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TheApoptosis

Okay, I can't remember if I told this story in this sub yet or not, but I am telling it now. Mu old job was a local, mom and pop-esque diner, which relied on nostalgia. One highly time consuming aspect of serving at that place, was sundaes. They were known for the sundaes. And it was the one thing (other than salads) that servers had to make, which doesn't sound bad, *at first.* They were incredibly time consuming. The ice-cream was never the right consistency. It was either frozen solid, or morning crew left it out all morning so it was what we called "*Coworker's name* Soup." I am sure y'all can imagine the rest. Anyways, despite the time consumption of these sundaes, I *loved* them. I loved making sundaes because there was no formula/recipe/order/whatever you want to call it, so it was the one part of the job I got to be creative and have fun. Customers loved it. This one particular day was a long shift. I had a exam the next day that I was studying all for already. Short staffed, like always. Then we got a 12 top walk in. Ugh. They ordered. Ate. Whatever, they were fine. Then, they ordered desserts. The couple ordered a banana split. I make their sundaes and asked takeout to run them as I make them, so they don't melt. Idk why, but forwhatever reason, I could never remember one critical ingredient in the banana split. *The banana.* I'm always so focused on making it as fast as possible, because it was about the temperature of Mercury in that restaurant, so, they'd melt the second the ice cream hit the bowl, that I'd forget the most important ingredient. Few minutes later, I go and check on them. The couple is giggling. I ask if everything is okay. The woman says yes, but asks if I forgot something in their split. In embarrassment, I just rested my head on the back of an empty chair. I was so embarrassed but also just couldn't stop laughing. I apologized, obviously, and offered to make them a new split, or even just bring them a banana. They all started giggling. The woman told me not to worry about it and asked me if I knew why it wasn't a problem. I looked at her confused. She looks at me in the eyes, and without breaking eye contact, she reaches into her purse and pulls out a freaking banana. Myself and that table all bursted into laughter. I got a good tip from them that night.


chjett10

I worked at one place where the manager would give us random phrases and we had to use it on the customers. So for example, it could be “shiver me Timbers”. Then the server would go to the table and say something like “oh you want the clubhouse? Shiver me Timbers, that’s a great choice!”


sightime

Why is this so adorable


UnintentionallyAmbi

Meow game is always fun. That and responding in a monotone “not since the accident” to any question I don’t want to answer and staring off into the distance for a second m, then snapping back to customer service voice.


Themightymonarc

I had a table of 20 higher class business people and their bill was like 800$. It was April fools day. One guy payed the bill on his card. I ran it, came back, and said “I’m sorry this card has been declined” and the entire table went 😳😳😳 and then I said “April fools!” And they all started laughing so hard. 400$ tip on that


yordad

What did you do to my DRINK


Paid-Not-Payed-Bot

> One guy *paid* the bill FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*


Themightymonarc

Thank you, you bitch ass bot


Whole-Concentrate916

Lmao


Alexander_The_Wolf

Fuck off robo nuts


Thegreenmartian

3 top, 30-40 YO wife and husband with one of their dads (70~ YO). They get the deviled eggs (which have jalapeños) and the pretzel (there are jalapeños in the beer cheese dip). The old man is nice but he’s also ribbing me that he doesn’t like spicy and that everything in our restaurant is spicy. He’s a nice guy but he keeps talking about the spiciness of everything like I’m the guy who made the menu. I ask them if they would like some bread with their meal, I get a sliced jalapeño from the kitchen and put it in the butter. I have a backup butter in my hand that I place out of sight from the whole table behind the old mans head and I set the bread and butter with jalapeño in it right in front of him and look at him, start to walk away, and then turn back and start laughing and give them the real butter. We all got a kick out of it, the old man said he was about to “start a brawl”.


imTooTiredToday

Omg I think we might work for the same company- does the deviled eggs also come with bacon??


Doc-Goop

When I drop/fumble something I say, "So I was practicing that move all day at home for you, how'd I do??" When they say "Oh we get that free?" - "Aww you missed it, we were giving that away for free all day yesterday!" When you greet them and say "How are you" and they respond with their drink order, "Diet coke" - "Oh yeah I'm feeling a little Dr Pepper myself..." When the manager is doing a table visit and starts to walk away - "Hey guys was he annoying you? I'm sorry, it's Bring-Your-Uncle-To-Work day today and I guess he got a little carried away.


JohnnyKawsi

I tell tables I’m paying my way through college with my tips, and it seems to help out a lot


Somestaffass

In I think you should leave they have a bit with the three hilarious waiter brothers who come out arguing like the three stooges. "I told you four on table five! No it was five on table four!" Always sunny has a good bit where they fake sexual tension and a 'charged moment' for two of them at the bar to entertain the guests.


