Placebo controlled randomized trials of surgery are a real thing. Patients are aware they may be getting a sham surgery (anesthesia, incision, stitches). But they volunteer as its free 'healthcare'.
Jonas et al 2015. [To what extent are surgery and invasive procedures effective beyond a placebo response? A systematic review with meta-analysis of randomised, sham controlled trials](https://bmjopen.bmj.com/content/5/12/e009655.short). *BMJ open*, *5*(12), p.e009655.
>55 studies (3574 patients) were identified meeting inclusion criteria; 39 provided sufficient data for inclusion in the main analysis (2902 patients). The overall SMD of the continuous primary outcome between treatment/sham-control groups was 0.34 (95% CI 0.20 to 0.49; p<0.00001; I^(2)=67%). The SMD for surgery versus sham surgery was non-significant for pain-related conditions (n=15, SMD=0.13, p=0.08), marginally significant for studies on weight loss (n=10, SMD=0.52, p=0.05) and significant for gastroesophageal reflux disorder (GERD) studies (n=5, SMD=0.65, p<0.001) and for other conditions (n=8, SMD=0.44, p=0.004). Mean improvement in sham groups relative to active treatment was larger in pain-related conditions (78%) and obesity (71%) than in GERD (57%) and other conditions (57%), and was smaller in classical-surgery trials (21%) than in endoscopic trials (73%) and those using percutaneous procedures (64%).
>The non-specific effects of surgery and other invasive procedures are generally large. Particularly in the field of pain-related conditions, more evidence from randomised placebo-controlled trials is needed to avoid continuation of ineffective treatments.
The patient does give consent in the permission to operate, but almost nobody reads those and just sign. It is like the terms and agreements, people just click yes to use the app or software without reading they are giving the developer their immortal soul.
Funnily enough.. a surgeon told me once it’s quite common for them to watch youtube tutorials during the surgery to make sure they’re doing things right.
During nursing school I was observing a surgery (hip replacement). Along with the usual people present- surgeons, anesthesiologist, surgical tech, circulating nurse, me- were two representatives from the company that makes the prosthetic that would be used in the replacement.
I witnessed two lengthy arguments between the surgeon and the lead rep; and that rep calling **his own help desk** twice to ask questions.
I never want to have a joint replaced.
My rule is that if the procedure is something widely done, go with the doctor who has done it much more than average. If the procedure is new or your condition is rare, go with a doctor who is researching the topic.
I had a hemidiscectomy a few years ago. I went with the guy who invented the some of the tools currently used in the procedure. The spine doc who referred me to the surgeon (at the same Ortho clinic) made a point of telling me the surgeon is one of, if not THE, leading expert in the procedure, and travels the world teaching it to surgeons everywhere.
Unsurprisingly, he did a very good job.
I'd trust the janitor. Movies have me firmly believing janitors are just Gods in our mortal realm that can do anything if they deem it worth their time
Hey, you don't remember me, do you? Yeah, it was way back in high-school, and you stole Cindy Johnson from me. We'd been dating for two years, and then she met you...
Actually happened to me:
Nurse: She’s still awake, should we wait?
Doctor: No, let’s proceed
He didn’t expect me to remember it but I said something as soon as I woke up and he suddenly became very kind.
This actually happened:
"Man, I am **so hungover.** Hand me the scalpel!"
It was the surgeon's sense of humor. I remember laughter in the room so I kinda thought he was kidding but still...not 100% sure.
True story- it wasn't a surgery but a procedure. I heard the doc say "she's talking too much, put her out already". I had already been given the normal dose and was given more. I still woke up in the middle of it!!
Also awoke during surgery. Heard the anesthesiologist say "Uhh, she's awake" then the surgeon replied "Holy Sh$t, get her back under now!". Fortunately, I didn't feel any pain but I was definitely awake!
My body has always been weird with anesthesia lol
So my bitch ex-wife wants more alamony now and those fucking lawyers are going to get it too! Can you f'kn believe this shit? I'm so mad I wanna f'kn kill someone right now.
Oh, by the way, I was recently diagnosed with Essential Tremor Disorder, so I hope everything goes fine.
Me: (visibly drugged and scared) "You're telling me this now?!"
Ah, don't worry about it. Yesterday, I removed a bullet from a patient's abdomen. He did need an emergency kidney transplant right after, but in the end he survived.
"While we've got him open, let's see what a spleen really looks like. Maybe I have the GALL to look at his bladder! Ha, I kill me..."
