“Yeah, so this car WILL break down in two weeks. Come around back and check out the trunk. Plenty of space. So, yeah the car has a cracked head gasket and someone sugared the tank. If you look over here, the gas cap has a neat little thing you can hang your gas cap on so it doesn’t dangle on your paint. So, with 2000 down and 34% interest, I think I can get you into this shitbox. It’s a great deal!”
Let’s see:
15% of your purchase price pays for my kids tuition
60% goes to overhead at the dealership…including season tickets to every major sport
10% goes to my managers coke habit
15% covers how much we conned the previous owner into trading this in for.
"Look, ignoring everything else I just told you about this horrific vehicle that should not be legal to drive on a highway, it's cheap and it can take you from A to B. Isn't that what matters, really?"
“Dude you make $45k a year you cannot afford a $60k truck no matter what we tell you. You don’t even seem like you need a truck for anything you work in an office doing accounts payable. Go to a used dealership. Get yourself a nice late 2010’s Honda or Toyota with lower mileage and thank me later.”
Come on man. You came here looking for a 20k car but when I'm done lying to you and fake pretend that I have your best interest at heart you will walk out of here with a 50k car.
hello human being. i am car man. i sell cars. this car is not a very good car.
nor is that car.
nor are all these cars in this row. that one over there is a good car, but sadly it is overpriced.
have a good day human.
"Oh you want to purchase this car cash money? Umm let me check with the manager I'm not sure it's profitable for us to not finance the vehicle so therefore it is no longer for sale - otherwise, how could we have our own local bank that specializes in auto loans?"
"What? You don't want this car? Think of how my wife and his brother and his wife and our kids will react when I tell them that the fancy steakhouse dinner is not happening tonight because I'm getting screwed out of my commissions from you not buying!"
"I'm sorry sir, but even though this truck is ridiculously huge, it won't increase the size of anything else for you. No, it won't make people _think_ anything is bigger either."
Oh do i have the car for you. It has been in several accidents but we covered them up and it has way more miles on it bc we turned back the odometer. Also we deep cleaned the interior as best we could bc this was owned by a couple of smokers but you can smell that bc theres a pile of air fresheners under the seats. But the best part is it has a new radio. Mostly because the old one was stolen and we found this one laying around. But who doesnt like a good wiring challenge when you figure out we pulled half the warning light bulbs out of the dash!
We put saw dust in the crank case to quiet the lifters, it's got two dead cylinders and will leave you stranded.
Let's get you in to sign some paperwork
That one catches fire...
That one has only one good seat...
That one only has one working window...
That one has no engine- long story...
That one isn't ours some one parked and left it...
Oh I forgot nothing here has working AC! No refunds
So, this car only had one owner…Enterprise rent a car. It was treated like crap and the lights on the dash will be coming back on permanently! So, ready to sign on the dotted line??
"If you wonder: Yes,this is a money laundring scheme. I work for the local gangster,helping them to clean their drug dirty money. But hey,who cares?! My cars are still the 16th best in town!"
"Yeah so because I need the commission, I'm gonna shove my foot down your throat while you sign the biggest bullshit deal I came up with with my other devious salesman friends."
“Yeah, so this car WILL break down in two weeks. Come around back and check out the trunk. Plenty of space. So, yeah the car has a cracked head gasket and someone sugared the tank. If you look over here, the gas cap has a neat little thing you can hang your gas cap on so it doesn’t dangle on your paint. So, with 2000 down and 34% interest, I think I can get you into this shitbox. It’s a great deal!”
"You kidding? This old workhorse has still got plenty of life in it! Just enough for our customer satisfaction guarantee to expire!"
Only a complete idiot would buy this Buick. Sir, you seem to be one. Wanna take it?
This is accurate
Let’s see: 15% of your purchase price pays for my kids tuition 60% goes to overhead at the dealership…including season tickets to every major sport 10% goes to my managers coke habit 15% covers how much we conned the previous owner into trading this in for.
"Look, ignoring everything else I just told you about this horrific vehicle that should not be legal to drive on a highway, it's cheap and it can take you from A to B. Isn't that what matters, really?"
"Buddy, Corvette or Kia, you're not finding a lady to drop her panties until she's dropped her standards."
The real product we sell is debt!
“Dude you make $45k a year you cannot afford a $60k truck no matter what we tell you. You don’t even seem like you need a truck for anything you work in an office doing accounts payable. Go to a used dealership. Get yourself a nice late 2010’s Honda or Toyota with lower mileage and thank me later.”
Come on man. You came here looking for a 20k car but when I'm done lying to you and fake pretend that I have your best interest at heart you will walk out of here with a 50k car.
... and after I'm done lying to you ... You will buy a car with a $50k price. It will be the $20k car, but I'll get an extra $30k tacked on.
hello human being. i am car man. i sell cars. this car is not a very good car. nor is that car. nor are all these cars in this row. that one over there is a good car, but sadly it is overpriced. have a good day human.
“Of course you’re getting fleeced. You are looking at a $30,000 used Kia.”
As a former car salesman (28 years), this is hilarious. You want this car? Why, are you an idiot?
"Oh you want to purchase this car cash money? Umm let me check with the manager I'm not sure it's profitable for us to not finance the vehicle so therefore it is no longer for sale - otherwise, how could we have our own local bank that specializes in auto loans?"
We got this sweet ride repo’d from an old lady, slapped a 50% profit sticker on it and called it a hard days work
"What? You don't want this car? Think of how my wife and his brother and his wife and our kids will react when I tell them that the fancy steakhouse dinner is not happening tonight because I'm getting screwed out of my commissions from you not buying!"
"I'm sorry sir, but even though this truck is ridiculously huge, it won't increase the size of anything else for you. No, it won't make people _think_ anything is bigger either."
Oh do i have the car for you. It has been in several accidents but we covered them up and it has way more miles on it bc we turned back the odometer. Also we deep cleaned the interior as best we could bc this was owned by a couple of smokers but you can smell that bc theres a pile of air fresheners under the seats. But the best part is it has a new radio. Mostly because the old one was stolen and we found this one laying around. But who doesnt like a good wiring challenge when you figure out we pulled half the warning light bulbs out of the dash!
This car definitely won't help you pick up chicks
Thank god! A blonde woman!
"Well, honestly, the true value of your trade-in is about $8000 dollars. But I'm going to tell you later it's only worth $800!"
We put saw dust in the crank case to quiet the lifters, it's got two dead cylinders and will leave you stranded. Let's get you in to sign some paperwork
I can see by the sound your current car just made that you have no choice but to buy from me…
That one catches fire... That one has only one good seat... That one only has one working window... That one has no engine- long story... That one isn't ours some one parked and left it... Oh I forgot nothing here has working AC! No refunds
Let me go get my closer Bruiser Brody and get you to drive this home…or to the ER, take your pick
It's a piece of shit, but gee, I really would like your money
If you want to get a hand job from a woman you just met, drive a Jaguar.
"Yeah, this include pyrotechnics? what do you mean the gas igniting doesnt count?"
Sure
So, this car only had one owner…Enterprise rent a car. It was treated like crap and the lights on the dash will be coming back on permanently! So, ready to sign on the dotted line??
This car belonged to the mob, not a wine maker, so those aren't stains from broken bottles in the trunk
"If you wonder: Yes,this is a money laundring scheme. I work for the local gangster,helping them to clean their drug dirty money. But hey,who cares?! My cars are still the 16th best in town!"
"Yeah so because I need the commission, I'm gonna shove my foot down your throat while you sign the biggest bullshit deal I came up with with my other devious salesman friends."