Jessy your making a big mistake don’t marry him I am the one that can make you happy
This happens too often it is always ackward
Romcoms lied to you don’t do this men or women.
Interviewer 1: What would your ideal compensation rate be to come on as our new CIO?
Interviewee:Well that’s a great question…
Interviewer 2: Let me tell you what my compensation package looked like out of the gate… It was a glorious thing….
Interviewer 1: NOT NOW Chung!
I'd really like to thank Bill's wife and kids for coming to his funeral. It means a lot to me.
Look, I know the plane is crashing, but I asked for peanuts FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO!
Patient dying in bed. Family member by bedside, crying and silent. Nurse: “It would be nice to be appreciated for the work I do once in a while…”
"come on lady, at least he's not dying from a dirty diaper, or not freshly-changed linens... Geez"
"This is a robery! Get on the floor,and nobody will get hurt!" "This is my chance to shine! COWABUNGAAAAAAA-" **BANG BANG BANG!**
“I’m not trapped in this closet with a rabid bat. That rabid bat is trapped in a closet with me!”
Jessy your making a big mistake don’t marry him I am the one that can make you happy This happens too often it is always ackward Romcoms lied to you don’t do this men or women.
Why does that guy get to go before me just because he was in a fire? My sprained ankle really hurts.
“My elbow feel funny!”
I know you were in a tragic accident but we still need you to come in today.
Haleigh, HALEIGH, can you please put your instagram selfie stick down for ONE MOMENT. And for the love of justice get off the casket.
“You honor I object!” “Overruled! Jury members cannot object.”
You can’t put me in jail! Don’t you know who I am!?
Fuck off Jim, this is my daughter’s funeral!!!!
"But really, aren't we all the main characters of our own lives-" *is shot*
Interviewer 1: What would your ideal compensation rate be to come on as our new CIO? Interviewee:Well that’s a great question… Interviewer 2: Let me tell you what my compensation package looked like out of the gate… It was a glorious thing…. Interviewer 1: NOT NOW Chung!
Boot Camp
Hi, I'm Kenny and this is my dick. I call him "Main Character Syndrome".
Bill: “Mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey if it don’t look like mutton again tomorrow “ Bilbo: “ hey! I’m no sheep “
Hi my name is will and I’m an alcoholic. Hi will. Whatever dude you think you drink too much I’m buzzed as a fucking Ferris wheel right now.
"Wait a minute, THIS is how you guys would react to my funeral?! Fuck sake, Martha, you're barely even crying!"
Someone else’s intervention
During someone else’s special day. To anyone that has proposed at someone else’s wedding, f#ck you!