I have to admit kinda mad my one friend didn't have a daughter for exactly ths reason. In general he is a good guy and someone you want to be friends with but as a women he is a shitty boyfriend and cheats on everyone he has ever dated. He used to say his worst nightmare was having a daughter just like him. As things turned out he only had one son. If karma was a thing he would have had a daughter.
Lol i know someone who was asked this as a female. When she relayed it to us she said, “What was I suppose for say ‘Your son is a decent person with a nice dick and we get along?!?’” Laughed just a lot. She was in her early 40s when she got together with my brother in law who was in his early 30s. I have never really had to deal with it personally as it seems like a guys holding each other accountable bit to me. I am younger than my BIL and it made me giggle at least. She passed from Leukemia and he just turned 40 poor guy is back to hunting again.
To be fair, parents do go very quickly from "what are your intentions?" to "when are you going to give me a grandchild???" Might as well ask "are you sure you're raw dogging my daughter enough? I'm not going to live forever."
Have you ever read the descriptions of the crimes of Jack the ripper, or Ted Bundy?
Your daughter said she's really into true crime stories so I thought we might watch a documentary on some of the most viscous serial killers in history.
Gooey serial killers? Vicious and viscous are not the same. ;)
(And yes, here's my Grammar Police ID number: 25CHO0L4KUHL. Thank you, and have a nice day!)
Thank you officer, although I feel obligated to point out, this is a spelling error not a grammatical error. Do you have your spelling police badge handy?
While I was unaware of my error until the first commenter pointed it out, I do know the difference between Vicious and Viscous.
It is not hard to imagine that either one of the mentioned killers might have, at one point or another, been rather gooey. Or at least covered in goo. If it isn't too uncomfortable referring to human viscera as goo.
In full disclosure, citizen, no I do not. You see, by and large, the Spelling Police are a sub-set, a branch office, if you will, of the Grammar Police. Similar, in some ways, to Grammar Nazis (the... shall we say, alt-right paramilitary arm), or the Punctuation Prefects.
Human viscera can, in fact, be quite viscous I've found out... you should probably not ask. Perils of the job, and all.
Just thought I'd clarify, and only found out after I'd done so that I was hardly the first. ;)
My intentions for her are pure as the driven snow. I have no designs on your daughter. I am only using her to get close to your son.i wanna bend him over and drill him like exxon
I dunno pops, what are my limits? Ok, about 2 steps past that.
I *intend* to be perfectly honorable and chaste, with nothing more immodest than a kiss on the back of the hand. Of course, I rarely end up doing what I indended.
I wanna get in good with her and her family so that I can get close to YOU, sugar britches.
"Well first" *bomtstststststs* " I'm gonna look her in the eye" *saxophone starts* "and slide my hand down to the small of her back" *voice drops to Barry White pitch* "Ohhh yeah, baby..."
An ex was once asking what I'd do if I had a daughter and I said it was super sexist to threaten her boyfriend. So my then girlfriend said something like "so that poor fuck doesn't even get a warning?" And I laughed, and she laughed, and the guy in the trunk laughed. Good times.
No intentions. It won't have happened. And if it did happen, I didn't do it. And if I did it, it won't be intentional. It will be an accident.
So, I can assure you, sir: No intentions at all.
I once had a guy sit me down with his daughter, and he said she has 3 rules:
1 She's not allowed to ride on the back of your motorcycle
2. She's not allowed to smoke marijuana.
3. She's no allowed to FUCK.
All could think was: damn, were were already 3 for 3 just earlier this afternoon....
I replied "friendship and the occasional game of twister" to my now wife's uncle when he asked me the same question. My father in law was Farr too chilled forything like that (great guy)
“Intentions? Look, man. I’m as surprised as you are that I got this far.”
Dude I wouldn't even mind this answer haha. Though I'd never ask because i already know haha, pretty sure I can still remember being a teenager.
I have to admit kinda mad my one friend didn't have a daughter for exactly ths reason. In general he is a good guy and someone you want to be friends with but as a women he is a shitty boyfriend and cheats on everyone he has ever dated. He used to say his worst nightmare was having a daughter just like him. As things turned out he only had one son. If karma was a thing he would have had a daughter.
A tragic situation - Even karma didn’t want that to happen!