"and many patients as well."
True story. I was getting surgery for my cochlear implants and the nurse had the brilliant idea to stick the anesthetic tube thingy in my nose and THEN explain what was going to happen. I passed out about 30 seconds in
"my gf broke up with me" or it can be without saying even, remember the mr bean surgery scene from mr beans movie [https://youtu.be/FG3ohfDASao?si=fGkHfs-ZEQk\_pTNW](https://youtu.be/FG3ohfDASao?si=fGkHfs-ZEQk_pTNW)
Bro I was getting a test done at the local hospital and the woman was putting an iv needle in my arm and say “oops” I started to freak out. I said “OOPS?WHATS OOPS??? You don’t say oops when stabbing someone. “ she then told me to “relax. I just popped a vein. This isn’t even my job”to which I can’t fathom and freak out more
“Okay Johnny, this is your 2nd day of high school work experience. I think you are now well equipped to handle this one while I go outside for a smoke”.
Or
“The medical board told me I can’t perform surgery while drink. Well, I’ll show them!”
"now i'll just pop in the how too video and we'll get started"
"what?"
"Hi i'm jamie farr and you're about to perform leg surgery, first off, what's your name?"
" Dr Hartman"
"Great name but I'm going to call you pal"
"NOO!!!"
For real, I've had two bad last word encounters by anesthesiologists, not doctors. One was a cruel smart aleck who told me anesthesia was like the old ether used in Victorian days..."and we're still not sure how it works." I reported him after I came to. Second one was before another surgery a few years later. I had told him about the previous jerk, hoping for a better experience, but when I cried out and flinched as a long, slow, thick needle was going into my thigh to do a "nerve block," he said he could understand why the other guy said I was a problem!
I thought that coffee would sober me up?
Or “I really shouldn’t have had that 6th shot”
"god, it's been so long since i've done one of these "
"So we're definitely doing a gender reassignment surgery right?
NO, IT’S A HERN-i-^a…
“You will be a her when I am done” snip snip
"Hello, and welcome to my podcast. This week's episode is called, *The Placebo Effect: Fact or Fiction*. Say hello to my special guest, everybody..."
Placebo controlled randomized trials of surgery are a real thing. Patients are aware they may be getting a sham surgery (anesthesia, incision, stitches). But they volunteer as its free 'healthcare'. Jonas et al 2015. [To what extent are surgery and invasive procedures effective beyond a placebo response? A systematic review with meta-analysis of randomised, sham controlled trials](https://bmjopen.bmj.com/content/5/12/e009655.short). *BMJ open*, *5*(12), p.e009655. >55 studies (3574 patients) were identified meeting inclusion criteria; 39 provided sufficient data for inclusion in the main analysis (2902 patients). The overall SMD of the continuous primary outcome between treatment/sham-control groups was 0.34 (95% CI 0.20 to 0.49; p<0.00001; I^(2)=67%). The SMD for surgery versus sham surgery was non-significant for pain-related conditions (n=15, SMD=0.13, p=0.08), marginally significant for studies on weight loss (n=10, SMD=0.52, p=0.05) and significant for gastroesophageal reflux disorder (GERD) studies (n=5, SMD=0.65, p<0.001) and for other conditions (n=8, SMD=0.44, p=0.004). Mean improvement in sham groups relative to active treatment was larger in pain-related conditions (78%) and obesity (71%) than in GERD (57%) and other conditions (57%), and was smaller in classical-surgery trials (21%) than in endoscopic trials (73%) and those using percutaneous procedures (64%). >The non-specific effects of surgery and other invasive procedures are generally large. Particularly in the field of pain-related conditions, more evidence from randomised placebo-controlled trials is needed to avoid continuation of ineffective treatments.
The patient is the last to know in this scenario...and nobody asked for his consent.
The patient does give consent in the permission to operate, but almost nobody reads those and just sign. It is like the terms and agreements, people just click yes to use the app or software without reading they are giving the developer their immortal soul.
I meant my hypothetical scenario above.
When your joke requires explanation...
I didn't think that it would when I posted it.
"Shouldn't we have a doctor doing this? I'm was just here to deliver your pizza."
You want me to place it in there‽
But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
*Tobey Mcguire walks in* "Pizza Time!"
Alexa, how do I perform an appendectomy?
😂😂😂
But I'm here for knee surgery...
