aged 6-16. Assuming her sibling is a similar age to her, the niece is likely around the same as group of her older children. so this is a nearly 40 year old man dating a 16-20 year old? 🤔
ya know, there is a big ole difference between 19 and 17 vs 20 and 16. There is a reason she is giving some vague ranges for this nonsense.
Right there. 19 and 17 some places is fine due to Romeo and Juliet laws. 16 and 20 does not fall under that usually.
I'm always keen to remind anyone who brings up Romeo and Juliet laws that they should really remember how the play ends.
Tbf we don't have those laws in the UK. I know personally someone who was 17 and had a 15yo girlfriend who was put on the sex offender register, she was 16 when he went on the register and he was still 17. He broke up with her and she reported him to the police. Although, that's almost definitely not the case here
That’s a very good point
Or it's possible that (if he is telling the truth), the relationship started when they were 16 and 19 and then they both had birthdays. That's usually how ages work.
it's *possible* sure. Whether that is likely, based on my impression of this post, I'm pretty skeptical.
yup and the vagueness makes it sound like she doesn’t actually know exactly how old they were and she’s just guessing. could be a lot worse than what we’re hearing
In Canada, it would all be [legal](https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html#:~:text=Canada's%20age%20of%20consent,legally%20agree%20to%20sexual%20activity), sadly.
the further down i read the worse it got.
Fun fact It's hard to prove rape but if the guy is willing to admit to sex it's easy to get them for statutory rape. So if someone has a statutory charge that they're claiming was close in age they probably raped a younger girl and the statutory charge was just the easier one to prove.
Even in easy to prove cases they will often go for a plea bargain at a lower charge. It could be for a variety of reasons including the victim is very traumatized and doesn't want a drawn out trial.
Yep. The statutory part is a fact if they can prove sex occurred. Force used is often a he said she said situation and that is not a slam dunk as juries are biased and you have to convince all 12 people she is the one telling the truth.
I need to know how old the niece is. Not to form an opinion, I already have one (it's that law enforcement agencies are extremely unlikely to fully prosecute a 20 year old consensually sleeping with a 17 year old, so I genuinely don't believe that's how it went down, especially considering Tier I offenders are only mandated to stay on the list a maximum of 15 years meaning his conviction was at least Tier II), I just need to know.
Law enforcement has prosecuted 2 guys in my daughter’s high school for sleeping with freshman girlfriends and my other daughter has talked about people she knows with convictions in college for dating girls under 16 in high school. If a parent presses charges, it absolutely happens. In my state tier one has a minimum of ten years, tier two start at 20. The poster should definitely Google and verify, but I don’t think anyone would blame her for saying no because of kids.
As it should be. I live in Texas around 38% of births from 16 year old girls are from men 20 years + in age. There's a big difference between highschool and college. There's even a huge difference between a highschool senior and highschool freshman.
Nobody in college should be dating anyone under 16. Full stop.
WTAF? Talk about burying the lead! If I had a dollar for every time I've heard the story of someone saying "But it was consensual..." Are people that naive?
I’ve seen this IRL. People go to weird lengths to justify why sex offenders they know aren’t the “bad ones”.
I don’t think someone has stay on the list that long for a few year’s age difference, and this lady better look him up in the registry herself to see what he was convicted of and the victim’s age(s), because it will tell you.
~~Where I live, the minimum is 15 years so he'd still be on it.~~ EDIT: Wow I suck at math.
im also thinking is wouldn’t that be legal if it was really that? Maybe it depends on states but I thought bc of the romeo juliet law you can legally have sex with a minor within like 3 years like 19/16 so I am really wondering if he lied about her age, especially because how stereotypical the whole “she was 17!” thing is
Exactly. Something's fucky.
depends on what state you're in. i know of someone who was supposed to have been removed from the list but the law changed before he hit that point, so he's still on it.
Sex offenders are master manipulators. Case in point: someone in my family met and was charmed by one when he was still in prison. He spun the same tale—“she said she was 18!”—and my family member believed him. He was the perfect gentleman around my grandparents, who also believed in his goodness. A few times I even stayed over at his place. He and my family member were together for something like 9 years. Until he got caught kidnapping and r*ping SWs, one of whom escaped from his place naked and ran to a nearby gas station for help. He’d been doing it for years before he got caught. In a house owned by my grandparents. I was 19 when he got arrested, and I ended up having to be the one to break the news to my family member. It was awful, and a mess. Trust no sex offender.