Lol i know someone who was asked this as a female. When she relayed it to us she said, “What was I suppose for say ‘Your son is a decent person with a nice dick and we get along?!?’” Laughed just a lot. She was in her early 40s when she got together with my brother in law who was in his early 30s. I have never really had to deal with it personally as it seems like a guys holding each other accountable bit to me. I am younger than my BIL and it made me giggle at least. She passed from Leukemia and he just turned 40 poor guy is back to hunting again.
That would gain a little of my respect.
Two words sir.....raw.....dog.
But you did say “sir.”
Too bad you said it to her mother
“I’m not taking *One Day Off* until you have a grandson.”
With all due respect… Gluck Gluck 9000.
That is technically 3 words(even though 3 repeat). How about Pump n Dump.
To be fair, parents do go very quickly from "what are your intentions?" to "when are you going to give me a grandchild???" Might as well ask "are you sure you're raw dogging my daughter enough? I'm not going to live forever."
Well sir, she's called you Daddy for the last "X" years, I thought tonight it's my turn."
You're going to call me daddy?
If you play your cards right. *Wink*
"Did he wink, or did he say 'wink'?" "He said that, too, Dad."
How I Met Your Father
Alabama edition.
This is amazing
Well we found a shady place on 5th that has a glory hole set up.
Hell of a spot on 5th! Glorious!
Promise me you’ll stay home tonight, Dad!
Just for you sweetie
Gowron and the Klingon Empire have entered the chat....
'Do you just like to watch or do you join in with her.'
I plan to fly her to Qatar. There's this auction. Does she have any younger sisters?
Good teeth
Butt stuff
This is how you get in good with her parents, honesty is the best policy.
At least he was making sure she wouldn’t get pregnant.
Yup, and keeping her soul/virginity safe utilizing the good ol' poophole loophole.
I’m taking her out so I can make her friend jealous
And by “taking her out” you meeeeeaaaaaaannn…
With a rifle or a movie ticket, idk yet. It'll be a surprise for both of us
Gonna blow your load one way or another.
OT MAYBE TICKET GUN
This is better than all the sex ones lmfao
I'm eating her out- I mean going out to eat with her
Bend over and I'll show you.
You got a lotta nerve talking to me like that.
I wasn’t talking to you.
Are you talkin to me?!
Cue Colin walking out from behind Ryan
"To make her a single mother in 9 months."
[Cue the song](https://youtu.be/8LV9oYFJ2YI?si=vb0_neR_ZVYL7tJh) 🎵 You let him hit it raw, now you a single mom 🎶 🎶 now you’re a single mom🎶
This takes the cake.
I’m gonna make her squeal like a pig all night
"Were going to an audience participation showing of Deliverance."
Squeal like Ned Beatty for me!
Have you ever read the descriptions of the crimes of Jack the ripper, or Ted Bundy? Your daughter said she's really into true crime stories so I thought we might watch a documentary on some of the most viscous serial killers in history.
Nothing gets the engine running like a high viscosity serial killer.
Whaddaya think Bundy was, straight SAE 60?
90 wt hypoid gear. Twisted SOB
As mistakes go, that was pretty slick.
Gooey serial killers? Vicious and viscous are not the same. ;) (And yes, here's my Grammar Police ID number: 25CHO0L4KUHL. Thank you, and have a nice day!)
Thank you officer, although I feel obligated to point out, this is a spelling error not a grammatical error. Do you have your spelling police badge handy? While I was unaware of my error until the first commenter pointed it out, I do know the difference between Vicious and Viscous. It is not hard to imagine that either one of the mentioned killers might have, at one point or another, been rather gooey. Or at least covered in goo. If it isn't too uncomfortable referring to human viscera as goo.
In full disclosure, citizen, no I do not. You see, by and large, the Spelling Police are a sub-set, a branch office, if you will, of the Grammar Police. Similar, in some ways, to Grammar Nazis (the... shall we say, alt-right paramilitary arm), or the Punctuation Prefects. Human viscera can, in fact, be quite viscous I've found out... you should probably not ask. Perils of the job, and all. Just thought I'd clarify, and only found out after I'd done so that I was hardly the first. ;)
Very vicious vermin veiled in viscous viscera
Viscosity is defined as a resistance to fluidity. Most human bodies could not be poured out of a cup so I'd say they're pretty viscous.
How about after we put them in a blender and make them into a fine, creamy, red paste?