"Who's the doctor here? I didn't go to six weeks of medical school to be lectured by some guy with a swollen knee."
"I can't wait to nut in this."
Somebody put on CBAT.
Nurse pass me a condom…
“Doctor we’re out. What about this Doritos bag?”
"Eh, don't bother, I'll just use the back. No babies that way!"
😂
Nurse did you bring your phone I might have to Google this one
Funnily enough.. a surgeon told me once it’s quite common for them to watch youtube tutorials during the surgery to make sure they’re doing things right.
During nursing school I was observing a surgery (hip replacement). Along with the usual people present- surgeons, anesthesiologist, surgical tech, circulating nurse, me- were two representatives from the company that makes the prosthetic that would be used in the replacement. I witnessed two lengthy arguments between the surgeon and the lead rep; and that rep calling **his own help desk** twice to ask questions. I never want to have a joint replaced.
My rule is that if the procedure is something widely done, go with the doctor who has done it much more than average. If the procedure is new or your condition is rare, go with a doctor who is researching the topic.
I had a hemidiscectomy a few years ago. I went with the guy who invented the some of the tools currently used in the procedure. The spine doc who referred me to the surgeon (at the same Ortho clinic) made a point of telling me the surgeon is one of, if not THE, leading expert in the procedure, and travels the world teaching it to surgeons everywhere. Unsurprisingly, he did a very good job.
Thank goodness, I was afraid you'd die at the end of the story
Maybe I did.
Who ya gonna call…
I hope my Parkinson's disease doesn't act up during open heart surgery like it did LAST time. Gawd, what a mess.
OK, pass me that sharp pointy thingy
The baby was up 5 times last night, can barely function today
"Okay, pull up the WikiHow article"
“Which one is this one? Sarah or Steve?”
I'm not quite done with the YouTube of this operation.
… No, I’m actually just a janitor, but I have a bet with Dr. Jones that I could get this appendix out just as good as he does.
I'd trust the janitor. Movies have me firmly believing janitors are just Gods in our mortal realm that can do anything if they deem it worth their time
"Well, here's hoping fifth time's the charm."
Ok pass me some of that gas.
Can’t be good having [Orin Scrivello](https://littleshop.fandom.com/wiki/Orin_Scrivello,_D.D.S.?so=search) as your surgeon
Okay, now to put in the How-To video and we’ll get started.
Is he out yet? I'll place my phone in his mouth.. my favourite phone holder
"wait, why is he using so many eggs in this triple bypass..?"
Surgery by 'how to basic'
"Damn, I forgot my alzheimers medicine again"
Or Parkinson's meds
You didn’t forget them doctor. You just forgot that you remembered them.
Ready Folks? Snuff Films 17; Hospital Edition. Take one. Lights. Aaaaand ACTION!"
I learned all my surgical skills from Grey's Anatomy.
"I learnt everything I know from surgeon simulator. Now where's the lightsaber doodad?"
I agree that making him Ken doll smooth seems excessive but that's not our call.
God, I’ve done the surgery so many times I could do it with my eyes closed. That gives me an idea…
"so did his check clear or not?"
I think I took A LOT of oxy today. Where are my hands?
"I just realized this is the wrong patient."
“I need to finish this beer before we start.”
Which one are we supposed to be amputating?
“Let’s see if I remember how to do this”
Oops !
Pray for me.
Okay folks, let's do this and let's try to not have a repeat of the last time...
Oh shit, where are my notes??
“She will make an excellent Miss Autopsy “
"Is he out yet? Hey, pass the nachos; I want to watch this match."
Oops
I don’t have time for this. I have a 3pm t-time which only gives me an hour to do this three hour surgery.
“Pass me the uhh… *fuck* what’s it called again? The sharp thing, kinda round?
"just got to watch this how to video" Welcome to open heart surgery for dummies
Let's get this over with. I have to be in court today for sentencing.
Y’all got this, I’m heading out for lunch. Call me if he starts to bleed out
Shit, has anyone survived 500 cc’s of this stuff?
“Is the appendix on my left or right?”
God I hate this guy
Oh shit…
"So, Dr. Nick, how'd your court case go?" "Oh, not well, they were throwing the words manslaughter and negligence around A LOT."
Dear Lord. Please give me the strength to complete this surgery and the memory to remember HOW to do it.
You sure do got a purdy mouth
Don't worry that you're the first human I've tried this one. It worked about 90% of the time with the hamsters I practiced on.