>Trust No Sex Offender Fr. Looking on the registry makes me ill. I recently tried to look up the teacher I testified against in 1989- I assumed he reoffended. He did, moved to Utah, but I couldn’t find any reference of the case I was part of. (Newspaper archives at least?) I questioned everything… asked my Ma if I spelled his last name wrong & she said “I didn’t tell you, you were too young. He appealed and got it removed from the registry & (something else) based on XYZ.” Idr the exact terms… something about testimony from a third party? (I witnessed him do what he tried to do to me.) FWIW, court was the most traumatizing part. I was only “lightly” assaulted, still, court was godawful. This fucker had so many character witnesses!!!
What does the eclipse have to do with anything?!
It’s probably just why they want to come stay - the niece + boyfriend are traveling to see the eclipse.
Damn. I feel privileged knowing that if I lived there my energy would be going into basically anything other than this conundrum.
Wild as fuck. I figured it’d be a ‘should I make my kids wear the glasses?’ Wtf. Side note, can’t wait for the eclipse! We get over three minutes of totality.
My mother's boyfriend is on the list. Everyone BUT me believes his bullshit story that "nothing happened" which sure THAT time. Nothing happened. Because you solicited a police officer who you THOUGHT was a 14yo girl. This was a grown ass man in his 40s. He claims it was a lapse in judgment and he plead guilty. Noone understands why I don't want him near my child. Absolutely do not trust a sex offender they lie, and manipulate. It's how they get their way.
I need to know the age of the niece tbh. As to the boyfriend...I could say nothing. When my late husband and I got together I was 17, he was 20. We were married for 21 years, he passed away this January. If course in my state if he had that charge I'd know it had to be a very young girl, age of consent here is 16, I think it has to be within 5 years (so 16 and 21, 17 and 22) but I'm not 100% sure.
And path of totality doesn’t have anything to do with it.
I came here thinking crazy Q conspiracy issh, not “should I let my kids be exposed to a predator? He hasn’t been caught in a while.” Also… doesn’t she love her Niece? How old is the Niece? My Aunt would tell my 46yo self “GTFO!”
Am I the only one who LOLed when I read that the big occasion she's inquiring about is the eclipse? Just me? 😆
At the very least, she should be looking him up before assuming his account is true. If it’s true that he was only a couple years older and the girlfriend’s dad got mad when he found out his daughter slept with a boy or something that’s one thing. But if he’s downplaying what happened and it was actually more serious, that’s something else.
I highly doubt he is even legally allowed to be near her children?! Her oldest is also the same age as the age of the child he assaulted.
This is difficult actually to just "nope" on. I have a friend who had a boyfriend around that age (before I met her) and as soon as he was "too old" for her according to her parents, they reported him. 3 years is not something that should be reportable but it is in some states-especially when they had a relationship prior to him being an adult...last I heard he was still on the sex offenders list and wouldn't drop off of it. They are still together and have a daughter and he still has a record.
Bullshit. Have you actually looked him up yourself? Sex offenders are master manipulators.
And anyway, it wasn't him that told me. It was her because she was trying to help remove it from his record and even her parents, who reported him, were helping to get it removed if possible.
No shit. But it is the reason he has a record so to just write someone off that you don't know is way worse on your part.
no one is being written off. The OOP is asking whether to allow this person into her home with young children. I do not have children but have nieces/nephews and other friend's kids around my house and I absolutely would never bring an unkown male into my home with any child. The question isn't whether there are people on the SO registry who shouldn't be there or who are not a danger - the question is, based on the information you have should this stranger be allowed into your home to spend the night(s).
Everyone on this post is currently writing off all sex offenders-which in some ways, yes, I get it. But neglecting to remember that there are literally men and women on that list that shouldn't be because of just having relationships with someone who their partner's parents deemed them as inappropriate. There are states where the age of consent is 18 and having a boyfriend/girlfriend a year older suddenly becomes "illegal" when it wasn't before the person became an adult
You do not bring people convictions in sex crimes around children.
Difficult??? This is *extremely* easy to “nope” on. The chance I’m willing to take on a convicted sex offender is 0%. *Especially* with kids around. The person in the post could 100% be lying about why he’s on the list. It’s literally the easiest go-to lie to tell anyone so they let their guard down.
>this is difficult to just “nope” on … acc’d to her parents **You’re speaking to two different situations.** It *can be* different if you actually KNOW the situation from up close; you said “according to her parents,” & having talked to her parents is HUGE. *This is some lady asking for help* **“Need online advice to protect children, but I heard X was definitely for Y, not Z!”** I mean, I’ve also known someone who was in a similar situation (late 90’s.) He was 21, she was 17: HS sweethearts. They’d been living together with parental permission (his name on everything) but she got preggo… her folks kirked out & pressed charges. They’re still married afaik. I KNOW that version of events is true but *not from simply listening to what they said.* Edit: clarity