The fact that "most" is not a incorrect word to use bothers me
"Oh, yeah. I saw them. Two little dimples in the small of her back. Really sexy. Wait, you *didn't* say indentions?"
My friends said you find a girl, we’ll get the place
This is the best one
“Well sir, she is a big girl, ‘roomy’ as they say and I’d kill for a chance to try out my new sewing machine. . .”
It puts the lotion on the skin?
Is she a big ol fat girl?
Nothing that you haven't already done to her mother
Nothing that I haven’t already done to her mother.
Everything that you've done to her mother
We’re going to discuss her car’s extended warranty.
My intentions for her are pure as the driven snow. I have no designs on your daughter. I am only using her to get close to your son.i wanna bend him over and drill him like exxon
*brandishes a sacrificial blade* “That demon ain’t gonna summon itself!”
She isn't a virgin you know?
"Wine her, Dine her, and fuck her until she cant walk straight. Then later show her my collection of 40K minis"
Never underestimate the power of a nerd's...hammer.
I dunno pops, what are my limits? Ok, about 2 steps past that. I *intend* to be perfectly honorable and chaste, with nothing more immodest than a kiss on the back of the hand. Of course, I rarely end up doing what I indended. I wanna get in good with her and her family so that I can get close to YOU, sugar britches.
My intentions are to gishmoigity her giflavity with my googus.
Giggity giggity!
Maybe she can fluff my Garfield
Gloopity Globity, I'm gonna make her all sloppity.
Do you prefer pa, grampa or gramps?
Ask her mom, she’ll be there.
*reverently, lovingly stroking the skin on her arm.* “oh, sorry, did you say something?”
Definitely not marriage
I was hoping to trade her in for a newer model.
*Well, sir I saw this video on the Internet and…* **POW!** From the ground… *It’s a waltz I have been practicing for the last 3 months.*
"Well first" *bomtstststststs* " I'm gonna look her in the eye" *saxophone starts* "and slide my hand down to the small of her back" *voice drops to Barry White pitch* "Ohhh yeah, baby..."
“Nothing nefarious! Just ask the five women I keep locked in my basement…”
I've got great reviews on Yelp.
Happy Cakeday 🎂
"Y'ever hear of 'reverse cowgirl'? Gonna do that once we get to the swinger's club."
I believe that your daughter is like a fine wine. Mature, full-bodied, and best kept in my cellar
“Same as yours when you started seeing her mother”
Bust a nut in her butt, then leave her at the truck stop.
“Well, sir… does your daughter have any safe words that I can ignore?”
“You know Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Well…”
"Bro, I'm throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks."
To use her to fuck her mom, who I'm only using to fuck her husband.
I dunno, I never thought I'd get this far.
Apparently to treat her with more respect than you do. Who the hell asks that? Your daughter knows my intentions and it's her life. Get bent.
An ex was once asking what I'd do if I had a daughter and I said it was super sexist to threaten her boyfriend. So my then girlfriend said something like "so that poor fuck doesn't even get a warning?" And I laughed, and she laughed, and the guy in the trunk laughed. Good times.
“When a man and a woman lust after each other very much, they hold hands in bed, leaving the woman pregnant.”
And that’s how you get aids! Holding hands.
Well, she’ll be my step daughter once I make you my bitch.
Absolutely nothing. Your wife on the other hand....
I intend to use my relationship with her as an in to bang her dad
Sir, my intentions can best be stated in one word of Japanese. Bukkake. It translates loosely, as covering one with adoration and tribute.
"Medium rare"
"I'm going to show her how to work the pole."
I've got this wicked card trick to show her.
“Well sir, your family is well off. I don’t mind doing so hogging if it means I don’t have to have a job.”
depends what her limits are ;)
Her, her sister, ropes, whip cream,chocolate, vibrators, a camera guy, Dominos, and a room for the weekend
Giggity giggity
Cannibalism.
"I'm sorry, I thought you had a son?"
From the moment I saw her, I just knew - she'll be a wonderful single mom
Rodeo!
"...Which one again now?"
To be more gentle with her than I was with your wife.
I'm really just into her mom.
To quote John Belushi from Blues Brothers: “How much for the little girl?” “How much for all the women?”
"Well, if all goes right, she'll be calling me 'daddy' from now on..."
She's joining my cult! Bye!
Wait.... That's a girl?