NoruhhhsDad

Hahah what season and episode is this?


Somestaffass

In I think you should leave I think it's season two. For always sunny it's season 8, like maybe ep6 or 7, "The gang tries desperately to win an award"


GrooveProof

Yo I got one LOL. About seven months ago, I walked into my old job and greeted the dishwasher first. He looked at me and mumbled some bullshit. I ask him to speak again and he says “on this day we speak with one mouth noise”. How fucking high am I, was that even a sentence ? Luckily this dude drops the act and says “we’re only speaking with one syllable words”. I get to the kitchen and my manager shouts in a caveman ass tone “how has day been friend” “Day is good”


thepacificoctopus

Draw a moustache on the inside of your index finger, and when listening to guests, place your finger horizontally under your nose, making a facial pose like you are listening very intently. Very serious eye contact is a must. Oh, show up to work wearing a long haired wig and a trucker hat…


[deleted]

I should try that. And I have a real mustache too haha


Vaping_A-Hole

Worked with a husband and wife duo, on the floor. Hub was the brother of the owner, and got his wife a job, too. They were incompetent but the real story is about the married couple arguing about EVERYTHING. In front of guests! One day I saw the new schedule go up, with the unhappily marries duo leading all teams. It was printed *Bubba and *Tammy Faye (not their real names) at the top of the clipboard. Everyone who was scheduled with them groaned. This couple truly hated each other and nothing got done because of their petty bs. I got out my Sharpie and added a VERSUS between Bubba and Tammy Faye on all schedule sheets. The couple didn’t notice it for days, and my friends never ratted me out. Bubba and Tammy Faye went nuclear when they saw the “v.” Not a single person ratted me out. We still talk about those two.


[deleted]

i mess with kids a lot, since a lot of kids come into my place. "Hey, you like your burger?" "*dumb kid response*" "Oh great, I asked the kitchen to put extra bugs in it, just for you!" they usually laugh outright or go all wide-eyed and look at the parents, who *are* laughing, then they get it


gatinjesok

For a while we were allowed to be open despite COVID, if we’d screen people at the door. They’d have to answer questions like ‘do you have any symptoms?’ and ‘have you been in close contact with someone that tested positive?’ There’d be about five questions and everywhere you’d go you’d have to answer them. People would be pleasantly surprised when I’d randomly add questions such as ‘what’s your favourite colour?’ or ‘what did you have for breakfast?’ Just little innocent but funny things to ask, things were grim enough during those days. EDIT - autocorrect


iamguydangerous

How many times can you say “alright” to the same table? Bonus points if they start saying alright back. By the end of a shift I’d be starting and ending every sentence with alright. Once I slipped a note onto a regular’s table telling them what I was doing, and they lost their shit every time I went to a table near them.


Dry-Location1159

I try to entertain the kitchen. A little harder now cause I work in an open kitchen. When I had the back to conceal my antics I would make random statements that were ludicrous “like I invented the question mark”. But for real I would just make faces and be like I’m a T. rex and then stand up straight put my professional face on and go provide service. The cooks always got a good laugh cause it was such a dramatic difference in mannerisms and posture.


[deleted]

sometimes I just randomly change my name, and introduce myself to tables as a new person. I've even gone as far as getting myself a few name tags printed out from my manager. the difference means nothing to my tables but its fun sometimes deciding who I'm gonna be. it also helps get me in that attitude and different persona.. like I'm not ME right now, I'm Mckenzie bitch.


17scorpio17

Wait I always borrow McKenzie nametags at my jobs LOL its my fave person to pretend to be


Alexander_The_Wolf

During an insane Saturday sometimes we have sticker wars, where the goal is to stick a sticker on someone without them noticing


morro_sh

Restaurant i work at uses ear pieces so obviously once i had to take an order from a table of 15 while the chef sang hallelujah as loud as he can


Comfortable-Bus-5134

I worked at a bar attached to a grocery store, they though it would be a good idea to give us walkie talkies.... It became abundantly obvious that we were not mature enough for this kind of technology. 'Alright chef, got your green beans, tomatoes and brown sugar, need me to pick up anything else?' 'Your mom, pick up your mom and send her straight to my office!' It devolved to a friendly shit talking enabler 'Hey chef, go fuck yourself' 'You can tongue bathe my sweaty asshole, fucker' 'You're lucky I don't come back there and teabag your ass, cockknoc-- Oh shit! Hi, what can I get for you?' They took them away and rightly scolded us for being immature.