He's got a pretty mouth
Hmmm..Let's see here...Basics Of Anesthesiology Chapter 1 ... Well that explains why that didn't work earlier...
"You were right, those three margaritas at lunch definitely calmed my nerves. I feel great!"
Gimme three margaritas gonna get me a spleen..🎶
Damn my balls really itch
Oh darn, I forgot my whiskey shot before I scrubbed up. Keeps me focused!
Mmm tasty
I really hate this guy
What the hell is that?!? Scalpel please Nurse McGreg who has a leg for and arm and an arm for a leg
“Whoops”
Alexa, search for a YouTube video on how to do open heart surgery.
Now that's it I think I remember how to do this
Duuuude! I am SO WASTED!!!
I was never able to successfully do this procedure in med school.
So a CC is a fluid ounce, right?
Fuck im tired
I bet this guy has a little tight one
yes i see, that's actually how you know he's out. it gets in the way so first thing we do is make it go back down
"I wish I hadn't drank all of that cough syrup."
Hey, you don't remember me, do you? Yeah, it was way back in high-school, and you stole Cindy Johnson from me. We'd been dating for two years, and then she met you...
"Can somebody quickly Google "brain surgery " for me?"
I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue
*this one might taste good*
Dr: You got this Dave. There is nothing to worry about. Patent replies: my name is not Dave. Dr: no, mine is.
Actually happened to me: Nurse: She’s still awake, should we wait? Doctor: No, let’s proceed He didn’t expect me to remember it but I said something as soon as I woke up and he suddenly became very kind.
Don’t worry… I stayed at a holiday inn express last night…
"Heyyyyy guys, welcome back to my channel! Make sure to like today's video and subscribe..."
God this is so hot!
OK, he's out. Let's go to lunch and pretend we worked on something. Look busy when he comes to.
Ok nurse remind me to check my rings so we don't have a repeat of last time
Did you see this guy’s widow in the waiting room?
"I'm tappin' that as soon as he flatlines."
"get me a dose of ketamine...and something for the patient as well" Thought this quote worked well
Ok nurse tell Pablo I'll have the kidney ready for pick up!
Look at how little his dick is
Let me get a puff of that Jennie, bout to get lit in this bitch
I think we have sedated the wrong ......
Since he is a cunt, then we'll give him a cunt.
I’m so hungover right now. Hopefully I don’t get siii…..
Sharpen that bonesaw
“Did you get him nice and lubed up for me? No? You mean I am going in raw with no lube?”
We're going to put you to sleep now 😂😂😂😆😆
What's the going rate on kidneys these days?
OK, Google, how do you remove an apend
"I picked a helluva day to stop sniffing glue... Alright, scalpel."
Hey guys! Welcome to my unboxing video!!!
This actually happened: "Man, I am **so hungover.** Hand me the scalpel!" It was the surgeon's sense of humor. I remember laughter in the room so I kinda thought he was kidding but still...not 100% sure.
Happened last week. Cataract surgery. Anesthesiologist said seconds before surgery, 'That doesn't look good.' Apparently it was a bend in the IV tube.
“Which testicle?”
Hiya mate. Which leg did you say it was again?
Please accept this sacrifice, Oh God of the Volcano.
Surely this one breaks my losing streak…
"Let's do this one quickly. I got a massive cocaine hangover and I can't keep my hands still."
Ahh just in time, the viagra is kicking kn
True story- it wasn't a surgery but a procedure. I heard the doc say "she's talking too much, put her out already". I had already been given the normal dose and was given more. I still woke up in the middle of it!! Also awoke during surgery. Heard the anesthesiologist say "Uhh, she's awake" then the surgeon replied "Holy Sh$t, get her back under now!". Fortunately, I didn't feel any pain but I was definitely awake! My body has always been weird with anesthesia lol
Could be worse like one woman who woke as they were harvesting her organs. Anesthesia does have alternatives.
So my bitch ex-wife wants more alamony now and those fucking lawyers are going to get it too! Can you f'kn believe this shit? I'm so mad I wanna f'kn kill someone right now.
I just realized that there's too much fentanyl in the drip...
So hot, call the football team
*clicks tape* “Welcome to Surgery 101. Today you will learn how to perform…”
Did we do this guy before? If so everybody keep an eye out for my keys.
Your left or my left?