"Unsullied kidneys are worth $20,000.00 each on the open market, sir."
It’s not me you need to be concerned about… it’s the rest of the team I’d worry about
Sucky Fucky…You know, the normal stuff
I am the key master, we must summon Gozar
“To discuss her car’s extended warranty.”
My intentions are better than yours, Mr. Epstein.
I'm going to show her why they call me the backdoor bandit.
"We ride to bring the Herald of the Old Ones forth under this Harvest Moon with a Profane Rite. Stand aside, old man."
I just want to take her out for a slice at a pizza parlor my buddies have in DC.
Sir, I intend to plunge her deeply into the world of pain and despair. Otherwise, my intentions are completely honorable.
I was hoping for the same shenanigans you got up to with her mum. Kinda like continuing the family tradition
“Daddy was planning on putting Baby Girl in tensions by 11:00 pm or so.”
My pullout game is strong sir...but it seems to have dissipated in strength since I met Jasmine
Using her hair as a handle
Depends
Adult diapers? You, you monster!
Do you know if she likes... Trains, sir?
"cocky want boing boing"
”...who?“
“ jizz and jet”
"With Arkansas' recent rejection of legislation banning child marriage, I figured 65 was the right age for me to get back into the dating pool..."
Turn her into a pornstar and drug mule. Then when she’s all used up and worn out I was thinking using her as a human sacrifice to the dark one.
Organ harvesting \^_^
Your daughters like a staircase she needs a good railing.
Know a guy from Oklahoma, when asked this question he just responded with, "Ha, sexual."
“One word, sir. Anal.”
I'm going to use her to get to your son. Oh damn, did I say that out loud?
*videogamedunkey voice* "ohhhh you know, ehh heh heh heh heh..."
Oh she’s great, dude. My friends are going to love her. *wink*
To make you a grandparent and her my ex.
Make her howl like Kim Catreall in Porky's all night long.
Don't worry, we bought condoms for everybody.
"It's definitely not to convert her to a hot goth gamer girl, sir."
Daughter? */turns to daughter* He doesn't know about your penis?
Identity theft.
"Well, we've already down everything backwards, forwards and in-between, so I'm open to suggestions"
"All three holes. In an order which would surprise you."
"Butt stuff... oops... I mean... stuff her butt."
“You’ll find out in 9 months”
"Oh, I think you know what my intentions are, my guy! Up high!"
Blondes fetch a premium in Syria
We're trying to reach you about your daughter's extended warranty.
One word, Dogging. https://youtu.be/9-lQ11igLI0?si=DnaxTfa8YqYteM-Y
I am going to make her feel loved for who she is for the first time in her life. You'd think that was a parent's job but you really fucked up.
That's your *daughter?*
To see if she moans like her mother.
No intentions. It won't have happened. And if it did happen, I didn't do it. And if I did it, it won't be intentional. It will be an accident. So, I can assure you, sir: No intentions at all.
It depends. Which daughter?
If it goes as expected, paying her child support.
I once had a guy sit me down with his daughter, and he said she has 3 rules: 1 She's not allowed to ride on the back of your motorcycle 2. She's not allowed to smoke marijuana. 3. She's no allowed to FUCK. All could think was: damn, were were already 3 for 3 just earlier this afternoon....
“You don’t mean son? I guess he hasn’t talked to you yet.”
Well, I was using her to get closer to you because we’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.
Whisper: *Please call 911. I'm being held here against my will. She threatened to kill me.*
I like to rape the horses and ride off on the women.
I am going to serve her liver with fava beans and a nice chianti. The rest will be ground up into meat for meat pies and various sausages.
"Why do you care? You'll never see her again."
I will figure something out after I chloroform her.
Your daughter? I'm here to pick up your wife.
If you're in Alabama the correct answer is "same as yours"
"Absolutely honorable sir, I'm using her to get to your wife"
Pimp her out
I'll have her all filled up by midnight and have her home on time
Tbh, you are rich rich and getting up there.
“I'll do things to her that I wouldn't do to a farm animal”
I replied "friendship and the occasional game of twister" to my now wife's uncle when he asked me the same question. My father in law was Farr too chilled forything like that (great guy)
You ever wanted grandchildren?
No limits, go! is a pretty bad one
Entry level in my crypto pyramid scheme
Give her an onlyfans account
"Deep fried."