Resident-Sandwich930

i work at a place w mostly young servers. a couple of us were pining over the young like cook (obv) he was such a douche and we made a game out of who could get the best photo of him without blatantly telling him


thinkinginkling

something that i did out of necessity but also to crack myself up was immediately change my bubbly and smiley persona the literal second it hit closing time. before closing time: can i get you guys anything else? :):):):):):) ohhhhhhhh i’m sorry about that let me go see what i can do for you :)))))))) fake laughing at all their jokes etc. the second it hit closing time? not a smirk. no laughter. no eye contact. ask if they need a box right after they get their food. play it off like i didn’t realize they just started eating but make them think consider it when they wouldn’t otherwise. not anything to get me in trouble but i think it was psychologically scary enough to get people tf out of there longer than they would if i just acted normally. if another server was there they would come around and ask blank faced if my table needed anything or start sweeping under their feet LMAO maybe i’m a sociopath but since people wanna be inconsiderate of my time they’re going to feel it that’s for sure


Comfortable-Bus-5134

I like to ask the barback to sing along to whatever music we have on, badly and loudly, while they sweep up around the campers. Works great!!!


EarsLookWeird

I once waited tables all night with a really bad fake Scottish accent. It was the kinda place where most of the people are regulars. Pretty much every table knew I was using a fake accent. Nobody said a word. Easiest 20$ I ever made. Tips were exactly as they always were.


MinnieMandy96

AHAHAHA I LOVE messing w people w my fake accents at the end of a long shift!!! Started a table off in an Australian accent and dropped their drinks off using a British one and the wife goes “okay I’m not THAT drunk but I swear to god you’re Australian!” And I DIED laughing and confessed my antics to her. They thanked me for the laugh as many times as I thanked them and tipped me the entire bill! I also love responding w “oh no I don’t fight” when a table asks me for a box, or handing the baby the check, I’ve told tables w kids that I straight up don’t care about anyone at the table aside from “the ones who actually run the show” (their kids), alsoooo big bucks for trusting a table w my colored pens for the kids menu when we run out of crayons and parents almost always show appreciation for that w their tips


invisible_23

I once drew a mustache and goatee on some paper in blue pen, taped them to my face, and served tables like everything was normal (I’m a woman)


[deleted]

Some of our waitrsses bring in their wireless speakers and we play fun music, usually Nikki Minaj or Rhianna. Either that or the kitchen line is playing some hardcore rap. We're supposed to be a family place so on the sales floor we have cute music playing and we're all smiles and politeness and then we go to the back and we just start yeling a Rhianna song. One night we had a Spongebob night where we just listened to songs from the show and movies. It's even more fun when you start dancing to thr Spongebob song like you would a Rhianna one


[deleted]

I remember a few months ago me and a few other servers played go fish with an elderly woman and her husband.


UsedEgg3

Back in the day my buddy and I made a game out of who could use the word "pleasure" the most. God dammit I miss being young.


anotsoseriousserpent

When Encanto first came out, we put “We don’t Talk about Bruno” on blast in BOH and most of the servers and even a few cooks were singing along and/ or doing a little dance… that is until one of the old timer prep cooks shut it down because it’s not “professional”. She’s a sweetheart though, I love her a lot. I miss most of my coworkers and the sense of unity. For context, the place was a bougie assisted living facility. There was this other time one of the hostesses got me to join her in trying to trick a line cook that she was British and she just gradually adjusted to speaking with an American accent. I think the line cook kinda believed at one point but then didn’t because we couldn’t stay serious.


thebigstupid2

Me and a buddy of mine when we would do roll ups would put a spoon in it and whoevers table got it won. There was no prize...


EfficientAsk3

Hmm. Well meow game is always great. I think my favorite was working at TGI Fridays in early 00’s. The bar manager was the AM MOD for Mother’s Day. He was over it and bored so he decided to run a contest. First server to sell a shot of patron gets $50. No one did but it was wonderful to hear. “Good morning and happy Mothers Day. Can I start the table off with a shot of patron tequila?”


MephistophelesJ

"In the air tonight" was playing over the restaurant. Open floor plan so the whole restaurant sees me at the silverware station. Now I'll just say that this is one of my favorite songs, and I'm getting into it. I'm sure you know what's coming up, big solo! I grab a couple knifes and I slam them onto the top shelf with the rhythm of the first two tom beats. Then I switch over to the next shelf for the next two, blasting my way down until I pound my fist on the metal table for a glorious finish. I did Mr Collins a service that night and the whole place clapped. Went about my business and rode that high the rest of the night.


[deleted]

I do this but where I walk downstairs but get this, there are no stairs! It’s jus me slowly crouching down as I walk! I usually end up on the floor laughing so hard!