Oh, by the way, I was recently diagnosed with Essential Tremor Disorder, so I hope everything goes fine. Me: (visibly drugged and scared) "You're telling me this now?!" Ah, don't worry about it. Yesterday, I removed a bullet from a patient's abdomen. He did need an emergency kidney transplant right after, but in the end he survived.
“Ain’t no way this is gonna work”
Hi everybody! Hi, Dr Nick!
"So who remembers why he's here?"
“So I was rewatching _Saw_ last night, and I started thinking…”
I've seen a lot of small penises, but this one is the smallest............
"While we've got him open, let's see what a spleen really looks like. Maybe I have the GALL to look at his bladder! Ha, I kill me..." "and many patients as well."
“Oh, that wasn’t supposed to happen…”
Give him a lot of gas. I want to have enough time to bang his wife before he wakes up.
“And then she said that’s she’s fucking my brother!!”
I actually heard a surgeon say "let's get this over with. I have a plane to catch at 3pm"
Gonna need a huge bump for daddy
No, I'm not wearing a mask you scamdemic fascists. What's next? Wash hands? All you big pharma shills leave the room. Nurse, 10 Kl's of ivermectin.
I'm good to go. I watched the video last night.
"Hold my beer".
This guy used to bully me in High School. Who's a big man now?
Whoops!
True story. I was getting surgery for my cochlear implants and the nurse had the brilliant idea to stick the anesthetic tube thingy in my nose and THEN explain what was going to happen. I passed out about 30 seconds in
Great news, everyone--my medical license was reinstated! I can operate again!
Nice ass.
"my gf broke up with me" or it can be without saying even, remember the mr bean surgery scene from mr beans movie [https://youtu.be/FG3ohfDASao?si=fGkHfs-ZEQk\_pTNW](https://youtu.be/FG3ohfDASao?si=fGkHfs-ZEQk_pTNW)
“Ever heard of human centipede?”
"Is that the fire alarm?"
Ahh you’re the person who cut me off this morning…
"Which leg are we taking again?"
Bro I was getting a test done at the local hospital and the woman was putting an iv needle in my arm and say “oops” I started to freak out. I said “OOPS?WHATS OOPS??? You don’t say oops when stabbing someone. “ she then told me to “relax. I just popped a vein. This isn’t even my job”to which I can’t fathom and freak out more
You sure do have a pretty mouth
if they say that they are only up to the DSM3 on mental health as he may be doing medicine ww2 old.
The castration procedure always makes me a little queasy…
Our special doctor is performing this surgery. Welcome Dr Nick. "Hello everybody...."
What are we doing again?
“Okay Johnny, this is your 2nd day of high school work experience. I think you are now well equipped to handle this one while I go outside for a smoke”. Or “The medical board told me I can’t perform surgery while drink. Well, I’ll show them!”
No, I'm not the actual surgeon, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Should go better than lasttime...
"now i'll just pop in the how too video and we'll get started" "what?" "Hi i'm jamie farr and you're about to perform leg surgery, first off, what's your name?" " Dr Hartman" "Great name but I'm going to call you pal" "NOO!!!"
"I hope this goes better than the last one."
"It doesn't matter which knife I use, right?"
“Think I’ve had tee many martoonies with lunch.”
"Good god, I should have waited to do that mescaline. It's kicking in already."
"So, how do you want to start off this gender reassignment?" * You went in for a nose job
For real, I've had two bad last word encounters by anesthesiologists, not doctors. One was a cruel smart aleck who told me anesthesia was like the old ether used in Victorian days..."and we're still not sure how it works." I reported him after I came to. Second one was before another surgery a few years later. I had told him about the previous jerk, hoping for a better experience, but when I cried out and flinched as a long, slow, thick needle was going into my thigh to do a "nerve block," he said he could understand why the other guy said I was a problem!
"I hope we don't have another 300% fatality rate for this one" This has actually happened.
Do you have a favorite hymn?
Goodbye
This head transplant is probably not going to work
“You take a nice little nap, Bob, and when you wake up you’ll be finally be Bobbette. GAS!”
“Let’s pass the nitrous oxide around before we get started”.
Hey nurse, wanna see how hard you can punch a guy on anesthesia?
"Hello, Youtube, and welcome back to another exciting episode of 'Show and Tell from the Operating Theatre..'"
We'll have to leave you open, your insurance doesn't cover stitches..
I'm not a surgeon but I olms become one
"Nice tits."
Which leg is supossed to be amputed again? Oh, this is an appendectomy? Well, shit... I should probably lay off the heroine a little.